#I love them dearly and they’re flawed and that’s precisely why I love them

[delusionalbitchinthehouse]

Alpha & Pebble my beautifully fucked up boys ! Here’s them fighting because they don’t know how to communicate. Angst, but with some tiny bit of comfort ? Maybe ? I’m not sure it really is comfort but well.

Alpha’s not sure what the Sibling of Sin said, he only caught the tail end of a mean laugh, but it must’ve been about Delta ; it’s the only thing that could get that reaction out of Pebble. Snarl peeling his lips so far back it looks borderline painful, eyes blazing, tail whipping the air, claws extended.

The earth ghoul is about to pounce on the stupid, stupid human, rip them to shreds and risk being sent back to the pit for the offense it represents. Alpha acts on instinct alone.

The fire ghoul barely manages to catch the back of Pebble’s uniform just as the earth ghoul leaps toward the Sibling. Pebble didn’t see Alpha coming, too blinded by rage, and is caught by surprise ; in a second, and despite his vigorous thrashing, Alpha has the earth ghoul in a chokehold, his arm digging into Pebble’s neck in an effort to keep him from committing first degree murder.

The Sibling blanches at the display, finally realizing their stupidity, the amount of danger they’ve subjected themselves to by sheer malice, and scurries away while they still can. 

Alpha curses as he drags Pebble away, sharp kicks surely bruising his legs, claws raking along his arm in an attempt to make him let go. No chance. Alpha only tightens his hold, cutting Pebble’s airways even more off until the earth ghoul’s knees buckle under him and he let himself be thrown into the common room.

Alpha only grants him a few seconds to take deep, gasping breaths before taking two fistful of the front of Pebble’s uniform, hauling him up against the wall ; with the earth ghoul being a good head shorter than Alpha, and pretty light in comparison,  it’s easy for the fire ghoul to pin Pebble there, his feet barely grazing the ground.

« Are you stupid ?! » Alpha growls inches from Pebble’s face.

« Let go you fucking-»

« No, » Alpha grunts, baring his own fangs, « I asked you a question. Are you fucking stupid ?! That what you earth ghouls do, smoke your brains away ?! You know what happens to dumb sons of bitches who harm members of the Church ?! Do you want to be sent back, away from you greenhouse, your home, your pack ?! »

Pebble blinks, momentarily stunned by the reason behind Alpha’s anger, before his face contorts once again and venom creeps back in the pale green of his eyes.

« So you’d let that piece of shit say whatever they want ? Insult Delta whenever they like ? »

So Alpha was right, it was indeed about Delta. The fire ghoul doesn’t get to say what he wants, Pebble is on a roll.

« Yes, of course you would. Pack only matters when it suits you, yeah ? When it’s convenient. But the second protecting it might cause troubles, you back off like the coward you are. Is there any of us you’d take actual risks for ? Is there anyone outside of Omega, oh so precious Omega, you would sacrifice things for ? »

Alpha sees red, Pebble’s word cutting deep, hitting a nerve dead on. How dare he. How dare Pebble question everything Alpha did for the pack ? The fire ghoul doesn’t know if he wants to rip the earth ghoul’s tongue out or curl into himself to sob. 

Pebble opens his mouth to go on, and Alpha is absolutely sure he cannot take a drop more of the earth ghoul’s venom, that infamous venom of his that slithers into your veins, wraps around your heart, squeezes until it bursts.

Alpha throws Pebble to the ground, sits on his chest, raises a fist - aiming for his face, maybe his nose, anything that would make the earth ghoul shut up, shut up, shut up.

That’s when Alpha catches the glimmer of hope in Pebble’s eyes, realization dawning on him with the effect of a cold shower. Pebble itches for a fight. Wants to get hit, beaten up to a pulp, and who better to rile up for that than Alpha, short-tempered, sparring enthusiast Alpha ?

As always, Pebble is seeking what he cannot ask for, and seeking it from Alpha. 

The fire ghoul stills, fist still raised. Pebble waits, tense as a bowstring, eyeing it almost voraciously. But there, under the anger and inexplicable need to be hurt, something fragile, vulnerable hides. 

Whatever the Sibling said, Pebble took it to heart.

Alpha’s eyes slip closed, a shuddering sigh escaping him as he brings his hand down slowly, grabbing Pebble’s jaw firmly, but with unusual gentleness. The earth ghoul stiffens.

« You know damn well I take care of my pack. And, whether you like it or not, you are pack too. So the next time you want to be used as a fucking punching bag, you join me on the mat instead of running your fucking mouth and goading me into damn near killing you. »

Despite the simmering fury in Alpha’s voice, his hand doesn’t tightens, simply stays there, holding.

