#Clive™

[lexfoster]

the thing about event horizon is that it had the potential to be one of the best movies ever made but cannot fully commit to the bit

[trashbatistrash]

,

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: the trans mummy returns

King: hey clive i read online that you were pro trans rights Clive Barker: what an odd thing to say Barker: why ever would you feel the need to remark on that Barker: when it's the obvious opinion held by all right-thinking people Barker: but yes Clive Barker: ya know, i had an idea to make a trans version of the mummy King: really? i don't remember that coming up before Barker: oh no? Barker: then enjoy this midnight pals classic™ about my trans mummy idea Barker: you better fuckin enjoy it cuz we got nothing funny to say today [theremin flashback sound effect]

Barker: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the mummy Barker: but I got a twist for ya Barker: what if this time Barker: the mummy Barker: was Barker: tra Dan Simmons: THAT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD Barker: ns

Simmons: how are you gonna know if a mummy is trans?! archeologists would just LOOK at the mummy's pelvis and KNOW the mummy's BIOLOGICAL SEX Barker: uh no Barker: it would be obvious Barker: this mummy wears a choker Barker: probably with a big ol' scarab on it or something

Barker: of course ancient egypt considered cats sacred, so naturally my trans mummy wears cat ears King: right, right Barker: and post orchiectomy she carries around her balls in a canopic jar King: sure, sounds legit Simmons: I AM Simmons: SO MAD ABOUT THIS

Barker: i really think my trans mummy idea has some legs Barker: where's joanne? i wanna tell her about this haha Poe: she's not here tonight clive Barker: oh what a shame haha Barker: maybe i'll just head over to her scottish castle to tell her haha Poe: clive Poe: clive

Poe: clive don't be an instigator Barker: me???? an instigator?? Barker: edgar Barker: you wound me Barker: i'm not instigating i just really think hahahah she's gonna be SO FUCKING mad Poe: Barker: C'MON! it'll be funny!

Barker: hey joanne guess what JK Rowling: shut the fuck up Barker: haha what? i didn't say anything Rowling: i know you

[fallendev0tionvn]

Clive is literally the genderbent version of the Hello Kitty Girl™

HELL is that an actual person or is it the hello kitty girl stereotype💀

just in case bro is love quinn HSHSHAH

(literally you and clive seeing each other after those three years resumed:)

[choccy-milky]

(SPOILER WARNING to people who haven't read your story) I SWEAR to GOD!!!! This is borderline anon-hate with my current state of mind after finishing The Raven and The Snake over this weekend. I finished it in two days. I'm a mess. I've even started making a playlist because I feel like I can't properly enter reality again. I'm supposed to be writing my bachelors thesis right now,,,, what have you done to me!!!!

I loved it so so so much, and I am very mad I cannot have a collectors edition hardback version of it on my shelf. There are many many moments that keep replaying in my head, and scenes that I saw so vividly when reading through it. The first imperio moment and Sebs shadow and imperio-green eyes as Clora was held captive, and the entire scene in the repository and how I was physically shaking as I slowly realised that Seb had made a fucking horcrux, and when it was CONFIRMED the GASP i GUSPED. It was so perfect, and so very Sebastian; because OF COURSE he made a horcrux (lowkey hot, sue me).

And the scene where Clive realised Seb straight up just died for his daughter without knowing he would be back, oh my dear lord.

And the idea of Seb being seen as a 'Ruffian' and that little mamas boi bitch of a Henry thinking his hand-me-down-riches, muggle ass would be preferable to a powerful wizard. I secretly wished they didn't have to keep magic a secret so Henry could have known just how inferior he was. AND SEB APPARATING SO FAR UMPH the skilllll.

I could go on and on and on, and maybe I will some other time in your inbox when I have another mental breakdown.

And now I'm also almost done with the small sequel. Just taking a break to bombard you with this unhinged message of mine. And how you draw Sebastian is so fucking good. It's actually what got me reading in the first place. I see your version as being in a completely separate universe from the game, cause the way you draw him just has that something, and it's not the same anywhere else. It certainly doesn't help my obsession that my own boyfriend has the same features and colour palette as him, now I think I might even use your art as inspo for next time we need wardrobe additions.

I love you and I hate you.

