#It's 1 AM and I don't want to go to bed
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Listening to Colin Frake like *gulping down cold water after an extended desert stay*
#Earbuds in and TSFH on#It's 1 AM and I don't want to go to bed#I guess I better though#Got through three TSFH albums tonight#Aye yi yi#Illumina tomorrow maybe
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This took way longer to make than I expected and/or wanted it to.
I've collected some stray thoughts and ideas I had into what I've been calling Shape!Caz AU. The name might be subject to change because I'm terrible at naming things. To be honest I haven't completely fleshed out the AU yet and I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it.
The basic premise is that after destroying the Shape, Caz becomes the eldritch horror instead. He doesn't know about that part. What he knows is that all of the sudden he's back on an oil rig that should have been destroyed, surrounded by people who died horrible deaths at best but are suddenly alive and well and there's creepy shit happening around him that gets worse the more he panics.
It’s December 27th. None of the crew remember the 26th happening, but the people calling from the outside insist on that. They say the Beira D was completely unreachable for a whole day.
Caz just appeared at the derrick at some point. He didn’t walk in or anything, all of the sudden he just stood there, screaming. Gibbo was the first one to get to him, but then he started freaking out and yelling about not wanting to do something and ran away. It’s impossible to get him to stop crying for long enough to explain anything. It’s even harder to get any explanation from Caz. The guy just keeps rambling about people dying and monsters. Looking at him for too long hurts.
Apparently Rennick tried to fire Caz. No idea what made him change his mind, but his office has been destroyed and the guys from Administration say that he called some random guy just to threaten him. They also said that Caz is now banned from using any form of long-range communication. This was not elaborated on.One of the first things Caz did after getting to Accommodations was punching Addair. Nobody thought anything of it at the time but now Addair’s wandering around Engineering muttering something about the engine and calling his kids. He’s not responding to anyone trying to talk to him. It’s really bad for the crew’s morale.
There’s something big moving on the deck that you can only see when looking out of the windows. Some of the deckhands keep insisting that it’s Muir, but none of them have any idea how they know that. Muir himself is currently trapped in their cabin where Innes locked him in after Caz mentioned his name. Innes went missing a few hours ago. Muir is starting to get pissed. Caz seems really upset by this.
The hallways are alive when Caz is upset.
#swtd#still wakes the deep#digital art#caz swtd#I haven't written anything for fun since trade school#swtd au#posting this when I'm already half asleep might not be a good idea#we don't do good ideas in this household#I hope that the writing makes sense#I just want this thing to be out#I can no longer tell if the picture looks okay or if I'm just used to it#I remade the light so many times#I'm going to bed immediately after this goes up#about the edits I made:#I woke up at around 1:30 am and got really insecure about the writing#I think the post should be back to it's previous state#turns out it indeed was a bad idea#my art
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Mia and Ethan were together longer than her working for the Connection's (if the guidebook is to be believed) and I really think that the Connection's made it explicitly clear to Mia that if Ethan realised anything more than her job being a little bit off then Ethan is dead never mind her actually telling him anything.
And i will bet that a lot of post Baker Incident relationship Mia is still operating under that espcially after them being moved for unknown reasons (beach picture i doubt it was a holiday) to europe for the events of Village. Despite the evidence to the contrary of course like Ethan turning up at the Bakers, most of Village (both Mia and Chris are guilty of that)
#mia winters#resident evil#ethan winters#mithan#saw a post it annoyed me saw another post awhile ago and am wondering how to tell someone to use their imagination#still where was mia when alan fucked up with evie? i don't know pee break? making the “hi baby” message to ethan? both#i want to go back to my fic and add to it (i have so many more ideas but I don't know where all of it is)#which is very annoying#and i also want to go through it with a pen reading it off paper and i can't do that either#home printer currently hates laptop and walking distance library printer is no longer a thing#idea that i think will be fun: there was only 1 bed because connections are cheap and want to get blackmail material to use against agents
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aabria going, "as aimee who maybe wants to have a friend sit by you soon" is going to haunt me for the next two weeks. i can already tell.
#critical role#critical role campaign 3#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#what does that MEAN. who else do they have sitting in the back room pretending they don't exist. who now has to come back later#WHAT IF ITS ZERXUS#(guy who only knows one fictional character voice)#my points to back this up are: 1. apparently we're doing a betrayer god thing so probably would be a betrayer god pc showing up#2. he's the only other champion of a betrayer god pc we know. there could ofc be a new one but i'm insane like that#would it probably actually be a spider queen person? oh yeah probably. but WHAT IF#of all the episodes for me to pick up cr again (god i hope not i need to have a sleep schedule) after having watched calamity recently#i was so ready to go to bed like an hour later than usual and then aabria said 'you maybe want someone with you on your side of the table?'#and i live watching this yt stream now. or rather. in 2 weeks#thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am the conspiracy board meme
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you wake up one morning and think that a few more minutes in bed won't hurt, right? you don't go back to sleep but you're still curled up in the sheets, eyes shut as you stay warm. and it's peaceful, until you feel and hear the blanket being moved around and a panicked whisper of "but she's sleeping right next to us," when you decide to crack one eye open. just to see takiishi keeping endo pinned to the mattress with his forearm on the other man's upper back, takiishis other hand pulling endos pants and boxers down together in one go. neither of them notice that you're awake yet, endo just trying to keep quiet to not disturb you while takiishis more focused on sliding his dick between endos cheeks for now. until he chooses that's not enough and fucks him. right next to you while you're 'asleep.'
