#I can handle mistakes and unpredictable events well (lying)

[thorntopieces]

The math at work isn't mathing

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[sassaetcie]

The Molten Charcoal Chapter 3 (Idia x Silver fic)

So here we go again lmao

The whole night must have been fresh and cool for all of NRC for sure, even for Twisted Wonderland, actually. The corridors were still full of darkness, and probably peacefully mixed with them until the break of dawn. Still, I could get a grasp of them until before meeting Trey and Jamil... Not after. Did... I actually meet them at all? I... couldn't have met them, right? I probably was tired... Yes, for once, I was exhausted because I had walked too much, that's all... I couldn't possibly have met them. ...But then why didn't I feel the frost again? The biting air wasn't there anymore when I had rushed into the corridors. This temperature wasn't trying to beat up the fire. The ice had disappeared. Because I ran. If my sparks were becoming arson, there was no way for the surroundings to survive, after all. Though... I wouldn't have escaped from "nothing". So... it must have happened. I... met Trey and Jamil. Why would have I to run? I didn't cultivate this aspect of my body for obvious reasons (lol), and using the runaway option was only increasing my body temperature. SO I SHOULDN'T HAVE RUN. But I may have dreamed of that part too, right? There was no way... There was no way "this" was so good... no, well-done in a dream. There was no way for "it" to be so frightening. Suffocation. Suffocation. Suffocation. SUFFOCATION. SUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFCalmdown. Calm down, everything's alright, I'm in my room, I'm just writing... SuffSuffSuff. No, it's alright. I will have a pretty cake for Silver... It will be hella good and pretty cause Trey made it, right? But I need to do... SUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFSUFFFSUFFF. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I CAN'T DO THIS. THERE'S NO WAY. I'M FUCKING GOING TO FALL OF MY BROOM. NAH, I WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO CLIMB ON IT. THAT'S... Calm down, that's alright, I still have time. I still have time. I have to meet Silver... But if I can't get the cake, that's alright... But Trey could tell Riddle about it?! No, no, no, I shouldn't think about that... I don't want the red pest to come to my door and behead me... Guillotine Man should stay in his dorm... He will stay in his dorm for sure if I don't cause any troubles... But I never... I guess Vil and Guillotine Man are somehow ashamed that I stay in my room and don't act for the school... Fuck... I don't want to go to PE... It's so boring and useless... And it's already dawn... I should take a nap... Like really... What the fuck is going on...  I need to sleep or I'm just going to collapse during the class and bring shame on Ortho and Trey's trust... But I could avoid the class this way... Why did I even accept... Suff... Suff... Suff... That's getting better...? I guess the heat went out for a moment... I should really take a nap...

[Started Recording at : 10 am : Third? Day]

An unpredictable event occurred. Actually, it was not that unpredictable. Certainly, unpredictable could have been cut in two when it comes to this "situation". Unpredictable did not possess the event neither the flow of time, as it could for sure not, but rather took place in a person nobody even expected to be unpredictable. The fact it was unexpected was not unexpected in itself, but rather unexpected because this person had been predictable so far. Thus, the cogs and gears were not going crazy so far, neither were the flames and water. Idia was not that bad a case in itself. But what could have led him to this blazing lesson? The sun was observing him more than any students, after all. His deadly brethen had not shown his face for a long time, although remembering each time Idia got outside would be a mess. The lonely star so craved by all was pouring all of his heat down to the ground. Shroud tried to grip the Hair with His hands. It only flows away all around the fingers, running away from the line they should have drawn.

-IDIAAAAAA SHROUUUUUUD! SO YOU HAVE FINALLY COME TO STRENGHTEN THIS BODY OF YOURS! YOU HAVE BEEN CHARMED BY MUSCLES, THE NEED TO HAVE MUSCLES, THE MELODY OF MUSCLES!

-I just came cause it's my responsibility as a Dorm Leader, kinda... Ortho will have less work, lol.

The sleeve barely scratched his dusty or soft or dreamy or melting cheek. Was it moving on its own...? The hand seemed to have disappeared, now. It moved before grasping the broom barely beneath his... feet, clothed in some shoes like he should have worn for such a lesson. They took some steps before the yellow, almost closed eyes, refusing to face the infinite sun and its bright, shiny sky, probably. The green, quiet grass kept on dancing under the wind regular flying, but he could not touch it. His hands swipe up some sweat already telling him to run away and seek for lakes, but he had to face this fire. For whatever reason he had... Or was Idia acting on whim "once again"? This whim was a very special one, after all. ...Or was it a forfeit for some failed raid in a MMORPG?

The broom awoke once either the boy or the blaze took it. The wood and straws gather higher than usual, and his hands barely remained hanged above the ground. They... were flying. Idia was not above neither falling down. He was simply, absolutely, definitely, hanging on. The white ash hands did not fuse with anything they grasp, if grasping could even be known to them. Yet the blue hair kept on pushing him upwards. It was... abnormal. The hues of blue, made out of burning oceanic, as hard as a ghost was, as transparent as the wood was, flickered in the sky. The blue and blue could fight one day for sure. The Shroud's flames kept on pushing away the wind even if Idia tried to climb on the ordinary yet magical broom. Yet His fingers were brushing what seemed to be a breeze, catching it before clinging on the tool like he had never done it.

-GOOOOOOD! THAT'S REALLY NOT BAD FOR SOMEONE WHO SKIPS ALL OF MY CLASSES, MR SHROUD! YOU BETTER BE PRESENT STARTING FROM TODAY!

