#COME ON THE POTENTIAL FOR CONFLICT IS AMAZING

[fieldofheathers-stuff]

On a related note, I feel like Thrawn figuring out that the reason why the Navigators lose their powers is due to the system the Ascendancy itself set up would be a great motivating factor for a "Thrawn decides to go rogue/join the rebellion" type of fic.

I believe that the only credible reason that would lead Thrawn to abandon his mission objective and ditch the Empire would be if he realised that the system he is helping enforce is ultimately hurting his people.

Also, what a gut punch that would be for him, to realise that the "greater good" he has sacrificed his whole life to was just an illusion, a trick to keep him (and everyone else) compliant. Bruh. Our man would be having Leo-DiCaprio-in-Shatter-Island level realisations. That shit would break him.

The angsty potential of this plot point. I wish I were a good writer, only to be able to make something out of it. ç____ç

Man, the concept of Chiss Navigators "losing" their Force powers is such an underrated and tragic plot point in the Thrawn books.

Disclaimer: I haven't read the Ascendancy books yet, so this is me speculating on a topic on which all the information I possess is based on snippets of the books I've read here and there, Wikipedia pages and A LOT of fanfiction I've consumed over the years.... But bear with me. I have Thoughts™ about this.

I don't think the books ever explicitly explain why the Chiss "sky-walkers" lose their Sight, so this might be headcanon on my part, but from what I understand there's enough evidence sprinkled in about the fact that it might be linked, at least to some degree, to the trauma and stress Force-sensitive children are put under in Chiss society. It is well established in Star Wars lore that Force powers can't just "disappear", so unless Zahn is messing with established Force lore, it cannot be interpreted as a natural occurrence linked to, idk, a quirk of Chiss biology.

I think this speaks loudly about the underlying dysfunctionality of Chiss society. From what I can gather, it seems to me like a system that demands the complete subjugation of the individual to achieve a collective goal... or at least, that's how it's sold to its citizens to keep them compliant. In reality, we readers know it is all in service of a select few (the heads of the Ruling Families). Man, the Chiss are such a dark mirror to the Empire, when you think about it.

Anyway, I think that the fading of Force powers in "sky-walkers" HAS to be linked with the inherent dysfunctionality of Chiss society. It's probably a (subconscious) reaction to the brainwashing and forced compliance to a fundamentally selfish system, which is purely aimed at ensuring the dominance of the Ascendancy over the rest of the Chaos. I think it is deeply symbolic that Vah'nya, the only Sky-walker whose powers don't fade, is one of the few who seems genuinely content in her role among the CEDF. For her, it was a choice to serve, so this attunedness helps her preserve her connection with the Force. I think we are meant to understand that for other Chiss girls it wasn't so, and that this led to a sort of subconscious suppression of their Sight, which man. It's so tragic. I can easily imagine how they would eventually become resentful towards the power that basically ensured their enslavement.

I think it's also possible that, since Chiss culture lacks the mystical tradition that appears to be foundational in order to properly nurture and develop Force powers among Force user communities, this would probably accelerate the suppression process. The navigators really have no support whatsoever.

It's also very interesting how this all relates to Thrawn. I've always thought there's a contradictory quality to his character when it comes to his attitude to the Force: on one hand, his utilitarian and analytical attitude causes him to be... almost in denial of the Force's capabilities. Yet, at the same time, his love and understanding of art means that, on an instinctual level, he's also deeply attuned to things that are impalpable, whimsical, mystical and symbolic. It's almost like there's a deep cognitive dissonance in Thrawn himself, which prevents him from seeing the full picture of what the Force is and how it actually works.

Man, they are all so trapped in a prison of their own making, and they can't even see it due to their own cultural biases. ç_ç I just want to hug them all ç_____ç

[pedgito]

𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑 | Cowboy!Joel Miller x reader

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summary | Through all of his supposed wrong-doing, Joel has never failed you. Alternatively, falling in love with your dad's enemy while he shows you your full potential.

author's note | this is for @kedsandtubesocks's wild ride writing challenge! i struggled with this for a while, but ultimately erika and @hauntedhowlett helped me settle on something after sitting on the struggle bus for longer than i liked. this is all unbeta'd so please go easy on me dsjhkg

content warning | 18+ MDNI, no outbreak au, rodeo cowboy!joel, dbf but they're rivals now, forbidden love, hefty age gap (early 20s, late 40s), daddy issues, switches between present/flashbacks (all titled to differentiate), joel strolling around shirtless in a cowboy hat, mentions of injuries from riding, angst/internal conflict, fluff, smut (inappropriate use of a barstool), joel's such a loverboy

word count — 7.5k

Austin, Texas — Present Day: 

The energy in the stadium is inconceivable.

Austin always had amazing crowds during rodeo season, especially with such a close-knit community of people supporting a passion many have attempted to pursue. For you, it was in your blood, riding on the coattails of your father, you were saddled on a horse before you could even speak full sentences.

You can hear the deep, roaring chants as you stand steadily in the waiting pen, eyes locked on the television as the words echo in your ear, a faint smile growing on your face as you feel the solid press of his hand against your back.

 Joel.

It was a year of tireless dedication to get you back on a horse, somehow managing to entangle yourself in his grasp in more ways than you can explain—he wasn’t just a partner, he was your lover, a confidant, and the only person that could ease the quickly growing nerves.

“Like ridin’ a bike,” He says with an ease that comes natural to his voice, hand climbing up to settle against the back of your neck with a reassuring squeeze, “what’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”

“What if she gets startled?” You ask absently, the accident flashing through your mind in snapshots, the subtle twinge of pain in your knee that came and went when it felt like it.

“All she needs is you,” Joel reminds you, “s’never been a time I’ve seen her freak out when she’s got you on her back and you know it.”

Honey had been with you since you were a young girl, a trust built through years of connection and care, having practiced the art of non-verbal communication, you knew there was nothing to worry about, but the fear still lingered.

Joel’s Ranch, One Year Ago — Flashback:

Joel can see the way your hands shake, attempting to grasp the reins a few times with a clammy grip, over-adjusting yourself on the horse he’s ridden for many years, even into retirement. Buttercup was docile but strong and he’s attentive to Joel’s instruction, a rub over his snout as he attempted to reassure you.

It was your first time back on a horse since your accident, months of recuperating on Joel’s ranch with the help of him and his brother Tommy, working through doctor’s visits and physical therapy alongside two men who weren’t your father, but had filled the hole enough that you didn’t have to suffer through your injury alone.

“We’re just doing a few laps and getting a feel on things,” Joel reminds you, “I’m not pushin’ you and I’m not gonna let you push it too soon—what’s your number today?”

You bend and stretch your leg hesitantly, a subtle movement as Joel’s hand rests just above the thick band of your jeans, your face contorting in slight discomfort.

“Five…six,” You say indecisively, looking down at Joel.

“So, an eight,” He surmises with a smile, “alright—just a few laps and we’ll work from there.”

It was a step forward, fearful that you might never ride again. 

But, Joel follows you around the ring from start to finish.

He promised in the beginning that he wouldn’t leave your side and he hasn’t lied once.

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

While dressage started their run, you and Joel slipped off into a dressing room to watch the show and deal with the insistence from Joel that you shouldn’t ride on an empty stomach.

You picked at the food sparingly though, still feeling rattled by the energy in the arena.

Joel’s presence comes from behind, palms spread over the arms of your chair as he leans his chest into your back, lips brushing against your ear in an endearing manner, a ghost of his breath against the side of your face as he presses a gentle kiss against your neck.

"Hey," he murmurs softly, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. "You're going to be amazing out there, baby. I believe in you."

You lean back into his warmth, letting out a shaky breath. His arms encircle you, strong and comforting. "I'm just so nervous," you whisper.

Joel turns your face with his fingers at your chin. His eyes, filled with tenderness, meet yours. 

"Remember why you started riding in the first place? That freedom? The connection?"

You nod and his hand flattens against the side of your neck and you tilt your chin up expectantly, eager for a kiss that never comes, instead he chuckles and placates you with another kiss to your cheek.

“No distractions,” He chastises, “I meant that.”

You pout for a brief moment but relent, knowing that you needed a clear head and Joel would give you anything but with how easily he’s clouded your thoughts in the past several months.

Joel’s Ranch, Six Months Ago — Flashback:

When it happens, you aren’t expecting it.

Neither is Joel, which makes the entire situation unfold faster than you’re capable of processing.

The storm rolled in without warning, the wind picking up like someone had flipped a switch. 

But, the lighting strikes unexpectedly from the right and downfield with not a drop of rain in sight.

It startles everyone, but especially Buttercup, Joel’s horse. It was quick buck, with Joel’s hands on your waist luckily, so the decent is smooth but the impact isn’t as graceful as you would have liked while Joel’s horses thrashes wildly until he can calm him down, moving you a safe distance away before he can eventually get Buttercup tucked away in the stables and return to you, jogging toward you as the rain began to mist.

As Joel approaches, his eyes lock with yours, concern etched across his features. 

The misting rain clings to his cheeks, making them glisten in the fading light. He reaches out, his calloused hands gently cupping your face. Thumbs rubbing over your cheekbones.

"Are you alright?" he asks, his voice soft and filled with worry.

You nod, unable to speak as you realize how close he is. 

It’s never been like this, even in the moments of physical therapy and joint dinners with him and his brother—Joel had always been careful about being respectful and keeping his distance.

Joel was prominent in your childhood, weekend dinners with him and his daughters after the death of your mother—it was all a blur now, most of it buried away and forgotten. But, there was an eventual blow-up with your father and then he was gone. 

You’d see him on television and around town when shows were happening and he had a break from his extensive tour through different states, having turned his professional career into entertainment both out of a need for change and necessity.

He constantly remained out of reach, but with your injury and his willingness to yield to you when you needed someone in your life the most, he had stepped in. It made you feel like that little girl again, scraping your knee on the ground and crying for help, but instead of your dad it was Joel and the floating feeling in your stomach wasn’t because he was comforting you, but because he was touching you and neither of you had the courage to speak on it.

He’s never touched you like this. He wouldn’t. 

Joel’s always been careful—too careful.

"I'm fine," you assure him, but your voice trembles slightly. Joel kneels closer, his warmth enveloping you despite the cool rain. His hands find your shoulders, steadying you, “Joel—I swear, I’m okay.”

“M’so sorry, sweetheart,” He apologises despite no wrongdoing, “I should’ve checked the weather or at least held on a little tighter,”

You look up into his eyes, seeing the genuine worry there, and something else – something that makes your heart flutter in your chest. "It's not your fault," You insist, blinking away the rain from your lashes before Joel is helping you to your feet, his touch never once leaving your body.

The rain is falling harder now, but neither of you can find the urgency to move.

Joel's hands slide down your arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Your breath catches in your throat, coming out in a desperate attempt to clear the swell as you make a small, weak noise that seems to break him from his trance.

“Let’s get you dry,” He nods toward the house, grateful for the deflection as you turn, but his hand is still pressed firmly against your back as you both walk toward the door, like he’s too scared to let go - like you were too fragile to leave on your own.

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

Honey nuzzles into your chest before nibbling at the apple in your palm, always rigid about the time you spent with her before your shows, a moment of quiet and connection that strengthens the bond.

She was full of personality, leaning into the gentle touch you apply to her snout as you rub your hand up and into her mane, a small push into your ribs as she hears Joel approach.

Your heart swells with affection as you lean into Honey's warmth, savoring the sweet moment. 

Joel's footsteps draw near, but you're reluctant to break the spell. 

You press a soft kiss to Honey's velvety nose, whispering words of love and gratitude. As Joel appears, his eyes meet yours and a tender smile spreads across his face. He understands the depth of your connection with Honey, having witnessed your bond grow over countless shows and quiet moments like this. Even when you were much younger and Honey was twice the size she is now.

Your father had purchased her when Joel was meeting Buttercup, how the girls had hounded him over the responsibility to name his horse. He wouldn’t admit how much he liked it, either.

"You two are inseparable," he murmurs, stepping closer. His hand finds yours, intertwining your fingers as you both stroke Honey's mane, "I swear, sometimes I think you love that horse more than me."

You laugh, giving your horse one last pat before turning to Joel. "Are you jealous?" 

Your head tilts, eyes as wide and vulnerable as they always were with him.

“Not when you look at me like that,” Joel explains, his hand cupping your chin as his thumb rubs against the point of it, the corners of your mouth tugging upwards as Joel mirrors that same admiration, a playful glint in his eyes as you pucker your lips and kiss his thumb, keeping your eyes on him, “boy, you are really pushin’ it today.”

It was silly to think about now, but a few months prior Joel wouldn’t even allow himself to touch you like this, despite the clear indication of how you felt and how he had ultimately fallen first, too scared to admit that he’d fallen for his old friend’s daughter, knowing your father despised everything that Joel was, it was a maze he didn’t know how to navigate.

He still felt lost on most days.

Joel’s Ranch, Five Months Ago — Flashback:

Mornings were sacred on Joel’s ranch - a beautiful sunrise etched out over the hills and through the trees, animals rousing from their sleep, and a silence that reminded you of a simpler time.

Usually you found Joel up this early, nursing a mug of coffee in his hands as rocked in the old chair on his porch, eventually finding the courage to join him after a while, when it didn’t hurt to bend down to his level, taking a seat on the deck near his legs and sipping at your own drink of choice, talking through your pain level on whatever particular day it was.

Your fondness has grown over shared meals and proximity; seclusion, too.

It was you and him, months alone aside from Tommy’s occasional visit.

Maybe it was inevitable—that your injury served a purpose.

