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aleskie · 5 months ago

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EIGHTEEN | Oscar Piastri x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Oscar Piastri has loved you since he was eighteen. It just takes him a while to get to that point. Or so he thinks. This is Oscar's journey to realizing that maybe the girl he's always hated isn't so bad at all. In fact, she's actually...pretty loveable.

Warnings: None just Enemies to Lovers?? Or is it more Rivals to Lovers?? Also, the timeline is wonky with the irl events, so just pretend it makes sense. And also i had to look up the british school systems SO THEY MAY BE WRONG BUT PLEASE JUST PRETEND

♫ Listen: 18 by One Direction ♫

2016: Year 10 [15 years old]

He didn’t know why, but from the moment you two met at the headmaster’s office, Oscar Piastri knew he hated you.

Maybe it was your posture—back straight, legs crossed at the ankles, hands resting politely on your lap—or maybe it was your voice, too polished, too proper, like you were reciting lines off a script. Or maybe it was everything else.

The way you barely acknowledged him as you both waited in the stuffy office, but flashed a smile so perfectly pleasant it had to be fake the second the teachers and headmaster walked in. The way your eyes flickered over him when he introduced himself, assessing, calculating, like he was a pawn to be placed, a connection to be measured. Or maybe—definitely—it was when you called motorsport, his life’s mission and passion, a hobby.

He tried not to let it get to him. He really did. But even he had to admit he could be a little petty.

“At least I have a hobby,” he muttered in your direction as soon as the faculty members were out of earshot.

For a split second, he thought you looked hurt—something in the way your lips parted, the slightest flicker of hesitation in your expression. But then it was gone, replaced by a scoff and a perfectly arched brow.

“At least I know my dreams have a higher chance of succeeding than yours do.”

Low blow.

His grip tightened on the strap of his bag. “You’ve got dreams?” He sneered. “Must be hard for a princess like you to have to be here and work for them then.”

You rolled your eyes, but there was something sharp in the way you did it, like you were daring him to say more. “Don’t act like you know me, Piastri.”

He huffed out a dry laugh. “I could say the same for you.”

You turn your head away from him at the sound of light footsteps—faculty returning, this time accompanied by older students meant to be your guides. And just like that, the stupidly perfect, fake smile was back on your face, as if the last few minutes of exchanged barbs had never happened.

“I see you two have been conversing,” says the headmaster, smiling warmly. If only she knew about the jabs you’d taken at each other. Would she still be smiling?

“He’s been lovely company, Mrs. Berkshire,” you lie with effortless charm, your voice smooth as silk. “It’s been comforting to know I’m not the only transfer student.”

Then, as if to twist the knife a little deeper, you turn to him with a look so deceptively sweet it could almost pass as genuine—almost. “I’m glad Oscar feels the same.”

There’s a glint in your eyes, something smug and self-satisfied, and he wonders if anyone else in the room can see just how full of it you are. Probably not. Mrs. Berkshire certainly doesn’t. She beams, clearly pleased at the thought of her two new students becoming fast friends.

Oscar clenches his jaw. He could call you out, make it clear that you’re full of it—but what’s the point? Instead, he forces himself to nod, his voice tight as he grits out, “Yeah. She’s been great.”

He sees it then—that flicker of amusement, the way your lips almost twitch like you’re holding back a laugh. Almost. Couldn’t let your facade slip, not even for a second.

And it pissed him off.

You spend most of your first year at boarding school in different circles.

Oscar lays low, slipping easily into a group of laid-back boys who are effortlessly easy to be around. They play video games in dorm rooms until lights out, kick a ball around after class, and never demand much from each other beyond good company. They cheer him on when he leaves to compete and catch him up on everything he’s missed when he comes back. They’re great. Better than he could have ever imagined.

You, on the other hand, carve out your place at the top of the food chain. Academically untouchable, always two steps ahead. First in your class, a key member of the Debate Team and MUN Club, and well on your way to securing a prefect badge. Your uniform is always pristine, your headband perfectly in place, not a single strand of hair out of order. You have a small group of friends who he assumes are just as intelligent, uptight, and snooty as you are.

And yet—when he sees you laughing with them, head thrown back, completely unguarded—something about you seems softer. You don’t look like the girl who calculated every move, who smiled just enough to be polite but never enough to be real. In those moments, with that rare, genuine laugh, he thinks—begrudgingly—that you actually look quite…pretty.

Not that he’d ever say it out loud.

In all honesty, he doesn’t know why he even notices. It’s not like he cares.

But sometimes, in the middle of a dull afternoon or while walking past the library, he catches glimpses of you—not the polished, picture-perfect version of you that you show everyone else, but something different. Unpolished. Real.

Like when you’re sprawled across a bench outside with your friends, books and papers in a chaotic mess around you, groaning about an impossible assignment—right up until someone cracks a joke that sends you into a fit of laughter. The kind of laugh that makes you cover your mouth, eyes crinkling at the corners, completely unguarded.

Or when, on those rare occasions, he catches you slipping up in class, head bobbing forward as you fight off sleep, fingers twitching as you try—and fail—to take notes.

Or when he walks past the debate team’s practice room and sees you in your element, arguing fiercely, hands moving with conviction, voice steady and sure. Confidence radiating off you in a way that has nothing to do with arrogance and everything to do with certainty.

And for a second, just a second, he forgets to be annoyed by you.

But then you glance up, catch him staring, and arch a perfectly shaped brow in challenge—like you know something he doesn’t.

Right. He still hates you. Definitely.

He shoves his hands into his pockets and keeps walking.

2017: Year 11 [16 years old]

Oscar was back at school regularly after the summer holidays and the season ending. He was pretty pleased with himself—2nd place wasn’t anything to scoff at. Sure, first would’ve been better, but it was fairly won. Besides, it had been a fun season, his best yet. More importantly, he hadn’t thought about you for months. Too busy with his Formula 4 campaign, too focused on climbing the motorsport ladder, too—

Well. That’s what he told himself.

He stepped through the iron gates of the academy, duffel bag slung over one shoulder, his phone buzzing with check-up texts from his mom. The familiar scent of freshly cut grass and old stone filled his lungs, a quiet signal that summer was officially over. Students crowded the courtyard, reuniting after the break, voices overlapping in a chorus of excitement. His friends spotted him almost immediately, calling his name, pulling him into easy conversation—asking about his races, his wins, his losses, his plans.

And then—there you were.

Standing by the main building, perfect posture as always, chatting with one of your equally polished friends. Your hair was different, slightly shorter, but the headband remained, a signature piece of armor. Your uniform was just as crisp as it had been last year, not a wrinkle in sight, now complete with a new prefect’s badge that you wore with unmistakable pride. And when you laughed at something your friend said, it was that same light, practiced sound he recognized all too well.

It took exactly eight seconds for you to notice him.

Your gaze flicked toward him, assessing, calculating—just like it had in the headmaster’s office when you first met. Then—because you were you—your lips curled into a polite, almost saccharine smile, the kind reserved for faculty members and people you didn’t actually care about.

He scoffed. Typical.

“Piastri,” you greeted, voice smooth, just a little too pleasant.

“Princess,” he shot back, just to see if he could get a reaction.

And for a split second, he did—your brow twitched, barely noticeable, but he caught it. Then, just as quickly, you smoothed your expression, tilting your head ever so slightly in mock amusement.

“We’re in Year 11 now, and you’re still calling me that?”

“You’re still acting like one.”

You huffed a quiet laugh, shaking your head. But then, after a beat, you said, “I saw that you got second in the championship. Congratulations.”

Oscar blinked. He hadn’t expected that. Compliments from you were rare, practically unheard of. He studied your face, searching for sarcasm, but found none. Just a simple, matter-of-fact acknowledgment.

“…Thanks,” he said, accepting it before you could take it back. “Bet it was a little more interesting than your summer,” he added, smirking.

You raised a brow. “What, don’t tell me you’re…curious about my summer, Piastri.”

His smirk vanished. His brain short-circuited.

And just like that, you had him cornered.

His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He shut it. His brain scrambled for a way to recover, but all it did was replay the way you’d said his name just now—not in the usual clipped, disapproving way. No, this time it had been lighter, teasing. Maybe even…amused.

Suddenly, the two of you were locked in a silent standoff, neither willing to look away first.

Your friend cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably. Oscar barely noticed. Because in that moment—standing there, the summer heat giving way to the crispness of early autumn, your eyes locked onto his with that same sharp, knowing look—he realized something.

He hadn’t actually stopped thinking about you at all.

The mere thought made his stomach twist, and before he could process it any further, he turned on his heel, raising a hasty hand in goodbye as he strode back to his friends. Fast. Like putting distance between you would somehow fix whatever the hell had just happened in his head.

“Okay, that was a little weird,” he heard your friend murmur behind him. “Is he alright?”

“Maybe the gasoline finally got to his brain,” you quipped. “A pity. He was a little smart, too.”

Oscar nearly tripped.

He wanted to say the comment about his "off attitude" annoyed him. He wanted to say that the gasoline remark made him dislike you more. He wanted to say that he had a cutting comeback ready to fire back at you.

But all he could think about was how you called him smart.

God, what was happening to him?

He knew something was going to go wrong last week when their teacher announced he’d be the one pairing up students for the project, taking matters into his own hands with a kind of cruel indifference that made Oscar’s stomach twist.

He knew something was going to go wrong when, at the start of class, the teacher gave both you and him a pointed look—sharp, knowing—before moving on like nothing had happened. You had shot him a confused glance then, your brow furrowing ever so slightly in a rare moment of shared uncertainty. He had stared back, just as lost. Neither of you had any idea what was coming, but for once, you were both on the same side of the battlefield.

And then the teacher started listing off partners.

It started harmless enough—his friends were getting paired with each other, easy matches. So were yours. Names fell into place like puzzle pieces, creating perfectly balanced, cooperative duos that wouldn’t cause trouble. And then—

“And finally, Oscar and...Y/N.”

Silence.

For a moment, he swore he misheard. But then he turned, and there you were, staring at the teacher like you were considering staging a full-scale academic rebellion. The slight tightening of your jaw, the way your fingers curled subtly against your sleeves—he could practically hear the calculations running through your head, weighing the pros and cons of outright protesting.

A second ticked by. Then another.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” you muttered under your breath, but the teacher either didn’t hear or didn’t care.

“I expect full collaboration,” they continued, already moving on. “This project is a significant portion of your grade, so I suggest you all put any personal differences aside and focus on the work.”

Oscar barely heard the rest. He was too busy glaring at his desk, resisting the urge to run a hand down his face. Of course, this just had to happen. Most teachers kept the two of you apart, aware of the silent war you had waged since the day you met. But not this one. No, this one was smarter—or crueler—ready and waiting to watch the fire combust.

Great. Just great. Out of everyone in this class, he was stuck with you.

By the time class ended, he had barely processed anything. He was about to make his escape when he felt a presence beside him.

“You.”

He sighed before even turning around.

You had stopped him just outside the door, arms crossed, expression unreadable except for the slight, irritated furrow of your brow. The usual superiority was absent—no smug glint in your eyes, no perfectly poised smirk. Just frustration, quiet but simmering.

“This doesn’t mean we’re friends,” you said flatly.

Oscar let out a sharp breath, shaking his head. “Trust me, Princess, I’d rather fail.”

And then—you smiled.

Not the polite, school-perfect kind you used on teachers. Not the barely-there one reserved for acquaintances. No, this one was slow, sharp, and just smug enough to make his blood boil.

“Then I guess we have very different priorities.”

He hated that he had no comeback.

God, this was going to be a disaster.

“We should take a break,” Oscar says, hunching over the library table, rubbing his temples like the weight of academia is physically crushing him. “We’ve been at this for hours.”

You barely spare him a glance. “It’s been two hours and seven minutes.”

“See? It’s been so long,” he complains, dragging a hand down his face. “Let’s take a break. You’re done with your part anyway.”

You turn to him, assessing. “Are you finished with your part?”

He hesitates. Then, with a slow shake of his head, he sighs. “Give me like an hour, and I’ll be finished.”

You straighten, your posture sharpening into something unreadable, something that makes him feel like a student being reprimanded. “Piastri, this is due tomorrow. We need to get it done today.”

“And we will,” he argues, matching your intensity. “Just let me nap for a bit.”

You inhale sharply, clenching your jaw, and he already knows what’s coming. That calm facade. That practiced composure. That same tone you use when talking to teachers, the one that makes him want to throw his pen at the wall.

“The library closes in three hours,” you say evenly. “This is just the first draft, so we still need to revise. And not to mention we have to properly format our sources—thirteen of them, by the way. Do you know how long that’s going to take?”

Oscar groans, letting his head fall dramatically onto the open textbook in front of him. “Princess, we can afford not to revise this. It’s literally a first draft for comments. We can just start formatting the citations.”

You don’t budge. Instead, you tilt your head slightly, eyes narrowing. “What page of the document are you working on?”

He blinks, suspicious. “…Why?”

“I’ll finish it.”

His head snaps up. “What?”

“We need to finish on time, and I refuse to let my grade be pulled down because we don’t submit a good output.”

“You’re not doing my work.” His voice comes out sharper than he expects, but the idea of you just taking over, of you thinking you have to—he hates it. “It’s literally my work for a reason.”

“And you aren’t getting it done, so let me do it.” You nearly exclaim, only to catch yourself, voice lowering when you remember where you are. The library is quiet, save for the occasional rustling of pages and distant whispers. You press your lips together like you’re trying to hold the rest of the argument inside.

It’s silent between you for a long moment.

And then—

“…Do you always end up doing the work?”

You freeze. Just for a second. Then your gaze flickers away, shifting toward the window. Anywhere but him.

Oscar watches you carefully, something tightening in his chest. “Y/N, what the hell? People have just been riding on your work?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you say, voice even. Practiced. “We get it done. And we get it done well.”

His brows furrow. He doesn’t know why he’s so upset. He shouldn’t care. It’s not his problem, right? It was your choice to take on the workload, to let people walk over you.

But still…knowing that people just expect you to pick up the slack, that they let you do it without even thinking—

It pisses him off.

And what pisses him off more is the way you look right now. Not angry. Not frustrated. Just resigned.

Like this is just the way things are. Like you’re used to it. And he hates that more than anything.

“Give me like forty-five minutes,” Oscar says after a beat, exhaling through his nose. “We’ll start revising after, and then we can split the citations.”

You blink, eyes flickering with something unreadable—surprise, maybe. He can’t tell. But then, just for a second, he swears he sees the corners of your lips twitch upward, like you’re trying not to smile.

“Just…” You hesitate, fingers tracing absent patterns against the edge of your notebook. “Tell me if you need help. Or…y’know. If you have questions.”

Your voice is quieter this time, less clipped, lacking the usual sharp edge you use when you’re exasperated with him.

Oscar doesn’t respond right away. The library is quieter now, the golden hues of the sunset stretching across the wooden tables and casting long shadows over your open books. The light catches on your face—soft, warm—and for the first time, he gets a proper look at you up close.

You look tired. Not just from today, but in the way that lingers—faint bags under your eyes, a kind of weariness that no amount of perfect posture or crisp uniforms can fully hide. And yet, right now, there’s something peaceful about you. The way you rest your head against your palm, watching him work—not impatient, not irritated. Just…watching.

You must notice, because your brows furrow slightly. “Do I have something on my face?”

“What?” He blinks, snapping out of whatever trance he had fallen into.

“You were staring.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

“It was nothing,” he says quickly, looking back at his laptop. “Just zoning out.”

You hum, unconvinced. But instead of arguing, you simply go back to flipping through your notes, like it’s nothing. Like it doesn’t matter.

“…Okay,” you say.

He exhales, forcing himself to focus. “Okay.”

Somehow, he feels like forty-five minutes is going to take much longer.

Three weeks into the project, Oscar realizes something: you’re actually kind of well-known on campus.

Or, at the very least, you know a lot of people.

It’s not like he was completely unaware of it before. Your perfect reputation precedes you—your name carries weight in every class. Teachers mention you as an example of excellence, throwing your name around as if it alone should inspire the rest of them to do better. But working with you forces him to see it firsthand.

It seems like every five seconds, someone is coming up to greet you.

It doesn’t matter where you are—library, hallways, common areas. Someone always stops by.

Underclassmen ask for help on assignments—apparently, you tutor them sometimes, though Oscar doesn’t know how you find the time. Classmates ask about group projects. A girl from the debate team once yelled and waved from across the quad while you were in the middle of explaining a research point. Even the Year 13s, the ones Oscar barely interacts with, acknowledge you with nods and casual greetings.

And the weirdest part? You handle it all effortlessly.

He expected you to treat them the way you treat him—polite but cold, maybe even dismissive. But you don’t.

Instead, you smile. The fake one. The one he recognizes now, warm but not inviting. Like a wall disguised as a door, keeping people at a carefully measured distance. You don’t brush them off, but you don’t encourage them either. Your reactions are controlled, calculated. Just like everything else about you.

It’s impressive.

It’s annoying.

And it shouldn’t bother him. Not really.

But after three weeks of constantly being in your presence, after working side by side for hours on end, after getting into at least five arguments over formatting and research sources and the exact tone an introduction should have—he feels a little close to you. Not enough to like you, obviously. But enough that his respect for you has grown, just a little.

And with that, he’s started to notice things.

Like how you always twirl your pen when you’re deep in thought, but you never drop it. How you tap your fingers against your notebook in the exact rhythm of whatever song is stuck in your head. How you drink tea instead of coffee and always wince at the first sip, like it’s too hot but you drink it anyway. How you use hair ties instead of your signature headband when you’re frustrated, tying and untying your hair over and over again only to fall back to your tried and tested headband after a while. How you let out a tiny sigh whenever you finish an assignment, as if mentally crossing it off a never-ending list.

He notices these things, and he tells himself it’s just because you’re working together. Because you’re spending time together. Because of course he’s going to pick up on small details when you’re stuck in the same space for hours.

That’s all it is.

Right?

Definitely.

And then, one afternoon, as you sit across from him at the library, books and notes spread between you, someone approaches.

"Y/N, hey."

Oscar looks up. It’s some guy—one of the Year 12s from the student council. He’s polished and confident, wearing the kind of casual smirk Oscar immediately finds irritating.

You blink in mild surprise before offering a smile—thankfully, the fake one. The one that’s polite, effortless, and just distant enough.

"Hello, Eric."

Eric leans against the table, his entire focus on you. He doesn’t even acknowledge Oscar.

"Haven’t seen you at any events lately. You’ve been busy?"

You glance at the open laptop in front of you, gesturing vaguely to your notes. "Yeah, the project’s been taking up a lot of time."

"Oh, right. This is for—" He finally gives Oscar a glance, his brows lifting slightly, like he’s only just realizing he’s there. "This is your partner?"

Oscar doesn’t like the way he says that.

You nod. "Yeah. We’ve been working on it together for a while now."

Eric hums, then—too casually—grins. "Well, don’t work too hard. Wouldn’t want you burning out before the weekend." His voice drops slightly, just enough to sound a little too suggestive for Oscar’s liking. "You should take a break. Come to the council’s seminar on Friday afternoon."

You hesitate, and for some reason, Oscar finds himself gripping his pen just a little tighter.

"It sounds fun," you admit, "But, with my schedule, I’m not sure—"

"You should go," Eric insists, tilting his head. "C’mon. You worked hard to help organize it—Thanks for the great speakers you found, by the way—I’ll even save you a seat next to me."

Something bristles in Oscar’s chest.

He doesn’t know why, but the entire interaction irks him. Maybe it’s the way Eric acts like he already knows you’ll say yes. Maybe it’s the casual confidence, the assumption that you’d drop everything just because he asked. Or maybe it’s the way you’re actually considering it.

Before he can stop himself, Oscar lets out a scoff.

Both you and Eric turn toward him.

"You good, man?" Eric asks, clearly amused.

Oscar leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Didn’t realize we were in the middle of a social hour, Y/N. Thought we were working."

Your eyes narrow slightly, but before you can say anything, Eric just laughs, pushing off the table. "Relax, Piastri. Didn’t mean to interrupt." He turns back to you, giving you an easy grin. "Think about it, yeah? It’d be nice to see you there."

You give a noncommittal nod, and just like that, he walks off.

The moment he’s gone, you exhale, turning to Oscar with a raised brow. "Was that necessary?"

He shrugs. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

You stare at him for a moment before shaking your head, muttering, "You’re so weird."

Oscar clenches his jaw, tapping his fingers against the table, suddenly annoyed.

Not at you. Not even at Eric.

Just at the fact that, for some stupid reason, the thought of you actually going to that seminar is really bothering him.

And he has no idea why.

He sneaks out of the dorms on Friday night, hands in his pockets, head low as he moves through the dimly lit pathways of the school. The night air is crisp, the kind that clears his mind if he lets it, but tonight, it does nothing to untangle the thoughts looping through his head.

It’s stupid. The fact that he even cares. That the idea of you and Eric sitting together, side by side, laughing at some dull student council joke, is bothering him.

It doesn’t.

It shouldn’t.

Because he doesn’t like you.

He still thinks you’re stuck-up, overly competitive, and have a way of looking at him like you know exactly how to get under his skin. The faces you make, the way you roll your eyes when he so much as breathes the wrong way—it’s all infuriating.

But you’re smart. Intelligent. And your work ethic is something he respects, even if he won’t admit it.

And, yeah, you’re pretty. Even he has to acknowledge that much. But not the obvious kind of pretty. It’s the kind that sneaks up on you. The kind that feels like a place you recognize, a feeling that lingers in the quiet spaces between conversations. It’s the kind that makes you feel at home.

The kind that—if he were the type to believe in this kind of thing—you’d find when you’re in love.

Not that he is. Obviously.

He shakes the thought away, sighing as he rounds the corner of the old courtyard. And then—

"It’s lights out, Piastri."

Your voice cuts through the silence, and he stops dead in his tracks.

You’re standing a few feet away, arms crossed, the dim glow of the campus lamps casting soft shadows across your face. You look unimpressed but not surprised, like you already expected to catch someone out of bed tonight.

He exhales, shoulders dropping. Of course.

"Then what are you doing here?" he mutters.

You raise an eyebrow. "I’m a prefect, remember? Tonight’s my shift to make rounds before security does."

"Oh."

A beat.

"So," you say, tilting your head slightly. "What made you break curfew? You don’t seem like the type."

"Just needed to walk. Clear my head."

You hum in response, your gaze flicking over him, assessing. Then, after a moment:

"Well, the classrooms in the east wing don't get much attention. You can stay there and then sneak back out when the prefects and security switch shifts."

Oscar blinks. Of all the responses he expected from you, that wasn’t one of them.

He raises a brow, smirking. "And you know this…how?"

Your expression doesn’t change, but he catches the way your lips twitch slightly, like you’re holding back a smile. "I can be a little disobedient too. Sometimes."

That surprises him.

"You?" he says, skeptical.

You shrug. "It doesn’t happen often. Just when I need to clear my head." A pause, then, voice quieter, "Those classrooms are my spot, so don’t go there too often. I don’t need to see you when I’m stressed."

Oscar snorts. "Wow. What an honor."

"Exactly."

For a moment, neither of you move. There’s something odd about standing here, talking like this—like you’re two people who aren’t constantly at each other’s throats. Like, in this sliver of time, there’s something unspoken but mutual between you.

It doesn’t last long.

You straighten your posture, clearing your throat. "Now, get going before I change my mind and actually report you."

"Noted, Princess."

You roll your eyes and turn away, disappearing down the corridor.

And for some stupid reason, as Oscar watches you leave, he wonders if you ever feel as restless as he does.

2018: Year 12 [17 years old]

He’s been using the classrooms in the east wing as a secret place to clear his head since the night you told him about it. So far, he’s never run into you.

Maybe you use a different classroom. Maybe you come on different days. Or maybe—like everything else in your life—you have a system, a strict schedule he’s unknowingly managed to avoid.

Either way, he’s always had the classrooms to himself.

Until tonight.

The air is heavier than usual as he makes his way through the dimly lit hallways, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. He’s restless. Frustrated. He tells himself it’s because of the season he’s just had. The Eurocup was brutal and he definitely wasn’t at his best. Every race felt like a battle he couldn’t ever win and every misstep made the weight in his chest grow heavier.

All he wants is to be home. Back in Australia, where everything is familiar—the streets, the skies, the people who don’t expect anything from him except to just be. But instead, he’s here. At fucking boarding school.

He exhales sharply as he pushes the classroom door open, stepping into the quiet. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights—he knows this space well enough now. The desks are still arranged the way they always are, the faint scent of old paper and dry-erase markers lingering in the air. It’s not much, but it’s his for the night.

At least, that’s what he thinks.

Not even five minutes later, the door swings open behind him, and he barely has time to turn his head before—

You.

You freeze in the doorway, hand still on the handle. There’s a flicker of something across your face—surprise, maybe even slight irritation. You definitely thought you were going to be alone.

He should’ve figured this would happen eventually.

Your lips part slightly before you collect yourself. “I’ll use a different—”

“You can stay.”

It’s out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

You hesitate, eyebrows drawing together slightly, like you’re trying to figure out if this is some kind of trap. He doesn’t blame you.

But then, after a beat, you nod, stepping inside and shutting the door behind you, switching on one of the lights and dimly lighting up the room. Neither of you say anything as you move to opposite sides of the room, like unspoken rules are being established in real time.

Oscar exhales, rolling his shoulders back as he leans against one of the desks. He tells himself it doesn’t matter. That you being here changes nothing.

So why does the room suddenly feel smaller?

He looks over at you. You’re scrolling through your phone, eyes scanning over messages he can’t see—but whatever’s on the screen has your jaw clenched tight. His gaze flickers down to your hands, the way your fingers tremble slightly over the glass. And then, in the dim light, he sees it. Faint but undeniable—tear stains trailing down your flushed cheeks.

His stomach twists.

“Are you okay?” he asks, voice careful.

“Fine.” You don’t even look up.

He doesn’t buy it. Not for a second. “You sure?”

“Why do you care, Piastri?” You finally glance at him, but your expression is unreadable. “You don’t even like me.”

He stills. He wasn’t expecting you to be that blunt about your whole dynamic.

“Any decent person would care about someone who looks like they’ve just bawled their eyes out,” he says, crossing his arms.

You let out a short, humorless laugh. “Well, I’m fine.” Your posture shifts, back straightening as your expression smooths out into something eerily familiar. And then it’s there—the mask. The same sweet, practiced smile you wear around everyone else, the one he’s hated since the moment he first saw it in the headmaster’s office years ago. The one that hides everything.

“You don’t have to worry,” you say smoothly. “I have everything under control.” You turn to leave. “I’ll be off now—”

“Cut the bullshit, Y/N.”

The sharpness in his voice makes you freeze, hand hovering over the door handle.

“We both know you’re not fine.” His voice is lower now, steadier, but just as firm. “I know that face. I think I’m the only one who knows that face and how it’s not real. It’s never been real.” He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. “For once in your life, just be fucking honest.”

You don’t turn around immediately. When you do, your face is unreadable. Then—so quietly he almost doesn’t hear it—you whisper,

“I’m not at the top of our class anymore.”

His breath catches.

“My grades are dropping—fast,” you continue, voice shaking despite how hard you try to control it. “My A-levels are harder than I expected. I thought I could handle it, but I—” You swallow. “I’m failing. And I’m letting everyone down.” Your voice cracks on the last word.

His chest tightens.

“My parents are pissed. My siblings are pissed because now my parents are pissed at them too. If I were just smarter, if I were better, none of this would be happening. Everything would be fine. Everyone would be happy.” You suck in a sharp breath, but it doesn’t stop the fresh tears from spilling down your cheeks. You don’t wipe them away. You just stand there, breathing unevenly, shoulders tense like you’re bracing for something.

“I’m just tired,” you whisper.

Silence.

It hangs thick between you, pressing against the walls, settling into the space between your feet.

Before he can think twice about it, Oscar moves. Slowly. Carefully. Until he’s standing in front of you. Not too close, but close enough that he can see the way your lashes clump together from the tears, the way your breathing is still uneven, the way you’re still trying to keep yourself from breaking completely.

“I…didn’t think you could cry,” he mutters, before realizing how weird that sounds.

You blink at him, and for once, there’s no condescension in your expression—just something flat, unimpressed.

“You’re weird,” you say, voice hitching slightly from crying, “But you’re pretty good.”

His brows furrow. “Like, as a person?”

“Take it however you want.” You chuckle, a small, tired sound. You wipe your tears away, then, tilting your head, you ask, “So, why’d you come here?”

He hesitates. Looks down at his hands. Then, finally, exhales.

“I got ninth at the Eurocup this season.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” His jaw tightens. “I let everyone down. The team. The sponsors. My family.” His fists clench. “I did everything right. I trained harder than ever, I did my best, I gave everything—and it still wasn’t enough. I failed and I don’t know what I did wrong.”

The room is quiet again. Until—

You move.

Soft footsteps against the tiled floor, slow and deliberate, until you’re standing even closer to him. And then, hesitantly, you lift a hand and rest it on his shoulder. The warmth of your touch is unexpected, but grounding.

“Well,” you say, your voice quieter now, “I guess that makes us both failures.”

He lets out a breathless laugh, half in disbelief at the words that just left your mouth, half at the sheer irony of it all.

The girl he’s spent years hating is somehow the only person who understands exactly how he feels.

And when you laugh along with him—soft and real, no mask in sight—he thinks it might be the prettiest sound he’s ever heard.

But just in an objective way.

Obviously.

Something shifts after that night.

The jabs between you are still there, but they’ve lost their edge—less snark and spite, more playful banter. The kind that lingers just long enough to be amusing but never actually stings.

You smile at him when you pass each other in the hallway now. Not the polite, distant one you give everyone else, but a real one—small, barely-there, but real. You don’t avoid sitting with him anymore when the study hall is packed, and somehow, he swears people have started reserving a seat next to him for you.

He finds that he doesn’t mind at all.

It was weird at first—falling into this easy rhythm with you. He doesn’t quite know when it happened, only that it did.

Now, you help each other out when you can, despite having different A-levels.

You teach him how to organize his notes properly, finally getting him to admit that his system of stuffing everything into his bag “where I can find it later” is inefficient. In return, you steal scratch paper from him when you need to jot things down quickly, muttering a half-hearted “thanks” while he snorts and tells you to bring your own next time.

You ask him to explain things you don’t have the patience to reread, and he—after weeks of resisting—finally accepts your request to have a shared study playlist, since, for some reason, you two find yourselves next to each other so often.

It’s fun. Organic. Comfortable.

And then one day, in the middle of study hall, as he’s flipping through notes and barely paying attention, you look up from your work and—completely unprompted—ask:

“So, tell me about racing.”

He freezes, caught completely off guard.

“…Finally interested in my hobby?” He smirks, leaning back in his chair, twirling his pen between his fingers just like you’d taught him.

You roll your eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at your lips. “Ugh. Let it go, we were like fifteen.”

He laughs, shaking his head. Yeah, something’s definitely changed.

“So…” He watches you intently, trying to gauge if you actually want to know. “You really wanna hear about it?”

“Well, you won’t shut up about it,” you say, propping your chin on your hand. “Might as well figure out what’s so cool about it.”

He snorts. “Then sure, princess, let’s introduce you to motorsport, yeah?”

You roll your eyes at the nickname, but he catches the way you shift slightly in your seat, just a little closer, just a little more engaged.

“There’s a few types of it,” he starts, leaning back against the desk. “You’ve got the motorcycles and there’s even stuff where there’s two people in one car. But I’m in single-seater racing, so it’s just me.” His voice gains a certain ease as he speaks, his usual sharp edges softening. “I’m aiming for Formula One, which is like… the top of it all.”

You tilt your head, studying him. He always seemed most alive when he was annoyed at something—eyes sharp, jaw tight, voice lined with exasperation. But this? This is different. His posture is looser, his words flowing without the usual bite. There’s no frustration here, just passion.

You nod, and—true to form—pull out your notebook, flipping to a fresh page. The sharp click of your pen echoes in the room.

He stops. Stares.

“…Are you seriously taking notes?”

"Duh,” you reply, completely serious. “I need to keep up.”

For a moment, he just blinks at you. Then he huffs out a disbelieving chuckle, shaking his head. But he doesn’t tell you to stop.

“Alright then,” he says, smirking slightly. “Most of us start in karting as kids. Like, literally kids. I was ten when I started—a little late, actually—but that’s where you learn the basics. Overtaking, defending, racing lines, racecraft—the whole lot.”

You hum thoughtfully, jotting something down. Then you glance up at him, the corner of your lips lifting. “Were you fast?”

“In karting?” His mouth twitches in amusement. “Obviously.”

You snicker. “I’ll take your word for it.”

He shoots you a look, rolling his eyes before continuing. “Well, after that, you move up into junior divisions. It’s harder, more competitive, and way more expensive.” His fingers drum against the desk absently. “Talent alone isn’t enough there. There’s sponsors, funding, getting with a good team—and even with all that, nothing’s guaranteed.”

You watch him carefully, catching the way his jaw clenches at that last part.

It’s subtle, but there. The briefest flicker of frustration—of something deeper—before he forces it back down.

You don’t comment on it.

Instead, you tap your pen against your notebook, tilting your head. “So, let me get this straight,” you say, holding back a smile, pretending to examine your notes. “You’re telling me that you just drive in circles really fast, and you need rich people to like you?”

His head snaps toward you, eyes narrowing. “It is not just driving in circles.”

"Of course." You grin. “You drive in different squiggles really fast."

“Oh my god—”

You both burst out laughing, your voices filling the mostly quiet study hall, and the tension lifts.

He finds that you've been doing that lately—smoothing out the tightness in his chest until there's nothing but left but peace.

The kind he realizes he only really finds with you.

The annual retreat was supposed to be a break—a chance for students to step away from deadlines and exams, breathe in fresh air, and pretend they weren’t slowly losing their minds under the weight of classes.

Traditionally, it was some wilderness training program, the kind where they’d be forced to build shelters out of sticks and start fires with nothing but sheer willpower. But this year, the school had gone easy on them.

Instead of roughing it in the wild, they were headed to a quiet camping site tucked away in the countryside. Cabins instead of tents, a scenic lake, and just enough planned activities to call it "team-building" without making it actual suffering. Oscar didn't mind. A few days away from campus, where he didn’t have to think about exams or sponsors or whatever the hell he was supposed to be doing with his life? Yeah, he’d take it.

By the time they arrived, the sun was already slipping lower in the sky, casting warm gold over the treetops. The air was crisp, cooler than the city, carrying the distant scent of pine and lake water. As he stepped off the bus, stretching out his limbs, he could hear his friends already making plans—who was bunking with who, what they were sneaking into the cabins, whether or not they could get away with "accidentally" skipping the reflection sessions.

And then, of course, he spotted you.

Standing near the second bus, arms crossed, listening to one of your friends ramble about something—probably the itinerary. Your uniform blazer was gone, replaced by a jacket, and for once, your hair wasn’t held back by your usual headband. Something about it made you seem different. Less put together, less perfect. More like a person, less like the image of one.

His gaze lingered longer than it should have.

Not that it mattered.

Because when you finally noticed him watching, you raised a brow, expression unreadable for all of two seconds before you smirked—just slightly, just enough to mouth: Stop staring, you weirdo.

Oscar exhaled, shaking his head with a small smile as he shouldered his duffel bag.

Just his luck—two days in the outdoors with you.

Or so he thought.

He didn’t see you at all that first night, too caught up in settling into the cabin with his friends, planning out their excursions for the next day. The schedule was packed but perfect: kayaking in the morning, followed by a swim in the lake. Archery in the afternoon, right after lunch. Then they’d spend the evening holed up in their cabin, pretending to nap so they could conveniently "miss" the reflection exercises. After dinner, they'd break out the snacks and board games they’d smuggled in, playing well past curfew.

Between all that, he was sure he’d run into you at some point. The camp wasn’t that big.

And yet, as the new day unfolded, you were nowhere to be found.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He did see you. But only in passing—too focused on organizing the next day’s team-building activities, pouring over notes with the other prefects to even notice him.

Which was fine. Totally fine.

You were busy, after all.

Not that it mattered.

Not that it should have mattered.

And yet, for some reason, it did.

If the first day at camp was a relaxed free period with a required meditation session, the second was the complete opposite. Designed as a full-day competition, the campgrounds buzzed with energy as different challenges ran simultaneously—relay races, strategy games, problem-solving tasks. Every student was assigned to a random team and a random event. When they said team-building, they meant it.

Oscar got assigned to the obstacle course.

Which would’ve been fine—great, even—if it weren’t for the immediate complaints from the other teams the second they saw his name on the roster.

“Oh, come on,” someone groaned. “How’s that fair? He’s literally a professional athlete!”

“We’re going against a guy who has an actual training regimen,” another muttered, crossing their arms.

Oscar rubbed the back of his neck, feeling an unfamiliar prickle of embarrassment as all eyes turned to him. Great. He didn’t even want an unfair advantage, but now he was public enemy number one.

And then, of course, you stepped in.

“Alright, alright, settle down,” you said, somehow managing to corral the complaints into grumbling silence. Then, after a pause, you turned to him, a slow smirk pulling at your lips. “How about we give him a handicap, then?”

Oscar narrowed his eyes immediately. He knew that tone. That was your I’m about to mess with you tone.

“What do you think, Piastri?” you continued, crossing your arms. “Up for the challenge?”

He wasn’t, actually. Not at all. But some part of him—some deeply irrational, definitely stupid part—thought you might be a little impressed if he pulled it off.

“Sure,” he said, tilting his head at you. “What’s the handicap?”

You grinned. Too pleased. “We’re adding some weight on you.”

His brows furrowed. “What?”

Another facilitator stepped forward, handing you a backpack that looked harmless enough. That is, until you struggled just a little to lift it, adjusting your stance to keep from stumbling.

Oscar stared. Oh, hell no.

“You…” He sighed heavily, reaching for the bag. The second he strapped it on, he felt the weight drag at his shoulders, and he let out a quiet grunt. Okay. Yeah. That’s ridiculous.

“You,” he muttered, adjusting the straps, “Are so lucky I tolerate you.”

You just flashed him a teasing smile and—because you were the actual worst—blew him a mocking kiss before turning back to the rest of the group.

“Alright!” you clapped your hands together. “Now that we’re all happy with the arrangements, let’s go over the rules!”

Oscar exhaled through his nose, shifting the weight on his back as you explained the mechanics. A team-based obstacle course where every challenge had to be completed by every member. Fastest team wins.

His team shot him a look, somewhere between amusement and pity.

Oscar just rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath.

Fine. He could do this.

And maybe—just maybe—he’d make sure to throw you in the lake after.

“Are we all ready?” you call out over the crowd.

“Yeah!” they cheer back, voices full of energy.

“On your marks!”

Oscar positions himself at the back of his team, muscles tensed, ready. He could’ve started at the front—probably should have, considering he was technically the athlete—but he stayed behind instead, ready to help if anyone needed it. Team-building and all that.

“Get set!”

You scan the group, making sure everyone is in place. Then, for the briefest moment, your eyes lock with his.

His fingers twitch. Yours drum against your clipboard.

And because he’s him and you’re you, he casually flips you off.

You grin, wide and smug, like you’ve already won.

“Go!”

Oscar takes off.

The weight of the bag is brutal, but he barely registers it. All he knows is that he is not going to let you have the satisfaction of messing with him too much.

He was so going to win this.

Okay, so he was a little disappointed that you weren’t at the awarding ceremony when they handed out medals to his team for winning—even with the practically evil handicap you gave him.

But you were probably just busy cleaning up after the competitions.

No big deal.

And, yes, he did get a little annoyed when he spotted you later—freshened up and back in your usual composed state—smiling and giggling with another prefect.

But you were probably just planning the bonfire for tonight.

Totally valid.

He was fine.

At least, he was.

And then…

“So, you wanna sit with me at the bonfire tonight?”

Oscar stops in his tracks.

He doesn’t see your reaction, but he hears it. That soft hum of consideration, the one he’s learned you make when you’re actually thinking about something.

