#I don't think I've ever managed to properly go through this arc again after the first time

[franeridan]

I love sabaody.... but I also hate sabaody...... you know what I mean...........

[unma]

hello im here to learn about the gideon naming reason

also yeah, machines are the coolest and I love them dearly 🤝

Okay so this is a rather simple one but one that gets a little laugh outta me when I think about it. Alright. Remember this guy?

Him. Yeah. Gilbert. The absolute monster that he is. We all hate him. Some of us hate hate him. I hate hate hate him, especially because Pholia and Echidna did not deserve the shit he put them through.

yeah.

I've mentioned it occasionally, but I am absolutely awful at remembering faces and names. I remember people more often by what they wear, their hair color and how they act and so on, and the same applies to characters. But this means that I will go "Oh, them," give an entire rant about why I want a character dead, and then proceed to not remember their name properly.

And because of that, I once called him Gideon. Specifically when @ashmonarch and I were discussing his Proud quest.

Ever since I made this mistake I have swapped between Gideon and Gilbert for him in my head, entirely by accident and also because I can't be bothered to actually remember his name properly. My hatred for him means I will never actually remember his name proper, and even if I do, I will swap out of spite just cause.

Anyway, my current laptop has been a pain in the ass ever since I got it (like, I literally spent an hour troubleshooting its audio the moment I got it) and is just... worse than my previous one in every way. No touch gestures, two charging ports and both are acting up, it also came with Win 11 which I despise (I never updated my older laptop) and seemingly runs worse than my previous laptop that had half the RAM. No, seriously. 16 gigs of RAM and I can't even play HI3 at a manageable framerate (and I played terraria for years at, like, 10fps, so I have low standards for that) if it even runs at all. Did I mention this thing has no touch gestures? That's so dumb. How am I supposed to use a laptop like that. Also, the function and control keys are swapped. Also, some of the keys have stopped working for no discernible reason, and I might have considered taking this thing to a repair shop or something, if I didn't just want it replaced in general. Oh yeah, no touch gestures. Did I mention that? Not only does that mean I can't use the touchpad as well as I did on my old laptop, the fucking right click button came off at some point and now I have to deal with awkwardly pressing the little circle button inside i. Which, again, wouldn't be a problem with the right click. Also the case is screwed in weirdly for some reason so I couldn't take off the back without fear of damaging it for a good while. Also this thing has bricked on me twice in the last couple of months. For literally no reason. Like it bricked a couple days ago because I tried to restart it. Literally fine 5 minutes ago and then that happens. Okay. Also the function keys are weird (I don't care about this one, it's fine actually, and useful in some places).

I think that large block of text of complaints says enough. I've been procrastinating getting it replaced, but only because I'm a tad busy atm. But in the meantime, having to deal with this hunk of junk means I've grown quite a dislike for it, especially because being a computer science major means I need a reliable computer. Also having it brick on me randomly when I want to write is not ideal.

I hadn't named laptops before, but then I saw someone I follow do the same and thought, huh, that's neat. So I bestowed upon this laptop the name that comes up when I think of things I hate. Gideon. I mean Gilbert. Well, maybe if Gilbert wasn't such an asshole he'd get his name actually properly used, but I hate him so it's Gideon.

And that's the story behind how I named this laptop Gideon.

Extra Gideon hate from when I was liveposting to discord about that arc (and a bit more from after) under the cut:

In general, my opinion on Gilbert comes down to this:

[forfinity3]

From the person who's been making those 'comics'.

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TooLong;Didn'tRead

This marks the end of the X Arc series... and pretty much everything else. I don't really have any plans to continue with it any further too. I'm pretty much done with the over a decade long series and have no plans to continue with it. I can't keep at it for long anymore. I'm putting everything down, packing it all up, and will be focusing on my own well being from this point on. Don't wait for me since I am not certain if I'll be back in a few months or even throughout the entirety of 2023... And Thank You for reading.

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Long Version. Explanations, Thoughts, and Situations.

It's been such a long time since I've ever chatted about anything in regards of this mess of a hobby project of mine... I have much in thought to say but so little words to explain it all... So I guess the best place to start is how much of an affect this hobby of mine was consuming my own psyche and how much it was taking over my own life. While it was fun and pretty exciting to get to draw a story that was unfolding with each passing week, there were times when I was actually regretting it because how overwhelming it was becoming and how much into the future I was looking through it. How much time and work that was needed to be done in order to draw it out. As a one man army with a mountain of ideas, I was overburdening myself without even realizing it until it was too late. Setting myself onto a road of many struggles and obstacles, thinking it will all be okay and easily manageable with just 1 person manning it all. To others, to the people who are just here to view the journey, it looks like an easy feat and fun thing to observe. But behind the curtain lies the ugly foundation of a clockwork that was constantly breaking down but managing to keep on turning. While many would believe it looked like an easy thing to do, but for my situation, with what my life-style is, it was a very challenging task.

