#I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[bloomingpresent]

Ferro Rosso Chapter VI

Pairing: Charles Leclerc/Female reader digital artist older woman

Summary: on your mids 30’s you never imagine you’d be divorce. To help with the healing process you decide to return to you first love: digital illustration. Posting videos of your art online leads you to work for Ferrari. But you never thought it’d lead you to find somebody that’s going to bring you back to trust again in love.

Warnings: none, this one it's pretty much fluff. Some swearing.

Disclaimer: Again, this one it's fluff but these two did get something out of their chest that they wanted to get out. And I’m pretty happy with how their conversation went.So after this one, things are getting spicier. So bear with this fluff chapter one more time, please. I promise spicy stuff is coming. It's a short one.

All the previous chapters are here

“You think you can play me like this .. like I don’t understand anything? You think just because you’re older I won’t feel like you’re using me and I’m some stupid kid? You think you can take me for a joke?”. Charles's words ramble out of him. He’s been keeping all inside.

You walk back inside the room pulling him with you, you can’t have this conversation out in the hallway.“Using you? For what? I got where I am because of me! Be very careful Charles” you warn him.

 “You know what? You’re right! You don’t need me because you’re older, wiser, and more experienced. You just wanted the fun times with the cute boy with no strings attached.” Charles says, even if that’s not what he really thinks, frustration had taken a toll on him.

Now you’re not sad or frustrated anymore. You’re mad. “We both enter this physical relationship knowing what we were getting into it. You're not a boy you're an adult as same as I am. So don't give me that crap ok?”.

Charles crossed his arms on his chest. “I thought it would be just that. A physical relationship. We’d meet, we’d have fun, and go back to our lives. And it’s funny because I’m usually the one who doesn’t get attached…”

You cut him “When I tried to contact you you ran away from me, ignore me!”

 “It wasn’t like that! I got scared. I was too out of control. So I just stopped talking to you, to everyone” he says lowering the tone.

“Very mature of you Charles” you say in a mocking tone.

 “You can make fun of me if you want to, but this is me being honest!" He points at you near your face "I am out of control! You seem to be so much ‘older and wiser’ and I’m just this young dumb kid…” he says mocking you now.

“I didn't say that. I felt so stupid wanting to contact you, wanting to know how you were, feeling sorry for the horrible races and you just ignored me. Can you understand that?!” now you were getting things off your chest.

“ Can YOU get it? Or you’re pretending?  or maybe I’m some kid you can use and throw away like a piece of trash? That fucks all the women he can without even caring” Charles feels like his head is going to explode. Blood pumping into his system like crazy.

Both of you are so into your own battles.

“Oh god! you are not getting me. I come from a divorce, a bad one, you are the famous f1 driver, rich and famous and you can have any girl you want. You came to me we had fun and we agreed that it'll be just that. And then when I try to contact you and you show up with your girlfriend showing her off. How did you expect me to feel?” There it is, this is what’s been bothering you really. 

 “Oh, so this about my fame and my money now? You think I’m taking all the advantage, is it? You think I’m just playing around like a kid because I can have any woman I want? You seriously think I don’t have any feelings? Just because I’m an f1 driver?, you think I don’t get hurt? Don’t suffer?”. The pressure it’s real for Charles, and he is slowly losing his mind, and you’re not helping either with all of this.

“Well, that's what you are showing me lately.” you just reply and wait for his answer.

“Damn it y/n! You have no idea what I’ve been through in my career! All my pain, all my tears and all the hard work I’ve put in to make me one of the best drivers on track. You have no idea how much I’ve suffered and you think you get to judge me? You think you can tell me how I should act, when you have never been in my place? You have no idea the pressure, the stress I have to go through… and yet you think you can judge me?!?” Charles answers you with holding his head between his hands, eyes open in shock and frustration. 

Maybe he is right, you don’t really know it, but still you think he is not right. And he still thinks you’re being unreasonable. 

“You know what Charles is fine! You win, you're right I'm the bitch here, I'm the one who's wrong...this (pointing the space between you two) isn't working. I was right that we should keep our distance from each other.” It’s all you have to say at that. There is no argument anymore, neither of you is willing to let go of whatever is holding you back from each other. And he has a point.

“And there you go again! Trying to run away. You just want the fun and games… and then when someone gets hurt or gets too close to your emotions, you blame them for having feelings. Well, you’re not gonna run away that easily from me. I want you to admit that you care.”. Charles says stepping closer to you.

“For the love of god! when did I say I didn't care! I do, and that's the problem!.” you answer him looking into his eyes. And he is taken by surprise. You do care, and he does too.

 “Okay, then show it to me! Show you care for me! You wanted me to show I cared and here I am. So now is your chance, show you care. Don’t just say it, don’t run. Show you care.” He says grabbing you by the wrist preventing you from move away, which you try, but he wont let you. 

You feel so expose, he is looking into your soul now.

 “Tell me the truth. Am I just a toy for you? Because if it’s just about the fun times, I can leave you right here and never talk to you again… Answer me” Charles is slowly disarming you.

"No, you're not..." your words bearly audible.

He moves even closer until his lips are just a few inches from yours. All his anger has subsided and now he looks at you with fiery eyes “Then why do you push me away... Why?”.

You smile and look down. “The same reason you did it. Because I thought you didn't want any more than sex with me.” I whisper.

 “So we’re both cowards, huh?” he says looking at his feet.

"We're both proud assholes..." you admit.

“Then we should stop being so proud. What do you say?” Charles finally says as he slowly leans in and kisses you. 

You just respond with another kiss, this one it’s deeper. Hands everywhere. Things start getting out of control rapidly.

“We should stop. You have to go back” you say between kisses. Snapping both of you out of the frenzy.

“Right!” he says stepping back and covering his mouth trying to control himself.

“We have a three-week break, we should take this time to think.” You look at him trying to figurated what he is thinking.

“Or…” he comes back with answer “I can visit London, you know for my vacation, and if you happened to be there, then…” he comes closer “...we can hang out”

You nod taking his suggestion. “Right ok…sounds like a plan.”

"All right then firecracker...I'll text you ok," he says resting his forehead on yours.

It takes more than a few minutes for you two to say goodbye. 

The 3 weeks break ahead is looking pretty good.

Now that they got their mind straight how will this relationship develop? Will it develop? How will they manage to keep all the balls in the air? Will passion and romance betray the secrecy of what they have? There is a whole lot of things to deal with.

Let me know what you think, please.

[dapperrokyuu]

RULER OF MY HEART (Studio LICO | Alien Stage: Round 5 Song) - English Translyrics

Hi! Alien Stage BANGER? Time to make lyrics! Not much to say other than Round 5 has Changed Me(TM) and the fact that Ruler of My Heart sounds so good doesnt help, lol. Now we can sing along with society's prince, Luka... *tosses him like a hacky sack in my mind* AND OUR LOVELY MIZI, UWAHHH-

As always, feel free to use, as long as you credit me! If anyone wants further thought process clarification for any lyrics, feel free to ask too! I have notes under the Read More to that end and some alternative lyrics as well! Have a wonderful day, fellas!

Translation Base: Captions in original video.

You can turn away from– You can even outburn– The light and sun, my star.

You’re the perfect subject, With the whole world within Those saddened eyes of yours.

My savior is such a beautiful soul… I don’t believe. You’re a liar. When our darkness starts to overlap each other, Let me take it all away…

Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart,

Your beauty is eternal.

Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart…

The walls are so endless… It’s a fall with no ground.

In a single moment, breaking down–

My sight comes to an end, My ears start to go deaf. Collapsing, my world.

My savior, such a beautiful lady…. Make me your god, I can give you everything. When our darkness starts to overlap each other, Let me take it all away…

Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart,

Your beauty is eternal.

Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart…

— Break —

Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart, Ruler, ruler of my heart…

Ruler, ruler of my heart Ruler, ruler of my heart Ruler, ruler of my heart…

---

NOTE 1: First stanza was the most awkward to make and probably still is the most awkward in general. But I couldnt think of an alternative thats without even more awkward sentence structure. And I think it works out in terms of Luka uncomfortably dogpiling Mizi with compliments, while also calling her “The light and sun, my star.”

NOTE 2: Sad vs. saddened has an odd difference in nuance in my mind but using a synonym for sad felt more jarring and excessive. Left it as is because it does get the point across, and maybe its just me overthinking it, lol.

NOTE 3: Ive considered changing “I don’t believe. You’re a liar.” to something like “Dont believe it,” or “Dont believe you,” but I try not to change lyrics that are already in English. I also think the awkwardness serves to portray Mizi’s state (of struggling to sing) in Round 5 very well and that there may be some intentional play on words of taking the “You” from “You’re” to finish the first phrase, so it works out.

NOTE 4: The original translation of “The endless walls / A fall with no ground” is actually pretty interesting to ponder about and I encourage others to do so about Luka’s character!

At first, I personally interpreted it as walls being obstacles to a goal, in which, no matter how much you overcome, there is another to face. And then the fall part is simpler to understand and just illustrates the hopelessness and despair of such a situation.

Thinking more, I considered joining the two lines and perceiving the walls' “endlessness” in terms of “height,” which would be why the fall would be perceive as "with no ground." Even if you were to overcome and stand at the top of such a wall (potentially referring to Luka’s position as a winner of Alien Stage), the situation is terrifying. And of course, falling from such a height (dying) is terrifying too. So this lyric could refer to how Luka views life as terrible either way (theres no winning) and/or that, despite his “advantageous position,” he’ll never be able to properly overcome his circumstances as a human pet.

Anyways! *kicks my feet* I translated the wall line as ambiguous to either interpretation because the ambiguity is likely the intention and I think theres value in all those takes.

ALTERNATIVE LYRICS (Line 9 and 27): “When our darkness overlaps onto each other” You have to pause on the “o” in “overlap,” which is a bit awkward. The current lyric works out well since the syllable that needs to be paused on is a single word (“starts”). This line rhythmically was probably the most difficult to tackle, haha.

ALTERNATIVE LYRICS (Line 14 and 32): “Your beauty is forever.” As someone who prefers not deviating from a translation as much as possible, to be frank, that just sounds bad, imo, lol. But if you prefer that option, go for it, I guess!

ALTERNATIVE LYRICS (Line 21 and 22): “I will lose all my sense / I will go blind and deaf” I enjoyed the first half implying that one’s losing their “mental” sense (mind), but felt that it deviated from original meaning too much.

If youve read this far, thank you for listening, haha! Again, have a wonderful day! c:

[nerd-artist]

tag game (Horizon)

Thanks @singingkestrel for tagging me! This was fun!

1. ride or die ship (your otp):

Ereloy. When I first played HZD and Erend made his first appearance I didn't like him a bit because I prejudge him as the alpha male stereotype, but then the writers began to unwrap his layers, revealing the cinnamon bun inside him and I ended the game by being in love with that big Oseram and his mohawk. I shipped them then, when they had the two minutes conversation, but my obsession started with The Daunt reunion in HFW when he couldn’t avoid being upset because she left without saying goodbye, and then Aloy closing his wounds by defeating Asera in First Forge by his side, and Singularity with all those flirty lines and the side hug. I’ve always thought they were going to be end game (and I still hope we can choose that in H3). They care for each other so much, I can see them living happily together and I need to witness it.

2. most annoying ship: Ship and let ship. We’re all here to enjoy so if your ship makes you happy, there’s nothing wrong with that (unless they are sisters, that's it, that’s the annoying one for me).

3. second favourite ship: the second ship involving Aloy that makes more sense to me is Hawk and Thrush, and also involving the Sunhawk there is Kotalanah that has a special place in my heart (what can I say, they have chemistry).

4. favourite platonic relationship: I love the friendship between Erend and Varl there was so much complicity between them, makes me so sad that we only could enjoy it for a short time and now I hope we can see Erend having a similar relationship with Kotallo. Also Aloy and Zo, I need to see that friendship evolve even more in the next game, Aloy is going to need her wise advice.

5. underrated ship: This one is underrated mostly because it only exists in my head: GAIA/Gildun. Just imagine them having daily long-distance calls and then Gildun going to the base to meet her. The calculations GAIA is making at that moment let her know she is experiencing love and we can see her smile for the first time…

6. overrated ship: I don't know, I don't think there is one.

7. one thing i would change in canon: A lot of us agree, Varl’s death was unnecessary, Aloy had already lost Rost, she didn't need to lose a friend too to know how important people can be for her. Also, the way they wrote some characters in HFW and some plots in BS. But what I think is the big mistake is to have wasted the opportunity to make Aloy and Beta bond in Burning Shores, she could have been helping Aloy a lot more from the distance, giving us some cute sisterly moments. I hope they fix this in the next game.

8. something canon did right: A lot of things! That’s why I love these games! HZD is almost perfect, that game made me go through a roller coaster of feelings and I’ll never forget that.

Aloy’s personality evolution. You can clearly see the difference between HZD Aloy and herself at the end of HFW but it’s not forced, she learned through the way to get there.

The lack of prejudices. Obviously there are conflicts between tribes, mostly because of the different religions, but the Horizon world is showing us how humanity would be without racism and without homophobia, Guerrilla is doing a great job there.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: I am very proud to be part of the Focus On The Heart team, a visual novel fan game. It is a huge project that I believe a lot of Horizon fans are going to enjoy when it’s done.

Also I’m proud of my Horizon’s characters as Greek Gods series of fanarts. I got distracted by other illustrations I needed to draw, but I plan to keep on doing them at some point.

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Gildun! He is a light in the darkness, but I want to talk about Zo because she is also perfect and she is very underrated. She is fierce but she is also lovely. She joined Aloy although that meant to deny all her beliefs. She confronted the Utaru chorus in the past and she doesn't hesitate to do the same when it’s needed. We meet a very interesting character and I hope that the fact she is pregnant doesn't mean she is not going to have an important role in the next game because that would send a very wrong message.

11. the character I relate to the most and why: I never thought about this until now, but I guess I can relate to Beta, all the traumas of her past aside and I’m way more social than she is but... I work remotely and my hobbies are almost the same as my job so I’m always indoors in front of a screen, like she is (using her focus constantly). She is also afraid of a lot of things, which is essentially my everyday mood. I can relate to Erend sometimes because I tend to make fun of myself to hide my insecurities.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: AMADIS, but also, The Quen as a tribe (not talking about individual characters here), they have the best outfits and they are sailors, and that is great… it is their society which is very disgusting, nothing good could come if it’s inspired by a start-up structure. I also don't like Carja. Anything imperialist makes me wanna puke.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: I’ve learned what to be in a fandom means, this is the first time in my (long) life that I join one, I’ve been screaming about other games and series before but mostly to myself and to friends that didn't fully understand me, to be able to talk freely about blorbos (a word I didn't knew existed until last year) with the lovely people I’ve met it’s truly a relieve. Also I think (and I hope🙏) being in this fandom and this obsession is helping me improve my English.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, it’s not unrequited they’re just dumbasses (and some others I don't want everyone to know 😉).

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: I come with knives by IAMX, I can see Aloy singing it to herself to stop her from having meaningful relationships.

tagging: You don't need to answer if you don't want to (sorry if you have already been tagged) and everyone is welcome to do it although you haven't been tagged @sorbetowl @meg-noel-art @chloefraazers @kittleskittle @hartlesshart @emtazer @xxxhellfireravenxxx @bookmancer-legendarium @boobaloof (edit because I wanted to tag @artekai too and I forgot 🥲)

[gunsli-01]

Alright, so let's talk about After Pain and It's Not My Fault together.

Particularly the hourglass.

"Conveniently overlooking that the hourglass Mu is stuck in is revealed to be filling with the victim's blood at the end. Showing even more that Mu may not give a fuck about her actions effect on this person but how the mere thought of them continues to inconvenience her. In that special haven't I suffered enough way of hers."

So, what is this greenish liquid? Well, I think it represents Mu's ego. All her sorry spells, anger, and just deserts wrapped in one. This is why it can be used to visualize both pain and pleasure. This is also why it was contained within the hourglass throughout all of After Pain. Because as Mu says, "I'm sorry won't reach anyone." Her feelings can't reach anyone.

