#Haneul and Hyeonggi

[hyeongeul-blog]

Ch.3 pt.3 I like it. Do I?

Haneul’s smiling face popping around the corner gives me almost a heart attack. “Yup, I’m here.” “I thought you had a long day? Why are you here already? Did the neighbors see you come in again?” “Aye, one question at a time. I was allowed to leave early today and enjoy the weekend off! And why do you care about the neighbors? We aren’t doing anything wrong. We aren’t even dating or something like that.” He walks towards the kitchen. He’s always cooking when he’s here. Stew for dinner. Yes. “Did you find a job today?” “Nope.” “Hmmm… Better luck tomorrow.” His broad shoulders while cooking are such a nice sight. Wait… What? What am I thinking about? Do I like him…? Haneul turns around. “Dinner is ready.”

After eating he whines about sleeping over again. Fine. The bed is still there. He can stay.

We get to sleep after some drinks. A peaceful night.

I have to go to the bathroom. Where is the light switch? Ughh I can’t find it. Forget it. When I walk back to my bed I bump my feet into the mattress. Oh, my bed is here already. I lay down and feel my big plushy I used to have when I was younger. A huge hippo. He feels so warm right now. I doze off again. I wake up because my stomach feels hot. I move my hand under the blankets. I feel a hand on my stomach. Wait… What is this? A hand?! I turn around to see who lays beside me. Haneul. His warmth fills my body and I feel my face turn red. What happened? Why am I here and not in my own bed? Did he do something to me? He opens his eyes because I was moving around a lot.

“Goodmooorning... What are you doing here?” His eyes are open wide and staring into mine. “Uhh.. I don’t know. That’s what I wanted to ask you.” “Well… This is my bed.” “Yes... true… I don’t know how I ended up here.” I want to get up but he pulls me back again. “It’s Saturday. We don’t need to go anywhere right? Just stay here. It’s nice and warm.” The feeling in my stomach rises again and I don’t know what to do. I just lay there beside him. He moves around until he has me locked in his embrace. I can feel his heart beating against my shoulder. “Haneul… Do you like me?” “Of course I like you. You’re such a good friend of mine.” “Yeah… But I mean… Do you like me as a woman?” He moves to face me. He moves again so that I can’t see his face. A big sigh. “You know…. We’ve been friends for a long time…. And honestly a point has come in which I realized I wanted more than friendship. But I don’t want to ruin what we have…. You know?” Wait. “So… yes…?” “Yes.” Okay so now what? I’ve been feeling weird things lately. Is it because I’ve fallen in love? Is this feeling what you call being in love? I don’t know. “So now what Haneul?” “I don’t know. You now know I like you… Do you like me?” “I don’t really know… I’ve been feeling weird around you lately. A good weird. Not a bad weirdness… But I don’t know what it means.” He moves to see my face and I move away. “Really?!” It’s silent for a little while. Haneul moves and leans on one arm to face me. “How about we try for a little while? Just take your time to figure out what these feelings mean. I’ll treat you like your boyfriend for now and you can always step out.” He looks at me with anticipation. I think about it. I think I do like him. “Okay. Let’s do it that way.” Haneul’s expression stays the same for a moment until he realizes what I just said. “REALLY?! YESSS” He hugs me really tight. And… I actually like it.

[hyeongeul-blog]

Ch.3 pt.2 Second assignment and...

We eat breakfast together, brush our teeth together and get dressed separately. He leaves work and I leave the house ten minutes after for my appointment with president Mung.

11:26 I arrive at the building and am told to wait in the same chair as yesterday. The same things happen after I’m fetched by the guy in suit. It’s the same guy… but he behaves a little different. Or at least, I get a different feel from him. Only slightly.

When I enter the office, president Mung is smoking. “You want one too?”, he asks while he nods towards the guy in suit who is ready to hand me a cigarette. “No thank you... I don’t smoke.” “Ah, okay. That’s fine. Soo… About yesterday. How did it go?” I sit up straight. “It actually went really well! We weren’t caught and the client and his daughter seemed happy.” “Good.” President Mung signs the suited man to hand him something that looks like a notebook or planner. He flips through it, finds what he is looking for and is eyes meet mine. “I have another job for you today. It’s a really short one so you can go home and avoid the harsh cold weather after finishing this. There is a package which you need to fetch at a building 30 minutes from here. You can ride a scooter right?” I nod. I once had a job as a deliverer for about a month. I should be able to pull this off. “Good.” He looks at the suited man and at me again, “He will give you a delivery uniform, tell you were the scooter is and the address where you need to fetch the package. Okay?” I nod again, “Yes sir.” “You may go now.” The suited guy leads me through the basement of the building until we are in another darkish room where different uniforms and clothes are kept. I need to wear a delivery outfit, receive the keys for the scooter and a note on which the address is written. “This way.”, signs the guy. I follow him through what seems one of the backdoors of the building. We arrive in a narrow alleyway and a scooter is waiting for me. Without saying another word, he shuts the door behind me. I walk towards the scooter and look at my hands. A note and a key. I unfold the note. ‘Go to 7-eleven at Seokpo-ro 26beonga-gil. Buy some caramel macchiato and pay the cashier with red curls. Tell her to not give 3 of them, but just 1. Three of what? Never mind, that must be something like a signal or something. She’ll guide you to a seat in front of the window. Wait for someone who will leave a note with you. Go to the address written on that one.’

