#EXCUSE THE MUSIC NOTES i remembered absolutely none of my music theory. and excuse the incorrect stool

[fudgecake-charlie]

reprise//reprieve

so, i thought i got off scot free. Wrong! Deltarune: on repeat! in my brain. When i had stumbled onto this in my play-through i straight up cried listening to them finally get to play. toby fox you sly dog, you've made me love the piano again after over half a decade (i've literally had this scene's music on loop for hours now)

bonus sketches i did in a haze of "ohhhh my god"

[shinazugawaswife]

If You Love Him - Harry Styles

This is based on the song If You Love Her by Forest Blakk

This song breaks my heart every time I listen to it, and I just thought of this idea. It honestly made me so sad to write and I really got in my feels, so I’m sorry beforehand if it’s too sad, but I’m actually really proud of it so I hope you enjoy<3 (Olivia Wilde appears in this, and it’s in no way meant negatively towards her) 

Summary: you have a hard time living without Harry, and when you find out he’s seeing someone else it breaks your heart and you write a song to his new lover

Warnings: none, it’s just sad:’(

Not my gif, so creds to the owner

You sat in front of the piano, fingers brushing the keys, just barely touching them. You've been crying all day it felt like, and now you just felt numb. You were absolutely drained of all your energy and you felt like you could fall asleep on the spot, but every time you tried closing your eyes, old memories flooded your brain a thousand miles per hour and prevented sleep from taking you with it.

You missed him, fuck you missed him so much. It was so hard just breathing without him and it felt like climbing a mountain just getting through one day without Harry beside you. You barely slept, just the thought of waking up and not seeing him in bed next to you, was enough to start a waterfall of tears streaming down your face. Every day you were in physical pain too, your stomach was in knots, your head was pounding from all the crying and your body had gotten so used to just laying in bed that your muscles had started hurting too from lack of use.

Every day was a hell to go through, but today had been the worst without a doubt. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling you'd felt when you’d checked Twitter that morning and saw rumors that Harry had found someone new. It had been all over the internet after a picture had been caught of him and someone else from the night before. Even though your brain had begged you to stop looking at the pictures and just turn off your phone, you'd spent the entire morning reading articles and fan theories. Eventually, it had hurt more than you could bear and you'd put down your phone and spent the rest of the day soaking your pillow from your unstoppable fountain of tears.

Now it was some time in the middle of the night, maybe around 3 a.m? You honestly didn't know. You hadn't touched your phone since you'd tossed it away earlier and you hadn't moved from your bed until an hour ago when you'd made your way to the piano in your living room.

One time what felt like an eternity ago, Harry had found you absolutely devasted after you thought a heavy argument with one of your close friends had led to the end of your friendship, and he'd told you: "some times emotions are easier to feel if you express them through music" and he'd made you sit down on the same piano bench you were sitting on now, listening while you wrote a song about every emotion that you'd felt. You remembered how he'd been right, that the feelings had actually been more bearable after you'd sang the words. Maybe it would work that way this time too? Honestly, at this point, you were willing to try anything to minimize the painful aching in your chest.

You'd just been staring at the piano in front of you for the last hour though, no words coming to mind that could express exactly what you were feeling. You kept thinking of Harry with this new person: was he with her right now, lying next to her in bed? Were they cuddling? Did he pull her tight to his chest while his head rested atop of hers as he'd always done with you? Were they having deep pillow talks till far into the night, like the two of you used to? Did he touch her the way he'd touched you? Did her entire body ignite whenever he kissed her, as yours had always done?

You knew who she was, Olivia Wilde, the director of the movie Harry had worked so hard on the last couple of months. You remembered the day he'd come home, so excited that he'd gotten the role in the movie, and you'd been equally as excited for him and so fucking proud. Not once had you imagined that you'd be sitting here now, while Harry was starting a new relationship with her. Was she treating him right? You fucking hoped so. Even though you wanted to hate her with your entire being, you couldn't seem to be mad at her. Maybe she was giving him what you couldn't, maybe he was happier with her. God, he deserved to be so happy.

Suddenly a thought formed in your head and the fingers that had only been lightly touching the piano keys now pressed down to make the instrument play out a soft melody.

Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it

Your voice was weak as it escaped from your lips. You hadn't spoken to a lot of people the past couple of weeks, having barely used your voice and you couldn't even remember the last time you'd been singing. Losing Harry had made you shy away from your passion for music and writing, too many memories.

Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have

You kept going as the words formed in your head, directing the song to Harry's new lover. Even though it brought you so much pain to see Harry with someone else, you were willing to let him go if she was for him what he needed. All you wanted was for him to be happy and complete, you wanted him to have the world and you'd never been able to give him that.

Memories started appearing in your head like flashbacks behind your closed eyelids. Memories that you and Harry had shared, memories that made you smile slightly even though it shattered your heart to know that you would never share moments like them with him again. While being with Harry, you were the happiest you'd ever been and maybe you were never gonna feel that again, but it was okay as long as he was happy.

He always has trouble Falling asleep And he likes to cuddle While under the sheets

You'd spent many long nights next to Harry in bed, running your fingers through his hair and speaking softly to help him find sleep when it had been so hard for him. He'd always told you how there was no feeling that could compare to being curled up to you in bed, holding you so close to him that you could hear his heartbeat. The most peaceful moments you'd ever experienced with him were these intimate moments where you never wanted to move out of his embrace, praying that you could just stay in his arms forever.

Reality hit you now, that those moments were long gone, but you just wished with all your heart that she would hug him just the way he loved it and that she would be there for him during those sleepless nights he had when adrenaline wouldn't stop running through his body after working too much, or whenever a storm of thoughts in his head was keeping him awake.

He loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV

Harry's taste in music had always been something else. It was so wide, almost every genre of music was presented on his playlist, but you remembered you'd been surprised when you found all the cliche pop songs on there. You knew, of course, that Harry had spent five years in a boyband, singing pop songs, but to you, he just hadn't seemed like the type to listen to Ariana Grande and Katy Perry, but you'd been so wrong.

You couldn't count how many romcoms and shitty reality shows you'd watched with Harry during your time together. He'd always found them very enjoyable, and you would be lying if you didn't enjoy the times you'd been cuddled up to him on the couch while watching Love Island and discussing all the people you voted for and all the people you absolutely couldn't stand with each other.

He loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts

A single tear escaped your eye and ran down your cheeks at the thought of all the love notes Harry had given you in the past. After you'd started dating, you'd worn his clothes so much, just because it smelled like him. His hoddies, shirts, sweatpants, jackets, you'd stolen it all from him, you're excuse being that it was more comfortable than your own clothes. Harry had never minded though, in fact, he'd always loved to see you walk into the kitchen in his shirt in the mornings or walk out of the house in a pair of his sweatpants paired with something like a white tank top.

At some point, he started putting little notes in the pockets of his hoddies or pants, knowing you'd put the items on the next day and find the sweet notes he hid. It was just small things like I love you or have a great day, love or excited to see you tonight, but they had always melted your heart, making you love him just that more.

Has a hard time accepting A good compliment

Harry had always showered you with compliments, every chance he got, always making you smile. You'd always made sure to tell Harry what an amazing person he was and how talented he was, how beautiful his music was and how absolutely gorgeous he looked, and every single time a sweet comment like that had left your mouth, Harry had blushed slightly while looking down at his feet. He would start making excuses, saying that it was nothing special every time you were amazed by a new song he'd written, and telling you he didn't know what you were talking about every time you'd told him how good he looked.