The hourglass serves the purpose of illustrating this within After Pain. It's why it's shown to be cutting her off from everyone else including her former friends, she's basically been iced out.

It breaks when she kills her victim in After Pain as a way of showcasing, she's no longer burdened by her victim's presence. She doesn't have to be bothered by her anymore. It's also one of the reasons that we rarely see her victim outside of that hourglass. The issue she has in After Pain is quite literally her former friends not letting the situation go and bullying her.

It's why she says things like "If you’re going to make me the villain it’s ok to ignore me." because that would be preferable to being reminded of the person she wanted gone so bad. Oh, and "But I see it in my dreams even though I erased it" it in this case clearly referring to her victim at this point.

As I've said many times before for months her classmates were bullying her in response to the murder the bullying was not the cause of the murder. We're shown at the end of After Pain the other students in Mu's class react to their classmate's death with shock and a bit of fear. If they know, believe, or even witnessed Mu be responsible for another student's death. Then for some reason, she wasn't held accountable for it. Then her classmates picking on her in retaliation to that would make sense.

Especially given that both MVs highlight the fact that Mu is wealthy, and her victim was poor. The board even bullies the victim for reeking of poverty.

As she says in it's not my fault "God gave me everything" of course people would be jealous she's pretty, wealthy, popular she can't be wrong they're all just jealous. They can't be me so they hate me is the mentality. Honestly, she's just embarrassing herself, though apparently commonsense and empathy are some of the few things money can't buy.

It's as she says she's always been this way taking things too far and then crying at the first sign of being held accountable. Who knows, maybe she said that wretched poor girl attacked her for money, and she had to defend herself. Oh, that may be going too far, right? She just let others believe her victim killed herself. I wonder how that would make someone's family feel. Well it's only fiction, no need to think that hard about it right? Still, someone reeks of privilege.

Did Mu's mommy and daddy teach her how to cry her way out of trouble? It's no wonder it wasn't working anymore in After Pain. However, the voters during the first trial fed into this mentality of hers all over again. So, the only thing she learned is to go crying to people who know nothing about what she did.

Her sorry spells are working fine because if she acts pitiful someone will fall for it eventually. All she had to do was cry to the right people.

So, take more and more and devote to me. Doesn't it feel good to make each other feel better. It's friendship, right? Doesn't it feel good to tell yourself you're helping a poor soul, doesn't it rub your ego just the right way protecting someone sad like me? Keep protecting me, let's feed our egos together. Because it feels good helping someone that appears pitiful like me. It's much better to feel like you've done the right thing than to actually do it right~ We're the same; all people are like that. So, don't think too hard even if I do something bad.

This type of self-indulgent character is a lot more fun!

[thatcatbasil]

some thoughts after finishing artificer's campaign

spoilers under the cut!

so last night i finished my artificer run and got the ending where arti kills the scav king

(side note: i am aware that there is another ending but i have not attempted to get it yet, i assume that it'll involve pilgrimage but i imagine that it'll be fairly time consuming to get considering how arti's karma works)

so far, i think artificer is my favorite out of the new slugcats! i had a lot of fun messing with explosive spears (though also it took me until the very end of the run to realize that i could also craft grenades by swallowing rocks) and the boost jump made a lot of platforming sections more bearable. i also enjoyed exploring some of the new regions (though i am a little sad that i couldn't visit moon)

but oh god, the scavs. i remember when i played rain world for the very first time and was looking through beginner's guides, a lot of them would make the point that attempting to fight scavs was NOT a good idea since their aim with their spears is far more accurate compared to yours. a lot of the times when i tried to fight scavs as arti, they would immediately spear me without hesitation, and even when they did hesitate they would still somehow launch their spears directly into my head. eventually, i figured out a few strategies to dodge their spears (hopping around and boost jumping out of the way, plus just grabbing spears out of their hands before they had the opportunity to throw them) but there was still a decent handful of times where i was just unlucky and couldn't react in time. i think all the frustration makes it a lot more satisfying when you finally manage to kill them, though.

the scav king fight itself was also pretty similar and took me several tries to beat. for a few attempts, i tried to clear the arena out of explosives before initiating the fight. with this method, the scav king was able to kill me slightly less quickly, but i could never last long enough to actually defeat it myself since there were still plenty of normal, non-explosive spears that it could throw at me. eventually i asked the discord for help and got some sound advice about parrying attacks and preparing grenades ahead of time. after that it only took me two tries to defeat the scav king and end the run :)

i would also like to say that this illustration is brutal and i love it

anyways i already went ahead and started a spearmaster run and i'm progressing pretty smoothly i think! but also playing arti made me forget that in (most of) the other campaigns, scavs start off neutral against you, so the first time i saw a scav as spearmaster i immediately stabbed it without considering the consequences. oops

that's all for now! thanks for reading!

[bilbobagginshome]

A Deadbeat’s Journal 21

A Jotaro Kujo x Blackfemreader

6 April 20XX,

Nowadays, I only go to work for free catering and talking to Kate and Mary. We are practically besties to the point that the only thing I don’t know about them is whether they use pads or tampons. But as Jotaro is coming home two days from now I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m leaving. I want to see more and understand more about the world I live in. I have traveled many times before but I have only seen the beautiful and sometimes touristy side of the world. Sort of like the PR video of the world if we were to show aliens what life on earth is like. Moreover, I spent my entire life licking myself that I couldn’t notice how vast the world is. How a small change in environment can completely shift the perspective of anyone who is alive. 

I think discovering that would also mean discovering myself. Ms. Khadija agreed, or more so screeched in agreement. She gleefully explained how proud she was that I’m finally beginning to have a three-dimensional perspective of the world. I liked how she illustrated it. But I feel like I’m moving too fast. I don’t even know what I can do as a lawyer who studied in Kenya abroad. Where will I even get a job? I mean the check from Joestar Enterprises is quite sturdy but my contract was for three months and I will quite easily go broke afterward if I decide to move out with those savings. Also, mom is definitely not going to help me leave. Without seeing her face, I already know her frown would slightly etch. Though she may seem complete especially after promising to stop infantilizing me, I know she’ll barely lift a finger to help me even get my visa.

I even forgot about the visa issue. The Kenyan passport is almost as useful as a rock when it comes to visa applications. Unless I pull astronomically long strings, I may have to wait a year to even go to one place for a few months. It's madness really. Like why is our passport so useless at doing what it's expected to do? I can feel my patriotism washing away as I remember the queues to even get a chance to apply for a visa. I would give anything to have Jojo’s Japanese passport. He’s living in la vida loca with how easy it is for him to move around. God, don’t I hate the consequences of colonialism?

Maybe I can ask Patience. Their family is notoriously connected so I know visa applications are an easy breeze for them. Yeah, I will, I’ll promise them a date at Tamarind if they are successful. I know they have a taste for the finer things in life. 

What am I even thinking? What will I even tell Jotaro? I’ve suddenly decided to leave home. I know he’ll be sad, we created a home together for Christ's sake we even have a pet together. But maybe he may also want to move on. Either way, I need to leave before we grow comfortable with one another and we neglect the concept of growth and change before I decide to marry the guy, have two wonderful kids, and be a stay-at-home mom with a law degree who does pilates five times a week. Look it sounds wonderful already but I mean this is why I need to get out of here. I’m pondering a future with a man who has shown me the slightest interest. I haven't even kissed someone outside a truth-or-dare game….wow, I really am inexperienced.

Jotaro will understand. When we weren't close, he always emphasized my close-minded nature. Now though, that we have something in the vacuum, something despite remaining unnamed remains so tangible I can lick the sweetness, its going to be challenging to let it go, to only hope that absence will make the heart grow fonder and perhaps my airy castles of what could be of our relationship will become solid. 

Well enough pondering. I better call Patience or this will just turn to never-ending daydreams.

Third-Person Narration.

Y/n thought best to cook Jotaro something light as the road trip would leave him slightly weary, So a Japanese curry and rice would definitely be a soothing dinner. Just as she shuts the lid of the already-made dinner, Jotaro opens the door.

“Jojo, you’re already home !” She cheers as she gives him a welcoming hug which Jotaro warmly accepts.

“Seems you missed me a lot,” he responds with a slight smirk as he unwillingly lets go to lug his suitcase to his room.

“Definitely. But especially my little Samosa who I should be picking up tomorrow from her grandma’s” she shouted out as she prepared the table. Jotaro walked out of his room, his two being the only garment on him and y/n refused to look within his vicinity, suddenly intrigued with what cutlery to use to accompany the honestly simple meal.

After some scrolling, Jotaro came back, fully clothed in his blue cotton pajamas, and sat.

“ So how was Malindi? Any more hookups that you want to tell me ?” She questioned with a slight chuckle.

“Why jealous?” he responded a tinge of intrigue underneath layers of jeering.

“After that fiasco that was your first night in months, moreover in a dirty bathroom, yeah I’m very jealous of you Jotaro.” She mocks back and Jotaro chuckles in response.

“Yeah, I think that night single-handedly made me a celibate man. But aside from my sex escapades I finally did something that’s been on my bucket list for a while.”

“What’s that?’

“Boat riding.”

“How quintessentially trust fund baby of you,” she smirks afterward.

“Very funny , but yeah it's a bit weird that despite being a marine biologist, I never bothered with learning how to ride a boat until recently,” Jotaro responds in a faraway tone as he mouths his dish.

After a few heavy mouthfuls in silence, the only sound coming from y/n as she laughs at her screen, Jotaro says softly,

“The food there was absolutely wonderful, but its something about home cooking that will always have my heart. Thank you for dinner. I didn’t even think that you knew how to make Japanese curry .” 

“Oh, it's nothing, just a few youtube tutorials, and some personal touches.” She shyly responds with a beaming smile.”

“Really, like what?”

“I added royco for a more beefy flavour and used some meat stock rather than water. Added a tinge of coconut cream but the rest really is by the book.”

“It's wonderful, I guess no matter what happens the student can never beat the master,” he says whilst rising from his chair, plate almost as clean as it was before serving. Y/n simply scoffs at that, rising to wash the dishes but Jotaro declines and after a few minutes of nonsensical squawking, she allows Jotaro to wash the few dishes remaining.

She can sense that something unspoken is in the air as Jotaro washes mutely. I mean, she has a secret of her own but she is unwilling to divulge it to the open as much as his questionable secret is. Though she says nothing and decides that whatever must be hurting him to say is almost as heavy s her confession, and rather than blurt it out as her conscious usually dictates, she will simply spit it out when he is just as ready to.

***

Samosa barely acknowledges her parents when they eagerly greet her. Perhaps she knows that fun time is over and she will no longer have a companion who she has been menacingly teasing the entire week. She instead continues to jump on Tatu whilst attempting to bite the poodle’s tail which granny Rhoda only tuts at in mind disapproval and a smirk of amusement. After the usual five-minute greeting which involves a rehashing of the week’s events, they head into the dining room for supper.

“So, y/n what do you plan to do after the hotel’s opening? I know a guy who can get you a nice job in their property company .” her mom says whilst forking into her chicken.

“While that would be nice, my ambitions are a tad broader.” she slowly responds whilst looking down to pleading Samosa.

“How broad?” both her mom and Jotaro ask.

“That’s my little secret,” she responds with a closed-mouthed smile. Faith, remaining unamused almost responds before sealing her personal remarks by drawing her mouth in a line and instead opts to cut off a piece of her chicken to give to Samosa. Jotaro looks questioningly over to y/n which she ignores in favor of finishing off her pilau.

“Was boat driving fun Jotaro?” Granny Rhoda shifts the topic as she notices the tension still as thick as ever.

“It was granny, I’m even considering acquiring a yacht.”

“How nouveau riche,” Y/n mutters with a stiffened laugh which he silences with a slight glare.  

“Anyway as I was saying, I would like to get a yacht, I really enjoyed it and who knows, something great may come out of it,” he says while feeding his bone to Tatu who almost dexterously begins gnawing on it.

“You both are acting so closed off. Anyway, you are all grownups, nothing I can do about it now.” Faith responds with a resigned sigh.

After a successful manoeuvre in the topic by granny Rhoda they decide to head home, this time with Samosa who surprisingly agrees quickly. In the car, whilst Samosa is sleeping in the backseat, y/n thoughtfully states 

“I think we are at the brink of something.”

Jotaro stays silent for a moment, sharp eyes fixated on the road before he responds,

“I just hope it will be for the best .” 

Y/n replies with a slight nod.

* * *

“So you’re leaving Kenya?”Patience and Abdul question in unison.

“Yep, for a year though, I want to be somewhere I’ve never been, though as familiar as home.”Y/n punctuates with a sip from her cool strawberry lemonade.

“Come with us then, I got a job as an aid for the favelas in Brazil and Abdul is leaving for a job he got for some boring tech company.” Patience excitedly blurted.

“Why can’t I share the good news on my own, it and besides, its not ‘some tech company’ it's a creative startup that partners with emerging creatives, the jist of it is really cool.” he ends with a sweet smile.

“Oh my goodness congrats guys, though Abdul what made you change your mind? and Patience, what’s with the sudden philanthropic route?”

“Dad has been bugging me on not using my degree to its fullest but I felt that they thought I was pausing my life for them. I didn't want them worrying and I’ll visit every moment I can .” He ends in a hum and y/n nods in approval.

“And I heard the easiest way to get to the UN is through working for an NGO and despite babu’s connections, it's still going to be difficult to get in.” Patience nonchalantly adds whilst biting into her cinnamon roll.

“Your bluntness astounds me at times,” Abdul responds in slight disbelief.

“OK OK, I also care about the children and the women and whatever cause we’re advocating for or against .”

“You don’t even know what you’re fighting for?”Y/n shockingly questions.

“Babu got me the job, I’ll find out when I get there.” she shrugs and gulps her tea while admonishing Abdul for not making the tea spicier. This causes another minor altercation with Abdul annoyed that his tea-making skill is being questioned despite being the son of a cafe owner and Patience mockingly jabbing at his seemingly lackluster baking skills to spite him further.

As y/n looks at the passing cars and people, she contemplates. Brazil would be beautiful, crime rates are crazy there but in a good neighborhood, she can thrive.

“OK, I’ll ask someone if he can hook me up with a  job at one of his hotels there.”

“Huh?” Patience questions, now done with their tea.

“I’ll join you guys, in Brazil.”

“Oh really?? I’ll finally be able to live out my dorm dreams. This is so exciting. Now that you have decided, don't worry I’ll aid with the visa issues, Baba knows a guy.” Patience exclaims as they tightly hug me. 

“But what about Jotaro?” Y/n mutters. Abdul responds as Patience slowly lets go of me.

“Oh yeah, your boyfriend would be very sad .”

“Definitely, and you still haven't told us anything much about him, all I know of him is that his family is loaded and that’s all from surface-level internet stalking .”Patience adds

“First of all, he’s not my boyfriend…”

“Yet” Abdul unhelpfully adds.

“And secondly, I get the jist that he may like me, but I don't think he’ll wait for me if I ask him to.”

“ ‘May’? He lets you live at his house rent-free, cooks and cleans with AND for you, plus he could not stop making love eyes whenever you are within his vicinity. “Abdul retaliates.

“Moreover the bedroom eyes whenever you’d sway at the tunes during the festival, I wasn’t even been looked at and I was sweating buckets.”Patience delivers

“That did not happen.” Y/n meekly responds.

“Yes it did, fine boy was glaring at anyone who was sizing you up and looked ready to devour you. Kinda disappointed you didn’t satiate his hunger once y’all got home.”Patience calmly says

“That is obscene Patience.”y/n admonishes as she shyly looks away from both of their mischievous glances.

“But true,” Abdul responds with a Cheshire smile.

“I’ll know what to do .” Y/n determinedly states.

“I say hit it and leave him begging. Men like that.” Abdul states 

“You only like that cause you have a masoch-”

“TMI GUYS,” Y/n exclaims in horror and the perpetrators burst into laughter.

* * *

“Who would’ve thought you were into picnics?” Jotaro says in slight shock as he helps y/n pack a basket for an afternoon on the waterfront. 

“Car picnics have always been a thing in Mombasa, how can I not like them?”y/n questions back.