Factors I would like to add in that made it difficult for me- Is having a life outside of my hobby project. By life I mean keeping up a Full-Time job and maintaining a status with family members/friends. For about a decade I've been working the typical 40 hours a week- 8 hours a day, 5 days straight job. Since my hobby project was just that. A hobby. No net-worth or any kind of financial income. Purely just for the sport. I needed money in order to keep a roof over my head and to keep on living. Because of this, this was heavily weighing me down already. Dragging my feet and slowing me down in keeping up with any of my hobby plans. The other is keeping a status with family members/friends. Family and friends comes first when it comes to hobby things. Unable to ignore what matters the most in life than just, again, a hobby. Which adds more stalls and needing to skip on more with the selfish hobby project. So when I wanted to work on my project, it meant I had to neglect my life-style. And it actually DID eat away at my life-style a couple of times during the times I had the urge to continue on with the series... So I can't be doing that anymore.

Another factor to add in is the creation and idea building part of the series. It's not easy putting everything together, getting it to work properly, and trying keep the flow going. Almost every idea happens when away from the computer because the mind works better when on the move instead of sitting at a desk. It's until AFTER getting home is when a draft can be made. And that is just the easy part. The most difficult part- is the sketching. Imagined it and now getting it on paper. Even with the amount that I have drawn already, its still rather difficult for me to draw it down. It all seemed so easy in my head than actually executing it on paper. The rough sketch is what demotivated me the most when drawing a comic. How much of a struggle it is to make it just means more stalls on the project... Which is why all of my sketches look very mediocre and childish. I had to ignore quality in order to get the story made. If I had to focused on quality too to make it look more eye appealing, I would have quit drawing all together a very long time ago... But I didn't want to give up. So quality had to be dropped in favor of getting stuff quick and out...

The last factor is a big personal one... Where the thought processes of it all is coming from. The ideas. The roots of it all. All coming from my own personal struggles, psyche, and trauma from what I learned and experienced throughout my own lifetime. Any of the bad events that happened throughout the whole series- which was a lot of it... was pulled from the depths of my own messed up mind and incorporated it into the series. A lot of it had to be reached out, pulled in, and put together as best as I could in order to make the story more "interesting". Lots of bad thoughts here and there... and because of it, it put me in in many ill thought states where even I questioned myself and my own thought process as to why I even thought it up in the first place... There were times I had to tone/dumb it down because I felt like it was a bit much to do for the story and also not to overburden myself any further since it was too much to do already as is. Noticeable events were the InkTober takeovers. A miniseries that was just a fun side project that overran its course and then overtook the entire series with each passing year. The amount of effort going into that mini project doubled my hobby project workflow which meant even more work was putting into something that was suppose to be a fun little project ... And it was becoming all too much for me to handle...

And so that's it... While there is a lot more that can be said, I'm too tired of it all to explain it any further. It's all too tiresome at this point... I had thoughts of canning it and burning it all together, forgetting about it as I go on with my somewhat comfortable daily lifestyle.... But I was told not to do that and instead to give myself a VERY long break from it all. On the count that I MAY come back to it again when I'm caught up with my life and responsibilities. A big MAYBE that I would return to this and think of something else for this big mess of mine of a series that I created...

So that's the end of that... Stopping it on a bitter/sour sad note that is left unfinished because I made it too big and too much of a task to handle...

To the viewers who have been watching- old or new- ... Thank You. Thank you for seeing my weird story unfold and my progress as time went by. Watching me struggle to keep a series going but enjoying the progression of the story all together. Makes me happy knowing that I wasn't the only one who was interested in this very strange series that made little sense of anything from a non-reader perspective. Viewership was all that I asked for. That alone was a big accomplishment for me and I'm happy I was able to maintain it for as long as I could.

Thank You.

