#I guess it's time to replay it all again...

[jaysguitarstring]

WRITTEN IN INK — park jay.

SYNOPSIS — in which after losing you in a storm full with insults and screams, jay blames himself for your death and isolates himself. a few months later, he decides to write a letter with nowhere to send it to, finally putting into words everything you meant to him, and everything he should have said before it was too late.

series m.list

PAIRING — fiancé jay x fem reader

GENRE — angst

WARNINGS — character death, mentions of car crash and arguments

WORD COUNT — 0.5k

☆ DEMI'S NOTES — my fav so far. jay's personality might be a bit out of character but it's for the sake of the plot!

TAGLIST — reply to this post or send an ask to be added to the taglist. here's a form to fill out instead if you're shy :)

he never visited the crash site again. hardly even talked to anyone at your funeral. his friends said he shut down — locked himself in his apartment and vanished. but a few months later, buried beneath a stack of unopened bills and empty takeout boxes, there's a letter. no envelope. no plan to send it. just messy handwriting on a wrinkled page, like he needed to get it out before it drowned him.

to the love of my life.

i don’t know why i’m writing this.

it’s not like you’re ever going to read it. it’s not like this’ll bring you back.

but i guess... i just need to say some things before they eat me alive.

i keep thinking about that night. the headlights. the rain. the way we were screaming at each other in the car like everything was falling apart. and maybe it was. maybe we were both so tired of pretending things were fine — that we were fine.

but none of it matters now, does it?

i was angry. and you were crying. and i should’ve just shut up and pulled over and held your hand like i always did instead of gripping the wheel like it was your fault.

it wasn’t.

none of it was.

i keep replaying the last thing i said to you. over and over again.

it wasn’t "i love you."

it wasn’t even kind.

and that’s what kills me the most.

we were supposed to get married, y/n.

i was supposed to spend the rest of my life figuring you out, fighting with you, making up, learning how to be better. i wanted the whole messy, beautiful, real thing with you.

we were supposed to live in a big house, happily married, with little copies of us running around.

and now all i’ve got left is this ring you hardly even got the chance to wear.

i see you everywhere. in the coffee shop we always went to. in the songs you made me listen to when i said i love your music taste. in the way my world keeps spinning like it can't register that you're no longer in it.

and god, i’m so mad at myself for still being here when you’re not.

they say guilt fades. that you learn to live with it.

but i haven’t. not even a little.

sometimes i wonder if you would’ve made it home if we hadn’t fought. if i had just shut my stupid mouth and said "i'm sorry. let's talk about this when we get home".

but i didn’t.

and now i talk to a ghost.

you always said i was bad with words — that i didn’t know how to show love unless it was making stupid jokes or cooking for you half-asleep at 2 am.

but i loved you. more than i ever said. more than i ever showed. more than i knew what to do with.

i should’ve said it more.

i should’ve held you longer.

i should’ve listened.

you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

and i ruined it.

not just us.

you.

i ruined you.

and now i don’t get to fix it.

i don’t expect forgiveness.

hell, i don’t even deserve peace.

but i needed you to know — somewhere, somehow — that i’m sorry.

i’m so, so sorry.

for every second wasted. every fight i started. every fight i continued. every moment i made you doubt if you were enough.

you were always enough.

you were everything.

i hope, wherever you are, it’s warm and cozy, just how you always liked it.

i hope you’re sitting somewhere looking over me, laughing at me and saying "took you long enough, idiot".

and i hope one day, in any way that is, i can find you again.

and this time, i won’t let go.

i'll always love you more than anything in this world.

your husband–in–another–life,

jay park.

taglist @ikeu05

@jaysguitarstring 2025. translations and reposts are prohibited.

[eligaxy]

Take me to church

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Saeyoung/Luciel Choi x Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : none besides mentions of religion, religious imagery and some praying

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : fluff

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : You were tired and had wanted to go to your place of rest for the night immediately, but when he drove past a small church on the way he has insisted he hadn't gone in too long and would be quick. With a long kiss on your temple offered as an apology on the altar of your exhaustion, he had left the car and quickly went inside. It had only been a few minutes, but you had grown so accustomed to his presence recently that it started feeling like an eternity. Your feelings for him were they always this strong ? (2k words).

