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smileyerim · 3 years ago

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Glitter and Crimson

Inspired By: Glitter and Crimson by All Time Low

Pairing: Mark LeexReader

Genre: angst, fluff, suggestive [idol!mark, idol!y/n, exes to lovers]

Length: 6k

Warnings: mentions of sex

beta reader: @theonlysoph

. . .

Nights like these have always been your favorite. Nights where time flies so quickly you get whiplash every time you sneak a glance at your phone. Nights where you and Mark are simply extensions of one another, neither letting the other get too far away from the others’ touch. Nights where you feel so relaxed you’d be fair in assuming someone slipped something into your drink.

Tonight, though, as you lay horizontal on the edge of the hotel bed as Mark sits and plays with your hair that’s splayed across his lap, you don’t feel all of those wonderful feelings

It’s dumb, you think, so very dumb. You and Mark did things right. You informed your companies and your managers, you got approval to see each other before anything started. When your company gave you the ultimatum, get caught and break up, you and Mark took it very very seriously. So you and Mark never stepped foot outside together, and arrived at the hotel, your regular hotel, hours apart from each other. Your managers made sure the hotel staff signed NDA’s. When you visited his family in Canada, you posted on Instagram geotagging Seoul and changed your hair color. When your group won the rookie of the year award, Mark clapped politely despite how badly he wanted to shout in pride for you.

You did it all right. But now, it’s all falling down.

Two hours ago, right as you were checking into the hotel room, you got a text from your manager.

Manager: call me now.

It brought shivers up your spine, as she’s never been so forward with you, always preferring to send texts, or at least give you an agenda for the phone call she would have with you. It only takes her 2 rings to answer as you stand in the hotel elevator, pressing the same 14th floor button you press every week.

“Are you alone?” She says, and you swallow, answering her with a whispered yes.

“Ok, listen to me, we just got a tip from Dispatch–” and your heart sinks, you know what’s coming.

“Yeah?” You say, as the elevator door opens up.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing they’ll say or do to negotiate with us, they just told us so we could prepare early–” She rambles on, and you notice your hands are shaking as you insert your key card into the slot.

“Get on with it.” You say, entering the foyer to your suite, the smallest bit of relief washing over you as you see the same old pair of red high top converse by the door as you take your own shoes off.

“You and Mark are being exposed as the Dispatch New Years couple at 1AM.” As much as you knew what was coming, it still took your breath away. Mark exits the bedroom after hearing you enter and pulls you into a hug as you cry, barely paying attention to the instructions your manager is giving you as carefully as she can manage over the phone.

“Can you just– can you text me instead?” You ask, moving your face up from where it was previously pressed against Mark’s shoulder to speak to her. When she hangs up, 2 minutes pass before your phone vibrates twice, indicating an incoming text.You let Mark lead you to lay down on the bed with him.

So now you’re here, all the tears emptied from your eyes to last you a while. You’ve said all you can, every frustrating thought you have about the entire experience, every “We should have–” and “What if we did–” imaginable.

Mark’s been mainly silent, either nodding along to your claims or interjecting to argue with you for a moment. Out of the two of you, you’re the much more emotional one, choosing to vent your feelings to process them instead of thinking them through. Mark knows this in the same way he knows everything else about you like he knows himself, and allows you to have your time. When he does finally speak up and share his mind, you’re surprised by what you hear.

