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autistichalsin · 10 months ago

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In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.

Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?

Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.

More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.

But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.

A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.

Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.

So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.

Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.

It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.

There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:

The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”

A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.

It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.

And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.

Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.

Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.

So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.

Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.

So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.

And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.

And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.

And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.

Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.

Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).

It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.

#isabel fall #fandom #proship #proshippers please interact #proship please interact #profiction

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hermajestyimher · 28 days ago

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Redeeming the Law of Attraction: A Believer's Guide to Manifestation in Alignment with God

I receive a lot of questions from you guys regarding how to reconcile the LOA and your faith at the same time. Or whether that's even possible. I fully agree that as a Believer, it can be confusing to navigate the concept of the Law of Attraction (LOA), especially given how closely it mirrors some Biblical principles, yet how deeply it has been distorted by New Age ideologies. While many LOA teachings emphasize personal power, manifestation, and relying on "raising your vibration," the Bible teaches us that all good things come from God (James 1:17) and that He alone is the true source of our abundance, protection, and fulfillment. So how do we reconcile this principle with our faith without veering into pride or idolatry? My opinion is that the answer lies in understanding LOA as a created principle that's part of God's divine order and not a substitute for God Himself.

1. God Is the Source, Not Us

Deuteronomy 8:17–18 gives us a direct warning against self-idolatry: “You may say to yourself, ‘My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.” The core issue with many LOA teachings is the belief that we can bring things to pass through our own will or energy, independent of divine grace. But Scripture reminds us that every ability, every blessing, and every outcome we achieve ultimately comes from God.

When we remove God from the equation, we risk elevating ourselves to the place of the Creator. This is the same pride that led to the fall of Lucifer and the rebellion of Israel. We see it played out in the consequences of Israel's disobedience and reliance on their own understanding, leading to exile and suffering (Isaiah 30:1–2; Hosea 4:6).

2. Pride Destroys, Alignment Protects

Manifestation without humility is a spiritual trap. The more we insist on controlling outcomes, the further we drift from the protection that comes through surrender to God. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Even when we are pursuing good things, if we do so without seeking God, we step out of alignment with His covering.

In the New Age framework, the LOA often becomes a form of self-worship. But for the Believer, true manifestation is not about making ourselves gods, but about aligning with the will and timing of the one true God. The difference is critical. God’s protection, insight, and timing are what shield us from attracting things that may look good but ultimately destroy us.

3. We Are Co-Creators, Not Sovereigns

The Bible tells us in Psalm 82:6, “You are gods; you are all sons of the Most High.” This doesn’t mean we are divine in the same sense as God, but that we are made in His image (Genesis 1:26–27), given creative power through our words, thoughts, and actions. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” and Jesus Himself said, “Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24).

We are, in a sense, spiritual creators—but under divine authority. The moment we see ourselves as sovereign over our lives without God’s governance, we step into dangerous territory. We may manifest what we think we want, but without discernment, we often call in things rooted in trauma, pride, lust, or broken ambition.

4. The LOA Is Real, but Fulfillment Comes from God

We should not deny that there is truth to the Law of Attraction. Our thoughts, emotions, and spoken words have power. But that doesn’t mean we are the ultimate power. God created the universe to operate on spiritual principles: sowing and reaping (Galatians 6:7), asking and receiving (Matthew 7:7), faith and expectation (Hebrews 11:1).

Non-believers can and do use these principles to gain success. But without God’s direction, success can become a snare. People can attract toxic relationships, wealth that isolates, or fame that destroys. Only the Lord gives true fulfillment. Proverbs 10:22 reminds us, “The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.”

5. Faith = Surrender + Expectation

Where LOA emphasizes belief in self, biblical faith emphasizes belief in God. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This isn’t a mere transaction; it’s also a transformation. As we align our heart with God, He plants His desires in us, but also delights in giving us the things we've longed for that are for our good.

Prayer and faith are not passive, they are bold, expectant, and active. Yet, they are also surrendered. We ask in full belief (James 1:6), but trust that if something doesn’t manifest, God has something better, or is protecting us from something we cannot yet understand. Romans 8:28 assures us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Final Reflection: Manifestation Under Lordship

Ultimately, the Law of Attraction is not a rival to God; it is simply one of the many principles He put in place to govern His creation. Like gravity, it works. But like any tool, it can be used righteously or destructively.

When we manifest under God’s Lordship:

We invite the Holy Spirit to shape our desires.

We allow God to filter our intentions.

We steward our thoughts, words, and energy in a way that honors Him.

We relinquish the outcome to His perfect will (to prosper us and not harm us, to give us hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11).

We are not victims of randomness, nor are we gods unto ourselves. We are image-bearers of the Creator invited to co-create with Him in trust, humility, and alignment.

So yes, believe. Visualize. Speak life. Walk in expectation. But do it all from a place of surrender, knowing that the One who holds the universe also holds you, and He has the final say and that is a privilege for you! Because in the same way a loving parent would never allowed their children to blindly get harmful things due to lack of understanding, neither does He want us to suffer because we aren't fully aware of the negative outcomes that some of our selfish manifestations may carry with them. God is not an authoritarian figure, but a protective and loving one. Remember that.

#spiritual growth #spirituality #things ive learned #growth mindset #LOA

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rottenpumpkin13 · 4 months ago

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(You can ignore this if it's too sensitive of a subject) : How would AGSZC handle another SOLDIER/Infantry operative struggling with suicidal ideation from mental health concerns?

Sephiroth: Doesn't have the language or framework for mental health struggles, since he was raised in an environment where only physical ailments were acknowledged, so this registers to him as an immediate and serious medical emergency. His instinct is to take the person straight to the infirmary, ensuring they're under constant observation because that's what you do when someone is critically unwell, right? He means well, but emotional support isn't his strong suit. That doesn't mean he forgets though. He keeps checking in, requesting updates, watching from the sidelines. He doesn't know how to comfort, but he can make sure they stay.

Genesis: For all his theatrics, he's remarkably gentle in situations like this. He knows how to talk, how to de-escalate, how to take something raw and painful and reframe it into something that doesn't feel quite as unbearable. He's charismatic enough to soothe, but more than that, he's genuine. He understands loneliness, alienation, the feeling of being swallowed by something bigger than you. He recommends books, stories that helped him, passages. He visits often, makes it clear he cares.

Zack: Drops all the bravado, all the energetic enthusiasm, because he understands instinctively that this isn't the time for it. But the warmth stays. the support stays, and Zack becomes a pillar, someone to lean on, someone to remind them they aren't alone. He talks about camaraderie, about how they fight together, how he's not going anywhere and neither are they. If they need someone to sit with them through the night, he's there. If they need distraction, reassurance, just someone, Zack makes sure they have it.

Cloud: Comes at it from a place of understanding. He's been there, and he doesn't sugarcoat it. He won't lie and say it gets better overnight, but he will reason with them, because he's fought those same thoughts and clawed his way back from them. There's no pity in his voice, no condescension, just quiet understanding. He listens. He shares, carefully, only what he thinks might help. And if words don't work, he stays anyway. He won't force them to talk, but he won't let them sit in that darkness alone.

Angeal: Maybe the worst person to handle this, and that's the tragedy of it—because he wants to help, wants to be strong enough to hold someone else together. But mental health struggles are something he actively deals with himself. The words feel hollow in his mouth. "Don't do it. You have so much to live for." Because does he? He fights for honor in a company that profits off suffering. He tells others to hold on when he struggles to do so himself. It feels like hypocrisy, even though he means it. So he does what he can; he doesn't offer platitudes, doesn't pretend to have all the answers, but he stays. He listens, without judgment, without force. He does what he wishes someone would do for him. Maybe that's enough. Maybe it has to be.

#ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #final fantasy vii #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #zack fair #cloud strife #crisis core headcanons #cw sui mention #tw sui talk

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boundwithpurple · 1 month ago

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hello! i was just wondering if you had any good recommendations for medieval history books, particularly ones that would be good for getting a grounding in the period. i really admire the amount of research you put into the historical aspects of your fanfiction, particularly in the consideration put into depictions of characters’ personal and sexual lives in their (fantasy) historical contexts, and was hoping to start trying to incorporate similar research elements into my own fantasy fiction. thank you! :) (& also your latest fic was so so good)

thank you for your kind words! i don’t have any recommendations for general overviews, but i can give an eclectic list of recently-ish read non-fiction about medieval europe that has personally inspired me, either about ways i can use it for asoiaf world building or for possible original fiction (both original fantasy worldbuilding and historical fiction). because it is me there is a heavy focus on gender and sexuality in these selections.

crossing borders: love between women in medieval french and arabic literatures, sahar amer

fragmentation and redemption: essays on gender and the human body in medieval religion, catherine walker bynum

the shape of sex: nonbinary gender from genesis to the renaissance, leah devun

in the skin of a beast: sovereignty and animality in medieval france, peggy mccracken

slaves and warriors in medieval britain and ireland, 800 -1200, david wyatt

same sex love and desire among women in the middle ages ed. francesca canadé sautman and pamela sheingorn

eleanor of acquitaine: lord and lady ed. bonnie wheeler and john c. parsons

in general i think it’s better to just dive into monographs on subjects you find interesting than very broad, general surveys. it’s ok if you don’t understand everything or feel occasionally out of your depth - you will learn something, and something worthwhile about whatever area you want to explore. you can take as much time as you like to pursue leads on things that confuse you and then return to the book. imo a tightly argued and narrowly focused academic work or collection of essays is a lot more bang for your buck (by which i mean valuable time) than a big survey published by a popular press, so that’s what i have to offer. then build from the references you find intriguing and the bibliography. you’ll learn a lot this way!

an example of how this work is i read the collection of walker essays and there is one that deals a lot with lactation in medieval mysticism, and this gave me a great grounding for some rhaenicent porn related to this (forthcoming) - thinking of how people conceived of physical motherhood and the gendered body and sustenance and need and its connection to the specific patriarchal structures of high medieval europe and its religious thought is a meaty way to approach the question of lesbian porn between these two women for whom motherhood (coerced to various degrees) is so essential and must be processed into their sexual landscapes in light of a dominant, pervasive religious framework. i think the general principle can work for original work as well. read curiously and it will just kind of come to you and make everything a bit richer and more alien.

