#I'm no programmer but I've seen enough to know how this sort of thing is done. I'm interested in the legitimate application of this stuff!

[delta-chan]

The whole situation with AI is particularly frustrating because all these issues with the horrid swiping people's stuff and doing a nonsense with them is it's spoiling the legitimate applications of this technology within the correct contexts, particularly when it comes to robotics.

AI can be legitimately trained to use naturalistic speech (either written or spoken) for the sake of many legitimate applications--many of them that can be used for assistive and therapeutic technology. AI assistants that keep track of things for people but entertaining besides is the most obvious application, but robots with these sorts of functions are already used for a number of things: there are a couple of commercial companion bots for children that are largely educational, and therapeutic robots are often used in retirement homes and hospices.

Image training can help robots recognize things. While this power can absolutely be used for evil beyond a shadow of a doubt and already has been, it has also been and can be used to help robots identify things and locations. Robots like this can be used in an assistive and service context, and have been. This is what feeding images to an AI was used for, is supposed to be used for, and still is. But people found an entertaining and "easy" use case for it, and now things are... like this.

The thing is, AI can be trained in a closed system. It doesn't need to scrape, but people keep doing it because it's easy. Why create your own dataset when you can just cast a wide net and just use whatever? To me, that shouldn't be the point. That shouldn't be how it's done at all. In an ideal world, people would tailor their AI to fit a specific use case. But it's hard. To do that requires passion, the drive to see something come together. It takes as much work as creating anything else--depending on the sort of bot you wanted--say, a conversational bot that you'd like to have a specific voice--you'd have to write tons of text to draw from encapsulating a wide variety of contexts and scenarios in the appropriate voice. You'd have to bust your ass, to put your heart in it.

I miss when this was the case all the time. People feeding neural nets tons of random data or funny junk just to see what it'd spit back out--like that one time with all of the cookbooks and the cursed recipe that came out of it that called for one chunks and fresh surface. It was funny, but it also felt like we were on the precipice of having something like KITT or Johnny 5 come into reality if you knew what you were doing.

TL;DR: AI is being ruined for everyone because it's laziness all the way down. Developers don't want to put in the work legitimately training, so they scape, so here we are. It is, how do you say, absolute bullshit.

[wandafiction]

Grown Up Conversation - Just Us Chapter 63

Warnings: Angst With Some Fluff

Word Count: 3654

Series List | Chapter 62 | Chapter 64

================================

(Wanda PoV)

This past week has dragged, it has literally only just turned Saturday and I feel like we should be many days ahead, that's how badly it has dragged. I'm not going to lie, I think it's maybe because Y/n hasn't been able to come home all week...huh home. I like the sound of that. By home I mean my apartment. We stayed at her house on Sunday night, it was really relaxing and all we did was watch movies and order pizza. 

My heart couldn't hold in my happiness at the sight and feeling of all 4 of us on the same couch, snuggled under a blanket just enjoying each other's company. It was so refreshing. I know that we seem to have relaxing nights all the time, or just being lazy with one another but I could get bored of it. Not when it's with Y/n. I don't think I've realised until recently how much me and Vision didn't do this sort of thing. 

Once the boys turned about 8 he would leave early for work, leaving before me or the boys were up; and come home late after the boys had gone to bed. After 6 months of staying up waiting for him I gave up on the waiting and just went to bed by myself. The only time we ever got to spend with him was at the weekend, and even that seemed like a chore. He would just stay in bed all day, not that I mind having a lazy day myself, but it was all day across the whole weekend. We never saw him. 

And now.

Well now I want to spend every waking moment in Y/n's arms and it's something that I get without even having to ask. I just give her my pouty face and she drops everything and comes and cuddles, it's amazing. I don't know why I act like a big child, you know the grabby hands and pouty face, I've never done it before. But Y/n finds it cute, and I get cuddles out of it so it's a win win really. 

However, I haven't seen her since Monday morning when she left for work. I mean we facetimed, texted or called each other at least once a day but she has been really busy at work.

Do you remember Makkari? The deaf woman. Of course you do, you're reading my inner thoughts meaning you're all caught up.

Well it turns out that she works with Ajak, and some other people, which Y/n wasn't aware of. She isn't one to pry into people's business so never actually learned what Ajak did for a job. Anyway, Y/n, Makkari and Ajak have been working together all of this week to put some deals in place. Something about Y/n providing medical equipment and other things to the Eternals -which is the company Ajak and Makkari are with - and sending it to countries that haven't had any help. I don't know the ins and outs but it sounds big and logistical and Y/n has been staying at the office night and day, to do her very best to get it sorted before we go next week.

Oh that's another thing!

I told Vision the plan to take the boys away and when he tried to fight against it I reminded him that I don't have to ask his permission to do anything but only inform him of my plans. So he knows that me, Y/n and the twins will be travelling up to Canada next week on the 24th and coming back on the 30th so we can do Halloween here. He didn't put up much of an argument saying he would never win anyway, and he was right...for once.

Right enough about that now back to our scheduled programme.

So we are back in my apartment, just me and the boys, Y/n should be here in an hour or so as she is just polishing a few things up at work. Prepping for her week of absence. We have just got back from having lunch at Second Asgard, I thought it would be a nice treat to have lunch out and spend some time in the small park down the block. It's not often I get to spend time alone with the boys because they normally have friends from school around or they go out with their friends. Now I love that they have friends and aren't stuck inside all day but they seem to be growing up too fast, and I just wanted a mom and sons day. 

So that's what today is. 

The boys are getting into some comfy clothes because we don't plan on going back out today, while I am preparing snacks and popcorn for our movie marathon. I have let them choose the films, and I saw the title of one, something like 'the hitman's bodyguard.' It's meant to be really funny, but we will see. But before we start our little movie marathon I need to have a serious discussion with the boys about two things.

Their father.

And Y/n. 

They are 14 now, so are able to make their own decisions about if they want to keep seeing their father or not. Also their opinions on Y/n. Now don't get me wrong I believe the boys love her, especially with how I found them last Sunday but it is always worth checking in and having a grown up conversation with them instead of just guessing. 

"Mom, are you still with us?" I shake my head, coming back to reality at the sound of Tommy's voice.

"Sorry, what? I was a million miles away." Tommy's brows scrunch with concern.

"Yeah I could tell. I've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes. Is everything okay?" 

"Everything is fine Tommy, just lost in thought. Why don't you and your brother get settled on the couch while I get changed. I need to speak to you both before we relax." Billy appears in the kitchen at that moment. 

"Are we in trouble?" Billy looks to the floor as he asks, so I make my way over to both of them and cup both their faces with my hands making sure they are looking at me as I speak.

"Absolutely not. It is the farthest from you being in trouble. We just need to have a grown-up conversation about a few things. Okay?" I bring them in to cuddle, well Billy cuddles us as he is the tallest out of the three of us. Damn height difference.

"Is it about dad?" Billy asks timidly.

"And some other things, but yes mainly your dad. But we are not having this conversation huddled in the kitchen. Go sit down, I won't be longer than two minutes." 

"Okay. Love you mom." Billy let's go as he shuffles towards the couches.

"Love you mom." Tommy gives me a small squeeze before joining his brother on the couch.

"Love you guys too. Two minutes."

I make my way into my room, searching my draws for some comfy clothes. I decide to go with some sweatpants and one of Y/n's t-shirts and hoodie, I smell the collar of the jumper and sigh when all I can smell is her. I grab some fluffy socks as well, who doesn't love fluffy socks, as it is starting to get colder outside as well as inside. Once I'm happy that I am in the comfiest clothes ever, I start to head back to the living room flicking the heating on as I walk past the thermostat. The boys are both on the same couch, but on separate ends with a blanket over the both of them. A smile creeps on my face at the sight, but drops when I realise the conversation I am about to have with them. 

I clear my throat as I sit down on the coffee table in front of them, wanting to give them my full attention as I talk with them instead of sitting next to them and seeing the sides of their heads. I tap the empty space in the middle of the couch in front of me, and the boys get the silent request and move to sit in front of me. I rest my hands on one of their knees each and take a deep breath as I look up to the ceiling trying to compose myself. 

I let out a laugh when my phone interrupts me, and smile when I see who has messaged me; giving a small apology to the boys as I reply.

Dorogoy: I have finished early, I will be heading to yours soon. Is there anything you need before I show up?

Me: Nothing I can think of, but I am about to speak to the boys about their dad. So could you give us maybe an hour before you turn up, I don't know how this is going to go.

Dorogoy: Of course I can. Don't worry I'm sure the boys will understand completely and be open with you as well. For dinner, why don't we order Chinese or something?

Me: That sounds good to me. If the conversation is short I will message you when we are finished.

Dorogoy: It's okay princess. Take all the time you need, I know it's a difficult conversation to have. I love you cuddle bug.

I smile wide at the nickname as my heart skips a beat, I love when she calls me that.

Me: I love you too baby. 

I turn my phone on silent, facing it down on the coffee table so it doesn't distract me further and face the boys once more. I replace my hands on one of their knees each, and I softly bite my lip thinking about where to start. 

"Okay, right." I huff out a breath and both the boys move a hand to hold onto mine giving each a small squeeze.

"On Sunday, when Y/n took you to her house, I was having words with you father. It was about time I had the conversation with him, and Saturday was just the nail in the coffin. I don't know if he has messaged, or phoned either of you but it's really something he should do in person. I asked him to apologise to you and Y/n, about his behaviour and definitely his words last Saturday." 

I press my lips together, closing my eyes to stop myself from crying in front of my boys as the memories of Saturday and Sunday play over and over in my head. I take a second then clear my throat before continuing.

"Your father is a very difficult man sometimes, a lot of the time actually. He was raised in a family that put their morals above everyone else's and believed, still believes, that a lot about today's society is wrong and I guess you could say sinful."

"Like being gay?" Tommy jumps straight to the point.

