#I'll have to go after work Monday tho “^^

[plushie-lovey]

Hi

I'm going to be fair but firm. It's very clear to me that you want this BAB. So I suggest you buy it without worrying what people think. This is the exception to the rule. You can still not like BAB policy. I am saying you can bend the rules because the scalpers are out full force unfortunately and I think it's going to take a long while to get second hand if at all. I would really recommend buying it right now as new before they're sold out. I know for sure they have sold out in other places. I think this is kind of an emergency situation where you need to set opinions aside. The anxiety is being made worse because this plush means a lot to you. If you feel overwhelmed just focus on getting the plush. Take someone with you if you can or talk to us on Tumblr.

💕💕💕😺

Anon you're so sweet, thank you for this message ;w; It's reassuring abd has put my anxiety at ease a bit. Si I'm going to do it, I'm going to grt the pumpkin kitty!!

[orcelito]

Is everyone excited for me to post a fic next week. Or at least looking forward to it at all. Or like. Remembered it? I of course remembered but at the same time I just kinda registered that finishing this up and posting it means I'm posting a fic

So uh. There's that to look forward to!

[jettison-my-gift]

.

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

[oddinary4bts]

Be With You | ch 7

☆summary: who knew that the hot guy you've been paired with for a class project is also a kind soul? Certainly not you, and you feel yourself falling even though you know you shouldn't. Will it be your demise, or will it all work out in the end?

☆pairing: Choi San x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter contains mature content)

☆genre: slow burn strangers to lovers, college!au, smut, angst and fluff

☆warnings: cursing, Jungkook, anxiety, San's dad, confessions, alcohol, a frat party, mentions of the Night (oc's past with jungkook), a panic attack, did I already say Jungkook explicit content: love making <3, hickey, fingering, praise

☆word count: 11k

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here

☆a/n: okay so this chapter delves into the characters little more than the previous ones, and the fic will turn more serious from now on. It's kind of personal to me, as I have an ex like Jungkook, but I'll let you read and build your opinion. PSA tho, it does talk about abusive relationships (quick mentions in this chapter only). But yeahhh I hope you still like it, it wouldn't be a fic of mine without angst haha and thank you to @moonleeai for your amazing work as my beta reader, I love you and am forever thankful for you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

Cold snowflakes Withered down Until you bloom As a spring flower I'll be with you

Be With You, Ateez (english translation)

☆☆☆☆☆

Monday, October 21st

The sheet mask on your features is cool as you lie on your bed, soft music playing in the background. Sydney chose the song and though you don’t know it, you make a mental note to add it to your playlist when you’re done with your mask.

“Why is this so long?” Sydney complains.

“Shhh. You put yours on after I did.”

“Masks suck.”

You snort. “It’s good for your skin. Gotta have nice skin for Yun.”

She sighs dramatically. “He doesn’t care about that.”

She’s right - when it comes to her, Yunho doesn’t care about anything other than her wellbeing. It’s always been like this and you’re happy, so so happy that they finally made their way to each other after your brother longed for her for years. 

“You’ll give him a heart attack from how pretty you are after this,” you try to say with confidence, but the words just make you cringe.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know.” You laugh in time with her, and then it’s your turn to sigh deeply, and hers to snort.

“What’s that sigh for?”

“I don’t know, man…”

But you do. Things have been amazing with San - too amazing - and every time you’ve thought about it since that first time you had sex, anxiety clutches at your chest. Fear delves into your soul, tainting the feelings that you know you have for him, and you imagine what it would be like to lose him.

What it would be like for him to be like Jungkook was in the end. Because Jungkook once was an angel. He’d bought you flowers, taken you on dates, showered you with love and affection… until he didn’t. Until affection turned into disgust, until hate flowed where love once was. 

Until that dreadful night when everything went to shit.

“It’s just,” you start, and then you fall silent, taking a deep breath. “San is amazing but like…”

You aren’t able to continue. Yet Sydney knows where you were going, and she picks up where you left off. “But you’re afraid things will turn out to be the same as they were with Jungkook?”

You nod even though you both have your eyes closed. “Yeah.” 

“Girl,” Sydney lets out, and you feel her shift next to you. “No one can be like Jungkook. He was a manipulative piece of shit from the beginning.”

Sydney is right - your therapist told you the same thing, explaining Jungkook’s early behaviour as love bombing. Back then, Sydney had even told you that Jungkook was doing too much, but you’d imagined you’d met your prince, and that you were about to have your happily ever after with him.

Until he started pulling away, and you excused his behaviour constantly because you were so in love with him that you couldn’t see the red flags even if they were standing right in front of you.

“But what if San is doing the same thing?” you ask, voicing your fear. “What if I’m just blinded by the way he acts with me?”

“Babe…” 

Before Sydney can speak, the timer on your phone goes off, indicating that it’s time to remove the face mask. So you do, standing up to see that Sydney has already removed hers.

“You didn’t even keep yours,” you scold her.

She just rolls her eyes, and then says, “Babe, San has been doing everything he can to become friends with Yunho too. Even with me. Jungkook did everything he could to cut you off from everyone. That’s not the same thing at all.”

You worry at your bottom lip, then wince as you taste the liquid from the mask that collected there. “I know. I’m just afraid it will be.”

Sydney looks at you with what you can only describe as pity, and you look away, unable to withstand it. 

“It’s okay to be afraid,” she tells you. “The important part is that you don’t let it stop you from experiencing something that can be great.”

Her voice is gentle, and she sounds so much like your mother that you suddenly feel like crying. You blink the wetness away, and then you get up from your bed, throwing the sheet mask in the trash can next to your desk.

“But you know… the people you love are also those that can hurt you the most,” you say. 

Sydney’s gaze widens. “Are you saying…” 

She never finishes the sentence, but you know exactly where it was headed. Which is what scares you the most - how could you fall for San so quickly?

“Well…” you trail off. “I do feel something for him. Everything has been going so fast…”

Sydney stays silent for a moment as if she’s pondering her next words. You just wait for her to talk, wait for her to tell you that you are right for being afraid.

“I think you should talk to him about all of this,” she admits. “He clearly cares about you a lot, and I’m sure he’d listen to you.”

The thought of him caring about you pushes your fear away, though it remains at the back of your mind, just like it has for days now.

“You think he cares about me?”

She throws you a no-bullshit look. “Are you kidding me? Yunho told me the only thing San speaks about is you.”

A shy smile makes its way to your lips as you scrunch up your nose. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious,” Sydney insists. “Yunho told me that he finds it annoying, even though he loves you.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m sure Yunho does the same thing about you.”

“Probably,” Sydney says confidently even though red creeps on her cheeks.

You don’t think she’s gotten used to the fact that she is dating your brother yet.

“But anyways,” Sydney lets out. “I really think you should just talk to San. If you want things to work, it’s important to communicate.”

“Didn’t you ignore Yunho for a while?”

The accusation is out before you mean to say it, and you burst out laughing as Sydney's eyes go wide with something akin to betrayal. 

“Asshole.”

“You love me,” you tease. “But I’m right.”

Sydney scowls, though the smile she’s trying to keep in threatens to appear as you wiggle your eyebrows. “You’re annoying. Yes, I ignored him. And you forced me to interact with him until we figured our shit out, and now we’re dating. So…” She shrugs her shoulders. “See this as me telling you to figure your shit out with San so that you can possibly date him.”

To date San… it sounds like an unattainable dream, yet you know Sydney is right.

Only a single conversation might sit between that dream and reality.

Wednesday, October 23rd

You’re anxious. You haven’t felt that way when it comes to Choi San for a while, but you’re anxious as you wait for him at the library for your usual study session. You still have to work on the Illuminati project - the fifteen minute presentation is in December, but you have to make a Powerpoint and a full twenty pages long text about it, so you’ve been working on it every Wednesday.

You have four pages written so far, and you think you might be able to finish a fifth tonight if you focus. Thing is, knowing yourself, your anxiety will come in the way of being able to write anything, so you really hope San will be able to help a lot.

He’s late. It’s the first time he’s ever been late to a study session and that, too, contributes to your anxiety. That, and the fact that you told Sydney you would speak to him tonight, tell him all about Jungkook and why you’re really afraid of getting into a relationship again.

You don’t know how he’ll take it. You lied to him after all, saying that you’ve never dated before, but you doubt it’ll be too much of an issue when he’ll learn why you lied.

If he ever shows up.

You worry at your bottom lip, glancing at the time on your phone. He hasn’t texted you to tell you why he is running late, but you figure it’s just a matter of time before he opens the door with that lopsided smile he reserves just for you, the one he gives you every time he greets you.

It’s usually followed by a kiss on the top of your head, and you just know that that will solve all your anxiety about talking to him. 

A minute passes, and San still doesn’t arrive. You grab your phone, going to your chat with him. The last message was him confirming he’d meet you at the library, and that you could hang out after. You’d just sent a smiling emoji in return, and so you start typing a new message, pressing send as you once more pull on some dry skin on your bottom lip.

[7:39 pm] You: are u going to be here soon?

The message delivers, and you just stare at your phone, waiting to see if he’ll reply. Luckily for you, it doesn’t take long before the three little dots bubble appears, indicating that he’s typing something. It appears and disappears a few times before the message finally reaches your phone, and you can immediately tell that something is wrong.

[7:41 pm] San🏔️: sry. be there in five min

You reread the message, expecting San to send something else, but he never does. So you switch to Instagram, going through reels as if that will lessen the spike in your anxiety. It obviously does not, and you almost count the seconds until the five minutes is up, and San is still not there.

To your relief, he arrives a minute later, his hair dishevelled and his hoodie wet from the rain outside.

“Sorry,” he says as he pushes the door open.

There’s no smile or kiss for you tonight, as San plops in the chair across the table. You just look at him, eyes a little widened, and you watch as he pulls his laptop out of his backpack.

“Did you do anything while waiting for me?” he asks.

He sounds so unlike him that you’re stunned silent, still just staring at him. He looks up from his laptop, cocking an eyebrow.

“Are you okay?” he queries.

“What’s wrong with you?” 

His lips stretch in a thin line and he sighs deeply, his gaze dropping to the table. “I gotta admit I had a shit day. But I do want to get some work done.” He wets his lips, looking at you again. “We can talk about it later?”

You slightly frown as concern fills your heart for him, yet you nod your head. “Sure, we can talk about it when we get to my place after this.”

He offers you a small, sad smile that pulls at your heartstrings painfully and you want to help him right away, but you know you have to respect his boundaries.

If he doesn’t want to talk now, you shouldn’t force him to.

Evidently, your concern for him makes it hard to work, but you do end up being able to write some of the text for the project. It feels like it’s forever before you’re finally calling it quits for the night, and you put your stuff away in silence as San seems busy on his phone. 

He curses under his breath, throwing his phone on the table, and his features turn angry, cold. It’s a little scary considering how warm he usually always is, and you pause with your hand still holding your laptop in your bag, watching him.

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

San scoffs, slightly shaking his head. “My fucking dad.”

He’s never talked to you about his father before, only his mom, so you wait in silence, expecting him to say more. But he doesn’t, instead getting up and grabbing his backpack, the scowl still on his features.

You carefully stand up, grabbing your own bag as he waits for you by the door, his jaw clenched tightly. You walk to him, putting a hand on his forearm to find him tensed under your touch.

“Are you okay?” you ask, your voice barely over a whisper.

San takes a sharp inhale of breath, shrugging his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter.”

“But it does,” you insist. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

He meets your gaze then, and there is so much sadness in those sweet eyes of his that you feel your heart breaking in your chest, and you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. He stiffens at first, but then he melts in your embrace, burying his face in your neck.

