#HandbookForMortals

[kbuefox]

I Made A Bad Decision

After a while of continually going back to look at it and experience the insanity of the situation, I decided to take my own look at the book that started it all. So, in the hopes that it won't destroy my sanity I have purchased a used version on the 2017 shit starter "The Handbook For Mortals" by Lani Sarem with a B&N gift card. I debated with this for a while but I finally decided to give in out of morbid curiosity. Wish me luck.

[authorclaribelortega]

SOFIA ON FIRE - Part 1

                   Chapter Zero: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A CHAPTER 0

It’s easy to be a villain when your nemesis is an expired jar of yogurt. I’m Sofia Castillo, you probably haven’t heard of me but you’ve definitely heard of my nemesis: Blade. Oh wait, her name is Zade. There are so many people in my life I can’t keep them straight. Just a few months ago I was the lead in a magic show in Vegas, dating a guy who looks like Harrison Ford, and generally living my best life. Then Zade came into town and shit on everything I love. Her side of the story was put out there in some sort of handbook, but I’m here to set the record straight. Tell you what really happened. Trust me, it’s nothing like what you’ve heard.

                                        Chapter One: Kill Me Now

One thousand four hundred and sixty days. That’s how long it took me to reach the main stage of Lords of Illusion, a mediocre magic show in Las Vegas. It’s not easy getting on the main stage, even of a shitty show like this one, and I had to work my ass off. I’d spent countless hours honing my magic tricks, taking dance classes, working out to be in good physical condition for the show. It was grueling, but worth it. I’d spent months training and now I was one of the lead acts of the show. Guess how long it took the new girl to get her own illusion and bump me out of the spotlight? Two fucking hours.

“Hey,” a girl with faded rainbow hair smiled at me. If you could call it a smile. She looked like she rather be anywhere but in the theater and I wondered if she was a nervous intern. “I’m Zade,” she continued, holding her hand out like she expected me to kiss it. Uh, I don’t think so.

“What’s up, Zade. Sofia,” I waved and made my way to the main stage. 

I didn’t need to stick around to chat to know she was a butthole. Plus I was late for my rehearsal since fucking Tad kept staring at me through the crack under my door and I had to get dressed in my bathroom. Don’t worry, I put some ballerina tea in his Monster drink. He’ll be pooping for hours.

I heard a shrill laugh, like a cat being run over by a tractor. I turned around to see Zade holding onto Charlie’s arm like he had a fifty percent off coupon for Sally’s. She had a Sally’s Beauty Supply tshirt and hat on, so I had to assume the girl loved that place. Charlie was my boyfriend, we’d been dating for a few months and things were going well. I really loved him.

“Oh, Charlie!” she laughed loudly again. Charlie covered one ear.

“I’ve asked you to call me Charles, now please let go of me. You smell like bleach.”

Zade gave me a dirty look, sticking her tongue out like she was trying to lick Charlie’s chin. He looked horrified but I just laughed. Serves him right for putting a job ad on Craigslist.

On the stage I wrapped my long brown braid into a bun and gave Mac, the douchy stage manager a thumbs up. He tipped his fedora at me and the music began to play. I hate that guy.

I began to stomp my feet to the Flamenco music, the only part of the magic show that incorporated any sort of culture in it was mine. The dance illusion. As I danced I did a quick change right on stage. My costume was made up of ten layers of light silk, and using a combination of loops and straps I’d use to shift the fabric of the dress around, it gave the illusion of ten completely different outfits during the ten minute routine.

The music swelled as I danced around the stage, the stomp, stomp, stomp of my heels keeping rhythm with the hand claps of the music. With one final flourish of my arms, I picked up my skirt and twirled into the final stance.

Out of breath and sweating a smile spread across my face. Dance exhilarated me. It was the closest I could get to flying. The closest I could get to feeling truly free. A few people clapped, and Charlie cleared his throat. I looked down, the smile still on my face. It faded once I saw the look in his eyes.

