#Jev is asleep...what should they do now...

[mine-darling-demon]

*RALSEI, I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE WHOLE PART WHERE... HE. TRIED. TO. KILL. US.

*Oh hush! Before I have to pacify you too, you'll wake him up!

[charanteleclerc]

love is found in crowded streets and coffee shops

For Quagswagging as part of the Summer Break Fic Exchange 2019. As usual, crossposted to my AO3 (Charante_Leclerc). Prompts are always open. Enjoy! ❤️

The residents of Stirling Street were, for the most part, good friends. They were a tight knit community of five shops, and possibly a little co-dependent for their own good. Seb owned Horse & Bull Repairs Shop, fixing anything from watches to car engines. Kimi and Kevin were next door at Iceman Tattoos, which sometimes also did alcohol (it was never advised). On the other side of him was Restaurant de Monte-Carlo, run by Romain and his trusty crew, and kept very traditionally French. Across the road was Jenson and Fernando’s Champions Coffee Shop & Bakery, once started as two separate shops, but they had ended up sharing so many customers they’d eventually given in and taken down the inbetween wall. Next to them was Jev and Andre’s shop, which was… well, they seemed to change it every week, the rest of them had given up trying to predict what shop it was going to be.

Stirling Street was great. Except for the fact that Seb and Kimi hated each other.

No-one knew how the rivalry had started, not even the two of them. It was just a fact of life by now. They opened their shops, argued about where their poster boards were situated at 9.15 exactly, sniped their way through their lunch break at Champions, and yelled at each other through their shared wall about their choice in music.

“We need to do something.” Jenson groaned, after Seb and Kimi had left following another tense lunch-break. “They’re always at each other's throats, and frankly, it’s driving me insane.”

“I can’t hear myself think.” Kevin muttered. “I need to stay out of there as long as possible.”

“Romain said he has heard them yelling three time this week. Three times. It is insane.” Fernando said glumly. “And they argued over what was the best flavour muffin. And they were both wrong.”

“They didn’t choose my Key Lime Pie muffin?” Jenson sounded wounded. “What did they choose?”

“Seb said chocolate chip.” Fernando flinched at Jenson’s sharp intake of breath. “You do not want to know what Kimi said.”

“Tell me what he said.”

Fernando sighed. “Vanilla. He said vanilla.”

“He said what?” Jenson yelped. “Is he open? I need to have words with him.”

Fernando watched Jenson leave, shaking his head. He’d said that he wouldn’t want to know. People really should listen to him.

“How can we stop them fighting?” Lando asked, clearing plates. “They’re pretty much always at each other’s throats.”

“You’re missing the point.” Lewis said from a nearby table, who had before looked completely asleep. He still did, except for the part his mouth was moving.

“What’s the point then?” Kevin asked curiously.

“It’s not that they hate each other. It’s that they don’t.”

“What do you mean, they don’t?” Lando frowned. “Of course they do. They fight all the time!”

“It’s because they’re scared.” Lewis shrugged. “They don’t actually hate each other, but they’re terrified of not-hating each other. It’s comfortable, it’s a relationship they know.”

“That makes sense.” Fernando shrugged. “I can work with it.”

Jenson stormed back in, eyes suspiciously red. “He won’t apologise. Said his opinions are his own and that vanilla is a valid choice.” His voice sounded wobbly. “It’s fine.”

“Did you cry during or after this discussion?” Fernando raised an eyebrow. Jenson shuffled.

“During.”

“You do know that he’s going to remember that forever.”

“Yep.”

“Just checking.”

“So,” Lando leaned on the counter. “So we need to convince them that they don’t hate each other? How hard can it be?”

~*~

It was pretty hard.

Romain kept on complaining that he could hear Kimi shouting at Seb, and had even sent his waiters over to try and calm the situation.

It hadn’t.

Pierre, Charles and Esteban had stumbled back to the restaurant terrified, Kevin alongside, and needed two shots each until they stopped trembling. They looked shell-shocked for another week.

Jenson tried talking to Seb one afternoon, bringing muffins as a go-between (chocolate chip included). Seb had taken the muffin’s, had listened as long as it had taken to eat them, before turfing Jenson out. (He’d agreed to mend the bakery clock free of charge though. It might have something to do with Jenson lying in the doorway, holding his muffin tub, determined not to move. Bribery was sometimes needed).

Even Jev had tried. Which was something that no-one had ever imagined happened, as Jev and Andre acted like the cool kids that thought everything was beneath them. Jev had wandered into the bakery at lunchtime, looking unconcerned, and had attempted to mediate one of their arguments. When he’d left, his usually perfect hair had been sticking up on end, and something was popping in his jaw.

Everyone had tried, except for Lewis, who refused to get involved. Something about them figuring it out for themselves.

“What are we going to do?” Jenson moaned. “It’s like everything we do makes things worse!”

“No more meddling here.” Fernando threatened. “Look at George.”

Jenson looked over to where George was lying with his head on a table, cheesecake in his hair. Lando was patting him on the back, while Carlos was trying to brush as many crumbs as possible out of his hair. Alex was playing gentle music from his phone, making comforting noises.

“Look at him Jenson.” Fernando repeated. “He has cheesecake in his hair. I don’t even know how they got cheesecake, we don’t sell cheesecake.”

“It was fantastic aim though.” Andre shrugged. “Can’t deny that. Two double espressos to go please.”

“Those are going to keep you up all night you know?” Fernando said. “Or give you superpowers, you’ve been getting those everyday for a year.”

“Betting on it.” Andre winked. “Plus, gotta keep looking hot somehow.”

“Amen.” Lewis chimed in from the back of the bakery. Jenson jumped a little, staring at him.

“I thought he was asleep, didn’t you think he was asleep?”

“Maybe you should convince them of the things that they like about each other.” Andre suggested. “Vodka, racing, ice-cream. Start slow.” He picked up both espressos, downed one after the other, before grinning. “See you later.”

“He’s going to die.” Carlos said in admiration. “He is insane.”

“Do you think that would work?” Jenson asked. “Slowly warming them up to each other?”

“Cannot do much worse, can it?” Fernando replied. “It will either stay the same or they will want to bang each other in a week.”

“Challenge accepted.” Jenson looked determined. “Better than the arguing.”