Pebble’s eyes flash with both desperation and rage.

« Don’t pretend to care- »

Alpha growls again, tail slapping against the floor harshly enough to sting.

« Stop telling me how I feel, Pebble. My feelings are mine, you don’t get to twist them into what’s more convenient for you. »

All the fight seems to rush out of the earth ghoul’s body at that. Pebble’s muscles all let go at once, his face growing weary, almost melancholic. He avoids Alpha’s eyes, nods curtly.

« Got it. »

Alpha can’t help the way his eyebrows skyrocket toward his hairline at that, but doesn’t comment. It’s as close an apology as he’ll get from Pebble.

The earth ghoul is staring at Alpha’s arm, jaw clenching hard. There’s a few rivulets of blood trickling from the claw marks Pebble left on it in his efforts to free himself.

For a moment, they stay frozen like this, something akin to « what now ? » floating in the heavy silence between them.

A door slamming in the distance snaps them out of it. Alpha let go of Pebble, stands up to let the earth ghoul do the same. Pebble runs a hand through his short, messy hair, strands spiking in every directions. 

Sighing heavily, Alpha adjusts his shirt, glad that he wasn’t wearing his own uniform, or else he’d have a lot of explaining to do as to why his sleeve would be in tatters. Again.

From the corner of his eyes, the fire ghoul spies Pebble awkwardly straightening his collar, somehow seeming reluctant to leave. Alpha watches him, and yet, he’s caught completely off guard when the earth ghoul grabs his injured arm, careful to avoid the cuts, eyes glaring daggers at the consequences of his own anger.

The strangeness of the situation keeps Alpha frozen, eyes glued to Pebble’s face. The near permanent crease between the earth ghoul’s eyebrows, the scar cutting through the bridge of his nose, the smattering of freckles across his cheekbones, the scruff eating away at his cheeks, everything is thrown into sharp focus by their sudden stillness.

When the earth ghoul looks up at Alpha, the fire ghoul wonders what he sees. Yellow eyes Pebble’s dying to gouge out ? Already crooked nose the earth ghoul longs to break into an even more unsavory form ? Deep claw marks on his cheek he’d like to extend ? But the look in Pebble’s eyes doesn’t hold any murderous intent. It’s conflicted, confused, the abrupt change in their usual dynamic rendering him just as silent as Alpha. 

For once, they are both out of words. A miracle, really.

Then, Pebble let go so suddenly you’d think Alpha lost control of his fire and inflicted him a third degree burn.

« You should get those checked out, » the earth ghoul mumbles, resolutely staring at his feet.

Alpha blinks, lost for a moment, before remembering his injuries.

« Those are just scratches. »

Pebble scoffs, but doesn’t add anything, fleeing the room without once meeting Alpha’s eyes again.

The fire ghoul heaves a sigh, scrubs his hand over his face. He feels weird, Pebble’s expression when he took stock of the damages he’d done lingering in his mind. 

Alpha hopes Mist will let him share a smoke with her tonight, Satan knows he could use her blunt honesty to understand whatever the fuck just happened.

But first, he has a Sibling to scare the living daylight out of to ensure they won’t breath a word of Pebble’s near slip up.

[ais-n]

How do you create your characters? (anon ask)

Another question from the same anon I mentioned in the other post: 

In general, how do you create your characters, especially their psychology/thought process/ flaws? 

haha I have two answers to this - and they depend on the level of ridiculous I’m being.

MORE THOROUGH - CHARACTER BIO TEMPLATE:

I actually have a character bio template I made so it was easier for me to track multiple aspects of characters in complex stories. You can download and adjust/use however you’d like - more info at http://aisylum.com/give-and-take/resources/ or download directly as .odt, .doc, or .rtf. 

I made that for my fantasy series but you can just change whatever you want to fit better for your particular situation.

In the thorough cases like this, I will usually start with some sort of idea of the character, whatever that may be, put that into the character bio, and build out from there. Sometimes the vague idea is the gender and/or orientation, sometimes it’s their past, sometimes it’s just a snippet of dialogue I think of someone saying and I have to figure out who would say that thing in that way and why. 

I also try to think about what leads to what. 

