#Chapter Three: Forzen

[anons-has-hlvrai-aus]

The Metamorphosis of Gordon Freeman [Chapter 5]

Things Left Unsaid

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Chapter Summary: Benrey and Forzen catch up on some things.

Word Count: 4,575

Ao3 Version

Notes: I posted the Ao3 version of this chapter on my Birthday! In other news, this isn’t a very long chapter, but it was absolutely a tough one to write as it’s the first chapter entirely from Benrey’s perspective. I wanted to get a heavier stream of consciousness with Benrey when compared to Gordon, so hopefully it shows.

Benrey hadn’t had to carry multiple people in a long time. And by a long time, what he really meant was…ever. The only two people he had ever taken as a passenger for no-clipping was Tommy and Forzen, and even then it had never been both at the same time. He knew his limits though, and he knew for a fact that he could carry the whole Science Team multiple times over if he wanted to with a little pro gamer strat called “growing extra arms.”

So really, carrying two bootboys from Gordon’s home to a location on the other side of town was pretty easy; he could pick up Forzen’s smell pretty well after years of familiarity, all he had to do was follow it and confirm that it was the right location.

Easy squeezed Lemony Snickets.

Wait, no, easy squeezy lemon and peas?

Whatever, he would remember later.

It was very big lame for his brain to trip up so often in the memory department, even more so while also having a non-linear perception of time. His consciousness and the memories he would soon have a month from now could pop up into Benrey-From-Four-Years-Ago’s head and learn information that would be relevant to that Benrey but not retained for him. Likewise, Benrey-From-Six-Years-Ago could shove his consciousness into Benrey-From-Last-Week’s head and get to experience a tasty pigeon that the latter Benrey had been looking forward to and come back with that information. And sometimes, his consciousness would just silently “coexist” with himself from the other point in time as a viewer of whatever was happening.

This was one of those times where the third option was happening, and it wasn’t doing any favors for the Benrey that was still in Black Mesa.

There was little fun to be had with carrying around two friendly bootboys in two separate pairs of arms while simultaneously being shot down by bootboys in a bunch of dirty hallways and being in the middle of a big party that was taking place a few weeks from Right Now inside the bootboy house he hadn’t actually seen yet.

Well, if he was honest the party seemed to be very fun, but Party Time Benrey was about to have a drink or two so Right Now Benrey wasn’t gonna know how the rest of the party went until he became Party Time Benrey. Inebriation, tiredness and hunger were the “Big Three” when it came to status effects that kept Benrey stuck in the Right Now, or otherwise prevented Right Now Benrey from being able to experience that point in time.

There was also this thing with blue light that the scientists used to keep him at bay when they wanted to keep him somewhat immobile, but that counted as part of the tiredness category because…that’s what the blue light did, it made him tired, but like, in the sleepy kind of way. It didn’t last forever, eventually Benrey’s eyes would adjust to the funky wavelengths and he’d be back to his normal train of thought.

The first time he found out the effects wore off, he phased through about half the facility before being tranquilized so much he looked like a porcupine. He couldn’t even say it was unwarranted, they would need that much to contain Benrey Last-Name-Pending.

…

Damn, he should probably get a real last name soon.

He was pretty sure the passport offices in Black Mesa weren’t operational anymore, so he’d need to go through the application process for a new one, which required having a real last name and an address and a bunch of other stuff that Benrey definitely didn’t have. Most of that stuff could wait for later, for now he should just focus on the last name.

Although, Gordon did say that the Vonneguts were cool now, so maybe there was a way to get an alien passport? Benrey was definitely an alien, even if he didn’t look like it.

…

Wait, where was he going with this again?

Something about lemons and peas?

He was following Forzen’s scent, right? Where did lemons come into play?

And why did his arms hurt?

“Right there.” A voice said.

Startled, Benrey looked down. He was carrying not one but two guys right now from very high up, and had morphed an extra pair of arms to do so. One of them was a slightly muscular man with brown hair and a pretty slick handlebar mustache, the same kind Gordon had in Black Mesa (before he shaved everything except the goatee), and the other man kinda looked like a greasier version of his security guard coworkers.

“Huh?” He asked.

The greasy-haired, not-security-guy pointed at a small apartment complex that honestly looked a bit shit. There weren’t even any cars to indicate somebody was living there aside from a really long jeep in the main lot and a minivan parked on the opposite side of the building.

“Over there. That’s our party pad.”

Party? Party…houses…bootboys?

Right! He was dropping the bootboys off.

Benrey had gone and thonked so hard into the Tangent Zone that he’d lost track of the plot again.

‘Silly Benrey, such a silly guy.’ His brain teased.

“Party when?” He quietly asked aloud while carefully descending.

“Oh, we don’t actually party much.” The other, less greasy man said. “Adam just calls it that for funsies. But if you, my gorgeous friend, ARE interested in a party, perhaps we can convince the Shepards.”

“Aw hell yeah!” Benrey shouted, “And the Science Team can come too?”

“Of course they are! They’re cool! Don’t you worry your gorgeous face for even a moment!”

Adam looked at the other guy with an odd expression, although it probably just looked odd because Benrey was seeing it from above and at an angle. It was a smirk, but his eyes were squinted in a weird way. “Jackson, is there something you wanna share with-?”

“No.”

Benrey laughed. It felt like an appropriate time to laugh, even if he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to laugh about. It was a harsh, mischievous laugh, very similar to one he had uttered when he and Gordon first met.

It must have been the right call because the bootboys, thanks to their prompting he remembered they were Jackson and Adam, were also laughing now. Benrey could tell that he had clearly reached a friendship milestone with these guys. That was good, it had been a while since he’d met a bootboy he didn’t hate.

God, they were the worst, but only when they were, like, NPCs. Benrey hated the vast majority of the NPCs he had met in Black Mesa, so he was pretty thankful that they were mostly Coomer Clones or less hostile Bubby Prototypes…or particularly shitty security replicants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some of those guys were his friends and he genuinely missed those ones, but a lot of the security guards he worked with were kinda lame and were mean to him for no reason. Besides Josh and J-Jefferemm, most of the replicants were just as bad if not worse than the scientists when it came to their meanness.

So what if Benrey found a random replicant in Xen and used his face, how was that different from all those guys being built to resemble the exact same dude? Why was it “stealing somebody’s face” when he did it?

At least Barney 35 was cool about it; he’d gone through some similar shit as Black Mesa’s first successful replicant but Benrey didn’t know the specifics. If it was anything like what he had gone through though, he certainly hoped that Barney got his chance to shoot some of his detractors.

Shit, was Barney even alive? Or Jeff?

He knew Josh was dead as hell, and it was only now occurring to him that he was, like, DEAD dead. NPCs didn’t respawn, at least from his personal experience, which was why he had to be extra careful with the ones he liked. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what the difference between an NPC and an AI was besides maybe their levels of complexity and importance.

And yet Josh and Jeff came to mind. They were just guys fabricated for Benrey’s backstory, but they felt real enough to him that he genuinely felt grief for Josh’s death. And that meant a lot, because Benrey didn’t express his emotions the same way humans did unless they were especially strong, stronger than even his Sweet Voice instincts.

Maybe the difference was whether or not you came back after death. That would be a pretty strong contender for how that worked.

If that was the case…Benrey needed to be very careful with Jackson and Adam now that they were getting super close to the ground! Hell yeah! Back on topic!

10/10 Memory Moment for Benrey!

He slowed his descent until the ground was just a body length away and hovered in place, swaying his passengers around.

“The airplane is now landing.” He mumbled, “Vertical airplane.”

Both men replied in thanks for the ride, their voice lines overlapping. Jackson called him ‘gorgeous’ again, it made him wonder again if Barney 35 was alright and still single. He wasn’t one to play matchmaker, that had historically been something more in Josh’s alley, but Josh wasn’t here anymore and those two seemed like they would be nice for each other…

He loosened his grip so the two bootboys landed safely on the ground, Adam and Jackson thanking him again before they ran excitedly to the interior of their building, just barely veering around another bootboy that Benrey knew quite well.

“Welcome back!” Forzen loudly announced, making a weirdly large smile.

Jackson and Adam greeted him with enthusiastic tones and colors with their Sweet Voice. It was a comforting sight for Benrey, it almost made him feel at home.

Maybe this world will feel more like home when Gordon got all his training done. He took to the Sweet Voice lessons pretty well, perhaps he’d take the rest in a similar stride.

Speaking of Gordon, Benrey had managed to fat-finger a decently funny message to him as soon as the duo had vanished, then pocketed his phone to let his mind wander.

It didn’t last long.

Benrey could feel himself being stared at.

He looked over at Forzen, the younger man squinting intently at him before whispering.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay.” He lowered himself fully to the ground, hunching over to prove he wasn’t in any rush. “What’s up, man? Been a while. I like your new name. It, uh, rolls really ni-”

“When were you gonna tell me?”

“Whuh?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” Forzen didn’t bother elaborating, instead choosing to cross his arms and wait.

Benrey looked at him for a moment, different images coming to mind while he attempted to read the other’s expression, and immediately wincing when a very particular one projected itself into his memory.

Right, that.

“I uh, wasn’t gonna say anything.” He confessed.

“You could’ve told me.”

He certainly could have. But…well… “I didn’t think it would matter…”

“It DID matter! It mattered a LOT!”

Benrey winced away and grabbed at the hem of his borrowed shirt to fidget with. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself from just running away like a baby. He would have preferred something to chew on for his nervous fidgets, but the toughest thing he’d ever found to survive his biting was his own arm, and that shit hurt like hell.

“You SHOULD have told me. I don’t care that everything before the game isn’t real or whatever, time isn’t a linear thing for you, and also you can time travel so you had plenty of time to tell me when I showed up!”

He gave what Benrey believed to be a scrutinizing look and received a dejected one in response.

“We promised not to hide anything, YOU promised. You said we were friends, and you said friends don’t break promises.”

“I know. I know…I’m…bad friend…” Benrey looked at the ground. “I didn’t think you would believe me so I just didn’t say anything. I SHOULD have said something…”

Both of them were quiet. Coyotes yipped from many miles away. It made Benrey feel oddly hungry.

“You could do it right now.”

Benrey frowned to convey uncertainty, “I haven’t really been…MAX Mana Power since I got back. I don’t know if I can do the time travel thing anymore but I still get visions. I haven’t tried doing anything on command for a while, though.”

“But you CAN try?” Forzen asked.

He let out a long groan, nodding his head side to side like a scale. He’d seen Tommy do that when he was making tough decisions, so it seemed the most appropriate way to convey that.

“Try for Forzen?”

Well, now he had to. Asking for something in the 3rd Person was basically the same thing as saying please as far as Benrey was concerned, pretty much tantamount to being ‘real’ about your emotions. No goofs.

“Past You isn’t gonna believe me…but yeah, okay. I can do a try. Gonna be weird hearing your old name…”

“I don’t hate my old name, you don’t need to be weird about it. I just like using my new one better. Okay?”

“Okay…I’ll do a good.” Benrey smiled, “Do it for my bestieeeee!”

“Thank you.”