You don’t move for a while, just holding him as close to your heart as you possibly can. There’s something pained about the way he just keeps his face in your neck, his position so defeated you want to hold him forever.

Want to protect him from every atrocity in this world, too.

“Sorry,” he apologizes when he finally manages to lift his head. He meets your gaze, and you notice there’s silver lining his eyes, though he blinks it away quickly. “I really had a shit day, goddamn.”

“It’s okay,” you reassure him, one of your hands moving to the top of his head so you can rearrange his dishevelled hair. “I’m with you now.”

He gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and then he nods. “You are.”

“Ready to go home?”

He bends down, his lips finding yours for a featherlight kiss. You don’t try to deepen it, letting him guide the kiss until he pulls away, nodding again.

“Yeah. Yeah, please.”

You grab his hand, opening the door. You walk out with your hands intertwined, and San follows as you make your way out of the library building to meet the cold world outside.

Though it hasn't been as cold as it was two weeks ago. Indeed, the temperature has gone up a few degrees in the last two days, and the rain isn’t as freezing as you’d expect it to be for this time of the year. It helps that it’s more of a drizzle than actual rain, and that San’s hand is warm in yours despite the sadness lingering in his heart.

You wonder what could have happened with him to make him feel this way. What his dad could have done… 

You don’t think you like his father, not when he makes San feel like this.

“Are you coming to the Halloween party this Friday?” San asks.

He’s asked you before, and you’ve confirmed it to him, so you throw him a look, knowing he’s just trying to lighten the atmosphere as you walk to your apartment. 

“Yeah, of course I am.”

He nods. “Right. I know that. I meant to ask what you’re going as.”

“Oh.” You look ahead, watching a car passing in the street. “I’m going as the queen of hearts.”

Indeed, you’ve bought a red corset for the costume last weekend when you went shopping with Sydney, and you found a gold crown at an obscure Halloween shop yesterday. You’ll pair that with some cards and makeup, along with a black skirt and some black platform boots, and then you’ll be good to pretend being the queen of hearts for the evening.

“You?” you add a moment later, before San replies.

“Mmh, queen of hearts,” he pensively says. “I bet you’ll look amazing.” 

The compliment falls a little flat with his sad voice, but you don’t mention it, instead listening to him as he speaks again.

“I’ll be going as a Peaky Blinder,” he reveals. “Along with Wooyoung and the others.”

“That is such a good idea,” you excitedly say, and it brings a tired smile to his lips. “You’ll be so hot.”

That earns you a chuckle that feels oh so healing, and you grin as you look at him. “We’ll see about that.”

“Have some faith!” you insist. “Look at you, you’ll look so hot pretending to be a gangster.”

He doesn’t reply anything, instead just chuckling again, and you squeeze his hand gently as you pull him just a little closer.

“I’m sure we’ll have a lot of fun,” you say.

He nods and this time, his smile is tentative. It shows some of his dimples, and you soften at the sight, feeling the urge to hold him in your arms again. You resist though, knowing it’s better to wait until you’re home before you hug.

“We will,” he says, and he sounds so hopeful you squeeze his hand again.

“We’ll dance, and you’ll drink, and then I can laugh at your drunk ass,” you tease.

His laugh rings truer this time around. “I think I’ll go sober. Just so that you have someone to be with you.”

“That’s boring,” you tell him. “I don’t need you to go sober for me.”

He shrugs. “I feel like it.” And then he pulls you closer, almost making you stumble, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders. “I’ll only have a drink when you’re ready to have one too.”

His proximity makes you feel all warm inside, and pink dusts your cheeks. “You really don’t have to wait for me,” you tell him. “I might never feel like drinking again.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then San speaks up. “I’ve always wondered, is there a reason why you stopped drinking?”

Your heart stops in your chest, a sudden sharp pain stabbing at it as your anxiety comes back full force. “Huh.”

San senses your hesitance, and he kisses your temple. It eases the pain, yet the anxiety remains, almost choking you.

“It’s alright, you don’t really have to tell me,” he says. “To be fair, it’s not like you need a reason to not drink. I was just wondering if there was one.”

Your heartbeat skyrockets - he’s opened the door wide for you to take the leap and start telling him about Jungkook, yet the words die in your throat. They die, and what comes out instead is, “There isn’t really any reason, to be honest.”

You hate yourself. You hate yourself, because you’ve been meaning to talk to him since Monday. You’ve been meaning to tell him everything, yet you can’t say a single word about it right now. He’s unaware of your inner turmoil, probably lost in thoughts of his as you finally reach your apartment a few minutes later.

The place is warm, empty, Yunho having gone to Sydney’s place for the evening, which is why you invited San over instead of going to his. You take off your shoes and coat, and then you walk to the kitchen, putting a pot of water on the stove to prepare some ramen for you and San. San follows you yet remains silent, and you throw him a look once the water is on the heat.

He’s looking at the floor, seemingly defeated, and you make your way to him, grabbing his hand.

“Sit,” you tell him, pulling him towards the table. 

He does, and before you can move to sit next to him, he grabs your hips, pulling you closer. He buries his face in your chest, and you wrap your arms around his neck, kissing the top of his head.

“I’m sorry if I was rude earlier,” he mumbles against your chest.

You pout, patting his back. “It’s okay, San. You’re allowed to not always be happy.”

“But you didn’t deserve it.”

You peck the top of his head again. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He sighs, his grip around you tightening. “My dad is an asshole.”

You pull away, meeting his gaze, though his eyes are quick to drop to the ground as he lets you go. You sit next to him, pulling your chair closer so that you can hold his hand as he keeps talking.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you about him,” he admits. “I feel like you can’t really understand me without knowing about him?” He wets his lips, sighing deeply. “My dad cheated on my mother. Had the whole double life kinda thing. I found out when I was thirteen because he bought a PS4, and then it just disappeared from the house.” His jaw clenches once, a muscle feathering under his skin. “He gave it to his other son.”

You don’t know what to say. You feel like someone has just dunked icy water on you, and your whole body freezes as your heart clenches in your chest.

“I told my mom, and she confronted him. He was working half of the month in some other city? Turns out he wasn’t. He was just spending those weeks with his other family.”

“San…”

He scoffs. “That’s not even the worst part. He got married to that other woman while he was still with my mom, telling her that they didn’t need to get married. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“I’m so sorry…”

That's all that you can think to say. You don’t know what words could convey how horrified you are for him, how much your heart is shattering in your chest. You can’t even imagine what that must have been like, to be thirteen and find out that your father was lying to you and your mother your whole life. Like a nightmare come true, San’s childhood must have been ruined by the experience.

“He entirely stopped helping me and my mother when we found out, and just stayed with his other family.”

The betrayal he must have felt… you can’t even begin to imagine it.

“So yeah, he’s an asshole.”

There’s a moment of silence during which you realize the water is boiling on the stove, and you squeeze San’s hand, getting up to put the ramen in the pot. “What happened today?”

San’s scowl is not directed at you, yet it hurts to see it distorting his usual soft features. “He came back in the picture three years ago, insisting that I should go to his birthday parties because he wanted to reconnect. I’ve never been, but it doesn’t stop him from giving me shit for not pulling up.”

“Wow…” you trail off as you sit back next to San. “I’m so sorry you had to live through that.”

He scoffs. “It’s horrible. I fucking hate cheaters.”

You feel sick. You feel sick to your stomach, and you can’t hold his gaze when he looks your way. 

“I actually told myself I’d never date anyone,” he admits, his voice losing the jagged edge it’s been carrying since he started talking to you about his father. “But then I met you… and I’m fucking afraid you’ll hurt me, but you just… you make me feel safe.”

You want to cry. You want to cry and scream and go back in time and undo everything that’s ever happened to San. He doesn’t deserve any of this, doesn’t deserve to be afraid you’ll hurt him.

Though, you’ve been afraid he’ll hurt you, too.

“I don’t plan on hurting you,” you say with a small voice as thoughts of Jungkook fill your head. “I really don’t.”

You feel like you should tell him now. That you should explain everything that happened between you and Jeon Jungkook three years ago, but the alarm on your phone tells you that the ramen is ready, and then you find you can’t talk.

You can’t say anything. If you were afraid to talk to San, it’s even worse now that he’s shared his past with you.

You separate the ramen in two bowls before sitting next to San again. He’s been looking at you, his eyes shiny, and he leans towards you. You meet him halfway. You meet him halfway like you wish your mind could do too, kissing him softly. The kiss hurts deeply, yet when San tilts his head to the side to deepen it, you feel the pain fading away, replaced by him.

Replaced by all the emotions you feel for him.

“Thank you,” he whispers when he pulls away. “Thank you for not making a big deal out of this.”

If only he knew the thoughts haunting your head…

“Of course, San,” you reply softly. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

He presses another kiss to your lips, and then he fully pulls away, sitting back in his spot. He takes a deep breath, his shoulders going up and down with it, and then he picks up his chopsticks.

“Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

You nod, swallowing around a lump in your throat as you focus on your bowl, and on the steam wafting from it. You don’t feel too hungry anymore, lead having settled in your stomach, yet you force yourself to eat the entire bowl, if only so that you can have a reason to not be talking right now.

“Can I take a shower?” San asks when you’re done eating, and he’s washed the bowls in the sink, putting them to dry on the drying rack.

“Of course,” you say, offering him a small smile you hope he can’t tell is anxious.

He walks towards you, bending down to peck your forehead. “Join me?”

If only he knew…

“You really can’t resist, huh?” you tease.

Your voice does fall flat, but San ignores it, grabbing your hand and pulling you up to your feet. He kisses you deep and languid - it’s so out of nowhere that you almost stumble back, but his large hand finds the small of your back and holds you in place, keeping you close to him.

You’ll talk to him. You’ll tell him everything, but you need time to prepare. Hell, you might even need to talk to your therapist from back then to ask her how to tell him.

How to explain everything in a way that makes him understand you. Because you can’t lose him. You don’t want to, not when the emotions growing between the two of you promises to bloom in flowers of love one day.

You see the potential. You feel it in your chest as he kisses you, as he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours after. You feel it in the words unsaid as you both catch your breath, and in the way he holds you.

In the way he washes your back in the shower, too. In the way he tucks you in the blanket as you lie in bed after, facing each other. It’s written in his gaze, in the softness of his features, and you’ll be damned if you ever let him go.

“Your bed is so comfortable,” San says with a sigh, his eyes fluttering shut.

You smile, letting your anxiety dissolve away. You’ll be okay. You and Choi San will be okay - you have to.

“Why do you think I’d rather watch Netflix on my laptop in my bed,” you say.

He chuckles, meeting your gaze. “You didn’t even bring your laptop.”

You prop yourself up on an elbow, looking towards your school bag near your desk. “I mean… it isn’t too far.” 

You make to get up, but San wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you into his embrace. You let him do it, happy to be cuddled to his chest a second later, and you sigh, nuzzling your face on his soft skin.

“You know what?” you mumble. “Let’s just stay here.”

He chuckles, and it reverberates deep in his chest. And you’re happy he’s laughing now. Happy his smiles have been more frequent since he confided in you, happy to know the heaviness has lifted from his shoulders. He’s much more like your usual San, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Let’s,” he agrees. “Though I might fall asleep. You’re so warm.”

“So are you.” You turn on your back, meeting his gaze. “You’re like a heater in here.”

He smiles, his dimples stealing your breath away. “Are you saying I’m hot?”

It makes you roll your eyes, but his laugh makes you giggle too, and then his lips are suddenly on yours, soft as ever.