Ps. Of course I added Sarah Smiles to the playlist and also Far too young to Die, and Just One Yesterday. If you've any other songs you think match please let me knowww~~

BRUHHHHH I ALMOST FEEL NARCISSISTIC FOR POSTING/RESPONDING TO THIS ASK BC ITS JUST PRAISE BUT DAMN THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭IM HAPPY YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH!! FORGET WRITING YOUR BACHELORS THESIS, TY FOR WRITING A THESIS ON WHY U LOVED MY FIC SO MUCH AND ALL THE LIL THINGS U ENJOYED BAHAHAHA (love the henry slander) im also glad u like how i draw seb too, and i love how thats what made u start reading it in the first place BAHAH but fr, sometimes i try drawing seb more accurately to his ACTUAL appearance and then im like... Who The Hell is this... and it may sound arrogant since im the artist but my seb is MY seb, yknow...its why i dont like drawing him with other mc's romantically. bc even tho its like, oh look, that's Sebastian Sallow™ from the hit game Hogwarts Legacy™! in my style if i draw him with another MC, its like, NO!!! THATS NOT SEBASTIAN SALLOW™, THATS CLORA'S HUSBAND🤺🤺THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BOI??🤺🤺🤺 LMAOO but rly TY AGAIN💖💖💖 not only for reading but also taking the time to write all this and let me know how much you enjoyed it🥹🥹i (and all writers, really) always love getting stuff like this!! it also brings me back to when i was writing it, especially now that ive been finished with my fic for a few months, listening to u react to all the diff scenes is making me miss it and giving me nostalgia for my own damn fic FRRR😩 also i love that youre making a playlist LMAOO thats how u know the brainrot truly has a hold on you IM SO SORRY🙏🙏 i actually made a seb and clora playlist like last year and its somewhere in my ask tag if you look through that?? but one song that i can recommend off the top of my head (which i almost made their anthem in that OTP chart) is arms tonite by mother mother...whenever i listen to it i cant help but laugh to myself bc its SO perfect for the chap where seb sacrifices himself....YOULL SEE WHEN U LISTEN😇💖

[ninadove]

Shipping Ask Game

Make a poll of your Top 10 Ships so your followers can vote for their favorite!

Oooh, this is going to be hard. Let’s see…

One of these things isn’t like the others… (I ship many things, but only the best of the best deserve the Brainrot Medal! 🏅)

We should do this with platonic relationships/BROTPs/siblings too… I’m cooking™

Tagging @dragongutsixofficial, @rubytactician, @beezonia, @what-is-going-on-im-confused, @phieillydinyia, @purplecatghostposts, @trishacollins, @bittersweetresilience (so you can do the Renjing Square), @faiirygrahamdevanily, @alexandriaellisart, @sillyangstfic, @hartwign, @adastra-rising and anyone who wants to try! 💜

[ffxiii-et-al]

[Conversation while Clive, Jill, and Joshua ride chocobos together]

Jill: Do you think that we ought to think of a name for each of Ambrosia's companions?

Clive: Perhaps we should.

Joshua: I already know what mine is called.

Jill: You've got a name for her already, Joshua?

Joshua: I do.

Clive: And?

Joshua: Her name is ‘Kweh’.

Clive: [with distain] You've named your Chocobo “Kweh”?

Joshua: [Looking proud and mischievous] I certainly did not. I asked her what her name was and that was her reply.

Jill: [charmed laughter] You're adorable, Joshua.

Clive: [Long suffering sigh™]

[rydiathesummoner]

Ranking the FFXVI dominants according to how good they would be at singing

#8: Jill.

Sorry Jill, but singing is not in the cards. Her early life in the north was wartime, and her side losing. Probably not a lot of singing lessons. Given how Anabella called her savage and viewed her as marriage stock it's unlikely she ever learned how to sing. No biggie though, she would rather shovel chocobo shit than perform in front of people anyway. Sometimes when it's just her and Clive, she will hum off-key. Clive thinks her humming is the most beautiful sound in Valisthea and doesn't even notice she's off-key because if Jill is happy enough to hum, then that's the best thing ever and beautiful and perfect.

#7: Hugo

Singing is for sissies. Pansies. Only weak men participate in the arts. Why learn to sing when you can have the glory of combat, gold and women?? That said, he was able to hold that "FUUUUUUUUUUCK" pretty well so he might be able to hold notes just as well.