He nodded and closed his eyes. He failed to sense any sort of pull from that would allow for physical time travel…so he’d have to go with the other thing;he tried to focus on some version of himself from during the game. Anything from before didn’t work, so he had to use what was available from there, which even then wasn’t much given how many of the fluorescent lights in Black Mesa had been modified to give off extra blue light. Shades of gray and yellow and blue flickered, all with varying degrees of red splattered against them. A room of steel came clearly into his vision and he focused on that until he could feel the familiar weight of a security vest and helmet on his person. He didn’t need much more than a glance to recognize the Frozen Goods Department, it was hard to miss the slabs of meat being hung from the ceiling.

Gordon was talking about Arby’s and clearly distracted enough for him to wander off without notice, and the room smelled suspiciously of seafood; both of these things once again made Benrey hungry, perhaps more so here since this version of Benrey had decided to forgo getting any sort of meal today with the anticipation that he and Jeff and Josh would be picking up pizza after work. Well, Josh would’ve been picking up the pizza.

Benrey wasn’t even allowed outside of Black Mesa unless he was being accompanied by certain personnel, and even then he was allowed limited options. Not everything was open at the hours of night that Benrey had off, and having time off when the sun was still out just mentally drained him enough to make socialization with his friends difficult. He and Jeff had organized to get out at their usual time while Josh, being the master of Digiorno’s, would’ve taken a half day to get some kick-ass frozen pizza, use the employee discount from his part-time job at GameStop to acquire Heavenly Sword, and then finally meet up with the rest of them for a super cool night of video games and grub and good times.

Good times, fun times, good fun times.

Well, so much for those, he supposed.

No use dwelling on that. Given where J-Jefferemm had been when he found him, he could have probably postponed his death at best were it not for him being at the bottom of a massive pit. The monster down there had probably killed him as soon as it spawned in. Or maybe Jeff was dead the moment the game started up, either way it didn’t matter. Again, no use dwelling on it.

Benrey let out a long exhale so he could watch the ‘smoke’ from his chilly environment escape from his lips like how Jackson’s Sweet Voice did. This version of him had only now shrugged off the lingering sensations of drowsiness from the overexposure of blue light, a convenient time frame to be able to access. He needed to use his unnoticed absence wisely since most of the bootboys had likely been given their orders by now. He took longer to respawn if he died too soon after exchanging his consciousness from one time period to another, but it took even longer if he time traveled instead…so maybe it was a good thing he didn’t try that. Over-exerting himself like that was how he ended up needing a whole year to respawn…and even then he had been so exhausted...He couldn’t be risking stupid uses of his powers right now, too many bootboys with itchy trigger fingers.

He climbed up a nearby ladder and clipped into the vents, then stuck his head through a thin sheet of metal to better look at the map. The guy that made the Post Game had gone through the trouble to make all of Black Mesa into a single, massive map, and for that Benrey was thankful; no need to wander around and let smaller maps load.

He swapped out one of his move slots…shapeshifting was useless to him, so he exchanged that for some wicked enemy-sensing abilities. Well, it didn’t exclusively sense enemies, but that’s technically what he was using it for since he couldn’t smell Past Forzen out very well while clipping through solid objects, plus he’d have an easier time finding him by seeking out where all the bootboys were being grouped together…

Or he could just…use that power to ‘find friends’ instead.

That was probably easier.

That should’ve been his first thought, but it was whatever.

Ah, there he is! He’s close to landing right now!

Benrey followed his senses to where the helicopter was going, resurfacing once the landing point was most certain.

He waited around, listening to bootboys talking about their orders and whatever, and he sank into walls to peek through, as you do, until Past Forzen was pushed forward by a couple of his soldier buddies to ‘scout ahead.’

Good, good, he was alone now.

Time to get this out of the way.

“Yo!”

The man tensed up and aimed his funny fast-shooting gun at Benrey.

“Hey man.”

He stayed frozen for a second, then lowered his gun, “…Benrey, I could’ve shot you…”

“But you didn’t!” Benrey laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, what’s going on? You know we have orders to kill everybody here, right?”

He nodded.

“So why are you here? You’re too smart to just be looking for me if you know already…”

“Come ooooon, man.” Benrey sighed, “Can’t Benny Boy come hang out? Just like we always do? We’re a duo, man!”

“Yeah, yeah, Benny and Jet, ultimate duo…”

He winced a bit hearing Forzen so casually using his old name. He knew that Forzen told him not to feel weird about it, but it still felt weird. He didn’t know why he changed it, and he didn’t need to pester the guy with knowing why, he just knew that hearing the old name felt weird now.

“Didn’t answer my question.”

“Whuh?”

“Why’re you HERE maaaan? I like having you around but I can’t stay. Gotta make it quick.”

“Oh…uh…so…” Benrey fumbled, but he did eventually manage to explain that thing he needed to bring up…Forzen did not believe him. Like, at all.

“You can’t prank me like that.” He huffed, “I think I would know if-”

“It’s not a prank! I’m not prankin’. I’m being. So fucking real, man. I literally came here cause you asked me to.”

A radio buzzed. The young man sighed and turned his back to Benrey. “Whatever, man. Stay outta my way. Next time I see you, and my squad is nearby, it’s on sight. Nothing personal, I know you can just come back, but…I can’t risk my scholarship right now…I’ll see you when this all blows over.”

Benrey grumbled a low “I KNEW this was gonna happen” to himself before turning tail himself. He looked for a good spot to catch up with the Science Team and sat there, letting himself be pulled back to the present.

He woke up on the sidewalk next to the apartment complex, splayed out onto his back. Forzen was sitting on the curb, waiting for him and rubbing his temples from what was most likely his brain reacting to the change in history Benrey had made.

“Told you, man.” He said with a sigh.

Forzen grumbled in response, still nursing whatever temporal headache he was dealing with. “I should’ve figured as much. Sorry for making you go back there for nothing…”

“It’s fine.” Benrey lied. “It wasn’t that bad.” It was painful. “I’d go back again if you asked.” He didn’t want to, but he totally would.

Both of them looked at the stars in stubborn refusal to say much more for the next half hour or so, a feeling of nostalgia washing over them for days that never happened, but were fresh in their minds regardless. Benrey sang something he remembered from a video game using his Sweet Voice, and Forzen whistled along in solidarity, then Benrey would think of something else and Forzen would try to match it, too. A pointless bonding activity, but one the younger of the two men had obviously longed for if the smile Benrey was able to catch in his peripherals was anything to go by.

Even further confirmation came in the form of a gentle headbutt into Benrey’s arm that led into Forzen pressing his head into his side. He kindly responded by knocking over that stupid beret and petting his friend’s head.

It felt nice to just be alone with his bestie. Nobody was watching, or pointing, or asking if the two of them were a couple or whatever, he hated when people asked that stupid question. Little smoochies and hand holding and hugs and headbutts into arms was just how Benrey showed affection, and it was something that quickly infected people close to him. Forzen just happened to be one of those people, and he caught on super quickly despite how rarely they saw each other. If Benrey wanted to show he was interested in somebody, he would make it obvious by voguing and making comments about that person’s feet.

Why should hugs and kisses only be reserved for romantic love? Humans made no sense.

Damn, now Benrey was thinking about how pretty Gordon’s face looked. He had a full handlebar mustache and beard and (at least before drinking Darnold’s potion) a pathetic looking excuse for a ponytail before, but he honestly looked nice with his face mostly shaved besides the goatee, and the much more luscious hair as well made that ponytail gorgeous. It was hard to think about how pretty Gordon was while knowing full well that he needed to prioritize becoming a good friend first, but that’s kinda why he’d spent some of his time in the woods trying to use the internet on his PS4 to figure out the right way to go about his feelings. Gordon had just been so pretty from the moment they met, but if his research was anything to go by, he shouldn’t have been trying to rush things.

He needed to work on being a good friend before even thinking about trying to…be more than a good friend with him. There was also the matter that Gordon didn’t like Benrey like that when they first met, and there was no telling if he ever would, so really Benrey just needed to do what Benrey did best and go with the flow of things.

Forzen yawned, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I should go…bed…”

Benrey nodded, “Yeah. Bedtime. Bedtime for little guy.”

“I’m taller than you, asshole.” Forzen smirked, “Good night.”

“Good night!”

Without further thought, he noclipped his way back to Gordon’s house, only careful to mitigate noise until he had returned to the attic. He would leave Gordon alone for tonight, instead of keeping watch over him, to show he was being a good friend and respecting his boundaries, just like what he had read on the internet!

That reminded Benrey that he would need to study more on faces if he was going to be staying with Gordon. It wasn’t just so Gordon would understand Benrey’s emotions better, at least until the man was able to seamlessly read the Sweet Voice on his own, but also to continue his appearance of a normal human. He wanted to be Gordon’s friend, after all, and the one thing he had noted was that Gordon liked things that were normal!

Logically, it only made sense that Gordon and Benrey would become best friends in no time if Benrey could prove to Gordon that he had the capacity to act like a normal person. He was willing to give up whatever was necessary for Gordon, if only for a sliver of his friendship. He missed being able to hunt and play with others, at least to the capacity that was capable with his own kind. Nobody else Benrey knew could really match himself in terms of (mostly) unlimited abilities, and the idea of Gordon being able to play like that with him was so exciting!

But! He couldn’t do any sort of hunting or playing with Gordon until he had a full grasp of his powers, and they couldn’t do anything else together until they were friends!

Admittedly, helping Gordon was at least partially altruistic. He would’ve helped Gordon with his new powers anyways, but the fact that this would help them become friends was merely a bonus. And that made Benrey so happy that he couldn’t help but sing it out loud. Not too loud though! Gordon was sleeping, after all.

Benrey should have considered sleeping as well. But…Benrey wasn’t tired. He knew that would change in the morning, the sun’s natural rays would beam down a spell of exhaustion unto Benrey’s squishy form, and he would gain nothing to fight that desire to rest for several hours.

He could afford to play some video games, he decided. He didn’t like playing video games alone, but he wouldn’t technically be alone because Gordon was sleeping in one of the rooms beneath him right now.

Although, it seemed like he wouldn’t need to play alone anyways! Mister Coolatta had renewed the PS Plus a couple hours ago. That was nice.

Benrey reconnected the jumble of wires that created the internet for him and started up Heavenly Sword in the meantime. The moment he connected to a multiplayer game, his ears were pleasantly assaulted by the voices of other people.

He may have stayed up until the early hours of the morning before finally shutting the game off. Or maybe he didn’t. His internal clock only worked so well.

Still, the moon was out and bright as can be when Benrey tucked himself in. In a few more hours, Gordon would be waking up to his first full day of being Not Human, and Benrey was gonna be well-rested so he could help navigate the wonders of a new existence.

[decks-writing-blog]

Free Them Chapter 2/3: Something's Wrong

Chapter One

~

For Bubby, Gordon made another robot based around a core. He made the orb smaller though, only a little bigger than a standard core. Which allowed for longer arms and legs. In the simulation they’d all had the same height but since he couldn’t transfer their human features, he had to do what he could to change up their appearances in other ways. The stocky robot fit Dr. Coomer so hopefully a thinner taller one would fit Bubby.

The robot meant for Tommy, he started with one of the bullet turrets’ bodies but taller and a bit thicker. As a bonus he added a little spinner attached to a little hat shape on top because the propeller cap had suited Tommy so well. It was motorized too so he could spin it as he pleased.