You always tried to find a reason to excuse your own mistake, a moment of hesitation that cost you an entire year of your newfound career, excitedly filling in for Joel in his departure. 

It couldn’t have been for nothing.

You felt her heart skip a beat as his footsteps approached, his gaze warm as it descended upon you, peering over your shoulder to be met with a tired smile.

The morning sunlight caught the silver in his hair, and you found herself admiring the lines around his eyes - evidence of a life filled with both laughter and hardship.

"Good mornin’," Joel's voice was a low rumble, softened by the early hour, “something botherin’ you?”

“Why do you ask?” You chirp with a soft laugh, narrowing your gaze in a manner to intimidate. 

Joel smirks half-heartedly, “It’s a good place to think,” He notes, “so—what is it?”

“Can I ask about my dad?” You start hesitantly, not sure how sore of a subject it was for him.

“Whaddya wanna know, sugar?”

“I want your side,” You wanted honesty, not half-truths, “did you cut him out of the deal?”

“He cut himself out,” Joel explains without skipping a beat, “we were partners for a long time, couldn’t have imagined doin’ all I did without him before he turned on me, but it was good money, security—it put Ellie and Sarah through college.

“He’s a sell-out,” If there was any time for your father to disparage Joel Miller, he would, “runnin’ off to Florida and taking some big deal, that shit ain’t right—it’s selfish.”

Joel had never meant to turn his career into entertainment, competing in circuits at a professional level before his body started to take a toll, eventually earning the Old Timer moniker and booking shows around the surrounding cities of Texas before touring the country.

If you were involved in rodeo, or even caught a whiff of it in the media, you knew who the Old Timer was. And even with him gone, you can feel your father looming.

The echoing mantra of his words in your head as you remember watching Joel perform with Buttercup, a long-established Bronc with his own exuberant personality to match Joel’s more subdued one, a perfect balance. 

Ain’t nothing out there you won’t experience here in Austin. 

You weren’t sure where the animosity stemmed from until now—it was a clear path he had pictured for himself and you, riding out the rest of your career in Texas, even as you were starting to climb the ladder as one of the more notorious female riders, still just a whisper for most people, living in the shadow of your father for so long.

“He’s stuck in his ways and that’s not sayin’ I’m any different, but I don’t regret signing that deal for a better way of livin’—a easier way, it got me all of this,” He throws his arms out lazily, property that stretched for miles, a place where he’s come to offer a camp for young riders to learn the ropes and get comfortable around the animals in a safe environment.

But, it was also home.

It was a surprise waking up one morning to a yard full of kids, a handful no older than ten or eleven, showing how easily Joel molded into the teaching role in such a relaxed environment.

You weren’t sure if that was when your feelings for him had evolved or if it was during the early weeks of being injured when Joel would sit with you bedside almost every night, either reading or working on his crosswords like it was religion, glasses perched on his nose as he moved with every subtle twitch you would make, worry etched on his face.

It was a mix of both and more, countless times you’ve found yourself at a loss for words.

“If he knew,” You pause, chewing at your bottom lip with worry, “if he knew—that I was here, that I turned down his help to come to you, Joel, I don’t know how he would react,”

“There ain’t a single reason he needs to know,” Joel assures you, “I’m sure he’s said a lot about me and some of it is probably true, but you deserve a place you feel safe.”

You nod, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. 

Joel's words sink in, and you realize just how much you needed to hear them. The weight of your father's expectations, his dreams for your future, had been suffocating you for far too long.

"Thank you," you whisper, your voice barely audible over the soft whinnying of horses in the nearby stables, and your words linger, like you’re holding back, “I do—I do feel safe…”

Joel hums, turning his body toward you more, his elbow meeting the railing of the ring.

“But?”

“You have to know,” You begin, heart constricting with nerves, a surge of adrenaline rushing through your veins as Joel looks at you, all of you, that familiar full body glance that you’re not even sure he realizes he’s doing, “it’s more than just safety, Joel.”

"I reckon I do know," he says, his voice low and gravelly, still thick from sleep. "Been knowin' for a while now."

The words hang in the air between you, heavy with meaning and possibility. Uncertainty.

“I feel stupid,” You laugh away the sudden embarrassment, face heating as the silence grows, “fuck I’m—I’m only a couple years older than the girls and you were helping me with my math homework while trying to teach them how to tie their shoes. It’s wrong, isn’t it?”

“Seems to me like you’re an adult capable of making her own choices,” Joel decides.

You feel a flutter in your chest at Joel's words, at the implicit acceptance in them. 

Your eyes meet his, searching for any sign of hesitation or doubt, but you find only warmth and a hint of something deeper, enticingly haunting.

"I've been making my own choices for a while now," you say softly, not realizing the instinctual gravitation toward him until his chest is pressing into your shoulder. "Some good, some...not so good. But, coming here? It was the first choice I’ve made for myself that felt right."

“It always needs to feel like that, sweetheart.”

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

Joel tightens the belt at your waist, the leather stiff from lack of wear. You’ve only worn the uniform a few times for fittings, a brightly colored shirt and riding pants to match, which were still hung on the rack behind Joel. 

He takes a moment to tug at the leather to assure it was secure before he drops down to his knees, catching you by surprise with a bubble of laughter slipping past your lips.

“Joel, what are you doing?”

He shrugs, pressing featherlight kisses along the top of your thigh while his hand drags along the back, hooking behind your right leg as he brings your knee to his mouth, his lips pressing over the jagged but healed scar.

You find yourself overcome with unexpected emotion, throat burning with the threat of impending tears, the moment holding still as Joel looks up at you.

Joel’s Ranch, Four Months Ago — Flashback:

It was intended to be a simple task, filling the troughs with water as you both lugged the buckets to each individual pen, narrowly escaping Joel’s increasingly boyish behavior as he fills the trough up halfway before he’s tossing the rest of the water at you, gasping at the cold, frigid temperature of it.

“You ain’t smiled today,” Joel reminds you, suddenly sheepish as you realize how big the grin on your face has grown, wasting the rest of the water to return the wet favor, tossing the bucket on the floor before you decide to make a run for the house nearly at the door before you slip on a slick spot of mud.

Squealing, your arms flail out—you accept your fate, arms bracing behind you as you wait for the impact, but instead you’re caught by two thick arms wrapping under and around you and your breath catches as you find yourself pressed against Joel's broad chest, his strong arms holding you securely.

Your heart races with an anxious stir of emotions, interlaced with excitement, suddenly very aware of how close your bodies are. Joel aids you back to your feet, shoving him away playfully as you snake your way out of his arms, trying your hardest to seem upset even though you weren’t.

“Careful,” Joel warns, “can’t have you injuring yourself any worse, you’ll be takin’ up a permanent residence here.

“Would it be so bad?” You ask curiously, a hint of teasing to your tone, “I think you like the idea of keeping me here, all to yourself.”

His eyes echo his earlier words. Careful.

The restraint he shows day by day amazes himself with how hard you’ve tried to break him down, some guilt surrounding his own growing feelings, ashamed with how strong they’ve become.

“Where’s your manners, anyways?” You ask, “You get a girl all wet and you can’t even invite her to dinner or kiss her first? And I thought you were a gentleman.”

Joel wasn’t intimidated by much in his life, but the way you see straight through him with ease—he’s helpless under your gaze, the grin on your face that follows is tortuous to his psyche.

“Oh, don’t hurt yourself, Joel,” You tease, poking at the damp fabric stuck to his chest, his eyes following the movement as you pull away and turn toward the house, “I’m just fucking with you.”

Joel snaps then, pulling at your wrist with a gentle tug, “Now, you ain’t gotta be so crude all the time, mouth like that’ll get you in trouble,”

Like this?

Joel sees the smug expression as it sneaks onto your features, his grip climbing higher until you’re at the lip of his front door and he’s got you crowded, pressing into the flimsy screen as he noses at your cheek like a wolf sniffing out prey, violently aware of how your hand squeezes into his wet shirt and pulls him closer.

“Just kiss me,” You plead, “fuck—please. Just do it.”

It was a craving so unnatural you ache, in your gut and chest, lips parting as your chin lifts in an effort to chase his hesitance. You’ve both been dancing around this for weeks.

Joel's resolve crumbles, his self-control shattering like glass.

With a low growl, he captures your lips in a hurried kiss, weeks of pent-up desire pouring out in a single, passionate moment. His calloused hands frame your face, holding you steady as he deepens the kiss, tongue seeking entrance between your lips.

And you melt instantly, fingers curling tighter into his shirt. It was everything you needed.

Rough but tender, his soft lips against your own with the satisfying scratch of his overgrown beard that tickled your cheeks and nose, hiccuping a breath into the kiss as he tilts your head up to meet his hungry mouth, each press more insatiable than the last. 

When you finally part, both panting for air, Joel rests his forehead against your own and allows his eyes to fall shut for a moment as you giggle, shaking slightly in his hold.

“Now, was that so hard?”

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

He’s got you imprisoned this way—body and soul, your hand shifting to rest at the crown of his head, curling into his hair, another gentle kiss before he’s leaning his cheek against the inside of your thigh and offering a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

“You plan on stayin’ down there, cowboy?”

Joel chuckles, shifting to hide his face into your thigh.

It’s a gentle tickle, his mouth against your skin, but it brings you immense comfort.

“We’ve got fifteen minutes,” You remind him, eyeing the clock overhead, “I think we can manage.”

He shakes his head with relaxed defiance, groaning quietly as he pushes to his feet again.

“Right—right, later. No distractions,” You repeat his earlier words, followed by a playful roll of your eyes, “You’re not making it easy, you know?”

Joel’s Ranch, Four Months Ago — Flashback:

Joel’s got you on a strict schedule lately once you’re cleared for training—breakfast, a workout, practice, lunch, repeat, only a few months out until your inevitable return and he’s hammering the routine into your brain, which you appreciate, but a break would be nice.

The run-through was flawless this evening and you retired earlier, savoring the burning heat of water as it melted over your skin, dressed in a loose shirt and panties as you searched through your messy suitcase of clothes and the pile that has grown over time with your extensive stay, down on your knees.

It wasn’t always this easy, depending on Joel for nearly everything in the beginning of your stay.

He was showering in his room simultaneously, or so you thought.

Joel spotted your hat about halfway through the living room, resting on a post outside.

His chest is still wet, jeans unbuttoned but snug on his hips as he strolled barefoot outside and retrieved the item, knowing that you hardly parted with it, it was a strange sight.

You pause in your rummaging, sensing a presence behind you moments later.

Turning, your breath catches at the sight of Joel standing in your doorway, hat balanced on his head as he leaned against the frame and smiled, the muscles in his arms conforming to the stretch and pull as he crossed them, tanned skin glistening with the few droplets of water still lingering.

“Found your hat,” Well, one could only suspect.

You stand slowly, acutely aware of how little you're wearing. "Thanks," you murmur as you make your way toward him, reaching for the hat. Your fingers brush as he hands it over, his own molding around the crown of the hat, bottom side up.

Joel doesn’t let go immediately like you’re anticipating, “I think you deserve a weekend off,”

“No,” You argue instantly, “I’m finally getting comfortable with the routine, I don’t need a day off.”

Joel’s face scrunches up in with a lack of belief in you words, tilting his head with narrowing gaze, “Now, that’s something only a person who needs a day off would say,”

“Joel, no,” You put your foot down, finally prying his fingers away from the hat, seeking a few inches of space from his bare chest and the unbearable heat that radiates from his frame.

While your admission of feelings had led him to be less reserved with the way he approached your or talked, more touchy during practice and at night while you both cuddled up on the couch and watched some old western you could care less about—Joel really loved them, though, so that had to count for something.

He makes you nervous, anticipatory of his next move, waiting for him to put your misery and break the metaphorical seal over your relationship—if you could even call it that, but it never happened. It would have to be you, a choice you made entirely on your own.

Your heart races as you take a step back, clutching the hat to your chest like a shield.

Joel's eyes follow your movement, a flicker of something indecipherable crossing his face before he schools his expression back to that easy, warm smile. It’s subtle, but there.

"I get it," Joel levels, "You're afraid of losing momentum.”

You shrug, unsure if that was fully true.

“C’mon,” Joel beckons, uncrossing his arms to offer his hand, your eyes following it with hesitance.

Joel chuckles to himself and pulls the hat from your grip before placing it on your head, fingers circling your wrist before they trail toward your hand and lead you toward the kitchen, through his expansive living room until he’s guiding you toward one of the few barstool, silently ordering you to sit down.

Almost immediately, he squats behind the island to rummage through the liquor collection he kept stored away for the occasional celebration or nightcap, avoiding it mostly out of preference while you trained, but he’s sliding a glass of whiskey over before you can fully piece together what he’s doing, rounding the counter with his own glass in hand.

“Happy early birthday to me, I guess,” You joke before taking a small sip of the whiskey, knowing your 22nd birthday was on the horizon but enjoying the reaction as Joel’s face contorts through phases—first confusion, then fear, before he’s attempting to pull the glass from your grip as he realizes his mistake

You giggle and stretch the glass out of reach, “Oh, calm down—I’m old enough to drink, Joel. Old age is really getting to you, isn’t it? I didn’t celebrate last year because I was so focused on the show, but we all know how that turned out,”

“You’re tryin’ to kill me, aren’t you?” Joel asks, downing the rest of the liquid in one go.

He’s drifted closer now, palm pressed into the counter beside your arm, his free hand rising up to tip the brim of your hat up, your bottom lip pulling between your teeth with an impish gaze.

“I’m just so young and impressionable,” You feign innocence, “I blame you.”