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : Had this idea almost 6 years ago when i was 14 and first playing mystic messenger, got it now after replaying the game. This is set after his good ending and before the secret endings, and inspired by his prayer in his normal ending.

jfc, does anyone still care about this blog or this fandom ? if anyone does i'll be happy, if not i'm still glad i got my first ever fic idea out of my system, four years after writing my last piece. love you all

btw i also posted this on ao3, if that's more your thing

✧˖*°࿐

You were never much of a religious person.

What you’d come to learn of religion throughout your life came to you from either one of two sources : your own curiosity about the world surrounding you -which was simply too much at times as your parents liked to remind you- or family members who wished to share their faiths with you, maybe in hopes that you would find the path to heaven and not end up as the black sheep of the family. You knew of Islam and Buddhism from people around you and you did like listening to the colorful myths of reincarnation, of surhumaine bravery and of what God expected out of people. You had gone to church once or twice, trying not to doze off and patiently listen to the humbling stories of Jesus, his apostles and his mother.

But you never believed. As you grew older you thought less and less about what religion and faith meant and simply focused on your studies, content of believing that your life was meaningful simply because you decided it was, not because you were created by some mystical being. So, of course, you would’ve never guessed that one day, you would desperately want to spend the rest of your life with a fervent believer such as Saeyoung.

Your eyes fell on the cross hanging off of the rearview mirror in the middle of the yellow car, its roof retracted so you could fully see the starry sky. The rosary he had put there was swaying softly from left to right, and right to left again, as you moved your legs to try and find a better position in the brown leather seat you had been sitting in all day. The slow swaying was sort of enticing, as you were exhausted after a day of driving and chasing after someone who did not want to be found, and you started feeling like a patient at a hypnotist’s cabinet. When it stopped moving you looked at it in more details.

The cross itself was silver and Jesus was crucified on it. You felt the shadow of a chill going down your spine. The imagery was always crude and disturbing to you, so you diverted your attention to the red beads that created the necklace and formed a faint glow reflecting the night light, feeling a sudden urge to touch them. As you untangled the piece of jewelry and took it in your hands to rummage your fingers through the pearls, you silently wondered how many time he’d prayed with it. How many times did he ask god to keep his brother safe, to keep you safe, to hide himself from his father’s eye. Your heart stung as your thoughts wandered to the years of loneliness he'd endured, afraid for his life and putting on a mask to avoid confronting his own emotions. It was simply unfair for such a kind boy to have gone through so much.  

You turned your eyes to the church you were parked in front of and wondered what he was praying for right now.

You were tired and had wanted to go to your place of rest for the night immediately, but when he drove past a small church on the way he had insisted he hadn’t gone in too long and would be quick. With a long kiss on your temple offered as an apology on the altar of your exhaustion, he had left the car and quickly went inside. It had only been a few minutes, but you had grown so accustomed to his presence recently that it started feeling like an eternity.

Your feelings for him were they always this strong ?

You were mindlessly playing with the beads now as you stared at the dimly lit church, lost in thoughts. You recalled your meeting, and although it had barely been two weeks you felt like it was a lifetime ago.

Yes, you thought, your feelings for him were always this strong, ever since you first spoke to him. Before even hearing his voice, before seeing his face, you knew. Something inside of you had clicked, a switch so sudden it felt surreal, like you were in a dream and would wake up before you knew it. But the way he pulled you in grounded you to reality. No matter if he was joyful, desperately trying to push you away, loving, tired or agressive. You knew, ever since your first hello, that you could never be away from him ever again. 

And certainly not now. 

Your left hand closed around the rosary, your right one pulling on the car handle before your brain had even registered it, your feet already touching the ground and your hand already slamming the door behind you. Once the car locked, you made your way to the wooden church doors. 

It was very quiet inside, the only source of light came from candles lit everywhere around the place, which gave it a peaceful and intimate atmosphere. But you barely registered what you stepped into, your eyes immediately finding the red haired figure kneeling in front of the altar. 