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viperzerofsx · 7 months ago

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why both Evangelion endings are the same and the Psychology behind them

A common long standing sentiment is that the last two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion and the film End of Evangelion are at odds with one another. The idea goes that the ending of the TV show is an ending where Shinji accepts instrumentality and End of Evangelion he rejects it. By going over the psychological framework in the show I would like to show that Shinji definitely rejects instrumentality in both endings.

Though well know for its references to psychology, the first half of Evangelion mostly does not contain them save episode 4 Hedgehog's dilemma (which apparently was made out of production order). This part of the series builds characters and world building. The show has a fascinating ability to flesh itself out scene after scene without truly elaborating on anything.

The first half of the show is quite compelling but it’s not exactly what the show would become. The November 1996 Newtype interview has lots of interesting insight. Namely director Anno claims he was not familiar with psychology before reading a book on a production break (interesting as a previous work of his GunBusters has a character named Freud Jung).

“Ueno: "They say it's about psychoanalysis and personality seminars and stuff, but I've always had a strong interest in psychology in general, "

Anno: "Not at all."

Ueno: "Did you feel like you were heading in that direction while working on Eva?"

Anno: "Yes. It was natural.

I had never read any psychoanalysis books before. I only touched on it a little in my general education classes at university. It was the most interesting of them all."

Ueno: "So, somehow, a keyword or something like an interest stuck in my mind."

Anno: "Yes. I guess I wasn't that interested in humans. But when I started talking about myself, I wanted words to convey my story.

So, the words I thought were the easiest to use were psychological terms commonly used in society. And I started looking through books.

Until then, I never thought I'd be interested in psychology."” Newtype November 1996

He continues

“Anno: "Episode 16 was the first time. I plunged directly into my own inner world. I'd tried expressing words through line drawings before.”

Episode 16 (apparently the first episode of the second half to enter production) is called Splitting of the Breast, this is a term from Psychoanalysis Melanie Klein’s theories. Klein founded a school called object relations theory, whereas classic Freudian theory is of biological drives, object relations is a theory where people develop via interactions with others and a drive for relation with others. Internal objects are our mental representations of others, parts of others, and sometimes things (and external object would be the actual thing). We form internal representations of others based on our repeated interactions with them. Further we develop a mental representation of ourselves in relation to these objects which influence our interpersonal relationships through our our lives.

These mental representations or internal objects are called UnconsciousPhantasy. The Ph to distinguish from fantasy, ordinary everyday daydreaming and imagination, fantasy is an consciousness process while phantasy is unconscious and underlies all mental activities. Our unconscious phantasy is our relationship with the objects formed by experience to develop the emotional and intellectual character of a person, their thoughts, dreams, and defense mechanisms.

For the most part mental representations take these forms

The object as perceived by the individual

Self perception related to the object

Individuals relationship with the object

Mom is a good object because she takes care of me

Because she takes care I must be good, have value

I love my mom

Alternatively

Mom is a bad object she ignores me when I need her

Because she ignores me I must be bad and worthless

I hate my mom

The infants mind however is limited due to the nature of infant cognition. When the child is born it is undifferentiated from the world around it. The first other person is the child’s mother. As the child is totally dependent on the mother for survival, the mothers breasts (or a bottle) provide life giving subsistence to the helpless child. The child internalizes the breast as a “good” internal object. However when the child’s needs are not met, when it’s hungry or scared and no one is around to feed or comfort or otherwise care for it, it internalizes a “bad” breast. Infants “split” objects because they are not yet able to understand ambiguity. The good aspects of an object and bad aspects of an object are seen as separate objects.

A good object is soothing and takes care of a child. In Psychoanalytic terms good objects are associated with the Life force, Libido, Eros the will to live. A child feels omnipotents with the good object (I cry the good object takes care of me).

A bad object is an anxiety producing object, an object that does not meet a vulnerable baby's needs. a child feels persecuted by the bad object it feels a loss of omnipotents by the object not being around when needed making the child feel powerless. Bad objects are associated with Dustrudo, Thanatos, the Death drive, a desire to return to an inorganic state before the stresses of life. A child can’t handle these feelings and projects aggression at the bad object to reassert control.

This state of coping with the world is called the paranoid schizoid position, where good objects are “protected” by being split into bad objects. If a caregiver is adequate the child will move to what’s called the Depressive position. In that stage a child realizes the good and bad objects were the same the whole time. The child feels regret for its treatment of the bad object (which along with the good object is now a whole object) and fears losing its loved ones.

Returning to Evangelion Episode 16

Early in the episode during a routine test Shinji’s sync ratio surpasses Auska’s for the first time. Misato praises Shinji in an effort to improve his morale, angering Auska. Though never competitive Shinji has made it clear he pilots the Evangelion for his fathers praise and he takes the news well. During a train ride Shinji is a bit overly excited and some young children laugh at him causing distress.

Later the angel Leliel attacks, with his new found confidence Shinji charges in against orders and he and Eva unit 01 are absorbed by the Angel. Later Shinji awakes on what seems to be a train and senses a presence

Shinji : Who?

Who?

Shinji ' : IKARI Shinji.

Shinji : It's me.

Shinji ' : I am you.

One has another self inside within oneself.

The Self is always consisted of two selves.

Shinji : Two ?

Shinji ' : The self who's actually watched by others and

the self who wathces itself.

IKARI Shinji in your mind.

IKARI Shinji in KATSURAGI Misato's mind.

IKARI Shinji in Souryuu Asuka's mind.

IKARI Shinji in AYANAMI Rei's mind.

IKARI Shinji in IKARI Gendou's mind.

Any IKARI Shinji is differnt from each other,

but each of them is true IKARI Shinji.

You're afraid of IKARI Shinji in other's mind.

youtube

Leliel takes the form of a young Shinji, from around the time he was abandoned by his father. He tells Shinji that he has an internal Object of himself and others have an Internal Object of him. Shinji is afraid of what the others think of him because he certainly doesn’t think highly of himself.

Shinji : I'm afraid of being hated.

Shinji : You hate to be hurt.

Who's bad ?

Father is bad.

Father who deserted me.

Shinji : I am bad.

(flashback)

Asuka : This way you always think yourself bad!

That is "self-punishing."

(flashback)

Shinji : Heck, it's me who can do nothin'.

Misato :It's you that think you can do nothing?

(flashback)

Rei : Don't you trust your father ?

(flashback)

Shinji : (thought) I think I hate father. But I'm not sure.

(flashback)

Gendou : Well done, Shinji.

Shinji : Father called me by my name.

I was praised by that my father.

Leliel tries to tell Shinji that Gendo is no good but Shinji is reluctant and points the negativity at himself. Shinji originally disliked Gendo but since he praised him Gendo is a “Good Object” who brings Shinji validation and comfort.

Shinji ' : You'll live with chewing the cub of the pleasure.

Shinji : If I trust this word, heck, I can live on from now on.

Shinji ' : ... by deceiving yourself ?

Leliel points out this is no way for anyone other then an infant to live. Holding up with your “good objects” while ignoring the bad is immaturity.

live.

Shinji ' : Unless you continue to think you may not change yourself,

you can't live on.

Shinji : There're too many pains in this world for me to live.

Shinji ' : For example, you cannot swim ?

Shinji : Human aren’t made to float.

Shinji : It's self-decetion.

Shinji : I don't care whatever you refer to it.

Shinji : You have been closing your eyes and turning your ears deaf

against anything you did not want to know.

(flashback from the episode 3)

Kensuke : Sorry, but his younger sister was ...

(flashback from the episode 4)

Misato : This is not your business to care others!

(flashback from the episode 1 )

Gendou : Get Out!

Shinji : No, I don't want to hear that!

Shinji' : Hey, you run away again.

No one can live on with linking things one enjoys like

the rosary.

Particularly, I cannot.

Shinji : I found one thing I enjoy.

Am I wrong if I do the thing enjoyable?

To summarize, Shinji hates himself because of his neglectful upbringing. For the first time in his life he’s gotten some measure of praise and he’s determined to hold on to it even at the expense of ignoring the still harsh realities of his life. This however is not resolved in this episode. Evangelion 01 goes berserk at the last minute saving Shinji and killing Leliel.

The last two episodes take place during the human instrumentality project, the goal of Seele and Shinji’s father Gendo. Gendo describes instrumentality

Gendou: No,

It's not that everything returns to nothingness.

It's nothing but returning everything to the begining.

Nothing but returning things to the mother which

has long since been lost.

All the minds become one mind, obtaining peace forever.

Nothing but that.

If mother is the first other this is before that, before polarizing good and more importantly bad objects that cause pain. Frued called the pre object faze “The Oceanic Feeling” a feeling of oneness with everything, inspired by Hindu mystics of his time.

Shinji: What feeling is this?

That is what I feel like I experienced before.

My body seems like dispearing.

Agreeable.

I feel like spreading, and becoming large,

to here, there and everywhere.

Evangelion references Kabbalah but any nonduelistic mysticism would give the same point. If our bad feelings about ourselves comes from our relationship with others who we need to feel good, instrumentality seeks to merge all souls into one to avoid those negative aspects.

Shinji lost his mother at a young age and his father was neglectful and abandoned him. He has feelings of worthlessness because of this. Piloting an Eva was the first time in his life he was needed and praised, the first time he had a sense of value. He doesn’t however like doing it and is aware one day he will not be needed as an Eva pilot. The Angels will be defeated and then what need will anyone have of him? He runs away from this.