"Yes like being gay Tommy. When I told him me and Y/n are dating he was, well he was surprised to say the least. He believed that what me and Y/n have is a phase and to quote him 'just waiting for the right man' or something like that. That made me angry, but I could deal with what he says about me. I had to deal with it our whole relationship. However, he then asked if I would be okay if one of you boys brought a boy home instead of a girl. Of course I said yes. I will support you boys in anything and everything you do, I love you with my whole being please know that and please don't ever be afraid to tell me something. Even if you think I will get mad, or won't understand please know you can talk to me."

"We know mom." Billy cups my hand with both of his, as they rest against his knee.

"Your father, however, couldn't fathom the possibility. He was shocked when I said I would be happy if you brought a boy home, or a girl home or even no one home. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Now I know you boys are old enough to make decisions on your own and don't always need me to mother you. Saying that, I am not comfortable with you going to your father's when he is saying things that are blatantly homophobic and downright racist sometimes. Now I won't force you to stay with me, if you want to see your father every other weekend I don't want to stop you from seeing him. I just wanted you to know where I stand, and how I feel about the whole thing. I just, I don't want him teaching you his ways and turning this all around so it's against me and against Y/n."

The room falls into silence, a few tears finally escaping my eyes as I take a few shaky breaths. I remove my hands from the boys' as I use the back of them to wipe at my face and eyes, then wipe them on my pants. Tommy's voice is the first to break the silence and it breaks my heart when I hear how small and quiet it is.

"I don't want to go to dad's." Tommy's bottom lip quivers and it just worries me more, so I grab his hand in mine and Billy wraps an arm around his shoulder to try and comfort him. "He scares me sometimes."

"He. He what?" I try to keep my voice steady, but the small crack definitely gives away that I'm trying not to cry.

"He shouts sometimes, and not like I'm telling you off shout. Like you do. But he will hit his fist against the counter and shout like I am the thing he hates most in the world. And when he apologises he says things like 'just don't do it again and I won't get so mad' or 'I'm sorry for shouting but you shouldn't have been so stupid boy'." Tommy shrugs as I see tears fall into his lap. "He just scares me."

I'm at a loss for words, my mouth keeps opening and closing like a fish out of water as I don't know what to say or do. The only thing I see currently is red. I mean how dare he do that to my boy, to his own son. My eyes close as I feel my bottom lip quiver as my eyes fill with fresh tears, still mute as I try and process what I've just been told. 

I look up when I hear a sob come from Tommy with his head buried against his brother's neck, Billy rubbing his hand up and down his back as his other one rubs along Tommy's arm. My heart breaks even further, as I see how broken my boy is just by talking about his father. 

I finally snap out of my mutism, practically jumping onto the couch next to Tommy and pulling him against me. Billy's arms unwrap from his brother, now that Tommy is leaning completely against me, but continues to rub gentle circles around his back. I see my phone flash a couple of times through the glass of the coffee table, and Billy sees it too. I nod my head towards it so he turns it over mouthing that it's Y/n calling. I whisper out for him to answer it to see what's up. 

As Billy walks down the hallway, I haul Tommy up so he ends up sitting sideways in my lap, his head buried in the crook of my neck. I have one arm over his legs holding them in place and the other wrapped around his shoulder holding onto the outside of his arm to keep him close.

"You don't have to go to your father's if you don't want to. I will never force you to do something that you aren't comfortable with. I love you so, so much Tommy. With all that I am. I will protect you until my last breath, and if that means protecting you from your own father then so be it. But please know, that you don't ever have to see him again if that's what you want." 

He nods against my neck and I just continue to hold him as he slowly calms himself down. I rock my body gently side to side, as I hold onto Tommy as protectively as I can, causing his body to rock with mine. I feel his tears soaking through my -Y/n's- hoodie but couldn't care less. My boy needs me so I am going to be here for as long as he needs. 

Billy reenters the room, quietly setting my phone back down on the coffee table before he rejoins us on the couch and rubs a gentle hand up and down Tommy's back.

"Everything okay?" I whisper out to Billy.

"Yeah, she just wanted to know if we were ready for her to turn up yet as you hadn't messaged her. I told her we need a little longer and she was completely understanding."

"Thank you Billy." I feel Tommy's arms wrap around me as he takes a final shaky breath before removing his head from my neck. "You okay my sweet boy?"

"I'm okay mama." I bite my lip to control my emotions as he only really calls me mama when he is frightened or distressed.

"I've got you my sweet, sweet angel. Mama's here." I lift my arm up making a small grabby hand towards Billy and he happily takes my hand. "For both of you okay. Mama will always be here, I love you both so much. My sweet boys, you are my world." 

"I love you too mama." Tommy's grip on me loosens as he brings his hands to his face to wipe his tears away, and I turn to look at Billy.

"What about you my sweet prince? How do you feel about it all?" He hums in thought a little before squeezing my hand.

"I don't want to go to dad's anymore either. He doesn't scare me like he scares Tommy but he is a scary man."

"That settled then. I will talk to your father about it all when you are at school this week. I will never let that man hurt or scare you ever again." I peck Tommy's head a few times as I pull Billy's arm so I can wrap them both in a tight hug. After a few minutes Billy pulls away looking between me and Tommy before speaking.

"Am I okay to let Y/n know she can start making her way over?" I smile at his question but shake my head, causing him to scrunch his brows in confusion.

"I just have one more thing to ask." Tommy now pulls away from the embrace, but doesn't move from my lap, giving me his full attention.

"What is it mama?" I weave my hand through Tommy's short hair as I think of the best way to ask it, but there is no best way so I just go straight for the kill.

"What do you boys think about Y/n?"

"What do you mean?" Tommy shuffles in my lap so he is almost facing me.

"Just, what do you think? Do you like her? Do you not?" Both boys look at me like I've just asked the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"Mom, what's brought this on? I think I speak for both Tommy and I when I say we really like her. She is good for you. She makes you happy, she makes you laugh, she looks after you by cooking you breakfast and sometimes dinner. She is the complete opposite of how dad was, and still is. Mom, she is amazing. She even tries hard to help me and Tommy with homework, by the way she is like super smart which is so cool because she also has that super athletic side to her. Put nerd and superhero together and you get Y/n! So that's what I think about Y/n. Tommy?"

"I couldn't agree more. Mama she is so good to you, so good to us. All of us. I am so happy she is a part of this family."

"You think she is family?" I choke out as my bottom lip starts quivering again.

"Of course. She loves us and we all love her, that's what family is. It's the people you chose to be a part of it that make it family not the blood that runs through our veins. Not really." Billy concludes.

"Okay. Last question. So apart from the whole dad thing. Are you boys happy?"

"Extremely." They both say in unison.

"You will tell me if you aren't, right?"

"That's 2 questions, not one." Tommy jokes and we all giggle together. "But yes I would tell you if I am unhappy from now on. I promise." 

"Me too mom. I promise to tell you if I am not happy." 

I open up my arms wide, and both boys jump at the opportunity to give me a hug and it makes my heart melt that even at 14 they still want to hug their mama. 

I don't know how long we were cuddling for but the jingle of keys in the door brings us out of our bubble, and I smile at the thought that Y/n is using the key we got cut for the first time. I hear the door open and close and smile even wider when Y/n shouts through the apartment.

"Honey, I'm home!"

================================

[canadiancryptid]

So, I did a poll like a month ago seeing if people wanted to know a little more about me, and then I forgot to actually do anything with it. Completely forgot what sort of things I was going to say but I have a couple things here.

9 People I'd Like to Know Better Game!

@msbadatnamingthings tagged me in a "get to know you better" game like 2 months ago that I kind forgot about. I had a few questions answered and then it just kinda got lost to the void of my drafts pile like so many other things. Sorry about that, but I'm remembering now!

last song: Deltarune the (not) Musical - The Field of Hopes and Dreams

favorite color: purple

last movie/last tv show: just finished The Ghost and Molly McGee :(

sweet/spicy/savory: savory

relationship status: single

last thing i googled: I think it was something about how the education system works in Minnesota. Trying to work on a fic around a certain character. Probably not hard to guess which one.

current obsession: Infinity Train never went away and likely never will, but I've recently been obsessing over Deltarune again

I also got a couple questions on the original poll from @keliana856! Finally getting to them! Whoo!

1: Lake and the entire concept of the Mirror World. The entire concept is so interesting to me, and I feel like it really doesn't get talked about enough. We get the basic premise of how it works in Book 1, but other than that, most of it is left unexplained. We learn some more from Lake when she's talking to the Flecs and answering some of Jesse's questions, but that's about it. We don't even know if the existence of the Mirror World is connected to the Train or not. Its such a cool concept and I love thinking about it.

Lake is my favorite character in the whole show, BY FAR. Her story is amazing, her dynamic with Jesse is incredible, and her introduction and entire first episode were one of the best things I've ever watched. I love thinking about her complicated relationship with Tulip and what might happen if they ever saw each other again. The finale of Book 2 was the first show that made me immediately want to go on Ao3 just to see more of her adapting to life on Earth. I already loved the show, but Lake and her story were what cemented it as my favorite show.

2: I've always been a fan of the supernatural. Fantasy, Modern Fantasy, mythology, and to some extent Sci-fi. (Still love it, just think I generally prefer the other stuff) It's a lot of fun to think about and see explored in fiction. I was a huge fan of mythology and Rick Riordan's books as a kid, so seeing Percy Jackson being adapted into a show has been AMAZING. The movies were frankly terrible, but that's a rant on its own. Outside of that, I like stories with a mystery to solve and twists that you COULD have seen coming with what was provided but probably didn't. It's fun seeing how communities can come together to find secrets and discuss things. Found Family is another one of my favorite themes. Not sure I need much of an explanation there. It's just an amazing trope to see.