#it's only bc takiishi got morning wood and wanted to deal with it a soon as possible#didn't bother waking endo up just manhandled him to his stomach not caring if he woke up from the actions or not#does not care that you're literally in the same bed. the bed that the three of you sleep in#assuming he doesn't banish endo to the couch#couldn't care less about endos panic either and endo has no clue if it's bc he's impatient and wants to get this done or if he didn't hear#☆— yapping#☆— freaky nyx#actually how do i even tag this...#also don't tell veen but i was the secret moot#im sorry i could not have the term “hotdogging” associated with me i had to go on anon for it#but i am a firm believer that takiishi does like it bc he 1. doesn't have to do much work a lot of the time#2. doesnt have to deal with that much of a mess afterwards. hates a lot of feelings/textures and sometimes that includes ur slick#depends on his mood tho really#also he's not prepping endo in this sort of situation sorry but it's fine bc he probably took up the ass the night before he's used to it#i wonder if venus is still up...#she didn't see my endo post from earlier but luckily that one isn't too bad in comparison to this
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quick doodle because I needed it out of my head
#my art#pmatga#betrayus spheros#mei lián#pmatga ocs#I could have indicated that there was supposed to be a crowd behind them because they're supposed to be at a concert. but I didn't#I mainly just wanted these two out of my head#I also! still haven't decided on how these two actually GOT together!#like yeah the story still stays as 'Mei and Betrayus only ended up meeting because of Zac and Sunny' but then after that it's fuzzy#like idk who gains a crush on who first. i'm sort of leaning towards Mei because I think it'd be funny (only to me)#and then have betrayus develop feelings later on AFTER her. and then they both just don't confess until like. 1 - 2 years later#i'm honestly not too sure. also it's 2 AM so I'm going to bed! goodnight!
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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it's incredible that people still talk to me when I never reach out
#emilbee talking#it mainly comes down to being terminally boring and doing an impressive amount of nothing all day#I still do writing but even that has slowed drastically from before#(besides don't lie nobody wants to hear my insanely convoluted plot concept rambles for the nth time in a row)#meanwhile the only other things I do are play games I have hundreds/thousands of hours in (civ v and tboi)#and rewatch old shows and movies that I've seen a million times before#outside of a few scattered episodes of dr who I don't think I've watched literally anything new this year#and I don't go to events or concerts or make food or play any instruments or do any craft or really go outside or even sleep much#just kind of sit in bed and do a constant loop of old stuff while drinking away my anxiety over being completely broke#(which is now going to be replaced with anxiety over job(s) and still not having enough money)#hm. I started this with “lol I'm boring” but I think the terminal boringness is born out of terminal depression and isolation#good job em#oh I have caught up with and am now watching severance. hooray. I have checked out one (1) new thing since moving. dope
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🥱...
#I've done a thing :3#been having the worst run of bedtimes and really feeling the effects (why do I do this? eh... multiple reasons but it is not helpful)#so in an attempt to have some fun with breaking the midnight to 1 am bedtime habit I made a new sideblog#it's called robins-bedtime-tracker dot tumblr dot com#anyway I plan to update that blog for a while w my bedtimes of the previous night. I don't particularly care if friends follow or view it#I just ask that you only follow it if you know me!#might turn into somewhat of a journal or something idk#and I don't know how long I'll keep updating it#but it exists! and you can track your local robin's bedtime if you want to! I don't mind!#mostly it's for my own viewing because I'm reliably on my laptop every day so I'll remember to update it daily#I don't have a set goal like every day I have to go to bed before midnight just an overall goal to get my bedtime *usually* before 11:30—#—if there aren't extenuating circumstances#and possibly to push it even earlier than 11:30 but let's not get TOO excited lol#Robin speaks
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>person writes a post about how being a fan of a female fictional character means also needing to be her defense attorney, and generally an expert at explaining all her nuances
>hmm yes, i agree, I too am frustrated by fandom misogyny, I shall reblog that
>I glance at their username
>it's calling a canonically bisexual female character a lesbian
(i don't know how many more times i can scroll past casual bi erasure, folks)
(i don't know how much more i have in me)
#squirrel speaks#i don't have high expectations. i really don't. at least i don't think i do.#but i'm pretty sure that denying a female character her canonical marginalized sexuality and projecting another one onto her#is also kind of a form of misogyny; isn't it.#i'm growing so tired of how when it's other queer people doing the erasing; it's generally just seen as normal and acceptable#which; ngl I think that just makes it worse#because it makes the benefit of a doubt; the potential for genuine and well-intetioned ignorance; fly straight out the window#if you're queer yourself; i refuse to believe that you just aren't capable of understanding that bi people exist#(and make up the majority of the community)#so then what's left then BUT conscious dismissal? what explanation is left BESIDES biphobia?#gergh. it's 1 am. i should just go to bed instead of working myself up over this#it's not like it's new; it just very much a “death by a thousand cuts” thing#i've just seen this exact thing enough times to make me want to set the building on fire a little bit; and this time; the irony....#it just tickled me so good (and by that i mean bad)