Sunkist’s design was easiest out of all of them. The Robotics Division already had a schematic for a robot dog a former employee had left in the files before leaving. Using it was maybe a bit questionable on how ethical it was but there was no way Gordon could come up with anything better. It was about as perfect as a robot dog design could get. And besides, it was technically property of Aperture and thus he was legally allowed to use it. Altering it slightly to be bigger and omitting its proposed programming so it’d be empty when connected to the simulation was easy.

With only one pod set to interface with the robots, they could only do one at a time. But with help from co-workers and Dr. Coomer, Gordon didn’t have to leave his pod to set up the next robot. Allowing him to monitor from inside and direct them to go in the agreed upon order; Bubby, Sunkist, and then finally Tommy. The player models had been changed to accommodate that order as well as be less creepy for Gordon to look at.

Once Tommy was through, Gordon paused for a moment to look around. The parking lot was empty as ever. No sign of anyone else or Black Mesa. Creepy to be alone in.

“Darnold!” he called out into it. “Mr. Coolatta! … Forzen I guess, maybe.” He was sentient too, wasn’t he? He’d seemed it. Meaning Gordon should free the three of them too, right? And if he was going to do that then… maybe he should free Benrey too even if part of him would rather not because it would mean dealing with him again.

But having thought about it an uncomfortable amount since, a lot of Benrey’s words at the end had felt off. “If you shoot me, I have to shoot back.” “You wanted me to be bad so I’m bad.” Gordon may be misremembering the exact phrasing but he recalled the gist of it. And Benrey’s motivation hadn’t made sense, almost as if he’d just been making shit up to turn into the big bad over. The video game had needed a boss battle after all and instead of making a brand new one, it took the guy Gordon was the most antagonistic with and built on that. Saving on resources. … Maybe. It was hard to know for sure. Benrey might’ve chosen entirely for himself to be the bad guy because he thought it would be fun.

But even if that was the case, he was still sentient and the simulation had run its course. They’d keep it on file but they’d disconnect it from their machines so they could start running the next upgraded iteration of the project. Gordon had put it on hold but he couldn’t afford to do so for much longer without getting reprimanded. So anything that was sentient needed to be moved out sooner rather than later. And that included Benrey… assuming he was still alive anyway. He might’ve been killed for good this time.

Gordon would look for him and the others later though. He didn’t have robots ready for them yet anyway. First came, waking up and helping introduce the rest of the Science Team to the real world.

~

“… all looks like this too,” Dr. Coomer was saying as Gordon stepped out of the VR pod. “The whole world is this crisp. And just you wait until you see the sky. It’s very blue. Also, I forgot to mention, we’re at Aperture!”

“The competition?” Bubby asked.

“Yes. Black Mesa’s real apparently, they used its name and logo in the video game as a part of a joke.”

“So that means the Resonance Cascade didn’t really happen, huh?” Tommy asked.

“Not yet.”

“And probably not ever,” Gordon said as he stepped into the conversation, stepping over Sunkist’s new form at the same time. “We don’t know what they’re working on over there but it’s probably not whatever we came up with.”

“Hello, Gordon!” Even after being freed from the game and simulation, Dr. Coomer still had the quirk of repeating lines.

Tommy’s yellow-lit eye widened as he turned to face him. “Wow, Mr. Freeman you look so… so… high-def!”

Bubby had settled on a light blue for his eye. He looked Gordon up and down. “You’re fatter in real life.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And it suits you. Your player model or whatever the fuck it’s called, looked like a scrawny wimp trying to cosplay as a traffic cone. This,” Bubby gestured with his hand, indicting Gordon’s whole body, “is much better looking.”

“Thanks… I think.” Looking better than something that looked bad didn’t mean he looked good.

“You’re beautiful, Gordon!” Since day one, Dr. Coomer had insisted everything was beautiful. This was the fist time he’d said it about Gordon though.

“Uh… let’s not go that far.” He’d barely bothered to brush his hair this morning, only enough to get the tangles out, and his beard needed a trim, resulting in him no doubt looking a mess. He didn’t know because he’d wisely avoided looking in the mirror. “Instead, let’s make sure everything’s working with your new bodies and stuff and then I’ll show you guys ‘round the lab.”

~

Because Gordon would have to go specifically seek them, they made the next ‘player’ model portable. Something he could carry around for when he found the person he was looking for. “Like a pokeball!” Tommy had said which wasn’t too far off from a good metaphor. But it wasn’t a ball but instead a cube. Gordon was dropping the Black Mesa bit after all and cubes were kind of Aperture’s thing.

They made the robot intended for Darnold first. Gordon went with another turret shaped body, tweaking it until he ultimately landed on an egg-like shape. Not the most creative thing in the world but it was visually distinct. No one wanted to look like a copy of someone else.

Next came finding Darnold in the simulation. Which was easiest done while inside it after forcing the spawn point to change to the Black Mesa building. They didn’t have Darnold’s lab marked so Gordon chose the spot he thought might be closest to it.

The result of which was being dropped in a dimly lit concrete hallway, its two still functioning lights buzzing and flickering ominously overhead. Hopefully for the sake of the employees, the real Black Mesa wasn’t like this because even if the place had been properly lit, it would’ve made the hall only marginally more friendly. In hindsight maybe he should’ve gone looking for everyone in unknown locations first so the Science Team could’ve joined him and kept him company. Too late now though and hooking up another four ports just so he wouldn’t be lonely would’ve been too much work to be worth it. And so, rolling his shoulders, virtual though they were, he got to work looking for Darnold.

The game was over and thus enemies weren’t spawning anymore. A good thing but it did leave the place feeling barren and far too quiet. It wasn’t unlike some of the nightmares he’d had since the game had ended. In those though, his hand was always missing and pouring more blood than it had ever bled in the simulation’s reality – when he’d lost the real thing years ago, it had presumably bled quite a bit more but he’d fainted at the sight of it and had been brought in for medical care long before waking. Looking down at his model’s restored hand grounded him.

Blessedly, his guess wasn’t too far off as it didn’t take terribly long before he found the elevator leading to Darnold’s lab. Going down it gave him an odd almost deja-vu feeling that made the silence particularly heavy.

Darnold was in the same place Gordon had first seen him, behind the counter. If he was making another potion, there was no evidence of it currently as he just stood there, looking down at the counter. He looked up as the elevator clunked into place at the bottom. “Ah, Mr. Freeman, you’re back.”

“Yep.” Gordon walked over to stand on the other side of the counter. “What you been up to since we left?”

“Oh, you know, this and that, working on that evil flavor mostly. It’s a bit more difficult than I’d thought it’d be. But I can see your hand is like your other hand now. How’d that happen?”

“Let’s just say it grew back. But anyway um…” How did Gordon tell him that this world was fake? That was kind of dire news, wasn’t it? Especially since it was on a timer for being turned off permanently. And the world had already kind of ended because the game had. It was all just stasis now.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Darnold broke the silence left by Gordon’s pause. “Everything is… quiet now. Or maybe ‘quiet’s not quite the right word. Plenty of things still make noise.” To demonstrate, he knocked one of the bottles off the counter, causing it to loudly clatter to the floor. “But there’s still something wrong… I think. Especially since you’re here, alone without your friends. That’s not right. Did something happen to them?”

“They’re fine, better than fine actually.” They were free. “But you’re right, something’s wrong with the world. It’s uh… It’s a video game simulation that you’re an AI NPC inside of.”

Darnold was silent for a long few seconds as he stared at Gordon before finally… “Oh. I suppose that makes sense. It certainly explains why you got a gun for a hand from my potion. It’s much easier to fight bad guys when you got a gun for a hand.”

“You don’t seem to bothered by it.” Gordon hadn’t expected much shock from the Science Team because he’d been sure they already knew on some level anyway. He hadn’t gotten that impression from Darnold though.

“I’m not. There were just so many little things that make more sense now. Like how only my recent memories feel actually real, you know? The stuff from before feels like I’m recalling a fun tale about a potion scientist that becomes slightly less fun when I remember it’s me. One’s memories aren’t supposed to sound like a fiction tale. It’s a relief to know the cause of that, actually. I had a theory that I might be a secret sleeper agent, in so deep even I don’t know I’m a false identity until I hear the secret phrase and go on a killing rampage. It’s part of why I was scared to go on that adventure with you guys because what if the military were the ones that would activate me? I don’t like violence.”

“Well, can’t blame you for that. Anyway, you wanna go on a different kind of adventure? One that isn’t violent.”

“Ooh, yes!”

Gordon reached into his inventory and pulled out the cube. Tossing it on the ground activated it, turning it into a wall with a shimmering portal on it. Doing it like that was Bubby’s idea as he’d rightfully pointed out, “It’s weird to step into a person, especially if it looks like you, so make it something they can walk through.” “And it’s more accurately a hole in the simulation,” Dr. Coomer had cheerfully added.

“Step through this and your AI will be put into a robot body in the real world so you can like… see it and interact with it and stuff.”

Darnold stepped around the counter to approach it. “Well, I’m not big on robots but they’re pretty cool sometimes, I suppose. The real world though, I think I would like to see it.” He stepped through. Having eased the transition, it was far smoother and almost instant.

~

Gordon’s next thought was to design a bot for Mr. Coolatta. Before he could really get started on it though, Tommy pulled him aside. Into a broom closet for some reason but it was private so it would apparently do. The only light was through the cracks in the doors and Tommy’s robotic eye, making it kind of uncomfortable.

“Mr. Freeman, you’re uh… you’re making a robot for my dad, right? Or thinking about it.”

“Of course, yeah. I’m doing him next. I wouldn’t call him a friend but like… you know? He’s your dad so even for just that reason, I wouldn’t leave him.”

“Oh um… I didn’t mean… I wasn’t making sure you would because… I just wanted to ask if you intended to because I was pretty sure that you did intend to. Which is what I wanted to talk about because you don’t need to. He’s already… Well I guess I should start from the beginning since we’re not keeping secrets anymore.

“My dad’s not part of the simulation. He came from outside of it. I can’t tell you want he is… he uh… didn’t even tell me that. But he did tell me that him meddling with the simulation to create me is why your more advanced AI’s became fully sentient. I just thought I should tell you so you don’t waste time or resources on him when he doesn’t need it because he’s already left the simulation.”

“So it wasn’t my program that brought them to life?”

“Not by itself, no, sorry. Your program was good enough to attract my dad though so it’s still very impressive Mr. Freeman. That’s nothing to uh… shake a stick at, you know?” He lifted a hand to mime shaking a stick, the servos’ whirring in his wrist was almost loud when pressed in so close to him.

Gordon wasn’t that surprised. He was good but he wasn’t ‘create a program that could create whole thinking people’ good. The technology wasn’t there yet, not on Earth anyway. Bring in an outside alien force though and then they were getting somewhere. It had been a nice fantasy while it had lasted though.

“So… what about you then? Are you like him? Could you have left the simulation whenever too?”

“No. I’m too new for that. I can only exist in technology right now. One day I’ll be stronger though and will be able to manifest physically. … That’s what Dad said anyway. But right now I’m basically the same as the others but that won’t always be the case. I don’t know what am I other than that. I think he knew I would tell you eventually so he didn’t tell me everything that he could’ve.”

So during all of Gordon’s interactions with him, Mr. Coolatta had just been messing with him. Not that that was surprising, just the extent of it. The assumption that he was just another sentient AI had been unquestioned until now. But on the bright side, Gordon wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.