The broom barely let him fall, this Ignihyde's leader barely fell from the broom. Both of them were yet to be hurt, and plagues and pain had no more to do with them, if they ever had. The simple, carved by times and mistakes, tool, was lying among the infinite grass field from which his semi-owner had never tried to escape. There was no escape to the neverending ground, neverending ground rejecting again and again this huge amount of fire, united before him, and divided from him. The smouldering curse was floating behind him, above his face. Even the scorching one was far from the fusing, since it hated it so much. It was the one behaving the Scorn in front of this "fusing". The "hair" could not be cut. Could not be dyed. Could not die. Could not fade. It was the one asking for others to fade and die. The boy somehow wrapped by the fire which did not burn nor die stood up again, on his legs, again.

-Hehe, Idia~ You look so dreamy and at ease today, you're so cuuuute~!

A certain light appeared and disappeared, along a noise that should have been away if reality was to be taken care of.

-...Huh, Cater, what the...

The light and its sound had hit him. He rubbed his eyes one, two, three, four times, and this number was not unknown to him while he did it. One. Two. Three. Four. And the phone had shone on him, on his body and flames, one, two, three times. His being froze on the spot, even if the burning strands kept on flowing. The yellow eyes disappeared, then appeared again. The reality they displayed certainly was not going away. Thus, should they disappear among his two hands? No one had the same hair as him. Even if his whole face were to vanish, the Shroud Crown would remain. Cater Diamond took another picture, as Ashton Vargas was looking away, even if a blue-haired student, a red-haired student, a gray-haired student, a yellow-haired student, a blue-eyed student, a red-eyed student, a gray-eyes student, a yellow-eyed student were watching, even if... Idia would not move. If he were to run away, someone would have to get really disappointed, at least.

-Mr Diamond, can you stop bullying my Big Bro, pleaaaaaase? ;v;

-But Idia is like so pretty in the daylight~~~ C'm'on let me just take another pic and I'll give you plenty of sweets, or I can take a pic of you too, cuties pies are so popular~!

-Please, Mr Diamond, I'll ask you to stop, my Big Bro isn't feeling good at all when he was succeeding in something he had never succeeded before. :(

-C'm'on, just one another and I'll put cute filters on the old piiiiics, I promise~

-I am very sorry Mr Diamond, but if you keep going like this, I might have to reach the protocole end.

-Eeeeh~ What do you mean, lil' Ortho~ Is it like making a cute face and begging for your brother's life~

-I will have to [eliminate] the problem. Laser beam can be used.

-Okaaay~ I'll stop, then, sorry lil' Ortho, I was really mean to you~

-Apologize to my Big Bro. And delete all of your pics. We may have to sue you for copyrights if you don't, and you're taking pics in the middle of a class, you're a bad student, Mr Diamond~! :D

-Idiaaa, I'm so sorry, I really hope you won't hate dummy dummy Cater~

The human made of prothesis was a shield of attached limbs. They could have been falling down. Yet he stood as a whole in front of the "brother". His fractured hair barely reached the curse of his semi-creator, but all of the blessed, electronic, lights could hide him when united. The heat was probably spreading up to this point... Or more likely, reversing itself. Ortho's feet were anchored deep in the ground. He was handling movement and kinetic so far.

-I'm really sorry Idia~ I'm really going to cry in my room uuuh~ I'm so dumb, sowwy~

-The lesson has ended, Mr Diamond, you should go back to Heartslabyul Dorm. Or should I call Mr Rosehearts...

-No~ Really, that's alright~ Sorry for the troubles~

Cater's smile went away along himself, even if his fake light and heat were not vanishing as easily. His curly orange hair following him as a fluffy fireball lacked a part of it, even if none strand could hinder his eyesight nor brain. His hands could obey a supportive mind, following them to put neverending green so far, emerald one day, around his eyes of his. He was not full of flames, though. But his flesh colored lips were both of water and fire, even if pink or magenta nails were to touch them to arrange a smile. Was this expression another set of crowns he had to wear? He was no longer here to check if it were the case or not. The others had left as well, and Vargas was probably running somewhere else, if this somewhere was still useful to describe. He probably had to run until what was known to teach aliens about the Way of Muscles if they were not that much into it.

-Are you alright, Big Bro? :(

-Y-y—yeah... Thanks for saving me... I'm just so stupid... I was... just... daydreaming... I wasn't fully awake and I just really thought it was a dream, something bad could have occurred, I'm sorry, you could have been hurt because of me and...

-No, no that's okay, Big Bro! You tried really hard to come here, right? Even if you were daydreaming, you didn't try to stay in your room during what was supposed to be your "dream", right?

-W-well... Yeah... There's a reason, though... That's not because I want to unsconciously go outside or shit like that...

-Don't worry, I wasn't about to quote Freud, Big Bro! :D

-Thanks, I would have been coerced to u-update you if you did.

Shroud tried once more to draw his sleeves out until they covered the hair which did not belong to him, however belong to him. Ortho was probably the only one witnessing the scorching waterfall, among all of the quiet universe. But that was already too much. Not enough to trigger the curse. "Not enough". Too much. Ortho and crowds were equal in a sort.  

-I... don't want to go and see Silver anymore, O-Ortho... I-I'm... sorry...

-You will go, Idia. You need to talk to him and I can't cancel it anymore, you know? :(

-Y-yes, I know but... I'm already scared of Cater talking to me only a few minutes... and a date i-i-i-isn't supposed to l-l-l-last only a few m...minutes, right?