You were actually considering it.

Before he can hear your answer, he turns and walks away, jaw tight, steps a little heavier than necessary.

He doesn’t know what pisses him off more—the fact that you might say yes, or the fact that he cares if you do.

As suspected, you’re nowhere to be seen the entire bonfire.

Not that it mattered.

Oscar spent the night exactly how he should—hanging out with his friends, caught up in the whirlwind of music, laughter, and an excessive, probably unhealthy amount of s’mores. Someone had smuggled in a speaker, blasting everything from classic rock to obnoxious pop songs that made everyone yell along. They danced, they joked, they reveled in the rare freedom of being away from school.

He had a blast.

Seriously. A fucking great time.

So why the hell couldn’t he shake the thought of you?

The question stuck to the back of his mind, clinging like sap, stubborn and impossible to ignore. It wasn’t like you had to be here. Maybe you weren’t a bonfire person. Maybe you were holed up in your cabin, exhausted from running the competitions all day. Maybe you were off somewhere with that prefect—

Oscar scowled, shaking the thought away as he stretched out on the wooden bench outside his cabin. The night air was cool, the distant crackle of the bonfire still audible from the main clearing.

It was supposed to be two days in the outdoors with you.

With you.

Late into the night, long after most of the camp had settled down, the thought hadn’t left him.

Annoyed—at himself, at you, at whatever this was—he exhaled sharply, pushing off the bench and shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. Without thinking, his feet carried him toward the bonfire.

The flames had burned lower, flickering embers casting soft orange glows across the empty clearing. Most of the students had already turned in for the night, only a few stragglers left chatting quietly at the edges of the fire.

And then—finally—he saw you.

Sitting alone on the other side of the fire, half-hidden by the flickering glow, arms wrapped around your knees as you stared into the flames.

His steps faltered.

Where the hell had you been all night?

More importantly—why did you look so…lost?

Oscar takes a deep breath before stepping forward, his footsteps quiet against the dirt. You don’t notice him at first, too lost in whatever thoughts have anchored you to this spot. He sinks down beside you on the makeshift seat—a sturdy log warmed by the fire—resting his arms on his knees.

The bonfire crackles, embers drifting up into the night, casting flickering light across your face. The voices of other students murmur in the background, distant and indistinct. Crickets chirp in the trees.

You don’t look at him.

Oscar watches you instead, studying the way your shoulders curve inward as you sit cross-legged, the way your fingers fidget absently in your lap. You look…small, in a way he isn’t used to seeing. Like you’re carrying something heavy and don’t know where to set it down.

It’s silent, but strangely enough, he doesn’t feel alone.

Then, after a moment, you break the quiet.

“Why do you hate me?”

It’s a sudden question, one that hits sharper than he expects. A question about feelings he decided he had when he was fifteen, feelings he had held onto tightly—until a few months ago, when you had sat in that quiet classroom and shared your struggles with each other.

Feelings he honestly forgot he had.

“I don’t,” he says. “I don’t hate you.”

You let out a dry laugh. “Not anymore, at least. But you did. Once.”

Finally, you turn to him, firelight reflected in your eyes. “Why did you?”

“I…” He pauses, considering his words. “I thought you were kind of stuck-up when we first met. And fake. And…and you called racing a hobby.”

Your lips twitch, amused. “Well, at least one of those things is actually something I did wrong.” Then, softer, “I’m sorry I said that. About racing.”

You lift a hand, smoothing down his hair in a gesture so natural, so easy, that it catches him completely off guard. “It’s your passion, your life. You worked really hard for it.”

A small chuckle escapes you. “I was a little stuck-up though, wasn’t I?”

“You wouldn’t even look at me.” Oscar smirks. “Though you were great at returning the attitude I gave you,” he admits, tilting his head.

You roll your eyes. “And yet you think I’m the fake one? I was very honest about how much I didn’t appreciate you disliking me.”

“I just think—”

“Not thought?” you interrupt. “Present tense?”

Oscar hesitates, then nods. “You don’t show what’s in your head…What’s in your heart. You have all these smiles and scripts practiced. And you always look put together—even now that we’re literally out in nature. And you’re never seen with bad posture. Your grades are perfect and so is your conduct, and you’re actually kinda nice to be with. By all accounts, you’re…perfect.” He pauses, voice softer now. “But no one’s perfect, Y/N. Not even you. No matter how much distance you put between yourself and everyone else so they can think that you are.”

At that, you finally look away, gaze dropping to the ground.

“You can say that because you’re all set, Oscar,” you murmur. “You don’t need to be perfect because you already know what you want. You have a path, and you work hard for it. You can take your mistakes and turn them into lessons because you have something you want to be great for. You can try again and again when things don’t work out because you actually have a dream.”

Your breath catches slightly, and you swallow hard before continuing.

“I don’t have that.”

The words are quiet but heavy, settling in the space between you.

“So, I need to be perfect, Oscar.” Your fingers tighten over your knee. “Because I don’t know where I’ll end up if I’m not.”

The fire crackles. The night feels impossibly still.

And for the first time since he met you, Oscar doesn’t know what to say.

He just sits next to you for a while, keeping you company as the fire crackles and burns lower. The murmured conversations of the last few stragglers fade one by one, until eventually, it’s just the two of you left.

The night air is cool, carrying the distant sounds of the forest—rustling leaves, the faint chirping of crickets. The firelight flickers, casting shifting shadows across your face, across the way your shoulders remain tense, like you’re still bracing for something unseen.

Oscar exhales, shifting slightly closer. “I don’t think you need to have everything sorted out yet,” he says, voice quiet but certain. “We still have next year. And there’s the year after that. And the year after.”

You don’t respond. Not immediately.

“Y/N,” he calls, softer this time. “We have a lot left to live. You’ll find your place. You’ll figure everything out.”

You finally turn to him, eyes uncertain, on the verge of overflowing.

“Do you mean it?” Your voice is shaky, fragile in a way he’s not used to hearing.

“I do.”

You look away, but before you can retreat entirely, Oscar moves without thinking—cupping your face gently with one hand, tilting your chin just enough to meet his gaze.

It’s foreign. Surprising.

But not…unwelcome.

Your breath catches, and for a split second, everything feels suspended. The air between you shifts, something unspoken stretching thin and taut, the space closing inch by inch.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

His thumb brushes against your cheek, just barely.

“Everything will be fine.”

And then the dam breaks.

A sharp inhale, then a quiet sob. The first tear slips down your cheek, then another, and before you can stop it, you’re crying—really crying, shoulders shaking as you press your face into his chest.

Oscar doesn’t hesitate.

He pulls you in without a second thought, wrapping his arms around you, shielding you from the weight of whatever’s been crushing you for so long. His hand rests at the back of your head, fingers threading lightly through your hair as you let yourself fall apart against him.

And all he can do—all he wants to do—is hold you.

It’s strange.

He doesn’t ever see you like this. Just once before. You’re so composed, always controlled, always held together by perfectly measured smiles.

But right now, you’re none of those things.

You’re just you.

You're real.

You're in his arms and you're real.

And it hits him, in the stillness of the moment, in the way the firelight dances across tear-streaked skin—You’re beautiful.

Not in the way he used to think, not just in the way everyone already knew.

But in the way that matters.

The kind of beautiful that settles in the quiet spaces, that lingers, that takes you home. The kind that isn’t just seen but felt—woven into the way you carry yourself, the way you fight so hard to hold everything together, the way you’re allowing yourself to not be perfect, just for a moment.

Even in your worst state, you're the most beautiful thing he's ever laid eyes on.

And suddenly—too fast—he wonders if maybe, just maybe, there’s something more there. If there’s a chance he likes you. In that way.

If, deep down, he’s been falling this whole time.

2019: Year 13 [18 years old]

When autumn rolls around and he’s back at school again, Oscar Piastri is a Eurocup champion. Testing for Formula 3 is lined up, doors are opening, and for the first time, the dream that once felt impossibly distant is now right in front of him. He’s buzzing, electric with the thrill of it all.

And you’re the person he most wants to tell everything to.

Not much has changed between you two after the bonfire. You still bicker, still trade sharp remarks, but there’s a warmth underneath it now—something softer, something unspoken. Something that makes his stomach twist in a way he’s beginning to understand.

Because, yes, he’s finally realized it.

He likes you. In that way.

And maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance you feel the same.

He runs into you in the hallway, where your hair is still neatly styled, your uniform still crisp, but there’s something new. The prefect’s badge you once wore with careful pride is gone, replaced by a Head Girl badge gleaming against your blazer.

“You’ve come a long way, princess,” he says, stopping in front of you, hands casually shoved in his pockets. “Congrats on being Head Girl.”

Your smile is wide, genuine—the kind he doesn’t see you give to just anyone. “Congratulations to you too, Piastri—Eurocup champion.”

The way you say it, like you mean it, like you’re proud of him, makes something tighten in his chest.

“Wanna walk to class together?” he asks, like it’s easy. Like it’s normal. Like the idea of just existing next to you isn’t becoming something he needs.

You tilt your head, a flicker of disappointment crossing your face. “I have study hall for most of the day, actually.” Then, as if to soften the blow, you brighten. “I’ll send you my schedule, though, so we can coordinate!”

Something about that—coordinating, making time for each other—sits so naturally between you.

“Sure,” he says, nodding. “See you later?”

“See you later, Piastri.”

You turn and walk away, and just the thought of syncing your schedules is enough motivation for him to get through the day.

Except…when he finally gets your message, his stomach drops.

Because there, glaring back at him, is one unavoidable fact:

Nothing aligns.

Oscar had always been good at adjusting. Racing taught him that—how to adapt, how to move forward, how to deal with losing things and making peace with it.

But this? This was different.

He wasn’t used to missing someone. Not like this.

Sure, he missed his mom and dad. He missed his sisters. He missed the Australian heat and slang. He missed his racing friends when he went back to school. He missed the tracks and his car. But never in his life did he think he’d miss you.

And maybe that’s why the switch was so jarring. He’d spent years wishing he was away from you, wishing for different classes, wishing to never see your face.

Now that he has that, he wants nothing more than to bring back the simpler days—when you were always classmates, always orbiting each other, always trying to avoid the other but never quite succeeding at staying away.

Ever since he’d gotten your schedule and realized that nothing aligned, it was like there was an empty space in his day where you were supposed to be.

It wasn’t like you’d disappeared. He still saw you, sometimes—passing glimpses in hallways, quick nods across the library, an occasional “Hey, Piastri” when your paths crossed. But it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t like before.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it?

Because before, he didn’t think he’d need more.

Now, though? It was all he could think about.

Oscar had wanted a lot of things in his life, but rarely did he ever want something back.

He wants back the way you twirl your pen in between your fingers at a speed he still can’t match, no matter how many times you try to teach him. He wants the ever-changing rearrangement of your hair when you get stressed, never sticking to one style within the hour. He wants your study sessions and your stealing of his scratch papers. He wants your smiles and your quips and your banter.

He wants you back.

So, like in racing, he strategizes.

He figures out which routes you take so he can walk by at just the right moment, just to get a minute of conversation before you scurry off to class. He starts showing up at the library earlier, knowing you’ll pass by on your way to study hall. He “accidentally” bumps into you at the cafeteria, acting surprised even though he knows exactly when you go.

He even texts you more, something he never used to do before. Just small things at first—jokes, complaints about assignments, links to articles about topics he knows will spark an argument. Anything to keep the conversation going.

And yet, it isn’t the same.

No matter what he does, it’s not enough of you.

At some point, it’s wasn't just missing you anymore—it’s something heavier, something that sits in his chest and refuses to leave. Because no matter how many stolen moments he squeezes into his day, no matter how often he “accidentally” finds himself in your orbit, it never lasts long enough.

And the worst part?

You don’t even notice.

Not in the way he wants you to.

You’re busy—busier than ever. Between Head Girl responsibilities, exams, and whatever future you’re silently trying to carve out for yourself, it feels like you’re slipping further and further away. And Oscar, for the first time in his life, hates the idea of being left behind.

He tries not to let it bother him. You’re just focused, that’s all. It’s not like you’re avoiding him.

Except maybe you are.

Not in an obvious way. Not in a mean way.

But in the way that means he’s no longer a priority.

And that realization hits harder than he expects.

Because before, if he wanted to see you, he could. If he wanted to talk to you, he’d find a way, and you’d let him.

But now?

Now, you’re harder to reach. Harder to catch. Harder to keep.

And the closer graduation gets, the more he starts to wonder—If he doesn’t do something soon, will you slip away completely?

It’s right as the holiday break approaches that he finally gets a moment alone with you again—on a random night, past curfew, when you both somehow end up sneaking into the same empty classroom.

It’s similar, but different.

The lights are still dimmed, casting familiar shadows against the walls. The air is still heavy, thick with exhaustion from exams and the looming uncertainty of the future. But this time, you’re standing closer together. This time, the silence between you isn’t uncomfortable—it’s something known, something safe.

Because this time, no matter how much is changing, you both know one thing for sure—You’ve got each other.

How’s life been for you, Oscar?” you ask, leaning against the wall, a warm smile on your face. “It’s been a while, so tell me everything.”

“I don’t think it’s been any different from yours,” he says, mirroring your smile. “Tests, papers…” He hesitates. “Graduation. The future.”

You exhale, the weight of that word hanging between you. “Well, those are definitely in my head.” A small chuckle escapes your lips. “Is it weird that I miss those early days here at the academy?”

“What, the ones where we hated each other?” He smirks.

You roll your eyes. “Yes and no.” Turning toward the window, you watch the campus lights flicker in the distance, the glow casting soft light across your features. Oscar should look away, but he doesn’t. He can’t.

“I mean, things were simpler then,” you continue. “We had all the time in the world.”

He hums in response, watching the way your fingers trace absent patterns against the windowsill.

“I wish we could go back to then,” you say softly. “I’d be nicer to you. We could have been friends faster.”

You both giggle at this, the sound light and easy, but something in his chest pulls.

“What about you, Oscar? Would you change anything?”

He thinks for a moment. He thinks about the previous year—the late-night study sessions, the bickering that turned into something softer, the night by the bonfire when you let your walls down. He thinks about being paired with you for that stupid project in your second year, about meeting you in this exact room right around this time last year. He thinks about the very first time he saw you, sitting so perfectly poised in the headmaster’s office, completely unaware of the way you’d wedge yourself into his life, piece by stubborn piece.

He thinks.

Then—

“Nothing.”

You blink, turning back to face him. “Nothing?”

“I think…” He exhales, searching for the right words. “I think we’re where we’re at because it took a while to get to know each other. If we had been friends from the start, maybe things would’ve been easier—but I don’t think they would’ve been right.”

You tilt your head, curious. “What do you mean?”

He shrugs, shifting his weight slightly. “If we had been friends back then, I think I would’ve liked you the way everyone else does. The way people admire you from a distance.” His voice is quieter now. “But…I got to see you. Not just the perfect grades or the Head Girl badge. I got to see the way you actually think, the way you talk when you’re not putting on a front. The way you try so hard even when you don’t have to.”

You don’t say anything. You just look at him, eyes flickering with something unreadable.

And then, finally, you smile. Not the polite kind. Not the practiced one.

The real one.

“Well,” you say, voice softer than before. “I’m glad you got to know me.”

He’s glad too. More than you’ll ever know.

You just bask in the silence for a while, letting the quiet settle between you like something warm, something known. The window glass is cool beneath your fingertips as you both watch the lights flicker outside, the campus stretched out before you, vast and unchanging.

Your fingers brush against each other.

It’s light—barely even there, just a whisper of a touch. But it burns.

Something inside him ignites, sharp and immediate, like the flick of a match against dry kindling.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

He doesn’t move his hand away. Neither do you.

“You should call me by my name more.”

You tilt your head slightly, raising a brow. “Tired of hearing your last name?” The corner of your lips lilts in amusement.

Well, you might have it one day, he thinks.

But instead, he just shrugs. “I like hearing you say it.”

The teasing look in your eyes falters for just a second—your lips parting slightly, a flicker of surprise crossing your face before your cheeks flush.

You blink at him, the weight of his words lingering between you.

And then—

“Okay, then,” you say softly, watching him just as intently.

“…Oscar.”

You still don’t see much of each other throughout the rest of the year.

Between exams, responsibilities, and the looming pressure of the future, time slips through your fingers faster than either of you can catch it. Even texting becomes rare—just the occasional Good luck on your exam or a late-night complaint about an assignment. Nothing deep. Nothing real.

But Oscar takes what he can get.

His comfort comes in brief meetings in the hallways—your rushed conversations between classes, cramming a day’s worth of thoughts into a handful of stolen seconds.

“Got a physics test after lunch,” you’d say, adjusting the strap of your bag. “If I fail, I’m blaming you.”

He’d smirk. “What did I do?”

“The playlist you gave me last time distracted me.”

“Hey, I have great taste.”

“You can keep telling yourself that.”

And then the bell would ring, and just like that, you’d be gone—your presence slipping through his fingers before he could even think about holding on.

Hearing you call out his name in the busy hallway became the highlight of his day. A moment of certainty in a year that felt anything but steady.

But the times your knuckles brushed, the moments your shoulders bumped in passing, those felt like something more. Like maybe, if things had been different, there would’ve been time for more.

Except there wasn’t.

And maybe that’s why the thought of you leaving hits harder than it should.

He isn’t expecting to hear it—not like this, not by accident. But as he’s passing the debate room on his way to class, your voice stops him in his tracks.

“The university there offered me a great scholarship,” you tell a friend, your tone measured, practical. “It would be stupid not to take it.”

There’s a beat of silence before your friend speaks, quieter, hesitant. “So, that’s it then? You’re just…leaving?”

Oscar freezes mid-step.

A heartbeat passes.

Then another.

And then—

“Yeah,” you say, and it’s so final. No hesitation. No second-guessing. Just a quiet certainty that settles deep in his chest, heavier than it should be. “I’m leaving.”

And suddenly, the ground beneath him doesn’t feel so steady anymore.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” The words slip out before he can stop them, raw and too loud, cutting through the quiet corridor.

You blink, taken aback by the sharpness in his tone, by the urgency in his voice.

“Y/N, what are you even talking about?”

The hurt is there, unmistakable, woven between the syllables. And maybe if he hadn’t spent so long trying to deny it, he’d understand it better.

No. He does understand.

Because there was so much he wanted to tell you.

Because you were supposed to have time.

You were supposed to figure this out together.

“Oscar,” you say cautiously, as if approaching something fragile, something breakable. You glance at your friend, giving them a small nod, a silent request for space. They hesitate before excusing themselves, leaving just the two of you.

You inhale deeply, as if preparing yourself.

“I got an offer from a university outside the country,” you say, voice steady, like you’ve rehearsed this before, like you’ve already convinced yourself that this is good. That this is right. “Full-ride scholarship with room and board and a possible slot in a master’s program after I get my undergraduate.”

It’s a perfect opportunity.

It’s everything you’ve worked for.

You should be thrilled. You are thrilled.

So why does your heart ache at the way he’s looking at you?

Oscar doesn’t speak right away, just stares, his lips parting slightly like he’s still trying to process what you just said.

And then, finally, he breathes, “It’s a great opportunity.”

You nod, stepping closer, reaching for his hand before you can stop yourself. You don’t know why you do it—maybe to reassure him, maybe to reassure yourself. His palm is warm, his fingers rough but familiar, grounding.

“I’m going to take it,” you say. And you mean it.

But when his grip tightens around yours, when his thumb brushes absently against your skin like he’s memorizing the feeling, something inside you wavers.

Oscar swallows, staring at your joined hands like they hold all the answers he’s been looking for. He doesn’t know what he expected—that you’d stay? That you’d change your mind? That he’d still have more time to figure out what you mean to him before you slip away completely?

He thought he had more time.

He thought—

“I love you.”

It comes out before he can second-guess it, before he can tell himself that this isn’t the right time, that this isn’t how he was supposed to say it. But none of that matters now.

His grip on your hand tightens. His voice is softer the second time, but truer, like the words are settling into something real.

“I love you.”

The world tilts slightly.

Your breath catches.

Because of course he does. Of course this is what it’s been building up to—every argument, every stolen glance, every almost-moment that neither of you dared to name.

But now that it’s here, now that he’s standing in front of you with his heart in his hands, you don’t know what to do with it.

Because you’re leaving.

Because you’ve already decided.

And because some part of you wonders if maybe, maybe, you were waiting for him to say it sooner.

You look down, your eyes fixed on the floor because it’s easier than looking at him. Easier than facing the way his voice cracks, the way his words hang heavy between you.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” you whisper, and even that feels like too much.

“Do you feel the same?” he asks, his voice quiet but firm.

You close your eyes. “I’m leaving, Oscar.”

“That’s not what I asked.” His voice softens, but the urgency stays. “Do you feel the same?”

“It’s not going to work,” you say, your breath hitching. You hate how your voice shakes, hate the way your heart is pounding so fast it hurts. “We’re going in very different directions and—”

“Do you feel the same, Y/N?” he asks again, his voice breaking just slightly.

And that—that’s what makes you falter. Because you can hear it. The way he’s holding on so tight, the way he’s afraid of your answer.

“Just let me go,” you whisper, even though it’s the last thing you want.

“I can’t,” he says after a beat, and his voice is so soft when he says it, but there’s no mistaking the weight of those words. “I can’t because I know you. Because I know I’m not the only one who feels this.”

Your throat tightens. “I’m trying to be practical—”

“I’m trying to tell you I love you!” His voice rises, frustration and desperation bleeding into every word.

And then—

“So do I!” The words burst out of you before you can stop them, loud and broken and everything you’ve been trying to bury.

The silence after is deafening.

You look up at him, your eyes brimming with tears. “I love you too,” you whisper, like it’s a secret you’re only brave enough to say now. And when you step forward and press your forehead to his chest, his arms come around you without hesitation, holding you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I love you,” you say again, softer this time. “But it’s too late, Oscar. I’m leaving.”

“It’s not too late.”

He pulls back just enough to cup your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks—wiping away tears you hadn’t even realized were falling. His touch is so gentle it breaks you a little more.

“We’re right here,” he says, his voice quiet and steady. “So, it’s not too late.”

And then—slowly, carefully, like he’s giving you every chance to pull away—he leans in.

Your breath catches.

And when his lips finally meet yours, the world falls away.

It’s soft at first—tentative and slow, like both of you are afraid of pushing too far, afraid of what this means. But then your fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, and his hand slips into your hair, and the kiss deepens. It becomes something warmer, desperate—like making up for every second you wasted, every word you never said.

And for a while, there’s no leaving. No future pulling you in different directions. No goodbye waiting on the horizon.

It’s just you.

It’s just him.

The warmth of his hands on your skin, the way he holds you like you’re something precious. The way your fingers curl into his shirt like you’re afraid to let go. The quiet, shared ache in every kiss—like you’re both trying to memorize this, to keep this, even when you know you can’t.

And maybe this is all you get—this moment, this kiss, this fragile space where neither of you has to think about what comes next.

But maybe…maybe it’s just the beginning.

Because when you finally pull apart, breathless and trembling, your foreheads still pressed together, his breath still tangled with yours—you both know the truth.

This moment? It’s fleeting.

But his eyes—warm and steady—hold you there.

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispers, and somehow, you believe him.

You nod, your voice barely more than a breath. “Yeah. We will.”

And even if the future is uncertain, even if the next steps take you miles apart—right now, this?

This is yours.

And for the first time, even with your heart breaking in the most beautiful way, it feels like enough.

2022: Epilogue 1

“I can’t believe you just did that!” you exclaim over the phone, your voice half-outraged, half-incredulous. “Oscar, you’re giving me a heart attack from like fifty thousand miles away!”

“Everything’s under control,” he says, grinning as he leans back against the wall of his hotel room, the adrenaline still buzzing through his veins. “Trust me. It’s all in motion—you’ll see.”

“Honey,” you huff, and he can hear the dramatic eye roll in your voice, “I’ll believe you when you’re in that fucking Formula One seat, driving around squiggles for two hours.”

He chuckles, the sound low and easy, and God, he misses you. “You worry too much.”

“I have to worry,” you snap, but there’s no real heat behind it. “Because my idiot boyfriend decided to end his partnership with the team that made him their reserve driver by tweeting about it!” You huff. “I mean, listen to this: I understand that without my consent—”

“Okay, yeah, I typed that out,” he groans, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t need to relive it, thanks.”

“I’m just saying,” you tease, your voice softening just enough to make him smile.

Then there’s the unmistakable sound of your keyboard clacking in the background. “Anyway, experts are absolutely shitting on you online,” you inform him. “But don’t worry—I’m your biggest defender.”

“Please don’t fight with analysts on the internet,” he laughs, though the image of you going to battle for him is both hilarious and weirdly endearing. “They’re going to eat you alive.”

“Oscar, I had to deal with your attitude for years before we got together,” you shoot back, your tone sweet as sugar. “Trust me— some slimy little reporters are nothing to me.”

He laughs, the sound full and warm—the kind of laugh only you ever seem to pull out of him.

And as the miles stretch between you, the distance feels just a little smaller.

2023: Epilogue 2

The roar of the crowd was deafening — a steady pulse of noise that vibrated through the air, through the track, through Oscar’s bones. He could feel it, even from the garage, where the final checks were being made on his car. The smell of fuel and rubber mixed with the electric tension of the starting grid, and the weight of what was about to happen settled heavily on his chest.

Bahrain 2023.

His first Formula One race.

Everything he had worked for, fought for—the years of training, the endless sacrifices, the victories and the failures—had led him here. To this moment. To this seat. To this dream.

And still, when his eyes flicked to the edge of the garage, searching through the sea of engineers and team personnel, it wasn’t the car or the track or even the starting lights that grounded him.

It was her.

Y/N stood just beyond the bustle of the team, arms crossed and wearing his team’s colors, her ever-pristine hair now tucked beneath a cap. But the calm, poised version of her he’d fallen for wasn’t here today. Today, her excitement cracked through the surface—eyes bright, smile wide, nerves barely contained.

Three years, and she were still his greatest victory.

As if sensing his gaze, she turned—and when she smiled at him, everything else faded away. The crowd, the noise, the pressure.

It was just her. It was always her.

He lifted his hand in a small wave, and she grinned, mouthing words he didn’t need to hear to understand.

You’ve got this.

And just like that, the weight in his chest eased.

Because no matter what happened on the track today—win or lose, first place or last—she’d still be there.

And that? That was enough to make him feel unstoppable.

#oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri fic #oscar piastri #op81 #f1 fanfiction #f1 imagine #formula one #f1 x reader #✩ allie's writing ✩

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eureka-its-zico · 5 months ago

Text

Residuals Pt 3

Ongoing Series

Synopsis: You and Robby spent seven long years together until the day it ended. You’ve done your best to create space; to become invisible. You can’t miss what you don’t see. Unfortunately, the universe (Gloria and the Board of Directors) seemed to have missed the memo.

Pairing: Michael ‘Robby’ Robinavitch x Reader

Genre: Established previous relationship, slight age gap (by about 15 years give or take), a little bit of tension mixed in with a little bit of hate yearning, cause she’s a saucy angsty fic ok

A/N: Screaming at the top of my lungs because you have all been so incredibly lovely and sweet. I appreciate every single one of your comments, reblogs, and your excitement over this spur-of-the-moment series idea. Honestly, I can gush forever. Thank you! This chapter is centered around a little extra backstory on their relationship (briefly). I noticed it's around ep. 4 when everything starts popping off in the show (and I have scenes already pre-written cause I’m excited!) so I hope the story stays entertaining and true to showing slow insights into characters, their flaws, and being human. As always, I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Much Love. Jenn

Thank you to the bestie @viridian-dagger for humoring me and checking all of my work. Thank you for helping keep me sane.

Words: 7208

Previous I Next

You remembered with agonizing clarity the last day you’d seen Robby. You could recall down to the very marrow of the hour how you’d watched him grab his backpack and head out the door.

If you weren't careful, your subconscious loved to dredge that particular memory up in frequent rotation.

If you weren’t careful, always on mental high alert, the memories came violently to the forefront demanding that you remember what it felt like to walk the halls of your home in nothing but his shirts. It had you up late in the middle of the night writing a list of all the achingly obvious differences between the empty bed you now slept in and the one you’d shared with him. How his large frame curled against your back or how his nose pressed into the crook of your neck before he woke you, trailing kisses down your collarbone.

Sometimes, Robby held you so tight you’d jokingly ask if he was trying to morph together like The Thing.

You’d gotten used to the quiet in your home. The lack of security knowing another person was there. You’d learned to portion down your meals, so you didn’t make some on accident for two, or three when Jake was home for the week. You did laundry less and didn’t have to fold as much. There was no one to help you build furniture or tear it down. The trash was handled by you and only you. Dishes sat questionably for longer in the sink than they should’ve. There were no hands on your hips to keep you steady as you demanded to be an independent woman and use the step ladder to change broken fixtures and lightbulbs. No car rides with blues gently playing through the speakers with his hand on your thigh.

No. You were reminded every minute of every day since you’d left of what you lost. What you chose to leave behind.

The day you left you’d waited in the hall. In the past, before the pandemic, before the world went to shit and stopped making sense, Robby waited for you to send him off. You’d bring him his backpack full of protein bars, a homemade sub sandwich (if he ever got to it), and instant coffee packets when he didn’t. The moment you were close enough for him to grab - to touch - Robby would reach for you.

Before Robby, you didn’t know what it felt like to be worshipped; to be craved and wanted so badly that they couldn’t wait for the moment they could touch you. The safety of trusting someone because they loved you without pretense allows you to be comfortable enough to be good, bad, weird, and everything in between.

“You’re my favorite person.” He’d told you this randomly, while you’d both been curled up on the couch. Your cheek pressed against his chest. You heard the slight change in rhythm before he spoke. It was an answer to a question you’d asked weeks ago. One he refused to answer because “What are we in junior high?”

You didn’t believe in fairytales or the idea of perfect relationships. You believed in what someone’s actions said about them when they tried to cover them up with words. You didn’t know what it was like to have someone choose you, all of you, until Robby.

Whenever he had the chance, Robby was always touching you - light traces of fingers that drew aimless doodles in your skin while he read. His hand glided across your back as he passed you in the kitchen or the hallways at work. Once Robby learned how much you loved having his hands on you, he found ways to use them all the time - in ways that made you feel secure and others that were far from innocent.

But out of everything, Robby always made sure you were taken care of and, most of all, loved.

Usually, when Robby departed from the house, he used his large frame to crowd into your space. Possessive hands snaked around your waist to pull you flush against him. Every time, like clockwork, you eagerly respond to his touch. Your neck already falling back just enough for his mouth to slate over yours.

Those memories of better days, days where you didn’t have to question if he still loved you, are what made the last day so hard. You stood there, silently hoping that he would turn around. That Robby would just stop putting in his air pods, looking everywhere but at you, and finally acknowledge you. You didn’t want your last fight to be what you remembered - the words you’d hurled at one another with tired vehemence the final thing you heard.

You just wanted him to love you like he used to. But the problem was, you weren’t sure if you could love him how you used to anymore either.

“I think you should take Kiara up on her offer, Michael. You need to speak with someone even if it isn’t her.”

“Jesus,” he huffed. A hand scrubbed at his face before latching behind his head. His eyes screwed tight as if he could simply blink the conversation away. “Here we fucking go again.”

“Yes, here we go again. We wouldn't have to keep doing this merry-go-round around the issue if you would just admit - “

“Admit what?” His voice rose in challenge, and it took every ounce of you not to return it. “You seem to want me to say I’m broken so you don’t have to be the only one.”

“That’s bullshit,” you scoffed, pushing your dinner plate further down the table.

You weren’t hungry anymore.

“It’s not bullshit! I’m not the only one in this room who won’t be honest with themselves.”

“That’s real rich coming from you, Michael. If you think that’s true, look me in my eyes and admit you don’t feel some type of way since he passed. And I never once fucking said that you were broken - “

“That’s the point! You don’t have to. I can see it in the way you look at me. The way you talk to me. It’s like no matter what the fuck I say you don’t believe me. You just want me to be depressed like - “

“Like what, Michael.”

The room went glacial cold. Your eyes turned to slits as you waited for him to finish his sentence. A piece of you prayed he didn’t because you didn’t know how much more you could take before you finally broke.

“Like you,” he sighed, voice defeated as if he hated saying it as much as you hated hearing it. “You haven’t been the same since -”

“Shut up.”

“- it happened and I’m sorry. I - I wish I’d been there - “

“I said shut up! Jesus, just stop talking!”

The venom in your voice was toxic. It had your arm lashing out and shoving the plate of food off the table. The sound of tableware clattering and glass breaking dimmed the flash of anger enough to be embarrassed at your outburst. You hadn’t meant to do it. Just like you hadn’t meant to do a lot of things since Adamson passed, since the pandemic, and…since you received the news.

It was written plainly in the silence held between you. The unspoken depression from two different spectrums left you both unable to help the other. Neither of you knew how to bridge the gap your stubbornness bred.

Doctors were historically the worst patients because of that very reason. Pride. You used to believe Robby and you didn’t share an ounce of it between you, but you’d been wrong. You forgot you were both human and flawed.

“I just want to help you, Michael. Please. Ever since Adamson passed and - and what happened - “

“He doesn’t have anything to do with what happened! What happened fucking happened because it’s nature. It’s - it just wasn’t our time. You’ve got to stop beating yourself up for something you have no control over. How many times have we told our patients this?” Robby looked up from his hands and you wished he hadn’t. His watery eyes were close to spilling; the tsunami of pain was all-consuming and when he whispered your name before he spoke again, you wanted to shatter. “You’re killing yourself from the inside out with this self-hatred.”

How many times have you been told that exact thing? It was an unfortunate natural process. It just ‘happened’. Every word is sterile and scientific which makes you feel less and less like a person. And what about the news that came after? Was that natural too?

Maybe you were the one who was broken.

“Adamson happened too, and you haven’t been the same since we lost him. You’re on edge more, Mike. You snap at work and home. You’re closed off. You’re so desperate to put it under the rug that we only focus on me? Bring up my faults so we can bury yours.”

A sneer pulled up his lips as he turned away from you. His eyes scan over the shelves and furniture in the room - looking everywhere but at you.

“You just want to help me? That’s what you keep feeding yourself but in reality, you just want me to be who I was before this. I don’t know if I can be that man again and when I tell you that, you act like a fucking child going around slamming doors.” Shame flushed up your face, turning your cheeks red with embarrassment. You’d done that and worse. You thought you could wait whatever this was out until it got better. But it wasn’t better. It was worse and you were so, so tired. “You want to focus on me but what about you?”

“You aren’t the only one hurting - that lost someone. You left me! You fucking left me to deal with it all on my own. Where the fuck were you when I needed you?”

“I’ve been right here with you!” Robby shouted back. “I’m right here with you, baby, but you don’t fucking see it. You won’t let me in.”

The tears you struggled to contain escaped in one shaky exhale. You carried around so much of your shame and guilt - tried repairing the cracks with quick fixes so Robby wouldn’t see because the last thing you wanted was pity. You didn’t want the confirmation that you were irreparably broken.

“But you’re not here. Are you? Not really.”

The earlier flash of rage was extinguished with each word. This job was a marvel and a curse. It took and took without forgiveness. Sometimes you’re fighting to save people who don’t want to be saved; who’ve never known the support and love they needed to believe they were more than their demons. Who wanted to succumb to a brief drop of loneliness in the ocean of a lifetime. Or you saw the ugliness that people did to one another and left you having an existential crisis if someone’s bad choice made their life unworthy of saving.

Robby dealt with all of these things daily. He shouldered them for every friend in the hospital. For every patient who needed the strength of his resolve and the care he delivered. He gave all that and more during the pandemic and now he’d given so much that there wasn’t much left to tend to himself.

Robby used to lean on you for just about everything. Sometimes, your talks were gradual - opening up little by little until everything was exposed. Other times, they came in bursts. A rush of words said too fast because if neither of you just ripped the band-aid off and said it, nothing would ever get fixed. Now all of that came to a screeching halt. You didn’t know what he was feeling anymore or thinking. He shut you out in so many ways. You tried to break through and failed.

You both stood at separate spectrums of grief and neither of you knew how to reach the other anymore.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

You hadn’t meant about your relationship. You wish you could’ve said that - informed him that the despair and betrayal of your own body left you in a place of purgatory. The pandemic stripping you bare and raw pressing salt into every wound. How was Robby supposed to love you if you didn’t know how to love yourself?

But it’s not how it sounded leaving your lips. It’s not how he took it as you watched his shoulders deflate. The emptiness that hollowed out his eyes in protection and left them empty as you felt.

“No one is forcing you to stay.”

You never did get to tell him you saw him - saw that he’d been there waiting for you to open up. He wasn’t who he was, but he’d still tried the best he could in whatever ways he could. In the end, you believed you deserved punishment.

Maybe that’s what losing Robby was - the universe's way of dishing it out for a wrong you never knew you committed.

It felt suffocating; your chest caved to create a black hole of grief that felt never-ending. You watched as the pandemic tore him down piece by piece - shredding him to ribbons. So many lives were ravaged by the virus with no way to combat it. You remembered the overwhelming, crushing feeling of seeing dozens of patients lining hallways because there were no more beds. Every doctor, nurse, RTs, and CNAs struggled to care for every patient and be with those in their final moments because the families couldn’t. It was chaos. It was frightening. It felt like it would go on forever. The last thing anyone expected was for Adamson to get sick. For the virus to infiltrate his body and claim his life.

Robby had run outside, tearing off his hazmat suit. Unable to breathe around the soul-crushing grief that constricted the air from his lungs. He’d crumbled like a house of cards as you held him in your arms, but he wasn’t allowed to grieve. He was a doctor, you were still a fucking doctor, and neither of you were allowed to grieve. You needed to compartmentalize; sew up the fraying edges of your grief and go back inside and be the doctors everyone needed.

It was agony watching what came after. The way he struggled day and night to get any amount of rest while wrestling with his demons. The guilt kept him up at night and woke him screaming covered in a cold sweat. Eventually, he stopped sleeping in bed with you all together. Slowly, you saw him less at home and only at work. You watched while the anxiety ate him alive and transformed him into someone you could barely recognize, and you felt helpless against it. At any moment, the pain in your chest would swallow you whole.

And just when you thought, given a few months, you’d be able to find new joy in your life, it all came crashing down again.

So, you waited in that hallway. You waited for any sign that you should stay. You waited to see if you’d change your mind and begin to be honest with him. You waited for him to at least turnaround and look at you - for the recognition of the life you’d had months before to flash in those beautiful brown eyes. You waited in the hallway even after he’d left - waited for your tears to dry before you went upstairs to pack up your old life and find a new one.

You’d expected a lot of possibilities when Gloria brought you back down to the Pitt. You considered all the variables and the endless amount of what-ifs. It felt inevitable for you to end up in this very situation; him being the attending, in charge of the Pitt, and overseeing a case. The only thing you hadn’t accounted for was how the heat of his body pressed against your back made you forget how to breathe. Your mouth suddenly dry and your heart pounded violently against the ache in your chest.

Was Robby even aware of what he was doing? You could practically feel him take a breath he was so fucking close. Fuck, you wanted to scream and you almost did when you felt his gloved hand move across your lower back as he stepped around you. The old desire to touch you every chance he could was a surprise to you both when the reflex made its appearance. It must have been a mistake - a subconscious tick because old habits can die hard. It was the only thing that made sense. You fought the urge to mouth a, ‘What the fuck?’ at him. Did he even realize what he’d done? If he did, he was damn good at hiding it.

You needed to get your shit together. You brought him in here for your patient.

“Allan,” you began to introduce him and found you had to clear the warble from your voice. “Allan, this is Dr. Robby. He’s the attending doctor here in the emergency department. Robby, this is Allan and his mother, Rebecca.”

“Pleasure to meet you both. Now, Allan, why don’t you tell me what brings you in today?”