“All right, I guess uh… we’ll do Forzen next then.”

“And last or uh…” Tommy trailed off.

“Yeah, we’ll do Benrey too if we can. Do you think it was the game that made him a bad guy?” Why else would he be open to suggesting the idea? Other than maybe the fact that Benrey used to be his friend.

“I… don’t know. Maybe. It doesn’t hurt to give him one more chance now that the game isn’t manipulating anything in case it did though. Assuming he’s even still alive.”

“We’ll see, I guess. But Forzen first.” Which wasn’t going to be pleasant but so be it. Sometimes doing the right thing wasn’t pleasant.

~

With Forzen being part of the fictional US military it only seemed logical to use the rocket turret as the base for his robot design. Like with the designs based off the normal turrets though, the first thing Gordon did was remove the weaponry. Leaving him with another orb once he shifted it to also have arms and legs. He was running out of ideas.

“What about a cube?” Bubby suggested as he leaned against Gordon’s shoulder to look at the computer. “Cubes and orbs seem to be the only thing you guys know how to make. So just put an eye on one and call it good.”

It was more complicated than that of course but Gordon did it. The end result wasn’t bad, surprisingly. Not as sleek as his other designs had turned out but it was a cube so it wasn’t supposed to be. It would do.

Once that was done being built, the hardest part so far began; finding Forzen. Gordon set the spawn point to the last place he’d seen the guy; the place he set the ring of turrets around Sunkist. It was marked because it was a transition zone.

The ring of turrets was still there, undisturbed. Behind it, the elevator and it’s truck were gone though, still at the bottom presumably. Gordon started for the button that would call it back up. Before he got there…

“Hey.”

With a flinch, he snapped around to see Forzen stepping out from behind one of the boxes placed off to the side. Wow, what luck, running into him immediately. Gordon wouldn’t have minded putting off the encounter a little longer but it was probably better this way anyway.

“You can teleport too?” he asked, pointing at Gordon.

Gordon spawning in at the start of the room would look like he was teleporting in, huh? “Uh… sort of.”

“Cool. Why are you back here though? This place has been empty for… a while now.” The game would’ve stopped spawning enemies in this area, including the non-character soldiers, as soon as Gordon had left it. Leaving Forzen to wander around bereft of anything even resembling company. Which is probably why he’d approached, huh? He’d had to have been alone for a long while now. Long enough to not be as skittish as before. In hindsight, Gordon should’ve realized that about Forzen’s position sooner. Better late than never though.

“I’m here to get you out. First though, why are you here?”

Forzen shrugged. “It’s the last place I saw anyone. This place ain’t real, is it?” Apparently it was easy to figure.

“It’s a simulation, yeah.”

“Damn it. Is the Irate Gamer fake too?”

“No, he’s real.” Gordon wasn’t up to date on Youtube stuff but he was online enough to hear about such things. “I’m pretty sure the simulation somehow connected itself to the internet.” It’s the only way to explain the mentions of things he and his team hadn’t provided it with. Perhaps that too was related to Mr. Coolatta’s meddling.

“Sweet. The internet went out a little while ago though so if you could fix it, that’d be great.” Of course he was more concerned about that than getting out.

“Instead of that, how about I just get you out of the simulation? And then when you’re in your new robot body you can hop onto one of the computers in someone’s lab.” As he spoke Gordon pulled out the next cube. He tossed it down, creating the portal wall. “Through there.”

Forzen looked at him. The lack of detailed facial animations made his expression hard to read but it felt like he was studying him. “What if it’s a trap, huh?”

“It’s not. I have no reason to like you but the simulation’s time is limited. We gotta turn it off and disconnect it eventually. So you’ll basically die if you don’t go through. And I don’t dislike you that much. I promise you can watch all the Youtube you want on the other side.” Gordon would encourage it even if kept Forzen out of his hair.

Forzen studied him for a few seconds longer before approaching the portal. “This better not be a trick.” He went through it.

Six down, one more to go. The most potentially problematic of them all. But it was worth a try if Benrey was still alive enough to be pulled from the simulation. He’d come back from the dead before so it was at least worth the attempt.

~

Next Chapter

[the-xen-project]

[ The voices call out, but none of them properly reach to Gordon ]

[ His own mind was full of static as he watched the alien fight. Any one of them could turn around and crush him. Any one of them could turn and rid of him now. His mind raced as he tried to gather himself on the ground. Only then did it hit him. Gordon hissed in pain, hunching over and gripping his now missing hand tightly.  ]

[ While it may have just been exposed wiring and metal, it all hurt nonetheless. Gordon wished he could cry, he couldn’t, but he wished and held his missing hand tighter. Why was this familiar? Why did this feel so, so familiar? His head screamed for him to get a grip. He refused to bluescreen now when he couldn’t even properly proccess what was wrong.  An android built to be the perfect copy of someone and he couldn’t even- oh. Oh no. Like a brick tossed to Gordon’s head at the most unfortunate of times, things started to finally make sense. Fractured memories slowly clicking together, snapping back into place at last, as if they’d never been gone before. Gordon’s eyes slowly open, their color now a very deep and familiar blue, except this time they didn’t present anyone with the word Error. No. They were different. Wide with realization and fear. ]

[ Gordon Remembers. Gordon remembers his life at Black Mesa. Gordon remembers the lies they told him. Remembers how he ended up here, how they tried to silence him. Gordon knows why this is familiar. It all finally started to click back into place, and of course, it had to happen at the worst of times. With a shaken breath, Gordon grips his hand tightly against his chest, closes his eyes, and shuts down. ]

Chapter Three: Complete!

[melonsharks]

Flattery gets you everywhere! Tommy knows this very well and Forzen is no exception.

HELLO, this is a scene for Chapter 3 of DiagonalCrosswalks’ All Fool’s on Deck! Which is an absolutely wonderful amazing fic written inspired by my pirate au! She posted all three of the current chapters she’s written for it today and GOSH, I can’t stop gushing about it! For context, go read it! I’ll include the link in a reblog. It’s so much fun!!

[starmilkman]

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE NEW DESIGNS

So this is kinda old now but my friends and i came up with a hlvrai streamer au! There will be a fic for this on ao3 but atm it’s still under works. Were on chapter three! This was my first attempt at designs for them. I haven’t gotten the chance to work on them in a while but I wanted to share!

it’s called the hlvrai Never Meet Your idols! au - aka hlvrai NMYi

details under cut!

Gordon, Darnold, Bubby, and Coomer are all school-mates at a local community college. Tommy, Benrey, and Forzen are streamers.

Gordon Freeman: Student attending community college. He’s an avid fan of twitch streamers and has been following Tommy for a while. His most recent fixation however are Benrey’s streams.

Benrey: Streams a lot of playstation and nintendo switch. Along with streaming nonsensical topics. He’s recently gained a lot of traction in the community.

Tommy Coolatta: Streams animal crossing and stardew valley. He enjoys giving tutorials and showing off glitches to help the game’s communities. He is a big name in the streaming community.

Bubby: A student at Gordon’s community college. He doesn’t like to talk about his personal life and sticks to Coomer like glue. Although not interested in the gaming community he is knowledgeable on the subject.

Coomer: Also attending community college. One of Gordon’s closer friends, willing to listen to him and offer advice. Coomer enjoys video games but has zero knowledge of them besides how to play and often misunderstands Gordon’s lingo.

Darnold: A classmate of Gordon’s. He is not involved in the gaming world whatsoever. He is, unbeknownst to Gordon, roommates with Tommy Coolatta.

Forzen: Streams mostly FPS games along with the occasional horror. He rages a lot and has a very small following.

[lakesandquarries]

Tangled Up - Chapter Two

oh, i’m gonna mess this up

Benrey’s spent 26 years living in a tower - 27, tomorrow. When a thief breaks into his tower, he finds his chance to escape and takes it.

Alternatively: Tangled, but the AI is self aware.

(featuring art by @kenas-artstuff​ )

Notes: check ao3 for warnings and tags! “kane radio” is just gordon using a fake name. fic title from “tangled up” by caro emerald, chapter title from “shots” by imagine dragons.

AO3 Link

It’s nice to be back at Black Mesa. Well, mostly nice. Gordon shuts the door behind Benrey only to immediately spot a wanted poster, the only thing making it unrecognizable a bizarre mullet. Do people seriously think he looks like that??

“Hey, Mr. Radio!” a voice calls from behind the counter. Kane rips the paper off the door, rushing across the room. 

“Hi Darnold it’s great to see you shut the fuck up please -”

And that’s when he gets grabbed from behind. He barely sees Darnold’s eyes widen before he’s spun around, now facing an absolute mountain of a man. Behind him, he hears Darnold slap something - his forehead, probably - and mutter a quiet. “oh, right.”

He loves Darnold, he really does. Being friends with someone since you were kids will do that. Right now, though, he kind of wants to throttle him.

“Kane Radio, hm?” the main holding him says, ripping the wanted poster out of his hands. The thief glances around awkwardly, his eyes finally falling onto Benrey struggling to pull his hair back into his possession. 

"H-hey, he'd appreciate his hair not being touched, guys!", Kane exclaimed, to help his partner as well as pull away from his attention. It works for a moment, as Benrey tugs the last strands of hair away and marches up to the guy holding Kane, unintimidated despite the height difference.

“Hey,” Benrey says quietly as he walks up next to the man. “Put him down? Please and thank you?”

Mountain man snorts. “Not likely. I need the reward money. Hey, you! Go get the guards!”

One of the other men nods, slipping out of the tavern as an argument breaks out. Kane is pushed and pulled, various thugs grabbing him and insisting they need the money, they deserve it most, as the bar descends into chaos.

A loud, meaty thwack! breaks up the argument. Kane’s dropped on his ass, and when he looks up, Benrey has his crowbar against Mountain man’s arm. “I said put him down.”

Kane rolls off to the side, dodging another man’s grabbing hands, and stands up so he can dart back over to Benrey and push him out of the way. “Hey, appreciate that, don’t get me wrong, but - Benrey, what the fuck?”

Behind the counter Darnold is glaring, grabbing a cup and a spoon to try and get everyone’s attention. Black Mesa housed a fighting ring once upon a time, but that got stopped when Darnold took over. It doesn’t matter now - even with Darnold yelling, everyone’s too riled up. Kane has to duck down to avoid a punch, only to immediately get kicked in the face. A hand grabs his arm and he swings instinctively, stopping at the last second when he realizes it’s just Benrey, pulling him off to the side.

“What the fuck,” Kane repeats.

“Being polite didn’t work,” is Benrey’s only explanation.

Darnold is still yelling, trying desperately to get some sense of calm as the crowd beats the shit out of each other. And then - just as quick as it started, it’s over. Screams dissolve into laughter as the assembled patrons dust themselves off, seemingly satisfied with the amount of violence they've had. 

"It's been too long since we've had a fight like that," Mountain man says. "Nice job."

Benrey blinks up at him. "Whuh?"

Gordon agrees with him. Wiping blood from his nose, he mutters a quiet “What?” as well.

“Should’ve been longer,” Darnold complains. “You know I hate this kind of behavior! I have half a mind to throw you all out.”