You sigh, kissing him back, your heartbeat starting to race in your chest. His lips move slowly at first, almost as if he’s hesitant, but then the rhythm naturally increases, and San climbs on top of you. You spread your legs to make room for him, right as he lightly bites at your lower lip, sucking on it.

“What are you doing?” you ask when he pulls away, hiding his face in your neck. 

His teeth tease the skin under your ear, and your lips part on a silent moan as he talks, “What does it look like I’m doing here?”

You hum, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer. “I don’t know?”

He chuckles, but then he’s kissing you again. He’s kissing you again and it’s all light and feathers and the first snowfall in the streetlights. It’s the first ray of the sun, when the day has barely just begun. The first spark of fire, the first drop of rain.

It’s the first of everything and nothing, and it is all consuming, in the same slow, gentle way that water laps at the rocks, shaping them for centuries to come. San shapes you with the swipe of his tongue on yours, with his hands caressing your skin and, a few minutes later, with his hips rocking against yours. 

He shapes you with every breathless pleas he whispers in your ear as he makes love to you, slowly fucking you like there is no tomorrow. Like there is just now, and you’ll exist in this moment forever.

You would. You would live in this moment until you turn into stardust, until ashes are all that’s left of you. You’d live in this moment, over and over again until your last breath, if only for the love that San breathes into you as he slowly moves back and forth, soft grunts falling from his lips. Your hands are on his back, holding him close, and his forehead rests against yours.

You breathe the same air as he makes love to you, and you really wish time will stop.

Really wish you’ll live in this moment outside of time for the rest of your life.

San stops moving, and he grabs one of your hands in his back to bring it over your head, entwining your fingers. He whispers your name with so much devotion you want to cry, and then he says, “I’m falling in love with you. So, so much.”

His words take you in their embrace, carrying you closer to your high when he starts moving again. It’s a high born of love, of powerful emotions. It hits you when you’re trying to say you’re falling for him too, silencing you, and then you just kiss him as he too climaxes, his motions sloppy.

“San,” you breathe out when your heartbeat finally starts slowing down too.

He remains silent, unmoving, and your eyes flutter open to see his eyelids are still tightly sealed, as if he’s in pain.

“Is something wrong?” you ask.

He takes a deep breath, and then he rolls on the bed next to you. Something feels off, and you immediately turn on your side, laying your hand on his chest.

“No,” he says.

You feel the lie. It tastes bitter on your tongue, and you move closer, wrapping your arm around his waist. You peck his shoulder, and then lean your head against him, your chin on his shoulder.

“I’m falling for you too, San,” you whisper in his ear. 

You feel him relax next to you - was he afraid you were about to reject him?

“Ever since we started working on the project…” you trail off. “I’m really starting to fall in love with you.” You take a deep, shuddering breath in, preparing yourself into baring your soul to him. “I didn’t think I could fall in love, but here we are.”

It’s all you can say. The rest dies in your throat when San turns, pecking your forehead as his arm snakes to your back, and he pulls you even closer to him.

“Good,” he says, and then he lets out a small vulnerable chuckle. “That’s really fucking good.”

You giggle. “What?”

“I can’t lose you, you know that?”

You know far too well, because you too can’t afford to lose him either. So you hold him tight for the rest of the evening, refusing to let go.

You can only hope that it’ll keep him close forever, too.

Friday, October 25th

The party is loud. Whoever is in charge of the music most likely does not care for people’s eardrums, because the music is so loud you think your ears might bleed by the end of the evening. 

Most people don’t seem to care. They’re drunk, swaying to the beat as they try to converse but end up screaming into each other’s ears. You feel overstimulated as you make your way through the crowd, hand in hand with an even more overstimulated Sydney. You’re trying to pull her towards the stairs - San texted you to tell you that they moved there because the music isn’t as loud and they can play drinking games - but there are so many people you don’t even know if you’ll make it.

Hell, you even think you might get lost on the way.

Against all odds, you eventually emerge from the crowd near the small hallway that leads to a bathroom and to the stairs to the basement, and you breathe out a sigh of relief, tugging Sydney down the stairs.

San was right - the music is much less irritating down here, and the crowd is much more sparse, allowing you to see Yeosang and Jongho’s girlfriend near the wall to your left. You head towards them, and you soon catch sight of San and Wooyoung, their backs turned to you as they talk to Jongho.

Turns out that San meant only the four of them when he said that they were going as the Peaky Blinders. Indeed, you’d assumed Yunho, Seonghwa and Hongjoong were also going to be in on the costume, but Yunho chose to dress up as Spiderman while Seonghwa and Hongjoong decided to go as pirates.

Yeosang notices you, waving at you with a smile as Lyla takes a sip of her drink, her eyes lighting up at your sight. You easily thread your way through the crowd, and San turns your way before you stop next to him, as if he senses his presence.

He looks handsome, standing there in a black suit. The beret on his head would have looked silly outside of a Halloween party, yet it makes sense here, as does the fake black pistol on his hip. He grins at you, his eyes warm, and he opens his arms for you as you finally reach his side.

You walk into his embrace, looking up to him as your arms wrap around his waist. He’s still grinning, the dimples on his cheeks in full sight, and he dives down for a quick kiss before pulling away.

“Hey, you,” he whispers.

Your heart flutters in your chest. “Hey.”

You’ll talk to him tomorrow. You’ve prepared the whole thing, even started writing down how you want to say things to him in your note app yesterday evening. You owe it to him, especially after Wednesday night.

Something has shifted between the two of you since then. Be it the confessions or the love making, but something has shifted - you just need to tell him all about your past before making things official.

If things go well, you’ll be able to call Choi San your boyfriend tomorrow, and you don’t think there exists a more beautiful word in the English dictionary when it comes to him.

“You are gorgeous,” he compliments you, and then he takes a step back, motioning for you to do a twirl. You do so, laughing as he pulls you right back into his embrace. “Yes, my girl is so fucking gorgeous.”

The possessiveness in his words does something to you that you can’t describe, and you bite at your lower lip.

“Your girl?”

He winks at you. “Whenever you’re ready, yes.”

You can’t help the bright smile on your lips that follows his words. Because, even though your anxiety threatens to eat you alive, you have so much hope when it comes to him that you doubt anything could ruin it.

Not even your past. After all, like your mother said on the phone last night when you called for advice, the past is in the past, and the only way is forward. And you want to move forward with San, want to experience what Yunho and Sydney are also experiencing.

You want love, and more than that, you want San’s love.

“Mmh, soon,” you reply, cheeks dusting with pink, and San bends down to kiss you again, this time with a little more conviction.

“Damn, get a room,” Wooyoung says next to you, and you pull away from the kiss to punch him on the shoulder. 

He bursts out laughing, rubbing the spot you punched as he winks at you, and you roll your eyes. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have anyone to hook up with.”

A chorus of ‘oooh’s erupts in your group, and you smirk, proud of your comeback. Wooyoung takes everyone by surprise when he shrugs his shoulders, glancing towards the stairs.

“I’ll have you know that I actually have a date here tonight, soooo.”

Your gaze widens at the same time as San says, “You didn’t tell me.”

“Sometimes, it’s good to have a little secret,” Wooyoung says with a wise smile, and San just pushes him. 

You let them fight like they always do, turning to Sydney. She’s texting on her phone, most likely letting Yunho know where you currently are in case he wants to join, and then she raises her head, meeting your gaze.

“Ready to party?”

You smile wickedly, not expecting that from Sydney. “Oh, I was born ready.”

You were, if one can be born ready to party without drinking alcohol. You manage to do so, having fun with Sydney and the rest of the group, and even more so when Yunho and Seonghwa eventually join. For the first time in your life, you feel like you’re part of a group, of something bigger than just you and Sydney, and it’s a feeling you want to get accustomed to.

You’ve never had a big friend group, but the joy of it is addictive in the sweetest ways, after all.

“Having fun?” San asks a little while later.

He wraps his arms around your middle from behind, kissing the top of your head. You lean back into him, patting his hand as a smile grows on your lips. “More than I thought I would,” you admit.

Indeed, you’d imagined you’d be anxious at the perspective of having to tell him everything tomorrow, but you only feel hope.

You only feel like you might start flying once the truth is finally out. 

San brushes your hair over your shoulder, his head dipping to your neck. “I know I said it before,” he whispers in your ear, “but you look fucking amazing.”

His lips tease your skin, and a shiver runs down your spine, leaving goosebumps on your arms. “So do you,” you whisper back.

He nips at your skin. “I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until we get to my place.” He kisses your neck, and his hands drop to your hips, pulling you even closer.

You’re not surprised to feel his dick rubbing against you, even though he’s not quite hard yet.

“We’re in public,” you remind him, and your eyes flutter shut as he bites at your earlobe.

“And?”

You whine, opening your eyes to make sure that no one is looking at you. Luckily enough, everyone is too busy with the game of stack the cup that’s unfolding right now - one you and San chose not to participate in since you’re not drinking - and no one notices the way he makes you grind on him.

“Stop,” you warn, though you keep moving, especially as you feel his dick hardening already.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, and his hands move up to your waist. “I’ll stop.”

But then he’s making you turn around, and his lips are quick to catch yours. It’s languid, a little wet, and you know you’re already dripping from the burning heat that grows in your lower stomach.

Only San has ever had that effect on you.

“Bathroom?” you suggest when he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours.

He chuckles. “I thought you didn’t like doing things in public.”

“But you always get me so horny…”

He grunts in your mouth as you kiss him again and then bite down on his lower lip. His hands find your hips once more, slightly digging in the supple skin there as he holds you tight, and then he pulls away, his breath ragged.

“Bathroom?”

You glance at the table where people are playing, catching Yeosang looking your way. He’s quick to look away, and though you think you should be embarrassed, you answer, “Bathroom.”

It doesn’t take you long for the two of you to climb the stairs back to where you saw the bathroom to be earlier. San opens the door for you, and you walk in, ready to jump on him the second he closes the door. He’s quicker than you though and he spins you around, pinning you against the door as his mouth crashes on yours so hard your teeth clash. It hurts, but he’s already kissing you languidly, his tongue teasing yours, and you can’t concentrate, can’t think anything other than how much you want him.

The music is loud, though slightly muffled from the closed door, and you can only hope it muffles the light moan you let out when San disconnects from your lips to find your neck, sucking a hickey into your skin. You lose your hand in his hair, slightly tugging at the strands, and then he’s moving back up, lips meeting yours for another kiss that leaves your mind spinning.

“San,” you breathe out when he pulls away, your gazes connecting for an intimate embrace.

“Can I finger you?” he asks, his hand already going down to the hem of your skirt.

“Fuck.” You lean your head against the door as his fingers trail up your inner thigh, his thumb brushing on your clothed heat. “I kind of want you to fuck me.”

He chuckles. “I’ll fuck you tonight, baby,” he says with a low, husky voice as he pushes your panties aside. One of his fingers trace your hole, moving to your clit to rub on it as he adds, “I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to leave my bed tomorrow.”

You’re soaked. The way his finger slips right in when he goes back to your entrance tells you you’re soaked through, and your mouth falls open on a small moan as his finger arches brushing on your g-spot.

“But I can finger you here, mmh?” he adds, pulling his finger out before pushing it back in. It squelches, and you hold onto his shoulders as he does it again, harder this time. “Fuck, you’re dripping wet, baby.”

“I know,” you whine as he continues the slow push and pull of his finger, never accelerating. 