When it comes to video games, I love RPGs, metroidvanias, platformers and puzzle games. I play a lot of different types of games, but those are my favorites. I don't talk about it much on here, but I'm a programmer. I'm still learning, but making games is my DREAM. There are so many ways to tell a story through the medium that you can't get anywhere else. The interactive nature of a game allows for so much exploration of the characters and world at large, and I love it. Rather than just watching the story play out on screen, you get to be a part of it. I love games that get a little meta. Games that make the player a part of the story like Oneshot, Deltarune and Undertale. I like games that take the established mechanics of a game and make it a part of the world. Underhero is a game that does this well. Pretty much every part of the game has some in-universe explanation as you progress through the amazing story. The game is incredibly underrated; I highly recommend it.

So, yeah. When it comes to games, I love stories that embrace their nature as a game and make it a part of the world. Video games are truly unique among storytelling mediums, and I love seeing it used as such. You don't really see any other mediums doing things like that, but it's always cool to see.

In no particular order, some of my favorite stories recently have been: Infinity Train, The Owl House, Steven Universe, Gwenpool, Nimona, Spy x Family, Spiderverse, Fionna and Cake, Oneshot, Undertale, Deltarune, Underhero, Epithet Erased, and the Percy Jackson series as a whole.

I think that's it for now. If anyone has anything else they'd like to hear me talk about, my ask box is always open!

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (717): Sun 3rd Mar 2024

I checked out David Cross's latest special The Worst Daddy In The World and enjoyed it a lot. You wouldn't think from Cross's early work and how surreal it is that he would have transitioned into politically fuelled comedy but he really does have his finger on the pulse of the hotbed issues facing the american politcal landscape and skewers them brilliantly. I especially loved his routine about having his daughter making friends with a child who has been homeschooled by a right wing family. I can still remember in the days of Limewire downloading Cross's albums from the nineties and would listen to them frequently but I still haven't seen this stand up legend live. Since by the end of the year I will have pretty much seen all the bands I want to see I may start focusing exclusively on comedy gigs.

I'm delighted to report that this diet / exercise programme I took a holiday in order to devote my full attention to seems to be going well as I've almost lost a stone and feel a lot lighter and healthier too. Last year I tried a liquid diet but from what I've read these can be counter intuitive because although the stomach shrinks due to only consuming liquids once you start eating again you start to put on weight at an accelerated rate. So what I've done is began each day with a modest sixed meal first thing (a couple of veggie burgers or sausages) and THEN only stuck to water for the remainder of the day. So it's an almost all liquid diet so that my stomach is still used to getting solid food but more accustomed to liquids. I doubt that I will hit twelve stone before I go back to work but it doesn't really matter at this stage because now I've been doing it for long enough that I've started to see the results and this is providing an incentive to carry on. In the same way that I listen to songs about booze and sex to fill the gap in my life I have due to not having booze or sex today I decided to watch a bunch of videos about a guy who does epic food challenges. This one video I watched featured a guy with an enormous beard trying to eat a pizza the size of my bedroom rug in under forty five minutes and he actually completes it with plenty of time to spare. I watched a bunch of these videos and from what I can tell he has never failed one of these challenges so he's like the Goldberg of competitive eating and he still hasn't bumped into the food equivalent of Kevin Nash yet. I imagine the only way this guy will ever lose one of these challenges is if it's something really spicy. What's crazy is how skinny this guy is despite his job so I imagine he must do some sort of martial arts in order to maintain his relatively small frame. If this is true then I'd be terrified to roll on the mat with him a) in case the contents of his bowels just vacated out of him and all over me and b) in case he started feeling peckish during our sparing session and fancied a little nibble of my biceps.

Later on I checked out tonight's Hollyoaks and I have to admit I'm really pissed off that the show didn't have all the characters wear facepaint to pay tribute to Sting. I know they tape these months in advance but Sting announced his retirement six months ago so they cant use ignorance as an excuse. Even if they'd have just had Darren come down the stairs in the paint and yell "IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS!" just as a bare minimum tribute to a legend who has literally zero association with this British soap opera. Anywho the main storyline was the fallout from Theresa sleeping with Abe. When Sally found out about this she told Theresa off and asked how she was going to fix it. I put the following hypothetical scenario on Twitter: Sally: You slept with Abe?! How are you going to make this right? Theresa: Well I was thinking maybe if I slept with him again, then… Sally: Think harder Theresa! Or at least I eventually did after I dug out my replacement laptop after covering my main one in tears after another Sting cry.

[moonlit-tulip]

The Virtue of Execution

Within local sectors of culturespace, it's traditional for people pursuing creative projects—writers, programmers, musicians, and so forth—to heavily prioritize originality, uniqueness, and other such things, when pursuing their craft. To try to stick out from the crowd on the basis of, in some fashion, making a different sort of content from the rest of the crowd.

This is, as far as it goes, a good and valuable thing for people to do. More exploration of contentspace leads to more chances that a particular person's idiosyncratic tastes will happen to be perfectly hit upon. But it's just that: exploration. It's a way of finding new and interesting sectors of contentspace; it's not a way of producing maximally good content within those sectors.

So, yes, originality is something to celebrate. But equally valuable, and far less celebrated, is execution. The creation of works, not necessarily original, which stick out from the crowd by being good rather than just by being new. Which polish all the pieces already floating around the memespace, and present them in a prettified and optimized form rather than in minimum-viable-product form.

Consider, by way of example:

Fallout 3 was the game which defined the broad shape of How 3D Fallout Works. But it was Fallout: New Vegas, not Fallout 3, which ended up as the widely-regarded best of the 3D Fallout games and the most enduring classic among them, having imported most of Fallout 3's mechanics but combined it with substantially better writing and more interesting world-design. (This now-common opinion, I'll note, stands in contrast with reviewer consensus upon release, under which New Vegas's mechanical similarity to Fallout 3 was treated as reason to give it lower scores than Fallout 3 got.)

Also on the video game front, see the various games which sit solidly within their genres, which aren't known for being particularly mechanically or narratively innovative, but which execute their mechanics well, have pretty visuals and pretty music, are well-written, and in general are exceptionally good implementations of their genres. Celeste, among precision platformers; Hollow Knight, among metroidvanias; Divinity: Original Sin 2, among talky isometric RPGs; et cetera.

Gwern has written previously about the surprisingly-large increase in how many positive comments his website got, once he'd put sufficient effort into improving its design above and beyond the design standards of most of the internet. I myself have noticed that, since his various design upgrades, I've become far more prone to reading his website than I used to be.

DM of the Rings created the campaign comic genre, but it's Darths & Droids which seems to have come out as the enduring classic of that genre, the shining example whose standard of quality other comics try to live up to.

There are lots and lots of artists on the internet who are clearly pursuing very similar styles in their art (e.g. the crop of Standard-Issue Concept Artists, the crop of Standard-Issue Anime Character Fanartists, et cetera), but who have substantial gaps between one another in terms of how good they are at that art, in terms of quality of lineart and shading and lighting and so forth. These people don't tend to be particularly original; but many of them are very good.

...et cetera.

The virtue I'm gesturing at here is a very different virtue from the virtue of originality. It's a virtue seen, not in discrete flashes of brilliance, but in the slow iterative process of taking a good-enough product and polishing it until it shines.

(And, if one does that enough, then eventually one will become practiced enough with it that even one's first passes will look pretty shiny. A skilled artist's ten-minute sketches are likely to look better than the best art I know how to make even given hours of time-investment. But nonetheless that artist's ten-minute sketches are likely to be substantially inferior to what the same artist can do over the course of many hours of their own.)

I call this virtue execution, for lack of a better name. It's not a virtue I see celebrated nearly as often as originality; but it's an important one nonetheless, one worth celebrating.

[monstrousproductions]

[Image description: a Tumblr reply from @infinitegenderlessmess to Monstrous Agonies that reads, "I've watched the terror, holy shit. Idk what's the easiest way for you to tell me about your favourite boy but I Need to hear it pls". End description]

YESSSSSS THE TERROR YES!!! I think the easiest thing will be if you want to reply on this post (and if anyone else wants to wade in with their Terror thoughts PLEASE DO i long and yearn to talk about this programme at all times) rather than the other one.

Spoilers for The Terror under the cut!

OK so first things first, this PROGRAMME urgh I'm just, I'm so impressed. Even knowing rightly how it all has to end, knowing that they are doomed from the beginning, still, every time there was a chance for things to turn another way, I felt myself hoping. Phenomenal. I also just need to writhe on the ground for a moment about urgh Francis Crozier urgh he tried so hard he kept trying he just kept tryinnnggg brb chewing my arm off

And oh Ned, sweet Ned. So I was already biased towards Lt. Little going in because it was his stupid little face that made me want to watch it in the first place. I saw this gif:

and was like oh yeh ok i'd die for you. And then I read a LOT of fic and saw a lot of shit-posts and then finally actually watched the show haha Not quite the weirdest way to get into a piece of media but it might be up there lol

Aaaanyway, every character is absolutely stellar let us be clear - I love that it really took the time to show you just enough of each character to give them depth and richness and complexity without clogging things up. They're all so good. Like, HICKEY?? Perfect rat bastard man, what a lad, 10/10. But I think for me, Ned just breaks my heart because like...

He sucks.

He's the fuckin worst.

He's just the most useless little limp of mutton chop. Time and again, over and over and over we see him failing to stand up for himself, failing to assert himself - with Crozier's drinking, he does as he's told even though it's blatantly to the detriment of everyone involved; when he tries to stand up to Crozier re. chucking Silna off the ship, he doesn't push it; he doesn't push when he thinks the carnivale is using too many supplies; he doesn't stand up for himself against Tozer about arming the men, etc etc. He just sort of... flails a bit and then gives in.

So to see him? Finally really seriously say, no, I'm disobeying the order because I understand what actually has to happen if we're going to survive, I'm absolutely adaman- Oh. Oh wait. Everyone here thinks I'm a pushover, and I have no power to inspire these men to act because I've shown none of the fortitude they needed to have seen months ago in order for me to be able to get them onside now. It's too late. It's always too late. Everything in this show comes too late. They're trapped in the narrative and there's nothing they can do about it.

