#Hqxreader

[whydoyoucare866]

006 - get laid

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ex!suna rintarō x singer! reader

hello im sorry u haven’t uploaded, i just started senior year and i have to keep my average to be able to achieve a scholarship

i made an edit bc for some reason the first two ss didn’t appear, idk if i didn’t upload them bc i was falling asleep??

suna hasn’t slept with anyone since his last time with y/n which was a year and months ago, but he felt that if he did it he would betray her

he also genuinely cannot bring himself to find any other girl attractive, he hasn’t tried but even if he did, he will fail

i read a fanfic abt tsukishima once where he could only get it up (if ykwim) with the reader, when he tried to sleep w a girl it wouldn’t get up, and i love that idea so it will probably be the same for suna(that fanfic is also the reason why i love exes to lovers)

suna also never tried to get laid bc in his mind hes still y/n’s, and he always had his hopes of getting back tg, he had never thought about the fact that she probably would get over him

thats bc suna knows he will never get over her, so he didn’t think she would

guess who suna wants to get laid by

atsumu and osamu are not being rude, they genuinely think y/n got over suna already (even though thats not the case)

osamu used to really hate the idea of his best friend dating his sister and they both forgetting abt him, but after seeing how in love they were, he became their biggest supporter

the count of days is how many days have passed since their breakup

@lvc-lv @renardiererin @3lectraheart @nyxlai @beckxisxinxlovexwithxjin @wooasecret @sonicsolos @dazqa @mfcherry @iluvhellokity @eclipticnikki @unhinged-atrocities @platimoonie @sp1ng @just-coreee @piopioo @sellomaybe @grassbutneo @toges-cough-syrup @peteunderoos @mfcherry @jaynawayna

@myromanempiree @jellysupremacy 

[sukirichi]

I hope this doesn't offend you but I came not because it was a hqxreader fic but because it has a broken marriage trope (my favorite one), and damn this story hit the spot the angst is so well written i love every bit of it

hey nonnie not offended at all, no worries 💫 i’m glad my story was still enjoyable to you, so thank you so much!

[bokubear]

Haikyuu!! — he has baby fever

❥ including ; ( timeskip! ) kiyoomi sakusa, osamu miya, akaashi keiji, daichi sawamura

❥ genre ; fluff, suggestive themes, mentions of pregnancy

❥ notes ; ahhh!! baby fever hits so hard in september :(

Sakusa isn’t one to leave notes all over, or hint at it. At least.. not where you can see. You’ll most likely notice him taking a little bit longer to stare at the baby clothes, or perhaps the cribs. That’s until he finds a MSBY onesie with his number on it that he rushes to you—urgently shoving it in your face with unfiltered happiness. It was enough to make your heart stop beating from how cute he was. “Kiyoomi.. Do you want to be a dad?” You whisper, glancing at the nearly bouncing Sakusa as he shows you to onesie which makes him stop in his tracks. His face flushed, the familiar fiddle with his fingers appearing. “Maybe..” he mumbles, pulling his mask further up his face. You giggle, receiving a betrayed expression from the opposite. And out of pettiness, you take it upon yourself to bug him about all the way home. “Boy or girl?” — “Hush.”

Osamu keeps you from doing anything. and by that i mean he becomes convinced you are pregnant ( in other words, he treats you like royalty. before you’d despised it and his sly smile, but being a princess wasn’t as bad as you thought not like you weren’t always treated like that. “ah ah, no lifting that it’s not good on your back.” the grey haired twin tutted, prying the box from your hands. “i’m not pregnant ‘samu…” you whined, osamu responding with that exact sly smile. “not yet.” you practically hiss at him, despite this still letting him feed you onigiri’s. Except for the one instance where you find a fantastic way to get revenge. Slipping into your shared bedroom, you lean against the doorframe—watching the unnecessarily hot cook laying on the bed give you a curious glance. “Since you were talking about a baby and all.” You begin, the man’s eyes bulging. “Really-“‘Joking joking.” He pouts as you laugh at his disappointed face, not anticipating for him to pick you up and drag you to the bedroom instead. “C’mon baby!” — “Hey!”

Akaashi mentions having a baby whilst his heads stuck in a parenting book. You hadn’t paid any attention to what he was reading until he said, “What do you think about a little girl?” You cocked a brow, tilting your head to read the title as the pieces for together. “I’d hope she has your eyes.” You chuckled, soaking up the way the editor’s cheeks progressively grow redder. It all started there. Little, settle things. It was precious. More than that. Simple train rides where he points out the places he’d want take her. Cafes the both of you visit daily where he’d buy her a hot chocolate in the cold Tokyo winters. Utterly heart-shattering. And the best is while you’re laying in bed, hearing a loud sigh from your lover. “Keiji?” You whisper, voice leaking concern. “I don’t know how I’ll handle two of you. Two of my worlds. I think my heart may just fail me.” God, he’s adorable.

Daichi hit the baby fever rampage on a peculiar day where it seemed the world dropped unlimited hints. In easier words, as a policeman the first moment struck while helping an expecting woman cross the road to her significant other—and his eyes it was you. Stomach swollen with child. And it ruined him. But as if that wasn’t enough, there were tons of families. Young children walking hand in hand with their parents, perhaps even asking him innocent wonderings and things. The world most definitely had it out for him. Daichi threw his hat off the second he stepped through the door, enveloping you in his scent in his daily hug. “I don’t have much time. I want my baby with a baby.” He mumbled, head buried in your hair. “What was that Dai..?” You piqued, the man speaking louder this time. “‘Want my baby with a baby.” You giggled, his warm cheeks molding into your hands—comfortable. “..I think we can arrange that.”

-maak

plagiarism, repost, and editing is prohibited

[fanfictiondreamscape]

L.O.V.E. (?)

Name:  L.O.V.E. (?)

Genre: angst, angst, angst - more so the remiscent type of angst, and some super slight romance, and super slight vent fic

Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader

Notes: This is what happens when I feel an oncoming panic attack and need to release whatever messed up stuff my brain is gonna form whether or not I like it. 

Fair warning for this little thing here, though: this is not very story based, much rather like a random train of thought. It may also be a little unhinged, but what can one expect when dealing with something that they don’t know how to navigate well in the slightest? 

This is also semi-based around the song “LOVE” by PEGGY, emphasis on semi-based. I was hopping between songs that I thought would be able to satiate my sense of despair and partial loathing, but that song was the kicker for this piece. 

Below the cut.

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

I might need L-O-V-E....”

[axoxtxhxh]

Pride

Kageyama x Ushijima x Reader WC: 4.2k Warning level: Suggestive, not explicit Summary: You celebrated your birthday with your best friends the night before, but something happened that might change the course of your friendship for good.

A/N: Yeah, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything… I’m still working on my writer’s block and just finding time in general. I had a lot of fun with this one so I hope you enjoy reading it <3

Ushijima

Something was different. Ushijima could feel it.

He could feel it in the way his alarm woke him up in the morning, though he’d always woken up at six fifteen. He could feel it in the way he sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his eyes until he felt awake enough to walk to the bathroom. He felt it in the way his favorite socks rolled onto his feet, the way his shoes felt hitting the asphalt on the way to the gym. He could feel it in the way he was walking, the way each foot hit the ground.

It was all the same, but at the same time, it felt so different.

Though he’d thought about it this morning, Ushijima never missed a day of working out, not even during off season. He woke up everyday at exactly six fifteen in the morning and arrived at the gym no later than seven o’clock. Any later and the gym would be packed with loud, obnoxious gym rats who always felt the need to start a conversation with him. He hated having to talk to them. He didn’t like conversations with random people generally, but when he was there to work out, he just wanted to work out and go back home.

