#I'm around just taking things at my own pace - I've had a headache for a while <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[cr4yolaas]

mezzo forte — birthday boy

track 2: homesick for a person | masterlist | track 4: the horse

hajime feels heavy on her couch. his head has been pumped full with compressed air and is bound to burst if he gets up. he hates the vulnerability that comes with being drunk.

"...yeah, i'll text sakusa and have him pick haji up tomorrow. just get home safely. bye, tooru."

all he can see is her back, but he can envision the expression she's making right now — brows furrowed, the inside of her cheek caught between her teeth, and a collection of creases on her forehead. he wants to laugh. but the pressure on his body is too much of a burden to bear, so instead, he waits.

she turns around to meet his sleepy, weary face, riddled with exhaustion and ache that she doesn't want to imagine experiencing herself. "'m sorry i couldn't get you a gift," she whispers. her hands adjust the blanket she'd draped over him moments prior, ensuring the fabric reaches up to his shoulders. "i wasn't too sure what you'd like. i feel like i get you the same thing every year."

the couch dips with her weight as she sits beside him. apologies spill from her tongue, but he can't quite hear them over the ringing in his ears. "it's alright. don't need a present when i have you, anyways," is all he can muster under heavy, alcohol-ridden breaths before he falls victim to his own slumber.

there's a pause in the air. she's the only one awake to feel it.

under the influence, people are bound to say words they don't mean. they're bound to form sentences that bear no real representation of their true thoughts, thus leading to misconceptions. she figures this is one of those moments.

beneath the cave of her chest, her heart beats faster than it should — so much so that it's unhealthy. his words, construed from what she assumes to be a place of inebriation, render her immobile, and she fights a long-winded battle with herself about the truth of it all.

frankly, she doesn't want to believe it.

hajime was a straightforward man; that much was an inarguable fact that had maintained its consistency throughout the course of their lives. he expressed what was necessary. and so, if he could not — or rather, would not — voice any means of reciprocation for whatever had been boiling and bubbling in every inch of her being when he was sober, she would take that as the truth. for now.

a headache cracks away at her skull. too many thoughts spiral without any end, and she wants nothing more than to rid herself of them.

the blue light of her laptop burns her retinas, but she figures it's the reasonable solution. the safest solution. garageband slowly opens up, and a small tab of her notes sits in the corner, etched with another love letter yet to be littered throughout another melody. something in her chest aches and burns. she can't escape it.

somewhere in the middle of it all, the man beside her stirs awake. she fails to notice the soft groan he releases nor the shift of his body to a more comfortable position. he's met with the blaring screen propped up on her knees and a soft instrumental pouring from the speakers of her computer, the volume low enough that he has to strain his ears to capture it completely. his eyes fall to the lines that take up the other half of her screen.

it's different. he recalls her other lyrics being vague, hinting at a feeling that he didn't know of himself. but something is more explicit in these words, and the lines form between the dots scattered throughout his brain, albeit blurred.

in his limbo between sobriety and intoxication, hajime finds himself fighting against the belief that it isn't him. that, in the words she so carefully crafts, he isn't the one she thinks of — but he wants to be.

♪ hi i've risen from my deathbed !!

♪ i hope this chapter made sense </3 i'm not cooking very hard with the pacing of this smau

♪ yn freaked out about tooru visiting irl and got all of the excitement out of her body before texting the gc so she didn't seem too hyper LOL

♪ the bday dinner was a mess ... they didnt even make reservations bc they werent initially planning on going out to eat so they kept going around in a big group trying to see which restaurant had available seating ... it did not go well

♪ everyone kept calling iwa the bday boy and he kept drinking to distract himself from it (out of spite) but it did not go as planned clearly

♪ imo haji has a pretty low alcohol tolerance despite having a "tough guy" exterior. it's one of his gap moes iykwim

♪ yn has been using garageband since hs and never changed to any of the apps that her label recommends bc she's scared of using a different interface </3

♪ i don't have much to say i just want to work on the next couple of chapters already

♪ but i think by this point i've decided this smau isn't going to be as long as blue spring, esp bc i don't have much to establish on the main dynamics btwn oiks iwa and yn given that they have such a long history together

♪ but idk !! we'll see where my heart leads me

♪ i already feel kinda uninspired for this smau which hurts my heart bc i really liked the concept and there was sm hype for it but i feel like it was never meant to be a long story yk

♪ sorry there's my impending doom rant

♪ i hope u all enjoyed <3

taglist: @froyaoya @causenessus @guitarstringed-scars @yuminako @chemiru @sunnyskiezzzz @httpsivy @itsdragonius @theycallmenanamisgirl @wyrcan @19calicos @hunnies4bunnies @mawenskiblue @diorzs @loverlunaire @mfcherry @solaqes

[tsunami-kelsey]

CW: This is a VENT.

Take care of yourself, I hope you're doing ok

It's weird. I love my family, I really do, but it's exhausting. Everyday I hear my parents sighing, their heads throbbing with burning headaches. Everyday I wake up to my sibling out of the house, I haven't seen their face in a few days. Everyday I eat breakfast alone, blasting music in my headphones to drown everything out. Everyday I sit at the dinner table, looking around with a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, my sibling would want to eat with the family. They never do. They yell at my parents, my mom just wants to reason, my dad is tired. I have to be the golden child- and I truely am. I can draw, sing, write, dance, play the violin... and I almost always get A-B honer roll!

So why do I feel this pit in my chest?

Ever since I was 9, my sibling would lash out at my parents. They where born like that, they never wanted to do anything with me and they always held an unreasonable grudge against my parents. Yes, I grew up with them, but I didn't... grow up with them. I get jealous whenever someone mentions their brothers or sisters, complaining about how they always "bother" them. They take it for granted. I never got to have a sibling, not one I considered to be at least. I tell people I'm an only child, it feels that way.

So why does my heart feel like it's about to crack?

I want to go home. Well, I mean, I am home. I'm in my house, on my ipad, writing this on my bed. But it truely doesnt feel like home. I've never had someone's shoulder to lean on, I always have been that shoulder. I wouldn't want to burden anyone, especially not my own parents. I feel as though I don't belong here. I'm always hiding in my room, blocking out the yelling with loud music. I wear the same thing everyday, not having the motivation to shower or wash my clothes. But it isn't the lack of motivation, is it? It's the fear. The fear that if I do anything wrong that I will get in trouble.

But I never have, why does my heart race?

Sometimes I wish I could get hurt. Not in a way to feel pleasure, but in a way to be seen. My parents dont see me as a person, they see me as a painting. A useless little painting. My sibling sees me as an obstical, avoiding me at all costs. My IRL friends see me as a joke, constantly making fun of my name. My online friends see me as a pestering beast, annoying them constantly to the point where they dont even reply anymore. So, I just wish to get hurt. I wish to get run over by a car, stabbed in the chest, fall off a cliff, anything. I just want them to see me as a person. As the fragile glass statue that I truely am. I've been cracked for years now, and no one seems to care.

My heart's clawing at my rib cage, begging for someone- anyone to notice it's pain.

I promise you that I've tried getting better. I've done everything. And yet, I keep falling into the same hole. The same hole I can never seem to get out of. The same hole that drowns me. The same hole that people so easily ignore.

No one will ever save me. My heart will always be beating at a rapid pace. My heart will always feel like it's going to crack and shatter. There's no way around it.

[sunnywalnut]

For those of you that want to know how to actually write these things:

-people are likely to forget things that have happened anywhere from an hour to a couple days ago. Like long term vs short term memory, you know? At least for me personally, while the information is "transferring" into long term, it gets fuzzy. (I'm also Neurodiverse so perhaps it's bc of the autism) But also. Getting hurt. Hurts. Your brain is likely already preoccupied with the fact your big toe is fuckin broken rather than remembering what happened two weeks ago at a specific diner with a specific man you said two words to. Your brain can also add in details that weren't there at all. Like how the salt shaker was on the other end of the table and that's why the man handed it to you. Rather than what actually happened of him handing it to you because your hands were full. Use this to your advantage. Especially when writing unreliable narrator. This happens in real life more often than you realize.

-even if you "miss" important parts and don't cause a concussion, you'll likely be bruised, have a headache, and open wounds. Because the skin on your face is actually pretty thin and fragile. Especially around the eyes and temples. Facial wounds tend to heal really nicely tho so it's okay to "ugly up" your characters for the drama and not keep scars. Some people do scar pretty easily tho(like me) so it's completely valid to give them scars for the drama as well. Some people will scar bc of muscle tape(like me) or bug bites(also like me). Though these scars are usually just discoloration that fades within a couple years.

-water HURTS. Also your eyes are going to burn. They're going to burn so bad. You know how wind burns your eyeballs and makes them water? Yeah it's like that but worse. Considering how cold/how much moisture is in the air, it can feel like it is stabbing your bare skin. Your neck, your eyelids, your wrists and hands, wherever it can get to it. Also how the water hits you is very important. If you flop on your back/front, you're likely going to be winded. Being winded in the middle of water is very dangerous. You'll likely suck in some water. That shit burns. You'll cough. You'll probably suck in more water. This is how you start drowning. You really can't prepare for this. Though there are ways to stop this response. I recommend actually looking up stories from survivors because they have wayyyy more in depth descriptions than I do.

-police aren't taught how to deescalate. They're taught to expect the worst of all situations (all politics aside. Again. I would do actual research on these kinds of situations. Especially police brutality and violence. Videos are going to be helpful in research as well. Especially on how to get realistic pacing/dialogue)

-homemade rafts are NOT prepared for harsh waves. And also. If you don't have ways to fix your sails, you'll likely just drift wherever the water takes you(if it takes you anywhere) also sunlight reflects off water. This means you can get a mean sunburn and also your eyeballs can be affected. Same thing with snow. This is why people sometimes are told to wear sunglasses in snowy climates. This can also cause hallucinations (it's actually very common on long voyages and likely are the source of sirens/mermaids)

-it's completely impossible to nail everything about a stranger. They could be "acting weird" bc they're autistic rather than dangerous. Or be going through withdrawals from something as simple as smoking. Or indigenous vs Hispanic or black. Or not white and still have bright green eyes. Human brains are weird. I've had people claim I have anywhere from red to bright platinum blonde hair when my natural hair color is actually just light brown with a VERY light red tint. I've fully thought my own crush I had as a kid had dark brown eyes when they had bright BLUE eyes. And I knew this kid for like. 2 years at this point. Factor in things like horrible lighting, hooded eyes making their eyes look darker, not realizing somebody has freckles until later, mislabeling a hairstyle (especially if it's a cultural hair style and the person describing them to police or whoever is somebody who is not from that culture. They'll probably go for describing it rather than trying to name it if they know they're not gonna be right)

-I've never hijacked a computer so you're kinda on your own here. However. I'd assume that you'd need some type of USB or something to download some kind of "poison" to their database (at least that's just what I've seen as of lately)

-the whole point of IVs is that they're in your veins. They're there to keep them open to administer saline/medicine directly into your blood stream. Unless you get those plastic ones where the needle itself is taped down and attached to a tube that is then screwed onto the drip. To remove without removing the actual needle, just squeeze the hard plastic(to hold in place, I'd guess? I've only ever seen this when I was in the hospital and they did it to me) and untwist the top. But uh. This still leaves the needle intact. And it actually does hurt if you bang or nudge it on anything. Afterwards. It also hurts like hell if they put these in wrong. Like it's pinching really hard. They can adjust them, but not by much. It still pinches. Really bad.

-that's just like throwing a man in ancient Rome. So many men together, sweating, laughing, sharing flasks of whisky by the same lips, watching the alcohol glisten off the curve of your partner's lips in the light of bonfire flame... You're telling me you wouldn't fall in love if your best friend slept not even two inches away underneath the glowing night sky? Watching his breath rise and fall with sleep, his sweat soured hat drawn over his brow to save him from the morning light? Tending to your mate when he's injured, staying behind with him knowing that the rest have to go on without you both? You're telling me you wouldn't shift a bit closer? Laugh a bit louder? Offer him a few more sips from your share? You'd fall in love with him faster than the shooting star you wished upon last night, hoping to one day grow familiar with the taste of his lips.

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[spareseratoninplz]

OBEY ME! MAMMON X READER: Stand by Your Man

*I love all the brothers to death, but sometimes it really irks me how they talk about Mammon. He's a sweet, greedy little cinnamon roll, and we all love him for it. Anywho... enjoy!*

**************************************************

"That's enough!" I groaned, standing up straight from my seat and slapping my hands down against the kitchen table.

"Would you all cut Mammon some slack for once? He doesn't make the best choices sometimes, but it's only because he's the avatar of greed!" I said, I then pointed accusingly at Asmo.

"Asmo, you're constantly berating Mammon for being 'scummy', but at the same time, you indulge in your own attribute that you're the avatar of! How would you feel if everyone was constantly calling you a pervert for the things that you say and do?" I demanded. Asmo looked down and away, a the regret adorning his usually smiling face.

"Satan, you're always calling Mammon some variation of 'stupid'. Just because he Doesn't have his nose shoved in a book day in and day out like you do, doesn't make him an idiot." I said. Satan frowned, his brow furrowed slightly.

"Lucifer, I know you have a soft spot for Mammon, as he's the second eldest. However, you not only turn a blind eye to your younger brothers constant harassment of him, but you often encourage it! Would it truly be so awful to take his side for once? As the eldest, you should show all of your brothers equal support in their endeavors!" I sighed deeply, looking over the table at each brother in turn.

"You've all taken it too far this time." I said, shaking my head before glancing over at Mammon who was staring at me wide eyed in disbelief.

"Now, apologize." I demanded, my voice heavy.

"Sorry, Mammon..." The brothers spoke in unison.

"Indeed... (Y/N) is right. Perhaps I've been too tough on you, Mammon. I am sorry." Lucifer apologized earnestly.

I sighed deeply before pinching the bridge of my nose to combat an oncoming headache.

"I'm going to my room for awhile..." I said, excusing myself from the dinner table.

I had been listening to the brother's constant berating of Mammon since I first arrived in the Devildom. I'd held my tongue long enough.

Mammon wasn't just the first demon I'd made a pact with. He was also the only demon who had never transformed into his demon form out of anger or spite. I had felt safe around him since the beginning, forming a bond that only became stronger, even after leaving the Devildom.

Now that I'd returned, it was at though the brothers had taken to insulting him tenfold what they had before.

I was only a few paces from my room when I suddenly heard rushed footsteps behind me. Someone grabbed my bicep, pulling me to turn around and face them.

"Mammon?" I questioned. He was looking away from me, the facial expression he was making nearly unreadable.

"Why'd ya go and do that for huh?" He asked.

"What do you mean? They shouldn't be talking to you like that." I said.

"Listen, I've accepted the fact that I'm a scummy mess. I'm a demon for cryin' out loud. The avatar of greed. It's one of the less flashy attributes, but it's mine, ya know?" He said.

"I appreciate what you were tryin' to do back there, but my brothers are right about me nine times outta ten." He said, shaking his head.

"You're wrong!" I argued, and he jumped slightly, eyes widening at the vehemence in my words.

"Mammon, you're so much more than just your attribute!" I insisted. My hands clenched into tight fists.

"You're funny, smart, and resourceful. Even if you act like it's a pain, you still help your brothers no matter what! You love and care for them very much and you'd do anything for them!" I mused. Mammon lowered his head, his hair obscuring his eyes within a shadow.

"(Y/N)), quit it..." He said lowly.

"No! You deserve respect just as much as the rest of your brothers!" Again, I insisted, and he suddenly grabbed both of my wrists and pinned me roughly against the wall of the hallway.

"No, I don't, okay!?" He hissed. His eyes were red as though he'd cry.

"Mammon...?" I questioned as he clenched his jaw.

"I'm no good, (Y/N). I'm constantly gettin' into trouble with my gamblin' and the money makin' schemes I come up with." He shook his head, frowning, dejected.

"I know I'm always singin' my own praises. Talkin' about how great I am... but it's more to convince myself than anyone else." He admitted.

"I don't see all the bad stuff when I look at you, Mammon." I said, blushing slightly at the words in my head that I knew I was about to say.

"Wh- when... you love someone... you take them as they are. The good and the bad. I wouldn't change anything about you, Mammon. Everything you are- is what I've fallen in love with." I said, smiling softly as he continued to stare with wide eyes.

"... Say it again." Mammon urged.

I pulled one hand from his grip and used it to cradle his cheek gently.

"I love you, Mammon." I said in all sincerity. He leaned into my touch, his eyes half lidded as he smiled back at me sweetly.

"I love you too, (Y/N)." He mumbled, turning his head to kiss the palm of my hand. He took the hand that I held his cheek with and gripped it in his before bringing it to his chest and using his opposite hand to move a bit of hair behind my ear. His fingertips trailed down to my chin where he tilted my face up and pressed his lips firmly against mine.

"Ugh..." Mammon grunted, pulling away after a few moments. He turned his face away, it was burning hot and bright red.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"My greed's tryin' to take over again... I want more." He said, his voice dropping an octave as he pupils dilated.

My cheeks began to burn at his confession, but I simply smiled and nodded slightly.

"It's okay... I feel the same." I admitted, and he pulled me in close, his grip tightening slightly as I could see his markings beginning to show. I knew he was trying his best to hold himself back.

"Your room or mine?" He asked, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly.

*Let me know if you might want a NSFW part 2 or not, and as always, Thanks for reading!*

[lareinenoir]

THE PURGE; Sanctuary C.E x black reader

PT III

60 Days Until The Purge

THEN...

"I'll order take out. I know you like Thai-"

"Don't order anything. I'm actually not even hungry." You said as he took your bag and put it on his shoulder. "What?" He was looking at you weird and it made you frown.

"Where's the rest of your stuff?"