-Yes, Big Bro. But Cater makes you uneasy because he is "fake", right? Silver is very likely not, since you were not afraid of him... or are you afraid of people knowing what they want more than behaving in a certain way, and ready to anything to get what they want?

-I... don't really know... I just feel like Silver... I just feel like I may understand him... or that he may understand me? One or the other way round...

-Then, everything will go smoothly!

-I'm just... worried... Silver may actually have forgotten about me and think I'm weird... Or maybe I'll say a bad thing without noticing and I will make him angry or sad...

The cold hands, away from the fire for a long time, touched Idia's ones. His whole system was probably facing the curse, like it has always done. His body made of white and black un-flesh could survive against the ominous glowing.

-You'll be able to defeat this one fear, Big Bro! You still have a lot of days left, and I'll be watching over you so that you can make the most of them, okay? Test a lot of stuff, nothing will happen to you, I promise. :D

-But it will slow you down in your studies and you may have to skip some lessons if I were to try... no, no, no... I will just go to the date, okay...

-If you are happy in the end, then I'd rather skip some classes and finish my full year without worrying for you!

-H-huh...

-Of course that doesn't mean I want to get rid of you, okay? I just want to answer your concern when it comes to my results. I will be alright.

-Y-Yeah, sure, so will I, then...

[Ended Recording at : 11:30 am : Third? Day]

[erintoknow]

my brain has claimed it’s glory over me

fallen hero: rebirth fanfiction with crow and dr. mortum. this is coming out of rewriting the hospital scene to try and get a better feel for both crow’s puppet morrígan and for dr. mortum as a character.

~4.2k words, rip me

title taken from [the mind electric]

–

You gasp awake and the pain hits you like a door slammed open in your face. Something grabs your hand while the black drains from your vision, only to be replaced with the harsh glare of overhead lighting blinding you in the opposite direction. You flinch as you flutter your eyes. You’re laying down on something, a bed? A cot? The walls are white, no not exactly. A ghost of someone else’s panic shoots through you. A hospital. Of– of course.

It’s just a hospital.

You’re fine. You don’t have anything to fear about hospitals. Why were you panicking?

You tilt your head and there’s the good doctor sitting next to you on a chair, attention engrossed in her phone. Concern written into the lines of her face. Huh. That’s a surprise. You didn’t really believe she would care about you. Well. Crow had been banking on it, to be fair. But… You feel something tight and warm, and not altogether unpleasant in your chest as you flash her a weak smile. “…s’up.”

Dr. Mortum glances up to you with a start, undisguised relief on her face. That’s… wild. “Ma chérie, you’re awake.”

“What–” You wince, coughing up something unpleasant. Your mouth feels dry, lungs hurt like you’ve inhaled cement.

Mortum springs from her chair to get you a cup of water, pressing the plastic cup in your hands as you pull yourself up into a sitting position. “Here.”

“T-thanks.” You flinch then down the cup in one go, swishing the water in your mouth before swallowing. You look down at your body. Everything hurts but you don’t see anything worse than some bruising. From your fall, or…? The events of the night after you left Morrígan feel hazy, melding together. 

You find another cup pressed into your hands and you give Mortum your first back and down the second. You rub at your eyes with your free hand. “What the hell happened? Where are we?”

“The Memorial Hospital, ma chérie–”

Panic grips your chest again. “What? Why would you–?”

“Calm down…” She leans in to you to gently pry loose the plastic cup you’ve crushed in your hands. “If it’s money you’re concerned about, don’t be. This is a favor from a friend of mine…” Mortum watches your face carefully. “I was more than a little worried about you.”

What does that mean? “I’m… look– look, I’m fine?”

A slight smile cracks Mortum’s face and she pats your arm for you to lay back down. “You must have hit your head quite hard, ma chérie. I couldn’t wake you. Dr. Halabi even thought that you might have slipped into a coma.”

You can feel the heat on your face. How much did they know? Did Dr. Mortum know? What happened while you were out? “Well… I’m glad he was wrong.”

“She,” Dr. Mortum smiles, “And so am I. Your brain showed signs of past trauma when they scanned you.

“They… they scanned me?” You suck in your breath, biting your lip. No part of that sentence was something you wanted to hear.

“They did,” Mortum answers, she still has her hand on your arm. It feels warm to your skin. “When you did not wake. I would urge you look into the matter further. Brain injuries can be… unpredictable.”

“I’m fine…” You force a smile on your face. “Well. I’m mostly fine, considering. What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Huh? No, no, I do, I do!” You raise your voice, you don’t need her thinking you’ve gotten amnesia on top of everything else. “I remember the party. It’s just.. you know, everything after that’s a blank.” You rap your head with the knuckles of your hand and instantly regret the headache you’ve just given yourself.

The good doctor breathes out an “I see..” and relaxes. She shifts in her seat to lean in closer to you. “I suppose congratulations are in order. And a raise for you, I hope.”

Seriously? You glance around the room, “Sssh!” 

“Oh, it’s perfectly safe here.” Mortum pats the pocket where she had put away her phone. “I activated the jammers a while ago. I don’t want to risk being overheard.”

A nervous smile slides up your face. “Of– of course you did.” What a relief to be working with someone on the same level of paranoia as you. You knew there was a reason you wanted her here. “So…” You take a breath. “Was it the explosion then?”

“Well, either you misread the timer, or it was stronger than you expected.”

“I didn’t misread anything.” You grit your teeth. “I set those charges exactly as instructed.”