You pilot Eva for the sake of others?

Shinji: Yes!

That is a good thing.

That is a very good thing.

Everyone prases me, then.

Asuka: That's a lie.

Shinji: What?

Asuka: You idiot?

After all, it's for the sake of oneself.

Shinji: Eh?

Asuka: And you excuse yourself as usual.

Shinji: Do I?

Asuka: To think that you are doing your best for the sake of others

is itself an easy way to live.

Shinji: Is that so?

Asuka: In other words, you are lonely, Shinji.

Shinji: Is that so?

Asuka: That's nothing but a dependent or symbiotic relationship.

Shinji: That might be.

Asuka: All you wish is that people depend on you.

Shinji: That might be.

Asuka: All you do is to wait for someone's giving you a happiness.

A false happiness.

Rei: That's the very thing you do.

Asuka: WOW.

—

Later

Shinji: I was praised by people!

But, not happy.

Rei: Which is your true mind?

Shinji: I don't know, or, both of them are my true minds.

Misato: So piloting Eva.

Shinji: I have nothing but Eva.

Rei: Otherwise you cannot keep yourself?

Misato: It's true that Eva Unit One is part of your mind.

Ritsuko: If you depend on Eva too much,

Eva itself will be yourself.

Ryouji: Eva will be all of yourself.

Misato: The true yourself will be nowhere.

Shinji: It's OK. I've had nothing from the begining.

I've been learning cello, but results nothing.

Asuka: I did not try to do from your side.

Shinji: But, now that I can pilot Eva.

Asuka: And, when you lost Eva, you can do nothing, like me.

Why pilotting Eva?

Shinji: Because it's all of me.

Auska’s mother killed herself when she was young. Similar to Shinji Auska pilots the Eva for others not to abandon her, while at the same time wanting to be completely independent and unhurtable. She tries to validate this adultness by making romantic moves toward an adult man Kaji and to an extent Shinji who is also a prodigy Eva pilot (a cornerstone of her identity) but also seemingly meek and passive, giving an extreme love hate relationship between them.

Rei is the soul of Lilith in a cloned body of Yui, she has no past or upbringing and has very little self concept, only kept going by pacing moments of kindness from Gendo and later Shinji. She seeks death, a return to a simpler state but waivers in the attachments she’s made with others. Rei has begun to understand she has developed a self image from her time with others

Rei: I am I.

I've become me in the instrumentality of the links

between me and others.

Rei: I've been formed by the intercouse with others.

Rei: The intercouse with people and the flow of time change

the shape of my mind.

Those are bonds?

Rei: Yes. Those've formed me so far, the thing called Ayanami Rei.

And, those will form me from now on.

Those are bonds?

She no longer just wants to die but wonders if her new humanity is compatible with her true nature.

Misato seemed to have a normal relationship with her mother but had a very strained one with her father who later died saving her. Misato as a result has a much more stable personality save her odd relationships with men. She falls in love with Kaji a man she notes is very similar to her father, she breaks up with him because of this but then years later they meet again and get back together in short time. Before he comes back and again after his death Misato is also flirty and inappropriate with Shinji who is only 14 while she is 29.

Misato: You tried to find a peace on Kaji-kun's face.

Misato: NO!

Misato: You tried to find a peace in Kaji-kun's kindness.

Misato: NO!

Misato: You tried to find your father in Kaji-kun's arms.

Misato: NO!

Misato: YES.

I found the father within Kaji-kun back then.

So fleed from him.

I feared.

He was just like my father.

But, it was because I was happy,

It was a joy.

It was truly a enjoyable joy!

So did I hate.

So did I separate.

Ryouji: No reason to begin a love, but a reason to end the love.

Misato: You are kind enough,

You are kind enough to, I hope, make me dirty.

Ryouji: Don't hurt yourself only because you hate yourself now.

That's only to cheat yourself by momentally punishing yourself.

Don't do that.

Misato: And "you must take care of yourself" say you?

Misato: Guys always do so.

And Guys work, and Guys go into their world,

leaving me behind.

Misato: Just like my father.

Misato: Always trying to escape from the hardships in the reality.

Hardship in the reality?

It's me?

It's me.

Yes. It's me.

It's inevitable.

Shinji: Stop, Misato-san.

Misato: I'm desparate of myself.

I hate myself!

Misato: Impure.

Dirty!

Ritsuko: Badlooking.

Misato: Mean! Dirty!

Is that the adults' intercourse? I really hate that!

Makoto: Congratulations for you promotion. Major Katsuragi.

Misato: The me appreciated is the me who is trying

to play to be appreciated.

It's not the true me.

Misato: The true me is always crying.

We see Kaji brought out the “Good object” of Misato’s father (the one that saved her in the second impact) and this is what attracted her to him. However, being aware of the similarities brought out the “bad object” the father that neglected her during her childhood and made her mother cry.

As instrumentality continues and the internal objects converse (this is the me in your mind and the you in my mind). Shinji is taken through the early parts of the object relations individualization process. He’s taken too a pre object world, before any others.

youtube

Shinji: What? The world with nothing. The world with nobody.

Shinji: The world of freedom.

Shinji: Freedom?

Shinji: The world of freedom that would never be restrained by anybody.

Shinji: Is this Freedom?

Shinji: Yes. The world of freedom.

Rei: As the result, there's nothing.

Shinji: unless I think.

Misato: Yes, unless you think.

Shinji: What's the hell! I don't know what I should do.

Rei: You are uneasy.

Asuka: You don't have your own image.

Shinji: Too vague.

Misato: Everything is vague.

That's freedom.

This is the world of an infant at birth, simple experience. Then they introduce an other

Gendou: I give you an unfreedom.

Asuka: Now that you have top and bottom.

Rei: Now that you lost one degree of freedom.

Misato: Now that you have to stand on the bottom.

Ryouji: But you obtain a confort.

Makoto: You get slightly easier in your mind.

Shigeru: And you walk.

Maya: That is your will.

Shinji: Is this my will?

Ritsuko: The world with the bottom is the world surrounding you.

Touji: Yet, you can move freely.

Kensuke: If you wish, you can change the position of the world.

Hikari: The position of the world does not keep the same position.

Ryouji: That changes through the time flow.

You can also change.

Gendou: The things that forms you are your own mind and

the world surrounding yourself.

Ritsuko: Since this is your own world.

Misato: The real figure that you conceive.

That is the reality.

The ground allows Shinji to see himself in relation to it. He also learns his perspective, his Phantasy can be changed. But Shinji realizes something is wrong.

This is the world with nothing, the space with nothing,

the world with nothing.

The world with nothing but me.

I am getting less understand myself.

I feel as if I am going to disappear.

My existence is fading away.

Why?

Misato: Because there's nobody but you.

Shinji: Nobody but me?

Misato: Because you have no existence but of yourself,

You can't figure out your own shape.

Shinji: My shape?

My image.

Misato: Yes. You are getting to know your own shape through

seeing others' shape.

Asuka: Seeing others' wall, you imagin yourself.

Rei: You cannot see yourself unless there are others.

Shinji: Because there are others, I can exist.

If alone, I am always alone at anywhere.

The world is entirely by my ..

Misato: By cognizing the difference between you and others,

you form the image of yourself.

Rei: The very first other person is your mother.

Asuka: Your mother is a different person from you.

Shinji realizes it’s the social relation with others, how they treat him forms his self image, his expectations for how he’ll be treated. Rei and Auska like Klein point out Mother is the first other person, the one who starts individualization.

Shinji then sees a world where he has a more well adjusted Phantasy and lives a normal life. He realizes his limited view of himself and others can be changed.

——

Shinji: The real world might not always be bad.

Yet, I hate myself.

Makoto: It's your mind that conceives that the reality is bad

and hateful.

—-

He comes to realize it’s possible for him to love himself

Shinji: I hate myself.

But, I might be able to love myself.

I might be allowed to stay here.

Yes. I am nothing but I.

I am I. I wish to be I.

I wish to stay here as do I.

I can stay here as do I!

youtube

What is important though Shinji experience pure instrumentality where others did not exist and he had no existence. He found this unacceptable and decided a better course of action was to find a healthier view of him. Loving himself as an individual or others is an inherent rejection of instrumentality which the self image cannot exist.

——

Now End of Evangelion

The movie begins, Shinji has lost almost everyone and is alone. He goes to Auska in the hospital, he sees her not because he’s worried but because he has no one else. In a comma Auska can’t respond. Shinji lashes out and does something terrible.

Though the TV ending is quite upbeat, Klein's psychology is quite dark and violent. As mentioned above the death drive plays a major role in Klein, infants who don’t have their needs met by their environment and caretakers feel anxiety and project the death drive, lash out in aggression. In Evangelion when an Eva loses control or Ritsko destroys the dummy Rei, or during the third impact the computer monitors will often read high levels of destrudo.

—

Psychograph signal down!

Destrado has begun to manifest!

The pilot's ego won't be able

to take much more of this.

No more.

I can't take it anymore.

—

Rei who speaks of wishing to return to nothing is the living personification of the death drive, while kaworu (music is the highest achievement of Lillian culture) is Libeto or the life force.

Third impact begins with Shinji at his absolute lowest point in the series, having done something horrible to Auska and then watch her get killed. The image of Kaworu however provides him some brief comfort and he enters his internal world. He sees himself as a child with two doll looking girls that look like Rei and Auska, they build a sand castle of Nerv HQ together. Their mother (who is Misato) collects them and Shinji is left alone with no one. Alone, neglected, and his needs not met, Shinji destroys the Castle, lashing out violently, a taste of what’s to come. Shinji then seems flashes and images of Misato, Auska, and Rei. Importantly he sees sides of them unfamiliar, and more importantly not pleasure granting to him

—-

Does Misato really

do things like that?

Yes, this is also me.

The me that exists

when two hearts are joined as one.

