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karinamay · 28 days

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Writing interview tag game

Thank you @cinnamontails-ff for the taaaag now I get to ramble about writing hell yes

When did you start writing?

I've been writing stories basically as long as I can remember, and I was a very avid journal keeper between ages like 7 and 21. First time I decided I was going to "write a book" I was 10, and me and my best friend at the time got permission to spend 2 hours or so every week at school to work on it because it was a "good creative persuit", whic was pretty cool. I have been writing fiction ever since, and I think I started writing fanfic around when I was 16 or so, so about 14 yearsish ago.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I write (urban) fantasy/romance pretty much exclusively, but I read all sorts. I do enjoy me some good dystopian, and some scifi here and there, and from time to time I 180 into reading less fantastical literary fiction that borders on nihilistic-satire-black comedy ish (I've read Bret Easton Ellis' entire bibliography, to give an idea). In the end most of what I read is in the fantasy with either romance or found family (or, ideally, both) realm though, I love escaping to magical worlds.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I try not to compare my work actively to other writers'. Of course there are writers I admire and look up to, but there isn't a writer that I want to "write like" really. I write very much like me. And with that, I don't think I've ever specifically been compared to another author? Not that I can remember anyway.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My current writing setup is in my living room, which is not ideal, it's just because my wifi doesn't reach into my office well enough. I am in the process of moving my shit over there though, so I'm excited to turn that into a bit more of an inspiring space. The only nice thing that I currently have in my writing space is my recently spruced up "bookcase" (I'll put a picture under the cut.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Work for it. Nine out of ten times when I sit down to write I don't already have the spark or whatever that I need. (The tenth time is a great day, but it just doesn't happen very often, and it also doesn't actually necessarily mean your writing will be better that day.) When I have sat down on the days when it's not immediately there, and I start writing, it will usually come. It's kind of a stupid writing will come from writing loop that feeds itself, if that makes sense.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Healthy communication is a big one, whether that's between romantic partners or any other kind of relationships. I write a lot about power and corruption and I'm big on found family. None of this is surprising at all. What is surprising to me is that I've started leaning more into creepy/eerie/horrory realms over the past year or so, which isn't really a theme, but definitely a genre I never thought I would enjoy so much.

What is your reason for writing?

Because it's the closest we can get to magic in this world. I get to dream up worlds and people and watch them try and fail and succeed and evolve, give them life, give them reason, fear, doubt, love, everything. It's fucking brilliant, and even though I get stuck and it's frustrating, I will never be able to not do it, because I don't know how not to.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

"I felt like I was there" is something that will always get me, that motivates me to no end. And I love when people start theorising, trying to figure out what's going to happen next. I weirdly get drawn into the theories, even though I know what happens next. I love it.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Huh, I don't know. As someone who really cares deeply about the story I'm writing, I think. And hopefully as someone who captures the voices of the characters they love and who does them justice.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Dialogue. My stories are very dialogue driven, and I take a lot of pride in how the dialogue runs. And hand in hand with that dialogue, knowing when to throw in a bit of humour, especially in a dark story, without it feeling cheap.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on the day, although I'm starting to get to a place where I'm generally pretty happy with it. There are many things I know I can improve on a lot still, but in the end, I do like what I'm writing, and I do think other people do/would like to read it.

It's a work in progress but the vibes are vibing imo.

#tag game #writing #long post

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slimbunnx · 1 year

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Twisted Love by Anna Huang semi review

This book was recommend by an old classmate of mine, i was friends with her so of course I decided to buy and read it. And errrr not my favorite. I'd give it a solid 3/10. Spoilers ahead ig

I like to think my opinion matters... but I'm just a highschooler. My qualification r that I've been through many fandoms, which means I've read many fanfics via Wattpad, AO3, Tumblr, and.... Quotev. And I'm an avid reader since the 4th grade.

To start off, the book felt very... Wattpady, I hated the conflict, how the character act, writing style and uhhh those scenes.

First the conflict, I don't know what to say. The plot twist of it being Micheal was okay I guess. With like better character development, I feel like the plot twist could rlly be a plot twist, but it kinda fell flat. For Alex's uncle. errr ummm I didn't like it. I rlly had to put my book down for a min to think about it. Like I could see the vision.