“True true. So, what's this about? You told me to be ready to go as soon as breakfast was done.” Jotaro once more inquires.

“What are you a detective? Stop interrogating me. You’ll see when you get there.”y/n with a slight annoyance, responds.

“Fine. But I want sugarcane juice, so let's stop by town” he responds amusedly at her snappy mood.

He notices the flair in y/n’s off-shoulder mid-thigh, summer dress, and how the peach pink complements her shade. How the gold anklet makes her purposeful walks around the kitchen even more graceful. How the acrylics make her rapid hand movements seem smoother. How her light makeup perfectly complements her features. How, just beside the kitchen window, she seems more otherworldly than earthly.

“Is your beauty often this spellbinding?”

“How many times have you used that line to pick up girls?” Y/n responds in amusement though her shy smile exposes the effect that the offhanded compliment had

“Rarely, I’m not used to seeing angels walking amongst us,” he responds with a smirk.

“Young man, pick up the basket and stop with the unnecessary flirting,” Y/n responds with a less composed tone as she picks up the sunscreen.

“If I do so, will you grace me with your smile so blinding  that all wars would cease?”Jotaro sweety questions.

“Have you been reading the butterfly’s burden?” Y/n inquires back.

“Can you let me serenade you?” Jotaro tiredly retorts

“No, because it's kind of embarrassing to me.” She responds as she calls out for Samosa to head out.

The car ride is filled with banter and catch-ups. Jotaro gives his latest scoop on Noriaki and Atieno, claiming that they are now an item which y/n refutes based on info Noriaki has been personally telling her. They talk about workplace drama and the new shows that have been hits.

By the time they arrive at the waterfront, the atmosphere is perfect. Not too crowded and comfortable enough to enjoy your personal space. They find a shade that overlooks the ocean and park the car there.

Assembling the picnic is simple and after laying it all down and y/n taking a picture for her WhatsApp Status, they comfortably sit. Samosa unwilling to sit on the Maasai blanket due to the dogs surrounding the area opts to stay in the car and y/n opens the car door to observe her.

After a few nibblings and a comfortable silence taking over as they bask in the ocean breeze, y/n says,

“I have to tell you something.”

“Actually, same here but please go first .”

Her stomach twists in an uncomfortable yet familiar way. She looks at him and states.

“I’ve been thinking of moving abroad. To Brazil. Actually, it's less of a thought and more of an action. My visa is almost done and grandpa Jotaro found me a well-paying job as a hotel manager.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m also planning on leaving. I got a boat license and plan on working online. I plan to tour the coastlines of Africa in my new research. Hopefully, it will be less mentally draining than this one has been ” he ends with a half-hearted laugh

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

They stare at the glimmer of the ocean. How it reflects the sun’s golden hue and makes the atmosphere almost dreamlike. But a swirling pit of sadness seems to have overtaken their hearts and their throats ache in swallowed grief.

“We should be happy for one another, but I’m still so sad.” y/n chocks out before giving in to tears. Jotaro tightly brings her into a hug and blinks away the eventual tears

Jotaro’s POV

Suddenly she looks up and says shakily, eyes glossing,

“Jotaro I-”

“Don't,  because if you do, I don't think we'll be willing to let each other go.”

The tears well in her soft eyes and mine break into sobs. It's a sorrowful sight though one without its own comedic turn. A giant hunched over a girl as he softly sobs.

Y/n hugs me tighter and the gasp she lets out breaks my heart. Its fragments spread all over my veins, covering every crevice like some poison and filling my brain with all-encompassing grief. I tug her to me and she hugs me softly. Why are we crying like grieving individuals? Why does the thought of letting each other go feel like death itself? And explain why my heart feels impaled whenever I hear her heaving breath.

After a few minutes of soft sobs, she composes herself and looks up at me. Her nose and cheeks have slightly reddened though her eyes and the slight crease of her eyes are a full indication of her sadness. She takes out a wet tissue and wipes off her ruined makeup.

“Guess I shouldn’t have worn makeup .” She heaves out.

“I know I stopped you, but I’ll admit it. I’m in love with you. Will always love you no matter the distance. So I’m willing to wait for you. It's only going to be a year. And then, we’ll get married.”

“Married, Isn’t that going too fast considering we won’t be dating during the year.” she side-eyes me, mouth agape.

“Okay tell me, what more do we need to know about each other ?” I mockingly questions

“What about testing our romantic compatibility?”She knowingly retorts back.

“We definitely are compatible. May I remind you that we live together and take care of another living being ?” I respond whilst gesturing to a drowsy Samosa.

“Or did you mean something more intimate?” I add with a slight eyebrow raise that would be sexy were it not for the cartoonish smile that y/n loudly laughs at.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. Okay fine but during the year, no sexual and emotional relations with anyone.” Y/n resolutely conditions.

“Of course.” I  respond with a tone that seems far too much reserved for only her. After a long silence, it comes onto me that I haven’t heard her say it.

“Do you love me?”

“I mean , I agreed to your outlandish idea so I would think so.”she says with a small smile. That’s not enough though. Call me hopelessly romantic but I eat up romantic settings like these ones and despite not showing it , I am expecting a doe , glossy eyed heart confession that leads to a potential kiss.

“Then say it” 

“OK, Jojo. I love you.”She says while looking straight at me.

“Would it kill you to be a bit more shy.” I hate being whiny but why is she so hard core.

“I’m sorry I’m not the hallmark type girl who is too shy to admit at face that she likes someone. Yeah , that’s right , I took a peak at your Netflix profile . Your obsession with romance K dramas should be seriously reviewed .”

Yeah I’ve heard enough , Maybe a kiss will shut up her needless critics .

Considering how she barely moved at first, i definitely caught her off-guard, But she never rejected me and despite  being slight uncomfortable we were able to move at a seamless pace. Oh dear Buddha , why is it that even when I’m describing the most refreshing kiss I’ve ever had I have to make it seem like I’m relating stock info. It felt like a cool drink after working under the humid Mombasa sun and were it not for breathing , I’d have drank her up to my fill.

“That, that was something.” Y/n says whilst attempting to catch her breath.

“You seemed a bit rusty , a bit of practice wold fix that up . Better yet , class is in session.”  and before I could grab her for another gulp , she quickly scoots away and says, a bit less breathless now.

“No, we could get fined for public indecency and you definitely have wandering hands so not now.” 

“Okay then, stop scooting away from me . And anyway how do you know this ? “ I respond whilst grabbing her waist and putting her beside me.

She proceeds to tell me how she bailed out Patience from doing the same thing except in the beach . Soon topics shift to the instances many of our friends have been almost jailed for absurd laws in Kenya.

As the tides of conversation ebbed from almost hysterical to almost jarring , it reminded me of our first time talking after she moved in . I would have never known the bounds of her personality were it not for that day . I believe in fate and I think our stars were aligned perfectly from then .

-

                                   prev masterlist next

This year has been kicking my butt left right and center . Apologies for the very late update . Almost scrapped this story ngl so to whoever is reading I hope you like this update 

[bluesky88diary]

Since emotions calm down and I become able to think more clearly, I want to point out to the words I said at the beginning, "it's impossible to build up lasting relationships without Jesus". Today it's much easier to explain why is that so, because we tried, but personal efforts wasn't working.

The whole point is not about knowing what is right, putting the best efforts building up relationships and feeding each other with sincere love, whatever we can wrap in that meaning of love. It's not about knowledge what's is right and how is good, but it's about power, supernatural power (if this will make it more clear, because in fact it is merely forgotten very natural power) that we receive from the Spirit of God. This Spirit woven everything in tight union, all the universe and make things work in perfect order and timing, from tiny atom, up to planets, galaxies and whatever is bigger than that.

I want to stress out that it's not about religion, which teach you what is right and wrong, but about power of Holy Spirit you receive having relationships with Jesus, the everlasting spirit of life and love. This Spirit influences open mind and connect things together.

Buddhist make it very simplified, teaching disciples from the practice of breathing, energy and at the last preparing understanding who are those spirits and how to cooperate with them. It's difficult to explain to movie person, because it has nothing similar with fiction or whatever. Only spirituality can bring balance and harmony in human being life. And this knowledge is almost lost thanks to Hollywood and money makers in modern commercial world.

If you rely only on your own efforts, wisdom, understanding, or even luck... you will never tap into understanding of life, you will never become spiritual person. Perhaps religious, but never spiritual. Because spirituality is all about relationships with almighty power that keeps universe whole. Without it impossible to keep relationships lasting, sooner or later we will be fighting each other like this, because something important is missing. It's like a reflex when you run out of air, body become fighting for a sip of air, to bake another breath.

Very sad to watch how people chase success and end up with delusions, kind of emptiness, merely asking "why?" Being fooled they have no idea what life is really about, putting all efforts into material things, knowing nothing about spirituality. Like any living being cannot live without air, sun, water, it's the same. Have you noticed in Bible that Holy Spirit often is compared with water and air? Also Jesus with light and sun? That's why, it's merely illustration to help us understand how life works.

Why ancient people were so wise? They were learning from nature, not from Hollywood fictions. Very simple things hidden under complexity of modern life, and no body has a time to study such a shallow subject, all chase big dreams. "You can do this!"

In fact there is only two religion. One following teachings of men, and another one of Creator. Who do you think knows better?

We tried hard to build up our relationships the best we could, but without spirituality it doesn't matter. You can do the same what the most people, eat the fruit and when it's done, take another one, because first one no more, already eaten. At last you will end up with famine, starving to death. Or you can plant seed from the first fruit and plant a tree. Each fruit contains inside whole tree of fruits you cannot see with eyes - this is spirituality, this is lessons of nature, not the fictions of men.

Today despite our efforts my heart become empty, lacking this spirituality in our relationships, and this black hole swallowed also your heart. Jesus is not an option, he is the only way of life.

I'm deeply sorry, but my heart became void and I can only pray Jesus will fill it again. It's not because I don't love you anymore. It's because our relationships are lacking the seed to grow another tree. We merely ate fruits of all until nothing was left to eat. Might be silly to hope that all of a sudden will appear new fruits from the void.

Now we only can pray for a miracle to try again...

[apompkwrites]

reader impact || first meeting: archon edition

series masterlist characters: venti, zhongli genre: fluff summary: a game has been released entitled genshin impact, consisting of otherworldly abilities relying on the basic elements of nature. the game follows the story of an interdimensional traveling twin in search of their other half. along this journey, they meet different characters that live in this world. including you. notes: i still don't know if this will be a series but last post would've been too long if i had all four in one

venti's playthrough -

hoo boy, venti's streams would be VERY chaotic.

this boy has nothing to tie him down except for his own mortality, but will that stop him? no.

lots of late night or early morning streams because his sleep schedule is practically nonexistent.

he does a lot of singing or storytelling streams, which is why the time is perfect.

he'll sing lullabies and read bedtime stories at night. in the morning, he'll sing soft songs to wake up his viewers and talk about the rare dreams he'd have once he passes out.

he'll also have drinking streams where he just drinks as much as he can. he's a drunkard, what can i say?

anyway, gaming is something he isn't opposed to, but mainly ones with music or just pure crackhead energy.

when his viewers suggest genshin impact, he'd be somewhat hesitant?

he needs games that are chaotic and filled with energy to keep his attention.

his mods and viewers, however, are able to convince him because of a certain drunken character.

as soon as he sees the non-spoiled description of your character, he's off to download.

he actually enjoys a lot of the adventure aspects of the game, even if he's known as a lazy streamer.

anyway, his viewers definitely should have warned him about your appearance.

they never told him you were such a cute character!

"don't be afraid. it's alright now, i'm back."

"HASGDGSJFK"

he shrieked when you started talking.

"HOW ARE THEY SO CUTE?!?!"

he gets sad when his character sets off dvalin...

you disappear and your dragon friend flies off... now venti's just sad he might've made you upset.

he's pouting the whole way through mondstadt, thinking of ways to make it up to you.

he doesn't care if you're a video game character, he loves you nonetheless.

and once dvalin shows up in mondstadt, he's genuinely excited. he knows your bound to appear again because your friend is here.

when you help venti fly behind dvalin, his chat is teasing him because of the grin on his face.

he's so soft for you, man...

he will spend hours just ranting about you when he's going through the domains with the standard characters.

when he finds the other statues in mondstadt, he likes to climb up it to admire your archon design.

even though he's known you for a few minutes, he will automatically recognize your face in the game.

he knows it's annoying but he can't help but ask his chat if he'll get to see you again soon. he really doesn't want to spend hours without hearing you and seeing you in game.

he likes to yell at paimon whenever she makes fun of you

he shrieks again when he sees you running past the fountain.

he almost cries when he sees you playing your lyre for the first time.

you're perfect in his eyes and all he wants is to spend every minute of this game with you.

although, he did have to take a break the first time he saw your archon form illustrated.

you just... look like an angel and his body can't handle that.

he loves listening to your tales. like the battle pass story that occurs every time it renews, he never skips it. soon, he'll memorize it and recite it with you once it appears.

"oh! i remember you two. you both scared dvalin away!"

"I'M SORRY"

please forgive him. he knows you won't because the game doesn't require it, but he decides to always call stormterror dvalin to make up for it.

"ah, right! i haven't introduced myself... i'm (name) the bard!"

please this boy is so smitten for a video game character.

when you're revealed to be the archon, he's not too surprised? i mean, he already recognized you from the statue.

he is so excited to steal the lyre for you.

it takes him a bit, though, just because he has a bad attention span and ends up revealing his location.

he's even more excited to learn you're a regular at diluc's tavern.

he would do anything to drink with you.

he'll reluctantly end the game there just because it's time for his bedtime songs/stories.

"i'll be back tomorrow, (name), my love! i promise!"

zhongli's playthrough -

zhongli's a really good streamer even when he doesn't try to be.

he is basically the king of just chatting streams.

daily tea times and storytime streams are a go!

his voice is what lures them in and his charm is what traps them there.

he's still poor, though...

he relies on the donations from his viewers but he always expresses his gratitude.

man's respectful, what can i say?

anyway, he does play games every now and then. he doesn't tend to enjoy fighting games though.

although, he's rather good at them... for some reason.

his gaming streams tend to be a lot longer because he picks games with an overarching story.

i'm talking long games like night in the woods, detroit: become human, really any long game with deep meanings and stories.

his viewers will pay for him to just sit there and read to them.

anyway, someone donates to him and recommends he play genshin impact because of the long story and hidden lore.

he definitely enjoyed the beginning of the story, but got even more attached once he reached liyue.

he seems very intrigued when he begins the quest by watching liyue's archon fall dead on the ground.

he would definitely go on a long rant about gods and goddesses that have fallen.

when he meets childe, he does take a liking to him.

now, this man is known for being stoic and serious, so it comes as a surprise when he almost loses his composure when you appear.

keyword being almost.

he manages to stay composed but his chat knows for a fact he's freaking out over you.

your fancy suit/dress reminds him of the anthropological tales of gods/goddesses and kings/queens.

let this man drink tea with you please--

"it is an honor to meet you. i have heard tell of you from mondstadt."

"... they have quite the pleasant voice."

his chat is going wild at this point.

they get to listen to two heavenly voices talk to each other at the same time?! it's a dream come true!

another man that will let your long lines of dialogue play, listening intently to the stories you tell his character.

he actually really likes the image of his character talking to you.

he's so short compared to you--

he also really likes your animation when you're standing still.

not your idle animations, even though those are really nice as well. i'm talking about the movement of your clothes when your character is standing there. it's just so... soothing to him.

the gradient of your hair color to your elemental gnosis is also a nice detail to him. he likes how there are subtle ways archons look compared to normal citizens in teyvat.

when he finds out you are also a person who struggles with money... oh boy, this man cannot relate more.

you both can be broke together.

he will look to his chat for help every time a bargaining option occurs.

similar to venti, he'd be able to tell you were an archon automatically, mainly because of the way you carry yourself and your design.

when you give away your gnosis, he was really interested in the fact that you were so dedicated to your title of the archon of contracts that you would just willingly give your gnosis away.

when he meets the adepti, his chat jokingly says that the yaksha is yours and his adopted child.