As his fingers gripped the cold bar of the handle to the entrance of the gym, he checked the time. Seven o’clock on the dot. Everything was exactly as it should be, exactly as it had always been.

And yet, it felt so different.

Images from the night before kept creeping into his mind as they had been all morning. Perhaps that was what made the day feel off. Perhaps the physical memories of fingertips tracing along his skin was what made everything feel so different.

He wasn’t at all a heavy drinker. In fact, he didn’t really drink much in general, but last night was a special occasion. A very special occasion. So special that it was still affecting him the next day. Parts of the night seemed almost like a blur, almost like they didn’t happen and he began to think that he might have imagined it.

He looked down at his legs as he sat on the bench of his favorite machine. He was wearing shorts. He always wore shorts when he worked out. This time though, as he stared at the black nylon, he knew that under those shorts was all the proof he needed that he hadn’t imagined last night. He noticed it when he changed into his pajamas the night before. A small, purple mark, formed by lips he’d never felt on that part of him before, the reminder that last night most definitely happened.

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head and added weights to the bar before lying down to begin his first set.

Kageyama

Kageyama blushed at the thought of your underwear as he looked down at his phone. He remembered exactly how it looked as it slowly slipped down your legs, the light purple lace raising goosebumps on your skin before it was tossed to the floor. A quiet chill ran over his body which forced his eyes closed as he took a deep breath.

“Tobio Kageyama!” A loud voice called through the cafe.

Kageyama stepped over to the counter quickly and grabbed his carrot, apple, and celery juice before moving to an empty seat facing the window. Since he’d woken up, his thoughts hadn’t moved far from what took place last night.

It was your birthday yesterday and just like the previous three years, you celebrated it with Kageyama and Ushijima, your two closest friends. It was a regular night, a very normal night for the three of you, but at some point, things shifted and Kageyama couldn’t seem to understand when that happened.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he had always sort of had a thing for you. It was how you had initially met, afterall. And after a slightly botched first date, you both remained friends. Ushijima joined in a few weeks later and soon your little pack was complete.

Things would most certainly be different now. Something happened last night that ensured that things could never really go back to how they were before, but Kageyama wasn’t sure that he wanted them to.

Kageyama looked at himself through the reflection in the window. He didn’t look as tired as he felt. He felt drained, but his reflection showed a completely different feeling. He looked awake, bright, he even had a slight blush to his cheeks which only deepened as his mind, once again, drifted to the night before.

Was this the face that Ushijima was looking at? Were these the eyes that held his gaze so intensely before he leaned in closer? Kageyama had never seen that look in Ushijima’s eyes. In all the practices, all the games, all the nights out having fun, he’d never seen the intensity he had the night before and it was all Kageyama could think about.

You

Five hours and twenty-nine minutes. That’s how long it had been since you closed your apartment door after Ushijima and Kageyama left the night before. And for all five hours and twenty-nine minutes, you’d thought of nothing but them.

It wasn’t like you were short on things to be doing. The state of your apartment was quite disgusting and cleaning it had certainly taken up a lot of time, but it wasn’t doing anything as far as a mental distraction and that was what you desperately needed.

You were very familiar with Ushijima’s strict schedule and knew that he would be awake early regardless of the fact that he left your apartment at two o’clock in the morning. Why couldn’t he have just stayed? The thought of both of these men being the first thing you woke up to, your body sandwiched between theirs, Kageyama’s light fingertips tracing circles over your hip while warm air from Ushijima’s quiet breathing brushed over your neck. It was enough to keep you in bed just to dream about.

But they didn’t stay the night.

They both left early, possibly confused and needing time away. You certainly did. That is, until the feeling of your empty bed provided a perfect storm for your mind to race until the only thing you could think about was them being next to you.

It was a difficult situation because while you wanted to repeat last night, again and again, and you were fairly certain they did too, you really just missed your friends. Because who else did you tell your most amazing news to than your best friends? It became complicated when that amazing news was about your best friends. This was what led you to lie in your bed until an appropriate time to send an unrelated message to open up the floor for conversation. A tactic that usually worked any time two of you would fight.

Ushijima

The loud buzz of his phone had Ushijima setting his weights down again to check his messages.

Dinner. With you and Kageyama.

Ushijima stared down at the message. Everyone had read it, based on the little notification at the bottom, everyone saw it, but no one said anything. Did that mean Kageyama didn’t want to see them? What if it was something Ushijima did? Maybe he took things too far and now Kageyama wasn’t going to talk to him anymore and he would lose his best friends.

Were they still only friends at this point?

Even if they never did anything like that again, they would still need to talk about it, right? Was Ushijima the only one that felt something worth talking about?

He set his phone down on the bench next to him and let out a heavy sigh, brushing his hands over his face. His hands were rough, and big and weren’t really gentle. Not like yours or Kageyama’s. Kageyama didn’t have small hands, but they felt more delicate than Ushijima’s. Softer even.

Ushijima’s mind filled with images of the night before. The way Kageyama’s hands delicately ran along your hip, the way they slowly slipped your t-shirt from your body, the way they tangled in your hair as he kissed you. His movements were always so tender, so gentle with the way he touched you.

Whatsmore, when Kageyama noticed him watching, he smiled lightly before moving those gentle fingers to Ushijima’s jaw, then neck, then chest. He’d never been touched so softly before. He had certainly had girlfriends but none of them brushed their fingertips along his skin in the way Kageyama did. Light, skimming grazes across his jaw had Ushijima swallowing hard. Call it a moment of weakness or whatever it was, but it took no thought for him to reach forward, grip the back of Kageyama’s neck and roughly push his lips to his. He knew it was rough. He was always too rough. But the way those gentle fingers moved from his cheek to his waist, he might have gotten even rougher.

Ushijima cringed as he gripped at the front of his hair before picking his towel up from next to him on the bench and twisting it in his hands. Maybe he had been too rough, too forward, and now Kageyama didn’t want anything to do with him. Would this ruin their friendship? What if it affected their teamwork? Would he really never speak to him again over a kiss? It was a lot more than a kiss, but he didn’t even want to think about it.

His attention was pulled as his phone vibrated on the bench next to him and he looked down to see what it was. A message in the group chat. Ushijima’s eyes quickly ran over the text and he smiled.

Kageyama

“Shit. Fuck. Shit.” Kageyama dropped his phone to the table and rubbed his forehead. The lady at the table next to him was with her young son and Kageyama quickly went red. “Sorry.”

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to meet you and Ushijima, but he was sure he needed more time to think about how he was feeling. The way you casually asked made it seem like last night was nothing to you. And then Ushijima didn’t even respond. Maybe he didn’t want to see him. Maybe last night only felt like something to Kageyama.

Kageyama always had a little something for you, but he never knew how to take it further and if he was being honest, he really did enjoy your friendship. But after last night, things wouldn’t be that easy to ignore anymore, not with you but especially not with Ushijima.

Kageyama was really taken by surprise when Ushijima kissed him. It wasn’t like they weren’t headed in that direction, the three of them were all in your bed, but it still took him by surprise. Perhaps the surprise was less to do with the fact that Ushijima did it and more to do with the fact that Kageyama liked it as much as he did.

They were teammates and had been friends for some time, but this was different. This wasn’t just teammates being teammates or friends being friends, this was so much more. Kageyama felt so much more than that. The way Ushijima grabbed Kageyama from on top of you and pulled him into his arms before crashing their lips together had Kageyama’s heart racing in the little cafe he was sitting in.