[sukirichi]

chapter 5 really left me numb and speechless. nothing prepared me for that, you woke up and decided you'd ruin us all today. but okay hear me out, THE BEAUTY OF RECKLESS. (this is me simping for your cute ass and your god-tier writing skills so i'm sorry if the long message bothers you)

but reckless is so heartwrengchingly beautiful. five chapters in and we already have such strong settings and a stable background of all the characters, minus the mysteries of gojo's past we've yet to discover. if i remember correctly, gojo can't go against his mother because he did something wrong in the past and she's using it against him? the manipulation of the characters to tie people up to what they want struck me so much. usually i only read fanfiction for the smut (which you're also an absolute goddess at writing btw) so reckless wasn't really my cup of tea. but after chapter one, i kept moving to the next, and the next, and now i'm left heartbroken after chapter five. i don't think i've ever read something as painful as this before which says a lot because i'm a SUCKER for angst. suki, the way you write, you never fail to blow me away...

i thought reckless was going to be a happy story and i still hope it is, but after chapter five, i'm super excited to see where you'll take us with this. y/n herself is such a complex, human character that is conflicted by her own feelings and goals. honestly, i thought she was pretty annoying that she doesn't give gojo a chance and locks up immediately like gurl...just let him speak ffs, but i'm not actually mad at her because you made us understand her perspective. y/n came from a family background in which love wasn't really what she felt, rather a sense of obligation to provide so she would find a spot. again, this could just be my analysis and i could be wrong, but the way you wrote and pieced them all together as if they were actual human beings going through every day conflicts made me root for the characters more. i still want them to make more babies and fall in love, but now you've given us so much more to look forward to. this is my first time wishing that y/n gets more than love. i wouldn't say she was abused like gojo was (FUCK MAMA GOJO, FUCK PAPA GOJO, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE) but she has her own internal struggles that as someone who preferred to do things my own way because i'm "independently strong" i could see myself in her. the struggles are the same and i was crying a waterfall before i knew it. OVER A FANFIC! ONLY YOU, SUKI, ONLY YOU.

i don't know how you manage to tug at our emotions so effortlessly as if writing the story is an instant way for our hearts to be swayed and pulled side to side, but you are so good at this. i swear. i've been following you for a while now, watched you grow and i'm really proud of you. i hope you know that. i also wish people would stop being so rude to you, you're like the sweetest person here with how you're so patient and welcoming to everyone :(

okay i'm steering off path, forgive me its like 4am right now and i'm still not over reckless ch5. speaking of, who's gonna clean my pillows stained with tears or tell my cat who saw me crying that it's just a fanfic and i shouldn't be this heartbroken as if i lost a loved one?

and suki, gojo...your portrayal of him is CHEF'S KISS, never seen before, really fucked with my mind type of portrayal. he's so well-written and feels so real. i love how he's a kind hearted person but can't care for y/n the way he wants to because his bitch ass mom is getting in his way. the scene over him going against his mother shaped his personality and my respect for him deepened, though i still wish he didn't have to say all those. i know his intentions were good and its his way of "keeping us and the baby safe" but he made me cry so bad i actually felt chest pains. he knew where to hurt us and the way he lied by saying we seduced him and he'll turn the whole world against us when what he wanted to say is the exact opposite really broke me. i'm starting to think that there's more to everyone now than what you've originally shown which makes everything sm better, can't wait for the next update. 

gojo saying "he can't defeat his mother, but he knows you can. you will."

the trust he has for her and the way he believes in her capabilities, i want me a baby daddy gojo 😩 now after seeing the teaser for chapter 6, my theory is that y/n and gojo are going to be the most powerful, baddest couple. king and queens. i don't think y/n will forgive him that easily so i'm hoping gojo explains his side and she listens (y/n please for the love of god hear the poor man out, he's a victim in all this) so they can communicate better. but honestly? you'll do great. i know whatever you post will be so amazing that we will be, once again, left speechless. reckless is so beautiful and painful yet it makes me root for them more. i can't wait for y/n's revenge arc and to see how she and gojo will take over the world someday.

✨ absolute icon couple ✨

sorry this was too long! i hope you're proud and giving yourself some credit and rewards because ch5 was truly amazing. hope you get some rest, don't forget to drink water and eat three meals a day. i love you

oh my gosh i’m so sorry i took long to respond to this i was just...i teared up at this! i’m feeling extra emotional today idk its probably bcos the weather is gloomy and i am too but like anon omg i am...i’m really really humbled and so happy rn, i don’t think i can properly express how thankful i am for a message like this. you have graced my inbox and there’s sm i want to thank you for - for the support from me as a writer here, for the kindness of your words, for the feedback on reckless and how much you related to it - just... thank you so much, for everything, this message really means a lot to me and i hope you know that 😭 i’m still sorry you cried over it but omg anon i’m just downright speechless rn thank you so much 🥺 please take care of yourself too and know i love you more and i’m forever grateful for this, thanks so much 😭💕