#IM ALSO SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS
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hi!! this is the anon who asked for the english major yap :) (uhmmm prepare for a long message i fear i also yapped for a hot moment HAHAH) i'm not an english major (it was my second choice though!) but i'm actually a criminology major!! still, it was so interesting to hear your opinions and stuff about being an english major and some of the things you have studied!!! all of those classes sound so interesting and i really want to see if my uni offers any ones similar to those!! i'm definitely going to find "i'm afraid of men" in my local bookstore this weekend. english was also one of my favorite classes :) and i LOVE reading and writing and definitely relate to not having time to read/write (i also relate to the "don't judge my writing" because i like reading and writing). i really enjoyed the yap session!!! the audio ramble felt like i was listening to a voice message from a friend, it was lovely :) and i would love love LOVE to hear (or read!) a ramble session about "does it happen in a season?" i loved that fic so much and hold it so close to my heart <3 (it was so fantastically written) anyways that's all i'm going to stop myself from yapping more HAHAH thank you so much for responding to my ask!!! i hope you have a great day/afternoon/night <3
#so tumblr was being very mean about the length of my rambles about the fic 😔 I had to split it up a lot which ik looks v intimidating KJDSK#IM ALSO SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS#the fic ramble is 24 minutes like... I am so sorry omg I cannot stop rambling about this story once I start#pls take however long to listen ik it's like superrrr long 😭#thank you so so much again for the ask!!! mwah mwah can't wait to hear from you <333#ask#anon#s.audio#does it happen in a season?#lee harker x reader#criminology anon 📕
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No time for existential crises! They've got opportunities ahead of them!
#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#my art#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#comic#gravity falls comic#long post#im a little late to the party but this is how i interpret the sorry image came to be#(also i know realise there is an inconistency with the sticky notes)#(it's only for the bit so...)#ford pines#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#fiddauthor...
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Company Mandated Fancy Fits on the Tulpar 😏
Also had to include the REAL star of the show (and a bonus)


Based off of this and this. Thank you very much joetastic for being inspirational 👍
The REAL reason this is late

#just pretend I posted this like 6 days ago 😁👍#<-got distracted#sorry I’m Afflicted with The Curse and everything just takes me a long time#also right now I’m just kind of being experimental with my workflow and style right now so stuff is just naturally taking a bit longer#mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#nurse anya#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing curly#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#myart#anyway my new years resolution is to put more WOMEN in SUITS and MEN in DRESSES#had fun drawing this but still not too sure about the rendering style just yet. probably just gonna keep playing around with shit#IM DOING IT SCARED but im DOING IT#im also still trying to figure out how to Social Media#am i doing it right#GRAAAHHHHHHH I NEED TO BETTER UNDERSTAND FORMATTING POSTS#i have a more serious mouthwashing piece in the works but wanted to get this done first lol#honestly I have a buncha sketches I should post too#i like them but they’re not really composited very well if you catch my drift. been having trouble with sketch page layout recently#which is kind of antithetical to the idea of a sketch page but you know how it is with spaghetti#i doodled the others on the side and liked how they looked so i just put some color and basic shading on them#edit: realized i forgot to change the color of the ‘lapel’ on jims shirt lol
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The animatic is done!! 💕
#look outside#look outside game#look outside spoilers#art#digital art#fanart#animation#animatic#IM SO HAPPY WITH THIS#especially the ending bits... I drew some of them up to 3 times just to make SURE I got them right#Which my lazy ass almost never bothers with#THE BITS WITH SAM UNSPOOLING ARE MY PRIDE AND JOY#I wanted to make the part where they talk to the Visitor a bit worse actually#Their body being barely held together by this creature who only vaguely understands what a human being is even supposed to look like....#and if they move to fast their body literally lags and uncoils..#I wanted to have them sharply move their head and have them look distressed when their eyes lagged a behind#but oughgh I couldnt get it to look right and I was already dying from how long I spent on it so just pretend that happened and imagine it#Other notes ermmmm. I think I got the order that the astronomers joined a little mixed up. Sorry Beryl and Aurelius.#Also while drawing the DnD scene I imagined Lyle and Masked Thing holding hands now I feel like theres something there but idk what it is#Anyway do with that what you will#Also I remembered that half the reason I gave Sam a cleft pallet was cause I wanted them to keep a recognizable feature when they mutated#so on the last frame one of the breathing holes has a notch in it bcs thats the breathing hole that used to be Sams mouth :3#Idk if thats like. wholesome to anyone else but I like it. Its some remnant left of their humanity that they'll always have#Youtube#eyestrain
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~ a little something about waking up next to Dazai, and he's unbearable as always ~
"I might just eat you alive..." He mumbles to himself, barely audible. His eyes are half-lidded, and he's barely blinked.