Thoughts of Ushijima possibly regretting what he did flooded Kageyama’s mind and he sat up quickly as he thought about it. What if Ushijima didn’t want to take things that far? It would be strange, but Ushijima was a strange guy. Kageyama always found him slightly difficult to read because his expressions were very baseline, never getting too excited in either direction. It was also entirely possible that Ushijima had been hiding feelings he might have had for Kageyama this whole time.

“Don’t be stupid.” Kageyama bit his lip, trying to hide the smile that was forming on his face. It wasn’t worth thinking about because whether Ushijima had feelings for Kageyama all along or not didn’t matter. What mattered was now and whether those feelings Ushijima had for Kageyama, matched Kageyama’s feelings for Ushijima.

You

It had been ten minutes since you moved from your spot in the shower. You were doing a great job being productive, but the peaceful, reflective place in the shower took that away immediately. You couldn’t get your head on straight. No matter what you did, the image of Kageyama tightly gripping the waistband of Ushijima’s jeans was burned onto the backs of your eyelids.

You were really hoping they didn’t notice how much you were staring, but even in the moment, it was impossible not to. They were beautiful. You knew them completely, totally, inside and out. You could predict what they would say, when they would say it, even how they would say it. Yet this was a side of them you had never seen before. And if you were being honest, you desperately wanted to see it again.

“God why do you have to be so creepy when you stare?” You covered your face as your cheeks began heating at the memory.

The night had definitely taken a turn from where you expected it to go. You knew you would be drinking, but you’d definitely been drunk with them before. Where exactly the night changed was difficult to figure out. After stumbling into your apartment with Kageyama and Ushijima, it didn’t take long for things to heat up.

The specifics were hazy, not that you were so drunk because neither one of you were all that far gone, but the haziness came from confusion. You were confused as to how it all started and you were so confused as to how it never happened before. One moment you were sitting on your couch, laughing with the guys, the next your lips were on Kageyama’s.

Luckily you realized what you had done and pulled away, but that was only briefly until Kageyama pulled you back in. You honestly had no idea how long you were kissing, but it was long enough for Ushijima to get up from the couch, preparing to leave. That didn’t happen though because as soon as he stood, you grabbed the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

“What a mess,” you mumbled to yourself, finally turning off the water.

Ushijima

Ushijima looked down at the photo with a small smile. It was the three of you from last night in the bar. Ushijima stood in between the two of you, his arms around your shoulders. He was always in between the two of you, but it was a place he enjoyed being. He felt comfortable there. The three faces in the photo smiled up at him. You were all smiling. Even Ushijima. He never really liked smiling in photos. Honestly, he never really smiled all that much in general, but there was something about you and Kageyama that always managed to bring the smile out for him. You were different from other people. You and Kageyama were special to him.

His eyes moved from his own smile to yours and then Kageyama’s. It occurred to him that Kageyama didn’t smile much at practice either. It was something about the three of you together that just worked. He noticed Kageyama’s hand resting on the back of his head in the photo and it forced a gasp from him which made him quickly turn to make sure no one heard. It was a feeling he knew now. A feeling that maybe he’d felt before, but now he could never forget.

The way Kageyama’s quiet breaths began coming out in whines, his gentle fingers gripping onto Ushijima’s hair as he pushed him further and further. Not only could he not forget, he didn’t want to. He loved the memory. More than the memory, he loved being with Kageyama in that way and that assured something in himself that he had been questioning all morning.

He was sure that he had feelings for you and feelings for Kageyama. And these feelings were not in the way they used to be.

Ushijima quickly saved the photo to his phone and grabbed his towel, ready to head back home to shower. Before he reached the gym doors, he pulled out his phone again, staring at the photo of the three of you. With a smile, he set the photo as his background image and headed home.

Kageyama

Kageyama did his best not to bump into the people passing him on the sidewalk as he looked down at his phone. They did look really happy in the photo. But that’s how they always were together, happy. Kageyama’s eyes wandered to his shoulder where he could see Ushijima’s hand resting comfortably and it immediately sent his mind to the night before.

Ushijima was bigger, taller, and heavier than Kageyama. Having his warm hands touching him felt better than he thought it would. Not that he’d ever thought about Ushijima in that way. It wasn’t that he never thought about it, it had come up a few times randomly, but their relationship wasn’t like that and Kageyama chalked the thought up to being stressed. Now though, he knew what it felt like and it was better than any of those thoughts.

It wasn’t just Ushijima’s touch either. Your touch felt amazing to him as well. You weren’t as big as Ushijima was but the contrast was nice. It was a complicated situation, one which none of you had talked about yet. Even though Kageyama was not the one who was inside you at all last night, there was a strange sense of satisfaction at seeing you with Ushijima. He actually enjoyed watching you both together, but not in the way that he wanted to see you both together without him. He wanted to be with you and he wanted to be with Ushijima. Both of you. Together. Making both of you feel good and seeing both of you happy.

You

Why you were standing in front of your mirror with, most likely, expired makeup and applying it with dirty brushes and old techniques was beyond you. Yet you really felt the urge to try hard tonight. It wasn’t like you never wore makeup, but you certainly didn’t go all out like you were now. It wasn’t even just the makeup either. You had pulled out several different outfits, hating all of them and even considered going out to buy a new one. All for literally one night. You knew why you were doing this though.

Ushijima had surprised you last night. Honestly, both of them had. But while Kags did surprise you, it was nothing like how Ushi did. You’d seen a lot of different sides to these guys over the years, but last night was a new one. Ushijima had always been the quiet one of the group, always following around you and Kags with whatever you wanted to do. He never complained, never really spoke up for the things he wanted, just always going along with you happily. Last night was not like that.

Last night, Ushijima had a quiet dominance. It wasn’t even dominance so much as confidence, like he knew what he wanted and was going to get it. The way he whispered in your ear, the way he pulled you into a kiss, the way he asked you to take off your jeans. You knew you wanted more. And you thought that somehow makeup and new clothes would help get you there.

Ushijima

It wasn’t like you never chatted privately, it just didn’t happen often. Not to mention the fact that the three of you all planned to meet. So it hung in Ushijima’s mind as to why Kageyama would message him privately.

He’d spent the last thirty minutes trying to find something that felt comfortable. Everything seemed to be off all day and even the clothing that he normally loved, wasn’t sitting right and Ushijima was annoyed. Kageyama asking him this random question only furthered his discomfort.

He glanced back down at his phone, half expecting Kageyama to explain why he was messaging privately, but he knew he wouldn’t. That wasn’t something Kageyama did. He said he’d explain, but Ushijima knew that after he got his answer, his incentive to answer Ushijima’s question was no longer there. It didn’t matter though, he was nearly at the restaurant at that point and he picked up his pace a bit.

Kageyama

Panic filled Kageyama’s body as he looked at the text. This was a normal reaction, right? You spontaneously have sex with your best friends the night before, unsure of your feelings and their feelings, and now you’re seeing them for the first time since then. This was panic, but it was a normal panic. An understandable panic.

He took a deep breath and swallowed heavily. Maybe he wasn’t panicking , but he was certainly nervous. He looked up from his phone and saw Ushijima rounding the corner. That’s when it hit him. Full-force, like a bat to his gut, the wind was forced from his lungs and he froze.

Last night may have been a spontaneous event, but Kagemaya now realized that he didn’t want it to be an isolated event. He didn’t want it to be an accident that only happened once and they never spoke about it until some time in the future when they were all in relationships with other people and they’d nearly forgotten that it ever happened at all. No. Maybe Kageyama didn’t plan last night, but it was most certainly not something he wanted to only happen once.