Dr. Mortum’s smile shrinks into a frown. “That’s interesting. Those explosives were made to order. Your boss provided the specifications. It… was those which you used, yes?”

“I… I followed the instructions. To the letter.” Where are you going with this? There’s a pit of dread in the base of your stomach threatening to boil over you. “Their instructions. I didn’t– you don’t think?”

“That your boss might be trying to get rid of you? Tying up loose ends?” Mortum’s voice has gone hard. You flinch away from her gaze, the way her eyebrows have narrowed in a cold regard. Not for you of course. For the other you: for Crow.

You’ve got to get a handle on this conversation fast. “I– I did my job perfectly.” The implication that he might kill you off just to cover his tracks… You feel the knot in your stomach twist. No. This is crazy. This whole line of thought is crazy, right?

You’re here– Morrígan’s here because you put her here. Yourself here. This was part of the plan. To– to keep her– you safe. Not… not kill her– you.

Her?

What?

Fuck.

You press the tips of your fingers into your face, drag the skin down, try to massage the tension out.

You’re not… you’re not Morrígan. You’re… you? Right?? You’re Crow. Or maybe you’re both Morrîgan and Crow now?

And now Macha too?

Are you one person wearing three different masks, or three different masks swapping around one set of memories? How many identities do you need to create before you can find one that feels real? That feels like you?

What will you do about the ones that don’t make the cut?

Mortum watches you, waiting until you let your hands drop back to your sides before speaking up again. “I am sure it was just a mistake.” You don’t need to be a damn mind reader to know she’s lying to try and make you feel better. “But–” There we go. There’s always a ‘but.’ “If I were you, I would still be careful.”

You look up at her, you feel drained. “I will. I promise.”

The silence stretches out between the two of you as you look at and then past one another. When did it stop being a simple game of prediction? Prod the egghead with a shiny toy, show a little skin to flush her face, let her dance to your tune. She knows you too well for it to be that simple anymore.

No.

No, she doesn’t know you.

She knows Morrígan. Morrígan is your refuge. The one place in your life were you don’t feel… wrong. Wrenched out of alignment with the universe. 

But… Morrígan isn’t you. Or… isn’t the whole you anyway. But if you think that way, then not only does know one know you, but no one is even capable of ever knowing you. An empty void spanning not just before you, but of you. The veil you’re trapped behind swallowed in the hollow black.

No. No. No. No. No.

“Ma chérie?”

Morrígan jumps in her cot, jostling the blanket covering her, her heart pounding against her ribs. “Y-yes!?”

Dr. Mortum holds her hand. She’s real. Morrígan’s real. You’re real. “I don’t think it is safe for you to go back to work again after this… Trust me. I know a bad deal and a bad boss when I see one. They. Are. Using. You.”

The concern in her voice. It hurts.

“I– I can’t.” You try to swallow, your throat tight, panic thrumming in your chest. Why? Why? “I really… really can’t.”

“Why, ma chérie?” Mortum’s leaning in close now, her voice low, worried. For you? Why? This was all just a game right? Why does she care? Her hand on yours is gentle, ready to retreat at the slightest hint. You just want to grab her tighter. What is wrong with you?

“You don’t– you don’t understand.” You have to swallow the words in your throat. “I can’t– I’m afraid– If I leave…”

“You think they’ll kill you.”

You leap on her words like a life preserver. “Or– or worse.” You can feel the pounding of your heart in your chest. You’re getting too close Or Morrígan is. Or somebody is. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “He… he can be dangerous.”

Crow… this is Crow’s fault. Should have left Morrígan in the hospital. Where you were safe. Or… no. Something about that doesn’t feel right either, but then what was Crow –no, you– what were you supposed to have done, then?

Mortum is talking, you have to pull yourself out of your head to focus, to listen. “–of course he can be dangerous. So can I.”

The way she says that. Shivers down your spine.

“You– you don’t understand…” You shut your eyes tight, force yourself to swallow. Yeah those are… those are tears. Tears? Crying? Why?

When you open your eyes again, Dr. Mortum is still there. Still holding your hand. “Then explain it to me.” She doesn’t mention the tears. The borderline panic attack you’re struggling to hold in. Her voice is even. Clinical if not for the warmth of her concern.

“He.. he can get into your mind…” You grit your teeth. “He’ll know.” You need to stop this line of conversation. This is dangerous.

Dangerous? To who?

Stop.

Please.

“I already know that,” her voice is soft, subdued. “Or, rather, I suspected. You have to be at least psi-sensitive to use the armor. He just might be stronger than I had thought.”

You want to laugh at that. You don’t want to laugh at that. “You really have just… no idea.” No one does. And Crow– Macha?– You will keep it that way until it’s too late for them to stop… him? No… You? Fuck.

“I will tell you what I do know then. There are ways around that. I have experience with these things, which… I suppose is why he sought me out.”

“Yeah…” You take a deep breath, will your heart to slow down, your hands to relax. “Look, I’ll.. I’ll think about it… okay?”

“That is all I ask.” The doctor lets go of your hand as she sits back. “Bide your time if you need to; just do not trust him.”

That gets a half smile from you. “I don’t trust anybody.” You wince, cough again, covering your mouth. Dr. Mortum starts up to get another cup of water and you raise a hand to stop her, shaking your head. “It’s– I’m fine. So…” You clench your hands, unclench them. Repeat a couple times until your heart rate calms down. “What happened once…” You gesture helplessly.

The good doctor can’t help the pleased smile on her face. “Oh, there was a fight, of course. I have to say, the armor performed splendidly. The Rangers were no match.”