Once Robby agrees to your use of wire cutters to remove the key rings, conferring on medications during and after a take-home prescription, you immediately go to work. It took a few extra minutes of explaining to Allan (and his very traumatized mother) that you would be as gentle as possible, but the longer the key rings stayed on to cut off circulation, the higher the chance of necrosis would occur. You also promised him lidocaine to numb the area. Lots and lots of lidocaine.

You’d just signed off on discharge paperwork and spoke with him one last time about maybe just buying what he wanted to try next time. It was not only the safer option but probably more fun and less mortifying than having his mom bring him here.

You stepped out of the room and made your way up to Dana’s desk. While you’d been in the room doing minor surgery to metal keys, you’d heard a couple of new traumas that arrived through the ambulance bay. The one that unfortunately had stuck with you was the nineteen-year-old kid who’d been found unresponsive. Nineteen. Two years older than Jake.

For years you tried to make sense of how it was possible to become so attached to a son that wasn’t even yours. You didn’t give birth to Jake and missed the beginning stages of his life. You met him at his ninth birthday party and thought he would automatically hate you. Instead, he asked you questions about superheroes and if you had a favorite wrestler.

The relationship between Robby and Jake’s mom had been hard to navigate. Harder when you came into the picture because all mothers are understandably weary of unknown variables and people around their children. You did your best not to step on any toes and bided your time until Jake’s mom trusted you - felt comfortable enough - with your presence to allow Jake to stay over when he asked Robby.

You went on field trips as a chaperone when Jake asked, helped him build science fair projects, and tried your best to play basketball with Jake and Robby. You were better at three-pointers and playing horse than the original two - on - two. Jake chose to see you as another parent. His mother decided to let you be a part of his life and knowing Robby, loving Robby, brought you all together. You were forever grateful to both of them for it.

But seeing cases like this one - hearing about them - caused a cold sweat to spread across your body. Jake was a good kid - a smart kid but even smart kids could make mistakes.

You pulled your phone out of your back pocket and continued moving towards where Dana sat front and center in all the chaos. She was currently on the phone but her eyes tracked you as you made your way towards her.

Quickly, you unlocked your phone and went to your messages. You tapped on Jake’s name.

Mom v2.0 ~ Hey kiddo just checking in. Everything good?

You were about to lock the phone and put it away when his reply came back at lightning speed.

JakeTheRipper ~ Hey! Ya everything’s 👍🏽 I’m coming by the hospital later to get tickets from dad. Be cool to see you. JakeTheRipper ~ if you can! JakeTheRipper ~ if you have the time!

You and Jake never lost contact with one another after you and Robby split. It’d been his golden rule and who were you to break rules, especially golden ones? But you hadn’t seen him since he was fifteen. The last weekend you spent housed up in the house - his teenage self picking up a dark cloud stole the warmth from the home.

He’d asked to see you a few times since then but you were always busy. Always unsure if you were overstepping. But you were here now and he said he was coming here anyways so -

“What’s got you smiling all goofy?”

Dana’s question sent you crash landing back into the present. You were standing directly in front of her seated position, phone in one hand and wire cutters in the other while a perfectly arched brow did most of her questioning.

“Ugh, it’s nothing,” you replied, tucking the phone back into your pocket.

God, you were acting suspicious. Be natural. Be cool.

“You got a boyfriend or something?”

“Oh, god no, no, no.”

You were throwing in way too many no’s.

You felt like you were under a microscope when Dana’s eyes narrowed in on you like this. A cold sweat was going to happen any minute now.

“There aren’t that many things that make women smile at their phones like that.”

“Memes make people smile at their phones because they’re witty and funny. A good deal on a pair of shoes, funny videos of animals, or cute babies…anyway,” you mumbled before handing the wire cutters over the top of her computer. “Ron the maintenance guy should be coming by to pick these back up. If I miss him, can you let him know I appreciate him letting me borrow these?”

“Did you tell him what they were gonna be used for?”

“Oh, god no, and please Dana don’t tell him I used it to cut key rings off a patient's penis.”

“You mean he didn’t know why you were asking for them?” She laughed. Dana fucking laughed and it eased the tension from your shoulders tenfold. “I think at least owe the man some kind of lunch, don’t you?”

“Ugh, well, I disinfected them. Twice? Does that count?”

Another bark of laughter came as she shook her head in disbelief. She was still smiling when she reached out and took the cutters from your hand.

“Aren’t you supposed to be up in triage?” Langdon asked, sliding in on your right.

“Did you come all the way over here from your spot in hell to ask me that, Langdon? Are we slacking off today or willfully choosing to be lazy?”

Langdon shot you a sarcastic smile before he reached over to grab a tablet and handed it over to the med student who’d been with him before. Her dirty blonde hair was slicked back into a tight ponytail and her glasses gave her an almost childlike demeanor that was only enhanced by the excited way she bounced on her heels. Her hand shot across the counter in way of introduction.

“Melissa King - everyone calls me Mel.”

She was so eager - sweet - that you almost warned her to be cautious in the Pitt. It tends to eat the good ones alive.

“Dr. Fullerton,” you replied, taking her hand briefly. “I remember you from earlier. Hopefully, Langdon is taking care of you and isn’t showing you what not to do during a residency?”

“Ha, that’s very funny, Fullerton. How long has it been since you’ve been down here? You’ve probably gone soft with all the babying they do upstairs.”

“Out of the two of us, Langdon who is still in their last year of residency and who is a board-certified doctor?”

“You know what I smell?”

“I don’t smell anything,” Mel interjected, thin lines of confusion creasing around her eyes.

“No, I don’t mean - it’s metaphorical, Dr. King.”

“Okay, kids that's enough. Robby sees you two both standing here bickering, you'll both be in trouble.”

“Is that your way of telling us to go back to taking care of the board?” You asked.

“No, it’s my way of telling you both to get the hell away from my station. Now shoo both of you,” Dana retorted, using a stack of patient demographics to swat at Langdon and you.

“I’m going, I’m going,” you surrendered, backing away.

You were mid-turn when an enthusiastic wave from Dr. King was thrown your way.

“It was nice to meet you. Again,” she excitedly called after you.

She seemed too pure to have picked the Pitt. Everyone had their reasons for doing residencies here and, hell, you believed med students should be mandated to work at least one full rotation in an emergency department to truly learn. Mel, however, made you just want to protect her from the harsh realities of a place like this. It could be soul-crushing and there is no way to prepare yourself for when it happens.

“Likewise, Mel. If you ever want a break from ER Ken you’re more than welcome to come find me.”

“She’s good where she’s at, Fullerton.”

You didn’t bother giving a retort; you and Langdon could keep up the verbal back and forth the whole shift. You were only a couple feet away when you heard Dr. King state, “She seems nice.”

“Yeah. She’s alright. A little unhinged, but alright.”

Each word had been pulled like teeth from him; admitting you weren’t the absolute worst thing in the world, or at least inside this hospital, you knew made Langdon grumpy. Those few words left a sour taste in his mouth admitting anything nice about you, but it was enough for you because it meant one thing for you. There was hope that today wouldn’t be a total disaster after all.

It was a busy morning but mornings were always busy in the Pitt. There shouldn’t have been a reason the hum of panic constantly buzzed behind his ears. It only grew louder the closer he got to the pediatrics wing of rooms. The bright colors blazed out into the hallway; all greens and blues. Animal motifs meant to instill comfort instead summoned what he’d struggled to keep buried.

Dana already caught him helplessly trapped outside the room. The memory of that day - the last day with Adamson - flashed vividly like every nightmare he’d had of that day since. Robby had been so engrossed in the recollection of monitors blaring and Princess shouting for him to do something, “Robby we’re losing him,” that he wasn’t able to shake the feeling of dread off.

He knew Dana noticed. The way her eyes craned over his shoulder to take in the peds room was the only confirmation he needed.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. When do I ever make you worry about me?”

“Are you kidding?” Dana chuckled. “All the time.”

They both knew he was lying. Robby never did confirm it when Dana asked, but he didn’t need to. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be fine or even close to simply being okay. Even after four long years, Robby found he still sought Adamson’s advice. Moments in the Pitt he swore he could hear him directing the room; asking questions to challenge Robby because “a doctor never stops learning.”

He missed being able to confide in him. The expectant look on Adamson’s face when Robby asked about situations in his life where he was at a loss of what to do.

Robby needed to change the subject - and lead Dana down a safer path of questioning that he could handle. If he could keep himself away from that room he should be okay. He could handle you being here and everything else if he didn’t have to step foot in that room. He should’ve known there was no safe space where Dana wasn’t going to bring you up. Robby could see the hard exterior she tried to keep up to defend against your presence was beginning to crack.

Maybe so was his.

“The two of you looked cozy earlier.”

“Dana, you know I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“Uh-huh.”

Her voice oozed a playfulness that edged towards teasing.

“But there is no universe where you and I talk about this.”

“I was just making an astute observation.”

“I would appreciate it if you maybe observe somewhere else. We have eleven more hours of this shift to go and I’d rather not have to spend it talking about her.”

“Yeah, because you’re allergic to talking in general.”

“Well, that’s just not true. I’m allergic to people I don’t want to have a conversation with,” he pointed out.

She tried to shake the smile off her lips. Her palm lightly smacked at his shoulder which caused his smile to rise in response.

“You’re such a smart ass.”

“I try my very best,” he mumbled as he leaned down towards the computer.

He’d just grabbed his badge to swipe past the electronic monitor to unlock the computer, placing his arms to brace on either side of the keyboard when he felt her presence eclipse to his right. Dana was leaning over the counter divider. Her arms hanging over waiting for him to look back up at her.

“Something else I can help you with, Dana?”

“Just wondering if you’d be more talkative if you knew Fullerton was all smiles earlier. She had her phone out. Seemed to be textin’ someone.”

Robby could feel his eyes narrow in on her position. He shouldn’t care - he shouldn’t fucking care - because you were the one who left. What did he care if you were dating anybody? It’s been two years. The chances of you dating were astronomically high; shit, he’d attempted it a while after you left. Instead of taking care of himself because, “You look like shit,”, as Dana lovingly told him, he’d done what 95% of the population does: he ran from it.

Heather Collins was an R2 at the time. She was funny, intelligent, witty, beautiful, and he’d fucked it up in record time. All the things you’d thrown at him about being shit at taking his own advice, hiding from his problems, were true. When things took a turn he’d lock up. Collins noticed the cracks and mentioned them enough he countered with argument after argument. The worst part was he was harboring a love for someone else that was gone. You can’t love someone else, give them the love they deserve, when you’re buried ten feet deep for someone else. She deserved better than to be a rebound - better than what Robby could’ve given her because no matter how amazing she was he still thought of you. Heather deserved more than to be a body to bury his sorrows in. He tried dating again a year later but that had also gone up in spectacular flames. Robby couldn’t keep the ghost of you from haunting him.

He tried to act like he didn’t care - that Dana’s words weren’t threatening his last proper brain cell for the day. By the look on Dana’s face, he did a shit job of hiding it. So what if you were with someone? He shouldn’t even care.

“Did she say who she was talking to?”

Why the fuck did he ask that? Dana didn’t necessarily answer him as much as she chose instead to grin. A silent, ‘Gotcha’ flashing that he absolutely hated. He’d walked right into it.

“Surprise, surprise. I thought she’d be one of your allergies.”

A huff of laughter rushed past his lips that he tried to cover up with a cough.

“You’ve got a mean streak in you.”

Dana patted his arm before she retracted back inside her bubble. The phone went off in record time to pull her safely away from having to hear him complain. She gave him one last thumbs up before her back faced him, completely ending the conversation and forcing him back to the open file on the screen.

He enjoyed the quiet for all of a millisecond before he heard -

“Hey, fruitcake.”

God, take him now. Robby chose to ignore her. Ignore her like every other time -

“Hey, I’m talking to you, fruitcake.”

“Myrna,” he bit out. “I told you a hundred times my name is Dr. Robby.”

He expected her to argue about nicknames and their usage. It’s usually what happens when he advises her that maybe she’d get better treatment if she’d use real names. That isn’t what he got.

“Do you wanna see my vagina?”

Robby’s eyebrows ran towards his hairline as he replied, “I've already seen it. And once was enough, thank you.”

“And what about mine?”

Robby knew that voice. He’d know it in any lifetime, through space and time; Robby would know your fucking voice anywhere. He turned to his left and there you were with your elbows and back resting against the counter. You’d leaned close enough so that your words were for him and him alone.

Robby wanted to humor himself that it had to be his imagination. The flash of something dark, ravenous, and achingly familiar he saw in your eyes must have been his subconscious going haywire. It wasn’t until he watched recognition dawn of what you said, the way you’d fucking said it, crest over your face that Robby knew he hadn’t made it up.

The heat of embarrassment had you straightening up beside him. He could see it in the light tinging of your cheeks, the anxious beat your fingers rapped on the counter. You weren’t looking at him now but he wished you would.

And then the memory of Dana saying you’d been caught smiling at your phone reared its evil head.

Mine.

He couldn’t keep the word from forming in his head. You’d been his for so long and those words of yours meant to tease and force him to give you a response. Robby wanted to tell you that no, once wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

Mine.

The last few months of your relationship had ended in flames but the rest. What about the rest of the many years you’d spent together? They’d been spectacular. The best memories he had you were a part of. The attempts at gardening and doctoring up sick animals. The way you’d dance to his records as you danced through every room while you dusted. The sounds of yours and Jake’s laughter mixing from the kitchen table going over homework.

He could remember the way your hands fisted the sheets as his hands hooked under your thighs to bring you closer to his greedy mouth. Your slick drenching his face, his beard, stubble - whatever phase he was in with or without facial hair. Robby loved it when you began to let go; body melting in his hands as your fingers wound themselves tightly in his hair to pull him closer, deeper. Robby could get drunk off your taste, the soft keening breaths that came ragged and shaking from your chest. How your body trembled as he worked each finger inside you until your back arched beautifully off the bed.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine….

He shouldn’t care. He shouldn’t fucking care, but he fucking did.

“What can I do for you, Dr. Fullerton?”

Robby grabbed the PPE gown from beside the table before he went to his full height. From this advantage, he could faintly make out the dying hint of a flush on your cheeks.

“I was talking here first, Sugar tits.”

You pivoted to glance around him and waved at Myrna who waved back with her middle finger.

“Myrna, always a pleasure. I think that’s my third finger wave today,” you muttered the last part to him.

“Dr. Fullerton.”

“Right, right. I wanted to see if I could borrow one of your med students. Central 3 and 4 have two patients, males twenty-three and twenty- four in age. Both were at the same BBQ and believed dumping liter fluid on a fire was a good idea.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, they look like human marshmallows right now. One has second-degree burns while central 4 has, what I believe, might be second degrading into three.”

“Do you need me to come take a look?”

It felt like a reasonable question. He was attending and usually, all consultations like this went through him for an opinion. He’d just done it with her half an hour ago. It shouldn’t be a big deal -

“Oh, no, no. Thanks but I think I got this.”

“Oook. If you got it, why do you need a med student?”

“I figure it would be a good teaching moment for one of them on treatments of burns and how to assess the level. I’ve already called surgery for a consultation on central 4. Plus, there’s no available nurse to help me attend to both.”

Robby tried to keep the scoff from coming out. He shook his head and went to move around you, shooting Myrna an irritated glance that hopefully she caught as his nonverbal way of telling her he didn’t want to see her the rest of the day.

“So, you are saying you need help, you just don’t want my help.”

God, he sounded like a petulant child. By the look on your face, you’d agree with that statement.

“Robby, I know you’re busy - “

“I’m not busy,” he cut in.

“Robby, the parents of the OD teen are here.”

Dana came from behind the station, her eyes glancing between the two of you.

“Okay, park them in Trauma 1. He’s not back from CT yet. I’ll be there in a minute. You can borrow Whitaker,” he directed at you.

He had to move. There was still the floating face patient in trauma 2. He needed to find out if they’d been able to prep for a safe intubation and if not, they were doing a solid alternative. Langdon was there with both interns. Robby could trust him. He should’ve been more worried about himself because as he passed by you on his way to trauma 2, he felt his body dip towards you. The jealousy rushed up like a lance piercing his heart as he remembered Dana’s words. The idea that you’d moved on, that someone else had taken his place, threatened to remove whatever sensible bit of himself he had left.

“And don’t pull your phone out on the floor. It’s unprofessional, and I won’t have it in my department. You can step outside like everyone else.”

You didn’t look at him as he spoke. You didn’t even snap at him or give him any hint you’d heard him. Robby knew you’d heard him, but your eyes were solely focused behind him. It was the spot he’d just been standing - the spot Dana now occupied.

There should’ve been some satisfaction in watching Dana’s face crumble like this. All the earlier anger dissipated back into a playful, if not biting, rhetoric that gave you some hope the day wouldn’t be your version of Dante’s Inferno.

But Robby’s comment…

Only one person saw you on the phone earlier. One person who’d asked about who you’d been talking to while you’d read Jake’s texts. You’d been so ready to shout at Robby that it was Jake, his son. It might have given you some retribution but why should you have to explain anything to him? He was acting like a jealous significant other, not a damn boss. The way he’d pressed himself against you earlier; touching you as if half-possessed.

You weren’t helping, were you? The minute the words had leapt from your mouth you’d wished you could take them back. You shouldn’t have said it and yet, you did. You fucking did and now the wanton look he’d given you was forever etched into your brain.

You were an idiot.

An even bigger idiot for thinking Dana would’ve left anything between you.

“You just couldn’t help yourself. Could you?”

“Kid - “

Dana took a step forward ready to explain. You didn’t have it in you to listen. When the phone went off in her hand you found your way out and took it.

“Do you know where I can find Whitaker?”

“He had a patient around the North-East hallway.”

“Thanks.”

You heard her call your name. Not Fullerton, not kid. Dana said your name and for the first time today, you wished she’d stuck to calling you an asshole.

You followed Dana’s instructions and moved toward the hallways. You weren’t sure how long you’d be searching for him, but luckily it wasn’t long. On the opposite side of the hall, you watched him wheel a patient out of 17 North and into the halls. Whatever the patient said stopped Whitaker in his tracks - both grateful and surprised all at once. You waited a few minutes longer for him to enjoy a good moment with his patient (because sometimes it didn’t always go like that) before you made your way around to get to him.

“Whitaker!”

“Uhm, oh yes. Hi, Dr. Fullerton.”

“I have a couple of burn patients in Central 3 and 4; second to third degree. Dr. Robby said you’d be able to assist if that’s alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I would. That’d be awesome. Thank you.”

He was so earnest it was endearing. “You’re welcome. Now, let’s go remove some dead tissue.”

You took the lead in showing Whitaker to the rooms. You were trying to make polite conversation. It only seemed fair to take a small interest in what motivated a young doctor to get into the field of medicine, of saving lives. Basic questions such as those were able to tell you a lot about who someone was and if they held enough compassion to be around people during their most vulnerable times.

You did try your best to keep your attention trained on the work. It was your turn to be a teacher, and you wanted to do it well. You didn’t have an excuse why you looked toward Trauma 1. No excuse at all why you watched Robby speak to the kids' parents looking defeated before they’d even begun. There was even less of an excuse for when Robby looked away from them, his eyes searching until he found yours, that should’ve made you want to forget these last two years. You hated the old impulse to run to him - to care for him. The last time you’d seen Robby looking desperately close to combusting like this it’d been a few doors down standing outside pediatrics.

Looking at him now, Robby seemed ready to quit, and it wasn’t even close to 8:30.

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As always, thank you all so much for reading!! Comments and reblogs are always appreciated!

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Tag list: @whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustrange

#Residuals #ongoing series #the pitt #the pitt hbo #the pitt fanfiction #michael robinavitch #dr michael robinavitch #dr robby #dr robinavitch #michael robinavitch x reader #dr michael robinavitch x reader #dr robby x reader #dr robby x you #the pitt x reader #dr robby x oc #michael robinavitch x oc #michael robinavitch x you #noah wyle #saucy angsty babies

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avreygrid · 22 days ago

Text

Our Shared Quiet

She wasn’t supposed to fall for a Formula 1 driver--not when her life as a cardiothoracic surgery resident was already stretched thin between saving lives and curating her online world as a fashion/lifestyle influencer. But when a chance encounter with Lando Norris turns into something slow, magnetic, and impossible to define, Y/N finds herself caught between two lives she thought couldn’t coexist. As she faced spiraling headlines, pressure of performing at her best in both of her careers, and the distance that threatened to unravel what never had a label to begin with, she must ask herself: in a world that demands so much, can quiet love still survive the noise? (18k+ words)

Pairing: Lando Norris x doctor-influencer!reader Genre: Fluff, slow burn, fans to lover (kind of), bit of angst TW: Media pressure, public scrutiny, grief (death of a patient)

It seemed like the rain wouldn’t stop any time soon, when I hurriedly stepped outside my apartment lobby. I looked down to my feet, and saw that my canvas shoes were already splashed with brown puddles. Great, I thought to myself, what a great way to start an already late day. The streets were already busy with people, some running, probably catching the earliest MRT that could take them to their destination on time. Some were walking while casually sipping a cup of brown liquid with hot steam visible in the cold air. And there were people like me, who just arrived home late from a prolonged shift handoff and had their whole schedule of the day delayed.

It was my day off, and I had planned ahead of what I could do to make the most of one of the rarest days in a year. Juggling life as a cardiothoracic surgery resident and a fashion/lifestyle influencer sounded impossible even to my own ears. Yet here I was, just got back from a 48 hour shift at the hospital with heavy, dark eyebags, dull skin and chipped nails. I’d prefer to drown myself with pillows and blankets and sleep until tomorrow–especially after this long shift if it was not for the sake of making myself presentable for tonight’s dinner with a brand I’m collaborating with. I booked a 10 AM mani-pedicure appointment, a facial treatment at 12 (finally got to use my 500 USD worth of treatment subscription after abandoning it for more than 6 months), and also made an appointment with my sales associate at bottega. I have 15 minutes to get to the nail salon, which is a 25 minute walking distance. I’m so doomed.

By the time the clock hits 3 in the afternoon, I finished my facial treatment. My eyebags were still there yet barely noticeable. My face was glowing, and I was pretty satisfied with how instant the result was. I did have a good nap too so I wasn’t complaining. My feet then led me to bottega where I picked up a small purse that was finally in stock. It was an Andiamo clutch in this beautiful burgundy color that I’d been eyeing since forever. My favorite sales associate kindly texted me last night and I just had to grab it today.

The trip there was cut short when my phone rang. My high school best friend, Tiara, who's also my manager since my instagram and tiktok account took off and I personally couldn’t handle all the brands dealing alone said through the phone, “Hi! Where are you?”

I finalized the payment with my sales associate, and waited for him to pack my little baby when I answered, “I’m at Bottega, why?”

“No, just wanted to remind you about tonight’s dinner event,” she said. “Look, there will be a lot of people with connections attending tonight–”

“Okay, I just need to play nice and mingle. I got it handled, Tiara.”

I hated attending these kinds of events. My job as a doctor was already demanding a lot of socializing, and I was not happy that doing social media–which used to be my escape, turned out to be as draining. Not that I hated my job, in fact I loved it. I really loved my job as a doctor, the satisfaction when I got to see my patients that came into the ER in the state of near death were finally discharged and thanked me personally for saving their lives. I also loved my job doing social media, where my videos could help thousands of people finally be able to live their lives confidently. It’s truly rewarding. But I just hate the socializing.

“Okay.. if you say so. I’ll come with you tonight, so don’t worry too much.” Tiara said. “And you might need to go home now, the glam team are on their way with our clothes.”

“Okay, okay see ya.”

Tiara ended the call just right in time when my bag was packed. “Here you go, Ms.Y/L/N.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Hey, hun!” Tiara hugged me as soon as I entered the living room. “I’ve been waiting for the glam team to get here!.”

I dropped my shopping bag on the sofa, made a beeline for the kitchen to grab some water. “T, remind me again which brand’s dinner tonight? I totally blanked.”

“It’s Tumi, I told you last night!”

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t read your text. I was on call, remember?”

“My bad.” Tiara replied sheepishly.

I was sipping a cup of cold water when she suddenly jumped from the sofa and ran to me with her phone. “Dude!”

I nearly choked at the sudden movement, “What?”

She tapped the screen. It was a video posted on Instagram—someone walking through our local airport. I didn’t recognize the person, but the location was unmistakable. “It’s Lando Norris’ PR manager’s account, she’s in town!”

“So?”

“It’s the Tumi dinner, Y/N. And Lando’s their brand ambassador. Connect the dots.”

I tried to play it cool. “Okay… but there’s no guarantee he’s actually here. Maybe his PR manager is just visiting a family or—”

I stared at her, trying to keep my expression neutral. On the inside? Chaos. An emotional arrhythmia.

“Actually.. whatever,” she said. "You don’t even like McLaren."

She pretended to dismiss it, but I knew from that teasing glimmer in her eyes, she was testing me for a reaction.

“I don’t,” I said too quickly. “I’m a Mercedes girl through and through.”

Tiara raised a brow. “Mmhmm. So all that scrolling through Lando’s tagged photos last week was what? Research?”

I glared at her over the rim of my water bottle. “I was just scrolling.”

My heart skipped a beat. Lando Norris. In my city. Possibly at the same event I was going to tonight? No. Way.

I got into Formula 1 totally by accident. Second year of med school, drowning in anatomy flashcards, and just needed some background noise to help me went through a 12 hours study session. Turns out, 20 cars flying around a circuit at 300 km/h is terrible for concentration, but amazing for falling headfirst into a new obsession. I was a Mercedes girl from day one, how could I not be? The dominance, the strategy, Lewis Hamilton basically operating like a brain surgeon at 200 mph (still upset Lewis is not in mercedes anymore). It all felt like the F1 version of a perfectly run OR.

But then there was Lando. Ugh, Lando Norris. With that stupid charming smile, the chaotic overtakes, and somehow always looking like he was having the time of his life even when everything was falling apart. I told everyone he wasn’t my favorite—because technically, he wasn’t. But the way my phone just magically ended up on his Instagram? The way my chest did this tiny, traitorous flutter every time he popped up on screen? Yeah. I might be a Mercedes girl… but Lando Norris was my favorite guilty pleasure. Not that I’d ever admit that out loud.

The doorbell rang just as I took my last sip of water.

“They’re here!” Tiara called, already sprinting toward the door like she’d been waiting all day for this. To be fair, she probably had.

The glam team—two makeup artists, a hairstylist, and a stylist with a rack of options —walked in like a well-oiled machine. I stepped aside, already familiar with their routine as I’d worked with some of them for campaigns before. Still, there was something surreal about shifting gears from hospital scrubs to high fashion in a single afternoon.

“Y/N, you’re up first,” Layla, my go-to MUA, called. “We’ve got exactly ninety minutes before you need to be out the door.”

I took one last look at my phone—no new messages, no calls from the hospital—then headed to the vanity they had set up in our spare room. Ring lights were already glowing, mirrors prepped, and my tailored ivory suit was hanging on the back of the door like a promise.

Layla started with skin prep. “So… are we going full ‘Vogue spread’ or soft glam tonight?”

I grinned. “Let’s do a little of both. I need to look like I didn’t just survive two back-to-back 12-hour shifts.”

“You mean you did survive two back-to-back shifts,” she corrected. “And still look like this? Girl, you’re not human.”

As she worked, I opened my notes app, checking off content tasks for the night. BTS video with glam team, a flatlay with Tumi bag, perfume, invite, and some dinner clips.

“Close your eyes,” Layla said, holding my face like she was sculpting a masterpiece. “And stop fidgeting, you’re gonna ruin my liner.”

“I’m not fidgeting,” I muttered, then immediately bounced my knee again.

Tiara, lounging nearby in a silk robe, snorted. “You’ve been twitchy ever since I showed you that video. Just admit it—you’re hoping Lando shows up tonight.”

“I am not,” I said, very convincingly for someone clutching their phone like it might spontaneously generate a guest list.

“Uh-huh.” Tiara replied, very, very unconvinced.

Layla stepped back to admire her work. “So who’s this Lando guy? Boyfriend?”

I choked on absolutely nothing. “God, no. He’s just… a F1 driver. For McLaren.”

“The guy with the curls?” she asked, already picking up a highlighter. “You’re blushing.”

“No I’m not!”

“You are,” Tiara grinned. “And he’s not even here yet.”

I flopped back in the chair with a dramatic sigh. “Okay, look. I’m a Mercedes fan.”

“But,” Tiara added, holding back a smirk, “every time Lando Norris so much as breathes near a camera, you suddenly forget all that.”

“Because he’s annoyingly charming, okay?” I grumbled. “Like, smile-too-big-for-his-face, funny, chaos. He’s not even my type, and yet…”

“And yet you practically rewinded that one post-race interview five times last weekend.”

“It was four times,” I corrected, deadpan. “And for research.”

Layla was laughing now. “I love this.”

I groaned and reached for my water. “If he is at this dinner, I’m acting normal. Cool. Unbothered.”

Tiara raised a brow. “So you’re saying I shouldn’t mention that you once did a soft-glam look inspired by his helmet colors?”

“That’s not what that was and you know it,” I muttered, cheeks warming again.

An hour later, my face was done, hair in soft brushed waves, lashes fluttering like they had their own agenda. I slipped into my suit, a tailored ivory double-breasted blazer, cinched subtly at the waist paired with high-waisted straight-leg trousers, and clasped my minimalist gold jewelry in front of the mirror. A camera was already rolling on my phone stand, where I filmed a quick GRWM.

Tiara peeked in, already in a burgundy satin number that matched her lipstick. “Girl. You look like a sponsor’s dream.”

“You mean like I didn’t fall asleep updating patient charts at 3 a.m.?” I teased.

“Exactly. No one needs to know you scrubbed in for an aortic dissection case just 20 hours ago. Tonight, you’re a fashion girl. An it-girl.”

I grabbed my bag—Tumi, of course—and exhaled slowly.

Tonight wasn’t about fan moments or nerves. It was a brand dinner. A networking opportunity. A chance to show I could walk the line between saving lives and owning the room. But still… I mentally added one last note to my checklist. Do not fangirl over Lando Norris. (Not even if he smiles first).

The venue was pure understated luxury—low lighting, tall glass walls, a carefully curated crowd of editors, influencers, stylists, and just enough corporate energy to remind you this was a brand event. Soft ambient music played beneath the buzz of champagne flutes and soft laughter, and the Tumi logo gleamed on every backdrop and branded cocktail napkin.

Tiara and I stepped out of the car like we belonged there—because we did. Dressed to impress, camera-ready, brand-aligned. We'd done this a hundred times before, but tonight had a different edge to it. A buzz beneath my skin that had nothing to do with the event.

Inside, I slid into autopilot. I greeted a senior fashion editor I’d worked with on a shoot last fall, exchanged hugs with a couple of other creators I only ever saw at events like this, and smiled graciously as I answered the same questions I always got: “How do you manage being a doctor and an influencer?” and “Do you even sleep?”

“Not really,” I said with a laugh that was half-true. “But I schedule naps like I schedule rounds.”

The brand rep gave a toast, thanking us all for coming, and Tiara raised her glass in my direction with a wink. “You’re killing it tonight,” she whispered. “You’ve barely looked around for him.”

“Because I’m focused,” I said, sipping my drink. “And I’m sure he’s not even here.”

Which, of course, was when the energy in the room shifted.

You know that moment at events when someone important walks in? The air changes. Heads turn subtly but unmistakably. I followed a few glances out of pure curiosity, and there he was—Lando Norris, walking in like he didn’t just cause a ripple through the entire guest list.

He wasn’t doing anything remarkable. Just smiling politely, standing next to someone from the brand team, wearing a crisp black suit and his usual easy charm like it wasn’t completely illegal. I looked away immediately. I had to. If I kept looking, I’d get caught. And if I got caught, I’d blush. And if I blushed, Tiara would never let me live it down.

Instead, I buried myself in networking. More smiles, more polite conversations. I posed for a few photos in front of the Tumi wall, dropped my IG handle in a PR manager’s phone, and made a mental note to post a story later. But even as the night carried on and the music got louder, I couldn’t shake that feeling. That he was here. In the same room. Breathing the same air. Probably not even knowing I existed.

After a while, the room started to feel a little too warm, the mingling a little too rehearsed. My heels were still fine—thankfully—but my social battery? Not so much.

“I’m stepping out for air,” I murmured to Tiara, who gave me a thumbs-up without missing a beat in her conversation.

I found a side door that led to a quieter courtyard terrace, where the sounds of the party dulled into the background. The night air was cool against my skin, and I inhaled deeply, letting my shoulders drop. Out here, I could finally breathe.

I leaned against the railing, phone in hand, debating whether to scroll or just enjoy the moment. Then I heard footsteps behind me. I didn’t turn around at first—plenty of people needed a break from the party. It wasn’t unusual.

But then a voice spoke, low and British, too familiar and real, I nearly dropped my phone.

“Didn’t expect anyone else out here,” he said. Casual. Kind of amused. “Bit loud in there, huh?”

I turned slowly, carefully schooling my expression.

There he was. In the dim courtyard light. Just him and me.

Lando Norris.

“Oh—yeah,” I said, praying my voice didn’t crack. “Needed to escape the networking gauntlet.”

He smiled. “You too, huh? I’ve shaken so many hands I’m pretty sure I’ve lost circulation.”

I laughed—because what else was I supposed to do? “Occupational hazard.”

He stepped closer, just enough to close the awkward distance but not enough to make it weird. “I’m Lando, by the way,” he said, extending a hand.

“I know,” I replied before I could stop myself.

His smile widened just a little, amused. “Right. Guess I walked into that one.”

I shook his hand, keeping my face neutral. “Y/N.”

His brow lifted a little, like he was trying to place me. “Nice to meet you. Are you with the brand?”

“Sort of. I’m a part time fashion and lifestyle content creator,” I said, pausing just long enough before adding, “And also a part time cardiothoracic surgery resident.”

His eyes widened slightly. “Seriously? That’s intense.”

“Tell me about it,” I smirked. “Between 12-hour shifts and flatlays, I barely have time to breathe.”

He laughed, and it was genuine. Warm.

“I don’t think I’ve met a doctor-influencer before.”

“I’m a niche market.”

We stood in a moment of comfortable quiet, and I felt the strangest thing—calm. Maybe because there was no audience out here. No flashes, no glances. Just two people who had unknowingly been orbiting each other from entirely different worlds.

“You know,” he said, breaking the silence, “it’s kind of refreshing meeting someone who didn’t immediately want a selfie.”

I smiled, folding my arms. “I mean, the night’s still young.”

He laughed again, eyes glinting. “Fair enough.”

The quiet hum of the city wrapped around us as the noise from inside faded further into the background. Lando leaned lightly against the stone railing, arms relaxed, suit jacket open like he wasn’t just the reason half the event was losing their minds.

“You’re really a cardiology resident?” he asked after a pause, like he still couldn’t believe it.

“Cardiothoracic surgery, we uh, basically do surgery on people’s hearts.” I corrected him. “It’s my third year. It’s intense, but I love it.”

“That’s mad,” he said, eyes wide with genuine awe. “I can’t imagine having people’s actual hearts in your hands. Literally.”

“Well, not literally every day,” I said with a laugh.

“And you do content on top of that?”

“I never really planned to,” I admitted. “It started with me posting outfit pics during call nights to stay sane. Somehow, it blew up.”

He leaned back against the railing beside me, just close enough that I could feel his presence without it overwhelming the moment. “Must be intense.”

“It is,” I said softly. “But I like it that way.”

There was something curious in his expression. Not flirty. Not flashy. Just… intrigued. We stood in silence again, the kind that doesn’t need explaining. The kind that feels a little too comfortable for strangers.

“You into F1?” he asked after a while, almost cautiously.

I gave him a slow, measured look. “Oh, I follow.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s just say I know the difference between understeer and tire deg.”

His brows lifted, impressed. “Well, alright, doctor.”

“I’ve been watching for a few years,” I added.

“Let me guess,” he said, eyes narrowing in playful suspicion. “Ferrari fan?”

“I’m a Mercedes fan.”

That made him laugh again, louder this time. “Ouch.”

Another beat of quiet passed, and this one lingered. I could feel it settling in the space between us—the unspoken curiosity. He didn’t know who I was—not the girl who posted race-day looks, not the one who debated tire strategy in the close friend’s story, not the one who pretended not to notice him every time he appeared on her screen. And yet, standing here with him, I felt seen in a way that had nothing to do with recognition.

“It's weird,” I said quietly, “how the sport changes on you.”

Lando looked over, his profile soft in the terrace light. “What do you mean?”

I ran a finger along the edge of my glass, tracing nothing. “I started rooting for Mercedes because of Lewis Hamilton. Not because they were winning—well, maybe at first. But more because of him. The way he carried himself. Composed. Relentless. Loud in the ways that mattered and quiet in the ways that didn’t. He made the whole thing feel like art.”

Lando didn’t speak. He listened, eyes steady.

“I think I needed someone like that back then,” I continued. “During med school, when everything felt like it was falling apart, there was this guy out there, making every race look like poetry and still showing up for more than just himself. He was… I don’t know. Constant.”

“You said was,” Lando said softly.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

A silence stretched again, thicker this time.

“When he announced he was leaving for Ferrari…” I paused, exhaling slowly. “I felt like the ground shifted.”

Lando’s expression didn’t change, but there was something thoughtful in it. “Everyone’s still adjusting.”

“Sure. But for me, it wasn’t just a driver changing teams. It was like the foundation cracked.” I looked up at him. “You spend so long tying yourself to one thing—one team, one identity—and then suddenly it changes. And you’re just… left figuring out who you are without it.”

He was quiet for a moment. “That’s heavy.”

I gave a small, sheepish smile. “Sorry. That was a little too existential for a brand dinner.”

“No,” he said quickly, gently. “I get it.”

“Do you?” I asked, unsure if I was pushing.

He shrugged, gaze slipping back out toward the skyline. “You think being a driver means you get to choose who you are in all this. But sometimes… you’re just trying to keep up with who everyone thinks you should be. Sometimes you don't even know who you're racing for anymore. Yourself? The team? The headlines?”

That surprised me—how quietly he said it. How real it sounded.

“I guess we’re all just trying to hang on to what makes us feel like ourselves,” I said.

He looked at me again. “And what’s that for you?”

I hesitated. The question was too sharp and too soft at once.

“Honestly?” I said finally. “Right now… maybe standing out here, talking to someone who sees the chaos from the other side.”

His lips curved into a faint smile. “You don’t seem like someone who likes chaos.”

“I don’t,” I said.

He looked at me—not like someone just trying to place me, but like someone trying to understand the shape of me.

“You ever think of switching teams?” he asked, his voice lighter now, teasing.

I laughed softly. “Lando Norris trying to recruit me to McLaren?”

He smirked. “No harm in asking.”

“Let’s just say… I’m open to change.”

And this time, the silence that followed didn’t need to be filled at all.

I took another sip of my drink, letting the quiet wrap around us again. Lando glanced at his phone—not in a rude way, more like he’d just remembered where he was, who he was supposed to be. The smile that had rested so easily on his lips began to slip back into something more practiced.

“I should probably head back in,” he said, quietly.

I nodded. “Of course. You’ve got a room full of people to... charm.”

He smiled at that, but it didn’t reach his eyes the same way it had before. He took a slow step back, then paused. Like he wanted to say something else but wasn’t sure if he should.

Instead, he simply said, “It was really good meeting you, Y/N.”

My name sounded different coming from him. Softer. Like he’d memorized the shape of it just in case.

“You too,” I said, more gently than I meant to. “Thanks for the… quiet.”

He hesitated, just for a breath, then gave me one final look. A glance that felt like a question left unanswered. And then he turned and walked back into the golden light of the terrace doors, swallowed by the noise, the cameras, the curated chaos. I stayed out there a little longer, letting the night press gently against my skin, the city stretching quiet around me. There was no music now. Just memory.