TRAGEDY, BABY!!!!!

Also look at his face look at him hes so fluffy little sad man with his little freckles looking like a big sad wet dog

I just want to give him a biscuit and put him somewhere quiet and soft where nobody will ask him to do things :(

Please tell me all your thoughts, Ned-related or otherwise lol

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

[sohannabarberaesque]

Talk about a telephone conversation with Honey and Sis over their "pop-up" shortwave worldcasting station:

(As in none other than Peter Potamus phoning in to same on what turns out being an ennui-driven whim)

SIS: Well well well ... whoever could that be on the phone?

PETER POTAMUS, telephonically: None other than the intrepid Peter Potamus, of all the characters out there!

HONEY, somewhat stunned: Well now, isn't that amazing for starters?!

SIS: And believe you me, it's likely we may have something emerging here ...

PETER POTAMUS: You certainly bet your sweet SCUBA-loving butt! (Doubtless sending Honey and Sis giggling) When you happen to be the Ambassador of Diving to the Greater Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera, you try not to take anything for granted ... especially when it just so happens that divers like myself just "do it deeper," and then some!

SIS: Rather amusing observations there, Peter, I have to say.

PETER POTAMUS: Particularly when you've been diving from an early age, and can't help but realise just how fascinating things can surely get underwater ... especially in a number of remote parts of Polynesia otherwise and hitherto unknown to the so-called "civilised" who still has warped and outdated ideas about the primitive societies out there! As a matter of fact, I happen to be rather fond of spending some "quality time," you might say, among such peoples as are proud to remain "naked as Nature intended"!

HONEY: That, I have to admit, sounds rather fascinating, native peoples still going around naked by and large--

PETER POTAMUS: Dictated, mind you, by the climate and the related need for comfort. And from my contacts in such unknown islands and atolls, they find such nakedness to be rather agreeable ... especially when they're out surfing and skin diving. Especially the latter; boy, can't it help feel so natural just wearing yourself and swimming with a dolphin or two as can get to be especially friendly!

SIS: I have to admit Honey and I were once in Hawai'i and spent some time at a tacky-looking dolphin swim pool which charged some $50 for a full hour's swim time ... and believe you me, such is TACKY!! TACKY!!!

PETER POTAMUS: Most definitely ... as a matter of fact, I will have you know such Polynesians otherwise unknown of my acquaintenance most special seem to have a serious knack for swimming among dolphins in Nature. In fact, the natives' very nakedness may explain why these dolphins may be showing an exceptional sort of friendship bordering on trust in so allowing such intimacy in the dolphin swim experience!

HONEY: Meanwhile, I assume you must be speaking from--

PETER POTAMUS, interjecting: My beach house compound near La Jolla, which is perhaps home to some of the best diving on the Pacific Coast--setting aside Catalina, for the obvious reasons--and also setting for a diver's camp featuring a "few close friends" you've often seen alongside me on TV in the diving experience; we use it to practice various diving techniques and try out new equipment, and we have near-shore and open water practice areas as have some rather wonderful underwater scenery and wildlife!

HONEY: Uh, what sort of wildlife?

PETER POTAMUS: Seals, sea lions, sea otters, dolphins--and the occasional migrating killer whale. And what's more, such is about the point on the SoCal coast where rock reefs start seriously giving way to coral, the latter being a little more evident down the Baja Peninsula on the Mexican side ... and what a kelp forest is there to be encountered!

SIS: Which is quite the adventure enough, I have to say, even with all those cheesy horror movies I've seen with underwater settings!

PETER POTAMUS: (Chuckling) And what's especially noteworthy is where the several members of my diving company are also certified diving instructors, who go out during the summer in particular to "share the dive," essentially introducing the experience of diving through summer camps and resort recreational programmes ... or sometimes by way of itinerant training being offered in private tutoring, shall we say.

SIS: And I assume most of the instruction is in SCUBA--

PETER POTAMUS: It might surprise you that snorkelling is the preferred line of diving instruction which my crew gives through this approach of "sharing the dive." Snorkelling is not all that expensive, and besides, one can experience much of the interesting underwater scene with just your basic mask, snorkel and fins ... some, I understand, able to use snorkelling down to as deep as 20, 25 feet!

HONEY: Well, isn't that amazing?

SIS: And just out of curiosity, who exactly is in your diving company?

PETER POTAMUS: To answer your question, my fellow divers include Wally Gator ... Loopy de Loop ... Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har-Har ... Hokey Wolf ... Breezly Bruin (and his girlfriend of late, Betty Bruin) ... Magilla Gorilla ... Squiddly Diddly ... and Mildew Wolf! Squiddly is more or less our underwater photographer and videographer....

SIS: That's something of a Who's Who right there, if you ask me.

PETER POTAMUS: Make no mistake ...

HONEY: Any new or otherwise interesting diving misadventures with your diving crew we may want to watch for?

PETER POTAMUS: Something worth watching for is when our three wolves--Loopy, Hokey and Mildew--rent a modest little houseboat and spend a few days among one of Minnesota's Ten Thousand Lakes on a rather amusing diver's holiday otherwise known as "Three Wolves and A Houseboat." That will certainly be something worth watching for, gals.

SIS: Thanks for the heads up there ... and it's glad that we could have this talk on the shortwaves!

PETER POTAMUS: Now let's just hope for the listener reaction to come along now ...

HONEY: As a matter of fact, during the course of this very interview, we received reception reports from no less than 15 countries!

SIS: And one response from the Isle of Man had it that the worldcast somehow came in unusually clear on what otherwise is a rather foggy evening out that way.

PETER POTAMUS: You can only wonder why ... well, thanks for the time; I'm gonna have some diving time with Breezly and Betty Bruin shortly, you might like to know....

HONEY: You're most sincerely welcome ... goodbye, Peter!

PETER POTAMUS: Goodbye, Honey and Sis ... and enjoy the dive!

SIS, following a short pause to effect the disconnect: "Enjoy the dive"--isn't that a rather original way of saying goodbye! And especially with Peter Potamus!

HONEY: You can certainly bet ...

[juliansummerhayes]

Sitting down to write

Not that I'd dare call myself a writer, but the chance to do this (i.e. share a few words here or elsewhere) brings me great joy; and it's the type of joy where there's no trying, no effort but simply one keystroke after another until, "Hey, look, I've created something".

But of course, the preparatory acts are just as important, be that my obligatory cup of black coffee, usually in my Cornishware mug, a soft cushion to sit on and silence. I'm sure that's why I rise in the morning so damn early -- 4.45 am today.

I'm not sure why or even how I came to find blogging but I think it arose because I wanted to make a splash in the legal world and decided to hold myself as some sort of guru in the digital marketing space. But I was never that -- a guru. I wasn't even a wannabe. I was just someone who enjoyed the creative act, and the immediacy of the medium (Posterous was my first platform) appealed to my short attention span.

I did the other day start to add up all the posts I'd created across the multiplicity of platforms but gave up because there was no point in understanding how many hours I'd committed to the craft and what that might mean if I ever decided to bring everything together in a meaningful way. Truth is, I've never had any ambition to sew my various pieces together into a book or the like. I like the fact that somewhere out there in the big wide world there exists a few breadcrumbs of mine that might one day come to be seen for what they are; namely, my journey through life and all the things that have grabbed me along the way; and they've mostly been of the existential variety.

Next year, if my plans come together, I hope to spend more time travelling around the United Kingdom. An important part of that pilgrimage will be writing about my experience, hopefully online as well as keeping the obligatory journal. I know I'll be following a well-worn path but the writing will be as important as the miles I travel, the places I visit and, god willing, the people I meet.

But enough of me, what about you? How do you feel about blogging, writing or the act of creating something bearing your hallmark?

Anyhow, as I'm apt to say right about now, it's time to get with the programme and do my thing. I've only got two days left of work before I break for Christmas.