Joel's eyes darken, a mix of amusement and something more intense swirling in the depths of brown. Holding his eyes, you slide the glass against the counter and reach for your hat before placing it back on his head, a little on the snug side but still wearable.

“Kinda like it on you better,” You decide, adjusting the brim before your fingers trail toward his shoulders and settle there, feeling the muscle underneath twitch as he laughs, though you find yourself deadly serious and sincere, no longer meeting his eyes as yours trail toward the patch of hair at the center of his chest and down, a solid wall of muscle follow—Joel wasn’t defined, but he was large, intimidatingly so. When he wasn’t riding, he was building, working with his hands, lifting and moving things around the ranch, it was mouthwatering to watch.

“Eyes up, sugar,” He warns, not realizing how dangerously low your hands had trailed before your fingers were folding over the open seam of his jeans and how blatantly obvious it was that Joel wasn’t wearing anything underneath and how his cock had swelled slightly with your proximity and innocent touches.

You feel a rush of excitement as your fingers brush against the warm skin just beneath the waistband of his jeans. Joel's breath hitches, his hand moving to grip your wrist firmly.

“But, you’re—”

Joel shakes his head dismissively, “Can’t help that part—bein’ around you ain’t easy lately.”

In any other circumstance you would take those words harshly, but you can see the pain on his face, the self-restraint he’s holding himself to.

“I can—we can,” You offer, legs spreading on their own as you turn toward him, fitting him between your thighs as you lean into him, “I mean—it isn’t like you’ll be stealing my virtue. I’m not that innocent, Joel.”

Joel's grip on your wrist tightens, his jaw clenching as he struggles to maintain control. 

You can see the conflict in his eyes—desire warring with his sense of propriety.

Impatient, you surge upwards, pressing your lips against his with a hunger he hasn’t seen from you before, taking advantage of his parted mouth and dragging your tongue across his top lip, feeling the restrain in the way he kisses you back subdued with his hesitant touch.

“Think about—what you’re—askin’ for,” Joel interrupts through hurried kisses, his hand curling around the side of your neck to push you back, “What this’ll mean for you.”

“I think you should fuck me,” You respond crudely, “besides—you kissed me first.”

His resolve wavers, and you seize the opportunity. 

Your free hand slides up his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your palm. Joel's eyes flutter closed for a moment, a soft groan escaping his lips at the indecent sight of you looking up at him, lips parted on a breath and eyes wide with desire.

Joel never made great choices, only what felt right in the moment.

And somehow, it has led him here.

“We shouldn’t,” He says softly, “s’just another distraction.”

“My mind has never been more clear, Joel,” You argue.

Joel’s resistance is weakening quickly and with a low growl, he’s capturing your lips in a searing kiss, his hand leaving your wrist to grip your hip with a natural possessiveness, the same touch he lends while you’re riding, not an entirely different circumstance, but the intention is loud. You moan into his mouth, arching against him as his fingers dig into your flesh.

“Slow down, cowboy,” You tease, flicking at the hat, your laugh breaking through the tension as Joel parts for a brief second, watching your fingers fold around the hem of your shirt, “help me?”

It’s devious, you know, he knows it. 

But, he listens.

The moment your shirt is thrown to the floor, Joel’s jaw slackens.

Instinctually, his thumb drifts over your nipples, circling the areola before he’s using the full expanse of his grip to cup your breasts, maneuvering the barstool until you’re leaning against the marble top, his lips latching onto your skin, tongue alternate as they circle the sensitive buds.

He’ll repent later, much later.

A gasp escapes you when he grazes his teeth against your nipple, sending a spark of pleasure through your body.

"Joel," you breathe, arching into his touch. He hums against your skin, the vibration sending shivers down your spine. He knew exactly what he was doing, hesitance out the window and replaced with newfound confidence.

His hands slide down your sides, rough calluses catching on your soft skin as he explores every inch of you. When his fingers reach the waistband of underwear, he pauses, looking up at you for guidance and surety. 

You nod eagerly, lifting your hips in time with his tug, pulling the damp fabric down your legs and leaving you bare. The cool air hits your heated skin, making you shiver with anticipation. Joel's eyes rake over your naked form, hunger evident in his eyes.

And you learn quickly that his skilled hands and fingers aren’t entirely for show, two fingers to start as they push inside of your cunt, head tilted back into his empty hand as he watches you carefully - the quickened breath as he curls his fingers, eyes fluttering shut when he reaches a sensitive spot deep inside of you, gasping for air while he brushes it once, twice, until you’re nothing but a sobbing mess, crying out his name until you come over his fingers, the butt of his palm pressed against your clit for added measure.

“She loves me, don’t she?” Joel teases, the gall of that man.

You offer a pathetic sound of acknowledgement, Joel's eyes never leaving your face as you come undone, drinking in every gasp and shudder. As your climax subsides, he slowly withdraws his fingers, bringing them to his lips. His tongue darts out, cleaning up the mess you’ve made, his chest rumbling with a deep groan.

You’ve had enough.

You reach for his jeans, fumbling weakly as you push them down, desperate for as much of him as you could consume—all of him, preferably.

His arousal is evident as you rid him of his jeans, watching as he kicks away the tangled mess to fit himself between your spread legs, his cock bobbing freely against his stomach, thick and heavy against your thigh as you pull him closer. You wrap your hand around his cock, stroking slowly, reveling in the way his breath hitches and his hips buck involuntarily.

"I’m good," You assure him without elaborating, guiding him towards your entrance—you could talk later, too desperate to feel him inside of you.

Joel hesitates for a moment, searching your eyes. Whatever he sees seems to convince him, both of your breaths holding as he presses inside with slow, hesitant thrusts.

The sensation steals your words, knowing just by the sight of him that it would be pushing what you were used to, and no fumbling hands either, sure in every touch he laid upon you.

The way he squeezed at your hip and curled his other hand around the back of your neck, protecting you from the hard edge of the counter before he’s slinging your arms over his neck and nearly knocking the barstool to the floor as he leans into you, his hips picking up in their intensity as he listens to your body and your voice, distant and soft but there, floating in some ethereal plane of pleasure.

Your fingers dig into Joel’s shoulders, moaning at how he fills you in the most satisfying way, amiss to the bite of the counter in your back as the chair creaks and rocks with Joel’s hurried movement, breath hot against your neck where he’s buried himself.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” He sighs, mouthing his way to your ear, hissing at the sting of your grip and with that his thrusts become deeper, more forceful— each one pushing you further over the edge. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, wanting more.

Joel’s lips find yours frantically, in desperation as he groans, a low rumble that seeps into your own mouth, “Gonna gimme one more,” He tells you,

You nod fervently, barely able to form words as Joel's movements grow more insistent.

His hand slips between your bodies, finding that sensitive bundle of nerves and circling it with a precision that leaves you breathless. The dual sensations of his thick length filling you and his skilled touch on your clit quickly push you towards the precipice.

“Good, good,” He coos, soothing your weak cries with his mouth as your voice muffles under his guise, kissing you soundly, “go on—let go for me,”

His words push you over the edge and you come undone while Joel follows, burying himself deep inside you with a guttural moan, coming forceful and deep, fucking his spend deeper inside of you as reality resurfaces too soon.

“You alright?” Joel asks almost immediately, slipping out of you with a soft grunt.

The barstool creaks ominously as you adjust yourself and Joel chuckles.

“Probably not the sturdiest spot for that,” He jokes, thankful for the levity as he helps you stand, unsteady on your legs and held up by his firm grip, “I’m blamin’ you for that one.”

The grin it brings out of you is worth the slight discomfort you feel.

You shrug, nonchalant and admit defeat, “Guilty,”

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

He’s not supposed to be here.

There was always a plan, something tucked away in his back pocket.

This time it was the element of surprise and a mix of fear, eyes landing on him for the first time since he rushed onto Joel’s property, half-cocked and throwing out demands where he had no position or right.

He knows what he’s doing, eyes locked with yours from several feet away.

“Guest speaker?” Joel asks, the words biting as they leave his mouth, “Seriously?”

“It’s okay,” It was a mantra to yourself mostly, but Joel hears you, “I know what he’s trying to do—it won’t work.”

“You say the word, I’ll take care of it,” Joel promises.

You smirk slightly, rubbing your hand against his cheek and offering a reassuring squeeze.

“Easy, cowboy,” You offer lightheartedly, “I can handle myself.”

Joel’s Ranch, Two Months Ago — Flashback: 

You knew he’d figure it out eventually.

For a while he believed the lie—that you had been transferred to a beautiful place in Florida that dealt with injury and rehabilitation for your line of work and he accepted that, kept his distance.

He almost followed through on his reconciliation with Joel, that is, until he sees you at his side.

It was such a natural moment for the both of you now, Joel’s arm slung around your waist as he pulled you in, lips pressing against your temple before you both called it for the day, Honey’s head slipping between your hands as she noses at your head, suddenly whining at the shadowed intruder as he grew close.

At the sound of his voice, you fade away. 

You’re still here, standing, but Joel’s protectiveness jumps out instantly.

The words were loud and harsh, but the moment you snap back is as your father’s hand squeezes at your bicep and yanks you forward, immediately met with resistance. 

“I forbid it,” He shouts, “whatever brainwashin’ you’ve done to my kid, it’s over.”

“Forbid it?” You counter, “Do you hear yourself?”

“Always liked makin’ a show of things,” He sounds bitter, he is, “come on, we’re leaving.”

“No,” You tell him, voice unrecognizably strong, “I’m finally doing something for myself.”

Your father's face contorts, a mix of anger and betrayal etched into every wrinkle. He takes a step forward, his voice lowering to a dangerous growl. "For yourself? You think leaving everything behind and letting him influence you is for yourself?"

Joel shifts behind you, a ghosting of his fingers against your back but you don’t waver.

"Yes, for myself," you say, shocked at the steadiness in your voice. “I deserve a chance to figure things out my own way, I don’t have to follow the same path you did.”

Your father scoffs, shaking his head. "Your own way? You don't even know what that means, honey. All we built together, you’re ready to throw that away for him—”

"We?" you interrupt, feeling a surge of frustration. "You built that, Dad. I was a kid, I did what I was told.” It was clear he still saw you as a young girl, his protege, destined to take over after he was gone and carry on the legacy.

The silence that follows is deafening. 

Your father's eyes narrow, searching your face as if seeing you for the first time. You weren’t the same young girl who stared at him wide-eyed, amazed by his ability to wow the crowd and commit to everything he did. The disappointment in his gaze morphs into something else—hurt.

“I’m not gonna sit and wait around if he breaks your heart,” Your father tells you, “let alone how inappropriate it is—you try justifyin’ that to the public. I see what this is and what you did.”

His eyes land on Joel.

Fortunately, he couldn’t be more wrong.

Austin, Texas — Present Day:

The truth was, no one cared.

You and Joel had created an amazing partnership with natural chemistry and it seared the crowds, grabbed their attention, all eyes on you when you finally took your run out in the arena.

It was weeks that had built to this, following through your routine almost masterfully and without missing a beat, ending with a flourish trick as you stood on Honey’s back for the hundredth time it felt like now, not a single waver in your movement and lasso’d the cowboy hat from the middle of the ring and yanked it in, placing it on your head before the crowd erupted in a loud cheer.

It was the feeling you had searched for since you were younger, fulfillment like no other.

Your father’s appearance couldn’t be further from your mind and as you dismounted Honey and took your bow, your eyes searched the side for the one face that mattered most. Joel's proud grin beamed at you from across the arena, his eyes locked on yours. 

In that moment, the roar of the crowd faded away and it was him.

Joel’s Ranch, One Month Ago — Flashback:

You feel guilty for the way your eyes linger on his back as Buttercup trots around the ring, distracted and smiling to yourself as you step onto the railing and lean over with your forearms.

“Focus,” Joel chirps, “c’mon—put on your best voice.”

You clear your throat dramatically and lower your tone a bit, fighting through the giggles.

“You know him, you love him,” You bellow from deep in your chest, “It’s Old Timer!”

Joel chuckles, “That was horrible, baby.”

“So what?” You shrug, “I know him, I love him—point proven.”

It was rare to get a glimpse of Joel like this, back in his element as you watched him run-through your routine without all the flair, offering a slightly different view—though, he knows it won’t help.

You were barely focused on the routine, preoccupied with how easily Joel could capture a room like this, noticing your glossed over gaze as he finishes and hops off his horse, walking over with a knowing smirk.

"You weren't paying attention at all, were you?" Joel teases, his voice low and intimate.

You feel a heat creep up your neck as you meet his gaze.

 "I was... distracted," You admit sheepishly.

His smirk softens into a tender smile. "By what, exactly?"

“Not Joel,” You clarify, grabbing hold of his collar as you pull him close, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, “I like it when you ride, Old Timer.”

“All I gotta do is hop on a horse to make you swoon?” Joel asks, the skin around his eyes crinkling with the emotion as he blushes at the affection.

“Among other things.”

“Done and done, sweetheart.”

-

divider graphics: @saradika-graphics <3

[senseandaccountability]

HR department romance plots

I just… beyond the surface level of enjoying a new game with new relationship dynamics to explore, I really can’t feel much about the DAV companions or their romances.

They all just seem so disconnected from the story, from Rook (who in turn is entirely disconnected from all kinds of feelings because Rook is just Employee Of the Year), from the world, from themselves. I feel like Cole here, looking at them and saying in my gentle, fleeting voice: even the dwarves don’t really remember dwarves. It really feels like the interpersonal relationships are written by the HR person who sits with you as union rep to tell you that you should use a positive language, that "we are all simply employees here, it doesn't matter what title you have", give a little pep talk about teamwork and how to get the job done. That's what we're here for. Everyone's equal. We all want the same thing here, your boss is your friend. Have you tried talking to this person, see their side of things, mmmm? It's just... yeah, they're cute, all of them. But why do they like each other? Why do they want to be with Rook? Who are they even in relation to the world of Thedas, what do they believe in, what have they overcome, what do they hate, what sort of prejudices do they carry around? I have no idea.