"... i would not be opposed to that idea."

all of the artists and writers in his chat are dying at this point.

he'd look up all of the lore, especially ones involving you, and use them for his storytime streams.

[theartofdreaming1]

Slightly paraphrased, but Peeta talking about that moment he developed his crush on Katniss is just too sweet 😊

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 22-24 are below the cut (sprinkled in some psychology thoughts again).

heart

Honestly, I think the people in Panem would perceive the whole everlark storyline the same way we perceive and react to our ships on tv (desperately wanting to reach through the screen, shoving the characters forcefully together, screaming “And now, kiss!”); especially the Capitolites who barely recognize the tributes (or people in the districts, in general) as people. The people in the districts would definitely view the whole thing more under a “reality tv” kind of lens, questioning how much of the relationship is real or not (we know that Finnick certainly thought that the entire thing was just a spiel, until Peeta hit that forcefield). The time spent in the cave must have been pretty convincing, though.

mind

I think that Katniss is still torn here - On the one hand, she kind of wants to believe that Peeta is actually into her (remember the happiness she felt when Peeta told her how his crush on her began, and it all added up and seemed so real), but on the other hand she’s terrified of that possibility because A) lingering trauma from her mom’s depression in response the Mr. Everdeen’s death, B) Katniss never even considered falling in love, so that’s a sudden unexpected thing to deal with, and C) maybe it’s just for the sake of the Games; and wouldn’t that hurt, getting your hopes up only to learn it was only for show? (How about we ask Peeta about that?)

soul

Yeah, that quote about Peeta only eating stale bread also struck me as quite sad. It just further adds to his understanding how there should be more to life than just survival, though. (One day, I’ll make that post about Peeta, Katniss, and Maslow’s pyramid of needs, I swear! I’ve already gathered some research material)

Chapter 22

My mother’s hand strokes my cheek and I don’t push it away as I would in wakefulness, never wanting her to know how much I crave that gentle touch. How much I miss her even though I still don’t trust her. - Ugh, I can’t... Katniss misses her mom, misses being cared for😢 I’m so glad we’re going to see her patch up her relationship with her mom in CF... On a different note, Katniss craving that gentle touch just perfectly illustrates why she’s so drawn to Peeta, who is generally such a gentle soul (I mean, he’s literally the person stroking her cheek here 😊)

He [Peeta] doesn’t seem angry about my tricking him, drugging him, and running off to the feast. Maybe I’m just too beat-up and I’ll hear about it later when I’m stronger. But for the moment, he’s all gentleness. - As I was saying... 😉

“I’ll go hunting soon,” I say. “Not too soon, all right?” he says. “You just let me take care of you for a while.” - I love them so much😊🥰 And then Peeta makes sure she’s well-fed and hydrated, he rubs her cold feet and tucks her into the sleeping back... and she let’s him! 💗

“He [Thresh] let you go because he didn’t want to owe you anything?” asks Peeta in disbelief. “Yes. I don’t expect you to understand it. You’ve always had enough. But if you’d lived in the Seam, I wouldn’t have to explain,” I say. “And don’t try. Obviously I’m too dim to get it,” he says. - Oof. This exchange here is interesting in many ways: 1) it highlights their different experiences, tied to their different socioeconomic backgrounds, basically, and 2)  that Katniss is very much aware of this difference, but we also see hints of her own ignorance here - because Peeta didn’t have to starve in his childhood, she thinks that he can’t possibly understand this level of hardship; but there are other ways in which one can suffer/lack fundamental needs, which brings us to 3) Peeta’s response about being “obviously too dim to get it”; I think this is a clue to his mom being also verbally abusive towards him: she called him “stupid creature” when he burnt those loaves of bread for Katniss and when he’s losing it in the attic of the Justice Building in D11 in CF he is mad that Katniss and Haymitch keep things from him “like [he’s] too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them”, which - to me - sounds like he’s tired of being treated that way (i.e. the way his mother treats him)

“I want to go home, Peeta,” I say plaintively, like a a small child. - God, this is a teenager in a murder-arena who feels like wanting to go home is a childish notion instead of a totally legitimate wish for anyone in that situation, regardless of age 😢

It’s not that Peeta’s soft exactly, and he’s proved he’s not a coward. But there are things you don’t question too much, I guess, when your home always smells like baking bread, whereas Gale questions everything. What would Peeta think of the irreverent banter that passes between us as we break the law each day? Would it shock him? The things we say about Panem? Gale’s tirades against the Capitol? - Geez, Katniss, give Peeta some credit here! A) It’s not like Peeta can walk around District 12 talking publicly about the injustices happening there - she and Peeta hadn’t even talked with each other before the reaping, whereas Gale is her best friend who rants to her while they are outside the confines of D12 and B) Peeta is literally the one who introduced the whole “not a piece in their Games”-idea to her; why would he be clutching his pearls over Katniss and Gale’s irreverent banter?! Just because Peeta didn’t live on the brink of starvation (she again brings up how his house smells like bread and - at this point - still thinks that the family running the bakery actually gets to eat what they produce just like that), doesn’t mean he doesn’t see how shitty life in D12 is - he can still want better conditions for those who are worse off than him!

“I did do the right thing,” I say. “No! Just don’t, Katniss!” His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there’s real anger in his voice. “Don’t die for me. You won’t be doing me any favors. All right?” - Well, we’ll see this song and dance again in CF...

And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don’t want him to die. [...] And it’s not about what will happen back home. And it’s not just that I don’t want to be alone. It’s him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.” - I wish CF Katniss would remember this moment when she is questioning her motives about saving Peeta’s life in the arena - You. Care. For. This. Boy! You. Value. Him. For. Who. He. Is!!!

This is the first kiss that we’re both fully aware of. [...] This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious. This is the first kiss that makes me want another. - Whoo! Is it hot in here or is it just me? 😉

I’m struck by his immediacy now. As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow; the other rests protectively over me even when he goes to sleep. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else’s arms have made me feel this safe. - He makes her feel safe in a murder-arena!!! 😭 This is the kind of stuff that makes everlark just a top tier romance, tbh

Peeta telling Katniss about his crush starting on their first day of school 🥰😭 - and her reaction to it... For a moment, I’m almost foolishly happy - yes, because you have a crush on him, too! - and then confusion sweeps over me. Because we’re supposed to be making up this stuff [...] So, if those details are true... could it all be true? - YESSSSSSSS!!!

“You have a... remarkable memory, “ I say haltingly. - as a severely socially awkward person... I felt that lame response in my bones 😅

“You don’t have much competition anywhere.” And this time, it’s me who leans in. - God, this would be such an amazing moment if it didn’t get tainted by that immediate sponsor gift, which just serves to muddle Katniss’s feelings with her sense of survival, further complicating her relationship with Peeta... *sigh* 

Chapter 23

“What was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me... no competition... best thing that ever happened to you...” “I don’t remember that last part,” I say, hoping it’s too dim in here for the cameras to pick up my blush. “Oh, that’s right. That’s what I was thinking,” he says. - Peeta is the master of being a cheeky little shit and adorable flirt at the same time

“So, since we were five, you never even noticed any other girls?” I ask him. “No, I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you,” he says. - I appreciate that while Peeta has had a crush on Katniss forever, he clearly didn’t spend the entire time pining after her, oblivious to the rest of the world - he has a life outside of Katniss Everdeen, but ultimately, it all lead back to her

A disturbing thought hits me. “But then, our only neighbor will be Haymitch!” “Ah, that’ll be nice,” says Peeta, tightening his arms around me. “You and me and Haymitch. Very cozy. Picnics, birthdays, long winter nights around the fire retelling old Hunger Games tales.” “I told you, he hates me!” I say, but I can’t help laughing at the image of Haymitch becoming my new pal. - Laugh all you want, this is going to end up being your future anyway 😄

He [Haymitch]’s at something of a disadvantage because most mentors have a partner, another victor to help them whereas Haymitch has to bready to go into action at any moment. Kind of like me when I was alone in the arena. I wonder how he’s holding up, with the drinking, the attention, and the stress of tring to keep us alive. - Katniss is already worrying about her “new pal”, I see ;)

Maybe he [Haymitch] wasn’t always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable. It must be hell to mentor two kids and then watch them die. - Honestly, that sounds absolutely awful...

Poor, Katniss, when she learns of Thresh’s death :( - But no one will understand my sorrow at Thresh’s murder. - It’s horrible how compassion and basic human decency gets construed as ‘weakness’ in the world of Hunger Games (esp. the Capitol)

Then I escape into sleep, comforted by a full belly and the steady warmth of Peeta beside me. - Honestly, I think a word analysis of THG-series could be interesting; how often does Katniss mention “warmth”, “steady/steadiness” “safe/safety/security” in connection with “Peeta”?

“We make a goat cheese and apple tart at the bakery,” he says. “Bet that’s expensive,” I say. “Too expensive for my family to eat. Unless it’s gone very stale. Of course, practically everything we eat is stale,” says Peeta [...] Huh. I always assumed the shopkeepers live a soft life. And it’s true, Peeta has always had enough to eat. But there’s something kind of depressing about living your life on stale bread - Katniss is starting to realize that the lives of the merchants isn’t a cushy as she thought; also, in a way, we see a “prettier” version of how Panem treats the districts overall -> feeding the districts just enough that they can do their work (plus/minus a couple of people who’ll die of starvation, but at a small, for Capitolites insignificant margin), but not so much that they are in good shape to rebel; here, the merchants of D12 have just enough that they can live a “decent” life (they know it could be worse -> the Seam), but they don’t have enough to live a free, comfortable, self-determined life either. This also just further drives a wedge between the inhabitants of D12 (the merchants won’t want to rebel because they don’t want to get ‘demoted’ in their lifestyle, starving like the people from the Seam, and the Seam folk feel resentful towards the merchant people, while also not having the resources to rebel, due to their awful socioeconomic conditions)

What would be my life like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food. Take that away and I’m not really sure who I am, what my identity is. - It’s so sad who Katniss has been so consumed with ensuring that her most base needs are fulfilled that she barely has had the time to really figure out who she is and what she wants from life (If we’re talking Maslow’s pyramid of needs, Katniss would primarily be stuck on the lowest tier 😢)

At least, we’ll be friends, I think. Nothing will change the fact that we’ve saved each other’s lives in here. And beyond that, he will always be the boy with the bread. Good friends. - Honestly, Katniss counting on being good friends with Peeta after the Games is the highest honor she can bestow on him at that moment (she’s so into him, lol); of course, knowing that their relationship is going to be a bit rocky once they’ve come back makes this thought a little sad... but we also know they’ll make up (and out ;) in the future

Peeta licking his plate and blowing a kiss out to Effie is such an adorable goofball-moment 😊

I cover his mouth with my hand, but I’m laughing. “Stop! Cato could be right outside our cave.” He grabs my hand away. “What do I care? I’ve got you to protect me now,” says Peeta, pulling me to him. - This moment would be so cute (also, Peeta’s so confident in Katniss’s skills to protect him, which is adorable - toxic masculinity who?) but... Ugh, he’s just so giddy here, it kind of breaks my heart for when he learns later that (at least some) of Katniss’s reactions were just for show

“If we want food, we better head back up to my old hunting grounds,” I say. “Your call, Just tell me what you need me to do,” Peeta says. - Love how Peeta’s always ready to follow Katniss’s lead :)

Ideally, I’d dump Peeta now with some simple root-gathering chore and go hunt [...] “Katniss,” he says. “We need to split up. I know I’m chasing away the game.” [...] “Show me some plants to gather and that way we’ll both be useful.” - Teamwork! If it weren’t for Katniss worrying for Peeta’s safety, they’d be on the same page here

“What if you climbed up in a tree and acted as a lookout while I haunted?” I say, trying to make it sound like very important work. “What if you show me what’s edible around here and go get us some meat?” he says, mimicking my tone. - I really like how Peeta’s challenges Katniss here; he doesn’t just go along with everything she says, while still being quite reasonable

I feel like I’m eleven, again, tethered not to the safety of the fence but to Peeta, allowing myself twenty, maybe thirty yards of hunting space. [...] I allow myself to drift farther away, and soon have two rabbits and a fat squirrel to show for it. - I don’t know, but Katniss feeling tethered to Peeta makes me think of Mary Ainsworth’s attachment theory, according to which children with a secure attachment to their primary caregiver use  their “attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment”... Of course, Ainsworth’s Strange Situation was conducted with young children, but attachment styles are supposed to influence the relationships we form with people in our later lives as well (including romantic relationships)... I dunno, just a random association that popped into my brain 😅

Chapter 24

Peeta’s a whiz with fires, coaxing a blaze out of the damp wood. - Heh, Peeta sure knows how to handle fire, huh, Katniss (or should I say: Girl on Fire?) 😏

I order him into the sleeping bag and set aside the rest of his food for him when he wakes. He drops off immediately. I pull the sleeping bag up to his chin and kiss his forehead, not for the audience, but for me. Because I’m so greateful that he’s still here, not dead by the stream as I’d thought.  - Aww, this is so sweet (and domestic)!

It’s funny. I feel almost as if it’s the first day of the Games again. That I’m in the same position. [...] But no, there’s the boy waiting beside me. I feel his arms wrap around me. - They are a team! Katniss doesn’t have to face the horrors of the Games alone anymore! It keeps boiling down to this.

[nat-20s]

Wonderful! Au Part 7! (also on ao3 here) another episode only installment, and obnoxiously fluffy! Have fun!

~*~

Martin, tired: Hello everybody! Welcome, or welcome back, to a very low energy episode. We have had, as the kids say, A Week Tm.

Jon, equally tired, but fond: Is that as the kids say?

Martin: I don't know, and perhaps worse, I don't really care. I guess I could ask Jeremiah next time he's over, but I'm not sure if that would actually help.

Jon: Shockingly, I don't think two year olds have their finger on the beating pulse of youth culture.

Martin: Hmm, maybe not. Speaking of Jeremiah, he's part of why the format of this episode is gonna be a bit different than our regular. On top of me dealing with a frankly obscene amount of inventory management, and Jon being swamped with grant writing-

Jon: I never want to look at proposal guidelines again-

Martin: we were on babysitting duty for our favourite neighborhood hellion-

Jon: Hey, Jeremiah is a very sweet kid! I know he's a toddler, but we shouldn't be slandering him anyway.

Martin: One, we're not even using his real name, I don't think that counts as slander, and two, exactly, he's a toddler, he's by default a hellion.

Jon, teasing: This coming from the person that actually wants one?

Martin: I..look, if anything, the last few days have shown we should not be permanent parents.

Jon: But?

Martin:...There's no but.

Jon: I don't believe you! Are you lying for my benefit or the audience's? Because someone spent the last five days wearing one of the largest grins I've ever seen, exhausted as it may have been.

Martin: Okay! Fine, I admit, I liked having a kid around. I still think it would be a bad idea to do it full time, but I dunno. I wish we weren't both only children or something. We would make such good uncles.

Jon: Should I should have taken that teaching job after all?

Martin: Perhaps. After all,

Martin, singsong: An English teacher, is really someone!

Jon and Martin, singing together: If only you, had be-come one!

Jon: Honestly, though, I was considerably underqualified. I'm much more suited to my current job, even if it doesn't have quite the same impact on the "shaping of the next generation" or whatnot.

Martin: Wait, you actually care about qualifications now? When did that change?

Jon: This coming from Mister "master's degree in parapsychology"? And it was probably around the time that the world ended from taking on a workload I was ill-suited for.

Jon:...

Jon: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Martin: Oh, of course. Definitely nothing literally apocalyptic in our pasts, no siree, nothing to see or speculate about or make weirdly involved forums for here. Uh, anyway, long introduction not so short: Both of us have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep, so any sort of actual research was not on the table.

Jon: If any of you are wondering why we didn't just say that we're both very much worn out and thus we'll be taking a week off, it's because we're both deeply, deeply stubborn.

Martin: It's one of our best shared qualities that has never caused any conflict between us, ever.

Jon: In fairness, sheer stubbornness does account for, what, 75% of the reason that either of us are still alive? And it hasn't caused a major conflict between us in a good three years.

Martin: That's true. We've become a deeply boring, relatively conflict free couple. Which fucking rules, by the way. To all the couples out there: I highly recommend being boring. It is so nice. We've gotten to go to the farmer's market so many times.