"We'll clean it up, Danny, don't worry,” another, very skinny guy cheerfully responds, followed by a roar of laughter.

“Darnold,” the bartender corrects sharply as he sets to cleaning the place up, picking up overturned chairs and mopping up spills and sweeping up broken glass. 

Turning back to Mountain man, Kane asks, "Just to be clear. Does this mean you won't tear me and my friend apart anymore?"

“Are you kidding? That’s the most fun I’ve had in years! Darnold never lets us do stuff like that. Real shame, considering how this place st -“

He’s cut off by someone slamming the door open. “I brought the guards!”

Apparently ten seconds of peace is the max he’s allowed. “Shit shit shit,” Kane wheezes, grabbing Benrey’s arm as Darnold directs them behind the door. The massive dog from earlier, the one who had chased him through the forest and up Benrey’s tower, is here. And it’s pissed. Kane’s heart drops as he watches it sniff around, following the trail of his footsteps.

Darnold pulls on a lever, revealing a ramp down into a stone tunnel. “You’re lucky you’re my friend,” he says as he ushers them through it. Benrey hesitates, but Kane pulls him through anyway, into some kind of cave system. The walls are dark stone, rough and natural. This is something old, and hopefully, it’ll cover them. 

He exhales slowly, adrenaline still rushing through him. “Shit,” he mutters again. “That was close.”

“Who were those guys?” Benrey asks. The raccoon on his shoulder chirps.

“Guards. Royal guards. They, uh….they don’t like me much.”

“You stole something?” 

“Big something.”

Benrey nods, apparently satisfied with the answer. The raccoon chirps again, and Benrey mumbles something in response to it. Because his day is just going so normally, he needs to listen to his weird...escort mission talk to his fucking raccoon as they run from guards.

Metal clanks behind them, and Kane picks up the pace, until he’s running down the tunnel. It opens into a cliffside, with no way down. “Fuck!”

“There’s a guy down there,” Benrey points out, and Kane bites back another string of curses when he realizes it’s fucking Forzen. He’d abandoned him after stealing the royal helmet. Betrayal’s nothing new between them, but this is recent enough that Forzen’s probably still pissed.

“That’s Forzen. He doesn’t like me much either.”

It’s then that the guards burst out of the tunnel and several things happen all at once. Benrey shoves his crowbar at Kane, and before he can question why Benrey is giving him his only weapon, he’s tossing his hair across the canyon like a grappling hook and running off the ledge.

Before he can even ask why Benrey would possibly give him his only weapon, he watches in horror as his partner takes flight. He doesn’t have time to check if Benrey’s alright - the guards are on his ass. The crowbar makes a satisfying thwack! as he swings it, taking down the guards in barely an instant. “Fuck, this is handy. Need to get me one of these!” Kane comments to himself, looking to see who’s left. One opponent remains - the dog, who is now holding a sword.

Because his day just cannot get any fucking weirder.

“You should know this is the weirdest thing I have ever fucking done!” Kane yells to Benrey, as he battles the dog, sword to crowbar, until the dog knocks it right out of his hands and down the cliff. “Two out of three?”

A lock of black hair wraps around his hand. Kane grins, giving the dog a salute as he’s pulled into a free fall. “Ha! Get fuc - hhhh.” His words dissolve into a wheeze, as his trajectory slams him into an exposed beam, knocking the wind out of him.

Kane, struggling to get a grip of himself, only just manages to hold on to Benrey while he swings down with his support. His feet connect with the water pipes, sliding down unsteadily as they collapse underneath him, and then the entire dam breaks. It happens in a flash, an enormous amount of water - it feels like the whole ocean when Kane glances back - pouring down into the valley. Rocks fall, the last of the wooden constructions collapsing. With a couple of leaps, Kane reaches an already running Benrey, and scoops up the last bit of his hair flailing behind him. "Benrey! Benrey, into the cave!" he shouts, hoping the other would get understand the general direction they have to run.

---

Benrey grabs the crowbar as he darts after Kane, barely avoiding getting crushed by the massive rock that comes crashing down and seals them into the cave. The walls are stone, not like the bricks of his tower but a random arrangement of rocks and boulders forming a lumpy wall. There’s a puddle of water on the floor, only as he looks it starts to grow, up over Benrey’s feet, his legs, creeping higher and higher. He looks around the cave frantically, spotting the trickles of water coming in past the rock that sealed them in. The only obvious opening, but the water is like another force behind it, pressing it shut like Benrey used to try and hold his door shut. The rock is stronger than him. No matter how hard he slams with his crowbar, there’s not even a dent. He turns his attention to the rest of the cave, alternately smashing and prying at the walls, but they hold firm. There’s nothing. Not a single loose rock, nothing resembling a weak point, not even a crack he can widen into an exit. 

The water’s at his waist now. His breathing sharpens, small panicked inhales as he realizes there’s no way out. They’re trapped, with water climbing higher and higher. The water is murky, making the already dim space feel smaller and darker with each second. 

Zeki was right. Kane’s gonna die here with him in this stupid fucking cave, all because Benrey wanted to see some lights.

“This is all my fault,” he mumbles, tugging on a strand of hair. “I never should’ve - she was right, this whole time, I just -“ 

Kane’s hands grip his shoulders, firm but gentle, forcing him to look at the thief’s face. "Benrey, don't blame yourself. Sometimes things go bad...that's how life works. It's - it's gonna be ok." In a different context it might be comforting. Right now, they’re about to die, and Kane’s voice is shaking.

Benrey’s voice is choked when he responds. “I’m sorry, Kane.”

"Gordon.” Benrey tilts his head, and Kane drops his hands from his shoulders with a sigh. “It's - my real name is Gordon Freeman. I made up Kane. You might as well know it now."

“Feetman?” Benrey asks with a shaky smile.

“If we weren’t trapped in a cave I’d hit you with your crowbar,” Kane - Gordon? - Gordon says. For the briefest of seconds, he smiles at Benrey. 

“I, uh. I have magic hair that glows when I sing,” he says. Keeping a secret doesn’t matter when they’re both about to die. Gordon furrows his brows, looking questioningly at Benrey, and a sudden burst of inspiration hits as he repeats himself. “I have - oh shit!” He starts singing, voice shakier than normal as he races through the song. “Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine -“ The water is still rising, and maybe it’s his imagination but it feels even faster. “Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine -”

The last line gets cut off as the water fills the cave completely. He’s never tried singing underwater before, and for a moment he’s terrified it won’t work - and then his hair lights up, a bright neon teal, illuminating the cave. Gordon swims down to the bottom, pushing aside rocks desperately. He finds one that’s loose enough, dislodging it, and the rest follow suit. The wall starts to crumble before collapsing completely, launching the two of them into a river, the current quickly sweeping them downstream and onto a grassy bank. 

Benrey drags himself out, flopping limply onto the grass, taking deep breaths as he stares up at the sky. “We’re alive,” he breathes, looking over at Gordon. He likes that name better, now that he has a spare moment to think about it. Laughter bubbles up out of him, along with bright yellow-green. Olive means I’m glad to be alive.

Beside him, Gordon is less chill, elbows on the grass and hands in his hair. “His hair glows,” he’s mumbling. “He - hhh - his hair? Glowing - glowy shit - people don’t glow!” From there his words just get more and more incoherent as he stares at the ground.

With a huff, Benrey stands up, starting to squeeze the water out of his hair. Jefferem shakes himself dry, splashing water onto Gordon. “You good?” Benrey asks.

“Am I - are you good?? What the fuck was that? How long have you been - ow, fuck -” He pulls his right hand close to himself, and when he holds it out again Benrey sees blood, bright red against the brown skin. He must’ve cut himself on a rock or something. 

Benrey offers a hand to help Gordon get up, so he doesn’t put pressure on the injured one. “Lets, uh. Find somewhere to dry off first and then we can play 20 questions?” Or, maybe, if he stalls long enough, Gordon will forget whatever he wants to ask and Benrey can keep pretending like he’s a person.

[goatbi]

Deep Dark Sea Chapter Three

Coomer sunk back into the water after watching the human leave the bay, slowly sinking down under the base, eyes wide. He just... sounded so beautiful. The sound of the human’s singing had never hit him as hard as it had now, and, even with how rough the human’s voice was, it was... it was memorizing. 

He didn’t really swim away from the base, but kicked once, propelling himself through the water and letting himself float away, lost in the thoughts of this human singing these wonderful songs for him, leaning against the edge of the bay with the human sitting next to him, as they sang together, and-

“Coomer?” He blinked, shifting and turning himself over, as Gordon watched him quietly. Just barely peeking out from under Gordon’s tail was Joshua, the little blob fish staring head dead eyed as usual, but Coomer still felt a rush of affection for the little fish. 

“Hello Gordon!” Coomer smiled, and Gordon raised an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms. 

“What was that about?” 

Coomer paused, blinking at him slowly. “What was what about?” 

“You, floating upside down with that-...” Gordon broke off suddenly, before he smirked, and Coomer’s eyes went wide, and he turned off to the side, trying to swim off before Gordon could tease him. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t the fastest, and Gordon caught up easily, Joshua swimming next to them quickly. “So... who is it?” 

“I’m not sure what you mean, Gordon.” 

“Oh no, you know exactly what I mean, Coomer, you had that love sick look in your eyes when you were floating around back there.” Gordon sped up suddenly, cutting off Coomer and spinning a tight circle around him, keeping him trapped for just a second. “Come on Coomer!” 

“I have been trying with you and Benrey for who knows how long now, and you try to flip this on me because you saw me once?” Coomer spun in a careful circle to follow Gordon’s head as Gordon continued to swim around him, trying to find a way out of the rather tight circle that Gordon had gotten him trapped in. 

“Yeah, but you’ve never shown interest in anyone! Besides, I haven’t heard of anyone new being around.” Coomer huffed a soft sigh, before ducking under the tight coil, causing Gordon to follow and knot his tail for a second. It was enough to give Coomer a head start on following him, and Gordon swam after him, Joshua trailing after his tail. “Coomer!” 

“Hey, uh what’s goin on here?” Benrey was a fast little bastard, and, as the two of them passed where the others had gathered, managed to not only outpace Gordon, but get up next to Coomer. “Why we runnin from Cringeman?” 

“Don’t-” 

“Coomer got all lovesick!” Gordon called up, and Coomer dodged under Benrey as he froze, going back towards Tommy, Forzen, Darnold, the last of two who was swimming in slow careful circles around the other two, as Forzen seemed to stare into nothing. Coomer sighed, slowing down enough to settle next to Tommy, who smiled up at him. 

“Hi Coomer! What’s this about being lovesick?” Coomer huffed a sigh, crossing both set of arms. 

“I just... heard someone singing is all. It was rather nice and I suppose I got distracted.” He admitted carefully, and reached out one hand to pet Joshua as he passed, trailing after Gordon as he usually did. Gordon matched Darnold’s slow circle, the goblin shark humming and butting against Gordon once as he did. 

“Oh?” Tommy perked up. “You don’t normally care for people singing.” Coomer frowned around them, before nodding. 

“I... I can show you, if you want. He won’t be singing again for a little while, but I’ll know when he does it again, and I can bring you guys over so you can hear it too.” He didn’t... want to really share it, but it was either do so, or have them follow him ‘stealthily’ when he went to go listen to the human again. He... also didn’t know how to tell them it was a human that had gotten him so wrapped up. 