The character had me twisting and turning. I'm sorry But Alex is so insufferable. Like he's a stalker, which is supposed to seem romantic but it's not. Like the way he kept calling her his, even though they weren't together at the time, and even then WHAT. Also him being so overprotective bordered on toxic. Like sorry for the poor dude who only wanted a photo shoot at the beginning of the book. Alex has issues, and ur significant other cannot help u heal those issues. Which I think is a big problem with his character. He will always be hurt and if anything a weirdo for some how depending on Ava for emotional stability. Like homeboy u r not okay, GO TO THERAPY INSTEAD OF DOING THE TOOGY WOOGY. Also he seems to be the typical "man", like I remember somewhere that to write a good male character, you need to give them a trait that isn't masculine, bc no man is completely masculine. And he reminds me so much of those Wattpad billionaire protagonist, its not even funny. Also THE SINGING.

Ava character was better. She got her shit together by the end of the book. Also the sequence of her trying to get over her fear of water, felt boring but necessary for the story. She's bearable. But like during the conflict part, she is god damn too emotional in my opinion. She was unbearable to read during that saga. In my opinion I think the author glossed over like Micheal, her and Joshes uhhh confrontation thingy. Like we could have good sibling relationship. Honestly I applaud Ava for staying that positive. Also how her relationship with Alex hurting MORE than her "dad" WILD. Like girl u've known this man since ur birth, even though he was distance, he still acted like a father figure. But y'know to each their own. Umm I don't feel like talking about the other characters.

The writing style was meh. But I guess that's too expect when u buy a book from Walmart. It wasn't as smooth nor was it as pleasant to read, at the beginning it was fine then towards the end uhhh not as much.

For those scene... it may just be me reading this like literally at school. But I did not enjoy it. But I guess that might just be me not enjoying sex in my books. But on dirt and in another persons dinning room is a bit too far. Like do you not have shame. Also during the scene where she's wet and trying to get like birthday cake. Alex's uhhh thoughts were def something. This may seem offensive but, it some points it felt like Alex was talking like a male author writing a female character.

Anyways I expect to have a better read with twisted games, since he (Rhys) doesn't seem to be crazy like the other males in this series. And it just occurred to me I might not be the target audience... but I truly do love romance book.

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pacific-rimbaud · 3 years

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Welcome PR to this manic interview of sorts.

Please have 13 questions for 13 perfect chapters of L&OHA wherein I ask about writing craft, OCs, and future headcanons!

* * *

1. How did the idea and concept of L&oha come about?

Where you interested in writing the time travel trope or was there a certain ambience or interaction you wanted to write?

2. How much planning went into plotting the fic especially with all the twists and reveals and withholding of plot points crucial to the understanding of the characters and the readers?

3. What were you most excited to write about when you began this fic?

4. How much research did you do and what was the easiest thing to write about and conversely, the hardest?

Regency clothing? Inventing a magical college at Oxford?Temporspatial travel?

5. The fic is rife and alive with a whole ball of OCs. Can you tell us about their presence/role in the fic, how you came up with them and which one(s) was your favorite and which OC interactions were the most fun to write?

(I love them all, to speak nothing of Grix and Martin, but the little Avery boys and Penelope can have my whole heart)

6. What was the best thing to explore/write about in this dynamic between Hermione and Draco that you created?

Did you giggle and wistfully sigh to yourself when you wrote all that delicious innuendo-chocked banter?

7. Which chapter was the easiest/hardest to write?

(I personally got entrenched in chapter 11 and marveled at the reverse chronological telling and the artful foreshadowing and peeling back of details. The angst in that one severely undid me as well.)

8. Wiltshire in high summer as a rightful character, not to mention Mettleworth College (shout out to Jonathan Gable's forefather being an Oxford scholar) was a delicious buffet of sensory descriptors. The picnic chapter had some of the most beautiful imagery I've come across ever. This isn't a question but can you tell us about the choice to give these settings their rightful place and glory in the story?