No glowing terrace lights, no shared silence, no subtle look across the railing like we’d both seen something in each other we weren’t ready to name. Just the sterile buzz of fluorescent lights. A surgical mask pressed to my face. And the weight of clipped, focused voices calling out vital stats over the beep of monitors. If last night hadn’t been etched into my mind like a strange, golden dream, I’d almost believe it didn’t happen.

The thing about being a CT resident is, it doesn’t care about who you talked to the night before. It doesn’t wait for you to process anything. You scrub in, focus up, and hold a human heart in your hands like it’s the only thing that matters. Because it is.

Rounds were brutal that morning. Two back-to-back valve replacements, one trauma case that rolled in unexpectedly at 4 a.m., and an attending who seemed personally offended by anyone who’d gotten more than three hours of sleep. I moved on autopilot. Efficient. Precise. Calm.

But every now and then, during a lull—when I checked a vitals screen or scrubbing my hands for the next case—my mind drifted.

"It was really good meeting you, Y/N." "You too. Thanks for the… quiet."

I hadn’t followed him. Not after that night. Not even when I’d seen tagged photos pop up from the event, his name trending again that weekend. It felt too fragile to touch. Like acknowledging it publicly would make the memory evaporate.

Exactly two months later, I was in Rome.

I’d flown in for an international cardiothoracic seminar I never imagined I’d get selected for, let alone present at. It had taken weeks of prepping slides, coordinating surgical footage, polishing up every word of my case report until it sang.

And somehow, it worked. My name was called. My report was named the best presentation of the entire conference. Applause rang out in that massive, echoing hall. My mentor squeezed my shoulder. My hands, usually so steady in an OR, trembled slightly as I accepted the plaque.

Later, in the hotel room, I propped my phone against a lamp and snapped a photo—the plaque tucked in my lap, still in my formal outfit, dark circles under my eyes, but glowing. Proud. Real. I posted it to Instagram along with a snippet of video my fellow resident took of me while i was presenting my case report on stage with a caption that didn’t overthink it.

Today was loud in all the right ways. Grateful to be doing what I love, even when I forget to sleep.🫀🇮🇹✨ #CTSurgery #WomenInMedicine

I closed the app without refreshing it and drifted to my sleep.

The next morning, I opened my phone while waiting for my espresso in the hotel café. Notifications stacked higher than usual. Comments. Story mentions. DMs. My med-following engaged, a few comments from fellow residents, some reposts. A couple of med pages reshared it. Some surgical meme accounts reposted it with the caption “CT Barbie strikes again.”

And then I saw it, that faint heart icon from someone I hadn’t seen on my feed, maybe intentionally avoided, in weeks.

@lando liked your post.

I stared at it for a second longer than necessary.

Then I swiped up. He’d followed me. Not just liked the photo. Followed.

I froze, thumb hovering over the screen. The room suddenly felt too small. I stared at the screen like it had betrayed me. His profile picture, the blue checkmark. That name. There was no message. No comment. Just a like. A quiet digital fingerprint on a life he wasn’t supposed to remember.

And yet… He did.

Or maybe he’d just stumbled across the post by accident. Explore pages were unpredictable. But deep down, I knew better. Something about the timing, the quiet of it, the way it felt—not loud or performative. Just a quiet nod, like he’d looked and thought, there she is.

My heart thudded once, low and solid. And I did the only thing that made sense. I followed him back.

I'd just arrived from Rome last night and the reality of residency had kicked in. The show must go on. The early follow-ups, lab-ordering, rounds with the attendings, and back-to-back heart surgeries. This morning started the way most mornings did—too early, too cold, and with Tiara poking her head into my bedroom like an overly caffeinated storm cloud.

"Did you see it?” she asked.

I groaned, face still buried in my pillow. “If this is about my missed laundry pickup, I already hate myself.”

“No,” she said, sliding onto the edge of my bed, phone in hand. “Lando.”

That woke me up. I lifted my head just enough to see the screen. A clip from a race weekend interview—one of those soft, casual paddock setups, with the usual “rapid fire” questions that drivers either deflect or accidentally get too real with.

The interviewer asked, “Anyone outside of F1 who’s impressed you lately?”

And there he was. Looking thoughtful. A little tired, like they’d caught him between commitments. Lando smiled, soft, crooked, barely there.

“Met someone recently,” he said. “Not from this world. Completely different, actually. But smart. Focused. You can tell when someone’s used to pressure. She… surprised me.”

Tiara turned to me slowly, mouth already open. “Smart, someone used to pressure. Y/N, he’s clearly talking about you.”

I blinked, sitting up. “You don’t know that.”

“Girl, you are the only CT resident he’s had a moonlight chat with on a brand dinner terrace. Just admit it. You are his mysterious ‘not from this world’ girl.”

I didn’t respond. Mostly because part of me wanted it to be true. And the other part was terrified it was.

Hours later, I was back in my actual world—under too bright hospital lights, halfway through rounds, no makeup, hair in a half-frizzed ponytail, scrubs wrinkled from walking around the hospital for too many consults this early morning.

I’d just finished morning notes and slipped outside to grab a coffee from the tiny café around the corner. It wasn’t fancy—just a very good espresso, low noise, and no crowd seen. I had one AirPod in, my tote slung over one shoulder, phone open to patient labs, brain already a dozen miles ahead, partly still thinking about the interview Tiara showed me this morning.

The barista was halfway through ringing me up when I heard it, “Didn’t think you were real until I saw the badge.”

I turned.

There he was. Hoodie. Joggers. Hat pulled low. No PR team. No cameras. Yet, I recognized that smile anywhere.

Lando.

My heart felt like it dropped to the floor. “Shouldn’t you be in Monaco or Milan or… not standing behind me in a hospital café?” I asked, voice low.

He smiled, that same half-smile he wore in the interview clip. “Flight delayed. So I had time to kill and someone on the team recommended this brand. Googled it, and found the nearest one from my hotel. Saw the reviews, said the coffee saves lives.”

“It saves mine,” I said, trying to keep it light.

Then his eyes flicked down to my ID badge. My name. The hospital crest. My scrub top–creased, definitely unglamorous, still faintly coffee-stained from pre-rounds.

“You look different,” he said.

I winced. “Bad different?”

“No.” He shook his head, like the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. “Just… real. Like this is your grid.”

I laughed, cheeks warm. “You mean exhausted and slightly overwhelmed?”

“Yeah,” he said, grinning. “But also confident. Focused.”

My coffee came up. I reached for it, trying not to let my hand shake.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” I admitted, voice lower now.

“Same,” he said. We stood there for a moment in that weird, suspended quiet—the kind of quiet that happens when something’s shifting and neither of you wants to be the first to name it.

Finally, he reached for his coffee, then nodded toward the door. “You have time to sit?”

I glanced at the clock. Twenty-five minutes until my next consult. Not long. Not nearly enough. But I nodded. “Yeah. A few.”

He smiled, “Then let’s sit in your world for a bit.”

We slipped into a corner table near the window, tiny, wobbly, barely enough space for two coffees and the weight of whatever this was between us. I set my drink down, unwrapped the corner of a protein bar, and leaned back in my chair, trying to play it cool despite the fact that I was sitting across from Lando Norris in scrubs and no lipstick.

He didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he kept looking at me like this was the version of me he’d been trying to find since that night on the terrace.

“Do you always start your mornings like this?” he asked, glancing around the small café.

“More or less. Surgery, caffeine, maybe a protein bar if I remember I’m a human with needs.”

He smirked. “And yet somehow you still look like you belong in a magazine.”

I gave him a look. “This?” I motioned to myself. “This is the opposite of Vogue.”

He shook his head, smiling behind his cup. “Still. There’s something about the way you carry all of it. Like… you know exactly where you’re going. Even when you’re sleep-deprived.”

I took a sip of my coffee, avoiding his eyes, those green eyes, for a beat. It was flattering. But also disarming.

“So,” I said finally, setting my cup down. “That interview.”

He didn’t flinch, but I could tell by the way his thumb tapped the side of his drink that he knew exactly what I meant.

“Tiara, my best friend and manager, woke me up at 5 am showing me the clip ,” I added. “She was convinced you were talking about me.”

He met my eyes then. “Was she wrong?”

I held his gaze, let the silence stretch.

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I think if it wasn’t me, you’re either dating a pilot or having deep talks with your Uber drivers.”

Lando laughed. That warm, unguarded kind of laugh that made his eyes squint. “Fair.”

There was a beat. Then he said, more seriously, “It was you.”

I watched him for a moment—this person who lived in a world of constant spotlight and chaos, now sitting across from me in a quiet café like we did this all the time.

“You didn’t have to say that,” I said.

“I know.”

“So why did you?”

He leaned back slightly, shoulders relaxed, tone softer. “Because when we talked that night, it stuck with me. You weren’t trying to impress anyone. You weren’t performing. You just… were.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And that impressed you?”

He nodded. “Yeah. A lot more than people pretending to have it all figured out.”

There was something deeply sincere about the way he said it. Like it wasn’t part of a game. Like he didn’t want anything from me except the truth.

“So,” he added after a moment, “what did you think? About what I said.”

I considered that for a long second.

“I think… I’ve spent so much of my life trying to prove I belong in this field. In the OR, on the rotation list, on conference stages. And somewhere along the way, I forgot that it’s okay to let people see me outside of that, in all the mess and exhaustion and…” I gestured to my coffee, my tired eyes, my stained scrubs. “This.”

He smiled again, more tender this time. “I don’t think it’s mess. I think it’s real. That’s rare.”

“Especially in your world,” I said.

He nodded. “That’s why yours stood out.”

I looked down at the sleeve of my coffee cup. The moment felt full — not rushed, not loud, but weighted. And honest.

He glanced out the window, then back at me. “And you?”

“What about me?”

“Did I make it into any interviews?”

I gave a soft laugh. “Not yet. I’ve been a little busy doing heart surgery and accidentally going viral.”

His grin returned. “Right. The case report win.”

I paused. “Oh, you saw that?”

“Of course,” he said, sipping his coffee like it was obvious. “It popped up on my explore page, and then suddenly your name was everywhere. Reposts, medical blogs, even a ‘Hot Doctors of Instagram’ list, which—by the way—terrible photo crop.”

I flushed. “You did a deep dive?”

He grinned. “A shallow scroll. But yeah, I saw it. That was impressive.”

I softened. “Thanks. That case meant a lot to me. The kid we operated on was thirteen. Rare congenital defect. She’s doing well.”

Lando didn’t joke or deflect. Just gave a small nod, like he was processing more than he let on. “That’s a lot to hold.”

“It is,” I said quietly, almost to myself. “But it’s the weight I signed up for.”

He leaned back slightly, swirling the coffee in his cup. “Kind of wild, isn't it?”

“What is?”

“That people trust you with all that,” he said, glancing at me over the rim of his cup, casual on the surface but something else flickering underneath. “Like...you just show up and do it.”

I tilted my head. “I could say the same about you.”

“Eh,” he smirked. “I get help from a fast car and a very good team.”

“And I get help from caffeine and very good fellow residents and very experienced attendings.”

He laughed—low, easy. “You know, I wasn’t sure what I’d find when I saw you again. But scrubs? Kind of iconic.”

“Iconic?” I raised a brow.

“Yeah,” he said, half-shrugging. “Honestly? You might pull them off better than I do my race suit.”

I gave him a look. “That’s a bold statement.”

He leaned in just slightly, grinning. “Terrifying for my ego, really.”

I laughed, shaking my head. The kind of laugh that slipped out before I could catch it. Then, quieter, I added, “I didn’t think I’d see you again, either.”

He didn’t answer right away. Just met my eyes, something unreadable there. Then he said, lightly, “Yeah. Thought you’d disappear back into the OR and never look back.”

“Almost did.”

His smile was crooked now. “Guess I got lucky.”

The silence between us stretched, calm and unhurried. It felt like we were both aware of something hanging just out of reach—but neither of us wanted to pull it down too fast.

Then the sharp buzz of my pager inside my tote bag cut through it. I glanced down. “Consult in fifteen.”

He stood with me, brushing his hand through his hair. “Back to real life, huh?”

I nodded, slipping my phone into my coat pocket. “Always.”

As I reached for the door, he followed a few steps behind, then spoke, easy, offhand, like he wasn’t sure if he meant it as an invitation or just a thought said aloud.

“If you ever feel like stepping out of this world for a bit…” A pause. “I know one with slightly worse coffee. And way more noise.”

I turned, a smile already forming. “That your way of offering a paddock pass?”

He shrugged, all mock innocence. “Could be. Could also just be coffee. Somewhere quieter. No pagers allowed.”

I looked at him for a moment, really looked. The way he wore calm like armor. The way his grin never quite gave away everything he was thinking.

“I’ll think about it,” I said.

“Fair enough.”

I stepped out into the hallway, coffee in one hand and my pager buzzing in the other, still half-processing what had just happened. I hadn’t expected to see Lando again—especially not here, in the middle of my chaotic, unfiltered reality. But there he was, showing up in a space that wasn’t curated or polished, and somehow that made it mean more. I felt an unexpected sense of relief. He’d seen me exactly as I was—tired, wrinkled scrubs, zero glamour—and he hadn’t flinched. No cameras, no performance, just a quiet kind of presence that lingered even after he was gone. And in that moment, it felt more intimate than anything that came with spotlights.

The DMs started sporadically. A reaction here. A comment there. A joke about terrible coffee or the chaos of hospital vending machines. Nothing serious. Nothing obvious.

But it became a rhythm.

When I posted a photo of the CT team post-surgery, hair tied back, mask line still faint on my cheeks, Lando replied to my DM.

@lando : can’t tell if this is a flex or a cry for help.

@you: it’s both. we survived three surgeries and one cafeteria meatloaf.

@lando: that’s championship-level endurance.

When Lando posted a mid-week race prep selfie, helmet tucked under his arm, eyes serious, I replied:

@you: that face says “I’m pretending to listen to strategy notes.”

@lando: you’d be correct.

@you: you need flashcards.

@lando: you offering to tutor?

The pace was easy. Undemanding. And somehow, it became routine.

I’d find myself checking my phone after long cases, smiling at his messages without thinking. He’d send voice notes at odd hours. One while waiting on a delayed flight, another from the driver’s room after a rainy quali. Sometimes I responded with text, sometimes a photo of me half-asleep with a post-it on my forehead that said "Charting. Mentally gone."

Still, neither of us named whatever this was.

Until one night, two months after our coffee. I posted a selfie on my Story—legs kicked up on couch, pizza in hand, hair loose for once, and the caption “First day of annual leave: achieved.”

Less than a minute later, his name popped up.

@lando: Wait, you’re finally off? Like, not going to crack open a sternum tomorrow?

@you: Wild, I know. Two weeks. Already forgetting how to hold a scalpel.

@lando: So you’re saying there’s a window where you’re not tied to a hospital?

@you: Technically yes. Why? Need heart surgery?

@lando: Not today. But... there’s a race next weekend. Silverstone. Home turf.

@you: I know. I watch F1 even when I'm in my on-call room.

@lando: Then maybe… @lando: Come watch it from this side of the fence?

I blinked at the screen. Read it twice. Then once more.

@you: You inviting me?

@lando: I mean… yeah. @lando: I’d like you there. @lando: No fireproof or scrubs required.

I hesitated—not because i didn’t want to go, but because it suddenly felt real. The kind of invitation that wasn’t just playful DMs or stolen café moments. The kind that made me wonder what this was becoming.

@you: I’ll think about it.

@lando: I figured you’d say that. @lando: So I already told my team you might say yes.

I rolled my eyes.

@you: Arrogant.

@lando: Confident.

And just beneath that message, a second one popped up:

@lando: Would be good to see you again, Y/N. @lando: Off the grid, but maybe not so off-limits this time.

The inside of the McLaren hospitality suite felt like walking into a universe that ran on its own frequency. Sleek, fast-moving, humming with quiet intensity. Engineers moved between rooms, screens blinked with data I didn’t pretend to understand, and everyone wore the same focused expression she recognized from pre-op mornings.

“This is insane,” I whispered, watching someone walk by with three radios clipped to their belt and an iPad tucked under one arm.

Lando glanced at me. “You’re literally training to become a heart surgeon and this is what impresses you?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “My OR doesn’t have telemetry data and tire warmers. You’ve basically built a spaceship garage.”

He grinned, slowing his pace so I could take it in. “Want the grand tour?”

“You mean the one that ends with me somehow accidentally breaking a wing mirror and owing McLaren several million?”

“I’ll keep you away from the carbon fiber,” he promised.

They weaved through corridors, and he showed me where the team debriefs happened, the simulator space, the briefing room I wasn’t technically allowed in—but he still opened the door with a wink.

At some point, a few mechanics passed by and nodded at me with curious smiles. Just as I was admiring a display of past liveries, a familiar voice sounded from behind them. “So you’re the doctor.”

I turned, pulse quick. Oscar Piastri strolled over, wearing his race suit half unzipped and a look that was either neutral or mildly amused, I couldn’t quite tell.

“This is Y/N,” Lando said. “A surgeon. Came to make sure I don’t pass out mid-turn eight.”

I gave Oscar a half-nod, trying to summon cool professionalism but ending up somewhere between a smile and a please don’t notice I’m internally combusting expression. “Cardiothoracic resident,” I clarified. “Not a full surgeon yet.”

“Oh, I know who you are.”

I blinked. “You… do?”

He shrugged, totally unfazed. “Instagram algorithm loves you. My girlfriend showed me a video of your fit checks in the hospital, she said you have energy of a vampire, being a surgeon yet still doing contents. And Lando mentioned you a while back — said you beat five guys in tuxedos at a case report seminar.”

Lando groaned. “Okay, I told that story once.”

“You told it twice,” Oscar replied. Then, to me: “Nice to finally meet the doctor who apparently has better lap time under pressure than Lando on mediums.”

I laughed, maybe a little too hard. “I don’t know about that. I just talk fast when I’m nervous.”

Oscar gave a small, approving nod, then glanced at Lando. “Good luck today.”

And then he was gone.

I turned to Lando. “You told people about me?”

He gave me a lopsided grin. “I might’ve mentioned you in passing.”

“In passing?”

“Very quick passing. Like, turn-two kind of quick.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Uh-huh.”

I was still recovering from that moment when we stepped outside toward the other motorhomes, just as a familiar figure passed by—flanked by cameras and handlers, sleek in a red polo and sunglasses.

Lewis.

Lewis Hamilton.

I barely had time to register the Ferrari logo on his chest before he caught my eye with the briefest flicker of recognition—probably because I was staring like he was the second coming.

“Lewis!” Lando called out to him from the entrance of the hospitality while I’m internally trying hard not to freak out. Lewis walked our way, and Lando gave him a quick nod. “Lewis. This is Y/N, she's a big fan.”

Lewis smiled and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

I shook it, praying my palm wasn’t sweating like a med student on their first day in the OR.

“You’re the surgeon, right?” Lewis asked, casual as anything.

I blinked. “I—uh, yeah. How do you…?”

“Your seminar clip popped up on my feed,” he said. “That case with the congenital defect? Nicely handled. Takes a lot of clarity under pressure.”

I think I blacked out for a second. I didn’t expect that instagram post of mine was this.. viral.

“Thanks,” I managed, heart thudding. “That… means a lot. You were the reason I started watching Formula 1, actually.”

Lewis smiled—wide and warm and humble. “That’s good to hear. Maybe next time we'll chat more. So nice to meet you. Sorry—gotta run. Team debrief.” He gestured vaguely toward the scarlet motorhome behind him.

“No worries,” I said, heart thudding in my chest like an over-caffeinated metronome. “Big fan. Of everything.”

He gave a small laugh, already turning away. “Stay out of the heat.”

And then he was gone.

Once Lewis walked off and the initial shock wore off just enough for me to start breathing like a normal human being, I turned to Lando, completely dazed.

“I just shook hands with Lewis Hamilton,” I whispered.

“You did,” he said, smug.

“And he complimented my case report,” I added.

“He did.”

"He looked pretty good in red,"

Lando sneered at me, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

“I’m going to sit down before I faint.”

He laughed softly and nudged his head toward a quieter spot behind the hospitality suite—a small bench overlooking the back part of the paddock, away from the main media flow. “Come on. Take a pit stop.”

We sat in a kind of bubble—close enough to hear the background hum of crew radios and tire warmers, but just far enough that no one was really paying attention to us. For a minute, neither of us said anything.

I sipped a cup of coffee someone had pressed into my hand without me noticing. My palms were still a little clammy. “I still can’t believe you invited me,” I said finally, voice low.

He glanced over, one arm slung across the back of the bench. “Why not?”

I shrugged, eyes still fixed ahead. “You didn’t have to.”

“Exactly why I did.”

I turned to look at him, surprised by the honesty in his tone.

“You looked like you needed air that night,” he added, more lightly. “And now here you are, inhaling brake dust and I've warned you, our coffee here isn't the best.”

I laughed under my breath. “It’s a weird kind of paradise.”

“You get used to it,” he said. “But I figured if you were going to take a break from your world, it should be somewhere that doesn’t ask anything from you.”

My throat caught, just a little. It wasn’t a big gesture. Not loud. Not grand. But in a life where everything had been so rigidly scheduled, measured, timed to the minute—this, whatever it was, felt like a pause I hadn’t realized I needed.

The sky hung low and heavy, a deep silver stretched across the horizon. The kind of rain only Silverstone knows how to summon. The air was thick with the scent of wet asphalt and electricity, every heartbeat around me syncing to the growl of engines waiting to be unleashed. I stood just beyond the garage, headset idle in my hand, watching the grid form beneath the mist. Max at the front. Oscar beside him. And Lando, third, just as he said he would be. His home race, and he was right in the thick of it.

The downpour came like a curtain, sudden and unrelenting. Rain turned the track into a mirror, reflecting the blinking start lights above like tiny stars trembling in water. Everything blurred, the outlines of helmets, the streaks of color, the boundary between nerves and awe. I gripped the headset tighter, though I had no role to play. I was just there to feel it. And God, I felt everything.

The lights went out, and the cars surged forward like unleashed storms. Max took the early lead, but Oscar moved like a blade through water, slipping ahead with calculated grace. And then Lando, steady, patiently found his moment. A sharp breath caught in my throat as he swept into second, fluid and fearless. My chest swelled with something too big for words.

The storm thickened. The safety car was called. Pit crews danced in the chaos, tires changed with choreography that defied the rain. Lando held his ground. Oscar widened his lead, until a penalty rewrote the script, and suddenly, Lando was first.

The final laps blurred into something dreamlike. Raindrops hit the tarmac like applause. Every corner felt like it could tilt the world. I didn’t know I was holding my breath until I saw the flag, that checkered promise slicing through the storm.

Lando had won. He won the British Grand Prix, his home race.

The crowd roared, but I could barely hear it over the wild beat of my own heart. McLaren spilled into the pit lane, arms raised, faces soaked in rain and joy. Confetti tangled with droplets in the air, a strange kind of magic. I leaned back against the cold wall, still trembling from it all—the tension, the beauty, the impossible victory that felt so utterly right.

This wasn’t just the race I had always dreamed of attending. It was his moment. And somehow, impossibly, I had been there to see it from the inside.

Parc Fermé was an electric blur.

Rain still misted down like it hadn’t gotten the memo that the race was over, and yet no one cared. Crew members were yelling, hugging, crying, soaked through and grinning like fools. Cameras surged toward the cars and the winning driver, Lando, helmet off, hair damp and curling at the edges, absolutely radiant with disbelief.

I hovered near the back of the McLaren crowd, not wanting to intrude. My heart was still racing, as if I’d driven the last fifteen laps myself. I’d screamed into the headset so hard during the final overtakes I was surprised I hadn’t broken it.

He climbed out of the car slowly, like it took a moment for his brain to catch up to what had just happened. He tore off his gloves, tossed them aside, and let the cheers wash over him.

And then—he turned. Not to the cameras. Not to the reporters. But to someone just outside the barrier. His mother.

I recognized her immediately. He’d posted about her once—on Mother’s Day, I think—and the resemblance was undeniable. Her expression was nothing short of overwhelming joy, pride etched in every line of her face as she leaned over the barrier to wrap her arms around him.

He melted into her hug like a kid again, helmet pressed against her shoulder. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, not with all the chaos around us, but I saw him nod, saw his hand squeeze hers, saw her brush a damp strand of hair from his forehead before pulling back with a teary smile.

He laughed, and then turned back into the swirl of the crowd.And that’s when his eyes found me.

I was still half-hidden behind a line of engineers, hands shoved in my coat pockets, trying not to look like I’d just lived through a spiritual experience. But when our eyes met, the noise seemed to dim. He didn’t hesitate. Just started walking toward me, like everything else could wait. And as he got closer, I noticed it—the glint in his eyes that wasn’t just adrenaline or victory. It was something softer. Calmer.

“Hi,” he said, just above the noise, still slightly breathless.

“Hi,” I replied, blinking rain out of my lashes. “Nice little drive.”

He huffed a laugh, cheeks flushed from effort and cold. “Could’ve been worse.”

“You made Verstappen look slow.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” he teased, but his smile faltered a little—turned thoughtful. “I kept wondering… if you’d stayed through the whole thing.”

I tilted my head. “I wasn’t going to miss your first home win.”

His mouth twitched. “Wasn’t sure if it’d ever happen, to be honest.”

“Well,” I said, stepping a little closer, “you made history. In the rain. At Silverstone.”

The moment held—not loud, not dramatic. Just full.

And when he finally pulled me into a damp, exhausted, elated hug, I realized I didn’t care about the cameras or the cold or how wild this all was. Because I was here. And so was he.

The crowd roared as Lando stepped onto the top step of the podium, rain still falling in that classic Silverstone drizzle—light but ever-present, like the British weather was weeping with pride.

I stood off to the side with the team, tucked under a sea of orange jackets and champagne-soaked flags. The cheers were deafening, but my smile felt louder. He looked up as the anthem played, face tilted toward the sky, big smile etched to his face. His name echoed through the speakers, through the grandstands, through my chest.

“First time?” a voice said beside me, light and amused.

I turned—and froze.

His mother.

She had the same warmth in her eyes as her son, the same wry half-smile, like she already knew something you didn’t. She was dressed casually but elegant, rain mist clinging to her curls, and she was watching the podium like her heart was right up there with him.

“I—uh, yes,” I said, suddenly self-conscious. “To the Grand Prix. Not… not life.”

She chuckled. “You’re Y/N, right?”

My brain short-circuited. “He… mentioned me?”

She gave me a knowing look. “He doesn’t shut up, actually.”

That made me laugh—genuinely. The tension in my shoulders slipped just a little.

“I’m—sorry,” I said, holding out a damp hand. “I should’ve introduced myself earlier. I didn’t want to—well, it’s his moment.”

“It still is,” she said kindly, shaking my hand. “And you’re part of it, aren’t you?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. But I smiled, and I hoped it said enough. We stood there together, watching him raise the trophy over his head like it weighed nothing, the crowd roaring his name. And for the first time since arriving, I didn’t feel like I was intruding. I felt like I belonged.

I woke up to over two hundred unread notifications, a slightly damp McLaren hoodie draped over the armchair, and the distinct post-race high that hadn’t quite worn off. The silence in the room felt unnatural after the roar of Silverstone the day before, like my body was still waiting for another engine to rev, another crowd to scream. My phone buzzed again. Probably the seventh time since I opened my eyes.

And then it rang.

Tiara. FaceTime. Of course.

I answered without thinking, still rubbing sleep from my eyes.

Her face filled the screen immediately—wide-eyed, fully dressed, holding a smoothie she clearly wasn’t drinking.

“Don’t even try to pretend nothing happened,” she snapped. “You—you—are in a full-on F1 fanfic and didn’t tell me?!”

“I literally texted you ‘I survived’ at midnight.”

“You survived a victory hug from Lando Norris that’s now a trending GIF on Twitter,” she deadpanned. “You think I’m talking about your survival?”

I groaned, rolling onto my back. “It wasn’t a hug-hug. It was just… we were both soaked. Emotional. You had to be there.”

“Oh, I was,” she said, tapping her screen. “Courtesy of this HIGH-DEF footage of you two at Parc Fermé. He spotted you across a crowd like some rom-com lead. It’s giving British Golden Retriever sees girl who understands cardiovascular surgery.”

I buried my face in the pillow. “Oh my God.”

Tiara wasn’t done.

“And don’t think I missed the Race Day Fit Check post either. You looked fire, babe. Leather jacket, tailored trousers, white trainers — very off-duty surgeon meets paddock princess. The timeline’s obsessed.”

I sat up finally, switching app to my instagram. She wasn’t lying.

My Instagram post from yesterday was just a simple mirror pic captioned “On leave. Let the engines do the stitching today 🏁🫀” had blown up.

Fashion accounts were reposting it under #OffDutyGridMuse, and I had DMs from people asking for the links to my outfit. Apparently, my second slide—a short video clip of me walking along the McLaren hospitality line, lanyard swaying, hair slicked back, sunnies on—had also hit explore.

But that wasn’t even the main event.

Everywhere I looked, people were posting clips of Lando’s hug. The way his eyes had found me. The fact that, soaked and trembling with adrenaline, he’d walked straight past the cameras to me.

There were side-by-side comparison edits already. Me in my scrubs. Me in McLaren orange. Headlines like:

“Who is Y/N? The CT surgeon-turned-style icon quietly taking over Silverstone.”

“From ORs to Overtakes — Dr. Y/N and Lando’s Rainy Moment Sparks Internet Buzz”

“Lando Norris Celebrates Home Win With Emotional Hug – Not With Teammates, But a Certain Doctor?”

I blinked, still processing.

“Okay,” I mumbled, “this is insane.”

“No, you’re insane for not warning me this was even on the table,” Tiara said. “Also, side note, your smile in that video? That wasn’t your 'friend' smile. That was your ‘I have a pulse because he makes it race’ smile.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

Lando Norris liked your post.

I just stared at the screen, my own OOTD post sitting there—still getting comments, likes ticking upward faster than I could read them—when the notification came through. For a moment, it felt like the online world and my real one had crashed into each other.

And then—a DM came through.

@lando: So... race-day fit rating 10/10 @lando: Surgeon x paddock runway walk? Untouchable. @lando: Also @lando: If you’re not on a plane yet… breakfast?

I smiled. Not the camera kind. The kind that starts behind your ribs and works its way up. Tiara narrowed her eyes at me through the screen. “That’s his name popping up, isn’t it?”

“I have to go,” I said, biting back a grin.

“Oh my god, you’re going.”

“I’m just getting food.”

“With Lando. Norris.”

I didn’t deny it. I just stood up, grabbed my towel before beelining for the bathroom. “Wish me luck.”

Tiara was grinning like she’d manifested this entire storyline herself. “You don’t need luck, babe. You’ve already got pole position.”

The café was small—the kind with handwritten menus, slightly chipped mugs, and windows that fogged easily from the warmth inside. It smelled like espresso and sourdough toast. The only people around were a couple with a toddler in the corner and a server who clearly didn’t care about anyone’s fame level.

Which was, I realized, exactly the point.

Lando was already there when I arrived. Hoodie pulled over damp curls, cap low, eyes on the window like he was still processing the race in slow motion. But when I stepped inside, he looked up and smiled—the kind of smile that wasn’t just reflex.

“You came,” he said.

“I thought about ghosting you,” I teased, pulling off my coat.

“But?”

“But you look like someone who forgets to eat post-victory, so I figured I had to be here.”

“Not wrong,” he muttered, eyes flicking down to the coffee in front of him. “You want something?”

I nodded, and he flagged the server down. When I slid into the seat across from him, he gave me a once-over. “You look different.”

“Better or worse?”

He smiled. “Just… not the grid version of you. It’s nice.”

“Same,” I said, nodding to his hoodie. “No helmet. No microphones. You’re kind of quiet without the noise.”

He laughed into his cup. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s not,” I said. “I like quiet.”

His gaze lingered on me, serious for a beat longer than I expected. Then he reached for the sugar packet and shrugged like he needed to lighten the air.

“I almost missed my press call last night,” he said.

“Why?”

“Kept wondering if I should’ve kissed you.”

I choked on my coffee.

He grinned. “Relax, I didn’t.”

“Obviously.”

“But I thought about it.”

I stared at him, trying not to smile. “Why?”

He leaned back. “Honestly? I don’t know. You were just there. And I’d been in the car for almost two hours and all I could think about was the tumi dinner where I first met you, and the hospital cafe, and how you make a race feel quieter. Like, less... frantic.”

My chest tightened at that — because I knew exactly what he meant. That thing we hadn’t said out loud yet.

“So,” I said softly, “why didn’t you?”

He shrugged again, slower this time. “Didn’t want to make it a moment you’d regret.”

I looked down, tracing the edge of my spoon. “And now?”

He leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Now I’m having breakfast with a girl who slices open hearts for a living and still showed up to Silverstone looking like a Vogue spread.”

“And?”

“And I think I should let her finish her coffee before I consider kissing her again.”

My mouth curved without meaning to. “So considerate.”

He raised a brow. “I’m patient. Also mildly terrified of you.”

“Good.” I gave him a simple smile, despite the butterflies. We sat there, quiet again. But this time, it wasn’t full of tension or nerves. It was steady. Grounded. Like we had time to figure this out.

“I cannot believe I left it,” I muttered for the third time that morning, thumbing uselessly through my camera roll, where I had taken a photo of the last chapter of a book I read like it might magically reappear.

Lando glanced over from the driver’s seat, amused. “Still talking about that book?”

“Yes,” I groaned. “I was two chapters from the end. Two. And it was just getting brutal in the best way.”

He didn’t laugh, but the corner of his mouth pulled. “You sound like you just left your kid at an airport.”

“Close. Except my kid is fictional and probably about to die in the snow.”

He chuckled then, soft and teasing. “Well, we can’t have that.”

I assumed he’d let the conversation drop, but ten minutes later, when we took an exit off the motorway, I realized we weren’t headed back to my hotel.

“Where are we—?”

“You’ll see.”

It wasn’t until he parallel-parked (impressively well, to my surprise), that I looked up and saw it. An old brick storefront tucked between a florist and a bakery. Wooden windows. Worn navy awning. The kind of place you’d miss if you blinked.

Wren Books. Since 1968.

I turned to him slowly. “Did you just bring me to a bookstore?”

He slid his sunglasses onto his cap. “You said you were in pain.”

I blinked. “That was a dramatic exaggeration.”

“Didn’t sound like it.”

The tiny bell above the door jingled as we stepped inside. The air smelled like dust, lavender, and ink. Floor-to-ceiling shelves. Narrow aisles. A rolling ladder I was absolutely going to climb.

“You come here often?” I whispered, like we were in a church.

He nodded. “Sometimes. It’s quiet. No one ever really recognizes me in here. And the old man who runs it thinks F1 is a fancy vacuum brand.”

I laughed under my breath and let my fingertips trail across the spines. Hardcover. Softcover. Gold-foiled titles. A bookshop that made time feel soft and slow. Lando trailed behind me, hands in his pockets, content to let me browse.

It felt strange, in the best way, to be seen like this. Not scrubbed in. Not wearing a pass around my neck. Just… a girl chasing the last two chapters of her story, and a boy who made sure she didn’t have to do it alone.

“Found it,” I breathed, yanking a familiar cover off the shelf like a lifeline. Same edition. Same dog-eared chapter.

Lando appeared behind me, peering over my shoulder. “You gonna finish it right here?”

“Tempting.”

He smiled. “Want a coffee with that?”

“Are you bribing me into reading next to you?”

“Obviously.”

I smirked, holding the book close to my chest. “You really don’t mind doing something this… slow?”

He looked at me, really looked at me, and shrugged. “With you? It doesn’t feel slow.”

The back of the bookstore opened into a little indoor garden, with barely more than three mismatched tables. An elderly barista with faded tattoos slid two mugs across the counter without asking for names—just smiled like she’d already decided we were harmless.

“Didn’t even order,” I whispered, amused.

“They know,” Lando said, taking the seat across from me. “I’m a creature of habit.”

“Let me guess. Black coffee, no sugar?”

“Flat white. Two sugars. Don’t stereotype me.”

I laughed as I settled into the seat beside the window, tucking my knees up and cracking open my book. It felt almost surreal, like I’d stepped out of a sprint and into a still frame. Outside the window, the sky was silver with low clouds. Inside, it was just warm light, soft pages, and the gentle clink of mugs against worn wood.

Lando didn’t pull out his phone. He didn’t even pretend to be checking the time.

Instead, he watched me read for a moment, then leaned back in his chair, arms crossed loosely, like he was content just being there. With me.

“Okay,” he said eventually, voice low. “Tell me what happens.”

“I can’t,” I murmured. “You have to read it yourself.”

“I hate not knowing.”

“Welcome to my life.”

I turned a page, then added, “Besides, you strike me as the kind of person who skips ahead to see who dies.”

He looked mildly offended. “I do not. I skim.”

“Same thing.”

He reached for his coffee, clearly not planning to argue. “If you ever publish something, though—like, I don’t know, a book of medical essays or a memoir—you’d better tell me what happens.”

I raised a brow over the top of my book. “You think I’m going to write a memoir?”

“I’d read it. Especially if there’s a chapter about the time you made a race car driver wait while you finished a novel.”

I smiled without meaning to, eyes scanning the page—but the words were starting to blur. Because the truth was, I wasn’t really reading anymore. Not in the usual way.

I was memorizing this moment. The way he stirred his drink without thinking. The way his leg bounced lightly under the table. The way he looked at me like I wasn’t some story he had to figure out, but one he wanted to keep unfolding.

“This is nice,” I murmured, half to myself.

He didn’t respond right away. Then, “Yeah. You’re kind of… dangerous like this.”

I glanced up. “What do you mean?”

“Calm. Soft-spoken. Reading in an old bookstore. That’s how people fall in love in movies.”

My breath caught, not because it was a grand declaration, but because it wasn’t. It was a tease, barely a flicker of a grin, but there was something behind it. Like a door left cracked open.

“And you?” I asked, a little too steady. “You fall in love at bookstores?”

He looked at me, the faintest trace of heat behind his lashes. “No. But I think I’d come back for this.”

We didn’t rush.

The bookshop café let us linger, long past the last sip of coffee. At some point, I stopped pretending to read, and he stopped pretending not to watch me. The silence between us wasn't awkward, it was charged. Like a thread stretched between two pins, tightening just enough to make us both aware of how close we were and how easily we could pull away.

But we didn’t.

When we stepped outside, the world had softened. A fine mist had settled over the street, the kind that clung to your skin instead of falling like proper rain. Lando pulled up his hood; I didn’t bother. My cheeks were already warm.

“Where to now?” I asked.

He shrugged, hands in his pockets. “You’ve got your book. I’ve got time.”

We walked, without direction, even when we saw Lando’s car parked outside the bookstore, we still walked without talking, just the quiet rhythm of our steps echoing off the pavement. The street curved gently past ivy-covered flats and flickering old lanterns that hadn’t been updated to LED yet. It felt like walking through a city that had forgotten what century it belonged to.

“I like it here,” I said, finally. “It’s… still.”

“I thought you might.” His voice was soft, and he glanced sideways at me. “You talk fast when you’re nervous. But when it’s quiet? You don’t fill the space.”

I gave a small smile. “Neither do you.”

“Not with you.”

That sentence hung there, fog-wrapped and feather-light—and yet somehow heavier than anything either of us had said all day.

We turned a corner, and our shoulders brushed—not on purpose, but not entirely by accident either. I didn’t move away.

“I was trying not to like you, you know,” I said, eyes still ahead.

“I know,” he replied. “You did a terrible job.”

I laughed, and he smiled. That slow, lopsided one that made me want to pause in the middle of the street and forget every reason I’d ever built a wall in the first place.

“Can I tell you something?” he said after a few more steps.

I nodded.

“I thought that morning at the hospital's café would be it. You in your scrub, mid-shift, looking like you didn’t have five seconds to breathe. And me, standing there like I accidentally crossed timelines. It felt like one of those weird little moments the calendar forgets. Something out of order. Unexpected, but… unforgettable.”

My chest tightened. Not because it was grand or poetic, but because it was true.

