#FIVE OF CUPS HP OH THIS ATE

[pottersfia]

putting on an act | hp x fem!reader

part three

part four

masterlist

warnings: it’s pretty long (for me at least), barely looked over sorry, swearing, fluff, tension😁😁, mention of sex, angst at the end, NO CHO SLANDER‼️‼️

prompts:

5: “DONT COME IN! WE’RE UH- HAVING SEX!”

20: top of head kisses

48: “Ugh our kids are gonna be awesome”

a/n: he looks so hot in this gif bye

through this endeavor, harry had noticed something; you’ve never been on a date together. he figured it probably seemed weird from an outsiders point of view, no one (not even ron and hermione) knew how your relationship started. one day you were known as best friends and the next you were locking hands anytime you were in view of others.

he was honestly nervous of the idea. was he really taking you on a date because of cho or because of you? but on the other hand, it could be an opportunity to somehow strengthen this fake relationship. it was a perfect excuse, if anything it’d be more proof to other that you were actually dating.

you woke up on a saturday morning to the sun shining on your face. you got up, lazily and got ready to go out for breakfast in the great hall.

“good morning, sleepyhead.” harry said to you as you sat next to him.

“good morning.” you yawned and leaned your head in your hand, eating your food.

“today’s a hogsmeade day, hopefully you didn’t forget.” you smiled at harry’s words, glad you’d have a chance to get out.

“you’re right, it is.” you replied.

“i was thinking we could go on a date.” you looked up at him, slightly taken off guard.

“really?” you asked. harry nodded.

“we could go to honeydukes then somewhere else, i don’t know whatever you want.” he said as he turned back to his food. you smiled, the idea of being on a date with him sending butterflies to your stomach.

“yeah, we could go to the three broomsticks and out by the lake after. the weather’s pretty nice today.” he looked back at you with a smile and nod.

“sounds excellent.”

“what sounds excellent?” ron’s voice was suddenly heard as he and hermione sat down.

“we’re going on a date today.” you told them.

“so i’ll be stuck with ronald the whole time?” hermione exclaimed.

“hey! i’m pretty good company if i do say so myself.” he replied.

“keep telling yourself that.”

you and harry laughed at their bickering as the conversations carried on.

you were currently sitting with harry at the three broomsticks, each enjoying a butterbeer.

“you’re telling me you’d want five kids?” you laughed and so did he.

“it’s just a thought, realistically maybe two or three.” he replied.

“i agree, my kids will at least have one sibling.” you nodded. “what would you name them?” harry thought for a moment.

“well i’d definitely want to use my parents names somehow, even if it’s just a middle name.” he said. you smiled.

“i have a whole list of names.” you said.

“of course you do.” he laughed and so did you. “ugh, our kids are gonna be awesome.” you felt your face heat up at the comment and let out another small laugh as you went into a few moments of comfortable silence.

“so, um, how’s the cho situation going?” as much as you wanted to forget any of this was about someone else, you felt obligated to ask. you wanted to know where his feelings were.

“oh, right uh,” he looked up and saw cho enter, how ironic. they shared a quick moment of eye contact and a smile. “ok i think? we’ve only really talked a few times. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do at this point.” you looked between harry and cho with a sigh, taking your last sip of butterbeer.

“why don’t we go now.” you said, harry looked at you and smiled. he stood up and held your hand, walking out with you.

the two of you laid out on a blanket by the black lake, sun shining on your skin and the sound of yours and harry’s soft laughter in the air.

“do we have anymore grapes left?” harry asked you. you sat up and looked at the bowl that sat between you two. there were only two grapes left. you grabbed one of them and looked down at harry.

“open up, potter.” you said. harry sat up and raised an eyebrow at you.

“y/n, we both now your aim is rubbish.” he said. you scoffed and place a hand over your chest in mock offense.

“ouch that one went right to the heart.” he laughed at your act and gestured for you to throw the grape at him. you threw the small fruit and watched as he stared at it with his mouth open just for it to bounce off his forehead and into the grass.

“oops?” you said and you both fell into laughter. you looked at the bowl again and grabbed the last grape. “one last grape left.” you held it out to him. he went to take it from your hand but you pulled away. he looked at you and you shot him a playful smile. he reached again but failed.

the act turned into an all out war filled with teasing and laughter. that was until you stretched your hand up over your head and not realizing how close you were, harry reached for it. in an attempt to move your hand backwards you ended up falling over harry following suit and catching himself on his hands. your laughter stopped as you realized the position you were in. harry was hovering right on top of you. his eyes met yours and his breath hitched as he was unsure of what to do.

the moments you spent staring at each other felt like hours. your mind was racing until you snapped yourself out of it with a nervous laugh.

“uh, harry?” you practically whispered.

“r-right, uh sorry about that.” he said as he sat back up. you sat up, trying to collect yourself after what just happened. you looked at harry to find he was staring blankly at you. you smiled and ate the grape that was still in your hand.

“what-” harry realized what you did and you laughed at his reaction. the two of you laid back down in your previous position, staring at the darkening sky. you lingered in silence.

you could’ve sworn that in the moment you noticed harry checking you out. the image ran back in your head and you noticed how you stared down at your lips. was it possible he actually liked you? he was being pretty distant from cho. you needed to find out for yourself.

harry was conflicted. practically the whole day he had let his mind wonder on to the idea of being with you but it was always interrupted by reality. at the three broomsticks the presence of cho snapped him out of it, during the picnic “date” your teasing and comments that he interpreted as friendly banter interrupted it, and just now the moment you shared being cut short interrupted it. all he wanted to do in that moment was lean down and kiss you but he couldn’t. he would never do something to ruin your friendship.