“I’m…sorry, Sofia but we’re going to have to cut the dance illusion.”

“What?” I jumped off the stage and walked over to Charlie. Zade was sitting there with a face like a five year old who’d stolen candy.

“I’m sorry, Sofia really but Zade here is my d-”

Zade coughed loudly and opened her eyes wide. Shut up, the gesture said.

“We have to make room for Zade’s illusion.”

I took a deep breath. And as calmly as I could manage I pleaded my case. “Charlie, I’ve been working for you for over four years. I’ve never been late, I’ve never given you grief. I have worked my ass off for you. I don’t deserve this. Can’t we work out a way to have both illusions during the show?”

“Nope,” Zade cocked her head to the side. I wanted to slap that smug smile right off her face. “We can’t have two stars of the show now can we,” she blinked her eyes a lot. I wondered if she had a tick.

“So what’s your illusion then? What’s so great that my illusion has to be completely bumped for it.”

“I’m glad you asked,” Zade pushed past me and onto the stage. Charles held onto my hand, which had been ready to punch that bitch right in the vagina.

On stage, and looking like a swollen Britney Spears, Zade climbed up the rafters with no harness or safety net.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Mac yelled from behind the sound board. When she didn’t stop he ran over to the stage.

But Zade didn’t stop. She just kept climbing, stopping every rung or two to pull up her skinny jeans. She really was not dressed correctly for whatever this trick was. I stood there arms crossed, wondering if I was about to witness her death. She reached the top of the rafter and closed her eyes, raising one leg like the Karate Kid. Was this bitch about to do the crane kick?

About ten tech people were trying to get her down now, but they had been on the other side of theater and I doubted they’d get to her on time. I grabbed my  cellphone out of my bag and dialed 911 right as Zade swan dived onto the stage. Holy shit!

Somebody screamed and just when I turned away to avoid seeing Zade’s body crash onto the stage a loud whooshing noise swept through the theater. I looked and what I saw was so batshit unbelievable that I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. There she stood, with sparks coming from her hands and feet. Like fucking Iron Man. She landed jerkily onto the stage and grabbed a rose from her back pocket. She tossed the rose at me and winked. I let it fall to the floor, mouth agape.

“A rose for the pretty lady,” she winked. What a tool.

Despite her overall level of cringe, which was at about ten thousand now, that illusion had been great. Unbelievable even.

“How the hell did you do that? That was incredible,” I said.

“I…can’t tell you!” Zade ran off stage crying.

“What did I say?”

“Way to go, Sofia,” Mac was running after her. I threw my hands up. What the actual fuck?

“Sofia, I’m sorry,” Charlie put one hand on my waist.

“What the hell, Charlie?”

“Please, don’t say anything to her but, she’s my daughter. And she’s kind of an asshole. I promise I’ll reinstate your illusion soon, just let me work things out with her.”

I closed my eyes. Daughter. Charlie is older than me, sure, but I never knew he was a dad. And a dad to a gremlin.

“Say something,” he pleaded. I opened my eyes.

“Work it out. Fast. I didn’t leave my country, learn a second language and come to Vegas to be kicked off the show by a whiny kid. I trust you, Charlie. But please don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t,” he hugged me and I melted like the fool that I am. Hey, he looks like Harrison Ford, can you really blame me?

****************************************************************

Thanks for reading part one of my HANDBOOK FOR MORTALS “Fan” Fic!