“And now?”

He looked at me then, like he wasn’t quite sure whether to say what came next — but also knew he couldn’t not.

“Now I think about you in places where you don’t belong. Like the paddock. The grid. On a Sunday morning when I’m supposed to be mentally prepping, and instead I’m wondering if you’re making coffee in your kitchen reading a latest journal in your iPad in a messy bun.”

I swallowed, heart in my throat. The mist curled between us like breath. Cold on my skin. Warm in my chest.

“So what happens now?” I asked, barely above a whisper.

He looked down at me, still walking, close enough that I could see the glints in his green eyes, close enough to see the white mist that came out of his mouth each time he exhaled, the way his voice stayed low like this was something just for me.

“Now we keep walking,” he said. “Unless you want to stop.”

I did. I stopped.

And he did too, immediately. His eyes searched mine, not startled, but like he knew. Like maybe he’d hoped I’d be the one to stop first.

The space between us tightened. Breathless. I didn’t say anything. I just looked at him, really looked, like I was memorizing the moment before it unraveled. And then he smiled. Small. Crooked. Not the smile for fans or cameras. The one that meant, you don’t scare me, you undo me.

“So?” he asked, voice barely a thread. “Why’d you stop?”

My pulse tripped over itself.

“Because I’m tired of pretending this doesn’t feel different,” I whispered.

And before I could second-guess it, I took a step closer. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch or breathe too loud. But his gaze softened. Like he already knew what I was about to do and was letting me have the moment.

So I reached up, slowly, fingers grazing the edge of his jacket. Not pulling, just anchoring. Just saying I’m still here. And then, without another word, I leaned in.

Our nose brushed first. Barely. My lips lingered, like I was testing gravity. And then I kissed him.

Gently.

No rush. No tilt of urgency. Just a slow, steady press, like punctuation at the end of a sentence I’d been writing for months without realizing.

His hand came up to cradle the side of my neck, warm even in the chill, and he kissed me back with the same stillness. Not cautious. Not unsure. His thumb brushed just under my jaw, and I let my eyes close. The rain didn’t matter. The street didn’t matter. Time, for once, didn’t matter.

It wasn’t the kind of kiss that demanded a future. It was the kind that honored everything that had already happened–the almosts, the timing, the pages in between.

And when we finally pulled apart, his forehead rested against mine. “Finally,” he murmured, voice low and slightly hoarse, like the word had been waiting at the back of his throat for weeks.

I pulled back just enough to see his face. His eyes were soft, crinkled at the corners. That boyish grin was there too, not smug, not teasing. Just real.

“Was starting to think I imagined all of it,” he added, brushing a raindrop from my cheek with his thumb.

“You didn’t,” I whispered.

He smiled a little wider. “Good. Because if you had chosen to walk again, I might’ve let you… but I wouldn’t have liked it.”

That made me laugh, quietly, into the space between us.

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” I said.

And I meant it.

People always ask how it started. Like they’re expecting a moment, a grand ask, a rose-tinted “Will you be my girlfriend?” over dinner or after a race or under fairy lights. But that’s not how it happened.

Lando never really asked me out.

Not in the way people expect.

There was no question, no label. Just… a beginning. A slow, steady unfolding that felt more like a choice we made quietly, over time. Like people who had lived enough lives separately to know that love doesn’t always need a declaration. Just presence.

He kept showing up. In texts. In coffee shop corners. In flights he didn’t tell his team about until after he booked them. And I kept letting him in. Carefully, but willingly.

We didn’t rush to name it. We were busy, his world spun at 300 kilometers an hour, mine cracked chests open and stitched them back together. But between grid calls and ORs, airports and after-round coffees, we built something that was ours.

We didn’t try to hide it, exactly. We just didn’t parade it around.

It was easier that way. Simpler to keep the world out. Tiara called it “the perfect soft-launch relationship.” I called it safe.

And then... the jacket incident happened.

It was Monza, where I was free from the on-call schedule all weekend and decided coming to his race was better than spending the weekend in my bed hibernating. It was wet, windy, and I was miserable. I had no idea the cameras were rolling, F1’s content team was filming behind-the-scenes moments, team footage, crew interactions. Lando had lent me his McLaren jacket cause the rain decided to soak me from top to bottom. My hair was losing its curls. My sneakers were ruined. I looked like someone’s exhausted sister, not a romantic interest.

I didn’t even realize I’d made it into the background of the final cut–just a quick frame of me laughing with a race engineer, my face a bit blurry, half-draped in Lando’s soaked orange jacket. Nothing glamorous. Just… human.

But the internet noticed.

The next day, my phone exploded. Someone posted a still on twitter, “Who’s that girl?? Wearing Lando’s jacket??”

That would’ve been enough. But two hours later, a TikTok fan edit surfaced: a slowed-down frame of me in the jacket, followed by a split-screen comparison—the same smile, same posture, as the viral hug video from silverstone.

Comments went wild: “Did they just hard-launch in 0.2 seconds??” “So silverstone wasn't a friendly hug??” “Why is this the softest reveal I’ve ever seen??” "Isn't that the doctor from silverstone??" “Not Lando dating a literal surgeon goddess, I’m sobbing.” “Finally WAG with a real job.”

It was over. We were officially found.

Lando texted me a screenshot of a tweet with 40k likes. Just the words, “he’s soft-launching a surgeon. i can’t breathe.”

You: you gave me the jacket. that’s on you.

Lando: bold of you to assume i wasn’t planning it.

I could’ve panicked, yet I didn’t. Because by then, we already knew what we were.

No posts. No statement. No “Instagram official.” Just the quiet knowledge that somehow, without either of us needing to say it out loud, we had chosen each other.

The media storm had burned through most of the morning. I hadn’t opened Twitter. Lando had–for research, he claimed–and immediately regretted it. Tiara had sent seventeen screenshots, all with the caption: “YOU HAVE 8 SECONDS TO EXPLAIN.”

Now, I was sitting beside Lando on a low couch in McLaren’s motorhome. Across from us sat Julia, his PR manager, expression somewhere between mildly impressed and professionally panicked.

Julia set her tablet down, folded her hands. “So. Let’s talk about… whatever this is.”

I didn’t flinch. “That wasn’t a rollout plan, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Julia offered a tight smile. “I figured. But the algorithm doesn’t care about your rollout strategy, unfortunately.”

Lando leaned back, arms stretched across the back of the couch. “Is it bad?”

Julia raised an eyebrow. “Define ‘bad.’”

He winced. “Okay.”

I glanced at him, then back to Julia. “We weren’t trying to hide it. We were just… keeping it ours.”

Julia nodded. “And honestly? It shows. The response is overwhelmingly positive. Curious. Intrigued. But positive.”

She flipped the tablet around to show them a few headlines. “F1’s Quietest Power Couple?” “Surgeon, Influencer, McLaren Soft-Launch Queen?” “Lando’s Jacket Might Be the Real Main Character of the Italian GP.”

Lando snorted. “They’re not wrong.”

Julia gave me a more pointed look. “You’re already media-trained by default, your hospital interviews, your fashion work, your seminars. You’re polished. That helps.”

I tilted my head. “But?”

“There’s always a but.” Julia paused. “There will be questions. Requests. Invitations. Maybe even some articles about your past. People will want to define you by your proximity to him.”

I didn’t look away. “They’ll learn quickly I don’t orbit anyone.”

Julia smiled at that. “Good. Then we have two options.”

She held up two fingers. “One: you both say nothing. Keep it quiet. Let the moment fade. Risk speculation-maybe some ‘are they or aren’t they’ articles every time you’re in the same city.”

“And two?” Lando asked.

“Two: A soft confirmation. One photo. One line. Maybe on your terms–not the media’s.”

Lando turned to me, and for a moment the buzz of the day, the headlines, the chaos—it all fell away. “It’s your call,” he said. “If you’re not ready, I’m not pushing it.”

“My call?” I asked. “You don’t care?”

His expression didn’t shift yet his hand reached mine and holded it. “Of course I care. But it’s your world, too. Your life. Your name.”

There was something so unflinching in that, not indifference, but respect.

Still, I tilted my head. “Okay, but what would you want, if it were just you?”

He gave a small laugh under his breath, eyes flicking away like he hadn’t expected the question to come back at him. “Then I’d want to say it,” he said quietly. “Not because I owe anyone anything. Just because I don’t want to pretend.”

The pen stilled in his hand. “But I also don’t want this to make your life hell. You’ve got an actual career–your patients, your followers, and a thousand people who already think you can’t be both things at once.”

Julia looked between us, silent. I took a breath. The truth was… he wasn’t wrong. I’d spent so long trying to keep the two sides of my life separate–influencer and resident, fashion and medicine, and now here was this third thing: a person who straddled two worlds too. A person who, somehow, felt like belonging in both.

I looked back at the screen. The freeze-frame showed me in the jacket, rain in my hair, laughing like I didn’t know a single lens was turned my way. I didn’t look like a brand. I looked like myself.

“I think,” I said slowly, “if we’re already here… we don’t deny it. We don’t parade it either. No red carpet hard launch. No ‘joint statement.’ Just… let them figure it out.”

Julia tapped her screen. “Understood. Soft confirm, no formal announcement. Just authenticity.”

“Just us,” Lando echoed, still watching me.

The buzz of Monza had faded fast as I was back navigating my life as a resident. I kept replaying the way Lando held my hand, his kisses, soft whispers, the loud garage and roar of the car, which felt so contrasting with the loudness of the hospital that somehow felt lonelier than ever. I fell back into a routine I knew too well, scrubs, rounds, charting, back to scrubs. The comments online hadn’t stopped either. Whispers about my intentions, how I was just like another influencer, that this relationship wouldn't last that they'd give it only two months.

I didn’t respond—not to the noise, and not to the ache of missing him. Because even when Lando texted, FaceTimed, sent photos from his hotel breakfasts or during pre-race training, there was still a distance. Not just in kilometers, but in everything else too. I told myself to focus. I told myself to hold it together. Until I couldn’t anymore.

Some nights don’t end, they just bleed. This one started like that. The hallway outside the NICU smelled like antiseptic and tired decisions. I rubbed sanitizer into my hands until they burned—my fourth coat in under an hour—and blinked back the sting in my eyes from too much air conditioning and not enough sleep.

It was close to midnight when the alarms started. Not the shrill, chaotic kind, but the cold ones—the ones that tell you something has already gone wrong. When the baby’s heart rate began to dip, it was like a warning bell sounding in my chest.

She’d been ours for nearly three months.

Born with a rare congenital heart defect, one I’d written case notes about in med school but never seen up close. I knew her chart like my own reflection. She had survived two surgeries, and had the fiercest will I’d ever seen in a NICU incubator. She had hair like peach fuzz and a grip stronger than her weight in grams should allow. Her parents called her “our little fighter,” and for a long time, she lived up to the name.

Until tonight.

We tried everything. I led the code—compressions with two fingers, switching off with the paeds resident on-duty every two minutes, while our attending called out meds and timers like an orchestra conductor keeping chaos from slipping off rhythm.

I didn’t think. I reacted. Muscle memory. Protocols. Calm voice even when the room stopped breathing. That’s what they teach you. That composure equals clarity.

Fourty-five minutes.

That’s how long we tried to bring her back. To reach ROSC. A heartbeat. We pushed epi. We begged with our hands. I don’t even remember when the attending finally said it, “Time of death: 3:37 a.m.”

The silence that followed wasn’t peace.

It was ruin.

I took off my gloves in the corridor like they weighed double. One of the nurses handed me water I couldn’t drink. Another touched my elbow. I think she meant it kindly.

Then came the worst part.

The family room was dimly lit, too warm. Her parents were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the vinyl couch, eyes puffy, coffee untouched. The mother stood when I entered. The father didn’t.

I told them gently. Clearly. Like I’d practiced. Like the words were surgical tools. Sharp, clean, necessary.

And just like that, their world ended.

They didn’t cry right away. Grief didn’t look like it did in movies. Her mother covered her mouth and sank back down. Her father stared at the wall. Then the voices rose—not at each other, but at me. It wasn’t screaming. It wasn’t unkind. It was anguish disguised as blame.

“You said she was stable.” “You said she had a chance.” “You were supposed to help her.”

They didn’t say it to hurt me. But it did.

Because I had said those things. Because I had believed them. Because I had meant every single word.

I didn’t cry. Not when I debriefed with my attending. Not during sign-out. Not even when one of the nurses hugged me a little too long after shift change.

But my hands shook when I changed out of my blood-specked scrubs. And my chest ached when I walked past her empty isolette on the way out.

Outside, the sky was trying to be morning.

I crossed the lobby and thought maybe I’d make it to the parking lot before everything caught up to me. That maybe if I just kept walking, it would stay inside.

Then I saw him.

Lando. In flesh.

Leaning against the far wall near the revolving doors, holding two coffees and wearing that dumb black hoodie that barely covered his curls. He looked up just as I spotted him.

I stopped. My body did before my mind could.

His face shifted when he saw mine.

And then I broke.

No warning. Just shattered.

I stumbled forward like my body gave up on pretending, and I was crying before I reached him—raw, shaking, inconsolable in a way that had nothing to do with physical pain.

He put the coffee on the chair, no, he basically dropped the coffees on instinct. Didn’t hesitate.

His arms came around me in a heartbeat. One around my back, one cradling my head, his chin resting just above my temple like he’d rehearsed this. Like he knew I needed it more than I needed air.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, over and over. “I’ve got you, love.”

I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. Just sobbed into his chest in the middle of the hospital lobby, as the early shift staff filtered in with badge swipes and takeaway cups, quietly pretending not to notice the resident collapsing into someone’s arms.

But they did notice.

I felt the stares. Heard the silence swell and shift.

Lando must’ve felt it too.

He dipped his head, speaking quietly, almost to himself. “Let’s get you out of here, yeah?”

I nodded. Couldn’t do more.

He guided me gently, one arm firm around my shoulders, steering me toward the car parked near the side entrance. My feet moved because his did. My bones didn’t know how to hold me anymore, but he did.

He opened the passenger door and helped me inside like I was glass. Closed it with a soft click. Then slipped into the driver’s seat beside me without starting the engine.

He didn’t talk. Didn’t press.

Just reached for my hand.

And that’s when I cried all over again—quiet now, exhausted, with nothing left to prove. Letting the weight of a tiny heartbeat lost in the night settle into my bones.

And this time, I didn’t carry it alone.

By the time we got to my apartment, the sky had given way to a dull grey light—that post-night shift haze where everything feels a little too loud and too quiet at the same time.

Lando didn’t say much during the drive, and I was grateful for that. I didn’t have the energy to fill the space, and he didn’t seem to need me to. He just kept one hand on the wheel and the other loosely over mine in the center console, thumb grazing my knuckles like he knew I needed the contact to stay tethered.

When we reached my place, he parked, turned the engine off, and didn’t ask if I wanted him to come up. He just got out, grabbed my bag from the backseat, and waited for me to lead the way.

I unlocked the door with shaky fingers. The apartment smelled faintly like jasmine and stale coffee. My cat blinked at me from the couch, tail flicking once in sleepy judgment before curling back up.

I stood there for a beat too long, keys still in my hand.

Then Lando gently touched the small of my back. “Shoes off,” he said softly, a nudge toward normal. “And drink some water. Doctor’s orders.”

I let out a breath that might have been a laugh. Did as I was told. He followed me in, quiet and careful, setting my bag down and looking at the space like he was trying not to disturb it. Like he knew everything here had been holding something fragile.

I collapsed onto the edge of the couch and curled my legs under me. My body felt like it had been hollowed out.

He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. Set it on the table in front of me. Then sat on the floor, cross-legged, like getting too close would make it worse.

“You don’t have to talk,” he said, voice low. “Not if you don’t want to.”

I stared down at my hands. My nails were chipped. There was a tiny streak of dried blood near my wrist from where my glove had torn during the code.

“I keep seeing her face,” I whispered.

He didn’t move.

“She had these tiny lashes. Like air.” I swallowed hard. “And after we called time, one of our nurses brushed them with her thumb. Like she was tucking her in.”

The quiet between us wasn’t awkward. It was sacred. Heavy and gentle at once.

“I’ve lost patients before,” I said. “Adults. Older kids. I’ve told families it was over. I’ve even walked out of an OR and thrown up in the stairwell. But this one…” My voice cracked. “I really thought she’d make it.”

Lando’s brows pinched slightly. But he didn’t say sorry. He didn’t try to soften it.

“She was fighting,” I continued, “and we kept asking her to fight harder. And she did. She did everything we asked.”

“You did everything you could.”

I nodded, but it didn’t land. “That’s what everyone says. That we 'did everything'. But there’s always a part of me that thinks if I had done one thing differently—if I’d caught it sooner, if I'd pushed for another test—maybe she'd still be here.”

His eyes didn’t leave mine. “You’re not God, Y/N.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?”

I looked away.

Lando leaned forward just a little, arms resting on his knees. “You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to be human.”

“I’m supposed to be able to hold it together.”

“Says who?”

“Everyone.”

He shook his head. “That’s crap.”

A pause. Then his voice dropped even lower, quieter. “You held that baby’s heart in your hands. You gave her more time than she would’ve had. Her parents may never see that, but I do. And I know what it’s like to carry the weight of someone else’s expectations. The pressure to be perfect, even when everything’s breaking.”

I blinked at him, something tight uncoiling in my chest.

“Don’t do that alone,” he said.

I didn’t answer. But I didn’t look away, either.

A moment passed. Then I slid down from the couch, curling into him on the rug like it was instinct. His arms came around me immediately, solid and steady, and for the first time since the code, I let myself feel the full weight of it all—what we lost, what I gave, what I couldn’t fix.

We sat like that for a long time. Just breathing. Just being. Just him. Just me. And the quiet understanding between two people from different worlds, learning how to hold space in the middle of the mess.

Yesterday passed like a blink. Or maybe a fog. I couldn’t tell. We didn’t talk about what happened, not really. We didn’t do much of anything. I remembered he basically had to shoved food down to my throat because I refused to get up from the couch. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I woke up with his hoodie around me and the weight of his arm still resting across my waist. My chest ached like I’d run through a war zone. My eyes felt swollen, though I didn’t think I’d cried again.

Grief doesn’t come with an alarm, but duty does, and mine buzzed to life just after 5:00 AM. I’d only gotten a couple hours of restless sleep, the kind where your body rests but your mind keeps reaching for what it lost.

I didn’t want to move.

But Lando stirred beside me. He hadn’t left. He’d curled into the edge of the couch with me the night before, one arm around my waist, our breathing syncing without meaning to. At some point I must’ve shifted, drifted, finally let go, because when I opened my eyes, he was already awake, brushing his thumb lightly across the back of my hand.

“You’ve got to go in,” he said, voice low and soft, like he didn’t want to disturb the quiet that had settled around us.

“I know.” My voice was scratchy, and everything ached.

“I’ll drive.”

“You really don’t have to—”

“I know,” he said again, and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “But I want to.”

The drive was quiet. The kind of silence that didn’t need filling–not uncomfortable, just familiar now. I watched the city wake up through the windshield, street lights blinking off one by one, and wondered how everything could look so normal when something felt permanently altered inside me.

He reached into the center console at a red light and pulled out a small container.

“I made you something,” he said, almost bashful. “Well. I assembled it. I wouldn’t call it cooking.”

I opened the lid and blinked. A sandwich. Peanut butter and banana. Cut diagonally. No frills.

“You remembered I forgot to pack anything.”

“You always forget.”

I smiled, small but real. “This is… actually really sweet.”

“It’s my signature dish,” he deadpanned. “A Norris family classic. Carefully constructed with love and no culinary training.”

I laughed softly—and that laugh, that ache-softening laugh, carried me all the way to the hospital parking lot.

When I stepped through the automatic doors, the lobby looked exactly the same as it did twenty-four hours ago.

But I wasn’t.

My badge clipped to the collar of my clean scrubs. My stethoscope looped around my neck. My expression fixed, practiced. Functional.

Lando didn’t come in with me. He knew better. He just rested a hand on my back before I stepped out of the car, and said, “Text me if you need anything. Or nothing. Or air.”

“I will,” I said. “Thank you.”

“For the sandwich?” he teased.

“For everything.”

Inside, the shift was already moving. Rounds underway. Notes being scribbled. Coffee half-sipped and charts half-read. But the energy shifted when I walked in. Not dramatically. No gasps. No outright questions. But there were glances. Murmured conversations that paused when I passed. The kind of silence that isn’t mean–just too careful.

People knew.

They knew what had happened. Word travels fast in a hospital, especially when someone codes for almost an hour. Especially when it’s a baby. Especially when the resident who led the code collapsed into the arms of a mysterious man in the lobby before sunrise.

I caught one of the interns whispering to a nurse.

“She’s the one who lost the kid last night.” “Yeah. I saw her crying in the lobby, I feel sad for her too.” “That was Lando Norris with her, right? The F1 guy?”

The words hovered in the air like static. But they didn’t sting. No one said anything to me directly. Not about the baby. Not about Lando. And oddly, I was grateful for that. There was mercy in the hush. In the way people lowered their voices and let me slip back into routine without demanding I relive it all.

I moved from one room to the next, listening to heartbeats, checking drains, adjusting meds. I could feel the grief humming beneath my skin, but the motions helped. One foot in front of the other. One chart after the next.

Eventually, during rounds, my attending approached me in the hallway. He was older, seasoned, with a gaze that could cut you open or stitch you together in a sentence.

“You did everything you could last night,” he said, no preamble.

I opened my mouth, unsure whether to argue or thank him, but he held up a hand.

“I’ve been there,” he continued. “And I know the guilt doesn’t leave just because your shift ends. But let me be clear. It wasn’t your fault. The outcome hurts, but the care you gave? That baby passed away wrapped in it.”

My throat tightened. I didn’t speak.

He nodded once. “Take what you need from that. Then keep going.”

It wasn’t a lecture. It wasn’t pity. It was grace. And I held onto it the rest of the day.

Hours later, I found a text waiting for me during a rare ten-minute break.

Lando: You okay? Need me to sneak in and refill your sandwich?

Me: That was the best sandwich I’ve ever had. I might cry again.

Lando: Happy to deliver emotional sandwiches any time. You’re doing great. I mean it.

I smiled, leaning back against the wall of the call room. Exhausted. Hollow. But not entirely alone in it anymore. And maybe that was the difference today. The baby was still gone. The pain hadn’t vanished. But the silence around me wasn’t so isolating. And the person waiting outside my world wasn’t walking away.

We hadn’t been seen together in months. Not at a race. Not in the paddock. Not in the background of a story someone could zoom into. We never made a big announcement. No "soft launch," no black-and-white dinner photo, no inside joke caption for fans to dissect. Just… one slow, unfolding connection that was real and complicated and tucked quietly into the corners of our lives. One that fits between cases and circuits, call rooms and podiums, coffee at 5 a.m. and FaceTime kisses at midnight.

But after a while, the silence started to echo louder.

It had been nearly three months since I’d been to a race.

Three months of unmatched schedules—surgeries stacked on top of each other, international conferences I couldn’t turn down, consults bleeding into weekends, and Lando’s back-to-back race calendar pushing him from continent to continent. Even when we carved out time—stolen moments between hospital shifts and red-eye flights—we were always chasing the clock.

He still came to me after some races, slipped in quietly, stayed a day or two, and left before dawn with a kiss to my forehead. And I still waited up for his calls when he crossed the finish line, heart stuttering when I saw his name light up my screen.

But the public? They didn’t see any of it.

And so the whispers started again.

“Looks like that doctor situation didn’t last.” “Maybe it was just PR?” “Told you — people like her don’t date people like him for long.” “She hasn’t been at a race in months. They’re probably done.”

I didn’t take it personally.

At least not at first.

But some days, after a long shift, I’d open my phone and see a headline questioning my existence—like I’d been a footnote in someone else’s chapter—and something in my chest would twist.

I wasn’t angry. Just… tired of hiding something that had never been a secret to begin with.

Lando never pressured me to post anything, never asked for more than I could give. But I saw it in his eyes sometimes—when fans shoved phones in his face asking about “the mystery girl,” when he was tagged in edits that erased me entirely—the faint twitch of frustration in his jaw.

Still, neither of us spoke it aloud.

Until one quiet night in late-October, when I collapsed into his hoodie on the couch and whispered, “You know I miss it, right? Being there. Seeing you race.”

He turned toward me, brow creasing. “I know. I miss you being there.”

“I’ve got the weekend off,” I said, voice soft. “Next one. Abu Dhabi.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Just stared at me. Then he said, “Come with me.”

The paddock buzzed in a way that only a season finale could bring—humid, electric, the kind of energy that vibrated off the asphalt. Flashing cameras. Champagne chilled before the race even began. Team radios crackling like nerves.

And this time, I wasn’t watching it through a screen.

I stood at Lando’s side, fingers laced with his, sunglasses perched on my nose, paddock pass lanyard grazing the hem of my tailored vest. Confident. Grounded. Ready.

I didn’t hang back this time. I didn’t trail five steps behind or duck away from photographers. I didn’t hide behind a McLaren team hoodie or worry about the timing of a headline.

This time, I walked with him. Through the paddock. Onto the grid. Past the cameras that spun toward us like moths drawn to something newly undeniable.

Lando didn’t say anything dramatic. He didn’t look at the cameras. He just squeezed my hand a little tighter, like a quiet “I’ve got you” that traveled through skin and bone.

And I squeezed back.

This was no soft launch. This was a we’re here, we’re real, we don’t need your permission kind of moment.

Later, in the paddock hospitality suite, Tiara sent me a voice note that practically shattered my eardrums.

“OH MY GOD. Y/N. THE PHOTOS. You two look like an Italian Vogue feature. That outfit?? That hand-hold??? You BROKE the internet.”

I opened Instagram and saw it immediately.

The official F1 account had already posted a paddock arrival shot: Lando in his fire suit, sunglasses on, hand in mine, a small smile tugging at the edge of his mouth. And me—steady, chin high, vest cinched at the waist like armor.

The comments were a mix of pure chaos and disbelief:

“WAIT WHAT” “She’s real???????” "THEYRE STILL GOING STRONG!!" “Hard launching on last race weekend of the season is so WILD” “She looks like she performs heart surgery for breakfast and he’s into it” “Protect this energy at all costs”

And in the middle of it all—Lando had reposted the image with a caption that simply said:

“About time.”

It wasn’t a declaration. It was a confirmation.

Of everything we’d already lived behind closed doors. Of nights he held me through grief and mornings I made him laugh on flights home. Of every late FaceTime, every cold brew drop-off, every race watched from a hospital on-call room.

We didn’t need to say it. We just showed up.

Together.

And this time, we didn’t walk quietly. We walked hand in hand, with the world finally seeing what we already knew. This wasn’t fleeting. This wasn’t a phase. This was us.

The race was chaos.

The kind that lives in your bones long after the engines go quiet—tires screeching, radio static, strategy calls that felt like gambles. But he did it. Lando did it.

World Champion.

And when the final flag waved, when the fireworks burst overhead and the grandstands shook with thunderous cheers, I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until the screen lit up with his name.

P1. Lando Norris.

My knees nearly gave out.

The McLaren garage erupted—mechanics yelling, hugging, sobbing. I stood back in the crowd, a blur of hands and champagne already misting the air, heart pounding against my ribs.

And still, my eyes were only looking for one person.

He parked the car, sounded breathless over the radio, laughter choked with tears. And then he climbed out, helmet still on, arms raised toward the sky as if reaching for something that had always felt a little out of reach.

I wasn’t sure when the tears started. Only that I couldn’t stop them.

He hugged every mechanic. Patted every shoulder. Fell into his engineer’s arms. And then—His mother.

She was the first person he found.

They hugged hard, forehead to forehead. She said something into his ear that he didn’t repeat—only nodded, fiercely, like it meant everything.

Then, He turned.

The helmet was still on. But I knew. Even across the chaos, even across the barrier, even when fans were screaming and cameras were flashing and the whole world was watching.

He was looking for me.

And when he saw me—finally, finally—the tension in his body changed.

He moved. Straight toward me, cutting through crew and crowd, unbothered by the cameras now closing in. The security guard at the edge of parc fermé barely registered me—Lando waved him off without words.

I blinked. “Lando—”

He didn’t say anything. Not at first.

He just stopped in front of me, eyes wide, chest still rising like he couldn’t catch up to the moment.

Then, without breaking eye contact—

He took off his helmet.

One slow, deliberate motion. Pulled it free. Dropped it carelessly to the side. Ran a hand through his sweat-damp curls.

And kissed me.

Hard. Unapologetically. Like a confession that had been burning in his throat for months.

The crowd went feral. The paddock flashed white with a hundred camera shutters. The media burst into chaos. Some people cheered. Others just gasped.

But I didn’t hear it. Because I was kissing him back.

And in the middle of that kiss, just as he pulled back far enough to catch his breath, still holding my face like he didn’t care about a single person watching, he whispered, “I love you.”

My breath caught.

He said it like it had lived inside him too long. Like it finally found its way out.

“I love you,” he said again, louder this time. “I didn’t know how much until you weren’t there every weekend. Until I kept winning, and it didn’t mean anything unless I could find your face at the end of it.”

Tears blurred everything again.

“I’m here,” I managed.

“You always are.” His thumb brushed my cheek. “Even when you’re not in the paddock, you’re with me. In every turn. Every lap. Every quiet.”

I couldn’t say it back fast enough. “I love you too.”

And just like that, in a sea of orange and noise, with champagne in the air and a championship behind him, he kissed me again.

The paddock had emptied. The fireworks were done, the interviews wrapped. The celebratory noise still buzzed somewhere in the distance—team members laughing over drinks, music bleeding from the hospitality suite—but we had slipped away, unnoticed.

Not far. Just far enough.

Lando had taken my hand sometime between the last question and the last photo, and neither of us had let go.

Now, we sat beneath the stars on a low rooftop terrace just above the motorhome. Shoes kicked off. Racing suit had changed to a clean team merch. My hand tucked into his, thumb running small circles along his knuckles. I hadn’t said much since the podium—not after the kiss, not after the sudden onslaught of attention. But I didn’t feel like I need to.

He looked at me now, his curls messy from the wind, his green eyes soft in the moonlight, and smiled like the chaos below belonged to someone else.

“I should feel different,” he murmured, voice low.

I glanced over him. “You don’t?”

“I mean… yeah. It’s everything I’ve ever worked for. But this—” he nodded toward my hand in his “—feels bigger.”

I laughed quietly, the sound more breath than voice. My heart felt like sommer-saulting. “That’s insane.”

“I know,” he said, then looked at me again. “But when I saw you in the crowd, I knew it was all I could ever ask for.”

The silence that followed wasn’t heavy. It was full—of shared knowing, of ache and wonder and everything we'd survived to get here.

After a while, I spoke. “You remember when you said I didn’t fill the silence?”

He nodded.

“I think that’s how I knew you are the one. Because the quiet with you never felt empty.”

Lando leaned in then, not for a kiss this time—but to rest his forehead against mine, his breath warm against my skin.

“I love you,” he whispered again.

“I know,” I said, smiling. “I love you too.”

The world spun on. The season had ended. The championship was his. But here, in this small, borrowed sliver of stillness, there was no noise to outrun.

Just two people. Just their shared quiet. And the rest of their forever, beginning softly.

#lando x reader #lando x you #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x you #lando norris fluff #ln4 x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #lando norris one shot #f1 grid x reader #mclaren #f1 fic #f1 imagine #ln4 #lando norris #lando imagine #lando fanfic

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storytellerdannie · 2 months ago

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okay I am not done writing paragraphs about their last video it will seem, but hear me out! we talk a lot about dan’s grandiose declarations of love through metaphors and monologues, and his repeated belief that communication is key in their relationship which is lovely and important, so I always thought one of dan’s love languages was words of affirmation combined with phil’s love language of quality time. But since the start of this more open era I love how many examples they shared with us of what I think is phil’s other love language: (emotional) acts of service.

phil actually describing how he is quietly removing stressors out of dan’s life in their day to day life is so interesting cause ever since they came back he’s been showing exactly how he does this, but I never thought he’ll actually say it so plainly!

phil knows dan can’t concentrate if there are obstructions in front of him when they’re eating together so he removes them, phil knows dan gets anxious with phone notification sounds so his phone is on vibrate, phil knows dan thinks playing the same song on the piano over and over again to learn it must be annoying so phil reassures him it’s actually lovely, phil knows dan will downplay his pain at the doctors so he reminds him to be honest and clear about how he truly feels, phil knows dan has trouble vocalizing his needs in social settings so he plays along and walks into rooms exclaiming how hungry he is, phil knew dan badly needed a break from it all so he put it all on pause to give him that reprieve.

they care SO much about making life easier for each other. phil met an eighteen year old dan with the world on his shoulders and no emotional support and said not on my watch and for the last 15 years they kept getting better and better at making their own world a safe space.

#I have SO many thoughts still it’s unbelievable #this 25 minute silly video feels like a 10 hour long in depth documentary the way it has mind engaged #phan #dan and phil #dan howell #phil lester #love langauges

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mi55delulu · 2 months ago

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toss up

synopsis: friday night football games, all day marching band competitions on saturday, and sunday schoolwork catch up — the schedule you’ve religiously maintained throughout high school and now college. that is, until you found respite in jungkook’s company.

☼ pairing: tenor drummer!jungkook x colorguard captain!fem reader

☼ wc: 26.5k

☼ genre: marching band/college au, fluff, angst, smut, romcom

☼ cw: jk as loser stuck in a hot body, uptight oc (not too much on my girl ok? i love her) past misunderstandings, miscommunication (i know i hate it too), negative family dynamics, yearning, pining, jealousy, lots of nickname usage, marching band terminology, physical injuries, 18+ ONLY - MINORS DNI 🔞, mature language, sexual tension, dirty talk, switch jk & oc, masturbation (m), oral (f receiving), handjob, fingering, brief nipple play, spitting, praising, cum eating, semi-overstimulation, oc gets teary from the good o, riding, missionary, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie.

☼ a/n: little miss liar here 😌 got ahead of my editing schedule, so might as well release early. anyway! happy bts month!! we are so back, bangtan babes 💜 here’s a very niche fic inspired by real life events. it’s been over 10 years since i’ve marched so pls be easy on me.

banner by the lovely @lovieku *･☆ i also wanna dedicate this fic to her bc she rly gets me so excited to write! nicest person ever like you don’t even know 🥹💖 (pls come back n also open commissions)

”FIVE, SIX—FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!”

No matter the number sequence, your body always knew when to move.

Having done colorguard since you were 15 years old, you took pride in being section leader for the third year in a row at your university. The band director typically picked their section leaders based on seniority, but skill sets may outrank that on very rare occasions. Everyone was shocked when Director Lee selected you, a first-year at the time, over another fourth-year colorguard member. You would be too had you been in their position.

Except, you weren’t.

You put in the extra hours when no one else did and arrived on time to every practice. To you, that was the bare minimum.

Being a good leader, now, that was the hard part.

You took what you’ve experienced from your past captains: stern in how they led practices, soft in how they uplifted the team during difficult times. Director Lee immediately recognized those qualities in you. Older members rebelled against the decision, but eventually followed suit or left the university marching band due to graduating.

Colorguard was a sport — you’d argue that it rivaled football. Because who could toss a flag, run 20 yards on the field, and catch between your legs? Yeah. An athlete. Above that, colorguard was a form of visual arts — the storytellers of the marching band. You had a love-hate relationship with colorguard, but the final results were always worth it … be it through winning competitions or feeling a sense of accomplishment. It’s the start of the field season and you’re currently at the ‘hate’ part.

“Shit!”

The music and band members come to a halt after Hoseok signals the band to stop. Everyone’s visibly upset, sunburnt, and probably dehydrated. This was the sixth time in the last hour of practice the band was forced to stop and reset for a mistake, which meant another five push-ups got added onto the post-practice punishment.

You squint your eyes down the field and realize the commotion involved one of your colorguard members and someone from the drumline.

Fuck.

“JUICEBOX!” Director Lee yells from his megaphone in the stands. “Fix it before I do!”

You’d assume he was yelling for a beverage, but no. It was common to have nicknames in marching band. One could acquire a nickname for the following reasons: long name, director hated you, director loved you, or memorable moment. Unfortunately, you got yours when Director Lee witnessed you chugging down five apple juiceboxes after your first tryout. Memorable moment … at least he didn’t hate you, so you think.

You spot Yuri, your colorguard member, arguing with Jaehyun, a tenor drummer.

“Dude, you fucking hit me with your flag and you want to complain that I was in your spot?” Jaehyun seethes.

“Well, like I said, it wouldn’t have hit you if you weren’t in my spot!” Yuri huffs and drops her flag in frustration.

“Yuri, what’s wrong?” You jog over.

“Mr. Irrational over here is pissed off because he walked into my toss. But look, my drill told me I’m on the 40. Not my fault I need to cut through them to get to my spot.”

Sometimes the drills didn’t mesh well with the choreography. It wasn’t the end of the world, just annoying to fix. From behind, you hear instruments shuffle — specifically another set of tenor drums.

“Juice.”

You sigh. Not from the nickname, but from the person saying it.

“Set #10 shows Yuri with the baritones on the left. She’s not at the wrong spot, but she shouldn’t be cutting through the tenors, instead going around us. There’s 16 counts in this set, so she’ll have plenty of travel time.”

Jeon Jungkook, third-year, lead tenor drum player. You haven’t gotten the chance to know him … how could you when there’s over 200 members, 18 of which belonged in your section. Based on what you’ve heard and witnessed, he’s an average drummer. Nothing noteworthy. And because of that, you don’t understand why everyone fawned over him. Sure, he’s tall and conventionally good looking. Had a nice head of hair and a distinct laugh that’d grab anyone’s attention. Maybe that’s why? Jungkook was like any other boy in college … the only difference was that he knew how to play the tenor drums.

To be clear, no, Jungkook wasn’t a section leader. That was Yoongi’s role as center snare. Which makes you wonder why he’s trying to resolve this with you when you should be hashing it out with Yoongi. Ignoring him, you walk over to Yoongi to confirm the coordinates.

“Yeah, Kook is right.” He nods after reviewing the drills. From the side, you see Jungkook beam from the acknowledgment.

“Ha! See, you were wrong,” the other tenor player says to Yuri as he sets his drums down.

“Jaehyun.” Jungkook’s stern voice catches you off guard.

“What? It’s true!”

“You were two counts early to the spot. Wouldn’t have gotten hit if you were on time.”

Jaehyun scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

Noobie ego. If you didn’t nip it early on, it was going to cause issues in the future. You had a few of those in your years of being a captain; consequently, you left some unchecked and those became the biggest lessons for you.

You look at Yoongi with your brows raised, silently asking him, ‘You gonna take care of that?’

He merely stares back with a look that said, ‘Too tired … it’s my last season. Give me a break.’

Yoongi wasn’t lazy. He’s one of the many section leaders you respected and enjoyed working with. He remained factual and cleaned up things before they became a problem. Most importantly, Yoongi was fair and reliable. You’ve got a lot to learn from him before he graduates this semester.

“Alright,” Jungkook stuffs his sticks back into the side pockets. “Tenors, give me ten.”

The other two tenors groan and take off their drums and harness. Jaehyun, along with the tenors, drop to the ground and begin their push-ups. What surprised you was Jungkook also going down to do the push-ups too. You've always been a firm believer of the saying ‘when a ship sinks, the captain will go down with it.’

They’re back up within seconds. Jungkook looked like he barely broke a sweat outside the sweat lines on his shirt caused by his harness.

“All good?” Hoseok, the drum major, calls out from his stand. You and Yoongi throw a thumbs up.

“Reset! Take it from the top.” Hoseok calls out to the other band members.

Director Lee waits till everyone gets back into position before turning on his megaphone. “You all wasted seven minutes of practice, so add another five push-ups.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Practice ended two hours later with 75 push-ups. Not bad, but also not good. At least it didn’t hit the triple digits. Jungkook always saw push-ups as a way to condition his body.