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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okay i need to find something to crochet or knit or sth cause i really cant spend one more day just sitting in my bed doing nothing
#i used to hear people talk about how having to be quarantined the 2 weeks was so hard and i didnt get it#bc 1. i love being in my home and bed and 2. during the duration of all the lockdowns i went out once just around the block bc it snowed#and in retrospect it heavily impacted my mental health but at that time i was perfectly fine with it#and then at uni when i didnt have lectures id hardly ever leave the house and id be mostly fine with it#but theres something about being locked in my room bc of covid that is making it feel terrible#and like ive been watching shows and i read like 200 pages of a book yesterday#so it's not like my life has changed#but i just want to go do thiiiings. ive been in bed nealry all the time since friday night#also i now hate speaking with people apparently? like mom will come ask me if i want any food or my sister will text me to ask me how i am#and i just get so agitated. i don't know why. but yeah tumblr is the closest thing to communication i can deal with#okay gonna go find some scrap yarn project to start while i finish my heartstopper rewatch#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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Constantly wanting to infodump about Beastlife Fishie's lore and emotions, but having to keep it to myself for spoiler reasons is going to make me explode.
I've been having so much fun this season and I don't want it to end, but I also need it to end so I can talk about it.
#ramblings#beastlife#beastlife ratastrophe#it's 1:30 am#and I'm about to go to bed after editing for a few hours#and all I want to do is talk about my cubito#but I am cursed to silence#at least until the season's over#and all the lore I've been setting up is done#peeps watching my POV don't rat out my secrets to the other beasts#please and thank you#nobody has so far#but I should probably say it just in case#and what better place to put than a 1:30 am ramble post#anyway I'm going to bed#honk shoo#snore mii mii mii mii mii mii mii mii
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screech
#tag rant incoming#the wait until results day is killing me#6 days 17 hours until I log onto ucas and see where I'm going in less than a month#time will not go faster no matter what i do I'm an anxious mess all the time and all I look forward to is going to bed so when i wake up#there's 1 less day to wait#I want to get into my first choice so so so badly and I'm not sure how I'll take it if I don't#my second choice is an equally good uni and course but it's just not the same to me#I'll go anyway if that's what ends up happening cus I know I'll enjoy it eventually but yeah#god has a plan everything happens for a reason etc etc but I'm Scared™#ok positives#today i bought my new laptop that I've been saving for for months - there wasn't any in stock at currys so I'll have to wait for delivery#so now I can finally join discord calls and make silly PowerPoints again#the end of my job is in sight - I wasn't put on the schedule for my last week so now I just have 2 ish weeks to go#on Monday I'm going round to a friend's to play stardew valley#rwrb movie comes out tomorrow#no matter what happens on results day my friends and I are going to a gay bar in Belfast which I'm so excited for#followed by a sleepover with another friend#the future is happening very soon and it's very overwhelming but I will get through it#I am just the unfortunate combination of anxious and impatient#ellis exclaims
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i really wish i liked cohost more cause like in theory it seemed like a great thing to have in case tumblr ever implodes but like i just can't dig it. I know they don't have like counters and stuff for a reason but people comment with much less frequency than other things so it just feels so dead.
I love tumblr's tags, I love seeing what people have to say in them and the nature of them makes them an easier place to say your thoughts than a comment section. Everytime I go on there I miss it so much.
#also at least in the areas I'd use it it doesn't seem that active#and like I don't post for numbers but I also don't post just to post#if I didn't want to hear anyone's thoughts i simply wouldn't post#Ioz is just too big of a fandom for me to approach it the way I would say a rarepair ship#anyway it's 1 am I'm going to bed
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FUCK BUGS I CAN RESPECT AN ECOLOGICAL NICHE WITHOUT WANTED THEM ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR MY STUFF
#THERE'S A MANY LEGGED BUG IN MY FLOOR LAUNDRY NOW. IM UPSTAIRS NOW. AMD VERY UPSET#flies are fine. don't want them on/close to me but whatever. bees a little less so but i respect them#ants are okay too. but anything else and bets are off.#genuinely im distressed#its 1 am i need to go to bed but there's a bug in my room and i didn't know exactly where it is and i can't kill it#so im not fucking going in my room#bugs#bug tw#ro rambles
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