Jon: You do love the farmer's market. I would say that it's the access to fresh produce, but I think you just like the attention that one yarn seller gives you. Can't believe you would take advantage of a crush to get discounts on wool. How did I marry such an opportunist?

Martin: Ollie does not have a crush on me. They're just friendly to everyone.

Jon: Bullshit. I certainly never get an extra skein or stitch markers or delicate fabric cleaner tossed in my bag. Actually, I think I've been charged more for committing the crime of having married you before they could.

Martin: I'm..70% sure that's not true, but every sentence we speak, we stray further from even pretending to be on topic. So, to everybody listening, this is the itty bitty episode! Basically, we're only doing small wonders and user submissions. If you want details or backstory for things we like, too bad, come back next week. Jon, I believe you're first this week?

Jon: Oh, right. My first small wonder is cat names.

Martin: Delightful, but unsurprising. Though, I would've expected either more or less specificity. Why cat names as opposed to pet's names in general, or, like, military title names?

Jon: Well that's simple enough. I've simply never met a misnamed cat, even if the name itself wasn't to my personal tastes, and I think that speaks to the wonderful universality of cats.

Martin: This, of course, implies that you have met animals that were misnamed.

Jon: Oh, I have. I once met a papillion dog named Meatball.

Martin: Now I know you don't like food names in general for pets, but are you sure that Meatball didn't suit the dogs personality? I've known some "Meatballs" in my lifetime.

Jon, only half-mock offended: Of course it didn't fit, Martin. She was a lady. A nervous, jittery lady, but a lady nonetheless.

Martin, laughing: And what, you've never met a dignified cat with an undignified name, or vice versa? Would you be okay with our cat being named Meatball?

Jon: I would be upset if our cat was named Meatball, because we named her and we're above that sort of thing, but, technically speaking, she could have been Meatball in another lifetime and it wouldn't have been wrong. You see, all cats are a mix of both extremely austere and little baby idiot.

Martin: Oh, is that the scientific terminology?

Jon: It is. Now, while there's probably some amount of, er, normative determinism or confirmation bias or something that results in a cat with a more dignified name seeming to possess more of that austerity, as all cats have both, any name can, potentially, fit. Hence why it's wonderful.

Martin: I..accept your proposal for now, but I think more research needs to be done. Maybe we should visit the shelter this weekend and test your hypothesis.

Jon: Hmm. I think we may need to visit multiple shelters, actually. A large sample size is necessary for any sort of veracity, obviously.

Martin, imitating Jon tone: Obviously.

Jon: Glad you agree. What's your first small wonder?

Martin: Tofu!

Jon: I..didn't realize you liked that much?

Martin: Well, I don't get it very often since I know you can't stand the texture, even though it is not like 'worse scrambled eggs', and you're a horrible food thief-

Jon: Lies and slander. We readily share. If I'm a horrible food thief, you have committed the exact same, if not worse, crime as myself.

Martin: Well, we are thick as thieves.

Jon, groaning: You're thick as something alright

Martin: Rude! My beloved husband-

Jon: -uh huh-

Martin: whom I love and trust with my most tender of hearts-

Jon: -an oddly cannibalistic turn of phrase-

Martin, badly suppressing laughter: Oh, my god. I want a divorce, then I can put tofu in as many dishes as I like. I'll triple my protein intake.

Jon: It'd never go through. I'll burn the papers. No, wait, I'll burn down the legal offices where the papers are kept.

Martin: Hmm. While my experiences with it have been, uh, varied to say the least, I do have to admit that arson is one of the more attractive crimes of passion. I suppose I'll take you back.

Jon, flat: I'm so very grateful.

Jon, genuine: You do have yet to actually tell me why you think tofu is wonderful, love.

Martin: It's just a good food! It's neutral enough that you can toss it in pretty much anything with a sauce, you can bake it, you can fry it, whatever. Plus it's what? two? Three quid? I spent many years of my life living off the cheapest, saltiest approximation of noodles you could imagine, and half a pack of tofu, a little bit of sesame oil, and some green onions went a long way to both making it more filling and less sad. 

Martin: Plus, I feel like it often gets decried for being something it's not? It's so often viewed as a meat substitute or the vegan alternative option, and so when people try it, they often go in with a false preconceived notion of what it's going to be like, and then end up disappointed. They're all like, 'ugh, this doesn't taste like turkey!' and yeah, of course it doesn't. It's the oatmeal raisin cookie of the protein world, a perfectly good and tasty treat on its own, but if you want chocolate chip, it's not gonna work.

Jon: Martin you don't even like oatmeal raisin. I'm the only one that ever eats them out of the multipacks.

Martin: Well, yeah, but I don't like oatmeal raisin because of its flavor, not because I think it should be chocolate chip and fails. It illustrates my point. Also, just for balance, is your next small wonder oatmeal raisin cookies?

Jon: No, though, maybe one of these weeks. They are good. But no, um, my next small wonder is being married.

Martin, let out a high bark of a laugh: Being married is a small wonder?!

Jon: Small wonders doesn't mean a lack of importance! Or even significance in our lives. Half the time we even end up spending just as much time chattering on about them as the things we actually research. But, yes, I didn't feel like researching the concept of being married. For one, a lot of the history of it is depressing and patriarchal, and for two, it's not something I really feel any need to elaborate on. Being married. I very much enjoy it. I recommend it for anybody that's found someone that they want to marry, and who wants to marry them. I really recommend being married to Martin Blackwood, I think I would enjoy it significantly less if it was to anybody else, but one: we typically try to make the wonderful things in this show  applicable to more than just ourselves, and two: I got there first, so I believe the appropriate thing to say here would be; neener neener and/or everyone else can go suck it, Ollie.

Martin: Well...

Jon: Well, what?

Martin: Saying you got there first is technically not true-

Jon: What?!

Martin, laughing like a bastard: Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist! Jon, you already know that you're my first real realationship, how would be married before fit that?

Jon: Hence my surprise at the notion! I cannot believe you! I give you my trust, my earnestness, and belief-

Martin [only laughs harder]

Jon: and you throw it in my face for a bit. I take back everything, being married is a nightmare, because sometimes your partner thinks he a fucking comedian and you just have to put up with him because you love him and want to live the rest of your life with him or some such nonsense. Not worth it, if you ask me. My turn to ask for the divorce.

Martin: Babe, hate to break it to you, but both of us are guilty of doing bits that the other doesn't like, it's an integral part of  a healthy marriage, and secondly, you knew who I was long before I proposed. You should've said no when you had the chance.

Jon: Hang on, you proposed?

Martin: Yeah? This isn't part of a bit, of course I proposed. I'm even pretty sure you were there. The whole visit back to Scotland trip? I finally made you a sweater and said it was because we would now be immune to the boyfriend curse?

Jon: No, no, I remember all that, but it wasn't the proposal. It was a reaffirmation of the proposal. We had already decided to get married.

Martin: Well, yeah,, I wasn't just gonna spring that on you, we had had conversations beforehand-

Jon:  No, I mean, I had already proposed. I asked you to marry me a good three years earlier, and you said yes, which is a proposal by any definition that I know.

Martin: Jon, love, darling, apple of my eye, fire of my soul, I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Jon: In the ambulance ride when we, uh, moved here. It was the thing I said to you the second I saw your eyes were open.

[An audible pause is left in the recording.]

Martin: That does not count.

Jon: How does it not count?! I asked you to marry me, you very emphatically said yes, that's the de facto definition of an accepted marriage proposal!

Martin: It doesn't count because you were half-delirious with blood-loss, and I had a traumatic brain injury that the hospital was very surprised I made a full recovery from. No court in the world would consider anything we said then more than pain driven ramblings, let alone, I dunno, contractually binding.

Jon: Well, I knew what I was saying well and clear. Just because it was desperate doesn't mean it wasn't sincere. I didn't realize that you weren't as cognizant when you accepted.

Martin, snorting: Yeah, didn't really need to be cognizant to say yes. I've wanted to marry you since the train ride to Scotland.

Jon: Wait, really? Martin, we hadn't even been on a date.

Martin: And yet we were on the lamb together, which I honestly think is more romantic than sitting in some restaurant somewhere trying to get through icebreakers. Also, back up, from your perspective we've been engaged since 2019? What did you think we were doing in the interim?

Jon: Uhh..

Martin: Yes?

Jon: There are people that have long engagement periods, and it's not exactly like we were in any sort of position to get married for awhile. Especially not that first year.

Martin: Okay? And?

Jon: And..I sort of thought you had changed your mind. For awhile. Was rather surprised that you kept living with me, considering that, on the worst nights, I was convinced you were going to storm off and leave me forever any minute now. Hence why your proposal was rather relieving.

Martin: Oh, Jon, love. That is so very ridiculous, and so very you, and so very close to many of my own fears and doubts. Do you have any idea how terrified I was to float the idea of marriage to you? Half the time I was convinced I was just meant to keep you company until you found someone better. And, Christ, we'd, from your perspective, been engaged the whole damn time. Fuck.

[Jon, after a beat, starts laughing. It has a slightly hysterical edge to it. Martin joins in. It takes a minute for the laughter to subside enough for them to speak again.]

Jon: I'm rapidly realizing that our entire romantic relationship would've been, if not more successful, a hell of a lot faster if we weren't both complete fools.

Martin: You're realizing that now? I think I've known that since the CV incident. I've definitely known it since the Lonely.

Jon, with a slightly tired chuckle:Yes, yes, something probably should've tipped me off earlier. Shockingly, observation of our own personal romantic trends is not always a strong suit of mine.

Jon: Anyway, please tell me you have another small wonder, this has gotten wildly of track.

Martin: Since we're talking about marriage anyway, I think my next small wonder is having a shared reference in your wedding vows. Our friends had "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" in theirs, and I made Jon cry with a slightly altered Lord of the Rings quote in ours.

Jon: First off, we were both openly weeping long before that point, secondly, I defy anybody to have been through half of what we have and then have the love of their life look them in the eyes and tell them "Leave you? I never intend to. I am going with you, if you climb to the moon" without at least tearing up.

Martin: There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, either. Granted, the audience was only 20 people, but that was also literally the only time I've seen Eloise show a strong emotion, so I'm pretty smug about it.

Martin, soft: I still feel exactly the same, you know. If you're climbing to the moon, I'll make sure the rope is strong enough for two.

Jon, soft: I know, love.

Jon: Though, to be fair, the moon is also significantly more pleasant than many places we've been.

Martin: God, I hate how much that's true. Look at this barren, oxygenless rock, at least it's not actively trying to kill us. Practically a honeymoon location.

[Martin sighs]

Martin: I am so tired. Let's do the user submissions then take a very long nap.

Jon: Please.

Martin: So, first submission is from Josie; They find it wonderful getting cards from their friends. They say they're lucky to have so much love in their life and have friends that care enough to send them things. That is wonderful Josie! We have a drawer in our house dedicated to every loving card we've ever received since the move, and they're always such a nice reminder of the people in our lives.

Jon: We should really organize that drawer, but, yes, agree with the sentiment. Even the cards from people that are no longer in our lives are lovely, I think. Those connections are very much meaningful for both of us, whether they're active or not.

Martin: That's very true.  Next submission is from Lys, who submits the sound of leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. Ah, that's a classic.

Jon: I just felt myself relax imagining it. I wish it was autumn.

Martin: Don't we all? Alright, for the last submissions, I'm grouping them together as they follow a similar theme. Jadwiga submits the feeling of waking up well into the morning with the sun shining through the window and your cat laying next to you, and Oran submits when a dog falls asleep with its head in your lap.

Jon: I can heartily recommend at least one of those, considering that's how we try to wake up most mornings. The Duchess is a dutiful darling girl who spends every night with us, and she's usually still there when us humans rise.

Martin: I bet you'll agree with the other when I finally convince you to get me a dog for my birthday.

Jon: It hasn't happened yet, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Martin: But you don't even dislike dogs! You're just as happy to pet them when they pass by as I am.

Jon: Being fine with an animal isn't the same thing as wanting to adopt one for yourself! We don't even know if The Duchess would put up with a dog.

Martin: I bet she would. I bet we could get a big senior dog who's the calmest animal you've ever met with those soft eyes and a little grey on the muzzle and she would cuddle up in an instant. And we did say we should visit a shelter or three this weekend..

Jon: I think you're rather callously taking advantage of my exhausted state, but I suppose we can look. 

Martin: Hell fuckin yeah. So, I think that'll close out the episode, and as we always say at the end, uh, go take a nap and get a dog. Not necessarily in that order.

[theggning]

I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on Curie, if you have any.

Sure thing! Apologies in advance if I get any of this wrong, I don't personally hang out much with Curie so I had to do a bit of brushing up on her.

Curie's key role in the meta is another facet of the theme of "what makes a person a person." She single-handedly displays the differences between robots and synths and through her we get a lot of what we know about the nature of synths and how it feels for her to become one.

But before Curie becomes a synth, she's another example of a rather unique robot. She starts off quite sophisticated and unusually intelligent-- though unlike Codsworth, her unique personality and knowledge were programmed into her, not developed over time. The Vault 81 scientists loaded into her all of the great academic works they had on hand (she lists Kant, Einstein, Born, Darwin, Curie, Faraday, Turing, and Braun) along with her initial capabilities as a medic and a doctor. Also unlike Codsworth, she hasn't become accustomed to the wasteland, nor traumatized by it-- nor does she even have the capability. Curie has spent the past 210 years trapped in the secret section of Vault 81, and since the deaths of the scientists, she has been completely isolated from human contact. Thus, she is incredibly booksmart, while being... quite unprepared for the horrors that greet her in the wasteland outside.

My favorite description I've ever seen of Curie is "a doctor coming to the slow, horrified realization that nobody washes their hands." She has a picture of the world in her mind that's dictated by science, math, logic, reason, and ethics-- and as a still, quite basic robot, she's baffled when reality doesn't match up to this. Just like Sole, she emerges in a world that resembles what she knows and yet is completely strange and oftentimes very hostile-- she's just doing this with the capabilities of a robot reconciling observations against what was literally programmed into her.

I think there's a fandom tendency to infantilize Curie to some degree, or to play up her naivety to the point of farce. But Curie isn't clueless, or stupid. In addition to her scientific knowledge, she has a very firm set of morals and ethics and will speak up or push back if she feels the Sole Survivor is behaving poorly. She is one of the "good" companions who approves of kind acts, and she is a pacifist, if she can help it. She's philanthropic, but also more scientifically-minded than the other "good" companions-- notably, her approvals all lean in favor of helping scientists and supporting the advancement of knowledge. She supports the Minutemen and the Railroad-- but also the Brotherhood of Steel, since their knowledge and preservation of technology strike her as more important than their feelings on synths. She is pro-synth and disapproves of the enslavement or mistreatment of synths, but when the Institute is destroyed, she chiefly expresses sorrow for how much knowledge was lost. She disapproves of Dr. Chambers' cruelty, but dislikes it if you kill her-- cutting short any contributions to science she could have made. Curie is kind, but she's also ambitious, logical, and values "big picture" scientific advancement.

Really, if there was any companion besides X6-88 who could fit an Institute mindset, it's Curie. She has more compassion for people than anyone in the Institute does, but it's interesting to compare her logical, pragmatic beliefs to the faction that has taken them and twisted them to evil purposes. (Am I saying that Curie would make a terrifying villain if she were to slip too far down that road of logic and pragmatism? Maybe I am...)

This pragmatism extends to her desires to become a synth. Curie comes up with the idea mainly because she feels her scientific ambitions cannot be reached unless she feels inspiration, which she's not capable of as a robot. She insists that her new body will allow her to do good for humanity, and to her, this justifies any ethical problems around transferring her into the braindead G5-19 (Curie doesn't understand Glory's hesitation to let her friend's body be used in this way-- because as a robot, she's literally incapable of empathizing with her.) It's only after Curie opens her eyes in her new body that we understand what a stark difference it is, and how many new and frightening things she's feeling for the first time-- emotions, wayward thoughts, urges to breathe and eat and sleep-- hell, fear is a new concept for her. Her robotic brain worked in numbers and data and programming, and all of a sudden she's capable of all these other things that could never be replicated by data. Curie's transition clearly illustrates the difference between a robotic brain and a synth brain- a human brain, for all intents and purposes.