Part Two of SOFIA ON FIRE!

http://authorclaribelortega.tumblr.com/post/164977966253/sofia-on-fire-part-2

Part Three: http://authorclaribelortega.tumblr.com/post/165236300643/sofia-on-fire-part-3

[roerigdaily]

laniers: I had such a great time hosting the #hotbloodedpanel for @stanleesupercon2019 with @tylerhoechlin @zach_roerig and @supervandie ! #vampirediaries #teenwolf #bitten #supergirl #smallville #theorginals #handbookformortals #conlife

[viviwritesbooks]

Handbook for Mortals Parody Blurb

A fake blurb for a fake bestseller. #handbookformortals

It’s Wednesday. I’m neck deep in the last pass through of Flower on the River. I suspect I’d be much further along on it if I hadn’t been distracted by the frankly weird saga of a book that no one had ever heard of written by a Z-list show biz person and published by a half-dead website’s brand new publishing arm claiming the top spot on the NYT Young Adult Fiction Bestseller List last new. There…

[djvillain]

The Curious Case of Handbook for Mortals

[chelseasbookreviews]

Last review for the day! This last review will be for @handbookformortals by @laniers! In this book, we follow Zade in her adventures to become a famous magician. She ends up under the tutelage of an infamous magician named Charles, and she comes up with a special magic trick, but there's a secret behind that trick and there's a secret about Zade and her family. We follow her as she rises in the magic scene and as she falls for Mac and Jackson. Who will she end up with? Will she become a famous magician? What is the secret behind Zade, her family, a her trick? Read it and find out! I know this book carries some controversy with it, but I tend to look past it when I read and review a book. All I can say is I absolutely LOVED this book and cannot wait for the sequel!!!! Thank you Lani for trusting me with your book, and thank you for creating a new Fandom that I can immerse myself in! ❤ Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ #Bookstagrammer #Bookstagram #bookreviewer #bookwormsofinstagram #bookwormforlife #bookworms #bookwormsunite #booklover #booknerd #bibliophile #alwaysreading #bookreviewersofinstagram #bookreviewers #bookreviewerslife #authorsofinstagram #authorlife #authorcommunity #arcreader #arcreadersofinstagram #arcteam #betareader #prouddogmom #redbonecoonhoundsofinstagram #dogsofinstagram #proudcatmom #catsofinstagram #siamesecatsofinstagram #blackcatsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CkBvSveAIhk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[instapicsil2]

@wizardworld Chicago Day 1 w/ @tinband @handbookformortals Phase 5 of his film career #TheLostTreefilm @amongusfilm hosted by @diybailey ‬powered by @denneyjewelers http://ift.tt/2wNATsu

[instatrack]

@wizardworld Chicago Day 1 w/ @tinband @handbookformortals Phase 5 of his film career #TheLostTreefilm @amongusfilm hosted by @diybailey ‬powered by @denneyjewelers http://ift.tt/2wNATsu

[bamfas]

Thomas Nicholas Band

‪Here’s the direct link to pre-order a signed copy of #HandbookForMortals ‬ ‪http://www.handbookseries.com/store/p1/buyhandbookformortals‬ You’ve seen Thomas Nicholas and Lani Sarem do a bunch of fb live videos, below is the link where you can pre-order your own signed copy of #HandbookForMortals limited 1st edition hardcover copy.

[lagilliland]

Debut Novel by Lani Sarem Set For Release August 15

Los Angeles, CA (August 2, 2017) – “Handbook for Mortals” continues countdown to release with an exclusive reveal of the cover art via Nerdist.com, LINK.  The debut novel from former band manager, Lani Sarem, is set for release on August 15 in partnership with GeekNation in their first venture delivering original content.  The first installment of the new young adult series,“Handbook for Mortals,” releases through GeekNation Press in hardcover, as well as ebook.  For more information please visit handbookseries.com and GeekNation.com.

The artwork for “Handbook for Mortals” was created by talented indie comic artist, Ryan M. Kincaid (“Grimm Fairy Tales,” “Zombies vs. Cheerleaders”).  “Getting to work on “Handbook for Mortals” was an amazing new experience for me. It is an honor to bring Zade to life” said Kincaid.  “I was able to add elements and ideas from the book as well as adding my style with an end result I hope the readers will enjoy and love.”

In this series debut, readers will journey from small town southern life to big-time Vegas show life. Our heroine has magick gifts that defy normal life and offer her a new lease on living independently, yet clashing with reality in proving her talents and her place, all teetering with the prophecies of destiny versus death. “Handbook for Mortals” mission is to engage millennials and those of all ages that have ever been touched by magick in any form, as well non-believers.

