#EscapeIntoWords

[ojensby]

Books are more than pages; they’re lifelines. Whether it’s comfort, inspiration, or pure escape, stories remind us that every chapter brings a new perspective.

A Book a Day Keeps the Mental Breakdown Away Shirt – Relatable Book Lover Tee – Read More Cry Less

[somedays-mostdays]

escapeintowords

replied to your post

“im deleting all my audio posts i can’t take the chance ive put 2 much...”

wait whats happening?

apparently tumblr's going around and deleting blogs that have uploaded music on them b/c it goes against copyright policies or w/e and it's just so stupid and ridiculous

[serotinalbliss]

again TO ALL WHO CARE

hey so this isn't my primary blog and I am no longer going to post my photography here (well maybe I will I'm just lazy and don't feel like uploading it all) so I am going to post snippets from a book I'm writing called, Submarines

My main blog is escapeintowords.tumblr.com, in case you care. :)

[escapeintowords]

I don’t think you really fall out of love with people. You just kind of forget them and try to learn how to live without them.

[escapeintowords]

There is no such thing as an easy life.

[escapeintowords]

Submarines

Life just seems like an illusion.  Like every object around me is slowly dragging away so that I cannot touch anything.  The only existence is my existence in this moment.  And this moment seems so short, so infinitesimal.  This place is temporary, soon I will find myself in a location entirely different.

[escapeintowords]

Dear Taft

I miss you.  How is basic?  Do you ever think of me?  I think of you.  Obviously, since I keep writing you letters that you will never see.  

"I keep thinking you already know. I keep thinking I've sent you letters that were only ever written in my mind."

--Iain Thomas

Only the difference is, I am writing these letters.  Maybe one day I'll send them.

You swore you would write to me.

I just looked at old messages we sent to each other.  I get it now.  You didn't like me past a point.  So maybe I shouldn't ever send these letters to you.  You didn't ask to know me.  You were too nice to try to stop me.  I guess I should stop now since you don't really care.  

That was my flaw in liking you as a person.  There is nothing wrong with who you are.  It was that there is something wrong with who I am.

I still would have preferred you to have told me I was being too much or that you didn't want to talk to me.  At least that way, I wouldn't have been caught in the delusion that you care.

Thank you for listening when you didn't want to.

Sincerely,

Melissa

f. 2:30pm 7/7/13

[escapeintowords]

Dear Taft

I've been thinking about you lately.  I just wish that you would send me letters like you said you would.  I'm not really sure what happened, why you stopped talking to me.  You told me that you would tell me if you didn't want to talk anymore.  But you never did.  That wasn't fair of you...

I liked having someone to talk to.  You know that I don't open up to people easily, that it's hard for me to tell my best friend things about myself.  You were someone I could talk to about things.  It was nice talking to you even if it felt like we talked about nothing.  I don't know why, but it was like you were another escape for me.  An escape from whatever I'm dealing with here.  And I don't have any escapes anymore.  I'm trying so hard to find one but I can't.  I wish that I would get a letter from you and I would realize that everything's okay.  I want to know if you haven't sent me any letters because you lost my address or because you just don't want to.  

I feel like I'm losing myself again.  The way that you lost yourself years ago.... The way that so many people lose themselves, the ways people lose their grips on their own realities.  I talked to you when I was that way. And you left.  And a while after, things started getting better (not because of you, just coincidence).  And they're bad again.  You know how that is...right?  

The craziest part about this is that I can't decide how I feel about things getting bad.  I can't write well when I'm so happy, when it feels like everything is going right for me.  But I don't like feeling alone, either.  And I am alone.  I've been spending a lot of my summer alone.  And I lost someone that I would talk to.  And this person isn't someone I can just call up or visit or even send a message on facebook to or a letter because I don't know where you are anymore.  I just wish you could tell me why you stopped talking to me.  I know things have been hard for you, but they've been hard for me, too.  

Love,

Melissa

f. 3:48pm 6/30/13

[escapeintowords]

Submarines

You taught me that love was real.  That it wasn't everything I thought it was.  You taught me that love could be found in a moment, not just over a lifetime.  You taught me that love was something I could have.  You taught me that love wasn't as hard to find as I thought.  You taught me that I had love on a pedestal, and I didn't think it could be reached.  But you also taught me that it is glorious.  

And I'm sorry to tell you, love isn't for me.

[escapeintowords]

Submarines

"I am nothing. All I have ever been is nothing. But nothing is not all I am ever going to be."

[somedays-mostdays]

escapeintowords replied to your photo “having a gr8 time @ the hospital!!!!!”

girl what haaaapppeened??? I keep seeing snaps what surgery r u ok

i had the lipoma on my back removed! and then i had to go back to the hospital b/c the bleeding/swelling got super bad and they told me i probably had a lipoma so i stayed the night and now im out but none of the painkillers r rly working so im just bedridden for the next couple days (wish u were here so we could eat falafel and watch doctor who)

[escapeintowords]

Dear Taft

I want you to know that I just wanted to be friends.  Because that is all that we could have been anyway.  I wanted you to be the person I could talk to.  I still want that, but I know it won’t happen.  I wish that you could have been the person I wrote things for or showed things to.  I wanted to be the person that you could talk to.  About everything.  About anything.  About nothing, if that’s what you needed.  I want to know if there is a way we can still be friends, because I really want that.  

I don’t think what you did to me was fair.  You could have said goodbye.  You at least owed me that.  This is going to be a letter I actually send to you.  This is not going to be a letter I just write and keep in my mind or forget about in some dark corner of my computer.  I am going to send you letters because that is what I said I would do.  If you want me to stop, I will never send you a letter again.  But like I said, you at least owe me a goodbye.

I hope that you are doing well in basic and that everything is fine.  I hope you are happy, that you aren’t sinking into the darkness the way I have been.  I hope you find in basic--and in the army in general--what you were looking for.  I hope it is a good escape for you.  

I wish you the absolute best of luck,

Sincerely,

  Melissa

f. 9:57pm 7/27/13

[escapeintowords]

Submarines

She knew me like no one else.  She told me things that I never even knew about myself.  That scared me.  So I ran from her faster than light.  I was so used to being closed, I didn't want anyone to open me.  Somehow she broke the rust I had let grow over my barriers.  But when she tried to clear the rust away for everyone else, I ran.  

Sometimes I reflect and wonder where she could be, whose rust she ended up shining away.  It could have been me.  Sometimes I wish it had been.