Long hours of practice with his section, ensemble, and individually filled up his day. A wonder how he manages to juggle marching band and school at the same time, but he gets it done. Jungkook knows he isn’t the best, but he’s a hard worker. He loves a good challenge and what better way to challenge himself by playing tenor? Sure, he could’ve stuck with a single bass drum, but tenors had four drums. How cool was that?

You certainly didn’t think so.

Never once batted a single eyelash in his direction in the last three years he’s marched with you. Jungkook exhales deeply after finishing his Gatorade. “She hates me.”

“Who?” Jimin asks while rolling up his flag silks.

“Your captain.” Jungkook pouts.

“Juicebox? Nah.”

“Then why does she always look like she smells something bad when she’s around me?”

“Rude, what if that’s just her face?” It wasn’t. In all his years of spinning with this school, Jimin has a good idea of who you are. You’re strict, but a sweet person underneath that tough exterior.

“She’s just …” Jimin follows Jungkook’s line of vision where you’re laughing with the woodwinds section lead, Kim Namjoon. “Anyway, maybe it’s because you do smell.”

Jungkook scoffs. He knows for a fact he doesn’t smell. Everyone gets a little musty after practice, but Jungkook prides himself on good hygiene. Literally the bare minimum to shower after every practice and reapply deodorant throughout the day. Unfortunately, not the case for certain band kids.

“Just kidding. You know the smelliest title goes to Ryo,” Jimin teases, “need to start gifting him some body wash this Christmas.”

“Don’t bother,” Yoongi chimes in. “This is his last field season. Let the man live a little. Saves you a couple bucks too.” He finishes locking up the instruments and bends down to tie his laces.

“Cap,” Jungkook deadpans, “don’t you think she hates me?”

Yoongi stands up and squints at Jungkook, “I think you need to worry about cleaning up your solo in the opener. JB is the least of your concerns.”

“But—”

Yoongi sticks up a finger to Jungkook’s face. “More drumming, less JB fixation. Gotta bounce to a section leader meeting. Catch y’all later.” With that, Yoongi joins the small group of people at the front of the band room, you included. You look back to where Jungkook and Jimin stood. Jimin waves at you and you wave back. Jungkook does the same and receives a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah, she hates you.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

“So as you all know, this year’s show is a spy theme, specifically Mr. & Mrs. Smith.”

Hoseok stands at the front of the lecture hall, the projector displaying the mood board Director Lee had him make. He wasn’t at the meeting, but he trusted Hoseok enough to get his message across. It’s not that he didn’t want to be here, but he preferred a more hands off approach — thinks it’s building your communication and teamwork skills. Though, Namjoon theorizes that budget cuts to the performing arts department was the driving factor and Lee hasn’t been able to hire any instructors or technicians to help out. Nonetheless, this brought you all closer together.

“I swear, Lee sees one movie with his wife and gets inspired.” Minji, one of the assistant drum majors, says.

“Agree. Last year he had us do Pirates of the Caribbean because he went on a cruise with his wife.” Namjoon cackles and the rest of the group joins in.

“Alright, alright. Reel it back in,” Hoseok claps.

“He wants to tell a story … said there has to be an opposite attracts meets forbidden love kind of thing. So I’m going to really need to lean on visuals for this.” Hoseok looks in your direction and you are unphased. The visual part of the show was just as important as the music. Where band members held a stoic expression during the show, colorguard told a story using their body, face, and equipment.

“I’m thinking Juicebox can be one of the spies, but we need one from the band. Any volunteers?” Hoseok looks around the room.

Namjoon raises his hand. For a moment, you thought he was going to volunteer. “Think me and my section will have to pass on this one. Almost got taken out by Jimin’s sabre last season.”

“That’s cause you were supposed to catch with your hands and not with your head,” you retort.

“I blame the wind,” Namjoon grins. “Anyway, since sax did something last season, woodwind folks should have immunity.”

“Eh, let’s check in with our sections and see if there are any takers.” Yoongi suggests.

The hour goes by quickly with some distractions here and there. What do you expect from a bunch of college students? Still, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

To your luck, no one volunteered. As a result, Namjoon begrudgingly offered himself to the task. This was his final season, so he thought he’d go out with a bang.

And indeed, he did. During practice, you demonstrated a toss you planned to do in the show. Upon turning your back to get some water, Namjoon thought it was a good idea to mimic what you did … unsupervised, which landed him in urgent care with two fractured fingers.

“Shit … I’m sorry, Joon,” you say after the doctor left the room with the aftercare summary. A minimum of three to four weeks to heal. You know it was no fault of yours. He’s technically not out for the season, but missing a bulk of practices will be too much to catch up on. A duet with you is out of the question.

“Ha … this was on me. What I get for undermining what you guys do on the field.” He jokes. It was true to some extent, people think all you guys do is twirl around a flag. It was always so much more than that. “I’m the one that should be sorry, Juicebox. Now we have to find someone else for the duet.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just focus on healing. Our first halftime show is in about three months. So you’ll be back on the field at least.” A small part of you worries about not finding a replacement in time. There’s about another 180 band members to ask — one was bound to volunteer, right?

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

snare lord [10:28 p.m.]: Duet position with JB is open. Lmk if you still want it. DON’T be weird.

Jungkook drops his sticks on his drumming pad and sits up from his bed, eyes widening at Yoongi’s message. He waits about 30 seconds before typing up a response so that he doesn't come off desperate. He threw a mini tantrum when Yoongi (deliberately?) failed to mention that the spy duet was with you, but Namjoon had already volunteered by then. This will be a good chance to get to know you and figure out if you truly disliked him. Plus, he’s always been interested in colorguard — interested in you.

Jungkook [10:28 p.m.]: waaaat? wat happened to joon?

Jungkook panics when 10 minutes pass and Yoongi doesn’t respond. Fears that he missed his window and someone else said yes to the part. Perhaps playing nonchalant wasn’t for him.

snare lord [10:41 p.m.]: Injured :/ Do you want to do it or not? Jungkook [10:41 p.m.]: yes snare lord [10:42 p.m.]: 👍👍 I’ll give her your contact and you guys can chat more.

This entire ordeal felt surreal, like a fan finally meeting their idol. Simply put, Jungkook admired you. Your work ethics, facial expressions … oh, and flexibility. Yeah. Sure, Jimin can do the splits too. Well, 90% of the folks in your section can, but there’s something so captivating about how you’d slowly drop down into the splits like it’s second nature.

Unknown [11:01 p.m.]: Hey. Is this Jungkook?

He nearly falls out of bed. It’s you. Has to be.

Jungkook [11:01 p.m.]: yours truly. juice??? Unknown [11:01 p.m.]: Yep. Yoongi told me you’re interested in the duet. When’s your first class tomorrow? Jungkook [11:02 p.m.]: 8 😬 why? 🧃 [11:02 p.m.]: Cool, meet in the band room at 5:30am tomorrow. Wear comfortable clothes you can move in. Thanks for volunteering btw.

He reacts to the message with a thumbs up, smiling as he locks and sets his phone down on his nightstand. Jungkook has never been this excited to wake up early.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Early morning practices were not ideal. Having Jungkook as a partner? Not your first pick either, but it’s too late into the season to complain. Beggars can’t be choosers. You’ve got a limited time to train and teach him a routine. You arrive at the band room by 5 to stretch and Jungkook comes through the door by 5:16, eyes and cheeks still swollen from sleep but he greets you with a warm smile. He’s in an all black attire: gym shorts and a fitted long sleeve. His physique doesn't quite match up to Namjoon’s, but you know he’s strong. Got to be when he’s carrying those 35lb drums the entire show.

“Morning,” he sets his backpack to the side and sits in front of you to stretch.

“Hi,” you greet, while going down lower in your butterfly stretch, “thanks again for volunteering.”

He smiles softly with a nod. “So what’s on the lesson plan for today, Cap?”

Today’s practice only involved the basics: ballet positions, floor work, and equipment overview. Nothing crazy. And yet, Jungkook finds himself drenched in sweat an hour into practice. Who knew jazz runs would require him to use all the muscle groups in his ass?

“Remember to turn out. Do it again.” You say with your hands on your hips.

This was the 10th time you made him start over. Jungkook was frustrated. Didn’t realize how stiff his body was from drumming all these years. Also didn’t realize how nervous he’d get under your watch. Jimin warned that your serious mode competed with Hoseok’s. He never doubted this. Jungkook wants to crawl into a hole every time your face fights a scowl when he forgets what to do next. He thought you’d be a little more lenient during the first practice. Was Namjoon subjected to this too?

Practice ends a little before 8 to allow him to cool down and get ready for class. Jungkook watches you put on your hoodie and fix your hair. He didn't think there was a single hair out of place before, but what did he know about perfection when he’s been a total mess the entire practice?

“Good work today,” you say.

“Don’t lie, that was rough,” he jokes before grabbing his stuff.

“Yeah, it was.” You agree and Jungkook’s stomach churns from your bluntness.

He goes on with his day in classes, half thinking about the show’s new drill, half thinking about ways to impress you. Would he earn your approval if he came into practice remembering all the 27 points on the flag? Was this desperation? Possibly. He returns to his dorm room later that evening. Sits on his desk chair and mindlessly drums his hands on his thigh. Wonders if he should ask you if practice was going to be that early every time because he physically doesn’t think he can do that again. Jungkook fishes for his phone in his pocket and sees a couple of notifications, but the only ones that mattered were yours.

🧃 [7:23 p.m.]: No one’s good the first time. Just keep practicing. 🧃 [7:23 p.m.]: Also don’t forget to stretch. You’ll be sore tomorrow. 🧃 [7:25 p.m.]: I know drumline has practice on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Let me know if Wednesday evenings work for you.

Jungkook didn’t care much for the days of the week, but Wednesdays became his favorite.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Weeks go by and Jungkook has made significant improvements. He’s still somewhat stiff, but his passion makes up for what he lacks. The show is about a third written. Homestretch, as Director Lee would say.

“CUT!” Director Lee yells from the stand, “Juicebox, Jungkook, the work looks fine but I’m not feeling the energy. Don’t know what it is, but fix it. Let’s do a 10 minute water break and we start from the ballad.”

“So … how’s working with Jungkook?” Jimin asks. He’s shirtless and unfortunately sunburnt — almost all the band members are. Hard to avoid when it’s blazing outside. Field season essentials were sunscreen and aloe vera.

You knew Jungkook needed some whenever he’d flinched from your touch during a specific part of the show. Maybe you’ll give some to him after practice today.

“It’s fine.”

You look over at Jungkook. He’s with the rest of the drumline, gulping down his water and letting some drip down his neck. Yeah. Definitely hotter today. The weather, that is.

Yuri sighs. “Is it too late to swap, Cap? I don’t mind being Mrs. Smith …” she twirls the ends of her hair and watches Jungkook put on his harness.

“You wanna toss a six on sabre while spinning under it?” Jimin snorts.

Yuri immediately shakes her head and you laugh. You had no doubt that Yuri could do it. She’s an exceptional dancer, but lacked the stamina and confidence when it came to weapons. She knows this too and rather have a special part of the show be done by someone more consistent with their catches.

Jimin turns to you again. “Only asking because Lee has been on you guys for looking … odd.”

There’s a small period of adjustment when it comes to dancing with someone new. Jungkook was … different. Makes you feel weird how he looks up at you in his kneeled position. Makes you feel weirder every time he tenses when you need to sit on one of his thighs for part of the choreo. Bad enough to where you forgot two counts and you never forget.

“Choreo is still fresh for the both of us. It’ll take some time.” You reason. “Anyway, can everyone come over here?” Your section huddles closer. “First show is next week. It’s crunch time, so I need you all to stay an extra hour after the ensemble to clean our work.”

There were some complaints, but no major protest. Everyone knows how important the first show of the season is. It wasn’t like homecoming or anything, but everyone will be there — football parents, band parents, and students.

Director Lee sounds the buzzer on his megaphone and everyone jogs back into position. Jungkook smiles at you in passing and you nod in acknowledgment. His smile drops a little and you feel a small rush of guilt. Maybe you’ve also been difficult too. You think back on Jimin’s question … you know what he’s hinting. You and Jungkook were an important piece of the show. The routine was good. What lacked was chemistry and you knew it was your fault.

How do you go about being more natural with Jungkook when you’ve been holding a grudge? An age old grudge that anyone should’ve forgotten by now, yet you’re reminded of it every time you see him.

You’re on autopilot as you dance around Jungkook during this run through for the evening. This was the part where Jungkook moved his hands at the last minute so that you could pierce the ground with the sabre. Not realizing you were a count ahead, you pierced his hand instead.

He hisses in pain. Minji spots the accident and immediately signals Hoseok to stop.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you apologize frantically. Hands were a big part of a musician’s career and you’d be damned if you were responsible for hurting Jungkook.

“It’s fine, think I just need some ice,” he winces and holds his hand close to his chest.

“Jungkook, Juicebox, take care of things off the field,” Director Lee calls out, “everyone else, from the top.”

You and Jungkook walk to the bleachers where Director Lee stood.

“Let’s see the damage, kid.” Director Lee holds his hand out. Lee was multifaceted. Truly jack of all trades. The university got really lucky with him … band director, golf coach, and physical therapist. He’s no longer in practice, of course, but he brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to the university. Plus, he’s able to treat folks with minor injuries. You hope this was a minor one.

“That’s a big one,” he turns Jungkook’s hand to one side, pressing down on the top of his palm to inspect the bones. Jungkook grimaces and pulls his hand back.

“Flex and clench your hands,” he hums, “okay, there’s still mobility. Will bruise and hurt for a few days, but I recommend checking with the school nurse tomorrow if you can’t close your fist. Ice up for the rest of practice.”

You jog to Minji’s special cooler for situations like this. Injuries happened to band kids more than you’d imagined. It is, of course, still a sport. You return to Jungkook with a tied bag of ice. He massages his hand and winces in pain when he gets to the center of the injury. As you near, he masks his pain with a smile and you feel even more guilty.

“Thanks,” he says when you hand him the bag. He exhales at the icy touch.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize again, “I was a count early and I didn’t realize your hand was there,” It’s one thing to be in the wrong, it’s another to admit it. You’re only as good as your pride.

He shakes his head, “I knew you hated me but I didn’t think you were trying to take me out the season too.” He tries to joke to lighten the mood, but regrets it when you frown.

“Uh, my bad,” Jungkook apologizes. “That wasn’t—”

“I don’t hate you …” you admit softly.

He pauses, leans against the bleachers, and exhales through his nose, “I know.”

You and Jungkook watch the show from the bleachers. It’s interesting seeing gaps in your respective sections. The show will still go on, but your absence does not go unnoticed.

“Ah, Jimin dropped his flag. That’s another five push-ups.” Jungkook whispers to you.

You snort and chuckle. Jungkook looks shocked for a moment then softens. You’ve always been closed off around him, strictly choosing to discuss the show as his duet partner. This was different.

He likes this side of you. Hates to be those guys who say a woman looks better when they’re smiling. True and false in your case. Cause objectively, you’re an attractive woman. Finds you super cool when you’re expressionless and in the zone.

Jungkook always hated the sun — spent his early years in life constantly running away from it whether it be staying indoors or under a tree. He had the choice to pick between taekwondo or marching band. As much as Jungkook hated the sun, he picked the sport with the most time spent in it. Thinks he can make amends with the sun now.

Because as you smile, Jungkook never thought he’d be so easily swayed at the sight of sunlight hitting your cheekbones.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Practice ends with 30 push-ups. You get down from the bleachers to complete yours — not without scolding Jungkook to remain seated since his hand wasn’t in the right condition to do anything strenuous at the moment. He pouts, but adheres to your orders.

Yoongi checks up on Jungkook after he sets his drums down. He whistles at the gnarly bruise and shakes his head at you, mimicking something close to disappointment. “First Namjoon, now Jungkook? You’re actually an undercover agent trying to sabotage us huh, JB?”

“You would’ve been my first target if that were the case.” You shrug. Yoongi chuckles and turns back to Jungkook, who looks at you both peculiarly like the cogs in his brain are slowly piecing something together he doesn’t quite favor.

“Don’t worry about cleaning up. I’ll have one of the guys put away your drum. Just head home.” Yoongi pats Jungkook’s shoulder as he leaves the field.

Before running to get your equipment, you turn to Jungkook again. “Hey, I’m sorry—”

“If you’re gonna apologize again, I’m gonna make Yoongi have you put away my drums instead.”

You sigh. “Fine. I can reschedule our practices if your hand still hurts. Just let me know.” You part ways from Jungkook to wrap up practice with your section. From afar, you spot a hoard of band members gathering around Jungkook to either check on him or admire the injury. He’s cared for by many. If he was anything like the version you’ve conjured in your mind, you don’t think people would be so concerned for his well being.

People change and maybe your perception of Jungkook should too.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

“Juice? Uh, what are you …” Jungkook looks shocked to see you at the doorway of his room. Didn’t even think you’d know where he stayed, but here you are in all of your glory looking up at him like you shouldn’t be here too. It’s Wednesday, the day after you accidentally stabbed Jungkook's hand, but also the day you’re both supposed to be practicing. Jungkook texted you this morning asking you to reschedule practice because something came up. You had a feeling he was lying about his injury to spare you from guilt.

“How’s your hand doing?” You try to look down, but he has it hidden behind the door.

“It’s alright,” he answers quickly. “Wait, how do you know where I live?”

“Yoongi.” You rock on your heels and look awkwardly around.

“Oh.” He’s unsure why he feels uneasy about this answer. You could’ve just asked him.

“Is there something you need?”

“Not particularly?” God. This was uncomfortable and a part of you wants to apologize for bothering him and leave.

“Would you like to come in?” He looked back at his room to make sure it was presentable. Other than some laundry on his bed he’s been procrastinating on folding and some music sheets on the floor, it’s not half bad.

“Yeah, just for a bit, if you don’t mind. I won’t be long.”

He opens the door wider for you to walk through. No turning back now. His room was utterly plain. Navy blue fitted sheets, spotless desk, and no posters or wall decorations in sight. It’s as if his only use for the place was to sleep. Jungkook gestures over at his desk chair for you to sit. You set your backpack down, not before grabbing a small jar of ointment out. He sits on the edge of his bed and peers over with curious eyes.

“Let me see your hand.” You nod your head at his injured hand. He reluctantly pulls his hand to the front and your eyes widen.

“It’s not as awful as it looks …”

“Jungkook.”

“Okay, yeah, it’s pretty bad.” He chuckles.

You roll the chair closer to him to examine the bruise. Bruises were common in colorguard — in fact, you’ve got plenty on your forearms and legs. The one on Jungkook’s hand tops them all. You unscrew the cap of the ointment jar and scoop a dime sized amount on your finger. Your other hand holds his from the bottom while you carefully dab the medication on the injury. With years of tending to your own wounds, you’ve learned that you should never rub a fresh bruise, but it always speeds up the healing process when you warm the area. Soft in your ministrations, the ointment quickly melts from the warmth of your touch. Jungkook never expected to receive this sort of treatment from a classmate let alone you of all people. This was expected from someone like his mother — someone that cared for him.

Do you?

He doesn’t know what to do with himself. Doesn’t know where he should stare at. Doesn't know if he should feel the way he does.

“Tell me if it hurts.” You don’t look up, strictly focusing on the task at hand.

His hands were much larger than yours. He kept his nails cut short and clean, palms calloused from all the years of drumming. Yours were no different. Manicures weren’t a necessity as you preferred to keep them short. Despite the roughness of your hands, there’s an unexplainable softness in your touch.

A couple of minutes go by and you’re quite impressed Jungkook has gone this long without talking to you. The silence makes you wonder if you should say something. After all, you did barge into his space to apply ointment out of guilt.

“Are you and Yoongi close?”

“Who’d you march with in 2010?”

You and Jungkook look up at one another after asking a question at the same time.

“Yoongi?” Your brows furrow.

“Yeah,” he relaxes at your touch. Your fingers pull at his to release any tension and Jungkook has to fight the urge to moan.

You think for a bit. Were you close to Yoongi? He was one of the few that didn’t give you shit or questioned your capabilities when Lee initially selected you as captain. The bond you shared was built on mutual respect. You suppose that’s one of the important foundations of a friendship. But you wouldn’t say you were too close to him on a personal level. He’s a friend nonetheless.

“Sort of? Why?”

“Nothing. Just wondering.” His shoulders drop. “And 2010? Was still marching in high school.”

Obviously. You internally roll your eyes. Perhaps you need to be more specific.

“Summer 2010. Have you done drum corps?”

Drum corps were independent marching band groups. Similar to intramural sports, people from all over the country tried out for these groups and only the best got selected. Certain groups had an age cap. After that, you “aged out” and joined other groups that accepted all ages, typically less rigorous and accommodating to a wider age range. The circuit you’ve marched with was more competitive … maybe because there was a time constraint to be young and good.

“Summer 2010 …” he repeats back to himself. “Ah! I tried out for Red Angels.”

That was all the confirmation you needed. “I see.”

“Why?”

“Nothing. Just wondering.” You mimic his answer and refocus on your ministrations.

He's lost. One moment you seem fine, but now it feels like you're shutting him out. “Did you do drum corps?” He tries.

“Yup.”

Jungkook lights up. He’s always been a fan of drum corps. Didn’t know you’ve done them too. Though, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. You’re very good at what you do. Hell, half, if not all, of the band could be marching in drum corps, but it was rigorous and costly. After getting cut from auditions back in high school, he hasn’t tried for drum corps again.

“What? I didn’t know that. Who have you marched with?”

“Phantoms and Red Angels.” You recount.

“No way! Wait, Red Angels? When?”

“2010, 2012.”

Jungkook pauses. He doesn’t recall seeing you, but then again, he didn’t make the cut after two weeks of tryouts to remember any faces.

“Alright, I think this is enough,” you say, unsure if you meant the ointment or the conversation.

He’s learned so much more about you in these couple of minutes than he has in the weeks of practice with you. Feels a bit disappointed as you release his hand to grab your stuff.

You place the jar of ointment on his desk. “Make sure to rub some on every night, but be gentle with it. Should speed up the healing process.”

Jungkook is in a daze as he thanks you and walks you out. He’d like to think the tingles on his hand were from the ointment worked into his skin and not from you.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

You designated Sundays for schoolwork. Because you were rarely home, you preferred working from your apartment, but on rare occasions you’d be forced to go on campus. Today was one of those days. Your internet was down and you had a virtual call scheduled with all the section leaders later. Coffee shops were not ideal due to all the coffee grinding and foot traffic. When in doubt, you head to the campus library to grab a private study room or table. You should’ve known that it would be obsolete, especially on a Sunday. That’s when everyone’s trying to study or get their assignments done. You opt to sit outside instead. Except … the connection was awful and it was warm out. This might be the driving point for you to upgrade your home internet package.

“Come on ...” You try to move closer to the facilities for a better connection. But you keep getting that circle of death on your screen. Maybe you also need a new laptop?

“Juice?”

“Oh, Jungkook. Hi.” You wipe away some of the sweat from your hairline.

Jungkook looked casual in his slides, t-shirt, and sweats. You personally wouldn’t have picked to wear sweats in this weather, but you assume he was just here to pick up his food from the dining corner judging from the greasy brown bag in his hand.

“Whatcha doing?” He asks.

“Homework. Er, trying to at least. Think I’ll go somewhere else … Internet connection is pretty bad out here.” You place your bag on the bench and begin packing.

“Would you like to study at my dorm? Got air conditioning and the connection there isn’t too shabby.”

You want to say no. That night where you helped him with his hand was to absolve your own guilt for physically hurting him. A one off. But you’ve already driven all the way here and you’re not sure where you would go if not just back home. Plus, gas was expensive. ‘Just this once,’ you tell yourself.

He looks at you with eager eyes, smiling wider when you nod.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Jungkook was on strike two at the 30 minute mark of studying in his room. The first time was when he started practicing on his drumming pad. The second was when he started humming all his parts in the show. He didn’t lie though — the wifi speed was great here and the air conditioning was nice. Since you occupied his desk, he took his spot on his bed. The times you bent down to get something from your backpack, you’d sneak a peek at what he was up to. He had his earphones in and drummed on his stomach with his hands. The color of his bruised hand looks infinitely better. You’d like to think it was thanks to your ointment, but you know a big part of it was because he was diligent with your instructions. Him and his cooperative nature. He was a good listener — valued what you had to say.

Jungkook turns and catches you staring. You immediately turn back to your laptop. He sighs, “can we talk?”

“I know you said you don’t hate me,” Jungkook starts, “but I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong. Did I?”

“You didn’t.” Half truth.

He doesn’t buy it. “Come on. We’ve been working together and it feels like there’s always this wall—”

“Jungkook,” you run your hand down your face, “has it ever crossed your mind that not everyone’s compatible as friends?”

His face falls. Jungkook was kind enough to offer his space for you to study and here you are being an asshole. Hell, he’s been nice all season from offering to take on the duet after Namjoon’s injury to showing up to all the practices on time. You’re not being fair at all. You don’t understand why you’re like this. Well, no, you do. Maybe if you talked about it, it would give you some closure too.

“You tried out for Red Angels that one summer.” You mumble.

He furrows his brows in confusion. “Yes.” It comes out as a question.

“I remember you.”

“Okay?” He sounds a little frustrated and rightfully so since you’ve been dancing around the topic of you and Jungkook in circles. You also feel a bit stupid now that you’re finally expressing what’s been bothering you.

“I overheard you talking to the other drummers that time. You said something about how colorguard are the cheerleaders of marching band.”

“I did? Juice … I promise I’m not trying to be dismissive, but I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

You know he’s not. This shit was over five years ago. It’s dumb and the more you talk about it, you realize how stupid of a grudge it was to hold over Jungkook for something that happened to you in high school.

“During my freshman year of high school, I dated a senior,” you reveal.

“Yikes. I’m sorry.”

“I know, big mistake.”

Jungkook internally tries to correlate the two pieces of information, but comes short. He’s confused. So you tell him. Told him how your ex was the drum major of your high school marching band. Told him how you thought he liked you a lot. Told him that you lost your virginity to him one month into dating and how he broke up with you the following week.

“Asshole.” Jungkook mutters.

You smile, “right?”

You clear your throat before continuing, “he said some shit about how colorguard are the cheerleaders of marching band. Was a dig at colorguard and cheerleaders. Like that we’re ‘easy?’”

“I guess … I was upset when I heard it again at the Red Angels tryouts. Fuck, is that stupid?” You palm your forehead. You weren’t expecting to drop your past lore to someone, let alone Jungkook.

“What? No! First off, fuck him. I’m sorry he treated you like that.”

You soften at his words. You don’t really talk much about the things that happened in high school because … honestly, the only good thing that happened in high school was colorguard despite the situation with that senior. Outside of being a pubescent teen, you never cared to reminisce about the past. Found it odd knowing people who called their high school years “the glory days.” You initially decided to go to this university because of their marching band program, but also, you wanted a fresh start. Seeing Jungkook was a reminder of the past.

“It was the past. I associated that situation with what you said at tryouts. We obviously didn’t know each other and I didn’t know I’d be seeing you again in school.” You shake your head.

“Juice,” he says softly.

“In hindsight, it’s stupid. I know. You’re probably a nice dude and you’re free to feel what you feel about people in colorguard—”

“It’s not stupid,” he interrupts. “Fuck that dude. You didn’t deserve that. And no, I don’t think of you or anyone in colorguard that way.”

“But you said …”

Jungkook exhales, “this is going to sound dumb, but back then I thought the saying meant that colorguard were the highlight of the marching band performance … kind of like the fact that cheerleaders are the highlight of football games. I honestly didn’t know there was another meaning.” He mumbles.

“Oh.”

You and Jungkook stare at each other with pursed lips now that everything has aired out.

“I’m glad you told me about your past. That explains some things …” he looks to the side, “I hope you know I’m not that kind of person. And I understand what you mean about people just not being compatible. Friendships can’t be forced and I won’t force that on you either.”

You nod, “thank you.” You’ve been difficult all this time and now that Jungkook was respecting your boundaries, you feel out of place.

“Don’t you have a section leader meeting soon?” He nods at his digital clock.

“How did you know?”

He smiles sheepishly, “Yoongi complains about it in the group chat. Says it’s overkill.”

You snort. “It is, but Lee thinks it’s good for us.”

“Yeah, well … I’ll just be here,” he puts his earphones back in his ears and lays back on his bed. Your stare lingers before you turn back to your laptop. You’re a little embarrassed about how this transpired in the last couple of minutes, but there’s relief in knowing you were wrong about Jungkook. More than that, you realize why people appreciated him.

Your virtual meeting starts and you assume it’ll be a quick one, that is until Hoseok gets to your updates. “Sooo, Juicebox. Lee has this crazy idea …”

You tilt your head. Whatever Lee wants, Lee gets. Just the matter if he’ll give you enough time to execute it.

Hoseok smiles sheepishly, “last time, we had Namjoon catch a sabre tossed to him. What if we had a band member toss AND catch something? Jungkook, specifically. Lee was thinking … a five. Is that unreasonable?”

Unreasonable was an understatement. Namjoon’s catch was different … for one, it was just a triple, three rotations in the air. Second, Jimin was the one that tossed it to him. A five? There were people that have spun for years and never reach a five on a weapon. Not that they were bad, but people had different strengths and skill sets. Jungkook was just your partner in this show. You’ve only taught him the basics in the event Lee wanted something extra. You weren’t expecting this.

“I don’t know if it’s possible. I can try to train him, but no promises.”

“Don’t think it’s a good idea,” Yoongi interjects, “Jungkook is lead tenor. I need him in top condition … if he gets hurt again …”

“Not saying it’s a must or anything. Let’s explore that idea and if it’s a no go, we won’t move forward with it.” Hoseok says.

Everyone on the call reacts with a thumbs up. The call shifts over to the topic of a fundraiser. “Rehearsathon,” as Namjoon calls it, involved each band member reaching out to sponsors for donations to pledge they’ll rehearse for 12 hours straight. It sounds ridiculous, but Namjoon swears it works. Raises money for the band and everyone gets in extra practice time — hits two birds with one stone. He thinks it’ll be a great opportunity to chat up with some folks at the upcoming football game to get some sponsors.

Having ended the call an hour later, you think you’ve overstayed your welcome. You pack up and mentally prepare to tell Jungkook you’re leaving.

“What’s not possible?” Jungkook straightens himself up on his bed.

“Were you eavesdropping?”

“Guilty,” he confesses, “can’t blame me … I’m literally two feet away and these earphones aren’t exactly noise cancelling. So, what’s not possible?”

“Lee wants to add another wow factor into the show.” You get up and Jungkook stands up as well, “wants you to do a five on weapon.”

“I don’t see why not. It’s worth a try.”

You put on your backpack and look at Jungkook incredulously. “Namjoon got taken out for a couple weeks by accident.”

“Okay, but you’ll be teaching and watching me, right?” He looks at you with those big, hopeful eyes again and you wonder to yourself if you both aren’t as compatible as you deem.

“Fine. We’ll try it next practice. Thanks again for letting me work here … you didn’t have to.” You mumble.

“Yeah, cause this space is only reserved for friends.” He jokes. “Kidding, Juice. It’s really no big deal.”

Ever so the gentleman, Jungkook walks you to your car even after you reassured that it’s not needed. He made up some excuse that he just wanted some fresh air.

You both arrive at your car and you turn to him. “Well, thanks again.” You unlock your car and toss your backpack into the backseat. He waves and tells you to drive safely. The distance between you and Jungkook grows as he walks back to his dorm.

You don’t know what compelled you to call out his name, but he turns quickly as if he’s also been waiting for this moment. “I never said I didn’t want to be friends with you. And yeah, you’re right. Colorguard is the highlight of the show.”

He smiles, and it’s devastating. How your body warms from just his smile. How it dismantles the walls you’ve built up around Jungkook. The foundation was weak to start, waiting for the right moment to crumble and start anew. You’re sure you can.

“I know. See you at practice, Juice.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Men in colorguard dominated the weapon line. They had the strength and stamina to toss a rifle with little to no struggle. Pain tolerance though? You question that. Jungkook had the energy, but his control was off. It’s not his fault. This was his first time touching a rifle. The average person isn’t tossing and catching random objects. Anything that goes up, will have to come down. And having a rifle barreling down your head isn’t anyone’s idea of fun.

“You have to squeeze.” You say after another lofty toss that has you both dodging the drop.

“What does that mean?” He complains, “I am squeezing, see?” Jungkook shows his hands gripping the rifle harder.

“No, your core.”

“What even is that?”

You place your hand on his stomach and another one on his lower back. Skinship in colorguard was normal, especially in dance. You’re used to it. You’d think Jungkook would be too. After all, there’s never a point in the show where you’re not touching each other. Yet, he tenses up under your touch.

“Think of it as sucking in air and a string is pulling from your back.” You look up at him, “try it.”

Jungkook tries to follow your instructions but ends up with his back hunched over like a turtle. You laugh, now moving in front of him as you grab one of his hands from the rifle. Instinctively, you place it on your own stomach. His hand spays over your abdomen — big, warm, secure. You freeze. You shake off the feelings and take a step closer to Jungkook, not quite able to look up from your position.

“Like this,” you demonstrate the technique, “feel the difference?” You press his hand harder against you. You certainly feel it … the lightest change of pressure in his fingertips, the small movement from his thumb. No one would have noticed, but you do.

You hear him swallow and exhale a shaky breath, “uh huh.”

“Good,” you step back and let his hand fall back to his side, “reset and do it again.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Jungkook’s #1 remedy to a sore body was a hot shower.

He’d run up the water bill back at home with the amount of hot showers he’d take after practice. At school? No difference. Even better now that he didn’t have his family breathing down his neck for taking up all the water. These days, he finds himself doubling down on his showers. He definitely underestimated the level of difficulty to perform as a musician and colorguard.

It hurts. His feet, shoulders, hands … literally everything.

All worth it though, especially on those rare occasions where your eyes light up after he’d reach another milestone in those private sessions.

He’s greedy for more. A smile. A compliment. A high five. Anything. Jungkook collects them in his invisible stamp book of accomplishments. Didn’t think he’d unlock something new today — something foreign within himself.

The hot water beats down on his skin. It’s scalding, borderline painful. Even so, it doesn’t compare to how punishing his hand is wrapped around his hard, leaky length. Jungkook supports himself upright with one hand on the shower wall. He shakes. Grunts lowly. He shouldn’t feel this way for you. Shouldn’t think this way of a teammate. A section leader, at that. You’re in his head whether he likes it or not.

Damn you and the innocent stunt you pulled during practice.

Damn you and those short shorts.

Damn you and your pretty eyes.

Because he’s here thinking about how you’d feel pressed against him, shorts pulled down, eyes watery from how good he’d make you feel. Would you praise him? Lose yourself on him? Encourage him to keep going? His hand speeds up.

Then, the unthinkable happens: your name slips out.

Shame needs no welcome.

“Fucking hell,” Jungkook groans, orgasm slipping away as he abruptly lets go of his cock at the last second. He cranks the shower knob to the coldest setting. This was so wrong. You deserved better — shouldn’t be reduced to some weird fantasy.

He pushes his wet bangs away from his forehead. Shakes his head as he scolds himself, “get a grip, man.”

Hot showers were his #1 remedy for a sore body.

Cold showers became his #1 remedy for you.

Jungkook quickly finishes his shower to rid himself of those sinful thoughts. Tucked in bed by 10pm, he scrolls through his social media, praying he’ll find something worthwhile of a distraction. Just as he was going to call it quits and step out for a walk, his phone rings.

Incoming call: Chaewon.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

You never really understood football. Didn’t really bother to pay attention to it when you were in high school since your team was notorious for losing. You were only there to perform for the halftime shows. College football was different. More lively. You still didn’t get the rules of the sport, but you appreciated the school spirit. Also was nice that your band played music whenever your school scored.

Hair and makeup was done thirty minutes before the show since nobody wanted to sweat off their work during the practice run throughs. You give a quick pep talk to your section. There’s always first show jitters, but you all worked so hard. Mistakes were inevitable and will motivate you all to improve for the next performance. So will push-ups, if Director Lee catches any in the stands.

“Hey.”

You turn at the familiar voice. Jungkook has on his uniform, harness hidden underneath it so it looked like the drums were floating in front of his body. Hat with the signature school feather tucked at his side, he looks polished.

“Ready to crush our duet?”

“Of course,” you grin, “if you make a mistake, you’re doing my push-ups.” Banters come a lot easier after the confrontation you had with Jungkook awhile ago. You feel more at ease with him these days.

“Cruel. Aren’t captains supposed to sink with their ship?”

“You’re on your own ship.”

“Ouch.” He chuckles. “Hey, can you zip me up? Forgot to ask one of the guys for help before coming over here.” He turns and bends lower for you to reach.

“All done.”

“Thanks, you’re a gem.” He turns slowly just to make sure he doesn’t hit anyone with his drums. Jungkook studies your face for a brief moment, clears his throat, and smiles.

“I like your eye makeup by the way. Blue suits you.”

“Yeah? Thanks,” you flush at his words.

Most show makeup was done heavier so that the audience could see. Realistically, no one can see your face from the stands. Perhaps that’s why your parents never came to your shows. Too many band members, too hard to spot. No parent wants to waste time playing Where’s Waldo with their kid.

“Jungkook!”

Jungkook looks around for the source of voice and he waves excitedly, “Ma!”

You watch a short middle aged woman weave through the crowds. Her bangs were pinned away from her face. There’s an uncanny resemblance between her and Jungkook. It’s all in the eyes. She side steps his drums and gives him a hug with lots of pats on his back.

“I told you I was going to meet you all later after the show, Ma,” Jungkook says with a sweet smile, “how’d you even find me?”

“I always know where my son is!” She chuckles. In a sea of band kids and a filled stadium, it would be hard to locate your kid. Though how hard would it be to spot a boy with tenor drums? There were only four of them in the band. “Look at how tan you’ve gotten. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen. I know you burn easily.”

“Ma …” he grumbles. He knows it comes from a place of endearment. After all, his parents supported him all throughout high school and college by coming to his shows, even volunteering to carpool and host meals for the marching band. It’s a type of community and support he won’t take for granted.

Jungkook looks out to the crowd, “where’s dad and Junghyun?”

“You know them. They’re in line for some nachos.”

You slowly back away to let him chat with his mom. It’s not that you disliked social interactions … you just really didn’t know what to do or say.

“Oh, Ma, this is Ju-,” he recovers quickly by saying your actual name, “she’s the colorguard captain.”

“Oh! Is she my favorite one to watch, Kookie?”

“Wha-? I thought I was your favorite to watch …”

“We got cameras for a reason.”

You giggle and shake her hand. You can tell where Jungkook gets his energy from.

“Your parents must be very proud of you. Such a lovely performer.” She praises.

Your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes at the mention of your parents, but you nod your head in agreement, “thank you.”

Sensing your discomfort, Jungkook jumps in, “Ma, we gotta go warm up now. Make sure you watch me. I’ve got a special part in the show.”

She pinches his cheeks, “wouldn’t miss it for the world, hon. Good luck, you two.” His mom quickly makes it through the crowd and up the stands.

“Sorry, my mom can be a bit eccentric.”

You shake your head. “She’s cute. I can see where you get your personality from.” Wait. Pause. That came out wrong and you hope Jungkook didn’t catch that either.

“You think I’m cute?” Nothing flies over his head.

“I think you need to worry more about pointing your toes during our routine.”

“Ugh, you sound just like Yoongi.”

“Wrong. I haven’t made you do push-ups. Though I probably should with the amount of times you dropped the rifle.” For that reason, you let the director know that the toss won’t be in the show … at least for this performance. It’s still too fresh and you would rather have a clean show with an easy routine.

“Cruel.”

You smile, “I’ll see you on the field.”

“Hey, Juice?”

“Hm?”

“Full out?” He says with a playful grin.