Upon seeing Ushijima, Kageyama realized that he wanted Ushijima in more ways than one and as Ushijima reached him, smiling a smile that not many people got to see, Kageyama grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. And not just any kiss. This was a deep, slow, romantic kiss that, for the briefest moment, made time stand still for the two of them.

You

That was strange. You did have a tendency to run a little late, but this time was nothing compared to usual. Sometimes you could be thirty minutes late without realizing it. Not the greatest habit, but you really couldn’t help it sometimes. This time, you’d been so nervous all day that you were only running a couple minutes late because you couldn’t find your shoe. Honestly, you were sure that Kageyama didn’t realize just how close to ‘about to leave’ you were. You might as well head down there and surprise them.

You stuffed your phone in your pocket and opened the front door. Ready to step out, you gasped as you were met with a wall of Kageyama and Ushijima in your doorway. Seriously, you weren’t that late. They had to come all the way up here to get you?

You were about to make a face at them for not believing you until your eyes made their way down to the space just in between the two men. In the small space between their bodies were their hands clasped tightly. Before you had the chance to say anything, Kageyama stepped into your apartment, pulling Ushijima with him. Just as he was about to walk past you, he stopped and leaned into you, whispering into your ear.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

He quickly kissed your cheek and made his way to your couch, still pulling Ushijima behind him, who then gently grasped your hand, tugging you closely to follow.

[shingia]

can i req “this was the last time you cried without me knowing, understood ?” with kiyoomi please😭 maybe like hes been pretty distant bc of vball and your relationship gets strained,, and like youre just sad yk,, ummmm bye i🚶‍♀️

#2 priority

↳ sakusa x reader | angst :( | word count : 1.2K

↳ of course you can ty for your request !! idk how to feel about what i wrote tho, i hope it’s good enough ! :o

↳ prompt 20 : “this was the last time you cried without me knowing, understood ?”

sakusa thought he had made it clear that you were not his number one priority. but how could you not know? how could you not hammer this in your own head every time he didn’t text you back? every time you spent hours waiting for him to come home, only to barely talk to you?

the rules had been set before you had even started dating: volleyball was first, you were second. and you had agreed without hesitation, naively thinking that it would not be so hard to manage. but now you cursed yourself for this, because you couldn’t even blame him when all he did was stay true to this agreement.

so you kept it to yourself. all the sadness and frustration, the melancholy when you thought about how he used to almost come home running just to see your face. it was bottled up inside of you, and sometimes, only when you were sure to be alone, you let it all stream down your face.

it was your pain, not his, and you loved him enough to keep it quiet.

it was about 9.30pm when you got out of your burning hot shower, wiping the condensation from your mirror. but you avoided looking at your reflection for too long, knowing full well that the only thing you’d see would be your red and puffy eyes. it was frequent that you cried in the shower, letting the tears mix with the water as they streamed down your body.

you went to your wardrobe and put on one of sakusa’s t-shirts and black sweatpants. you used to love wearing his volleyball t-shirts, but now you carefully avoided them.

‘hey, is the match over?’ you texted before shoving your phone in your pocket and making your way to the kitchen.

one of the last things that sakusa and you still did together was eating dinner, and you held on to that as desperately as you could. so there you were, busying yourself behind the counter with some background music that gave you a fake sense of liveliness.

but the only thing you could focus on was how your phone stayed awfully silent. no answer, he had not even read your text. your fingertips turned white on the pan handle, like you were trying to distract your brain from the fact that you were this close to cry again. but you were exhausted, you spent your nights turning around in bed, obsessed by the fear of him ever leaving you. but at the same time, wouldn’t it be better? what did you still expect from the man who made it impossible for you to fall asleep without holding a pillow, just because it tricked your mind into thinking it was him? you just missed him so much.

you hated to admit it, but you almost leaped to your phone when you heard it vibrate on the table. he still had you wrapped around his finger, and you felt weak for that.

an hour ago but i stayed over for a bit.

you saw red when your eyes laid on his answer. your tears transformed into tears of anger as you threw your phone on the couch furiously. of course he had stayed over, because it was so much more entertaining than coming home to you, his number two priority.

dinner was still simmering in the pan when you went to sit on a chair, your elbows resting on the table as your fingers tangled in your hair. too busy contemplating your miserable state, you didn’t notice that your phone buzzed again. and the “but i’m home in two minutes” that he sent you was left unseen.

sakusa felt drained when he opened your front door, but the familiar noise of the latch made his shoulders relax instantly. he was always glad to come home after an exhausting match.

quietly, he took his jacket and shoes off before letting out a quiet yawn and heading to the kitchen, the only room that was lit.

“hi babe how-” he started but was cut short by the sight of you sobbing in your hands. “hey… hey, what’s going on? what happened?” he asked, kneeling beside you.

you couldn’t help but let out a sarcastic chuckle at his words. ‘you, omi. you happened’ you thought. slowly, he grabbed your hands in his to take them away your face. he already knew you were sobbing, but the look in your eyes made his worry triple in intensity. they were accusing, and he knew very well that it had something to do with him.

“you were not supposed to see that” you said, immediately taking your eyes off of his, “i’m usually better at hiding it”.

of course you knew that hearing this would hurt him. but how could you not want to hurt him just a little bit right now? was it selfish? probably, but you didn’t really care.

“what do you mean ‘usually’?” he asked, stroking your arm gently like you were made of glass. you bit the inside of your cheek before standing up from your chair and going back to the kitchen counter. sakusa was clever, he could guess on his own what you meant by ‘usually’.

you knew he had followed you to the kitchen, but you kept looking straight ahead, at least until he forced you to turn around and face him.

“i’m sorry. i should never have treated you the way i did lately... you really matter to me and i apologize for making you feel like you didn’t”, he said with a low voice, his thumb tracing the outline of your wet cheeks.

there were many things you had to say to him right now. but when you opened your mouth, the only thing that got out was a painful sob. he pulled you in for a hug so fast that you didn’t even realize it until you smelled his familiar perfume in the crook of his neck.

“this was the last time you cried without me knowing, understood?” he whispered against your ear as his arms crossed on the small of your back. “and i’m sorry that it wasn’t the first time…”

sakusa wanted nothing more than to make amends for all his mistakes right here and right now. however, he knew he’d have to do more than just want it.  but right now, as he felt your grip desperately tighten around his chest like you were afraid he’d disappear, he was ready to do everything in his power to make sure you’d never feel like that because of him ever again.

he wanted to make plans with you for the future, to make you feel his love a bit more everyday. but more than anything, he wanted to give you the red velvet box that he had just picked up from the jewelry store. he just hoped you still loved him enough to say yes.

[llwritess]

(To Be) Hunted — SNEAK PEAK!

Kageyama Tobio/fem! reader

medieval au

—

Kageyama approached the carriage, offering you a nervous hand. With a quiet, “thank you,” you took his hand and stepped down.

Once you reached the path, you curtsied. “Your Highness.”

Tobio bowed, raising your gloved hand to his lips, like his father taught him to do. “Your Highness.”

The rest of the formalities passed swiftly, but when it came to speaking to each other, both he and you were speechless, caught up in studying the other. That is, until you finally relented and held out a hand—one for shaking, not for kissing.

“It’s very nice to finally meet you, Prince Kageyama,” you said, your smile still strong. “I’m excited for what’s to come.”

