#Like Mari actively chooses to be ignorant in a ton of cases

[juaneloriginal]

silly thingy

@blackkatdraws's sillies

[aspinelikeasword]

50 Shades of Abuse: Or, E.L.James got it all wrong and here’s why

CW: Mention of BDSM, kink, sexual practices, & links at bottom go to pages with adult content. I trust that you know your limits, don’t force yourself to read. If you made it here, thank you, even if you can’t read the whole thing or even a bit. And if you read the whole thing, thank you xoxo

The above photo is from one of my favourite movies, Secretary, and stars Maggie Gyllenhaal and Original Daddy, James Spader. It’s based on a short story by Mary Gaitskill by the same name. It’s a beautiful piece of work about a sub/Dom relationship. ⁣

⁣It is also very sadly the story that E.L. James based the 50 Shades (of Abuse) book on. Not only is that book one of the worst that has ever been written in a technical sense, but the conveyance of the subject is dangerous and damaging because it’s basically about an abusive relationship void of consent passed off as a BDSM relationship. It is not. Christian Grey is an excellent example of a terrible/abusive Dominant (Dom). ⁣

⁣For example, the submissive* (sub), Anastasia, never signs the contract even though they proceed with their relationship. There are no honest conversations before, during, or after the scenes and he’s the one calling the shots when it is accepted that the sub holds all the power. He does a cursory amount of aftercare but he’s also withdrawn, flighty and inconsistent. THIS IS NOT BDSM or a BDSM relationship. ⁣

⁣BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is different for everyone because the acts/practices are built on trust, consent and communication. Not to mention that our needs and desires, combined with any trauma or abuse we’ve experienced, are all in play. It involves sexual activities, kinks, and fetishes that can be incredibly healing when carried out properly. ⁣

⁣There are a ton of reasons people get into kink and BDSM. Many people engage in it because it can be a safe, ethical, loving and healthy way of setting up and playing out a scene that recreates the outcome of a past traumatic situation/incident. There are a lot of sex workers that incorporate BDSM into their work (hi, SEX WORK IS WORK BTW, in case we’re not clear). Other people may enjoy the submission factor of letting go (of anxieties, fear etc.) by letting someone else take control. BUT BUT BUT, if not done safely, you can end up re-traumatizing yourself by recreating the same outcome you originally experienced. ⁣

Most importantly, and this must be stressed, BDSM is not about abuse as is commonly believed and perpetuated in media (see above). However, it can be abusive when the perimeters of the relationship or scene are ignored, dismissed, and/or forced.⁣

There is SO much more that is written about BDSM, so many great books and articles that go into it in depth!⁣ 

Rope bondage (Shibari) is also a great way to get into the BDSM world because it’s a beautiful, artistic practice that can lead into the incorporation of sexual acts or not (if you so choose). ⁣⁣

If you’re interested but don’t know where to start, just start googling and read up on it, A LOT. Read about consent and the psychology, as well as the dynamics and relationships therein. You can sign up for FetLife too (like Facebook but for the kink world, and a great place to find events to check out/get involved in and meet other like-minded people). ⁣

Here are some links to people/resources practicing in the kink and BDSM community (links show NSFW/adult content, and if you benefit from their work, please consider donating to any payment platforms they have)**:⁣

Mistress Velvet⁣ - a feminist scholar and Dominatrix who has her clients read Black Feminist Theory *update* - she has since passed away 

Midori⁣ - a multidisciplinary artist and sex educator who writes about BDSM, sexual fetishism, and bondage

Sacred Sadism - a cool polyamorous couple who explore their love of ecofetishism and BDSM (they also sell amazing handmade plant-themed sex toys. Worth a visit just to check them out!)

Capilky - there are a lot of Shibari photographers out there, most of whom are white cis dudes, but this is a good page that is filled with beautiful and creative photos by a woman who ties and photographs her own work

Shibaridojo⁣ - a good dude I used to know, was gonna take sword-fighting with him but he lives too far away so...but if you are interested and live in Barrie, get in touch with him!

The Feminist Porn Book: The Politics of Producing Pleasure⁣ - a wicked- good intersectional look at sex work in the world of porn from the perspective of people who are queer, trans, gender non-conforming, as well as black and brown people, abled and disabled voices and way more.

* Capitalization of sub and Dom follows that which is used in the Kink/BDSM community.