He's been watching you sleep next to him curled up like a kitten for the past hour, way past the time you usually wake up. He's the oversleeper, not you, and it makes him hyper aware of your bodily functions and if they're okay. He hasn't eaten properly in days, but you don't need to know that. He's rabid, and he knows he's being a total freak right now, but who will worry for you if not for him? He must rise up to be the voice of reason, the watchful eye that keeps you on track even if he can barely keep himself alive! He wishes you'd stay forever, where he could avoid his problems and take care of your every single need. He should be everything you need... He hopes. Then you'd never leave, and he would make sure to eat more, just for you. How perfect... selfish.
God, he just wants to crawl inside of you and make you his home, it's almost pathetic. You'd find him vile for the things he would do for you and your happiness, despite you already being so accepting of his dark past... You're simply heaven sent. He takes a deep breath, and lightly runs his knuckles down your jawline, as if carving them out of the precious material that you're made of. You begin to stir, and his pupils dilate instantly as he pulls back with anticipation.
"Mmm... Osamu..."
You murmur sleepily as your chest rises up and down ever so slowly. He's freaking out. It's bad for his health to hear the way you say his name as if it were a healing oath, a spell that only works on him.
"Wakey wakey~"
Dazai's propping himself up on one elbow, a calculating smile plastered on his lips as if he were in on something you weren't. You pop open one eye, and groan softly.
"You're up... early"
"Yes!"
"Why..." You yawn like the silly little thing you are. He gasps in mock offense, clutching his chest.
"Can't a fortunate guy like ME just be happy that we both live to see another beautiful day?!"
He winks, and boops the tip of your nose, this gets a muffled snort out of you that causes you to bury your face into the pillow. He's addicted to the rush of causing any joy in your life, it's disgusting. When you don't lift your face back up, he scrunches up his face, and reaches out to stroke a strand of your silky hair, but his intrusive thoughts win and he tugs on it as payback for possibly falling asleep again. He needs your attention, and you're sleeping? Insanity. You swat at him, blindly smacking his arm away.
Oh, how he loves that you're the only person who truly sees him past his myriad of theatrics.
"Oh my... a slap from you feels wonderful!"
He rubs his arm, and grabs the hand that swatted him, bringing it up to kiss the pulse point on your wrist. Feather like kisses, almost undetectable... until you lift your face up from the pillow, finally.
He gazes at you as he rubs his face onto your hand like a cat greeting its owner, purring as if he were starved for affection. For a moment, his gaze becomes more serious, detached, as if he were thrown back into a distant memory. He can't describe the feeling, but the way your hand feels against his cheek is a warmth he hasn't felt in ages. His eyes sting, and he blinks the wetness away before you can notice as he hears your angelic voice again. He's back to his usual self.
"Osamu... You're being annoying"
"You think I'm just annoying?~"
His voice comes out in a tender whisper, his mouth curled up into a mischievous grin. He's insufferable. He could be anything for you if you wanted it. Especially annoying! He almost drools when you roll your eyes affectionately at him, the coldness in his heart disappears as he leans in just a little, invading your personal space as always, eager to hear your reply.
"Amongst other things, yes..."
