#Dissertation Progress
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oh my hubris
#why did i put on my list for the day SO much writing#on three different projects#frankly this is a recipe for making me demoralized about my dissertation even though i'm making great progress on this chapter#oh well. onward we soldier! to a break and a walk because it's stupid beautiful outside
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charmed. i'm so charmed
#pov you're on a video call with your professor discussing the progress on your dissertation. possibly you're not concentrating#media blitz#deeply grateful whenever patrick gets instructed to film materials and we get to hear him chat and bat his huge blue eyes at the camera#im a HUUUGE fan of his lopsided smile as well............ IM CHARMEDDDD
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got some gif requests yesterday but i’ve been busy at work/studying this weekend for my final exam which will be over in exactly 11 hours. so after that i will be free to get to the requests :)
#and i’ll be cooking some fajitas hopefully#but most importantly i NEED to get started on creating my dissertation experiment#and i have a meeting on tuesday morning where she will no doubt want to talk about my progress on it#basically. busy day tomorrow
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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*Deletes a whole page of work that I did previously*
*Writes a different page that might be marginally better*
You know what! I did so much work! I deserve to go on Tumblr to kick my little happy feet at fandom content!
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two 4500 word essays, a phd application, AND a scholarship application due in within a week of each other…
#remember when i was making my silly little dark academia posts when i was 17#she was so naive…#application season is hell…#i thought this academic year would progressively get more stressful but i actually think this is the worst of it#like yes i have a big dissertation due in september#yes in april i have two 6000 word essays due within two days of each other#but at least i won’t have to be doing applications… at least they’ll be done…
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got used to living with a friend and now I'm like. hm. just me and my thoughts then?
#personal#got me a bit nervous for when i graduate and inevitably live alone#ive spent time living alone before but i have enjoyed living with a friend where we go to things and watch shows etc together#other roommates are more acquaintances#ill be fine just gotta adjust again#but anyone wanna come live with me at [UNKNOWN LOCATION] for [UNKNOWN TIME PERIOD]#positive things though!!!! people are back in the office (even if i am in the fish boy zone)#im making progress on my dissertation!!!
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thoughts aren’t thoughting today
#no thoughts head empty#no thoughts behind those eyes#work in progress#dissertation#pls help#send help#sleepy#what am i even doing#what are tags#what are these tags#studyblr#study blog#studyspo#study motivation#study aesthetic#idk how to tag this#idk anymore#idk#?
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So . . . it’s been raining all morning but I still went to the library and planned to be there a while but when I got there it had progressed to a literal downpour. I thought I’d wait it out but the weather said heavy rain for 45 minutes 🙄 Normally that would be great — love rain — but you can’t park close to the library; any parking is a decent walk away and I did not want to sit in the air conditioned library for three or four hours with damp clothes. Ergo, I’m back home. I’m working here and will be back to the library tomorrow. Here’s the rain at my house (it had died down a little but if you look closely you can see the river of water). Also here’s a kitty ❤️


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I passed all of my classes, yay!
#I just have my dissertation left#but I met with my supervisor the other day and he said I’ve made good progress with my research#and gave me some helpful suggestions
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honestly seriously considering dropping out even though I’ve got hardly a month left of the official term because they keep adding stupid steps to the dissertation instead of actually letting us work on the fucking dissertation
#what do you MEAN reports on the dissertation progress count for twice as many marks as the actual dissertation#let me work in peace PISS OFF#no proper timeline unclear instructions formatting rules that suck ass. why am I still here#log.
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anyways, i’m gonna try get this part 2 minsung fic out before i’m completely (more than i have already been in my first week) shat on by uni. y’all, this year…please send me your prayers because SHIT. senior year doesn’t fuck around fr.
i will probably go off on a tangent in the tags, but for now, gotta get my head in the academic game🫡😪
here’s to another year of being broke, starved and depressed!
edit: theres TWO spelling mistakes in the tags and i just think it’s funny how people don’t wanna see me succeed—
#diddybok waffle#not a hiatus? but will be slowwwwwww#so probably back to text stories#but i’m writing a dissertation so fuck knows when i will be able to write on here#so many drafts and works in progress fics it’s crazy#i don’t wanna leave :(#but i also don’t wanna retake my final year so what’s gotta be done has to be done#i love y’all and i see the comstant love you give on my fics old and new!#diddybok’s chix’s <3#someone be in chsrge of the coop whilst i am busy i beg
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lmao asked my supervisor to be my reference for this fellowship application and he was like what about your thesis 🤨
#he’s not wrong tho i’ve been v v slow w my progress…#but it’s not like i’m going to get even more sidetracked for an application that is recruiting NEXT YEAR#and it’s only the first step out of many many many selection processes that i’m not even sure i’ll pass#been very good w feeling semi-ok w where i am on my dissertation but it’s fine#just gonna feel very overwhelmed and not get anything done for the upcoming few days!! :DD
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Movin right along!
I finally have progress to report! I sent my chair the draft of chapter 1 at the beginning of April. Finally. Now I’m trying to get Chapter 2’s draft finished. I have to admit, the ADHD meds are really helping. I’m not second-guessing myself and I’m actually able to take what I’ve already written and revise it. I haven’t always been great at that. I had a tendency to simply start over with…
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omg expedition 33 comes out today :3
#i cannot fucking play this game#i have so much work to do im literally going to fail my degree#ive made more progression in papas cupcakeria than my dissertation
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applied for a job!!!
#praying my application was decent bc this is kinda ideal situation for next year at this point#I’ve been getting rlly upset abt everything and was feeling Bad this weekend for nebulous reasons that I think can largely be traced back to#not knowing what I’m doing next. so I’m feeling a little better now I’ve done this! and the application wasn’t even that painful to do#it just took a while. I saw it like two weeks ago while I was deep in dissertation hell and checked back today and Oops Closes Tomorrow#so I was working on it solidly from 5pm-1am with like an hour break to eat#man that’s a full 8 hour workday#did also manage to destroy a bunch of progress I’d made in not picking my nails (anxiety 😔) but bleugh can’t kick a lifelong habit instantly#but god yeah I’m like. really unsure what to do even if I get this job bc then I need to find somewhere to live and prepare myself for maybe#immediately working once I graduate? which would kinda suck but might be how it is#and also deal with staying in this city for another year#I don’t know how to feel about any of it and I’ve been really confused and upset by the whole thing bc I don’t like any options I have rn#what I would like to do is be going to start a PhD now I know I want to do one and go somewhere completely new with a framework built in for#reestablishing my life there. bc that’s the expectation when you start a phd#staying in this city is frustrating because the housing market is a COMPLETE shitshow and worse bc I can’t cycle or drive (I should learn)#and bc majority of my friends moving away and I have a feeling the ones who aren’t have other plans‚ and idk how much I’ll see them#going home is an even worse option but my parents really want me to. reeeaaally pushing that rn#I am not going into that here I will retain some dignity#but goddamn okay. I’m proud of myself for doing this and for managing to be optimistic about it while I was writing#it’s never been that easy before and I think I wrote a really good application#cautiously optimistic abt my prospects and abt the idea of staying here. this is just the first step towards that#and I have space to figure stuff out but this would give me some stability and I really want that right now#yeah! :D ooOOoOoOooOo you want to employ me so bad oOooOoOOoOoo#luke.txt
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