#6: Joshua

He probably had music lessons as a kid so he knows the theory and can carry a tune. However, he spent his voice-changing puberty years in a coma. It probably took him ages just to get used to his body doing all kinds of wild new shit for him to re-learn how to sing. He might sing along in a crowd for holidays and ceremonies, but he's mostly lip-synching. It also doesn't help he has an alien in his chest and a tendency to cough up blood. Good luck projecting your voice with that.

#5: Cid

Yeah he's a bit off-key, and?? He's a former military commander, not a theater star. He doesn't give a shit if he's singing well or not, he's going to get drunk, sing his heart out with his buddies and if you don't like it, well the door's over there. He gets the lyrics right, mostly! What he lacks in skill he makes up for in style and getting the (bar) crowd involved. Not to mention his speaking voice is great, right? Just... kind of add a tune and it's still gonna be better than average.

#4: Benedikta

Despite her impoverished background, her singing is pretty nice. She really excels in sultry and jazzy/blues types of songs. Obviously she uses this surprising skill to entice men and not because she enjoys it or anything. To her it's just another tool in her kit, and like any tool she keeps it sharpened with plenty of practice while slinging her weapons around. Everyone in the weapons range loves to listen to her singing but they don't dare say anything.

#3: Barnabas

He has a rich and beautiful baritone. He could have been a star if he hadn't elected to be a murderous slave king to a deceitful god. He doesn't sing anyway though. Singing is useless. Unless it would summon Mythos. Wait, will it attract Mythos for the Lord and Master? Could singing potentially buff Mythos to prepare him to be even stronger for his Master? He's heard tales of such people from other stories. Better sing while battling Mythos. Just in case.

#2: Dion

His singing voice is stellar. His singing is like a clear night's sky. But you'll never hear it. He doesn't sing in front of others. That's... awkward. He's a weapon, not an entertainer. What would his troops think if he started belting out the show tunes he secretly loves? That's not how a Proper Bahamut™ acts! They would either never take him seriously again or make inappropriate song requests constantly and he's not sure which one is worse. He'll sing for Terence though. He gets flustered when Terence encourages it but does it anyway and secretly enjoys singing for him. Terence knows he secretly enjoys it. That's why he asks. Well, that and his voice really is amazing.

#1: Clive

Of course the theater kid is number 1. He was the star of all his Rosarian school musicals. He's been singing his whole life! As a kid some of his favorite memories are belting out old songs with Uncle Byron and his dad. They used to fantasize about becoming a singing quartet once Joshua was older if they didn't have the whole royalty and eikon thing going on. When he was enslaved by the Imperial army he didn't sing much, except on rare occasions with his fellow Bastards after a long mission and some smuggled alcohol. The bastards are confused why Wyvern has such a beautiful singing voice but whatever he kills good too. Once he's freed and has accepted himself he feel the urge to get back into singing again, but by now he's feeling a bit awkward about it. Like how does one approach the topic? "Hey guys, I'm a great singer check it out!" No, that's too weird for Outlaw Cid, he can't force it. He wishes to himself that there would be a singing contest or at least a drunken sing-along at the Fat Chocobo so he can finally show off his talent, or that Jill would somehow spread the idea around so somebody could ask, but so far he's been disappointed. Someday the Hideaway will hear it. Someday.

[birdthatisbored]

Let's give Red Valley the Magnus Archives-Mechanisms treatment™. Clive's va is the lead singer on morior invictus? Clive Schill was in pus crank.

[theakandrewscollection]

Hellraiser "Hell Priestess" statue and art print, (collectibles, 2016)

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The role of Hell Priest, colloquially known as "PinHead", of Clive Barker's Hellraiser universe being taken on by a woman dates back to the very beginning of the franchise, in the book The Hellbound Heart.

Before Jamie Clatyon's portrayal of the Hell Preist in the 2022 Hellraiser movie, the role was taken over by Kristy Cotton, the protagonist of the original Hellraiser movie, in the Clive Barker approved, canon, Hellraiser comic series.

Not long after, Sideshow Collectibles would release a officially licensed Hell Priestess statue and art print. Whether this is a representation of Kristy in the role, the character in the original book or another, unknown, damned soul is not known.

