#DiaryOfAnOverthinker

[thechillexplorer]

🧠 Overthinking Everything Since 2005

By: A Chill Explorer

“I don’t just think. I rehearse, replay, redesign, and regret — all before lunch.”

— Probably Me

Hey there,

I’m a Chill Explorer — someone who lounges in comfy corners, stares at ceilings, and questions everything… including the ceiling.

Born in 2005, and since then? Well, I’ve been overthinking my way through life like it’s an unpaid full-time job.

👧🏽 Kid Me: The Drama Detective

As a kid, when my mum scolded me, I didn’t just pout and move on. I’d stare dramatically into the void and think: “Maybe she’s not even my real mom. Maybe she kidnapped my real one and replaced her.”

Every bedtime story ended with me questioning family trees.

I also spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering who loved me more — mummy or papa. (Answer: Neither, when you mess up the Wi-Fi.)

👀 Teen Me: The Insecurity Intern

Teenage years = Peak spiral season.

I overthought my big nose, my dark skin, the number of friends I didn’t have, and every “hmm” sent over text.

One “k” and I was in my room writing emotional poetry with sad playlist volume at 100.

My brain? A never-ending ‘what if’ machine.

🧑🏽‍💼 Adult Me (Or Whatever This Phase Is)

Welcome to Corporate Overthinking™.

Now it’s about my CGPA, career choices, and life decisions that feel like playing Jenga blindfolded.

I’ve always hated studies. Always loved art, music, writing… but guess who chose a business degree? Yep — Miss Stability Over Passion. 🙃

And guess what? I still overthink. I overthink deadlines, future jobs, whether to email with “Regards” or “Warm Regards”… it's endless.

💡 Why I’m Grateful for My Overthinking Brain

Sure, it brings stress and the occasional emotional breakdown in the shower. But it’s also my superpower.

Because of it, I:

joined case competitions

did internships and live projects

improved my CGPA (somehow)

became someone who cares deeply about her relationships

If I fight with someone, I overthink it to the point of apologizing with food, memes, or over-the-top voice notes.

💫 In the End...

I’m just a Chill Explorer. Still spiraling, still overthinking — but also still learning, growing, and feeling things way too deeply.

And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

📌 *“Overthinking doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re human with Wi-Fi on 24/7 inside your head.”*

[einsamkeit7]

Can I call you?

To tell you what I've been through.

Can I text you?

Just like before our conversations till two.

Can I tell you?

The words I've never been able to.

Can I treat you?

Treat you better than I do.

Can I wish for you?

Cause I've seen 11:11's turning true.

Can I again hear you?

The answer stays with you.

Because it takes me back to

Can I call you?

[aaliaa7med]

Solitude is often the best form of escapism...

[einsamkeit7]

Are we falling apart? I've been asking lately,

more than usual,

I've been asking it for multiple times now at different instances.

When there were no friendship bands around this year,

An enthusiasm that used to be had vanished either.

When I see people from a country divided on a single decision,

Some celebrating it with dance, some trapped in their houses with tension.

Something has disappeared, I can't be decisive

Is it the will to live or the motive?

How did we come this far that now the religion will decide peace or war?

Are we falling apart?

- Yash Nag

#diaryofanoverthinker

[einsamkeit7]

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

[aaliaa7med]

There's a very fine line between having dreams, and keeping unrealistic expectations. Accepting reality and its many flaws becomes a mammoth task to those who fall into the latter category. For they fall into an abyss of disappointment...

[aaliaa7med]

Perks of being an Overthinker (not) :)

I tend to overthink too many things way too often. And in the result I end up hurting myself the most, and mostly for things that weren't a big deal to begin with. I've come to realize that if I truly DO believe in the All-Seeing and the All-Knowing...then overthinking shouldn't even be an option. If my heart is content in knowing that I'm along the right path, then so should my mind.