~*~

“So, Seb.” Jenson leaned up on Seb’s counter, grinning. “Ice-cream?”

Seb gave him a weird look. “Sure.” He said slowly, taking one of the offered ice-creams. “What do you want?”

“I can come and hang out with you, can’t I? We’re friends.” Jenson laughed. “So, vodka? What’s that about?”

“Are you trying to make me like Kimi?” Seb raised an eyebrow, tapping a finger against the counter. “Because it’s not going to work.”

“What, no! No, no no…” Jenson trailed off. “Well, good chat.” He backed away towards the door. “Lovely, lovely chat.”

“Tell them it’ll take more than that to sort out your problem.” Seb called after him. “And I want a free coffee for that attempt!”

~*~

Jenson spent twenty seconds in Kimi’s shop before something was thrown at him. He didn’t stop to find out what it was.

Valtteri, who was in the shop of the time, only shook his head when asked.  

~*~

“We’re doomed.” Romain said gloomily. “I’m going to need to buy earplugs.”

The majority of the Stirling Street residents (minus the significant two) were sat around a few tables pushed together, nursing various coffees and teas. Charles, Pierre and Esteban still looked jittery. George was still finding crumbs in his hair. Jev still tensed up when he heard their names mentioned. Kevin was just starting to pretend that he didn’t exist.

Lewis was still asleep in the corner. Or maybe he wasn’t, they weren’t sure.

“Wait, here they come.” Jenson shushed the group. They all turned to watch out the window as they came out of their shops, scowling as they saw each other.

“Your board is in front of my store.” Seb snapped, locking his shop. “Again.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m stealing your customers. How many people did you see today?” Kimi countered, crossing his arms.

“Don’t change the subject. Also, why do you have to play your music so loud? It’d be nice not to have it drill into my head.”

“Well, I’m sorry... “ They continued bickering down the street. The group turned back to look at each other, dismally.

“Doomed.” Romain repeated sadly. “Doomed.”

~*~

Jenson picked up his tub of muffins, steeling himself. “Half for Seb, half for Kimi. As an apology of sorts.”

“They need to learn for themselves.” Fernando agreed. “We cannot have anymore scared kids. They do not need to see that ever.”

Jenson sighed, picking up the tubs. “I hope Romain buys those earplugs.” He said, walking towards the door. “Really hope.”

He crossed the street, opening the door to Seb’s shop. It was before opening time, but Seb never locked his shop (which was probably a really bad idea considering his shop was filled with valuables).

“Hey Seb, just brought some more muffins, five chocolate chips and one of my new inventions, Blackberry Crumble muffins. Thought you might one to try it, and - er, what?” He stopped as he finally took in the scene in front of him. “What is happening?”

Seb looked up, blinking. “Huh?”

Jenson gaped. “But… you’re here! And… and him!” He stuttered, pointing at the other guy in the room. “It’s Kimi!”

Seb turned to Kimi sat next to him. “Huh, it is. Funny that.”

“But… you hate each other!” Jenson clutched his muffin box to his chest. “You hate each other!”

“Well, we did.” Seb said, tapping away at his laptop. “For ages.”

“Arguing is the way to a man’s heart.” Kimi muttered from behind his coffee. Seb nodded absentmindedly.

“Exactly.”

“So, we’ve been trying to make you two not hate each other when you don’t actually hate each other?” Jenson asked. “I think I need to sit down.”

“The floor is just there.” Seb said helpfully. Kimi snickered.

“How long has this been going on?” Jenson looked between them wildly. “How long?”

“Since those poor French boys walked in.” Seb replied. “I really am sorry for traumatising them.”

“I’m not.” Kimi shrugged.

“Oh my… oh my god.” Jenson put his tub on the counter, resting his forehead on the counter. “Does anyone else know?”

“Lewis.” Kimi yawned.

“Lewis?!” Jenson screeched. “He knew?!” He took a deep breath, looking at the two men in front of him. “Give me a minute.”

~*~

Jenson would later admit that running back across the street, screaming words with no coherence at Lewis, and then promptly fainting was not his finest moment.

However, he’d also say that his emotions were running high. It was justified.

~*~

“So, they don’t actually hate each other?” Lando asked. “Wow.”

“All this time?” Andre said. “Wow.”

“I think it is sweet.” Fernando said. “That Seb and Kimi - do not flinch -” as Jev, Charles, Pierre, Kevin and Esteban all involuntarily shuddered, “that even they can get over their differences.”

“I can’t believe they let me find out like that!” Jenson still looked haunted.

The door opened, and the usual bickering being heard again. “If you move that sign one more time …”

“Love at it’s finest.” Lewis said smugly. “I said to leave it to themselves.”

“I swear you were asleep a second ago!” Jenson yelped. “You were asleep!”

[pierregasly]

Hey presley, how you doin'? i wanna do a request to! i would do it in spanish because, yea i need to practice my spanish in somewhere lol: Podrias hacer por favor una historia sobre JEV and André algo como un SpyAu! o algo por el estilo? Gracias por tus fics que son geniales ♥

Gracias! Here you go, I wrote it all up for you. I hope it’s not too long for your liking? It’s not my best work :( Anyone can feel free to request anything! This is also posted here on ao3. Hope you like it:

__________________________

          Andre’s lips always taste like bullets. It is mixed with the stiff scent of his cologne and, of course, a lingering aftertaste of gunpowder or sweat. But it is strange that despite everything that occurs, he always stays the same. A part of him wishes that he could match that type of consistency. JEV understands he has a tendency to overthink things, not just his actions, but it is his overwhelming sense to save the lives everyone around him. These are the thoughts that paint him when the filth of the day is stripped from himself and he lies on the bed. This time, it occurs for him while Andre is away in the shower and JEV is quietly humming underneath his breath as he watches the ceiling.  

         The mattress he is laying on squeaks beneath him with every shift of his weight, there isn’t any coffee and he despises the Russian cold. He’s usually been quite good with timezones, but for now, his eyes are wide and alert with every footfall in the narrow hallway. JEV hears the water shut off and rolls over onto his side to make room. A few minutes later, Andre emerges with a towel wrapped around his waist. Amused, JEV leans on his elbow and passes an almost flirtatious grin.

         “Finished?”, he mutters, shivering at a cold chill that gusts from underneath the crack in the wooden door.