You try to smile. “Good. I… I hope my boss feels the same.”

“If there are any issues, at least we’ll have another excuse to meet.”

“I’m just…” You break her gaze, look down at your body. Prone. Helpless. You shake your head. No. Not this body. Not you. You’re safe here. Don’t forget. “I’m more worried they’d think I’ve done a bad job.”

“I doubt you capable of doing a bad job, ma chérie.”

You bite at your thumb, let the sharper pain of your teeth on skin call away from the broader ache of your whole body. “It worked, didn’t it? They got what they wanted. I hope.”

“Check the headlines first, ma chérie. They can reveal the mood of any villain.” She sighs. You suppose she would be an expert on the question. “So many do it for the thrill of having people quake in fear.”

Did Crow? –You mean you? Macha needed to make an impact. Get some solid cred. It… it wasn’t really about terrorizing people in itself right? Just a means to an end. What did he do? Are you forgetting something?

“Now,”  Mortum pulls back you attention. “Why don’t we see about getting you out of here before there are questions to answer?” She glances back towards the door. “I could drive you home, if you wish.”

Again, the extra step. It feels weird. Wrong. But– Morrígan can have this, can’t she? Just because Crow can’t… it’s not fair to her. “Thank you… I’d like that.”

“I could call you a cab?”

You pull yourself up, feel the ghost of your usual confidence on your face already. “Backing out already?” Under the blanket you’re still in your dress. A little scuffed, but whatever, hey? You can just buy another. 

“Not at all, ma chérie.” Her smile widens, eyes lighten. “I am at your service.” There’s the ghost of a memory there. Another time, another woman, another body, another life. Deja Vu. Or Presque? One of those damn french words. The doctor would know if you could ask her. The past always happening again for the first time.

Morrígan flinches and she slides to her feet, “We’ll see about that, hey?” She smirks, then snaps her fingers, hand held up in thought as she glances around. It takes a little work for the doc and Morrígan to gather her things, shoes, purse. Make sure she’s steady enough to walk. It’s tempting, Morrígan finds, to play up how out of it she feels. To lean on her a little more than strictly necessary. 

Out of the private room, the dull roar of a hospital in crisis. Hallways packed with stretchers, men and women in mint scrubs and masks rushing through the hallways. Amazing what a block of wood could hide. Crow wouldn’t be able to take this chattering, you’re sure. The anxious faces of family members, the rows of triaged patients. Fewer serious injuries than Morrígan might have expected. It’s not like Macha went out of her way to protect people.

How much worse might it have been if Herald hadn’t rushed the bomb out of the building? 

It doesn’t matter. These people can take a little worry. A small taste of what Morrígan– Crow– no damnit, you. A small taste of what you have had to deal with. 

—

Why are you here? Why are you letting her drive you home? Letting her know where home is? Not like she almost certainly hasn’t had Morrígan tailed, but–

Just… just shut up, for once, Crow. Take in the city at night. So calm now, here winding out towards the edges of the reclaimed urbanization. Little lighthouses of streetlight blinking through the haze. You’d never think there was a still ongoing emergency. That there are people huddled in a hospital waiting to hear if their mother or brother, uncle, grandparent, is going to be okay. That there’s a hospital room where a broken Ortega is asleep, willing herself to pull together faster just so she can throw herself against the wall again. Idiot woman.

None of it feels real. Like it happened to someone else.

You bite your lip, that feels real. You’re real. This car is real. This– “This is a nice car you’ve got… why the limo earlier?”

You can see the white of her smile even as she keeps her focus on the road. “Because, ma chérie, a limousine makes for a more impressive entrance.” There’s a pause and then she adds, as if confessing, “And you never know when you might need a fast getaway.”

You giggle at that, hand over you mouth. “Looks like your instincts were right.”

“Oh, they usually are.” That flash of white smile again. “You need to trust them. The kind of business I do.”

You shift in your seat, watching her behind the driver’s wheel. “So…” Curiosity’s got you now, the killer. “What do your instincts tell you about me, hey?”

Mortum doesn’t respond at first, then: “That you are a deeply conflicted woman. –and, while you are… a very dangerous woman it would also be an interesting prospect to get to know you better.”

There’s that weird feeling in your chest again. “Conflicted? Me?” You try to laugh, but maybe it sounds a little too hollow. Maybe all of Morrígan’s words sound a little hollow. “I think you’ve got a bit of wishful thinking there.”

“Perhaps, It’s just a feeling I get. That… perhaps you feel a little bit trapped by fate.”

Morrígan fixes the good doctor with a stare. “No one… I am in control of my own destiny.”

“If you say so, ma chérie, if you say so.”

Morrigan frowns, doesn’t like how she says that.

Instead of pushing the issue, she taps her shoulder and gesture. “That way.” Almost home. Almost safe. Then it’ll be time to collect her other half. Oh. Oh she doesn’t like how she just phrased that to herself. Gross. 

She shakes her head. Stop it. “Look, just– you can drop me off anywhere you can find a parking spot.”

“No car? How do you survive in this city?”

“I am a… very resourceful girl, my good doctor.” She can’t help the smile slipping across her face as Mortum pulls the car into an open spot along the street. Who would Morrígan even trust to teach her how to drive? In Los Diablos traffic no less.

“I can imagine.” The locks on the doors click up as Dr. Mortum puts the car into park. “Well, we’re here. Go, get some rest ma chérie. You look like you need it.”