(I've always thought it takes a special kind of dingus to travel with and befriend and even romance Curie and yet still proclaim that synths are "just machines." You'll see PLENTY of them, but boy oh boy, that's quite a load of cognitive dissonance going on there. Or creep, depending on the argument.)

Which leads me to one of the hot-button topics when it comes to Curie: the romance. While Curie's romance does fall under the umbrella of the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope, I think this aspect of it is a bit overblown. Like I said, there's a real tendency in fandom to infantilize Curie, or make her seem more clueless pwecious uwu cinnamon roll than she really is. But the difference between Curie and most of your standard issue Born Sexy Yesterday waifs is that Curie isn't helpless, nor childlike, nor incapable of standing up for herself. She's both extremely intelligent and fully confident in her morals and beliefs. She asks for the Sole Survivor's support with her emotional transition because she already trusts them as her friend, not because she has no one else or can't handle it on her own. From early on in her affinity convos, Curie expresses attraction to the Sole Survivor, and approaches learning about these new feelings with the same enthusiasm and curiosity that she does everything else. It's her attraction, not begun by the Sole Survivor manipulating her or tricking her into it. I feel like a lot of surface-level descriptions of the romance disregard Curie's agency, as though she's a bubble-headed innocent who's completely vulnerable and clueless about the mere prospects of attraction, romance, or sex.

Now, that said... did Curie have to transfer into the body of a conventionally attractive woman for her plot to work? No. Does her romance scratch the itch for people who like Born Sexy Yesterday? Yeah, probably. Is she designed to be Prime Waifu Material*? Undoubtedly. Is it my cup of tea? Nah. But different strokes for different folks**. I don't think Curie's romance is inherently bad or anyone should feel bad for enjoying it, or her as a character. She's extremely intelligent, cute, and wholesome, and if that's your type, then embrace her!

* Like oh my god, this is video games, Curie's entire character and romance could have been done so much worse.

** And seriously, I'm not about to judge someone for falling in love with the cute waifu-bait romance when I'm over here lusting over Strong Flawed Sad Tragic Himbo Whom I Can Save With My Love.

It ain't like they didn't cater to my tastes, too.

[thiswasinevitableid]

Indruck 22 for the meet uglies?

Here you go! I went SFW on this one

you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship

“...such a waste of money. I mean, why spend all that to get something tacky on your skin?”

Indrid rolls his eyes at Barclay from across the counter of the Amnesty Lodge coffee shop, the cooks arms and hands sporting a plethora of tattoos rivaled only by Indrid’s collection.

“I dunno, l like the one I got.” The other man--who seems to be on the worst first date of his life--shrugs.

“You honestly think you and Juno couldn’t have spent that money on something else in college?”

“I mean maybe but, uh, we were earnin our own cash, figured we got to decide what to spend it on.”

“Hmmmm” the first guy sips his coffee, “sounds like a typical excuse for someone who doesn’t want to admit a mistake.”

“C’mon, that ain’t fair-”

“Ugh, stop saying ain’t! I can’t take someone who talks like that to meet my family.” Before the target of his disdain can respond, he snaps his fingers, “hey, buddy, can I get a refill or what?”

“The station for black coffee refills is right there, sir.” Barclay indicates the very obvious corner of dispensers, his voice the kind of calm that Indrid knows means he’s memorizing this guys face to warn other staff about.

They earn a brief reprieve while The Asshole leaves the table. When he returns, he’s shaking his head.

“God, have you looked at the photos they’ve got up? Who the fuck wants to look at bones?”

Indrid quickly glances at his friend to be sure he’s permitted to start a fight. Barclay nods.

“Quite a lot of people.” Indrid spins on his stool. “I’ve sold a number of them just from the display here. So perhaps you could keep your rude, unclultured, close-minded, obnoxious mouth shut.”

The man balks, looks to his companion for help. He offers none, mouth trying to form words and only coming out with halves of ones (except for the “fucks” which are plentiful).

“Oh my fucking god, you agree with him! That’s it, I’m out.” The Asshole pushes back from the table and storms out. The remaining man leaps up, panicked.

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay man, shitty first dates happen to all of us.” Barclay offers from beside the bakery case.

“I mean yeah, they do, but that wasn’t one of ‘em. That was my boyfriend of three fuckin years.” He dashes out of the shop, sparing a final glare at Indrid as he does.

Indrid trades a sheepish look with his friend, “Oops.”

-------------------------------------------------

“I’m glad you finally get to meet Duck!” Aubrey grins over her shoulder as she and Indrid wind down the hall at the office Kepler magazine.

Founded by childhood friends, Kepler worked a combination of print and video content that saw its subscribers and revenue climb while other publications struggled to stay afloat. Aubrey was head of the video team, though she contributed content to the magazine in the form of interviews about environmental activists of color and sustainable gift guides.

Kepler has three sections: travel, science, and environmental writing. Indrid now has the honor of being one of their primary photographers. He started two weeks ago and is thoroughly enjoying his work and the company of the other staff. The only person he’s yet to meet is Duck Newton, one of the founders and main reporters, as he was off on an assignment.

Aubrey knocks, gets a friendly “come in” and ushers Indrid into the office.

Looking at him from behind the desk is The Asshole’s Boyfriend, whose face goes from open and friendly to confused, then to perturbed.

“You okay?”

“I, uh, fuck, n-ye.” Duck sighs, “remember how I told you Alex and I split after a shitty date in a coffee shop?” He points at Indrid, “this was the fella who, uh, expedited the process.”

“Ohhhh.” Aubrey frowns, then shrugs with a smile, “whelp, he’s our new photographer. We’ll see you around.” She hurries them outside once more, shutting the doors. As they head back the way they came, she whispers, “his ex was a huge fucking dick, so if word gets out everyone is gonna think you’re a fucking hero.”

“He didn’t seem to see it that way.”

“It was only a few weeks ago, so it’s still pretty fresh. He’ll heal from it okay, Duck’s a tough cookie. And I’m sure you guys’ll get along eventually.”

---------------------------------------

“Juno, please, you gotta come with me.”

“I would bud, except it’s April and I’s fifth wedding anniversary that weekend. And no, we already have plans, so we can’t just take over this assignment as part of the celebration.”

“Fuck” Duck leans back in his chair.

“...You really asked everyone?”

“Ye-no, fuck-”

“Duck.”

“I ain’t asked Indrid yet.”

“There it is.” Juno smirks, “you gotta ask; besides, we were gonna have him do illustrations for the feature, but photos would be even better. And we both know it ain’t his fault y’all broke up.”

Duck nods, promises to ask Indrid after lunch. He finds the photographer flipping through his files from his shoot for next issues cover. His silver hair is pulled back, red glasses sitting on the desk beside him so he can gauge color correctly.

Duck kind of wants to pull the silver locks just to see what happens. It’s not his fault Indrid looks like his Sophomore roommate who he had a raging crush on, only with more tattoos and a much more captivating face. Pity he helped fuck up Duck’s last chance at a stable relationship.

“Hey, Indrid, you got a minute?”

The photographer cocks his head.

“I, uh, so we got a feature on this whole chunk of places touting themselves as ‘sustainable romantic getaways. I booked a bunch of places, but a lot of ‘em will turn me away if I turn up solo. And the person I was supposed to go with ain’t an option any more. Neither is anyone else. You get my drift?”

Indrid pinches the bridge of his nose, “you realize this is a terrible idea, yes?”

“Hey, we been workin together just fine. Ain’t we? Wait, fuck, I ain’t been treatin you bad even when I’m tryin to be professional, am I?”

“No, you’ve been perfectly polite. But there’s a world of difference between being cordial in an office and going on what’s functionally a vacation together.”

Duck crosses his arms, “I ain’t about to lose eight hundred bucks in deposits.”

Indrid blinks, then chuckles, “Fair. What day do we leave?”

-------------------------------------------------

The temperature rises and the air dries as they speed south on Five. Indrid fiddles with games on his phone as cover for the list of “will this be a disaster or not” he’s mentally constructing. So far the signs are positive; Duck isn’t very chatty, but neither is Indrid. They have similar tastes in music, which makes much more sense when Duck explains he was a burn-out in high school. He also isn’t agitated by Indrid stimming, which makes it easier for the photographer to relax and enjoy the drive.

But they haven’t spoken about the elephant in the car, and Indrid resolves not to be the first to do so. No point in poking the sore spot if he doesn’t have to.

They stop at a Sinclair for gas. Duck reaches into his glovebox for something as Indrid climbs out, comes away with a photo instead. It’s one of those ones from a photobooth, faded but unmistakably him and his ex. His face falls for a second and Indrid scurries into the Dairy Queen attached to the convenience store.

As he waits in line, he turns one fact over in his mind like a picture he’s trying to make sense of; it would be easier to let their awkward first meeting go if he did not genuinely like the other man. He’s charming, in a quiet way, and very friendly. He’s built like the guys Indrid always got useless crushes on in college, usually third tier frat boys or--if he was lucky--a bear a few years older than him who liked his men on the odd side.

He doesn’t like seeing Duck sad. The sadness isn’t something he can fix. The stalemate between these two facts annoy the living hell out of him.

He’s next in line, glances up to confirm what he wants, and gets an idea. Last week, he overheard Duck talking with Aubrey about roadtrip snacks of their youth.

“One chocolate dipped cone, on me.” He holds the treat out to the other man.

“Oh. Uh, thanks. These are my favorite from when I was a kid.” Duck’s smile returns.

“I remembered. Or, ah, that is, I remembered you saying that.”

The smile changes, “you didn’t need to.”

“I wanted to. Shall we?”

“Yep. Uh, you gonna be able to drive and eat that at the same time?”

“Do not doubt my ability to consume ice cream under difficult circumstances, Duck Newton.”

They make it to their first stop unscathed. It’s what Duck refers to as, “eco-bespoke,” a fancy spa and hotel built in a former school, the kind that was made in an era of beautiful instead of grim educational architecture.

“Goats!” Indrid claps his hands, delighted, at the two animals stabled near the main building. One of it’s supposed sustainable elements is the small farm that helps feed the on-site restaurant. Duck smirks and Indrid suddenly feels the gulf in their upbringings, “Ah, I suppose they’re not exciting to someone who grew up in a rural town.”

“Nah, but they’re damn cute.” Duck checks the tag on their room keys, “okay, we’re in the green building, room 2B.”

Indrid snaps some photos as they cross the grounds, more to remind himself of things he wants to come back to later than anything else. He’s busy studying a strange mark on the wall by their door when Duck says, “I can sleep on the floor.”

“Why--oh” he stares at the single bed, “in retrospect, we should have seen this coming.”

“Yeah.” Duck drops his bag near the closet, slides the door to look for spare linens. Indrid summons his courage, finds it lacking, and so bolsters it with nonchalance.

“It’s a king, we could easily share.”

“You’d, uh, you’d be okay with that?”

“It is only narrow definitions of masculinity that mean something like sharing a bed is inherently sexual.”

He’s not entirely sure that made sense, but Duck nods, “You want the right side or left?”

“Right, please.”

“Great. And, uh, Indrid? Thanks for rollin with all this. I, uh, I know it’s fuckin weird but this is a huge feature for the magazine and we woulda been fucked if we had to pull it.”

Indrid gingerly sits on his side of the bed, “You’re welcome. And I don;t know about you, but” he smiles, catches Duck watching him intently in the mirror, “I’m enjoying myself so far.”

------------------------------------------------------

“Why has an activity that renders one incapable of using their thighs been deemed ‘romantic?” Indrid mumbles, face-down on the bed to offer his burning legs relief.

“Fuck if I know.” Duck groans as he sits next to him, “Kinda fun, but if I was doin this to get you in bed, I’d be fucked.”

“I am in bed” Indrid teases.

“And if I tried to put the moves of you you’d toss me outta it. Assumin I could even move myself that close.” Duck nudges him, then clears his throat, “uh, I mean, not like we’d be doin that-”

“Nono, point taken.” Indrid rolls over. The horseback ride was one of the “couples exclusives;” a trot out to a beautiful oasis for a gourmet picnic. Indrid got some excellent shots, including one of Duck with honeycomb dripping down his chin, which he will not be offering up to editors but may keep for himself. For it’s beautiful composition, of course.

Mercifully, their next stop is the pool. Indrid settles himself in the hot tub while Duck types some notes on his phone. Then his friend doffs his bathrobe and Indrid may as well be in a dream. In the steaming, echoing paradise of multi-colored tile and ecstatic shouts, Duck stands like one of the angelic fountains at its heart has come to life.

“You okay there, ‘Drid?”

“Yes.” He hopes his lack of glasses means Duck will mistake his blatant staring for trying to get his vision in focus.

“Then scoot your cu--uh, your butt over so I can sit down.”

Indrid gladly moves aside, finds he’s so comfortable with Duck pressed against him that he begins nodding off in the warm lull of the water. When the other man nudges him, saying it’s time to go, he finds a strong arm draped over his shoulder and Duck’s smile the most relaxed it’s been all trip.

Their last task at this location is to locate the speakeasy somewhere on the premises and order the “lovers delight” (only available to couples). To do so, they follow clues purple light bulbs, doors that lead to tiny, art-filled rooms, secret staircases, and a false supply closet to a dark wooded, dimly lit, incredibly pleasant bar looking out over the property. The drink turns out to be a massive goblet (more a bowl that someone stuck on a stem) of ginger syrup, prickly pear juice, and silver tequila.

It also turns out to be incredibly strong. So much so that when they get back to the room, Indrid loses his balance getting his shoes off, which makes Duck laugh, which results in both of them flopping onto the bed.

“S’fun. You’re, you’re real good at the clues. Should, should go to an escape room when we get home.”

“Wasn’t, hic, that hard. They, they want, hic, want you to find it.”

“Take the compliment, goofus” Duck pushes his shoulder.

“You’re, hic, the goofus.”

“Nuh uh.” Duck sticks his tongue out. Indrid does the same, then licks his cheek just to hear him laugh.

Duck rolls onto his back, giggles dying down to a contemplative sigh, “He woulda hated this.”

“Your ex?” Indrid crawls to stay close to him.

“Yeah. Everythin I like, or, or thought was fun, he thought it was a waste of time or just plain worthless. He, he wasn’t like that at the start. Dunno what changed. Probably me. Probably got borin. Got worse.”

Indrid is not so drunk that he believes he can fix this. But he’s just drunk enough to stroke Duck’s cheek and murmur, “No. Nono, hic, you’re th’best.”

He doesn’t remember falling asleep after that, but he must have, because his phone is beeping at them to get up and face the day. They do so with to-go coffees in one hand and their bags in the other, neither speaking of the night before until Indrid has turned the car into deeper desert.

“Sorry for gettin on a thing about Alex last night.”

“It was a three year relationship; goodness knows you’re allowed to have feelings about it.”

“Even relief?”

Indrid glances at him, “Of course.”

His friend leans back in his seat, sipping from his travel mug, “That’s half the reason I been in such a funk. I feel like I oughta be sad, then I feel guilty for the fact I’m relieved instead. But if I really was that unhappy in it, why did I hang around so long? Maybe that was the best I deserved, y’know?”

“I know the feeling, yes, but I can’t say I agree with your statement. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are and adores it, not someone who loved what you once were and became bitter when you grew.”

Duck looks at the console between them, at Indrid’s chipped black nails and the hand he hopes isn’t shaking. He squeezes it a moment longer than necessary, “Thanks, ‘Drid. It’s nice to hear that from someone who’s still gettin to know me. Juno and them, they’re my friends, I know they’re in my corner but, uh, sometimes I worry that anyone new is gonna find me dull or somethin like that.”

“I’m sure some people would, just as some take one look at me and decide I’m a weirdo who they don’t want to deal with. But I can say with certainty that I don’t find you that way.”

Duck grins all the way to their destination. It’s a quirky trailer park full of amenities and built mostly from salvaged materials, doing it’s best to run off the grid. It also gives each trailer a theme, and Indrid flaps his hands when he sees they’ve been booked in the “The Cramps” themed one.