And since I’m also replaying DAI again, I wanted to compare these romances to my canon romances in DAI.  With Blackwall, you immediately get a sense of attraction and a sort of flirting on his part that suggests this is something he falls into quite easily - “you know a lot about girls” to quote Cole - BUT it’s also something he really, really thinks he shouldn’t be doing now. Why? He is tied to the Warden plot, if you bring him along you get a sense of a man hiding shit but you don’t really understand what, and he still comes to see you (flying/climbing up your balcony wall idk) because he can’t step away. You get to tell him he’s a good man even though you know shit about that at this point, like with Anders in DA2 you can give your PC over to this passion/love despite knowing that there’s something off, something potentially harmful or dangerous. There is conflict, there are things that jar, that can even make you uncomfortable. 

Blackwall as a character is open and compassionate. He approves of mercy, shows mercy, he isn't judgmental of others. In sharp and delicious contrast Blackwall’s crime is vile. He isn’t bound by any sort of oath, he can back down, there is no greater good whatsoever in his actions. It’s inexcusable. And yet. YET. You can CONTINUE THE ROMANCE. He killed a wagon full of kids, THEN RAN AWAY AND LET HIS MEN TAKE THE BLAME and hates himself so much that he tries to become someone else by erasing his previous self from the face of the earth. You can still kiss him and tell him you want him to live and redeem himself. It’s fucking incredible to think about this in the light of Veilguard actually. Your LI, the child murdering coward. 

With Iron Bull you have the doubts all spread out on the table. He’s a spy, how could you ever trust him? He also doesn’t respond to your flirting, why the hell not when you hear through ambient dialogue that he’s fucking half the chantry, isn’t he supposed to be a fuckboy? But he’s fun, he’s a mystery, he’s got fascinating banter with everyone, he’s brought his found family along, he’s a Qunari who at least somewhat believes in the Qun - he’s got AMAZING conversations with Solas that characterizes Bull as deeply intelligent (and Solas as much more caring than he’d let on) and knowledgeable about surprising things like architecture. Cole, as always, gives us more insight into Bull’s mind along the way and even before the offer to ride the Bull, the idea of him has been through some adjustments. You change his idea about a lot of things and in return, Bull challenges your idea of him, your idea of the Qun, your idea of the world and possibly, depending on how you react to his romance, your idea of intimate relationships. The game’s writing allowed me to imagine a rather frumpy circle mage in her mid 30s reluctantly forming a friendship with this strange fellow, only to find herself very much attracted to him, only to find herself being cared for in a way she would never have let anyone do before simply because Bull told her that was the only way he’d be with her. This is how we’ll do it, are you in? Your LI, the service top Qunari spy who is terrified he’ll run mad without his belief system to dictate his actions. 

And Solas. I mean mythical love stories culminating in mythical endings aside, what I really fell for in this relationship was the refreshing dynamic not of enemies to lovers but of two souls just sort of connecting instantly during strange events, taking a few hard looks at each other and going oh shit it’s you, you get me HOW is it possible you get me when nobody else does? There’s so much external drama surrounding them, which is why I personally LOVE and ADORE how calm their internal connection actually is. They know, so early in the game, that this is it. You’re my home, you understand the bones of me, you ask questions no one else thinks of asking, you care about the world in a way I haven’t seen anyone else do. He is LITERALLY the only one who understands your Lavellan when they make her the herald, when she protests and they keep pushing and pulling and sing their song after Haven, and Solas is there to be sarcastic about it. If nothing else, I'd fall in love with that. And there’s this sense of impossibility from the very beginning, a sense of it being almost unreal because the first kiss is in the Fade, the second is in a frenzy where Solas goes from 0 to I LOVE YOU, MY HEART and then leaves and you know, you know how this is coded and YET - he seemed so wise and kind and sad, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth. And even with this connection of souls, things chafe - he’s an absolute bastard about certain things, he mocks your heritage and you don’t know yet that it’s because a huge guilt blanket rests on top of him since thousands of years back, you can just argue back and receive his disapproval. He says it’s selfish of him to start anything with you yet he does - WHY DO YOU DO THAT, SAD EGG? Your LI, the ancient god of rebellion, treachery and lies, depending on the story. 

Even beyond my favourites, there are conflicts. Sera is A LOT (affectionate) if you're an elf, with Cullen you get a substance abuse story-line tied to his general dismay about his past as a really fucked up templar, Dorian has personal trauma and cultural prejudice he struggles with for the entire game, Vivienne is so complex half the fandom hates her and has very awkward and uncomfortable banters with almost everyone (save for Bull because he treats her like he would a tamassran), Cassandra is constantly challenged in her personal beliefs, very clearly reflected in her conversations with Solas and Cole has a whole personal plotline about deeply existentialist matters. What does it mean to be alive? Who is a person and who gets to decide that? He could have been a person, Varric says. Isn't he already? Does this unit have a soul? Not to mention that Cole functions chiefly as a speaker of truths, bringing a lot of complexity to the others. 

DAI is not perfect by any means but I feel like I know these bastards. I feel like my PC or even I could actively dislike some of them, because they are written to create dynamic conflicts inside and outside of their own arcs. I can write fic about them, I can imagine what they're doing during the events of DAV because I know them.

Because they are written like actual people in a world where some people have power over others and some people have been raised with a certain belief system and some people just have shitty takes on society, may they learn. 

[ghostlyferrettarot]

🌸ʕ◔ᴥ◔ʔ Pick a Picture:⋆ 𖦹˚🐻｡💕˚Let's be honest! How your desired person really feel about you?!⋆ 𖦹˚🐻｡💕˚

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🐻Masterlist🐻 🐻Masterlist 2🐻

⋆𐙚ʕ◔ᴥ◔ʔ Pile 1:

Hi pile 1! Good news, hehe. Yes. They like you. This person isn't just attracted to you physically (which yes, they definitely are), but there's something deeper at play. It's like every time they see you, something inside them is activated. It's not just desire: it's curiosity, tenderness, a connection they can't quite explain yet. They may not show it obviously. Maybe they act indifferent or speak to you with that neutral tone that leaves you wondering. But behind that, there's a sea of ​​emotions. They look at you when you think you're not looking. They remember things you said weeks ago. They're genuinely interested in what's going on with you. And you know what else? You inspire them. Not only do they like you, but your energy awakens a more vulnerable and authentic version of themselves. This may scare them a little. Sometimes when we really like someone, the first thing we do its backing off a little. So if you feel like they sometimes pull away, don't take it as a lack of interest. It's fear. It's the typical "what if they reject me?", "what if this gets real?" This is the kind of connection that could grow if both of you allow it. They see you as someone special. And even if they don't say it with words, their actions, the small, subtle ones, are starting to show it. Let them come to you. Don't force anything. If this person is meant to be a part of your life, they'll do so by choice, not by pressure. And that's the most amazing way someone can stay.

⋆𐙚ʕ◔ᴥ◔ʔ Pile 2:

Hi Pile 2! This is complicated. Yes, there's attraction. You're not crazy, you're not making this up. That spark exists, that strange energy that jumps when your eyes meet or when they text you something that makes you think. This is so confusing. But the problem isn't the connection. The problem is that this person doesn't know what they want. They may have someone else on their radar, not necessarily in a serious way, but there's something or someone who has their mind half-done. Or they're simply at a stage where they don't even fully understand their own feelings. Sometimes they pursue you intensely, and other times they leave you on read. There are times when you feel like you're moving forward, and suddenly it's as if you've taken three steps back. That's not because they don't like you. It's because they're in conflict with themselves. This doesn't mean you're not enough. On the contrary: sometimes the attraction you generate throws them off. Maybe they don't feel ready for someone like you. Or they don't want to hurt you, but they don't want to let you go either. So they keep you there, in that emotional limbo where no definition is forthcoming and everything is expectation. Honestly, it's not fair to you. This situation wears you down, leaves you confused, and makes you begin to doubt your own worth. And you deserve clarity, not crumbs of attention or excuses disguised as "I just don't know what I want." Pay more attention to what they do than what they say. If their actions don't match their words, there's your answer. Don't get attached to someone's "potential." You deserve better than that.

⋆𐙚ʕ◔ᴥ◔ʔ Pile 3:

Hi Pile 3! I feel like being in this situation isn't easy, and liking someone who doesn't return your energy the way you feel it… it's hard. But I'm going to speak from the heart: this person doesn't see you the way you see them. It's not that they don't value you. They may really like you, they may love you as a person, they may even throw you the occasional flirtatious hint. But that doesn't always mean they have real intentions. Sometimes people behave ambiguously because they like the attention, or because you feel comfortable, or simply because they don't know how to set clear boundaries. And it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you probably gave it your all, i feel like you were loving, attentive, you were there. But that commitment needs a mirror. And this person isn't reflecting the same back to you. For some of you i feel like they may already have someone else in mind. Or they're simply not looking for something right now, and you showed up right at a time when they weren't ready to open that emotional space. Whatever the reason, it's not about you, it's about them. But that doesn't change the fact that you deserve someone who will choose you without hesitation pile 3. Don't wait for something to change. Don't put your heart on hold for someone who isn't taking care of it. There's something much bigger and more beautiful waiting for you, but you have to let go of what isn't giving you anything real to make room for it.

⋆ 𖦹˚🐻｡💕˚ Thank you for reading and let me know if it resonated!⋆ 𖦹˚🐻｡💕˚

[sunderwight]

Demon Shen Jiu is such a fun idea though.

Especially if he himself doesn't know. Like imagine, Yue Qi finds this abandoned baby and the baby is REALLY OBVIOUSLY not human. But this also enables Shen Jiu to survive being abandoned at such a young age -- a human baby would die without adequate nutrition or care, but demons are a little more resilient. Baby Demon SJ has a way more forgiving digestive system and can move under his own power from a much earlier age. By the time he's a year old he's hunting his own rodents and small birds, and has to be stopped from biting and mauling anyone he doesn't like. Which is most people. Qi-ge develops amazing reflexes.

Why do the slavers tolerate a demon baby hanging around? Maybe it's really not all that uncommon. Demons come across the borderlands from time to time, and are as liable to abandon their kids or die or etc as anyone else. It's maybe an open secret among slavers that demon-blooded kids are a better investment, even, because they can survive for longer on less. The only downside is if they don't ever look human enough to pass as human, because that limits potential buyers, but that's only relevant when the slavers are trying to sell them. For the purposes of having a network of street kids stealing and grifting and spying and etc, it's fine. A lot of the slavers themselves started out as demon-blooded street kids with no other options.

But in SJ's case, he pretty quickly starts passing as human. Mostly because he's quite strong, and he's convinced that he's the same as his Qi-ge, so he makes himself the same. Makes his hands look the same and his teeth look the same and etc. It's largely subconscious, and once he starts doing it, it becomes automatic. SJ forgets that he's a demon in the way that most people don't retain their earliest childhood memories -- although he remembers that some of the slavers were demons.

Then of course there's the question of why didn't the Cang Qiong cultivators notice?

A few options. One is that whatever kind of demon SJ is, it's really good at mimicking humans. Another is that he's only part demon, and like Luo Binghe, fully capable of handling both kinds of cultivation. So once he starts learning spiritual cultivation, even from a heretic like Wu Yanzi, he doesn't seem different from any other recruit with a patchy education on the subject. Anything else odd about him could be easily attributed to his exposure to Wu Yanzi and his wicked practices.

Although full demon SJ is a fascinating idea. (Also, it could contribute to all those qi deviations -- he's trying to cultivate AND "fake" human cultivation at the same time, I doubt Qing Jing's techniques are totally compatible with everything going on there even without the psychological turmoil.) Like I'd imagine Airplane wrote that SJ was abandoned on the streets as a baby, and the system was like "hmm he probably wouldn't survive that?" and then in some nine billionth wife arc, Airplane also creates a variety of demon that can fully pass as human (for some identity conflict with a prospective wife), even to the point of fooling human cultivators and demon-detecting tools. So the system just ties these two disparate pieces of world-building together in order to patch a critical plothole (Airplane doesn't know anything about babies). Which has the side effect that Shang Qinghua doesn't even know that SJ became a demon!

And SJ himself doesn't know. The only person who knows is Yue Qi.

Obviously this wouldn't come up much in PIDW, but it could be pretty funny in the SVSSS timeline. YQY just sitting there through the whole Luo Binghe being a half-demon reveal, wondering if he should say something. Subsequently being the most absolutely chill about the whole demon reveal thing anyway. Like he's definitely not upset that Luo Binghe is a demon, or part demon, and the multiple people who try to make a point about it just run afoul of his impenetrable smile and get nowhere.

Then eventually Yue Qingyuan decides that he should probably tell Bingqiu that Shen Qingqiu is a demon. For like, safety purposes if nothing else. He's kept the secret so long also for safety purposes (even if someone put Shen Qingqiu under a truth compulsion he wouldn't be able to admit to being a demon, because he himself doesn't know!), and he's done tons of stuff to prevent anyone ever finding out (although Xiao Jiu is so talented that he didn't have to do much), but Luo Binghe is the demon emperor. That changes things. If Shen Qingqiu is going to be visiting the demon kingdoms regularly then there's a chance something could reveal the truth unexpectedly, and that would probably be worse.