“if i’m being honest, being in a relationship is a nice change from being single.” harry’s words interrupted the silence. you turned your head to him.

“really? why’s that.” you asked, amused. he shrugged.

“i don’t have to deal with the constant weird tension around other girls. most of them have backed off.” he turned to look back at you.

“ok mr. chosen one.” you laughed. “you’re welcome for helping with your female attention problem.”

“ok, when you say it like that it’s weird.” he laughed back. you shook you’re head, sitting up.

“it’s getting pretty late.” you commented. harry sat up too.

“yeah.” he stood up and so fid you. he picked up the bowl as you grabbed the blanket, folding it in your hands. you turned back to harry with a small smile, looking up at him.

“thanks for spending the day with me.” harry smiled back. he took a step closer to you and kissed the top of your head. your face heated up.

“n-no problem. you’re great company.” you held his hand and the two of you made your way back to the castle that is hogwarts.

•••

it was sunday night and the infamous weasly twins had the idiotic idea to throw their normally done on friday common room party.

you had to admit you were looking pretty good. the time you spent with harry on saturday really seemed to boost your mood so you wore your favorite outfit and let loose with your friends, get a little tipsy, and dancing the night away.

harry was practically drooling over you. it was one of the rare times he let himself really look at you. he couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face.

“oi, mate we exist too, ya know.” he felt the person tap his arm and looked back to see seamus with a cheeky grin. ron, dean, and neville shared the same look as they stared at him.

“what?” he said. they laughed and shook their heads. harry suddenly saw you walking towards him.

“harry!” you practically screamed.

“hello y/n.” he chuckled.

“you need to stop being a boring wallflower and dance with m-” you tripped a bit over your feet and spilled whatever was in that cup of yours on yourself. “oh no!” you exclaimed.

“godric y/n, uh,” he grabbed the cup away from you. “why don’t you get changed into something else, there’s a big red stain on you.”

“yes i can see that.” you whined. harry put an arm around your shoulder and led you to your dorm room. you opened the door and fell on your bed.

“ugh it’s so comfortable.” you sighed. harry laughed and kneeled next to you.

“do you wanna ho back out there?” he asked you. you sat back up and nodded vigorously. “get changed then.” you nodded again and went you your draws to get something new. without thinking twice, you began undressing.

“woah woah, y/n! i’m still here.” harry quickly turned around. you laughed.

“oops.” was your only comment. suddenly there was a knock on the door.

“Y/N! ARE YOU THERE?!” you heard one of your friends calling for you. you covered your body with the clothes you held, you and harry sharing panicked looks.

“u-uh YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO OPEN THE DOOR!” you yelled back.

“YEAH D-DONT COME IN! WE’RE UH- HAVING SEX!” harry yelled after you, instantly regretted his words. you looked at him in disbelief and he shrugged.

“oh, I’LL BE GOING THEN, um SORRY!” they yelled back.

“really? we’re having sex?” you questioned.

“it was the first thing i thought of!” he replied. you shook your head.

“i bet you’d like to fuck me, huh?” you smirked. harry’s eyes went wide.

“what?” he asked. you laughed again as you opened your bathroom door and closed it to change.

•••

eventually you and harry got back to the party. you promised him you wouldn’t drink any more and went back to dancing.

after a while you found yourself sat down on a couch, listening to your friends nonsense conversation. in the corner if your eye you saw harry walking out of the common room. this was your chance. you stood up and followed him. you were going to ask harry about his feelings, maybe even confess your own. what’s the worst that could-

and there it was.

you saw harry kissing someone. but it wasn’t just someone, it was cho. you were in shock. you knew to cho’s knowledge he was in a relationship, but cho wasn’t what bothered you; it was harry. any hope that he liked you back was down the drain.

cho opened her eyes for a brief second and that’s when she saw you. she instantly pulled away. harry looked at her confused then followed her gaze and saw you. you looked like you were gonna break down in tears.

“y/n,” harry said. you ran away.

taglist:

[to be adding send me a message/ask!]

@inglourious-imagines

[marauders70s]

a collection of dumb hp-p&r text memes

dumbledore, gesturing: could a depressed person make this???

mcgonagall: your hand is literally rotting off

---

harry: sometimes I feel like arguing with you is like arguing with the sun.

hermione: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME.

---

pansy: you look awful

draco: what up bitch i just ran a 5k

pansy: really?

draco: no i threw up blood in the shower

pansy: that fight with potter really got ya down huh

---

harry: hey ron are you okay

ron, wearing the locket, staring straight ahead at a tree: yeah i'm fine it's just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I'm always tired.

harry: hermione it's your turn

---

sirius, at any minor convenience: everything hurts and i'm dying

---

goyle: I once knew a guy for seven years and never learned his name. best friend i ever had. we still never talk sometimes, because he's dead.

---

oliver: sometimes you gotta do a little work so you can ball a lot.

mcgonagall: that is incorrect

---

james, during house arrest: If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

lily, from the couch: oops

---

snape, at a christmas dinner: I can still smell her hair at night

dumbledore, pouring a generous amount of mulled wine: Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.

---

ron: hermione, i'm not using your color coded talking planner

hermione: we need to get good grades on our OWLs!

ron: there's nothing that could motivate me to use it

hermione: well, there's nothing we can't do if we work work hard, never sleep, and shirk from all other responsibilities in our lives.