From internationally known, ultimate pop-culture enthusiasts mecca for entertainments ever-growing geek contingent, GeekNation.com – co-founded by actress Clare Kramer (“Buffy,” “Bring It On,” “House,” “Big Ass Spider”) and producer Brian Keathley (“In Enemy Hands,” “Shortcut to Happiness”) – a new publishing arm exclusive in partnership with longtime actress, Grammy-award winning multi-platinum artists (Blues Traveler, Gnarls Barkley, Plain White T’s,) band and tour manager, and entertainment industry veteran Lani Sarem comes “Handbook for Mortals,” an empowering and intriguing tale about the real power of magick and its effect on life.

A project of true vision that comes from the heart, this uniquely creative magick story is inspired as much by Sarem’s life story coupled with life experiences. “Handbook for Mortals” is a planned feature film franchise with famed Thomas Ian Nicholas (“American Pie,” “Rookie of the Year”) producing and acting, as well featuring the Plain White T’s. An overall thrilling entertainment experience to illicit a new wave audience of geeks, wizards, warlocks, witches, and wonderers alike.

About the Author

Lani Sarem basically grew up in the entertainment industry. She began acting at age three and continued to act and perform through her early years. Lani began writing scripts when she was eleven. Over the years she has become a jack-of-all-trades in the entertainment business. She became a rock n’ roll gypsy at fifteen and started touring with bands and working on festivals. She’s toured with everyone from Ryan Adams to Gnarls Barkley. She also became one of the youngest female managers in the business and managed bands like the Plain White T's, 100 Monkeys and Blues Traveler. Lani has appeared in films like “Mall Cop 2,” “Jason Bourne,” and “Trailer Park Shark.” You can follow Lani on her social networks to keep up with her many adventures and look out for her at a Wizard World Comic Con near you.

About GeekNation

Launched in 2012, GeekNation.com has become the ultimate mecca of entertainment through articles, blogs, podcasts, videos, and web series, serving as a lifestyle and entertainment hub for the ever-growing geek contingency and pop-culture enthusiasts. GeekNation offers a one-stop-shop for a user-base looking for news, opinion, lifestyle and community with interests in entertainment, television, movies, sports, technology, events and all things pop culture. GeekNation is responsible for producing an array of award winning podcasts and shows, such as The Movie Crypt, hosted by directors Adam Green (“Hatchet,” “Frozen”) and Joe Lynch (“Wrong Turn 2: Dead End” and “Everly”). The company has since moved into producing for Network Television with their first show, “Then Again with Herbie Pilato,” selling to Decades (CBS). GeekNation also produces feature films and distributing through their partnership with the shingle, Defiance Entertainment (“Tyson,” a documentary of Mike Tyson). In addition, GeekNation recently launched the event ticketing platform, FanFix, specifically created to handle ticket sales for Film Festivals and Comic Cons. GeekNation was co-founded by actress Clare Kramer (“Buffy,” “Bring It On,” “House,” “Big Ass Spider”) and film producer Brian R. Keathley ("NARC," "Tyson," "In Enemy Hands," "Shortcut to Happiness"). GeekNation is a collaboration of several Hollywood actors, writers, producers and directors that have come together to provide quality content from a studio in Los Angeles. For more information visit GeekNation.com.

# # #

“Handbook for Mortals”

On Sale: August 15, 2017 | ISBN: 9781545611456 and ebook ISBN: 9781545612392

Price: $24.99 and ebook $9.99 | 448 pages

GeekNation Press hardcover, also available as an ebook

http://www.handbookseries.com/

@HandbookforMortals

[authorclaribelortega]

SOFIA ON FIRE - PART 3

                                          Chapter Three: An Actual Handbook

Have you ever gone furniture shopping with a demon? I do not recommend it.