Like, Boyd was starved of consistent love and stability as a child, so he came to fully believe he didn’t deserve it while also desperately and subconsciously seeking it out. But because he also had low self-esteem and other issues including a number of tragedies in his past, he became self-destructive at times in his quest for feeling loved or needed. He was willing to put the needs of others above the health of himself, if it meant he wouldn’t be abandoned. Which meant he would be reckless at times, and it meant his emotions would vary hugely when it came to relationships; he would do really stupid things out of fear of losing love or acceptance because he had wished so dearly for it for so long - but that can also backlash and lead to the very thing he feared because he was doing things at times for the wrong reasons or was too willing to compromise when it would be healthier for everyone to stand his ground.

Or, looking at my LGBTQIA+ sci-fi/fantasy/cop/murder mystery-type story Incarnations for other examples - Cypress is a type of Mage (magic-user) who is maligned by pretty much the whole world, especially by other Mages. His kind was all killed in a genocide centuries ago. For various reasons that also pertain to his past (and which would be a spoiler to dictate right now but come up later in the book), he has a huge distrust for other people, to the point at times of rage and hatred and violence. He has almost no one who has been on his side and stayed on his side from the start, except his twin brother. But that comes with its own set of fears, of what would happen if something happened to his brother?, and because he equates emotions to weakness, and he loathes weakness, he can be very aggressive and cynical and sarcastic when interacting with other people. But at the same time, precisely because he’s the type of Mage who gets hunted down and killed or detained by others, and because of how he grew up, he’s learned how to stay under the radar and how to blend in when needed. For all his rage inside, he’s very good at playing a part if he has to, and those two pieces of him may feel at direct odds to one another but they’re just two sides of the same coin. He has the rage because of who he is, and because of who he is he had to learn to not be seen. He is volatile at best when he’s being his own ‘normal’ and yet he can act totally ‘normal’ according to the rest of the world at the drop of a hat if needed. You could meet him in the middle of a grift and have no clue he’s anything other than a regular Joe Schmoe kind of dude who wouldn’t hurt a fly, when in fact he wouldn’t hesitate to brutally kill you if circumstances made it in his best interest.

Basically, I often try to think of what makes sense for how people would react to things they’ve been through (both good and bad), and then how that might affect their behavior going forward, and what would positively or negatively affect that.

One very short, truncated example I’ll give is Sloane, another Mage from Incarnations; because of an event in her past that she survived and others didn’t think she should have, she’s seen as a monster by much of the local community. She became inured to random death from a young age, so she doesn’t question things the way you might expect someone to in the same circumstances, but she also became resentful of others because of how she was treated. She was a troubled child who acted out a lot, but then she had one person who decided to keep reaching out to her, again and again, despite how often she lashed out. And that person became a sense of stability for her, that led to her doing a 180. She went from a kid who was constantly in juvie to being a cop (in this world’s equivalents). There’s a lot more to her story but that’s just a quick way of showing her past and the way people treated her affected her negatively until she had enough of a positive impact on her life from someone else that she ended up changing her trajectory.

I work through a lot of those sorts of things when filling out the character bio so I get a good idea of their past, their tendencies, their biases, etc. And then there’s a section that asks questions like what would build them up, what would bring them down, what is needed for them to progress, etc. I answer those questions as much as I can, and oftentimes get some revelations about the character along the way. And then I look at the plot of the story as a whole and see if it makes sense to include pieces along the way that will provide character progression (or regression) for the character. 

That can be a good way of not only making sure characters don’t stagnate in a story, while also providing layers to the plot itself so that it’s not just about one single thing - there are multiple things happening along the way that provide something potentially interesting or fun or whatever as well.

I personally like to write stories where you can enjoy it as much or more on the second, fourth, tenth read as you did on the first... I want to try to add little things, if possible, that you may glance over the first time without enough context but later can go back and say OHHH when you know more. I find that doing that is particularly fun and enjoyable and easy when you have character progression or little character quirks you can include along the way, because it doesn’t have to be some big dramatic thing for the plot of the world or overall story. It can be something as simple as a character with long hair deciding to cut their hair off, or someone who always wears shoes and makes fun of another person who goes barefoot, now trying to go barefoot and thinking “oh crap, I get why they liked this all along.” It can be totally inconsequential things for the series as a whole that have some sort of meaning for the character or reader, big or small.

I get bored easily both as a reader and a writer so I guess to me that brings in a level of entertainment.

So essentially, I start with something that either I feel I know about the character or makes sense to me about the character, then I try to think about how they would view this thing, and then I try to think about logically what would follow based on their worldview. And that often will lead to flaws, psychology, thought processes, etc. You could think of it like “What would I do if I were them?” but try to not put your personal values in place of their own.