---

harry: Professor, I wanna go home early. Ooh, hold on actually, hang on. Yeah, no, I wanna quit and never come here again.

---

ron: i'm going to tell you all my secrets

hermione: you don't have to do that

ron: I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks

ron: I didn't actually break charlie's wand all the way I just hid it and forgot where

ron: I don't know who scrimgeour is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

ron: when they have 2 sickles a scoop on salamander eyes i'm not sure where the rest of the salamander goes

ron: when i was a baby fred turned my teddy into a spider and i got so scared my mum took me to a mindhealer and they wrote a textbook about me

ron: i once threw a garden gnome so hard that it hit my sister in the face and began attacking her

hermione, looking up from her book: what did ginny do?

ron: she bit it and it ran off.

hermione: classic

---

severus: no matter what i do nothing bad can happen to me. i'm like a white wizengamot official who pretended they were mind-controlled after the fall of the dark lord

lucius: I resent that

---

sirius: thank merlin my great uncle alphard just died so I am fluuuuusheeeeeed with galleeeeooonsss

remus: I'm going to regret this flatshare

---

seamus: i passed up a gay halloween party to see this troll. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Peverell Brothers make out with three Viktor Krums. It was amazing.

---

luna: We need to remember what's important in life. Friends, unpredictable creatures, and school. Or unpredictable creatures, friends, school. It doesn't matter. But school is third.

---

tom riddle: I totally hear you, but I also don't like what you're saying. So if you say no, I will release a giant snake in the bathroom

---

luna: would you like some -

hermione: no! I am going to run for minister of magic someday, so no, thank you. I mean, not that I haven't - I ate a brownie once at quidditch cup party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any potions in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.

---

sirius: do i look like the kind of person who drinks water

---

neville: flying is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but merlin, at what cost?

ron: okay, you don't have to join the pick up game -

neville: no no i want to be included. i'll come

---

james: What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.

sirius: that's not right

---

mcgongall: I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.

peter: this career counseling session is getting a bit intense

---

neville: how are you handling the...breakup...

ginny: I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Gilderoy Lockhart novel. Might as well lean into it.

---

dumbledore, in the staff room, extremely intoxicated: Who hasn’t had gay thoughts?

---

james: Goodbye, Lily Evans, my head girl partner. Hello, Lily Potter, my fallopian princess.

lily: i should have never married you. or at least made you wear a condom

james: what's a-

---

sprout: I’m a simple lesbian. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and man-killing plants.

---

sirius: A couple more rules: if you ever read a sad book, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no magic after breakfast.

peter: er i'm sorry this was the dorm assigned to me...

---

remus: Hogwarts Library is headed by the most diabolical, ruthless bureaucrat I’ve ever seen. She's like a death eater but instead of avada kedavra and crucio she uses shame and shhhing.

james: she wouldn't let him into the restricted section without a note

remus, choking back tears: I AM A PREFECT

---

pansy: I have never flown the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.

---

hermione: If I had a stripper’s name, it would be Equality. for house elves and all beings.

ron: if i had a stripper's name it would be sugar striped candy pole for my -

harry: hermione, DON'T -

---

sir cadogen: You know, in the 1880’s, there were a few years that were pretty rough and tumble here at Hogwarts. This depicts kind of a famous fight between Morpheus Rane, a prefect in Slytherin house, and Wilhemena Batlock, a Hufflepuff seventh year. The original title of this painting was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But y’know, they had to change it for…obvious reasons.

---

bellatrix, in the afterlife: i regret nothing. the end.

---

harry: I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.

tofty: I'm sorry but you WILL have to repeat your history of magic OWL

---

james: Lucky for me, I’ve processed all my feelings. And I’ve gone through the five stages of grief - Denial, anger, picking on Peter, cat adoption, reckless dueling, cat returning to the adoption place, reading all Martin Miggs books in the series (what i was picking on peter for actually), and not giving a flying fuck.

remus: you can't say fuck

james: oh great i'm going to have to start the process all over again.

remus: peter, you'd better run

---

dudley: I’m allergic to magic candy. Every time I eat more than 80 sweeties I barf.

fred: how about...81

---

sirius: I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.

remus: this is why we can't date in public

---

neville: I’m gonna get drunk and then I’m gonna order a three course meal where each course is made of dessert.

---

arthur: I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth.

bill: dad maybe you shouldn't give a toast while fleur's family is still here

---

gilderoy: I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.

---

pansy: Use him. Abuse him. Lose him. That’s the Parkinson motto.

draco: I thought the Parkinson motto is don't look at me you whore.

pansy: the motto is really more like a chapter book.

---

harry: You’re ridiculous and pureblood rights is nothing.

voldemort: wow

---

tonks: I would like a glass of red wine and I’ll take the cheapest one you have because I can’t tell the difference.

sirius: cheers i'll drink to that

remus: put. the bowl. down.

---

eh, and just one for the road: “I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. Voldemort, probably.” – Leslie Knope

[hiredhorse]

An Excess of Fowl

HP advent ficlets day 2; I can’t explain this one

December 20, 1992

“You look worn out, Harry,” Ron observed, a worried furrow in his brow. “Up late again?”

“Well, yeah,” Harry admitted. “Hagrid helped me, but it took a while to get the swans to settle down. They’re kind of aggressive, you know?” Ron’s blank expression communicated that in fact he didn’t know. “Anyway,” Harry sighed, “they were rather hostile toward the other birds.”

“That’s how many now? Birds, that is?”