It took Zade two hours to pick out the shape of her sofa, another three to choose between the light blue and the sky blue and then she argued with the sales guy about them not having any “multi-hued” sofas before eventually asking to speak to a manager. She then spent another hour explaining how to pronounce her name to the staff, even though everyone clearly already had it, before we  left. 

After the throwing-up-in-front-of-the-mall-and-humiliating myself fiasco, I wanted to leave them all there. Instead I decided to do the mature thing and wait in the car while angrily googling, “Can demons make you throw up by looking at you?”

Turns out they can. They can also turn your heart inside out and make your brain drip out of your nose. The guilt of the guys from work being brutally murdered at a discount furniture store took me right in after my google session, but I almost wish I’d let them die. Or at least be hurt enough they regretted being dicks to me.

“I’m exhausted,” said Zade. Cam and I eyed her while carrying an oversized arm chair to my truck. She had one bag in her hand. One bag. With about ten jars of Manic Panic dye from Sally’s Beauty.

“You want to maybe help us?” I knew it was a bad idea to test her, but I was too annoyed to care.

With Cam’s help I slid the armchair into the open bed of my truck and turned towards Zade. She was pouting. Christ on a crutch.

“Why do you always have to be so angry?” Zade’s eyes watered over.

“I’m not being angry. I asked a simple question. Why aren’t you helping with your own furniture?”

“She’s so aggressive,” she said in what was the loudest whisper ever, to Mac.

“Sofia, why are you being a bully?” asked Mac.

“I’m new. I’m just trying to be friends with you and you’re always so angry. Maybe we can change our tone?” Zade wiped non-existent tears from her eyes.

What a bad actress. What a jerkface, condescending, stale doughnut.

She grabbed a phone out of her back-pocket and began typing furiously as we finished loading her stuff onto my truck. “I’m telling Charles,” she fake sobbed,

“You know what? Forget it,” there was clearly no talking to Zade like an adult.

“This is why I don’t get along with girls. Jealously,” she hissed. Zade flipped her hair and got in the back seat of my truck. Like I was some sort of chauffeur.

Zade shot me a look and put her window up. My stomach lurched. If she made me throw up again I was going to flip a table. I held onto the side of the truck, trying to steady myself as the world spun around me.

Cam had to drive us all home. Zade talked nonstop about how great a picture of her would look up against the setting sun outside her window and posing. Death would be more pleasant. By the time I got to my apartment the demon-nausea had passed and I made my way to a book store a few miles from my house. Google wasn’t going to do it, I needed the big guns to find out what the hell Zade’s deal was. 

***********************************************************************************************

I pushed open the wooden door of Escobar’s Books and breathed in the familiar smell of paper and glue binding. There’s almost nothing that can take me on a journey of memories and heartbreak like the smell of books. 

Yesenia Escobar propped her feet up on a counter in her book store, fluffing her curly hair as she flipped through a popular young adult book.*

”Sofia!” She smiled.

”Hey, amiga.”

Sofia put her book down and hitched an eyebrow. “You look like you’ve just had a good cry.”

”Close. I puked my brains out at the mall. There’s this new girl at work and I’m almost positive she’s a demonio.” I plopped down in a seat next to Yessenia.

”Damn. Gotta light some velitas then. You need my help?” Yessenia scratched a spot above her eyebrow and pursed her lips.

The kind of “help” she was offering was about what you would expect with a last name like hers. But I hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Not yet. ”You have any occult books? I have to figure out who, or what I’m dealing with before you start going all plata o plomo on her,” I laughed.   Yessenia laughed and motioned with her head for me to follow. We passed rows of bookshelves made of dark wood, polished till they were almost gleaming. The smell of purple Fabuloso was like coming home. Behind one of the shelves, wearing a white bata with blue flowers, her hair in rollers, Yessenia’s mother swept an already spotless floor. ”Yessenia!” ”Señora,” Yessenia responded, all her swagger gone. ”What kind of hours are these to have friends over?” I looked at my watch. It was eight at night. ”Mami, Sofia has a problem at work. Just trying to help her.” ”Hola, mija,” Mrs. Escobar kissed my cheek then scratched above her eyebrow like Yessenia had. “You need our help?” ”I think I’m okay in that department. For now.” ”Bueno. No se demoren,” she said. We walked towards the very back of the shop to a shelf where every book had a black cover. Yessenia ran her fingers along the covers, searching for the book. She stopped and pulled out a heavy looking one. The words Handbook for Mortals was written in block letters across the front. 