Like, I would never murder the fuck out of people so callously as Cypress does, but I want readers to understand why he does, and for that I need to understand too as the writer or else that’s asking way too much for the readers to understand something I don’t.

QUICKER, LESS RIDICULOUS WAY

I don’t always want to fill out a whole ass memoir/biography on a character to write or create them - sometimes I just want something simple.

In those cases, I don’t write everything down like that bio template, and I don’t go into such specific and detailed questions about every part of their past and their relationships and what they do or don’t need to get better or etc. Instead, I’ll just go with the vibe of someone - what’s the information that’s of import for them as a person and their particular story? Sometimes that’s gender, orientation, race, etc, or sometimes it’s things they like (like spooky things) or things they hate (like restrictive rules).

I try to do more of an overview of why they are how they are, and therefore how they may react to certain things, but I don’t worry myself about going deep into their thought process and psychology to know every detail of how and why. Because depending on the story, I don’t even need to know that information.

I tend to do more of a ‘surface-level’ view of characters for my short stories, because going super in depth would work against what I’m trying to do when I write those - which is develop SOME sense of brevity in my life. Somewhere lol 

A good example of that mentality is probably my short story Five Star Review which is about a god and a spiritual being having a conversation in a closed restaurant. In that story, both main characters are they/them, because that’s the pronouns that worked, and they are very briefly described but barely at all. That story is more about philosophy and the way spirituality/religion interacts with humanity, so that’s what more of the focus is on. I didn’t need to know every single thing Deity (the god) has ever thought, because it’s irrelevant; I just needed to know how they would feel about the particular topics brought up in this particular story. And then, if the dialogue, plot, or otherwise leads to it, I could figure out their flaws or merits as needed, based on the sort of “person” they had already shown themself to be in the previous scene(s).

I don’t know if that helps or if all of that is more confusing. But I basically just start with something I feel I know about the character, then build on that in the context of the world or environment they would have developed in, and then just kind of follow the logic along. 

Also, if that doesn’t lead to flaws or any depth of the character, I will go back and look at something central to them, and try to see if there is anything seemingly directly opposed that could be introduced as a flaw or aspect of them. Because I feel that humans are rarely one-sided, and oftentimes the complexity of us is because of juxtapositions within ourselves we have or haven’t come to terms with. So to make a character feel more “real,” I think it’s important for them to have at least two things about them that don’t, at first glance, seem like it makes sense - but it doesn when you think about them as a person growing up where they did, or how they did, or where they are now, or whatever other piece of them. Not only does that feel more nuanced as a character and more realistic, but it also introduces some internal conflict that can be used as character progression or, at the very least, something interesting to bring in when the plot is in a lull and you don’t know where to go next.

For me, the most important thing is being willing to change my presumption of the character as the writer, if the character naturally develops in a different direction. And therefore also being willing to change the plot to accommodate, instead of forcing the character to follow the plot.

Sorry this post was a million miles long..... hopefully it helps, like, at all, and isn’t just massively confusing.

[queenofnohr]

The Charming Empire - Otome Review (Soshi Amazaki Route)

I was going to hold off on doing this because 1. I wanted to play more routes to have a more comprehensive look at the game and 2. I don’t really have free time yet. Promptly ignored the above logic mostly to get this out of my system.

Before we begin, a disclaimer - While I do have pretty extensive knowledge about the otome genre in both longer “proper” VNs as well as the shorter, bite sized mobile VNs, I’m able to derive enjoyment from most anything (I feel the need to point this out because I see a lot of reviews that get hung up on stuff I can easily brush off even if I do understand where they’re coming from).

This is going to be a spoiler-free review based on Soshi Amazaki’s route alone.

Firstly, I must note that this is a mobile otome game. If you’re looking for something as long and substantial as, say, Hakuouki, Alice in the Country of Hearts, Dandelion, etc. this is probably not the game for you.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll be rating it based on usual points with a more... comprehensive and personal look at the end (feel free to skip to that if you know our tastes align and/or just want to see me losing my mind).

Prologue - 1/10

Normally I wouldn’t separate prologue from story. However, as this game started as a mobile game, there is no general route in which one gains points toward a love interest as is standard in full-length otome games. However, even by mobile game standards this game’s prologue fails in that it you meet exactly 0 love interests. Indeed, the prologue is the bare-bones introduction of the setting. This flaw is further complicated by the fact that, because it started as a mobile game, routes are bought individually. This means that there is no way to gauge the love interests except by the game’s straightforward summary on the buy screen. Luckily for me, I was sold at “Kenjiro Tsuda voices a love interest who is both a big brother and a lord” so this wasn’t as knee-capping as it could’ve been, but normally you’d have to simply take a leap of faith because if a love interest doesn’t actually end up being your type, you’re out of luck since you’ve already paid for the route.