"You asked me to stay the night. That is my overnight bag." You replied folding your arms and walking over to the couch. Your hand touched your forehead and you sighed. You could still feel him looking at you as you tried to relax with your head leaned back. "After I tell Shonda about our situation, you're signing the papers."

"What do you mean-"

"You know what I mean." You shot back

"Ok, well theirs a lot to consider now." He motioned to your stomach and you sat up straight. "We're having a baby, now."

"No no no." You shook your head feeling your petty insides bubble a bit in sarcasm. "I'm having a baby. Me. Just me.”

"Obviously I want to be apart of our baby's life." Chris argued back and you frowned and scoffed. He put your bag down and crossed his arms as you brushed it off. "You can't seriously think I won't. V that's insane."

"You wanna know what's insane? You think you're gonna get anywhere near it. Why in the hell would I allow you and your broken promises anywhere near my child? Do you think I'm stupid? To make the same mistake twice!"

"Again? V what do you want me to do?" He asks throwing his hands up. "Acting is what I do, that's my job-"

"I don't care about that. I'm not asking you to chose your job or me-"

"It damn well near sounds like it. I would never make you choose." He countered back and you gripped your fists together.

"You may not have said it directly, but there have been many times where you have indirectly patronized me. I just found out I'm pregnant and I have been trying so hard to deal with it." you replied watching him pace back and forth and shake his head. "I have been getting the worst headaches, I can't keep any food down and I literally get lightheaded on set every single day because hiding my pregnancy has been a real joy ride." You replied sarcastically with a small chuckle

"What do you want me to do? I tell you to tell the producers, you get mad. I tell you to take a break, you get mad. I tell you to come over and you’re mad.” Chris said in disbelief. “I don't know what you want from me." He shrugs brushing the hair from his eyes.

"Not once since you found out have you asked me how I'm doing? My whole career is at risk I could lose my job. And you don't even seem to care.” You said

"V, I do care." He reached for your shoulder and you took in another breath. "I want you to stop worrying all the time. And you're right, I should be concerned more about you. I should be there for you-I should've been there for you in the beginning.” He admitted and you folded your lips again.

Are For real this time? Should I let it go and move past it? Again? No because it'll start all over again.

"This baby is mine. This is a life changing thing that's happening, I can't let you ruin it too." You spoke

" I'm taking responsibility because this is something I want. Ok? Can't we find some common ground? You of all people should know what it's like to grow up without a father!"

"You know too!" You shouted back. Chris' dad had died when he was younger. He talked about him sometimes but not as much. "I'd rather have had my father six feet under then to have him choosing when it's convenient for him to show up!" You said with your foot down shaking your head.

"Forget the divorce. Me and you living here happily married for the years to come. Whats so bad about that? Why can't I have that? What's so wrong with the picture of two parents raising a child?" His voice was loud and he was getting frustrated. He didn't shout, but you could tell how passionate he was about it. He always wanted to be a daddy, a parent. "Huh?"

"It's not just about you!" You said stepping closer. "Because..." You shrugged feeling your eyes water as you suck in your cheeks. "I knew the kind of man I was marrying. So involved with his job it took him almost fifteen years to actually start dating. It's not about you or your career. This baby is all I have right now.”

He looked confused as he relaxed his brow and pinched the bridge of his nose. From two feet away you could feel his heartbeat and you felt a little bad for how foolish you probably looked. You still loved him, not like you ever stopped, but you remembered that you still loved him.

Because, it's not about me either anymore. You thought

"Forget the papers okay..." You said swallowing your own pride. "just forget it. You’re right. I want our child to have two parents who will love him unconditionally. But it has to stop, because it takes two. I can't have you with one foot in the door." You admitted

“Yeah yeah.” He nodded “yeah I get that. I’m not going anywhere.” Chris said and you walked forward and took his hand kissing his palm as you placed it on the side of your face. “I promise V.” He cups your face and stares into your eyes. His stubble poking at you a bit as you held his wrists.

“I love you.” You said with a small smile

“Still?” He laughed making you roll your eyes as you giggled a little. “I love you too. Are you sure you aren’t hungry?” He asks again

“Yes.” You nodded “now shut up and come take a nap with me.”

NOW....

CHRIS POV**

“Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!” I said throwing the phone on the couch. I had called five times and her phone went straight to voicemail.

“This is not a test, this is your Emergency Broadcast System. Announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. ALL Weapons have been authorized for use during the purge. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime (including murder) will be legal for 121 days. Police, fire, and Emergency Medical services will be unavailable until December 15, 12:00 o’clock midnight, when the purge concludes. Blessed be our new founding fathers and America... A nation reborn. May God be with you all.”

My tv was replayed the message nine more times before shutting off. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Today is august 15, Vanessa’s birthday is tomorrow which was when she’d be 17 weeks. We had marked it on the calendar together. More than half my wife’s pregnancy would be spent during the purge. I needed to find her!

I didn’t support the purge. Something about killing people to be “cleansed” just didn’t sit right in my gut. It made my heart ache thinking about the clean up at the end. I could bring Dodger, but he can only do so much. Maybe he could help track her scent. Grabbing my coat I folded my lips together.

“Fuck!” I shout

With what weapon? How was I going to run the streets looking for my wife without a gun? I loved the idea of owning one, but Vanessa made me swear not to bring one in the house if she was there. So I just dropped the idea. Looking in the kitchen I grabbed one of the Chef knives off the rack. Maybe this would be enough for now...

“Damnit!” I curse looking at Dodger. “She said she was at Topanga Park. Start there?” I asked, as if he’d answer back. I grabbed her bonnet from off the bathroom door handle and stuffed it in my backpack.

I didn’t hesitate l. I locked up everything and jumped inside my truck. Dodger sat on the passenger side and I felt my hands start to shake as I put my foot on the gas. I started to promise god I would go to church if he would keep her safe.

“I don’t even know if you’re even listening or you even care. I love her, I’ve been such and idiot and I don’t wanna lose her.” I looked at Dodger and he was sitting up straight. “I remember you didn’t like her. You wouldn’t let her anywhere near me, you bark and squeeze yourself in between us when we sat down in the room to watch movies.” I chuckle wiping the little tear that slipped from my eye “You stole one of her wigs too.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!” she shouted chasing you around the house. “DODGER GIVE IT BACK! COME BACK!”

We chased him around the house and Dodger thought it was some sort of game. We had been officially dating for a month. I had started laughing when I caught him and held her headband wig in my hand. She stood their with her arms folded while I petted his head and she rolled her eyes.

"I told you he doesn't like me." She said as I stood up and she took the wig from my hand.

"Come on, he's just getting used to you."

"I've been over here every day. Your dog hates me."

"What?" I tilted my head to the side and touch her nose with my index finger. "Deal breaker? If my dog doesn't like my girlfriend, I'm gonna dump her? Tell me where that makes sense."

She walked closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist looking up at the ceiling as I kissed her neck. "I guess you have a point." Vanessa sighed.

"He's just warming up to you that's all."

"What's stopping me from breaking up with you?"

"Over a dog?"

"This is his third assault against me. First it was tearing up my purse, then chewing up my crocs, not to mention the little shit I found inside of them. And now stealing my wig and playing cat and mouse." Said Vanessa as I rested my head on top of hers. "Luckily this is a backup wig."

“Aren’t you wearing one right now?” I asked

“Headband wig. And that wig your dog has destroyed,” she gave him the side eye “it was my favorite and expensive.” She gritted her teeth

“I’ll buy you another one.” I offered

She purses her lips and shook her head. “I don’t want you buying me anything. I’ll just break up with you. For real this time.”

"Fine then..." I baited her shrugging my shoulders. "Break up with me."

“Over a dog?” She frowns mocking me as I smile down at her and her eyebrows bend downward a little as she caressed my face. Her finger was gentle and she stood on her top toes and kissed my lips. “Never.”

...

I look over at Dodger and pat his head. "We'll find her. I know we will." I say trying to lift my spirits.

When we arrived to Topanga Park, it was a sight. I didn't even want to leave the truck. I felt my heart race a little more. "What the hell..."

In the middle of traffic-in between the cars were bodies. Dodger started barking at the train of blood that stained the streets. It was empty, but I could feel a heavy weight on my back. Walking behind me, next to me...it was all around me. I hadn't realized I had my hand over my mouth an nose, it was hard for me to breath as the stench of dead bodies. Dodger kept barking and that led to me chasing after him. I had her bonnet in one hand and I called after him.

I came to a halt when I came face to face with another person. He had Dodger in his hands and I felt my muscle tense up. He was tall and very familiar looking. I swallowed the lump in my throat and held the kitchen knife in my hand with a firm grip.

"Captain America?"

I tilted my head sideways and licked my lower lip narrowing my brow a little. "Yeah, give me the dog and we can go our separate ways. Ok?"

He nodded his head. He ran his fingers through his hair and put the dog down. I wasn't really concerned about who he was I was trying to prepare for a fight. He dropped his gun on the ground and held up his his hand.

"I'm not going to kill you. I'm looking for my wife." He said "She left her watch in that building." He pointed to the school and slowly pulled the watch from his pocket.

"In there?" I asked

"Yeah." He nodded, but I still couldn't shake the feeling I knew him from somewhere. "My name is Jared. My wife's name is Gianne, I'm pretty sure she was with someone else-are you looking for someone too? Maybe we could help each other. There was something written on the chalkboard in there, I wasn't something Gia would write, but she was here. All I wanna do is find her-"

"Supernatural?" I asked turning my head to the side. Vanessa loved that show. Whenever she had spare time she would watch it or on those many night she'd spend the night at my house we would watch it-well not really watch it. The Netflix and 'chill' was emphasized. "You said something about some sort of message on the wall?" I asked motioning with my hand. "what did it say?"

"um, CE equals BE or something like that." He shrugged

I laughed a little. Vanessa Evans plus Chris Evans equals Baby Evans. It was a stupid joke-an Easter egg if you will. Shonda put in the show on the whiteboard in one of our love scenes as a way to announce our pregnancy to the audience. She often left clues to the next episode in every episode except this one was not only in the show but in real life.

"Chris Evans." I say extending my hand out to him. I'm pretty sure he knew by the little smile playing on his face. He shook my hand and nodded his head.

"I know. I'm a big marvel fan, I know all your lines." Jared chuckled and then cleared his throat as he nervously laughed. "Nice to meet you. I'm Jared Padalecki - I know I said that already..."

I introduced him to Dodger and I felt a little more relaxed. I gathered that she was alive and we both came to the assumption that they were traveling together.

"Where do you think their headed?" I asked as we walked to his car which was tricked out and full of ammunition and guns. Not to mention government level protective gear.

"While I was in there, I picked up someone else. Heavy footed and big, traveling with dogs. Hair everywhere." He went on tossing me a bullet proof vest. "You heard of Sanctuary?"

"The safety place? Yeah, but it's hard to find. It's for people who get caught in the Purge right?"

He narrowed his brow and shook his head. "No." Said Jared sharply. "Sanctuary is a secret government funded task force. It started off as a conspiracy some myth to explain all the random disappearances throughout the year. It's a government project designed for population control." He went on

"Ok...what does that have anything to do with the Purge?"

"Everything. An organization designed to control the US population. We're talking Pro killers who were once on a leash, but when that horn sounded and the Purge began, they are just as free to kill anyone they want." Said Jared handing me an ipad. It was a list of celebrities. From pro athletes like Steph Curry and their immediate families to movie stars and singers like Rhianna and Tom Cruise. "There are rumors that they are hunting celebrities. The kardashians and Jenner's are fair game. If not the stars themselves then they choose their parents, brothers and sisters."

"And do what?" I asked quietly as I saw mine and Vanesssa picture

"Most get auctioned off to the highest bidder, I've also heard they kill them on the spot for money or bring them in to fight for the death. Bottom line, there is a bounty on our heads. During the Purge everyone is fair game, their is no protection."

"You're telling me she's out there being hunted by them right now?" I asked

“Possibly. The dog hair isn’t a breed we know. They are a combination of hunting canines, bloodhound, foxhound, Labrador retriever with the built and aggression of a something like a pit bull a Rottweiler.” Said Jared as I looked up from the iPad and gave it back. “You’re gonna need more than a kitchen knife. We find the dogs and the hunter and we’ll find them.”

He held a gun out to me and wiped my mouth with the palm of my hand trying to mentally prepare for what is to come."

“Do you believe in the Purge?” I asked still questioning why his car was full of weapons. “You kill people?”

He nodded his head. “Yes. I don’t believe in hiding or waiting for someone to kill me. We all have the right to Purge."

"What's stopping you from killing me?"

Jared sighed and shook his head. "I'm hunting them. I'm surviving and if you decide to threaten my survival, then I'll kill you." He went over to the driver side of his Ford charger. "Get in. Knowing Gia she is headed for Roberts hole."

"What's that?" I asked climbing in the passenger seat of the car.

“It’s a Cassino for celebrities. Jack Black owns it. It’s locked up right but open to his favorites during the Purge.”

“They’ll be there?”

“Relax.” He out his hand in my shoulder and looked at me as dodger sat in the back seat. “We will find them. You know how to shoot don’t you?” Jared raised his gun in the air and nodded my head.

I guess it wasn’t confidently and he chuckled. “Vanessa isn’t a fan of guns.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll practice. Ok?”

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: Sorry it took so long😬 don’t hate me, please. Lol, I hope everyone is doing well and safe out here. If you wanna be tagged leave it in the ask box, Anyways…Untill next time!

Tags!

@Tantricevans

@rosey1981

@toni9

@onceuponahuntersrealm

@pm-my-hubbies

@Cynthetic

@liqourlaughslove

@melaninfalconbucky

@omg-mymelaninisbeautiful

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VI/VII)

"the downfall"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language, allusions to sex

A/N: my apologies for keeping y'all waiting for this one darlings, but here comes the next part YAYY! Enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

He had left me in the room that morning, alone, with regret and guilt straining my chest, with embarrassment and panic heaving over me, my only company being a terrible headache and a sore body.

I was still waiting for him to come back. Of course, he still lived in the apartment, but the day after, he slept at Shell Cottage because Bill needed help with the chores, and the next night at the Burrow because Molly had asked to keep an eye on 'the kids' —the kids being Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione— while she and Arthur were off to visit Andromeda, and at Lee's because Angelina was away and they were going to have a boys' weekend; in summary, he managed to avoid stepping into the flat while I was in there for an entire week.

I would be lying if I said the idea of moving out hadn't crossed my mind, but I knew I was being dramatic— we were being dramatic; we were adults, even if we forgot about it more often than not, and adults talk things out, so I decided to confront him at the only place I would manage to corner him; the shop.

When I descended from the office on the second floor, I spotted the ginger turning the 'CLOSED' to face the glass door. "Oi!" His head snapped to me as I climbed downstairs and he instantly walked to the shelves on the opposite side. "Can I have a word?" I requested, following him, only for George to move on to another shelf.

"Right now I'm quite busy." He replied, seemingly absent-minded as he pretended to check the products in front of him.

"This is important." I insisted, moving to stand besides him.

Not fast enough, though, because he was off to yet another part of the shop as soon as I got close. "I'm sure it can wait."

"You know it can't," I assured intently, stalking after him, only for him to speed up his own pace, moving from product to product without stopping too long in front of him. "George I'm- Oi, stop! We need to talk about this!"

"Well maybe I don't wanna talk about this!" He exclaimed, taking big steps under one of the stairs in order to shamelessly dodge the hand with which I had reached out to stop him.

"George Weasley don't run away from me!"

"I'm not running away from you!"

"You're literally RUNNING AWAY!"

He stopped circling the counter and stood across from me, slamming his palms over the till. "ALRIGHT, LOVE!" for the first time, I didn't like the way the name dripped off his tongue. "Let's talk about how we accidentally FUCKED! That's what you want so badly, isn't it?!" Flush crept up his neck and ears, and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or from timidness. "Go on, darling, lead the bloody way!"

I felt my own cheeks going red, partly because of his straightforward statement but also because I genuinely had never heard George raise his voice like he had just done.

"Cat's got your tongue now?!" My stuttering seemed to fuel his anger more. "C'mon, Y/n, talk! You wanted to talk!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, GEORGE!" He clenched his jaw as his freckles drowned in a sea of pinkish red. "Yeah I want to talk! 'Cause that's what grown-ups do! We don't know how to act around each other so we just don't spend time together anymore— Fuck, I've barely seen you! AND WE. LIVE. TOGETHER!" I emphasised each word with stomps. "We can either pretend it didn't happen or talk it out to make sure we're on the same page, you choose but for Merlin's sake, don't avoid me!"

"OKAY!" His eyes widened, surprised at his own tone, and then he repeated in a softer, self-conscious one, "Okay." He breathed deeply and then added. "We're on the same page, right?" His eyebrows raised as he looked into my eyes. "It was... A mistake."

I should have noticed the uncertainty and hope in his voice, but I panicked and was too quick to respond, "Yeah! A massive mistake." My words stung my heart and, to my dismay, his own just as much. "Can we go back to being friends? Because I'm going crazy without you." I blamed our watery eyes to the argument we had had, and not to the fact that it had been a mistake.

He circled the counter and walked to me, hesitating before pulling me into a hug. "Can I...?" I tugged him closer, wrapping my arms around his middle. It took a moment for him to ease into my embrace, and I could tell we had fucked up our friendship for good. "It's alright, we'll make it right again." His words made me squeeze him tighter, as if he was about to vanish from my side.

And from then, we tried to make it right, we tried so hard, because it seemed so easy to make it wrong again.

Everytime we stood too close, everytime he leaned on to whisper something, everytime I helped him with his tie, our eyes would fall on each other's lips; I would sometimes drift off the conversation, staring too much at his mouth and hands, wandering if they would feel just as amazing as they had done while we were drunk.

"Y/n are you listening?"

"Uh yeah- I mean, no- sorry, what?"