“Do you ever sorta feel, I dunno, temporary?” You get what he means, you feel that way too and that makes you want to cry even more. Especially belonging to a mid-tier girl group. You don’t imagine the public will have much interest in you after you eventually disband and move on. Mark, however, has found much more success than you have. It’s ironic, though, that no matter what, you’ll both feel the same cold emptiness when the spotlight does eventually die out on you, it does for everyone. You hum in affirmation, finding his eyes as his hand stops his movement on your scalp.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Is this worth it then? Yeah, it’s our careers and stuff, but if we’re eventually going to be irrelevant to the public, is it worth throwing us away?” You don’t know what to say, so you just sit up and straddle his waist, lying your hands on his shoulders and looking into your favorite pair of eyes. Sometimes Mark is really difficult to read, as much as he wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s always been the stable one, the rock for both of you, the leader in your relationship. So as vulnerable and honest as he is with you, he has one hell of a poker face. Both of you do, you have to when you work in this industry. Right now, as you sit here, he lets the mask fall for a moment and shows you how scared he is through his eyes. You say nothing still, tucking your body into his and letting him sigh into your neck and squeeze you tight into him. It’s not long before he falls back, taking you with him so you’re laying on top of him. You can’t help but squeal as he falls, giggling before placing a slow kiss on his lips.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you so much.” He says with sad eyes when you pull away. The implications are strong, you’re well aware of what tonight is.

“Just so you know, there’s no throwing us away. Ever. Even if–” and tears are starting to pool in your waterline, Mark places a gentle hand on your cheek, thumb ready to catch your tears and wipe them when they fall again.

“Even if tomorrow is the end of us for a while, I’ll never be done with you.” The tears do fall, just two, and Mark is quick to wipe them away and kiss your cheek in a comforting manner.

You stay like this for the rest of the night, speaking very few words besides a couple sad “I love you”’s while you make love for the last time.

The bell ring notification disturbs you as you lie breathless in the afterglow, head on Mark’s chest listening to his heartbeat fall back to a regular cadence.

“Let’s not check until we post the apology, okay? Stay with me here.” And you don’t know what he’s talking about, but he assumes it’s information his manager shared with him about damage control strategies for your meeting with the companies in less than 5 hours.

“Okay.” You say, nodding and getting up to turn both of your phones off for the night. His arms are wide open, waiting for you to return to him under the covers.

. . . . . .

The next morning there’s no sneaking around like there used to be, leaving the hotel room at the same time as Mark, grabbing his hand as he hands in your keys for check out at the front desk. You walk with your hands intertwined down the street to the SUV waiting for the both of you at the end of the block. If people see and recognize you, neither of you notice as you realize how much you’ve missed out on by having to be so secretive.

“This is sorta nice, that I can finally do this.” He says, squeezing your hand and brings it up to his lips to press a kiss to the back of your hand as you walk. That makes you laugh a sad laugh as he opens your car door for you, letting you slide in before he comes in with you.

At the company, sitting in a way too brightly lit conference room for how little sleep you got last night, it hits you and the anger comes back. The room is packed full, your two main managers sit on either side of you, the same for him. The CEO’s to both of your companies sit at the heads of the table, and PR representatives and administrative assistants scatter themselves around.

It’s crazy to you to have such a packed room for something so trivial as dating news. You’re two kids in your early twenties, of course you’re going to date. You surely wouldn’t care if you were a fan, so what’s the fuss? You just want to go back to that hotel room bed, back to before the announcement, back to before all of this. You want to walk away from this meeting with Mark Lee as your boyfriend, as your future husband like he promised he would be a couple of months ago.

Introductions are made, thankfully yours done on your behalf by your manager to your left. Mark puts on his idol face, playing pretend that he’s okay as he politely introduces himself personally to every person in the room, thanking them for their effort to come in on a holiday. You have the energy and the ability to do the same, but you have no desire to put on your own idol face today. Right now you’re a heartbroken woman first, not an idol. Hopefully they understand.

The meeting begins officially and you learn that they planned for you and Mark to post personal handwritten apologies on your instagram pages. You would have known that if you had paid attention earlier. Apparently all has been taken care of already, both of your notes having been written out already. As your manager does a final read through of the apology she wrote for you to your fans, you can’t help but scoff.

Because you’re not sorry for sneaking around behind your fans’ back.

You’re not sorry for going to that hotel restaurant.

Above all, you’re especially not sorry for falling helplessly in love with Mark Lee.

As you find his eyes across the conference room table as his manager begins reading out his own fake handwritten apology, you realize that in this industry love isn’t enough to sustain happiness.