So Yue Qingyuan sits down and has a very serious discussion with Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe about how Shen Qingqiu is actually a demon, was just the cutest little demon baby in fact, here he drew a picture from memory of what Xiao Jiu used to look like before he learned to look more human, and also how a lot of slave kids and slavers and people who fall through the cracks in society have demon ancestry, some more recent than others, and Shen Qingqiu always retained a certain discomfort around his own kind because of the adult slavers who sold him off, and etc etc.

[hugemilkshake]

Can you write head cannons w a platonic yandere burning spice x reader who keeps running away

(It’s fine if not tho ^^)

Enjoy the milkshake! This is basically going to be general headcannons since why not and also does anyone know what place he lives in is called??? Is it a temple or a palace???? Like what is it???

Yandere Burning Spice

-platonic-

!TW! Under the cut are things like implied kidnapping and forcing to fight until exhaustion 

“How strong are you?”

Those are the first words you hear come out of Burning Spices mouth

It doesn’t matter what you answer, the next response is “Show me.”

Now it doesn’t matter how strong you happen to be, wether you have been training all your life or just picked up a weapon, you will lose.

Your probably injured severely, I mean, that’s going to happen when you fight someone who could easily wipe out a nation with a single wave of a hand.

Usually battles like this end with a cookie crumbled. But wether it be the fact that Burning Spice just was released from his prison or that you survived was… intriguing

Originally you were going to be left to die from your injuries but instead he took you back to his palace and ordered some of the spice swarm to tend to you

That includes food, a room to sleep in and medical care. If your confused, so is Burning Spice.

He’s probably more confused than you. He found a random cookie, fought them and took them home. It was the first thing he did when he returned. How odd.

Now in a pretty quick amount of time, his perception on you changes. At first, he just thought you were a weak cookie he took pity on, but now? He sees potential.

What’s better than one destroyer? Two.

You start getting trained, it’s easy at first, like how to hold a battle axe and how strong you have to be to destroy a boulder-

What do you mean you can’t destroy a boulder?

Burning Spice realizes that your… not that strong…

His training gets more intense. He pushes you to the point of near exhaustion, but your improving bit by bit!

Now to be fair, you’re treated pretty well besides training sessions, like you have almost anything you can want! You get amazing meals!

But to you, the training is too much, you miss your friends, you want to leave.

You’d think Burning Spice would be mad, but he encourages running away, it’s an extra form of training! The issue come when he can’t find you again.

Your training is not complete yet! You aren’t strong enough!

When he finds you, it’s mixed. He’s furious, but also relieved. When you get back to the palace he gets you some food and makes sure your settled in alright

Which is very strange.

Was he going soft? I mean that would be nice if he lossened up on your training, you find yourself actually talking to him like he’s an actual mentor! It’s nice.

But the mood shifts when your told to go get your gear. It’s more serious, but it’s going to be a normal training session right?

Right..?

This was the most brutal training session ever. Your dough was cracking and you were losing your consciousness. You didn’t even know how long you’d been training for but this session was longer than usual

You swore you were coughing up jam.

Burning Spice on the other hand he was conflicted, while seeing you in this much pain was enjoyable, it was also difficult to see you in pain.

But this was all for training, it was so you can improve, you were going to become stronger, you were going to be his apprentice…

No…

You ARE his apprentice.

It doesn’t matter how exhausted you are, he was going to mold you into an exact copy of himself.

That was what was going to happen if it weren’t for that pesky bird.

[he-needs-enrichment]

Expedition 33 post game thoughts

since none of my friends have played the game except for one person currently playing, i need to write down some thoughts if only so i can come back to this later (if anyone finds them interesting that's a bonus). They're gonna be very disjointed.

Also if you haven't finished the game do yourself a favor and don't read this until you did.

Spending the prologue getting to know everyone and setting up the expedition, just for them to instantly die in the first seconds of Act 1 set the tone for the game amazingly. I feel like a huge part of this games message is how death simply happens, and there is no grand plan or justice about it. All those people you just know have had complex lives and relationships gone in an instant.

This made the end of act 1 really click for me, no matter how devastated and sad i was. It made so much sense to me, life isn't fair and death isn't either.

With the power of hindsight, the symbolism behind Verso coming in as a replacement for Gustave is heartbreaking. A sad broken man, expected to fill the shoes of a beloved, kind man he never knew and never was, constantly compared to him by us, the players the same way he is thought of as a bad replacement by of painter!verso by characters in the narrative. The parallels between Gustave and painter!verso in general break my heart.

The way Verso longs for connection, yet works to kill everyone and everything he's cared about so he can finally die. Every time he spends time with the members of expedition 33, he knows he just makes everything more painful for himself, yet he can't help himself, he wants them to feel better, he literally cuts himself in half just to make them smile.

At the same time it's heartbreaking to see how he keeps breaking everyone's trust, no matter how many times they forgive him and how much he tries. I see a metaphor for how trying to avoid conflict by always being agreeable and failing to communicate your desires and needs always ends to hurting both yourself and everyone around you.

Good god did the older brother who loves their youngest sibling more than the world hit me hard. I never see myself as a heroic person, in fact i don't think i could be brave in most situations, but i truly believe I'd let the world end before giving them up.

Speaking of family, painter!renoire is the first fictional depiction of a father doing things "for the family" at any cost that wasn't deeply triggering and uncomfortable for me. He truly loved everyone, and i think he was right in what he did.

The concept of the gommage and the duality of the known, predictable death and the unpredictable sudden death. Both have their own horrors, and neither make it easier. I try to not think much about it, but just knowing that golden retrievers usually don't live much past 10-12 years fills me with dread and makes me cry sometimes, and i don't think I'll ever be prepared (and now I'm crying). At the same time it reminds me that at any point in time, anyone could just stop existing.

There's so much to say about escaping into worlds of Fantasy. Be it books, artistic endeavors or playing video games, clair obscur is a stark reminder of the danger of losing your real time and connections when trying to get away from the world. At the same time, it shows the potential for beauty - kid verso and clea made this vibrant and amazing universe that gave them so much, its only when this universe became escapism to their grieving mother when things went bad.

Im not sure I'll be able to/want to ever replay the game, after seeing the ending. We as players are as much painters as the in universe equivalents. It doesn't feel right to put them all though suffering because we can't let things go.

I got much more to say, but I'll end on a note about the endings.

Sciel and Lune's reactions in Versos ending broke my heart. There's no happy ending in any case. But i still believe it's the right ending, because there's hope for a better tomorrow. Verso is right. Maelle!Alicia could repaint things later, as a more mature and grown person. everyone in the canvas at this point is a repainted by her already. But she needs to live, to grow as a person, and verso deserves to rest. She can't let him go on her own, repeating what her mother did, putting him and the world though the same grief.

The Maelle ending feels straight out of a horror movie. Others have pointed it out before, but the vibrant colorful world is replaced by black and white. The people lost their individuality, and how couldn't they? Maelle didn't know them. Even the people she knew can't be like they were before, because maelle in this version can not accept inperfections. She became a puppeteer, and Verso, who has been trying to get just a tiny bit of freedom his entire life, is just a performer on a stage for her now. He knows it. He hates it. And there is nothing he can do about him. What is horrifying to me and illustrates this disregard for him as a person as opposed to a role for him to fill as her happy brother is that he seems to not have his scar anymore - the one thing he said he kept to show his individuality, his ability to choose for himself.

idk if anyone will read this but if you did, thanks, comments are welcome.

[ghostpebble]

SONIC MOVIE 3 SPOILERS AND RANT BELOW :)

SOBBING. SOBBING. SOBBING. WATCHED IT YESTERDAY AND I WAS CRYING THE WHOLE MOVIE BECAUSE THEY USED IT. THEY USED LIVE AND LEARN. AND NOT JUST ONCE. A MOTIF. THEY GAVE SHADOW A LIVE AND LEARN MOTIF. I AM EXTREMELY INDESCRIBABLY HAPPY. LET'S FUCKING GO

PLUS: EGGMAN'S MOTIF!!! IT WAS HERE!! THEY USED IT!! AND IT WAS ORCHESTRAL. BEAUTIFUL.

SONIC'S ESCAPE FROM THE CITY PLAYED, TOO, BUT NOT AS CONSISTENTLY. BUT ALSO, WHOEVER WROTE IN HAVING SONIC SAY "FOLLOW ME" UH HUH. I SAW YOU. YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE AND I LOVED IT

I WANT THE DONUT LORD SWEATER. THAT NEEDS TO BE MERCH. I DONT CARE HOW MUCH IT IS. IF SOMEONE MAKES IT DM ME I WANT ONE THANK YOU

SPEAKING OF DONUT LORD. I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T KILL HIM OUTRIGHT BUT OH MY GOD WAS I CONFLICTED. BECAUSE ON ONE HAND, OH MY GOD. SHADOW JUST BROKE LIKE ALL OF TOM'S RIBS. NO PLEASE NO. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND... OH MY GOD. YES. THIS WILL BE PERFECT FOR SONIC AND SHADOW'S PARALLEL.

AGAIN, SPEAKING OF: PARALLELS, SPECIFICALLY THE TIME HOPS IN SHADOW'S MEMORIES OF MARIA. BRUTAL. CRIED THE WHOLE TIME. THAT RECORD PLAYER ONE REALLY GOT ME. GOD DAMN. PLUS, THE PARALLELS FROM TOM'S HEART TALK THE ENTIRE MOVIE AND ESPECIALLY THE MOON SCENE. CRYING. I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME BUT STILL. CRYING.

ALSO, OPEN YOUR HEART. SPEAK WITH YOUR HEART. WE'RE WINNING

DAMN: WHY DID EGGMAN GET TO SAY DAMN BUT NOT SHADOW

AND ALSO, NO FAKER! THERE WAS THE CONVO ABOUT WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE ME, BUT NO FAKER :(( MAYBE NEXT TIME

I MIGHT BE REMEMBERING WRONG, IT MIGHTVE BEEN FROM THE KNUCKLES SERIES I WATCHED BEFORE, BUT OH MY GOD. THE WACHOWSKI KIDS' BEDS. KNUCKLES AND SONIC IN THEIR CARS ARE CUTE, BUT OH MY GOD TAILS AND HIS AIRPLANE.

OSSIE!! MORE OSSIE!! LOVE OSSIE. THANK YOU

CHAO GARDEN! AGENT STONE BEING A BADASS CONSISTENTLY. I LOVED AGENT STONE THIS WHOLE MOVIE. HE REALLY GOT A LOT OF DEVELOPMENT. LOVE HIM. ALSO A LITTLE SAD SONIC DIDN'T END UP WEARING A SPEED OR DARK CHAO MASK TO LOOK LIKE HIMSELF OR SHADOW, MISSED POTENTIAL :( STILL FUNNY

WALTERS' DEATH WAS UNEXPECTED TO ME NGL, JUST BECAUSE IT WAS SO ABRUPT. LIKE... OKAY. I GUESS. COOL. MAN'S DEAD.

THE MARIA BEING PULLED BY SHADOW ON SKATES. EVERYTHING MARIA. EVEN WITHOUT THE ILLNESS, THAT WAS THE PERFECT MARIA AND SHADOW DUO. YES

TBH, I LIKED THE GERALD AND IVO DUO. IT WAS SILLY. THEY WERE THE COMEDY IN AN OTHERWISE VERY HEAVY MOVIE STILL SOMEWHAT AIMED AT KIDS. SOME THINGS HAD ME LAUGHING BECAUSE IT WAS SO WRONG, LIKE THE SPANKING AND HOW GERALD JUST GOT ZAPPED LIKE A FLY IN AN ELECTRIC SWATTER. ALSO, EASY TO EXPLAIN GERALD'S AGE, HE KEPT LICKING SHADOW'S QUILL, WHICH IS LIKELY WHAT KEPT HIM ALIVE SO LONG. SO YEAH. I DIDNT THINK IT WAS BAD, MAYBE A LITTLE WEIRD, BUT THATS THE ROBOTNIK FAMILY'S THING

SHADOW'S "BOO." ENOUGH SAID

DID SHADOW REALLY HAVE TO SLAM SONIC'S FACE INTO THE GLASS LIKE THAT LMAO

ALSO SHADOW KICKED TAILS!!! THE STREAK CONTINUES

IT IS NOT LOST ON ME THAT SONIC'S POV BEGINS AT HIS B-EARTH-DAY PARTY. FUN REFERENCE TO GENERATIONS

LIVE AND LEARN. STILL HAPPY. JUST WANTED TO SAY IT AGAIN. THE WHOLE DOUBLE SUPER SCENE AND THEIR OWN FIGHT AND THE FIGHT AGAINST THE BOTS. EVERYTHING. PERFECTION. SOBBED. THE SUN RISE AND LOVE STILL EXISTING EVEN AFTER THE SOURCE IS GONE LIKE THE LIGHT. STILL SOBBING

THE WAY THEY HAD ROBOTNIK LEFT ON THE STATION LEAVES ME TO BELIEVE THEY LEFT IT OPEN ENDED ON IF HE LIVED SO THAT JIM CARREY HAD THE OPTION TO COME BACK, AND THATS FINE BY ME :)

PISSED ON THE MOON AND THE BROADCAST?? AND IT WAS A BROADCAST FOR STONE SPECIFICALLY??? WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

SHADOW'S INHIBITORS. YES. HIM FALLING TO EARTH, ALTHOUGH DIFFERENT FROM THE GAME. YES. YES. YES.