“I don’t know, mate. Thirty-odd? A whole bloody lot.”

The two Gryffindors walked on. Behind them, unobserved, Tom Riddle dropped his concealment charm and rounded on the blond-haired boy beside him with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

“He doesn’t seem excited, does he, Malfoy?”

Draco winced, trying to stand up straight despite an overwhelming urge to cower. “No, my lord, he doesn’t seem excited.”

“He almost seems confused,” Tom snarled.

“Yes, well, my lord, he was raised by Muggles? But perhaps he doesn’t...that is…” Tom continued to stare expectantly, which did nothing for Draco’s composure. “Perhaps he doesn’t know the old Muggle customs?”

“Hmm,” Tom murmured. “Well, perhaps we can arrange for him to discover their meaning. And the other...issue?”

“My father sent me the gold,” Draco confirmed, eager to share good news. “Enough for the next few days,” he added with more caution. “Technically that’s my maximum allowance until I turn fifteen…” he observed Tom’s eyes narrowing further still and added hastily, “But my mother can’t tell me no. I’ll write to her!”

“Very good, Malfoy,” muttered Tom, looking helplessly back at the retreating figure of Harry and his idiot friend. “See that you do.”

December 21, 1992

At breakfast, everyone braced themselves for the daily flurry of fowl at the Gryffindor table. Harry kept his shoulders hunched and guiltily avoided his housemates’ eyes. When the clock struck eight, chaos erupted all around Harry in the form of twelve noisy birds, one cooing uncertainty from its perch in a small potted tree, and the quiet lowing of—cattle?

Harry’s eyes grew wide and he spun around on the bench, seeing through a cloud of feathers that eight cows stood chewing their cud in a perfect row, and crouched beneath each one, a woman in plaid busily milked away into her respective wooden pail.

“What the bloody...?” cried Seamus Finnegan. The maids glanced over then returned to their work, all save one, who rose from her stool and walked over to Harry.

“Are you Harry?”

At his dumbfounded nod, she held out five golden rings. “Swell. Then these are for you.”

Beside him on the bench, Hermione made a startled noise. “Of course. How did it take me this long to figure it out?”

“What?” Harry demanded, stuffing the rings in his pocket. Hopefully they were worth enough for animal feed. Cows probably ate a lot more than birds.

“It’s the Twelve Days Of Christmas!” Hermione exclaimed. “Oh, Harry, I thought it was all terrible, but in fact it’s quite sweet.”

December 25, 1992

Harry woke on Christmas morning feeling happier than he had on any Christmas morning previous. Not only was he at Hogwarts, rather than the Dursleys’, but the Great Hall, rather than practically abandoned, was full of cheerful faces.

“Harry!” chorused the dancing ladies, who had taken a break from their exercise to sip pumpkin juice, and now waved at him. He waved back.

The maids had left their cattle grazing on the lawn and were playing some kind of dice game, taking up the entire Ravenclaw table. The pipers were playing a gentle Christmas mashup and the lords were, predictably, taking turns bounding over the Hufflepuff table, to the delight of a few second years who were clapping heartily between bites of cauldron cake.

“Potter,” said a terse voice to Harry’s left, and he turned his head to find himself looking into the pinched face of Draco Malfoy, who appeared especially unpleasant considering it was Christmas Day.

“What is it, Malfoy?” Harry snapped, then sighed. “I mean...Merry Christmas, I guess.”

Malfoy looked suspicious, but nodded cautiously. “Whatever, Potter. I just...haven’t you figured it out yet?” His tone was almost pleading.

“What?” Harry asked, lost.

Malfoy gestured emphatically around the Great Hall. “This. The people. The cows. All of the...fowl.”

“Oh, yes,” Harry nodded, smiling ruefully. “It’s a Muggle song. Someone must have used magic to make it do...well. All of this. Hermione said the magic would be really impressive.”

Draco’s expression could have been carved from wood. “Did she?”

“Yeah. I guess the birds are one thing, but the people?”

“Hmmm,” Draco hummed tonelessly. It wasn’t exactly a response, but Harry happily went on anyway.

“Yeah, I reckon they don’t even know how they got here, but they’re all quite...happy, about it?”

“Are they?” Now Malfoy sounded half strangled, and Harry was concerned.

“Are you all right, Malfoy? You seem unwell.”

“Tom! Riddle!” Draco burst out sharply, in the manner of one having a fit. Harry stepped back from him.

“What about Riddle?”

“He did it, all of this. He did it with his terrifying magic.” Draco swallowed and became even paler than usual. “Don’t tell him I told you, please. But also, for all our sakes, thank him. Heartily.”

Harry stared. “Why would be…?”

Draco’s lip curled. “Oh, Potter. Do you even know the words to the stupid song?”

“Yes?”

When Draco continued to stare, unwavering, Harry frowned. “On the first day of Christmas,” he began, reciting not singing, “my true...oh.” He blinked, then scoffed. “But he couldn't...I mean…not Riddle.”

“Have a very pleasant Yule, Potter,” Draco said wearily, and left the Hall.

Harry was still processing when the clock struck eight, and at the eighth peal precisely, the entire room erupted—with fowl, yes, and eight additional cows with their busy maids, and the ear-splitting noise of pipes, and the rigorous tapping of dance shoes, and this time, also, the insistent beating of twelve drums.

“Harry.” Tom was walking up to him with his hands behind his back.

“Riddle. Tom,” Harry replied faintly. One of the swans viciously snapped at a passing hen, and an overly enthusiastic leaping lord landed amongst the geese, scattering them and treading on a few eggs.