"Dear Lord, please listen to my heart...My promise". His voice was barely above a whisper, and you struggled to make out what he was saying at first. Suddenly a sense of guilt made its way into your brain at barging in unannounced and listening in on him. Although... it wouldn't have been the first time you eavesdropped on his prayer. While he was staying with you in the small apartment that changed your life, you had found he had a habit of praying out loud when he thought he was alone, and you couldn't resist his sweet voice in the rare times when he showed his vulnerability. Even if you were prying. You made a mental note to confess your sinful curiosity later, thinking that maybe your parents were right after all. 

"I will live my life with truth and love. No matter what hardship faces me, I will solemnly speak the truth in front of my love and protect her". You took a step forward. He shifted the tiniest bit on his knees, looking over his shoulder to acknowledge your presence. He didn't seem the slightest bit surprised. Your heart suddenly felt swollen with pride and love when your eyes met his golden ones. Your mind went before you could control it, and maybe it was because you were standing in his house, surrounded by his presence, but you suddenly thought that maybe God did exist if he allowed you to be with such a man. Saeyoung smiled softly over his shoulder at your adoring expression, feeling this pull towards you he'd been experiencing since he met you, wanting you closer and closer every time it came back, like the waves of the ocean crashing onto the shore, again and again. He almost had grown used to it, since his crazed mind had this urge every time he simply thought of you.

He would've crawled under your skin if he could have. Instead, he settled on gesturing you to come closer by hooking his finger in the air towards himself.

Once again your body reacted before your brain could understand the situation, as if your mind didn't need to think when it came to him. Your footsteps echoed and bounced off the walls of the church as you walked towards him. As soon as you were close enough, he grabbed your hand with his own and gently pulled down on it. Your knees hit the floor next to his softly, already feeling uncomfortable because of the cramps you'd been having from staying in the car all day, but you didn't care. His body heat was radiation off of him through his white shirt, and his golden eyes starred at you through his stripped glasses as if you had been the salvation he'd been praying for all his life. He smiled as he felt the hard rosary inside of your hand. 

"Do you know how to pray?" He muttered softly, his hand not letting go of yours, forcing the beads to go deeper into both of your skins. 

"Vaguely... from memory. But you just have to talk to God, right ?" You smiled playfully but softly and interlaced your fingers with his, alleviating the pressure from the necklace that was now hanging off of your intertwined hands. He chuckled. 

"Haha... Yeah, I guess you just talk to God." His eyes fell back on the giant cross before you, and you followed his gaze. This time, you didn't feel the usual shiver when looking at the crucified man in front of you, feeling more brave with your love's hand in yours. The imagery seemed less cruel to you, and a sentiment of gratefulness filled your chest. He squeezed your hand and you turned your head to find him already staring at you. 

"I promise under God's eyes that I will protect and love you until the day I die". The slight smile that had been ghosting your lips fell as you looked into his eyes. Your eyebrows furrowed into a saddened expression and your mouth fell slightly open as you took in what he had just said to you. You still weren't completely used to him reciprocating your feelings considering how hardly he had pushed you away at first, but you could feel the sincerity dripping off of every word he had been saying to you ever since he started opening up. His hand that wasn't holding yours left his thigh to fall onto your cheek, his thumb slowly caressing the skin it found. You subconsciously pressed your face into his palm, craving more of his touch.

"Saeyoung..." God, he loved the way you said his name, it felt like salvation every single time it rolled off your tongue, like he was born again. Like it was never the name he jumped upon hearing. "I promise to be with you no matter what happens, from now on and forever". It felt so easy to say this to him, to open your bare soul to his holy eyes. "I promise to always love and support you, even if you push me away, even if you get sick, even if we lose everything we've ever known". You bought your face closer to his, your eyes almost closing as you whispered "I promise it in front of God's eyes". 

His heartbeat accelerated at the proximity. Ever since you had your first kiss with him he was mentally struggling to stop himself from keeping his mouth on yours all day, and to have you in closing distance while you muttered your commitment to him in god's house made him forget about everything outside of the church you both kneeled at. His head slowly started spinning. 

"You know... You made your prayer sound awfully like wedding vows" His eyes fell to your lips, which had regained a shadow of a smile. 