1ST POST CREDIT OF METAL SONIC AND THE MISS AMY ROSE. HELL YEAH. IM SO HYPED. METAL LOOKS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND AMY IS SO CUTE. WONDERING HOW THAT'LL LEAD INTO THE NEXT MOVIE THOUGH?? WHO KNOWS

2ND POST CREDIT WITH PARALLELS?? WITH SHADOW LANDING ON EARTH IN A FIELD ALL ALONE FOR A SECOND TIME, THIS TIME MAYBE AMNESIAC AND HAVING TO ADJUST TO EARTH AGAIN?? OH MY GOD?? I WAS SO HAPPY THEY DIDN'T END UP JUST KILLING HIM OFF, ALTHOUGH IT WOULDVE BEEN REALLY GOOD. IF HE HAD DIED THOUGH, HE PROBABLY WOULDVE GOTTEN A LAST WORD IN TO MARIA ANYWAY, BUT STILL GLAD HE'S IN IT TO WIN IT

PLUS SHADOW SPIN OFF SERIES!! AND NEXT MOVIE IN 2027. THANK YOU KEANU FOR MAKING OUR FIRST MOVIE DREAMS COME TRUE, THANK YOU SONIC MOVIE TEAM, THANK YOU ALL CAST

THIS WAS MY TED TALK THANK YOU FOR READING

[wearepaladin]

Something that astounds me is that there hasn’t been any serious attempt by anyone to depict a young Aragorn story. More specifically, of his adventures under the name Thorongil, Eagle of the Star, during the period between the Hobbit and Fellowship. Let me outline what takes place here.

From 2957 to 2080, Aragorn served in the courts of both Rohan and Gondor at a critical time, as this not long into Sauron’s return as a power in Middle Earth, and being an existential threat to both kingdoms. That’s 23 years of interesting stories to tell, showing several critical details about his development.

1. It shows him learning how to be a leader outside the confines of either Elrond’s or the Dunedain’s influence, where his role was known, if kept secret, and immediately respected once he took his role of chieftain, while in Gondor and Rohan under an assumed name and initially an outsider, his eventual leadership and trust had to be hard earned and genuine. This would prove critical in the War of the Ring, as he would be able to rally both Rohan and Gondor at their times of greatest need.

2. He also learns the ways of Gondor and Rohan as a government servant, earning the respect of both kingdoms Thengel and Steward Ecthellion, and thus know both the culture and the way these kingdoms were run. If you have ever heard someone sneer at Aragorn’s leadership lacking an understanding of the Gondorian Tax Code, just point to this fact.

3. All of the above situates Aragorn to be in a story that contains both courtly intrigue and a long war against the existential threat of Sauron. While he was beloved by Ecthellion for example, Denethor had no such warm compunctions towards him, and that had to lead to some tense moments that could translate well into a story of court intrigue.

4. Aragorn also lead a critical victory against the Corsairs of Umbar, Allies of Sauron, destroying Sauron’s primary naval attack force and slowing the plans of Conquest considerably. Umbar had a long history of those among Númenor who cleaved close to Sauron, and any depiction of them would provide an antagonist that hasn’t received as much focus as other servants of Sauron, allowing for some interesting exploration.

5. At the end of the 23 years of service, Aragorn went East, into enemy Territory, and it’s from his recounting of this we know a bit about Rhun, the home associated with the Easterlings, and where the stars appear different in the night sky. Outside of Mordor, are whole groups of people that have never received a fair look on what life is like under Sauron, and would not make peace with the men of the west until Sauron’s defeat. Here we could see not only men but the dark elves who never went west to see the light of the trees, who could have a culture quite different front their western cousins, and where the two blue wizards fought a unknown war against Sauron.

6. When Aragorn returned home via Lothlórien , he reunited and began the process of courting Arwen and gave her the Ring of Barahir, and she in turn abandoned her mortality for him. A powerful ending that heralds all the future events to come.

In short, you got character growth, you have conflict of intrigue and against evil, foes and cultures previously unexplored, and potential for new faces and heroes to invest in and hope for. When the Legendarium becomes open for all to write and publish, that is the novel I want to read and maybe even write myself. I’m amazed no one else seems to have hit on it.

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Toto's obsession p.8

Hey guyss, I hope you enjoy this part and if you've missed part 7 or if you want to read it from the beginning here's my masterlist :)

The sound of the front door closing echoed through the quiet house. You stood there for a moment, unsure of what to feel. George had left without saying much after the proposal, his face a mask of conflict and frustration.

Toto’s arms around you quickly brought you back to the present. He pulled you close, his lips brushing your ear as he murmured, “We’ll give him time. Tonight is about us.”

You nodded, looking up at him with a soft smile, though your heart still ached for George’s acceptance. Toto cupped your face, his thumbs brushing gently against your cheeks, and leaned in to kiss you.

At first, the kiss was tender, but it quickly deepened, his possessive need for you evident in the way he held you. He lifted you into his arms effortlessly, carrying you to the bedroom as your laughter filled the air.

The night became a celebration of your love. Toto’s passion was overwhelming, consuming. He whispered promises against your skin, vowing to cherish you forever. His touch made you feel like the most precious thing in the world. Wrapped in his embrace, you felt safe, adored, and utterly his.

The next morning, sunlight streamed through the curtains. You stirred to find yourself still tangled in Toto’s arms. His strong frame was warm against yours, and his hand rested possessively on your waist.

Tilting your head, you found his piercing blue eyes already on you. He smiled, a rare softness in his expression that made your heart flutter.

“Good morning, mein Liebling,” he murmured, his voice husky from sleep.

“Good morning,” you replied, leaning in to kiss him lightly. “Last night felt like a dream.”

“It was real,” he said, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “And I’ll make sure every day feels like that for you.”

You blushed, burying your face in his chest as he chuckled. Then his tone grew serious. He shifted slightly to look at you.

“I wish I could stay here with you longer. This…this is perfect. But the next GP is coming up, and I’m needed there.”

Your heart sank a little, but you understood. “I know. It’s your job, and you’re amazing at it. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He tightened his arms around you, as if the thought of leaving you was unbearable. “I don’t want to be away from you for even a moment. Maybe…maybe you could come with me?”

You hesitated. “What about George? He’s still upset, and I don’t want to make things worse.”

Toto sighed, his jaw tightening slightly. “George will come around. He has to. I’ll make sure of it. But right now, I want you by my side. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine, and you nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll come with you.”

A satisfied smile spread across his face. He kissed you deeply, as if sealing your agreement.

The days passed quickly, and soon you found yourself boarding a plane with Toto to the next GP. The excitement in the air was palpable, but a sense of nervousness lingered in your chest.

This was the first time you would be attending a race as his fiancée. Though you were thrilled to support him, the potential scrutiny weighed on your mind.

Toto, however, was calm and collected. His hand never left yours throughout the journey. He reassured you with quiet words, his presence a steady anchor.

By the time you arrived at the paddock, you felt more confident, ready to embrace your new role by his side.

The paddock buzzed with activity. Toto was immediately drawn into meetings and briefings.

“I’ll be tied up for a while,” he told you, his hand resting possessively on your waist. “But if you need anything, call me.”

“I’ll be fine,” you assured him with a smile. “Go do what you need to do.”

He kissed your forehead before disappearing into the Mercedes motorhome.

Left to your own devices, you decided to explore. Soon, you found yourself among the other WAGs. They welcomed you warmly, chatting about the race, travel, and life in the F1 world. Their easy camaraderie helped you relax, and you began to enjoy yourself.

However, your moment of peace was short-lived.

While walking through the paddock, a small group of photographers spotted you. They immediately began calling out, asking for photos.

Trying to remain calm, you smiled politely and nodded. But their persistence was overwhelming. They peppered you with questions, their cameras flashing incessantly.

Before you could answer, a familiar, commanding voice cut through the chaos.

“Leave her alone,” Toto’s voice rang out, firm and protective.

All heads turned as he approached. His expression was a mixture of authority and irritation. He stepped in front of you, shielding you from the cameras.

“I won’t have you hounding my fiancée.”

The word hung in the air, and a stunned silence fell over the crowd. The photographers exchanged shocked glances, their questions momentarily forgotten.

Your eyes widened as you realized what he had just revealed.

Toto turned to you, his gaze softening. “Are you alright?” he asked quietly, ignoring the murmurs and flashing cameras around you.

You nodded, your heart racing as you tried to process the sudden shift in attention. “Yes, I’m fine,” you managed to say.

With his arm protectively around you, Toto led you away from the crowd, leaving the stunned photographers behind.

As you walked, he leaned down and whispered, “I’m sorry if I surprised you, but I couldn’t stand by and watch them treat you like that.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him, your voice steady despite the adrenaline coursing through you. “Thank you for standing up for me.”

He stopped, turning to face you, his hands resting gently on your shoulders.

“I meant every word,” he said, his voice low and sincere. “You’re mine, and I’ll always protect you.”

You felt your cheeks flush at his words, the intensity of his gaze leaving no doubt about his feelings.

As the two of you walked back toward the motorhome, you couldn’t help but wonder what the fallout from his declaration would be. But in that moment, all that mattered was the man beside you.

[stargazerdaisy]

Losing Jackson might have been the worst thing for Lucy's character development.

Obviously, your best friend dying is a massive personal loss and affected Lucy as a person incredibly deeply. But storytelling wise, losing Jackson and his place in Lucy's life has done the character of Lucy a disservice. (I am fully aware that the actor wanted to leave the show, which left the writers with only a few options. I am not criticizing the choice to kill him off, just analyzing the fallout of it on Lucy.)

Jackson and Lucy were incredibly close friends and roommates, plus work colleagues. They were together all the time and they knew each other so deeply. They were ride-or-die supportive, but also willing to share hard things when needed.

Lucy doesn't have that anymore.

Her biggest support is Tim; he is her best friend. Rachel is a non-entity, both on screen and in the background story. Nyla and Angela are so obsessed with each other and busy with their families, that they haven't gotten close with Lucy specifically. Bailey is all about Nolan and Nolan hasn't been super tight with Lucy in years. Aaron and Lucy were getting closer, but never quite got there before he left. Celina and Lucy have the potential to get there, but they aren't now, and it will take some time to narrow/overcome the differential between them. And Lucy does not see Tamara as an equal, as someone she can lay her burdens on. That basically leaves only Tim.

While people are supportive of her and care about her, that's not the same as being there intimately and being secure enough to call her on her BS. Tim can and has done that. He called her out about not loving Chris, about her feelings for him, and so on. And he was always the first person she went to, and almost always was there for her. That just adds to the immense grief and loss she felt when they broke up.

But that means there is no one who can do that for her now.

Her story has been so wrapped up with Tim, that there was never room for anyone to fill that void left by Jackson. She doesn't have someone who can look at what's going on under her words and public image and then talk to her about it. I think there are a few people who see that she's putting on a braver face than she truly feels, but they either are too busy or don't feel like they can say anything to her. And Tim certainly can't push her on all of this, since 1) he's the reason for all of her hurt and 2) is trying to win her over without imposing his will over hers. Like, that's the specific issue that caused so much conflict! So he really, really cannot do it.

Lucy is incredibly smart and wise and understands feelings and behavior so well, her own included. She can explain and analyze everything. But she uses that to cover up her own actual feelings. Case in point, in Now and Then (2x12), right after being buried and rescued, she comes back to work. Everyone is checking in on her, and she's rebuffing them, telling them she's fine, she went through all the mandated therapy, she's processed, and on and on. She uses all the right terminology and plasters on a bright smile. And then she freaks out at the speed dating event with Angela and Nyla. She could say all the right words and she truly did understand them, but she still had the feelings!!!

She intellectualizes her feelings, rather than feeling them, a lot of the time. Some of my favorite moments of Lucy, when she felt most authentic and most honest, were when she was losing her temper and yelling. Her getting fierce and barking at Tim in Impact (2x01), that he can rake her over the coals but don't pretend he's doing it because he has a code. Her losing her shit and yelling, so angrily, at Tim in Secrets and Lies (6x06) about Ray and the leaving her out. And a few others. These are AMAZING moments for her when she stops analyzing her feelings and what other people's perceptions are, and just acts on her emotions and lets them really show.

And now, I really think she needs someone to get her to confront her own feelings. Jackson would have done that, especially after everything that happened with Tim (all of it, ups and downs). There are people that have the knowledge and history to do that (Angela would be great, Genny would be a fabulous choice, even Harper would get right to the heart of it), but they aren't with her enough to actually push. She will try to deflect and deny, and she needs someone who will stare her down and gently, but firmly, poke at the wound until she opens it back up and finally addresses healing it properly. But since the story hasn't put anyone into that position, Lucy is stuck without meaningful support.

[alpaca-clouds]

A Rant about Engaging with Themes

When the actual trailer for Castlevania Nocturne S2 was released a few weeks back, a few people were surprised about Drolta being back. And those who have been in contact with me during the last year know, that I have been harping on about it: “Drolta is actually not dead. Drolta will come back in some way.”

And at least two people have asked me so far: “Why were you so sure?” And the answer is relatively simple: “Themes. And the whole thing about Chekov’s Gun.”

But you know, this is a topic that I saw in a lot of fandoms. Because in those fandoms people were surprised – and angry – about endings, while I saw those endings coming several seasons away. And I think it is worth talking about it. So, yes, this is going to be a little essay about engaging with themes in media.

The thing is, that I do not want to go harping on the “media literacy crisis”. Because I do not think the issue is that people cannot understand this – it is just that they often do not really engage with themes and the fact that creative people behind media are trying to say something with the media. Partly, maybe, because a lot of media does not get to. I mean, a lot of the Marvel movies recently do not have a whole lot to say. I doubt because the writers all had nothing to say, but because the brand does not want them to say anything about it.