         Andre smirks smally, “да.” He moves to take a shirt from his bag on the floor. “You need to work on your Russian, моя любовь,” he tugs it over his head. JEV knows the language plenty well, but it is his French accent that digs out beneath every word

         “Why?”, he raises an eyebrow, “I am never sent out to mingle anyways.”

         Andre follows him from the corner of his eye for a moment, disregarding his belongings and stepping towards the bed. Cheap motel, Di Grassi, JEV thinks disdainfully. The frigid weather nips at his nose and Andre is surprisingly warm to the touch when he reaches to place his hands on either side of his shoulder. JEV enjoys this, small moments with only eye contact to sustain the long occasions they are otherwise apart. Andre touches his face with his fingertips, leaning over and his lips brush his shortly, “But it’s safer.” He pulls away and JEV lets out a whimper of annoyance. He digs into the bag for a second and tosses a pair of pants over. “Put some pants on,” Andre suggests, “You’re going to freeze to death and then I’ll have no one.”

         JEV pauses briefly and these words cause him to think more than he believes they were supposed to. Then I’ll have no one. He himself feels that he could’ve said the same. “You’ll have Lucas still,” he mumbles before crawling back underneath the sheets.

         “I suppose,” Andre shifts in besides him and his face is warm against the back of his neck as he tosses an arm over his waist. “But then again,” and his breath brings a heat to his spirit, “He’s not you, милая.”

         It was dangerous of them, to do with each other this way. JEV had promised himself he wouldn’t fall too deeply into things this time, a second chance. He only hopes Antonio will bring the equipment quick enough tomorrow. He falls asleep frozen, exhausted, with Andre’s breathing to lull him into sleep. He ponders:

         Life is too short, moments such as these too rare.

         It is a warm belief.

____________________________

         The both of them get three hours of sleep before Antonio barges into the room, shuts the curtains and flicks on the light. Immediately, Andre shoots upright, stretching to the bedside table for his weapon.

         “Chill!”, Antonio raises both of his arms defensively and Andre has to blink momentarily before setting it back on the table. JEV rubs his eyes, he hadn’t noticed he was gripping Andre’s upper arm until Antonio raised a brow at them. “You guys didn’t fuck did you?”, he grins and pressing his elbow down on the bed, releasing the pressure as the olden springs scrape together. “You would’ve blown our cover with your noises,” he rolls his eyes. Embarrassed, JEV pulls his hand away and places them into his lap.

         “Shut up, de Costa,” Andre growls, slipping out of the bed into the chill of the four am morning air. “You couldn’t of knocked?”, he whispered, shutting the crack in the drapes.

         “Nope,” he draws it out and then smiles cheekily. Antonio’s attention shifts to JEV and his brows arch high on his forehead once again, “Where is your gun?”

         JEV doesn’t want to talk about his last mission. There is a brief minute where his throat closes and his hands begin to quiver. There is an image that comes with this; sometimes he peers under his nails and he still believes that there is blood caked in the cracks. Andre notices this moment of discomfort and chimes in. “Skills testing,” he interrupts before changing the subject, “Di Grassi asked for it.”

          In actuality, Di Grassi asked for my gun, six months of deskwork and almost my certification.

         Antonio has a short attention span and loses interest soon after not receiving a reply. “Why the porra is it so cold?”, he moans, complaining and turning around the undo the technology onto the corner desk.

         “Ask Di Grassi to assign us to Spain next time,” JEV mutters, not like we have any choice. “Mortara and Engel are in Italy, Piquet in Nicaragua, Prost and Buemi in South Africa…”, he drones as though nobody cares.

         “We always get the winter,” Andre chorals in good humor, “Sweden, Finland, D.C. and now Moscow? Even Frijins and Bird are in Lisbon for Christ’s sake!” A momentary lapse of uncomfortable silence transform the air. It feels soft on his cheeks, the cold, as though it were preparing himself for something. Antonio respites amidst that reticence and his back remains turned. An audible sigh leaves him. “Da Costa?”, Andre edges carefully, glancing to JEV with a hint of confusion in his eye. Neither of them approach and the normal, easy-going air has left the atmosphere.

         “Antonio?”, JEV stiffens, “What is it?”

         They can practically hear the gears in his head shifting. “I heard only just before I arrived,” he started quietly.

         JEV’s heart race kicks up, spilling messily into his breath. “Heard what?”, he pushes.

         “There was a problem in Lisbon.”

         “What kind of problem?”

         “Robin Frijins is dead.”

         The words don’t hit him immediately. Andre’s eyes fall to him but JEV cannot do anything for stare at an empty corner of the room where the carpet is molding. He had just seen him, just before the plane to Russia, Robin had slapped his back and congratulated him on the end of his detention in office buildings. It steals the breath straight from his lungs and he suddenly feels extremely sick. JEV only wishes that the information would’ve left him with at least one lung with which to inhale with.

         “That’s not the end of it,” Antonio finally wheels around to face them and his eyes are dull beads bleeding out from their absence of light or excitement.

         Andre swallows, sitting calmly on the edge of the bed. “What-what do you mean?”, his voice breaks and JEV can hear the sound of him chewing on his inner cheek to contain himself.

         Antonio sighs, “Bird is missing.”

         JEV sucks in a pulse of air and shifts his focus from his absent stares to a small crack in the window where the night sky folds out over the horizon. “Why the hell weren’t we notified?”, Andre growls, his jaw moving upwards.

         “We only found out an hour ago. They missed their reconnaissent, Di Grassi sent Heidfeld to check and…”, he alters his gaze away nervously biting on his lip.

         JEV doesn’t want to imagine what that was like for Nick to see. But he remembers Lynn leaving his certification on Di Grassi’s table all those months ago. Perhaps it is more haunting than the failed mission, the lifeless gaze and Alex’s disheveled appearance. It was standing in that hallway with the memories of a phantom’s last breath in his arms. Blue lips, stiff eyes and cold hands at their sides. Sam once mentioned to him that Alex still wears his ring even after everything had happened. Maybe I’m not ready for field work again, JEV muses.

         “Why are we here then?”, Andre demands, his tone taking a sharp tone that is only occasionally heard. “We should be out there looking for him,” Antonio steals a step away from him cautiously and deviates the subject even though JEV can see that his hands are visibly shaking.