The me that

Shinji has never known.

Reality can be painful,

but it's something that

you must learn to accept.

His internal objects of the women reject and accuse him

If I can't have you all to myself,

then I don't want anything from you.

Then, try being nice to me.

We are nice to you.

Liars!

You're just hiding

behind those smiles,

intentionally keeping

things ambiguous!

Because the truth causes

everyone pain...

because the truth is very,

very traumatic.

But ambiguity only

causes me more pain.

That's just an excuse.

But it scares me,

because I don't know if everyone

will stop wanting me again.

I feel awkward and uneasy.

Let me hear your voice!

Don't leave me!

Please care about me!

—

In this sequence Shinji basically admits everything. He wants them for comfort, but he can’t handle ambiguity. The world is only black and white, good pleasure granting objects or total abandonment, no room for real people and their nuance. Shinji goes to an image of Auska on the night they kissed. He tries to be their for her but she doesn’t buy it and calls him out as someone who only wishes to avoid pain. Shinji Chokes Auska and the third impact begins.

—

No one understands me.

You never understood anything.

I thought this was supposed

to be a world without pain,

and without uncertainty.

That's because you thought that

everyone else felt the same as you do.

You betrayed me!

You betrayed my feelings!

You misunderstood

from the very beginning.

You just believed

what you wanted to believe.

Nobody wants me,

so they can all just die.

Then what is your hand for?

Nobody cares whether or not I exist.

Nothing ever changes,

so they can all just die!

Then tell me,

what is your heart for?

It would be better

if I never existed.

I should just die, too.

Then why are you here?

Is it okay for me to be here?

(Silence)

—-

youtube

The ultimate Childish lashing out of the Death Drive, Shinji forces the human race to a Preobject state, where they are all indescribable from one another. Notably in the final moments of third impact Shinji can hear the voices of the girls rejecting him. Shinji immediately rejects the world he created for much the same reason as the show

—

Ayanami.

Where are we?

This place is a sea of LCL.

The primordial soup of life.

A place with no AT Fields,

where individual forms do not exist.

An ambiguous world...

where you cannot tell

where you end and others begin.

A world where

you exist everywhere...

and yet you're nowhere,

all at once.

Is this death?

Not quite. This is a world

where we are all one.

This is the world you wished for.

But this isn't right.

This feels wrong.

If you wish for others to exist,

the walls of their hearts

will separate them again.

They will all feel fear once more.

Okay then.

Thank you.

I only felt pain

when I existed in that reality.

So I thought

it was alright to run away.

But there was nothing good

in the place I escaped to either.

Because I didn't exist there,

and so no one existed.

Is it alright for the AT Field

to cause you and others pain again?

I don't mind.

—

Having a world without others is a world with no self concept, which isn’t what Shinji real wanted either.

Reality exists in a place unknown,

and dreams exist within reality.

And truth lies in your heart.

The contents of a person's heart

shapes their appearance.

And new images will change

their hearts and their forms.

The power of imagination is

the ability to create your own future,

and the power to create

your own flow of time.

Shinji rejects instrumentality and decides even if he doesn’t know how to be happy it’s better than losing himself. He returns to earth, the violent destructiveness of the rest of the film is replaced by a sad melancholy as he says goodbye to Yui his mother and Eva unit one.

youtube

The final scene is a microcosm of the movie. Titled “I need you” the hidden tagline of the film (and likely Gendo’s secret line) Auska returns to the beach Shinji is on. He starts strangling her like before, she puts her hand on his face, Shinji stops and cries. As mentioned before the depressive position is the next state when the Child realizes the good and bad object were the same all along. They feel regret over their treatment of the object. Shinji can finally understand ambiguity about others and ultimately himself and can move on from Black and White thinking.

To summarize, Shinji had a black and white view of himself and other people because of his neglectful upbringing. He had no sense of value for himself and saw others as either sources of validation. In both endings Instrumentality offered an ultimate retreat but Shinji found his loss of self unexceptionable and chose to reject instrumentality and mature.

#neon genesis evangelion #end of evangelion #Evangelion #nge #Youtube

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talonabraxas · 5 months ago

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Hiranyagarbha - Golden Egg Talon Abraxas The Hiranyagarbha Sukta: The Golden Seed of Creation and Cosmic Order

In Hindu Vedic cosmology, Hiranyagarbha metaphorically represents the universe's creation, symbolized by a "Golden Womb" or "Golden Egg." The Vedas, including the Rigveda, explicitly states that it is all creation's origin. Hiranyagarbha is depicted as a celestial ovum from which the entirety of the universe and all living entities originate. It represents the fundamental substance and sacred origin from which the universe arises. The notion highlights the recurring pattern of the universe, which encompasses the processes of creation, preservation, and dissolution.

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta is a hymn from the Rigveda (RV 10.121) that poetically describes the universe's origin through the concept of the Hiranyagarbha, or "Golden Womb." It provides a metaphysical framework for understanding the creation of the cosmos from a Hindu perspective. Here's a brief explanation of Hiranyagarbha Sukta: The Golden Seed of Creation Understanding the Universe's Beginning

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta uses symbolic and poetic language to describe the origin of the universe, focusing on the following themes:

Unity and Origin: The universe is born from a single, unified source, represented by the golden egg. This symbolizes the potential and the seed of all existence.

Divine Creation: The creation process is not random but guided by divine intelligence, embodying creation and sustenance.

Cosmic Order: Hiranyagarbha is seen as the maintainer of cosmic order, emphasizing the interconnectedness and interdependence of all beings

Significance and Themes

Primordial Creation

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta presents a vision of the universe from a singular, divine source—the golden egg or womb. This concept emphasizes the unity and interconnectedness of all existence.

Divine Authority

Hiranyagarbha is not just the creator but also the sustainer and governor of the cosmos. This highlights the belief in a divine order and authority that permeates the universe, ensuring its balance and harmony.

Cyclical Nature of Time

The golden egg imagery suggests creation, preservation, and dissolution cycles, reflecting the cyclical nature of time and existence in Hindu cosmology.

Symbolism and Metaphor

The hymn's rich symbolism and metaphor allow for a deeper, contemplative understanding of the universe's origins, blending the physical and the metaphysical.

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta offers a profound and eloquent account of the universe's genesis, firmly grounded in Hinduism's profound spiritual and philosophical traditions. The depiction illustrates the cosmos originating from a celestial, gilded womb, highlighting the concepts of oneness, divine supremacy, and the recurring pattern of creation. The hymn ponders the interdependence of all things and the divine powers that uphold them. Verse 1: The Emergence of the Golden Seed (Hiranyagarbha)

hi̠ra̠ṇya̠ga̠rbha-ssama̍varta̠tāgrē̍ bhū̠tasya̍ jā̠taḥ pati̠rēka̍ āsīt ।

sa dā̍dhāra pṛthi̠vī-ndyāmu̠tēmā-ṅkasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 1

"In the beginning arose the golden seed (Hiranyagarbha); born, he was the sole lord of every creature. He upheld this earth and heaven. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

Hiranyagarbha, the golden seed, is the primordial entity that emerged at the start of creation. This verse highlights his role as the creator and sustainer of the universe. He is recognized as the lord of all beings and upholds the earth and the heavens. The rhetorical question "Which god shall we worship with offering?" implies that no other god is as worthy of worship as Hiranyagarbha.

Verse 2: Bestower of Life and Strength

ya ā̍tma̠dā ba̍la̠dā yasya̠ viśva̍ u̠pāsa̍tē pra̠śiṣa̠ṃ yasya̍ dē̠vāḥ ।

yasya̍ Chā̠yāmṛta̠ṃ yasya̍ mṛ̠tyuḥ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 2

"He bestows the soul force and vigour upon his call, and all, even gods, approach. His shadow is immortality; death is also his shadow. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

Hiranyagarbha is the giver of life force (atmada) and strength (balada). All beings, including the gods, revere and approach him. He embodies the dual aspects of existence: immortality and death. This verse emphasizes his supreme power and the essential nature of his being, suggesting that he is the ultimate deity worthy of worship.

Verse 3: Sovereign Ruler of All Beings

yaḥ prā̍ṇa̠tō ni̍miṣa̠tō ma̍hi̠tvaika̠ idrājā̠ jaga̍tō ba̠bhūva̍ ।

ya īśē̍ a̠sya dvi̠pada̠śchatu̍ṣpada̠ḥ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 3

"In this Universe, he by his greatness becomes the sole king of the breathing and seeing. He is the lord of all beings with two states and four. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

Hiranyagarbha is portrayed as the sovereign ruler of all living beings, those who breathe and see. He governs all creatures, both bipeds (humans) and quadrupeds (animals). His greatness makes him the sole king of the universe. This verse underscores his omnipotence and the universal scope of his rule, reinforcing that he is the only deity worthy of worship with offerings.

Verse 4: Creator of Mountains and Oceans

yasyē̠mē hi̠mava̍ntō mahi̠tvā yasya̍ samu̠draṃ ra̠sayā̍ sa̠hāhuḥ ।

yasyē̠māḥ pra̠diśō̠ yasya̍ bā̠hū kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 4

"These snowy mountains arose through his greatness. They call the oceans and their essence as his. These quarters are his arms. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

This verse emphasizes the vastness and power of Hiranyagarbha, whose greatness manifests in the creation of snowy mountains and oceans. The quarters or directions are metaphorically described as his arms, indicating his omnipresence and control over all regions of the earth.

Verse 5: Supporter of Heaven and Earth

yēna̠ dyauru̠grā pṛ̍thi̠vī cha̍ dṛ̠ḻhā yēna̠ sva̍-sstabhi̠taṃ yēna̠ nāka̍ḥ ।

yō a̠ntari̍kṣē̠ raja̍sō vi̠māna̠ḥ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 5

"Through him heaven is forceful and earth firm; He supported the world of Light (svah) and heaven (naka). He is the measurer of the region of the midworld. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

Hiranyagarbha is the force that strengthens the heavens and stabilizes the earth. He upholds the world of light and the higher heavens, acting as the measurer and regulator of the cosmic regions. This verse highlights his crucial role in maintaining cosmic order.