Take care,

-- JS

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: They reckon they know who that bitch is so they gonna go see her, see if Edie is there or where she is if she ain't Buster: Well that's something Buster: Jesus Rio: Yeah, I don't hold much hope of her being useful personally but there we go Buster: Yeah me either Buster: Christ, I reckoned it was bad but Rio: I know Buster: Fuck my ego for a sec, I could barely hold her back Rio: Yeah it's scary shit Rio: really scary Rio: where's she even getting it Buster: Indie's been asking around, using her 'connections' as she calls 'em but I don't have a fucking clue Rio: I'll kill them Rio: I'll kill him Buster: You know I can't let you, babe Rio: I know you can't stop me Buster: I can Buster: I will Rio: Why Rio: he deserves it Buster: Yeah he does Buster: But you don't Buster: You know what'd happen and I ain't letting it Rio: Well what the fuck can I do then Rio: I'm sick of feeling helpless Rio: being useless Buster: Come home Buster: Indie's here and you ain't useless to her Buster: Or me Rio: I can't Rio: I've got to keep an eye on the rest and wait to hear Buster: Alright Buster: I love you Rio: I love you too Rio: For fuck sake Rio: she looked bad Rio: she looked skinny, didn't she Buster: Yeah Buster: And older Buster: Not in a dressed for the club kinda way Rio: This is just Rio: what do we actually do Buster: If we can find her we can force her to get clean since she's actually a fucking kid Buster: But that first part is easier said than done, like Rio: It all is Rio: if she don't want it Buster: She's 15 she don't get a choice Buster: Not in this Rio: Yeah Rio: make her the hospital's problem and she still won't be with us Rio: clean but no better either Buster: Clean's a fucking start Buster: If you want her to get to 16 Rio: What they gonna do, keep her indefinitely, I don't think so Rio: don't be ignorant Buster: Keep her until she's slightly less unreachable than she is now Buster: At least Rio: Yeah 'cos she'll be buzzin' about being sectioned Buster: She ain't gonna be happy regardless Buster: What's the alternative? Buster: None of your fam is equipped to deal Rio: Fuck you Buster: Fuck me 'cause that's a fact? Yeah sure Buster: She's on hard shit that she can't just come off and what, you want her to do that in a house full of kids? Buster: But I'm ignorant Rio: Fuck you for talking like it's easy and you have any clue Buster: Show me where I've said that Rio: You're doing it right now Rio: Judging like we ain't doing enough Buster: Are they? Buster: 'Cause I ain't seeing it Buster: You said yourself it's all on you the other day so don't act like they're sainted now Rio: Well not all problems can be solved by sending your kids away Buster: No problems can be solved by letting your kids do whatever the fuck they want Buster: I don't know how any of our parents ain't realized that yet Rio: Have you ever tried to stop any of us Rio: it ain't that simple, I don't think it's their fucking master plan of parenting Buster: It ain't my job Buster: They haven't got a plan, I don't see why I'm getting it in the neck from you for telling it like it is Rio: Exactly Rio: so you don't know and that's why Rio: you're talking shit Rio: just stop yeah Buster: Fuck that Buster: This fam got lucky up to this point, that's all Buster: They don't know what to do about Edie 'cause they ain't ever known what to do with any of us Rio: How is this helpful for me to hear right now Buster: You don't want helpful you want someone to have a go at and it can't be them so its me Rio: No, I really want helpful Rio: but you ain't it Rio: just go away, I haven't got time for this Buster: Standard Buster: And actually fuck you 'cause everything I do is to help you Rio: I don't need help Rio: this is about Edie Buster: Well I've said my piece on that already Buster: So whatever Rio: Yeah Rio: thanks so much for your illuminating perspective Rio: Christ Buster: What do you want? Buster: I'm as lost as you are Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Just admit it and deal with it Buster: I'm still wearing the marks from where I had to drag her halfway across a club Buster: Excuse me if I'm reeling Buster: I didn't realise there was such a small time limit on dealing with last night, like Rio: Roll with the punches, babe Rio: Standard Buster: Fuck off Rio: Gladly Rio: Got enough here to deal with Buster: I swear to god Buster: If you keep treating me like a problem to deal with you're actually gonna have one Buster: I care about her too Buster: I have feelings too Rio: We all do Buster: Act like it then Buster: You started this convo, if you don't wanna talk to me right now, don't Rio: There isn't time Rio: fuck your feelings, fuck mine too Rio: it's an emergency and I'm keeping you in the loop my God Buster: Don't do me any favours Buster: Someone else will get round to it eventually Rio: Don't be childish Rio: it's for Indie more than it is you Buster: You ain't told me anything I can tell her Buster: Don't act like you have Buster: There's no answers Rio: They're out right now finding her Rio: And you didn't want me to go with so what the fuck else can I do Rio: just 'cos you feel useless don't act like they are Buster: We both know they ain't gonna find shit Buster: It ain't about what they are doing or not doing it's about what Edie is Buster: She doesn't want to be found so she won't Rio: Well she don't wanna go to rehab either but you apparently think that's the answer all of a sudden Buster: It's a better one than doing nothing Buster: So sue me, babe Rio: Go make it happen then Rio: oh wait, you can't Rio: you're being really fucking irritating Buster: So leave Buster: Go follow along after them and see how much better it makes things Rio: I told you I'm looking after the others Rio: are you actually on this planet right now like hello Rio: get with the programme even if you can't get behind it Buster: And you've told me repeatedly that ain't where you wanna be and its all my fault supposedly so Buster: Stop feeling useless if you've got so much to apparently do Rio: You gonna come here and stop them crying? Rio: I don't fucking think so Rio: Yeah, it ain't ideal but what else is new Buster: Nah, I'm gonna stay here and make sure Indie ain't alone Buster: But that's probably wrong of me too, like Rio: Don't be stupid Buster: I ain't Buster: Don't talk to me like I am Rio: Then stop giving me needless stress Buster: Behave Rio: Just Rio: this is going to get so much worse Rio: and I already can't hack it Buster: You think I don't know that? Buster: I was there, I saw her Rio: We haven't seen the half of it Buster: Exactly Buster: We need to stick together Rio: How Buster: Stop fighting me and I'll stop fighting you Buster: And we'll just fucking do better than this Buster: Somehow Buster: I love you and I'm sorry Rio: Don't be sorry Rio: What can you do more than any of us can Buster: Not be a cunt to you right now for one thing Buster: That'd help Buster: Look, I'm gonna stay for a while, okay. Fuck school, that's easily sorted compared to all this Rio: No, you can't Buster: I can Buster: I will Rio: You need to focus on you right now Buster: I'll get my work sent like I did before Buster: Don't worry about me Rio: No, don't you worry about this Buster: It's too late, I already am Rio: Like you said, she's staying gone Rio: No matter how many heads are on the case Buster: I might not be able to help her but I can help you Buster: Indie too Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Buster: I told you to stop fighting me, yeah? Rio: Yeah but Buster: But nothing, I can resit any exam if it comes to that Buster: You're more important Buster: This whole fam of fuck ups is, even if I wish I didn't care Rio: This is your future you're talking about, like Rio: not to sound like a teacher Buster: Shut up Buster: You're my future Buster: Not to sound like that cunt Rio: Babe Buster: Let me stay Rio: You know you'll have to talk to your parents Rio: and they're not gonna be happy Buster: I'll handle it Rio: If you're sure Rio: I'm not gonna stop you, am I Buster: Good Rio: Are you sure? Buster: 'Course Buster: I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't Rio: You might've, it's been Rio: well, a wild few hours, say the least Buster: Well, I'm sure Buster: And not only 'cause I'm very much needed over here with this kid Rio: I mean, terms of running away from your problems, not exactly doing it right Rio: so Buster: God, I wish Buster: A holiday's never sounded better Rio: Yeah Rio: Can't blame her Rio: holiday from reality, like Buster: Fucking tempting Rio: Exactly Rio: though her pal was enough to put anyone off Buster: Seriously Rio: That's how she wants to be Rio: it's Rio: I don't get it Rio: she's so smart Rio: like my mum Rio: she could do anything, if she wanted Buster: Yeah Buster: She has to want to though Buster: That's the fucked thing Rio: Yeah Rio: you can't make someone give a shit about life Rio: not saying you give up on them but if it ain't enough then it ain't Buster: There you go being right again, even if we don't want you to be this time Buster: When did she stop? Remember when she was little, she was as happy as any of us Buster: Happier than me, Christ Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't know, when we came back here for good Rio: when people were talking and she listened Rio: pointing out she ain't the same Rio: it's like she didn't know or notice before that Buster: Maybe she didn't Buster: Why would she? Buster: Before people made her, like Rio: Then she had to be around him Rio: and Indie Rio: no offense but that's how it is Buster: Yeah Buster: I wonder how she'd have been if you'd lived somewhere else Rio: Probably alright Rio: I mean Rio: who fucking knows Rio: it's too late to speculate Rio: it felt like the right thing at the time, they already had enough guilt leaving Indie that long Rio: then Drew went to prison for the first time and the hope was he'd sort it for them both but well Buster: That fucking cunt Buster: It wouldn't be half as bad if he felt any guilt himself Rio: Yeah Rio: he's hardly lived or living a happy life himself but doesn't make up for fucking up theirs really Buster: Especially now he's doing it again with another daughter Buster: No lessons learnt Rio: I can't believe Ro let it happen Rio: has she not been here Buster: Me either Buster: What the fuck Rio: Does she really think it's different with her Rio: not now, illusion properly shattered Rio: at least my ma didn't know Buster: I refuse to buy into that bullshit Buster: She has to know the truth Buster: They haven't been stupid kids for a long time and he was doing that shit to her back then, like Buster: How could anyone see how he treated Indie's mum and be like yeah, I wanna have a kid with that Rio: Yeah well she almost hated her as much as she hates herself, like Rio: she weren't shedding any tears Buster: So fucked Buster: Like she was the mess and he's the savior, stepping up for the kid she died and left behind, fuck that Buster: We all saw how it really played out Rio: Yeah, never mind he got her in