         “Come on,” Antonio begins to set up the pieces of two microphones together on the table, clearing his throat, “You two need to get ready.”

         With an empty gaze, both JEV and Andre peer to each other. There is a hint of clarity in how their eyes branch together. His soul shows itself itself to the sun, shows to the rain. There isn’t anything covering his open, disillusioned thoughts. There is a pale streak of early morning light that shines through muffled curtain. He can’t help it then, but he thinks of Robin. He hates not the loss, but the remembering most of all.

         Slowly, Andre nods in confirmation and broadens his stance once again. “Okay,” he sighs.

         JEV only studied the blue tint of light fade father away from Robin…

________________________

         Andre maintains a cautious air around him until they get into the car and Antonio is absent. He nudges his shoulder gently with his own, “You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”

         JEV peels his eyes down to the hands in his lap. He flips them over and over again but still there isn’t any blood underneath the nails as he imagines there should be. “Which one?”, he grumbles.

         “The first one,” Andre replies.

         “No.”

         “Don’t lie to me, please.”

         “Fine,” JEV shifts uncomfortably in his suit, “I am.”

         Andre exhales, reaching over discretely and sliding a hand over his knee. JEV looks to it, he should tell him to stop that, he could buck it off. But he doesn’t. It fills him with an odd sense of comfort as he leans to put his hand over the interaction. “You’ve heard this a lot, but it was not your fault and you know that, right?”, his tone begs him to look to his face but JEV doesn’t.

         “I know,” and he sounds tired like he has aged a century in only two months.

         “When’s your next meeting with your therapist?”

         “I haven’t scheduled it,” he leans his head on his elbow, his forehead meeting the glass of the vehicle.

         “Why?”

         “I didn’t know when I would be coming back. Or if…”, to not upset Andre he hushes to a stop but the magnitude is enough.

         Andre’s grip on his knee tightens and JEV sees the carved veins of his wrist pop out under the tanned flesh. “Don’t say that,” he hisses, “Don’t ever say that, JEV.”

         My last partner was supposed to get married in a month.

         Eventually, in a small movement, JEV moves his head up and their eyes meet. It is calm, serene almost, witnessing the little sun behind his shadowed eyes suddenly burst into life. “J’aime,” he murmurs discreetly into his hair.

         Andre grins and then removes his hand from his thigh. The reply of, “Moi aussi,” blends into the scenery as the car begins to move.

         JEV wonders where Mitch is right now. He hopes Alex knows that he is sorry.

________________________

         “Caralho sagrado! Did someone just get shot?!”

         “You’re not helping, Antonio!”, Andre objects angrily, ducking his head with a shove to JEV’s back as they pass into a long hallway.

         “Seriously, are you guys okay?!“

         JEV has learned to expect the unexpected in this job. He hadn’t imagined he’d be losing his hair and thining up, but he has through these years. It’s strange that he peers into the mirror and finds that he recognizes himself less and less with everyday. It was a simple mission: Andre sweet talks himself with a glass of champagne rolling lazily in his hand into a group of the Russian political elite. Dmitri Raskolnikov (the last name was actually Nico’s idea).

         “Why the hell do I get to be called Александр?”, JEV groaned a week earlier, leaning back in his chair, “That’s a boring name.”

         Nico scoffs, “Are you really going to be picky about your alias? ”

         Robin had bumped JEV’s shoulder playfully behind him, “What are you talking about? He is always picky! Why do you think he never drinks the coffee here?”

         Robin was alive then.

         JEV’s mouth is dry and his hands stiff in front of him as he sprints. It’s a long marble hallway, little reflections of the tile glisten of the ceiling. If, perhaps, he wasn’t being shot at, then he could’ve thought that it was beautiful. He sweats beneath the collar of his suit and his fingers are beginning to quake. The footsteps and shouts follow them with a peculiar whizz of bullets dashing into the stone. Suddenly, hands wrap over the back of his neckline, tugging him backwards. JEV chokes, stumbling backwards and reaching for his throat.

         “Be quiet,” Andre demands, ripping him into an open doorway along the hallway. The footsteps still beat down in the hall towards them. The only thing JEV thinks un-ironically is: Блядь. Andre’s hand clasps over his mouth, tugging him into his chest. “I have another pistol on my calf,” he whispers, “Reach down and get it.”

         JEV realizes it is against the rules, considering he doesn’t even have him own weapon with him at the moment. He nods and he Andre’s frantic heartbeat beats through his chest to his skin. Swallowing, he unloops himself, crouching down in the shadowed room. JEV reaches his hand up his pant leg out of the holster. At that precise moment, the shouting picks up again and a stray bullet splinters the wooden frame of the doorway. JEV throws an arm over Andre, ducking his head at the splinters fraying into his hair.

         “Andre!”, JEV shouts, a white noise ringing in his eardrums. His eyes press shut, his hand rubbing over the side of his hand. Baise, that hurt.

         “JEV, what is going on?!”, Antonio’s voice shatters in his earpiece.

         Andre groans underneath him, his back folded from the ceiling and his body hunched. “Andre?”, JEV swallows thickly, blinking his eyes through the dust and caressing a hand over their spine. At this slight contact, they crumple, sliding to the floor with his head in between his knees. He almost appears like a small child crying out. JEV lowers himself, meeting both of his hands and planting them onto his shoulders. “Please,” he quivers, prodding him, “Talk to me.” A finger taps underneath their chin, lifts his attention to his eyes. His dark pupils are wide, blown and this skin is stiff with a certain shock. JEV’s attention falls to their shoulder, “Why are you holding yourself? Show me.” Hesitantly, eyes squinting, Andre removes his hand from underneath his waistcoat. JEV has experienced his world crumpling quite a few times. He felt it when he watched Mitch’s eyes fade, when he saw Alex in that long hallway, and now as he kneels on the ground beside Andre. “What is that on your hand?”, he trembles, everything slowing.

         Andre peers into his eyes and it is perhaps the only time he has ever seemed afraid.

         JEV knows then what it is.

         It’s blood.

____________________________

         Less than thirty minutes ago, JEV had been able to sneak himself out of the eye’s view into the backroom at the top of the stairs, stripped the hard drive and hidden it into his coat pocket as though it never had happened.

         “Do you have it?”, Antonio questioned quietly.