It’s a term he’s picked up from you over practice when you want him to perform at his best. This was your life motto. If you had to do something, you were going to do it full out. Do it so well that when the moment is finished, you could look back fondly and proudly at your accomplishments.

“Full out.” You mirror his smile.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

The halftime show went well. Some mistakes were made, but what’s done is done.

“Gah! I can’t believe I dropped when I was on the diva spot.” Jimin complains. The diva spot, a.k.a. the 50 yard line, was every colorguard member’s dream. For a moment, you were the center of the show. It’s one thing to be on it, it’s another if you had to do something big. And Jimin had a major toss that he missed. Nerves probably. Happens to the best, but it’s still not a good feeling for opener night.

“I hate this uniform. I’m soaked in my sweat.” Yuri says as she carefully wipes her face, avoiding her eyes.

“My feet hurt.” Another girl whines.

Your mind races, still trying to catch your breath from the show. Performing in front of an audience was different. The cheers, the lighting, the adrenaline. You do your best to soak in the moment, but all you want is a bottle of Gatorade and to get out of this uniform.

“Pain is just weakness leaving the body,” Director Lee comes from the corner. Ah, another one of his sayings he got from Pinterest.

“Nice work, guard. I saw that drop, Jimin. Tighten things up.” Director Lee comments while noting down something on his clipboard.

“Yes sir …”

“Director Lee, is there any way we can order new uniforms? It’s like a body sauna in this one.” Yuri inquires.

“Huh? Aren’t you kiddos into that bodysuit look?”

“Not when we look extra sweaty.”

“It’s not sweat, it’s glow.” Everyone groans at another one of his Pinterest quotes. Compared to the rest of the band, he’s a lot nicer with colorguard. He doesn’t know much about colorguard, but knows how hard you all work. As tough as Director Lee was in general, he’s a softie with guard … even with all the cringy dad jokes he makes.

“Juicebox, I thought the duet with Jungkook was nice. I’m expecting Jungkook to be ready for the five next show. Still think something is not clicking. Don’t know what though,” he writes down another note in his clipboard, “but I trust you’ll get it fixed.”

“Yes sir.” You don’t know what to fix if he doesn’t tell you. One of those moments where you feel like you’re trying to hit a moving target. Perhaps talking to Jungkook about it may help. He hit all his marks in the show. You’re proud of his growth. Think it’s only right you expressed that, just as you do with your members whenever they hit a milestone.

The band sets up their equipment in the stands again after the show. You look for Jungkook. He isn’t hard to spot. Not because he was tall or anything, but because of the swarm of people around him. Specifically cheerleaders. You liked your cheer team. Their work ethics mirrored closely to colorguard. What you don’t understand is the weird gnawing feeling in your stomach the moment you catch Jungkook and the rest of the girls laughing at something he said.

What’s that about?

He spots you. Smiles wider. Says something quick to the girls before he tries to walk away. Seemingly in your direction at least, but the girls don’t let him leave for whatever reason.

Like the other band members, you gather around the cooler for some refreshments.

“Damn it. Jungkook is a genius for rounding up sponsors from the cheerleaders,” Jaehyun takes a bite of his granola bar.

“You say it like they’d give you a single penny if you asked,” another member says. “He’s always been popular with the cheer team. Probably the dude with the most charisma unlike the majority of us band geeks.”

“I’ll have you know that my flirting skills—”

“Anyone who needs to talk about how great their flirting skills are, has none,” Yuri interrupts.

“You’re just a hater,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes.

“And you look like…” more insults get fired back and forth between the two.

You take the stairs up to where the guard sat during the games. There’s not much for you to do until call time. If you really wanted to, you could choreograph something, but being at the game was already enough. That’s what the cheer and dance teams were for anyway.

Yoongi groans in his descent to the seat next to yours. Says he has old man knees. Ridiculous claim for a 22 year old, but you’re sure every band member has some sort of long term injury at this rate. Yoongi juts his chin to the bottom of the stands. “Think they’re gonna date?”

“Who?” Your eyes zero on Jungkook and the cheer captain. He still hasn’t departed from the group.

“The noobs.” Yoongi puts his feet on the empty bleacher.

“Jaehyun and Yuri?” You laugh. “No way. They hate each other.”

“So did Romeo and Juliet.”

“Okay, but they died too.”

“Ugh, JB, you’re such a pessimist.” He snorts.

“No, just a realist.”

You look down to where Jungkook stands. He’s no longer focused on the surrounding conversation. Has this antsy body language like he’s in search of something … or someone? Keeps looking back and forth between whoever was talking to him and the bleachers. Specifically, in your direction.

“He likes you.”

“Jaehyun?” You avert from the obvious answer. “Not interested in noobs.”

Yoongi squints his eyes and smirks. “You’re no dummy, JB.”

“Don’t know who and what you’re talking about, Yoongs.”

“He’s not a bad kid,” Yoongi continues, “a little rough around the edges, but he tries hard. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“Since when have you started playing wingman for Jungkook?”

“See, I knew you were no dummy.”

You stick your tongue out. Yoongi takes the hint and drops the topic, choosing to stare at the open football field.

“I’m gonna miss this,” he says after a beat. “Should I fail one of my classes to be a super senior?”

“I wouldn’t hate graduating with you. We’d get our captain plaques together on senior night.”

“Dad would kill me if he had to pay for another semester.”

You chuckle and lean back. Hoseok calls the band to prepare as the game starts up again. Yoongi goes back down with his section and you’re with yours. Being at the top of the stands, you’re also closer to the stadium lights where all the gnats and moths gather. Can’t help being tempted by the light. You have a lot in common with them. Feel for them, actually. Because much like them, you’re also helplessly drawn to Jungkook’s light.

You don’t understand football, but it’s a nice distraction to put out the little spark of curiosity for a certain tenor drummer.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

You’re off.

Maybe it’s cause of what Yoongi planted in your head. Maybe. Because you find yourself looking for Jungkook on the field whenever Hoseok signals the band to stop. With only four tenors in the band, he’s not hard to spot. Jungkook was always the last one to fall out of attention after Yoongi taps on his snare. You also find yourself fixated on his bare back and how it flexes when he leans to tilt his drums up. You tell yourself you’re only looking because of what his mother said at the recent football game. He burns easily — shoulders look a little raw and the harness rubbing against it doesn’t make it any better.

Jungkook is just as equally to blame for these weird times. He texts you every day and sends you corny marching band memes. Honestly? They weren’t that funny, but you chuckle nonetheless when you see Jungkook follow up with a ‘LOLOLOLOL us.’ Serves to only confirm he’s also thinking about you.

You spend most of your days in practice with him — you’re bound to think of him outside of it. Especially when you’re at the local drugstore to get some tampons and you come across a bottle of aloe vera. All you have to do is hand it to him. And yet, the bottle remains with you for the next two weeks, burning a hole at the bottom of your backpack.

Granted, you had plenty of chances to give it to him since you’re over at his dorm every Sunday to study. Don’t know when this routine started, but you’d have to thank your spotty wifi for that. It doesn’t take much to convince you either. Good air conditioning, decent wifi, clean space … and Jungkook. Speaking of which, he’s on the floor drumming on his pad. Your brain tricks you to think of it as white noise at this point — loud and comforting. Not sure if you could fall asleep to it, but probably for the better during these study sessions.

His drumming comes to an abrupt stop, “Juice?”

“Hm?” You don’t turn around, too fixated on annotating your lecture notes.

“Do you always bruise around your legs?”

It’s not uncommon for colorguard members to bruise, given that accidents occurred on a daily basis. Whether you miscalculate a toss or there’s overuse of certain body parts, injuries were inevitable. The bruises on your knees are an unfortunate byproduct of all the floor routines you’ve endured. They’re your battle scars. Pretty like the galaxy. That’s one way to view them outside of the pain.

You turn around. Big mistake.

Jungkook looks up at you with starry eyes. It doesn’t help that his five-inch inseam shorts have lifted in his seated position. You’ve always had a weird obsession with tanlines and the ones on Jungkook’s thighs blend perfectly together.

His eyes move from your face and down to your exposed legs. He points at one of the bruises on your shin, “that’s a new one.”

“Very observant of you.” You reply.

He goes red. As if he got caught red-handed doing something forbidden. You quickly follow up with a lighthearted chuckle to diffuse the awkwardness. “But yes, I do bruise easily. Takes a while for it to heal too,” you cross your legs.

“That sucks … guess we all have a weakness, yeah? You with bruising and me with burning.” He chuckles, “B&B.”

“The harness doesn’t help with the sunburn, huh?”

Jungkook smiles, “very observant of you.”

You roll your eyes, think this would be a good time to give him the aloe vera, so you dig through your bag and toss him the bottle. Jungkook catches it with ease and fumbles around his nightstand and tosses you an unopened box. “Trade you.”

It’s the same ointment you brought him a while ago for his hand. You already have some at home, but it felt nice knowing he also thought of you too.

He sits on his bed, grabs his shirt from the back of his collar, and tugs it off his body. Most people shy away from nudity, but band kids are a different breed. You’ve seen people practice in nothing but their undergarments in the past. You should be used to this — to Jungkook’s body. Keyword: should.

You swallow at the sight of his broad back, lean waist, and defined biceps. You should avert your eyes. Again, keyword: should.

Your eyes follow his hands as they reach around his shoulders to smear the liquid on his skin.

“You missed a spot.”

“Huh,” he turns to his floor-length mirror to see and attempts to reach back around. Fails again.

“Want me to help?” The wheels on Jungkook’s desk chair squeak as you roll closer.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” He hands you the bottle and turns around. You squeeze the bottle and watch the dime sized liquid dribble on his back. He shudders and exhales softly.

You wonder if the deep shade of red on the tip of his ears was just another place he burned easily. Jungkook’s skin feels hot at the touch. Find the freckles and moles on his back endearing. Find it more endearing that he could never see them like you do. Much like his starry eyes, his back mirrors the constellations in the sky, begging to be traced and mapped by your fingers. By you.

“There, all done.” You close the cap and set the bottle on the nightstand.

He clears his throat, “want me to help?” Jungkook points at the ointment in your lap.

Now it’s your turn to feel shy. “I can do it myself.”

He tilts his head, “I know you can.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

You’re surprised at yourself — surprised you agreed for his help, surprised you’re seated on Jungkook’s bed with your foot perched on one of his thighs. You position your hands behind to support you upright.

“This okay?” Jungkook asks as he starts on the smaller bruises around your ankle. You’re not sure if he means this entire ordeal or the pressure he’s kneading into your skin. Regardless, you nod and bite the inside of your cheeks. You never realized how sensitive you were — never realized how much the bruises ached outside of your own touches. It’s been a long time since anyone has tended to your wounds, so this was different. A good different.

“You can go a little harder. Those are old.”

He does as he’s told. Always good, ever so obedient.

Jungkook eventually makes it up to your knees. You’ve let out a few shaky breaths in the time he’s worked the ointment into your skin, all while noticing the way his mouth parts at your reactions.

He eyes the last bruise between your thighs, and back up to your eyes, “there, all done.”

Something shifts in you.

“But you missed one.” You tilt your head, feigning ignorance just to see what he would do. He always does as he’s told, but you sense some hesitancy. Not because he’s uncomfortable, but because he’s unsure what will happen next if he touches you beyond what’s appropriate.

“Juice …”

“What?” You stare at him through hooded eyes, “I thought you wanted to help me.”

“And if I don’t?” He leans in, watches if you’d move away. You don’t, so he takes the chance to rest your leg down on his lap.

“Push-ups.” You say without another thought, also leaning in.

He laughs through his nose, “might do something that’ll warrant that anyways.”

“Like what?” You ask, “show me.” You have an idea of what will happen next. At least, you hope. There’s no doubt something changed between you two since that talk. Sure, you feel more comfortable around him, but lately? You’ve also been feeling other things. As much as you’d like to blame Yoongi, you know it’s your own attraction for Jungkook.

“Yeah?” His face is centimeters from yours.

“Yeah,” you nod, nose grazing his.

He kisses you.

Nothing more than a small peck to test the waters, but he waits a millisecond, which earns himself a soft whine from you as confirmation to continue. Your hand cups his jaw and pulls him in.

“Again,” you breathe, “do it again.”

It’s the same order you’d give to anyone making a mistake in colorguard, but this was no mistake. Call it a Pavlov response or whatever; Jungkook always does as he’s told. Tries his best to make it good for you — doesn’t take much. He angles his head a little, does this pouty thing with his lips that has you feeling warm all over. You lick at his lips. It’s tentative, careful, and slow — gets him breathing heavier.

“Fuck,” he muffles a small groan.

Jungkook parts his mouth and the rest is history. Every lick, every nibble, every breathy moan felt experimental and deliberate all at once. Thumb tracing your cheek, the pressure of his fingertips on your hips has you keening. Time is an illusion because you’d spend the entire afternoon kissing Jungkook if you could. He pulls away first, lips pink and swollen with a sheen of saliva you’re unsure who it belonged to.

He swallows, “well?”

“Well, what?” You say, slightly out of breath.

“Do I still need to do push-ups?”

You snort. He beams. You do spend the rest of the afternoon kissing Jeon Jungkook.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

“I’ve got to say, Juicebox,” Namjoon pauses to chug the rest of his water, “I don’t think I could’ve pulled off what Jungkook is doing with you.”

You almost spit out your water. “H-huh?”

Did Namjoon know something happened between you and Jungkook?

“The duet. You guys are killing it.”

“Oh. Yeah,” you relax, “extra practice helps.”

Practice does help. And so do the kisses in between breaks that Jungkook swears by makes him improve. You don’t require much persuading to fall into his requests. Enjoy it too much to be restrictive of his affections. As a result, things get a little … difficult during ensemble practices because all Jungkook wants to do is pull you away to kiss you silly. Deprivation of each other works out in your favor because Director Lee no longer mentions how you both need ‘more chemistry.’

“Nice. Hoping for a solid show for all of us by the end of the month. My high school is going to be there.” The marching band was scheduled to perform at the end of a high school circuit competition. Director Lee says it’s a good way to get the school’s name out for prospects thinking about which university to attend.

“Also, is Jungkook okay? He keeps looking over here.” Namjoon nods his head from the side.

You don’t even have to look. Jungkook’s been doing this every practice. Like a touch starved puppy waiting for their owner to come home. As endearing it is, you’re worried. If Namjoon noticed, eventually the other band members would too.

“Think he’s just zoning out.” You lie.

“True. Eyes are giving pug.” Namjoon stands up and pulls the neck strap over his head, “alright, last run through for the day.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

“You need to stop staring so much during practice,” you say in between kisses. Jungkook was over at your place under the guise to troubleshoot your shitty Internet connection. Quite confident it wasn’t your internet tier, but that it was just an old router. Ten minutes into inspecting your router, you end up pinned underneath Jungkook on your couch.

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“Namjoon said you looked like a pug.”

“Pugs are cute.”

“They are,” you concede.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Just-oh!” You look down at the source pressed at your heat. Jungkook is almost always hard during and after kissing, that much you know. Whether it’s from a simple peck or minutes of making out, he’s sporting a boner. Doesn’t take much to rile him up. Though, he’s never done anything further. Just tells you:

“Ignore that,” he trails kisses down your jaw and neck, “so what’s the problem?”

“Don’t want people assuming.”

“Oh.” Jungkook pauses and sits up on his heels, “right, sorry.”

You don’t mean to hurt his feelings. It doesn’t help that you’re a private person and things feel extremely preliminary with Jungkook at the moment. You like him, but for all you know, he could just be in it for a fun time. If this was going to die out, you rather have the least people know about it. It’s not like you’re actively wishing for an inevitable end.

Realistically, it doesn’t hurt to prepare for hurt.

Mood completely shifted, Jungkook sits upright and looks around your apartment. It’s neat, feels homey with how you decorated it. Most of your furniture was secondhand or thrifted, but you took good care of it. He eyes the shelf containing your awards, dried flowers, and pictures with all the different groups and friends you’ve marched with. You’re more sentimental than you appear to be. Marching with these groups was no simple feat, but you looked back fondly at all the memories created. You know you’ll do the same for your university years too.

“Wish I could’ve done drum corps,” Jungkook sighs. If he was phased by whatever transpired moments ago, he doesn’t show it.

“Did you try out other groups?” You sit up, knees brought close to your chest.

“Nah, I don’t think I’m good enough.”

Now, you initially thought there wasn’t anything remarkable about Jungkook’s drumming skills. But let’s be real … you didn’t read music nor play an instrument, so what did you know about drumming? What you do know is that Jungkook tried hard. He was more than capable of passing auditions and marching in drum corps. You’re sure of it.

“You won’t know until you try.”

“Maybe,” he dismisses the thought with a nod. “Would’ve been nice to join two years ago and claim I was in the season where they had tenors drum upside down.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” you smile, “was pretty cool.”

“You’re the cool one for doing drum corps,” he praises, “did you do a lot of fundraising to pay for membership dues?”

You shake your head, “no, my parents did.”

“Nice of them to support you.”

“Yeah, I guess?” You shrug, not sure how to reply, “they … never really came to my shows.”

Jungkook frowns, “why not?”

“Work? I don’t know … they just never made the time. I stopped asking them to come after a while, so I guess it’s my fault they don’t know my schedule.”

His eyes soften. You never realized how natural Jungkook was with affection and comfort. So natural in how he tugs at your wrist, lays you down with him on the couch, and cradles your cheek.

“The way you perform … it’s an absolute privilege to watch you. They’re missing out.” He tells you with so much conviction, “Ma would argue you’re the only one worth watching.” He jokes.

“She’s cute.”

“A menace,” he corrects with a grin, “cause she should pay more attention to her son. But I get it, I’d watch you too.” Jungkook has a way of making you feel special. Like you mattered. Supported. Something you hoped you’d see from your parents in the past, but come to terms you’ll never receive. Now, it’s all coming in the form of Jungkook. And you don’t know what to do with all these emotions except feel guilty and apologetic for what took place moments ago.

“I’m sorry about what I said about not wanting others to assume. It’s just …”

“You don’t have to apologize, Juice. I understand where you’re coming from.”

Does he? It’s like him to be nice about it. You wouldn’t put it past Jungkook, but his words feel … withdrawn? Rehearsed? You’re unsure if you want to open this can of worms with him, let alone if he wanted to talk about it. Instead, you press a soft kiss on his lips, “thank you.”

He groans and pulls you into a hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Are you tryna make me hard?”

“You’re so easy,” you laugh.

“You’re telling me you don’t get turned on when we kiss?” He looks at you incredulously.

You shake your head — a lie. “Nope, all you.” You say as one of your legs hook over his hip.

“I call bluff.” He kisses you, slow, tongue licking the seam of your lips. You lightly suck on his tongue and bite the bottom of his lips, giggling as he moans.

“Wanna check?” Feeling bold, your hand wraps around his wrist and leads it to your midsection, stopping just slightly above your shorts.

“Want me to?” He looks at you through hooded lids.

“Yeah, I do,” you nod, “prove me wrong.” You let out a tiny gasp as his hand slips past your shorts.

“Jungkook,” you whimper as his middle finger slips between your folds. The feeling of someone else’s hand other than your own has you feeling hot all over. Jungkook lets out a little wrecked noise before diving back to your lips for a messy kiss. His hand moves slowly, circling your clit, working out some of the prettiest moans.

“Liar,” he chuckles against your lips. His hand goes lower, fingers collecting your slick at your entrance before smearing it all over your clit.

Your jaw goes slack when his fingers move faster. “N-no, I’m not.”

You feel the vibrations on your lips as he hums. “Think I need to see. Will you let me?”

Such a stupid bit you guys have going on, but you both play it so well. Your shorts and panties are tossed somewhere in your living room, bare ass hanging halfway off the couch. Jungkook kneels on the carpet floor, in an absolute trance. Whatever he’s fantasized in the last month will never compare. Simply spreads and pushes your legs further apart.

“Pretty,” he murmurs to himself. Not sure if he’s talking about you or your pussy; regardless, you smile at the compliment.

“Done checking?” Your eyes move from his down to your wet pussy.

“Yeah. I guess I was wrong.” One of his hands moves to cup the side of your ass, parts your folds more. His thumb strokes up and down your slit, arousal apparent from your wetness.

“Told you.” You shut your eyes when you feel his thumb apply more pressure to your clit.

“So dry,” Jungkook watches you clench around nothing. “Think I gotta help you.” He lowers his head, cheeks hollow a little before he dribbles a glob of spit onto your bare cunt. You arch your back at the sensation of it trailing down your pussy. Jungkook’s face is centimeters away from your pussy, warm breath fanning over. He waits for your permission, places a delicate kiss on the side of your thigh, eyes never leaving yours. Your hand comes underneath your thigh to hold his hand during this intimate act.

“Yeah, think so too. Need you to help me.”

Jungkook eats pussy like how he makes out. Hot. Pouty. Whimpery. It does something to your heart when he interlocks his hand with yours, thumb caressing your hand. Soft and soothing. So different from how he has his lips wrapped around your clit, licking and sucking ruthlessly. You let out a broken sob when he suddenly pries your legs further apart before fucking his tongue in you. He pauses in between to spit, uncaring of where it lands because he knows it’ll eventually mix with the rest of your slick.

“Oh my god!” You shut your eyes, too overcome from the pleasure.

“Is that good, baby?” Baby. You like that. You like it more knowing he asked that question to check in on you as if your reactions weren't a giveaway. Couldn’t possibly formulate a response in the time he goes back to your clit, head moving side to side.

The pleasure builds and builds until you gasp. Body curling in and thighs locking Jungkook’s head in place, you cum.

White splotches fill the back of your lids. Jungkook was absolutely entranced by your orgasm. He groans, eats you out sloppily just cause. You can only lay there and take everything he’s giving you, hand clutching his tighter when it gets too much. Jungkook finally lifts himself off you when your whimpers die down, marveling at your glistening sex. He was a sight to see: disheveled hair, red nose, and wet chin.

“Wanna watch you cum again. Please?” His fingers circle your entrance.

You sigh prettily. “Come here.”

He obliges. Leans over your body with one of his hands still between your legs. You waste no time in pulling him down to a heated kiss, loving the taste of you on his tongue. The squelching noises intensify as you buck your hips into his hand. Drives you crazy that Jungkook hasn’t put his fingers in yet.

You pull away, “hear that?” You circle your hips. “You did that. Made me so wet — made me feel so good.”

“God, you’re so hot,” he moans, two fingers finally entering your pussy. He’s slow at first, mindful of your previous orgasm. Builds some speed once you pant into his mouth for more, fingers curling and letting the rise and drop of your hips do the work.

“You’re creaming.” Like a new discovery only he could lay claim on. Like he didn’t know he could get you like this. Because truthfully, only he has ever gotten you like this. He stares at the mess between your legs, white coating his digits and seeping down your ass the more he thrusts.

You can only whine and arch your back against the couch. That familiar feeling blooms in the pits of your stomach again.

“I’m gonna—”

He nods, keeps the same speed and watches you with blown out pupils. Doesn’t know where to focus. Decides at the last moment that it should be your face and feels no regret when you cum a second time on his fingers.

“You’re so pretty.” He kisses you through your orgasm, shaking his head when you trail your hand down to his crotch.

“Oh, you don’t want …?”

“Trust me, I’m more than good.” He pulls you up and giggles at your jello-state legs.

You’re a little confused why he didn’t want you to return the favor, but decided it was best to brush it off. He helps locate your clothing and guides you into your bathroom to clean up. You back against the locked door, hands coming up to touch your face. Hot. Look over to the mirror and exhale at the sight. The afterglow looks good on you. There’s a drop to your shoulders and light in your irises. You look enamored. It’s all too soon to say, especially after multiple kisses and this one intimate moment … though, your chest swells with hope. Hope for more with Jungkook.

In the time you spent freshening up, Jungkook pulled out a new router from his backpack he bought in secret earlier that day. Thirty minutes later, your connection and speed was infinitely better.

“Let me pay you back for the router,” you say as Jungkook puts on his shoes at the doorway. Jungkook stands up and tugs on the strap of his backpack.

“Nah. Just write off the push-ups for the rest of the season whenever I drop the toss,” he smiles cheekily.

“You wouldn’t have to do push-ups if you caught.” You scowl, “thank you again for the router. Saves me the trips to campus.” But it also meant you won’t have an excuse to study at Jungkook’s anymore.

Jungkook surprises you with a quick kiss on your cheek.“You’re always welcomed over whenever you want. G’night, Cap.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Envy has a weird way of working.

You remember it best with your parents choosing to go to your sibling’s sports games or when everyone in colorguard got to their splits way before you did. Just like how you’re feeling now, seeing Jungkook smile and joke with one of the cheerleaders after practice. It’s uncharacteristic of you to feel this way. You’ve never cared this much when you’ve witnessed past partners conversing with other people.

You encouraged it. Felt secure.

This was different.

“Yo, that’s the girl that Jungkook’s been talking to? Chaewon?” Jaehyun says in passing to another tenor player.

“I think so. Why?”

You don’t listen to the rest of the conversation. Rushing out the band room, your mind jumps back to all the times he’s stopped moving forward beyond making you feel good. Was it because he was already seeing someone else? It could only make sense if he wanted to be safe about it. Good that he’s thoughtful for all parties involved. Bad because you thought he liked you enough to have it only be you.

You were right. It doesn’t hurt to prepare for hurt.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Jungkook [5:04 p.m.]: hey! u left super early today. did u get home safe? Jungkook [8:31 p.m.]: ?? juice, u ok? You [10:15 p.m.]: Yes, I’m home.

1 Missed call from Jungkook

You [10:16 p.m.]: Sorry, studying atm. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.

This back and forth goes on for the rest of the week. Jungkook tries to talk to you after practice, but you always seem to slip away at the last moment. The one-on-one practices have stopped because the show was as clean as it could get and all Jungkook needed to work on was catching. He could do that on his own. You gave him all the tools he needed to succeed.

You’d like to think that whatever you shared with Jungkook was just a moment of indulgence. Helped you nurse your pride and feelings. If you kept telling yourself that things were okay and how it should be, you’ll eventually believe it. Much like how you’ve accepted that you’ll never see your parents at one of your shows, you'll realize these feelings for Jungkook were also fleeting. Because it starts to look that way once Jungkook starts to back off trying to talk to you.

You had other things to focus on. Cleaning up your section, schoolwork, and raising enough donations for the Rehearsathon. Of course you fall short of the goal. It’s not a big deal, but you hate to be the person who didn’t look like they tried at all, especially coming from a leadership role.

Regardless, you come into Rehearsathon ready for the brutal twelve hours. Practice lasted three hours at max, twelve was overkill. By the end of it all, you were exhausted. Sore and ready to go home for a much needed hot shower.

“Nice work, band. With the money raised, I think it’s safe to say we’ll be getting new uniforms by the end of the month. Just in time for the exhibition show.” Director Lee continues his recap, “also, shout out to our top fundraisers: Toad, Jungkook, and Juicebox.”

Huh? You barely raised a little over 50 bucks … 20 of which came from yourself cause you felt awful showing up with just 30. Did everyone else just do poorly?

Hoseok comes to you after everyone gets dismissed to pat you on the back. “Very impressive to get the cheer team to donate that much.” Cheer team? You’re lost. You didn’t know anyone on that team, let alone solicited them to donate. The only person you knew that had connections with the cheer team was none other than Jungkook. But … why would their sponsorship be under you?

It didn’t make sense.

“Jungkook.” You jog up to him.

“Sup?” He’s never greeted you like this before, but it’s probably deserved since you’ve been avoiding him. Doesn’t sting any less.

“My sponsors. You did that, didn’t you?”

He nods. “Yeah, I did.”

You shake your head, “you didn’t have to.”

“I know. I wanted to,” he shrugs.

You try to find the right words to say, but come short. You settle for a small ‘thank you.’ It’s all you can say before you turn the opposite direction.

He doesn’t stop you. Doesn’t question why you haven’t been returning his calls or text messages. Your silence was an answer in itself.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Jungkook’s tosses and catches were inconsistent. On his good days, he’s able to stick his catch. Mostly during rehearsal. But come the halftime shows? He’s dropping. You can tell he’s frustrated. No one likes feeling like they dragged down the quality of a show. Some liked to be left alone to process their mistakes; you assumed Jungkook was the type to need extra comfort. You work up the courage to go to him, but see that Jimin has beaten you. Probably for the better.

Jimin was great when it came to comforting others. In Jungkook’s case, it looked like Jimin was putting in the works. Has him miming a toss and doing a silly dance to show Jungkook how he tries to recover under a bad toss. Jungkook cracks a smile. Jimin transitions to his final move: back hug. You’ve also received those from Jimin before. It’s nice — not your preference after a rough show, but you appreciate the sentiment. Looks like Jungkook does too. Appears infinitely lighter.

The same cheerleader you saw a couple weeks ago, Chaewon, comes up to Jungkook too. Gives him a high five and a hug. And that was your cue to leave. You feel a little pathetic. All this because you don’t know what to do with your feelings for a boy.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Exhibition day.

Instruments loaded in the trailer, everyone was ready to hit the road. Whenever there was a far off site performance, Lee strung up his contacts to reserve fancy buses for the band. Yoongi theorizes it’s all for show to the prospective graduating high school seniors. He’s not complaining though. Far better to ride on some fancy buses than to coordinate carpool for over 200 band kids.

“Is your high school going to be there, Juicebox?” Yuri stuffs her equipment underneath the bus compartment.

“No,” you shake your head, “they’re in another circuit.”

“Lucky, my school is going to be there. So I need to impress my underclassmen.” She holds her hands into a fist. You chuckle, pull the straps of your backpack higher on your shoulder as you step onto the bus.

Colorguard preferred taking the back of the bus only cause it feels like you can do your hair and makeup in peace. Funnily enough, drumline also preferred the back too. Gives them space from the rest of the band when they drum together on the bus. Lucky for you, one of your girls secured the backseats. You volunteer to sit alone since there was an odd number of members in your section. If the drumline came to the back, you had a feeling Yoongi might swoop in to sit with you. He preferred a quieter seat partner despite having to lead some of the drumming sessions on the bus.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

There’s no need to look up. Even if you haven’t spoken to him in a couple weeks, you’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Go ahead.” Who were you to stop him?

Jungkook takes his seat, stuffs his bag underneath the seat in front of him, and places his drumsticks on his lap. He smells like coconut and shea butter — the same scent as the sunscreen you gifted him a while back. It’s sweet and warm — such a huge contrast to how you and Jungkook act towards each other now. Bitter and cold.

“Alright,” Director Lee announces from the bus intercom. “About a 45 minute drive to the location. No bathroom breaks. If you gotta go, hold it or piss in a cup.” A bunch of band kids grimace and fake a retch from the comment.

All you could think about is how you’ll be next to Jungkook for the next 45 minutes. The drummers get their rounds of drumming in, choosing to drum on the seats in front of them. You stare out the window, wishing for time to pass by quicker. His elbow brushes yours and time ceases to continue. Something lodges in your chest from the brief contact. You chastise your heart — so weak, so dumb, so fragile. Just because of a boy.

As Director Lee says, you’ve got to tighten up.

The drumming continues for another 20 minutes. Your section chatters behind you and Jungkook is turned to his own. Sometimes in a room full of people, or in this case … a bus, you still manage to find yourself feeling left out. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself.

Eventually, the bus arrives at a lot filled with other school buses.

“You guys have 15 minutes to unload and meet at the practice field for warm up.” Director Lee announces.

Row after row, people file out of the bus. When it was Jungkook’s turn to get up, he stays seated. He motions the folks behind him to go first, bending down to his backpack to get something. Everyone was now outside the bus … minus you and Jungkook.

He sighs. “How long are we going to keep doing this?” Jungkook leans back on his seat,

“Doing what?”

“Pretend like what we had didn’t happen.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stand up, one of your hands land on the seat in front to support yourself as you wait for Jungkook to move.

“Come on, Juice,” he pleads, “this is ridiculous.”

“I’m glad you agree,” your knee pushes at his leg to get to the aisle.

“Was it something I did?” Jungkook’s voice softens, “I would never do something you weren’t okay with …”

“Jungkook.” You look at the front of the bus. Thankfully, no one was there, “I was okay with everything we did, well—no, I mean,” you shift uncomfortably as you try to find the right words. He cocks his head to the side with furrowed brows.

You feel your resolve waver. There hasn’t been a second in the day where you don’t think about him. Week after week, you jump between feeling sad, betrayed, and embarrassed. He’d even pop up in your dreams to remind you that even when you weren’t awake, he’s still very much present in your subconscious. Perhaps talking to the source of your problems could help.

“We can talk about it after the show. There’s not enough time.” You were being honest. Know that everyone is on crunch time now that you’ve all reached the performance site.

“Okay.” He’d have no other choice but to accept. He gets up and moves to the side. You push away that bitter feeling in your chest. It’s show day. Jungkook eventually emerges out the bus a couple minutes after you do.

“You okay, JB?” Yoongi hauls his drum from the trailer and moves out of the way for the other members to get their instruments.

“Yeah,” you lie, “just pre-show nerves.”

Yoongi doesn’t buy it. Realized you and Jungkook were the last ones to get off the bus. Felt the shift between the two of you these couple of weeks. He also notices how Jungkook looks over at you. Something must’ve happened, but he’s not going to push for answers right before a show.

“Kids these days …” he murmurs to himself.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

High school marching band competitions were overstimulating. Overfilled bathroom stalls, different music playing, and the scent of kettle corn … makes you nostalgic. The rush of being on a field again. Other good, if not better, colorguard you’d meet from all over the country. The award ceremony. The comradery. Maybe you have one more season left in you to do drum corps in the summer.

For now, you’re lined up at the front of the main field. Everyone is all warmed up and ready to perform.

Showtime. Director Lee takes over the stadium microphone to introduce the marching band and Hoseok signals everyone to march down the field into position. The show goes smoothly. During the performance, the audience erupts with cheers at every musical feature and toss. Jungkook catches. The band was an absolute hit.

“Oh my god, we rocked out there!” Jimin drops the handful of equipment he picked up on the field. Everyone gives each other high fives and pats on the back.

“I second that,” Director Lee comes around with his megaphone. “Nice work, band. We have an hour to reload. Do as you like till it’s call time.”

Equipment and instruments loaded up, you and another guard member walk to the concession stands for some kettle corn. While waiting in line, she gets pulled away by some old classmates from high school. Honestly, you didn’t even want kettle corn, but you weren’t ready to face Jungkook just yet. In the midst of your thoughts, someone calls your name. You freeze.

“I thought I recognized you from the stands. Long time no see.”

A voice and face you long to forget: Wooyoung. Your high school ex.

You step back, unsure how to avoid this interaction. He smiles. To any other person, it’d come off as friendly. To you? Slimy. Icky. You feel more cornered when he opens his arms for a hug. When you don’t lean into it, he pulls you in for one.

“You were great out there. Improved a lot since your freshman year.” He places his hand on your shoulder.

“Thanks,” you reply. Your gaze locked on the object in front of you. A badge that read: YBHS Asst. Band Director.

He notices your stare. “Yeah, I never really left the marching band scene post college. Just kept calling my name.” You don’t like the way he scans your body. The corners of his lips fight to stay neutral. Part of you feels sad for your younger self — didn’t know better than to mistake his lust for interest and adoration.

“Say, if you’re free after the competition, we should get some drinks together and catch up. The school I’m teaching is looking for a dance tech—”

“No, I’m not looking to teach.” You immediately decline. Getting paid to do what you loved sounded tempting, but why subject yourself to torture being employed by the same man that fucked you over? “Thanks for the offer, but I need to go back with the band.” You step back.

Ignoring your decline, Wooyoung tries again. “We should catch up though. I don’t mind taking you back if you’re worried about a ride home.”

“No thank y-”

“Juice.” You’ve never been more relieved to hear someone call you by that nickname.

Jungkook stands beside you. Saw you looking uncomfortable from afar and it was instinctive to come over despite whatever was going on between you two. By no means was he a confrontational or violent person, but he’s protective of those he cares about. And he cares deeply about you. No doubt about that.

“Lee said he needed us back at the bus.” There’s plenty of time left, but you’re thankful for an opening to leave.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta go.”

“Aw, can’t spare a couple more minutes for an old friend?” Be it his ego or his inability to read the room, Wooyoung doesn’t back down. This doesn’t surprise you. What surprised you was Jungkook’s hand wrapped around yours. Possessive. Alert.

“Come on, we’re gonna be late,” Jungkook says.

“Oh? Boyfriend?” Wooyoung eyes your interlocked hands.

“Uh-”

“Yep,” the lie rolls off his tongue effortlessly. You nearly believe it too, “and you are …?”

“Wooyoung. I teach at one of the high schools in this circuit,” he chuckles, “I’m assuming you both march at the same university?”

“We do.” Jungkook answers on your behalf again.

“Cute. Well, I won’t keep you two,” Wooyoung turns to you. “It was nice seeing you again. Hit me up on Facebook if you’re interested in the tech position or if you just want to catch up.”

Before you know it, you and Jungkook are headed back to the direction of the bus. He's still holding your hand, weaving both of you through the crowds.

“Jungkook,” you say, nearly tripping over your steps to meet his long strides. He lets go of your hand and faces you.

“Was that your ex?”

Your silence confirms the answer.

“Why’d you let him walk all over you like that?”

“I was fine.”

“You were clearly uncomfortable. Had I not stepped in-”

“I didn’t ask for your help, Jungkook.”

“You didn’t,” he steps back, “and I know that. I just … I wanted to.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I care about you ... we’re friends.”

But friends don’t look at each other like the way Jungkook does with you. A friend’s touch doesn’t make you yearn for more. It doesn’t hurt when they call you a friend.

“We’re not friends.” Guilt seeps through you the moment those words leave your lips. Jungkook runs his hand down his face and exhales a small humorless laugh. It comes out mocking with a hint of bitterness.

“But Wooyoung is?”

That hits a sore spot. He realizes his mistake when your face falls. “Juice,” his voice softens, “I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Just like how you’re friends with Chaewon?”

He pauses. Confusion plastered on his face. Your shoulder bumps into his arm as you walk past him and towards the bus. It takes less than a second for him to catch up to you. Calls your name. Gets ignored.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What does Chaewon have to do with any of this?” With some band members lining up to board the buses, Jungkook’s voice was loud enough to catch their attention. The last thing you want is people speculating.

“Can we do this another time?” You say through gritted teeth.

Another time? He’s been waiting to talk to you, but you keep blowing him off. He doesn’t know when he’ll be granted this opportunity again, let alone whether you’ll keep your words. But you look uncomfortable and as much as he’d like to air out his grievances, he holds himself back from making a bigger scene.

He sighs in resolve and lets you queue in line for the bus. In the bus, you expected Jungkook to sit right next to you. Gets surprised when Yoongi plops down next to you. You scan the area and realize Jungkook is a couple rows in front. He doesn’t look back at you. Doesn’t come back for his belongings underneath the seat.

“Whatever is going on between you and Jungkook needs to be fixed. You’re better than this.” He sighs.

Yoongi was never one to lecture you. Not because he doesn’t feel like he can’t, but because you’ve always had your shit together. Haven’t seen you act like this before. So … juvenile, immature, and unreasonable. Perhaps he was wrong to think that things would work between you and Jungkook. The bus ride back to the campus was quiet. Going home always felt like a shorter ride in comparison to going to the performance site. Wished it took longer.

The bus comes to a full stop at the front of the school and everyone immediately gets out row by row. Yoongi gets up once it’s your row’s turn. “Wait, Yoongi,” you point at Jungkook’s bag at the bottom of the seat.

“You can give it to him, JB.” It’s not a demand, merely a matter of fact. You don’t argue back. Percussion is typically last to unload all their instruments back into the band room, so you’re stuck waiting for Jungkook till he’s done.

One by one, your colorguard members leave to go home, bidding you farewell. They don’t question why you’re staying behind, just assume that you have some business you have to see through with the director or other section leaders. It’s late and they just want to be in bed. So do you. But you wait, because it’s what you should do. You owe this to Jungkook at the very least.