Limited edition print, Art by Ian MacDonald

.

.

.

"Hell PriestessPremium Format™ Figure by Sideshow Collectibles

Welcome to Hell

Clive Barker’s world of Hellraiser introduced us to the Cenobites, and their leader – Pinhead. Now, Sideshow is ready to introduce the world to a new member of the Cenobites – The Hell Priestess Premium Format™ Figure. Working directly with Clive Barker's production studio, Sideshow’s artists have crafted a new level of terror. The Hell Priestess Premium Format™ Figure sits upon a base that is adorned with a blood pool containing the roiling tortured souls of victims. In direct contrast to the gruesome self-mutilation that the Hell Priestess exhibits, she is seen alighting delicately upon a Lament Configuration box that rests on the surface of the aforementioned pool.The pins that pierce her flesh are crafted out of metal while the rest of the piece is made up of polystone and fabric elements. DetailsHell PriestessBrandHell PriestessCharacterHell PriestessManufacturerSideshow CollectiblesTypeFigurePremium Format™ FigureGenreHorrorRoomCollection RoomCategoryCollectiblesArtistsIan MacDonald (Design)Alex Pascenko (Design)Adam SmithChadwick AndersenKat Sapene (Paint)Casey Love (Paint)Zac Roane (Design)Katie Fernandez (Costume Fabrication)Greg Mowry (Costume Fabrication)The Sideshow Design and Development Team

Product Size

Height: 23.25" (59 cm)Width: 11.5" (29 cm)Depth: 9.75" (25 cm) *"

Quote source-

https://www.sideshow.com/collectibles/hell-priestess-hell-priestess-sideshow-collectibles-300517

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"The Hell Priestess Art Print by Ian MacDonald. Sideshow Exclusive. Exclusively available through Sideshow.com. Limited availability in select international territories. AboutSideshow presents The Hell Priestess Premium Art Print, an all-original creation in collaboration with Clive Barker and Seraphim Inc., by Ian MacDonald. Surrounded by instruments of pain and torture, Sister Renee would stop at nothing to show her devotion... until it was too late. Hand-numbered and embossed, each limited edition print will come with a special origin story of the Hell Priestess from the creators. Print Details:Hand-numbered limited edition of 175 18x24" fine art giclée print100% cotton, acid-free, matte Museo Rag 300GSMEpson archival inksAn authorized, automated penciled signatureEmbossed seal of authenticityFrame Details:Recycled polystyrene moulding (Black)Custom double mat design (Black and Crimson) Framing grade acrylicWire hanger: No additional hardware required"

Quote source-

https://www.sideshow.com/collectibles/hell-priestess-the-hell-priestess-sideshow-collectibles-500429

I didn't plan on doing a theme week within a theme month but, as it so happened, I ended up with a run of entries of dominant women who have fully embraced the darkness, so...

Welcome to Dommes of Darkness Week!

[oathkeeper-kima]

[Find the Flame]

testing out the graphics update with Hotlander™ and his new haircut and to be honest you can take the clive outfit off of my dark knight glamour plate over my cold dead body

[samthecookielord]

Happy 2024! With the clive squad™

[eirinstiva]

Intimacy

Will I be able to catch up with Maurice Mails? Chapters 33 and 34 now~

Now that Clive Durham was safe from intimacy, he looked forward to helping his friend, who must have had a pretty rough time since they parted in the smoking-room. Their correspondence had ceased several months ago. Maurice’s last had been written after Birmingham, and announced he should not kill himself. Clive had never supposed he would, and was glad the melodrama was over. 

Maybe this is the calm before the storm, but I hope is just the beginning of a better time for all of them.

The centre of his life was Anne. Would Anne get on with his mother? Would Anne like Penge, she who had been brought up in Sussex, near the sea? Would she regret the lack of religious opportunities there? And the presence of politics? Besotted with love, he gave her his body and soul, he poured out at her feet all that an earlier passion had taught him, and could only remember with an effort for whom that passion had been.

Oh~ so Clive is in love with Anne. Does that mean Clive is bisexual? I guess~ Have a biscuit for your engagement.