I was so focused on trying to hide it that I didn't notice George was in the exact same situation, meaning that neither of us could give in, because we would go down together. In all honesty, it was doomed to happen at some point, we were just delaying the inevitable.

The moment came the last night of January, when George showed up in my room due to a really rough nightmare, and I, as always, invited him in so we could lay down together.

"Isn't this... Weird?" He murmured as we scooted closer. We had kept physical contact at bay for obvious reasons, and cuddling had been off the table since New Year.

"It doesn't have to be." I replied, my voice as quiet as his. "We've done this a thousand times."

"Right." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mines as we shifted in our places ever so slightly, trying to find a position where the situation turned less awkward.

And it happened, my mind got lost on the way his neck tensed, on the damp locks hanging over his forehead, sweaty due to the nightmare; on his plump lips, which he had just wetted with his tongue in the most subtle way. It was a nervous habit of him, something he would usually do, but that didn't make it any less hot.

"George..." I called his name without noticing, my heart hammering violently against my chest when his gaze landed on my eyes, quickly falling on my lips.

The next thing I knew was that he was holding my thigh over his hip, his other hand on the back of my neck while we shared a hungry kiss that, as soon as my hips involuntarily rocked against his, turned into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The next morning we swore to each other that it was just another accident, that it would happen again.

And the next one too.

And the following.

The fifth time that happened, we agreed to call the situation a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing, well aware that it was an euphemism for the downfall of our friendship.

I had longed to be hers for so long, and it that moment, as I lay by her side in her bed, that wish seemed so close yet so far; I could reach out and my fingertips would touch her skin, yet I had never felt that distant towards her.

The moment my eyes were averted from her form, her gaze was laid on me. "You don't have to go."

"I know." I replied in a mumble, already sitting up and reaching for my pants. "But soon we'll have to get up, so I might as well do that and let you sleep." I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to see her beautiful irises pleading for me to stay by her side, because I knew I would.

I saw on my peripheral vision her fingers attempting to carefully wrap around my wrist, and I was quick to stand up and walk to the door; sadly, I did not miss Y/n burying her face into the pillow, her hands fisting on the fabric ever so subtly.

She tried to hide her tears like that, and I agressively wiped mines as soon as I reached the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, lady!" I light-heartedly greeted Y/n without turning my back to the making of our breakfast when I heard the steps approaching the kitchen.

In the morning it was easier to pretend everything was back to normal; usually, the refreshing sunlight and the drowsiness provided by a night of sleep were enough to wash away the sad truth of our relationship.

"Good morning, sir." She responded with a yawn, rubbing her eyes as she walked to stand besides me, leaning against the counter with her arms folded. "Smells good." She commented, leaning on to take a peek at the scrambled eggs.

I was about to make a cocky, playful comment when it dawned on me what she was wearing; it was my jumper, one of the old ones that I exclusively used for pyjamas.

I knew she didn't do it intently; I had left it on the floor the previous night, and it was probably the first thing she grabbed, but it struck a nerve.

I had seen a similar scene way too many times before; a sleepy, dishevelled Y/n entering the kitchen with an ugly Weasley jumper as only clothing, ready to start the bickering with an almost identical version of me who would be making breakfast.

My head then travelled to the thought that lately crossed my mind more often than not and my heart clenched; In Y/n's eyes, I was, most likely, just a poor replacement for Fred.

"You alright?" That worried furrow appeared between her brows too often lately. We were both walking on eggshells, and it got me on my nerves.

"You don't have to ask if I'm alright every time I'm quiet." I hadn't meant it to come out harsh or curt, but it definitely did.

"You're not quiet, you're overthinking." She responded with a tinge of hostility.

"What's to overthink?" I fought the need to raise my voice.

"Dunno, you tell me." She squinted her eyes with a scrutinising gaze directed to me.

"Can we not do this?" I almost pleaded; heated arguments had become a usual thing between us —yet another sign of the unfixable problem we refused to address.

Y/n was about to reply something that would lead us into a fight when the doorbell rung. "Mister Weasley?" I took that as a cue to go open the door to Verity, already dressed on her uniform. "The Valentine's Day products arrived, should I unpack them or..." Her eyes flickered behind me and her cheeks heated up. "Y/n—" When I looked over my shoulder, I felt my own face flushing out of embarrassment. Y/n was still my employee and Fred's ex, so Verity catching a glimpse of her dressed in my jumper wasn't the best thing for any of us. "I— am I— sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You're not interrupting." I assured her with a reassuring smile. "Leave the boxes on the puking pastries section, we'll be down in ten."

"Alright, sir." Her curious gaze travelled to Y/n one last time, and with that, she was rushing back down to the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The ache that had appeared on my chest the day after New Year would end up killing me, or at least it felt like that.

I had a dreadful gut feeling of knowing what caused that pain, but my mind refused to believe it was that, and kept pushing the sensation back into my heart day by day.

George had gone to relocate the puking pastries in the upper level of the shop so I could prepare the section with the Valentine's Day products.

My eyes dawned on the small packages of Amortentia. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed to know.

I took a look around, making sure Verity wasn't near and George was up still, and brought one of the Amortentias under my nose. It didn't take long for the scents to besot me, and I had to put all my will on not to fall under the potion's spell.

The first smell to reach my nostrils was gunpowder; my heart skipped a bit when the next scent was vanilla.

Then strawberry and chocolate; candy floss cupcakes and George's cologne.

The tiny, heart-shaped bottle fell from my hands, scattering all over the shop's floor. "Shit!" I rapidly kneeled to pick the shattered glass when I realized it had echoed in the empty establishment.

"Oi! What was that?" George descended from the second floor, using the ladder. "Oh shit—" his hands took a hold on my bicep and pulled me away from the pool of pinkish pearl liquid that seemed to be attracting me. "Don't!" He warned Verity, who had attempted to jog in the potion's direction too. "Verity, can you bring me my wand?" The girl complied running up to the office.

In Verity's absence, George took the chance and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to check my eyes. "You alright?" I managed to give him a slow nod, my mind buzzing with the newly acquired information. "Getting the Amortentias was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I nodded again, producing a frown between his eyebrows. "No 'told you so'? Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckled nervously, his hands falling to his sides right in time for Verity to rush back to us.

"Here, Mister Weasley!"

"Thank you, darling." He politely replied, taking the wand and restoring the potion bottle in a swift movement. His eyes peeked at me again; I could see the worry growing on him. "Y/n-"

"I'm gonna go wash my face." The words hastily left my mouth before I dashed off to the restroom.

I closed the door behind me and took a look at the mirror; my pupils were blown and my cheeks pink. I ran the tab and splashed the water on my face a few times until the potion's mild effect was gone and my mind clear.

It was in that moment that it dawned on me that I was in love with George Weasley.

[mangodestroyer]

Darn! Ten years? That's rough! I'm grateful mine was at least short lived and that we never moved in together (two years). I learned a lot in those two years and probably saved myself a lot of time in the future.

However, after living on my own for a while, I've come to face a hard truth: I have a lot of growing to do myself. I'm just not adulting very well. I was never really taught how. I've started rethinking many things I do lifestylewise. I'm finally seeing value in budget sheets and planners. I now understand why people like having white board calenders. I'm starting to rethink what I keep around and what food I buy. It was difficult to learn this in the environment I grew up in. Also, when someone seems to scrutinize everything about you (while being far from perfect themselves), you don't listen when they nitpick actual flaws very harshly too. Now it's just my own commentary and I'm starting to see so much value in organization and planning! It was daunting at first because it seemed like so much extra work. Now, I realize it saves you time and headaches in the long run.

That's just one example. There are other things I'd like to work on. It's nice finally being able to do it at my own pace too. And not having it demanded of me RIGHT NOW. Growth and self-exploration take time.

Although it also sucks sometimes. You know, society tells you to spend time alone when you're struggling or broken. Alright, sounds harsh, but I'll do it! Whelp, turns out that's apparently not okay either. I've started finding peace on my own and now I've got men who get mad at me when I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship. Women too! What!? I thought because I'm autistic and traumatized, I'm just supposed to isolate myself and stop bothering others because as I was nicely told, "It makes me a toxic loser and I'm weird and creepy for wanting companionship." So, I just don't get it. Now I'm being treated like I'm toxic and lame for bowing out and working on myself? Just keeping to myself and doing my thing? Whelp, I don't hear this commentary when it's just me! Seriously, though. I can't seem to catch a break from shitty male behaviors and catty women. I must still be going to the wrong places or putting my energy into the wrong people. I've noticed this has become more of an issue as I've continued working on myself and putting myself out there more. Man... I just want to be strange and nerdy.

I'll admit though, being single becomes challenging when it seems you aren't getting on well with people in general. Then you kind of just wish you had a safe person. But I also know the reality of relationships and that these feelings are a common trap for how and why people settle or even end up getting abused.

It's rough. And when you start basing your standards off of media like Good Omens... you're just not going to find too many options in the dating pool. I've found that lots of people just don't share my values and desires in life. I'm just going to point out the elephant in the room too: misogyny is rampant and it kills romance. Because let's be for real, a lot of men and women don't see women as people. Just appliances. And we're just supposed to convince ourselves that this is fulfilling. I'm glad I studied ableism and feminism. I also sometimes hate that I did.

After watching a bunch of other media, I'm reminded of just how GOOD the romance in GO is!

I used to hate romance in TV shows and movies! HATE IT!!!

As an adult, I think I understand why.

I'm queer. Lots of media is very heteronormative. Lots of media enforces heavy gender roles and stereotypes. Lots of media is centered around cis men.

There is a lot of media out there where the male protagonist is portrayed as complicated and flawed. And the woman he knows nothing about, but who he's automatically in love with, feels a bit like a prop. The female love interest is treated like some weird creature the man needs to decode. Other men give him advice. It's sometimes portrayed like the women are irrational and unreasonable to want these things, but whatever! It's what you do to get a girl!

Or the woman only exists because she just really wants a relationship with this guy in particular! She was born for this! It's her whole life purpose! What's life without that man to support and his children to bare? /s

Or the woman is just portrayed as superficial. Again, the guy doesn't even know her well, but still wants to win her over. Even if she's already taken! My, God! You know its only because she's attractive! Dude, just let it go! She's just not into you! And she's supposed to be one dimensional and shallow, according to the narrative, so why would you even want her?

Or there's the assumption that everyone is constantly thinking about being attracted to other people of the opposite sex. Constantly! Like we're all secretly just like that! Am I just broken? Because I don't relate! I'm almost never attracted to anyone!

And worst of all, I feel like the people in my life watch this media and think that's how it should be! Totally not venting or anything. I'm just tired of random guys getting limerence for me because I exist in the same room as them sometimes and we're within the same age range. The flirting is awkward. Sometimes creepy and unpleasant. Like, legit, some people are upset because I don't magically want to partner up with a guy and have his babies. I mean, I was born female, he's a guy, and we're both in STEM! We must be soulmates /s

Seriously, it feels like there's no interest or attempt to actually know me as a person. They just expect that them being nice will mean that I love them. Because I must be crazy about finally finding a partner and having a family! You see, I'm just taking STEM classes for the sake of dating nerds! Not because I'm actually interested in this as a career or anything /s

Now I'm just beating a dead horse.

Point is, Crowley and Aziraphale are way more interesting! And for whatever reason, being genderfluid in media, or queer in general, is still unusual. It doesn't at all feel like these characters are following expected tropes or norms for romance. They literally just act like themselves and go on adventures and it just works! Alright, I get it, Aziraphale isn't fluent in the language of love. He still comes through! He's still very lovable and Crowley has good taste!

Two lovable goofballs who are literally against the world because they actually question things and can think outside of the box. So, obviously, they picked each other for some pretty good reasons. Ethics and values matter so much in a relationship! But, yeah. I sometimes wonder if I'm expecting too much from the world for wanting what they have!

But seriously. Good Omens was like a huge enlightenment event for me when it came to relationships! It projected onto the TV screen what I've secretly always craved. But thought I was so strange for wanting. Literally, I'm not looking for a partner to tick off life goals from a list. I just want another goofball who sees the world in a similar way as me (compatibility) and just wants to get through this together! Have fun together and try not to take this fleeting existence too seriously. But seriously enough! A nice mix between fun and responsible. Like, we just kick ass getting through the day and the life bull shit, and we go home and get up to shenanigans. I see relationships like this in real life. Sometimes. They do seem pretty healthy and sustainable. It beats the ones where people treat the whole thing like some life duty they MUST fulfill!

[s1rcus]

The Road to Love and Truth (Blackhill)

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 2827

Chapter: 2/2

Fandoms: Marvel

Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury

Additional tags: -

Summary: Maria struggles after her night with Natasha. She gets some good advice from Steve.

Authors note: Blackhill Bingo square I3 "Steve Rogers"

Story below the cut or in AO3 here

Maria still has a huge headache. She's been debating taking another aspirin to ease it down for the past 10 minutes, but it hasn't been too long since she took the first one and it might just not be working yet. The situation with Romanoff might not be helping either.

Without thinking she's making her way towards Phil's office. She's not sure why, she knows she won't talk about something like this to him. He's a good friend but she just can't talk about her sex life with him, less about feelings. Maybe he'll have some work she can do to distract her from the night before. She can't use her key card on a day off, (Fury has made it very clear she's not supposed to be doing work during any type of leave) so she can't go to her own office to continue work.

Phil isn't in his office. Now that she actually thinks about it, he has been on a mission since yesterday. She still needs something to distract her though. Maybe Fury would let it slide this once if she'd go do work, but she'd rather not see him right now. She decides to just go for a walk. Hopefully that'll clear her head a little.

------

The fresh air does help her headache and clears her head just the tiniest bit as well. She stands outside of the Triskelion for a short time and decides to go for a short walk along the river.

She keeps her eyes mostly on the water as she walks hands in the pockets of her sweats. She probably should've changed if she's honest, but she didn't want to go back to her room. SHIELD agents weren't that rare sight around these parts, but they definitely didn't go out in their gym clothes. She kicks around some pebbles every once in a while that are lying around the sidewalk.

She loses track of time, trying to just focus on nothing but the movement of the water. And she might have let her guard down, because she gets startled, when a hand taps her on the shoulder.

"Maria, what are you doing out here?"

"Jesus, Steve. Warn a girl next time."

"I literally yelled your name when I saw you. You're not usually this distracted. Are you okay?"

There's concern on his face and Maria doesn't like it one bit. She's fine, and even if she wasn't, everyone else needs to think she is.

"Everything's fine," she lies.

Steve gives her a long look, not quite believing her.

"You can always talk to me, you know? Whatever it is that's bothering you, I'll listen."

Damn Steve, and his kind heart.

"I know," she says.

"Okay, well I'm gonna finish my run. Come and find me if you want to talk about whatever this is," he says as he runs past her.

Maria just waves him off. She continues along the river for a while longer until her headache becomes worse again. Deciding it's best to just go back and take another aspirin, she turns around and heads towards the Triskelion again.

------

Eventually Maria realises she needs to talk to someone so she heads towards Steve's quarters and knocks on his door. He opens the door with a smile. They're good friends but it's quite rare she actually ends up on his doorstep.

"Hey, Maria. What's up?"

"I slept with Natasha," she answers as she pushes past him into his room. She sits on his bed, head in her hands. She hears the door click shut as Steve closes it.

"Not what I was expecting. How are you feeling?"

Maria groans at the question, "I don't know. I find out she's queer and few days later I find her in my bed. That's not how that should go. And worst of all I want to do it again, but I don't think I can just keep it at that."

"So you want to ask her out?"

"I think so?" She says and lays down on the bed so she can stare at the ceiling. "But I'm her superior, it's unprofessional, not to mention way too complicated. How am I supposed to be able to send her out there, if I'm worried if she'll make it back? How is Fury supposed to trust in me, if I get compromised because of her? Or what if I make the wrong decision, because I can't--" Steve cuts her off. She feels the bed dip, as he sits next to her on the bed and places a hand on her knee.

"Maria, you're forgetting one important thing, she's the Black Widow, she knows how to handle herself. Do you know how many times she's saved me out there? Because I've lost count by now. And Fury won't see you any differently if you start showing normal people emotions. Also stop worrying about 'what if's. Those are situations you can't know the answers for before it's too late. And for the record, I think you're already compromised. You care more about her than you know. Have for a long time."

"Fuck", Maria breaths the word out.

"Language."

"No, I actually fucked up."

"What did you do?"

"I just left her. She wanted to talk, and I just left her. I wasn't thinking clearly. I told her it was a mistake. Well it technically was because that was definitely not how I wanted that to go, but… I let her believe I don't want her. Shit!" She gets up quickly and starts pacing around. "I gotta go find her. Tell her that I'm sorry for how I treated her. That last night was great. Not that I really remember anything. To hopefully ask her properly out." She freezes on her tracks and turns to face Steve. "What if she says no? How am I supposed to continue working with her then?"

"Maria", Steve warns her.

"Right, won't know the answers before it's too late." She takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'm gonna go to find her. I wonder where she could be."

"At the gym with Barton."

"How would you know that?"

"Just a hunch."

------

She does find Natasha at the gym. She's beating up Barton at the mats. Maria decides to just stay by the door and watch, she'll notice her eventually. Natasha seems more tense than normal, maybe even a little angry. She doesn't move around as smoothly as she usually does. Her movements are a little more jacked, more forced. Maria realises that she's not fighting with a clear head. She's trying to push her feelings out. Maria was the reason the Widow's usually flawlessly smooth fighting style looked harsh and broken. It makes her heart twinge.

Eventually Natasha pins Barton down and he taps out. She gets up and her gaze shifts to Maria's. Maria physically flinches under her gaze. She quickly straightens her back and neutralises her face, when Barton gets back onto his feet and notices her presence.

"Commander," he coughs, eyes moving from Maria to Natasha and back again. After a couple of beats of silence he starts backing towards the men's locker room. "I'll just go then."