“Hell yeah.” Duck mirrors his excitement as they open the door. Their haven from the desert sun is full of kitschy horror artifacts and a much smaller bed than the previous spot. There’s no debate this time; Indrid settles on the right, Duck on the left, and they settle in for a nap before venturing out to work.

They take in the bar, the arcade, the mini-golf course, and the “couples supply room” (“damn, didn’t know they made eggnog scented massage oil” “ooh, I like how that smells”), but Duck turns out to be most excited to rent a stargazing kit and guide Indrid out into the dark desert. They’re on their backs, shoulder to shoulder and munching chocolate covered fruit, when he discovers the source of his glee.

“There!” Duck points to a crackling streak of silver.

“A meteor” Indrid wiggles happily as a second one speeds through his view.

“It’s the Perseids, and this is a damn good place to watch ‘em. Look, there’s another one.” He’s breathless each time and Indrid’s heart threatens to beat hard enough to crack the earth at the sound.

“Did you ever wish on stars when you were little?”

“Yep. Never asked for much worth notin, though I’m pretty sure I wished once to just wake up and be a boy. Or, uh, guess for everyone to see me as one. What about you?”

“I wished...I wished for someone to do things like this with, some who’d kiss me and tell me that they didn’t need to wish because what they wanted was right here.. I love the world, I want to see so much of it, that’s half the reason I chose my profession.. But when I was young I thought I’d be with someone when I did. I thought it was easy to find that kind of love. To be worthy of it.”

“Hey now” Duck rolls onto his side. He’s backlit by the moon, meteors zipping behind him as if they, just like Indrid, are pulled to him, “what happened to all the stuff you said in the car about deservin someone who adores you?”

“It’s easy to apply such things to you, harder to believe them about myself.”

“How come?”

“Because you are everything a sensible person could want in a man and I am not.”

“That’s where you’re wrong” He sets a hand next to Indrid’s shoulder, “Can think of at least one sensible fella who wants to get to know you a whole hell of a lot.”

“He’ll get to know me plenty, we’re co-workers.”

“There are different kinds of gettin to know someone.” Duck dips down, brushes their noses together, “for instance, the last few days I’ve gotten to know you’re a damn good travel companion and that Ned was smart to hire you. But I’ve also gotten to know there’s some things about you I really wanna know.”

“Such as?” Indrid’s fingers find Duck’s sides.

“Such as whether you wanna go on a date with me when we get back. No assignment, just the two of us gettin some time together.”

“I want nothing more.” He leans up to kiss him, feels him shudder happily when their lips meet. Indrid wonders how long it’s been since someone kissed Duck like they meant it, and resolves to make up any deficits with an enthusiasm that would put horny eighteen year olds to shame.

Indrid nips Ducks ear, “you know, were it not for the threat of mosquitos and scorpions, I’d suggest we make good use of the non-food items in that basket.”

Ducks grin lights Indrid up like a comet, “Then howsabout we go test just how conducive our trailer is to romance?”

Indrid kisses him adoringly, “Lead on, sweetheart; I’ll follow you anywhere.”

[charincharge]

Person A and Person B are co-workers who hate each other. They’re always competing with each other at work and they’re always getting into arguments. Then one day Person A is leaving an appointment with their therapist when they happen to see Person B waiting to see the same therapist in the lobby. I think one is perfect for rowaelin.

This was silly but fun. Word Count: 1,757

Aelin pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, a horrible mannerism she’d picked up from her least favorite person. She could see her boss bite back a smirk as he noticed Aelin’s mirrored position from across the table. Aelin leaned back, removing her hand from her nose, refusing to have anything in common with the man who made her life a living hell. Fucking Rowan Whitethorn.

When Aelin had first joined Rifthold Marketing, she’d been excited to meet her team. She’d been warned she would be the first female to be hired as a senior account manager, and that it was a bit of a boys’ club. But Aelin could handle herself. She was fierce and opinionated and refused to be bowled over by any sexist asshole. But it turned out she didn’t need to be worried, the team of managers, who referred to themselves as The Cadre, invited her to their weekly happy hour her first day on the job, welcoming her with open arms.

Well. All, except one.

Rowan Whitethorn was a prick extraordinaire. He scoffed as Aelin sipped her chardonnay at their happy hour, frowning into his beer unhappily at her presence, and he hadn’t warmed to her since. It’d been four months, and every day he’d made Aelin’s life a living hell. Which is why for the life of her, she could not understand why Dorian, the company VP had asked them to work together on a new account pitch.

“This is insane, Dorian,” Rowan grumbled from his side of the table, his fingers ever present on the bridge of his nose, between his furrowed brow.

“As much as I hate agreeing with him,” Aelin said, clearing her throat. “Rowan is right.”

“I am?” he asked, straightening up slightly.

“Of course,” Aelin scoffed. “Us working together is ridiculous. I have an existing relationship with the account. Orynth Hotel Group is only taking the meeting because of me. They want to rebrand with me. Rowan has no business pitching whatever nonsense ideas he has to them.”

“Except Rowan also has an existing relationship with the client,” Rowan said, speaking of himself in the third person. It was something he did all too frequently, and it made Aelin’s skin itch every time.

“The existing relationship should not count if it’s not professional,” Aelin jeered, and Rowan’s lips curled into a sneer as his fist pounded on the table. “Who is she? An ex? You screw your way into all your accounts?”

“Excuse me?” Rowan gaped. “Dor, come on, she can’t say that. Not only is it not true,” he ground out. “But it’s grounds for harassment. I’ve worked with Maeve on three campaigns, and she specifically reached out to tell me she’d just joined Orynth.”

Rowan glared at his boss, who looked far too amused at his discomfort. Dorian sighed loudly.

“Which is why I need you to work together,” he said, giving the pair a small smile. “Orynth is a huge account, and we would be idiots to lose out because you two couldn’t come up with a cohesive pitch. I know I can count on my two best account managers to come up with something spectacular, yes?” He paused and looked at them. “By Friday, please.”

Aelin groaned and slumped back into her chair, nodding feebly at Dorian as he left the two in the conference room.

“Coffee?” Aelin offered, hoping to thaw the icy glare from Rowan’s eyes, but it hardened even more as he shook his head.

“While you waste time on that, I’ll gather my notes for you.”

Aelin tried her very hardest not to roll her eyes as she made her way across the hall to pour herself a cup of coffee. She could get through this. It was one week of her life. Just one fucking week where she’d have to spend every minute of her day with Rowan. She paused. Thank gods she had therapy tonight. Her therapist had heard far toto much about the infamous Rowan Whitethorn, and she had a feeling she’d be hearing another earful tonight.

When she made her way back into the conference room, Rowan had spread out a series of boards he’d drawn up across the table. The intricate pitch proved he’d already put a lot of work into it, but Aelin had done the same prepping for this meeting. She knew it was going to be a long battle between them. As she glanced at the boards, she couldn’t help but admire some of them. She hated that he was actually pretty talented. If only his attitude didn’t suck so badly, they might actually be a pretty great team.

“So?” Rowan asked expectantly as Aelin took a sip of her steaming mug.

“Your illustrations are beautiful…”

“But,” he ground out between his clenched teeth.

“But,” Aelin continued. “Orynth has worked incredibly hard to launch themselves as a luxury hotel brand. Cozy, family stay doesn’t exactly say – luxury to me.”

“I don’t know,” Rowan countered. “Taking time off work. Having a family. Sharing a meal. Feels like a luxury to me.” His eyes were suddenly sad, and Aelin felt slightly uncomfortable seeing it. She looked down at her coffee and when she looked back up, his eyes were back to their usual cold glare.  “I suppose you have something much better?” he asked, his voice defensive with sarcasm.

“In fact…” Aelin laid out her own papers. Her boards weren’t anything close to Rowan’s meticulously drawn illustrations, but they got the point across. Rowan’s eyes flicked across them quickly, and she could see the eye roll he barely restrained.

“What?” she snapped.

“It’s just… sex?” he scoffed. “It’s so overdone. This isn’t a seedy Vegas hotel for a forbidden affair.”  

“No, it’s… a staycation for an overworked couple who deserve time to relax. Away from their family. Time for themselves. Between sheets or otherwise. The luxury of being yourself.” Aelin used her best pitch voice and watched as Rowan barked out a loud laugh.

“You think that’s going to sell?”

“You’re infuriating!” Aelin said.

“You’re not much better yourself, Ace,” he spat, using Dorian’s nickname for her.

“Fine,” Aelin sighed. “Let’s scrap them both.”

“Fine,” Rowan agreed, pushing all the papers off the table and making room for new scratch. She was in for a long night.

Luckily, at seven on the dot, Aelin called it for both of them. They’d made a list of general areas to explore and a few sub headers without murdering each other. She deemed that extreme progress.

“Where you going?” Rowan asked as she gathered her things. “Hot date?” he asked, glancing at the clock.

Aelin snorted, thinking of her weekly date with her therapist. “Something like that,” she answered.

Rowan stretched, clearly annoyed. “I would have put in another hour, but who am I to judge? It’s not like we have to pitch something to Dorian in four days.”

Aelin didn’t dignify his taunt with a response, her fury rising up in her as she sped off to therapy.

“I wish I didn’t have to work with him. He’s just… rude,” Aelin concluded for her doctor, who sat listening to her intently. “All the time.”

“And you’re not?” Yrene probed. Aelin rolled her eyes.

“He started it!”

“Aelin,” Yrene sighed. “We’ve talked about this every week for months. Someone needs to be the first to extend an olive branch, and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be him.”

“Well, it’s not going to be me, either.”

Yrene gave her a warm smile. “Did you think maybe that you two spar because you’re so similar? Obviously, I only know what you’ve told me, but maybe Rowan needs you to be the first to reach out.”

“Unhelpful session, doc,” Aelin laughed as she stood, the timer beside Yrene beeping softly.

“It’s going to be a stressful week for you, I understand,” Yrene said. “But, you can do it.”

Aelin walked all the way down to her car with Yrene’s affirmations ringing in her head. Should she reach out? Say something kind? It would maybe make this week better. Or maybe not, she sighed.

As Aelin reached for the car door handle, it didn’t open. She dug through her purse only to quickly see her key wasn’t there. She realized she’d left her car key on the arm of Yrene’s couch. She’d been in such an infuriated rush when she got there she must have forgotten to put it back into her purse. Yet another thing Rowan Whitethorn was to blame for.

She stalked back upstairs to the second floor, and saw that the light on Yrene’s door was on, meaning she was already in another session. Damnit. Aelin couldn’t wait around for another forty five minutes while Yrene’s eight o’clock appointment received their therapy.

Tentatively, Aelin knocked on the door. The chatter stopped from inside the office as Yrene opened the door a crack.

“Hi!” Yrene said, her voice high with surprise.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Aelin began, “But I left my car key on your couch.”

“Am I hallucinating?” a voice called from within the office. Aelin would recognize tthat voice anywhere.

“No fucking way…” she mumbled as she pushed the door open wider.

There, on her spot on her favorite couch in the room, sat Rowan.

“Did I conjure you? Said your name three times, and you appear like Bloody Fucking Mary,” he scoffed. “Date went badly?”

“I forgot my key,” Aelin said, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. All those times Aelin had complained about Rowan, and here Rowan was probably doing the exact same thing. Aelin couldn’t bear it.

Rowan’s eyes widened as he realized where Aelin had been. He reached over and grabbed her car key and walked it to her, handing it over.

“You know,” Yrene said softly. “You two are the only clients who sit in that spot.”

“Great,” Rowan sighed. “I’m going to need a new therapist,” verbalizing the thoughts that Aelin had just had.

“No!” Yrene called out as Rowan grabbed his jacket off the couch. “Rowan, don’t…”

“At least I get to keep something this week,” Aelin smirked, putting her key back into her purse. At her smug smile, Rowan growled and stalked back to the couch, plopping down on the opposite side. He flicked Aelin off, and Yrene gave her a soft smile.

“See you next week, Aelin,” she said, closing the door in her face.

No fucking way, thought Aelin. Never again would she be seeing the same therapist as Rowan fucking Whitethorn.

~*~

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[ghostietoasty]

Why Sherlock Holmes FGO is Sus: Theories and More

Before I begin, I’d like to give thanks to my wonderful friend for all the points, art, and info searching that have been made to produce this piece, I can’t appreciate you enough for the effort you put in. 🥺🙏💕

Alright now on to it!

INTRODUCTION: Humble Beginnings (Identification of the Abnormal)

If you’ve played the app Fate/Grand Order for a while you’d know about the Heroic Spirit we first encounter in a hole within Camelot’s dessert whilst going to the Atlas Institute. Smart, handsome looking, and sharp enough to discern our True Name, this man of mystery has been seen as an oddball by many long time players of the game. There are many aspects about him that raise doubt about his credibility, is he truly what he wants us to think he is? That servant is Sherlock Holmes (Ruler) and there are many theories about him having some secrets, about him either being a Foreigner class, Beast class, or something else entirely. We are attempting to catalogue all this information in one place for maximum clarity.

SECTION 1: Other Character’s Reaction (First Impression is the Best Impression) *WARNING LOSTBELT 1 AND 2 SPOILERS AHEAD*

From the first encounter in Camelot right until the end of Lostbelt 2, there are many instances of characters reacting to his presence in….interesting ways.

Bedivere, when first coming in contact with Holmes in Camelot says that "I suppose I've never really been good with people like him. He reminds me of Merlin."

It could refer to the mysterious manner in which both Holmes and Merlin conduct themselves, but better to keep in mind that Merlin is a Grand Caster, and that he manifests as a servant due to specific circumstances (he is not dead).

In Camelot, Mash assumes that Holmes must be Caster class and that the original novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must have been biographies penned by Dr. Watson under a pen name. Holmes corrects her, saying that: "My true identity, my essence, is slightly different from what you may think. And sad, but that is not the purpose of our gathering here today."

This dilemma is also present in the Sherlock Holmes Trial Quest (which mostly tackles the debate of whether he's a fictional character or someone who actually existed). Holmes has a line where he says:

"Ah, yes. I mentioned I was a Caster. Forgive me, I lied."

This is however immediately followed up by:

"A jest. My apologies. I couldn't help myself." 

This sort of backpedalling raises a doubt as to whether he was really Caster class before, so the nature of his former class is still a mystery. He later mentions that his Ruler class is the World telling him that not all illusions and dreams need to be laid bare.

When meeting with Salieri in Lostbelt 1, Holmes introduces himself as such:"I'm Sherlock Holmes, Chaldea's administrative advisor. I became a servant through unusual means, just like you."

Salieri was only summonable as a servant  because of his reputation caused by the fact that he killed Mozart. He is under the effect of Innocent Monster. It can also be said that Salieri is a lostbelt servant and is significantly more sane than he would have been in a normal summoning, that was the unusual summoning that Holmes was refering to. Does this mean Holmes is not from Proper Human History? 

Sigurd (who's under the control of Surtur), while attacking us in Lostbelt 2 says this: "So, a human and two Heroic Spirits. No, wait. Neither of you are pure Heroic Spirits, are you? You've both got something else mixed in. Hehe, hybrids then. Interesting" 

This is in reference to Holmes and Mash, who are alongside the master at this moment. Mash is a demiservant (human+servant) hence the "Hybrid" comment makes sense, but Holmes? What is the "something else" mixed in with Holmes?

Later in LB2, Holmes requests the assistance of Scáthach-Skadi in beating Surtur. Skadi says that normally she would never pay mind to what a mere Heroic Spirit had to say but: "...but in your particular case…I sense wisdom in those beautiful eyes. You remind me of Baldr, god of light." Quite a bit later, she also has this to say:"Perhaps those piercing eyes of yours in fact surpass Odin's? Mystic Eyes, perchance? ….No, that's not it. They merely reflect your wisdom born of human history's cumulative accomplishments."

She says that's not it, but the fact that it was the first thing she thought of shouldn't be ignored. 

Baldr is the god of light. Holmes' attacks consist of beams of light, and his cane lights up when he's using it in battle.