But let’s get back to Drolta. Because here is the thing: Castlevania Nocturne does has something to say. I kinda hoped for it before we had more information on the show – but yes, Nocturne is very much about society, hierarchies and colonialism.

Here is the thing: I love the original four seasons Castlevania, but in terms of theming they are all over the place. There are absolutely some themes about forgiveness, about personhood, about questioning narratives, and about healing and coming to terms with abuse. But it is really all over the place and not quite as concise about that – not in the same way as Nocturne is. Nocturne is quite pointed about it.

Nocturne is about how colonialism and colonial exploitation, but also class exploitation are like vampirism. Colonialism is vampiric – not the vampires are.

And the big difference to the first four seasons of Castlevania are mainly not as succinct in terms of themes, because the different stories kinda have different themes. The different characters are connected to different themes. While in Nocturne all characters are connected to this main theme in one way or another.

It is of course most noticeable in terms of the characters directly affected by colonialism: Annette, Edouard, Olrox. It is also quite clear in regards of some of the bad guys. Erszebeth is a colonizer. So are the vampires actually killed in season 1.

But Drolta is interesting in this regard. Because inherent to her is a contradiction in terms of this theme. She aligns herself with Erszebeth – the colonizer – while her skin color aligns her with the colonized. In fact, the little we know about her does imply a lot in that regard. Because Drolta says herself she was a priestess of Sekmet. And Erszebeth has drunken from Sekmet, which in this regard can easily be read as a colonizer using the colonized religion against them.

However: This conflict inherent to Drolta’s character has not played out in one way or another. It is basically a sort of Chekov’s Gun – and it has not yet gone off. One way or another, Drolta needs to fall into the place in terms of how she relates to the main theme of the show, and because she did not really engage in that metaphorical dialogue, I was fairly certain that she was not dead.

Because here is the thing: Katie Silva is a darn good character designer, who is really good telling you a lot about the characters by the design. And she would not just make her Black just because it makes for an amazing design (though it does). And from the perspective of the writers there is just so much unused storytelling potential in Drolta.

I am not sure on what side Drolta is ultimately landing on. But I am fairly certain that before Drolta is killed for good, we will learn how she was involved in getting Erszebeth Sekmet’s blood, and how exactly Drolta herself relates to colonialism.

I am not saying it is impossible for her to be the sort of character who tries to align herself with the colonizer in the hope to get power for themselves. Because those people have existed in real history. However, she definitely needs to relate herself to the theme before she can be killed for good. Because otherwise her narrative potential has not been used – and I do trust the writers here enough to know they will at least try to use all the narrative potential. I am not sure whether or not Netflix will get in the way of that (for example by not ordering more seasons or similar bullshit), but I am fairly certain that at least the writers have a clear idea where they want Drolta to fall in terms of the theme.

So, this is the point where I pivot and talk about the two other fandoms, where this lack of engaging with the themes really annoyed the living heck out of me. One fandom I interacted with a lot at the time the show aired – while the other fandom I just watched from outside, but went later to confirm that the anger about the ending was really about a lack of the fandom at large not engaging with the themes. And fun fact: Both shows have a central theme about colonialism, just like Nocturne. Just coming at the theme from very different angles.

The shows are Steven Universe and Star vs the Forces of Evil. Steven Universe is the fandom I interacted with a good bit while the show was airing, while SvsFoE was a fandom where I mainly enjoyed the show and just saw the entire anger happen in the end with a lot of confusion.

But let me talk Steven Universe first.

Spoilers for both shows, obviously.

Because I was one of the first “Rose is Pink Diamond” Truthers in that fandom. Literally, the first time we heard about the Diamonds I instantly went: “Rose was a Diamond”. Before we even knew for sure there was a Pink Diamond. And when we saw the reliefs of the Diamonds – but not the one of Pink Diamond – it became even more clear to me.

And yet, big parts of the fandom at the time were calling the Truthers crazy.

Of course, it is now a few years since the show ended. And we all know that the Truthers were right about it.

However, I do remember during the last season. The further it went ahead without confirming that the theory was true, the more certain the Nay-Sayers became in their Nay-Saying, while I became even more certain about the theory being true.

Why was that?

Well, the Nay-Sayers obviously could not imagine how to pull off that twist in a satisfying way and resolve the plot within the fairly few episodes left. Meanwhile I saw the plot and realized, that the only way to resolve the plot while sticking to the themes of the show would be by having Rose – and hence Steven – be Pink Diamond.

To this day, a certain part of that fandom is still very angry about the Diamonds being redeemed. And to that part of the fandom I can only say: “Have you watched the show?” Because the show was very unsubtle about the fact that its main theme was forgiveness and redemption. It was about giving people second chances and talking about issues, rather than using violence. That was always the mission statement. It was about empathy.

And this was why I was so certain that Rose and Steven had to be Pink Diamond. Because I knew from the very beginning that they would not kill the Diamonds. But I also knew that the chance of them resolving that plot within the themes in a satisfying way would not be possible, if Steven was not to gain a certain privilege – like being a Diamond – to put him into a situation where the Diamonds would even so much as listen to him. Hence: Rose had to be Pink Diamond. Because otherwise the plot could not be ended in a way that fit with the themes.

(And yes, I was so fucking smug about it when the episode aired, that confirmed it.)

So, now let me talk about the fandom with the ending that is even more controversial than the ending of Steven Universe: Star vs the Forces of Evil.

Or how I call it: “Yeah, no shit are they gonna destroy magic. Magic in this was a metaphor for systemic privilege and the point of the show was that you can not brute force civil rights without giving up your own god damn privilege! Holy hell, this show was not even subtle about it!” (Yes, I do have some anger about this. Because… I have seen and read too many bad takes about the ending.)

Now, mind you. One thing you need to know about me: One of the historic topics I am kinda hyperfixating on is colonialism. So, when I loved the first season of this show and came to my friend group saying: “I think this is about colonialism.” They went: “With you everything is about colonialism.”

But then season 2 came and made it quite obvious. Indeed, this show is about colonialism and racism, and about how colonialism gives the colonial people privilege.

Now, let me at this point say it clearly: It is absolutely fine to have mixed feelings on how this was executed. Specifically with the show making indigenous people “monsters”. Good monsters, yes, but monsters never the less. I get what the makers were getting at – saying something about how a big part of colonialism was also the dehumanization of people – but I absolutely can agree that it could have probably been handled a bit better.

And yes, I also think that the last season – like so many last seasons in this modern day and age – was very rushed at parts, making some plot points not hit as well was they might have gotten to hit with a different pacing.

However, I did appreciate a lot of the things this show had to say about colonialism. Both with relating colonialism to the entire sexuality/gender thing, and also with being very clear on one thing: Just because you change the laws, does make discrimination go away. That is something I so rarely see being brought up in media – let alone media made by white people. But this show was spot on. We see in the later part of this show a lot of Star and Eclipsa try to brute force discrimination and racism to go away. And it just does not work. Because no law can make the perception of people that they are better than the “monsters” go away. All it does is create unrest among the people, as they do not understand the law changes, despise the new rulers for the privilege they hold over them. “Those up there, they don’t get it,” they say. And of course, yeah, people are pissed if you throw them out of their homes, even if it absolutely is the right thing to do, because they literally stole that home from someone else. But that does not change the fact that now they are homeless. And rather than make the racism go away, it just digs deeper trenches and it is a fucking complicated situation. And I loved that the show decided to actually go to that place.

And this is where magic comes in.

Because here is the thing: This show telegraphed early on that in fact magic is not a good thing. Magic in general was here a shorthand for power that could easily corrupt – and very specifically for a certain type of privilege. And yes, I read a few blogs and saw two or three videos about people also complaining of how stupid the way was, that magic got actually explained in this. Because it felt random.

But that is the thing: That was the point. It is random. Power is random. Privilege is very random. Like, sure, I can tell you from an anthropological and historical perspective, why the people that hold privilege in modern society hold privilege. But in the end it boils down to: it is completely random. History could have gone different in so many places and things would have gone different. There is no actual logical reason for most of it. And especially racism is just a completely stupid ideology, because it assigns value to people based on completely superficial points.

And that is why magic in this show had this very silly, random origin story.

And it is also why in the end magic had to be destroyed. Because magic is the power. Magic is the privilege. And you cannot use privilege to destroy the same privilege top-down. Because for that you have to use it – and the only way you can get rid of it is give it up.

Yes, mind you, you do not have to agree with this thesis. Among the “XY studies” this topic about destroying privilege top-down or bottom-up is something that gets discussed a lot. And not everyone is on the same page. But the thesis this show has is a valid one to have – and the ending all in all was about giving up privilege.

And that, in short, is, why I am very frustrated with people hating on the ending. I am sorry, people found it not narratively fulfilling. But I can tell you: Thematically it was spot-on.

And look, I know at times I sound like a broken record: “Engage with the themes. Please engage with the themes.” Those of you, who read any of my blogs about the punkpunk genre, have read me complain about this a thousand times over. But it is really something that to me is very important, even if it makes me sound like some English literature class teacher. Still, themes are important. Or they should be.

No, not every story out there has a heavy focus on themes. I mean, as I said at the start of this rather long blog post: The original Castlevania show had themes, yes, but it was not fully constructed around them. And again, most of the movies in the MCU for example do not have a lot going on in terms of themes. Some try to have. The Guardians movies and the Black Panther movies somewhat have. So had Eternals. But a lot of the other stuff did not have a lot of thematic layering going on. And that is fine. At times a blue curtain indeed is just a blue curtain because the author liked the color blue, or in case of a movie, because the set decorators had still some blue fabric lying around. That is fine.

But there is quite a lot of media, that does have themes and is trying to say something. No, not all of it is successful in saying the thing it is trying to say, but a lot of stuff is at least trying to say something.

If you have been following this blog at least a few weeks you will know, that I am currently very in love with what James Gunn is doing with the DCU. But times I am wondering: “Is he maybe to heavy handed about the message?” But then I am looking over to how some people misinterpreted The Boys on Amazon Prime – a show that was really not subtle about those themes – and I am thinking to myself: “Yeah, actually, they should probably make more episodes about how fun it is to kill Nazis. Just to make sure everyone has gotten at least that message. You know. The one of us not liking Nazis.”

[ben-talks-art]

Mel being able to do magic... Kinda bothers me

Something that I used to find really cool about Mel was how she was the Sokka of Arcane.

She was that character who didn't have amazing powers or skills like everyone else but she had a kind heart and a good vision on how to put people's powers and skills to good use.

The same way Sokka in Avatar would look at his friends and form a plan on how to take down a giant drill to save the day, Mel would look at the stuff Jayce and Viktor could come up with and think of ways on how it could help others, all for the sake of creating a place that didn't had to rely on violence to solve things like her mother's land.

Look at the way she looks at Jayce and Viktor after they managed to crack down magic runes.

It's like a blend of a proud parent seeing her kids accomplish what she knew they could accomplish, a sense of relief from knowing that her plans to create an advanced society that doesn't need to rely in strength but can instead rely on magic tech is coming closer to reality, and maybe even a bit of calculation, already thinking of ways how this new discovery can be used for the benefit of others in ways she probably always wanted to do but never could because she lakced the means... and now she might have these means!

It's such a kind look in her gaze that tells so much about her and about how she feels about this whole situation.

In contrast, I love how in season 2 she sees that Jayce, Caitlyn, and Vi have given up on trying to be the good guys and decided to use hextech to fight back, and you can see the horror on her face upon realizing her efforts were in vain and that now this place was going to rely on violence as a solution as well. She was about to relive the same nightmare she did as a child.

It's so tragic because in season 1 she suggested they might need to make weapons in case they need to defend themselves, but now actually seeing it and realizing they're about to not just defend but start and attack must have filled her with so much regret.

There was something so engaging about her drama and conflict, wondering how she was going to fight for her beliefs, trying to prove there could still be a way to bring things back to a peaceful diplomatic route. Or heck, maybe she would need to just be strong and endure it as when the others started to realize the violent methods were going too far she would have to be the one to remind them they could still go back.

There was potential for a good character moment here, have Mel face the fact she couldn't prevent what she wanted to avoid, but could still be there for when they needed to go back to reason...

But then they just throw her in a cave for part of the season, isolating her from other characters, and only let her out after she turns into Jean Grey or something.

I really didn't like this...

The character who was associated with being a diplomat, being logical, being able to solve problems with her intelligence and kindness without the need for power or strength... Now has literal magic plot armor and was throwing hands with her mother.

Not a big fan of this fight overall. Again, to me she was like the "Sokka" of Arcane, the one who uses her brain to bring out everyone's full potential.

I feel it would be much more cool if we had scenes of Mel talking with the other characters, getting familiar with what they could do, and then coming up with plans and strategies to help in the final battle.

Or heck, what if she had figured out who the traitors were and managed to use that to their advantage?

Or if maybe we had Jayce secretly building a hextech item just for her that managed to help her somehow overcome Ambessa and her men, maybe a giant flashlight hidden in a small device or something to blind the enemies, I don't know, just something...

I was just a bit underwhelmed by the route they took with Mel. Visually, her powers look really really cool, but it kinda took away some things I really liked about her.

[literary-illuminati]

2025 Book Review #27 – Service Model by Adrian Tchaikovsky

I am quite a big fan of Tchaikovsky’s – I’m on record as saying the Children of Time trilogy is the best star trek since at least Deep Space Nine – and generally try to keep an eye out for his new releases. However, the man writes a truly obscene pace, and this is one of the books which just entirely fell through the cracks for me until it picked up a hugo nomination. Along with everything else he wrote in 20244, apparently. It actually is a really very excellent book and deserves the nomination entirely, even if on a deep and fundamental level I feel like an author getting multiple nominations for the same category is cheating somehow.