9. Your writing zeros in on the sensory and tactile; it a vibrant landscape of things to be seen, smelt, heard, and felt in the vibrations between hearts. Is this a developed skill or an innate style that's native and unique to each author?

10. How many curly-haired, aran-wearing babies do Draco and Hermione have in the future?

11. Since Theo is an avid Whovian, do you think Draco and Hermione took him with them once or twice on their future time traveling adventures? Or that Draco took him along for lads' night with Martin?

12. What's one takeaway you'd like readers to grasp after reading L&oha?

13. What will you miss most about this story? What's your favorite line/part?

Thank you for partaking in this madness and for sharing your talent, work and wise words with us 💛

Answers under the cut!

1. How did the idea and concept of L&oha come about?

Were you interested in writing the time travel trope or was there a certain ambience or interaction you wanted to write?

I adore To Say Nothing of the Dog, Connie Willis’ love letter to Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog), which is also one of my all-time favorite books. I had an idea for an original comedic novel that involved time travel to the Regency era and stupid hijinks. But I’d just started writing (the only story I'd finished at that point was A Dress with Pockets), and had no idea what it would take to write a novel, so this was an experiment messing around with those elements.

2. How much planning went into plotting the fic especially with all the twists and reveals and withholding of plot points crucial to the understanding of the characters and the readers?

I planned the entire fic out on index cards before I started writing. I didn’t know anything about story structure, and I didn’t think to look it up, but thought through all the major beats and organized them all so I knew where each reveal or twist would happen. It was a pretty detailed outline. When I was getting close to finishing, I looked into romance plot structure, and it’s intuitive enough that I’d hit everything right on time, which felt reassuring.

3. What were you most excited to write about when you began this fic?

Everything! It was all still very new. I was excited/nervous to start a project that I anticipated would be around 90k words (it exceeded that mark by quite a bit). I’d read or heard the idea that you need to get one bad novel out of your system before you can write a good one, so I went in with the expectation of: this is the first pancake of the batch, it’s going to be weird and not that great, and I'm fine with that.

4. How much research did you do and what was the easiest thing to write about and conversely, the hardest?

Regency clothing? Inventing a magical college at Oxford? Temporspatial travel?

I did quite a bit of research, especially on Regency clothing, a bit on Regency dining. I spent quite a while figuring out where the entrance to Mettleworth College would be, and I’m so happy with its location even though maybe two readers will ever know or care that you could physically go to that spot. I did very little research on time travel! I settled on a basic set of rules that is pretty elegant and easy to understand and used a lot in fiction. I like Connie Willis’ time travel rules, and the idea of loops or an immutable past fits with the way Time Turners appear to work in the HP universe pre-Cursed Child.

(I love them all, to speak nothing of Grix and Martin, but the little Avery boys and Penelope can have my whole heart)

I’m so happy you like Penelope! My little grump. I knew D & H would meet an entire cast of OCs in the past, and they sort of sprang up fully fledged and ready to interact in my imagination. I love all of them. Martin and Grix in particular are so precious to me. The entire fic was worth writing just so they could exist and live out a story. It was a joy to write little boys as the most chaotic, comedic version of how I know six and seven year-old kids and toddlers to be, just sweet little gremlins. All the OCs have different, interesting relationships and interactions, but I especially loved writing Penelope and Sir Thomas. She’s so done with him, and adores him so deeply, and he’s heart-eyes forever for his wife and all of his kids. He doesn’t just laugh off her cynicism, he loves it because he loves her.

6. What was the best thing to explore/write about in this dynamic between Hermione and Draco that you created?

Did you giggle and wistfully sigh to yourself when you wrote all that delicious innuendo-chocked banter?

I really enjoyed throwing Hermione so far off-kilter. She’s a mess! That was a huge part of the joy for me, yanking on all the loose ends she’s kept carefully tied up. Draco’s relatively cool and pulled together, letting this bizarre adventure unfold, basking in this golden hour he’s inadvertently stolen with the woman he loves, not in any real hurry to leave. I loved that after they first make out after his injury, they’re never able to go back. They’re like magnets, they need to touch. Their languid mornings together were delightful to write. A mix of satisfaction and yearning with beautiful intimacy, some of their best banter done while tangled up together fighting this thing they don’t actually need to fight. Sigh.