Maria just looks at Natasha, not really sure what she's supposed to say. Before she's able to say anything, Natasha turns on her heels and heads towards the women's locker rooms. That gets Maria on the move as well. She runs after Natasha and grabs her from the upper arm.

"Natasha wait," Maria says and Natasha stops on her tracks. "I'm sorry about earlier. Can we talk?"

Natasha turns around and Maria tries to look as apologetic as she can. Natasha just stares at her for a while.

"Fine. My quarters in 10."

Maria nods and drops her hold of the other woman. She didn't even realise she had still been holding her upper arm. Natasha eyes her quickly once more before she turns around again and heads out of sight to the locker room. Maria just stands still for a while, looking after her, until she spins around as well and heads out of the gym and towards Natasha's quarters.

------

Natasha is punctual as ever, and appears exactly 10 minutes later. Maria follows her silently into her room. Natasha sits down on her bed, one leg under herself while the other hangs off the edge. Maria is reminded of the morning. She stays standing near the door, but is faced towards Natasha. She's trying to figure out her words, even though she's been trying to figure out what to say ever since she walked out of Steve's quarters.

"Well?" Natasha prompts her.

"I fucked up. I'm really sorry for how I treated you. I panicked and I fucked up. I try my best to keep my private life and work separate, and I mostly live at work so… I'm having a hard time, to put it lightly. I also have never done this before."

"What? Been with a woman?" Natasha asks with a serious tone. It takes Maria a beat to realise she's not actually seriously asking that.

"No, Romanoff. You know that's not what I meant. I mean sleeping with a co-worker. Actually kinda never slept with anyone without being on a date first. And especially never had someone in my bed in a SHIELD facility."

"So I was your first one night stand?"

"About that, I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"Was I that good?" Natasha asks with a smirk.

"Natasha! I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about all of it. Everything since the mission. Spending time together at that bar and during the mission and also everything that came after."

"Wow. Is Commander Hill getting soft?"

"No,” she says. Taking a breath she continues, “I'd just like to see if this could become something. You're one of the few people around here who I can stand, and I actually had a really nice time yesterday. And I'm not regretting what happened after, so that probably says a lot."

Natasha gives her a small smile.

"What changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"You left the room in such a hurry and now you're here saying you don't regret it."

"Yeah, that. I might've talked to Steve and he had some good advice."

"You went to Steve?" Natasha's voice sounds almost scandalous.

"Who else would I go to? Fury? Do you think I have many friends around here? People who I could talk to?"

"Fair enough."

"So, if I'd ask you out on a date what would you say?"

"I would love to, but do you really want to go on a date? Because I feel like we're not the dating kind of people."

That was actually fair, she did always hate going on dates.

"What do you suggest then?"

"How about this?" Maria is really unsure about how she should feel about the smirk that follows that one simple question.

Natasha gets up and walks towards Maria. She stops when their chests are basically touching. She grabs Maria's hands and wraps them around her waist. Then she wraps her own arms around Maria's neck and rises up on her toes to kiss her. Maria basically melts into it. Eventually she lifts Natasha up and they move on the bed. Natasha seems very impressed that Maria can lift her. Maria might be a bit hurt about that.

------

When they decide to leave for an early lunch (neither remembered to eat breakfast), they're barely 100 feet down the hallway from Natasha's room, when they're stopped by a junior agent.

"Commander, Agent Romanoff. Director Fury wants to speak to both of you."

Maria and Natasha exchange a look.

"Did he say what about?" Maria asks.

"Not really," the Agent answers but there's a look on his face Maria doesn't like. It's like he knows something he shouldn't.

Maria debates for a little bit, if she should push and get some answers from him but decides against it. She dismisses the agent and starts heading towards the Directors office with Natasha.

They get a couple weird looks and smiles on the way there. They walk the whole way in silence. Both clearly trying to figure out what Fury wants from them.

Fury sees them immediately, which tells Maria that it's something important. She's getting nervous. Natasha is here as well, so her mind goes only to a specific direction, but how would Fury know?

"Director Fury, you wanted to see us?" Maria greets him.

"Hill, Romanoff. Has either of you checked the news today or any social media?"

Natasha shakes her head. She's been awfully quiet after they ran into that agent.

"No, sir. I haven't checked my phone at all today. Pretty sure it's dead anyway. I've been a bit distracted," Maria answers truthfully. There's no point in lying.

"Well, you probably should stay out of social media for a little while but that's just a suggestion. Do you have anything else to report to me?" His eye shifts from Maria to Natasha and back.

He knows. Maria takes a deep breath. She feels Natasha's hand touch hers, a sign that it's okay.

"Yes, sir. We, uh... Natasha and I are involved."

"Will it be affecting your work?"

"No, sir."

"Then I'm happy for you," he says with the slightest hint of a smile.

Maria is surprised and she can sense that so is Natasha. She lets her posture get a little more relaxed.

"Now to the real reason I invited you in," Fury says as he pulls some tabloid articles up on the screen behind himself. They're all saying basically the same thing: Black Widow at a gay bar with a mystery woman . Some of them have clearly done a better job with trying to figure out who this "mystery woman" is because a couple of them have actual pictures of Maria along with her name. And there's pictures. Pictures of them kissing, the intense looks they changed during that night and pictures of them leaving together.

"We tried to get them down before they spread too far, but clearly we didn't manage that. Anything about the Avengers' personal life spreads like a fire. I'm sorry about the situation it puts you in."

Both of the women just nod. There wasn't anything to say. Fury takes this as his answer and turns off the screen.

"Well then, you're dismissed. Hill, if you could stay for just a little longer?"

Natasha squeezes her shoulder a little before she steps out of the room.

"Sir?"

"No reason to be that formal anymore. This is just me checking on you. How are you feeling?"

"Well, that's a lot, but I think I'm fine. It's not the way I wanted things to go, but I guess it's good that it's out. If we wish to go out, now we don't need to worry if someone sees us or not."

"Okay, still I wish the situation wasn't this. I strongly suggest that you don't check any social media for the next few days. I know you think you can handle it, but there's gonna be some bad stuff there and I'd prefer the dust settles a bit first. Also if anyone, and I mean anyone, in SHIELD gives either of you a hard time because of this, let me know. I will handle it. It's out there, so everyone knows. I wish you could've handled this on your own terms, but the situation is what it is."

Maria smiles at him.

"Thank you, Director. I know I said it won't affect my work, and I truly believe and hope so, but if it ever seems like I'm putting her before the mission; pull me out of it, if possible. I know I won't be happy about it, but I need to know that I won't be making mistakes because I'm compromised."

"Of course. But I have full belief that you'll do great even then."

Maria nods and heads towards the door but Fury's voice makes her turn around before she gets to open it.

"Also, before you go. I am truly happy for you, Maria."

Maria smiles at him and nods her thanks and joins Natasha on the other side of the door.

Natasha hugs her as she closes the door. Maria circles her arms around her and presses her cheek against Natasha's head.

"That went better than I expected." She hears Natasha mumble against her chest.

"It did," Maria agrees.

"I'm so sorry about the articles though. If I would've just realised--" Maria quiets her with a kiss.

"Natasha, there's nothing you could've done about it. The second we walked in there everyone was paying extra attention to us. Those articles would be there even if we hadn't kissed. I'm just glad we did. I don't think I would've ever dared to take this step otherwise," Maria says. She looks Natasha in the eye and they exchange smiles. "Now, how about that lunch?"

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 12

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER TWELVE

The chilly wind knocked against your small windows, mirroring the pounding in your head. Opening your eyes felt impossible as the dried tears stuck on your waterline. You groaned with your mouth closed, pulling the blanket over your body. You opened your mouth, licked your dry lips like a puppy just waking up; the aftertaste of liquor sat on your mouth. You almost wanted to hurl everything you put into your mouth last night but you suppressed it, seeing that you were in no state of getting up just yet. How much did I have to drink last night? Did I do something remotely stupid? Did I go somewhere? You had more to ask yourself but your thoughts dissipated, just dreading this hell of a headache to end.

There was more pounding and knocking; left, right and in just every direction — on the windows, in your head and lastly on your door.

"Are you up, doll?" A deep voice echoed from the other side of the door. It belonged to Bucky.

Bucky. Oh fuck, Bucky.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of his voice (not minding the stickiness on your waterline), sudden vivid images appeared in your mind. The bar. Bottles of vodka on the floor. Steve. Your photos. A limo on the street. Wandavision. And Bucky's arms wrapped around you, lips fluttering on your forehead. Dead, drunk thoughts.

Everything was coming back to you. Even the taste of liquor and the smell of the damp street.

Still in a state of hangover, you couldn't bring yourself to speak just yet so you groaned a bit louder, letting him know that you were now brought back to life.

"Good morning, sunshine." He said a little too loudly for your bionic ears.

"Sshhh." was all you could muster, hiding further into the little cocoon you had made yourself just earlier.

"Come on, doll. It's past twelve but I did cook you breakfast."

The softness in his voice made your heart flutter and lessened the pain in your head. Slowly, you uncovered yourself and revealed the mess that you were to Bucky who was just standing patiently in front of you.

"How are you feeling? Do you need to hurl?"

You swallowed, and shook your head no as you slowly stood up from the bed. You grabbed the edge of the nightstand as the floor beneath you started to spiral. Before it could even swallow you whole, Bucky sped towards you and kept his arms around you until you reached the bathroom. You gestured to Bucky that you could wash your face and brush your teeth all by yourself so he let you be. He retreated towards the kitchen.

You tried to find your voice back once you splashed your face with the ice cold water. Yeah, that'll cure my hangover. You stared at your reflection in the mirror and was surprised you didn't look as much of a mess than you imagined you would be. You were thinking disheveled hair (baby hairs going up in different directions, looking like a kid who just played with the static electricity ball for the first time), smudged lipstick, running mascara, and clothes from the night before — a walk of shame starter pack.

A look of confusion crossed your face, noticing that you weren’t wearing the same clothes you were wearing last night. Then you looked back at Bucky with wide eyes, who was whistling a song while preparing breakfast at noontime.

You splashed your face with more water before going to the kitchen. Breakfast had been served at the small round table. Eggs, bacon, bagels, toast, and of course, Bucky's cereal.

"T-thank you." You managed to say.

It seemed like, you noticed, whenever Bucky did something nice to you that you obviously could yourself, the words seemed to fall out of your mouth so painfully slowly. This was the second time. No one had ever bought you clothes before, and had made you breakfast before, so saying the phrase "thank you" came somewhat unnatural.

Bucky didn't seem to notice as he scooped a big chunk of his cereal. "It's no problem. I figured you'd be hungry after... last night."

"Right." Last night.

You sighed, biting a piece of bacon. Oily, savory bacon which tasted better after a hangover. Good God.

The silence started to creep around you as you ate, among the elephants in the room (yes, elephants. I was rather a big crybaby with an undeniable thirst for affection). They were hard to ignore, of course and you knew you had to say something, at least the word "Sorry" but the simple five-letter word got stuck in your throat.

"I was expecting for us to talk once Howard dropped us off but you were knocked out." Bucky started. You mentally thanked him for speaking first but God knows, you couldn't quite handle confrontation — at least not about you. "I hope you don't mind, I changed your clothes and took some of your makeup off your face. You made quite a mess."

"I-I noticed." Third time. "And no, I don't mind at all. I think a 'thank you' is rather appropriate."

"You're welcome, doll." He grinned. "Don't worry, I didn't look. I undressed you with, uh, utmost respect."

"And hey, if you'd seen me naked then we're even." You laughed, recalling the first time you had met him.

"I promise you, I didn't see you butt naked so we're not even."

The mood lightened up a bit and started to take its own pace. You began to sit more comfortably on the chair, and grab more bacon and eggs. "Bucky," You started, hating to break what was a nice, light atmosphere, "I think I need to address the elephant in the room."

You’ve always hated that phrase. Elephant in the room. Why did it have to be elephants? Why couldn't it be, oh I don't know, dogs or cats or a raccoon? It sounded less scarier.

"I was just about to start." Bucky chuckled.

"I truly am sorry for the things that happened last night. Getting drunk, being such a fucking crybaby, and for well, you know."

Bucky knew. You knew. Even if you were drunk as a skunk, you knew all too well what you did. And you shouldn't have done it. Not like that, anyway. Not in that state.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you, Bucky. I guess I just had my jar full and I exploded right then and there. Y-you have to know," Fourth time, "I don't normally act like that. So rash, and irrational, and such a child. I usually think things through but last night, I clearly didn't. Please don't tell Parker about this. Not a word. Even though I basically take care of him, he's still so worried about me. Last night won't happen again. It was... impulsive, reckless, childish. And just plain stupid."

"Are you done?"

I frowned. "Um, yeah. I think I am."

"Look, y/n. You don't have to apologize. You're allowed to feel that way sometimes and it's okay."

"To feel that way, yes, I suppose but to act on those feelings... I don't think so. God, you shouldn't have seen me like that. Oh, God. Why did I let you see me like that?" Then, your face fell on your hands.

"I don't know if you remember this but just in case... You actually told Steve to call me.”

"I did?" You lifted your face, your eyes meeting his. "Oh no. Steve. I have to apologize to Steve. I think I said some mean things to him or... or something. And I have to pay for those drinks."

"Already taken care of. I talked to him this morning."

"You have Steve's phone number?"

"Let's just say I have my ways, yeah? Now you don't have to worry that much."

"Okay, yeah." You knew now more than ever never to question Bucky when he says stuff like that. "Thank you, Bucky. Really."

"I know, doll." He continued. "So... about your little speech. It was quite big. Ironically. You, uh, really let your guard down."

"To be honest, I don't remember much of it." You admitted, hiding your face through the little knots in your hair.

"I don't remember the exact words you said but I do think you said something of the lines of having to prove your parents wrong and that you've achieved nothing since you came here. And then you told me a bit about your friendship with Wanda and I suppose seeing her studio that fine afternoon pulled a trigger on your envy."

Suddenly, you heard yourself through and amidst the honking vehicles, the sounds of feet trudging the sidewalk, and the snotty wailing coming out of your nose and mouth. You relived it in my head, heard every crack of your voice, smelled the liquor from under your nose, and felt Bucky's hand interlaced with yours.

"Yeah, it's all coming back to me now." I really did let my guard down. All walls. Down. Just like that.

"You've never been back there? To your home?"

"No." You answered. "I have never stepped foot in New Jersey again ever since I moved here. Going back meant I failed and so, maybe I should go now." Bitterness was evident in your voice.

"Y/n, if I had your talent," Bucky set down his utensils now, his eyes digging right into yours, "I would never give it all up, even if it meant rebelling against my parents. If... if my folks were alive and would stop me from chasing my dreams... Hell, I too wouldn't listen to them. And you shouldn't either."

It was the first time Bucky mentioned anything remotely related to his birth parents or anything real in his life. You looked at him, crouched like a little child, lifting a spoon to his mouth. And there it was again, an onion peeling on its own, layer by layer by layer, but still missing its very core.

"It's been years yet I'm still stuck in the bar. That was only supposed to be a temp job to help Peter pay the bills." You knew in your heart and mind that you should stop yourself from talking but your walls were already down; the downest (is that even a word?) they've ever been. Here you were, in a room in front of a man you had only known for days and you had already revealed the most vulnerable side there was to you, that you didn't know even existed.

You didn't know if it was the remaining alcohol in your system or your walls crumbling down some more but talking about it felt right. Because you knew these words were aching to come out of your mouth, desperate for someone to hear them.

To hear you.

"I was so sure," you continued, "that I was going to skyrocket in the media industry. Making a name for myself, seeing my photos on billboards, magazines — everywhere. I wanted to see the world but I got stuck on product photography for small businesses. I was supposed to move on to bigger things... Bigger names. Now, I don't know what's in store for me."

"Y/n, you're living in the city of art and culture. You're surrounded by art and that's why you should explore more of it. And then once you do, find its center; its heart. Let that be your... masterpiece and then make more of it."

"You know, you're really good at selling some bullshit."

"You say it's bullshit now, doll." He laughed. "Until you see the big picture."

Bucky's words kept echoing on the walls of your brain as you tried your best to sleep off the headache you were still suffering from. But the pain in your head overpowered his voice, letting you doze off for a few more hours before you showered, slipped into some comfortable clothes and headed down towards the bar.

It was thirty past five when you arrived in the bar — the latest you had ever been but the realization seeping in your mind slipped away upon seeing Steve enter his office. You ignored the calls from Nick and Nat from behind the counter, wondering why you were so late. Once you were outside of Steve's office, you took a deep breath and gently knocked on his door.

A soft "come in" was heard.

You obliged and stepped inside his cramped office.

Steve stood upright by the window, holding and reading something inside a folder. He noticed your figure and slowly retreated back to his chair. He ushered you to sit across from him. You sent him a tight-lipped smile as soon as you sat down.

"I think you probably know why I'm here." You started. He nodded in response. "Steve, I am so so sorry about last night. I was just... I don't... I can't even begin to fathom why I even did that in the first place — "

"Y/n, stop." said Steve. "I forgive you. And I think I owe you an apology too."

"What do you mean?"

"Last night, you asked me why I bought those photos and why I let you put some of them here in the bar. I didn't lie when I told you that I like them and they're amazing shots but... I think I also did it out of pity.”

And there it was. The truth. Whoever said the truth sets you free never had been lied to. And whoever said it must be suckerpunched right in the face.

"You were struggling, y/n. I could count on the fingers the people who went to your exhibit."

That photo exhibit happened more than a year ago, or maybe less — you couldn't quite remember as you buried it at the back of your mind. It occurred in a space for rent here in the Upper West Side, the same size as your apartment. As Steve described the scene that day, the memory immersed at the center of your brain, placing all the things displayed, all the people who showed up one by one. And little by little, a part of you started to fade into dust.

"You don't have to remind me, Steve."