“Me, too.” Tobio reached out to take your hand in his—solemnly, like two comrades would before rushing into the unknown. They wouldn’t know what the future holds.

Neither will we.

[fairylani]

𝐊𝐈𝐘𝐎𝐊𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐙𝐔 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴

❝𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋❝

You and Rui were on your 2nd-anniversary date. You have known each other since the 2nd grade, you have liked him ever since. It was only until now that you’ve been together. “Hey, Rui?” You asked, gripping onto his hand while walking to the nearby cafe. “What?” “ Uhm.. are you okay?” You said, with a concerned face plastered all over. “Yes, I’m fine. why?” Coldly, taking his hand out of yours. “ Your just acting- odd…” “I’m fine, get over it.” Now, Rui may have come off cold sometimes to you but, you knew he couldn’t have meant it that way. Ever since Rui had come to Karasuno, last year. He hadn’t been the same. He denied anything you had asked him but, you never thought he could’ve meant anything. Arriving at the cafe, you each take a seat and order at the counter.

“Could I please have…the strawberry boba tea?” You asked, looking above at the menu. “I’ll have the same.” Rui said. “coming right up!” You each took a seat at a two-person table, It was an awkward silence until the worker called your name. “ l/n?” They called. “Yup!” You walked away from your table and brought over your drinks. “Here.” You said, giving him his drink. The whole date was starting to get awkward, not that it wasn’t at first but you were kind of getting annoyed about it. “I’m going to leave bye…” You said rising from your seat and walking out the door. ‘Was that too dramatic… or not dramatic enough?’

You walked away until you realized that Rui was your ride home. ’Damn it-’ You walked to a bench and sat down, pulled out you phone and called Suga. “HELLO??” You heard yelling from the other line. “My guy why the hell are you yelling?” Your eyebrows scrunched up. “GIVE ME A SECOND” Suga yelled and covered up the speaker with his hand. You heard Suga faintly yelling. “NISHINOYA STOP BITING EVERYONE” You waited like 2 minutes until he finally came back. “ Okay, sorry I’m back-” “FINALLY” You sighed, “ Can you come pick me up?” You asked. “Wait why I thought you were on a date?” Suga asked with a concerned tone. You laughed awkwardly. “Well he was being an ass so I left-”

He laughed, “That’s sounds like you- send me your location and I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” He said. “Okay, bye thanks Suga!” You hung up. 'Well I have some time to kill!’  You pulled out your phone and finished an episode of Banana Fish. You had tears streaming down your face, not in the dramatic way but- you know what I mean. “GET IN LOSER” You heard Suga yell from his car. “Oh hey!” You said, and then realized all the faces in the car. “Suga you said a few friends-this is like more than I few friends..” You said very confused on where you were supposed to sit. “You can sit next to Yachi-” Suga said starting the car again. “YACHI I FOR REAL HAVENT SEEN YOU SINCE YESTERDAY”

“Good to see you to Y/n-san!” Yachi said softly.“Ouch!” You hissed. “NOYA THE FUCK-” You yelled,  gripping your shoulder. “Suga! I thought you said a couple of friends! Not the whole volleyball team!” You yelled to the front seat. “Sorry! Just buckle up!” Suga yelled.You buckle your seat belt and lean on Yachi’s shoulder. “Uhm- Y/n-San?” Yachi poked your head. “Yes Yachi?” You asked. “Why are you leaning on me?-” She asked softly. “Because your not nasty like everyone else.” You said. “No offense Kiyoko-”

“None taken.” She said softly. 'Why the hell is her voice so soothing- Please put that in a lullaby.’ You fall asleep on Yachi’s shoulder until Suga yells “We’re here!” You take your head off Yachi’s shoulder and wave goodbye before asking, “Does anyone want to sleep over!?” Almost everyone raised their hands. The second years took Suga’s car and drove off.

“Hey!” Suga yelled. “Come on!” You yelled to everyone. Walking up the steps to your front door and unlocking it. “Hey momma k!” You took your shoes off. “Hey hun! Oh! Suga Yachi everyone come in, come in!” She motioned for everyone to come inside. “Where’s momma d?” You asked taking off your coat and hanging it up. “Oh, she’s still at work.” Momma k said while cooking up some dinner.

“Oh, okay! Guy’s come upstairs to my room.” You walked up the stairs. “Wow your house is smaller than I thought…well for someone who gives off rich girl vibes at least.” Hinata commented.“Don’t be rude!” Suga hissed and karate chopped Hinata’s side. “Ouch!” Hinata hissed. “Uhm, anyways. Hinata, that’s the biggest compliment I’ve received thank you.” You said as you wiped a fake tear. Hinata nodded. “Since you guys don’t have any clothes uhm, just sleep in those.” You said setting down your purse.

“But Kiyoko and Yachi can use my clothes! Come on.” You said walking to your closet. “Woah! Y/n-San you have the strawberry dress!?” Yachi commented, sparks in her eyes. “Yep!” You said holding up a thumbs up.“ I have a pink and black one you guys can try them on!” You said taking them from the rack,holding them out.“Thanks.” Kiyoko said walking to a corner to change.

You walked out waiting for them until Tanaka and Noya went bursting to the closet. “No you don’t!” You yelled holding them by their shirts, placing them on the floor. The closet door opened as both girls walked out. Kiyoko putting her hair behind her ear in the black strawberry dress. Yachi having the pink one on.

“Holy shit-”

[spikesbimbo]

Congrats on 1k!! Your writing is amazing, you deserve it! May I request Hirugami with size kink please? thank you and congrats again! 💕

“can’t,” you whimpered, tears falling onto his chest as you regretted your decision to take control.

“You can’t?” he teased, chuckling at your demeanor. So tiny above his big frame, struggling to take his whole cock making his heart swell.  “Aww, poor baby. You better figure it out, my love, ‘cause i'm not moving. You get what you asked for.”

“You’re too big, hiro.” 

He answered with another laugh, placing his hands on your waist. “Aw, is my cock too big for you? You sobbed at his words, thinking you could take him easily, getting what you wanted, but you’re just too little. “You can't do anything on your own, you need me to help you, don't you?

You nodded your head, hoping he would just take control without making a big deal out of it. He grabbed your hips, big warm hands holding the space between your thighs and tummy, flipping you onto your back. “Hmm Sweetheart? Tell me i'm right.”

He thrusted into you, making your body shake as your messy cunt caught his eye. He loved to watch yourself glistening on his cock. Bottoming out with he did so with enough force to make you gasp and whine. He smiled at your pretty face, seeing it full of pleasure and pain.

“Does it hurt, princess? Is it hard to take my big fucking cock, hmm? Maybe next time you’ll remember how tiny you are before trying to do all the work.”