When he arrived in her room after marriage, she did not know what he wanted. Despite an elaborate education, no one had told her about sex. Clive was as considerate as possible, but he scared her terribly, and left feeling she hated him. She did not.

This is a very awkward start for a marriage. This relationship feels so weird, and in the wrong way. Maybe it was rushed, I don't know, but crealy Anne started with a huge disadvantage.

When he arrived in her room after marriage, she did not know what he wanted. Despite an elaborate education, no one had told her about sex. Clive was as considerate as possible, but he scared her terribly, and left feeling she hated him. She did not.

Maybe I'm the one who's confused, watching a relationship from outside like watching a fish in an aquarium.

Maurice took a week’s holiday in August and reached Penge according to invitation three days before the Park v. Village cricket match. He arrived in an odd and bitter mood. He had been thinking over Risley’s hypnotist, and grew much inclined to consult him.

Chapter 34 feels really awkward because Maurice and Clive can see each other again, but now is Anne who wants to know more about Maurice. It's a weird seeing your ex queer lover living the happy heterosexual marriage life™.

“I’ve had to do with the poor too,” said Maurice, taking a piece of cake, “but I can’t worry over them. One must give them a leg up for the sake of the country generally, that’s all. They haven’t our feelings. They don’t suffer as we should in their place.”

Maurice is a cold hearted economist now. He reminds me of those guys I met at university many years ago. Some times never change [sips tea].

“You’re horrible.” “I didn’t think. I suppose that does sound so.” “But do you like being horrible?” “One gets used to anything,” he said, suddenly turning, for the door had blown open behind. “Well, good gracious me, I scold Clive for being cynical, but you outdo him.”

Anne, I don't why do you find something fascinating in Maurice. At least we know that Clive and Maurice keep vibing in the rhythm.

Will Maurice visit the hypnotysm doctor? Will the roof be repaired someday? Will be a untruthful radical or mad socialist in Maurice's life? Too many questions, but for now let's keep in mind the last part of the letter.

Life had proved a blind alley, with a muck heap at the end of it, and he must cut back and start again. One could be absolutely transformed, Risley implied, provided one didn’t care a damn for the past. Farewell, beauty and warmth. They ended in muck and must go. Drawing the curtains, he gazed long into the rain, and sighed, and struck his own face, and bit his own lips.

See you soon!

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Moonflow

Bitter Karella: hello, fellow esteemed authors! King: wow it's bitter karella! Lovecraft: bitter karella! Koontz: WOW bitter karella! Poe: OMG it's THE bitter karella! Barker: Barker: what the fuck is wrong with you guys

Karella: yes it's me, bitter karella, beloved bon vivant, gadabout and real author Barker: well, i've never heard of you Karella: Barker: wait did i say that? i meant to say bitter karella is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life

Karella: [sitting backward on chair] you know me as a very cool & also good-looking goblin Karella: but i'm also the author of such luminary works as The Ballad of Horse Girl in Split Scream 5 (currently available from Tenebrous Press) and Moonflow (coming soon from Orbit US!)

Poe: i see you're wearing an "Ask me about Moonflow" badge Karella: You mean the latest masterpiece of horror storytelling from Orbit's™ Bitter Karella™? Why it's an extraordinary adventure with an interface of eldritch folk horror, queer squelchcore splatterpunk and raccoons!

Karella: Not to mention a psychedelic fantasmagoria of mushroom trips, terf cults, cop eugenics, fat sex, AND elegant point 'n' click control of characters, objects, and magic spells! Karella: Beat the rush! Go out and buy Moonflow™ today!

Karella: Moonflow has something for everyone! Scary forests! Mysterious gods! Gallons of blood! Exploding heads! Karella: and don't think i forgot about you ladies Karella: there's also multiple lesbian orgies

Poe: wow! Moonflow sounds incredible! i can't wait to read it! Koontz: what was that name again? i forgot Karella: it's Moonflow! And you'll have to wait Karella: CUZ IT'S NOT COMING OUT TIL FALL 2025!!!

Karella: yo yo yo they call me bitter karella Karella: i'm half joe camel and third Fonzarella! Karella: i'm a real cool goblin & i'm here to say Karella: i love reading Moonflow in a major way! Poe: wow that bitter karella is one outrageous dude! Koontz: he's totally in my face!