         “Yes,” JEV whispers, searching both ways. There must have been a silent alarm because seconds later he is on his knees with a pistol to his skull. The cold metal stabs into the outage of his neck. He is of few who doesn’t believe it’s cowardly to close your eyes when you believe you are going to die. If he closes his eyes, he could imagine anything he pleases: he chooses what he sees last. That’s what he envisions, a two story house with green fields and a setting sun. There is a sensation of ardor like no other and Andre is dressed up in these colors, all of these hues as though they were specifically for him and him alone. The gunfire goes off and JEV laments: I must be dead. Something thumps to the ground.

         “JEV!”, a voice hollers in the space.

         He parts his eyes and Andre is standing above looking into him. “Andre?”, he edges, nictating widely.

         “We don’t have much time,” he grabs the pads of his shoulders and tugs him onto his feet, “We have to run.” The confidence in his voice causes JEV nod and reach for his hand.

         This is my confession.

         I am dark.

         And you will always find those lighter pieces of me.

         All of my pieces.

         Just for you.

         Andre moans again and JEV snaps back to his attention. “Lotterer has been hit,” he stammers and his eyes spy about wildly.

         “Is he–is he…”

         “No,” JEV interrupts and Andre’s eyes are slits, his head reclined back and his features tight.

         “Plan B–”

         “No,” JEV snaps and Andre smirks slightly, a bit of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. “We have to get him out of here,” he barks.

         “You have a mission.”

         “Andre has a life!”, he shouts frantically, his face heating and rising with every drip of energy. JEV can’t stand the thought of coffins, or funerals. He’s lost too many in his years, too many. For a moment, Robin snaps into his mind but he quickly shakes it away. “I can’t–”, he can hear the voices approaching, “We can’t lose another.”

         There is a recess as if all of the activity in the world as ceased. A breath, “Then do your job.”

         JEV’s fist pounds into the floor and he rubs his face roughly. “JEV…”, Andre whimpers and he immediately spins towards him.

         “Yes?”, he uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away the blood. “Just keep pressing there,” he directs his hand to the wound in his collar.

         “Take this.”

         Something chilled, hard and metal drops into his hand. It takes JEV a second to want to look away from Andre’s face. “You’ll need this,” he beams softly and the light bulb in the chandelier flickers and wanes like a candle across the sweaty grime of his face. It’s a pistol. It’s his pistol. “Remind us all of why you deserve this,” he nods.

         “Andre–”

         “Go,” he demands, shooing him away, “Go save us.”

         Andre always tastes like bullets.

         A ticking time bomb.

         The both of them are fumbling to cut the right wires.

         JEV slides along the tile, scampering at the sting of bullets erupting behind him. One crumbles the marble above his head. “Which way?”, he huffs, the adrenaline coursing through his veins causing him to be suddenly aware of everything in his surroundings.

         “Right. At the end you’ll get to the staircase.”

         It’s oddly quiet at this end.

         Andre once told him: “I’m not a marrying man.”

         JEV had believed the same thing. But for now, as he dodges life and death for the first time in six months, he believes that his hand looks rather naked without a gold band on his left finger. There is a box on the door. “What is the code?”, he frantics, panning over his shoulder and then back again

         “1-9-1-8.”

         Ironic and tragic.

         He punches in the code with a shaking finger and the door buzzes.

         “Now, go up the stairs and Lopez–”

         JEV’s hand tugs open the door. But then something makes him pause on the first step. Andre. “No,” he strides away, the door crashed shut behind.

         “Vergne, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

         “I’m not leaving Andre,” he purses his lips. The cuff of his sleeve is ripped, the collar of his shirt is patent at the neck. “I am not losing another person,” the ear piece irritates him and he contemplates taking it out as he passes back the way that he had come through a maze of marble hallways and doors. His heartbeat drums in his ears.

         “Listen to me,” and it causes JEV to stop, his hand catching on the wall to steady himself. “You can’t save everyone,” and those eyes, they are there glaring into his, lifeless and dull. “You’re risking your life, your risking the life of others. He isn’t Mitch, JEV, Andre isn’t Mitch. You didn’t know what was going to happen that day. No one of us did. Robin was on that mission, Bruno was there too, you aren’t the only person at fault,” a sting pierces into his core, prodding at the very sense of who it is he is.

         “Robin is dead. Bruno retired. I am all that is left,” his throat closes.

         A slow draw of air arrives from the other end. “Come home,” and the last sentence shatters his illusion.

         His bones ease together. “Have you ever seen someone become more and more beautiful everytime that you saw that them?”

         “Where are you going with this?”

         “You can’t live without them.“ He reaches towards his ear, “I can’t live without him.” He tugs out the earpiece, “I can’t make the same mistake I did before. I’m sorry.” And, in the end, not a part of him feels guilty.

         Andre’s eyes are closed when he arrives again. JEV gasps, sliding to the ground and his arm folds underneath his arms. “Can you stand?”, he whispers, struggling to lift his weight up. The tufts of his brown hair tickle up underneath his chin. “You’re going to be okay, Andre,” he ushers him out of the doorway.

         “JEV…”, he stumbles at a corner, fighting to regain his balance.

         “We are almost there,” JEV soothes, rubbing circles into his back.

         “I need to ask you something.”

         “Please,” he begs, “Don’t speak.”

         “No,” Andre frowns, his mouth twisting firmly in pain, “I have to ask you.”

         “What?”, the door is just a few meters away now.

         “Will you marry me one day?”

         JEV doubletakes and his body freezes involuntarily. The image is there once again, the nature and the sun. Everything that makes the world so beautiful in the end. His future plays like a spell in the back of his mind. He shakes it off and continues, “Why are you asking right now?”

         “Just in case.”

         “You’re not going to die,” JEV darts, his hand shifting over the keypad and the door closes behind them.

         “Please,” his whimpers. His voice is so tiny under his shoulder as he drags him up the staircase.

         “Lopez is waiting with the helicopter.”

         “Jean-Eric.”

         The breath catches in his throat. A ball of matted words clinging to his tongue. “I-”, he swallows, “I will. I’ll marry you one day.”

         Andre chuckles lightly, his head tipping forward and his feet dragging, catching on the edges of the steps. “I knew you would,” he simpers. Their eyes close just before they reach the roof, his body crumpling.

         “Andre? Andre! Hold on, love, just hold on for me.”