"Would that be so bad?" You asked as you pulled back just enough to look into his eyes again, his hand fell from your cheek.

"No, of course not." He had already thought about proposing to you as soon as everything was resolved, of marrying you as quickly as possible because he was anxious you would leave if he didn't hurry. His jokes about taking you into space were, well yes jokes, but not the part where he said he wanted to marry you, just maybe not at the ISS. He had thought of you in your white gown, of how beautiful you would look. Of your life together, of finally having his family again, as you and his brother and him all lived happily together. Of making breakfast together in the morning, of arguing over small things and laughing about it in the next second. Of adding to your family, eventually. 

"Saeyoung ?" Your soft voice slowly bought him back to reality, and then, when he looked at you he looked at a future he would have never allowed himself to imagine a few weeks ago. He smiled. 

"Do you know how to end a prayer?" His head turned back to the altar, and he put his free hand over your joined ones holding the rosary together. You imitated him. 

"Amen" you both said in unison.

✧˖*°࿐

if you read this, please leave a comment <3 love you

[apllecrash]

well, that happened

[clumsypuppy]

oooh wait so the plot hole of “why doesnt a spirit medium just channel the victims spirit” is literally bc the DL-6 spirit channeling cant be repeated huh

[jugsjules]

Man, I wonder why I’m suddenly feeling the deep clawing emotional yearning about Tales of Berseria, a game where a bunch of gay criminals lean all the way into Being Gay Doing Crime and do a murder to the world’s beloved authoritarian savior? Where the cannibalistic rage-filled Lord of Calamity protag claws her way out of prison because she refuses to lay down and be scapegoated for the world’s comfort and peace? Where all the main characters, the true heroes of the story are the people too poor and rebellious and outside the norm, the type of people the powerful feel just fine cutting off to save themselves?

Probably just a coincidence.

[lorillee]

genuinely it makes me want to scream and throw up everywhere how like. freely saejima expresses his emotions. like theres a much longer post to be made here and one id need to like sit and actually think about for a while but it seriously makes me crazy with how much he contrasts with the other characters in the series and especially with majima who has like carefully constructed a persona that allows him to mask anything hes ever genuinely felt in his life. but also just in general this combined with the fact that hes a protagonist in a series about. well The Yakuza. like it makes me crazy

[skitskatdacat63]

Idk why but I was kinda unsure if I'd actually end up playing Death Stranding 2(especially bcs its on ps5, which I dont possess </3), and I avoided most things about it(I'm realizing now it was to not feel fomo), but god, now the closer it gets to releasing, the more I'm feeling OKAY FINE ILL SPEND MONEY. I NEED TO ACTUALLY. I NEED TO PLAY IT.

[the-acid-pear]

Dave and Steven's relationship is so fucking mental literally THE toxicest of yaois 💥

[casually-salad]

Just beat mother one, I immediately have like five drawings I want to make now.....

[bugsmoverocks]

There's so many games that are either releasing soon or have already released that I hypothetically would want to play very much but since my brain can only like one thing at a time I am not buying any of them for the foreseeable future. Which this does not bother me. But sometimes I do feel like I'm at a party and instead of actually partying I'm just in the corner petting the dog or something. The dog is wandersong. And the party is great god grove. And isat. And OFF. And m&l brothership. And everhood 2.

[ranger-danger]

Thinking about her again…

[scionshtola]

i think i can maybe finish this fic tonight. if everything goes well

[welcometoteyvat]

this chain of literal translations of quest names in different languages feels like your average game of telephone LOL

the "form a good strategy" part -> deciding on a plan -> can win every battle in cn/jp/kr are all mostly similar

then most of the other ones including english drop the "form a strategy" part so that it's just "know yourself, know your enemies"

then a couple of them straight up don't include "know yourself" too and it becomes only "know your enemy". this is funny to me because like, translators, you literally forgot 2/3 of the original sentence

[sysig]

For some reason I feel a lot calmer all of a sudden

[camgoloud]

who else up feeling the soul-numbing empty hopelessness for absolutely no reason this friday night

[dravidious]

You're completely awesome and stuff

You're more amazing than racing the annoying dog