that state Rio: and she knew he was a dealer back then, it's never not been obvious Rio: No one better tell her about Edie, I don't want her fake care Buster: Or her obvious judgement Buster: She knew he was Edie's dad too, that's never been a secret, how does that fit the narrative, Auntie? Buster: Not pulling any heroics for that one, was he? Rio: Now I'm just angry Rio: I wouldn't wanna come back either Buster: Do you wanna go to the gym later, get it out? Buster: I'd go now but Indie won't stop throwing up and the dog won't stop getting in the way Rio: Fun Rio: I guess Rio: I don't know what I want to do that I can so Rio: better suggestion than I've got rn Buster: I'll let you fight me Buster: Not saying I'll let you win but Buster: It'll help, I swear Rio: Got it, your ego's battered enough for one day Buster: Nah, just anger doesn't make you grow, last I checked Buster: Your sister might be able to take me, but you can't Rio: 😒 Rio: Shut up Buster: Come on, babe Buster: Aren't you motivated to punch me now? Buster: You're welcome Rio: Hmm Rio: that's how the trainer's do it, is it? Buster: I never said I was qualified Buster: Just enthusiastic Rio: Now you're making me laugh Rio: such mixed messages Buster: I'm not mad about it Rio: I love you Buster: I love you more Rio: Nah Rio: wanna fight about it? Buster: Yeah Buster: I do Rio: Hot Buster: Don't Buster: I already miss you Rio: Well it is Rio: you know I weren't just bringing Janis to watch you fight for entirely selfless reasons Buster: Yeah? Buster: Well, you know I always looked out for you, hoping you'd show up Rio: Yeah right Buster: Seriously Buster: I'm not saying I fought better when you were watching but you can go check my results any time, like Rio: Baby Rio: now you got me feeling some type of way Buster: I just wanted to impress you Buster: Don't you know that? Rio: Well, mission accomplished, like Buster: Good 'cause you're so impressive Buster: All the time Buster: Even now with everything else that's going on I can't stop thinking about you Rio: I don't know what I would've done if you weren't there Rio: or still here now Rio: I'm so glad you're staying Buster: Me too Rio: Yeah? Rio: I know you're staying because shit's a mess but I promise Rio: it won't be all bad Buster: I know Buster: But I hope you know that if it was, I'd still want to stay Rio: I know you would Rio: but who am I Rio: not giving you any incentive? Please Buster: I want to be with you no matter what Buster: I want you Buster: So much Rio: I have no idea why right now but I'll make a special effort to remind you and myself Rio: swear Buster: I'm not gonna say no to that Buster: Or else who am I Buster: But I haven't forgotten, promise Rio: Good Rio: We've got to remember Buster: I can't forget Buster: Like I said, you're too important Rio: But I don't want that to be a negative Rio: ever Buster: It won't be Rio: I won't always be such a moody cow, like Buster: I can't promise that Buster: You know I'm the moodiest cunt going Rio: Not when you're with me Rio: I'm gonna make you so happy Buster: You do Buster: One of many reasons I'm wishing you were here right now Rio: I know Rio: This isn't fun Buster: I'll make sure you have fun later Rio: Promises, promises Buster: [sends a selfie with like a cross my heart kinda gesture thing] Rio: Nerd Rio: good thing you're so cute with it too Buster: You love it Rio: Yeah Rio: I do Buster: Good Rio: How is Indie now? Buster: I've managed to get some water down her Buster: She isn't unconscious or choking on said sick so I'll take it Rio: Oh God Rio: I will be back soon to takeover Rio: Junior picked a day to be sociable for once Buster: It's alright, even if she's poisoned herself with the booze they wouldn't do any more hardcore monitoring than I'm doing right now Buster: And any night that it's acceptable to wanna get black out drunk, like Buster: Can't blame her after all that Buster: I've done it for less Rio: Yeah Rio: Haven't we all Buster: If nothing else, it'll put her off for a while Buster: Not that she really drinks but you know Rio: Gonna have her rooting harder for team weed, like Buster: Shit yeah Buster: Good point Rio: Oh well Rio: least it can't hurt her, I mean Rio: not to dangerous levels, like Rio: lesser of the evils forreal considering what Edie's up to Buster: Agreed Buster: We've gotta pick our battles right now anyway Rio: And you're coming here to not have a kid Rio: 🙄 Buster: At least if this Chlo's is mine it'll be easy compared to this shit Rio: least 'til the kid hits puberty Buster: Don't Buster: That's so far off I'll probably have a dad bod to go with the dad stress Rio: Be alright if I'd actually signed up for this shit, you know, birthed 'em myself Buster: That'd be too easy Rio: How'd'ya mean? Buster: If this was your job you'd be doing it better Buster: We wouldn't be here Buster: You know you're the best mum ever and you ain't even one yet Rio: You're so lovely Rio: but nah Buster: You don't reckon? Rio: I don't think so Rio: I'm a mess myself, god help any kid that came from this, you know 😂 Buster: Oh my god have we found the one thing I'm right about and you ain't Buster: The day's looking up Rio: Um no Rio: hold off on the smug celebrations just yet, like Buster: Nah Buster: 'Cause you ain't a mess, you're perfect and I know it so Rio: You're funny, babe Buster: And you're perfect Buster: I'm gonna keep saying it until you believe me Rio: Well it doesn't matter anyway, 'cos you'll be pleased to know I'm not with child Buster: Pleased doesn't come close to my level of relief Buster: No offense Rio: 😏 Rio: It's alright, it's mutual Buster: One day maybe, like Buster: But that's not today Rio: Nah Rio: definitely not Buster: Thank fuck neither of us got that drunk last night Buster: I'm so fucking tired as is Rio: Can't even call you out for lack of stamina Rio: rude Buster: You could try but if you're gonna lie to me there's more worthwhile ones to tell I'm sure Rio: 😂 Buster: That's when you're meant to tell me that you'd never lie to me ever Buster: Just so you know Rio: Soz, distracted by all the potential lies I could come at you with Rio: gotta make it the most worthwhile, like Buster: 😒 Rio: Was kinda hoping Chloe was going with a fake pregnancy but now it's real it's taken the shine off that idea so Buster: She's very committed to the lie if it is Rio: Well yeah, can't half-arse it Rio: gotta get those payments or what's the point Buster: She's half arsed everything else in her like up until this point Buster: Life* Buster: Including seducing me so Rio: s'why having kids for the funds is such a good career move Buster: That is all James is good for, to be fair Rio: You know Rio: warm bed but, take a travelodge Buster: The fact that'd you'd rather stay there says it all Buster: Now you've got me laughing Rio: I'll allow the snobbery Buster: It aon Buster: It ain't even, if a night with you ain't better than 5 star, who the fuck are you Rio: 😏 Rio: Why you tryna make me miss you more though Buster: 'Cause you've already done me like that Rio: You're seriously hot, you know that Buster: Yeah but I want you to tell me Rio: Happily Rio: Not much of a hardship is it Buster: It feels like one now though Buster: Making me want you Rio: Poor baby Buster: How do you do this Buster: It's impressive and annoying Rio: I can always stop Rio: go be impressive elsewhere and to someone else, like Buster: Don't Rio: Are you sure Rio: Hate to being annoying Buster: Don't you dare Buster: You know I need you Rio: Mm Rio: Say it again Buster: I really fucking need you, Rio Rio: Fuck Rio: Buster Buster: I know Rio: Am I selfish? Buster: You're the most unselfish person I've ever met, babe Buster: There's literally nobody who cares more about other people than you Rio: But, how do I still have time to think about this Buster: 'Cause everything's fucked and it hurts and there's so little we can do Buster: Who would want to think about nothing but that? Buster: It's not selfishness its self preservation Buster: Distracting each other when things are shit is what we do Buster: You keep me sane and I keep you sane Rio: Yeah Rio: I know you're right Rio: it's hard to remember Buster: I'm here for you, whatever you need Buster: Including going away right now if you want me to Rio: I don't Buster: Tell me what you want, babe Rio: You Rio: I just want you to make me feel good Buster: You've got me, baby Buster: And I want you to feel good too Buster: I love you Rio: I know Rio: when I get back and Indie is alright can we just forget about this for a while Buster: Yeah Buster: I promise Rio: I don't care how long just as long as we can okay Rio: not even a stamina dig Buster: I'll give you as much time as I can Buster: We can at least have the night Rio: That's enough, as long as I have you Rio: do you think you'll have to go back to talk to your parents or what? Buster: You'll always have me Buster: And I'll always want you Buster: I'll call mum, but if she kicks off, maybe Rio: You've got me Rio: for fucking ever and I mean it Rio: Yeah, well, you know they won't be happy but Buster: They can't make me do anything Buster: I want to stay Rio: Might drag you back by your ear, like Buster: Good fucking luck Buster: We aren't kids and they only treat us like we are when it suits 'em Buster: We're adults when we have to handle shit they ain't Rio: Literally Rio: though I literally can't remember the last time mine tried to school me in anything Buster: Nobody else is here holding Indie's hair back, it's just me Buster: So sorry mum, deal with it Rio: You're so good Buster: I'm not Buster: I don't have a clue what I'm doing Rio: Yeah but you're trying and who else would Rio: is Buster: I don't know what to say to her Rio: Don't mix your drinks next time? Buster: It's a start, like Buster: She won't let me call Meena and she can't come to you lot the state she's in Buster: Should I just call her anyway? Rio: Well, how bad is it, like? Buster: Bad, but also I don't know what she'd do that I ain't Buster: It's a waiting game basically Rio: Leave it, June says he'll be back in 20 so I'll be back Rio: Meena wouldn't know what do any more than you, like Buster: Yeah, that's what I figured Rio: I highly doubt she's ever been in this state so Rio: let Inds sober up, if we think she needs to go talk to someone as close to Drew as she is then we'll make her but Rio: not getting sense out of her yet, like Buster: Alright Buster: Where the fuck is Junior anyway? Rio: I don't know Rio: Doing something for Uni probably? Idk Buster: Picks the worst possible time to be on a date or some shit Rio: Please Rio: He's not on a date Buster: You don't know Rio: I'd know if he was on a date Buster: How? Rio: Because I know things Rio: he's never been on a date Rio: just awkward ones with girls Buster: There's a first time for everything, babe Buster: Look at my sister, kissing half of Dublin's gay population all of a sudden Rio: 🙄 Buster: I'm just saying Rio: No, trust me, I would know Buster: Okay, babe Buster: If you say so Rio: 😒 Don't be a dick Buster: Calm down Rio: Look, I've got a handle on the rest of them, alright Rio: just 'cos I