Knowing that he'd never been good at receiving compliments, you'd made sure to attack him with them all the time, and even though he never admitted it, you knew he thought about your words with a lot of consideration, eventually, you hoped, he started believing them.

You just wanted her to keep telling him those sweet things every day because he needed to hear them.

He loves his whole family And all of his friends

You thought of Harry's family and how he'd been so proud when he'd introduced you to them for the first time. He always put his family above everyone and though he didn't see them as much as he wanted to, he made sure that they never questioned how much they meant to him.

You'd admired the relationship he had with his family, especially his mother and sister, you could just tell how much he adored them. You'd never really had a home with that kind of love. You were an only child, so no siblings, and your mother had passed away while you were still young, leading your father into years of alcoholism and depression.

You'd never felt safe and loved until you met Harry, he was your family. That was probably the hardest part for you to let go of, the feeling of safety you'd had whenever you were wrapped in his arms or from simply being in the same room as him.

He was such a giving person, never asking for much. He had a lot of friends and they all adored him, how could they not? He had this ability to make you feel so special and he was such a good listener too, giving you all his attention whenever you told him something, not letting anything distract him.

So if you're the one he lets in Take it If he gives you his heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place He feels safe in He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him

You sang, and god, the words hurt. It felt like your chest was being pried open and your heart ripped out and shredded into pieces. You had to mov eon though, for your own good. You never wanted to forget Harry, he would always have a piece of you, but this grieve that you were feeling had to decrease, you could barely live a life when it hurt so bad.

If Olivia was the one for Harry, then so be it, if she made him happy you couldn't argue. Obviously you hadn't made him as happy as he'd made you, but you hadn't realized that until he'd walked out the door and it was too late. He had let go of you and now it was time for you to do the same, you just wanted, no needed her to treat him right.

On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it He's the best thing that you'll ever have He'll love you If you love him like that

You always thought that Harry and you could get through anything, and your relationship had been put to a lot of tests throughout your time together but never had you thought that one of these obstacles would actually get the better of you.

You remembered that day so clearly. The day your whole world fell apart slowly with every step Harry took towards your front door, and it all crashed down on you when he sat down in his car and drove away without even one last glance in your direction. You hadn't talked to him after that, but still, he remained the single thing on your mind 24/7. It hurt you how quickly he had moved on, but you couldn't be mad because you felt at blame for your relationship ending in the first place.

Harry had always said that as long as you stood together, then absolutely nothing could come in the way of you two, and the only time you hadn't been side by side, that's when you fell apart. You'd always appreciated him so much, sometimes you'd thought it was impossible to care so much for another human as you cared about Harry.

Your hands started shaking a bit and you could feel the tears slowly appearing in the corner of your eyes. You would never stop caring about Harry, he had such an impact on your life, what were you supposed to do without him? God, would this pain ever stop? As you started the second verse, the tears escaped your eyes and silently ran down your cheeks.

Kiss him with passion As much as you can

You missed kissing Harry. Just his touch had been such an essential part of your day and now that you didn't get to feel that, you needed it more than anything. When you thought of it, it was as if you could still feel his lips on yours, kissing you softly.

You'd kissed a number of guys before you met Harry and you'd thought all of them had been fairly good, but that was until you kissed Harry. You'd shared your first kiss one day while you'd been chilling at Harry's and he just couldn't stop himself as you'd stood in his kitchen and looked so beautiful. You knew Harry had experience, but you remember being completely taken aback by how comfortable the kiss was. It wasn't too wet, but not entirely without his tongue roaming your mouth either. He'd grabbed your waist while your arms snaked their way around his neck, and he'd tasted good after the smoothies he'd made for the two of you earlier that day. You hadn't been able to get enough and he had seemed to have the same problem because you'd barely taken your hands off each other for the rest of the night.

Harry was a very affectionate person and he’d loved holding you, kissing you, just touching you in general. It had made you feel so loved and now where that feeling had belonged in your chest, was just emptiness. You were certain no one could ever make you feel the way Harry had, he could make your entire body feel like it was on fire just by holding your hand.

Run your hands through his hair Whenever he's sad

It wasn't often Harry had been sad in front of you, let alone cried, but it had happened a couple of times, and many times he'd come home and you'd been able to see that something was wrong, but he would deny it. It wasn't because he’d been embarrassed to be sad in front of you, but he’d often pushed it away because he didn't want to burden you. You knew him well though and you could tell the second he would walk in the door, that something was wrong. If he didn't want to talk about it, mostly you'd just put a romcom on the television and pulled him into your arms while you'd cuddled on the sofa, gently running your fingers through his soft curls. You would do anything to brush your fingers through his hair right now...

And when he doesn't notice How amazing he is Tell him over and over

So he never forgets

On the outside, Harry had always made a great effort to appear confident and independent, but when you'd managed to get to know him behind that exterior, you'd discovered that he had a bunch of his own insecurities. He always questioned if his music was good enough, if his performances were good enough, if he was a good idol, if he deserved everything he had, if he was good enough.

Once you'd found out he felt this way a lot of the time, you'd always made sure to tell him how absolutely extraordinary you thought he was. You hoped that she would tell him too, help him build a better image of himself in his head.

You managed to get through the chorus again before your feelings became too overwhelming and you had to stop. Your fingers halted on the piano while your tears had become slightly more uncontrollable.

You couldn't help but think that you were pathetic for sitting here when Harry had clearly moved on with someone else. You'd realized how much your joy had depended on him, but you had to be able to live a life without him. How could you move on when Harry had completed you though?

It was cliche, but you felt like you were missing a part of you and without Harry, you would never be able to get it back. It was like he'd been too good for you, so he had been taken away from you. You had always known you didn't deserve him, but you'd tried your very hardest to be worthy of his love, but you weren't and now someone was making you pay for those years where you'd been granted his affection without actually deserving it.

What were you supposed to do? How the fuck were you supposed to live a life when your source of happiness had been taken away from you?

With tears still in your eyes and your body shaking, you removed yourself from the piano and went back to bed, hoping that maybe tomorrow would be the day he would come knocking at your door, because moving on from him clearly wasn’t an option...

——————————————————————————

A/n: I've got a bunch of requests that's been sitting in my inbox for so long and I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to them. A bunch of them are with JJ and I just haven't been in the mood to write for him lately, I've just kinda been diving deeper and deeper into my Harry obsession (when am I not), but I'll get around to them at some point. Again I'm really sorry, school is just really stressing me out too, so I haven't been writing much at all, please don't stop requesting though<3

[lynnsfics]

Penny For Your Nightmares?