After all, how could you and Mark be happy, if happiness just simply wasn’t meant for you two?

When the meeting ends and the posts are up, you do your best to hold back the tears to save the smallest amount of dignity you have remaining. When the meeting is closed and everyone preps to leave, he says your name from across the table. It kills you to ignore him and leave him hanging in this way, but there’s no point.

“See you around, Mark.” you avoid his eyes and grab his hand, squeezing lightly and letting go. You don’t know what his face looks like, if he looks as disheartened as yours, or if he’s kept his idol facade on. You don’t want to know, Mark Lee isn’t your boyfriend anymore, you aren’t meant to care anymore.

So you go home, lay low for a couple of weeks as you prepare for your new comeback and never ever check your Instagram or search your name on the internet. Your managers bother you to reply to some Bubble messages and interact online, but you can’t bring yourself to open up the opportunity to see what people are saying about you, much preferring to live in ignorance until people eventually forget, just like they always do.

. . . . .

Two years later, you’re still not over Mark. The public has for the most part forgiven you for dating, the entire situation actually proving to be great for publicity, your music video views having skyrocketed, shooting you and your group into one of the top groups in the industry. At every awards show you win at least one esteemed title. You’ve personally become the most popular member, snatching brand deals left and right.

When your group and NCT promote on the same shows, or perform at the same festivals, or walk the same red carpet, you’re too busy to notice or even think about him being there. You still, however, excuse yourself to the restroom every time NCT goes to perform at any of those award shows. If you, even for a moment, allowed yourself to think about how close yet so far he is, you’d begin to spiral. So avoidance and ignorance become your best friends, and you find yourself gaining your own idol face. And you wear that idol face everywhere you go. Even wearing the idol face when you’re in the privacy of your home, and when you’re in meetings with your company assigned therapist. You’re afraid that if you let it slip, allow the hurt to come in, allow the longing for him to make its home in your heart again, you’ll never be able to put that wall back up. So it stays up always, and the pain of your break up and the longing for him.

And suddenly, you’re six years into your contract, having found enough success to buy your own apartment just one block away from the hotel you used to stay at with Mark before your break up 2 years ago. It’s lonely living alone, you realize. Having gone from living with your family, then the trainee dorms, then the dorm with your group.You thought this is what you wanted, but you’re growing to realize you despise having so much empty room.

You hate it, especially when the loneliness becomes just a little bit too tempting one night. The loneliness teetering like a wrecking ball about to slam into the wall of your heart. You almost find yourself dialing Mark’s number when the right side of your bed is just a little bit too cold for your liking, but you stop yourself. Lie to yourself that you don’t miss him. Make the excuse that you made a promise to your company, and another scandal is the last thing you need with contract resigning negotiations around the corner. You’ve lawyered up to argue for a 45% increase in your profit cut on your album sales, if the company finds out you’ve ignored the rules they gave you, you could kiss those profits goodbye. You lie to yourself that one night spent with him would not be worth it to throw that away.

So you don’t text or call him, lying to yourself that you have no desire to for months to come, never allowing the heartbroken tears to slip out of your eyes late at night after an exhausting day, no matter how much you want to. Your best kept secret.

. . .

Everything comes crashing down, your emotional wall and idol face, on a random Tuesday in May.

Your doorbell rings and you open the door to a terrified looking Mark Lee holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“What the fuck?” is all you can let out when you make eye contact with him, your heartbeat quickening to the point it barely feels like you have one anymore.

“Uh, hi. I heard somewhere online that you’re supposed to bring roses to a housewarming. So uh,” He extends his arm to hand the flowers to you, “here ya go, I guess.”

You don’t grab the flowers, still absolutely shocked at the boldness from him. Is this real? Is he really here? You want to pinch yourself awake from this nightmare.

“I’ve lived here for like a year and a half.” is the smart response you have for him, and you feel like you’re about to faint from the way he looks so absolutely desperate.