______________________________

         JEV hates hospitals. He despises the way that they smell, the sensory they give him. But he’s sitting beside Andre on a bed as they pick and prod at his wound. Because he is too nice, Andre doesn’t snap, he only digs his nails into the palm of JEV’s hand to contain the pain. In a simple moment of clarity, he turns to him, his attention blinking faintly into his.

         “Do you still want to get married one day?”

         The doctor holds back a laugh, “Where do you guys work?”

         JEV peers down at his clothing: his torn suit and haggard appearance. A headache throbs deeply behind his brow and bags weight heavily on his cheeks. The clock on the wall ticks past five in the morning and his vision blurs as his eyes drip for the need of sleep. “We’re lawyers,” he lies.

         Andre raises a curious brow and his face is pale, pallid in the fluorescent lighting. “Yes,” he confirms, nodding slowly, “We are lawyers.”

         The Doctor hums. “You do a lot of shooting as lawyers?”

         “Of course,” JEV chimes.

         “Absolutely.“

         The curtain around them shuffles and Heidfeld’s head peers through the parting, catching everyone’s attention. “Sorry to interrupt,” he ruffles his blonde hair with his hand and glares to JEV. “Di Grassi wants to see you.”

         Oh boy.

________________________________

         JEV would prefer if he could go back to the hospital with Andre’s kisses on his forehead and crawl in beside him after a long shower. The disgust is heavy upon his wretched soul. Antonio is exiting the office as he enters. There is a still moment of tension and contact before he glances to the ground and brushes past him in the doorway. Lucas stands with his head down staring at a stack of papers and he glances up at the knock gently rapping at the frame. But he doesn’t smile. He only gestures to the chair in front of his desk with a low, unruly gaze. JEV sits, his long limbs crouching and knocking together in the tiny office space.

         “You disobeyed the plan,” Lucas stiffs out. The only thing JEV notices is that they forgot to brush their hair that morning.

         JEV leans back in the chair, “I know.”

         “You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” Lucas’s vision narrows, his shadowed eyes staring out at him from behind his desk.

         “I know.”

         “You sacrificed not only your team members for yourself or your own personal agenda.”

         He rises heatedly, “But–”

         “But,” Lucas lingers, his fingers unlacing from in front of him. “You did get the hard drive, and you saved your partner successfully with a clear head.” Lucas is the type of man to draw in dramatics, the theater type nearly.

         “And…”

         He squints and then reaches into his desk drawer. A leather badge glistens the light. “You can have your certification and your gun back.” JEV blinks blankly for a moment before reaching for it. Sliding it across the table closer towards himself and peering around it. Just the same as it was before, cracked, fraying from years of work and the weapon with his fingerprints planted all over it.

         “What are we doing to get Sam back?”

         Lucas recesses, licking at his lips in thought. “Da Costa told me you want somewhere warmer?”, he raises a brow.

         JEV shrugs, “Sure.”

         There is a pause. “How do you feel about Portugal?”

         “Why Portugal?”

         Lucas smiles sadly, “So you can murder the sons of bitches who took Sam Bird.”

         Andre told him something before he had left the hospital in between swears of agony and broken sentences:

         “Not everything is terrible in the end, isn’t it? The world isn’t so frightening after all.”

         JEV had shut his eyes and leaned his head on his shoulder.

         Especially with you, love. Especially with you.

[survivor-switzerland]

EPISODE 4: MATTERHORN APPEARS TO BE CANNIBALIZING - NICK

Well I don't know what the fuck just happened. All day people have been saying it's Abel, that he's 100% going home, and I've been so scared that people have been barely talking to me but Luke convinced me it was fine. I've put so much trust in him. I've come to him with like, dumbass plans that I've been considering that he could use against me to like, murder me in this game. And then tonight I'm one of only THREE votes for abel out of EIGHT and ci'ere goes home. Apparently he convinced literally everyone that i was 100% with him in blindsiding zack, so they all left me out. Now I'm on the bottom. Luke and Zack INSISTED that they still wanna work with me and that they trust me and believe that I wasn't with Ci'ere, but I'm still so scared. I wanna trust Luke especially, but fuck. I have no idea what to do.

I'm glad this swap just happened. Now I'm with Trent, who wholeheartedly believes that I was never apart of this majority alliance, and I can definitely work with him. Logan's there, which I think is good, but it's kind of tricky because I know we could be seen as a pair and he's always nervous to work with me because of that one time I exploded on him. Nick is here, and I know him vaguely and he seems happy that we're together. Lily is here, and we worked together in Solomon so hopefully I can work with her. I'm trying to repair things with Abel, and he seems willing to work with me but I'm not sure if I 100% believe that.

Luke is on exile, and I honestly hope he ends up here even if it means going to tribal. Because if I can live through another tribal, I think it would be worth it to repair our relationship and get my number 1 back. It's good to have someone you can 100% trust.

AHH this tribe swap truly sucks. the only person i actually kinda trust on my tribe is abel.. and logan and i have history from a past game so i don't think he trusts me at all. i would just love to win this immunity because three tribals in a row is so annoying.. let me get some of this monte rosa luck so i can actually not have to do another tribal this week PLEASE. also daisy is sketchy af but I'm gonna try to work with her for now... we'll see

I hate being on tribes with daisy. ANYWHO.

I found an idol clue and guess what? I refuse to do it.

Also, Daisy is treating me like shit. I refuse to make promises based on friendship anymore because it fucked me in Emathia. I can't do it anymore.

Damn they took out C'iere :(

BUUUUUT WE SWAPPED! I knew it was coming!

I'm swapped into the new Matterhorn tribe with Tyler, Brett, Dom, Ashley Sarah and Max!! With us are og Matterhorn Zack and Jev.

This swapped couldn't have worked out very perfectly!! We're 6v2 and even if there's an idol we have the numbers to split the vote safetly!

The moment the tribes swapped Dom talked to me about solidyfying the 6 of us original Monte Rosa members.

Me before swap: I kinda wanna target Dom just for kicks

Me after swap: I'm gonna work with Dom and see where that gets me

lol I'd be an idiot to not stay with og Monte Rosa considering the numbers. But I'm still gonna keep my options open. I bonded with Zack and he's been probing on what's happened on my tribe, I gave him brief answers that were kinda vague because I don't want to get caught or him spilling everything. But Zack seems cool since his best friends with Renee and I adore Renee so much!! I'm open to possibly working with him. But right now I'm sticking with og Monte Rosa.