“I will.”  Morrígan’s throat is tight, painful. “Look… are you sure you don’t want to come up for some… uh, coffee?” It’s been a long night. Surely some caffeine is the least she can do for the doctor. For… For everything.

Dr. Mortum glances at you, then smiles. “I would not say no to that offer.”

“G-good!” Morrígan covers her mouth as she tries not to giggle again. “My, uh, my legs are still wobbly from that blast. And… there are a lot of stairs.”

“Are you sure that’s the only reason they are wobbly?”

Oh. You bite your lip. “I walked right into that one, hey?”

“You sure did. But I will give you your hand up as a peace offering.” She gets out of the car, moving to your side of the car to offer you a hand as you step out. Her movement is a little stiff. Unsure? But she always seems so sure of herself, even when you knock her off balance.

You don’t let go over her hand, pull her along with you. “Right, follow me.” The stairs aren’t far. Just a single round. You… may have exaggerated the number. 

The doctor follows behind you, the stairs too narrow to let you climb side-by-side. “I can’t say i expected to be allowed to see where you live just yet.”

You glance back at her as you stop before your door. “What? You haven’t had me under surveillance?”

“Maybe… If I had considered you a threat.” She leans against the railing as you search through your bag for your keys.

“Well, did you?” You shoot her a smile as you unlock the door.

“You can not truly expect me to answer that.”

“Well, not honestly.” You push the door open, invite her in with a swing of your arms.

Mortum winks at you. “And how would you ever know?”

You follow her inside, and shut the door. Kicking off your flats into a pile beside the door, you watch her as she looks around your apartment. Nerves running through your stomach. “Good talk.”

“Paranoia can be a helpful trait.” Dr. Mortum smiles at you.

“Can be your downfall as well,” You meet her gaze. “People need allies.” You wish that wasn’t true. Your life could be a lot simpler otherwise.

“Do you trust me then, ma chérie?”

“M-maybe. I’m taking a risk here. I just–”

“We both are… But some risks are worth taking.”

That gets a laugh. “I’ll drink to that.”

You walk to the kitchen, and Dr. Mortum follows behind you. Eyeing things but not touching, prying. “This looks like a nice place to live.” She says. Diplomatic.

“It’s small. But it gets the job done, hey?” You gesture a hand towards the kitchen table. Small, unused. You don’t have a lot of time to actually cook. “Go, go have a seat, don’t mind things gettin’ dirty. S’what they’re for.” You brush some of the remaining cement dust off your dress to underline your point.

“Thank you.” She takes a seat, still taking in the room, the space. You feel exposed. You’ve never put your hollow little life through a stress test quite like this before. “I wouldn’t have pictured you living like this.” 

“Why?” Focus on making coffee. The thrum of water filling the pitcher.

“It’s too ordinary. You are anything but.”

You crack up. “Being that smooth can be dangerous, sweetheart.” You flip a button and turn back to see the sly grin on her face.

“Maybe I am dangerous.”

You watch her. No one else has sat where she’s sat. In any life of yours. Nothing about Morrígan’s life is real. Or Crow’s for that matter. Hollow artifice to fool the neighbors. This is… why did you…?

“Are you alright, ma chérie?”

“I’m– I’m fine.” Morrígan pinches the bridge of her nose. Rubs her face. “A little overwhelmed actually. A lot’s happened tonight.”

“If you’re too tired, just let me know. I’ll leave you alone for the night.”

Morrígan looks at her. She can feel the void stretching out between the two of them. That impossible chasm. “I… I really don’t want to be alone right now.” She flinches, that sounds pathetic. “I– I mean… I invited you here. For a reason. I want you here.” She pulls at the skin of her face. How bad is her make-up at this point? A wreck probably. Well, that’s fitting.

“I will trust you to tell me otherwise then.” Dr. Mortum visibly relaxes in her chair. You relax against the counter top. You didn’t– you didn’t fuck up then, saying that. “I do confess,” the doctor adds getting your attention again. “I sometimes have a hard time reading people’s intentions. Yours especially ma chérie.”

You smile politely. “I can’t believe that.”

“My secret is out.” She laughs. “i try to stick to business dealings. A… personal life is not something I have bothered with for a long while.”

There’s a tired weight to those words. Too familiar. “I feel that.” How long has it been since you even tried? Since you thought you could fake your way into humanity? There’s always been something wrong with you, with Crow. Even before Heartbreak ruined his life, ruined yours, you mean. A circuit not quite closed. Something defective in the core your being.

You’re making the same mistake Crow did over half a decade ago. Reaching out. Getting attached. You know how this bet will play out for Morrígan. It’s the height of foolishness to think that somehow, this time, it’ll be worth it.

“Luckily we…” Her words die in her throat as you kiss her, hands on her head to tilt her upwards. It’s quick, barely a more than a brushing of lips. Mortum stares up at you, her previous train of thought gone as she tries to collect herself “Well. Well!” She swallows. “And here I thought we were having coffee.”

“It’s brewing.” You smile back at her, take a step back. Heart pounding. What were you thinking? “So impatient. I should have made instant.”

“Heresy, ma chérie.” She covers her mouth in a mock gasp. It’s cute. “Don’t tell me your hiding decaf up there.”

“Look,” You raise your eyebrows at her, teasing. “Gotta keep those skeletons somewhere, hey?”

“And I thought I knew you.”

“Oh did you now?”

“Well. I would like to.” She stands up to her feet. It’s weird. Crow would almost certainly be taller than her, you think, and yet she has what must be a good half foot on you. “You are a fascinating woman.”