You doubt your legs will hold you up for much longer. Indeed, the second his thumb rubs on your clit, your knees go weak, and if he wasn’t holding your waist with his free hand, you’re pretty sure you would have fallen to the floor.

“So, so wet,” he praises. “And so pretty too.”

He pulls his finger out of you, bringing it up between your faces. He looks at your wetness, at your juices coating his digit, and then he takes it in his mouth, cleaning it.

“Now, let’s make you come, shall we?” he says with a wink.

You nod, and his hand goes back between your legs, his finger finding your hole in half a heartbeat. Another half a heartbeat later and he’s buried it in you almost to the knuckle, and you cry out as he kisses at the spot that connects your shoulder and your neck.

That’s when he truly gets to work, fucking you with his finger quicker. Your back arches off the door, and his hand shifts to the small of your back to hold you up as he keeps fingering you like that, and you muffle your moans by pressing the side of your fist on your mouth.

The squelching sounds your pussy makes are loud in the bathroom, and it’s like the music is distant, elsewhere as San praises you gently.

“Such a good fucking girl,” he says. “Do you want me to put another finger in?”

You nod, entirely unable to speak, and your legs give out under you when he finally does so, the friction on your walls too much for you to stand anymore.

It doesn’t matter - San picks you up, sitting you on the counter, and then he’s back between your legs, fingers moving so fast you have to hold on to his forearm. He kisses you deep, his soft lips devouring you, and your high nears as his thumb once more rubs on your clit, hard enough for you to see stars.

“Gentler,” you choke out.

He nods, the pressure on your clit lessening to a more comfortable one, and the knot forming in your lower stomach slowly tightens, even more so as your walls instinctively clench on his hand.

“You can do it, baby,” San praises you. “Come all over my fingers.”

You don’t need more than that to fall off the edge, and your thighs instinctively close around his forearm as you come, the waves of your climax crashing into you one after the other. San fingers you through it all, slowing the rhythm to make sure it remains comfortable, and soon the high recedes, leaving you panting for your life as you lean against the mirror.

San’s fingers leave you empty, and he puts your panties back in place as your eyes flutter open - when did they close? - to meet his prideful smile right as he licks his fingers clean. 

“Felt good?” he asks.

You nod. “Holy shit.” You straighten, struggling to do so from how weak you feel from the orgasm. “How can you always be so good?”

He shrugs his shoulders as if it’s nothing, and then he turns towards the sink, washing his hands. “I’m just observant.”

He clearly is, because no one has ever made you come so good as him before.

“You’re so hard,” you say as your eyes drop to the tent in his pants. 

He looks down at himself, letting out a small laugh. “Yeah.”

“Can I suck you?”

He clenches his jaw, cursing under his breath as he dries his hands on a hand towel. “Unfortunately, I think we’ll get killed if we hold up the bathroom any longer,” he says, and it’s only then that you hear someone banging on the door.

You flush deep crimson as you force yourself to stand, and San is quick to make sure you’re able to stand, his hands finding your waist to steady you.

“Oh my God,” you let out. “That’s…”

Embarrassing is the word you wanted to say, yet San kisses you softly, interrupting your sentence. You don’t mind it - you’d kiss him for hours if you could, and so you melt against him, hands resting flat on his chest.

“Oof,” San says when he pulls away, taking a deep breath. “We gotta stop kissing because I can’t go out like this.”

You both look down at his still visible erection, and you laugh, tapping his chest.

“Better think about something disgusting, Choi San.”

He chuckles, shutting his eyes as he breathes deeply for a couple of seconds, and then the banging on the door resumes, startling him.

“Just a minute!” San yells out, and you burst out laughing as he goes back to the sink, turning the cold water on to splash some in his face.

He repeats the motion a couple of times, and then he straightens, water droplets covering his skin. He grabs the hand towel, and you wince as he dries his face with it.

“This has to be bad for your skin,” you say as he emerges from behind the towel, putting it back in its spot.

“Why?”

“The amount of people that have touched this without it being washed…” you trail off as he winces.

“Right.”

He tosses the towel on the counter, taking a look at himself in the mirror. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to rearrange it, and then he takes a deep breath, turning towards you.

“Let’s get out of here before they break through the door.”

You snort, and you grab San’s hand as you open the door to the sight of a red-faced guy. He looks between you and San, laughing awkwardly.

“Nice.”

You cock an eyebrow, and then the guy walks past the two of you, slamming the door shut behind him.

“What a gentleman,” you deadpan.

San chuckles, and then he pulls you into a hug, pecking your forehead. “He probably almost pissed himself, give him a break.”

That makes you laugh, and you tilt your head back to look at San. The moment your gazes connect you feel like you step into an alternate universe of just you and him, and you smile softly, the softness in his eyes enough to make you want to stay here with him until the end of time.

“Hey, you,” he whispers.

You tiptoe, bridging the gap between your mouths, and you press a featherlight kiss on his lips. He answers with heat, taking you by surprise as his large hand finds your back, arching you into the kiss. He smiles against your mouth, a devilish smirk that just makes you want to rush to his apartment and spend the night tangling in bed with him, but you did come here to enjoy the party a little too.

So you pull away from the kiss, your cheeks heated, and you meet San’s gaze.

“M’kay, I’m going to go find Syd,” you tell him. “So that we play that beer pong game.” Indeed, before your friends started to play stack the cup, Sydney begged you to play beer pong with her. “And then I’ll be free to go whenever you want to.”

“You’re going to have to be patient,” San teases, and he pecks your forehead before stepping away, winking at you. “I’ll find you later.”

You nod, waving him goodbye as he leaves through the crowd in the living room, even though you’re disappointed that he’s not coming with you. It’s easy to know why - Wooyoung disappeared earlier to go find that date he claims he invited here, and you’ve all been curious to know who it is.

Especially San, considering that Wooyoung is his best friend and he also did not tell him who he invited. 

You take a deep breath as San disappears in the crowd, and then you head down the stairs, knowing Sydney is going to be there. You indeed find her near one of the beer pong tables along with Yunho and Seonghwa, and her gaze widens when she sees you walking towards her.

You know something bad has happened when you see the look on her face. The stars in the universe must have dealigned, the Earth spun off its axis, because even before Sydney speaks, dread settles deep in your stomach, tasting awfully like bile.

“Don’t panic,” she says, grabbing your wrists and pulling you closer to her. “But Jungkook is here.”

Your throat goes dry, your heart stops beating in your chest, and it feels like liquid has been dunked in your lungs, preventing you from breathing. “What?”

“Remember the guy that Wooyoung said he’s been hooking up with?” Sydney adds. All you can do is blink once in answer, and so she continues, “It’s Jimin. Fucking Park Jimin. And you know Jungkook and Jimin go everywhere together.”

“That can’t…” you trail off as the sound around you fades away, replaced by a flat line almost loud enough to burst your eardrums. “That can’t be true.”

Sydney pulls you even closer, awkwardly hugging you. “I saw him.” She tightens her hold around you. “I’m sorry.”

It’s like the last three years have disappeared. It’s like you’re once again sitting on the floor, watching Yunho burst into the room and slamming his fist on the side of Jungkook’s face. The terror once again invades your stomach, and you think you can even taste blood on your tongue.

“We can leave if you want,” Sydney says, and her words snap you back to reality.

“What the fuck?” you let out.

“I know,” she whispers, glancing at her boyfriend. “Seonghwa had to drag Yunho down here. He was about to fight Jungkook again.”

Your gaze trails to your brother, who looks infinitely tense next to you.

“What the fuck?” is all you can repeat.

“Do you want to go home?”

It takes a moment for your thoughts to go to San, who’s somewhere up there. In the same room as Jeon Jungkook, the man you thought you’d never see again. The one you wished you’d never see again, if only so that you wouldn’t relive all the trauma of your relationship.

“I’m not going up there,” you say, and you take a shuddering breath in. “Let’s stay here.”

Sydney meets your gaze, holding it for long enough that you feel awkward, but you know it’s her way of making sure that this is what you truly want. And though what you truly want is to already be in San’s bed, lost in his embrace, being here with your best friend and your brother will have to do for now.

But you’re distracted. You’re far too distracted, missing all the shots you shoot in beer pong while Seonghwa clearly seems to be worried about you, and about Sydney and your brother. The three of you are just tense, barely even talking, so you don’t blame him for being concerned.

He doesn’t know anything about Jeon Jungkook after all, as Yunho met him in college. All he knows is that your brother was ready to beat Jungkook earlier.

To you, it doesn’t make sense that Jungkook is here. He doesn’t even study in this city, though you know he’s studying not too far from here. You’re confused as to how Wooyoung met Jimin, and what pushed Wooyoung to invite Jimin here. You want to be mad at him, to blame him for this dip in the past but Wooyoung, much like everyone you know from college, has no idea what happened that August night.

Has no idea about the relationship that led to that August night, too.

“Gosh, I suck,” you flatly say as you once again miss a throw.

“For real, we can go home,” Sydney says with a gentle voice.

You take a deep breath. “I’m going to San’s.”

She nods, her lips stretched in a thin line. “Maybe you can tell him you want to go?”

You could. You’re sure he’d understand, but you do want to let him enjoy his evening a bit. Especially before you tell him everything tomorrow - you don’t want to steal him away from some much deserved fun with his friends.

It’s ironic, how Jungkook came back into your life the moment you decided to tell San about him. It’s like the world’s taunting you, the universe is playing with you, and you don’t know what to make of it.

All you know is that you can’t let Jungkook win. Can’t let Jungkook make you uncomfortable again.

He doesn’t deserve to have any power over you anymore.

“Not right now,” you say, offering Sydney a tight-lipped smile. “Let’s stay here for like another hour and then we leave.”

Sydney holds your gaze, taking a deep breath, and then she nods. You resume the beer pong game, and you somehow manage to score twice in a row, which is a good distraction from the man you know is upstairs. It’s good enough that you even find yourself loosening a little, though you keep stealing glances at the stairs, afraid he’ll show up.

He doesn’t - San doesn’t either, and time slowly passes until you text San, asking if he’s ready to leave soon.

Your message delivers, but San must be busy because, ten minutes later, he still hasn’t answered. It’s uncommon when it comes to him, as he always usually replies fast, but this is a party after all.

You can’t expect him to look at his cellphone every minute when you’re at a party. So you distract yourself with your brother, Seonghwa and Sydney, though it is soon just you and Seonghwa as Sydney and Yunho make out, both of them starting to be decently drunk.

Drunk enough for Sydney to forget her manners, as she’s usually like you and hates PDA.

“How’s your semester?” Seonghwa asks as you both sit on an extremity of a worn-out couch, Sydney and Yunho occupying the other.

“It hasn’t been too bad,” you reply as you steal a glance at your phone to see the screen is still empty of notifications. “I honestly thought it would be worse, but midterms went well. You?”

Seonghwa shrugs. “It’s fine. Sucks, but what’s new?”

That earns a small chuckle from you. “At least half of the semester is done. Any plans for the holidays?”

“Might go visit my family,” he says. “But it’s far and I don’t know if I feel like it. Depends if Hongjoong is going back, too.”

Right. Hongjoong and Seonghwa - and San, obviously - went to the same high school.

“It’s always better to go back with people,” you agree. 

The conversation naturally dies there, and you just sit in silence, both of you scrolling through your phone. San still hasn’t replied, so you go back to the conversation with him, rereading the text you sent him.

[11:46 pm] You: u ready to go soon?

You worry at your bottom lip, starting to type a new message. That’s when you notice the three dots appearing, and you wait, watching them appear and disappear for what seems like an eternity before they fully disappear.