Steve slid a bunch of photos on his desk towards you. The photos you took from the walls last night were staring at you. Crumpled. "Your new friend Bucky paid me a little visit this morning. We had quite the chat."

"Bucky came?"

"He showed the photos to me and left them here after paying for the drinks you drank last night. I don't know why he did it. He never gave me an explanation but it got me thinking... All these photos, I realized, were of us, the people around you."

"What are you getting at, Steve?"

"The bar, the street outside of the bar, the streets from your rooftop, and the park. They're all a part of your routine. I know I've always shown this professional front in front of you guys but you're not just my employees. I care about you and your well being, and your dreams. That's why I'm letting you go."

"Letting me go?"

"Y/n, what I'm trying to say is you're fired."

"What?!"

Your heart started to pace quicker than it usually would. It started to feel like it was about to punch Steve right in his damn face and knock him off the wall.

"No, no, no, no! This... This is a good thing."

"What? No, it's not! I'm the best employee you're ever gonna get." You argued, trying to save your job.

"That's why I'm firing you, y/n. I don't need you as my best employee. This isn't where you belong. Bartending won't get you anywhere near your dreams."

"But it helps me pay my bills!" You exclaimed, your voice getting higher and higher.

"I know, I know that's why I'm giving you a one-week notice. To think things through, and maybe have a plan."

You scoffed. "I had a plan that took me almost a year and three years later, it didn't work out and now, you're telling me I have one week to plan my damn future?"

"I'm risking losing my best employee yet." Steve replied with a smile, leaning against his cushioned chair. "Take what you can from that."

It had been a few hours after the little talk you had with Steve. Your head was spinning all over the place. You were having a hard time taking orders, and making drinks. You’ve had a few people complain to Nat. Apparently, you had been mixing up orders for the past few hours. Nick encouraged you to take a little break and while having that little break, a familiar lavender-vanilla scene filled your nose.

Your hunches rang true as you saw Bucky enter the bar (no suit this time, just a polo shirt and some trousers). Behind him followed a black man, entering the bar for the first time. Bucky spotted you in seconds inside the farthest booth where no one usually sits. A smile landed on your lips.

God, was I happy to see him.

The moment his arm snaked around your waist, your thoughts dissipated in a snap. "Hey, doll. I brought a friend of mine."

The black man beamed upon seeing you, extending his hand out for you to shake.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase. My name is Sam Wilson and I want to make business with you."

[somatheking]

Day 2: Slate 2 - 16/09/2023

Hey hey hey, sleep well, bud? Yeah, they make a lot of noise at night don't they? The robots, I mean. Some are pretty old, the old models Hatter made, but the new ones, dude, they're top notch. Couldn't distinguish them from a human. Well, maybe you can, if you try hard. I think I can notice them moving a bit faster, plus they don't cry, they’re a bit slow with jokes, and, oh, they do this weird thing where if they want to get from one room to another, they’ll always take the same number of steps to do so. You can even count the steps each person takes to move from one point to another and it'll vary from robot to robot, because some will cover more ground than others depending on their build and their pace! It’s fascinating, isn’t it? And, yeah, I've measured. Believe it or not there’s not much work here for a doctor, everyone’s right as rain! But there is a lot of work for other stuff around, pal, don't you worry. Man, this one time I injured my arm and two days later, Hatter got me lifting things!

Anyways, about your job. I was going to make a full-on explanation about how the ship works, but since you did work here before, you won’t need it so we’re skipping it. Also, to be perfectly honest here, I haven't the slightest clue what a comms officer does. Hey, this is a cruise! It's not as if we need to be sending astronauts into the nearest planets to recollect data and send it to a space station, so what the hell are we supposed to communicate with? Besides, once we get out of the Milky Way, we're not gonna be passing by any populated planets, for safety issues. For example, imagine one of the planets happens to be at war and they spot a cruise ship with probably many resources they could use. Then we'd be at risk of being attacked, and let me tell you, this ship is NOT built for that, AT ALL. So, it's better to stay out of everyone's way, pal.

Meanwhile, you can help out with manual labour, because there's a lot of that going around. You can help take the ingredients to the cook, for example. I told him to make Pancit for your arrival, just for you, bud! Haha, yeah, I know, I'm a pretty considerate person. You could also help supply certain things to the passengers, such as… well, hygiene items in general, for example. Good luck finding anything, though, it's a mess down in the storage rooms. Food, clothes and cleaning items are easy to find, but other stuff will give you a headache. At the very least, our passengers are pretty understanding (again, probably due to the FNAF effect) and they're not gonna bitch or anything if you can't bring them supplies immediately. You're in the clear!

Anyways, yeah, I wanted to mention something. Two things, actually. Which… maybe don't tell Hatter? Anyways, yeah, the first one is that we ran out of medicines. I made a teensie tiny mistake, an oopsie daisy if you will, and I… may have overestimated the amount of antibiotics we had. Instead I grabbed too much insulin; we've got insulin for decades, which is good, because Hatter's a diabetic. Basically, my thought process was that if he receives his insulin timely, there's no reason for him to think that we're out of stock where other medicines are concerned, so again, we're in the clear about this, pal! Just don't tell him or he'll flip. He doesn't seem to care much about his own health, but he's very implicated on making the ship run smoothly, and he's very particular about ascertaining that there's always enough of everything.

The other thing is that we're out of rat poison. I believed that if I could not cure passengers, I might as well just prevent them from getting ill in the first place, right? And what better way than by making sure no pests popped up? Well, there I go, ready to fetch the rat poison and eliminate all pests from the ship, where suddenly, I'm met with the fact that there's none! None at all! So then, how was I supposed to kill the rats?

I, uh, didn't. It's not as if it's my fault, there's no way of doing that without the poison! Rats are clever. They actually got me wondering… you know how we've always been told rats are pests? Well, suppose there's a planet with less humans than rats, wouldn't it make sense in that scenario that humans were the pests? And that the planet should be run according to the rats' necessities, not the humans'? And if humans are getting in the way of those necessities, well… they should just book a cruise to be somewhere with more humans than rats haha! That way everyone's happy. Besides, pest controls sometimes don't work out how you want them to. We had this pretty big case here, where Hatter needed to get rid of pests, but he couldn't find them, so instead… oh man, I'm rambling at this point, aren't I? I'll just shut up now.

Anyways, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, bud.

Seven Nights At Soma's

In which in a sci-fi AU, you're the new communications officer at the Beach, one of Hatter's luxury space cruises. As part of your training, every day you receive tapes from an old employee explaining the ins and outs of the ship. However, it's not long until things start to sound... off.

Disclaimer: I mention several canon AiB characters in this, but rest assured that they aren't based on anyone's portrayal of them, only on my own interpretation.

Day 1: Slate 1 - 15/09/2023

Good morning! Or good evening, or good night. I’m not sure when you’re hearing this tape but I hope you decided to listen to it first thing after you woke up, mainly because it’s gonna help you get through the day. 

First off, let me give you the obligatory greeting (I’m reading this from a card I’ve got right here, so don’t mind me if I sound too weird): 

Welcome to the Beach! Combining classic elegance and cutting-edge innovation, our space cruises offer the latest in comfort, gastronomy, innovation, entertainment and onboard experience. Our new and improved spaceships are also pushing the boundaries of sustainable tourism, by employing robotic assistants as personnel so as to focus on environmental well-being and minimising waste… 

Sorry, sorry, I had to cut that short because I’m starting to laugh. Assistants, more like ASS-istants, am I right? Haha, yeah, it’s a funny word.

Anyways, yeah, I’m supposed to give you a rundown on your new job, although it isn’t precisely new, is it? Hatter told me he was thinking of filling the vacancy with someone who already worked here, but since I’m the vacancy, I’m not sure whether he ended up doing that or he simply hired someone new. Still, I figured you’d need some help, so I made you these tapes. Seven, one per day, which would cover the amount of time we need to get out of the Milky Way and into another galaxy, and after that you’ll literally be on your own. Well, I’ve only just recorded the one, so maybe I’m here saying it’s gonna be seven but it ends up being three, I don’t know. I guess we’ll see! Man, I’m more excited about this than you probably are, haha. 

As I told you before, I’m the guy you’re replacing. I was actually the ship doctor, but the previous communications officer left, so I had to replace him. Doing both jobs and only getting paid for one, which is pretty rough, but hey, we gotta do what we gotta do. You know how in the Barbie movie, Ken’s job was ‘beach’? Well, mine is doctor and comms officer, haha. I was actually friends with the guy that left, and I imagine I must’ve spent so much time hanging out with him that Hatter thought some knowledge passed on to me. I have to say, this ship mostly runs itself, so I didn’t have much trouble. And you won’t either!

Anyways, yeah, let’s talk about the elephant in the room and get it over with. You’re on a cruise where the vast majority of personnel are robots. It’s more efficient that way; as I said in the presentation, ‘environmental well-being and minimising waste’. There’s so many I’m not even sure I know all their names, but to be honest, they’re not gonna bother you much. So, how about instead we run over some of the people you’ll be working with?

First off, since you’re a comms officer, you’ll sadly have to keep in touch with Chishiya, who’s in charge of logistics. He’s, excuse my French, a huge ass bitch. Yeah, that’ll make more sense when you meet him, but mark my words, you’re gonna hate the guy. I did, so it makes sense that you will too. I don’t wanna keep talking about him, so let’s move on.

Oh, these aren't employees but I figure you could say hello to them since they're pretty nice. Arisu and Usagi are this couple who've been together for what seems like forever and they're so cute. You can feel the love radiating from them, it's like they were made for each other. They are so, so sweet; talking to them always brightened up my day. Sometimes I got claustrophobic here, and when that happened I usually went to them to cheer up. They… I don't know, this might sound stupid, but they reminded me that there's more things to life other than a job. 

You also have Kuina, who is an absolute sweetheart. She’s head of security, but she’s always super willing to help out if you need anything and she isn’t busy. Fortunately for her, this is a pretty tranquil ship; problems rarely arise here, at least the violent types. There hasn’t been any fights breaking out in… months? Probably even longer, yeah. Between you and me, I think the passengers are scared of doing something illegal in the presence of robots. They think they’re gonna bug out or something and accidentally kill them. Boy, Five Nights At Freddy’s really did a number on you all, huh? But yeah, Kuina. She trains once every three days, which means you'll get to see her. I recommend you go talk to her, but be careful not to bother her while she's training! Talking to her impacted me a lot, made me consider a lot of things about my life, plus, she’s very welcoming and one of the best people here. A literal ray of sunshine. 

Oh, God, it sounds like I have a crush, doesn’t it? Haha, no, no, it’s not like that. Well… no, not really. Now you’ve got me flustered, though. I guess I’m ending the tape here, then. I’ll see you tomorrow!

[sharpwin101]

“EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”

N.B. Hey guys, I'm re-uploading this narrative due to previous grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. mistakes. I'm completely bad at proofreading lol, and didn't take the time to read over, but after receiving some very impactful feedbacks on twitter, it gave me the motivation I needed to somewhat correct these mistakes🤞hopefully enough, finishing this fanfic, which I must say I'm quite excited for you guys to read.

  S2 EP16 “EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”,

  CHAPER 1

I don't get it?  As tears stream down her cheeks,

Her thoughts raced as she remained in front of her bathroom mirror long enough to get agitated by her own self-pity. 

She understood that harboring such feelings would not only be self-destructive, but would keep her trapped, she was mentally stronger, and refuses to let it sabotage the barrier she has construct throughout the years.

She knew conquering and embracing Max’s indecisiveness, was just a question of time. That continues to fail him terribly, repeatedly, to define them, what they meant to each other, wondering how much longer, if not impossible, it will be for him to embrace and overcome his own fetters to unleash what he truly feels. 

Will he ever? she’s impel to believed, naively unaware of her imperceptiveness to his true desire, behind his barriers, causing her to suspect mistakenly,

Questing “does he feels the same” 

She paces back and forth, flipping her heels off with a small grimace, scattering them on the floor.

Fervently turning to her living room, with an instant wipe of her tears, in the direction of the liquor cupboard, pulling the first wine bottle her hand came across, desperate for a wine opener, she run-walk towards the kitchen, leaving nearly all of the drawers open while probing through.

She spotted the opener. Yes, yes! Clutches it obstinately, relieved. 

As she holds the bottle inverted between her knees, she struggled to open it a bit, her mind still being indistinct after their encounter, temporarily forgotten how to open the wine bottle.

(The wine cork flew free)

She hastily turns it to her head, gulping it down as if she didn't have time to consume it a bit slower, inadvertently spilling it on her. 

Crap!

Returning to the bathroom in search of her robe, while undressing herself and gulping more wine down her throat.

Being the clean freak she is, immediately after, she brought her clothing towards the laundry room, as she senses the impending intoxication looming over her.

(Crash)The wine bottle slipped from her deft grip and shattered on the floor. 

she slowly slumped to the floor, leaning against the laundry door for support grappling to sit up. While her clothes slowly unfold from her arms, As she casts a longing glare into space.

She ruminate aloud, frustratedly. 

What is wrong with me? Staring up towards the roof, as though she was seeking answers to all of life's unanswered questions from a greater Entity.

Why I’m I so unlucky?

I fought on, knowing that I wasn't even sure whether I'd be ready too, if you chose me then or now, she added, laughing.

All the walls I've worked so hard to build, comes crumbling down whenever I see, I can’t comprehend it. 

As she gently holds the nape of her neck, breathing deeply, with her left hand  supporting her head, while facing down. I don't want to lose control; I can't lose control.

You say these significant things,

you look at me in the way you do, and then you do nothing?  How can I fight for that?

You asked me why I did what I did, despite the fact that you already knew the answer. I asked you to define us; 

what exactly, this, we are?  as she motioned for answers

I've given you so much, and I tried so hard not to but it's as if all my rationale goes out the window when you're in danger. (laughing sarcastically at her self). 

For God sake, you yelled at me.......... whenever I try to help.

I have these fantasies about you before getting out of bed, I've tried to ignore it; believe me, I have (laughing) 

now I'm just here talking to myself.

As her gaze wandered around the room, she became irritated by the smashed wine bottle. 

   “ FIGHT FOR US”,

CHAPERT 2

(KNOCKING) She tilted her head, confusedly glancing towards the front door, wondering if it was the alcohol or someone was actually at the door.

Struggling to get up from the floor, as she continues to listen attentively to hear whether the knocking was coming from her front door. She slightly slipped when grabbing for her phone on the kitchen counter, to check the time.

11:43pm

Tightening her robe as she wiped her face, pondering, a few names flashed through her mind, But why would they not call? silently muttering to herself. Her phone started to ring as soon as the knocking ceased. Resuming her attention to her phone, which lids up, displaying "Dr. Max Goodwin” with a slight discontent look, she responded, still gazing at the door, nervously biting down on her index finger.

What, what do you want? She answered. 

"I'm at your door; will you let me in?". Quickly swallowing her saliva, her heart races, instantly lowering her phone to her side, with a million thoughts rushes through her head as she looked at the messed she had created, quickly ending his call. She began picking up her clothes from the floor and rushed to the washroom, staring at her flushed face, unbothered at this point and didn't care whether he noticed she was crying.

She trudged towards the front door, spotting her bed slippers and pulls them on.  Briefly pausing before opening the door.

There he was, standing in front of her. Casually dressed, in blue jeans, a grey    t-shirt, and his black jacket, which she had seen him in before.

Trying not to look into his eyes, but he has already peered right into hers. Struck by how small and delicate she looks outside the walls of the hospital, becoming completely lost in her eyes, unable to speak. 'Um, I... What are you doing here? she asked, before he could finish his sentence.

Were you crying? With a slight head tilt, she rolled her eyes irritably as she turns her back on him, leaving the door ajar. What are you doing here, Max?, her voice raised rather than normal. The frustration in her voice perplexed him. I wanted to ‘Um, before noticing the shattered wine bottle on her floor. 

As she reaches to get the mob and dustpan from the storage area adjacent to her kitchen. He watches her as she teeters, shutting the drawers that she left open earlier.

As she approaches the spilt wine on the floor, she kept her eyes lowered trying not to look him into his. He detects her shakiness as she extends the broom over the shattered wine bottle. No! he said, with no intent, to say it so loudly. Reaching his hands towards the broom.

Let me help, she still persisted. He gently withdrew the broom from her grasp when she walked away towards another section of her apartment, as his eyes followed her.

He disposed the shattered glass in the trash can, placing the mob and dustpan into the already opened storeroom.

In search of her, he returned to the living room area. noticing she had her back to him, curled up on her couch in a sitting position, fully wrapped in a blanket that matches the color of his shirt.

He stood behind her for minute before approaching.

Placing his hand on her shoulder as he walks to the side of the couch. She shivers at his touch just enough for it to go unnoticed while still looking down.

Seating next to her, he tries to get her attention. Helen, she did not respond. I'm sorry.... As he questioned. Are you okay? Placing her right palm on her forehead, displaying a tiny discomfort. She muttered, I have a minor headache. ‘Um, do you have any pain relievers? Instantly patted his forehead after, quickly realizing she wouldn't be able to take it seeing that she was drinking. Hastily corrects himself, do you want me to make you some tea? she fixes her gaze on him.

Please let me make you tea, while he makes his usual puppy eyes at her.

She gave her approval with a nod. Where are your…...? Instructing him with a finger while drawing the blanket back up to her shoulders. He stood up lively, walking towards her kitchen, absolutely taken aback by how tidy and organized her apartment looked.

Already knowing what kind of tea because they both enjoy it the same, reaching into the pantry for the box of tea bags on the lower shelf, pulling a cup from the washer and placing it on the hot water kettle. He spoons in 1/2 teaspoon of sugar exactly how she likes it. While leaning his back on the counter.

As he waited for the water to heat up, he indulged in his thoughts, gazing around her kitchen.

