#I've been trying to finish a damn snippet since weeks and every time it becomes something else entirely and it’s still unfinished

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

VH - The Thorn in Villains' side

“Wake up, you creature of the night, and despair !”

“Nooo, sleepy, beddy-bye -”

“I said wake up !”

Vampire Hero opened an eye, blinked and yawned. He didn’t look at Villain at once. That was the courtyard itself that caught his attention. He was in the middle of it, tied to a pillar. All around him were huge spikes of metal, as if he was in the center of a gigantic metal flower. They all were curved at different angles. You couldn’t step amid them without being scratched, at least. In a sense, that was pretty. Villain themself was on a balcony, their hands on the balustrade, dominating the scene.

“Kids”, he whispered with leniency. “What they do these days.”

“Shame”, said Villain who hadn’t heard him. “You interest me. I thought we could talk.”

Vampire Hero yawned again for all answer.

“Is it insolence ? Or is it the pain of having been under the sun for all day ?”

“Pain ? Why ?”

“You vampires can’t bear the sun.”

“Oh, I understand the confusion. No. Do you know how some birds fall asleep immediately when you cover their cage, because they think it’s the night ?”

“I suppose ?”

“Well, I work the other way around. I have a sunbeam on my face, I get sleepy. It doesn’t hurt me; I just take a nap.”

Then his tone shifted abruptly:

“All day long ? You mean I’ve been here for more than a day ?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

His voice was now icy. Villain had a delicate little cough.

“I admit I didn’t know about sunlight. What about silver, then ?”

“That would work on vampires, yes.”

“You’re in luck. All these spikes are covered with silver. If you want to free yourself, you need to get through them.”

Vampire Hero hissed in annoyance:

“Ugh. Any particular reason why ?”

“Unless you want to rot in here forever.”

“No, I mean. Let me get this straight. You’ve made all these spikes so I could walk over them for a couple of minutes ? It just seems kinda wasteful.”

“If you want to talk about waste, time’s ticking. Why won’t you have your little dance right now ? You have two minutes before reaching me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Vampire Hero slipped out of his bonds and stepped forward. He whistled.

“That’s quite the thorn forest you have there. Gasp ! Curses, even. What’s a poor vampire to do ?”

He slowly turned his head toward Villain and smirked:

“Hey, watch this.”

He extended his hand and casually patted the flat side of the spike.

“Oh no”, he said in a toneless voice, while staring at Villain. “I’m doomed. Ouch. Argh. And such.”

Slowly he smiled, revealing his razor-like teeth.

“Do you see it ? Do you begin to see it ?”

“See what ?”

“Your mistake.”

“Show off”, whispered Villain.

“Possibly, yes. At least I’m not ordering useless death traps on a whim. I’ve always made sure they worked first.”

“Death traps ? You are a hero.”

“Now, yes.”

Vampire Hero took a couple of steps among the spikes, decided it was quite enough, jumped, caught the guardrail and climbed the balcony. He hadn't avoided all of them, far from it, but when he landed on his feet, his face was emotionless. There was maybe a twinge of exasperation. He stood still in front of Villain. They both stayed quiet for a moment.

“What are you ?” finally asked Villain.

“A vampire hero.”

“No you’re not. You don’t fear silver or sunlight and you had death traps. You’re neither. What are you ?”

“I am pissed off. I want to be home every night and you’ve prevented me to do it.”

“Why ?”

“I'm married. Just know you’re very lucky I am what I said. I’ll let you live. Reluctantly.”

Villain barely reacted when he pinned them against the wall, whispering in their ear:

“Now then ! You’ve made me lose time. You owe me a drink.”

*

Vampire Hero is now a recurring character. His job is to troll current villains. Click on the Vampire Hero Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with him.

Or back to Hero x Villain Masterlist.