You flash him a sweet little smile, and it mends all that is wrong in the world. The pink in your cheeks is starting to turn red, and it sends him to the moon. He hums, slowly nuzzling himself into the crook of your neck, it's his turn to curl up. You run your fingers through his messy hair that tickles you, feeling the warmth of Dazai's breaths against the back of your ear.
"Hmm, do I look like a pillow to you?"
He can hear the smile in your murmur, and he pulls back from your neck briefly, peering at you through his messy bangs, those intense hazelnut eyes demanding your attention, and his voice drips with an aching devotion that oozes like honey. he moves his lips to your ear, and whispers.
".. You look like an angel to me."
He watches you self destruct at his painfully smooth delivery of a compliment, and secretly rewards himself for once again giving you another reason to never leave. He's got it all!
Romance, self deprecating humor, an inability to properly process his emotions and grief, but more importantly, an undying commitment to stay alive against all odds so that he may see another day of you in his arms... or you helping him change his bandages... or-
He's cut short by you grabbing the sides of his face and pulling him into the most sinfully delicious kiss known to man, and he could swear that despite all his efforts, this might be what ACTUALLY kills him.
#i don't know what happened i started typing and then i blacked out#slightly obsessive dazai...#this is just a soft launch for how badly i want to write yandere dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai fluff#I THINK WE SHOULD ALSO SEE DAZAI HAPPY SOMETIMES#osamu dazai x reader#this cannot possibly be a drabble anymore im sorry this is so long#i need a horse tranquilizer so i can actually relax#osamu dazai#dazai x you#i want to hold him and choke him out help meee#bsd x reader#dazai imagines
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*slowly peaks my head in the room* ….Is it good enough for me to post here? Yes? MKAY! I saw this base on Twitter and had to do it! (CRED TO @/emtfira !!!!)
YAP SESSION INCOMING: I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY for my VERY long hiatus. I have been busy with University, life and ya know, the other stuff going around. I will TRY to be more active on here! And yes, I am okay. I have been active on Twitter, and slowly trying to get back into art. I saw this base on Twitter (CRED TO @/emtfira !!!!) and thought of Oliver and Mark. I have been loving season 3! Unfortunately I’m going through art block to wip up anything T_T so I apologize again. Sorry for the hiatus once again. Please take this piece as an apology! Happy season 3!
#invincible#art#invincible fanart#invincible show#sketch#procreate#my art#tv1xx text#tv1xxart#mark grayson#Oliver Grayson#invincible art#mark grayson art#Oliver Grayson fanart#twitter saw it first#long yap session about my lack of activity IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME#invincible spoilers#Amazon prime#Invincible season 3#happy season 3 guys#i also love how Mark is navigating being a big brother so far#especially after being an only child all his life#i used the pose pictured above#credit in caption#digital drawing#digital painting#digital illustration#digital aritst#digital fanart
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Jason “my family doesn’t know im alive” Todd and Danny “my family doesn’t know I’m dead” Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. It’s an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep that’s right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude could’ve gotten his head flung off.
Still, the scene was ridiculous.
On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didn’t freak out but that’s normal when one’s got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said “I’m asexual” in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.
Danny sighed. Clearly though, he’d done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didn’t know he had stashed. He’d only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.
Danny "yeah you aren’t officially my friend until you’ve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.
Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didn’t see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.
Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didn’t have ice powers he most certainly would’ve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. It’s the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.
Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he can’t get himself out. Also it’s Danny’s turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)
And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jason’s big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,
Jason, talking about how he doesn’t want Bats snooping on his territory:
Danny: Just don’t let them in
Jason: ??
Danny: yeah!! Hasn’t Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you don’t want entering on your lair.
Jason: …I can?
Danny: Yep dude, your lair’s supposed to feel safe.
Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?
Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, it’s too late to get rid of me. bitch.
Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes it’s only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesn’t want to see—!)
Joker my beloathed can’t step foot in Crime Alley.
(Jason’d feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)
Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like there’s an invisible wall blocking the way.
Jason because he’s hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because he’s petty put B under the category of “invisible wall” blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesn’t even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him it’s surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways that’s it’s the place he met Jason)
Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.