Verse 6: Stabilizer of the Universe

ya-ṅkranda̍sī̠ ava̍sā tastabhā̠nē a̠bhyaikṣē̍tā̠-mmana̍sā̠ rēja̍mānē ।

yatrādhi̠ sūra̠ udi̍tō vi̠bhāti̠ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 6

"He who propped up the heavens and the earth, beholding them with his mind as they trembled. Where the risen sun brightly shines, which Lord shall we worship with offering?"

This verse portrays Hiranyagarbha as the supporter of the heavens and the earth, stabilizing them with his power. His gaze encompasses the entire universe, and the sun's rising symbolizes his sustaining energy and presence. It again poses the rhetorical question of which deity deserves worship.

Verse 7: Progenitor of Agni and Divine Life

āpō̍ ha̠ yadbṛ̍ha̠tīrviśva̠māya̠-ngarbha̠-ndadhā̍nā ja̠naya̍ntīra̠gnim ।

tatō̍ dē̠vānā̠ṃ sama̍varta̠tāsu̠rēka̠ḥ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 7

"When the mighty Waters enveloped the universe, bearing the child in birth and gave birth to Agni, then (Prajapati), the sole breath of the Gods, arose. Which Lord shall we worship with the offering?"

In the primordial waters, Hiranyagarbha bore and gave birth to Agni, the fire god. This event marks Prajapati's emergence, the gods' sole breath, signifying the origin of divine life. The verse underscores his role as the creator and sustainer of the divine and natural orders.

Verse 8: Creator of Sacrifice and Supreme God

yaśchi̠dāpō̍ mahi̠nā pa̠ryapa̍śya̠ddakṣa̠-ndadhā̍nā ja̠naya̍ntīrya̠jñam ।

yō dē̠vēṣvidhi̍ dē̠va ēka̠ āsī̠tkasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 8

"He in his might beheld energies (waters), bearing discernment and gave birth to Yajna. He was the sole God above all the Gods. Which God shall we worship with the offering?"

Hiranyagarbha might perceive the waters' energies, giving rise to discernment and Yajna (sacrifice). He is recognized as the supreme god above all others, highlighting his singular divinity and role in the inception of sacrificial (Yajna) rituals, a cornerstone of Vedic worship.

Verse 9: Protector and Creator of Heaven and Earth

mā nō̍ hiṃsījjani̠tā yaḥ pṛ̍thi̠vyā yō vā̠ diva̍ṃ sa̠tyadha̍rmā ja̠jāna̍ ।

yaśchā̠paścha̠ndrā bṛ̍ha̠tīrja̠jāna̠ kasmai̍ dē̠vāya̍ ha̠viṣā̍ vidhēma ॥ 9

"May he who is the father of earth protect us. He created heaven, and his law of being is Truth. He created the great, delightful Waters. Which god shall we worship with the offering?"

The hymn seeks protection from Hiranyagarbha, acknowledging him as the earth's father and heaven's creator. His being is rooted in truth, and he is the creator of the great and delightful waters. This verse emphasizes his role as the universe's protector and foundational force.

Verse 10: Prajapati: The Supreme Creator and Fulfillment of Desires

prajā̍patē̠ na tvadē̠tānya̠nyō viśvā̍ jā̠tāni̠ pari̠ tā ba̍bhūva ।

yatkā̍māstē juhu̠mastannō̍ astu va̠yaṃ syā̍ma̠ pata̍yō rayī̠ṇām ॥ 10

"O Prajapati, none other than you has given existence to all these beings. That object of our desires for which we call you may be ours. May we become the masters of felicities?"

Hiranyagarbha is addressed as Prajapati, the lord of all creatures, who alone has brought all beings into existence. The verse is a prayer for the fulfilment of desires and for attaining prosperity and happiness through his blessings. It acknowledges his unique role as the creator and sustainer of all life.

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta extols the cosmic golden seed as the source and sustainer of the universe, seeking his favour and blessings through reverent hymns and offerings. The verses highlight his paramount importance in creation, his role as the life-giver, and his control over all aspects of existence, culminating in a prayer for protection, fulfilment of desires, and prosperity.

The Hiranyagarbha Sukta provides a rich and poetic depiction of the universe's creation from the Hindu cosmology perspective. Each verse emphasizes Hiranyagarbha's role as the cosmos' supreme creator, sustainer, and ruler. Through symbolic language and profound metaphors, the hymn captures the essence of the divine origin and ongoing maintenance of the universe, reflecting the profound spiritual insights of the Vedic tradition.

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kafkaoftherubble · 10 months ago

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神祗的庐山真面目

//Forms and Names

I have always wanted to write three After God essays!

The first one came at the tail end of Chapter 58 discussing Ahu’az and Yako.

The second one was something I’ve always wanted to do—an interesting mental framework to analyze Tokinaga Sachiyuki.

Now comes the third essay, ironically, the first After God ramble formulated in our Discord conversation. Hahaha. The last essay in this series is the actual first one that started it all, @orange-peel-candy!

This essay concerns my speculations and hypotheses regarding the gods’ forms... and The Man Stronger Than the Gods.

Be warned: spoilers abound up till at least Chapter 58 (a.k.a. the last chapter I read!). It's also a very, very long read.

What Do We Know So Far?

I am a two-bit detective-scientist wannabe. Before we start to speculate, we should lay out some of the facts that we already know. I hope I didn’t get any facts wrong because I’m mostly going off from memory, which is pretty corrupted from things like work, daily life, Buddhist Philosophy (yes), science, Neon Genesis Evangelion (I’m disappointed in myself for this), the likes:

Chapter 1

Out of the four, we know three gods’ animal forms.

Vollof is a rabbit,

Ahu’az is a rooster (yes, calling it Chicken God was me being an ass),

Orokapi is a snake.

Did ya notice something?

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Chinese Twelve Zodiac – the Calendar

Wikipedia

The zodiacs are used by the Chinese as a calendar system, which assigns an animal to a respective year following a twelve-year cycle [1]. The sequence goes like this:

鼠、牛、虎、兔、龙、蛇、马、羊、猴、鸡、狗、猪

Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Boar

Vollof, Orokapi, and Ahu’az are part of this group.

So, my bold first hypothesis is that—

All of the IPOs introduced to us will be animals from the Twelve Zodiac.

I assign a modest 78% confidence level toward this hypothesis since all three we have known have come from this group.

From here, let's go through these queries:

Are the other gods also animals from the Chinese Zodiac?

Where does Allula fit in this, if the Chinese Zodiac theory is true?

Is there anything about the Chinese Zodiac, such as myths and philosophy, that may serve as story hints for certain characters in the story?

Particularly, is there some basis to make a hypothesis regarding The Man Stronger Than the Gods?

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Query #1: Are the other gods also animals from the Chinese Zodiac?

Well, we don’t actually have that many IPOs teased other than our 4 known gods. The only one we have, here, is the furry paw. Let’s look at it again:

Chapter 1.

Hypothesis 1: This is a tiger. [50% confident; 0.85 x 0.78 = 0.663; 39% overall confidence]

Hypothesis 2: This is a dog. [50%; 39% overall]

Hypothesis 3: This is an animal not part of the Zodiacs [22% overall]

Both a cat and a dog have 5 toes in their front legs (and 4 in their hind legs). But a cat’s dew claw is much closer to its other claws. A dog’s paw, meanwhile, has the dew claw being much farther away [2].

From Hepper.com.

This mystery IPO’s claws are certainly close to each other—including its dew claw. That makes it resemble a tiger’s claw more (Hypothesis 1, or H1). Another piece of circumstantial evidence is that this IPO was walking past a street filled with stray cats. If the IPO was a dog, I don’t think these cats could be this chill.

Nonetheless, H2 has good grounds, too. For what little we see here, the paw doesn’t show a tiger’s typical strip, and the tail is a little too bushy for a tiger. There’s also the fact that these claws aren’t protracted despite not being required during a stroll. A dog’s claw doesn’t protract [2]!

We can even explain away the cats’ relative calmness by positing the IPO as invisible to their eyes, kinda like how they can’t be captured by cameras.

Nonetheless, H1 and H2 have strong enough standing. Whether a tiger or a dog, neither conclusion will counter our zodiac hypothesis.

----

There is, of course, a 22% confident hypothesis where the IPOs do not actually follow the Zodiac convention.

This opens up a lot more options for our mysterious IPO—a wolf, a lion, a cat, etc.

There is also this little panel you’ve helpfully pointed out:

Chapter 44.

There appears to be a fish IPO in this panel, which is not part of the Twelve Zodiacs. The only true aquatic animal among them is the dragon, or龍 (long)。

If the fact that a Long is actually an aquatic animal is new information to you, I’ve once written quite a bit about it in (yes, I know. Why does this bro yap so much?) an essay for a good friend explaining the origin of the dragon’s orb. Long story short: dragons are seen as the kings of the ocean and storm.

There isn’t much hard evidence to refute this “fish” IPO. One suggestion (thanks to you) is that maybe the “fish” IPO is just an NPC and that all major IPOs will be of the zodiacs. Another suggestion I can think of is that, similar to how Vollof turned from a “bear” to a “rabbit” in execution [3], the “fish” IPO might be revised to another animal among the zodiac gang in the future.

One last thing to add to the Zodiac theory in general: apparently, there’s already another IPO planned with horns [3].

Three Zodiac animals with horns have yet to be featured: the Ox, the Goat, and the Dragon. It’s another piece of circumstantial evidence, but all of it together still builds a pretty good case for the Zodiac animal hypothesis.