“Yeah, I know.” How does he know? Who told him? Why is he here?

You continue to stand, shocked and still as you stare at him, mouth agape. The lines between relief, excitement, and terror are all so thin, you’ve never felt more overwhelmed in your life.

“Would you just let me in, Y/N?”

Still just as shocked as before, you step to the side to allow him to brush past you and enter into your apartment. Your apartment. Mark Lee is back, he’s here, he’s in your apartment. He wants to talk to you. You’re going to talk to him.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

“So, you probably have a lot of questions, and I’m sorry that I dropped in on you like this out of nowhere.” He said after he was finally seated on your sofa. Standing at the edge of your rug seeing him sit there alone now makes you realize just how big your apartment is, and how lonely it is to be here all alone.

“Yeah.” You say, moving to sit on your coffee table, facing him and bumping your knees together. You haven’t felt this close to him in years and the faint musky smell of his classic cologne is making you dizzy. You missed everything about him, sure, but his scent was one of the hardest things to let go of.

“I just– I missed you.”

“I know.” Because you miss him too, what you had isn’t something you just move on from. It grows with you, but never truly leaves you alone. If there’s anything these 2 years have taught you it’s that.

“I’ve been missing you for such a long time. Like way too long, and I sorta just remembered today that one conversation we had a while ago about marriage, and how I’m not even close to being okay with that not being a part of my future anymore. Like, I want that.” He’s grabbing your hand, and you feel the familiar sting in your nostrils that tell you that you’re beginning to cry. Of course you are. Mark Lee is here. Your Mark Lee is here, confessing his love to you again. It feels like the first time he told you he liked you 4 years ago, the nerves are the same,but the emotions are much stronger now. A really big portion of your heart belongs to him this time, you have huge emotional stock in this conversation.

“I want that so damn bad. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. And I don’t care if I lose my career, my fans, whatever. I want to marry you. I want my future to be you. All of this–” He takes his spare hand and wipes your cheeks, you’re crying again. That’s no surprise to either of you.

“All of this is pointless if I’m not working towards a future I believe in. And this is it, this is the future I believe in. It’s you, Y/N.”

“Holy shit Mark,” you say, leaning forward and slamming your lips together. Words can’t describe how you feel, how kissing him for the first time in years feels like finally getting a deep breath of air after sticking your head under water for too long, how it feels like laying down in a bed with fresh sheets after a long day, returning home after a long work trip away.

“Did you just fucking propose to me?” You say, leaning away to his lovestruck, shining eyes. He’s gripping the sides of your face with an insane grip, as if he’s afraid you’ll slip away from him again.

“I think I did.” He says, laughing to himself. And kissing you on the nose, his own eyes shining with happy tears.

“Oh my God, do you have a ring?” You say, moving to straddle his hips and sit on his lap, hugging him close to you.

“I– fuck– no I don’t. So, forget that the whole marriage proposal thing happened. I didn’t propose.” And you can’t help but laugh at him, throwing your head back enjoying the weight of his arms around your waist for the first time in forever.

He grabs your chin, forcing you to look into his glimmering eyes, “But I will, and I’ll do it soon. And it’ll be perfect, with the biggest diamond you’ve ever seen, and everyone will know. Your fans and mine, the company, whoever, everyone will know. I promise.” You don’t think you could contain the smile painting across your face if you tried, as you nod, kissing him once more.

He pushes your shoulders away lightly to add one more note, “That is, Y/N, if you’ll have me back.” And he looks nervous, like he’s afraid you’d say no. As if you��d ever dream of saying no to him.

“Do you hear yourself, Mark Lee? Of course I’ll have you back, you’ve always been mine.”

. . . . .

The next day, you tell your companies and managers. His company threatens to drop him from the label, and when Mark gives a cavalier response to the threat, they rescind. Your managers aren’t surprised to see your hands intertwined under the table, fighting on both of your behalf to come to an agreement.

A week later, your companies give in to your stubbornness and release the official statements that you’re back together. You disable all instagram comments and DM’s.