don't on Edie now Buster: I know Rio: I do Buster: Like I said, I know Rio: Sound convinced then Buster: You don't have shit to prove to me Rio: I'm not trying to Rio: just don't say I don't Buster: I wasn't saying that Rio: That's alright then Buster: Yeah Rio: Sorry Rio: I'm not trying to fight again Buster: It's alright Buster: You can fight me if you wanna, I told you Rio: I really don't want to Rio: Only in the fun ways I have imagined, like Buster: Well, I promised you fun so you can have those at least Rio: Yeah? Rio: You haven't even heard about that fantasy, you don't know what you're agreeing to Buster: I'm not saying no Buster: I only wanna say yes Rio: Keen Rio: haven't even started yet, babe Buster: Enthusiastic, remember Rio: I can tell Buster: You haven't seen nothing yet Rio: I know Rio: makes me sad Buster: [sends pics] Buster: There, now you don't need to be sad Rio: Just turned on instead, okay Rio: 😩 Buster: That's as easily fixable Rio: Cocky Buster: Confident Rio: Keeping me waiting Buster: Wouldn't wanna be too keen now, would I? Rio: 😑 Rio: Boy you better stop playing Buster: You like it when I play with you Buster: Don't pretend you don't Rio: but Buster: What? Buster: Use your words, baby Rio: You're playing too much, daddy Rio: I need you to give it to me properly Buster: [Calls 'cause sometimes you just wanna hear someone's voice, good day] Rio: I'd missed you more than I thought Buster: I'm taking that as a compliment Rio: If you want pillowtalk, gimme a sec to just Rio: fuck Rio: i'm still shaking Buster: Nah, that's all I really wanted to hear Rio: Idiot Rio: I love you Buster: I know Rio: I can't remember what I was saying when you made me cum that last time all I know is I didn't want you to stop Buster: You're so fucking beautiful Buster: I mean that in all the ways I could mean it Buster: I love you too Rio: How do you make me feel this much better Rio: it's ridiculous Buster: You know how hard I work with school and I don't even like it Buster: 'Course I'm committed to things I actually wanna do Rio: 😏 Rio: Well, I'm glad I'm one of those things, like Buster: You're the top of the list and you know it Rio: Can't act like I haven't earnt the title Buster: You keep on earning it, babe Buster: I love that about you Rio: You know, haven't got you down the aisle yet Buster: I'm ready whenever you are Rio: You know it's happening Buster: Good Buster: I want it to Rio: I know Rio: it'll be so weird to call you my husband Buster: You don't have to Buster: My name is fine, like Rio: Shh Rio: You know what I'm saying Buster: Yeah Buster: You're cute Rio: 😣 Buster: Adorable Rio: Hmpf Rio: Well you'll have to get over how lowkey turned on it makes you to call me your wife, won't you 😋 Buster: Everything you do or say makes me turned on at this point, I don't think I need to worry Buster: If I can handle that, I can handle anything Rio: 😂 Rio: If you can handle how good I looked last night Rio: waste Buster: Don't remind me Buster: Jesus Rio: I'm not sorry Buster: Stop trying to turn me on again Rio: Fine Rio: Whatever daddy wants daddy gets 🤷 Buster: It's too late now, I'm thinking about it Rio: Whoops Buster: You're so distracting Rio: You need distracting Buster: Oh do I? Rio: Yep Rio: You need it bad Buster: You sound sure Buster: Tell me what else I need Rio: I'm certain Rio: I don't need to be on your lap to know Rio: but that's what you need Rio: for a start Buster: Yeah? Rio: Trust me daddy Rio: I know how to look after you Buster: Fuck, I miss you Buster: I literally just talked to you Rio: I know but you were so focused on making me feel better Rio: it's your turn Buster: Did it work, baby? Rio: Of course it did, you made me feel so good Rio: didn't I tell you enough times Buster: It's never enough, you know that Rio: I feel that Rio: that's why I'm still missing you Rio: thinking about you Buster: We both need more Buster: What are you thinking about? Rio: About how I want so much of you in my mouth I can barely breathe, mainly Buster: Babe Rio: Yeah? Buster: Come home Rio: it feels good to say that Rio: doesn't it Buster: The best Rio: And it's an actual place, that's all ours Buster: I told you I'd find us somewhere Buster: We have it, whatever else happens Rio: and nothing bad has ever happened there Rio: there were too many bad memories in the old place Buster: And it won't Buster: You're safe Rio: I feel it Rio: I've never felt this before Buster: You're allowed to get used to it Buster: I promise the feeling isn't gonna go away Rio: I try Rio: even though it feels too good to be true Buster: You feel too good to be true Buster: But you are Rio: I really do right now, you're saying all the right things Buster: I'm thinking all the right things too, believe me Buster: You really started something Rio: I do Rio: but tell me Buster: It's that fucking outfit Buster: You know what you did Rio: It was a little bit for you too Rio: Sorry birthday girl Buster: You've got me wishing it was my birthday now Rio: Don't waste a wish or a year when I'll do whatever you want the other 364 too Buster: Christ Buster: I can't believe you exist sometimes Rio: Why? Rio: Isn't this how all girls treated you Buster: No Buster: You're better than any of them and any fantasy I've ever had Rio: Good, I want to be Rio: though most of your fantasies were about me, let's be honest Buster: Yeah and you've outperformed them Buster: I'm very proud Buster: Making me doubt the quality of my imagination Rio: 😩 Don't say that again by which I mean do, fuck me Rio: nah, I know you've got a dirty mind too, s'why I love you Buster: The reality's better though Buster: I mean it, everything you do and say turns me on so much Rio: Not gonna disagree Rio: I never thought it would be as good as it is Buster: I never thought it would happen Buster: Like even when it almost did Buster: It didn't feel real Buster: That I could feel like that Rio: I know what you mean Rio: I felt literally feral with how bad I wanted you Rio: just from a look Buster: Exactly Rio: Never mind when I snorted that line off you Rio: Jesus Buster: Fuck Buster: I was trying to tell myself that the coke was just that good but Rio: Nah Rio: it was all us Rio: does it make me sound like a bunny boiler if I say I feel like I knew we'd end up here from that moment Buster: I don't care Buster: It was what I wanted Rio: I've wanted you for so long, Buster Buster: I know Buster: Jesus, I'm aching from the memory of that night never mind anything else Rio: Yeah, that was really bad, when we got stopped Rio: it was like I didn't think I'd ever get to have you and then finally it was happening and then it wasn't and I had to go Rio: I've never thought about anyone as much as I did you until I saw you again after that Buster: I don't know how I didn't kill someone that night Buster: I don't reckon I've ever been as angry as I was when you left Rio: Seriously Rio: it was scary how Rio: intense it was Buster: I'd do it all again Buster: For this Rio: Me too Rio: I had no choice in the matter Rio: I decided after that, either I was doing this or I wasn't and it had to stop Buster: Thank fuck you didn't put a stop to it, like Rio: As if I could Rio: we both tried that bullshit Buster: I wish I had better words for how much I love you and want you and just fucking need you, you know Rio: but I know Rio: I feel it and you show me literally all the time Rio: even when you're not here with me I still know Buster: Good Rio: I know you reckon lads have treated me like crap Rio: and you're mostly right Rio: but even the alright ones Rio: I never knew if what they were saying was true, or if they were as into it Rio: it was always a guessing game, you aren't like that Buster: You've always seen right through me, babe Buster: But I'm not mad about that anymore Buster: I've got nothing to hide now, not from you Rio: Good Rio: I just Rio: get you Rio: I don't even know why Rio: Always have Buster: Yeah Buster: Even when we were kids it was like that Rio: And when you were peak dickhead and I was.. let's not even go there, like Buster: Nance used to get so mad when we met up with you in summers and everything Buster: Even if I hadn't seen you for ages you still knew me the same and it went back to how it was Rio: I was never trying to come for her spot Buster: In fairness to her I did talk about you all the time, it must've been annoying Buster: Not saying you should buy her a fruit basket but like Buster: My crush was so obvious, I don't wanna think about it Rio: Awh but I do Rio: so cute Buster: Shh Rio: Come on, you always took the piss about how bad I fancied you Buster: Yeah, why do you think that was? Rio: Of course it was obvious projection Rio: but I did fancy you, even if I was better at hiding it Buster: You were no better than me at hiding it babe Buster: Sorry to have to tell you Rio: How dare you Rio: Smooth operator here Buster: What the actual fuck did like our parents and everyone else think at the time? Buster: 'Cause seriously Rio: That we'd grow out of it Rio: Whoops Buster: Sorry mum Buster: But not Rio: Why didn't you do it again Rio: Kiss me, I mean Buster: You were there Buster: You know how it went Buster: And how everyone else was Rio: I would've helped you Rio: in private too Rio: I did think you didn't like me for a long while after that Buster: I just Buster: People hadn't ever really took the piss out of me before that Rio: Yeah Rio: I get it now Rio: I wanted to kiss you again though Buster: Me too Buster: I thought about it all the time Buster: But I thought you didn't like it Rio: I liked it, I liked you Rio: even if were a dick about it afterwards Rio: it made me feel things I'd never felt before Buster: I'm sorry I was such a prick Rio: Like you said, no one had ever taken the piss out of you before Rio: what were you meant to do really Buster: I should've done what I wanted to do Buster: Kissed you again anyway Rio: It's weird but I remember thinking I was so jealous of your mum and dad, that it was so cool that they got to be together all the time and I only got to see you in holidays Rio: it didn't really occur to me it wasn't a normal setup I was just mad about it Buster: A lot of shit is weird to look back on Rio: Seriously Rio: I don't know why you were different from the others Rio: you just always were Buster: I don't understand it either Buster: Like I could justify it to myself that it was me, you and Nance 'cause we were the oldest but Rio: Don't get me wrong, it's not just 'cos she's a girl that I don't look at her like that Rio: I just wouldn't ever, I don't know Buster: I hope not Rio: Seriously Buster: Like if that twat had dared me to kiss any of the others I wouldn't Buster: Not just 'cause they're younger or whatever Rio: I dunno Rio: clearly we are fucked up but it's too late to do anything now Buster: I get if the fam doesn't get it 'cause like we don't either Buster: You're just different, you've always been unlike anyone else Buster: And every time I think about that kiss I wanna kiss you again Rio: You too Rio: Let's not say it's because we're special though, might be a bit unbearable of us Buster: You can say it to me