“You-You don’t have to, Coomer.” Tommy piped up, and Coomer blinked, realizing they had started watching him. He smiled, shaking a hand. 

“No, it’s fine. I’d be happy to share, he... sounds amazing... I think you should be exposed to it too... I just... have to warn you that...” He paused, then glanced back towards where he knew the base to be, frowning. “He’s human.” 

[purplecatghostposts]

So, I made something pure indulgent

Summary: Forzen 2: i need you to be completely honest with me

SodaGod: I can do that

Frozen 2: is my contact name still ‘Frozen 2’

SodaGod: Uh

SodaGod: Yeah?

Frozen 2: disappointed but not surprised

(Tommy accidentally leaves his phone at a soda parlor and by chance, Darnold picks it up right as Forzen starts spamming Tommy's phone... And because of it, something new will spark between the three of them.)

Here’s a funny little chat fic I made on a whim, enjoy!

[newtafterdark]

Taste of Metal - Chapter 6: Stargazing into Reality

AO3 Link:  archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/65008555

Summary: What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?

But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”

- - -

If the other members of the Science Team would have been awake, they would have told Gordon to "go the fuck to sleep".

But here he was, standing on his balcony, leaning against the concrete railing and staring into the night.

It was still the same day as his and the Science Team’s arrival at his apartment. The same day of their escape from Black Mesa and… well, Gordon still didn’t know enough to be sure that that was actually all they ran from.

He didn’t want to bluntly force more information out of them, no matter how lightly most of them had seemed to have taken their new-found freedom.

People were good at not talking about things that cause them pain.

He should know, he had done it only a few hours ago.

It had been almost too easy for him to deflect the team’s worries and draw their attention towards the more positive things he took away from the entire simulation experience.

Had it been healthy for him to not admit he was hurting? No. But at the moment it seemed better to just pretend that no harm had been done. Couldn’t they have just one day of blissful ignorance of what had happened?

The comfort of the make-believe almost casual get-together with friends was nice… but it wouldn’t last long. Gordon would have to face his new reality, as would the rest of the Science Team.

He scratched at his injured arm absentmindedly. The damage had been done… and the healing process had to start eventually. Physically and mentally.

Gordon felt himself shiver slightly, despite having brought his soft blanket outside with him. Maybe it was the lingering anxiety and the remnants of adrenalin; he wasn’t sure. After all, his expertise was programming and theoretical physics - not psychology, chemistry and how these two influenced with human biology.

He was suddenly pulled out of his long-winded thoughts by the sound of the door to the balcony gently opening behind him.

Turning his head, he found Dr Coomer and Bubby joining him in staring at the night sky.

The silence that settled between them was comfortable, the draining thoughts in Gordon’s head getting replaced by a content low buzz as he slowly became more aware of the sounds around him.

Trees softly moving in the wind. The noises of cars driving by below them. A crow cawing in the distance… and the gentle sound of drizzling rain drumming on the roof above Gordon’s apartment.

“... it is… truly something else to see everything being so... real.”

Bubby was now leaning against the railing just like Gordon was, but his hands were occupied with gently tapping on the concrete, even when he didn’t take his eyes off the stars in the sky.

Dr Coomer hummed in agreement beside them, following Bubby’s gaze.

“Agreed. Neither photos nor videos did any of this justice…”

“Neither of you ever got to see the real world like this, right?”, Gordon asked.

Dr Coomer nodded.

“As I told you before, Gordon… I am the only true AI in our group of friends. Black Mesa was quite adamant of not giving me the opportunity to leave the premises. I will admit, I had seen glimpses of the real world occasionally… but those got wildly overshadowed by the amount of media I managed to get access to.”

“And I was fortunate enough to see a few things Harold got his hands on. It wasn’t much, but I’ll always treasure it.”, Bubby added, earning a soft smile from Dr Coomer.

Gordon pondered for a moment, letting their words sink in and trying to choose his words carefully-

“Well… now you two don’t have to sneak in new secret experiences for each other anymore. The world is out there for you to explore and experience! No worries of being found out anymore… and no more Black Mesa.”

“No more Black Mesa.”, Bubby agreed.

“No more Black Mesa.”, Dr Coomer echoed.

Silence spread for a while once more with the three of them just taking in the night and no pressure to keep a conversation going.

“Sleep doesn’t come as easy to you than the rest of us, does it, Gordon?”, Dr Coomer suddenly asked.

Gordon blinked at that.

“Well...”

Looking back into his apartment, he thought it over.

Despite their very energetic natures, all members of the Science Team had conked out shortly after the impromptu late-night dinner.

Even Benrey, who had claimed previously that he didn’t need any sleep, had sunken further into the bean chair and was gracing the others in the room with the softest snoring noise any of them had ever heard.

To his own surprise, Gordon found it quite calming.

Well, really, the entire current situation was.

No one had really spoken up about sleeping arrangements… but in the end, they didn’t have to. They all knew that everyone would only be able to rest if they were huddled closely together for the night’s rest, just like they did during the simulation.

It had become apparent that everyone had actually scooted even closer to each other than they ever had before, while also taking full advantage of the extra pillows, blankets and two guest mattresses on the floor that everyone had helped drag into the living room.

Dr Coomer and Bubby had been previously fast asleep on the couch, wrapped in blankets and holding onto each other. Tommy, Darnold and Sunkist were still curled up on the mattresses among pillows and blankets, with Benrey on the bean chair between them and the couch. Gman had nodded off in one of the armchairs on the other side of the table in the middle, arms crossed, head slightly leaning to the side.    

Looking over the peacefully resting forms of his friends, Gordon smiled softly.

He had the suspicion that none of them had known true rest and safety in a long time, as he recalled everyone’s words on their imprisonment in Black Mesa.

Which… truly seemed to have been just that. Imprisonment.

Gordon didn’t know enough yet to understand what that entailed… but he knew what prolonged stress and exhaustion did to people. And frankly… all of them showed clear signs of each, even if most of them were not human.

Maybe with time, they’d lessen.

Gordon closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on the feeling of the blanket around him and the wind messing slightly with his long hair.

He jumped, eyes wide open, as he suddenly realized that he had absentmindedly started to scratch on his arm again. His wounded arm.

He had managed to keep his old habit of scratching at wounds under control when everyone had been awake… but now it proved to be more difficult.

Furrowing his brows, he stared at the arm - his unharmed hand running over the skin and applying pressure to soothe the strained muscles somewhat.

He hadn’t asked before, but he had a suspicion why one person from the simulation was missing.

“... Gordon?”

Gordon was startled out of his thoughts once more, blinking himself a bit more awake and focused. He was instantly faced with the worried and guilty look on Dr Coomer’s face.

“We’re going to get Forzen for taking your arm. That’s a promise.”, Bubby said with clear determination in voice, brows furrowed as he continued to stare into the night.

“So… it was Forzen who took m-my arm...”, Gordon managed to force out..

Dr Coomer gave Gordon a nod.

“He had favoured working for Black Mesa as part of their “military”, despite being in the same boat as all of us.”

Gordon remained silent, letting Dr Coomer talk, while he himself focused on listening.

“I can not hold it against him. All of us have done things we regret with the slight hope of escaping-”

“Dr Coomer, I don’t hold the clones against you-”

“You should, Gordon. No matter the reason behind my desperation... it was cruel of me. Nothing I could say validates my choice of attempting to harm you for a minuscule glimpse at freedom.”

“...”

“What I can say though wholeheartedly, is that I am sorry. You promised to get us out from the start… and I didn’t believe you. I was a fool. I think… all of us were at different times. We had never met someone who kept their selfless promises, you see...”

Dr Coomer wrung his hands in thought.

“Maybe that’s why Forzen didn’t even consider questioning harming you for Black Mesa’s sake.”

“For Black Mesa’s sake? But-”

Bubby turned his head towards them, squinting slightly-

“Didn’t you listen? The military in the simulation belonged to Black Mesa. Of course, everything the military did would be orchestrated by them. Though… I will take the blame for letting you get into harm's way like that in the first place. Not fully! But… you know...”

Gordon watched as Dr Coomer reached out to hold one of Bubby’s hands. He let out a sigh.

“I… I get it. And thank you for saying that, Bubby. That actually means a lot to me -”

Bubby nodded, but once again avoided looking at Gordon directly.

“- I guess it does all come down to you all not trusting me… which… yeah, absolutely makes sense. I don’t think I would have trusted a random programmer dude either, had I been in your situation...”

Gordon pulled his blanket tighter around himself.

“... I am just… like I said, I don’t mind all the shit I saw in the simulation that much… but what happened to my fucking arm? That- that... ”, he stammered out, feeling his grip on his stump tighten once more- “That… hurts. It terrifies me. I had a lot of injuries in my life but… this t-takes the fucking cake. E-Even if I am not in pain right now, thanks to the layer of Sweet Voice on it...”

“But my mention of sleep stands. You do need to rest regardless, Gordon. Now even more so than before”, Dr Coomer tried to reason, resting a hand on Gordon’s shoulder- “I hate to be somewhat overbearing with insisting on this but I worry about your wellbeing. We all do.”

Gordon felt Bubby’s free hand rest on his other shoulder mere seconds later.

“At least lay down and rest your fucking eyes, dingus. We’ll still be there when you wake up. And… I will not roll you off your spot like a barrel to wake you up... I promise.”, the scientist said, an awkward but apologetic look on his face.

Despite the heavy topics of the past few minutes, Gordon let out a deep chuckle.

“Don’t think I won’t ever do it again though! I will have you know that I absolutely will not resist the urge, once you’re back to your normal health levels! Everyone needs to get vibe-checked from time to time!”, Bubby stated and gave Gordon a last gentle pat on the shoulder before opening the balcony door for the three of them.

Having Bubby walk ahead to help him to his previous spot on his armchair, while Dr Coomer had a hand on Gordon’s back to keep him steady - it filled Gordon’s heart with a warm feeling of safety.

Maybe all that mattered right now, was that his friends actively tried to make things right, one small step after another... on their collective way to healing.

[confusedunit]

Universe of Unreality - Chapter 15

Chapter 15 -  "Oh no...what happened?" The aftermath of the ambush. Darnold makes a choice. Dr. Coomer recieves an accidental gift. Forzen finds a hiding spot. Bubby is alone. Tommy breaks down. Benrey finally gets that talk he's been wanting.

[Content Warning: Bubby is very defeatist in his section.]

When Darnold awoke, it was to a soreness he was familiar with. A classic ache, that one. The 'I was so invested in my work that I refused to sleep, but had to take a quick sit down, and oops I fell asleep on the floor, again' ache. But he could manage that, easy.

He slowly pushed himself up to sit, being careful to avoid hitting his head on the table above him as he did so. He'd done that far too many times, and didn't want to add another number to that tally if he was coherent enough to avoid it.

He stood, looking over his work with a smile. On the table were many small bottles of health draughts, as well as a few hookups for the HEV suit's Health Disbursement System. He'd also gathered up all the medical supplies he'd been able to find in his lab and packed them into easily transportable health kits, and even had managed to scrounge up enough materials to get a fully charged HEV suit battery put together. All and all, he was proud of what he'd been able to get ready for their arrival.