Okay. He didn’t forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the next— Jason forgets that today’s the anniversary of the day’s Bruce’s parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally can’t enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce can’t.
It’s literally just Bruce.
Time to call Constantine, i guess.
#bat shenanigans ensue#JSJSJS okay so i dont have a well versed timeline of events but two years after utrh who HASNT died of the batfam#cause those are the ones who are gonna go undercover to find what shady shit is this: )#im going with timmy cass and duke#sorry steph i KNOW you have died#the others have plausible deniability from my part#the trio is gonna come down hard on this unsuspecting pair#let's just say constantine just had one spare magical rune for each of them so they'll be able to identify who was powerful enough to do it#and duke found civvie jason. cass found civvie danny and tim also found jason a la squared. in his red hood get up later that night#the only useful photos are from tim's side but anyways since they got three suspects (one suspected to be the other. so really-- two)#they decide to split each other up and tag one each (whoever doesn't get the correct guy loses)#tim calls dibs on the twink. cass rolls her eyes and narrows her eyes at the red hood and duke smirks when he gets to keep his guy#he's not cheating if he didn't protest to getting to have the guy he already saw the aura of. he's sure he is IT#coincidentally duke happens to be the only bat jason doesn't recognize (and vice versa)#meanwhile cass is gonna be the one shadowing red hood which at this point he doesn't kill that much since he has his rules verymuch enforce#he does kill tho#so at some point they're gonna clash but at the start of the investigation no#let them be siblings your honor#big sis cass and her little brother 6'4 jay#and tim finally is gonna be the one to smoothly get himself in the conversation with cryptid roommate civilian danny fenton#genius dumbasses protection club#their first meeting is of course arranged but no less meet cute coffee shop au#anyways jason wants to know why the fuck hes got a bat tagging along with him so out of the blue and also why can't he fucking chase her of#cass is curious about how the red hood's mood constantly changes within her range yet he never attacks her despite his hurt-longing-anger#the boy who doesn't make noise fucking screeches when she sneaks up to him#and duke fucking brings his hands to block the chernobyl reject glow stick sun that's stands next to tim#while tim looks like his whole system is rebooting cause that's jason todd#dp x dc#danny phantom#jason todd
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hi the literal whole entire reason i made these was bc i watched this 10 sec clip on youtube pls watch
youtube
#illustration#csp#pixel art#digital art#grima#grima wormtongue#lotr#lord of the rings#saruman#video#my art#sorry this kind of ooc anachronism is the funniest shit in the world to me#these are the least visually connected sequential drawings ive done lmao 🤣 but its how i see it in my head lol#the sudden american accent really adds to the humor for me as well lmao#i got stuck on the 2nd piece for so long but now im really happy w it ^-^ dont let your dreams be dreams ig 💗💗#sometimes you have to just draw it over from scratch lol#also happy news im employed again!! yay money!! but now i have less time for drawing ToT booo capitalism!!#🙏 i will do my best to keep drawing despite it all everyone pray for me lmao 💗💕#also im so certain that everyone in the grima tag has already seen this vid alkfjl dont mind me digging it up lmao i am easily entertained
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hellooo danandphilgames buddies!! happy belated 10 year (more like 5 but shhh) anniversary :-)
#dan and phil#daniel howell#phil lester#amazingphil#phanart#dnp art#IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST THIS HERE IVE BEEN MEANING 2 DO IT FOREVER#theres soooooo much i can say abt this piece... such a journey.... what a ride....#i gave this 2 them as a puzzle and had them sign a lil print of it and they were SOOOO SO SWEET WAHHH#i luv them sm.... im so grateful 4 their kind words it rly meant the world 2 me ;___;; <3333333#also dan was like “good luck to us doing that puzzle on the bus!” as i was walking away fkjhsdfhj#anyways anyways ok sry back 2 the pic!! theres SOOOO many parts thatd b fun 2 point out and explain but itd b too long for tags AAAAA#would any1 b interested if i made like... a thread on twt or smth mayhaps...? or reblog this with a read more underneath...?#ive only ever just posted art and dipped idk how non-tag yapping works despite me being on this site since i was like. 12 kdsjhfksdh#my art#if ur reading this hi ily i hope ur having a good day!! :-) <3
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Oh yay a new queen with kits let me just check out her informatioFOURTEEN MOONS?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