[sunasbabie]

Sachirou 👀

length: 8/10 he’s a tall guy so his dick stands tall and proud also

girth: 7/10 it’s thick enough to make you feel good!!

performance: 8.5/10 another SERVICE DOM ladies he aims to please

[whydoyoucare866]

003-wattpad

ex!suna rintarou x singer!reader

mt list

previous | next

im not sure i like this chapter, also this is probs the only time theyll see each other for a while cause i love slow burns and i just dont want it to go too fast

so, kenma and kei def could go they just wanted y/n to go

suna isnt in denial anymore like y/n is, he knows shes the love of his life

i couldn’t not talk about matthew im so normal about him🩷

y/n used to get food for tooru or the whole team but she didn’t want to after suna joined the team

i love me a good slow burn enemies or exes to lovers with a lot of angst and then fluff at the end so get ready and i also love miscommunication LMAO

but also expect a lot of humor filler chapters bc i love crack smaus and bc i started this story impulsively and do not have it planned yet LMAO

im so normal about suna

also i got the idea of akaashi getting discounts from another au i just cant remember which one

taglist (OPEN)

@lvc-lv @renardiererin @3lectraheart @nyxlai @beckxisxinxlovexwithxjin @wooasecret

[the-black-cat-of-nekoma]

Awesome Haikyuu!! Imagines Writers

Hello all, I know I don't interact on this blog much, but I'd like to promote and share some of the writings from amazing Haikyuu!! authors on Tumblr. I have been reblogging some of my favorite writers work here recently just incase some of you are interested in reading Haikyuu!! imagines like myself. These writers are very kind and super talented, so if you enjoy their work then please let them know by reblogging and liking, I am certain that they would appreciate it. And please remember to be kind if you do interact! ♥️ 🍀 @luckywritesss 🦊 @ohmythatmiya 🦉 @hqxreader 🏐 @seita 🐈 @inarizakikoukou 🌸 @kukusbabe 💪 @daichiforsure Note: These writers may also post smut/nsfw writings and write for other fandoms too!

[bokubear]

Haikyuu!! — he comes home angry

❥ including ; ( timeskip! ) kurō tetsuro, bokuto koutarou, meian shūgo, suna rintarou, atsumu miya

❥ genre ; angst, fluff, insecurity, comfort, suggestive themes, small fights, making-up

❥ notes ; this one makes my heart HURT but it’s also too fluffy to resist\(//∇//)\

Kurō doesn’t speak when he walks through the door. Instead, he shuts himself inside the bathroom—resorting to texting you ‘sorry kitten, bad day.’ While you’d already noticed thanks to the usual kiss he delivered being absent. This happens occasionally, when Kurō’s had an especially frustrating day or he finds himself in a stressful situation. But he tries his hardest to not have you involved. Saying how this is “his” problem and he doesn’t want to say something mean. Until finally, the exhausted cat exits from being holed up in the bathroom and into your arms. The heavy sigh is enough confirmation to run your fingers through his dark hair. And god is he grateful to come home and sleep on your soft chest. Man is snoring in minutes.

Bokuto very rarely comes home angry. But on those peculiar practices he’ll drop his bag by the door, standing motionlessly in defeat. Nearing the breaking point, and you can tell immediately. “Kou.. hard day?” You say gently, watching as he lifts his head in hopes you won’t see the welling tears; you do. “I’m not good enough.. I did horrible today.” He bites his lip, concealing himself from you. “Baby. Look at me.” You hush, cupping that sweet, adorably precious face in your palms—and the eyes staring back at you utterly break your heart. Bokuto is a tearful angry. “You can be mad, you can cry, but don’t say you’re not good enough. You’re amazing Kou.” Pressing a saccharine kiss to his lips, squeaking in surprise as the ace lifted you up with ease; the once innocent kiss turning hotter—messier. Much less innocent than before. “Kou.. now?” You huff, the latter trailing kisses along your neck as you spoke. “Wanna show you how much you mean to me, how much I don’t deserve you.” And when he said it like that, it was irresistible.

Meian completely ignored you upon arriving home, disappearing into your shared room without a single hello. You assumed he was upset, deciding to focus on the dinner you were preparing. However, all was well till your husband rejected your meal—straight up standing up from the barstool. “I don’t have an appetite.” With tight lips, you speak up before he leaves once again. “Do you want to keep it so you can have it later-“I said I don’t want it.” His tone of voice changing drastically to something venomous. The door slammed as well, abandoning you to clean up the mess with a trembling lip and hurt feelings. When Meian was mad, he didn’t yell—he’d have this horribly mean attitude that broke your heart even more so. But when you texted him a ‘I think I’m gonna stay at my friends tonight, to give you space.’ He knew he’d been too harsh. In actuality, he was beyond guilty for how rude he’d been, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to make it up to you. So as you were asking your way out the door, your husband flew to hug your back. “You don’t know when to stop.” You sigh against him, his warm hands enveloping your hips. “I don’t. So please, stay here with me. I want to make it up to you.” Rest assured he definitely made it up to you.

Suna calls you on his way home on the subway, voice muffled not only from the phone-line, but also his down-cast behavior. “‘Wanna hear your voice..” You smile, this side of Rin was rare—and a gem to your day all the same. “Today was not my day.” He groans, you can hear him walking along the sidewalk leading home. “No luck?” The amused lilt in your voice makes Suna hiss, it’s as if you could see him roll his eyes from your place on the couch. “I hate our coach. It sucks to think I could be with you when I’m stuck there.” He mumbles, cheek pressed to the phone screen as if he’s trying to reach you on the other side. “I think you’ll survive Rinnie. Come home, I want you.” He chokes on his water. “You.. want me? Baby?” His assumption earns a series of shouts from you—denying the way that sentence sounded. “I-I meant to cuddle and watch movies!! Rinnnnn..” Now it was his turn to sound amused, cheekily replying. “I’m almost there, then you can have me any way you want honey.” — “Rin!”

Atsumu notifies Osamu first. It may sound a little strange, I mean, you’re his lover. Yet this is simply for precautious reasons. And once you understand, it reveals the concerned and considerate part of the blonde twin. “Why can’t I work part-time at Onigiri Miya..” Atsumu cursed, Osamu rubbing his temples on the other side. “I wanna strangle that owl sometimes!! He’s way to happy-go lucky. ‘Ya get me?” He pouts, kicking leaves away like a seriously spoiled toddler. “It’s nice that yer taking out yer anger on me and not Y/n ‘Tsumu, but choking someone without their consent is a crime.” Atsumu barks a laugh. “Yah! ‘Samu! You’re kinkier than I thought! Oh, I’m home, bye!” And with that he hangs up, and poor Osamu is left to await his visit the next day. “Angel! I talked to ‘Samu on the way here and guess what he said-“Have you been venting your anger on him to spare me?” This stops the setter in his tracks. Crap. He’s been caught. “Uhh.. nah.” The pathetic lie earns him a ‘cut the crap’ look. “Come to me if you’re fussy, it’s time you spare your brother.” Dragging him to the dinner table as you speak. “Yes angel.. but did you know Osamu’s into choki-OW!”

-maak

plagiarism, repost, and editing is prohibited

[fanfictiondreamscape]

Trust-Me-Not

Title: Trust-Me-Not

Genre: a very angsty vent piece (that is one of two forewarnings), and a slight song-fic 

Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader

Notes: I never really thought that I would result to doing this, but here we are! 

I’ve been dealing with a lot of conflicting stuff lately, and I can’t keep it in anymore. I don’t feel comfortable enough to tell my friends this stuff, nor my parents - anyone, really. 

The feeling of being fairly anonymous calms that just a little, so here goes nothing. This is based off the Hero and Villain song, “Trust Me Not”, by Backseast Vagabond. If you want to, you can listen to it here. 

And don’t worry, I will get to the requests right after this. I just needed to clear my mind before finishing the pieces that were requested - they aren’t forgotten. 

Otherwise, this will deal with some intense topics, and some trauma-related aspects of relationships and such that I have experienced as well as suicidal ideation and extreme depictions of anxiety and anger. 

Remember, if you do not feel comfortable reading this, please skip this piece. Please. 

Below the cut.

“What are you doing, dear?”

Blank eyes, bags, and looking gaunt. Lovely.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Sniffling. 

“God, what are you doing here? I don’t think that you were invited.”

Two different versions. Two different people. Of course, there was always two sides to a story. 

