#CUZ I THOUGHT IT WAS 14TH BUT APPARENTLY IT WAS 13TH 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍

[ace-dodo]

Tw for mentions of suicide 😔👊 (I'm not gonna kms, actually the opposite)

Two year anniversary of my almost attempt

Because life didn't end at 15

Sometimes I wonder if my experience even counts seeing that it was an almost attempt.

But it was real, it does count

Two years ago today I sat at the edge of my bed, with pills in one hand and water in the other. I remember I was crying and shaking so bad, then, I just left them to the side and watched amphibia's final.

I kept thinking about doing it again, but I kept finding excuses, oh I can't today I have scouts tomorrow, oh not today cuz tomorrow I'm hanging with friends. Then slowly, life went by.

I didn't process it, I don't think I have yet, but it happened, I still cry when I talk about it. Most people don't know, my parents don't know, my sister and friends forgot about it, and sometimes I also do.

Life kept going, I went to the camp I was preparing so hard for, I celebrated my birthday, I celebrated Christmas, I stared at the sky in new year's eve trying to hold back tears because I genuinely couldn't believe I was there to witness it.

And eventually the voices got quieter, they weren't telling me to end my life, they never did again, it's a thought that never crossed my head in such a serious way again. I don't think most people think I actually mean it when I tell them my story.

But I'm so glad that today I'm the one sitting down with a candle to celebrate something as stupid as a two year anniversary of me not doing it instead of my parents and friends sitting down at my grave for the two year anniversary of me doing it.