I ride the scooter to the mentioned place, do everything that the note says and get seated in front of a window. It has been a while since I bought something like this at a convenience store. I actually don’t even like coffee. I was lucky the note said caramel macchiato. That’s the only coffee-ish thing I like. I stare out of the window for about 10 minutes until I feel something brushing along my jacket. I turn my head and see a guy leaving the store. I put my hand in my pocket and feel a piece of paper. I look around me. No one noticed. I pull it out and fold it open. ‘Go to the Hayat apartments at Jeonseondeung-ro and find nr.36. It’s the 3rd floor. Ring the bell thrice. Accept the package and do what the giver tells you too.’ I fold the note, glance at the cashier with red curls which doesn’t seem to pay attention to me and leave the store.

The apartments aren’t hard to find since they are high and have their names written on the side of the building. I enter and push the elevator button. Broken… I take the stairs to the third floor and find a door which says 36. I do what the note says and ring three times. A lot of noise comes from inside, but it takes a long while before someone opens.

A guy with tattoos on his arm and neck, and a cigarette in his mouth signals me to come in. I don’t feel safe, but the thought of the money I get paid by doing this and how much I need it, moves my feet inside. The door gets closed behind me and the guy tells me to stay where I am. He heads inside. The place is dirty. There are soju bottles across the floor, ramyeon plastic all around the place. Some blankets cover the couch. A television is on and yells the news. The air is filled with smoke and the table in front of the couch is covered with cigarette butts. The guy heads to his kitchen block. Well… something which is supposed to be a kitchen. There are dishes piled up in the sink, and I’m almost not able to see the stove since so many pots and pans are on top. How can someone live like this? He opens one of the cabinets under the sink and pulls out a package which is about the size of a shoebox. He walks towards me and the smoky smell gets stronger. “Get this box to number forty-five in the apartment block across the street. You understand?” He hands me the box, pushes his body to the door which makes me touch his dirty clothes and he opens the door. He nods his head towards the green buildings across the street. “I understand.”, is what I say when I leave the house. As soon as my last foot leaves the house, he closes the door behind me. I take in a deep breath of fresh air.

The woman who opens the door of the second place seemed from a different world compared to the guy of the last apartment. This building seems like it houses rich people and this woman isn’t afraid to show off her money. She looks down the hallway both sides, looks at me and at the box. I hand it over and she closes the door without saying anything. I wriggle my eyebrows. What’s in that box…? What do these two absolutely different people have to do with each other?

I head home after returning the uniform and scooter to the office. I report to president Mung through a text since he was in a meeting or something like that.

When I enter my place after some grocery shopping, I receive a text. ‘Good job. You’re free this weekend.’

Nice.

Right then I feel I’m not alone.

Is there someone here…? Haneul? No… He said he had a long day ahead.

“Hello? Anyone here?”

[hyeongeul-blog]

Ch.3 pt.1 Someone special

I remember this day as if it was yesterday. I had a fight with my mom. For some reason mom and I often didn’t connect well. She didn’t understand what I was trying to say, and I often didn’t agree with the things she said. This frequently ended in frustration on both sides. This argument was caused by me asking if I was allowed to try out kickboxing. She answered with, “you know it isn’t a good thing to hit other people. It isn’t okay for a woman to knock people out.” If she had just said the first thing… it would’ve been okay. But the last sentence had me stuck. I stayed calm and went upstairs. We had a long argument after dinner. I wasn’t girly enough, didn’t wear the right clothes, and I shouldn’t be giving my “manly sides” too much attention since I could turn into someone who wants to be a boy, or only likes girls. I got hurt in many ways by the things she said. I’m still young, like being a girl, and I only fall for boys. I wouldn’t even dare to think about girls that way. I’ve always found that strange. How, as a girl, could you like other girls when guys are so attractive? I just wanted to find something I’m passionate about. Since nothing much was interesting to me at that time. I thought kickboxing would be something I could be good at. I didn’t ask permission for something like that again and from that moment on I decided that I wouldn’t say those kind of things to my future daughter. At least not in that way. It hurts too much.