“Is this some kind of bereavement book?” I leafed through the pages.

“No, that’s the other Handbook for Mortals. This one helps you identify the worst kinds of Demons. The kind I think you might be dealing with. What kind of stuff has this girl been doing?“

“Aside from making me physically ill, she thinks every girl at work is jealous of her, every guy at work is in love with her, and she’s like really one dimensional so far.”

“Yikes. That’s what I was afraid of. Turn to page three hundred and ninety four,” Yessenia lit a cigarette and started smoking.

Before I could tell her I was scared of her mother finding her with a cigarette in hand, a chancleta came flying from somewhere in the store and wacked Yessenia on the head. She grimaced, but put the cigarette out.

I turned to the page and my eyes widened as I read.

Multi-hued hair, check.

Bangs cut in the mirror with scissors from Walgreens, check.

Obsession with Sally’s Beauty Supply, check.

Magical abilities that are reminiscent of Iron Man, check.

Obsession with describing own reflection, no hobbies or personal motivations, flat dialogue and excessive amount of tropes, check, check, check, check and check.

“This is the worst possible thing she could’ve been,” I closed the book. “Can I borrow this?”

“You can have it,” Yessenia said, “You’re going to need it to fight that thing.”

I hugged my friend and made my way back to my car with The Handbook For Mortals in my purse. I would have to read it cover to cover tonight. I would have to learn everything I could, if I had any hope of beating the dreaded monster I never thought I’d have to fight. The thing that plagues my dreams and all creative writing classes in high school and college. Worse than a demon. Worse than the chupacabra. I would have to defeat the infamous creature…

The Mary-Sue.

*****************************

Thanks for reading! New posts of SOFIA ON FIRE coming every Friday & Monday! Read the rest:

SOFIA ON FIRE PART ONE

SOFIA ON FIRE PART TWO

* Please note, YA books are for and featuring people ages 13-18. Anything older is New Adult or Adult. Thanks!

[authorclaribelortega]

SOFIA ON FIRE - Part 2

                                 Chapter Two - The Longest Day

You ever have someone share an idea that’s so bad, it feels like the whole of Hades has crawled up your ass and punched you in the intestine? I have. And it was Mac’s idea which makes it ten times worse. After the Iron Man/crying fiasco, everyone was looking at me like I’d kicked a puppy. 

“We want Zade to feel welcome here and I don’t think you’re being very welcoming, Sofia.” Mac was cleaning lint of his fedora and if it weren’t for the fact it smelled like a wet possum and I didn’t want to touch it, I would’ve thrown it in the garbage long ago. 

I crossed my arms and gave him the look my mother used to give me right before she told me Jesus was disappointed in me. “What exactly have I done to make her feel unwelcome? All I did was ask her how she turned into Iron Man, is that illegal now?”

Mac held his hands up in a “you see” motion looking at the other staff members that had gathered around to hear all about how I made the new girl cry.

“Mac’s right,” said Cameron, another douche from the tech team. I swear, Charlie recruits rejects from the Jersey Shore or something, how are they all equally annoying?

“You should take her furniture shopping,” a smile which I would bet any amount of money he thought was sly, spread across Mac’s face. “She could really use a friend, Sofia.”

“Listen, dickhole this isn’t an 80′s movie and I’m not going on a shopping montage with Miss Sally’s Beauty over there just cause she can’t handle a simple question.”