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Prompt List #76 “I had the weirdest dream”)

Word Count: Approx. 2k

Possible TW: Nightmares, Near Death Experience

Requests Open! See notes at bottom for details!

~~~

The waves came crashing down around you. Thunder boomed overhead, and lightning struck the water. With every stroke you made the surface seemed to grow farther and farther away. A cry tried to escape your lips, but as soon as you opened your mouth water filled your lungs. 

You shot up in bed, heart pounding. Electricity danced along your fingertips, increasing the level of static energy in the room. It happened again. No matter how many times you told yourself the fear was irrational, nightmares still plagued your dreams. Sam tried his best to get you to go to therapy, but you thought you could deal with it yourself. Trying to shake off the clammy post-nightmare feeling, you lightly stepped out of bed. The cold wood floor sent a shiver down your spine. Grabbing the slippers from your bedside, you slipped them on. That was better.

As silently as possible, you opened your door and creeped down the hall. The absolute last thing you needed was the team waking up. Thankfully the kitchen was right down the hall. The time displayed on the stove clock illuminated the counter. 3:01 A.M. Deep down you knew you needed rest, but the idea of a nice hot cup of coffee appealed to you more. Besides, after what happened, you weren’t sure if you even wanted to go back to sleep. 

Taking out your favorite mug from the cabinet, you added in the perfect amount of coffee and sugar. Tony liked to make fun of you for not using the coffee machine, but there was something so soothing about preparing it yourself. As you filled the kettle up with water, a voice came from the living room. 

“You know, Sam says tea is better to have at night. Caffeine will just keep you up.” 

Your heart skipped a beat as the kettle clattered noisily into the sink. “God, Bucky don’t scare me like that. Almost gave me a heart attack.” 

“Sorry doll,” you rolled your eyes at the pet name but you smiled anyways, “mind if I ask why you’re up in the first place?” 

“I could ask you the same thing,” you said, purposefully dodging the question.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me,” he countered. You sighed in defeat as you continued filling up the kettle. There was no way you’d be able to leave this kitchen without talking about your feelings. God, Sam was practically determined to turn everyone in the tower into a psychologist. “Alright fine.” you said, turning on the stove, “ I had the weirdest dream, happy now?” 

“Well, I’d be a lot happier if you told me what exactly this weird dream was about.” 

“Okay, so it wasn’t a dream, more of a nightmare. I was caught in the flood again. Except this time I never made it out. It felt like my lungs were filling with water, I couldn’t breathe. Instead of being saved by the lightning strike, I drowned.”  You said it all in one breath, not wanting to dwell on it. “I know it’s stupid, because in reality I didn’t drown, I’m perfectly fine. And yet,” you trailed off, staring at the coffee grounds in your cup. Bucky made his way to the kitchen counter and took a seat on the barstool next to you. “Doll, look at me,” when you didn’t even glance up he grabbed your coffee mug away from you. “Hey,” you exclaimed, “What was that for?” 

“I asked you to look at me, and you didn’t so I had to come up with something else. But now it’s my turn to share why I’m up. You’re not the only one in this tower plagued by nightmares. Every night I relive my days as him. And even though I know that part of me is gone, that I’ll never be the Winter Soldier again, the thought of it still terrifies me. So no, it’s not stupid.” 

“What do you do to cope with it all? I feel like sometimes it’s just too much to deal with.”

“That’s just it, doll. Sometimes things can’t be ‘dealt with’, and you need to talk to someone to help you through it.” You rolled your eyes as you snatched back your cup. Sliding off the barstool, you walked back over to the stove. “Sam put you up to this, didn’t he,” you asked as you poured the water. 

“No,” Bucky sighed, “he didn’t. But he was the one who encouraged me to open up about things. Something you could benefit a lot from.” “Alright, say I do talk things out, then what?” “Then you have a support system who can help you.” “Well, I don’t know-” Bucky cut you off, “How about this, if you aren’t ready to talk to a professional, the next time you have a nightmare you come to me and tell me about it. Alright?”

Turning to face him, you nodded in agreement, “Okay, deal.” As you took a sip of coffee a sudden clap of thunder shook the tower. Lightning lit up the darkened room a second later as rain started to pour down. 

Your blood ran cold as you felt fear grip you. Closing your eyes you kept telling yourself that you were safe, but it wasn’t helping.

Bucky looked over at you, worry laced in his voice, “Doll, what’s wrong?”  

“Oh, yeah, it’s nothing just the storm,” you paused for a moment but then decided to open up a little. As you walked back to the barstool, you took a deep breath. “The flood was caused by a sudden storm like this one. I don’t mind a little rain, but when it’s unexpected I just freeze up.” 

He gently put his hand over your own. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked.

You shook your head ‘no’, but then reconsidered. “I was going to sit on the couch and try to watch some dumb reality TV,” you replied quietly. “It usually helps me to calm down to laugh at something, and it could block out some of the noise from the storm. Would you want to watch it with me? If not that’s alright, I should be fine.” “No, that sounds great, besides I wasn’t planning on going to bed anytime soon,” he answered with a smile. 

That’s how you two ended up falling asleep on the couch together, HGTV playing in the background. You awoke the next morning to find that Bucky had ended up wrapping a protective arm around your shoulders. Somehow you managed to slip out of his embrace so it wouldn’t result in an embarrassing situation. 

Neither of you talked about it that day, but a few nights later when you were up again from another nightmare you found yourself back on the couch with him, this time watching a sitcom. 

 Before either of you realized it, it became a habit. If you or Bucky woke from a nightmare, or if a sudden storm came on, both of you would go to the living room and put on some cheesy show. Luckily none of the other team members ever found out, or you’d both be teased about it relentlessly. 

Through it all, you found yourself developing feelings for Bucky. Even though you tried to tell yourself those feelings were strictly platonic, you’d be lying if you said you would refuse a relationship with him. 

 It wasn’t until a month later when you realized just how dependent on him you had become. Bucky was out on a mission, but since it was a low-level threat, you were able to stay at the tower. Some of the team had accompanied him, so the compound was a lot quieter than usual. 

Wanda was preparing dinner while you and Sam sat at the counter debating conspiracy theories.

“I’m just saying, don’t you think we would know if Area 51 had aliens? We’re the Avengers, and Thor is literally an alien.” “No, Sam, because I don’t trust the government. Just because I technically work for them doesn’t mean I need to believe everything they say.”

Wanda chimed in, “I think it might be something from another dimension. Didn’t Dr. Strange mention something about a multiverse when he helped us with that mission last year?”

“Exactly,” you agreed, “it doesn’t have to be an ‘alien’ as we would define it.” 

The lights started to flicker, and an uneasy knot formed in your stomach. Sam glanced at the lamp and back at you, “Y/N, are you doing this?” 

“No, it must be a storm,” you responded, your voice shaky. FRIDAY’s voice spoke over the intercom, “There is a severe thunderstorm coming in. Flash flooding may occur.” It was like a vice was crushing your lungs. You didn’t want the others to see you panic over a storm, so you made up an excuse. “Ya know what guys, I’m not feeling hungry. I’m gonna go lie down for a bit.” 

Wanda and Sam exchanged a look as you exited the kitchen but said nothing. 

As you crawled under the covers of your bed, you put in your earbuds and started playing some soothing music. However it didn’t help, and nothing could help you fall asleep. You crept to the closet and pulled out an oversized shirt. Bucky had lent it to you during one of your reality tv marathons and you never ‘found the opportunity’ to give it back. At some point you probably could have, but you wanted to hold onto it for a little while longer. 

Slipping it on over your head, you took a deep breath. It still had traces of his cologne on it, and it made you feel a bit safer. When you crawled back into bed, you fell asleep almost immediately. 

A knock resounded at your bedroom door, and you answered groggily, “Come in.” “Hey doll, I just thought I’d let you know the mission went well. By the way, Sam mentioned that you were acting strange during last night’s storm,” he paused mid-sentence, a slight smirk on his lips, “Is that my shirt?”

You glanced down, vaguely remembering slipping it on the night before. “Possibly,” you answered sheepishly. “I couldn’t sleep and you weren’t here so I just, sorry,” you trailed off.

“It’s fine, it looks cute on you,” he mumbled, brushing a loose strand of hair back from his eyes. “But I came here to ask if you’re alright? Sam told me about you leaving when the storm hit and I was worried.” “I managed to fall asleep, but it took a while. I’m feeling better now, though.” “There’s another storm on the radar, do you want to go play Uno or something until it ends?” You smiled in response, “That sounds great, thank you.” When you put down the +4 card and called out “UNO!”, Bucky laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Wow, I had some good cards that time too. You’re lucky I decided not to play them.” 

“Uh huh, I believe that,” you chuckled.

Later that night during the team movie night you found yourself sitting next to him, head on his shoulder. “I think I love you,” you whispered, thinking he wouldn’t hear. Hoping he wouldn’t hear.

He turned to look at you. Damn that supersoldier serum. “Say that again doll?” 

Taking a deep breath, you felt your chest tighten. Might as well get it over with, you just hoped it wouldn’t ruin things between the two of you. “I love you,” you repeated, still a whisper, but  more sure this time. 

“I love you too. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to mess things up, but I love you too.” “Look, I get you two are having a moment,” Sam said from the other side of the room, “but some of us are trying to watch a movie.” 