#clangen#clan generator#warriors oc#warrior cats#sporeclan#SHES LITERALLY FINCHPAWS AGE.................. SOLTALON GIRL WHAT HAPPENED#shes just a baby herself </3</3</3#also i cannot describe how relieved i was that finchpaws infection went away. we have such a bad track record in this clan with infections#took me way too long to realize soltalon was sol-talon and not like a reference to something. sigh.#sc:moons#sc:foxspeckle#sc:minklake#sc:piperdapple#sc:finchpaw#sc:fennelacorn#sc:soltalon#sc:greenkit#sc:mousegrove#sc:cliffthicket#sc:lizardkit#sc:strawkit#sc:puddle#sc:carolina#im so sorry it took me ten billion years to finish this moon ive been so busy and then i got a lil burnt out on it lol#it's out now tho!!!!!#tw blood#tw birth#< really nowhere near graphic imo but tagging just in case
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Happy 2025 mfs
#south park#sp fanart#my art#big gay al#mr.slave#i'm not in the wrong for how 'late' this is#im still celebratin chanukah so the holidays ain't over#sorry it did take so long though. while i thought this was funny as shit-#i'm also very sex repulsed n had to walk away from the drawin a LOT
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Tick Tock, Teddy-Bear.
#the bastards box wasn’t enough I had to trap this fucker in a hour glass#IM NEVER RENDERING GOLD AGAIN IN MY LIFE I DIDNT LEARN THE FIRST TIME-#anyway guess who’s not dead. sorry I disappeared for a hot sec as you might be able to deduce this one took a while#also life happened lol. I was doing this inbetween uni work a social life and being ill.#I’m not going to reveal how long this one took because I’m genuinly ashamed I put so much time into drawing Ted fucking Spankoffski#just know this might be the most amount of time and effort Iv ever put into a artwork in my entire life#I’m not too mad about it actually because I wanted to make one final big artwork before I turn 20#ted spankoffski#theodore spankoffski#starkid#team starkid#starkid productions#starkid fanart#fanart starkid#time bastard#starkid time bastard#time bastard nightmare time#nightmare time#starkid nightmare time#hatchetfield nightmare time#nmt#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#fanart#my art
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I've played the Fire Emblem Husbando Dating Simulator Games
#what is it about flawed media that makes fanart so compelling#awakening was a much stronger game than fates but i wanted to draw Corrin more than Robin#sometimes... things that are better written... are harder to draw funny doodles for rip#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo#this one was posted to twitter so long ago im so sorry#anyway favorite protag: Shez#she's so stupid and explicitly so#If I were to rank the games... hm....#Houses for character writing but Engage for gameplay#Fates for map design#Awakening has the strongest core story I think#and Hopes has Shez#so there are no clear winners#i know there's going to be ppl asking where the other femc's are#answer: i cannot play as Kris in the west so i dont know her she's a stranger#secret confession i have no idea why anyone would use the friendship seals in fates i dont get them#also i still think Alear asking OG Army Breeder Sigurd how he feels about eugenics is funny thank u#fe3h#fe awakening#fe fates#few3h#byleth#corrin#shez#alear#there is no way robin has her own tag
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hi. kondraki scpverse is a trans woman. cope and seethe and read my essay about her below the cut. (it's really fucking long) (please god i put so much fucking work into this read it im begging you)
ok for starters for people who dont know what or who the hell im talking about right now (doubtful) (only adding this for the unitiated & newbies): this essay is about my awesome wife DR [REDACTED] HENRICH KONDRAKI(1) from pseudo-niche internet horror-fiction site THE SCP FOUNDATION(2/3). if you can't tell by our url i am Bonkers Crazy Insane about her and have been sporadically obsessed with her for several years. she sucks bad. anyways this post is about why i think she's a trans woman instead of being a "cishetallo man" like canon claims she is. you may be wondering; "but sawyer how is canon wrong about this if its canon" and to that i say. I know better than canon does dont worry about it. ok with that out of the way lets get into the schmeat of this thang
FIRST OFF. kondraki's entire view on masculinity is inherently tied to violence. she believes that if she isnt violent, cruel, and hiding her emotions constantly, then she isn't a 'real man'. her entire worldview, including her view of her own gender, is perceived through the lens of men, including herself, needing to be 'masculine', but she defines this masculinity through her own warped idea of what masculinity 'really is'. because she perceives men, and by extension masculinity itself, as violence, then she herself is violent. everything down to the way she speaks is designed to make her appear cruel, vindictive, and, most importantly, violent. she goes as far as claiming her favourite memory of working for the foundation is when she chased a man down and, quote, "[shot] his fucking face off"(4). however, despite all her tough-talk about being "badass"(5/6), she actually appears to be incredibly regretful about her actions(7), unlike her words imply.