She reaches for you and you let her. Her hands on your shoulders. Not your first time like this, but Morrígan’s certainly. The thrum in your gut feels familiar but different. You feel different. But in a pleasant way. In how your body reacts, pulses? In how you want her to touch you – press against her. More holistic, an aperture brought into wider focus rather than zeroed down.

You keep expecting the brush of her hands, the press of her lips, to turn sour – alienating. That’s how it always works. The spines come out and you disengage and the other party spends weeks stressing over what they did wrong until the pain fades and you collide together again. Over and over in ablative, willful, stupidity. Trapped in swiftly decaying orbits.

Maybe it will be different this time.

So much else is.

Dr. Mortum isn’t… well…

And… You aren’t Crow, after all.

[kinaminff]

Chapter 1.

Golden Cage

"Yoongi, come over here and meet, Y/N" a beautiful lady said. She was standing behind a little girl that was wearing an old dress, clutching a ripped teddy bear tightly against her chest.

A boy not much older than her walked up to her. He's well dressed, with dark hair and didn't show any expression. She tried to smile at him because she finally had a friend. His dark black eyes stared deep into hers.

"Yoongi, she will stay with us from now on, treat her like your little sister" The little girl looked up to the beautiful lady and to her she's an angel.

His dad knelt down to his level, patted his hair softly "She doesn't have anyone else, you have to protect her"

"Yes, I will be her protector" He said and smiled at the little girl. He held out his hand and she took his. They ran outside to play.

"Hey, why haven't you talk to me" He asked, letting go of her hand.

She shook her head, trying to tell him that she can't talk.

"How are we going to play when you can't talk?" He asked her. She looked down at her feet.

"Are you going to cry now?" He grabbed her chubby cheek and lifted up her face. The teary eyed little girl stared back at him.

"I like this expression" He smiled and patted her head softly.

The little girl was shocked that he switched from being nice to being her bully.

"Since you can't talk, you will be my pet from today on" he looked at her old teddy bear, snatched it from her, she cried but there was no sound.

"Disgusting" he said as he tossed it to the ground. She tried to grab it, he snatched her arm "Dont let me see you holding something like this again."

He pulled her along with him.

15 years later.

Min yoongi, the name sent a shiver down everyone's spine. He became one of the most successful persons in the world.

His parents passed away from a tragic accident, leaving him the entire business empire to handle at young age. Some people thought he was associated with underground world, some people admired him for having such power and influence at such a young age. 

"Where is she?" he walked into the house, tossed the dark peak coat to his butler.

"She's in the kitchen, taking care of Master's dinner" The old butler's voice was shaken. He bent his head preparing for the unleashing anger from his master. Instead he stood there in silence. He looked up and saw his master, relaxing on the leather couch, his eyes closed, seeming like he didn't want to be bothered. The old butler steppes back to leave the room.

"I want her" the demanding voice made the old butler stop in track.

"Yes , sir" He said and left the room.

~~~~

"Make some sound when you come in next time" he still didn't open his eyes to look at me.

I went to the coffee table and tapped it softly three times. He still haven't moved, so I stood there waiting for his order.

"Sit next to me" he said softly. I sat down close to him, but not too close, because master didn't like it when I was too close.

I could feel he was looking at me, I didn't dare to turn around and look at him.

"I'm tired today" He laid his head on my lap. His soft black hair falling across his forehead, the line of his lip was harsh, and the dark eyelashes made him look innocent and beautiful. Unconsciously I brushed his bangs away from his forehead. I realized it too late and he grabbed my hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" His eyes narrowed in anger. He let go of my hand and grabbed my chin, the tight grip around my jaw was really painful. A tear slipped down from my eyes.

"I didn't mean it" I did the sign language.

"I never said you could touch me" He said calmly. "Remember you're just a lowlife servant, don't disobey my orders."

He got up and left the room.

"Miss are you alright?" the elderly maid rushed in and soothed me. I hugged her and cried in her arms.

"It's ok, he is just in a bad mood" she said softly "Tomorrow everything will return back to normal"

Since his parents passed away, his mood became worse everyday. Sometimes he was dark sometimes he was light. Yoongi was unpredictable when it comes to me. There were times he seemed like he needed me and there were times he looked at me like I was trash. We both grew up together, got homeschooled together, I got nice clothes and a good education. However I was also a bird in a cage. He never let me go anywhere without anyone following me. What am I to Yoongi? His pet? His slave? His friend? His caretaker? I have no real title because in Yoongi's world I was all of them. Taking many roles based on his mood.

One day, I would be free. I looked around the castle that I once thought was paradise, but it was just an illusion. This was my cage, a golden cage.

~~~~

Y/N POV

The rain and thunderstorm outside became louder. I could feel another body's heat against my back. /He was here again/

I turned around, Yoongi's back to me. He curled himself up again. I put his head on my arm, just like that he turned to me, seeking for comfort in my arms. This was not the first time since the night his parents were gone and never returned to him. During his parents funeral he never shed any tear. Walking in the hall full of adults, he remained unfazed, the follower of his parents became admirers of how strong he was.

That night he sneaked into my room and laid on my bed. I got scared but I saw his face, the tears fell uncontrollably from his eyes. Crying in his sleep, all I could do was comfort him.

"You cannot leave me" he said. All I could do was nodding my head. My younger self was happy of being able to help him. I could offer him comfort and happiness.