A month later, Mark moves into your apartment, and it almost gives you whiplash at just how easy it was to change your sad, lonely apartment into a home. Our home. You’re happy to get to call it that now.

. . . . .

Three years later, both you and Mark have left your groups and your companies officially, both of you resigning with different agencies who offer you much more money and much more freedom. You were able to take your manager with you to the new company, the new company compensating her better as well. Mark remains partially contracted with his old company as a mentor to the new generation of his group, and it feels like he’s finally found his place. It took him 15 years, but he finally found his passion, he finally found his place. You’re extremely proud of his new achievements.

You, on the other hand, have also found your rhythm behind the scenes. You’ve been able to assist your new company in recruiting, training, and preparing to debut a new girl group. These are girls you believe in, who you see a bright future for. You’ve played a heavy hand in their styling, and have begun to play a sort of advocacy role for them, breaking the cycle of unfair and harsh treatment you, your members, and Mark faced when you were in the industry as idols. Unlike Mark, you still make music. It isn’t nearly as successful as your former group’s music. You have yet to have your first win on a music show as a soloist, but you aren’t really bothered. It’s never been about the money or the achievements for you, as much as your former heartbroken self would like to tell you it is. You write your own music now, mainly sappy and slow love songs, and nobody has to question who it’s about or who it’s for. That fact makes you smile every time you get to release something new, which is infrequent. Your girls preparing for their debut take up most of your time. That’s okay with you, though. You care much more about continuing your legacy than holding onto it personally when it’s trying to die.

You and Mark are good now, like really really good. It took you a while, but you finally discovered the sweet spot in your relationship to the public between sharing too much, and being too private. The world knows of your love, but for the most part, what you have with him stays between you and him, and it’s exactly how it should’ve been the entire time.

Sometimes with your schedules, you and Mark pass like ships in the night in your home, both of you constantly running late to some activity for the groups you’re individually taking care of. But neither of you have ever canceled your Thursday night date night, placing your relationship at priority. Both of you figure if you had to fight so hard to have each other it’s not worth it to let it slip away.

Except for this Thursday.

Mark: hey babe. gotta cancel tn.

Mark: jae rolled his ankle really bad, im gonna take him to the hospital.

Mark: im really sorry :(

Mark: but hey! arent ur girls performing show champion tn? u should go!

Mark: sorry, stalked ur work calendar ;P

Mark: but fr, dont wait up for me pls

Mark: get ur rest. i know its been a long week

Mark: love u forever, see u in the morning!!!!!

It stings a little to get that string of text, but you understand wholeheartedly why he’s canceling on you. He’s always had a big heart, but finding a large group of boys to care for has truly brought out that side of him.

Y/N: its okay love

Y/N: ill probably just stay home tho

Y/N: the girls get nervous if i watch them perform sometimes

Y/N: i dont wanna spring that on them last minute

Y/N: tell jae to feel better!

Y/N: ill see u tomorrow morning baby :) love u

Sighing, you remove your heels off your feet, moving to slump on your new sofa and relax for the evening, until your phone buzzes again.

Mark: no u should go

Mark: really

Mark: itll be good to test them

Mark: learned that in my mentorship + leadership class last week

Mark: they need the push

Mark: so just go tonight

Mark: please

That’s odd, you think. Mark has been taking leadership classes, but he’s mainly been criticizing them for being cheesy. Suddenly he’s pressuring you to listen to the advice his class taught him, advice he doesn’t even follow himself?

Y/N: whats going on with u? u hate that class

Mark: i just think it would be good for u to step up

That makes your jaw drop, who is he to say that to you?

Y/N: excuse me? are you saying what i think youre saying?

The text comes in much faster than ever before. Your phone has your full attention as you watch the three dots at the bottom of your screen dance as he types.

Mark: fuck

Mark: no baby

Mark: im sorry that came out wrong

Mark: but just trust me

Mark: go to the performance

Mark: itll be worth it

You heave out a sharp breath as you respond. As much as you love this man, he can be absolutely infuriating sometimes.