she creates a cycle of retraumatizing herself over and over by hating everything being a man stands for, but refusing to acknowledge it. she leans into the idea that she is violent and cruel, creating a self-made cycle of self-hatred. this retraumatization makes her more violent; it causes her to lash out more, to be more vindictive, to be more outwardly cruel to people, to be more "man-like" in her eyes. she places herself into a self-made twister of hating herself enough that it rubs off on everyone else, and then positively claims its "[her] design"(8) rather than accepting how depressing it makes her life. she uses her own cruel perception of masculinity as a way to shield herself from the idea that she could ever, willingly, be a woman, because she's too violent and cruel and she'll never be a real woman, not in the same way people like rights & iris are. she fully, completely, and genuinely, believes that if she is able to "out-man" every man surrounding her then nobody is able to question what she thinks of herself.
theres an additional layer to how she views masculinity, in the sense that it makes her also view femininity as inherently docile, something that she lives by even when she is acting as a woman. in doing so she continues to perpetuate her idea that she must be violent to be masculine, because she views women (or, more specifically, the concept of being a woman) as fragile, weak, perceptible to being hurt, and she refuses to be any of these things. in refusing to view herself as a woman she, in her mind, refuses to view herself as emotional, hysterical, and, perhaps worst of all in her mind, just a woman. it's an incredibly unfortunate mix of how she was raised and the culture at her work; she is punished for being feminine (emotional, caring, nurturing, etc) and rewarded for being masculine (violent, cruel, selfish, etc) because that's just how people are in her line of work(9).
she views the entire experience and idea of being a woman as a joke. she's allowed to think about it, as a joke. she's allowed to be feminine, as a joke. she's allowed to be a girl, as a joke. she's allowed to be a pretty princess(10), as a joke. the very few brief moments where she allows herself to act on her impulses and suggest, even a bit, that she would like to be a woman is played for a joke(11/12/13/14/15). she speaks of being a woman as though it is a mystical thing, something she can only hope to achieve, less of a real option and more of a fantasy. she is acceptive of trans people(16), going so far as to say it seems that "it’s quite remarkable how productivity and morale improves once they come out and settle into living as their correct gender. [she imagines] it’s a huge relief, and it shows in everything they do." it's just that she truly doesn't view herself as being worthy of that. her entire life has been spent convincing herself that she isn't worth anything, let alone joy or comfort. she doesn't think she deserves to be allowed to transition. she believes that dr. kondraki needs to die, needs to be shot, needs to get it over with and kill herself already, and doesn't realize that the distance she puts between "[redacted] henrich kondraki" and "dr. kondraki" is a mask, a shell she can hide behind; it's a way for her to excuse any mention of her being a woman. if dr. kondraki can't be a woman, then [redacted] henrich kondraki can't be a woman either. it's nothing but a fantasy to her, something she can joke about and then discard along with the rest of her fantasies of being a good person, of being someone who deserves to be happy.