You frown - it’s unlike San not to reply to you - and you type another message that you send a few heartbeats later.

[00:05 am] You: is everything okay?

You stay in the conversation for five minutes, dread slowly sinking into your chest. Because the dots appear again, and still San does not reply. Something must have happened - are you going to have to go upstairs to find him?

“Syd?” you let out. 

She does not reply, too busy exploring your brother’s mouth. You usually wouldn’t care but, right now, it pisses you off enough that you punch her in the shoulder. She yelps, pulling away from him to send you an affronted look.

“Can you guys stop?” you ask.

Your tone is sharp, angry, and her gaze widens. “What’s wrong?”

Of course she’d know that something is wrong.

“San is not replying,” you say, worrying at your bottom lip. “Do you mind helping me look for him?”

Do you mind helping me to see my ex again?

The questions remain unsaid, yet Sydney reads it in your eyes, nodding her head once. “I might be a tad drunk, but yeah, of course I’ll help.”

She gets up, swaying on her feet, and you follow her, your heartbeat accelerating in your chest as adrenaline fills your blood.

You oh so wish you’d still drink just for the liquid courage that it would give you.

“You stay here,” you sternly tell your brother as he makes to follow you.

He frowns. “Why?”

“I don’t want you causing a scene.”

He rolls his eyes, folding his arms on his chest. “M’kay.”

You wait a few seconds to make sure that he will indeed not follow and, when you’re sure of it, you hook your arm with Sydney’s to head towards the stairs. Before climbing them, you glance at your brother, relieved to see he hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch.

“Do you have any clue where he could be?” Sydney asks as you start going up.

“Last time I saw him, he was going to the living room.”

“About that,” Sydney says, sucking her teeth. “Where did you guys disappear to?”

You flush red as flashes of the bathroom come back to your mind. “Huh, nowhere.”

Sydney snorts. “Sounds convincing.”

When you remain silent, Sydney lets it go, and then you’re reaching the top of the stairs and the loud music once more engulfs you. Luckily enough, the volume has been turned down slightly since earlier, and some of the crowd has dispersed enough for you to be able to go through without too much of a problem.

You don’t see San anywhere, and neither can you see Jungkook, so you head to the kitchen, only to come face to face with none other than Park Jimin, a visibly drunk Wooyoung next to him.

Jimin’s gaze widens as he blanches, and bile climbs in your throat, burning enough for your eyes to start watering the second you see a familiar pair of doe eyes behind him.

Jungkook has changed. A lot more than you expected he would - he’s sporting an eyebrow piercing and a lip piercing now, and you can see dark ink on his right arm disappearing in the sleeve of his oversized t-shirt. He seems surprised to see you, up until a small, smug smirk appears on his lips.

The condescending one that gave you nightmares for months after that August night.

“Long time no see,” he shoots your way.

You’re frozen like a deer in headlights. Stiffened like water turned to ice, and Sydney tenses next to you.

“Do you know where San is?” she asks Wooyoung.

Wooyoung seems incredibly uncomfortable for a moment, and he glances at Jimin. Jimin looks like he wants to disappear through the ground - you’d used to get along with him well, until you removed yourself from Jungkook’s life entirely.

“He went home,” Wooyoung replies.

It hurts. It hurts like a stab to the chest would. Like the floor had that August night and you really think you might throw up.

“Okay, thank you,” Sydney says, and then she’s pulling you away from Jimin and Wooyoung, away from Jeon Jungkook.

“You’re not even going to fucking say hi?” Jungkook shouts behind you.

You’re crying. You don’t even know when you started crying, but your vision is blurry, and the shuddering breath that you take in burns all the way down to your lungs.

“We’re leaving,” Sydney declares, suddenly sounding fully sober. “Let’s go grab our jackets, I’ll text Yunho.”

You’re unable to reply. It’s like Jungkook’s words are echoing in your head, so loud you can’t even formulate a coherent thought. All that’s left is terror slowly seeping in your bloodstream, invading your entire body until your vision slowly starts to turn black.

Sydney pulls you in the room where you left your coats, grabbing your shoulders as she turns to face you. “Breathe.”

You can’t. You can’t fucking breathe, not when Jungkook is here, not when the sight of him was enough to send you down this spiral again.

Not when San left without even telling you.

“Deep breath,” Sydney repeats. “What’s your favourite colour?”

Tears roll down your cheeks, yet you blink, trying to focus on Sydney. “Huh?”

“What’s the colour of the sky?”

You frown. “That’s not what you asked.”

“I know. Deep breath, bubs.”

You’re confused, yet you do as she asks, taking as deep of a breath as you can. It still hurts, but you feel steadier on your feet as the panic slowly recedes.

“Holy shit,” you curse. “I see him one time and…” you trail off as your eyes fill with tears again.

“Shh,” Sydney lets out. “We’re not thinking about that right now.”

You nod once, awkwardly drying your tears with the back of your hands. Sydney quickly texts Yunho, and then she helps you find your coat, though you stumble upon hers first. By the time you finally find your coat, Yunho appears, his face flushed red with anger.

“I swear to God I’ll kill that guy one day,” he growls. He reaches for his coat, which luckily was on top of the pile on the bed. “I fucking will kill him.”

“I’ll help,” Sydney says.

You remain silent, letting the couple pull you outside of the house once you’re all clad in your coats. You keep your eyes down on the way out, refusing to even catch sight of Jungkook again. It feels like forever, but you eventually step outside, the gentle breeze catching in the lapels of your unzipped coat as Sydney tugs you a couple of houses down the street while Yunho orders an Uber.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you quickly grab it, only for it to blur beyond recognition as you see that San is the one that texted you.

Sydney pulls you into a tight hug, patting your back as you cry on her shoulder. The tears seem unending - you’re still crying in the Uber ride home - and your heart aches in your chest in a way it hasn’t ached for a long time.

Because San’s text holds finality. His text holds your heart - or maybe it dropped the precious organ. Indeed, when you’re rereading it later that night when you should be asleep, you feel like you’re stepping on the shards of a broken heart.

[2:21 am] San🏔️: went home. just go home with ur brother

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

i am infinitely sorry for the angst, and there is a lot more coming your way oop. if you need to talk, please reach out <3

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2025. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[sirwadewilsonfromimgur]

Deadpool and Wolverine KCAU Christmas Special

Part 2

Authors note: This part of the story has been broken up into chapters to make it an easier read and more manageable for me... fair warning, this is 2065. It's an adult Dr. James Wilson story which as you may or may not know, unless you've read my other stuff, is a Marvel and House MD crosover-vers... So come play with me in my sandbox.

New Jersey Earth-10005

Christmas time 2065

Chapter 1

It was the week before Christmas, Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital dosn't stop working for holidays. James was already having a shit day as he walked in to his office... his friend Gregory house was behind his desk, likely waiting for him or hiding from someone. You never really knew... he was on the phone with someone.

I know right, its crazy how... oh, he just walked in.

Who are you on the phone with?

Your sister Ellie, fun gal. We were just discussing your high-school years. She called for you, but I was already here so I took the call for you...

God damn it! Give me the phone...

Hello.

Hello James, your friend Greg is hilarious, I hope no one ever pays me to kill him...

Why do you always say creepy shit like that, Ellie. Can't anyone in this damn family have a normal phone conversation?

Oh, we sound a little testy today. I'll cut to the chaise... Dad wants all of us home for Christmas this year. Including you and Laura. He wants to do a whole thing... your presence... is not optional thos year. I'll see you on Monday.

Ellie thats fucking ridiculous.

I am busy. People don't stop getting sick just because it's December. I'm a doctor. i can't just take a week off without notice... I know that's a hard concept since you decided to make it your vocation to put people in hospitals or worse.

Or worse cost extra, but that's besides the point...We all make choices, little brother.

The question is, are you prepared to deal with the consequences...

You can get in the jet dad will 100% send on Monday, fly home for the week willingly

Or....

Deal with Laura when she comes to collect you along with her entourage of Xmen... I'm sure the hospital staff will love that.

I don't think they're in the business of kidnapping doctors. Laura wouldn't do that even for dad.

Well, I would... and I'll bring all my favorite armed thugs to help... Or I suppose we could do christmas in New Jersey. As long as we're all together. Right?

Eleanor... you're a bitch.

Love you too, James... oh... and don't be surprised if dad hasn't already called that Cuddy Lady...

My Boss!

You know dad, I told him you'd tell me you're busy... so he was likely proactive. She is either terrified or the proud recipient of some large donation oooor "porque no los dos" as Laura would say.

James hung up the phone. He knew Ellie was serious, when Wade Wilson set his mind to it, he was focused and rarely didn't achieve his goals... a admirable trait. Until a gang of paramilitary goons show up to kidnap you so you don't miss traditional christmas eve lasagna.

-Cut to Wilson in Cuddys office-

He'd explained to her the situation... and she was well aware of the consequences. Wilson's relationship with his father was almost as crazy as his relationship with House...

She recalled a time before she was Dean of medicine. When Wade found out Wilson had received a mediocre review... he'd used his considerable influence and threats of violence to have the accreditation board threaten to pull certification from the hospital until it was remedied...

that's actually how she got the position. The previous dean was regularly harassed any time he felt Wilson was slighted, and finally, he couldn't take it anymore and retired early... to Wilsons credit, he had no idea this was going on until Cuddy took the job. the previous dean was probably threatened into silence on the subject, too...

Cuddy was never one to be bullied and had come clean with James about all of his father's antics shortly after taking the position. Wade Wilson was dangerous, but she'd be damned if she'd let a mercenary tell her how to run a hospital

Wilson quickly put a stop to this behavior and added that Cuddy was a friend knowing that bare minimum his dad would be less threatening to one of "Kittens" friends.

She agreed to give him the week off despite late notice and the myriad of other HR and staffing problems associated with being short a doctor on one condition... he had to take Greg with him... she didn't have the time or patience to Deal with the illustrious Dr House without Wilson to help her.

By the time he'd gotten back to his office house hadn't really moved much... sitting behind Wilson's desk playing on his phone...

Don't you have a patient or something to attend to?

Actually, no... none worth my time anyway... Forman and the cute australian one can handle what is obviously subclinical measles with a secondary flu infection... vaccinate your kids... idiots.

Well, since you're not busy, I guess you'd be ok leaving early with me and packing for a trip... I'd like you to come to Kansas city with me for Christmas...

Kinda short notice to book a flight. he said suspiciously

it'll be a direct flight, Private... no TSA and probably a bottle of Dom Pérignon. he said this in a tone of playful temptation.

I thought you were Jewish?

On paper I am... I converted for Bonnie when we got married, House... you were there at the wedding... I told you this.

like I keep track of your current brand of imaginary friend that closely... I do remember that marriage ending because despite converting to Judaism, you couldn't get a grasp on the Seventh Commandment in particular

Ok, ouch.

That leads me to my next question. What makes you think I want to go with you to your weird families christmas?

Because if you don't... unless you get an interesting case soon, Cuddy said you'd be scheduled 12 hour shifts in the clinic every day next week.

Damn it...

I suppose I will go with you to the middle of bum fuck and flyover and enjoy a country christmas on the ranch with you... not like I have a choice, besides I've never really had the chance to get to know your parents. I drank so much at the last wedding. The only thing I remember of them is one of them wore a red mask... and the other looked like an angry Calvin Kline model.

Kansas City is an actual metropolitan. My parents live in a high rise, not on a ranch... and dad... can be kind of shy in large groups of people he doesn't know.