~~~

General Taglist:

@sydneyisnotawriter 

@dark-night-sky-99

Hey y’all! So this is from a prompt list I’ve been looking at for ideas. I will be posting the list right after this and will link it here! My ask box and inbox will be open to requests, just give me a number and ship! (No pedophillia or incest ships tho please!) As always, likes and reblogs are appreciated! Love you all <3 (And if you’re protesting please stay safe!)

[theoriginalbread]

Fine Line - Harry Styles Album Review

Go easy on me, I am no professional at writing, reviewing, explaining my thoughts, nor at grammar.

Everything is as objective as possible but some reviews may definitely and will definitely be biased slightly. :-)

Golden - summer. A song filled with incredibly upbeat lyrics that carry a stronger message than they initially and melodically suggest. Catchier than the flu. It takes a hold of the listener and turns their neck to the sunset beyond the meadow and says, “listen.” It fills you with a harmony of “da da da da’s” that encompasses both ears. Tremendous energy.

Watermelon Sugar - summertime in the 90’s. Laid back, funky, but most importantly, short reverb on the voice. California-esque lead guitar. Horns as the perfect level of mid-high tones. Makes you think of delicious watermelons and warm air.

Adore You - the theme of fruit continues, purity. a love letter written to the love of the author’s mind. “I’d walk through fire for you, just let me adore you.” Deep rich bass with the main melody in full motion. A rhythm that keeps the head bobbing, shoes tapping, and shoulders moving. Hopelessly romantic, this author. ‘No need for you to do a thing honey, just let me adore you.’ Incredible. Great distorted guitar tones.

Lights Up - The song is emptier in composition. Short to zero reverb on instruments. Simple, quiet drums. The message of confusion, the absence of sound amplifying this. “Do you know who you are?” “(Shine) step into the light! (Shine) so bright sometimes! (Shine) I’m not ever going back!” A command given by a confused person. Their beliefs of this lover completely flipped around and demanding answers. Just one loose theory but maybe not.

Cherry - another song that sounds lonely, just his voice. Nobody else and a confession. Begging, remorse. Please don’t call anyone what you called me and maybe it was for the better that we split but know I love you and respect you don’t call him what I used to be to you. The longing in the arrangement of the sounds and the addition of the strings to the song add to the melancholic feel of the voice. The upbeat progression overshadowed by the pain. Cherry on top is the voice note at the ending and the silence from him as he speaks his love language of music to her, whilst she speaks. (Personal favorite but I tried to approach this as objectively as I could.)

Falling - there is nothing but me, empty room, and sadness. The piano reverberates throughout the emptiness he feels. “The love letters are many about you, and we’ve run out of excuses to give ourselves.” He feels he might be nothing of notice in their life once they revert to strangers. He was another ordinary guy. He’s scared of himself being the reason the relationship fell apart too. Depression as a song.

To Be So Lonely - the guitar sounds muted and quiet. A moment where the sounds are coming back and the beat returns. Slow and mellow yet still strong. Buzzing strings, tremolo or vibrato on the electric guitar. Strings remain yet sing a new tune of possible hope. “Don’t call me what you used to call me, I need to be alone.” He’s climbing from the bottom of the spiral and has regained his strength.

She - another love letter, in odd form. She’s so important to me that I cannot get her out of my mind. The time being important as a reminder that even the time, numbers on a clock face, means something about her. He delegates the run for coffee like he knows what to do at the simple look of the time because it is for her. He wants to sail away and tell none of his friends because he couldn’t explain how he felt. She’s incredibly impacted his entire life and he doesn’t want anything else. “I don’t know where she is.” Could be that he’s aware of how incredibly romanticized his perception of her is and that he’d rather it anyway. He plays pretend and he doesn’t know where “she” is but he daydreams of her. Incredible guitar solos and yes - there is more than one guitar being played!

Sunflower vol. 6 - a sunflower is beautiful to look at and see and will always be so. you never want to bother one or block it’s sun, you love the shade. An entry in another page of the love letter. The author wants to let their lover know that he’d never think about disturbing her. Very strong melody and backing instruments with a strong and simple drum loop. The electric sound effects adding a touch of whimsy and fun, upbeat.

Canyon Moon - the author uses a calmer tone, back to the beginning of a solid, percussive rhythm with rich, deep acoustic guitar. The chorus returns and he sings so much more like himself. Excitement to return home and to familiar feelings, normalcy. Bright melody, cheery even.

Treat People with Kindness - rejuvenated spirits and the urge to treat everyone with incredible compassion. forgiving those who wronged him and regaining confidence. The solitude isn’t gruesome any longer and he remembers what the day feels like and comes out more gleeful. Tough stuff happens but we continue. Evidenced strongly by the entire choir singing and the strong voice and confidence. A mantra for positivity.

Fine Line - atmospheric, empty, and filled with sorrow and lethargic sounds. the slow, quiet guitar, not refined, as if played in the moment of grief. Beautiful deep bass notes with isolated highs that add depth and a feeling of loss and weightlessness. Falsetto singing to add to the angelic and somber ambience. “We’ll be a fine line.” We could be an example of a good thing or we could move forward in life together as friends. The song is the confession that was written in the middle but sounds amazing at the end. It’s almost as if the final minutes of the song serve as nothing but reassurance that they will live after this pain.

The ending that perfectly encapsulates the constant up and down a person experiences during a break up with someone significant to them. The “we’ll be alright, we’ll be alright” lyric demonstrates the growth and healing the author has done and reveals maturity behind the excuses. Perhaps too late because the relationship has ended romantically, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of a good platonic relationship.

Overall, this album is a strong 9.5/10 in my books. It has all the themes I love to talk and think about. Beautiful sounding vocals and absolutely incredible tunes.

Hope this wasn’t so muddled to understand and will gladly elaborate on anything in my asks!

[kristie-rp]

we don’t have to dance | leo & rita

“Did you see what Dolores was wearing?”

“I know, right? It’s like she thinks she’s half her age!”

Leo excuses himself from the insipid nattering and schoolgirl giggling of the more permanent members of the biology and genetic department of PLU, feigning a need for another drink. It’s an act, but he still goes to the counter and deduces what the least foul tasting thing is on the menu, settling on bourbon and removing it from the barman with absolutely no patience.

He regrets agreeing to come to post-networking drinks with the department staff. He attended the formal little party attempted by the university, forging connections he didn’t need, playing a part he didn’t have much of a use for except as a means of social experimentation. The girls – specifically Enid or Ella or Eris, even, for all the discord she seems to be sewing – asked him along and, after enough badgering, he’d resigned himself to agreeing. Only after a promise that this would be the last time this semester had he agreed, and even that had been pushing the limits of his willingness to socialise. Particularly when it turned out their location of choice was Clandestine, a bar-club hybrid home to heavily discounted drinks if clients could prove they’d taken to filling the dancefloor.