Thirty minutes go by and Jungkook finally emerges from the band room. He smiles and waves goodbye to his section. When he sees you with his bag, his expression morphs into something close to disbelief. Walks up to you quickly and takes it out of your hand.

“Could’ve told Yoongi to give it to me,” he frowns.

“Trust me, I tried,” you sigh, “but I promised we would talk.”

His lips presses into a thin line. It’s late, but if the talk doesn’t happen now, he doesn’t know when it will.

“Did you want to talk at the dorms?” He asks.

You internally debate whether it was a good idea to be in an enclosed area with Jungkook. Sure, it offered some privacy, but you felt more exposed. More vulnerable. Limits your likelihood of running away. Doesn’t take you long to make a decision, opting to talk at his dorm after a cold breeze passes through. It’s been a couple of weeks since you’ve been there. You wonder if anything has changed. Yet, you’re greeted by the same blue bedsheets, detergent, and all too clean of a desk space. Nothing’s changed, except for the two people in there.

Jungkook sits on the floor and you follow. You clear your throat, unable to make eye contact with Jungkook now that you’re in front of him. No more avoiding the inevitable.

“What’s been going on?” He asks carefully. “Talk to me, please?”

You chew on your bottom lip, unsure of where to start.

“Was it something I did?” He asks again.

Another moment of silence ensues. “Juice-”

“We shouldn’t have done what we did.” You’re sure this was the right thing to say, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

“What do you mean?” His voice comes out small.

“I shouldn’t have entertained any of that. It wasn’t right.” That really drove it home. Nail on the coffin. Stings more when you look up and see the hurt plastered on Jungkook’s face.

Yoongi told you to fix things, but it seems impossible when you’re only capable of making things worse. Especially with how he closes his eyes and looks away. You’ve prepped your heart for this moment. Though, this is Jungkook. The boy who willingly volunteered to step into a position no one else would, the boy who’s been vying for your attention and got it, the boy with a smile so warm that you think you’d have trouble forgetting even across multiple universes.

That’s what scares you. Whatever he says next will hurt.

“Do you regret it?” Jungkook asks with downcast eyes. You rest your face into your palm. It’s a yes or no question deserving of a yes and no answer. For that, you couldn’t answer right away.

“I didn’t. Not once.” He answers truthfully, “but if you regret it, I really am sorry.” Jungkook looks at you with those round, apologetic eyes.

You almost cave. Almost.

“I just … thought we had something special. I was wrong to assume.” He says.

You did have something special with Jungkook. He wasn’t wrong.

Jungkook continues, “I hope we can remain friends, but I get it if you don’t want to.”

Friends. This irked you.

“Is that what you say to people you’ve slept with?”

“What?” He retracts his head back in confusion. “Where’s this coming from?”

There’s no going back now.

“Chaewon.” You straighten up from your seated position, “there’s also something special between you two, right?”

You sound bitter. You hate it. Hate how he looks … so exposed. So incriminating.

Jungkook quickly shakes his head.

“You wouldn’t let me touch you. Was it because you were still sleeping with her?”

“No! I—”

“—It’s fine if you were. We weren’t anything,” wrong, he was something to you, still is, “but—”

“It’s not like that,” he interrupts, but you press on, fully on autopilot now.

“—I’m not someone’s backup, I don’t do casual. The least you could’ve done was tell me. If you had any respe—”

The words die on your tongue when Jungkook says your name. Your actual name. You don’t realize how heavy you’re breathing. And Jungkook? Upset is an understatement.

“I did have something with Chaewon,” he begins.

You scoff.

“In our first-year. Things ended because … well, I caught feelings,” he admits with a hint of shame, “I don’t do casual either. I just didn’t realize she did.”

Oh.

“But you’re still …?”

He shakes his head no. “We’re not like that anymore, I swear.”

“Doesn’t explain why you wouldn’t let me touch you,” you murmur, head turned away in embarrassment.

Jungkook frowns. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. Intimacy just kinda fucks with my head and heart … after what happened with Chaewon, I just …” His voice trails, “I didn’t want to rush and mess things up with someone I care about. Seems like it still happened anyway.” Jungkook scoots closer, knees now touching yours. “Is that what this is about?”

Jungkook cocks his head to meet your eyes, but you keep your head turned away. “Hey, come on. Look at me.”

And when you finally do look at him, you’re met with light and warmth — something you don’t know if you deserve after all the mess your mind created. He hesitates, but trails his fingers against yours. Testing the waters. Jungkook takes it as a sign to hold your hand when you don’t retract. Even with his calloused hands from years of drumming, you feel the tenderness in his touch.

“I never intended to hurt you or make you feel bad,” his voice laced with sincerity, “I’m sorry.”

Jungkook was right. Intimacy does fuck with your head and heart. Made you think irrationally, abandoning all logic for the sake of protecting your heart and pride. Ridiculous that he’s the one apologizing.

“No,” you shake your head. “I should’ve come to you about it. I’m sorry.” Your eyes water at the admittance.

“Aw, hey, don’t cry …” Jungkook cups your cheek with his other hand.

You sniffle, quickly blinking away the tears because you’re stubborn — not a fan of people witnessing you cry. Instead, you press your cheek into his palm. Missed his touch — missed him.

It’s a little uncoordinated how he pulls you onto his lap, but when you’re seated on him and your head is resting in the crook of his neck, it feels like coming home. There’s a specific scent that clings onto his skin after a long day of being under the sun — slight musk mixed with sunscreen and his cologne. Familiar and comforting. You wonder if he’s just as attached to your scent as you are with his.

“You still haven’t answered my question though …” he swallows, “do you regret it?”

“No,” you shake your head, voice coming out small, “never regretted anything we’ve done.”

“Do you … regret us?” He asks.

You shake your head again. You know you said some hurtful things a while ago. Wish you could take it all back. Can’t seem to muster the courage to tell Jungkook that he’s been the best thing that’s happened to you all season, but you try in your own way.

Torso turned awkwardly and arms sewn around his neck, you hold him. It takes a second for Jungkook to react, body tense and unsure if he’s allowed to embrace you. You exhale, something akin to relief, and he feels it too. Jungkook holds you just as tightly. Tucks himself into your neck and kisses into your hair. Whispers how much he’s missed you and jokes about how foolish you both are — just two enamored fools.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

The day after that night, Jungkook unfollowed Chaewon on all his social media platforms, not before sending a quick message how he no longer wanted to stay friends. You hope it wasn’t because of you. Sure, you had your moments of insecurity about Jungkook and Chaewon and don’t know exactly what transpired between them, but you thought it was a bit excessive to cut someone off cold turkey. But Jungkook had his reasons … reasons for which he’s not ready to talk about just yet. You trusted him and you’ll wait. If he thought this was for the better, you’ll stand by his decision.

The season was nearly over. You’re also over at Jungkook’s a lot, vice versa — made his room a second home. He reserves a section of his nightstand just for your bobby pins and hair ties … no different from your desk chair with a pile of his sleep shirts.

It’s the evening after an ensemble practice and he’s laid between your legs, bare back against your torso. Nothing sexual, just appreciating your company while he drums a random beat on his chest. The warmth of his body feels good on yours, like a heated and weighted blanket all at once. You mindlessly run your fingers in his hair, occasionally earning a shudder from Jungkook if your nails made contact with his scalp.

“Next week’s our last show,” he mutters.

From your position, you notice Jungkook’s pout. Your hand comes to a stop. “You sad?”

“A little. Season’s been tough, wanna end it on a good note.”

Part of you wonders if he was talking about the show or his time with you. Both could be true.

“You will,” you wrap your arms around his shoulders and give him a reassuring squeeze, “is your family going to be there?”

Jungkook smiles fondly. “Yeah, they are.”

“Good. That’ll be enough incentive for you to catch this time,” you tease.

“Yah,” he turns, chin propped at your sternum, “I don’t need incentives to do well.”

“Really?” You tilt your head. “That’s not what you said before practice today. ‘One kiss, please? I swear I’ll stick the catch.’” You do your best pleading eyes, but nothing can beat the real deal.

His eyes narrow, lips curving into a playful smile. “You got me.”

Jungkook lays his cheek down on your chest, hesitates with his next words. “How about you though? Is your family going to be there?” He knows family is an uncomfortable topic for you. Hell, talking about hard topics in general was difficult. These days, you’re doing better at communicating your feelings. Jungkook makes it easy — makes the uncomfortable feel comfortable.

“Didn’t invite them, so probably not,” you shrug.

“Wouldn’t it be nice to have them there?”

“Maybe …”

Jungkook thinks you’re so pretty when you’re in deep thought. Brows furrowed, lips pressed together in a thin line. There’s that dimple on the right side of your cheek that only appears when you do that. He’s sure you’re not even aware of its existence. Always been so captivated by you. Built this version of you in his head all these years and you’ve shattered every one of his assumptions in just one season. He's gotten to know different sides of you — like when you’re assertive, insecure, caring, angry, sweet … just, you.

“But I don’t need incentives, unlike someone I know.” You smirk.

He likes to entertain all your sides, but this was his favorite — the side that likes to tease. His body shifts, so does yours as you sink your head deeper into his pillow.

“I think you’re getting it mixed up, Cap,” Jungkook hovers over your body, nose touching yours, “incentives make me work harder knowing there’s something to look forward to. As much as I love performing for a big audience,” his lips brushes the corner of your mouth, “it’s more special when there’s someone you know watching.”

“Right?” His breath fans over your lips.

You’re not arguing with a man whose eyes competed with stars. Instead, choosing to accept his words because he’s right … just on this occasion. Because all you want is for him to press his lips to yours.

And Jungkook does that.

Drives him crazy when you get all breathless and whiny against his lips. True to his words, he’s been good with taking it slow with you. Sticks to kissing for now because he fears that he won’t be able to get himself out of the deep end if he reaches to that point of intimacy. Took forever with Chaewon, so he doesn’t know how he’ll fare with you … someone he really likes.

But fuck, you make it hard — make him hard. You gasp and pull away slightly when he accidentally grinds himself against your core. Jungkook shudders and mumbles his apologies, lips finding yours again.

You shake your head. “‘s okay,” you kiss his cheek, “you good?”

“Trying to be,” he swallows and chuckles.

“You don’t have to try to be,” you peer at him through your lashes, “you are good.”

You make the uncomfortable feel comfortable too. Kisses you again tenderly and lets his body relax momentarily.

“Can I be honest with you?”

You nod. “Always.”

“When we had that fall out … it was after we got intimate. I’m worried about that happening again.”

“Oh, Kook,” your stomach sinks at the confession.

“I don’t wanna feel that way with you,” one of his hands cup your cheek, “I trust you.”

“I trust you too. We don’t have to rush into sex to prove anything.” You turn your head to kiss his palm.

He knows. But he wants this badly — wants you. His hard length pressed against you is enough proof. Sensing his turmoil, you push yourself up, making him sit back on his heels.

One of your hands holds his. “You trust me, yeah?”

Jungkook nods, eyes sincere and honest. You lay your back against his headboard, legs spread wide enough to accommodate another person in between. No brainer, a perfect spot for Jungkook.

“Turn around and lay down,” you pat your chest.

Jungkook does just that, no questions asked. He’s right back where he started this evening: between your legs. Except now, there’s a light wave of anticipation floating in the air.

“What do you have in mind?” His voice drops an octave lower.

“Shh,” you hand cups his chin so that your lips could meet his temple. “I got you.” Truthfully, you didn’t know what you were doing. You only wanted to make him feel good, just as he’s done for you.

“You’re always helping others. So attentive,” one of your hands trails down his abdomen, “so good.”

At your praise, Jungkook sinks his teeth down on his lips.

“Think you deserve to be rewarded for that. Don’t you?” You ask. His hand wraps around your wrist, unsure whether to have you continue or stop.

“Wanna make you feel good,” your hand stops just shy of his belly button, thumb rubbing against his skin, “please?”

He releases a little moan, cock twitching in his shorts. You run your hand between his legs, gentle in the way you let yourself trace over his cloth length. Jungkook tips his head back for a second and immediately looks back down again, afraid he might miss out on what’s yet to come.

“God,” he keens, stomach tightening with every fleeting touch.

“Do you want me to stop?” You whisper into his ear. Simple question calls for a simple answer. Jungkook presents his answer in the form of a tilt to his head, whispering a silent plea for you to kiss and continue touching him.

The angle of the kiss is a bit off, gets Jungkook a little giggly, but he quiets down the moment your fingers fumble at the waistband of his shorts. His chest stutters, both hands coming down to help you pull the front of his shorts to expose his hard cock.

Jungkook’s size was always a dead giveaway. Thank god for his obsession with grey sweats. You didn’t think he was this big. Arousal pools between your legs. Wonder if it’d stroke his ego knowing your mind was filled with images of how he’d stretch you out, sink inside you, and fuck you to the hilt.

But nevermind that. This was about him and making him feel good.

Jungkook lets out a needy moan when your hand wraps around his cock. You give it a tiny squeeze and hum at the sight of his precum leaking from his slit. You let go all too soon, and just as he was about to accuse you of teasing him, he hears you spit into your hand.

“Baby ...” His chest heaves when you run your wet hand down his shaft again.

Jungkook was right. It is more special when there’s someone you know watching. Inspires you to perform. To make him feel good. To ignite a reaction, letting you know he enjoys what you’re doing.

He lets you have your way with his body. Pants and shivers when your other hand plays with his nipple. Doesn’t know where to fucking focus because you’re everywhere all at once and he loves every moment of it.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum,” His eyes lock at the sight before him: your pretty hand wrapped around his hard length covered in both spit and precum.

“Yeah? Go on,” you coax, “you deserve it.” You understand what he means by incentives. Because it motivates you to work harder to draw out his moans, stroke faster then randomly slow down to tease him, and purr sweet nothings into his ears. Makes you fight the arm cramp just to see his eyes flutter shut. Makes you ignore the pleasure pangs hitting your own core just so you can witness his orgasm. Because you want to so badly make him feel good.

“That’s it, so close,” you encourage.

“C-cumming,” Jungkook pants, he digs his head back into your shoulders, “I’m cumming.” You watch the thick ropes of cum paint his torso. Jungkook’s body shakes and withers from pleasure. You let go of his cock and you trail your fingers up his stomach to collect his cum.

He watches with bated breath as you stick your tongue out for an experimental lick. A bit heady for your liking, but who eats cum for the sake of taste? This is all for Jungkook. His fucked out expression was enough reason for you to push your cum coated fingers into your mouth and suck them clean.

“Oh my god,” he groans, turning around to pin you down on his mattress. “You’re so hot.” Doesn’t think twice when he slots his lips to yours, moans muffled at the taste of him on your tongue.

“Made me feel so good,” another peck to seal the deal. “Thank you.” Post nut clarity usually made people run for the hills. Jungkook? Basks in your company and affection. Trusts you with his body and so he naturally trusts you with his heart.

He hopes it’s the same for you.

Words aren’t needed to express how you feel for Jungkook. It’s evident in how your expressions change the more you kiss. How your nose feels against his cheek when you nod for him to touch you. How it doesn’t take long for you to fall apart from his fingers.

Jeon Jungkook knows it’s the same for you.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Last game of the season also meant the last performance of the season. You’re warming up with your guard. Nothing too serious since you don’t like to be tired out before a performance.

“Hey, Cap?” Jimin says mid stretch. “There are a couple of folks behind that keep staring in our direction. You know them?”

It’s a sight you weren’t expecting. Your family. Your parents and brother. Not like you don’t see them often. You call home sometimes. Visits happened towards the end of the semester, so you’d never expect to see them on campus mid-semester… especially your own.

You jog over to them.

“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” You ask breathlessly.

“To see you perform, duh.” Your brother rolls his eyes.

“Uh … but this is-”

“One of your classmates messaged me on Facebook a day ago telling me it’s a very special performance. Honestly, I wished I got the invite from my daughter, but here we are,” your mother exasperates, foot tapping on the ground.

Sensing a bit of awkwardness, your father adds, “we just wanted to say hi and good luck, honey. We’ll be in the stands.” He points in the direction of the stadium.

“Oh, okay, um, thank you. I’ll see you all later?” You walk back to your section, confused, but there was something else. Excitement? Disbelief? Maybe all of the above.

“You okay?” Jimin asks while gathering his equipment.

You look over to where Jungkook was warming up with drumline. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Director Lee is a man of traditions and rituals. Doesn’t like splitting poles because he thinks it’s bad luck. He also made it a tradition to announce every fourth year’s name to the stadium as the band file to their spot for the last performance of the season. Think of it as an informal send off. Gets the entire band a little emotional before the show.

You feel a lot. The nearly filled stands. Your family in those very stands. Jungkook. The fourth-years. All the practices, mistakes, and injuries led you up to this moment.

Hoseok salutes to the audience and the stadium quiets down when he turns back to the band. Even from far away, you can feel his presence. It’s commanding, ready to lead.

And that’s what Hoseok does. Everything blurs when the music starts. It’s all muscle memory. The cheers for the flag and music features fuels the entire band to perfection.

Despite your confusion about your family, they’re here, watching you.

The stadium erupts in cheers at the end of the performance. You’re the first to break formation to hug your guard members. You remain smiling as you walk off the field, eyes catching a glimpse of Jungkook’s mother waving at him. Your eyes scan for your family. When you finally spot them, they’re all seated and clapping. Your mother’s approving nod doesn’t go unnoticed. There’s a stark difference to the support Jungkook receives from his family.

As imperfect as your family’s affection and support may be, it fills your heart with a type of warmth you’ve yet to experience till now.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Director Lee’s traditions spanned to post-performance pizza following the senior plaques he’d hand out. New section leaders were also selected. Director Lee knew at a glance who had leadership potential, but he’s always watching throughout the season in preparation for his departing section leaders.

Jungkook only ever cared about the pizza. Not that he never saw himself as a leader, but he knew there was always someone better fit for the job. This year? Screw the pizza. Screw the new leader. Okay, well, no, he hopes they’re a good pick. At the moment, that’s the least of his concerns.

“So like … are you gonna eat that?” Jimin eyes the untouched pizza on Jungkook’s plate. Jungkook wordlessly passes his plate over to Jimin, far too immersed in the conversation you were having with Yoongi a couple feet away.

He knows he overstepped by sending that message to your mother. Should’ve respected your decisions … or lack thereof.

You walk toward the front door, look over in his direction, and give him a subtle nod. Doesn’t need to be told twice — Jungkook springs up on his feet and adjusts his bibber.

“Where ya goin’?” Jimin asks Jungkook with a mouthful.

“Bathroom,” Jungkook replies quickly.

“Well, hurry up. Lee is doing awards and section leader announcements soon.”

“Right. Yeah. Okay,” he answers distractedly, too focused on the direction you’re headed in.

Jungkook was on a mission. He got his apology rehearsed in his head. Follows closely behind you as you head up the stairs to the storage room. Honestly? Wouldn’t have been his first choice to chat here. For one, creepy. Two, dusty as hell. But he’ll go where you go.

When the door shuts behind him, you turn on your heel to face him. Even with the dim lighting, Jungkook still finds your glittery show makeup beautiful — you’re beautiful. Crushes his soul a little bit when you frown … he’s ready for a round of scolding, so he’ll try to beat you to it.

“I know what I did was out of line. I just th—mmph-” The apology he rehearsed for the past hour dies on his lips as you pull him down for a searing kiss. Your hands untangle from the straps of his bibber to wrap around his neck.

“You’re so annoying,” you say in between kisses. Your words don’t exactly match your actions. You bite down on his lower lip, enough pressure to draw out a tiny hiss turned moan. Jungkook backs you against the wall and knocks over a couple of boxes with flag silks. He’s quick to remedy it with promises to clean it up in favor of kissing you.

The storage room was a bit stuffy … probably loaded with a bunch of asbestos, but it just might be Jungkook’s favorite place at the moment. Just when he thinks all is well and forgiven, you pull away with a glare.

“Don't think you’re off the hook.”

“Wait, huh?”

“JB! You in here?” Yoongi calls from below.

Yoongi makes his way up the stairs, steps slow and sluggish. You can’t tell if it’s due to his lack of energy or if he’s giving himself enough time to not walk into something he doesn’t want to see. Regardless, it buys you some time. You and Jungkook have never moved so fast. Him, hiding behind a rack of retired uniforms. You, inconspicuously folding the discarded flag silks on the ground.

“Yep, in here!” You peek your head to the side to see Yoongi lean at the railing.

“Lee wants everyone in the band room. Doing announcements soon.”

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

Yoongi stands in place for a moment, snorts before he makes his way downstairs again.

“Need you there too, Kook.” Yoongi says, loud enough for you both to hear. Your head snaps in Jungkook’s direction and you can’t bring yourself to stay angry at the view: his fluffy hair and beat up converse high tops on full display.

“Whoops,” Jungkook emerges from the racks with a boxy smile.

“Come on, let’s go back.” You say, swiping away the red tint off his lips. Preen him a little. Not trying to hide anything, but you wanted to look presentable for announcements — it’ll be an important one.

“Shouldn’t we address the elephant in the room?” He nervously chews on his lips.

You shake your head and hold out your hand. “It can wait. I have dinner plans with my family later … meet me at my place afterwards?”

“Okay … but like, are we good?”

“Maybe.” You shrug and purse your lips.

Maybe? No, that won’t fly by with Jungkook. Thought you guys were past this whole miscommunication stage of your guys’ relationship. He needs that extra reassurance. Figured he won’t get that till after your family dinner … doesn’t stop him from playing out the possible scenarios in his head as Director Lee goes through his announcements.

People are clapping on and off. Again, doesn’t matter to him.

“Jungkook? Hellooooo?” Yoongi waves his hand in front of him.

“Huh, wha … sorry, what’d I miss?” Jungkook shakes himself out of his trance.

“Welcome back to earth, Space Cadet.” Director Lee huffs. A bunch of band members snickers from the comment, his section included.

“You’re the new percussion section leader, Space Cadet.” Yoongi grins.

He should be celebrating. It’s a feat and honor to become a section leader. He knows nothing about it, but he’s got great role models, so he’s got a good foundation and baseline for what a good leader should look like. Only issue? Jungkook thought he’d been lucky to evade the nickname curse. Now he’s stuck with one … and a not so great one at that.

He looks for you in the room. Spots you instantly and you throw a tiny thumbs up and a teasing smile in his direction.

You mouth: Congrats, Spacey.

Maybe the new nickname isn’t so bad after all.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Dinner with your family was okay. There wasn’t much to chat about other than your father asking if you are continuing ‘this’ after graduating.

“We’re just wondering. Eventually you’ll have to put work first,” your mother reasons. “Your body won’t be able to keep up as you age.”

You know it’s said with care and concern, but you can’t help but feel like you’re being lectured for doing something unconventional. God forbid you be happy with activities outside of a typical 9 to 5. The conversation moves over to your brother and what he’s been doing. You’re thankful the attention is off you for now. You’d much rather be home with a particular drummer anyway.

You [8:39 p.m.]: I’ll be home in about 30 mins. Jungkook 🥁 [8:39 p.m.]: ok, be safe. see u later ❤️

You smile down at your phone. Yes, you were still upset and made it a known fact to Jungkook. Hated seeing him confused, but that’s life. He'll have to sit with the consequences of his actions.

Kind of like how you have to sit through this dinner.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

Jungkook arrives at your doorstep about four minutes after you get home. In his hands were a dozen of sunflowers he picked up after Director Lee dismissed the band. Thought it would help his case a little. It does. You accept them with a smile and step to the side to let him in.

“Pretty,” he compliments. You look down at the simple sundress you put on for dinner. Realize Jungkook has only seen you in t-shirts and athletic wear. Though, you could be in a potato sack and he’d still find you lovely.

“Thank you.”

He follows you to your couch. Usually he likes to sit right next to you, but thinks space is what you’d prefer for this type of conversation. He had plenty of time to reevaluate his actions in the shower and even more time while he waited for your text to come over.

“I truly am sorry. I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. Just thought they should come out and support you.”

You sigh and place the flowers on your coffee table.

“How’d you even find my mother?” You ask.

“Um, it wasn’t that hard to sift through your friends list. Plus, there’s not a lot of middle aged women that you look like. Could’ve passed as your older sister, honestly.”

“Funny,” you smile, “she’d love to hear that.”

“Score.” Jungkook grins.

You mindlessly play with the fringes on your dress, unsure what to say next.

Jungkook reads you perfectly as always. “What’s up? You okay?”

“Just have a lot on my mind.” You fold your hands in your lap.

“I get it,” he nods.

“I don’t think you do.” You pause, chewing on your lips before you continue. “The show, offering me a place to study, the sponsors, Wooyoung, and now my family …” you recount, “you keep doing these things for me.”

Jungkook frowns, “do you not want me to?”

You shake your head. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. I’m just not used to it.” You’re not used to being taken care of nor understood. It’s always been like this. With your family, friends, even some of the folks you’ve marched with in the past. But in the time you’ve gotten to know Jungkook, that’s all he’s given you.

Feels like he knows what you need better than you do sometimes. Feels like he does things out of care and not obligation.

It’s not a feeling anymore when he pulls you onto his lap, resting his chin on top of your head.

“I know you’re capable of doing everything and more, Juice. But unless you don’t want me to, I’ll always want to help you,” he says.

You nod, fingers playing with the ends of his shirt. “I know, and I appreciate that. It’s just hard letting go,” you shrug.

“Of what?”

“Control?”

He chuckles, “you don’t say, Cap.”

You roll your eyes, “you’re a section leader now too.”

“Ah, that, I am,” he agrees, “means we’ll be working together more. You gonna give me a hard time?”

“Ask Yoongi.”

Jungkook laughs and holds you closer. He clears his throat, “need to make sure, though … am I forgiven?”

“Wasn’t that upset, Kook.” If you were truly mad at Jungkook, you wouldn’t have kissed him back in the storage room. “But yes, you’re forgiven. No more messaging my mother on Facebook though. She thought you were a bot for some reason.”

“Huh? I don’t know why she’d think that …” Jungkook pulls out his phone to show you the message thread.

The first line read: To Whom It May Concern …

“This screams scam, Kook.” You snicker, skimming through the well-thought out message. Punctuated perfectly and straight to the point. What a stark difference to the silly text messages you receive from him on the daily. Could barely tell it’s him. The only glaring similarity? Jungkook doesn’t sugarcoat his intentions — never when it comes to you.

Jungkook pouts, “they still came to the show …”

“Yeah, they did,” your eyes soften, handing his phone back to him, “made me really happy seeing my family there.” You tuck his hair behind his ear.

“You deserve to be.”

And you also find happiness in when you press your lips against his. Happiness in when he giggles, nose scrunched and all. Happiness in when he moans as you roll your hips over him.

Jungkook pulls away to trail kisses down your cheek and neck. “You said you’re worried about letting go of control … we can work on that.”

You whimper at a particularly harsher suck, “how?”

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

You’ve always preferred being in the mentor role. There’s no ambiguity in teaching someone what you already know. Never have to anticipate the unknown.

You find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, watching Jungkook take off his shirt. So ready to welcome the unknown. It comes to you in the form of Jungkook’s sunkissed body and hooded eyes. He’s well-loved by his friends and family. Only natural to be well-loved by the sun as well. The sun will spend eternity chasing Jungkook and it’ll never come close to seeing all that you will in this lifetime.

“You trust me, yeah?” He walks up to you, legs bumping into your knees. Jungkook cups your cheek and tilts your head up to look at him. Needs to see you.

“‘Course, I do.” You smile.

“Good,” he steps back, “turn around for me.”

You wordlessly get on your hands and knees, chin turned at your shoulder to look at Jungkook, “like this?”

“Just like that,” he praises, gaze dropping at your ass where your dress falls perfectly around your hips.

One of his hands trails up your back and gently pushes you down. Your forearms cushion your drop, not that you needed it. You’re pliant for Jungkook.

You hear him shuffle behind you, both his hands are at your hips as he leans into down to kiss your shoulder. One of his hands goes under the skirt of your dress, knuckles grazing your inner thigh as if he’s asking permission to do more. You turn your head to the side with a visible pout.

“Are you going to be edging me or something?”

Jungkook snickers. “What? You want me to?”

So it appears edging wasn’t his goal.

His hand cups your sex, middle finger trailing up and down your clothed slit. “You’re soaked through, baby,” Jungkook murmurs, “‘s cause you were thinking about getting edged?”

You shake your head no. “Can’t help it,” your fingers grip your sheets as his fingers move a little quicker. “You got me like this.”

Jungkook groans at your confession. “I did, didn’t I?”

He reluctantly lifts himself up and away from you. Almost regrets it when he sees your brows furrow in disappointment. Makes a mental note to make it up to you one way or another. Season’s over, but Jungkook has all the time in the world with you. He pushes your dress up and over your ass. Feels his cock stiffen in his pants at the sight of your beige colored panties. He always had a thing for your ass. Shamelessly looked at it in the past whenever you were busy stretching. Proud to know that this view belonged to him and only him. He lets his gaze linger at the sight of the dark wet patch at the center of your panties.

Yeah, he got you like this.

“You still with me, Spacey?” you tease when you notice him staring at you longer than anticipated.

He shakes himself out of stupor. “You’re lucky I like you.” His knuckle trails up and down your slit. Got you shuddering again.

“What do you want me to call you then?” You ask.

Jungkook feigns deep thought, humming as he throws out random nicknames.

“Baby?” He pulls your panties down your thighs.

“Honey?” You giggle as he taps your knees to fully remove your underwear.

“Boyfriend?” He parts your ass, lets a dribble of spit trail down the center and to your cunt. Your hole clenches around nothing.

“You liked that one?” Jungkook asks, spitting directly at your hole this time. “Hm?” Trails kisses down your folds, deliberately avoiding your clit till he gets an answer.

“Kook,” you mewl.

“Tell me,” it comes out needy, “please?”

“I do, yeah.” You confess, “I like it a lot — like you so much.”

That’s all he needed. You choke on a moan as Jungkook licks one long strip from your clit to your entrance. He rocks your hips to his face, pistoning his tongue into your tight pussy. Pushes your ass up a little higher so he could have better access to your clit. He licks, sucks, moans, and repeats as if he knows nothing more than to please you.

Jungkook’s moans come out muffled, face stuffed so deeply between your legs, you’d think he’d suffocate to death. On the contrary, he’d argue that life’s worth living even more now. You catch a glimpse of him with his eyes closed and his arm moving fervently between his legs. So shameless and impatient — needs to wank himself for some relief.

“Pretty baby, so fucking wet for me,” he praises against your sex, hot and breathless. Your hand comes around to hold his. Your absolute favorite part of his body. Love it on your body and even more when woven between your fingers — keeps you grounded and secure as you reach your orgasm. And even before you’ve fully come down, Jungkook pulls away and stuffs your cunt with two fingers, curling and thrusting in you with a type of speed and precision that has you gasping. Doesn’t give you room to breathe, prefers having you like this anyway.

“Baby, y-you’re gonna make me cum again.” You cry, eyes fighting to stay open. A certain numbness pools at your stomach, begging to snap at the curl of Jungkook’s fingers.

“I know,” he encourages, “make a mess on my fingers, come on.”

You come again, eyes rolled to the back of your head and moans stifled by your sheets. Jungkook draws in a breath, absolutely hypnotized with your pussy clenching and suctioning his fingers. After a couple seconds pass, Jungkook slowly pulls his fingers out and rolls you down onto your back. He clambers his way on top of you. Wants nothing more than to kiss you and be in your arms. You, on the other hand, had different plans.

“What are you …” Jungkook grunts softly into your mouth. You slide your hands down into his pants and wrap your fingers around his hard cock. Give him one, two, three good pumps before you break away from his lips.

“Honey is a little old-fashioned, no?” You breathlessly ask, your free hand tugs at his belt loops. Jungkook gets the hint and swiftly pulls down his pants and briefs all at once.

“Honey is cute.” He argues, tugging your top down to expose your breasts.

“For married couples, sure. Not suited for a boyfriend.” You correct.

He nods, nicknames don’t really matter to him anyway. Just wanna be yours. Instead, he chooses to latch his lips to your nipple, hand groping the other breast. Bites down on your nipple and immediately soothes it over with his tongue. Jungkook goes back and forth between the two, loving your reactions. The pleasure builds again. He hisses when you roll your hips up at him.

“Tonight’s about you letting go, remember?” He reminds, “I'll take care of you, promise.”

“Want you to feel good too.”

“I do,” he swoops his hand underneath your thigh and pushes it up, “so much, with you.” He guides his cock in between your folds. It’s wet and messy, just how he wants it. You wince at the over sensitivity, but ignore it because Jungkook is falling apart above you. He looks down between you both, mesmerized by your slick coating his length.

You watch him, watch as he slides his cock up and down your core, watch how the head of his cock knocks and moves against your clit.

“You feel so good like this,” Jungkook holds your jaw, nose caressing yours, “wonder how you’d feel inside.”

You whine, hips pushing upwards, “please …”

He shushes you with a kiss, requesting you to be patient with promises of making you feel good. It’s dizzying, but you listen and let him take the reins. Jungkook shifts his hips and you gasp into his mouth at the feel of his hard cock at your entrance. Your pussy flutters around him, so wet and ready. The head of his cock nudges in, stretch so minimal with how well he’s prepped you. You moan and let your head sink onto your pillow. He doesn’t push into you any further, just the tip.

“Mm, you are edging me,” you accuse, unable to move as Jungkook has your hips pinned down to the mattress.

“You wouldn’t like me if I edged you, Juice.” He smiles.

Impossible. Don’t think there’s a universe or lifetime you wouldn’t be drawn by him and him to you. “Need you inside me, Jungkook,” you say, “please?”

He savors the moment for a little longer, tempted to do as you request. God, he would. But Jungkook has a promise to uphold and a lesson to teach. He keeps his word as he slowly inserts himself inch by inch, watching your brows furrow and mouth drop open in frustration.

Jungkook’s just as fucked out. Involuntarily bucks his hips, drawing out a surprised, high-pitched moan from you. Big mistake. The need to hear that again fuels something primal in him. His arms swoop underneath your head. Has you in an embrace as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear — such a contrast to his ruthless hips. Jungkook’s whole life has been about music. Over the years, he saved music sheets from his favorite pieces and shows. His most favorite melody? Your broken moans and cries, spurring him on to continue fucking you.

He’s not sure how long this goes for until he finally lifts himself up, immediately misses the warmth of your body. The view below him makes up for it: your dress bundled up around your waist, breasts bouncing after every thrust, and your wanton gaze. His eyes drop lower at where you both connect — groans at the cream coating his cock and how it gathers at the base after every push. Your breath hitches when his reaches between your bodies and toys with your clit. “Yes, yes, yes, oh, Kook, right there.”

“I—” you can’t even finish your sentence as you cum again for the third time. Jungkook’s eyes close, head tipped back at the feel of your walls squeezing around him.

“Shit,” he trembles and pulls out, trying his best to delay his orgasm. Doesn’t want any of this to end so soon.

Jungkook lays down next to you, hard cock smearing your cum on your stomach. You smile, one of your legs tossed over his hips to keep him close. You’re so tired, but there’s this glint in his eyes — he wants more. Far from being done, he pulls you on top of him, dark locks falling prettily on your pillows. Claims how much he likes your dress as he helps you get out of it.

“Couldn’t have liked it that much if it’s off me now.” You tuck Jungkook’s hair behind his ears and his expression shifts. Fondness. Warmth. Devotion. Jungkook drinks in the view before him — cock twitches at the sight of your fully naked body. Thinks he needs to block out a day to just kiss all your moles, scars, and freckles — adore them one by one. He settles for a small kiss on your palm, and positions his cock for you, eyes pleading at you to sink down on him. Your hip lifts and lowers slowly, stuffing yourself full of him again, fighting the over sensitivity.

“You feel so good,” he rasps, “take me so well.”

You nod, hands pressing his abdomen to hold yourself up. You move first, slow and deliberate to take in his expressions. Jungkook lets you take control for a minute. Just a minute. Because eventually, his fingers dig into your hips, maneuvering you up and down how he likes. Your legs shake, too weak to keep you upright.

“Come here,” he tugs you down so that your chest presses down on his. The new position makes it easier for him to bounce you down. You cry out into the crook of his neck. You trust Jungkook, trust that only he could take your pleasure to another level. Trust him with your body — your heart.

“So good for me,” he grips harder, feeling that familiar heaviness pool at his balls when he’s close. “You can give me another one, right?”

You feel your slick drip down his length with every drop of your hips. You whimper, shake your head, “n-no, I don’t think I can.”

He kisses your temple, “‘s okay, can you hold on for me? I’m so close.”

Of course you can. Anything for him. Anything to see him cum. Because of you, for you. He hugs you close, plants his feet down on your mattress, and fucks himself up into you.

You’re a liar. Body betrays you as he has you bracing his chest and digging your fingernails into his shoulders. Pretty crescent moons on your sunshine. So perfect. Even when you sob from the intensity of his thrusts, you want nothing more than for this feeling to last forever. Because Jungkook has you cumming again, pussy fluttering and milking his length for all he’s worth. It surprises the both of you — surprises Jungkook more when you press your face into his neck and he feels wetness on his skin.

“Baby,” he huffs, “wh-where should I—” hips losing rhythm and stuttering from your clenches.

“Inside, please cum inside me,” you use all your strength to lift your head to kiss him. That’s when Jungkook sees it: your watery lashes.

"Gonna cum," Jungkook gasps, eyes squeezed shut, both hands now pushing your ass to meet his hips, “oh fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He groans loudly into your mouth, shamelessly sucks on your tongue and pumps himself two more times into your cunt before finishing inside you.

Jungkook stills. Pants hard. Mentally snorts at all his past dumb fantasies because they’ll never compare to how he feels with you right now. Doesn’t think he’s ever cummed this much and this hard. But it’s you, the girl he’s fancied for so long. You and Jungkook stay like this for a while longer. His hand trails up and down your back, nearly lulling you to sleep. Jungkook knows you — would rather go barefoot on lego pieces than sleep dirty. You made it clear that showers are a must after practice and before bedtime. Sex was no exception.

Another thirty seconds pass and Jungkook slowly pulls out of you. You wince and close your fists against his chest.

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes with kisses on your shoulder and gently rolls you onto your back. He looks a little silly rushing to the bathroom while hopping into his briefs. Comes back with a warm cloth to which you realize seconds later was your favorite face towel.

“Jungkook,” you whine as he parts your legs to clean you up, too weak to put up a fight.

“I know, baby, I’ll get you a new one. You okay, though?”

“Yeah, ‘m good.” You smile, eyes filled with adoration.

How could you not be? Jungkook kisses the old bruises on your knees just as he’s kissed the old wounds in your heart.

───── ♪ ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ♪ ─────

“Whatcha doing?” Jungkook hums into your ear.

“Signing us up for auditions.” You reply naturally, fingers typing away on your phone.

“Uh, what?” He lifts his head up from the pillow, one eye shut from the brightness of your phone.

“With the Tridents.”

“Drum corps? Wait, Juice, I don’t know if I’m ready. There are a lot of good drummers out there …”

“Why not? You’re literally a section leader. There’s nothing you can’t do.”

“But—”

“We’ll go together,” you turn. “Come on, we age out of this circuit soon.”

He looks uncertain. Hesitation stirs in his irises.

“If any of us don’t make the cut, we’re both out. Kay?” Half lie because you’ll encourage him to stay even if you were to get cut first.

Jungkook stares at you, bites his lips as he contemplates his decision. Caves in under three seconds at the sight of your pleading eyes, “Alright, let’s do this.” He’s jittery in your embrace. Can’t believe he’s doing this. Knows he has to go for it.

Because life’s too short not to go full out.

fin.

a/n: fun fact! my high school crush was in the drumline too. funnily enough, i recently saw him after years of radio silence. guess what i did 😎 anyway, lmk if you have any thoughts/feedback/questions ♡

#jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook college au #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook imagine #jungkook oneshot #jungkook drummer #Jungkook marching band #bts fic recs #jungkook fic recs #bangtan fic #bts fanfic

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