#I was so seen and perceived

[amarantoestrella]

survived my shift and learned that pookie bear is possessive lmao. I work again tomorrow 🥹

[apricustar]

thinking about how whenever eddie starts crying, he looks like it physically hurts. the tears well up, his face twists, and he shakes his head like he's trying to force it back down—like it's not just emotion, it's failure. he's not allowed to be vulnerable. he's not allowed to fall apart.

it always looks like a battle just to let himself feel—as though crying is something to be ashamed of. like he's mad at himself for even feeling anything in the first place.

and that just makes it hit harder. because you know that's not just a reaction—that's learned. that's years of being told to suck it up and be strong. and now, even when he needs to cry—when it catches him off guard—he can't let himself do it without a fight. it's heartbreaking because you can see the little boy in him who was told to be a man and move on.

[thehealingsystem]

if you ever wonder why I don't interact with the traumagenic community as a traumagenic system this is why

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about how deeply lucanis' life has been defined by a lack of control of that life -- as he himself points out, even before the ossuary went and carved the headline out again with big bloody letters. of course he reacts badly to losing what little control he did manage to construct for himself even within those circumstances.

(namely: experience has taught him that things (caterina, loss, pain, love, all horribly and indelibly intermingled) will happen to him whether he wants them to or not and there's nothing he can do about that... but he gets to decide what's let in or out of his soul as it happens, even if he has to close it all down and deaden and numb himself out in the process. (even if that means he drifts further and further away from illario, who's been desperately reaching out and trying to keep hold of him until he finally gives up completely and tries to cut the bond all at once when lucanis doesn't seem to reach back anymore.) it's such rare well-observed freeze logic solidly constructed from the bottom up, I'm still so impressed with it.

the way illario seeks constant external means to cope with caterina's abuse and importance in his life -- he can't win her admiration or acceptance or warmth (or like. acknowledgement even, at times :') ), no matter what, so he goes out and finds those things in others and then disdains and dismisses it for how easily and falsely it's won from them. he plots, he conspires, he tries to beat her at her own game however clumsily, he tries. lucanis doesn't try things that way. he's not about 'how do I improve my situation' by nature, he's 'how can I stop this from getting worse'. he avoids, he internalizes, he hunkers down and makes himself nothing until the pain maybe ends. he's fundamentally not a plotter, he's a reacter. an expert assassin pantser, if you will, to illario's clear and stated exasperation fhsak. man I love them. illario says 'get us out of here!!! if you loved me as I love you you'd help me get us out of here before it kills us both', lucanis says 'there is no other place, there's nowhere to go, all we can do is endure. and if it kills us... well, that's just family. that's what love is (the way things are headed I'll die first anyway so it's fine I won't have to face losing you)', and they're equally baffled and hurt by each other's POV. but they're both right, and they're both wrong. there's no 'right' way to deal with caterina's treatment of them, or their situation. the house always wins, if you pardon the expression. house dellamorte still stands and that is what matters to caterina in the end more than anything.

it also fits so well b/c like... their core wounds are that illario is the least favourite and is constantly dismissed, so he has to prove to caterina again and again that he matters. not even that he's worth love or respect or warm regard, but that he's here at all and as such should be considered. he has to shout 'in case u forgot I EXIST!!' at the top of his lungs or else be rendered nothing within the family structure (and himself, because it's all about family, that's all that really matters. in some weird twisted way I think caterina openly declaring him before all the other crows to still be of house dellamorte -- and no one from house dellamorte kneels -- is kind of a victory for him, as much as it's also a furthering of a prison sentence and public humiliation. house dellamorte brainfuckery goes hard.). lucanis is the favourite, and it's the double-edged sword that he gets all the affection and attention but also all the control and impossible expectations. drowning under all of that constant stress and close evaluation, his brain whispers 'I don't exist' to try to escape, to hide and hold on to the deep parts of himself that are crucial to life but not part of the perfect grandson caterina demands of him as the price of her love.)

I think a lot about how what seems to disquiet lucanis the most post-ossuary (as it would anyone with that psychological makeup) is the dissolving of internal boundaries and control he's been relying on, which is part of what spite symbolizes. his anger and reactivity has seceded from the union to the point of personification as a little guy (a little guy he resents and fears for his unpredictability and invasions into regions of his psyche he wishes to stay frozen and barren, and yet cares about deeply, loves! and also constantly dismisses and frequently helplessly lets down unless he's helped to learn to do otherwise. does this remind you of another relationship in his life, perhaps. it makes me feel nuts to think about the illario/spite parallels thanks for asking), and now that little guy is out there running the show freely the moment he glances away or closes his eyes. literal nightmare scenario I feel for him so deeply. so much of his coping is predicated on being able to Not do or feel or want certain things, and that's out the window now, Spite has Opinions. Spite refuses to stay wisely in place even if that place is hell on the logic that if you move you could find yourself in a place that's even worse, somehow. Spite actually wants to experience the world, however fucked up and scarring the way he arrived here, not just endure it. Spite means he has to face that maybe illario wasn't wrong all those years, at the same time as having to admit and face what illario has done to him, and figure out what to do about any of it.

anyway. mary kirby ma'am that's some good fucking metaphor work. thank you, and sorry about all the shit that happened

[anghraine]

The other thing about the Kirk-Uhura brotp that I have many feelings about:

Of all the ~430 positions filled by people on the Enterprise, I'd argue that there are none for which outwards composure is more important than for the communications officer and the commanding officer. Above all others on the ship, those two have to stay cool under pressure and retain the ability to keep talking (often to large numbers of people), while projecting unfaltering assurance and resolve.