Buster: I won't tell on you Rio: You were always good for that, to be fair Rio: Nance and June would crack under the teeniest bit of questioning Buster: We ain't fucking amateurs, babe Buster: Not us Rio: I seriously love you Buster: Marry me Rio: All I can ever say to that is yes Buster: We don't have to wait until exams are over Buster: We can go now Rio: Where Buster: Brazil, like you want Rio: You know it's 11 1/2 hours away Buster: So? Rio: We can't just nip off now and be back before anyone notices Buster: We can stay there like I was gonna stay here Rio: I wish we could Buster: Say yes and we can Rio: I wanna so bad Buster: I know what's stopping you Buster: Don't let it Rio: What's stopping me Buster: You're worrying about everyone else left behind Rio: Well, yeah Buster: I'll take Indie to Meena's if we're doing this Rio: and say what, babysit the kid, we're eloping Buster: Yeah Buster: Not in those exact words, like Rio: This is madness Rio: You know your Ma will actually kill you, right Buster: I don't care Buster: I'll die happy won't I Rio: You're such a fool Buster: For you, yeah Buster: You know I'm weak for you, baby Rio: Fuck Rio: You're serious, aren't you? Buster: I am Rio: Then okay Rio: let's make it happen Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Marry me, Buster Buster: Oh fuck Buster: That's all I want Rio: Me too Rio: I don't want to wait anymore, I've done enough waiting when it comes to you Buster: Promise me if it takes a few days to sort this you aren't gonna change your mind Rio: I promise Rio: I do need to tell Indie though, at least Rio: I can't have her thinking I'm just going on holiday without her for no good reason Rio: especially now Buster: Do whatever you need to do, babe Rio: I love you Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I never wanna be without you again Buster: You won't Buster: But you will have to find something else to say when you're about to cum 'cause you can't tell me to marry you when I already have Rio: Damn Rio: Maybe I take that promise back Buster: Don't you dare Buster: You're a smart girl you know all the right things to say Buster: You'll figure it out Rio: Jesus Rio: I'm already having to think on my feet here because fuck Buster: Practice makes perfect, baby Buster: I know you can do this Rio: Daddy Buster: You're an angel Buster: I've got so much faith in you, okay Rio: Just think about how good the honeymoon sex will be Rio: I am Buster: Christ Buster: The sound I just made at the idea of that Buster: And the fact that you even said honeymoon Rio: That's what it'll be Rio: finallly let you do all the things I ain't, such an angel, of course Buster: You're killing me Rio: Maybe we can get tattoos when we're there too, like you said Buster: Seriously? Rio: If you want Buster: I do Rio: You can pick mine Rio: I trust you Buster: We should pick each other's then Buster: It's only right that you get to decide the first thing that goes on me Buster: I'm all yours anyway Rio: I literally just stopped breathing Buster: I trust you Buster: Mark me however you want Rio: Are you trying to kill me right now Buster: If I have to be this close to it then you have to come with me Rio: Are you touching yourself too Buster: I was trying not to 'cause I want it to be you but Rio: It's okay, we've got so much time Rio: I'm giving it all to you Buster: Fuck Buster: You're unreal Rio: I'm so real Rio: this is real Rio: we're actually gonna do this Buster: I can't believe it Rio: I'm gonna have your name, baby Buster: You're making me moan yours Rio: Good Rio: I'm gonna be on the tip of your tongue in another way so soon Buster: Damn Buster: It sounds like I'm praying in here Buster: I can't stop Rio: Don't stop Rio: I never want you to stop, even when I'm begging you to, I wanna be ignored because daddy know what's best for me and how to make me feel so fucking angelic Buster: You're so fucking hot Buster: So perfect Rio: It's for you Buster: All of it Rio: If I'm not making you happy, proud, hard or cum then I'm not doing it Rio: Simple as Buster: You're doing all of those things right now, angel Buster: So well Rio: That makes me so happy Rio: I feel so good right now, daddy Buster: Me too Buster: I feel like I'm high but it's just you Rio: I know you're gonna keep me this happy for the rest of our lives and it's killing me Buster: At least this happy Buster: If not more Rio: I don't think it's possible for me to be any happier Buster: I'll rise to that challenge, babe Buster: We'll see Rio: I know you will Rio: that's why I wanna be your wife Buster: Tell me how happy you are after we're married Buster: Tell me every day, okay Buster: I need to make sure Rio: Of course Rio: You're going to know, I'll make sure Buster: Yeah you will Buster: I know Rio: No one else has ever made me happy like you, Buster Rio: I mean that Buster: Nobody has ever made me happy until you Buster: I mean that Rio: Baby Rio: I'm gonna make you feel better than you ever imagined possible, okay Buster: You already have Buster: You do Buster: You are right now Rio: Well this is just the beginning Rio: there's so much we're gonna do together Buster: I wanna do everything with you Rio: You will Rio: What do you wanna do next baby? Buster: I wanna make all your dreams come true Buster: Make all those ideas you had for the future a reality Rio: I'm so glad you believe in me Rio: it feels good having you on my team Buster: I've never believed in anyone more Buster: Except myself Buster: We're both gonna have the career we want, babe Buster: And love everything about our lives not just each other Rio: I believe that too Buster: We can live anywhere, travel anywhere, do anything Rio: There'll be nothing or no one that can stop us Buster: I'm gonna give you things you didn't even know you wanted Rio: Yeah? Buster: Things you didn't know you could want or were allowed to want Buster: Everything Rio: You're gonna make me scream Buster: Do it Buster: You know nothing gets to me more Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Buster: Be loud for me Rio: Tell me what to say Buster: Tell me to marry you while you still can Rio: I can't believe none of them heard that Buster: You'll have to be louder next time, baby Rio: Oh hush Rio: I thought of something that made me cum really hard Rio: I didn't mean to but it kinda popped into my head and now I'm scared to say it in case it fucked everything up Buster: Tell me Rio: I don't wanna make you angry or Buster: You can tell me anything Buster: What is it? Rio: It's just Rio: Oh God Rio: Well, did you mean it when you said we could have a baby one day maybe Buster: Yeah Buster: I want all my kids to be yours Rio: Really? Buster: Of course Buster: You're a great mum already, I told you Buster: And you're beautiful Buster: Why wouldn't I want that? Rio: Well, I didn't know if you wanted kids, fullstop Rio: then you know, if we even could Buster: I just don't want Chlo's to be mine Buster: But I wanna have them, with you, one day Rio: Yeah Rio: Okay Rio: I'm glad you aren't mad them, or it's weird Buster: How many do you want? Rio: Not as many as my Ma, don't worry Buster: Gotta have at least as many as mine though so we don't end up with a weird only child Buster: Not having that Rio: Oh God, they'd be such a spoilt little shit on top of that too, nah Rio: 2 and over then, okay Buster: 3 would be alright like they did Buster: or 4 Rio: I think so too Buster: More than 5 is going a bit far, like Rio: Noted Rio: Know your limits, babe Buster: We'll see Buster: Twins could easily happen Rio: We all know y'all don't count as 2 seperate kids though Rio: twofer, you Buster: Yeah but we cost as much as Buster: So behave Rio: Don't be tight, babe Buster: I'm prioritising Buster: We gotta get a dog of our own, Indie's is so fucking cute Rio: Awh you love him Rio: yeah sod the kid's, like Buster: Don't tell her, she'll only take the piss Buster: But yeah, I like him Rio: My lips are sealed, trust me Rio: she takes the piss out of me enough already without bringing this whole convo up Buster: Fair enough Buster: Babe? Rio: Mm? Buster: I won't be a shit dad, will I? Buster: You won't let me Rio: Of course you won't be Rio: you'll be amazing, seriously, the best Buster: I mean, I love my parents and they love me, I know it and I owe them literally everything but Buster: I don't wanna be like them Buster: Distant or whatever you wanna call it Rio: Yeah Rio: You'd be weird if you wanted to be like your parents, not just you and yours, like Rio: you're meant to try and do better, different Buster: Yeah Buster: I know they'd say the same too Buster: But whenever I'm around Astrid, it's like Buster: I don't know Rio: It's alright to be unsure around babies, they're terrifying, really, when you think about it Buster: We're not gonna let our kids get fucked up, are we? Buster: As much as we can control that Rio: That's the whole point Rio: we'll give them all the good we had, and all the good we didn't, too Buster: Okay Buster: Then let's have 11 Rio: 😂 I knew your competitive streak would catch up Buster: You know me so well Buster: I love you so much Rio: I'm down to make as many babies with you as my body will allow, like, so not complaining Rio: I love you too baby Buster: When are you coming home? Buster: I want you back Rio: Like you're psychic, hear him coming up the drive now so gimme the 30 for the drive plus 5 for pleasantries now and finding out wtf he was up to Buster: Ask him how his date went Rio: 😑 Rio: I shall and he shall be suitably horrified at the suggestion Rio: poor baby Buster: 😂 Buster: Don't be horrified if I walk out the door as you walk in 'cause I didn't wanna take the dog out while Indie was chucking up her organs, like Rio: 💔 Rio: Love that dog a little too much tbh Buster: What can I say? He's angelic too Rio: I will not compete with a literal dog Buster: Poor baby Buster: I'm only playing, you know you're my angel, nobody else Rio: 😊 That's more like it Buster: Hurry home and I'll show you how much I mean it Rio: Tempting Rio: but I really wanna hear about this museum, like Buster: I guess I'll have to find another girl to kiss on the stairs then Buster: Wish me luck Rio: Don't even fucking play Buster: I've been thinking about it for such a long time, someone's getting one if you don't want it Rio: [Car selfie] Buster: You look good, babe Buster: Good enough for a long, slow, welcome home kiss Rio: 😻🤤 Rio: I'll actually focus on driving for once so I can be there as soon as possible Buster: Good girl Rio: Though if you plan to be that distracting Rio: I make no promises, like Buster: Me? Never Buster: I'll just be here thinking about pressing you up against those railings Buster: I won't say a word, like Rio: Shh, not listening Rio: gonna make you regret teasing me when I get home Buster: It's just an innocent hello kiss Rio: Not the way I'm planning on doing it Buster: Focus on your driving Rio: 😑 Buster: I'm allowed to think of you breathless Buster: You have to be good Rio: You're mean Buster: I just want you here so I can be really nice Rio: I know Rio: cruel to be kind Buster: Exactly Buster: I knew you'd understand