Needless to say, he wasn’t impressed with the grinding mass he had to dodge to get what he wanted.

“What do you know, professors do exist outside of class.”

Leo stifles a groan, pasting on a mild smile and turning. “Yes, well, I have been told that leaving the classroom is healthy sometimes – Miss Partridge,” he adds, somewhat surprised to see her. She’d been in the front row of a lecture he’d given on developmental theory, with an emphasis on biology and genetics too advanced for most of the class, there to satisfy an elective. Miss Partridge had argued with him off and on throughout the lecture, and when she wasn’t, she was scrawling notes, her handwriting spidery and cramped when Leo got a look at her notebook. He’d taken her for a curious busybody, clever and enjoyable to argue with, but hadn’t expected to run into her again so soon – let alone outside a classroom. “Finished your homework, Miss Partridge?”

She scoffs and grins, which he notes mostly because it doesn’t seem to reach her eyes. He wonders, initially, if the dim lighting are minimising her expressions, but no – a flash of light as the bartender switches something on behind the bar, and he’s confirmed she’s forcing a larger smile than he thinks seems at home on her face. “I was done before it was given a due date,” she claims, and he raises a brow in response. “And call me Rita, please. Miss Partridge is my sister.”

“That seems unlikely, then, Rita. And did any of my lecture content prove useful?”

“Did anything in your lecture on genetic abnormalities and expression of unique genes prove useful to an assignment on education-development development? No. It was more interesting, though, I’ll give you that.”

He opens his mouth to ask another question – namely, to figure out what she’s actually studying, because those topics seem at odds, and she clearly understands the more advanced content he prefers – but the music flares louder, catching both their attention as the lights die and a spotlight roves the crowd.

“Oh no,” Rita says, barely audible to him over the audience chanting – it takes him a moment to parse the slurred chaos: dance, dance, dance. He remembers, too, one of the reasons Clandestine is so dearly loved by much younger people: the dancelight, a spotlight controlled by the DJ who picks out a couple and tries to force them on each other.

He’s not particularly surprised when the spotlight lands on them, if he’s honest.

Rita is chewing on her lip when Leo looks at her again, but she pastes that strained smile back on and grabs his hand, dragging him from the bar and towards a door, away from the dance floor. The crowd whoops and the DJ announces another successful match, turning the spotlight on the masses again; he thinks he hears maybe-Eris cheering him specifically as the door swings shut behind them.

“Look,” Rita starts, not giving him a moment to take in the alley back-entrance to the club. “I was going to attempt flirting and waste probably far too much time building this up, but I don’t actually want a romantic connection. You’re smart, and that’s hot as anything I can come up with myself, and I could pay heed to culturally ingrained disapproval of overt sexual advances, but frankly that sounds boring and exhausting, so. Are you attracted to me or not?”

Leo blinks, looking at Rita properly. Her appearance caught his attention to start with – orange hair is unusual in their society, at least enough that they stand out, and despite her clearly being ginger, she isn’t freckled; her skin is almost flawless, an ethereal quality to it in the grey half-light that came in through the classroom window where he first encountered her. Now, she’s dressed for a club, her dress tight and black and flattering, but she’s pulled a coat on over the top, apparently sensible and dressed to be rained on, as is certainty in Port Lyndon. She isn’t smiling, none of that forced farce from earlier so much as hinted at. Her eyes – they hold a spark that draws him in, and when she opens her mouth, she is constantly surprising, intelligent and well-reasoned and with a clever, sharp wit that she wields like a knife.

“I’d take you here against the wall, if you’d let me,” he says.

She nods, once, sharply, and steps closer, kissing him intently, all passion and fury he expected, when he imagined doing this after the one class he’s led with her. “Not in an alley,” she murmurs against his lips, returning to a kiss.

They don’t have to dance, or smile, or be friends, or anything like that; she is not interested in social tedium, and she has made that abundantly clear. So he escorts her back to his apartment, and has her again and again and again, fucked into the mattress, with her riding him, with him tasting her directly, drinking from the source, lapping it up as she rewards his ministrations by cumming again and again.

He wakes the next morning to grey light in the window, rolling onto his side to find Rita sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling her clothing back on. Her tight black dress had turned out to be a precisely matched top and skirt, and she is pulling the top on now, over the top of her bare chest. He hums in faint protest as she covers herself, and she casts a glance over her shoulder, no sentiment in her gaze as she knocks aside his questing hands. “I have a class in 30 minutes,” she says, clearly uninterested. He blinks at her, half expecting whiplash for the change from last night, which she was abundantly, vocally interested in. “Thanks.”

She collects her belongings and leaves, smelling of sex and looking almost too put together, leaving him with a hard-on that seems to want her, and far too many questions. He sits up in bed to dwell on them, sheets falling around him, frowning at the reflection of a well-fucked man cast by the mirror attached to the wardrobe door.

They aren’t friends, he thinks. They only on a first name basis because she flinches whenever she hears her own surname. They fell into bed because she didn’t want to dance with him, and, admittedly, because he had no interest in dancing himself; what they did instead was preferable, and he’s happy to have done it, and he doesn’t have any regrets, but – but. He isn’t any closer to solving the riddle of Rita Partridge, and maybe that’s the most frustrating thing. If this happens again – when it happens again – he resolves to talk more, to get some answers, instead of more questions.

(It happens again, and again, and again, until Rita moves on from college and becomes more and more occupied with whatever it is she seems to be doing to fund college. He has very few answers, and the questions only increase, but – but. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.)

[f-l-writes]

Hide Away

Warnings: Swearing. 

Word Count: 2.8 K (honestly, I was expecting it to be longer but eh. It’s not horrible)

Feel free to request!

Chan was your best friend of five years. He was your rock, as you were his. You treated one another like other was everything good in the world. And to you, he was. Unfortunately, you couldn’t say the same for him and, while you direly hoped it to be so, the last few weeks had been quite disheartening.

You and Chan had always hung out. Be it in his studio where he worked, you listening and giving feedback on the songs, or on his days off where the two of you just chilled in the JYP cafe. The two of you were, to put it simply, inseparable.

However, Chan had begun to avoid you. Whenever you called and asked for him to hang out, he always declined. Always said he was insanely busy (though that hadn’t stopped him before). When you were stressing about school, which was getting to be more and more often considering midterms were coming up and you didn’t want to fuck anything up, he simply sent Chang Bin or Woo Jin over to help you.

While his avoidance allowed you to grow closer to the other boys, you felt like you were losing a grip on the one person who you cared about more than anything in the world. It almost felt like five years of friendship were just… going down the drain. That all the time the two of you invested into one another didn’t matter.

It hurt you inside but, as you always seemed to do, you kept it to yourself. You fooled yourself into thinking you were really having fun with the rest of the boys when Chan was missing. You forced smiles and laughs while you were with them, leaving your mind to wonder what you did wrong. Leaving you to question if Chan just… stopped caring. You felt like you were at fault for what was going on.

“Y/N!” Felix called out from the hallway of the door, a smile adorning his freckled face. “We want to show you something!”

You were confused as to who else was in on his tactics, but you shrugged it off, excusing yourself from the “conversation” that you were having with Chang Bin. That conversation, of course, only consisting of head nodding and the occasional “hmm” of thought.

Making your way over to where Felix stood at the mouth of the hallway, he led you to a room that you had become extremely familiar with. It was Chan’s and Chang Bin’s. On the bed, you spotted a laptop that was open with a video of Chan sitting in one of the studios in the JYP building. There was no title to the video from what you could tell and Chan seemed to be either distressed or venting something to his laptop that was extremely serious.