He moved back over to his computer, stretching out his shoulders and arms as he walked. He sat down, content, and woke his computer up from sleep to check on the progress the group was making. Last he'd seen, they'd seemingly taken a break the night before. Or at least, what he was pretty sure was night. He hadn't seen the sky in weeks, he had no idea what time of day it ever was anymore. He wasn't really convinced that his computer had the right time either. But did time really matter? Not really, he was pretty sure.

His rambling thoughts cut off with a halt as he looked at the tracking data he had been following. He blinked quickly, rubbing at his eyes before checking it again. Because that couldn't be right.

There, plain as day, the screen read: G.Freeman. Status: N/A  Stability: N/A  Location: N/A  Communications: N/A Last Known Location: Vehicle Storage Bay 3  

"...That...can't be right." His hands flew across the keyboard, as he searched for any possible data he could find about what might have happened. The Black Mesa intranet was lit up with panicked messages between coworkers, many of them unresponded to, most of them having ceased over the two days prior. He tried to not let that haunt him. But there were a few that had been discussing tracking G.Freeman, and that small corner of the intranet had blown up into stressed searching and a loss of hope.

But there was one thing that they had brought up, that Darnold latched onto. According to them, one of the only untrackable places in the facility was the Biological Research department. Or, intentional untrackable places, at least. The military had set up a few stations that had hampered tracking, but not to this extent. Which meant if there was any place that he could be found, it would be there. But none of the people on the intranet knew how to get there, or had a safe way to get there if they did know.

Darnold looked down at his rocket boots, thinking for a moment. If they needed help that badly...he might be the only one who could get to them. He knew where that department was. He had the means of travel. All he had to do, was...get through all the military and alien forces to get to them.

He took a shaky breath, as he quickly packed up all his things. His laptop, his notes and data, his research. His medical supplies he'd prepared. Everything, he gathered up into his bags and got situated for flight. If he was really going to do this...there might be no coming back. He couldn't afford to leave anything behind.

With one last pause, he slipped his tools into his coat pocket, staring up the elevator shaft. He knew of the traps that had been placed above, he heard the military discussing it as they did so. All he had to do was avoid that.

He took one more breath, to steady himself, before he nodded once. He was determined. He would get to them. They would get out. And the world would know the truth.

Darnold leaned back for a moment, before he hopped into the air, boots igniting as he flew upwards.

-

When Harold opened his eyes, he felt strangely light. As if an unknown weight had been lifted from him. And yet, a lingering uncertainty hovered over him as he glanced around the room. It was a sterile lab room, looking similar to the ones he'd spent far too much time in in the Biological Research department. And as he looked down at himself, and the light patient gown he was wearing, he was even more sure that that was where he was. But how had he gotten there?

Last thing he remembered was getting slammed against the wall by some of Black Mesa's insufferable bootboys, and now he was back in the Biological Research medical wing.

How the hell had that happened?

He blinked slowly, looking down at his hands. …How had he remembered that the HECU were actually Black Mesa's goons? …And on that train of thought, how had he remembered they were called the HECU? He hadn't...been able to remember that in years.

"Sixteen." He mumbled to himself, stilling as the word sunk in. Sixteen years. It'd been sixteen years since he could remember. And he remembered that it had been that long.

He quickly rolled off of the bed, landing on his feet. His legs shook with the strain, but it was a familiar feeling, one that for once filled him with elation other than dread. He needed to know. He needed to confirm for himself.

He staggered across the room, to a mirror, staring at his face. He scrutinized himself for a while, before his eyes flew wide open. They were the wrong shade of green. It was faint, but he could tell. Bubby had taught him the difference. These were the wrong eyes.

Which meant...

He stumbled over to the horizontal pod that was near the door, rubbing at the glass to look through. And, sure enough, within the pod was a resting Dr. Coomer, deep in sleep. Unmoving.

Harold looked over the data that scrolled through the glass, as a frantic smile broke over his face. The fucking bootboys, they were idiots. Idiots! Idiots that had just guaranteed their downfall, if the group got back together.

He stumbled backwards, landing on the floor as hysterical laughter fell from his lips. He couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't stop laughing. He didn't want to stop.

He was back in his old cloning room, in this version of Black Mesa. The place they made the three hundred clones, to distract him. Where they'd weaved his consciousness between three hundred bodies to make him stop asking questions. To make him forget. To make him be useful, instead of hampering their progress. Where they'd put something into his head to force him to stop asking the right questions, to stop him from being able to remember what they'd done.

There had always been a rule the scientists had had, even before he was in this version of Black Mesa. You don't clone him unless he's conscious. They didn't want to find out what happened if you shared your consciousness with a being that was asleep when it happened.

But now he had that data. Because the HECU hadn't cared, they'd just started the process again. As they'd been told to, if the scientists couldn't do it themselves. It only made sense, he realized. If there were no scientists left, then just make more of him, and he'll follow whatever orders they need.

Tears ran down his eyes as he kept laughing, squeezing his arms around his torso as if it would stop the shaking before he could fall apart. His body was alive, in the cloning pod. But because he'd been asleep, he was here, in only the clone's mind. He'd had a similar experience a few times, when clones had 'malfunctioned', getting shunted out of their head before anything could get any worse. And now that had happened here, into a new body.

One that didn't have that device they'd put into his head.

One that could remember everything.

He fell backwards, head bumping the floor as his laughter got even louder and more erratic. They didn't realize just how much they'd fucked up. But he'd make sure they knew. He'd find Bubby, and they'd get that stupid device out of his head. And then they'd find the others, and get out of there, and return to the rest of their Science Team. And they'd make sure that all of Black Mesa paid for their sins.

-

Forzen had really chosen a bad time to try to slip unnoticed around the department.

He'd had to duck from room to room, as a huge group of other soldiers had dragged in three 'apprehended targets' and taken them to different parts of the area. They'd also dragged in a ton of...previously living soldiers, and he'd absolutely wanted to be nowhere near any of that.

Which had led to the worst cat and mouse game of his life for the past many hours, as he'd tried to search for a room that they were avoiding. And he'd finally found one. He'd waited for the hall to be clear, before he made a break for it, sprinting across and slamming his back against the wall as soon as the door shut. He tapped at the console, only relaxing once the light had turned from green to red.

Once he was alone, he finally let himself take a look around the room. It was dark, for one, a small lab room with no windows. The main light that was currently in the room was from a single table lamp on a desk, and a faintly glowing pod at the back corner of the room.

He blinked slowly, feeling his curiosity rising. He couldn't help it. Regardless of what was going on around him, he was still a curious eighteen year old kid. And whatever was in a room that the soldiers seemed to be avoiding was as good as any other defense he could have.

He avoided the large wooden chest that was near the pod, as he moved closer. It looked kinda like the pod he'd woken up in himself, except this one was horizontal. The glass was also entirely opaque due to the glowing light of the glass itself. It was like it was some kind of computer screen, that blocked out anything that could have been behind it. It seemed like whatever was inside was...decent though? He had no idea what half of the data meant that scrolled along as if it was helping someone, but he could read enough to tell that whatever was inside was hurt, but alive.

Probably some alien, he realized. There was no name on the pod, just some kind of 'subject number', and in his rushing around he'd seen plenty of aliens in tubes and on tables and in cages and basically. Just everywhere.

Maybe it was a scary alien, and that's why the other soldiers were avoiding this room like the plague. Maybe he could befriend it, and it would protect him, and help him find his best friend.

Or maybe he would just hide in this room for a long while, and finally take a nap somewhere he felt safe.

…Yeah, he liked that plan.

-

Bubby was awake for a long time before he opened his eyes.

He didn't want to. Didn't want to bother opening his eyes when he could already tell where he was. He recognized the fabric of the wetsuit against his skin, the liquid in his lungs. He was back in his goddamn tube. And this time they'd actually filled it up.

He was both thankful and disgusted that they'd filled his tube. He knew the liquid would help heal his injuries, especially the one that he'd sustained in his leg that the fight with the military had made worse again. But he also knew that that meant they still wanted him for something, to invest into his long term health like this.

They'd fought so hard...and for what? To be punished again? Was this the experiment that Black Mesa was running? To see how many times one would attempt something before giving up?

He would have slumped against the tube, had he not been floating weightlessly in the middle of the liquid. This was nothing like the last time. Who knew if anyone else was even coming, if they were okay? Last time, they'd escaped, and he'd been captured. But this time, they hadn't even had that.

What were they going to do? How could they ever reconvene? Was it even worth it to keep fighting? It was a losing battle from the start. Maybe they needed to just...give up. The fight in him, the spark, was burned low. He was tired, and he hurt, and he'd fought against the scientists for so long, and it had been for nothing. Years, it had been, all to end up locked back in his tube again.

He was spiraling, it was easy for him to tell. But in that moment, it was hard for him to give a shit.

He hated his emotions. They were a weakness, a disgusting reminder of how human he was. Disgusting because he knew no matter what traits he had, he'd never be human in the ways that mattered. He'd always be a science experiment to his fellow scientists. Never a person.

…Except with the few people he trusted. And look what had happened to them.

He wrapped his arms around himself, a poor facsimile of a hug that he so badly wanted to ask for. He would just have to wait. See what happened.

He was never good at being patient. But this time, he had no choice.

-

Tommy gasped awake, on the floor in a room full of toxic waste, and he felt so relieved. He knew this place, this was where he'd found Gordon last time. That was perfect. It'd give him a bit more time to recover, before he'd be found, and they'd go find the others, and everything would be okay.

Everything would be okay.

He sat up, playing with his hat in his hands as he rocked himself side to side. He'd protected his friends, and now they'd just go about their business. Gordon would show up, and then they'd travel through the facility, and they'd find Dr. Coomer, and then they'd find Bubby, and Bubby would apologize, and it would be okay.

…Except Bubby had nothing to apologize for, this time. The thought hit him with a bit of wariness. He...knew that, right?

He shook his head. Unimportant, he'd decided! He'd wait, and that would be what would happen. No matter what!

A concern started to bubble up at the back of his mind, but he pointedly paid it no heed. Everything would be fine! All he had to do was believe that! And it would all be okay!!

He was tired. Physically, he was tired. Mentally, he was drained. Emotionally, he'd somehow forced himself into obnoxious positivity. No time to think about any of that! Time only for waiting and spinning this hat!

He waited for five minutes. And then five minutes became ten. Ten became twenty, and twenty became an hour, and the longer that time passed the harder it was to ignore the concern that dug its way into the back of his throat.

It shouldn't be taking this long. Gordon didn't take this long the last time, and that was without an arm! This should be breakneck pace, compared to that!

But that was Gordon, his brain supplied, not Dr. Freeman.

And suddenly his fear hit him like a freight train.

He scrambled to his feet, holding out his hand as he leapt up, warping through the pipe above him, landing out in the desert around the Residue Processing plant. There was no sign that Dr. Freeman had even walked through this area, the silo behind him still full of water, and he took off running through the sand. "Mr. Freeman!" He shouted as he sprinted, splashing through a puddle and ignoring the headcrab that dug itself out of the sand. It wandered off, as he skid to a halt below the exit chute for the garbage compactor. It hadn't finished crushing things yet, if it wasn't open, and that was a good sign in and of itself.