“I may have to kill Malfoy,” Tom muttered. Harry, who knew enough about Tom Riddle to assume he meant it, hastened to interject.

“No! I mean, what about Malfoy? I was just, um, enjoying all of the...gifts.”

Tom’s look softened and he scuffed at the tile with his shoes, smile shy. “I suppose you’ve figured out it was me.”

“Yep,” Harry managed, wondering if his voice sounded unnaturally high to Tom.

“There’s these, too,” Tom continued, reaching out an open palm that contained five golden rings. Of course. Harry reached out his own hand, and Tom turned his over so that one was cupped over the other, and the rings, warm from his touch, fell into Harry’s hand.

“Oh, right,” Harry said, almost whispering. Tom hadn’t moved his hand, and now his fingertips were gently brushing Harry’s wrist, where Harry’s pulse was racing as furiously as a rabbit’s.

“Thanks, Tom,” Harry managed, and a slow, satisfied grin spread over the other boy’s face.

“You’re very welcome, Harry.”

[thetourguidebarbie]

Hp au where klaus and Caroline are to offer the founders e.g: rowena and slazenger and there is smut - somehow..

Alrighty, so this is…not mini. At all. It also definitely has smut, including using a pensieve memory as a sex tape, dirty talk, and mutual masturbation. This is a historical and is set roughly around 1000 ACE. They were in an arranged marriage but this is established some years later and they love each other.

Thank you to @goldcaught for helping me and @chica-cherry-lola for reassuring me that yes, pensieve memories can be sex tapes. I appreciate both of you more than I can say.

Every single story told about how the competition for the house cup came to be is wrong.

Some insist that it was to motivate students to learn, others say that it was supposed to keep students from breaking the rules for fear of being labeled a social pariah for dragging their house down. However, occasionally a student would get curious and ask the portrait of the founder of Ravenclaw house in the tallest tower of the castle. She’d roll her eyes and send the student to visit the Slytherin founder in the dungeons, who would then give the student a smug dimpled smile and explain that it was absolutely none of their business.

Mostly because the true story wasn’t all that appropriate for children…

“You dirty cheat!”

“What’s that, love?” her husband asked, looking up from his book when she walked in. His basilisk was curled at his feet by the armrest of the ottoman, the enchanted blindfold it wore slightly askew. She decided to momentarily set aside her anger about how he stole the house cup from right under her nose (therefore winning their stupid bet) to focus on a more pressing problem.

“Klaus, you know I don’t like it when you let Hayley on the furniture.”

“Her name isn’t Hayley,” Klaus said before demonstrating a complex hissing sound that was supposed to be the snake’s name. She’d tried to replicate it before but always ended up saying something she hadn’t meant. She drew the line when she butchered the hissing into a word that apparently roughly translated to “wolf queen” and announced that the snake’s name was Hayley and that was that. He’d also tried to teach Caroline how to say certain phrases like “get off the bed” and “don’t eat that”, but it soon became clear that her accent was atrocious.

“Get her off the couch, Niklaus.”

Klaus looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes, but seemed to have recognized the full name as a bad sign, hissing something to the snake, who uncoiled. If a snake could pout, Caroline had a feeling she would be.

“What’s gotten you in a snit, love?”

She took a moment to let her eyes linger appreciatively on the necklaces resting against his shirtless chest and the way his sleep pants sat low on his hips before making eye contact again, trying to gather back her indignation.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

His lips twitched. “Haven’t the faintest.”

“You gave Edward Carrow fifteen points for breathing at an acceptable volume. It says so in the point log.”

“And?”

“That’s cheating. Who deserves points for breathing?”

“I don’t recall us ever having a rule about our little bet that points had to be deserved.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Well, the cup’s already been awarded to the house of snakes, I’m afraid. It’s a bit too late to contest it.”

“Yeah, because you hid the point log.”

“Also no rule against that, love.”

“That’s why you’re a dirty cheat,” she muttered.

“I never said I played fair, something you knew when we married.”

“Oh yes, because I totally had a choice in that,” she said sarcastically, walking to him and letting him pull her into his lap on their sofa, snuggling against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Hey Caroline, you know that creeper who lives on the edge of the village with his killer pet snake and a greenhouse full of dangerous potion ingredients? Guess what?  You’re marrying him.”

“Turned out well, didn’t it?”

She hummed in agreement, closing her eyes and inhaling his scent, relaxing against him.

Klaus was older than her by about five years, an age difference that had been enormously rare considering the size of their village. Klaus wanting to court her had been a welcome surprise, considering that she’d fully expected to end up miserable and stifled in the house of the local condescending historian, who was twenty years her senior.

She’d still looked at Klaus’s advances with a healthy dose of wariness because of his rumored penchant for dark magic and his mysterious ban on roosters and chickens in the village that everyone seemed to follow out of habitual fear.

He soon soothed her nerves, wooing her with promises of a library of rare scrolls and access to potions ingredients and reagents that she could only dream of. They’d spent hours walking in his greenhouses, which he’d enchanted to be three times the size of what the building appeared to be. He made her feel comfortable and safe, and she eventually got up the nerve to confide in him that she had some theories about Arithmancy that she just knew were revolutionary but that would challenge almost everything discovered so far, proving generations of wizards wrong. She knew it wouldn’t be popular to go public with her research, but she had to try.

No one else had ever taken her seriously, but he believed her. Believed in her.

They’d married just days after she published a paper that proved her right (and proved all of local arrogant asshole Damon Salvatore’s research useless—oops?).