“Guys, we shouldn’t pry into Chan’s stuff,” you scolded, walking over to close it before Jeong In, who had been in the room previously alongside Seung Min and Ji Sung, moved to hit play on the video.

There was a beat of silence before Chan began to speak, his introduction and first word being none other than your name.

“Y/N… I don’t think I’ll ever actually get around to showing you this video or sending it or whatever but… I just wanted say that you have been the greatest supporter I had after coming to Korea. I wasn’t necessarily lonely my first two years here but… I was, in a way? There were people I interacted with and enjoyed conversation with but I was never really,” he paused for a moment, turning his head to look at the door before he faced the laptop camera again, continuing.

“I was never really there to them. When you showed up, just before I met Ji Sung and a year before Chang Bin even showed up, you were the first one to make me feel like I was there and active. And to think you weren’t even part of the company,” he laughed a bit, “you were just there hoping to see the members of 2PM or Wonder Girls.

“I remember you were having your own struggles speaking Korean to the barista at the Dunkin Donuts across the street.” a reminiscent smile settled on his face, his eyes no longer focused on the camera. He stopped for a moment, letting the memory settle before he spoke up again.

“We sat together and spoke for a while, getting to know one another. You didn’t act like I was some sort of god because I was training to be an idol like some other people I had met did. You showed genuine interest in what I did. From then on, it was almost like we had immediately connected and I was so much happier than I had been before. I was more active with talking to the other boys I trained with and I looked forward to every meeting we had.

“I remember when Felix got eliminated, you had locked Chang Bin out of the dorm just to comfort me. Told me that you’d fight Jin Young the first chance you got if he didn’t bring back Min Ho and Felix. You are part of this group just as much as the boys, even if you don’t promote with us. You are at every domestic concert that you can manage despite school and you never fail to congratulate us every time we get back.

“Every time I catch myself thinking about you, it’s always about how you’re here for us, no matter what the circumstances. You’re always sending us words of encouragement and love. You never get annoyed at the lack of time we have to talk while promoting and you’re always so patient and caring with us. Hell, you’ve practically moved in by this point to make sure we were taking care of ourselves.

“But, what I really wanted to say is-”

“Why the hell are you guys on my laptop?” Chan questioned, his cheeks tinted a brick red as he marched over, snapping the device shut before tucking it under his arm.

His eyes caught your own for a moment and, before you could say anything, he was off. From the front of the dorm, you heard the door bang shut and Chan was off again. Now, you were left with a feeling of wanting to watch the rest of the video or, at the very least, to coax the words from Chan himself. Whether it was him saying he no longer felt the care he did before and he no longer wanted to be friends or something else entirely, you were dying to know.

With silence enveloping the room quickly, the air had become thick with tension before Felix spoke up, a cheery smile on his face and a sound of triumph in his honey voice.

“Well, at least we got to know how Chan feels about Y/N. And I think we all know what his final sentence was going to be,” the Australian male joked, winking at you slyly.

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as you turned to head out of the room, a simple farewell leaving your lips as you passed by Chang Bin, Woo Jin, and Min Ho on the couch. They had put up no argument or question to your departure and, soon enough, you were out the door and making your way towards your car, heading home to think.

The following week was one of uneventfulness. Unfortunately, you were studying to hell and back for midterms so you didn’t have much time to see the boys in the flesh unless you brought them some quick food or absolutely needed to check in, but the last time you had stopped by was Wednesday, three days prior.

As you finally closed your notebook of notes for Psychology, you got several frantic messages from Chang Bin, Felix, Ji Sung, and Woo Jin and a follow up call made by Min Ho. Answering the call before you read the messages, you were extremely confused when Min Ho began to speak.

“Have you seen Chan? He’s not been back to the dorms since Tuesday and we just got back from scouting the studios and he’s not there either. We didn’t know if he went to your house or not.” Min Ho’s words were frantic and, in turn, got your heart beating quickly as you registered their words.

“I haven’t seen him but I’ll go looking for him. There’s a few other places that he might be that I know of. If he isn’t in those places then I’ll call you guys and, if need be, we can call the police to help us.”

You heard a flurry of thank you’s from the other end before hanging up and rushing to throw on a coat and shoes, grabbing your keys off of the hook by the door and then quickly taking off.

The first place that you had often found Chan when he needed to isolate himself was at a park that was near the previous JYP building. He had a little area he always went to that was undisturbed by others. How he found it, you had no idea, but it always led to you finding him when you couldn’t otherwise.

However, he wasn’t there. This caused a bit of worry, but you knew better than to overreact. After all, there were still a couple of other places for you to look before you had to report back to the rest of the boys or, what would be more likely, continue to search the rest of the surrounding areas for the boy.

The second place that Chan frequented was a music store that was probably about two or three miles away from the new JYP building. Stepping in, you were greeted by Jun Young, a man who had come to know you and Chan quite well over the years. When you asked if the male had stopped in, he frowned and shook his head.

“However,” he stated, stopping you before you could turn, “give this to him when you find him. He stopped in a couple weeks ago and I guess he forgot to pick up the guitar he needed to fix.”

With that, almost like you were in a video game receiving a key item, Jun Young had passed you a pack of guitar picks alongside the case containing the guitar. Thanking the older man, you made your way back out and set the case and picks in your backseat before taking off, finally heading to the last place you could be expected to find him before you double checked the studios.

Closer to the dorms was a place that you often saw Chan frequent but had never actually been there with him. It was a bookstore, plainly enough. Chan seemed to adore the place, always coming out with one book or another on music theory or science fiction. Stepping into the place, you were hit with the smell of books and, while it would be appreciated any other time, the anxiety that had set in your stomach had tried to reject the scent.

Wandering around the store, you searched the aisles thoroughly to ensure that Chan wasn’t, in fact, sitting on the floor and reading a book he had found interest in. When you came up empty, you had to take a deep breath before heading out and back to your car.

“Back to the studio we go,” you mumbled, making the quick trip back to the building before you called for someone to come and meet you.

By the time Woo Jin arrived, alone surprisingly enough, your stomach was twisting in violent knots. You were worried out of your mind at this point and you didn’t know what you would do if you and Woo Jin would come up finding something undesirable.

Staying beside the older male, you followed him to the elevator to take the two of you up to the studios, ready to scout out and see if the missing male was actually hiding away in his safe space.

When you came to the first set of doors, you and Woo Jin split, going through the rooms and hoping to see some sign of life. As you came to the last set, you pushed open the door to see the male stuffed away on a corner of the couch that was in the studio. His head was resting uncomfortably on his shoulder and he was covered with a jacket. On the desk was his open laptop and many boxes of food from the cafe.

Sighing in relief, you turned to see Woo Jin walking towards you, a questioning look on his face. Holding your index finger to your lips, you stepped into the room, saving the track that was open before closing the lid of the laptop and tucking it under your arm. You turned to see Woo Jin slowly talking Chan out of sleep, the 21 year old slowly opening his eyes and showing visible confusion as to why Woo Jin was there.

Walking over, you crouched down as well, setting a hand on his knee as you spoke up, your relief from finding him visible in your eyes.

“Why don’t we get you back to the dorms, Chan? You can get some decent sleep there.”

He only let out a groggy noise of acknowledgement before he sat up, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. It wasn’t until you had helped him up that he decided to actually move and get around to moving, walking beside you and heading out to the car. Woo Jin had left you to take him back to the dorm, almost foreshadowing the situation that would happen in the car.