**The kink community is changing slowly, but it is still overwhelmingly white, cis, thin, and able-bodied so I urge you to dig deep to discover different perspectives. ⁣

[pandirpus]

The Cringe Wave - the YGO edition

Finally feeling up for tackling this meme! I was tagged by @sunkenscruffycat~

Tagging any and all writers/artists that follow me, if you feel up for it! Please tag me in it, so I’ll definitely see it - I’m curious :>

Rules: 1. Post a quote or short excerpt from your early days of writing/ARTING. (I’m talking old fanfics/ART, slash fics/ART, original fic/ART, etc., that are barely edited and have a ton of technical errors and misspelled words.) This is the cringe part. Don’t edit anything! Let it be horrendous. Don’t Panic. 2. Post a quote or short excerpt from one of your most recent works/WIPs. Something that you’re proud of. Something that you’ve written/ARTED that makes you smile when you read it. 3. Tag a writer/artist you admire, anyone who you think is amazing, new friends, followers, writeblrs, anyone who you’d like to know more about. If you think someone is a great writer/artist and you want to see how they’ve developed their skills, tag them! Everyone started somewhere.

*

So I’ve had this meme sitting around for a while being very indecisive about which fics to choose, until I realized this is an excellent opportunity to compare my old and my more recent YGO fics! :D The Cringe Section:

This is a part of a drabble from my earlier years of writing in English (2011, to be precise). Weirdly enough, I wrote better fics with better English back then, too - it was sort of hit or miss, depending on subject and form of the day. I’m a bit surprised actually that I can read most of my English fic without actively cringing despite their mistakes and flaws! Most cringy fics I wrote back then are cringy due to their subject matter which I often tackled in rather ignorant, superficial ways, but being uncomfortable with a fic content-wise probably does not fit this meme. 

So I opted for something harmless: the Kaiba brothers adopting a kitten. Which is... awkwardly written, to say the least. And the OOCness actively hurts me sdfklfkf

Seto raised an eyebrow when Mokuba looked at the cat that was tugging at the sleeve of his striped pullover. “He thought I might like her because she has so strange eyes”, he said, grinning at his own explanation, as if it was a joke that Seto just didn’t get. “What is with its eyes?”, the CEO asked, impatiently. “They are-…” “Noah said she looks like you.” Mokuba was beaming at him. “You know, we could call her ‘Seto’”. Now Seto was completely convinced that Noah had planned to work his last nerve with that ridiculous idea. Seto felt the urge to yell at Mokuba for daring to call a female kitten by his name, but the younger one already saw his expression and looked down at the floor. “… I knew you’d think this is stupid. I’ll give her back, okay?” Seto felt a sudden rush of guilt, which he surely didn’t feel very often. Only Mokuba could make him feel this miserable. “No, it’s yours”, he said immediately. “You can do with it whatever you want. I don’t care.” Mokuba let the kitten jump to the floor and hugged his brother tightly around his waist. “Thank you, Nii-sama!” Seto sighed, as he awkwardly patted his little brother’s head. Perhaps it was better this way. Now Mokuba had something to occupy him and it would surely make him happy for a while. And if this was the case, Seto would be able to ignore the fact that he was compared to this little fuzzy ball of flees. “As long as it stays out of my room and my bureau…”, he concluded aloud.

But to get to the really cringey stuff, I have to dig out my old German fics that I wrote in 2005 - so here’s a little snippet from my very first fanfic that I posted online, featuring a Yugioh Mary Sue (who crushes on Yami Yugi, of course) and my impeccable sense of humor :,D

Set after a very dramatic moment in which Yami Yugi and the Sue bond over almost killing Seto...

Schließlich sagte Yami leise: "Danke."

"Also hör endlich auf, Trübsal zu blasen!" Ich stand auf, packte ihn an den Schultern und schüttelte ihn kräftig. "Dein Selbstmitleid ist ja nicht zum Aushalten!"

Yami musste lachen: "Schon-gut-mi-na-ko-du-kannst-auf-hö-ren-mich-zu-schüt-teln."

Ich lachte und lies ihn los.

"Danke!" Er grinste. "Du solltest später Milchshaker werden."

"Scherzkeks!", erwiderte ich lachend. Da fiel mir etwas ein: "He, ich weiß ja gar nicht, wie ich dich nennen soll!"

"Du kannst mich ruhig Yugi nennen, dass macht mir nichts aus."

"Das geht doch nicht. Mit zwei Yugis komme ich völlig durcheinander!"

"Meinen richtigen Namen weiß ich leider nicht, aber wenn du darauf bestehst, könntest du mich Yami nennen."