The way to falsify this hypothesis is to wait for more IPOs to be revealed. Mr. Furry Paw, Mr. Horn, and, potentially, Mr. Fish—all three can prove or disprove this hypothesis.

For the rest of this essay, let’s consider the Zodiac Theory true.

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Query #2: What Could Have Been Allula’s Animal Form?

Allula’s floral form is actually a pretty interesting symbolic choice, which you noticed. She’s a poppy flower, right? The source of opium—one of the royalties of addictive narcotics. A really apt form for the god who introduced drugs to everyone else.

Nonetheless, this did not mean Allula had always been a talking one-eyed flower. She could very well have been an animal just like her other brethren.

According to Orokapi, Allula’s current form is a grotesque chimera of fleshes borne from the gods she had eaten. This tells us that she didn’t originally look like hair that’s been stuck in a pipe leading out from a bathroom hole.

Chapter 50

What are the animals among the twelve zodiacs that could possibly be Allula’s original bestial form?

H1- Predators: Tiger and Dog. These were the two possible candidates for Mr. Furry Paw as discussed in Query #1. Could Mr. Furry Paw be Allula?

I don’t think so. Allula has been banished into reincarnating as Waka for quite some years, and when that happened, she’d already been losing her original form and gaining her chimeric look. Hence, it’s likelier that Mr. Furry Paw was another IPO!

Then what about omnivores, like Rat, Boar and Monkey (H2)? This, to me, seems more possible. Rats are certainly seen as repulsive and disgusting eaters. Monkeys are a bit harder to square since their “stereotypical” trait(s) in the common interpretation of the 12 Zodiacs don’t really fit Allula all that much, barring intelligence (more on that later).

---

My highest confidence level (about 50%) is on the Boar.

Boars are commonly seen as animals representing gluttony in East Asian culture. They technically eat anything edible and non-poisonous.

Here’s the thing: boars can develop a taste for raw meat [4]. And they have no problem eating human flesh or pig flesh! The most common incident of cannibalism in pigs is when the sows and gilts eat piglets, called “savaging.”[5].

Now, Allula is no mother, but she’s the only known god who eats other gods. An opportunistic eater with no repulsion toward the flesh of its kind. A cannibal.

A piece of circumstantial evidence: The Boar is seen as the intelligent animal among the Twelve Zodiacs, often similarly to how one envisions the Monkey. Allula has, in a lot of interactions, demonstrated frightening analytical capacity and intellect. She often uses it as a means of manipulation:

towards the other gods, she used drugs—something they had no idea about and became addicted to.

toward Shion, she managed to charm the girl with the combination of her eyes… and more importantly, her words.

She best displayed her intellect in Chapters 54 and 55. There, she worked out what she believed Tokinagawas up to accurately enough that he was reduced to near nervous breakdown. That’s the sort of skill in choosing conversation responses I wish I have, so I can make the NPCs in my game cry like a bitch.

Conclusion? I think Allula being the Boar seems far more likely if the Zodiac hypothesis is true.

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Query #3: Is There Anything About the Zodiac Hypothesis That Could Be Used to Understand After God’s Worldbuilding + Gods etc.?

The Twelve Zodiac was used as a calendar system with a twelve-year cycle. In other words, the zodiacs are associated with time [1]. Besides that, it’s cyclic. The Year of the Rat (first among the zodiac) follows the Year of the Boar (last among the zodiac) [1].

Both of these are already related to a character who isn’t said to be an IPO but is nonetheless completely intertwined with them—our boy Tokinaga Sachiyuki. Creating time loops to bring himself to his desired development is a known ability of his, isn’t it?

Keep that in mind.

Now, I’m gonna introduce to you Taoist/folk Chinese deities associated with the Twelve Zodiac:

Tai Sui, 太岁 (literally “great year” or “great age”).

Like plenty of Taoist gods, these deities originated as stars observed by Chinese astrologers—in this case, they’re the stars opposite Jupiter and are also in a 12-year orbital cycle [6].

Tai Sui are considered generals taking orders from the Jade Emperor (the lord of the heaven in Chinese mythology). They are the zodiac animals’ masters. Throughout dynasties, the Tai Suis’ numbers have multiplied into sixty of them, each mastering one animal while corresponding to one of the Five Chinese Elements (五行: fire, earth, metal, water, wood). There is, however, one Tai Sui General who is the boss of all Tai Sui; this one has no governing year [6].

That’s, of course, the Chinese’s side of things. In Japan, Tai Sui is consolidated into a single deity [6], in the form of Tai Sui’s full title, 太歳星君 (“Lord of the Tai Sui Star”)。

Tai Sui is so important and revered in folk divination that people whose zodiac animal sign is the same as the deity are said to be “clashing with Tai Sui” (犯太岁). Take the Year 2024 as an example: this is the Year of the Wood Dragon, so it is governed by the Wooden Dragon Tai Sui. Everyone whose animal sign is the dragon (no matter the elements) is therefore “clashing” with him, and superstitions dictate they appease the god because their overall luck has already tanked by the virtue of this clash.

What does this tell us?

It tells us that a Tai Sui is “stronger than these zodiac animals.”

Tai Sui, the god of time. Not linear time either—cyclic time. Who does this remind you?

More circumstantial evidence for your consideration:

The word associated with “time” is in Tokinaga’s name, 時永。 This is similar to how the word related to “time” is also found in Tai Sui, 太岁。 The difference, however, is that 時 technically means “hour,” while 岁 means “year.”

The pronunciation for 太歳星君 is Taisai Seikun ( たいさいせいくん) in Japanese [7]. The initials are T.S., which matches Tokinaga Sachiyuki. You can almost wonder if Tokinaga’s name is chosen to mirror the name of this calendric time lord.

You might think this is the end of Query #3, but there’s a speculation I want to put forward based on the Tai Sui Hypothesis.

“We Have Seen the Man Stronger than the Gods”

Chapter 49

Allula claimed that she and the other gods had seen The Man Stronger Than the Gods/God Killer before—a long, long time ago. 700 million years ago, to be exact.

Here’s the thing: Tokinaga is only 28 years old.

The big upheaval of the IPOs from the North Pole happened 30 years ago. Hell, modern Homo sapiens evolved from merely 300,000 years ago. My math ain’t no Olympiad level but methinks this math doesn’t check out.

That’s not all. Tokinaga’s power comes at the cost of body degeneration. How did this blud—whose body started to look like lichens-ate-it just by rewinding time a little to his last save point—manage to survive this long?

Another odd thing: Allula somehow does not recognize the God Killer when she sees one. Why? Why doesn’t she recognize what could possibly be the only Homo Sapien on the planet at the time? If that man was Tokinaga, wouldn’t she recognize him right now?

Tokinaga’s response to Allula’s assertion is also grounds for intrigue. He was there for a negotiation; the odds of him feigning ignorance were not too high. So why was his response “What are you talking about?” instead of knowing silence?

Why did he react as though he was stunned to hear Allula’s revelation? Was the God Killer she mentioned somehow… not him?

Granted, there are many plausible reasons to explain these odd points. We don’t know the full scope of Tokinaga’s powers. Maybe he could erase someone’s memories if he wanna (sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Doubt). We don’t yet know what parts of the power system, such as reincarnation, are like in this story.

---

God Killer (singular?)

If Tokinaga’s aspect as the time-bending God Killer is inspired by Tai Sui, then the speculation I want to offer is that there is more than one God Killer across history.

Japan etc. and even common Chinese folks might think that there’s only ever one Tai Sui Lao Jun/Taisei Seikun, but there has always been more than one Tai Sui in the canonical myth. Tokinaga could very well just be one God Killer who exists at this time. The one Allula and fam saw back then was another God Killer.

I originally wanted to make a joke that this God Killer was from the Australopithecus genus—the hominids before our Homo genus. The problem is… the earliest Australopithecus hominin existed 4.2 million years ago. That’s not even close to Allula’s “700 million years ago.” Bro, who the fuck did these gods see? Fucking Xenu?

The nature of God Killer(s) is largely shrouded in mystery by this point in the manga, so again, any reasonable guess is as good as another. I’m not even particularly confident in this speculation, but it does lend nicely to our last query…

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Query #4: What speculations regarding “The Man Stronger Than The Gods” can we make from this?

Although this is the last query and hypothesis in this essay, it is actually the first I’ve ever made since reading After God months ago.

The thing that kickstarted this was in his name.

As someone who’s immersed in Thai and Buddhist-Hindu myths, his name was eye-catching for featuring the word “naga.”

Britannica. This is an artistic depiction of Nāga in Thai style.

Nagas are, briefly, divine or semi-divine beings—sometimes half-human and half-serpents, sometimes basically sea serpents [8]. In common translations as well as general understanding, however, nagas are understood as dragons.

They are often associated with bodies of water.

The origin of the nagas is closely related to snakes. In Sanskrit, nāga is one of the many terms for “snake,” and the earliest concept of nagas is cobra-like [8].

These three key points are bolded because these traits are shared with the East Asian concept of the Long (龙) as well. According to Yuan Jing, a Chinese archaeologist researcher, the origin of Chinese dragons (which other East Asian long are derivative from) likely evolved from a snake or a crocodile [9]. For example, artifacts recovered from the Taosi Archeological Site (陶寺) in Shanxi showed Long that pretty much just looked like snakes [9]. This connection is also speculated to be why “dragon” is positioned next to “snake” in the Twelve Zodiac. The dragon and the snake are kin.

And who, my dudes, is Tokinaga’s dearest friend?

Even an East Asian dragon’s “connection to the body of water” can be seen in Tokinaga’s character traits—chiefly, his avoidance of bathtubs and his strange discomfort with showers. You might correctly point out that it’s odd for him to be written as repulsed by a “body of water” if he’s indeed related to East Asian dragons, but a big theme of Tokinaga’s personality intrigue is the fact that he’s in discordance to himself. His self-hatred originates from his inability to resolve what he detests and what his “nature” desires. He’s like an Asian dragon who hates water.