As individuals, Kirk and Uhura have obviously put a lot of effort into developing that bedrock of composure, while also being pleasant or assertive as needed. Throughout TOS, they both come across as confident, charismatic, very skilled, eloquent professionals. Both of them can be lightly charming and easy to underestimate, or sharp-tongued and forceful, and both of them are clever and good liars.

But tbh, I think that TOS also gradually reveals both Kirk and Uhura to be incredibly high-strung people who are just really good at their jobs.

It's not that either is naturally easy-going and chill! As people, Kirk and Uhura have zero chill. They're just very controlled and very deliberate about projecting what's needed.

Neither are perfect at this by any means. Kirk lashes out now and then, and visibly fights off tension headaches or anxiously fiddles with his own hands. Uhura gets intensely nervous or upset every once in awhile. There are points in the show where one of them will just start losing their shit. But that's unusual, and mainly used to flag the circumstances as exceptional. And even in those cases, we repeatedly see them swapping the role of being a calm and reliable rock for the other one as he/she is about to snap. When Kirk's composure starts to crumble, we'll often see Uhura as this steadying, quietly supportive, or challenging presence as needed; when Uhura starts falling apart, we repeatedly see Kirk flip into a calm, affirming figure taking pains to remind her of her importance and capabilities.

I think this is a bit different from the way that, say, Spock works to keep an iron grip on his vulnerabilities and adheres to cool reason while doing Science, or McCoy might get snappish or plainly desperate but always has a clear enough head for Medicine. Kirk's and Uhura's roles, at least as they choose to approach them, require these constant performances of a sort of lightly emotive, personable steadiness that keeps the whole ship smoothly running even as they're doing the intellectual/practical work of their jobs.

Also, in addition to the explicit dialogue around their professional synergy and rapport, quite a bit is carried by physical acting from Nichols and Shatner as well. For instance, we'll see Uhura's expression shift without a word to dawning realization around some Scheme or Shenanigans that Kirk is carrying out while people around her are still visibly ?????????? Or you'll see these moments of solidarity or trust in how Kirk physically carries himself towards Uhura. It's also made really clear that there is zero sexual attraction or romantic interest between them—they're both charming, attractive, intelligent, and even close in age but it's just not there at all, even repressed or stifled.

In any case, Uhura is the only person other than Spock whom Kirk feels the need to name both times that he records potentially-posthumous special commendations in TOS.

Kind of-neurotic-but-hypercompetent platonic duo of my heart <3

[thorough-witness-enjoyer]

I think an severely underrated perspective of the Traveler comes from Peach the ghost and I think she’s the best for being something along the lines of an atheist /lighthearted

Like you’re so right girl, we don’t know much about the Traveler and probably never will, so we probably shouldn’t make our speculations into divine scripture.

I enjoy how her criticism points towards the Traveler not being much of a god people would want, much less an all powerful god who is so wise and knows so much about what it’s like to be a sentient human/ghost/eliksni/uluran/etc., it can predict the future and create a perfect predetermined fate for everyone.

She’s also right that if you cling onto the idea that the Traveler is an omniscient being that can craft purpose, without ever considering other perspectives on it, you’d have to come to terms with the fact that it would be an intentionally massive jerk for its behavior (and you’ll probably want to cut away at the imperfections of your people and combine their will into a single being who will hunt it down)

And above all, she’s right that we really shouldn’t hold what we think the Traveler would want for us above what we want for ourselves and we shouldn’t hold narratives we crafted of it to fit our feelings towards it as a singular, indisputable truth. We live for ourselves first and foremost, not for the Traveler’s approval. It’s probably just as lost as we are.

Also in regards to some recent lore about her watching Osiris with strand:

I love, love, LOVE when Destiny drops what seems to be a throwaway line in lore that came out years ago, only to revisit it later and turn it into something meaningful for the future. I start jumping up and down when I’m able to spot connections to old lore, I love it!

Guys make sure you think about how awesome Peach is at least once a day and remember, be a gardener when it comes to other perspectives on the nature of existentialism/spirituality/religion/divinity! It is our ability to share how we perceive reality that helps us appreciate cultural similarities and differences, even if you don’t agree with them, which makes us stronger and helps us break down harmful, dogmatic thinking.