"Yami? Ok, einverstanden." Ich probierte den Namen noch mal aus: "Yami. Weißt du, das klingt irgendwie geheimnisvoll... Oder du schreibst es wie ,yummy' , dann heißt es ,lecker'!"

Bei dem Gedanken fing ich an zu kichern. "YUMMY!"

Yami versuchte, beleidigt auszusehen, doch das brachte mich nur noch mehr zum Lachen.

Ahhh, simpler times :,D But I was obviously having a great time, so go you, past!me, live your teen dreams~

Something I’m Proud Of:

I feel the most appropriate comparison would be some of my more recent YGO fics - and one I’m especially proud of, writing-wise, is Relic, an Atem-centric fic I wrote a year ago. 

Because hey, I finally learned to create an atmosphere and to describe things, instead of stumbling through dialogues with little grounding! :D

Maybe this was why he remembered the little things above all.

He remembered the gravity in Isis’ voice when she predicted the paths of fate, even when they were favourable, as if she was always concerned for the future, and especially for his.

He remembered Mahado’s steadfast presence at his side when they entered the quiet, thick air of a temple sanctuary, the sound of their steps aligned on the stone tiles, and how his calm, low voice would ease Atem’s nervousness and doubt.

He remembered Seth’s challenging, impetuous attitude and how it stood in such contrast to the earnestness with which he performed his duties. Somehow, Atem remembered his provoking smile as vividly as the diligent care in the way his hands would undress and reverently tend to the divine stone-carved body of the god he had sworn his service to.

Something tugged at Atem’s heart, then, like an old ache, and it was to him as if the air about him was heavy with incense and the smell of anointing oil. And there were words, spoken softly, intimately, reciting spells to protect and to guide, as those firm, warm hands carefully wrapped his body in white linen with the same utmost care.

It was not a memory, not quite. It couldn’t be – his body had died and withered long ago even though his soul had lingered on. But with his name he had not only regained the memories of his past self, but also of the body he had once resided in, and as his soul had remained bound to this world, the remnants of his heart, preserved for eternity inside his corpse, connected him to his body still. In a way, Atem had always been aware of it, distant and vague.

Unconsciously, Atem pressed a hand to his left side, tracing a cut that was not there, and the heavy smell of incense mingled with the tangy scent of resin. With his hand on his stomach, he barely felt anything beneath his touch. All inside him was entirely still and quiet, if it weren’t for Yugi’s heartbeat faintly resonating in his chest. But as his fingers brushed over what should have been the swell of his ribs, the cavern of his chest felt strangely full, like it had been lovingly carved out and very carefully filled up again, and the distant smell of resin, herbs and spices did no longer alarm him.

As unsettling as it was to be so aware of his own corpse, there was comfort in it, too, wrapping itself around him like linen bandages, tight, but tender and protecting.

Instead of fear, a weariness pulled at the core of him, as old and ageless as his soul.

[mariemary1]

Marie Kondo-ing Your LinkedIn: The LinkedIn Audit Blueprint to Help Your Profile Shine

We wish for you to have the very best, most fulfilling career possible, doing work that you love.

And one of the best routes to that dream job is having a dreamy LinkedIn profile!

We’ll show you how.

Today we’re giving you a checklist for a LinkedIn makeover. We’ll provide many different ways to optimize your LinkedIn profile and boost your presence – and the presence of your brand – so that you can shine.

Whether you’re looking for your next great job, seeking to grow your thought leadership, or wanting to build a better brand, we have the tips for you. Keep reading below to find out the best ways to make over your presence on LinkedIn … today!

Start here: What is your goal for your LinkedIn profile?

That is a BIG question.

For the most part, we’ve seen this break down into three categories:

First, People looking for new opportunities, be it jobs or clients or speaking engagements.

Second, People looking to use LinkedIn for thought leadership. This would mean more of a focus on publishing on LinkedIn and then a clean profile that supports that.

And third, Professionals looking to maintain a strong personal brand

Once you know what your goal is with LinkedIn, your strategy then becomes clear

If your goal is job hunting …

you want to make sure your current profile accurately fits the job you’re applying for — kind of like the saying, “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” And you’ll also want to build up a collection of solid recommendations.

If your goal is to be known as a thought leader …

you want a clean and professional profile. You’ll be publishing on LinkedIn a lot, so you want to make the most of all that attention.

If your goal is to build a strong personal brand …

you’ll want to keep your profile up to date with work milestones and add new media examples as they come up.