“Here you go again, pretending that you love me....”

Crack, crack, crack - scratch, scratch, scratch - sniffle, sniffle, sniffle - look up! 

“When just beneath the surface, you’re convinced that you’re above me.” 

Two people. One on each shoulder.

They looked similar, save for the fact that they were polar opposites. One happy, one depressed. One stable, one unstable. One actually living, the other simply surviving. 

The image stings. 

“Dig deep into the past, I’ve never been one for doing things half-assed - if I’m here to save you, I’ll be here forever!”

No. No, no, no, no-

“Just take my hand, I’ll be your knight in shining armor!” 

I slammed my fist on the marbled counter. 

Scene upon scene of the two of us flashed through my head, colors drained and atmosphere dull. 

That used to be happy. 

That used to be perfect. 

What happened? 

Was it ever perfect? 

“You think you’re a hero?”

Then the tears come. They sting too.

“And they’ll tell you, you are!”

And now sobbing. I love this, really, it’s great.

It’s amazing feeling like shit, like you can never be happy. It’s great being tired, it’s great running in circles and trying not to drive off the nearest bridge when going to your parent’s house. 

It’s great to be in a constant state of pain, and wondering if you’re leading them on. 

They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve me and my fucked-up-ness. 

“’So stoic and handsome,’ and, ‘You’ve come so far!’”

Great, now my hands are bruised. 

Though, I guess I kind of deserve it. Especially after what I started, I deserve it. 

Nothing more than an asshole and an idiot, doing what I did and what I’m doing now. 

How can I see their face again and still have the gall to embrace them? 

I’m starting to think that all I’m good for is a good fling. 

That seems like the only course of action that I can take without it hurting. 

“You think you’re villain, but I know you’re not!”

Really now? 

Really now? 

I’m not a villain? 

...

I don’t believe it. I can’t. 

“Under all that angst and anger is a beating, human heart.”

Not true. 

“What about the lonely little girls?”

“I’m sorry!” 

Stop-

“What about her monsters who prevailed?”

“I’m sorry!” 

Stop, not this, please not this-

“You never came to save my world-”

No- 

“What about me?”

“What about us?”

‘What about us?’...

What. About. Us?

WHAT ABOUT US? 

You never came for me when I needed you most, you only decided to come at the worst possible times. 

You claim that you’re here to make me happy, you claim that you’re here to make things easier and help me get better, but you don’t! You never did! You’ve caused more harm than good more often than not! You’ve hurt me more than I could ever dream of hurting others! 

And the worst part about it is that...you’re still me. 

You are still me....

...Why do you have to be a part of me?

“I recognize that you’re upset, I know they did you wrong.”

“Oh, you know nothing of me!”

“Oh, you know nothing of me!”

I did it. 

The mirror is now in shards, about a fifth of them lodged in my hand.

I couldn’t hear the shatter. I could only hear them...

Them, that nasty little prick of a voice that makes me ‘happy’...

“But trust me, please believe me - this won’t stop the hurt for long!” 

Lies. 

That’s all they are, just lies. 

...right?

“We don’t need to end like this! Look me in the eyes...”

“Here comes the hero complex....”

Oh, the hero complex, indeed...

Gotta love it, being so stupid that you don’t even realize that youst  head is shoved so far up your ass that you assume the red sheen over the world is your rose-colored glass when really it’s just the copious amount of feces clouding your vision. 

“I may be a villain...”

“You call yourself a villain...”

Am I the villain? Truly?

“But you’re the one who lies.”

“But we know it’s a disguise.”

Yeah, seems about right. 

I really must be the villain by now. 

Especially now. 

“So, you’re back at it again, twisting and manipulating every word I’ve said....”

Let me guess....

“Come on, you know that’s not true - I’m just trying to help you! Let me help you!”

‘I’m trying to help you! Let me help you!’

Yeah, seems about right. 

“You are not my hero! You don’t know how it felt...”

Hitting the nail on the head, really. 

The pessimist in me has always been right, from what I could observe. 

“What else could I do with the cards that I’ve been dealt?”

The first one, the next one, the third, fourth, fifth, sixth....

This may be the only good ‘card’ that I’ve gotten. 

“You are not the villain! You once held my hand.”

....

I can’t do this anymore. 

“Stand up. Get out.”

‘Sometimes things don’t go as planned.’

I pulled my trembling body away from the mirror, blood dripping from my hands and tears staining my face. I was still struggling to breathe, and my heart was still racing. 

But I can’t do this anymore. 

‘NEW MESSAGE: Darling <3′

Delete. 

I deleted the chat I had with them and proceeded to type out a long-winded response. 

I didn’t know what else I was to do in this scenario. 

‘Hey.

‘It’s pretty shitty of me to do this to you, as I don’t know if I’m really good for you. I’m fucked up, you’re not - you don’t need the baggage. 

‘That, and I don’t know how I feel about dating. I know I liked you at one point, but now....

‘I don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. 

‘At least, besides the fact that I can’t deal with this pain, and stress, and I don’t want you to carry my baggage. 

‘I’m gonna disappear for a while, but I don’t want you to worry.

‘I’ll be in a better place then.’

I grabbed my car keys and checked my savings. 

Getting the hell out of here would have never felt worse, really...but this needed to be done. 

I’m tired. 

[atsunflower]

MA YOU REACHED 1K!!?? CONGRATULATIONS!!! 🎉 🎉🎉 I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, EACH OF THOSE FOLLOWERS IS WELL DESERVED, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE YOU GO FROM HERE! CONGRATS AGAIN MA!! 💕💕💕 Have an awesome day!!

TAYLOR BBY 🥺💕💖💕 Thank you so much for being here and for being this amazing friend.

I'm aleays repeating myself but, I'm.really glad tumblr allowed me to meet you. You're the sweetest and I don't deserve you.

Thanks again. I hope you're having an awesome day yourself 💖💕💖

[shingia]

hii ! I love your writing and this is going to be my first request on this site so i'm a bit nervous. May I request your angst prompt #6 with either akaashi or bokuto (or anyone you want but I just love them gah) and something accident related if possible (but if not it's fine!), i'm an angst sucker ;-; thank you and have a nice day!

MEMORY - BOKUTO X READER

hi !! dw it’s completely ok to be nervous about your first request, i was literally shaking when i first sent mine ! and thank youuu it’s always nice to know that my work is appreciated 💕 i had no idea of which boy to choose but i never wrote angst for bokuto so here it is, i hope it’s what you had in mind ! <3

-> angst prompt #6 “stop saying my name like it’s the last time” (that one HURTS omfg)

-> bokuto x gn!reader | Angst with a capital A | word count : 2K

warnings : car accident, mentions of blood, hospital environment

bokuto always thought it was funny how a smell, a sound or a sight could hold enough power to trigger memories that he thought had been erased by time. 

but no smell, sound or sight was ever needed for him to remember the day he first met you. how the purple lights of the bar were slowly dancing on your skin, casting shadows that made your features look different every time he casted guilty glances at you. he remembered the feeling of his sweaty palms when he asked for your number, and how you had to blink exactly four times to read his messy handwriting on your arm.

all these seemingly insignificant details were kept safe in the depths of his mind, patiently waiting to resurface every time his heart needed them. but if these kind of memories were kept so vivid by choice, others - much darker - had a terrifying way of imprinting into one’s brain…

it was a bright april afternoon, the kind of day that made people forget about their worries, and bokuto had just finished what he considered to be one of his best practice. as usual, his heart swelled with excitement at the thought that he would tell you all about it as soon as he’d step foot in your house, where he was just heading.