you can even bring her entire theming of butterflies into her own repression; the butterflies act as a camoflauge in the same way her mask of masculinity does. the only time she ever is truly gentle or nurturing or caring, all tasks she has deemed feminine, is with her butterflies. butterflies are specifically used in metaphors for transition, quite often appearing in trans artwork as a way to represent the death of who you once were and who you are now. the fact the butterflies also possess camoflauging abilities, which they tend to specifically use to make themselves (and kondraki) invisible, is in and of itself a metaphor for being in the closet, or, in kondraki's case, being repressed and refusing to acknowledge her transness. her transness is treated as though it's invisible, something she only looks at when it's disturbed, not unlike the way you can only see the butterflies by disturbing them. she refuses to acknowledge it, hides behind her camoflauge as a defense mechanism. coming to terms with her transness would make her have to disolve and be reborn, and she doesn't believe she deserves that. she doesn't believe she deserves to live free of the guilt, of everything she's done, so instead she stays camoflauged, stays in her bubble of masculinity where she feels her self-imposed shame and guilt.
all in all; kondraki is extremely repressed and refuses to accept that she's a woman, despite her progressive views, because she believes it would mean she is weak and fragile. she's terrified of her femininity, and uses violence and humor to deny every feminine part of herself.
DISCLAIMER. my choice to use specifically she/her for kondraki in this essay was a purposeful and deliberate choice and if you choose to use he/him after i have literally solely referred to her with she/her in this entire post i hate you personally. in other words
#OHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD ITS DONE. FUCK MY LIFE HOLY SHIT#THREE DAYS OF WORK. FOR THIS FUCKING ESSAY#GOD. GOD. IM FREE. IM FINALLY FREEEEEEEEEEE#OKAY. OKAY. THANKS FOR WAITING EVERYONE. SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT THIS TOOK#CRYING AND SPITTING UP BLOOD AND SHAKING. THE CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ummm um. please rb. please. i put a lot of work & effort into this & i would just appreciate it lol.#<- not forced. dont feel pressured to reblog my gay little essay#also i loveeeeeeeed bringing up the butterflies in that one section just know it ok. important to me.#also please lmk if any of the sources break so i can fix it ^w^#ok thank u that is all. bows and exits stage left#scp.doc#txt
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i know what you did last summer!
#. // ♡ 🌱 art#dol#degrees of lewdity#bailey the caretaker#eden the hunter#jamie the bruiser#jamie the “king”#kyle the host#dol pc#i went too into this for no reason#ALSO SORRY FOR HOW LONG FORMATTED THIS IS GUYS#I WAS ORIGINALLY GONNA MAKE IT INTO A GIF BUT I HATED HOW UGLY THE FRAME RATES MADE IT#so please bare with me and be patient#AND LISTEN I KNOW SOME OF THE YOUNG BAILEY AND EDEN INFO MIGHT BE WRONG FOR THE FUTURE#BUT UNTIL THEN THIS IS MY HC UNTIL VREL DROPS THE EDEN AND BAILEY LORE#so don't come in asks about canon shit#IM HAVING FUN#also i hope this gives people a fun idea of whats cooking#whats brewing#a snapshot of the intricate board in my mind palace#this took me so long since jamie's adult face was pissing me off#bailey almost pissed me off too but i stayed strong yall
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Dpx Dc AU: Ectoplasm is required for Ghosts to be visible to the human eye- And Danny creates his own ectoplasm.
Danny is visiting Jazz in Gotham and its weird how friendly everyone is. Like, the city gets a really bad rapport, everywhere he goes there is someone trying to strike up a conversation or answer his questions about getting around to the tourist spots. A few people even pointed out restaurants and ways to find off the beaten path gems! Jazz seems to role her eyes at him, but when he brings up her 'roommate' being kind of cute she flat out laughs.
Danny then comes to understand the Jazz doesn't have a roommate and that Ghosts in Gotham don't move far from their haunts- He's just been inadvertently turning these undead folks visible by accident of generating abnormal amounts of ectoplasm.