If you want to see some examples of people doing this really well, here are a few names to check out:

Candice Galek, the founder of Bikini Luxe

Michaela Alexis, a LinkedIn trainer and speaker, and

Joel Gascoigne, the CEO of Buffer … a great example of a clean and minimal LinkedIn profile for an executive.

So now that we’ve covered the “why,” let’s get into the “how.”

These are the specific ways to make your LinkedIn profile the very best it can be, starting from the first impression.

1. Choose an ideal profile photo

Your profile photo is key for your entire presence on LinkedIn.

Not only is it the centerpiece of the profile itself, your profile photo is the visual that is used in connection requests, in Groups, and anytime you post or comment on the LinkedIn feed.

This might go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway:

Use a high-quality, professional profile photo.

Individuals shouldn’t use a logo or graphic for the profile photo. Choose a picture of yourself, not your business or brand.

And definitely don’t leave the photo blank. This is a fast track to getting your connection requests ignored.

Your LinkedIn profile performs best when people can see the real “you” in your profile photo. Treat it like you would any other profile picture on any other social network.

There are a handful of different scientifically-proven ways to have a great profile photo. Here’s the short list of do’s and don’ts:

Do:

Be sure to smile, and show your teeth

If you’re dressing up, go with dark-colored suits, and light colored buttondowns

Make sure your jawline shows a shadow

Crop the photo with either Head-and-shoulders, or head-to-waist

Don’t: 

No hats

No sunglasses

Avoid sex appeal

One of the most popular pieces of advice for great profile pictures is to “squinch.” It’s a little trick you do with your eyes — kind of like a squint and kind of like a pinch. The goal is to reduce the distance between the bottom of your eyelid and your pupil, to avoid the “deer in the headlinghts” look in your photos.

Regular expression on the left, “squinch” on the right

For an objective opinion, you can use the photo tool Snappr.

Snappr can determine how well your photo will perform based on all of the attributes we just discussed. It uses image recognition to tell you exactly how to make your image better.

Sample Snappr results for analyze a LinkedIn profile photo (courtesy of Snappr)

One of the things that Snappr might tell you — and something I notice on LinkedIn photos every now and then — is that you have a busy background. There’s a tool for that, too! Remove.bg magically cuts the background out of photos so that you can swap in something more appealing.

Sample of remove.bg’s magic touch (image courtesy of remove.bg)

2. Be thoughtful about your cover photo

For the Cover photo, many people stick with LinkedIn’s standard image, which is a great option. At the moment, this image is an illustration of connected dots on a blue-and-teal gradient.

However, if you want to spice things up — and especially if you have an image that reflects your personal brand or company — then definitely opt for that. We’ve seen some great examples of branding with the cover photos.

To save you some Googling, the dimensions for a LinkedIn cover photo are (currently) 1,584 x 396 px. You can create this with a custom tool like Canva or with a more powerful design product like Figma or Sketch.

We’re also big fans of Unsplash for stock photography as well. Tons of good photos to choose from there!

3. Write a great headline

In addition to appearing at the top of your profile, the headline is also what people will always see by your name as they’re scrolling around LinkedIn. It’s a short bit of text that carries a lot of potential!

Most commonly, people use the headline to state their current work position.

But you can use it in a variety of ways.

Founders might use it to promote that their company is hiring

You might use it to advertise that you’re looking for new opportunities with work or speaking.

One of our best tips about the headline is a simple — and fun — one: Always be experimenting with your headline.

Don’t be afraid to try something new.

As you change positions be sure to update your LinkedIn title but also feel free to get a little creative here. Your LinkedIn headline will be the bit about you that people see when they search for your name or your profile pops up as a recommendation to connect with.

Make the most of it!

For instance, Michaela Alexis – one of the profiles we mentioned earlier – includes a detailed list in her headline:

Others include eye-catching emoji:

4. Tell a story in your About Summary

With the summary, you have a great opportunity to tell a story about who you are and your career journey. It truly is a space to stretch your storytelling muscles. We’ve seen great profiles that are close to 2,000 characters long — mini blog posts!

The summary can be underutilized. It really is a great place to highlight your strengths and provide an overview of your career. When you’re writing your summary, think about these questions:

What does your company do?

How does your company benefit its customers?

What campaigns or projects have you been a part of?

And it’s often fun to close with your special interests outside of work.

It’s typically recommended to avoid highlighting your current experience too much, because there’s space for that in the Experience section, which we’ll get to in a minute.