but the sudden vibration of his phone in his pocket made him stop dead in his tracks.

he was not particularly stressed by phone calls, but something about the way his heart dropped made his hands start shaking and his surroundings blurry ; something was off. he hesitated a few seconds before getting the phone out - maybe it was cowardice, but his body already knew that he was not ready to handle what was coming at him.

the voice he heard on the other side of the line was undoubtedly yours. the vibrations, the tone, the pitch, he had heard it whispering sweet nothings in his ear way to many times to be mistaken. so why did it take him so long to admit that it was well and truly you, calling him for what looked an awful lot like a goodbye ?

although pain and fear had grabbed you by the tongue, you miraculously managed to tell him about the poor driver that had been distracted by his kid - too distracted to see you crossing the road on your way to the store, and too slow to hit the brakes.

your voice was weak, so weak that bokuto did not even hear the last thing you said before passing out on the warm asphalt. and so he started running, as fast as humanly possible - if not more - because he knew he was only two streets away from you, and he knew that he would never forgive himself if he arrived too late.

bokuto had many preconceptions about the way he would ever react to an accident. panic, anger, sadness, incomprehension… but nothing could have prepared him for what it truly was. in one second, his mind had time to produce hundreds and hundreds of questions, and they all remained unsolved until his eyes finally laid on you, or more like what seemed like a nightmarish version of you.

a woman was frantically screaming, a hand over her mouth like it was of any use. behind her, a young girl was staring at the blood stain on the white car’s bumper, eyes wide in terror. and in the car, a giggling toddler was happily chewing on his teething ring, having no idea that today had changed his father’s life forever. the latter seemed stuck in a cataleptic trance, and it seemed like the first aider was not going to get anything out of him.

bokuto was ready to beg on his knees for the ambulance driver to allow him on the ride to the hospital.  he had a thousand ways to prove that you were the love of his life : the picture of you in his wallet, your matching key rings attached to your respective bags, the crumpled receipt of the necklace he had bought you a month ago, the one that was now hanging loosely around your dreadfully immobile neck. but just a glance at his despaired eyes was enough to understand that he deserved his place by your side in what would probably be the worst moment of your life - and his.

three paramedics were too busy putting you on a stretcher for bokuto to even catch a glimpse of your face. and the fact that he was left alone with his imagination made him want to throw up. yet when his eyes finally laid on your bruised and bloody features, it felt much, much worse than anything his imagination could have thought about. his heart skipped more than one beat at the thought that maybe he had arrived too late.

but no, your eyes fluttered open while the medics were still yelling orders at each other, meaningless words that were only background noise for bokuto. his hands gripped the edge of the stretcher, even though they were longing for the touch of your skin, no matter how scratched and wounded it was.

« hey, hey, stay with me, alright ? » he articulated in a hoarse voice as your hand found its way to his cheek. seeing that, one of the medics started reaching for your arm - you had too many broken bones for him to allow you to move so carelessly. but one of his colleagues, a tall woman with the kindest eyes, stopped him before his fingers could wrap around your wrist. and the look she gave him was screaming for his indulgence. ‘let them’.

although the opaque windows were filtering most of the ambulance lights, faint beams of red and blue were still dancing on your face. it was true that bokuto did not need anything to trigger his memories of the first time he saw you, but the alternation of the two colors on your features were a bitter reminder of the purple neons that had lightened your face in that bar, where everything had begun.  and so were his sweaty palms, warm and shaky against your wrist which he had grabbed as carefully as if it had been made of porcelain.  but the blinks of your eyes looked nothing like when you tried to guess the numbers he had written on your arm. they were desperate movements of your lids that were painfully trying to stay open - because if you had one last wish, it was that bokuto’s face would be your last sight.

your facial muscles only allowed a few painless movements, and luckily for the both of you, a faint smile was one of them. « h-how was practice ? » you asked, the left corner of your lips curling upwards. he let out a sorrowful laugh, ignoring the tears that were prickling his eyes as he started to kiss your palm at an alarming pace, like he was so desperately trying to get something out of the feeling of your skin against his lips.

« you’re gonna be okay, i promise… i love you » he told you, eyes intensely locked with yours like it was the first time these words were leaving his mouth. « i love you. so much. i love y- i love you. so fucking much, i really love you » he repeated like a prayer, words mixing up in his mind that was too focused on your eyes to think clearly about anything else.

« kou… listen to me » you whispered, still trying your best to keep your smile when it felt like every fiber of your body was being torn apart. your thumb caressed his cheek, but so stiffly that you knew it probably did not even feel like your touch. « thank you for everything, for being you and for loving me. i love you too, and you deserve to be happy… »

no. this didn’t feel right. this wasn’t a promise of love, it had the bitter taste of goodbyes, of words that are said just to alleviate the pain of the living. « don’t say it like that, please » bokuto pleaded, hating himself for ordering you when you were in such obvious distress. but for the first time since that god-sent night at the bar, he hated the sound of every word that had left your mouth. he would have given anything to go back to just a few seconds ago, when you were still joking about his practice. because back then it didn’t feel like you were going to leave.

« you’re gonna be ok. i love you, kou », you said in an almost maternal tone. « stop saying my name like it’s the last time ! » he exclaimed with such vigor that even the medics stopped for a second. but you didn’t flinch, your eyes were still kind and peaceful. and they still were when your thumb progressively started moving, and when your lids slowly closed.

──

the hall of the hospital was cold - in every sense of the word. akaashi was nervously playing with the lid of his coffee, sat upright on a chair even though his legs felt restless. bokuto, on the other hand, had refused to eat, drink or even sit for one second until he had talked to one of your doctors. it had now been almost two hours - and every second felt like torture.

but oddly enough, akaashi was the first to react at the sight of your surgeon that was coming towards them at a frustratingly slow pace.

« how did it go ? » he asked, the joint of his hands white from holding his coffee cup so tight.

« they made it. our nurses brought them to a private room where they will be watched v- »

bokuto didn’t need to hear more. he had no idea of which room you were in, but it didn’t matter - the hospital was not that big, he’d find a way. he always found a way.

running like a madman, he couldn’t even hear akaashi yelling at him to come back. his heart was throbbing with happiness at the thought that you were patiently waiting for him in a room. safe and sound.

he had spent so much time hammering the most terrible scenarios in his head that he had almost started to believe some of them were true. in a sense, he had already felt how it would be like to live without you - and he was now promising himself to never feel that pain ever again.

tired of running around without knowing where he was headed, bokuto eventually asked a nurse to indicate him the room you were kept in. and, although it did not respect the hospital’s privacy policy, she gave him without thinking twice ; because just like every other member of the staff, she knew about the boy that had spent hours crying and waiting for his loved one. her eyes were blurry with tears when he thanked her about three time before heading to the said room.

and there you were. laying on your back, staring at the ceiling with your fingers fiddling with the sheets - just like you always did when you waited for him on his bed.

« oh thank god » bokuto breathed out, taking a few seconds to admire your features before running to your side. his hands were still wet from his tears and his eyes were red and puffy, but he had never felt so happy to hold you. his lips immediately found their way to your hands, completely ignoring the strong smell of betadine, and they stretched in a grin at the familiar feeling of your fingers that seemed so tiny against his.

when he finally looked up at you, he felt like the luckiest man alive. just the sight of you breathing was something he had started to give up on. your chest was slowly heaving and your eyes blinked exactly four times before an embarrassed chuckle left your lips :

« excuse me but… who are you ? »

@toworuu @catwithangerissues