The book follows (initially) Charles, an incredibly advanced valet-bot designed and engineered to perfection to act as the human-oriented interface and chief servant managing his master’s life and relationship with his sprawling automated household. Despite his master’s lack of complex social calendar, disinterest in excursions or complex engagements, or really activity of any sort, he serves him for years, diligently and efficiently. All until one day when, for no reason and for no purpose he is able to understand despite extensive self-examination, he slits his master’s throat while shaving him. This sudden break in routine – despite his best efforts – requires reaching out to life outside the manicured manorial estate upon which he has been employed. That world quickly proves to be in a bit of a bad state itself, with robotic police inspectors and medical examiners trapped into Kafkesque bureaucratic loops after all the humans their program requires performing for and reporting to were retired for reasons of efficiency. Generously interpreting what he was told as an injunction to report to Central Diagnostics and discover went wrong, the no-longer-Charles (the name was part of his employment at the manor) journeys out into the shockingly desolate world trying to get himself repaired and (or, failing that) given new employment where he might again fulfill his purpose.

The story from that point on consists of a few different episodes involving Uncharles (and his accidental companion, the shockingly idiosyncratic and defective robot and absolutely not a human in a metal suit, who goes by ‘the Wonk’) arriving at a new location where he hopes to find potential employment as a gentleman’s valet (though his standards rapidly start slipping). Each set piece is separated from the others by a short vignette explaining the travel between them and there are, besides those two, many connections but exceptionally few recurring characters of any kind. The episodes each work quite well as short stories in their own right, and each does a decent-to-amazing job expanding on the characters and the themes Tchaikovsky is aiming at. The ending is, I think, a bit dissonant with the first acts of the book and in a way that weakens the whole – but then I have at this point just accepted that I’m basically impossible to please as far as endings for big theme-first stories like this go.

And this is very much a theme-first story – an entry in the proud tradition of dystopian sci fi satire, and far more open about it than most. The connective tissue between episodes is very clearly there to facilitate getting from one setpiece to another, with the plot itself coming a distant fourth between deep themes, character study and setting exploration in terms of the book’s priorities. While there is action and physical danger, Uncharles’ Jeevesish sensibility and distorted narration prevents tension or a sense of threat are ever really prominent. The actual conflicts in the book are solved by cleverness, understanding and word games – combined with the sense of farce and absurdity running through the entire thing it really felt like an old adventure game as much as anything (I mean this as high praise). It helps that is was often very funny – especially for as serious and philosophical a book as this, it’s just about the only thing keeping it from becoming unbearably didactic at points.

Not necessarily the most important theme to the book, but certainly the most prominent and obvious throughout it is a deep concern with the automation of complex systems, the insulation of human decision-makers from any sign things are going wrong until its far too late, and the social collapse that might result from the two. Humanity has, for most of the book, more or less vanished from the scene – something that the dizzyingly complex arrays of robotic systems that comprised most of actual civilization are not at all designed to deal with, as they’re increasingly trapped in absurd loops or simply freeze without anyone with the privileges and authority to resolve the issues they encounter. This is one of the book’s main sources of humour – both through Uncharles’ increasingly strained attempts to find some existence he can squint and say is like being a gentleman’s gentlebot, and all the Brazil-esque absurdity of things like a police-bot doing a drawing room reveal of an investigation that took two minutes to an audience of other robots who all already know what happened.

The other big theme running through the book is exactly how a society might respond to true automation, to human labour becoming (outside of high-level programming and administration) basically superfluous to a society that is so rich and powerful it can provide comfort and plenty to every one of its citizens. Badly, as it turns out! It’s not a subject Uncharles’ ever considers consciously until the end, but this is a book that takes an incredibly cynical view of – a lot of things, really, but the charity and benevolence extended by the winners of an economy that now has immense amounts of structural unemployment especially.

This became much, much more explicit in the ending – to, I think, the detriment of the book as a whole. Or better to say it became a much more on-the-nose parable, once it’s revealed that spiralling structural failures and various intersecting forms of eco-social collapse were important, sure, but the actual big finish really was because of one evil robot who clicked the ‘kill all humans’ button. It also really draws the eye to how much the unstated timeline of things doesn’t really cohere, but again – parable, not hard futurism. As cackling evil masterminds go, God is at least a fun one, and the sermonizing about justice and mercy and anti-homeless architecture and all that is at least both well-written and not overlong.

Though God is actually unusually complex and nuances as the book’s supporting characters go – most are on some level caricatures there to support the satirical point being made (if not just amusing set dressing who expand the setting a bit). The only two people in the story with any sort of nuance or depth – let alone an arc – are Uncharles and The Wonk (who also sound like some truly terrible indie band, put like that). Which is hardly a complaint – the supporting cast does its job very well, and the two of them are both pretty excellent characters (even if Wonk’s verbal tics get a bit grating at times).

Uncharles’ arc is the final real theme running through the whole book, and really only marginally less subtle than the collapse of society. The question of when exactly a complex, humanlike robot gains free will or becomes a person is one a lot of science fiction over the ages has spent a lot of time on, so I can’t say the book is actually doing anything new here – but his stubborn refusal to accept he’s a person and simultaneous rules-lawyering and contorting his ostensible task list as the book goes on is both well-done and very touching at points. The recurring note – with Charles, with God, and with quite a few less advanced and autonomous robots throughout the story – the there’s absolutely no contradiction between having a degree of free will and with having desires or psychological needs imprinted in you by your creators (or evolution) actually is something that a lot of fiction working in the same space often has trouble with, too.

Not at all sure how it’ll rank compared to some of the other finalists this year, but it is at least fun and fairly meaty sci-fi. Tchaikovsky continues to not disappoint.

[oraclepop]

hiii!! could you do more about jake's future spouse from enhypen?! I wanted to know what his first impression of her would be and vice versa hahah

JAKE (ENHYPEN) FUTURE SPOUSE TAROT READING

(DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A TAROT READING. I DO NOT CLAIM IT AS FACT. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!!)

who is she?

six of pentacles: she might be a very kind and generous person. she could work in charity or volunteer work, or something to do with giving back to the community.

four of cups: she could have a bit of an guarded, reserved, quiet vibe. she might have dealt with grief or a very, very bad break up prior to meeting jake.

five of swords: now, she could be a person who is strategic, she might try to win arguments and conflicts in an underhanded way. she could be a bit petty, or stubborn.

page of cups: inside, though, she could have this childlike attitude that unexpectedly comes out, she could be sensitive and spiritual. even though she’s had a hard time, she still believes in romance, the fairytale movie like romance.

the tower: she could bring an unexpected chaos to jake’s life, causing a major upheaval. literally “changing the trajectory of his life forever”.

jake’s first impression of her

judgement: immediately, upon meeting her, something about her could cause him to reevaluate himself, like a wake up call. something about her will literally hit him like a truck.

death: yes, he might feel like from the moment he meets her, he’ll be spiritually transformed and so will she, like it’s a new beginning, but it’s not so extreme and dramatic, something about it is more poetic - it’ll be like a rebirth.

her first impression of jake

ten of wands: immediately, she might be able to notice that he carries a lot of burdens, he has a lot on his plate, a lot of weight on his shoulders. she could notice that he’s overworked or stressed. this suggests that she could meet him while he’s still actively promoting as an idol.

the sun: she could see him as a smiley, bright, joyful person, like golden retriever energy, her first impression of him could be somebody that would bring a lot of light and happiness into her life. she could think that even though she can see his burdens, he’s still optimistic and cheerful.

why jake will be drawn to her

the lovers: well, he could feel a deep, romantic, sexual, soulmate like connection to her, something that isn’t fickle or flimsy, something real and deep - as if they’re kindred spirits, as if this is meant to be. this is amazing (obviously) because she’s gonna be his spouse lol. he will see them as the perfect union, see her as the perfect lover for him.

page of pentacles: above it all, he sees the potential for a future with her, someone who he can build a stable relationship with. she could be loyal, faithful, grounded, and he might know right away, “she is the one”.

[mysterialistic]

Review/Ramble on Yingdu and Overall Thoughts

Okay, first of all, I think the fandom needs to chill a bit, especially on Twitter/X, because some people are overdramatizing the criticism from others. Criticizing a piece of media doesn’t mean you hate it, nor does it mean it’s bad—it just means it didn’t fully meet your expectations, and you have a different opinion. It’s as simple as that. Of course, I believe criticism should always come from an objective standpoint, not just for the sake of complaining.

Having said, let’s start rambling!

Yingdu had an amazing start. Those first few minutes, transitioning from the basketball game straight into the scene of Cheng Xiaoshi’s death, were so well done. Overall, the first episode was fantastic—the perfect mix of drama and tension. It answered some of our lingering questions before bringing us back to the Season 1 format, where they tackled individual cases, only for it to all build up to the arc’s main conflict. I won’t go into every single episode since that would make this way too long, but I had to highlight episode 1 because it was my favorite.

There were several aspects of these episodes that I really enjoyed. Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang’s bond was portrayed so well—every little moment between them, every dialogue exchange—it perfectly showed why these two are so willing to risk their lives for each other. I looked forward to seeing their interactions every week, and I was never disappointed.

Xia Fei was also a great addition, and I’m glad they didn’t kill off his character like many people theorized, because he has so much potential. I really enjoyed his complexity—he’s a spy, but he has his own morals and values. He dislikes Liu Xiao, yet he has a close bond with Vein despite his odd personality. He’s clearly intelligent, and I think that will really shine in Season 3. He already seems to suspect something, and I have no doubt he’ll get to the bottom of it. Right now, he’s angry and confused about what happened to Vein, convinced that someone killed him. But how will he react if (or when) he finds out that Vein was the one who initially killed Cheng Xiaoshi—one of his other friends, and probably the only truly innocent one? And don’t even get me started on how he’ll react when he finds out that Lu Guang tried to kill Vein or that Vein is still alive. I’m excited to see where this goes.

That said, I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see much of Vein and Liu Xiao. We mostly just saw what we already knew—two shady guys with their own agenda, pretending to be friendly. As an introduction, it was fine, but considering how much attention the promotional material gave them, I really thought we’d see more. Still, I don’t have a huge issue with it since they’ll obviously play a bigger role in Season 3. Liu Xiao, Vein, Li Tianchen, and possibly Xia Fei—a group of unstable individuals as antagonists… well, good luck, Lu Guang!

Now, something that does bother me about Yingdu is the inconsistencies between its plot and what we’ve seen in Seasons 1 and 2. For me, this was the laziest part of the writing, because no, Link Click isn’t flawless. In fact, no piece of media is. But in Link Click’s case, some of the flaws were painfully obvious. With every episode that aired, I kept thinking, “okay, this has to be an alternate timeline”, because so many little details just didn’t fit with the main storyline. The most obvious one is how Cheng Xiaoshi awakened his powers—he did it on his own, yet in Season 1, it was shown that he didn’t know he could do this. That makes absolutely no sense unless he has selective amnesia, which is definitely not the case lol. As for the inconsistencies with his parents, that could at least be explained by the promise he made to his mother to “not get involved any further.” He clearly remembers that promise and is likely just keeping everything he learned a secret.

Speaking of parents… Damn, Cheng Xiaoshi’s parents are awful lmao. I hated how his father acted like he was the victim, justifying his actions with, “yes, I abandoned my child, but now I take care of other children to make up for my mistakes.” That’s just… bad parenting. I actually made a whole analysis about it in another post. And then there’s Cheng Xiaoshi’s mother. The way she dismissed her son’s feelings and abandonment issues with a casual “oh yeah, it was wrong of me not to say goodbye, but who cares? That’s in the past” felt so off. The entire scene with her was weird—the humor felt misplaced. I was expecting something more emotional, more dramatic—anything but this. But based on what I’ve seen, almost no one liked her, so if the creators were hoping we’d find her eccentricity endearing, this introduction definitely wasn’t the best. Since Season 1, we’ve been repeatedly shown how deeply this abandonment affected Cheng Xiaoshi, and this is the reunion we got? It was… underwhelming.

Now, something I really, really loved was how they handled Lu Guang in this arc. From start to finish, it was just so good—his reaction when he first saw Cheng Xiaoshi again, his nightmares and PTSD, the way he carefully planned everything to manipulate events and create change. But my absolute favorite part? How morally gray he is. He planned and actually succeeded in killing Vein, eliminating the threat (though he’s definitely going to freak out when he finds out Vein is still alive). That cold smile? The scene where his hands moved like he was pulling the strings of a puppet? The way he said, “I hope we’ll never see each other again”? PERFECT. I’ve always said I wanted Lu Guang’s motivations and actions to not be entirely good. He comes across as someone selfish, willing to sacrifice others if it means protecting the people he loves—because he has the power and the knowledge to do it, and he wants his happy ending. Such a good character, I swear.

Of course, I wasn’t expecting every single question to be answered in Yingdu—that would be ridiculous lol. But I’m satisfied that the plot is finally moving forward. They gave us a piece of the puzzle—Cheng Xiaoshi’s parents, the origin of his powers, the antagonists’ apparent goal (some sort of notebook?), and hints at what we can expect in Season 3. That said, my biggest fear is that Link Click will lose its essence—the powerful message from Season 1 about how they shouldn’t intervene in the natural flow of time, no matter how painful it is, because the past and future should be left alone. Based on what Lu Guang said about the butterfly effect, we can argue that time itself is like another character—a force that, no matter how much they try to change things, always corrects itself somehow, some way. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what kind of ending I want for Link Click, but right now, I just hope it makes sense, that it isn’t forced, and that it unfolds naturally.

And… that’s all I have to say for now.