Oh, but there’s more to this hypothesis. Much, much more.

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Fake Ancient Scripts That Repel Evil

Chapter 31

Well, the characters on his loincloth-ass mask seem pretty likely to be 日本, “Japan,” to me. You're not even trying, Orokapi.

We know that the eyepatch hides Tokinaga’s empty left eye socket where some of the deterioration is found. So what’s the character on his eyepatch?

The eyepatch, interestingly, was framed nicely within the last panel as Tokinaga dropped one of the earliest hints about the God Killer.

I’m gonna go and guess it’s based on “竜”, or “dragon.”

It’s that, or 龟, “tortoise/turtle”.

How do we decide which of these is likelier? Well, show us the hand!

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It's not a hand, you dumbass. It's a claw.

Chapter 42

This chapter is the first time when we get to see the claw that haunts Tokinaga. It features really sharp nails and scaly skin. Below are a tortoise’s nails.

Animals.net

The nails in a tortoise appeared to be closer to each other that our mysterious claw up there. The claw is also far leaner in the panel, compared to the more bulging (thicc?) look of a tortoise’s foot.

Based on this, I think the odds that the claw belongs to a tortoise are lower than our alternative: the East Asian Long/dragon. But do we have more proof?

---

How many nails does a Long have?

Five claws may seem ubiquitous in more modern drawings of the dragon, but it’s actually a relatively new invention during the Qing Dynasty [10]. In truth, for the longest time, the dragon has had three claws—and the dragon types that were most likely introduced to Japan are the three-clawed and four-clawed Golden Dragon (金龙), both popular during the Tang Dynasty.

Baidu. Tang Dynasty dragon-adorned mirror. Try to locate its claws.

Now, we can combine both knowledge.

Tokinaga claimed that these fake scripts are used to repel evil.

One of them is found in his eyepatch. A writing that may very well be 竜.

What is this eyepatch guarding against?

The thing that is frequently drawn to be close to his left eye is the mysterious claw. A claw that can be reasonably suspected to belong to a dragon.

Does that eyepatch repel... or seal a dragon?

Chapter 55

No matter what it could be, it still points to one general direction:

Tokinaga has a lot of connections to a dragon.

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Verdict

This is a combination of all of our hypotheses to form a pretty damn bold speculation about The Man Stronger than The Gods.

Tokinaga may be a God Killer, not the God Killer. He has aspects influenced by Tai Sui and dragons—a mythical beast that is also one of the Twelve Zodiac.

We already learned that there are actually a lot of Tai Sui deities, with 5 governing a single animal of different elements. So, if the hypothesis is that the God Killer is not one person but many people...

Is Tokinaga a dragon-related God Killer? Similar to a Dragon Tai Sui?

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Last words

This has been an insanely long read, but it covers a lot of the speculations and theories I have had about After God thus far. There’s a lot we don’t know yet, and it’s always likely that I get a lot of stuff wrong. I have a specific image for that occasion:

Ajin.

Nonetheless, it’s been really fun trying to Allula out the story with what we have so far, and I’ll be really stoked if even a small part of all of this comes true!

Let me know what you think in the comments or tags! I love responses and add-ons; I read ‘em all! They make my day.

Thank You For Reading My Ramble! I hope this has been an eye-opening thrill for you!

P.S. To people who recently followed me for After God content: welcome to my garden! I do have to tell ya—I’m not very prolific an essayist due to my general lack of time. I also write essays for a lot of other things too—this is the last of my After God Three Part essays, and I haven’t had any planned after this. So, yea! Please enjoy what I've cooked for now! Ahahaha.

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Citations:

Chinese zodiac. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_zodiac

Cat Paw vs. Dog Paw: Vet-Verified Differences (With Pictures). Hepper. https://www.hepper.com/cat-paw-vs-dog-paw/

Inspiration for Vollof (summarized). On Tumblr (Thanks, Ko!). https://www.tumblr.com/kossanctuary/756356794456113153/inspiration-for-vollof-summarized?source=share

What Pigs Can (And Can’t) Eat: Ultimate Guide. Savvy Farm Life. https://savvyfarmlife.com/what-pigs-can-and-cant-eat/

Normal and Abnormal Behaviors of Swine Under Production Conditions. Pork Information Gateway. https://porkgateway.org/resource/normal-and-abnormal-behaviors-of-swine-under-productions-conditions/

Tai Sui. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tai_Sui

太歳星君. In Wikipedia. [In Japanese] https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%A4%AA%E6%AD%B3%E6%98%9F%E5%90%9B

Nāga. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N%C4%81ga

世间动物千千万，为何是它们被选入十二生肖？《澎湃》。[In Chinese] https://www.thepaper.cn/newsDetail_forward_24694111

中国古代的龙，到底有几个爪趾？《百度·文艺时光》。[In Chinese] 中国古代的龙，到底有几个爪趾？ (baidu.com)

#after god #after god meta #ramble with citations #long read #睿得失这个话痨的长篇大论 #tokinaga sachiyuki #Idolatry Prohibited Organisms (After God)#All Chinese citations were not read with the help of AI or translation. I know Chinese ahhahah #this really took a lot of effort. Which is why I hope it was a satisfactory meal #I can't cook as much as I wish I can... Stupid work...#Happy After God Monday!

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stellaefelices · 8 months ago

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I wanted to do a short follow-up to my post “On Angeal’s Wings” with full excerpts from the Ultimania interview that discusses the meaning of the Firsts’ wings to expand on those of Genesis, as well as include a link to the entire interview.

In addition to Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth have a single wing on their backs. What is the meaning of the different colors and positions of their wings?

Nomura: “I wanted to have different varieties of wings so that the three of them wouldn’t look like [they were in] the same family. Sephiroth is a special being, so Genesis’ wing is on the opposite side of it, and Angeal’s wings are on the same side as Sephiroth’s, because he is a special person who is the origin of the Buster Sword’s legacy. However, only Angeal’s wings are white, which symbolically means “he did not fall in a negative direction”. In other words, Sephiroth could have been like Angeal, too. The colour coding is based on Sephiroth, who headed in a negative direction, and Angeal, who did not.”

So Sephiroth and Angeal are positioned as special characters in direct opposition with each other through their choices to align with good or evil. Nomura reinforces the idea behind this colour symbolism when discussing Genesis:

The “dumbapple” that appears in relation to Angeal and Genesis also plays an important role.

Nojima: “Originally, in the episode about Banora, I wanted to write about how “a land of poor but serious workers will not raise bad people”. In the FF series, you don’t see a lot of ordinary people working seriously (laughs), so with CC focusing on the theme of human relationships, I wanted to focus on episodes related to the characters’ hometowns from the angle of the soil in which their personalities were nurtured. That’s the origin of why I chose to have Angeal receive the sword from his hardworking father, and also why I chose the framework of “Cloud and Zack are both from the countryside.” In using the dumbapple, I also wanted to express the good side of Genesis——that in the past, he used to be a good person who was raised in a proper family.”

What is significant here is the statement that Genesis “used to be a good person” - by the time the events of Crisis Core are unfolding, he too has fallen in a negative direction. This is reflected in his black wing. The developers are not obligated to tell us these things, but given that Crisis Core was released as a heavily truncated version of the original story, I am grateful that they have provided us with these details in order to clear up any misconceptions about their characters. Here is the full interview for anyone interested:

#angeal hewley #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #crisis core #crisis core reunion #ever crisis #final fantasy vii #ffvii ever crisis #final fantasy 7 #first soldier #ff7 #ff7 first soldier #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier

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mybeautifulchristianjourney · 16 days ago

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The Bible means what it says—even in Genesis!

When you’re driving and see a sign that says STOP, do you think, “It says, ‘Stop,’ but what does that really mean? My personal interpretation is that it means slow down and stop only if you see other cars coming.”

We know better. We’re supposed to think, “Oh, a stop sign. I have to obey what it clearly says. It means to come to a full stop.”

Sadly, we see Christians applying this sort of interpretative approach to the Bible, particularly to the book of Genesis—and specifically to the age of the earth and universe. “I know it says six days, but that’s not what it means.”

Many different views persist within the church, particularly among church leadership and academics, on how to take Genesis. The list of positions includes theistic evolution, evolutionary creation, progressive creation, framework hypothesis, day-age theory, local flood, gap theory, and new ideas like Genesis 1 describes the creation of some “cosmic temple.”

Here’s what’s so disheartening to me and all of us Answers in Genesis

Many Christian leaders and academics who hold one of these positions on Genesis would, by and large, take God’s Word the same way I do from Genesis 12 onward! Yes, we may have some theological disagreements arguing from within Scripture, and we may differ on the book of Revelation. But from Genesis 12 onward, we don’t use outside beliefs from the secular world to force a particular view on God’s Word—but this is what they are doing in Genesis with the millions of years belief.

And therein lies the issue—they have one hermeneutical principle for interpreting Genesis 1–11 (forcing man’s beliefs in millions of years into Scripture) and a different one for the rest of God’s Word (taking God’s Word as written and interpreting Scripture with Scripture).

And yet most of them can’t see this or don’t want to. Why not? I believe it’s primarily because of academic peer pressure, academic pride, and a desire for academic respectability.

Yes, there are difficult passages in Scripture. And yes, having an understanding of Hebrew and Greek will add depth to one’s understanding of what God’s Word is teaching us. But God’s Word is for all people, for all time. God has communicated the basic message in a way we can understand.