The summary gets premium placement on your profile, too, in the section immediately below your name, headline, and profile photo. So it’s definitely worth spending time to get it right!

5. Add relevant, eye-catching media

Media includes things like links and attachments, which can be a great way to highlight a host of different things: speaking experience, articles you’ve written or been mentioned in, and any other media that is a positive reflection of you professionally.

For instance, if you work in social media, you could consider adding blog posts you’ve contributed to, case studies about your social performance, or links to big campaigns.

We’ve also seen people include portfolio samples and projects that they’ve worked on.

https://buffer.com/library/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Sample-media-in-About-section-LinkedIn.png

6. Be active on LinkedIn. It shows!

Right after Media is a section for Articles and Activity. This is where a history of your LinkedIn activity will appear — this includes one column for the articles you’ve written on LinkedIn and a column for the posts you’ve shared and the comments you’ve made.

If you’re looking to use your LinkedIn profile for thought leadership, then this can be a really valuable space to invest in.

7. Update your Experience to be relevant, current

I like to think of this section as the resum�� section because it’s essentially a history of where you’ve worked.

One of the biggest opportunities we see on LinkedIn is removing irrelevant experience from your profile.

We see so many people leaving on experience that they might not need to have on there. Yes, it’s possible to have all of your experience on your LinkedIn, but that doesn’t mean that you need to. If you would prefer to leave some things out that’s perfectly fine.

One good way to think about it is: what narrative do you want to craft about your career?

If you can answer that, then you’ll be able to select your work experience accordingly.

Two other quick tips on LinkedIn’s Experience section:

Mind your verb tenses. We often see people who have a job from five years ago but still have in the description “I do this here” instead of, “I used to do this here.”

Show your progression at a company. You can nest promotions within the same job — rather than having to create a new job each time.

8. and 9. Fill out your Skills. Give and receive Endorsements.

Skills are the specific skills you list like “Public Relations” or “Public Speaking.”

Endorsements are the number of people who have said that you do have this skill.

LinkedIn lets you pin three skills to your profile, and the rest are only visible if someone expands the section. Fun fact: the most in-demand “hard skill” of 2019 is cloud computing, and the most in-demand “soft skill” is creativity.

We recommend choosing three skills that fit with your goals — whether that’s finding new opportunities, building a brand, or getting more thought leadership.

Also worth keeping in mind is that others can endorse you for specific skills. And LinkedIn will highlight whether you’ve been endorsed specifically by others who are highly skilled in the skill you’ve added.

If you are looking to get more endorsements, I’d recommend endorsing your friends and contacts and then asking if they might be up for doing the same.

10. Pay it forward by giving Recommendations to others

At the bottom of your profile are the recommendations you’ve received and the recommendations you’ve given. Any recommendations you’ve received by your contacts are visible on your profile unless you’ve hidden them.

Having several strong recommendations for recent roles will add a level of credibility to your profile if you’re job hunting

At the same time, if your profile only has a handful of recommendations from very old work experiences, it might be worth removing them or asking for new recommendations to display.

And you can pay it forward as well by giving recommendations to others.

LinkedIn displays any recommendations that you give. This section is a great place to show off that you’ve been supportive of your colleagues or direct reports in previous roles.

Note: Many thanks to Buffer’s Head of Public Relations, Hailley Griffis, for allowing us to reshare some of her tips for LinkedIn here. You can read more at Hailley’s blog.

How to say hello to us

We would all love to say hello to you on social media – especially Twitter!

Bonnie on Twitter

Dave on Twitter

Thanks for listening! Feel free to connect with our team at Buffer on Twitter, Buffer on Facebook, our Podcast homepage, or with the hashtag #bufferpodcast.

Enjoy the show? It’d mean the world to us if you’d be up for giving us a rating and review on iTunes!

—

About The Science of Social Media podcast

The Science of Social Media is your weekly sandbox for social media stories, insights, experimentation, and inspiration. Every Monday (and sometimes more) we share the most cutting-edge social media marketing tactics from brands and influencers in every industry. If you’re a social media team of one, business owner, marketer, or someone simply interested in social media marketing, you’re sure to find something useful in each and every episode.  It’s our hope that you’ll join our 27,000+ weekly iTunes listeners and rock your social media channels as a result!

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Thank Marie Kondo-ing Your LinkedIn: The LinkedIn Audit Blueprint to Help Your Profile Shine for first publishing this post.