This is an aside, but translation for the prologue is... questionable. It isn’t unreadable, like some translations I’ve had the misfortune of reading, but it does create some confusion regarding the MC’s family situation which I can’t help but clear up here. MC is the daughter of the previous lord whose mother moved with her out to the countryside. Her mother is died of illness, and MC now lives with an elderly couple. It’s simply when I say it here, but in game the family situation isn’t actually explained until well into the route and the narration refers to the couple as the “old man” and “old woman,” while the MC calls them “Grandpa” and “Grandma” (ojii-san, obaa-san in Japanese, which is a literal translation of what someone would call any older folk with the degree of familiarity MC has with them) while they call her “princess” (literally, hime-sama). The closeness of referring to them as grandparents vs the distance of the narrative’s “old man/woman” + calling the MC princess in a literal sense (vs. a nickname) is jarring especially because, again, they do not clearly explain the MC’s family situation.

Story - 7/10

Soshi holds the most powerful seat in all the empire. Only trusting himself, he rejects the opinions of others as he continues his dictatorship agenda -- breeding animosity amongst the people. He’s a cold man who sees even his own sister as a political tool.

This is the official description for Soshi’s route. Unfortunately(?) for some this... doesn’t really hold true for most of the route and I find it an odd way to bill it.

The initial conflict/relationship growth in the game stems from the MC wanting to be closer to Soshi - not necessarily in a romantic sense - and his distance due to his position. If you’re expecting a more haughty/sneering/pragmatic Kenjiro Tsuda more along the lines of his role as Kazama Chikage and/or a villain archetype who treats MC as a tool (no judgment, we all got our otome types) he’s by and large not that. Things get more complicated around the 10th chapter, but that’s 2/3 of the game in.

The writing is competent. Again, if you’re looking for complex worldbuilding and something deep, you will not find it here. But, while it isn’t poetry in motion, there was at least no point where I actively cringed or asked myself why I was playing it (this is compared to my experience with Voltage Games and Playchoices).

The MC is tolerable. There’s nothing special about her, but she avoids being a literal faceless protagonist with zero presence while also not having such a strong personality as to be polarizing. She shows more competence and restraint than I expected of her (the bar was nearly floor level, but still).

The pacing is... odd. I get the distinct feeling that it’s a longer otome shoved inside a mobile otome, if that makes sense. I’ve seen other reviews call it rushed, but that isn’t necessarily the feeling I get. For a game to feel “rushed” to me, it has to show a lack of care and attention to detail; scenes are had just to have them and either don’t contribute to the overall plot/theme/feeling of the game. I feel like this game does take care, especially in it’s early bits, but some developments happen later on which don’t get the development time they necessarily need. Which leads me to-

The plot kind of goes off the rails around chapter 10 or 11. It returns to form in chapter 14ish. This... plot twist, shall we say, is predicated on hiding obfuscating knowledge from the reader that should be apparent due to being from the MC’s PoV. Whether or not this is a dealbreaker will depend largely on the person. Personally, I was loopy off resisting sleep medication while reading this part so I just sort of accepted it and the return to form/explanation in later chapters made it worth it, but your mileage will definitely vary. I have Thoughts on this, but this is all I can really say while still maintaining a spoiler free review.

Playtime if ardently listening to the voices is ~3 hours. Playtime can be cut down significantly if you’re a fast reader and don’t overly care about the voice acting.

I haven’t tried all alternate options, but there doesn’t seem like huge variations regarding the choices. The 16th chapter, however, will change based on whether you get the Normal or Happy End.

Art - 7/10

The art isn’t anything special nor is it terrible. It’s much less stiff and has more style to it that most mobile otome’s I’ve played, but is lacking when compared to, again, full length otome games.

The MC has a face, which gets points from me (I dislike faceless MCs a lot especially when included in CGs). The fact no one but love interests even get sprites is somewhat jarring.

As far as CGs go, they’re standard fare and about the number you’d expect for the length of a route. The game isn’t raunchy like... at all so don’t expect anything too scandalous.

Voice Acting - 10/10

What can I say? It’s Kenjiro Tsuda.

To elaborate, however-

Kenjiro Tsuda does an excellent job. I’m not sure if I’d call it his best work, but even if it is voiced, I think there’s some expectation for a mobile otome’s voicework to be phoned in. This is not the case and Tsuda’s acting gives a lot of life to the character and scenarios. I’ll, uh, save my gushing for my line-by-line dissertation, and leave it at that.