7. Which chapter was the easiest/hardest to write?

The earlier chapters were easier; I was newer to writing, not yet going, "I can't believe I'm still writing this," they were much shorter, the flashbacks hadn’t kicked in. Chapter 11 took a lot of planning, and I felt anxious about how it would be received. You don’t have a romance plot without the “all is lost” moment, but it’s still nerve wracking, especially since the fic started out so light and worked up to angst that's actually pretty real and raw. That chapter is where time kicks into high gear as an element, and I wanted the reverse chronological structure to emphasize the sense of bewilderment and displacement Hermione feels.

My idea was that they’ve entered a moment apart; they’re not in Kansas anymore. We know within a couple chapters that Draco’s head over heels; the real trick was to get the POV character to admit to herself that she was in love. Every little stupid mishap, all the outlandish twists of fate, the scenery itself all conspires to break her down. I wanted people reading to feel alongside Hermione; I wanted the story to be palpable. We all know how delicious it is to sit in the sun on a mild summer day, that stupefying effect. Everything slows, we become more pliable. Hermione’s drawn along relentlessly by comfort, peace, delight…getting out of her head and into her body, sinking into love like it’s a warm bath. I wanted that to be felt as much as possible.

I apparently naturally write this way, probably because I’m a visual-spatial thinker, but I’m sure it can be developed! I enjoy a lot of sensory detail when I read. One of my favorite books is Charlotte’s Web, and E.B. White wrote very sensually. Absolutely gorgeous work. When I write, it’s all vivid in my mind; I can walk through the cottage, sit at the table. My goal for future writing is to pick the details that pack the most punch and carry their weight in the narrative; sometimes you can/should do less, sometimes more. In this case the physical environment was part of the story, so I just went for it.

10. How many curly-haired, aran-wearing babies do Draco and Hermione have in the future?

One more than Hermione plans for, and she’s absolutely fine with that.

I love this idea so much. My fic Peppermint Twist is not-so-secretly set in this AU, and a Theo-Luna-Martin interaction would be incredible.

12. What's one takeaway you'd like readers to grasp after reading L&oha?

It’s a goofy, often absurd story that about something real: good people falling irrevocably in love without meaning to, under circumstances that aren’t ideal, and trying to be decent about it. And it's my first pancake, so I appreciate all your kind words more than I can say.

13. What will you miss most about this story? What's your favorite line/part?

I miss Martin and Grix very much. And my favorite line is the end! I wrote it ages and ages ago, and really wanted to get there, and I’m so glad I did.

Thank you for partaking in this madness and for sharing your talent, work and wise words with us 💛

Thank you so much for asking these amazing, thoughtful questions! This was a pleasure.

#You asked I answered #love and other historical accidents #l&oha #dramione #dhr #dhr fanfiction

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tttoluca · 2 years

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Writing questions

5, 10, 18

HI HI THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!!

5. writing superstitions: i personally don't have any? in fact i wasn't all that familiar with specific writing superstitions and had to google them lol. though to be fair i'm not that avid of a writer.

10. has a piece of writing/your own writing ever haunted you?: i'm also not all that avid of a reader either lmao, but when i do it's usually on the more sort of adverse psychological side. the last book i read might have been "baby teeth" by zoje stage which... bits of that book were pretty disturbing, as it's about a mother trying to understand her violent, manipulative 7-year-old daughter (i 1000000% recommend, the married couple in this book is precious and adorable and i love them).

oh but i also love middle grade books on occasion! and one that i adore is the "shadow weaver" duology by marcykate connolly, and here's a passage that gave me chills:

I stiffen, hoping the shadows and Dar combined will be enough to keep me concealed. It almost seemed like she could see through them earlier, but no one ever has before. She meanders aimlessly around the room, even after the younger man—Alden—tries to greet her. “Simone,” Tate says sharply. Her head snaps up, and her blank stare rests on him. “What did you find out?” A slow grin creeps over her face. “They’re here,” she says. My body freezes. She can’t mean me. She hasn’t even looked in my direction since she entered the room. Don’t worry; she’s crazy, Dar says. I relax slightly, but my stomach is still a mess of knots. The man frowns. “Where?” Simone sticks out her hand and points directly at me. Tate and his friend follow with their eyes. I can’t move. I can’t even blink. My insides clench. The little girl fixes her unsettling gaze on my corner, looking me straight in the eye like my shadows make no difference. “I know you,” she says.