The day after this fight I went to class and saw Haneul. He was already sitting in the spot we always sat during Korean. He smiled and waved when I entered but his expression soon changed. “Something wrong, Hyeonggi?” I took a deep breath, “can we talk about this after class or something?”. “Sure. Let’s grab some drinks too.” He placed his hand on my shoulder for a second and then proceeded with getting his stuff out of his bag.

After class he heard me out, comforted me and even gave some advice. “Even moms make mistakes. You should be you, do you. You should wear what you like, pursue what you want, and not care what others say. Of course your parent’s opinions and wishes are important, but it’s your choice in the end.” This made me calm down. I felt like I could handle things again, but I still felt awkward around my mom for a long while.

 “Haneuuuul…”, I say with a squeaky I-just-woke-up voice. “Hmmmm”, he answers. “What day is it?” “Friday.” “What time is it?” “9 o clock…” I have to go and see president Mung today. My eyes burst open and I sit straight up. Then I realize I still got a lot of time since I’m supposed to meet him at 11:30. “Ahhhh…” I fall back again. “What?”, Haneul asks with one eye opened. I look at him. His hair is a huge mess. Even more of a mess than yesterday. He has curly hair but you can still differentiate his bad and good hair days. I feel a little something in my stomach. “Ah, nothing… I thought I had to get up early but I’m jobless so it doesn’t matter.” He closes both of his eyes, stretches and turns on his stomach with one leg outside of his blankets, “just five more minutes.” I stretch too and want to roll around but fall off my bed. I land with my face next to his on his mattress. He opens his eyes. I just stare in his brown eyes for what seems an hour. The feeling in my stomach gets stronger. I shoot straight up like a rocket, totally flustered. What is this feeling? “Be careful next time.” He says. I hear him moving behind me. I feel an arm around me and he pulls me down. “What are you doing?!” “Can’t friends share some warmth when it’s so cold outside? Just stay here for five minutes. I’m cold and I have a long day ahead.” I don’t know why, but I stay next to him. He has his arm around me and one leg over my legs. I can hardly move but strangely I don’t mind it that much. I hear his breathing becoming slower in my ear. His body moves slower. His grip on me becomes loose. Did he fall asleep again? I turn my head so I can see his face. His eyes are closed. At this moment I see how he actually looks like. He’s… pretty handsome. Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Why doesn’t he have the guts to confess to the girl he likes? His features are strong, but also a bit baby like which makes him look young. His lips are…. Plump… Why do I think about this? Then I see something else. He looks so fragile. He looks tired. Tired because of a lot of things. He doesn’t talk much about the things which bother him. Is he alright? I’m so deep in my thoughts that I don’t realize he has opened his eyes. “What are you thinking about?” I blink my eyes and look around me. I free myself from his warm hold and sit up straight. I look at my hands. “If there is something you’re dealing with… You can tell me… You know that right?” I hear a long breath which means he smiles, “yeah I know. Thank you.”

[hyeongeul-blog]

Ch.2 pt.3

I look up from my screen and notice Haneul looking at me, “Something wrong? Your expression is a bit weird.” I smile, “No, just a friend.” He moves closer to me. “Hey…. Hyeonggi… Where should I sleep? It’s my first time to sleep over at your place you know.” I look around. Since my place is small I don’t have a couch, only a few individual seats and the chairs from the table. My room is small too but maybe someone could fit next to my bed. “I’ll make your bed while you get your stuff.” His eyes grow a little larger, “Oh! My things! I almost forgot about it. I’ll get them right now.” He jumps up, places his comic on the table and rushes into his sweater and out the door.

While he is gone I quickly set up a bed next to mine and go for a shower. When I’m done and walk out with wet hair I find Haneul lying on his stomach on his bed with a towel and some clothes on his pillow. He is waiting to take a shower. “You could have taken a shower at your own place if you didn’t want to wait you know…” He looks up, “I finally got the chance to stay over at your place so I’m definitely going to shower here.” I chuckle. He has patience, I can’t deny that.

He takes a long time. I hear the door. Haneul appears and I get a strange feeling when he walks in. Something in my stomach…? What is this feeling? It was there for only a second.