What was unexpected was, despite not having sprites, minor characters do get voices! They also have some rather nice performances, and there was no VA I disliked listening to or whose performance was noticeably lacking compared to the others (the actual sound quality was consistent overall as well).

Overall - 8/10

Aside from the prologue, this is a solid performance from a mobile otome game. Compared to full-length otome games it’s lacking, but it’s still one of the better mobile otomes I’ve played. For the $6 you can get individual routes for on the mobile app, it’s a fun, quick romp that was perhaps not necessarily what was advertised (regarding the actual summary), but instead met the expectations I dared to dream of. While I can’t vouch for the game in its entirety, I can, at the very least, vouch for this route.

Comprehensive Overlook + Personal Rating - 10/10

Okay, I’ve been objective as possible despite this being a very subjective topic and now it’s time for me to shill my little heart out.

Writing a standard fare review for this game was really really hard for me because against all odds, logic, and my own taste preferring shit like Hakuouki, I’m in love with this game. Obsessed with it. Half the reason why I’m doing this is because it is a totally unremarkable (though, again, fun) otome game so of course it doesn’t have, like, a community, but I need to fucking gush about it somewhere.

Why?

Because Soshi Amazaki literally hits every single husband trait I so dearly love. This route is the equivalent of if someone took my taste buds and analyzed each and every one of them, then cooked a meal precisely on my most loved things. It isn’t necessarily fine dining, but it feels like it was scientifically engineered to appeal directly to me. It’s like I was possessed and ghostwrote it. It’s like someone peered into my heart and teased out the essence of everything I’ve ever wanted, then told me to eat shit because the shell it’s rammed into is that of a bite sized otome game. I have never had such a feast before me. I’ve never been served such an exquisite palette of flavors. I have never been so thoroughly outraged that this is the form my heart takes.

And yet, I’m... pretty much satisfied, despite its flaws and shortness, with my only real outrage stemming from the fact there is literally nobody I can talk about this with (the morning after I binged the entire route I made my boyfriend play it just so I could rave like a lunatic to someone about it) as well as my shame for being so enamored with what is essentially a mediocre otome game.

I talked about how the story kind of went off the rails 2/3rds of the way through, but honestly? I didn’t care because the payoff was incredible. Was I scared the game wasn’t going to end up where I wanted it to while it was happening? Was I prepared to be immensely disappointed because I felt, briefly, like I was baited and that of course nothing would never let me have my cake and eat it too? Yep. But you know what? I don’t know or care if it’s because I set the bar so low or what, but my expectations were thoroughly blown out of the water.

I’m still committed to making even this part of the review spoiler free, so I won’t be going into depth about what I loved (I’ll save that for another post because this is long enough as it is), but I’ll add this apart from just character archetype and themes being what I loved.

That is, shockingly enough and even considering the pacing and, ahem, weirdness - this is a route where everything seems to serve a function. Again, the story isn’t necessarily deep, and while perhaps I would’ve gone about certain things a different way (and had there been space allotted for greater development), there are many, many, many things that are called back to or that seem insignificant, but serve as thematic backbone and create delicious implications.

As a big brother connoisseur, I give this route 3 Michelin Stars.

If you followed me for/like Fire Emblem’s Marx/Xander, I highly recommend this route.

[naiasonod]

"Aedra. Daedra.  Ancestors. Not Ancestors.

There is a widespread obsession in the hearts and minds of the many, to worship, genuflect and debase themselves before the Eldest.  

If they knew what I know, they would not be so quick or so eager to swear their oaths and belabor themselves with the delusion that the Immortals truly care for them.    

I find it hilarious to and past all points of pathetic, that men and mer alike are so zealously eager to fight over their favorite faiths, to make the agendas of the Daedra Princes and the Aedra 'gods' their own, and to seek meaning as playthings of the lot of them.

The Immortals care only for their agendas. Their entire existence is a uniform expression of their wishes to turn reality into more of a mirror reflecting themselves, their own nature, their own selves.   The more you debase and prostrate yourself before them and make yourself more like them, the more they might seem to favor you...but you'd be just another tragic joke to ever believe that your worth to even the kindest of them is as anything other than a pawn here in Nirn, the Arena.

Who you are means nothing to them. The kindest of them might indulge you for a moment, but its really quite irrelevant.  You will be used and spent for whatever it is you can do for them, and rather few of them will even deny this if queried upon it.