EPISODE 4

Ci'ere has now been voted off. I've never played with him before, but I know he's a hometown girl from Long Beach, so I might have considered working with the guy.

At this point, it has been amazing to have gone 3-0 at the challenges. We'd been talking amongst Monte Rosa about the possibility of a tribe swap and Lily, the Dr. Fun of our tribe, has rolled their eyes at it, saying "A tribe swap at 17 doesn't make sense. That would never happen." Well Lily can eat it because that's exactly what happened. Before the swap, the advantage I received in the last round was revealed to me: If I desired, I could purposefully put myself on exile to have immunity for the fourth round. I determined that since I possess a hidden immunity idol, it was more important for me to develop social connections with my tribe than to take a few days off. I am now a "proud" member of the Disney Shitbox tribe that is Matterhorn and my tribemates include Ashley Sarah, Dom, Ian, Max, and Tyler from the original Monte Rosa and original Matterhorn members Jevvon and Zack. Both of them seem cool, Zack especially. Not much to report on that front.

The challenge was a maze face-off. As I'd never done a maze challenge before, I figured it honestly couldn't be that difficult. I told my tribe to put me in whichever slot that wanted. That ended up being the second most difficult position--fair enough. When I had finished getting ready to go out on Saturday, I figured the maze wouldn't take longer than a few minutes and so I opted to give it a shot. Not today, Satan. That maze SUCKED and after 5 minutes, I determined I was over it and opted to forfeit. Oh well! I had plans! I have this habit of being either the best or the worst at a given challenge. I was awesome at the scavenger hunt and at endurance tasks. I was the worst at Winterbells and mazes. Can't be good at everything, I guess? Fortunately, our Matterhorn tribe prevailed and I am now 4-0 at challenge wins. How wonderful is that? New Monte Rosa will go to tribal council and I there are two pairs of former season castmates on that tribe--Benjamin and Trent from Kiribati and Daisy and Lily from Solomon Islands. I'm more concerned about the latter because that season was super recent and if they have a bond from that, Lily could potentially flip and that could be the end of Logan, Nick, or Benjamin. We'll have to see what happens.

fuck this matterhorn tribe. i fucking hate all of these people except jev and ashley sarah. i literally don't like these people at all and i know they're going to vote me out so it's whatever. fuck off.

Whew last nights tribal was wild, and to top it off we had a swap... while I was ASLEEP!!!

I feel bad for voting out Ci'ere after saying I could see him being my #1 ally but rumours were circulating that he was trying to get one of Me/Zack/Luke out and I wasn't about to let that happen so... I once again went with majority, sorry Ci'ere!

Anyways, so now I'm on a swapped tribe I am panicked af because I'm on the wrong side of the numbers along with Zack so rip. But hopefully I can use my social skills and work something out in the worst case scenario that we end up going to tribal, which may be easier than it sounds since none of the people from Monte-Rosa have been to tribal yet this season which could mean they'll be a little easier to fit in with because they might not be as strong as they appear!

WE TRIBE SWAPPED!!!! So what it looks like is New MR is 4/4 split, but Abel spilled some tea saying that Trent and Daisy tried to vote him out last round. I really like Abel and would enjoy working with him, but he def is a threat in the long run so I gotsa to watch out for that (he could make a good meat shield for me though). Abel, Ben, and I were really wanting to work together pregame so i think that may come into fruition soon. I am really glad I have Ben and Logan on my tribe because they were probs some of my biggest assets on original MR. Daisy has been acting fishy about the advantage from the last challenge with Logan which makes me think that she could probs have it. She also seemed really quick to pinpoint blame onto Abel which is shifty. I also have Trent on my tribe... although he has been against Abel, somebody i want to work with, I have pretty good connections with him and we both have mutual friends. Renee is also on our tribe, which I think Abel alluded to working closely with... but I am keeping my eyes pealed because she is a comp threat to my knowledge. Also Trent and Ben are both from Kiribatitty which could pose a threat because they are probs pretty close allies. As much as I want to micromanage this tribe and control the divisions/majority I know that I need to lay low in order to make it farther in this game. I just need to go with the flow and not go into ultimate 1000xxxx game overdrive.

Let's hope the majority of our old tribe gets us a win!!!!

The plan at last tribal council to vote out Ci'ere went perfectly. He was being really shady in PMs with Renee and telling her that Zack, Jev and I are a trio that were controlling the things going on on our tribe which was semi-true but then he was being extra shady by messaging several different people telling them that he was their closest ally like sis...wyd? So he had to go but in the process I had to blindside Daisy. Daisy is a pretty paranoid person anyway when it comes to a vote so orchestrating a blindside like that was something I don't think she would have done so we have to leave her out.

Then....as Daisy started messaging me about the vote and what happened...the Gods above (aka the hosts) decided that would be a perfect time for a tribe swap and BAM I get put onto Exile Island. Not only do I not have to explain myself to Daisy yet but I can chill and relax for a few days. Hopefully none of my allies or people I would like to work with go home but ahhh. I'd love unite with either Tyler, Ian, Zack and Dom on the Matterhorn tribe or I'd love to be with Logan, Nick, Abel and Daisy on the Monte Rosa tribe. Put me whereever and I should be good to go.

i am so bad at submitting these omg....

so anyways my game has been moving kind of slow. i wanted to just lay low and avoid getting targeted but that somehow put me on the bottom of my old tribe so now ive gotta start chatting it up with these people. the good news is i actually like most of them? other than abel and renee who left me out of a plan i feel like i could potentially be in a good spot. i LOVE logan and daisys grown on me so i see a trio working out there. benjamin is someone close to me from kiribati and nick and i are both in a group chat together so we have that working out for us. right now the numbers are tied and daisy and i seem to be the ones in control of how this vote shapes out. i personally would like to corral myself daisy logan and nick and possibly benjamin to vote out the others but i dont see the people from monte rosa being so willing to hand a tribal majority in this tribe over to original matterhorns. one could dream though.

i'm just happy to be off matterhorn. the tribe was very obviously being controlled by jev/zack and everyone else seemed to be like..... very eager to follow them? idk i wasnt having it. zack definitely has the idol and he wont tell me that so as soon as we're reunited i'm definitely gonna use that to my advantage. unless that idol is being played on me or its in my pocket it does me no good, so we're gonna have to flush that shit! or just find a way to get rid of zack i guess! this tribe smells like a good opportunity for me

Yeesh. Great. We gotta deal with tribal.