The whistling from the kettle stopped, with relieved he turned around, adding the hot water to the tea bag and returning to her,

With a wide smile on his face, he hands her the cup, she noticed he didn't have his wedding ban, she looked into his eyes as her hands extends to take the cup. He noticed that she noticed, with a little distance between them, he sat beside her in silence. 

on her third sip of tea, he glances at her and proceeded to apologize.

I should never have let you walk out that door, ‘I, I.... I have tried to hide this.  It's been hard,

It almost drove me completely insane. As she looked at him, intently listening 

I've tried to hold back, since the day we met.......................... It's been eating me alive knowing I felt this way while being married and had already started a family,

but I can't deny that I haven't felt this, not any more, he remarked, shaking his head.

For the longest time, I felt guilty, knowing I had felt this way about you,

if I let you slip out of my life, without trying, to fighting for us, I will not survive it, 

I see you, Helen. it’s just that sometimes it takes me a minute, to remember what matters more than anything, you.

He drew closer to her, as she sets the tea cup on the center table. Helen, 

I’m ready to fight. Fight for you, for Us. 

Every time you've been near me, I've wanted to do stuff to you, imagining what it would be like. 

You are undeniably BEAUTIFUL and sexy, and I need to have you, in all the ways I have been dreaming of.

She swallows her nonexistent saliva as he got closer. With her mouth partially open, uncontrollably batting her eyes at him. She searches his eyes, while he searches hers for permission, to touch her, intimately. Placing his left hand on the right side of the back of her neck sliding his fingers upward, gently holding on to her hair, a rush of adrenaline prickled her stomach, as he watched the whooshing of her breathing, thinking how soft on silky the growths of her hair felt.

She needed him to touched her, she needed to grip him closer, but her body was weak, weak to his touch. As they stared intensely at each other, their faces being only a few inches apart, tightening his grip on her hair, causing her to slightly tilted her head back, finally freeing of her temporary paralysis, she grabs hold to his muscular arm with her left hand, while clutching his side with her other hand.

He knew he was in charge, and she wanted him, his lips being a inch closer to hers, her eyelids, fill down slowly closing.

Their lips touch, as their bodies tingles, her chest rises, left her feeling like she had no air. The instant chemistry they felt, was uncontrollable. His thinking slowed when his lips met hers. Time becoming unknown, as if he were in a dream, how warm and crazily soft her lips were.

As they draw each other deeper and further into each other's sanctum, thrusting herself up with a knee for support. 

Has he pauses, looking intently into her eyes, slowly begin rolling her robe over her shoulder.

In complete awe of how clear and smooth her skin appears, while stirring her down. He notices she was wearing a black lace bra that matches her thong, which complemented her skin tone well, lost in her eyes, before entirely removing her robe. As she gets back up on both knees, yanking his jacket off, while he impatiently helped her to removed his shirt.

Unbuckling his belt, she unzip his jeans. Holding her by the lower portion of her cheeks, he punches his tongue into her mouth. Resting his back on the couch, hoisted her up on top of him.

feeling her body, with both his hands on her waist, recognizing how small it was in comparison to her hips, being considerably wider. She bends her knees and places her hands on the couch over his shoulder. As his tongue trails down her neck, while unclipping her bra, struggling a little.

Carefully pulling it off, her hands fill to her side, looking down at him, when he stroked her breast with his hands, causing her head to fall back uncontrollably, as a rush of adrenaline went to her vulva, gasping harder as he places his mouth over her tit, slowly sliding his hand into her thong concomitantly.

He gave her a look, realizing she was already lubricated, as she gasped for breath somewhat dropping her upper body backwards as his hand quickly supported her back, her mouth flew wide open, when he slid his index and middle finger in an upward motion on her clit.

She moaned loudly as he stroked it faster, her body slipping in and out of his grip, being a fraction of a second from an orgasm, he halted.

He hoisted her up positioning her back laying on the couch, with one of his hands intertwined with hers above her head. He opens her legs slightly with his bent knee, while she bends her knees up to give him access. Passionately kissing her while caressing her clit with his right fingers. Her heart races. As he drags his tongue in between her breasts, he releases her hands as he went down further, trailing his tongue towards her navel, causing her tummy to jerked.

He elevates his head up as he pulls himself down more to her vulva, while holding on to her hips. He tasted her, swiftly clinging to the cushion behind her, unable to keep her legs steady as he licks her clit. (she rapidly gasp for air).  

She weakly tries to pull him up, with her orgasm being at it’s peek, moving back towards her lips, as they exchanged sensual glances. Using his hands as a support to keep himself upright while holding on to his already-erected dick. He puts the blanket under her back to elevate her slightly.

Penetrating her. Max, she screamed, quivering and gasping for breath, as she looks deeply into his eyes, attempting to caress the side of his face, (while she bit her bottom lip, as he went in deeper, she clutches onto him.

His sweat drips on her skin, as he moans, they couldn’t get enough of each other.

As he penetrates deeper, harder and faster inside her, he tightens his grasp around her waist. As they drew closer, their moans became more even louder.

Fuck! he shouted as he ejaculated his semen into her, simultaneously in the instant of her orgasm relief. They both felt to the ground. Looking at each other, completely in awe. 

He extends his hand to the side of her face, pulling her in, to cuddled her.

[babylooneytoonz]

Warnings: Well, I just want to apologize in advance for what you're all about to read. Your truth is revealed, not to Bucky. You are not who you think you were.

Coffee Stains Masterlist here.

"Hey, look at me, you're alright, okay? Nothing's gonna happen," Bucky's warm flesh palm felt over your bump, and instinctively, you winced when his fingers brushed against something just underneath the base of your bump, towards the left. That's when he felt something sticky and warm in his palm.

He was pulled into the grip of silent panic, his eyes wild and his pupils dilated as he looked at the blood coating his fingers; it was only then that he realized what had happened. You had been shot. His heart had begun to race, and his temples throbbing in an incoming headache, like a bomb that had exploded in his brain.

"Buck.. I don't feel so good."

"It's just a graze, love. It's nothing, trust me, yeah?" Bucky's metal arm slid underneath your thighs and in one sweep, he pulled you into his arms, and reflexively, your eyes now droopy, you let your head rest against his chest, feeling the symphony of his breaths, that seemed to be relaxing you.

Bucky used his other hand to slide his phone out of his pocket and the first person he dialed was Steve.

"Y/N has been shot. I'm taking her to the hospital," he looked down at you to see that your eyes were almost closed now, but you were breathing, although shallow, "it's not looking good, Steve. I need you here. I need you right now. Please." 

You let out a cough, which was more of a laugh, but it sounded like a cough as air was lodged to your throat, mumbling barely incoherent words, "Winter... Soldier, you really need Captain...America..to save your ass don't you?" He just smiled, pulling you tighter against his chest, as though you were slipping away, "Fuck Winter Soldier, you know I'm nothing without you now." You were trying ... fighting to stay awake, even more so upon hearing his words, as you clung on to your boyfriend, your hand locked around his neck. You somehow managed to open your eyes, and your eyes caught the sight of a hospital.

"Bucky?"

He looked down at you, and a weak smile draped over his lips when he saw that you're awake. What you said to him, however, broke his heart into two and he wished that this hadn't happened to you.

"Will you promise me something?"

"What?" He asked.

"If something does happen to me, make sure you don't raise this one alone, you should raise them with Natasha."

He blinked, struggling to mask the tears that had now surfaced in his eyes as he bit down on his tongue, and shook his head. The two of you fought like cats and dogs, but he couldn't think of you not being here, even for a second.

"I would never promise you such a thing, because there's no one else I want to raise our kid with. And I mean, you."

You parted your lips, and all that came out was a weak sounding exhale, so you just succumbed against his chest, humming slightly so he knew that you had heard him, but just didn't have the strength to reply.

"I've seen you single-handedly take out five men, and that too, pregnant. You kicked some ass that day," he chuckled, finally letting that thick, warm tear roll down against his cheek, "And if you're telling me, it's one fucking bullet that's gonna be the end of you and end of us, you're just crazy."

He tried to make talk with you, hoping the back of the mind that you will find this urge to stay awake and to fight this for him as the hospital came into view. He muttered something under his breath; pulled out his cellphone again and saw that it was Nick Fury calling him. He received it, and was instantly greeted by a bark on the other end. The call didn’t last long, but Bucky informed him of the hospital that he had taken you into and he told him that he was bringing Y/N's doctor along, as he knew all your stats and vitals.

The instant Bucky stepped into the hallway of the hospital, a glimpse of his metal arm was enough for them to know that he was the Winter Soldier. He laid you on a gurney, and looked at the nurse who was looking down at you questioningly, “Yeah, well, my girlfriend's been shot. She’s seven months pregnant.”

“Sergeant Barnes, you’ll have to wait here, we’ll have to take her in –“

Before either Bucky could reply, or the nurse could even complete her sentence, Fury and a short heighted man dashed into the hospital, and headed straight towards where Bucky was, Fury instantly bending over the gurney so he could look at you.

“I’m her doctor,” you were wheeled into the trauma room and Fury and Bucky fixed themselves on either sides of the hallway, Bucky glancing down at his hands that were coated in your dried up blood. This was all his fault, if only he had been honest with you, honest enough that what happened today could have been avoided.

“I told her that she was making a wrong choice.”

Bucky’s strained, blood shot eyes lifted themselves and he fixed them on the man with the eyepatch who was leaning by the wall on the other end, as he continued speaking, “but she didn’t want to listen to me. She kept telling me that you were the best thing that had happened to her. Look where it’s gotten her now, Barnes.”

“Fury –“ Both Bucky and Fury turned towards the source of the voice, as Steve, Natasha and Sam rushed to where the two men were, Steve leading the way. “leave him alone. Y/N is a grown woman, who can make her own decisions. Besides, how is any of this Buck’s fault?”

“T’s alright, Punk, he’s right though –“

“Excuse me, Sergeant? Mr. Fury?” Y/N's doctor stepped out, his white gloves having turned bright red.

“Doctor, is she okay? Are they okay?” Bucky mumbled as all the Avengers crowded around him.

“Well, although things don’t look bad, the bullet did rupture the amniotic sac, which is why, we’ll have to do an emergency C  - section. Sergeant, looks like you are going to meet your child sooner than you anticipated. You can go and meet her before we wheel her in.”

“Holy shit.” Bucky took a step away, his jaw almost hanging, and his eyes wide; this felt surreal. He felt unprepared suddenly and scared. “Bucky?” Steve’s hand on his back pulled him back from his thoughts and his head snapped towards his bestfriend, Steve noticing the fearful look on his friend's face, “Want to talk about it?”

He swallowed, looking down at his feet and then back up again, almost shaking his head, “Do you think I am ready for this Stevie? I just, I am freaking out.”

Steve gave him a soft smile, reaching out and placing a steadying hand at the back of his friend’s neck, “You’re ready Buck. You’re just scared, but trust me, when you’ll have that little Barnes right there in your arms, you won’t feel so scared anymore. Now go and talk to her, I’m sure she needs you right now daddy.”

“Yeah, punk. Do not say that again.” Steve just chuckled, and Bucky kept smirking as he walked towards the operation room where you were being prepped for that emergency c section.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

You were laying down on the operation table, your fingers delicately kneading over the fabric of your hospital gown. The bullet wound had already been taken care of, but you could feel the sting from it, along with a throbbing pain radiating from inside your belly. Bucky stepped in, his eyes falling on you, and his heart almost snapped into two when he saw the state you were in.

“I’m so fucking sorry, I’m such an idiot,” he muttered in a low voice as he made his way to you.

“Five minutes, Sergeant.” The nurse whispered, as she stepped out, leaving you and Bucky alone inside.

He pulled the stool, lowering himself on it and placed his palm on your forehead, stroking over your warm, sweaty head. You smiled, blinking at him, your eyes coated with your tears; you weakly lifted your hand and placed it on your boyfriend’s metal hand, that was resting on your stomach.

“How are you holding up, daddy?” You grinned, in a weak voice and he just snorted, leaning close to your face.

“Shit scared, I am freaking out, I’ll be honest, I thought I had two months to mentally prepare myself.”

You nodded, clasping your fingers against his metal ones. “Cold feet yeah? Listen, it’s going to be okay. Whatever happens, I know, that you’ll be there for our kid.”

“Hey, you’re not gonna go anywhere. Don’t say that.”

“Mhm, we don’t even have a name yet. Jesus, we are so unprepared. Are we bad parents, Buck? What are we going to call this one when they're here? Little Buchanan Barnes?” You drawled, squirming slightly so you could get a little comfortable.

“Its time Y/N,” your doctor stepped in, and this was Bucky’s cue to leave, so he stood up, placing a chaste kiss against your sweaty forehead, whispering, "Don't worry , this doesn't make us bad parents, we didn't know that little Buchanan Barnes will want to join us early. Now I'll be outside, waiting for you to give me a healthy little mini you." He smiled down at you, before walking out of the operation theater.

Once he had left, the doctor walked up to you, and gave you weak smile, almost shaking his head, “He deserved to know, Y/N.”

“He would have shattered, doctor. I can’t do this to him. Besides, it is my call right? I’m asking you to save my baby by doing this.”

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

“Something isn’t right, what the hell's going on in there? It’s been two hours.” Bucky ’s pacing didn’t stop, no matter how much Steve or Natasha tried to get him to calm down, and to sit and relax. Something kept bothering him at the back of his mind, something didn’t seem right. Y/N's conversation kept ringing at the back of his mind, on repeat, whatever happens, I know, that you will be there for our kid.

However, the first cry of his little child, from inside the operation room made him forget all his fears. Steve pulled his bestfriend to his chest, clasping his back in a congratulatory way, even Nick Fury was smiling for a change.

The door finally opened, and the doctor stepped out, holding a tiny, wailing bundle in his arms. Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat, his breathing hitched and he gasped, taking a step closer. The baby was so tiny, so fragile, his heart strummed inside his chest just at one look at that baby, “Is it–”

“Its a girl, a healthy little girl.”

Who could have known that the Winter Soldier would finally break at the sight of his own daughter? Tears freely fell down his eyes, and he could feel his lips quiver as the doctor placed his little girl into his arms. He was so scared, he didn’t let his metal arm near her. It was as though she was made of glass, delicate and breakable. That morning he held his new daughter, this was the most perfect feeling he had ever known as it swept through him. He knew he would do anything in the world for her. He would be her hero, her keeper, the one who gave her cuddles and kept her safe. He would be this little girl’s Winter Soldier.

“She is beautiful,” Natasha cooed, staring at the little girl, in awe. Although she wasn't her mother, and she could never be one, the sight of a newborn baby always made her heart swell. She placed her palm softly over the baby's fuzzy little hair, stroking over her matted black hair, “I’m sure you didn’t think of names?”

“I - Y/N would want to name her I think,” Bucky whispered , looking down at her, and suddenly, he looked up at the doctor. “How is she? When is she going to wake up?”

“I, uh..”

Bucky raised his eyebrows in suspicion when the doctor didn’t answer him and instead, averted his eyes.

“How is she?”

After almost a minute of silence, the doctor looked down at his feet, and then back up again, mumbling in a low voice, “We, uh, we couldn’t save her. She couldn’t make it.”

What was once whole suddenly shattered and the baby that wailed in his arms, the happiness of watching her didn’t feel as warm as before. Where there was once was peace , suddenly it was just emptiness, and now her words made sense. She knew this was going to happen, but she chose not to tell him.

“Take her, Steve.”

“Buck, it’s –“

“Not now.” He growled, his eyes raging red, as he slid his baby girl into Steve’s arms; and walked out of the hospital. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, but he felt betrayed, and suddenly, left alone.

He lost her.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

Five weeks later,

“Oh, you’re one happy baby aren’t you?” Natasha looked down at the baby. She sat in the recreation room, the little one month old girl they now called Sasha Y/M/N Barnes, as she rocked her on her knees side by side, playing with the girl.

“He still won’t step out of his room?” She asked, when she saw Steve dejectedly step into the recreation room and he just shook his head.

“Let him be, he will be here when he feels he is ready.”

“I’m here now.” A voice called out, from behind Steve, and all heads turned towards Bucky. He stepped in, his hair a mess, his eyes swollen and puffy like he hadn��t slept well in ages but he walked up straight to where Sasha was and threw out his hands towards her. Natasha stood up, gently handing him his daughter whom he immediately brought close to his chest, rocking her slightly.

 Meanwhile, a thousand miles away, in an old HYDRA base in Hungary, you stood in a room, in a center, with almost a hundred men in HYDRA uniforms surrounding you.

“Джоанна, ты позор для ГИДРЫ.” (Johanna, you’re a disgrace to HYDRA.)

You bit your lip hard, running your hand through your short cropped hair, as you mumbled something under your breath, “ Если бы ты не продолжал посылать своих людей выслеживать нас, моя дочь была бы жива.” (If you didn’t keep sending your men to hunt us down, my daughter would be alive.)

“Твоя работа заключалась в том, чтобы заполучить Зимнего Солдата, ни тебе это не удалось, ни ты не мог дать нам ребенка.” (Your job was to get the Winter Soldier, neither did you succeed in that, nor could you get us the baby.)

You threw your hands in the air, exasperated, as you growled in frustration, “ Опять же, мой ребенок не умер бы, если бы один из йойренов не выстрелил в меня.” (Again, my baby wouldn’t have died if one of your men hadn't shot me.)

“Просто забери ее. И приготовь ее стереть все воспоминания.” (Just take her away. And get her ready to get all the memories wiped off.)

You took a deep breath, but didn’t argue or protest when you felt arms grab you by your arms and started dragging you towards the lab. But your mind kept thinking of the things that you had witnessed, before they wiped it all off.