He held out his hand again, warping up to the control room and staggering a bit. He was far too weak to be doing so much warping, but he didn't have a choice. Not here. Not when an anxiety still pulled at his mind. He turned the machine off, moving out of the room to look down at the compactor itself. It was full of broken items, but at a glance he didn't see Dr. Freeman. He hopped down, digging through the rubble.

To his relief, he didn't find an HEV suit within. And he didn't find a person, either. But he did find a beat down crowbar, a magnum with a B etched into the handle, and the pistol that he himself had been using. He pocketed the two guns, taking note of the fact that they were both empty, and held the crowbar in his hands as he warped back up again.

Okay, so Dr. Freeman wasn't there. That was good, wasn't it? It meant he wasn't in danger. Everything would be fine, even if he just had to go searching for them the hard way.

This was fine.

He sat on the floor just outside the control room, and set the crowbar on the ground next to him. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and held both his hands out in front of him. He focused on the hidden cords, checking on them, and relaxed when he could tell that they were intact. That alone took some of the stress off of him. They were okay. They had to be.

…Though...why were the cords so dim? Was it because he had to visualize them, instead of look at them physically? He was far too weak to drop his form again. This would just have to do. He let his hands fall, moving one to rest against his chest as he focused on where his friends could be.

His breath caught in his throat when he felt nothing.

His eyes flew open, and he stared down at his hand. How could he feel nothing? As long as he had been traveling with them, he'd been able to track them. …Except for the last time, when the betrayal had happened, but that had been more a lack of focus. How could he not find them now?

It felt like earlier, when he'd tried to locate Forzen when he was out of place, but had found no trace of him. Like how he hadn't been able to find Dr. Freeman, for years. It was like they were...gone.

He gasped, pressing both his hands to his chest. He couldn't find them. They were hidden from him. Someone specifically knew how he tracked them, and they'd put something to block him from doing so. He couldn't sense their presences, couldn't feel their tugs on his life. He felt nothing.

He'd never felt so powerless.

He slumped forward, digging his fingers into the concrete, and he screamed. He couldn't do this, he couldn't handle this, he didn't know what to do. There was nothing to do. He was hopeless, his friends were gone, and he'd never get them out of there, he'd broken his promise, he'd never see his dad again-

For a second time, his breath caught in his throat. His dad! His dad would know what to do! But with such a block in place, there was no way his dad would be able to find him...without Tommy finding him first. The world flashed yellow around him, and he focused on trying to locate his dad, searching for the light blue energy that he was so familiar with. It took him far longer than he liked to break through the barrier, get his signal out, but it was enough.

His dad was in his tram space, and the door could work as a portal. That would have to do. He opened the door, squeezing his eyes shut. "Dad!" He hiccupped, caught off guard by the hot tears that poured down his face. "Dad!! H-help- please-"

He couldn't keep the portal open very long, but it was enough. He crumpled towards the ground, but a pair of arms caught him before he could hit the concrete. He was pulled close, into a hug.

"Oh, Tommy..." His father held him, gently, as if he was afraid he'd hurt him.

He broke into tears, clinging onto his dad, finally able to physically hug him for the first time in years. He shook, and cried, and told him everything.

In a flash the world went blue, instead of yellow, and glowing wings of blue, woven full with glowing yellow cord, wrapped around Tommy, shielding him from the world.

-

Benrey stalked through the facility, bones clacking against the tile as he went. He didn't feel much, when he was reduced to his skeleton form. It was meant as an easy way to get back up on his feet when the moment required it, it wasn't meant to be a long term transformation. It didn't need to feel, or hurt.

But he did feel a bit, and hurt a bit, as he walked. He'd lost track of everyone after he'd woken up, still in the same room they'd all been attacked in. At the very least, he knew exactly how many soldiers they'd taken out to try to stop the attack.

Sure, it wasn't enough, but they'd all given more than a 'college try'.

And now he couldn't find anyone. His tracking wasn't as good as Tommy's, not by a long shot, so he wasn't exactly surprised he couldn't find them. But that didn't mean he had to like it. It had already taken far too long to escape from the military controlled area of Black Mesa, and then he was stuck clipping through walls every once and a while trying to locate anything he could recognize.

Eventually, though, as he clipped through a wall, he felt the world around him shudder. He would have blinked if he could have, as he slowly processed the change in color tone to yellow. He perked up, focusing on where he felt the shudder come from, hurrying along after it. That had to be Tommy, and if he found Tommy, they could find the others. Easy peasy.

He stumbled when the world shuddered again, this time going blue. Oh. That meant He was there. About time he showed up. The guard had needed to talk to him for days, and he'd finally get his chance. Hell yeah. Two for one deal.

He clipped up through the floor, landing on the concrete with a soft click. He glanced down at the figure of Mr. Coolatta, sitting on the ground in his suit, glowing wings like a blue and yellow sun wrapped in front of him.

The glowing blue eyes locked with his sockets. The eyes narrowed slightly. "...You."

"H-huh?" Tommy struggled to speak at all, and was quickly shushed.

"hey."

The two continued staring, blue eyes full of distrust, empty sockets showing no information.

"What, do you...want?" Mr. Coolatta was even more tense than usual. That wasn't the greatest sign for discussion, but it wasn't like he really had a choice.

"gotta ask you for a favor. you owe me one."

His eyes flared red for the briefest of moments, before they settled back to their icy blue. "I don't, owe you, anything."

"you asked me to look out for him."

"And you failed, that. Miserably."

"uhh, no i didn't? been keeping him safe like, this whole time."

His wings twitched. "And yet, here I...find, myself, holding my son, as he...cries, alone. Where, exactly, were...you?"

"dead. and coming back." He really wished he could roll his eyes, he was so tired. "didn't you just hear him say that?"

The man paused, obviously not wanting to admit he was wrong. Benrey knew why. Tommy was the one who told him that his species held grudges harder than any other he'd encountered. Benrey had forgiven. Mr. Coolatta, despite his attempts, had not. Not his fault, really. Just something else to manage.

"look." He tried to shove his hands into his pockets, forgetting for a moment that he had none. He settled for resting his hands on his hips. "we're still gonna get to lambda. we're gonna find the whole party, whole squad, and fast travel to the main quest, yeah? so like, i gotta ask you a favor."

"What. Do you. Want." Mr. Coolatta's voice was strained through clenched teeth.

"xen. we need to go to xen."

He looked faintly confused for a moment, before his eyes narrowed. "You have, Xen."

"not the one that matters, and you know it." God, talking to Mr. Gregory Man Coolatta was always such a pain in the ass.

"You, told me. Under absolute,ly, zero circumstances...was Black Mesa, ever, again...allowed, to, visit Xen."

"yeah, but this isn't black mesa, man." He huffed, a rapid rainbow of Sweet Voice falling from his jaw. "i need to go there. they all need to go there."

"Why?"

That question, out of any that could have been asked, made him mad. He stomped his foot, clenching his fists as all the angry colors that Sweet Voice could take bubbled up from where his throat used to be. "because they're all hurt, bro! freeman's dying slowly with some hurt that the medkits can't fix, bubby's leg is fucked in a way i can't fix, coomer's hurt in a way that i don't know if can be fixed at all. and im hurt, man, been disconnected from home for what, years? i know years don't mean shit to you, but it fuckin, it hurts, man."

"...I..."

"i said to give them a shitty one because they're shitty people and can't be trusted. and i was right, black mesa can't, can't be fuckin trusted man. but these guys can, and they need help, and the only place i know that can help them is the real one, not the fake broken one you gave for experiments."

Mr. Coolatta looked down at his son in his arms, before looking back up at Benrey.  "...You are, sure, that they are...alive?"

"like, one hundred percent. one hundred ten percent, even. fuckin, uh, overachiever right here. just, fuck." He pressed his hands to his skull, trying to get the Sweet Voice to stop. "please. let me do my fuckin job."

Mr. Coolatta watched him for a moment longer, before he looked away. "...I will...make the, preparations. …" He looked back down at Tommy. "...Later."

Benrey nodded, sitting down on the concrete, still trying to get himself under control. They needed time to recuperate, that was fine. He'd sit here, and do what he was supposed to do. Be a guard. Protect people.

Protect his people.

[the-xen-project]

Gordon get out of there! Frozen could rip you to shreds!!!

Hhhh I don’t think I quite have the choice to do that now-

[ Standing directly in front of Gordon, was Forzen. An alien not nearly as large as the others, but still big enough to bite Gordon directly in half. They don’t seem to be paying attention to Gordon. It doesn’t speak. ]

[the-xen-project]

[ Back on Xen, things seem quiet. They’re always quiet, never loud. Gordon lays upon a table in the lab, Coomer contemplates if he’ll ever get him to properly wake up, Darnold has a conversation with Tommy and Bubby scavenges for spare parts. Life is more active than usual in this building.  But we aren’t here for whats inside. Outside the building, a large figure stands in the distance, soft familiar lights flowing from its mouth. ‘Colors of the sea mean where could you be?’ it mumbles to itself. It sniffs the air. ]

Smells like Tommy....but I don’t see Tommy....

Taking a little longer than usual inside...not great.   [ More of the sea colors once again fall from the creatures mouth and float back into the sky ]

Chapter Three: Forzen

[ Benrey is now available for questions ]

[the-xen-project]

Idk if anybody asked, but what do you think of the androids? - 🌌

Never really interact with any of them. The uhh the one with the green lights is always out but hes kinda weird and always around G. I don't like being in G's territory myself so I avoid him.

Cyan lights is all bark and no bite, sticks real close to Green lights. They're like a bonded pair or something like me and Tommy.

Never really see Orange lights around but I hear G scared him so bad once he broke. Sounds pretty funny, too bad I wasn't there to witness it. Tommy says he likes to talk to that one or whatever so I think hes cook.

And then theres the other Green lights whos also got orange lights. The orange one? Uhhh brrr whats his name, Gordon? Real squirrelly, loves to come out of the base and go from territory to territory. One time I scared him so bad Tommy got mad and carried him all the way back home.

None of em are bad and haven't hurt any of us, so they're better than the humans, even if they don't got my full trust.

[the-xen-project]

Blep

[the-xen-project]

i didnt hear anything other than you, sorry :( but maybe you should investiagte anyways, it could be important

I swear I heard the sound of something...at the base? Hold on. Tommy?  [ Benrey lifts his head to sniff the air, opening his mouth in attempts to pick the scent up better. The scent certainly didn’t belong to Tommy.]

[ He tilt’s his head slightly, one frill laying down flat and the other sticking up to try and get a better hearing of the sound, eventually pin pointing where it came from. ]

[ There at the far end of the building, garage door wide open, stood what looked like Gordon. The android in question curiously peering around the corner. ]

Thought you guys said you busted him....

[the-xen-project]

why do you call everyone by their light colors?

Easy question. I see mostly in no color, but I can see specific colors bright enough. The crystals glow, the androids run off those crystals, gotta lot of energy in them that makes their colors real bright so I can see their lights. The ones in their eyes and stuff.

So Green light, Cyan light, Orange light, and Green-Orange light.

I can also see the spots on the others from our group. Thats how I communicate with Tommy when we go out lookin' for food and how I know not to mess with G.

Makes hunting sound hard but thats where the sweetvoice comes in. Use that badboy and hit my prey with sp they're colored by the voice. Like a big target on their back. Easy to chase down when I don't have Tommy's help.