“I would appreciate it,” Charlie put a hand on my shoulder and I suddenly felt like a giant jerk. Daughter. This girl, no matter how annoying she seemed to be, was Charlie’s daughter. Punching myself in the ovaries sounded more appealing than furniture shopping with Zade, but for Charlie I would do it because remember:

But before you start judging me for being shallow, it’s about more than his face (and his butt.) When I got to Vegas I knew no one, had no connections, no experience in the business. He wasn’t just my way into the show, Charlie was my friend. My first friend in my new life and I won’t soon forget how kind he was to me. Also, he didn’t act like Mac or Tad who drool at even the suggestion of boobs. He just treated me like a human being which I know, I know, is such a low bar and yet one many guys I met before him couldn’t seem to clear. I care for Charlie a lot,and that’s why when he asked me to take his swamp demon of a daughter furniture shopping for her new apartment, I said yes. FML.

 *************************************

 The Sunnyside Mall in Vegas has a decent furniture store so I drove us there in my beat up pick up truck. Zade made Mac take his shirt off and put it on the seat because she refused to sit on it, and then for no reason at all he took his pants off too. 

 "We’re coming with you,“ Mac and his yellow boxer shorts said as he hopped into the bed of my truck with Cameron, Tag & Jackson - more guys from the show who aren’t important and I can’t stand. 

 "Whatever,” I took the bumpiest route I knew, praying to every saint that they’d all fall out along the way. 

 "Oh em gee, is that CARROT TOP?“ Zade nearly jumped out of the moving truck as we pulled into a parking space. 

She chased a redhead who was definitely not Carrot Top to his car. I got out and leaned against my truck, arms crossed, smirking at how weird she was.

 After a few seconds she came back pouting. “It wasn’t him,” she said, “But he wouldn’t stop staring at me! And like he was trying to whisper but I could totally hear him and he told the lady with him that I was the prettiest girl he’s ever seen." 

 I arched an eyebrow. "Really? That all happened in the three seconds you were standing there?" 

 "Oh, Sofia I forgot you were here,” she turned to Mac. 

“Excuse me, but I drove you here?”

“I heard him as I walked away. The girl with him called me a…bitch,” she told Mac, completely ignoring me. I needed a shot and it was barely noon. 

Zade clenched her fists and began breathing heavily. Suddenly the redhead, who was clearly happy with what appeared to be his girlfriend, slammed his own head into the hood of his car and fainted. 

“Holy shit!” I started to run over to him but Zade grabbed my arm, digging her nails into my skin. 

 "It’s what he deserves,“ she whispered. Her breath smelled like a dirty turtle tank. 

 "Let go of me or I’ll break your fingers,” I threw Zade off me and turned back towards the couple. 

The guy had gotten up and his girlfriend ushered him into the passenger seat before throwing Zade a scared look and driving away with him. 

 "What just happened?“ I asked. 

 "I can’t believe what a jerk that guy was,” Mac cozied up to Zade’s side. Yes he was still in his boxers. 

“Or that lady. She was definitely jealous,” said Cameron. 

 "You know what they say, you get knocked down then you get up again. But Zade, they’re never gonna keep you down,“ Jackson looked into her eyes as he quoted Chumbawamba and Zade hooked her arm in his. I guess he won the pissing contest.

Oh my God, I’m going to throw up right here on my truck. 

 "Let’s go shopping!” Zade said as she skipped towards the mall entrance. 

 "Sooo nobody is worried about Carrot Top? Or a little freaked out that Zade seems to have Carrie like powers?“

 They were already walking away from me though. Ignoring me. "Just jealous,” I heard Mac say and they all laughed. 

Zade turned around and smiled sweetly at me. She brought one hand to her mouth then made a fist just like she had when she’d hurt the redhead. 

Hot putrid air danced around me. 

A wave of nausea overtook me. 

And then I did throw up. A lot. So much, that when I got up from my hands and knees, they were gone and I was surrounded by mall security. Shit. 

What in the hell did I get myself into?

Part three: http://authorclaribelortega.tumblr.com/post/165236300643/sofia-on-fire-part-3