Well, since im not allowed to be unsupervised, there are worse places to be in December... like the clinic, holiday ailments are the worst. At least one person has an ornament shoved up their ass... But it beats the hell out of spending the holidays with my parents. You're lucky, really. My dad was a Marine constantly moving... or abandoning me with my grandmother.

Oh, are we playing this game? I was raised by a mentally unstable warlord with a gun fetish and his Victorian era husband the worlds grummpiest teddy bear who has knives in his hands and PTSD from the American Civil War.... and a grandmother who did more drugs than every member of the Rolling stones combined, and she liked to tell me wildly inappropriate stories... usually about my dad's banging, or how she was a sultry honey pot when she worked for MI6.

well, my grandmother beat me..

Jesus fine, you win.

on that note, Johns Hopkins didn't exactly have a good mutant biology program... if they're both genetically you parents shouldn't you *waves his hands in the air making mock magical gestures* have some power

I'm pretty sure my mutant ability is loving and tolerating reprobates and assholes.

It takes one to know one, James...

Our story ends here for now... the boys go home and pack for a week in Kansas City.

Wade had indeed arranged for a car to pick them up and take them to a private air strip where a Gulfstream G700 was waiting for them

Fancy!

Trust me, it gets old quick.

Link to Chapter 3

Silly photo shop for fun.

[luke-hughes43]

do your thing baby | matt boldy x reader

this is the first official fic of the 300 celly! the idea came to be based on an interaction i had in my life and i pitched it to @toasttt11 and she liked it so here we are!

i'm using one of the prompts from fluff list 1, "i brought you flowers. for what? there has to be a reason?"

little background on y/n: she is a 23 year old 5th year softball player at boston college and is the starting shortstop! she's local to boston college and has been dating matt boldy since 2019. during her summers, she coaches a travel softball team that are 13/14 year olds.

this fic takes place in june of 2023, y/n and matt haven't seen each other in a long time because of hockey and then softball for y/n. matt surprises y/n by showing up to one of her tournaments.

~

y/n is by far one of the best shortstops in the country, could've played anywhere she wanted but loves her home state of massachusetts too much to leave, which led her to boston college. it's where she met her current boyfriend of almost 4 years, matt boldy. they met in english freshman year and never looked back.

during her summers, she loves giving back to the sport that gave her everything and started coaching the travel team she used to play on. she coaches the u14 team.

it's hard for y/n to see matt during the academic year, because he is in minnesota for hockey and then she has class and practice so the only time she gets to see him is when he plays in boston. which is once a season, maybe twice.

matt takes every chance he can to see her. but also respects her time and her commitments to the things that are important to her, like softball. he understands that it takes up a lot of her time and does everything he can to work around it to see her.

if that means going to a tournament and sitting in the sun for 8 hours, then he does it.

which leads us to now.

y/n has a tournament with games at 10, 12, and 4. so she'll be there for the whole day. which is nothing new to matt, he knows the tournament scene very well now. y/n thinks matt is still in minnesota and coming home on monday.

he is not. he changed his flight to come in friday night. and then got up to so he could go see y/n. he loves seeing her play and coach and just doing what she loves.

he decided to stop for flowers on the way there, having not seen her in like a month because their schedules just didn't align. he gets there and finds the field that they are on. as soon as he sees her, he smiles.

he waits patiently on the fence watching the game, stealing glances at y/n when he can. y/n is oblivious to him being there, she is so focused on the game.

her girls like to tease her about having a boyfriend, because they are 13 and 14 so what do you expect. one of her players, anna, says, "coach y/n, who's that boy who keeps looking over at you?"

y/n turns around and sees matt. her faces lights up with a smile and matt reciprocates it. y/n giggles and says, "that is my boyfriend, matt."

a few of the girls hear y/n say that and turn to look at matt. they also giggle and start teasing y/n. anna then says, "ooooo coach y/n's boyfriend is here!"

one of her other players, molly says, "oh my god that's so cute."

"wait coach y/n, can we meet him after the game?" her favorite player (even tho she claims she doesn't have favorites), tess, asks. y/n shakes her head and says, "let me worry about my boyfriend. focus on the game and if we win the tourney, maybe you can meet him. for now, just play softball."

all of the girls giggle and wave at matt. y/n looks at him with a playful eye roll and gives him a small wave before focusing back on the game. she only has about 30 minutes before the next game so she doesn't go over to him, knowing that a hello will take way longer than 30 minutes. she sends him a quick texts, thank you for coming. i'll say hi during the game break.

matt smiles at his phone and sends back, don't worry about it. do your thing baby.

y/n smiles and works on getting a lineup together for the next game. they won the first game 3-1 and are focusing on winning the second game. the second game is pretty smooth for the team, winning handily with a score of 14-1.

at the end of the team debrief for the games, y/n says to the girls, "ok, great wins ladies. not much feedback from me. you guys played a very disciplined game and did everything right and that's all we ask of you. so, during this break please hydrate. if you guys wanna have a snack, that's fine with me but be smart about what you're eating because we do play at 4. i would like to regroup at about 3:15 to just loosen up again and have pitchers warm up and get some swings in. please use the buddy system and stay together as a team if possible. if you have any questions, obviously ask them. molly, break it down for us."

molly calls them out and y/n puts her stuff down and runs over to matt. right into his arms for the tightest hug she's ever given him. she mumbles, "i can't believe you're here. i thought that you weren't home until monday."

"i changed my flight. had to see you." matt says and kisses her head. y/n pulls away and kisses him. she says, "i'm gonna teased so hard by the girls but i don't care. i've missed you too much."

"i've missed you too baby." matt says not wanting to let her go. y/n forces him to let go and he hands her flowers, i brought you flowers."

y/n smiles, "for what?"

"there has to be reason?" matt says with a smile.

y/n giggles and hugs him. she says, "you're the cutest person in the world. i love you."

"i love you too y/n." he says and wraps an arm around her.

her two coaches, shannon and kelly, also happen to be two of her closest friends and the four of them sit together and formulate a game plan. well more y/n, shannon, and kelly talk shop and matt just sits with y/n in his arms listening to them.

shannon proposes the idea, "should have tess catch a few innings? she does a good job back there and emma and alyssa are probably tired. it is hot."

"true. who's gonna pitch though? because i love tess but she's not our best option. she just has a lot of raw talent so we have to think strategically about pitching because we don't wanna make tess look like a rookie back there." y/n says.

matt chimes in, "why not just keep her at shortstop and have alyssa and emma split the game? tess is by far the best shortstop so why move her if it's working? if alyssa and emma split the game based on who's pitching, neither will get too tired and you won't sewer yourselves in a very important position. or even kate, doesn't she catch too?"

"ooo that's right. kate can catch. that's actually probably better than tess because we have other players to play 3rd. good call matt." kelly says. y/n smiles and leans her head into the arm wrapped around her.

shannon says, "where the hell did you pick that up from?"

y/n giggles, "i trained him well."

matt smiles, the 3 of them continue figuring out the game plan and then shannon and kelly give them some time together before she has to go back to the team. y/n says to matt, "it means everything that you're here matt. you did not have to do this."

"i haven't seen you since the acc championships. i knew as soon as you sent me the schedule that i had to make it work. we already have a limited amount of time together until you finish school so i'm happy to spend all day at the softball field if it means seeing you." he says and kisses her head, tightening his grip on her.

y/n smiles and enjoys the moment. matt asks, "so how about i drive you back to my place tonight and i take you to dinner, and you spend the night? how's that sound?"

"i love the idea but i don't have a way back down here tomorrow. and i don't know what time we're playing."

"i know. i'll come back tomorrow. i told you, if i have to come to these tournaments to see you, i will." matt explains.

y/n melts into his hold and nods. she says, "ok. we can do that." she checks her phone and it's 3:02. she tells matt, "ok, time to give the 15 minute warning. i love you and thank you for coming."

"anything for you. always. want me to hold onto the flowers and put them in my car?" he offers.

y/n smiles, "yes please. i love you and i'll see you after the game." she stands and gives matt a proper hug before kissing him softly. matt says back, "i love you too. go do your thing baby. good luck."

"thank you!" y/n says and jogs over to the girls.

when she gets to the girls she says, "alright 15 minute warning for warm ups. cleats on and lets make our way over to the net to stretch lightly and warm up. kate and sabrina, you guys are starting so start warming up when you're ready."

the girls nod and make their way to the nets to warm up. anna asks her, "so how is your boyfriend?"

"he has a name and it's matt. and he's good." y//n says smiling. tess chimes in, "so can we meet him coach y/n?"

"i was serious with what i said earlier. if you guys win the whole tournament, you can meet him." y/n says back. tess smiles and goes to the stretching circle exclaiming, "guys, coach y/n said we can meet her boyfriend if we win the whole tourney so let's do it.

y/n, shannon, and kelly all giggle to each other and let the girls obsess over matt. they're 14 and don't get it. they 3 coaches also exchange a glance, knowing how good matt treats y/n and the fact that shannon and kelly know that matt has bought a ring is planning on proposing to y/n when the timing is right.

[kasagia]

love love loveeeee your feyd works, you're such an amazing writer! Your writing really makes my heart flutter man 😞 like lil butterflies running around in there!! I hope you are well appreciated for your work! Im curious tho, how many chapters will right hand man be and after it do you have any plans on making oneshots?

My two dear anonymous, thank you soooooooooo much! 😊😊🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🩵🩵 1. Oh my god, thank you so much anonymous! This is a HUGE compliment for me!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🩵🩵🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🩵🩵🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🩵🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🖤🖤🩵🩵🩵 I'm very happy that you liked my writing so much. I feel very appreciated with every comment, reblog, like, and anonymous message from you all. It's really exciting and nice to receive them for my writing, and it motivates me/inspires me to write more and more. So again, THANK YOU (ALL) SOOOO MUCH!

The Right Hand will be 6-7 chapters long, so only 2 or 3 to go. It depends on how I finish chapter V... and according to my plans, there still has to be a little bit going on in this story, and I think this chapter is already long (you don't want to read 20k chapter, right? xD), so we'll probably get to VII.

BUT! I'm definitely not done with Feyd for sure. And since you asked, dear anonymous, I will let you in on a secret and show you what will come next after I'll finish 'Right Hand'...

Any speculations/guesses/ideas? 🤭😈 (If you really want, I think I may publish a sneak peek/teaser for you. Like 1,5k WC prologue to the concept of the story or sth like that. I'll see what your reaction/interest will be to this one 😊... well, if anyone has made it this far down this post xDDDD)

2. Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it! 😊🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤🖤🩵🖤

A little bit will happen in Part V... you'd better prepare yourselves 😈😈�� In the meantime, catch the piece of it:

You were in Giedi Prime. You walked through your familiar paths, hiding from the Harkonnens' eyes. It was rare to meet anyone in these corridors. Most of them were dead ends with secret passages that were unknown to most of the inhabitants of Giedi Prime. That's why you were terribly surprised when suddenly someone pulled you by your cloak. You freeze, startled, and turn slowly to face the small child. The kid looks like Harkonnen's child, but not quite. His skin is creamier than white, and white hair grows on his head in unruly curls. But what you recognised perfectly were the blue, bright irises that only one person could boast on Gieidi Prime. "Mommy!" A boy of about 5 years old jumps at you, hugging your legs while you look at him in shock. "Dad said he would take us on a trip! To Lankiveil! We will swim in a real lake! Can you imagine that?!" He asks excitedly and holds out his hands to you. You automatically take him into your arms and rest him on your hip, trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Someone's quick footsteps echo in the corridor. You look up from the child and see one of the harpies approaching you. She breathed a sigh of relief, bowing to you when she saw the boy in your arms. "You can't run away like that, my lord Na-Baron. The Baron told us to look after you." (...)