Which, is comforting in a way, he's never walking this dangerous city alone and really, most of the ghosts have been really friendly! They disappear once he's a few blocks away from them anyway.
---
Tim Drake is having a horrible day.
He'd been given intel that one of Black Mask's guys was going to snitch but that he'd died before given the opportunity to reach out to the GCPD. He tracks down the guy's last know whereabouts and yikes. Its next to the Theater. Tim was often grateful for his childhood obsessions, this time it backfired.
Tim and Bruce get into an argument about trust and respect and, worst of all, mental health. And even though Tim was vehemently against Batman accompanying Red Robin to the alleyway - that's exactly what happens.
They arrive and Bruce is closing up faster than a clam in the contaminated Gotham Bay- Clearly being in the Alley bothers him. No fucking shit. RR gets started on collecting evidence, there are a few extra blood splatters and a single left shoe... When a kid walks into the Alley.
"Uh, sorry to intrude-" The kid looks scared shitless, and runs away. And then, all of a sudden, Batman and Robin aren't alone in the Alley.
Tim can hardly believe his eyes as the dead man appears and quickly blabs Black Mask's bank passwords and what the plan had been- and While he's over joyed to have that closure, he turns around to Batman weeping in the arms of his parents.
The ghosts fade, and the emotions are certainly charged as this was never something Bruce or Tim would have ever dreamed of happening. Ghosts in Gotham. Talking, floating, granting closure.
"RR, Bats, come in." Oracle calls into their ears.
"Reporting in, but, uh, we need a minute."
"A minute? We have a case on 4th and-"
"O, we just saw the ghosts of the Waynes. It's going to be a minute."
"...Lots of Ghost reports lately then. Any chance you saw a kid looking like he could be adopted?"
"Yeah, actually, black hair and blue eyes. He was super polite before he ran away."
"We have work to do. Oracle, lets prioritize finding our person of interest and divert Nightwing and Robin to the case on 4th." Batman cut between them on the comms and he sounded... calmer than either of them anticipated.
---
Jazz is no longer laughing when Batman appears at her door explaining that he's looking for Danny (Who already flew away from town to get a good night's sleep before class on Monday). Turns out Danny reunited the man with his dead parents just briefly- and then the second guy appears and mentions how Danny had also given a guy who'd been murdered by a Mob enough time to explain the ongoing threats the city faced.
Jazz just rolls her eyes and says that it's not like the ghosts are going anywhere anytime soon and Danny will visit in another month. When pressed, she just explains that her brother is a weirdo. No of course he doesn't have powers. Gaslight and Girlbosses her way out.
And Jazz thinks that the game is up for at least another month, obviously when Danny visits more shit will stir up, but then this new guy appears.
Unlike the other Bats who are keen on watching her from a distance, the Red Hood knocks on her door. Are her eyebrows all the way into her hairline when Red Hood asks her to send his thanks along to Danny because somehow this whole situation led to his Dad expressing remorse for his actions and apologizing? Yes, yes they are.
But Jazz can smell Dissertation Data off of these vigilantes- Who is she to send them away? Jazz welcomes Red Hood into her place for a cup of tea and a small chat.
The story then devolves into Jazz getting shit done, Danny being cute by proximity and also bringing ghosts to the party, and the Bats having trauma resolve between them.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#danny can make ghosts appear like they do in amity but only for a short while and when in proximity to him#its not apparent in amity because the ghosts are just like that there#Danny just having a good time#Danny having zero brain cells about this whole thing and neither he nor jazz will offer explanations#they're just like 'gotham has ghosts. its not like he put them there'#Bruce getting into therapy because his dead parents said they were proud of him and he didnt know how to handle that#bruce having to turn this energy around somehow and seeing jason - my boy i love you so much and im so sorry and im so proud of you#heres the thing i dont know how i made it anger management ship at the end but i sure as fuck did.#jason is at a lack of words at bruce's confessions of pride and love but is also about to be a BAT about this and track down info#info in the form of a cute girl#oh yeah she has a brother#uh well#he has brothers too- this is fine#someone write this fic pls n thx u
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