I think this should be a relatively easy one, though? Renee doesn't seem to be really talking at all (they haven't messaged me at all in PMs, not even to say hi), so they should be an easy target that people might wanna go for. I just hope I'm not on the chopping block.

i hate myself y'all motherfuckers better vote someone else off

Whew. Tribal. On one hand, I'm kinda glad because it means I get to work on my relationship with Luke. On the other hand, it means I'm at risk once again. I'm hoping that since I won my maze and since I've been pretty active and helpful in the tribe chat that the original Monte Rosa's won't want me to go, or at least won't see reason for me to go. I'm just nervous because even though Abel said he forgives me, I can't know that for sure. I would love to get him out just because it would give me piece of mind of being targeted but I don't know if I can get the numbers, or if I can get people on board. Also, it might make me a target if I go out there trying to get out someone who I have a grudge against or whatever, since apparently the people from Monte Rosa didn't have any divisions since there was no tribal. It's their first tribal, and I don't wanna make it seem like I'm playing too hard.

Lily brought up Renee, since she barely talked. And I'd be okay with that, if it meant keeping me safe another round. But having Abel makes me so scared that he's paranoid.

I brought up Abel to Lily because from what I understand Lily is a pretty trustworthy person and I know her somewhat well. Although it does seem like the majority wants Renee. Well, you know what happened the last few times the majority wanted someone. He stayed. Thanks to me. So we'll see what happens.

So Logan tells me Abel has being throwing out my name. And of course he has. I knew he was lying to me. It might be too risky to push for Abel though. Apparently he's really tight with Renee, as multiple people told me not to tell him the majority is for Renee. And apparently they're so tight that he would be kinda screwed without her. So even though Abel is who I really want gone, I'll go for Renee to keep myself safe and to hopefully take him down a peg.

Ayy turns out the switch has proved to be not as bad as I expected, we won!! Ahh it feels so good to be safe, I'm so proud of us all!

Okay, so i have to go to tribal.... keep it i don't want it. I think its going to be a messy vote because it appears that Daisy and Abel are both fighting one another or something (partly because I've fueled the fire by telling Abel that she was telling people he has an advantage and that Daisy wants to vote Renee). So I am glad that Matterhorn appears to be cannibalizing, but I am kind of stuck in between the two sides with Ben. On one side is Abel and Renee who are both good at this game for different reasons and on the other side is Daisy and Lily (along with possibly Logan) which to my knowledge are really tight allies. I think that Abel wants to work with me far into this game, but for him to stay Ben and Trent would need to vote with us, which I feel is somewhat difficult because Trent literally just voted out Abel??? I really don't want to be on the wrong side of a close vote this early into the game, and like I know Logan and I are really close, but they supposedly made a promise to Daisy not to vote them out this round, which is like annoying because I have less leeway on how I want to vote... basically I don't have my tag-a-long if i want to get out somebody like daisy. I am glad that my name isn't in the mesh (at least to my knowledge) and that nobody from original Monte Rosa appears to be in too much trouble this vote. I just hope I choose the right side... Play safe, vote with Logan and get out a potential threat for the long run competition game, possibly ruin connections with Abel, and potentially enabling a Lily/Daisy control later in the game OR voting with Abel and hoping the votes fall that way and get out Daisy who I think has an advantage and possible connections with a lot of other people, i.e. Lily, Logan, Trent, and maybe even Luke too. To make things more confusing on myself I am attempting to perpetuate 3some alliances between Ben, Logan, myself ... Abel, Ben, myself ... Abel, Trent, myself.

Yay we won immunity! Us og Monte Rosa also solidified our alliance of 6!!

But that's not what I'm seriously pumped about...

Zack just showed me an IDOL CLUE!! I was like omg why does this keep happening to me! I really do have mad social skills! We deduced the content and figured out that Ashley could possibly have the idol because she was ranked 3rd in the ranking and she needed to lose which she did. More so she was the one who made the ranking!!

Zack and I also solidified our trust with one another! I'm not that ready to put my whole trust in him but I'll be watching his back if he has mine.

Thank god renee put in a good word for me to Zack. Bless her!

So I know I've been procrastinating writing these and life has just been so busy. But none the less I'm so happy and pumped to have not had to go to TC yet.

Not to mention this swap couldn't have worked out any better for me! Ian, connected with him from the start. Especially knowing he's Josh's little brother who I adore! And then there's Brett who's such a bae and who I really hit it off with. Especially once I realized we both had the idol clue at the first challenge! XD It immiediatly pulled us together bc I was more than willing to make sure he had the idol and know I would be on his side! Then there's Ashley Sarah who's super super friendly. I just love her vibe. I'm hoping at some point the 4 of us can make something official!

Also it's interesting that our tribe is entering this swap with a 6 - 2 tribe advantage. Which is another blessing in this game I've had so far! Jevon and Zack are the only 2 new members of the tribe. And early today there was an alliance chat created excluding Jevon and Zack. So I'd say it's likely they may be one of the first to go? But at the same time idk bc I'm not sure that I'd be willing to vote out Zach who I'm mutually tied to by Brian Ruvolo. There could possibly be a working I think there's somewhat of an awkward tension between the 2 of us, even af we spoke for the first time before the game started, I think there

Okay, since Daisy and Logan supposedly have amends not to vote each other out this round or some BS, I got the target to shift to Trent. It should be Ben, Logan, Myself, Renee, and Abel. Hopefully this all works accordingly and I can survive my first tribal in a TS Main Season.

We did that!!! I think the tribes are a little more even now so we're gonna have to step up our game!! Plus they are getting like now.

it feels weird winning immunity lskdhfg. i don't know what to do.. sitting here relaxing is new for me!

as for the other tribe.. i really hope abel and renee are safe :(

i hope they go for daisy or nick. we can't let dom nick and daisy make merge together... they're best friends so i really hope that tribe uses their common fucking sense...

i feel like people are plotting against me but everyones just relaxing.. i could get use to this.