When he’d undressed her that night she’d been more than a bit apprehensive. She’d asked her mother for advice and secretly managed to steal sex spell scrolls from the highest shelves of the library that he most likely thought were cleverly hidden, devouring every word, trying to prepare herself with the power of knowledge. They’d helped, but he’d been the one to truly make her feel safe. Klaus had gone slow, watching her face the entire time. She still remembered the way he’d spoken to her, his voice soft and seductive as he cajoled her into telling him what felt good, what she wanted.

He had made her come twice before he filled her.

In the seven years since then he’d slowly convinced her to get a bit more adventurous. She still found herself get a bit warm when she remembered their first Christmas in the castle when he’d bent her over the high table in the Great Hall and taken her from behind, only managing to straighten their clothes a few moments before the students staying over the break wandered in for breakfast.

He’d coaxed her into this ridiculous bet for the house cup at the beginning of the school year. The winner got to choose a fantasy they’d never done, and, barring any serious objections, the other would do it. Klaus had quite a few fantasies he’d confessed to her that she’d been hesitant to do, and she wondered what he was going to choose (using the Room of Requirement to create a sex dungeon seemed a little ridiculous, to be honest). She was also slightly annoyed with herself for falling into what was in retrospect an obvious trap. She’d initially been all too happy at agree to the bet. Her students were mostly well-behaved, and under the spoken terms she’d have won easily. Too easily.

She should have realized that he wouldn’t play fair.

Realistically, she knew she’d eventually get what she wanted. Sure, tying Klaus to the bed and teasing him until he begged was a difficult thing to get him to agree to. He didn’t like being exposed, being vulnerable, but she knew that for her he would. Eventually, anyway.

She reached to lazily fiddle with one of the necklaces he wore, looking up at him through thick lashes. “You’re so lucky you have cute dimples.”

“Nothing about me is ‘cute’ love.”

“Hmm, you’re cute when you’re offended.”

He didn’t dignify her comment with an answer, probably knowing she was just trying to bait him, instead letting his hand trace her spine. “So, I’d like to collect my winnings now, if you’d be so kind.”

“And what do you want for cheating your way to your students winning the cup?”

“A little trip into the pensieve.”

She frowned. This fantasy was new. “Why would you want to–”

He stared at her with a raised eyebrow, his lips curling into a smirk, and she flushed as it dawned on her exactly what he meant. Her breath caught when she saw the look on his face as he watched her intently for her reaction, and she couldn’t help but picture it.

Pensieves held memories, and she knew that Klaus had always enjoyed watching her. It took a lot of coaxing for her to feel comfortable having sex with their lanterns still burning, let alone to let him watch her touch herself. She’d been intrigued since the moment he brought it up a few months into their marriage. It seemed deliciously forbidden at the time, and she shied away at first, though the curiosity ate away at her willpower. When she finally got the nerve to allow herself just a little taste, to try what seemed to her at the time to be the most hedonistic of all of her desires, she was hooked.

He always made her feel wanted, the spark between them burning brightly as he watched with slightly parted lips and heavy-lidded eyes, his hand wrapped around his cock. She liked the way he tried to tease himself but eventually got impatient and started talking to get her off faster, narrating all the things he loved about watching her. He was so tightly controlled everywhere else, but for her he couldn’t help but let go.

Watching a memory of them having sex took it a step further. Her mind raced at all the possibilities. Would they only stand to the side and drink in their own expressions before they fell out of the memory and into bed? Or would he fuck her while they watched, murmuring filthy commentary in her ear?

It turned her on more than she’d like to admit.

She swallowed, her tongue darting across her lips to wet them. “When?” she breathed, slightly annoyed with herself at how obviously desperate for it she was, but the more she thought about it the more she wanted it.

“Tonight?” he offered, and she nodded eagerly enough that his cheeks dimpled in a wicked smile, his hand coming up to wind in her curls.

“Hmm…perhaps I shouldn’t waste my winnings on something you clearly have no hesitation about trying.”

“Nope! You already picked. Rules are rules.”

“I suppose you’re right. And I’d never dream of breaking the rules…”

She scoffed. “Not now you won’t. You got one free pass because you didn’t specify, but I know that we agreed that the winner gets one thing, and you picked your one thing.”

“I do love it when you get bossy.”

“Liar,” she teased, and he sat up slightly to catch her lips in a languid kiss, her mouth chasing his as he pulled away.

“It’s true. You’re fascinating in every facet. Perhaps I do enjoy some moods more than others…” he trailed off, and she hummed, setting her cheek back down against his shoulder, her fingertips gliding over the tattoo he’d had magically inked into his shoulder, tracing the birds without even looking, her eyes closing.

“Well, lucky for you I guess you get to pick one of your favorites for us to relive.”

“My win had nothing to do with luck.”

She cracked an eye open. “Yeah, well, you not being stunned on our bedroom floor has everything to do with me not feeling like picking up my wand right now. You’re too comfy.”

He hummed, kissing her temple in a tender gesture he only allowed when they were alone, his hand settling on the small of her back. “Not too comfortable to forego taking a trip down memory lane, I hope?”

She smirked, running her tongue along his tattoo as she shifted to sit up, pleased with the low groan that rumbled from his throat. “Well I wouldn’t be a good sport if I backed out now.”