Your name was Y/N, but HYDRA knew you as Johanna. You were a HYDRA infiltrator, working undercover at SHIELD. James Buchanan Barnes had been your mission. You were expected to get close to him, and bring him back, but little did you know, that he will get through to you, and you will end up falling in love with him. You had exploited him, exploited his past, used the torture and the pain that he went through, and fabricated everything. There was no Danny, and no Wallis. Well, there was Wallis, but he wasn’t your real husband, just a decoy that the two of you used when on HYDRA missions. You knew you had to eliminate him, to make sure no one doubted you and that your story looked believable to all the Avengers, and so far, it worked. However, when she came into your life, your little girl, you wanted nothing more than to protect her life; and the love you felt for James Buchanan Barnes grew even stronger, making you run away in the end. But somehow , Bucky ended up finding you and bringing you back, and your plan failed. You had thought that maybe you will pull yourself out from the mess you had landed yourself into and make a home here with Bucky, and your baby, but HYDRA just kept coming back, again and again, trying to get you.

You had to do something, so you could end this once and for all. And it was only one of the two options. You could tell him the truth, of who you were and risk him throwing you out, along with your baby. Or, you could leave your baby with Bucky, and leave him so he could be with the woman who made him feel human once, long time back, Natasha Romanoff.

As for HYDRA, your super serum baby was dead, atleast that's what you told everybody. You doubted now that they would find out about her for a while now, for she was safely at the Avengers Towers, with people who could protect her. You knew that she was safe, safe with Bucky, who would love her more than any other thing in the world. And you were dead, at least for the records. At least for James Buchanan Barnes.

It was a weird night, when thousands of miles away, in the city of Manhattan, Bucky and Natasha stepped into the penthouse suite that belonged to Tony Stark, Natasha holding your daughter against her chest as she cooed to her in Russian, stroking over her little head. Bucky had remembered the promise he never made to you, and perhaps, he owed you this much in death, so he decided to request Natasha to help him raise his little girl with him. At the same time,  somewhere far away from them in an icy cold base in Hungary, you were ready to be put into that memory wiping machine, and be made ready to go for your next mission, whatever it was going to be, but deep down you were at peace, knowing that the man you loved, and your beautiful little girl, were safe and together.

"Till we meet again, my soldier," You smiled, and let the doctor place a metal helmet over your head, and stuff the rubber in your mouth to bite down on.

(Well, bam. I know you guys exploded. Really sorry about that. Well she's HYDRA, and he's just .. always ready to kick HYDRA's ass. Now wouldn't it be a scandal when he finds out that you're not dead? And you're actually one of them? Keep tuned, book 2 will be following this one, and it will be a much darker theme, as compared to this one. Thank you to all of you for reading this one, and for all the love! ❤️)

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[elvenladysakura]

~Chaar Kadam~

04

Pawn

He is like sea. Ever changing, thousand storms hidden beneath sleek waves. Vast, deep, deadly yet calm and soothing - when he wants to be. Kuwar Veer Pratap Singh is a sea, that Amrit suddenly finds herself stranded in the middle. His deceptive calmness hides a trench beneath, depth of which none has ever tested. She doesn't want to tread these waters, but the choice is between diving and drowning. Isn't that the choice of every life?

Amrit paces the length of her room. Door locked and lights dimmed. The foolishness of her actions makes her inwardly cringe, who was she fooling with this pretence of sleep when with each step her deceptively elegant chains chime.

"Chun Chun Chun" He had said. "As long as I keep hearing their ring, my worries will cease."

Chun Chun Chun

The anklets chime now, mocking her as if they were an extension of the wicked man who had them made. Those anklets could not be undone, she recalled realizing that with a sneering Veer over looking her. She'd rather cut them off her feet -

The sharp knock scatters her thought. Amrit stops just as the door rattles.

"I know you are not sleeping," Veer's voice filters through the door. He doesn't sound very pleased. Good, Amrit thinks savagely. Let him stay awake all night, listening to his favorite Chun Chun!

"Amrit!"

She has the urge to stomp her feet and irritate him further, but Amrit knows how to choose her battles. Veer has that unassuming wickedness of a naughty child, who'd do the most unexpected thing to get his way. Instead she goes and unlocks the door.

"What?" Tonight, she doesn't have the patience to entertain his tantrums. Amrit had pleaded a headache to get out of the dinner debacle, in fear that it would turn somewhat similar to the breakfast drama just that morning. She was annoyed, hungry and on the top of it bound in elaborate gold chains of the kuwar's choosing. At least she had to have the privilege to snap at someone.

Veer raised his brows, looking down at her from his impressive height.

"Dinner kar lo, humare saath," he says. "It's all been set up in the room, we are not expected down at the table with everyone."

She makes a move to walk past him which he prevents with a hand on the door frame. His eyes are burning when they return her gaze.

"Keep me waiting, next time I'll break open the door." He bites out menacing words against her ear as if they were a soft caress. Looking over his shoulder Amrit notices the servants bowing out of the room, the dinner arranged in a corner. Veer steps away as soon as they shut the door and mentally shaking her head at his antics, Amrit goes to the table set up for the two of them.

"Bina khaye sone wale logon ko, ab badi jaldi hai khane mein," Veer taunts from behind. "Stop!" He says sharply. Unwillingly, Amrit turns to look at him, wondering what new play he has thought up now? Was he going to taunt her with food next? Dangle a paratha in front of her like a carrot in front of a donkey? Veer shakes a finger at her in silent no no. With long strides he joins her at the table and pulls out the chair for her.

"Ladies wait for their accompanying gentleman to pull out their chair," he says offering her the seat with an elaborate gesture.

"Why? Woh kudh nahi kar sakthe?" She asks sarcastically.

Veer pinches the bridge of his nose before pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"Yahi yahi problem hai tum ladkiyon ki! When someone is doing a good deed, can't you just keep back and let him do it? No, you want to show your nari shakti instead!"

Amrit plops down on the chair and looks up at him expectantly.

"What is all this Kuwar sahab?"

Veer takes his own seat and looks at her pointedly.

"Training," he elaborates. "Aaj se, we will have dinner here in the room. Just you and me. I will teach you Rani ma's table etiquette to it's last t.

"Etiquette doesn't end with a t." Amrit points out. "Kiyun? Are you embarrassed on my behalf? I did tell you Kuwar sahab, I'm not the right girl for you. Shukar hai aap ko samajh aaya, dher hi sahi!"

"Pooch nahi raha hoon madam, batha raha hoon," Veer tells her as he places a plate before her and starts piling it up with food. "I don't need your opinion on it. I'm telling you how it's going to happen. You will practice during dinner - I'll see your improvement during breakfast with everyone. It may be a pretence, but you are my wife out there. My other half so to speak. I'd rather at least one half is spared of Rani ma's criticism." He shakes his head at some dark thought and serves himself. "Between you and me, I'm the disappointment - you, you are supposed to be perfect, behetareen, unparalleled - such that, Rani ma could never find one who is your better. You are my victorious move against her, my trump card."

His eyes gleam with a madness that fills her insides with a chill. Amrit realizes that she is unwillingly made a pawn in this battle between mother and son. She had no choice but to keep moving forward and the man behind her - dictating her moves - she wasn't certain if he was sane.

"Hmm," Veer says self satisfied. "Shuroo kiya jaayein."

He was a relentless teacher. Amrit wonders how Rani Sahiba thinks less of this son of hers when he was as tenacious as she was.

"So, as we eat - we'll talk about Pakistani prisoners."

Amrit's fork slips. Veer corrects her grip on it again and raps on her knuckles with the back of his spoon.

"Dyaan kahaan hai tumhara?" He admonishes and cuts her savoury roll into small pieces himself. "You can't keep watching your cutlery as if you are performing a surgery on your food. There will be conversation around which you have to participate in -"

He plucked one piece on his fork and brought it to her mouth. "Learn to multitask."

Amrit swallows the bite just to shut him up.

"What about Pakistani prisoners?" She asks.

"There's a list of those who were recommended to be released under Rani ma's campaign scheme. Want to check and see if your aashiq is among them?"

He pulls out a file from nowhere and flips it open. The smile he gives at her eagerness to reach for it is condescending.

"I've heard dogs learn tricks better when they are given reward treats - aaj dekh bhi liya."

Amrit ignored the insult in favour of checking that precious document. It was the culmination of all her efforts. She won't let a petty insult ruin it. Veer watched her in silence for a moment as she reads through the file.

"What will you do when you get him out?" He muses aloud.

"Nothing. He knows how to live his life."

Veer chuckles darkly.

"You want me to believe you won't want to go to him? That you won't run away?"

"Do you play chess Kuwar sahab?"

"Why? You want to learn that next?" He retorts.

Amrit shakes her head. Returns to her food and manages - perfectly - to take a bite from her fork.

"The first rule of any battle is to trust your enemy to do the worst and your soldier to do the best. You have placed me on your side Kywar sahab, you have no choice but to believe I will do my best. If you doubt your own soldier - your opponent will benefit."

For a moment Veer says nothing, then his face breaks into a deceptively bright smile.

"Shukar hai," he says. Shukar hai aap ko samajh aaya, dher hi sahi!" He pays back in her own words, adding his signature sarcasm to it. "You are my soldier. Don't try to be my queen." He offers her another bite. "I've learned my lesson of trusting women. You are left with nothing if you depend on them. Rani ma. Anaita. Tum. All you women know is to disappoint. Ab aur nahi - now I decide the rules of this game."

"Kuwar sahab -"

She jumps at the sound of the door opening. In comes Rani Sahiba, her face a mask of indifference. Veer looks at her annoyedly.

"I'm having serious doubts about your manners Rani Ma," he greets. "Zara dimaag mein zoor daliyein, somewhere - someone might have taught you something about not entering rooms of newly married couples without knocking?"

To his credit Rani sahiba doesn't even flinch. Amrit feels her face burning. She looks away. Rani sahiba being Veer's mother has the nerve to smile.

"You didn't come for dinner. I wanted to talk. It cannot wait." She says pleasantly.

"Kahiyein," Veer mimics her pleasantness. "I'm sure you took the trouble to come all the way up to deliver some shok bhara samachaar!"

"Since you are insisting Veer that I give your wife," she throws a dark look at Amrit. "All due respect and status of a daughter in law of this royal family...I have arranged for that one ritual you missed to force upon us." She pauses for dramatic effect. "It cannot happen that a new daughter in law has joined the family and the newly married couple as you so eloquently put do not seek blessings from our kuldevi? I have arranged a kuldevi pooja for you and bahu. You should prepare to leave tomorrow."

The chill in her smile and the way Veer had suddenly gone very still tells Amrit all she needs to know about this upcoming veneration. The woman has her son's cruel streak, for her eyes flashes with victory at the ghost like pallor in Veer's face. Amrit has the urge to reach out and take his hand - a misplaced emotion that she quickly stomps on. This is the man who made her wear those anklets. She's not going to forget that.

"Kiyun, you have a problem Veer?" Rani sahiba asks sweetly.

"Nahi." Veer's voice is little too high, little too cherry. "Of cause I have no problem." He looks at his mother, his eyes reddening, his fists clenched. "So you'll be going with us too, won't you Rani Ma? Or do you have a problem?"

"Of cause. I - I will." Her voice falters and Veer's fist tightens.

"Of cause," he says. "Of cause."

He rises from the table abruptly.

"If you could finish me off in the process I'm sure you won't think twice to poison your own food. Aap kha lijiye Amrit, humari bhook mitt gayie."

Throwing those last words as if he was spitting out the said poison, Veer left Amrit staring up at the sweet yet cruel face of a supposedly benevolent woman.

**

[breakfast-cereal]

Stupid For You (2) -Johnlock

← ← MAIN MASTERLIST

← PART ONE

PART THREE

!¡Trigger Warning¡! DO NOT IGNORE!: mentions to drugs and addiction, alcohol use, vomiting, hints to declining/poor mental health.

Rosie's hair was in a slightly dishevelled braid that reached just above her shoulder blades

"Youtube seems to be helpful for tutorials. Slightly inaccurate, though." Sherlock looked as if he was about to write down notes.

"It's YouTube, Sherlock." John looked at Rosie who had a massive grin on her face

Rosie rushed to Sherlock and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, daddy!"

Sherlock didn't seem to protest and accepted the role of a father figure to Rosie. John was confused by this. If Sherlock was a father figure to Rosie wouldn't that insinuate that he and John were together? Does that not bother Sherlock?

"No problem." Sherlock ushered Rosie back to her room and then sat back down to work on the case.

John sat on the couch, sneaking glances at Sherlock while watching some sports game on the telly. He reached for his phone on the table and scrolled through it while watching the telly and concentrating on Sherlock. John was hoping this would have some distraction from his headache. The light from his phone just seemed to make the headache worse. John had opened google and was staring down at it. His headache was horrible and those confusing feelings had returned to plague his thoughts. Without thinking, John entered "John Watson and Sherlock Holmes" into the search bar and entered it. He looked around anxiously as if someone was going to pop out of any corner and catch him looking at this. The worst would be Sherlock. Results popped up raging from "Johnlock" blogs to articles describing their relationship. John clicked on the first article and skimmed it until reaching a part that specifically piqued his interest.

Sherlock Holmes and his partner John Watson's relationship is obviously less than platonic. Relationship expert, Tiffany Laines has confirmed multiple theories with her video "Debunking 'Johnlock'." Laines stated in her video that "Holmes and Watson are very close for just roommates. It seems it's Holmes&Watson rather than just Holmes and Watson. Based on body language queues, like the leaning in from Watson, and the way Holmes' colleagues described him as brash whereas it seems John does not find him that way. Can this mean Holmes treats Watson differently? Of course, we can never be sure with their limited interaction, but my speculation is something is going on."

John read over that paragraph multiple times. He read it for what felt like hours. He stared and analyzed it wanting to know what they meant. What the secret meaning could be even though the truth stared back at him. He wanted to throw his phone. Launch it across the room. Find whoever wrote that article and beat them. Instead, John put his phone down and made his way up to make some tea.

"Tea?" He asked into the air, hoping Sherlock would maybe answer.

"Yes, that'd be nice."

John prepared two cups and watched while the water boiled in the kettle. He listened to it fizz and at some moments John wondered if it would boil over. John could be compared to a kettle. He would fizz and bubble until he reached a point where he would just stop or boil over completely. John believed he was a calm individual, though he wasn't. It's hard being calm when you're rather vigilant all the time.

"I've got it!" John spun to see Sherlock pacing around the house frantically. "It was so obvious how could I have not gotten it!",

"What?",

"It's objects! The numbers were words and the words were objects. I've got a lead, John.",

"How did you manage to get that out of a sheet of numbers?" John was impressed. Well, not impressed, because Sherlock could solve a murder with his eyes closed and hands tied, but his skills were always impressive.

"It became quite obvious with hints. The necklace the woman had is a precious object so at first, I thought it could be something expensive, but there's nothing expensive in our flat. Yes, I'm assuming it is in our flat, as the woman left these papers in our flat rather than taking them to Mrs. Hudson, or some other person. Of course, maybe it's just because she was one to visit us, but with the pieces of paper originally the coordinates seemed to also have directions that were rather similar to the way to get into our flat. To sum it down simply, there's clues in certain objects in our flat." Sherlock seemed so animated when he talked about these things. He always strived for perfection and clarity on his cases and when he got it, it's like it sent him into a high. "Don't drink the tea, by the way.",

"What's wrong with the tea?" John felt overwhelmed with this information. There were hidden messages all over the flat. What if he stepped on one? Or got it wet?

"You added milk to yours. It's expired. Strange you pour the milk before the water." John looked at the milk in his cup that had small chunks in it and dumped it down the sink, sugar swirling down with it.

The kettle finished as John was there and he poured it into Sherlock's cup. He waddled over to Sherlock's desk and placed the tea, noticing the messy state of affairs. Sherlock's desk had papers all over it. The papers in the centre focus were the ones from the most recent case. One paper had computer, Jane Eyre, heart, written on it, while all the others remained blank.

"Heart?" John felt a strange feeling when Sherlock looked panicked. Sherlock looked like that word wasn't supposed to be written.

"Likely mistake. I don't know why that word is there. Stupid mistake." Sherlock quickly flipped over the paper and overemphasized the grab of the cup. "Go watch telly or something. I'm busy." John hated the way Sherlock would brush him off so easily. Even with living with him all these years he still couldn't brush off the hurt it caused. He wanted to get his mind off this, but his mind immediately went to drinks. With what John remembered happened last night, drinking was the last thing he wanted to do. So instead, John left the flat.

He walked the opposite way from the pub. His mind thought of one thing and one thing only; Sherlock. He felt like one of those articles as he speculated what heart could be. Does Sherlock have a secret photo album of Irene Adler? John was sure that Sherlock didn't have any human organs (they had cleaned all those out after John screamed at Sherlock over the fact that if Rosie ever found them she'd be terrified.) Was heart meaning that Sherlock's heart had been taken? Was he in love with someone? John felt a spike of jealousy and resent for whoever this person was. How dare they have Sherlock's heart. Why can't it be John? John paused internally. Why was John so jealous? He didn't like Sherlock. He never liked Sherlock. Sherlock was a friend, but friends don't get jealous over their friend's relationship because they want it to be them. Maybe John wanted Sherlock as a little more than a friend, but he only liked women. His brain was just being weird again. It's because he hadn't been with any women in a while. He just missed Mary, and Sherlock was the only person around that he could be with, so his brain was just skipping to conclusions. John needed to meet someone. There was one person that came to mind, the woman he had met on the bus. He had always wanted more and now was the time for that. He could unblock her number and text her. It would be something that has no strings attached. It will help John get his mind off Sherlock. He'll be able to realize his feelings were stupid.

When John was back at the flat he felt strange guilt. Like sending a text to this woman would be cheating on Sherlock. Sherlock wasn't romantically interested in John at all. John stared at his phone and the text that was sitting and waiting to be sent

Would you maybe want to meet up sometime this week?