[skunkes]

micro comic with no real point or punchline i just have conversations i wanna draw out sometimes

[luxites]

"Know your place, fool." ⛩

I really want to know more about how he became the King of Curses

[tavina-writes]

so deeply deeply tired of the discourse where if an artist/creative gets revealed to have been a vile and shitty person irl we just start throwing their art out wholesale to the tune of "omg well I KNEW they were a BAD person!!! look at how AWFUL AND BAD and SUCKY their art was!! it was CLEAR it was never ANY good. Anyway I never bought the hype about them because their art was BAD!"

like, I'm not arguing for continuing to hold onto art that you now dislike because the creator was a vile person. you don't need to do that.

but this "oh I can tell if a person is good or bad if their art is good or bad bc bad people make bad art" is just such a reductive and honestly tiring approach? Good people make bad art. Good people make good art. Bad people make bad art. Bad people make good art. there's no correlation, stop trying to say there is.

we must learn to separate the morality and value of art from the morality and value of the creator.

[julianplum]

I start on The Big Painting today.... wish me luck. this bad boy is 18" x 24" and it's going to use soooooo much gouache

[recent-rose]

yknowwww there is something... deeply uncomfortable about the way mel never speaks directly to viktor in the 'build hextech weapons' scene. she really only speaks to jayce. plenty of people have pointed this out already but like the one scene they actually share a meaningful interaction and she treats him like he's beneath her. all this after jayce has emphasized how important viktor is, that hextech is theirs, together. she unequivocally ices him out, there's no other way to interpret this scene. the way it's shot too - from viktor's perspective, looking up at her, as though to reinforce the same belief in him. like he doesn't even bother expecting respect from her - or anyone from the upper echelon of piltover. he's fully accustomed to being dehumanized by everyone around him at this point. sometimes even by jayce, despite the trust they clearly have in each other.

then of course after this scene is viktor experimenting on himself. it's pretty clear that he has internalized his own dehumanization. crazy.

[leona-florianova]

One of my many fav things in the aubrey-maturin series is when the point of view switches from the main two guys to some side characters... Who then usually perceive Aubrey as Really Big, Really Loud, and Not Very Sharp.....And Maturin as sick looking creepy little freak of a creature... Keeps us in check... What if we started thinking they are actually cool.

Its also great way to remind us that alot of the things they do arent particularly normal by even that time period standards....

[voidmetal-alloy]

This is gonna be pretty long but I realised a while ago that Bass and Zero both kinda have the traits that Wily wanted the other to have and I need to ramble about it for a while

Zero was designed to be an unstoppable war machine, meant to awaken when Wily would no longer be around to deal with the consequences of whatever kind of monster he turned out to be : Bass is aggressive, ruthless and will stop at nothing to get what he wants, willing to harm anyone who gets in his way be it through backstabbing or brute force. But we also know that Bass canonically does have a good heart and deep down he does enjoy being appreciated for who he is, and his cruel and selfish personality is more than likely a result of Wily’s influence on him in his early development, passing down his inflated ego and stubbornness, meaning that he still has the potential for good if he can finally accept that he’s still worth something even if he’s not the best, the lesson that Wily never learned and never taught.

Bass was designed to be Wily’s right hand man and follow his every word, built strong enough to make it through any failed world domination attempt : Zero is loyal, strategic and very capable, he’s more than willing to lay down his life for the people he cares for and to make hard decisions that will work out better for them in the long run, even if it means that he has to suffer, and Wily’s shortsightedness is exactly what made him this way. He foolishly assumed that giving Zero instructions and encouraging his violent tendencies through his subconscious would be enough, failing once again to recognise the pattern of rebellion that shows up time and time again in his robots. When Zero awakens from what has no doubt been a hundred years of being told he’s made for nothing but death, he’s shown kindness and compassion and, most importantly, understanding, allowing him to find a place where his battle skills are not only needed but appreciated. It’s because of this that he develops a hesitation to listen to what his original instructions were, and then he’s forced to endure the pain and consequences of the monster he was supposed to be when Sigma succumbs to the Maverick virus, and Wily’s plans for him become just another nightmare that his loved ones can comfort him through.

If Wily had been kinder to Bass and more encouraging of who he is outside his strength, he could’ve been that loyal soldier, and if he had been more observant with his faults he could’ve foreseen that pushing Zero with flashbacks and nightmares and forcing a purpose on him would drive him away and make him question himself. But the Wily that loves Bass for who he is isn’t the Wily that builds Zero for destruction.

A final note; I think that one of the main things stopping Bass from following the same path of redemption as Zero is that everyone trying to redeem him makes him feel that his love for battle is something he should be ashamed of, even if they aren’t trying to: Rock tells him he “doesn’t have to fight” never considering that he might want to regardless of his morals, Proto is too vague about his advice (which is typically just that he should reconsider his reasons for fighting, not that he should stop outright.) and usually ends up frustrating him, etc. the only character who hasn’t accidentally shamed Bass for enjoying fighting is Duo, who just tells him he’s a little weird but still a cool guy which Bass seems to like hearing.

[fisheito]

... peace on planet bottom, then there's whatever this is

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt "i will NEVER deadname my best friend" of rivia

"he will ALWAYS be dandelion to ME"

[ratsrequiem]

Its snowing in Texas rn so this is my obligatory snow day post