As you waited for Chan to situate himself in his seat before passing him his laptop, you stared out the window, letting the silence drape over the two of you. For you, it felt smothering. Like it was grasping your throat and pressing down, waiting for someone to speak. To kill the silence before it killed you, you switched on the radio, letting out a sigh of relief as the choked feeling finally let up.

Just as you went to pull out of the parking lot, Chan finally spoke up, his voice still hoarse and tired.

“How far into the video did you get last week?”

“Video…? Oh! I think we were almost at the end before you came in,” you admitted, the apples of your cheeks taking on a red hue.

You still felt bad for letting the other boys play the video but you had been so interested in what he was saying, along with your own memories from when he was still a trainee, that you had just let it play.

“Do you want to know what I was going to say?” he questioned, his eyes refusing to meet yours as he kept his gaze on his lap.

“I would like that,” you admitted with a shrug. “But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Chan. You know I wouldn’t ever force you to tell me.”

“I know. You’re horrible at forcing people to do things, even if it’s for the better,” he chuckled a bit. “But, to be honest, I ended that video by telling you I liked you. I have since a couple years ago and… I just haven’t found the courage to tell you before now. That’s why I’ve been pushing away,” he responded, his eyes still on his lap.

“I like you, too, Chan,” you admitted, the red hue becoming darker and spreading down your neck, the heat almost making your eyes water.

“Really?” he questioned, clearly surprised by the reveal.

“I thought I made it obvious enough, but yes, I like you. If it wasn’t for the three year ban I’d probably ask to go on a date the next time you’re free,” you admitted.

“God I hate this three year ban thing now,” he groaned, earning a chuckle from you.

“Well, if we know each other’s feelings for one another, does it really matter? I’m sure we can both withstand 3 years. After all, you’re already almost one year into it.”

“You’re right about that… Do you promise to wait for me, then?”

“I promise, Chan. I don’t think anyone else can make me feel the way you make me feel. I know we just went through a rough patch but… I’m hoping the rest can be relatively smooth sailing from here. No more hiding away from one another, no shutting each other out, no overworking.”

“I can’t agree to that last-”

“Chris.”

“Sorry. No overworking. Got it.”

And so it was settled. The two of you would wait. And so you did. It was a dream at first. Almost a happy ending. You were in love with him and, according to what he told you, he was in love with you as well. Hopefully it would stay that way for a long while. 

[mentallyinwalmart]

‘Dear Thomas’

A follow up to my last fic, ‘Dear Liza’ 

in this one, you get those same events from the point of view of Daci and Thomas~

My Dearest Brother,

I know you only left a week ago, but I already miss you loads. I’m bummed you didn’t get to meet my flatmates, they are positively lovely, but I guess that’s what I get for moving in a week early just so you could help me :) One of my flatmates, I believe is related to your summer employer. Her name is Eliza Wadsworth and she is just wonderful. She says she has a cousin who goes to your school. Isn’t that funny? What a small world. I doubt you’ll see much of her, there are so many students at the school, I just thought it was a funny coincidence.

If I timed this right, this letter should be arriving the day of, or the day after your orientation. So, how was it? Tell me the three most interesting deductions you made.

As for my orientation, I spotted two people who clearly did not get along in high school shooting each other glares across the group, a professor who actively checked out his female students with his wife on his arm!!! And a girl who appeared to be pregnant, but hiding it. That was most interesting, because at first I thought she just had some sort of lower back pain, and that’s why she stood the way she did, but after a little bit, when she refused the champagne we were offered and kept shooting nervous glances at her parents, it all fell into place.

Love, your favorite sister,

Daciana Cresswell

Ps- have you seen Ileana? I miss her terribly and wonder how she’s holding up.

--

Dear Daci,

I have met both of Dr Wadsworth nieces before. I remember Liza as bubbly and kind, I’m surprised you in all your emo brooding like her so much. As for Audrey Rose (the other niece), I saw her today at orientation. Before you get some idea in your head about me remembering her for any superficial reason, I only recognized her because I saw her standing between Dr Wadsworth and the man I can only assume to have been her father.

I was preoccupied with your challenge while I was descending the stairs and ended up slipping and making quite a fool of myself. I couldn’t bring myself to go and greet Dr Wadsworth after that, so I stuck to the back of the group.

I have to say, Daci, you May have me bested with that girls secret pregnancy. My three best observations were that Dr Wadsworth lingered awfully close to miss Wadsworth, and doted on her more than her father. It was subtle, but I dare say he thinks of her as a daughter as well. I also noticed a girl I (correctly) assumed, to be Audrey Rose’s roommate recognize her at the very beginning of the orientation, and spend the first hour working up the nerve to go over and speak to her. And finally, dear sister, I noted that miss Wadsworth’s roommate was awfully preoccupied with her phone, glancing at it every five minutes, flushing slightly and quickly responding to messages she was receiving. I only assume she was talking to someone whose opinion she valued grately.

Did I mention, dear Daci, that Audrey Rose’s new roommate is none other than our old friend Ileana?

I don’t know whether I hope it was you she was texting or not.

Love always,

Your favorite brother

—

Dear Thomas,

I don’t even know where to start with you, you absolute scrub.

Of course it was me texting Ileana. Don’t even pretend you didn’t know. You’ve known her three odd years, I’m pretty sure you’ve mastered reading her. Can you blame me, Thomas? We broke up because we wanted to have the opportunity to grow at Uni and not be tied to one another, but it’s unbearable. You know more than anyone how wonderful she is.

As for Miss Wadsworth, you seem quite taken, at least with her appearance. I don’t think any amount of second-hand embarrassment would phase the stoic Dr Wadsworth (unless you’ve lied to me about him in his entirety), which leads me to deduce that you were mortified to go and speak to him after embarrassing yourself so profusely in front of his niece.

Don’t be an absolute fool about this Thomas, you can be a perfect gentlemen when you want to be, and I have no doubt you could easily charm Miss Wadsworth into bed (since I know for a fact you are not a relationship man).

Now, onto my favorite topic, us being reunited. Liza and I have decided to make a trip down from Paris to London so I might see you and she can see Audrey. So please, for the sake of our friendship, if you do sleep with Audrey, at least call her after? I’d be terribly inconvenienced if my favorite flatmate were to hate me by association.

Love you, and see you after midterms.

Daciana

Ps- you calling me emo and brooding is like the kettle calling the pot black.

—

Dear Daci,

How dare you reduce me to nothing more than a womanizer. You know for a fact I have never hooked up with someone and not called them. In fact, usually it’s others not calling me back. I am constantly being used for my body.

Besides, Miss Wadsworth, it would seem, can't stand me. So, I believe I’m far from charming her.

Ileana and I got coffee this afternoon, and she filled me in on the information you have been so selfishly withholding. She told me about the day you have planned when you “come to visit me” in a few weeks. Be honest, Daci, is missing me just an excuse for you to make the trip to see Illy on fathers dime?

I promise I won’t be mad, in fact, it’s actually a brilliant plan.

Miss Wadsworth is in my principle study group, and she is quite astute. I would say nearly as observant as you (though not half as gifted as I am, of course). However, in my prowess I seem to be only irritating her more. It is odd, really, to have someone not simply grateful to have me solve all the problems for them. She is just as hungry for answers, it would seem, as I am.

She is also in my Forensics class, but as yet to notice me. We’re well into the second week, and I worry I made her uncomfortable because today (against my better judgement) I took up the seat next to her.