[aaliaa7med]

Ramadan 2015 :)

A lot of us may be going through tough times right now. Regardless of which battle each of us is fighting, we're all being tested in different ways. Amidst all the cruelties and wonders of reality, Ramadan begins tonight. For some of us (like me) the idea of being without food and water for more than half a day in this terrible heat may seem like another test in itself. But I read somewhere recently that it's not about what you give up during Ramadan; it's about what you gain. I pray more than anything that this Ramadan brings peace, perspective and pleasure into our lives. Peace of heart and mind; a perspective of who we really are, and what we really want out of our lives; and the pleasure of contentment. I pray that our du'aas are answered this Ramadan; every single thing we've fervently been praying for. And I pray that this be the best Ramadan of our lives, YET. "O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous -" (The Glorious Qur'an 2:183)

[aaliaa7med]

Don't rush everything. Some things are worth waiting for. Take your time. Contemplate life. Take decisions slowly but wisely. Breathe a little. Live life one day at a time. And don't always feel the need to move on to the next thing. Most of us couldn't "wait to grow up" when we were little. Almost all of us would be willing to trade the days bygone with the ones we're stuck in now... So live a little. And don't rush.

[aaliaa7med]

Sometimes life gets hard. It becomes a little unbearable. It becomes such an unplayable puzzle that the only way forward is to keep telling yourself that there lies an opening somewhere amidst this maze, and beyond that opening lie the results of all the sacrifices you've made, and all the hard work you've done. So keep fighting. Keep surviving. Keep working towards your dreams. You'll learn to live one day too.

[aaliaa7med]

There was a time when I'd look in the mirror, and not know who the person staring back at me was. That was when I'd lost my individuality; my sense of purpose; my reason to live. Facing that again remains to be one of my greatest fears...

[aaliaa7med]

Sometimes you need to find a source of hope. Not for yourself, but for the sake of those around you... :)

[aaliaa7med]

Chaos...

Ever so often in the journey that is life one has to move along a bumpy road or cross dangerous terrain. With a little courage and determination, and a lot of faith, these hurdles can be overcome. But what happens when one is drained of all hope and arrives at a junction where the next step is unknown; where there are many roads ahead but at the beginning of every path lie one’s darkest fears...?

I’m at a point in my life where very few things make sense. And I’d like to think I’m not the only one who’s going through this, but the loneliness that’s attached to this phase makes me think otherwise. I’m enveloped by confusion, and fear has consumed me. I get excited by the idea of a new beginning but the past somehow makes me pessimistic of what lies ahead. My mind has become a melting pot of chaos, fear and negativity, and I’m not sure why. That the future is uncertain is a known fact. And I’ve accepted it. But I’m still left with a void in my soul; a result of all the thoughts occupying my mind. 

The past few weeks have not been splendid at all, but the worst part about being stuck in this phase is that I’ve forgotten to be grateful to my Lord. Every little thing that goes wrong in my life makes me feel like failure is an inevitable part of my future. Everything frustrates me and in the process I’ve forgotten to appreciate all that I already have. 

The only thing that’ll get me through this seemingly never-ending tunnel of chaos is faith in the One who created me. It’s my only hand-hold, the only constant in my life and the only thing that has helped me overcome so many hurdles in the past. 

The past doesn’t always catch up, neither does it repeat. One’s worst nightmares don’t necessarily come true. And a slightly chaotic new beginning doesn’t mean the whole road is going to be filled with thorns. 

‘‘For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.’’ 

-(The Glorious Qur’an (94:5) 

[aaliaa7med]

Perfection...

Ever so often you look at someone else's life and wish it were yours; even if it's for a split second, even if it's unintentional. But when tragedy strikes that very person's life, you tend to realize that the path you're walking down isn't that thorny after all. And you realize, very guiltily, the lack of contentment and gratitude within yourself. Every single person walking the earth is tried and tested in different ways by The Almighty. Perfection is a destination that doesn't exist in our mortal lives... The sooner we realize it, the better!

[aaliaa7med]

Change...

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've come to the conclusion that people never really *change* all of a sudden. Life and the circumstances that come along with it bring out characteristics and emotions that were always existent in us, but just weren't required before. Layer by layer, the entire being unfolds...

[aaliaa7med]

Perks of being a hijabi on a windy day (not)

Last week was unbelievably windy in my city and I realized (the hard way) that the wind has absolutely NO respect for my modesty :P 

For starters, I lost my hijab pins, nearly lost my hijab and had to battle with an almost embarrassing case of fly-away abaya. I also successfully managed to look like a penguin with a handicapped leg on my way up a staircase at university.

Haha! The struggle is very, very real!