“True,” he said, his voice rougher than usual, his cock already hardening against her thigh, and she watched as he picked up his wand from the side table and summoned the pensieve from the cupboard, levitating it over. “I think I want to start with the first time you touched yourself for me. I want you to watch yourself, Caroline. I want to see how wet you get from seeing how much you loved putting on a show for me. I want you to take my cock as you watch yourself come around your fingers.”

He put the tip of his wand to his temple and pulled out the silvery thread that held the memory, dropping it into the shallow bowl. Her heart was already pounding, the apex of her thighs hot and tight and empty, every part of her craving what he was offering her. She didn’t hesitate in the slightest when she reached out to touch the bowl, letting herself be pulled in.

The memory began in their old cabin before they’d built the castle with Tyler and Bonnie. She watched as Klaus murmured something indistinct in her past self’s ear that made her cheeks pink slightly, her head shaking as she looked at him with wide eyes.

She remembered well the arousal that had made her nipples pebble at the time, her normally flawless self-control only hanging on by a thread.

“That’s…Why?”

“Why what, sweetheart?” Klaus asked, his voice now loud enough to be heard where she and her Klaus were standing, and she moaned softly when he pressed his chest to her back, brushing her hair aside to press soft kisses to her neck. He splayed his palm on her stomach as his other hand easily unhooked the top of her robe, allowing her to shrug it off.

He cupped her breast through her shift, toying with her nipple as they watched her past self swallow and shift on the bed to rub her thighs together, clearly craving the friction she was reluctant to ask for.

“Why do you want me to touch myself for you?” her past self asked, her voice strained and more than a bit breathless.

Caroline couldn’t help but smile slightly as she watched Klaus reach for the other Caroline’s waist and set his palms against the cloth of her dress. She remembered how his skin burned through the flimsy cotton dress, the way her breath had caught when she saw the way he was looking at her, and her Klaus chuckled as she shifted against his hard cock pressing against her ass, her pussy already wet from just watching the beginning of the scene unfold.

“I want to watch,” he said simply, and Caroline fought down a smile as her past self’s eyes went wide, her lips parting slightly as she processed how forthright he was being with her lust for her. She hesitantly moved to undo the buttons on the front of her dress, and Caroline smiled slightly as she watched concern flit over Klaus’s face, clearly misinterpreting her shyness as discomfort. She remembered how much she was aching for him at the time, the anticipation building quickly once what she wanted was so clearly within her grasp. He reached for her wrists, gently closing his hands around them, still searching her face. “Sweetheart, if you don’t want to, it’s certainly no hardship to make you come by my touch.”

She’d been giving herself a mental pep talk at the time, trying to let go of her nerves and take what he was offering, and she could see the exact moment she’d settled on a course of action, her spine straightening, chin lifting as she looked at him. “If you’re going to watch, you can watch on that chair. No touching.”

Caroline’s breath caught as she looked at their position on the bed. Their past selves were so close, leaning into each other’s touch. The way Klaus looked at her now made her heart skip a beat every single time, the excitement never quite having faded, but watching it from the outside was somehow different. The heat and desire when they looked at each other made her feel like she was intruding on her own private moment.

“What’s that, love?” the memory’s Klaus murmured, his eyes fixed on her past self’s face, and Caroline knew what was coming next, her back arching against her Klaus’s chest to encourage his fingers dipping under the hem of her shift as she watched.

“Take off your robes and sit. I… I want to watch you touch yourself while I undress for you,” she said, her words still slow, hesitant. At the time the words had seemed unbelievably vulgar, and she watched herself blush as she spoke them, remembered how difficult it was to spit out the words and how satisfying it was to see her husband’s face when she did. She felt Klaus grind against her ass as he watched, a low groan muffled against her shoulder as he nipped her skin.

“Is that so?” the past Klaus asked, his lips curling into a wicked smirk as he seemed to process that she hadn’t been uncomfortable because he’d asked, but instead nervous that she might enjoy it.

“Yeah. I want to watch you come on your hand from watching me.”

Caroline remembered how much easier it was to talk once she’d started, how comfortable Klaus made her feel with his adoring eyes and greedy touches. It had been empowering, watching him as she spoke, knowing how much he wanted her.

She heard Klaus groan softly behind her, grinding against her ass as he watched his past self sit in the armchair, his eyes fixed on his memory of her slowly beginning to pop the buttons out of her dress.

“You like watching?” Caroline whispered, twisting in Klaus’s arms to see him taking in every movement her past self made with rapt attention.

“Yes.”

She smiled, reaching behind her to palm Klaus through the thin layer of cloth covering him and smirking when he bucked against her hand.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he hissed, and she grinned.

“You like that?”

He nipped her ear in response, his hands slowly moving up her inner thigh under the thin slip to brush her wet center, and she squirmed against his hand when he easily found her clit, beginning to build her up.

“Watch,” he said softly as she leaned against him, his strong grip keeping her upright when her knees went weak. “I want you to watch yourself, to see how beautiful you are when you let go. I love watching the way your hips chase your fingers as you watch me stroke my cock to the sight.”

“Have you watched this before?” she asked, intrigued by the idea that Klaus might have been a voyeur on their own sex lives before.

“Yes. When you’re traveling,” he admitted, his hand ghosting over her abdomen as he sped up the movements of his finger against her clit. “I miss you.”

“Do you touch yourself while you watch?”

“Always. Once I had you my fantasies could never compare.”

She smiled, about to respond when he pressed a sucking kiss to her neck just as he lightly pinched her clit, making her knees buckle. “Watch, sweetheart.”

She did, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she watched Klaus unfasten his pants and take his cock in his hand as she undressed herself, holding eye contact the entire time.

