#I keep adding onto this because I keep forgetting to put down stuff oml

[classyruinsbarbarian]

warning for animal death (cats, old age) and mentioned bullying.

this thing is really disorganized

I do not remember much

I am not sure if I was always like that or if an event that happened when I was 5 caused it

I had a cat, Clyde he was with me when i was little, he was Maine coon and had a dark brown tabby coat

my ma showed me a photo where he laid down chair that had that table with it right on that table while I was in it, my ma had to get him off just so I would eat

Unfortunately I do not remember a lot of things about him, but he was an important part of life

one day he disappeared for three days and while my fam wasn't at home the neighbor found him, he had died of what seems to be old age since she had him at the vet a week prior

I was there in the house when she found him

Despite how important he was I got over him in like a dayI then found out a year or two since his death that most would miss their childhood pets but I didn't for some reason may happen it was because I was afamilial?

Not sure I just know that I forgot about him

It was only when I started posting on tumblr that I realized just how incoherent my thoughts were they were more pictures and animations in my head then words and when I tried to write about something it takes me a while to not only remember the images but also to translate it to words

My ma had told me that when I was little that I could speak Arabic well but then I went to public school and learned English and somehow forgot arabic, I am now relearning it but I wish that I could understand it better that I didn't forget it

I was bullied by this kid but yet I cannot remember any of the bullying despite it going on for years I have no trauma from that event but I can't help but wonder about her. looking back it seems more she just is more unintentionally rude then anything

I remember almost putting 11 in an age thingy before I realized that I am older then that

I have had many experiences where I mistaken random people (both online & irl) as my friends and realizing when I notice they don't sound or look similar or don't have the same user/profile

I am not sure if me being a mouse happened recently or it was an old thing or something that was with me my whole life I cannot remember a time where I became euphoric before I said in a post that I was a woolly mouse

i remember a time where my memories were more clear even if most of what I remember was embarrassing memories now I realized that even those memories take a while for me to remember and most of it feels like there was a fire that burned through them

I remember finding out that I was aroace & afamilial and I just went alright that's it and for the woolly mouse I couldn't care less about the fact I realized I was nonhuman just it took a while for me to find my type but other then that idk

I literally don't know how to blow my nose either because I was never taught how to or I just forgot tho the thing is, is that I don't remember being taught something then forgetting it but i digress (if i try its painful i think its because idk how to do it right) and just opt for picking my nose (sometimes i use a tissue ig)

whenever I see someone say "you are not an ally if you didn't learn our history" or something similar I feel really bad like I'm sorry but I will have and I forgot or it was an unreliable source and stuff

I just feel like my memory is getting worse and worse by the years and I feel like it's too late to tell someone because of its state now