Though she didn’t seem particularly happy, she didn’t seem too upset either.

I suppose I have to continue to sit next to her now, for it may be even more awkward for me to suddenly decide I no longer wished to be her seatmate.

See you in a few weeks, Daci.

-Thomas

—

My dearest brother/favorite human,

I can’t believe it took you this long to realize the only reason I would want to visit is to see Ileana. It is positively ridiculous to want to visit my baby brother and meet the woman who seems to have captured his attention.

Who knew all it would take is her not swooning at your every move.

Audrey Rose’s cousin Liza has yet caught on that you and I are siblings, and has been showing me the letters she exchanged with her. I almost feel bad, because i am seeing this relationship blossom from both sides and just want to get my hands dirty and give you a push.

Good luck with your endeavors, dear brother. See you soon.

Daci

—

Daci—

What do you mean “watching this relationship blossom from both sides”?

Does miss Audrey Rose have feelings for little old me? That would be awfully embarrassing for her, since she seems intent on despising me no matter how charming I am.

No matter how many times I make her laugh with a whispered joke or doodle in lecture, she seems intent on remaining stoic towards me in our study group.

This afternoon in said study group, she mentioned how drained she was from the day and how she didn’t have a break until after our night class. I have noticed that most days, she drinks a large cup of earl grey from the campus cafe, so I think I will bring her one to class.

Hopefully it will brighten her day to get a little attention from someone she so admires.

Speaking of people who admire us, how is Ileana? I trust you’re still speaking frequently since you haven’t yet cancelled your trip down to see "me”. As much as I joke, I hope you are being careful. I don’t want you to get here and find out the two of you are on different wavelengths about where this relationship is headed.

I love you sister, keep your heart safe.

-Thomas

—

My dear, lovesick Tommy,

I cannot believe you are so taken with Audrey Rose. I simply cannot!

I won’t waste words trying to tell you how to proceed, I know you won’t listen.

As for illy and I, to my knowledge we are both in the same place. Unless you know something I do not, it will be a joyous time when we are reunited in two weeks.

Audrey has discovered a pub she will apparently be dragging us to with some strange American musical phenomenon called “surfer punk”. It sounds positively ghastly, but then again, so did Paris when I first heard about it, and now I love it here.

Can’t wait to see the look on Liza’s face when she puts everything together, and the four of us get to go out together. That promises to be funny.

I love you, and miss you more than words,

Your very emo sister.

Ps- A certain someone happened to mention a certain cup of tea in her last letter. Perhaps you e finally found your in.

Love you double,

Daci <3

—

Dear Sister,

We were assigned a massive midterm assignment in forensics, and for some reason, I thought Audrey might ask me to work with her.

To my chagrin, she did not.

However, because you said that tea was my in, I showed up unannounced to her door with a massive cup, and all of my notes, and much to my pleasant surprise she did not kick me out.

The past few nights have been spent going over theories, and watching American sketch comedy during breaks. Audrey Rose is very partial to SNL, and told me I was missing a huuuuge opportunity to start every letter to you with “dear sister”. (I was skeptical, but look it up. The sketch is funny).

I can’t believe that even after I told her of my sister abroad I wrote to, she hasn’t come close to putting it together.

I am starting to enjoy her company far too much for my normal aloofness. If this gets back to Romania, it’ll positively ruin my brand. Her room always smells faintly like cashmere and flowers, I don’t know where it’s coming from, it is the strangest thing.

I am starting to worry slightly about what she might think when the other shoe drops. But I don’t know what to do. How do I tell her how connected our lives seem to be, without coming off as an ass for keeping it to myself for so long.

See you in six days,

Thomas

Ps- Illy has been insufferably excited for the weekend. There’s a little heart around Friday on her calendar.

Maybe we can have one big sleepover in her and Audrey Rose’s room!

your deviant brother,

Thomas

—

Thomas,

I am neck deep in work, and tragically do not have time to do the whole letter writing thing this week.

However, if there is a development with you and Audrey, I INSIST you text me immediately.

I know it is not as ridiculously posh as letter writing, but it’ll keep me in the know.

Love always,

Your ‘dear sister’

Ps- tell Audrey I loved that sketch, and that she is going to be my new best friend if she is as wonderful as you’ve made her out to be (which I am sure she is)

—

Tuesday at 7pm, Tommy‍‍‍‍👯‍♂️🧛🏻‍♀️ sent:

“Headed to Audrey’s. I’m starting to worry we’ll never crack this assignment”

Tuesday at 8pm, I sent:

“Aaaaa Sorry this response took so long, that’s so annoying, I want allllll your time this weekend (sorry ar)”

Tuesday at 10pm, I sent:

“How is it going?”

Tuesday at 11:28pm, Tommy👯‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️ sent:

“can I call you?”

Tuesday at 11:31pm, I sent:

“What is going on Thomas, you never ring me?”

Tuesday at 11:31pm, Tommy‍👯‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️sent:

“Is Liza in the room with you?”

Tuesday at 11:32pm I wrote:

“No, she is out on a date, why?”

Tuesday at 11:32pm, Tommy‍👯‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️ rang me:

I lifted the phone to my ear,

“What is going on Tommy? You never ring me.”

“Swear you’re alone?”

“Yes, Christ Thomas I’m by myself.”

“Cat’s out of the bag.”

I paused for a long moment,

“Audrey knows?”

“Yes. Ileana walked in on her and I and then--”

But I cut him off before he can finish,

“Walked in on you two doing what, exactly?”

I could feel my voice rising as I asked, a grin spreading across my face as he stumbled over his words.

“Well we were working on our project, and then suddenly, she has this, stroke of brilliance and I just,”

He pauses and it takes everything I have not to scream a little bit.

“I kissed her, Daci, I was so, excited about the breakthrough that I reacted on impulse. I mean, I would’ve kissed anyone in that moment,”

He stumbles over a feeble explanation and I drum my fingers against the phone. Get to the good part.

“Well, I pulled away, but before I could explain myself, she was all over me. So we’re kissing, and it was like sparks were bursting in my chest when suddenly, Ileana is at the door. So naturally we get off of each other and greet Ileana. Of course, Illy greets me like she normally does, and the ever astute Audrey Rose catches on. I didn’t know what else to do so I left Ileana to explain things.”

There is a long pause, and I can hear him clearing his throat. I don’t know what to say, and the line hangs in silence. If I were in Audrey’s shoes, I can’t figure out whether or not I would be angry.

“Thomas I don’t think she’ll be too angry. It may have been better had you not left so abruptly but--” But now it is his turn to cut me off.

“Someone’s at the door, love you, call you later.”

He hangs up before I have the chance to say anything else.  

Wednesday at 12:45am, I sent:

“Hello? Did you die in the last hour?”

Wednesday at 1:13am, I sent:

“Thomasssssss”

Wednesday at 2:07am, I sent:

“I’m going to bed. I will assume you are knocking boots, rather than the more grim possibility that you finally pissed off the wrong person and have been murdered. Love you, call me tomorrow.”

Wednesday at 3:06am, Tommy‍ 👯‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️sent:

“AR came up to my room. Thought she would be angry but turns out she just wanted to finish up our project (and another taste of my lips). We have a date tomorrow night, and if all goes well, she will (hopefully) be with me when I pick up you and Liza from the train station.”

Wednesday at 8:45am, I sent:

“I can’t wait to meet her in person, and to get the full rundown on your date. Hope you slept well :)”

~~~

Hope you guys enjoyed!! I have at least one more fic planned for this mini series (spoiler alert, its Thomas and AR’s date)

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