in terms of my own writing - i also like to go dark, so i guess the most "haunting" thing i've written is. uhhh. you're the real gift, kid. some parts in that make me feel gross and grimy despite me being the one who wrote it. specifically like. the paragraphs that compare mirabel's spirit to sand.

i guess i'm not here, this isn't happening could be considered haunting but as opposed to just getting sad and angsty in a doc, it feels more gritty to get into the headspace of this evil, sick, disgusting person and try to make it super poetic.

18. a passage from your writing: i'm half-tempted to share a passage from something not encanto-related........ yeah fuck it. my favorite bit from a vent-y nitw one-shot about dissociation.

Fear and anger shot not only through her veins and her chest. They seeped down into her arms and her legs - they carried her over to snide Andy Cullen, they raised the bat, and they swung it hard, sending Andy down to the grass with a shout. Whack! He screeched, "What the fuck?!" while attempting to crawl backward away from her. Her legs followed him, her arms raising the bat a second time. Whack! He lie on his side and curled into a ball, arms covering his head, while onlookers gasped and screamed. Whack! She could promise a million times over that she wasn't in control of her own body. Now that she'd started, she couldn't stop. Whack! This had nothing to do with him, or with that stupid strike-out. She didn't know a thing about Andy Cullen and she cared very little about softball. Whack! She wasn't trying to shatter his skull. Whack! She was trying to shatter the screens. Whack!

because i got all ramble-y with the whole. softball thing. and then i accidentally stumbled upon the shattering his skull vs shattering "the screens" (a comparison i use throughout to describe derealization, like you're stuck in a box made of screens and are just watching the world. living between these screens) metaphor. and i just liked it a lot. so throughout my edits, i was very sure to keep that little idea.

as for encanto - julieta's rant from the scissors one-shot is probably one of my favorite things i have ever written that compiled a bunch of little ideas, like julieta unknowlingly trying to hand mirabel off to her abuser. and i just love letting her get stressed and vent-y.

“All I asked was for them to make sure they put the scissors back before they left the table. That’s all I asked. They… they know better. They know what she’ll do. They know she’s not… not… she’s not well right now. And they… And I know it’s not their responsibility to… to handle that but- all I asked was for them to put the scissors away. Is that… really so much to- [...] Why is she doing this to me? I can’t keep- I- I can’t keep doing this with her. What did I do? What am I doing wrong? Why is she doing this to herself? That’s- that’s all I need to know, is why. I would do anything to make it stop. I would do everything in my power and more to stop her from- from feeling whatever she’s feeling that makes her do the things she does. But I can’t- how am I supposed to help her if she won’t even tell me why she’s doing all of this? Is it me? Am I doing this to her?"

i had little bits and pieces of that rant in my head since like. the beginning of ttm. and so it was nice to finally compile it together into a coherent work.

fin.

again, thank you so much for your ask, and thank you so much for reading if you got this far!!!

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marindram · 3 years

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full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

#omega mart #marin dram #omega mart lore

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athys-obelia · 3 years

Text

of swords and rubies

synopsis: on athanasia de alger obelia's eighteenth birthday, she sits in the ruby palace awaiting her father's present - a sweet little mandate sentencing her to death. the news his personal guard arrives with, though, is quite the different from what she expects.

character/s: athanasia de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, felix robane

part: one / ?

warning/s: mentions of death / execution, poisoning, tlp!claude is a shit dad, tlp!felix supremacy

|•| ruby palace |•| 10:45 am |•|

"a visitor from the emperor's place, your highness."

lilian york's voice has always carried the same gentleness. for as long as she can remember, athanasia has heard softness, music, safety, in lily - the voice of a mother. the realisation, long overdue, hits her as she inquires after her mysterious guest. i've never addressed lily as such, have i?