If we let God’s Word speak to us, keeping in mind the aim of various types of biblical literature, anyone can understand the basic message in the same way we can understand a traffic manual. That’s called the perspicuity of Scripture, a big word for a simple concept that the message is clear. It means what it says. – Ken Ham

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intermundia · 1 year ago

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something lovely i discovered while planning the story of the redemption of one damaged man, is that it turned into telling the story of an entire community that absorbs and guides that individual as he grows towards the light—he couldn’t do it alone, doing it alone is not the point; his growth is predicated on improved relationships with everyone around him and improved moral behavior with a positive impact on the galaxy. everyone who listens to him, assists and corrects him, all participate in the better man that he becomes, so his redemption is everyone’s story, not just his own. i think this is the fundamental difference between the religious concept of redemption and the concept of redemption as applied in a framework of secular ethics.

star wars the films offer the spiritual and religious redemption in vader's final act of selflessness and return to the light, but i'm not entirely satisfied by that—i want to see him develop into a better man. i want to see him experience and embody his redemption, which was always the genesis of the narrative of time travel after death. you can merely die as an individual for religious redemption, you have to live as a person for the secular kind, and nobody builds a life alone; we are inherently contextual creatures, and so becoming a compassionate and giving member of society radiates out into the surrounding spiderweb of strengthened bonds, and makes an entire community thrive instead of wither and break apart. it was just lovely to see the story of anakin's lived redemption ended up demonstrating lucas's ethical directive of symbiosis in a way that the films never really did.

#just had a Moment thinking abt this last night #anakin could not do it alone yk #fanfic stuff #wd #anakin skywalker #sw

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ttrpgcafe · 9 months ago

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Heya! TTRPG trick or treat, please! 🎃👻

This one's got a backstory, so stick with me.

When I first got into TTRPGs, I learned about the big 6: D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, Cyberpunk, WoD, and Shadowrun. Of those, I've still, to this day, only played 5, and Shadowrun has remained the odd man out, despite having probably my favorite setting of all of them after Pathfinder. Part of this is its reputation for being a really crunchy game, keeping me from getting players, and part of it was that it's a very crunchy game that explains its rules SO POORLY (in recent editions at least, I'm told 3rd is the best in this department) that I couldn't even really convince my friends to get over the hump because it's hard for ME to grok the rules.

For well over a decade, Shadowrun has been my white whale, always on my shelf, never my table. So I did what any other well meaning TTRPG player does when they have a setting they like but a system for that setting they hate: I looked at every hack on the planet for every other system.

So here's your treat: every Shadowrun hack I've found!

Up first, Runners in the Shadows by Mark Cleveland:

This is a Forged in the Dark hack for the Shadowrun setting that is probably one of the better ones for emulating the "crew going on heists and doing cool shit" vibes that Shadowrun tries really hard to say is its core. I'm a sucker for FitD games in general, I think the system is *so* elegant, and I struggle to find a system more suited for the setting (SR's own rules included) than Blades, so this one has to go at the top.

With that said, there are still plenty more!

I'm going to give 2 PbtA games a shout out here, the first I've played, the second I haven't, but have heard plenty about.

Up first: City of Mist!

"But that's not a shadowrun hack!" I hear you saying behind your screen, and you're almost right, it technically isn't, BUT it's asymptote certainly approaches shadowrun, for my math nerds out there. This is a game about the (literal) power of stories, about struggles against an unseen and unknowable force trying desperately to remove every semblance of magic from your life, and about the yearning to keep your mundane life despite, or maybe in spite of, your magical adventures. City of Mist proper is a fantastic gritty noir urban fantasy game that works wonderfully as the framework for an early 6th world setting with minor tweaks, but it's sequel: Metro Otherscape, leans into the Shadowrun of it all, adding a 3rd axis along which your character can struggle, being "noise". In Otherscape, you're balancing a mundane, magical, technological life, and trying not to let any of those three overwhelm your being. A lot of cyberpunk games try to say that cybernetics reduce your humanity in one way or another, but I think Otherscape does the best job at embodying that balance in a way that isn't deeply ableist in its messaging. It's ALSO the only PbtA game I actually LIKE.

Hot take: I can't stand Moves, they annoy me to no end, and needlessly complicate an otherwise brilliant system. I might make a follow up post if anyone wants to hear my deeply bad take, but for now, just know that I'm a ttrpg heretic, and we can move on.

Otherscape completely does away with moves, and instead just lets the MC and the players decide whatever is most relevant to the action being attempted! It solves almost every problem I've ever had with PbtA games, AND kicks ass as a shadowrun stand-in, so this also deserves a place at or near the top.

Second PbtA game: Shadowrun in The Sprawl. This one is a hack of The Sprawl, a PbtA cyberpunk game in its own right, SRiTS adds the setting and magic of SR to its formula, and that's all I know about either system, due to my aforementioned PbtA-phobia. I've included this one for thoroughness, not because I have any stake in it.

Most of the other hacks I've seen use generic systems like Fate, Savage World, Cypher system, Genesys, and a hero system hack I've heard a bit about but can't find anywhere. All of this is to say that there is a wealth of options for generic systems that try to emulate SR, and most of them are fine. The last game I'm going to talk about though uses its own system, its own setting, and manages to be completely, utterly unique while capturing the vibes of SR so well that I'm still a little in awe at how well it does all of the above. I'm also not 100% certain it's a particularly good game, but the fact that I'm unsure about it should tell you that it's definitely still better than SR proper, because I KNOW that system is bad.

Without further ado: NewEdo

NewEdo is fascinating to me in that it feels like the same jump from Shadowrun that 3rd edition D&D made from 2e, or even the same kind of jump from 3rd to 4th, where you can clearly see the spine of the game it's evolving, but almost every other part of the system has been changed and improved in new, interesting ways that can still be used to tell VERY similar stories, but has its own identity at the same time. I mentioned that City of Mist is Asymptotic to SR earlier, and I stand by that assessment, but I'd say that NewEdo is closer to a parallel line, or a tangent from SR's line, if we're using the same terminology. To get into the nitty gritty, NE uses a system the author describes as "Crunchy lite easily managed", which amounts to a priority system during character creation very similar to the one SR uses, but with each tier you can select having pretty impactful ramifications for your character going forward. The easiest example is the modifications priority, at its top tier, you basically make a mythical creature into robo cop for your character's ancestry, but at its absolute lowest tier, your body actively rejects any and all implants, such that your character will NEVER have implants. On the same note, cyberware is handled REALLY well, with your body only being able to handle so much at a time, but otherwise the only ramification is a "biofeedback" line on your fate card, which I'll get to right now!

Almost every option your character picks gets added to a little personalized random d100 table on your character sheet called the fate card. This includes your character's crit rate, the possibility of a deity intervening on your behalf, or the aforementioned biofeedback line, which briefly fucks you up as you cyberware malfunctions. You get new lines on your fate card through picking certain character options, making impactful decisions during the story, and otherwise fulfilling the express goals of your character. The entire system kind of hinges on the fate card as a mechanic, which is weird, because I don't think I super love it, as it adds additional rolling to an already pretty dice heavy system.

Which brings me to the dice! New edo uses a d10 as its primary die for dice pools when rolling your characteristics like strength, speed, etc, but the rest of the polyhedral family for your skills. (D20 excluded) The skill system is a little funky, but I like it. Basically, each skill has a rank, which indicates how many dice it has, but each rank is assigned a die, each having a different cost associated with it. So my swordsmanship could be rank 4, but what that really means is that I've got 1d6, 2d4, and a d8 that I get to add to my strength rolls every time I attack with a sword. As far as resolution, you total all of your dice together to try and hit a target number. I don't have the table handy, but it's something like 15 for a moderately challenging task, and up to 40 for a nearly impossible task. I dislike addition in this context because math at the table usually slows things down, but it looks like you're probably only rolling 2-5 dice at a time at the beginning, which isn't *that* bad.

You'll notice that the two major mechanics I've mentioned so far have received pretty luke-warm responses from me, and that sounds like I hate the system, but those aren't that makes me like (\love?) this system is the back end, the choices that happen during character creation, and the things that those choices let you do. Every skill is attached to feats that unlock at different skills, magic is a skill, and its feats unlock better relationships with the Kami in your repertoire (magic is up next, I promise) and your class (path, they call it) doubles as a way to tie your character to the world, with each being associated with an in world faction which gives your character an immediate stake in the world and their community. It's a lot, but it all comes together to make something greater than the sum of its parts.

The last thing I want to talk about is the magic system, because I found it deeply interesting, as it's one of the very few skill based magic systems I've interacted with, and one of my favorites on a narrative level. Instead of spells or spell schools, your character instead develops relationships with Kami, and each new "order" or "type" of Kami your character gets access to represents them finding out how to supplicate, make an offering, or otherwise convince a given Kami to do a certain effect. If you have a relationship with the fire Kami (that's plural, not singular), then your character has learned that their local fire Kami really like a certain type of hot bun, so they offer them that hot bun after a scene where they invoked those kami, to maintain their relationship. Mechanically, this works instantaneously, you simply make a roll on your "Shinpi" skill, invoke whatever "rote" you want to use, and the relationship building is left for the GM and player to work out at the table.

(That's the last I have to say on the game itself, but I would ask anyone who has read the game and is more intimately familiar with Japanese culture to tell me if the game feels respectful to that culture, because I truly don't know, and the book doesn't list any sensitivity consultants. The author is Canadian, but spent many years sailing to and from Japan as a professional sailor, so idk. )

I guess the moral to this post, if there is one, is to acknowledge when a system or setting has faults, but learn from them, and don't ignore the good or cool stuff that's there! It might inspire you to make some amazing shit like City of Mist, Metro Otherscape, or New Edo, all of which, their relationship to Shadowrun aside, are fantastic games in their own right! (NewEdo is still up in the air, but it has its teeth in me, and that has to count for something)

That ends my trick or treat, thanks for asking!

#shadowrun #ttrpg trick or treat #city of mist #cyberpunk #indie ttrpgs #ttrpg #indie ttrpg #ttrpgs #forged in the dark #powered by the apocalypse #newedo #cypher system #fate core #genesys

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