Mary Shelley: [reading cue card] "sup fuckers" Shelley: "are you ready for a nerd-shivvingly good time reading moonflow" Barker: [reading cue card] "i can't think of anything cooler than buying & reading bitter karella's moonflow" Poe: Barker: edgar Barker: edgar that's your cue

Poe: what? oh wait Poe: wait i've got it, i've got it Poe: uhhhh Poe: line? Barker: Barker: you're supposed to say "clive" Poe: right right "clive" of course Barker: like you always do Barker: it's literally your thing

What's this all about? IT'S ABOUT THIS!!

[kon-igi]

UN VIAGGIO NELL'ORRORE

Tranquilli, non è il vostro viaggio ma il mio.

Io sono nato all'inizio degli anni '70, quindi mi sono fatto prima tutta la cinematografia horror di Dario Argento&co e poi tutti gli slasher americani con le icone classiche quali Jason, Freddy, Leatherface etc.

Ma c'è un problema...

Io non ho mai visto nessuno di quei film fino al 1990.

Vedete, io vivevo in una famiglia molto particolare™ dove la televisione era vista come il male assoluto, ragion per cui fino ai 14 anni io sono stato costretto ad andare a letto alle nove di sera e durante il giorno potevo guardare solo un'ora di televisione (stranamente non era conteggiato il tempo davanti al Commodore 64 e indovinate un po' chi era il mio migliore amico).

In quell'ora a disposizione io cercavo, ovviamente, di farci stare i miei cartoni animati preferiti ma non mi era possibile guardare film, tantomeno di sera.

Me li facevo raccontare.

Sì perché, evidentemente, il concetto di film non adatto ai bambini si applicava solo a me mentre tutti i miei amici, invece, rimanevano alzati fino a tardi a guardare film pazzeschi insieme ai loro genitori e il giorno dopo me li raccontavano.

A difesa dei miei genitori posso dire che in effetti ero un bambino particolarmente impressionabile ed è forse a causa dei sogni che facevo alle elementari che scelsero di non espormi a quello che in linguaggio tecnico viene definito nightmare fuel.

Non che ne avessi bisogno, intendiamoci.

Per esempio, in terza o in quarta elementare fui perseguitato da quello che io avevo soprannominato Il Burattinaio Cadavere, che si manifestava nel seguente modo: prima io mi trovavo in un qualsiasi luogo a me conosciuto (casa, scuola, parco giochi etc) poi improvvisamente tutto diventava scuro e dei fili tipo ragnatele scendevano dal cielo per toccare le decine di cadaveri che improvvisamente erano apparsi accasciati a terra, i quali si rianimavano come burattini e mi venivano barcollando incontro. Ovviamente mi svegliavo urlando come un ossesso.

E che dire della Lamante, una donna che ogni notte mi faceva vedere un buco sul braccio e mi sussurrava 'Se mi aspetti poi ti faccio vedere cosa mi hanno fatto'. E dopo tornava con le braccia amputate e due lame lunghissime innestate cercando di trafiggermi.

E poi il Buio, la Porta, il Verme Oculare, lo Sghignazzatore Maledetto...

(Beh, forse ero un qualcosa di diverso da 'impressionabile' ma vabbe'...)

Comunque, il primo film horror che vidi a casa di un amico fu Halloween di John Carpenter e al di là dell'angoscia di vedere REALMENTE un qualcosa horror, mi piacque parecchio e lì cominciò la mia collezione di problemi.

Come qualsiasi manuale di pedagogia insegna fin dai primi capitoli, la lunga privazione di un qualcosa di proibito che ero l'unico a non possedere mi spinse a fare binge watching di ogni film horror, di ogni libro di Stephen King, Clive Barker, Lovecraft e persino a scegliere come gioco di ruolo preferito Call of Cthulhu invece del più innocuo Dungeons&Dragons.

Andai fuori di testa.

Ogni notte un Geteit Chemosit che indossava la faccia strappata di mia madre cercava di entrare in camera mia e di giorno giravo sempre armato perché non si sa mai.