They are not perfect beings.  They're not even very good, kind or worthwhile people in my own estimations, and their immortality has guaranteed that not a single one of them will ever have to learn anything at all.

Not of difference, not of self-reflection and absolutely not of humility, or vulnerability, or sincere generosity.

Some of them are quite free with their blessings, such as they are.  What of it?   Dogs at the feet of their masters are often far better loved, more cherished and better shared with than even the most favored servants of any Aedra or Daedra Prince in existence.  

I do not challenge their authority over that which is theirs, though some would posit that everything, even we, are theirs.

I disagree with that.  I am my own.  My choices are my own, my will is my own, and I would sooner fail by my own merits than succeed through genuflection to an unworthy immortal.

Yes, I called all of them unworthy.   I would no sooner worship them and debase myself to attempt to be yet another little flawed mirror for them to attempt to admire their own reflections in.   Their vanities are as immense as their potency, and I've no use for either.

I have seen very well what faith in any of them and service in any of their names and to any of their causes is worth.

Not one damned thing.  Not a single, solitary thing.    And so I have carved a place for myself out of Oblivion. I have wrought it of my own knowledge, by my own power, and I have altered myself to achieve as close to immortality as I can, as yet, manage to attain without sacrificing who I am and what I cherish most on the alter of some two-dimensional Immortal obsessed with its own reflection.

They toy with our lives as whimsically as children toy with insects, and children are often gentler with insects that have caught their momentary interests.    I resent that.  I abhor that.  I despise that about them.

I can, of course, do precisely nothing about it.    If a fool I am, it is not so great a fool as to imagine that I could stop them from being as they've ever been.    All that was ever mine to change; to truly change; was myself.

I cannot make reality be anything I'd wish for or hope or expect.   Much as I love what Nirn is, little enough of it was intended by any of the Aedra, and not a single bit of it was done because they understood what they were doing.

We exist; all of this exists; because Lorkhan tricked them.  Why?  I don't rightly know.  Some pitiful part of me would like to imagine that Lorkhan foresaw what could be and wished to bring it about, though he would have to trick the others into giving of themselves to have it so.

The angry, abandoned child deep inside myself, lurking in memories and layers of self mired in the past, would dearly like to believe that perhaps Lorkhan actually cared in some fashion; that perhaps he actually wanted this and us, maybe even for something other than trifling playthings, sycophants and tools.  

The naivete of that distant aspect of myself was terrible to experience the unraveling of.  

I loved them once.  You don't come to despise and resent like my own save by melting down the shards of broken love and shattered dreams in the crucible fires of naivete's burning.  

I loved them once. I served them once.  You'll not find a priest or cultist anywhere that is more loyal than I once was.

What did I get for it?   Abandoned.  Betrayed.  Dismissed when my use was at its end.

And, as bitter frosting upon that cake of shit?  I was expected to receive this dismissal and abandonment gladly, without question, without hesitation.    

For all my service, for all my loyalty, for all my devotion, I was thrown away just as uncaringly as I might discard a used bit of tissue.

I go my way now.  I have my own agendas, and they are not modeled after the wishes or dictates of any Daedra Prince or Aedra.   I respect what some of them represent, perhaps none more highly than Dibella and Magnus, though I have little interest in them as people and absolutely not as masters.   They are no gods to me.  

Just vain immortals that couldn't give a wet sneeze about me or anything I think, feel or do unless it serves as a mirror for them to admire themselves in.    

There are multitudes of fools eager to be their playthings and their broken little mirrors.   That should be more than sufficient for them, should it not?"

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: A Documentary About Syrian Refugees Undermines Its Subjects

Still from A Syrian Love Story (all images from the movie’s trailer)

On the afternoon of October 18, 2011, from my desk at Syria Today Magazine in Damascus, I tried to track down a missing filmmaker. “Hey,” I emailed a British photographer friend also based in the capital. “We noticed this morning that one Sean McAllister is reported to have gotten arrested in Syria — he’s been here for months — and all his videos (of people saying nice things about the government) seized … does anybody know if he’s contacted anybody — I mean, how disappeared is he?”

McAllister’s arrest was first reported in Arabic on the Facebook pages of local revolutionary coordination committees, warning anyone he’d filmed to flee the country immediately or face arrest and torture. The family he’d been filming — Raghda, Amer and their two boys — did escape, first to Lebanon and then to France. A Syrian Love Story is McAllister’s take on their journey: the boys’ coming of age and the unraveling of their parents’ marriage.