In Norse legends, Odin is said to have sacrificed one eye to the spring of Mimir in order to get ancient wisdom, the ability to perceive everything in the world. 

SECTION 1.5: More Reactions (From JP Only)

Since it is JP only and there is no official translation for NA yet, this information cannot be 100% confirmed in any way. (Most of this is from Reddit translation done by fans). But as these are also important, it's best to put this information separate section.

Moriarty's interlude involves him finding a micro-singularity in London. At some point the transmission between Chaldea and the master gets cut and Moriarty reveals he created this scenario, made the singularity and everything to get one on one time with the master. He tells us not to trust Holmes. When the time comes, we as master should choose Moriarty over Holmes. 

It has to be kept in mind that Moriarty is not a good guy, he is a character created entirely to oppose Holmes so it is natural that he doesn't trust him. For all we know, it is just emotional manipulation. 

Moriarty's very nature is tied to being the antithesis of Holmes. Holmes might theoretically go against us for the sake of humanity while also trying to keep us safe (the master is in a way, a Watson replacement to him after all) while Moriarty would gladly let humanity burn for the sake of us but also for the sake of being completely opposite to Holmes and keeping his identity as such.

However he does raise valid points, how was Holmes able to rayshift? This part was never explained, and he also mentions that his hypothesis has a fatal contradiction in the fact that Holmes risked his life to save ours. What can be inferred from this is that Holmes is a good man and is on our side, but there is something very weird about him that should not be ignored.

In Lostselt 5 it is mentioned at one point that Zeus called Holmes dangerous, he mustn't look at Zeus or the other gods and that his eyes are enemies of the world.

It has to be mentioned that this is some heavy emphasis on Holmes' eyes (Skadi mentioned Holmes' eyes twice, and she was a god as well). Is it because of the nature of Holmes that he is the one that reveals all truth? Is that in some way detrimental to gods, magic and the world in general?

Recently, from Holmes' skill upgrade interlude there was a section about Holmes saying that he is always an ally of justice and that while he may be on our side, he is still capable of evil but it doesn't change the fact that he is our ally. Even then it seems he has some secrets that can't be understood by himself.

By now with the presence of Dr. Jekyll and Helena and their recounts on what happened, it is confirmed that Holmes was actually "alive"(?)

Some of the adventures penned by Dr. Watson were actually censored versions of the original happenings, which were magical in nature.

Holmes was traumatised(?) by Helena's death back when they were both alive. He swears he would never let that happen again. (remember what happened in lostbelt 2…)

It seems that Holmes himself is not fully sure of what is secret about him. Since he utterly dislikes talking about something without being 100% sure about it (this tendency of his has gotten us in trouble before) plus his general secretive nature, it can be said that this is why he wouldn't talk about that.

SECTION 2: Weird Things That Holmes Does (And Other Questions)

Heroic Spirits are anything but normal, but there are few servants who break the norm even further, and Holmes is one of them.

Holmes is able to Rayshift (presumably) from London, to Camelot, and then to Shinjuku. There are very few servants who are able to manifest themselves. 

Musashi also appears here and there, but it's not a deliberate choice on her part. She is not able to predetermine her next destination. 

Arthur travels from a parallel world to this world, but this is due to "chasing after a certain powerful antagonist, evil omen" - so he tells.

Beast class has the skill of Independent Manifestation which would allow the servant to manifest anywhere they'd want. Merlin, Tamamo Vitch and Shiki possess it. However, it has to be noted that Holmes' rayshifts have a significant toll on his saint graph, as he is unable to fight or defend himself by the time we meet him in Camelot. While normal Independent Manifestation shouldn't lead to the depletion of the user's saint graph. Holmes' class is unknown at the time of his rayshifting. 

At the time of summoning, Heroic Spirits usually reveal their class and True Name (there also are exceptions to the rule). At the time of his summoning, Holmes doesn't reveal his Class: "Are introductions necessary? I am a detective. If you were expecting a hero, my apologies...But if you wanted a detective or an investigator, you drew the right card."

In the case of EOR Servants whose names haven't been found, they reveal their class.

Who summoned Holmes? The only thing we know regarding his presence was that it was first clearly there when he tampered with information in London.

Holmes' illustrator is Yamanaka Kotetsu, who was also the illustrator of the beasts Tiamat and Goetia

The artists who design and illustrate the characters tend to do it in groups of servants who are related to each other in some way (Pako with Arjuna and Karna Chacha and Nobunaga; Miwa Shiro with Brynhildr and Sigurd). It is strange that Kotetsu designed only Holmes, Tiamat and Goetia.

(NEW ADDITION) It should also be noted that as an illustrator Kotetsu has had previous works in a Lovecraftian Guidebook and is also the artist to the Alien God Preistess, somewhat showing how their work leans more to the outerworldly.

SECTION 3: The Design

It is a very commonly noticed fact that Holmes' coat in his third ascension has a very similar shape to that of the Foreigner card artwork.

The pattern work on the coattails of the foreigner art and the inside (blue) part of Holmes' coattails have a very similar, if not exactly same pattern running down the entire length of it. The sphere summoned in Holmes' Noble Phantasm also has the same pattern on its sides and front.

There is a "fog" around Holmes in his third ascension, which is reminescent of the smoke in the card art. (Also can be the London smog).

The glowing section of the abdomen of the being reminds one of the metallic corset that Holmes wears. 

There are 4 notches of smoke on either side of the being (total 8), under their cape. If we stretch our interpretation, then it could mean Holmes' arms and the metal arms that he has is also equal to 8.

In that tangent, the shape of the coat is also similar to that of Saver class Buddha, the fantasy trees from Lostbelt 3 and 4, and the Shadows made by the 6th imaginary element.

The Endless Knot / Shrivatsa symbol on his shoulders is one of the many references of his connection to Tibet (faking his death after the Final Problem). It is an important symbol in both Jainism and Buddhism.

Some of its interpretations include:

The eternal continuum of mind.

The union of wisdom and method.

Since the knot has no beginning or end it also symbolizes the wisdom of the Buddha

the endless cycle of suffering or birth, death and rebirth within Tibetan Buddhism.

The cane that Holmes wields has a pattern on its handle in the shape of a Prayer Wheel. 

However, we are not able to find the meaning behind the script on the cane. Both of us attempted to translate it but failed. If anyone can translate the meaning it would be greatly appreciated.

The holographic books in the base of the unidentified sphere have a pattern on their front that greatly resembles a lotus. 

In Holmes' third ascension, there are a number of magical circuits on his coat.

The circuits are almost only on his left side, with very few circuits on his right side. It's not like it was woven into it, were that the case the circuits would have been all over his coat in a more even distribution. It's almost like an impact radius.

The circuits are very similar to the ones visible on the title screen of the lostbelts, as well as the patterns seen on the fantasy trees.

CONCLUSION SECTION: Something's Up (It's Big Brain Time)

It's clear that something is very strange about Holmes, from his interactions to his design, it's clear that there is too much effort into throwing these hints that it's not just a red herring.

Is he a Foreigner? Beast? Counter Guardian? Some other unknown extra class? It cannot be said at the moment. Holmes' role as a revealer itself is dangerous to mystery and magic, so it can be anything.

 It is also not necessarily true that just because Holmes has all these abnormalities, that he will betray us, or is on the side of evil. When has there been a clear cut side of good or evil anyway? It can be argued that we are the villains in some way, as we bring about the end of these timelines to safeguard our own proper human history. 

Holmes has always been on the side of humanity and will continue to be, the question is what the reveal will be, why and how. That, only time and future chapters can answer, all we can do is speculate.

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 6x14 Page 23

Okay what episode do we have today?

Ah okay, a Regina centric. That’s cool.

Is that the same guard Snow stripped naked in 1x16? Whaaaat?! Just looked it up and it totally is! Awesome call back! I’m going to name him Jim.

Oh my God, she killed Jim!!

Wait, so this has to be after Heart of Darkness.

The terrified look on that woman’s face when Regina strokes her chin, looks at her longingly and tells her she loves her. Omg Regina was in love with this woman all along! It was never about Daniel. It was about Christina! I’m naming her Christina. 

They are my otp now.

How did Tinker Bell get out of neverland? Pan decides when people leave, and I doubt he’d let her leave just to pay a visit with the Evil Queen. But then and again maybe it was all part of his big plan.

Oh. Pixie dust doesn’t dictate who your true love is. It just shows you possibilities. That’s not what you said before, Tinker Bell!

Regina, we all know you spared her because she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Actually, this visit from Tinker Bell is odd because she doesn’t seem angry at all like when she, like, wanted to kill Regina in 3x03. How did she go from, “okay. I lost my wings because of you but it’s all cool. I just want my otp together.” to “I’m gonna f***ing drug you with pixie dust and rip your heart out!”?

Also, this is the Evil Queen I like to see. So cold, terrifying and breaking on the inside. I’m not a fan of the humorous one in 6x02. I wish Split Queen was more like this as well. Ah different writers and director. Interesting.

Split Queen: “…not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps on dirt.” Wish Robin: “Excuse me, I sleep on hay.” Important distinction!

Snow’s so excited about the wedding, bless her.

Lol Zelena just drags Emma’s hand to look at her ring. My girl loves shiny things! And how could I forget, her otp is getting married! She is in heaven right now!

I love Emma just casually talking to Zelena like they’re gal pals at a sleepover. More of this please! 

I can see what sqers say about this scene. Regina really does look hurt by the notion of Emma getting married. There is no heterosexual reason for her to react like this unless she’s in love with Hook. I think this is the only time they hug. Man, I feel so bad for sqers because upon this rewatch I can really see where they are coming from with that interpretation. It’s definitely there. And then they hug because Emma’s getting married to someone else. I would be so upset if that was my otp. What am I talking about, I watched 10 seasons of Smallville as a hardcore Chloe x Clark shipper. I think this exact scenario played out and it freaking hurts! 

In other news, I am so in love with Snow. Have I mentioned that? I feel like I haven’t mentioned it in a while and it needs to be said. 

I’m also in love with David, in case you forgot. I want to join their marriage. Can I join their marriage? I’m joining their marriage. Emma, I’m your mummy now. Don’t think about the age difference too much. 

I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate already today. Can you tell? I feel so alive! I want to share my social security number and be freeee!! I am trying to block out my anxiety about having to move house again next friday. Yep, that’s right, 4th place in two years. I think I will write all of these high on chocolate.

What would happen if you cut your hair with those sheers? Or your garden bush? No, that is not a euphemism, you dirty bastards (affectionate). 

I haven’t had a haircut in 10 years. Holy cow! That’s why my afro is so big, it’s full of secrets. 

Nemo is your dad now, Hook. Even though I’m pretty sure he’s a lot younger than you. 

He called him “My boy.” hehe.

I remember when I thought Hook and Rumple had the same mother. That would have been quite the twist.

I thought that vase of flowers was a giant cauliflower. Did you know broccoli, cauliflower, cabbages, brussels sprouts and turnips are all related? I wonder what thanksgivings are like when they all get together. Probably not fun for them. 

See what I did there xD? 

Emma: “This is my fault. I’m the one who convinced you to bring him here. It’s on me.” Regina: “Emma, you don’t have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.” Omg, this compared to when she told Emma she’d ruined her life because Emma saved Marian. The development. I really appreciate this change because I nearly lost it with Regina when that was her attitude. 

Screw it, I’m making bean enchiladas. Brb. I’ll save you some!

I’m back! They’re in the oven. Anyone wants the recipe hmu! They’re veggie! 

You just know Split Queen and Wish Robin have a sexy dungeon in their castle. They just do.

Enchanted ropes would have been useful in so many situations.

The enchiladas are ready! Repeat after me, Becky: “I will remember oven gloves this time, I will remember oven gloves this time.”

Robin is so into Split Queen. He wants her to live with him and everything, even though they just met. 

I don’t think that arrow would have taken her to Robin since it takes her to the thing she loves most. She can’t love someone she’s never met. We all know it would shoot Christina right in the ass. That’s true love biatches! Evil Peasant 5ever!

Oh snap! Emma found Hook looking at himself killing her grandfather??! I completely forgot about this!

Why does she say, “That’s David’s father”? Why doesn’t she say, “That’s my grandfather,” or “That’s my dad’s dad”? She hasn’t called her dad ‘David’ in years. It’s like she’s trying to separate herself from the victim as much as possible.

She’s not even a little bit upset he killed her dad’s dad? That that event caused her father so much pain? She’s just infuriated that he tried to burn his memory. I mean, yes, she should be angry about that but where’s the empathy for her dad at least? I didn’t know any of my grandfathers well but if I found out I was engaged to someone who did that I would be angry for my grandparent, angry for my parent and angry for myself. I’m just speechless that that’s all she cares about. It seems so out of character. But then and again Regina had her other grandad killed. 

And now he’s gonna leave because he rightfully got told off. Can’t say I’d offer the same thing but she said, “until you’re ready” not “you’ll never be ready”, dude. 

I think he’s just scared David will punch him in the face at this point. It’s the only explanation for doing the exact opposite thing Emma asked of him.

“Captain Hook is always welcome on the Nautilus.” More like welcome on the naughty list after that stunt.

She doesn’t want a man, Henry Sr. She just confessed her deep, passionate, sexual love for Christina like 20 minutes ago, remember? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not even subtext, dude. Get it together, man.

Why don’t they fight themselves with magic?

Her dad is so heartbroken the person Regina hates most is herself. 

That is really sad that the person she hates most his herself. I can relate.

Yes! Launch those apples at yourself! 

My conversations with myself be like-

Oh boy. This is too reminiscent of conversations with myself. Yes, I sword fight myself wearing a fancy black, cleavage-revealing dress in my head all the time. Only joking, I wear trilby hats. 

Oh okay. Now they’re tying each other up. I see what this is really about. I still haven’t bleached the “we do like it rough, don’t we Regina?” line from my mind. 

I suppose she did take back some of her own darkness. But I was hoping she would just merge herself back together. That would have been a really predictable outcome, but I just would have preferred it. 

This scene is so weird lol, but it helped me tremendously. I used to hate myself so, so much. You don’t even understand. It was like a violent hatred for myself for not fitting in and for every single little mistake I’d ever made. Then with a lot of self- healing and the help of this episode I began my journey into loving myself. I wrote on a sticky note “Love yourself. If the Evil Queen can do it, so can you.” and stuck it to my wall. Nothing I’ve done is comparable to what the Evil Queen has done and if she can learn to love herself, why can’t everyone else. Anyone who’s struggling with self-hatred, please take this episode to heart. You are worthy of love, most importantly from yourself. Any time you find yourself hating yourself just try to remember this scene and that the flipping Evil Queen of all people recognised the importance of self-love and didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. She damn well gave herself a chance. I’ve heard a good technique is looking in the mirror and telling yourself what you love about you. Even if you’re not feeling it at first, you could get into the habit of it and your brain will start to accept those words as true. Because they are true.

Aww she sees the Charmings as her family. 

Regina: “it did give me hope when I needed it most, and that is just as important.” Oh my God, preach the word Regina! Regina is preaching with fire today! 

It’s like she’s having a therapy session with herself. I need to do that. I really do. Then I need to get actual therapy lol xD. But baby steps! 

Okay. A loophole as to how he can change Split Queen’s story. You know what, at this point I’ve learnt just to go with it.

Can Snow and Zelena be best friends? Please. It’s literally all I want in life. And to join Snowing’s marriage. I’m not asking for much. I’ll talk about it in self-therapy.

Henry’s got Gideon’s haircut now. He wants to be cool like his uncle.

I want to look at myself with the love and adoration Regina looks at herself with. We should all get to that point where we look like we’re about to intensely make out with ourselves when we look in the mirror. 

I know what they were doing with page 23. I just wish Split Queen had changed her outfit so it could have been exactly like the page illustration. But I don’t think it was meant to predict the future. It was just one of Isaac’s fanfictions, wasn’t it? Hmm. I think it was a mystery to him as well if I can remember correctly.

It’s nice that oq shippers got their ship in the end in one form.

Snow is just constantly high up to her eyeballs on hope, bless her. 

Emma needs a dog. She seems like such a dog person.

Also, that enchilada was yumilicious, if I do say so myself.