Hope you will like it! (Part V probably on Monday…)

[mncxbe]

Platonic Dazai x younger sister! Reader who's sassy

Oh yes this is so sweet I cannot. He would defo be such a sweet/ annoying brother tho. Also this takes place after the Ada finds out that Dazai worked with the Mafia. Enjoy♡♡

°☆○

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ Kunikida's pov to enhance the silly

Kunikida entered the office that Monday morning only to find everyone gathered in a big circle around the couch.

"What the...?" he mumbled to himself as he approached his colleagues, half hoping that Dazai didn't have anything to do with whatever was going on.

But of course he did. The young detective brought you, his little sister, to work with him.

"Isn't she absolutely adorable?" cooed Dazai as he pinched your cheek, causing you to frown.

"What am I, twelve?" you replied in an annoyed voice, rolling your eyes.

Kunikida stopped right next to Dazai, shooting him a death glare.

"I wasn't aware it was 'bring your little sibling at work day', Dazai"

"Aww Kunikida san but she asked me to take her with me. She wanted to see you." he said with a wicked smile.

"I never said that, flat ass" you snapped, a pink blush tinting your cheeks. "I just need help with my Maths homework that's all."

"But I could've helped you"

"As if. You didn't even go to school" you said with a provoking smirk but your brother didn't reply, instead turning to Kunikida.

"So can you help her? I'd be most grateful"

Kunikida looked at you for a brief moment. You looked almost like Dazai: the same wavy chestnut hair and brown eyes, but you were a bit thinner and shorter and your arms weren't covered up by bandages.

"Sure. I guess I could. I have a small window in my schedule and-"

"See little one?" chimed Dazai in as he ruffled your hair "Told you he'd help"

"I'm 17, flat ass. I'm not little anymore" you cried out, causing Ranpo to chuckle.

"Hey my ass is not flat" said your brother in the same tone as yours.

"I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong"

"Wow she's a feisty one" spoke Yosano between chuckles "I like her."

Dazai's eyes narrowed playfully upon hearing your remark "Very well then, so be it. If you think you're such a big girl why don't you recite the 26th page of your diary? It's about your crush on-"

All the blood in your face drained when you heard your brother talk and you quickly jumped off the couch, covering his mouth with your hands.

"You wouldn't dare."

He smirked, removing your quivering fingers "Oh I would"

"Then I'll hide your bandages"

"Then I'll take your laptop for a day" he said back

"I'll pour soy sauce in your shoes and wet all your socks every morning" you pressed, a glimmer of mischief in your eyes.

"Then I'll tell your Physics teacher about how you cheated on your finals last year."

Your face contorted in a pained expression but you still wouldn't back away. "Then... I'll invite you know who (us, the readers, know it's Chuya👀) to dinner at our place."

Your brother opened his mouth to say something but then immediately closed it, a smile rising to his lips. "Alright smart ass, you won. Now go at my desk and do your homework ok?"

With a proud smirk on your face you nodded, taking your tote bag from the couch and languidly making your way to his desk. You opened your English books, turned on your headphones and began working on your assignments; from time to time, you tapped the sleeve of your mechanical pencil in the rhythm of the song you were listening to.

The others went on with their duties too, leaving only Dazai and Kunikida next to the couch.

"She sure is a lot like you, Dazai." said the latter as he arranged his glasses.

"Well, what can I say." replied Dazai. "I tried to keep her away from the Port Mafia as much as I could, you know. To actually give her a chance in life but I guess she did end up a lot like me in some ways." He sighed "I'm really proud of her tho."

Kunikida only chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You know, maybe that's not a bad thing. That's she a lot like you. Plus, despite you she's hardworking."

"Aww Kunukida san did you just compliment me?" With that, Dazai was back to his normal self and the other man frowned, turning on his heels and marching towards his desk.

"I'll help her later with the homework. Go take care of your missions now"

"Suuure Kunikida san" added the brunette. His eyes slid to you again; you'd already written half a page. When you looked up to meet his gaze, you mouthed a silent "What, flat ass?", which made him chuckle. Waving you off, he walked towards the door, his heart swelling with pride and love for you. Dazai never had much of a family, but he sure was happy that you wound up being his little sister.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

If You Can't Dance 3

Warnings: dubcon, noncon, other possible triggers. Proceed with caution.

Note: this is what you get when you encourage me. Please leave any and all feedback! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Part of The Club AU

You login for the day with your usual set up. A mug of peppermint tea, your favourite sweater, and your gaming chair set to the most ergonomic setting. You connect to the company's shared server and go through the verification. It's tedious but necessary. You're certain there will be many tedious tasks to come as the merger looms heavy over the newly absorbed startup.

As your Teams pops up, you scroll through your tasks and prepare to start your usual squinting hunch at the screen. You grab your glasses and put them on. You really need to start wearing those.

Bing! You have a message. Oh, jeez, it's Jensen. Your manager, at least for the time being. You don't know what his new job will be in the unified structure. So many questions but you're more concerned with the backend.

'Morning, how's it going?'

He's casual and approachable. At least, from what you can tell over virtual text and the occasional video call. He checks in now and then so you assume this is just the same.

'Alright. Getting started for the day.'

The three dots pop up then disappear, then a new message appears.

'Did you enjoy last night? Didn't get to say hi, you looked like you had fun tho.'

'Oh. I guess.'

'It was nice to see everyone. Anyway, business. Meeting at nine for coders. Invite coming.'

You stare at the screen. Great. You hate team meetings. You always have to give and update but you don't have much to say. You do your work and it's right there for them to see. Why do you need to explain it?

'Got it.'

You send your response and ignore his reaction; a thumbs up. You put a timer on, knowing better than to trust yourself. You go back to your usual, trying to settle in with your minty brew. Last night has put everything off-balance.

Slightly agitated by the spontaneity of the event, you join the Teams meeting and try not to look at yourself among the five rectangles on the screen. Jensen's glasses glare in the camera and you take your own off, hoping to escape behind the blur of your vision. G is there too, the only other coder you've worked with in the company. He's a strange guy, quiet, and no one knows his full name. The other two, Marc and Dharshi round out the group. All of you sit silent, waiting.

"Oh, uh," Jensen unmutes as he seems to remember he's on a call, "alright, guys, I'll try to keep this short. There's a lot to do but I really didn't think that this message should come through an email."

You check your mug, cold and empty. You have a bad feeling about whatever message he's referring to.

"So, I know we've been doing work from home for a while, but, uh, with the new company, we're being asked to consider a more hybrid model. No decision has been made yet but next week, you are all required to report to the new headquarters so that we can meet our new coworkers."

"What?" Dharshi exclaims as Marc scowls. G just stares blankly, you think, it's hard to make out clearly. You probably look just as dull.

"I know, I know, I'm trying to get us down to only a couple days a week in office," Jensen explains, "right now, there's no decision made but we do have to try. There's a different culture with Blue Forest but I think we'll be okay."

G hangs up and Jensen sputters. Dharshi and Marc let out odd noises and you just sit there.

"Oh, must be a bad connection," Jensen laughs nervously, "so... uh, I'll follow-up with G and see you all Monday."

No response. Jensen fills the void with his usual managerial spiel; let me know if you need anything, yada yada. The call ends and you're left deflating in fractured safehold of your home office. Maybe you will all be too awkward and they'll just decide to keep you hidden away. You can only hope.

Oh and don't forget, you still have to go get your car after work.

🐞

Monday comes too fast, your weekend fading into a marathon of Fortnight and nature documentaries. You pull out your most acceptable outfit. Another long skirt and a turtle neck with oxford boots. Hmm, it's more Anne Shirley than business casual.

You drive into the heart of the city, the GPS guiding you to the modern office building with its transparent walls and sleek black structure. You grab your laptop bag, a messenger with butterfly patches sewn onto it. At the door, you're stopped and let in after verifying your Employee ID. You're told to go to the front desk to get your new credentials.

After you get sorted, you're sent down the hall to a conference room. You pass several offices and people you don't know. Your new coworkers. You grip the strap of your bag as a woman pops out of Room 1161B, the very one you were told to go to. You stop short as she smiles at you, her frilly blouse tucked into a sleek white skirt.

"Oh, you must be a new one, I'm Catarina," she offers her hand and you just stare at it. "You'll be in here for the Tech Orientation. There's tea and coffee, some pastries, and full catering will be available at lunch."

"Thanks," you mutter and peek into the empty room.

"You're so early," she praises, "sorry, I didn't catch your name. I need to check you off the list."

You enunciate the syllables clearly so you won't have to repeat yourself then turn into the room. You look around at the tables. Not the traditional long intimidating tabletop but several throughout the space. You don't know where to sit, if you should choose a particular seat, so you go to the waiting urns by the far wall.

You peruse the collection of tea bags. Chamomile, green, Earl Gray...

"Ah, pardon, could I trouble you for English Breakfast if they have it?" A voice nears before the footsteps reach you. The shadow stops beside you, the voice frighteningly familiar. You grab a bag of the English Breakfast and hold it out without looking over. It can't be, what are the odds? "Oh..." he says your name. The accent, the recognition, he knows you and you vaguely know him. Jonathan.

"You work here?" You wonder as you continue to shuffle through the packets.

"Yes, and I assume... you do too. Now. You are among the newly acquired?"

You nod and put down the box of teas.

"Is there something wrong? You don't like the selection?"

"No peppermint," you shrug.

You sidle along and grab a paper cup, instead pressing the spout for the large jug of cold water. The man fills his cup with hot water before tugging on the string of the tea bag, steeping it as he nears you again.

"It's rather a coincidence," he preens, "are you excited to start?"

You know you shouldn't be honest so you do your best to lie, "yeah."

"You certainly sound it," he laughs, "well, please, have a dessert... and a seat. We'll be all out before you know it."

"Thanks," you surpass the plate of tarts and croissants. You sit at the table nearest the corner and stare at the cup of clear water. You should've known to bring your own tea.

[theallianceofcelestials]

Ello, seems im a bit late for this week’s Yap session haha. Some family stuff came up in the past couple of days and I just didn’t have the energy for the internet, sorry bout that my dears :P

Anyways, let the yapping commence /silly

-Sigma Anon

Welp I'm gonna start this cuz Sunray's currently not here, so this'll be answered a bit late, so sorry for that loves

This week has been spent with me being sick. :P Currently my nose does not wish to be used for its intended purpose, breathing, so I'm suffering with no air. But that's fine.

I'm also almost done in my current hell! Only like 1-2 weeks!!! I'm so goddamned happy, even if I'll still have a bunch of real hard exams right after which I'm very, very anxious about

I've also been trying to work on the second chapter of Embrace the Deep, but it's slow going with my head being full of static thanks to illness. Also, Sunray's birthday is approaching, so I should finish that up so I can work on his gift. Hopefully I'll manage somehow lol

And yeah, the doctor was mean to me too :( She's one evil female dog, who apparently doesn't believe in 21 year olds being too sick to walk the 15 mins it takes to get to her. When said 21 year olds are dizzy. And have opened the phone call with that information. That she then forgot. And then she broke my neck, and it went kachunk :(

So yeah, I'm dead now. Very sad and tragic.