Confinement, literal and figurative, is a central theme of the film. The couple fall in love in prison, and the tension between their roles as comrades, parents, and spouses drives the film’s conflict. At its outset, Syrian prison has made a gaping hole in the family, with Amer and the boys suffering Raghda’s absence as she serves a nine-month sentence for her activism. In Lebanon, exile becomes another, larger jail, which Raghda tries to escape by leaving her family and returning to Syria. Her departure traps Amer in a limbo where, he says, “my heart is broken every day.” Raghda eventually returns, and on the strength of her status as a former political prisoner, the family is granted visas to France. There, the couple’s marriage disintegrates as their children assimilate.

Raghda’s problem, as Amer sees it, is that she cannot be both “Che Guevara and a mother.” Raghda’s problem, as she sees it, is that everyone wants her to take care of them, but no one takes care of her. The couple’s problem, as their sons see it, is that though they’re physically free in France, they are still emotionally locked in “a big cage” of trauma.

Still from A Syrian Love Story

Eventually, Amer leaves his wife for a Frenchwoman, finding peace in “being quiet.” Raghda attempts suicide, recovers, and continues to advocate for the revolution she cannot stand to abandon. Both parents see themselves as building a future for their children: Amer in quiet France, Raghda in unquiet Syria.

The film’s strength lies in its ability to situate the impact of vastly violent conflict in an intimate personal context. In the moment of McAllister’s arrest, which is narrated over footage of detained Syrians being beaten, the filmmaker has literally, if accidentally, put himself on the line for the sake of witnessing history. Within this framework, the film has an opportunity to do delicate, powerful work exploring the intersection of national trauma with the strains of domestic life.

But it does not do this work. Instead, like its subjects, it gets trapped within the limits of its own choices. Foremost, by confining dialogue between McAllister and his subjects to English — a language none of the Syrians are proficient in — it severely undermines not only their abilities to express themselves (in phrases so choppy they must be subtitled) but also the scope of the questions McAllister asks them: “Are you happy/sad?” “Are things good now in France?”

Still from A Syrian Love Story

This obstruction of adequate self-expression is especially heartbreaking as Raghda and Amer try and fail to rebuild their relationship on camera by communicating their respective positions. When Raghda chokes up as she tries to explain her flashbacks to prison, it is impossible to know whether her silences are due to trauma or lack of English vocabulary. Either way, by denying its protagonists the means to fully articulate themselves, the film unwittingly echoes, on an aesthetic level, the political repression they paid dearly for challenging, even while mining the pathos of their marital breakdown.

Equally frustrating is the film’s exclusion of the Syrian context from its vision of life in exile. This especially damages its treatment of Raghda, who suffers precisely from her desire to remain faithful to two core commitments simultaneously: her politics and her family. Once the flawed revolution disappears from the screen, so does the meaning — on her terms — of her struggle. With the failing revolution invisible, Raghda looks, particularly in the scene when she has just attempted suicide, like a slovenly, unfit mother, chain-smoking and avoiding eye-contact with the British man filming her and asking why she feels that “everything is bad.” Perhaps she feels bad because two of her loves — revolution and husband — have betrayed her! But we cannot know, and by eliding everything that is happening in Syria, the film winds up taking Amer’s side, reinforcing the idea that it is better to leave the baggage of the past behind.

Still from A Syrian Love Story

In his post-screening talk, McAllister made it clear that this framing, wherein the film “completely lost a lot of the context … worked for what we wanted to do, which is make a bigger audience as possible in a TV market and tell a human story.” But this is wanting to have one’s cake and eat it too. The lynchpin of this love story is its genesis in protest and its subjects’ tortured ties to that history, which is still ongoing. Without that fundamental dramatic structure, the protagonists would have no agon, no heroic struggle, and there would be no story to tell.

By largely reducing the scope of the story to a he-said, she-said formulation, the film misses the chance to raise vital questions for its audiences. How can love in a Syrian context be usefully translated into a Western one, where love and freedom are packaged and imagined largely in personal, apolitical, neoliberal consumer terms? How do the broader and equally difficult commitments involved in a Syrian love story — to dignity, to human rights, to the rule of law —challenge the generic Hollywood romance, which presumes that the fall of Troy is redeemed by Brad Pitt’s Achilles seducing a pretty POW? For better or worse, what we need now is art that is capable, if not of giving all the answers, at least of asking the crucial questions.

A Syrian Love Story will be screened on March 29 during TIFF’s Human Rights Watch Film Festival.

The post A Documentary About Syrian Refugees Undermines Its Subjects appeared first on Hyperallergic.

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