"If you tell anyone, I will kill you" he said softly. I smiled in the dark, /a mute girl like me, he knows really well I can never tell anyone. Is this why he wouldn't let me go because I know too much? No worries, Yoongi, I will keep everything inside of me until the day I die./ 

His body shivered, I covered the blanket on him, patted his shoulder until his breathing was stable. I looked at him in the dark, nothing had changed.

~~~

"I wanted you to set up a party, organize, and make it perfect" he set his coffee cup down.

"That type of event, who is going to be there?" I said using my hands.

"Business men, and other high class investors"

"Ok I understand" I returned my focus to my breakfast. The two of us as usual had breakfast together. In front of us there was a large portion of foods that could feast ten people. This was lonely.

"Remember don't show your face, after everything is set, just stay in your room and let Mrs. Kim handle it" he ordered.

I nodded my head. I knew the rule, no one knew about me. If they saw me I'd just be a lowly maid. I made a mistake once and I would never do it again.

~~~~

The guests were talking, laughing and the music could be heard through my room. I closed my novel, got off my bed, and sneaked a peek out of my balcony window.

Everyone seemed to have a great time. I felt envious, I saw a girl my age dressed nicely and flirt with handsome males. One girl was very beautiful. I wished I was her. I saw Yoongi walking up to her. My heart felt uneasy, he leans close to her, he laughed and smiled at what she said. Then he lifted his head and looked at my direction, I stepped back and hid in the shadow of my dark curtains. I felt like I got caught, my heart beat really fast, I took a deep breath and calmed myself. /no way he noticed I was watching/

A knock at the door made me jump. I walked to the door and Mrs Kim looked like she was in trouble.

"Miss, I just got a phone call from home, my husband is really sick, I need to go back home" she said.

"Have you let Yoongi know?" I asked her. She understood sign language since Yoongi only hired people that could understand sign language.

"I already told our butler, he said he already informed young master"

"Ok, I will go down there, you can leave, I hope everything is ok with Mr. Kim"

"Thank you Miss" she gave me a hug before she walked out.

Dressed in one of the maid outfits, I walked into the kitchen, checked and made sure everything was in order. Coordinating and making sure the food and drinks in the party were all in order. I served the champagne to the guests.

"Eh, you kinda pretty" one of the drunk guests said. He reached over and touched me, I stepped back causing the champagne glass that I carried to shatter.  I reached down and picked up the glass.

"Don't pick it up" the sweet voice right next to me said. I looked up and saw the golden haired man come next to me.

"I will help you, be careful" he said as he picked up the glass. I was being careless and cut myself.

"Aish, are you alright?" He looked at the cut.

I nodded my head. I was amazed how nice he was. The pain was nothing. Suddenly I was being pull away, the hand that grabbed my arm tightly belonged to him. Yoongi. I couldn't see his face, but I could feel his anger. Was it because I ruined the party?

I could see all eyes following us.

"Yoongi where are you taking her?" the young man that helped me came after us. Yoongi walked faster, half dragging me upstairs.

"Yoongi! Stop! You're hurting her!"

Yoongi stopped and turned around to face the young man. If looks could kill that young man would already be dead.

"This is my house, what I do with my people is my business." he said angrily. I could feel the chills running down my spine. I swallowed nervously looking between Yoongi and the young man. The guests stared at us silently. No one dared to say a word. I tried to reassure the young man but once again I almost tripped up the stairs as I was being dragged by Yoongi.

He pushed me into my room. Closed the door behind him.

"Careless as always, do you want to leave that badly?" he tried to control his temper. I shook my head. /No, I was just working/

"Stop lying to me, I know you, you want to leave me! Everyone wants to leave me!" he yelled at me. Grabbed the vase and threw it across the room. The red rose scattered across the room, and the floor filled with the shattered glass.

"No! I'm not leaving!" I cried out but no word was coming out, and my hand tried to deliver the message. The tears wouldn't stop falling from my eyes. He grabbed my shoulder, his grip was painful. His dark expression full of anger and hatred. I feel the pain as he slammed my back against the wall.

"You like him, don't you?" he laughed bitterly "I could see the way you look at him."

I kept shaking my head, /No! You're wrong!/

He saw my bleeding finger. The blood dripped on the carpet.  He reached out to touch the wound and I flinched in pain.

"Remember every time you hurt me, I will hurt you twice as much" He leaned down and brushed his lip against mine. He grabbed my hair tightly, I let out a painful yelp as his tongue invaded my lips. This was not a sweet kiss, this was rough and a punishment. He nibbled my lip, bit down to the point I could taste the blood. His lips caressed my jaw and my neck, the small kiss left me breathless as his fingers caressed my bruised lip. His hand traveled from my lip to my throat, caressing my slender neck.

"Y/N, don't ever disobey my order" he whispered into my ear. I opened my eyes, he was standing before me with an indescribable expression, his hand reached out to me again and this caused me to flinch away. Instead he looked at my bleeding finger, his blazing eyes stare deep into mine as he take my finger tip into his mouth, the hot, wet tongue caress the wounded finger. Such a sensual expression leave me breathless.

"Fuck," he said softly. Close his eyes and laugh bitterly. I stood there stun by his action. he took out his white handkerchief. He carefully cleaned it and wrapped it around my wound. He raised my wounded finger to his lip as if a kiss would make the pain go away.

Hot and cold. Love and hate. Why are you doing this to me?

One moment you were attacking me, the next you're taking care of me as if you would treasure me. My tears were falling. Happiness and sadness, I can't differentiate. He pulled me into his arms, hugged me tightly.

"Stay in your room...don't leave this room" and just like that he left me alone as if nothing happened. This time his madness had gone to far.

~~~

To be continued ❤️