“Look at the way you flush when I watch you, the way your lips part and and your breathing grows shallow. I know how much you like knowing that I’m drinking you in, that I can’t tear my eyes away.”

She watched the memory of her pull her unbuttoned dress over her head, her hands moving to cup her breasts, tugging lightly at her nipples, her head falling back.

“Move closer and spread your legs, love. I want to see you.”

Her past self edged forward to the end of the bed, sitting on the edge and spreading her legs wide so that he could see how wet she was. Watching herself like this was even hotter than she’d expected, but she still found her gaze wandering to the memory of Klaus, who was leaning back in an armchair, his hand wrapped around his cock and stroking it as he watched her fingers skim her abdomen to her wet center. Both the Klaus behind her and the memory of him let out a low groan when her other self slipped two fingers inside of her, still fondling her breast with the other hand.

“You’re so beautiful,” Klaus murmured in her ear, and she felt his fingers brush against her inner thigh as he pushed the cloth of his sleep pants away and positioned the tip of his cock at her wet entrance, his arm tightening around her stomach to steady her as he pushed inside, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. “Do you see how wet you are for me? How close you are to coming? I’ve memorized every tell, every little sign that you’re on the edge, that you need just a little push…See the way your eyelashes flutter? How you make the soft sounds that I so enjoy coaxing from you with my hands and cock and tongue?”

Caroline nodded, her heart rate picking up, breathing slightly shallow as the memory Klaus reminded her past self to open her eyes and watch him.

“Look at me, sweetheart. I want you to see how hard you make me, how much I want you. I always have, from the moment I saw you. I fantasized about you constantly, wondered what you’d look like when you came, whether you’d scream for me. Tell me, Caroline, did you ever think about me when your hands wandered? Did you crave my touch as much as I wanted to map your skin with my fingers?”

“Yes,” she gasped out, looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes, clearly struggling to keep them open, to not get lost in the pleasure that she remembered built quickly.

Caroline moaned as Klaus’s thrusts sped up slightly, his cock hitting her in just the right place to make her sway on her feet, his teeth dragging along her collarbone. “Just like that,” she breathed, rolling her hips against him encouragingly. “Just a little more. I’m almost there.”

She felt Klaus’s lips move as he smiled against her neck before he nipped her ear, his fingers pinching her clit just as he hit the perfect spot inside of her. She shook against him as she came, her entire body quivering, and he kept touching her, expertly drawing out her high.

She moaned softly as he continued to move inside of her, her body still overly sensitive and craving his touch. “Watch yourself,” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. “You’re about to come.”

She opened her eyes, her vision still hazy, but she caught the way her past self shook against her fingers, the harsh breathing when she threw her head back, and she felt Klaus come inside of her at the sight, swearing softly. The memory Klaus came moments later, spilling on his hand, and Caroline watched herself stand on shaky legs, walking over to straddle him and grabbing his wrist, licking the come off his palm.

“Fuck, Caroline…” the memory Klaus whispered, and Caroline remembered how empowering that moment had felt. Klaus was one of the strongest wizards of the time and notoriously hostile to everyone. He was never soft, never open, but with her he had been. She’d been able to reduce him to a desperate mess in a way she doubted anyone else ever had, and it was deeply satisfying.

“You liked that?” her past self said breathlessly, a smirk spreading across her face, and Klaus seemed to regain his bearings more by the second, his hands settling back on her hips.

“Obviously,” he drawled.

The vision swam in front of her and it took her a moment to realize that the memory had ended. She opened her eyes and found herself back in Klaus’s arms, her cheek pressed against his chest. “That was amazing. I approve of your fantasy selection.”

He chuckled, his hand running up and down her spine. “Is that so?”

“Yes. I actually wouldn’t mind doing it again, if you want,” she admitted, shifting to settle comfortably against his body, her skin hungry for his touch. “Just give me a minute.”

“Of course, sweetheart. What do you want to see next?”

He was so obviously pleased with himself at her reaction that she almost wanted to tease him, but she refrained, instead humming and trailing her finger down his bare arm to trace the lines of his tattoo. “I wouldn’t mind taking a look at our ‘detention’ a few weeks ago.”

His eyes lit up and his lips twisted in a smug smirk. “You want to watch what a pretty shade of red your arse gets when I spank you, then? Are you curious about why I so adore you bent over my desk or lap, your arse in the air for me?”

She flushed, her nipples tightening again under her nightdress. “Don’t make fun of me!”

“I’m not.”

“Then stop smirking like that, or I might decide I’m not in the mood.”

They both knew that she was very much in the mood and wouldn’t actually follow through, would probably even enjoy his strategies to make her admit how much she wanted him even if she tried, but Klaus gave a show of acquiescing anyway. She watched as he brought his wand to his temple again to pull out the memory, his other palm resting on the curve of her ass, fiddling with the hem of her shift. She could feel his cock stir against her inner thigh as he drew the memory out, letting it swirl in the shallow basin, and she met his eyes briefly before reaching to touch a finger to the surface.

She still hated losing, still fully intended on giving her students lots of undeserved points over the next school year while Bonnie stared on disapprovingly muttering about fairness and hard work, but she could enjoy this for now, lure her husband into a false sense of security while he thought that she’d let it go because she’d had so much fun.

He’d be wrong.

She may be the founder of the house of learning, knowledge, and wit, but she had just as much cunning as her husband. Next year’s revenge–tying his wrists to the headboard and teasing him until he lost control–would be so much sweeter if he didn’t see it coming.