the brunette tries for a smile. "it is his majesty's personal guard, princess, sir felix from the robane duchy. i have hannah showing him to the visitors' lounge - perhaps the knight comes bearing good news?"

the blonde princess smiles, nodding hopefully. it's all she can do for lily, she guesses, the woman who cared for her like one of her own. just as lily's smile never dimmed once during the past eighteen years, athanasia supposes she must now return the favour.

but lily never saw her father's eyes that night.

lily hadn't seen his stance harden at the mere sight of her.

the malice, the poison in claude de alger obelia's voice wasn't directed at lily.

so lily couldn't possibly know. for all athanasia knows claude could be in his study, spinning a roulette wheel to decide how to have her executed. he'd want her gone by the earliest, she assumes, probably before jennette can wake and intercede for her - or evidence is found towards the actual culprit.

either way, if the least she could do was comfort lily somewhat with a little, hopeful smile, then the smile would be priority.

|•| ruby palace |•| 11:00 am |•|

"sir," athanasia greets, recoiling as the knight grins at her. she'd heard stories of the atmosphere in the imperial palace, the deceptive, snake-like nature of noble court - surely, with a father so prominent in both politics and obelia's military, felix robane was one to be vary of.

and - being her father's personal guard would require being similarly ruthless and cunning, would it not? this smiley knight could always be the one poisoning her father against her behind their backs.

"to what do i owe this pleasure?"

the redhead attempts lightening the mood with another bright grin. "greetings to the star of the obelian empire. may the gods' blessings be with you, princess. today, i have come as a messenger regarding his majesty's wish that you join him for breakfast-"

"-wh, what? no, i... i'm not going anywhere with you."

felix robane's natural smile falls. "what is it, princess?"

athanasia steps backwards in defense as the knight tries comforting her, a trembling hand raised to cover her mouth. "y-you can tell his majesty i won't...won't be joining him."

"but, princess-"

not daring to move her eyes from the redhead, athanasia reaches for an hourglass resting on the mantle beside her, holding it up in defense. "go back. go and tell the emperor to send me the death warrant himself. there's no need to build such a roundabout way of-"

felix grimaces. "you may be misunderstanding the situation, prin-"

"-don't 'princess' me. if he has the guts, have my father tell me his decision himself. you can't force me to leave. i won't, i won't be led out of my home with you pretending as if everything is fine."

the knight holds up his hands in surrender. "you have the higher status of the two of us, your highness, i wouldn't dare pushing you into anything you do not like. i'm afraid you cannot refute the emperor's word, however. but...but if your highness has questions, i can promise to answer with complete honesty."

"how can i trust you?"

felix taps his chin in thought. "as a knight, my value is measured not by my skill, but the trust put in me by those i am pledged to. my oath is to the obelian emperor. you, princess, are his majesty's heir, so as along as your commands do not undermine the emperor's, you are included in the oath."

athanasia blinks, studying the knight. he seems to be curling into himself so as to not be percieved as a threat. she watches his careful movements, irate. "i read a book once..." she starts, feeling self conscious all of sudden. do i sound like a madwoman?

felix robane nods eagerly. "i was told the princess was an avid reader."

she flushes, glaring at her lap. "...anyway, in the book, the king's sister married a traitor, and because they were technically royalty, he couldn't just kill them under charges of treason. so instead, the king had their food poisoned."

athanasia watches the subtext register on the knight's face. "your highness...no, i- his majesty has no such thing planned. i can assure you - the matter is actually quite the opposite."

"...is it?"

he stares at his lap before looking up at her determinedly. "i can't say i know how your highness feels about your father, but...he needs you right now." felix sighs softly, "as you know, her highness the princess jennette hasn't yet regained consciousness. this makes you his majesty's most favourable heir."

athanasia stares at the hourglass in her hand before setting it down. interest piqued, she eyes the fidgeting knight. "why would you bring this up, sir robane, and to me of all people? is the emperor perhaps...ill?"

the look in the redhead's eyes is more than enough confirmation. athanasia grips the arm of her seat. "he has been having the strangest migraines ever since...well, a little after your debut, actually. except lately, these headaches seem to be weakening him. quite a lot."

a cold sweat creeping up her neck, athanasia downs a glass of water before turning to the distressed knight. "i assume you want my assistance in hiding this from the nobles. since jennette isn't here."

