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My Spy (2020)

No adult who saw the trailer for My Spy thought “looks great” but that doesn’t matter. What about the kids? For them, this comedy has a dedicated performance by Dave Bautista to go along with the tried-and-true (some would say tired) formula. He and young Chloe Coleman play off each other well. Some bewildering choices by the story and director might not make it quite as innocent as it seems, however.

Having screwed up his latest assignment, CIA agent JJ (Bautista) is sent to surveil Kate (Parisa Fitz-Henley) and her daughter Sophie (Chloe Coleman) in case their terrorist uncle, Victor (Greg Bryk), contacts them. JJ and his partner Bobbi (Kristen Schaal) are horrified when Sophie spots them and blackmails the pair into doing whatever she wants.

Grown-ups have seen this story before. Both the overall story and the individual beats. You could criticize the contrived and ridiculous premise but have a heart. You know what you're getting into. Do you want the kids sitting bored for 90 minutes, or do you want them to laugh at jokes you’ve heard before? That’s what I thought.

The youngsters have been (theoretically) anticipating this one since April 2019, when it looked like My Spy and Playing with Fire were competing to see which would drive more adults crazy. The winner is obvious. My Spy is dumb but it has a couple of laughs and some minuscule surprises here and there. It has just enough tender moments to squeak by.

The biggest problem is that it forgets who it’s catering to. The body count is surprisingly high. Although we don’t see blood splatter, it’s obvious what happens to the villains whose heads get knocked back before their limp corpses fall down while JJ smirks at how good a shot he is. Tolerant of violence? How about the cursing? You'll hear Cardi B’s Bodak Yellow and the characters curse on multiple occasions. Even if those go over the kids’ heads, the climax is way too intense for little ones - partially because Chloe Coleman is quite good at portraying a terrified 9-year-old who believes she’s about to die. So is it for teens? Decidedly no. They know this premise is dumb and won't tolerate the dated gay stereotypes we see in the form of Noah Dandy and Devere Rogers. They’ll also be smart enough to understand the destructive power of grenades and what the consequences of this plot would actually be.

Everything My Spy gets wrong could’ve been forgotten if it were self-aware, smarter or funnier. Most of my chuckles came when the film referenced other movies. You think you’re in the same league as Mission: Impossible and Shrek? If not, why remind me of something I’d rather watch? Peter Segal has a weak filmography but he’s a veteran. He should’ve easily avoided the obvious mistakes made in My Spy. But didn’t so we got too intense for kids and too dumb for everyone else. (July 27, 2020)