His hair is a mess when he hangs his towel over the back of my bed. I laugh. “What?” He looks over at me. “Do I look funny?” I nod, “Your hair is all over the place.” He looks in my mirror and starts to laugh as well. “My hair is going crazy tonight!” He lays down next on his improvised bed and moves a little, “It’s not bad actually.” My bed is low to the ground so when I lay a bit towards the edge I can see his face. I stand up to turn off all the lights around and the room turns dark immediately. The only dim light noticeable is from the moon and a store outside. Our neighborhood is a silent one and so does our room become silent as well.

Haneul coughs, “Hyeonggi… Shall we tell embarrassing stories and share secrets?” I turn around to face him and I can see a slight silhouette of him. “What kind?” “Uhm… I don’t know… Let’s start with telling our most embarrassing moment in life?” I start to think. “You start. I still have to think about it.” He moves a little under the blanket, finds a comfortable position and starts, “Okay so once, in middle school, I called my teacher mom. My friends talked about it for weeks.” “Ayeee, everyone did that once, tell another one”, I smile. He sighs, “I was not going to bring this story up but you’re asking for it. I once went to visit the sea with a couple of my friends. I was swimming in the water and felt something touching my leg. I looked down and saw a dark shape swimming below me. I screamed and rushed out of the water but while I was rushing, I lost my swimming pants. Satisfied?” I can’t contain my laughter and start laughing like crazy. “You know what was the worst? My friend went to check what the dark thing was since it didn’t really seem to swim or anything like that… It was seaweed…” I can’t imagine it happening, I don’t even want to, but it must have been so funny! “Yeah, Yeah, now it’s your turn. Throw me one of your weird stories.” “Oh there are a lot”, I say when I finally catch my breath. “There was this guy I really liked during middle school and he was sitting at a table in the canteen. I walked in but immediately fell onto the floor. You know what happened? I literally slipped because of a banana!!” Now it’s Haneul’s turn to laugh.

It’s silent for a while and I almost think he fell asleep. “Now a secret”, Haneul decides, “and you go first this time”. I turn to face the ceiling. “A secret….” I think about it for a while. I have so many secrets, but I don’t know which one is okay to tell. I can trust Haneul with anything. I know that. It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable with people knowing I’m having a hard time. After a while I say, “When I was a kid, I often did roleplays in my room to avoid my grumpy mom.” Again it’s silent for a while and I imagine his face. He scrapes his voice, “Give me your hand.” I hear his hand tapping on my blanket. I turn to his side and reach out my hand to him. When my hand is in his’ I feel that strange feeling I had before again. This time it’s longer but I still don’t know what it is. “Hyeonggi, you know that I’m always there for you right? The things from the past are in the past. Let’s build a great future right now and don’t think of these past events.” I smile a little but I’m not sure if he is able to see it or not. I’ve known Haneul for ages and he has experienced many of my mood swings and stayed by my side nonetheless. He must have gotten a gist of what was going on at home. Only now, in this fragile moment, I realize how much of a precious friend he is.

“Now your secret.” Haneul takes a deep breath and I can see his body move under his blanket because of the moon which peaks through the curtains. “There is someone I like.” “Ayee, that’s such a standard thing to say when it comes to secrets!” I let go of his firm hand and roll onto my back again. “But wait… Is it someone I know?” He scrapes his throat again, “Yes. Someone you know really well.” Again I feel this feeling mixed with another feeling which I can only describe as a little bit of jealousy. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m interested in Haneul, I see him as a friend. but I can still feel one side of me which wants to lean on him more than just a friend while another side wants to keep the little distance we still have between us two. I don’t want to get hurt. “Ahh, so that’s why you seem happier lately? Well… Good for you!!” I turn around so my back faces him, and pull my blanket so it covers my shoulders too. “If you ever need any help confessing to her, tell me okay? I’m going to sleep now, this job searching is draining my energy” It remains silent for a couple of seconds, then I hear him wriggling under his blankets again. “I’m going to the toilet for a second. “Hmmmm”, I answer.

  When he returns I notice him bowing over me to check if I’m sleeping. I pretend to sleep while he whispers me goodnight.

[hyeongeul-blog]

I don’t know if anyone has actually read the story I was writing ages ago but I don’t feel like writing more of it. The reason is kinda weird. I sometimes write when I feel weird or just not in the mood for anything. I start a story but rarely finish it. A story matches a feeling and I just don’t understand how bookwriters can ever write a whole freaking book with a consistent “feeling” in it. I can’t do something like that so this is the end for Hyeonggi and Haneul I guess. This blogname might change too. The old posts might be deleted. I don’t know yet. But what I do know is that I’ll keep posting something once in a while. Just writings to create peace inside my mind. Just some trash to put somewhere and not save it on my laptop. I’m in a vague part of my life so these writings might be vague too... But I’ll keep aiming for positivity. Even through the shittiest moments :) 안녕!