John shut off his phone, he needed time to consider. He wasn't sure what he wanted. He wanted something. He wanted someone, but this just didn't feel right to him. She didn't feel right for him. He felt like he would be using her. He would use her to distract himself from his own problems. He didn't need a distraction he needed advice. He really needed advice. Who was he supposed to get advice from?

John sat at a small table with a pink linen table cloth on it. The chairs were rickety and felt as if they were going to fall apart any moment, whereas the table cloth looked pricey and was clearly good quality. It had ballerinas dancing on it, and could definitely be used as a small blanket.

"What are you here for, John?" Mrs. Hudson asked,

"I need some advice." John expected Mrs. Hudson to be the last person he went to, but there he was, sitting in her flat.

"Aw, did something go down between you and Sherlock?",

"No, no, that's not it. Well, I mean. I don't know." John wanted to smack his head into the desk. "I need advice on feelings."

"Oh, John," Mrs. Hudson sounded genuinely caring. Or maybe John just wanted her to care.

"I'm not in love, before you think I am. I'm just confused and I want advice.",

"Is it Sherlock?" Mrs. Hudson knew before John. The articles knew before John. John realized with those words, that he was indeed stupid for Sherlock. He had to admit it to himself. He can't deny it all.

"I don't like men." Denial, denial, denial. All he did was deny. He had realized, but he wasn't going to acknowledge it. He may know, but if he ignores it, it's not real.

"I may be your landlady, but that doesn't make me oblivious." ,

"But I'm not-"

Mrs. Hudson interrupted him, "my advice is to stop denying it."

John pushed up from the table, shocked the chair didn't crumble. "I think that's enough advice for today." He hissed as he left the flat.

TAG LIST: @johnlocktrashsblog @ephemeraljimin @artefo @love-j0y

[itsthestutterforme]

Distraction (How to Get Away with Murder)

Characters: Teagen Price x fem!reader, Teagen Price x Dom! reader

Summary: Y/N and Teagen have both been under a lot of stress lately and needed diffuse. //EXTREME SMUT WARNING, 18+ ONLY

--

You went to 1518 Bar and Grill in hopes of making your problems temporarily disappear. You were one of Professor Keating's students and you and Michaela are constantly trying to one up one another. But competing over something as vigorous as one of the best lawyers in Philly.

Your eyes was starting to twitch and that was definitely not a good sign. Because once your eye starts to twitch, the twitching spreads to my muscles. You walk into the bar and instantly become overwhelmed with the scents of grilled chicken, toasted bread and potato skins.

You were more concerned about the booze but your growling stomach tells your otherwise. You sit at the bar and order an chicken avacodo ranch sandwich. While you wait, you down a few tequila shots. "You know, they say it's not a great idea to drink shots on an empty stomach," a familiar voice chimes.

You look over your shoulder to Teagan Price leaning on the bar with a small smirk on her lips. "Ms. Price, hi, what brings you here?" "Probably the same reason why you're here. To temporarily forget my problems," she says before drinking one of your shots.

"To temporarily forgetting our problems," you say, raising a shot glass. She takes one and collides it with your before you both drink your shots. You lips twist because of the sour, burning taste. "Awe, are you a babe in the drinking game?" She taunts. "I am a babe but not in this game. I'm more of a wine cooler kind of girl," you explain.

"Then why the shots?" You sigh deeply before saying, "Desperate times." Your food finally arrives and the first thing that you go for are the fries. Its always been a routine of yours. Fries first, burger later. You see Teagen reach for one of your fries, and you hold her and presses if against the table.

"There are many things that I can let slide, but stealing fries is not one of them," you taunt. She raises an eye brow at you and you let go of her hand. You try to shake the excited feeling you got from touching her. No, Y/N, she's you're boss's boss. Don't even go there.

While you were lost in your thoughts, she took not one, not two, but four fries. Your mouth falls open in disbelief. She closes your mouth with her forefinger, giving you a chance to inhale her sweet, linger scent of cherries. "I always get what I want, Y/L/N," she says, holding eye contact.

My God, the way your name rolls off her tongue makes the heat flush from your cheeks. "Well so do I," you say before eating a few fries. "So I've heard. You've become a real headache for Michaela," "She's has endless tricks up her sleeve," you say, your eye starting to twitch again.

"That's because she has Annalise whispering into her ear. The fact that you can stand on your own without a mentor is impressive," she explains. A small plays on your lips. "Ah, ah, ah, don't get all cocky on me." "I know when to humble myself and when to strut myself out,"

"Do you now?" "Of course." She steals another fry and you scoot your tray away from her. "Teagen, you are treading on thin ice," you state. "All I'm hearing is all bark and no bite," "Oh I'm sure you've seen plenty of my bites and my barks against Michaela."

"Eh, they're mediocre," she shrugs. "Then mentor me," "What? Uh uh, I've already got enough on my plate between Emmett, the firm, Annalise, and her students." "Wow, seems like you have a lot more problems than I do. Just the thought of midterms make me want to jump off a bridge,"

"Ah, the good old days," "Definitely not good, and surely not old. You are literal embodiment of black don't crack," you compliment. She chuckles and your heart skips a beat when you see her perfect, white smile. You have to get out of there before you do anything you'll regret.

"It seems like you need to take the edge off." Oops, too late. "Why do you think I'm here?" she playfully snaps. "That's not what I meant." You two hold eye contact for a moment and had a small, silent conversation. "After your sandwich,"

**

You enter her apartment and look around at the beige, classy theme Teagen has going around. "You like?" "I don't expect anything less from you. I'm surprised you don't have a nude picture for yourself." "That's in my bedroom, where you should be." "Oh so that's how it's going to be?"

"I thought you expected nothing less?" "I'm just saying, it'll be hard to effectively diffuse if you're on top," "I'm not a pillow princess," she says, crossing her arms but you can tell that she was contemplating it. "You are tonight,"

You lift her chin to bring your lips to hers. You pull her closer by her hips and trail your hands up towards the zipper of her dress. You unzipped her dress and she shimmed out of it before reconnecting her lips to yours. You walk her against the counter top and ghosted your hands over the curve of her ass.

You pull away from her lips and began kissing and sucking at her neck. Her soft moans made your pussy throbs but you had to take your time with her. You peppered kiss down her breasts and her stomach. You ghost over her clothed bundle of nerves and heard her whimper.

You smirk against her thighs and drag her underwear down her legs to reveal a beautiful, brown tinted pussy. She gasps when you pull her closer by the back of her thighs. You lick her painfully slow and her legs were already starting to tense.

You roll your tongue into her fold and make sure to hit her clit every time. Her hands found her way to your hair and pushed you closer to her. You plunge your tongue deep into her and drag the tip of your tongue against the top of her wall. You kept this motion going and sucked at her nub.

"Please, Y/N, oh God," she moans. "Patience baby," you say before going in and out of her pussy with your tongue. Her legs were beginning to give out but you didn't stop until her walls walls were convulsing around your tongue. You swallowed and licked every drop of her cum.

"You did amazing." You say before kissing her sensually. She pulls you closer by your belt before unbuckling it and you shove it down your legs. You pull away from her lips to take off your shirt. You push her back into the counter and lift her into your arms so her legs were wrapped around your waist.

You knew you were able to do that because you did a lot of power lifting over the summer. She tugs at your hair and you moan into her mouth. "Where's your bedroom?" "Up the stairs and to the left." She works on your neck as you walk up the stairs with her in your arms.

You chuckle when she nibbles at your ear lobe and when you found out she was right. There was a nude painting of her that sat right above her king sized bed. You pushed her on to the bed and licked up her stomach. "Toys," you say before kissing her. She pulled away from me and turned on her stomach to reach for the drawer.

You admire the view while it lasted and she set a drawer full of vibrators, dildos and strap ons on the bed. As soon as she fully turned around, you plunged two fingers into her and her head went back. Her mouth fell open as you curled your fingers before pumping them out of her. "I'm impressed you have so many toys, baby girl,"

"Oh," she moans. Your fingers went deeper and you rub your nose across her nub, making her entire body jolt forward. You teasingly lick the nub and she yells out in bliss. You look up at her and saw her eyes snapped shut. She was close.

You squeezed her ass and pulled her closer as you absolutely devoured her. She was crying out a lot louder this time. Her legs were kicking and spasming under me until she came. You hum before taking off your underwear and reaching into the drawer for a dildo.

You wrap the belts around your hips and thighs. She positions herself in the middle of the bed and spreads her legs for me. "Such a good girl." You line the dildo up with her and slowly push yourself into her. She digs her nails into your back, arching it slightly. Her mouth flies open so you more your hips at a slow pace to start.

She unclips my bra and takes one of your boobs into her mouth. Your back arches again and she yells out. "Move faster, damn it!" You stop, making her whimper out. You reach back into the drawer and grabbed a vibrator.

"Fuck," she says. You rail into her as fast as your hips can take and put the vibrator on the highest setting before applying it to her clit. She pulls away from me and spreads herself out like a starfish. She was practically screaming in my ear, begging for more until her body went rigid.

You slowly pull out of her and she lays there motionless. "You okay?" You ask, brushing her baby hairs from her forehead. "You're really good," she chuckles and eyes were barely staying open. "Why thank you," you tease. "A-alright, it's your turn," "Oh, I know, honey."

You take off the dildo and set it to the side. You take out another dildo and gave it to her. "Put this on." She complied and you slide yourself right onto the dildo. Your eyes flutter close at it fills you up completely. Your body curls when she takes your nipples into her hand and rubs them with the pads of her thumb.

A series of soft moans leaves your lips as you bounce on the dildo. She takes one of your breasts into her mouth and uses her free hand to rub your clit. "Fuck!" Your hands grab the headboard for dear life. You thrusts your hips against her fingers but you completely loose it when she curls her tongue around nipple.

"Damn it, that feels good!" You exclaim. Soon after, your orgasm came. You continued to thrust against the dildo and she went from one breast to the next. Your head fell into her neck until you heard a vibration. "Now you'll know how I felt." She put it on its highest setting and you were screaming at the top of your lungs.

**

Morning of, you were the first one up and you felt great. You could only imagine how she feels. You went on for hours until both of your bodies gave out. You looks at her with a small smile and kisses down her neck warmly. She moans and leans into your touch.

*I'll make breakfast, you are pancake or waffle kind of girl," "I'm niether" "What? You don't like pancakes or waffles?" "Look, Y/N, I don't-" "Let me stop you right there. I know exactly what you're going to say. And just know that I understand," You explain.

She turns around to face you and you hold the side of her face. "I'm just glad that you got the chance to get your mind off of things. I'll see my way out," you stand from the bed and picked up your clothes. You were halfway down the stairs until Teagen called after you.

"Y/N, wait," "You don't need to feel bad, Teagen." "I don't, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to dinner?" "You don't have to do that," "Believe me, I want to. Because that was some of that best sex I've ever had," she adds, making you two laugh.

She meets you at the middle of the stairs and adds, "Now about breakfast." Her eyes fall downwards and you smiled, knowing exactly where this was going.

[lokislittlecorner]

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!

Why would you do that?

Please don't read this fanfiction if you're easily triggered!This piece just helps me to cope with my feelings and anxiety in general.I don't want anyone of you to feel bad.If you're struggling, you're always welcome to write to me personally. I'm happy to help.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of suicide and cutting, depression, anxiety, Good ending, fluff

Word count: 1700

Summary:

(Y/N) has been feeling terrible the last few days and as time goes on she slips even more into a hole of depression, one day she just wants to give up on everything already writing a letter for Loki...

Notes: Takes place a few years after New York Loki living in the Avengers tower so they could keep a better eye on him, so certain events didn't happen.

You were slowly pacing the floors of the Avengers tower, always looking at the ground scared to face anyone, scared to look anyone in the eyes. What if they judged you? Do they really like you, or do they just pretend to? Thoughts were once again racing through your brain banging on the walls of your head giving you a bad headache.

You knew you had your ups and downs but this time it was really bad and it didn't seem to get better, only worse. Loki knew that you struggled with bad thoughts and feelings from time to time but you tried to hide it from him, just so he wouldn't be worried about you.Sometimes you weren't even sure if he really loved you.

The bad thoughts just kept coming without any reason. You entered the big room with all those beautiful books which always seemed to bring comfort, tears began to creep up on you. You didn't even know why you were crying but you couldn't hold it back anymore.

The library was your safe place no one except for Loki would enter the beautiful place, you loved it when you two were just sitting there reading in silence, those were the times when your mind wasn't torturing you when the thoughts slowed down.

Loki was on a mission with Thor at the moment so you were alone with yourself. It's not that you didn't trust the other Avengers but you liked to keep certain things to yourself.

You wiped the tears away, with the back of your hand allowing to calm yourself, crying wouldn't bring you much now.

"I'm so pathetic" Another sigh escaped your lips as you placed yourself in one of the big comfy chairs, surrounded by big shelves. You picked up the book that you read at the moment "Tales and poems of Edgar Allan Poe" it was a wonderful arrangement of shorts that kept your mind from wandering, at least for a moment.

You sat in the library for hours not even noticing that the sun has vanished from the sky and the moon welcomed the night. I should go back to my room. You thought to yourself. Slowly you crawled out of the chair, putting the book away and heading back to your space.

It was dark in your room except for the moonlight shining through the window there was no sign of light. "So this is my life now huh?" Tears once again crept up on the edges of your eyes. "Alone in the dark"

A dangerous thought came to your mind.what if I would just end it all... You shook your head trying to get it out. No this wasn't an option.

but the pain would go away. No no no, again you shook your head.

He wouldn't even miss you. At that thought, you just... stopped. Maybe he really wouldn't miss you, maybe it really didn't matter what happened to you. The panic began growing in you, breathing became harder hands started shaking. Is this really all there is? Pain?

Your legs carried you into the bathroom that was included in your room, switching on the light you blinked a few times trying to adjust to the brighter surroundings. You rummage through your stuff on the search of something specific, your blades. The panic wouldn't leave you, your hands still shaking it made the searching definitely harder. Then you found it the little box where you kept the things you were after, hidden away from anyone but you. It's been a while. You opened the little chest, blades bandages, and tissues everything was there where you had left it.

This wasn't the first time you felt like this and also not the first time kneeling in your bathroom with the box in your hands, thinking about finally doing it, but the thought of leaving Loki alone hurt you and you couldn't bring yourself to actually do it. This time, however, was different, you didn't know why, maybe because he's been away for 2 weeks now? Or maybe because the pain wouldn't stop?

I should at least say goodbye. Carefully placing the box down on the ground as if something would break, you stood up making your way to the table in the middle of your room.

Normally this little paper stash was for your shopping or to-do list and now you would write your last words on it. The irony made you laugh a bit, nothing made sense anymore.

Hey

I don't know how to write this but I've got a few things I want you to know.

It's finally come to a point where I can't stand the pain anymore, all the sorrow that just won't go away and keeps a tight hold of me.

I love you, I always did and I know that this will hurt you but please try to understand.

I just can't it's too much.

I'm sorry for being so damn selfish, I never wanted to leave you but I can't.

I just can't do this anymore.

Please forgive me, I love you

(Y/N)

Tears fell on the thin paper beneath you.

This is it. You thought.

Back in the bright bathroom, you sat on the floor leaning your back against the tub, with the blade in your hand you stared at the wall in front of you. It seemed like hours when you heard a door and the blood froze in your veins.

"Shit!” Loki was back and you knew he wouldn't be really font of what you just wanted to do. With the speed of light, you hustled back into the main room snatching the paper off of the table. " Hey... how have you been my dear? " He arched a brow at your suspicious actions. "Good, really good. How was the mission?" You said that way to fast and he grew even more suspicious of you. "My dear is there something you might want to tell me?”

He made his way to you, he was covered in scratches from the fights he had to endure, a dark expression on his face. " No..." Your sight wandered back to the floor, hiding the letter behind your back. "What do you have there?” his voice made you jump a little, you felt like prey hunted down by a wild animal. You shook the head signalizing that you definitely not wanted to know him. A sigh escaped him " My love tell me what's wrong" again you shook your head. "Little one, you better hand over what you're hiding there or"

He leaned down to you his lips inches away from your ear you could even feel his breath against your skin "I have to take it from you" your heart sped up at the sound of his voice. "Please Loki, you don't want to know what it is" "Oh I definitely want to know what it is" and with that, he snatched the letter from you.

You tried to get it back but he was way too tall and you couldn't reach it if he didn't want you to reach it. He began to read and his face shifted to a worried expression pain written on it.

Your heart clenched at the sight of him especially when you saw tears well up at the wrinkle of his eyes. "(Y/N) why would you do that?" He threw the paper away. "Answer me!”

he raised his voice slightly you could hear that it was filled with panic.

" I can't do this anymore!" You screamed, tears beginning to stream down both your cheeks. "All the pain and - and the thoughts and I-I can't think straight a-a-anymore and no one can h-help me! He made a step forward and took you in his arms. You took a shaky breath smelling his scent of wood and rainy days. " I'm here with you why didn't you tell me? If I wouldn't have come earlier I would've found you here laying on the ground" This broke your heart, he was right he would have found you he would have seen how you laid there in your own blood lifeless and numb. "I'm sorry" you managed to say as you hugged him even tighter. His strong arms embracing you, his chin was resting on your head you could hear his heart and his it hammered against his chest you felt so bad to even think about doing it you could never do it not after you saw his face the pain in his expression it also hurt you.

"Promise me, Darling, that you're never thinking about doing it again" You felt how his arms tightened around you "Please" His voice was quiet and soft, medicine for your damaged soul. You nodded pressing your head against his chest, you could hear how his heartbeat slowed down and he relaxed. He softly pulled away, placing a little kiss on your forehead.

"I'm here and you can talk to me, darling. I don't want to lose you." His voice melted your heart, it made you feel much better, just to know he was there helped.

He let out a sigh "Let's cuddle up watch a movie and calm down" You gave him a small smile, nodding "I would love that"