"essentially, yes." he nods once more. "with all the commotion surrounding princess jennette, both the nobles and commoners are watching the palace diligently. the factions are too divided - of course, a large portion of the nobles support princess jennette as your father's heir, most of them being blood purists, while an equally large believe you are more competent, having been raised in the palace. regrettably, it isn't just the nobles - we have a delegation arriving at the palace soon enough to settle matters regarding the southern territory. we cannot afford weakening his majesty's image, not right now."

her eyes flicker to the obelian coat of arms on felix's shoulder, and the sigil of house robane embroidered on his cloak. "i don't suppose i have much of choice in the matter - but since urgency of the situation affects my country, i doubt i would've refused anyway. but, sir felix..." she pauses, studying his expression, "my father's palace doesn't garuntee my safety. so i must call on your oath as a knight now."

"of course, your highness." hesitantly, as if he held a china doll in his hands, felix murmurs, "it can be a chance to get closer to his majesty, too. er - that is, if only your highness wishes it to be."

nodding, athanasia stares at her hands. "...perhaps."

|•| emperor's palace |•| 3:00 pm |•|

with her father's stare scrutinising her every move, she bows deeply in greeting.

his gaze is different, athanasia notices. the malice is gone. the hatred has dissipated.

now, as if she were a complicated math problem, claude de alger obelia stares her down, a spark of challenge alight in his eyes. "don't worry your head too much about it," he starts, "i haven't called you here for any special reason."

"...i see."

he tilts his head curiously, studying her reactions still. "oh? what's this? no declarations of love today? no pleading for attention? you're strangely quiet for someone so full of demands."

she fidgets with her dress, a deep red blooming on her cheeks in embarrassment. "i apologise if my words troubled your majesty."

claude nods slowly, eyes tracing her unkempt hair. "you overestimate yourself, princess."

athanasia inhales sharply. what does he want?

"felix's method of conveying information is a bit... exaggerated, at times," the blonde emperor says, watching her grimace under his stare, "i'm here to clear up any misunderstandings he may have unknowingly planted."

"ye, yes?"

claude's hand lands on his sheathed sword. athanasia blood freezes as he pulls it out, slowly, eyes not moving from hers. "i'm assuming you've been told of the council being held tomorrow. it will be your unofficial entrance into politics, so i hope there won't be any...mistakes. you'll need the nobility's support."

she nearly snorts. you wouldn't hesitate in burying anyone who dared look jennette in the eyes, i'm sure. still, athanasia tries smiling - lily always smiled whenever she was unsure of what to say, after all - and lets go of her skirt, nodding. "there won't be any."

the last time she spoke to her father, she'd known that whether or not he decided on mercy, she wouldn't be talking to him again. thus the courage to empty her heart, lighten her shoulders. now... now, athanasia didn't know what to think. how to act.

she flinches when he speaks, hands tracing the edge of the blade lightly. "do think this sword is important to me, athanasia?"

an odd warmth courses through her at the sound of her name. or was it because of the voice, the owner of the voice? she honestly couldn't tell. "your majesty..." athanasia swallows - what's the right answer? - "i would assume so. i'm no knight, of course...but, a sword is effective for both defense and offense in battle. and i hear your majesty's swordsmanship is unrivaled in obelia, so...yes, i think."

she watches claude draw in a long breath, staring at the weapon. "it's interesting that you think so. but at the end of the day, the sword is just another weapon, isn't it? i can always have better ones at the flick of my wrist."

"your...majesty?"

a drop of blood runs down the emperor's finger as he runs it along the edge of the blade. "it is useful, isn't it? at least...as long as i decide it is. a simple tool's value will always be decided by me, after all."

cold dread settles into athanasia's bones. "i...i see, sire."

nodding approvingly, claude de alger obelia places the beautiful sword in her hands. "happy birthday, princess."

#wmmap #sbapod #who made me a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #claude de alger obelia #athanasia de alger obelia #anastacius de alger obelia #felix robane #felix robain

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