I hope everything will get better for you! ^^ I'm always happy to hear from you, though I don't wanna seem pushy or something which is why I never contact you. Wish you the best tho! :]

If there's anything at all that you wanna talk about, privately or otherwise, feel free to approach us, or just me specifically on Discord! Even if I don't respond instantly I will. Once I'm awake or back home or in front of the computer :P

Anyways, now this is gonna sit here for a while, because my dear old friend, who's still the account owner despite my takeover, is not home yet, and also may want to play Cuphead (we got to King Dice yippeee) so it's gon take them a while

But yeah, good to hear from you again Sugars

Hey, Sunray here! Sorry this took so long to get answered because of me, but the past week has been very emotionally and mentally tiring. I may have mentioned here or on the Discord that I'm looking for a job, and on Thursday last week got some calls from 2 places, so I attempted an interview on Monday (and fumbled, the interviewer even dipping on me, which I'm pretty sure was just a nice little lie to "not hurt my feelings"), and checked out 2 potential positions from the second place on Tueasday.

Then on Wednesday I called back the second place to inform them I made a choice between the 2 positions, then went back there to get a whole bunch of paperwork I haave to fill out before I could start working there, and do a lung screening to see if I have TBC or something like that, and got a lab referral (for blood tests and all that jazz, which I'll be going back to do this upcoming Monday) cause it is a position in the healthcare field. So I'm currently procrastinating on them paperwork, because the wording of it is so confusing, I hate these official forms. Why can't they just write everything down very simply so that silly little entities such as myself can understand them. The secretary lady who gave me the "homework" also didn't really help with clearing stuff up while word vomiting at me and not letting me make some notes with the speed she was talking at.

So yeah, I'm currently crying about that and Moongleam is threatening me with us only watching Bee Movie for the rest of our lives if I don't do it, aswell as my mother ending me if she realises I'm not already done with them yet. So ya know, just end my suffering, haha.

On a brighter note, my (maybe) future colleagues were very sweet so far!

And on another note, I really want to continue writing my work in progresses, but simply lack the motivation to actually write. Just this morning I was bothering Moongleam about rambling about cat genetics, because of my Warrior Cats TSAMS AU, because I want Ruin to be a chimera cat, so he could have funky colouring (regular and dilute calico/tortoiseshell with white spotting, since I think those colours would fit him) aswell as having a mix of short and long fur (long mainly around his neck like a mane, and on his tail, and the rest of him short or medium furred).

And also have been thinking of my MASM fics that are collecting dust in my phone's notes app, and those stories do not deserve that. Also recently reread some of my brainings as I like to call them about a story from a previous fandom I was in, and since then distanced myself from, and I really want to write that story too, because it deserves to see the light of day, and I put so much thought into the stuff I have for it, Moongleam also helping with it, so yeah.

Anyway, it is your turn to Yap now, so do so, please! ^^

[beelearnsfinnish]

[02.12.24, monday]

pretty happy with how these days are going study wise, feeling productive. i even manage to squeeze in some studying after work, although I was quite tired (Christmas rush is gonna be the end of me). today i did:

30 mins of active studying (got the last grammar points i covered on my lessons into my notebook and went over them)

30 mins of vlogs in Finnish

30 mins listening to the radio in Finnish (really enjoying this new part of my routine)

Daily Clozemaster

I fortunately have couple free days this week so even tho I have couple papers to write for class, I'll hopefully be able to get some studying done :)

[anorexiq-angel]

March 28 | First blog since Spring Break!

quick ana stats :3

No fast today

Walked: 3.83 miles | 9k+ steps

cal limit: 600 | ⭐ points received: 5⭐

total ⭐ points: 186/200⭐

Blog time :>

Today is Friday very fun! Today I had classes super early so I had to get ready much quicker TwT This week I've been trying to make sure my water intake is 640z, so I've been filling up this my melody water bottle my bf got me :3 I added a ton of stickers to make it cuter for myself lolol

My parents got some Colby jack cheese sticks and I was craving one last night so I decided to eat one for breakfast lol! (80 cals) then I packed a chobani yogurt cup because I didn't have time to eat it at home smh!! (110 cals) Then once I got to school I got a free snack (80 cals) it was some yogurt covered strawberry jelly things? LOL it was so chewy! I didn't finish it because my friend triggered tf outta me XP great! anyway... That's 270 cals total, now I have 330 left.

For lunch I packed a black plum and banana, I don't count fruit but it's ~130 cals for both those fruits. I plan to eat it after I workout. I'm hoping not to eat anything crazy because I want to eat some of the Alfredo my mom made last night that I skipped!!

I'm in class right now writing this blog, I did some homework now I only have math! I'm super tired but after class I'm going to weigh myself at the gym and then workout. I'm going to do my strength training and then walk for 2+ hours.

Yesterday I weighed 103 with clothes on and after my workout I weighed 100 which was my May goal. .. . I don't believe the scale but we will see on Monday what my weight is! Hopefully it is 100 because I would like to be super small for prom!

I forgot! I also have a blue Hawaiian monster today :3 so I'll drink that before my workout. Now I'm going to go watch a movie or something while I wait for class to end so I can workout ^w^

I did my strength training but had to do my core without weights because my friend blocked me from working out. I only got to walk one fucking mile. Total I walked 3.83 but that's so disappointing because I've been walking 8+ miles the past days!!!

After we walked together I had to weigh with clothes and weighed 102.4, I have to wait till Monday to weigh myself correctly. Ugh. Anyway after that I ate the banana and plum mentioned earlier! Then I went home!!

Once I got home I made myself a salad with 1 tbsp Caeser dressing, 1/2 tbsp bacon bits, and around 40 cals of croutons, I added jalapenos too 🤤

I ate that with less than 1/2 a cup of rigatoni noodles with 2 tbsp Alfredo sauce but the Alfredo sauce was so oily I didn't finish those noodles, I only ate the chicken I added which was around 3-4 oz maybe ?

After that I had banana and gushers for desert yummy 😋

Fast started at 9:45pm!! That's my blog for now tho nothing crazy :3 yay

Bye bye !! :>

- Rave

[doyoulikethis-robloxgameost]

instead of 3 on wednesdays and 3 on saturdays, what do you think of one per day every day of the week instead? i feel like that would be a more consistent and comfortable posting schedule, and you would only have to post one more song per week, so it's not that much more work you have to do (i think, at least.) plus, you won't have to worry about the order of your posts being messed up by the queue. though of course, your blog, your choice. :]

hmmmm... maybe it can work!! but i think it would be fair if i made a poll for everyone to vote on

i do still intend to post only 6 songs a week tho, so if i do change my polls' schedule to be everyday, Sunday will just be the one I wont post polls on (for convenience)

ofcourse the polls for tomorrow would still be following the normal schedule buuuut, if daily is the most voted i'll schedule the next poll after those to be on Monday

[ximenavoidgull]

To all the people who somehow came here to look at me draw art or write... I'm sorry.. the end of school this year has been killing me and I've been sick for the past 2 weeks.

I want to get better again so I can work on some projects I've been doing and get back to the doodle account! Maybe even write more on an AU I may have shared a bit here 👀 ( <- forgot what they shared here)

Anyways- in summary: I've been sick for a while, getting back to being better :3 ♡

<vent below if you want to read everything tho it's not required>

For all the people who want to read it all, first of all, thank you, you're not required to read this, and you don't have to.

For starters, I got sick with a stomach virus last week. Knocked me out of school the whole time and had to go to UC (urgent care) 2 times, as well as my pediatric doctor once.

That whole time, I was put on a liquid diet. It sucked... a lot.. I felt too bad to do anything, and I actually tried to go to school twice, only to feel worse in the parking lot and get rushed to UC. All the times I went, of course, I had to get at least 3 tests done on me and be told they're all negative and I just have to wait it out.

I then got better on the weekend and slowly resumed to a slightly more solid diet.

...only to start my monthly on Monday and get super sick Tuesday..

Tuesday morning, I tried to go to school, but my monthly decided it was going to be a B!tvh and knock me to my knees, making my immune system super weak and my immune system just.. picked something up- so I stayed home.

Wednesday came around and.. I had to push through and go to school because of a BIG test I needed to take.. later to get to the class and find out it was re-scheduled.. so yeah.. I didn't feel better, so I got picked up and taken to UC once again.

I had swollen glands, throat, and ear aches in both ears, nausea/dizziness, and lots of congestion. (Which I still have today) But.. when I was taken to UC, they said my ears were clean and I didn't have strep, flu, or covid. But we still had no idea what was wrong.

Then, the idea of Mono came up.. and for those who don't know.. Mono can hit really hard. It's either like the flu for some, or like others, you get hospitalized..

When I went to my pediatric doctor IMMEDIATELY after, got blood work done and the test came back negative. Only problem for me is, Mono often comes back as false-negative, and if these symptoms keep up, I need to go back and be tested again..

Anyway, today's Friday, and I was forced to go to school today because, again, even if my absence was excused, I missed a lot, AND my Photoshop certificate test was today.

I'm now happy to say I passed my test first try and am back to resting!.. well.. until I need to pack- (were being moved out for renovation purposes and were not done packing yet- but we still have time!)

Okay- I wrote a lot here- If you've read all of this, thank you again! It does mean a lot, and I swear I'm getting better so I can do stuff for everyone again!

If not.. I'll just (safely) push through it. Anyways- nap time for me, luv y'all! ♡

[my-castles-crumbling]

hii its freshman anon-

so she uh reactivated her Instagram and we have been talking a fair bit recently lol

thing is, she IS my senior right? (shes a sophmore) where I live its not THAT common to be friends with sophmores but its not like alienated either. like I do have some sophomore friends myself. one is because we live in the same neighborhood and have known eachother our whole lives, one because we have to work together for school stuff and one who I don't really have a REASON to be friends with but we're just friends because we click. thats it really.

so I don't wanna seem like the annoying junior right? but I'm pretty extroverted and kind of yappy. so I tend to like yap a LOT when we text but in person I tend to avoid her a bit?

so I said I'd give her something but just so we don't stop talking in school immediately after I give that thing to her I decided that imma take her on a little wild goose chase (because I'm a bit psychotic pls excuse me). so I have a friend lets call her kiwi. so kiwi has the thing I'm supposed to give glasses but just for a little chase the story is that kiwi actually forgot it at home today (Monday)

kiwi and I are delulu about SO MANY THINGS but I was contemplating my actions with kiwi like "do I wait for her to come up to me? do I tell her that you left it at home? do I avoid her and text? or do I just avoid?" and I chose the avoid and text. kiwi as I said is as delulu as I am (we're actually very aware our delulu is when its something we KNOW but still wanna be delulu for funsies) and she said "girll I don't think she remembers Abt the thing ure supposed to give her i don't think she'll come up to you" BUT SHE DID and uh thinking back on the convo it was a bit weird

me : **sees glasses** OH MY GOD

glasses : **sees me and comes up to me** "hii uh d- d- do you have it?"

me : no- uh- my friend left it at home actually but uh I'll give it to you tomorrow! glasses : uh okay **one minute later** glasses : do you have it tho? me : noo my friend does lol tomorrow fs

LIKE I REALISED AFTERWARDS THE WHOLE "do you have it tho?" LIKE HUH??? BROTHER?? BROSKI WHAT I LEGIT just said my FRIEND has it WDYM also WHY DOES SHE STUTTER SHE LITERALLY DOES NOT STUTTER WHEN SHE TALKS TO OTHER PEOPLE WHAT THE HECKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk

i am absolutely not trying to suggest that she likes me because she probably doesnt and honestly i really dont want her to either? like dont like ME its not worth it bro but why is she stuttering why is she also being so weirdddddddddddddddd

Honestly, whether she has a crush or not, it seems like she doesn't care that you're a year younger! Like if she's texting you and talking to you, it seems pretty clear she wants to be friends, which is great! You have to update me, how are things going now?