Mandai quasi in ospedale la mia povera mamma che ebbe la pessima idea di entrare in camera mia perché mi lamentavo nel sonno (non avevo capito che la faccia era attaccata alla persona giusta) e a distanza di anni ancora ridiamo con i miei amici di quando in campeggio tenni sollevato per il collo lo sventurato che fece un verso sospetto quando, uscendo per pisciare ancora mezzo addormentato, calpestai per sbaglio il suo sacco a pelo.

Per me valeva il motto 'L'uomo che dorme con un machete sotto al cuscino è un pazzo tutte le notti tranne una' e infatti la routine serale dei miei amici era aspettare che mi addormentassi e poi nascondere tutte le mie armi (grazie Francesca perché quella notte particolare avrei senza dubbio ucciso tutti con la mia Katana).

La notte, insomma, non mi è stata mai amica perché forte in me era la convinzione, per non dire la certezza, che il sonno rendesse possibile la venuta di orrori innominabili che si arrampicavano lungo la parte sbagliata della luce.

Verso i diciannove anni facemmo una festa per la fine della Maturità in un'enorme casa di campagna di non mi ricordo chi e dopo aver bevuto l'impossibile ognuno si appropriò di una stanza a casa, chi per trombare (non io) chi per collassare (io).

Solo che non collassai.

Come in un racconto breve di Stephen King mi misi a sedere su un vecchio letto col materasso di lana e tenendo i piedi nudi su un pavimento di cotto dalle piastrelle tutte storte (assurdo come certi particolari rimangano impressi) cominciai a fissare la porta chiusa.

Faceva caldo ma l'avevo chiusa.

Improvvisamente sento una sensazione strana sulla schiena, come di brividi, e i capelli mi si rizzano sulla nuca.

Un pensiero mi si insinua nelle tempie come un ago nel polistirolo...

'Sta arrivando'.

E poi abbasso lo sguardo e vedo che sto tenendo in mano un lungo coltello da macellaio, che evidentemente non ricordavo di aver preso giù in cucina.

Non ricordavo di averlo preso o forse in quel momento avevo capito qualcosa?

Sta arrivando

Punto i piedi a terra...

STA ARRIVANDO

Mi alzo e stringo più forte il coltello

STA ARRIV...

Ma io mi muovo per primo e scatto verso la porta con un fendente dal basso verso l'alto che avrebbe aperto in due la pancia dell'essere non appena avesse spalancato la porta.

TUNC!

Guardo la lama affondata a metà nel pannello della porta chiusa, assolutamente chiusa ma così chiusa che pareva l'emblema della possibilità che io quella sera trombassi.

Allora scendo in cucina, rimetto il coltello nel cassetto e tra i gorgoglii dei conati di vomito di chi aveva ecceduto e l'assoluto silenzio di chi non stava minimamente trombando, mi sdraio sul letto e mi addormento di un sonno senza sogni.

La parte più nobile e metafisica di me vuole pensare che con quell'ultimo fendente dato al vuoto in realtà uccisi definitivamente l'oscurità in me ma in realtà credo di aver semplicemente realizzato che chiunque fosse entrato in quel particolare momento si sarebbe visto rovesciare gli intestini sul pavimento e questo non rientrava tra le cose che avrei voluto fare da grande.

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Top 5 Clive scenes, moments, quotes, fanworks,... anything Clive <3

YOU ARE SPOILING ME CLARA 💙🕊️

What if instead of a Top 5 I gave you my favourite Clive things in 5 different categories.

Favourite Clive scene: The Evil and Sexy Laugh™, of course. It was my text jingle on my old phone. One time it rang during a test and spooked everyone. I was careful to silence it afterwards.

Favourite Clive quote: They’re all great, but “Don’t worry about me. I intend to atone for my crimes.” is my redeemed antagonist lover origin story. I’m not joking when I say I owe him everything.

Favourite Clive fic: Professor Layton and The Rewound Repercussions by ThinkingCAPSLOCK. I read it when I was 15 or so and it inspired my entire characterisation of the boy. 💙🕊️

Favourite Clive fanart: [CW: blood + disturbing imagery] The only thing I have left of it is this (probably unauthorised) super pixelated Pinterest repost… I can’t even read the watermark and a reverse image search turns up nothing… If anyone knows where I can find the original please let me know…

Favourite Clive relationships to play with: Clemmy and Clive & Hershel. They hold a special place in my heart 💛💙🧡

Thanks for the ask! 💙🕊️