Y/N: fine.

Y/N: but were talking about this when u get home

You shut your phone off and slip your shoes back on after sending the last text. It’s confusing, he never acts this way. He’s never insisted on you doing anything ever, always being just a little bit too much of a pushover to your stubbornness. Tonight, apparently, you going to the fifth music show recording this week meant enough to Mark that he borderline insulted your leadership abilities.

So you go, huffing and puffing the entire ride there as you reread the text thread over and over again in the back of your company SUV.

“We’re here, miss.” The driver turns around to inform you. That was short, you think as you thank him and look out the window for the first time tonight.

Except this isn’t the Show Champion service entrance. This is the Han river. Approximately 3 miles in the wrong direction of the studio.

“Sir, I don’t think you took me to the right place.” You say, doing your best to bite back the irritation that threatens to seep through your words. By the time you get to Show Champion and through security, the girls will have already finished their recordings.

On almost perfect timing, the opposite door to you opens on the SUV. You’re shocked to see Mark standing on the other side, giggling at your confused face.

“Surprised, baby? Come on.” He says, reaching a hand out to you.

“What? What do you mean? What surprise?” You say, eyeing him up and down, not grabbing his hand.

“Oh, come on baby, trust me. Surprise.” He says, slowing down the last word as he leans in closer and offers you his hand more.

Although you’re still a little bit angry at him, you grab his hand and allow him to pull you out of the car.

He thanks the driver and closes the door behind you, waving him off as he drives away.

“Mark, what the hell is happening?” you demand, squeezing his fingers. He just laughs and leans in, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Baby, relax! I just wanted to surprise you.” He rubs a soothing thumb over the back of your hand.

“So Jae’s okay?”

He nods, “Jae’s fine. He’s at home or whatever. I didn’t even see him today.”

You frown, “And my girls?”

He giggles, “They aren’t performing tonight. I figured you’d catch me on that one.”

“So what was all of this for?” You say, relaxing a bit at the snippets of clarity he’s offered you.

“I won’t give it up that easily, baby. Trust me, let’s go.” He begins to walk, taking you with him from your intertwined hands.

You hold back your questions as you walk, knowing he’d get significantly irritated if you kept on asking questions much longer.

Suddenly, it comes into view and you gasp. A beautiful candlelit arch sits on the riverbank, pillows scattered around a basket with a bottle of wine and two glasses sitting on top.

You sneak a glance over to him, and he’s smiling, already watching you.

“Mark–” you say, a hand coming to cover your mouth as you stare.

“You like it?” He half whispers. You stop walking to face him.

“I love it baby, thank you.” You say, giving him a short peck before walking over.

“What’s this for?” You say after sitting down, analyzing the very expensive bottle of wine.

“Stop asking questions. Would you like to open it up?” He says and you nod, still shocked at the romance of this moment.

Mark’s always been sweet, and in your opinion precious and thoughtful enough to put rom-com boy’s to shame. This, however, is on another level. He’s never done anything like this before.

You’re not an idiot, so your brain begins to wander to what possibly this could mean. You don’t want to name it just yet, afraid of the disappointment if what you think may be happening isn’t actually happening. So you just enjoy this, drinking wine with the love of your life and watching the ships pass by.

He’s looking at you differently tonight, something beyond the loving gaze he’s always given you. You’re inclined to say that his eyes are attempting to communicate something more to you, something deeper than the already intensely passionate love you share. You feel like blushing every time he stares deeply while you speak.

“So, baby. I think it’s time I tell you what we’re here for.” He says, standing and offering a hand to help you up too. You’re a little wine tipsy, so it’s a difficult task in your stilettos, but he eventually does get you to stand, keeping a stabilizing palm on the small of your back. You giggle and lean in to kiss him again. He doesn’t pull away this time, letting your languid kiss go on. He sighs and pulls you closer into him so that you’re flush against his body. Eventually, you pull away, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“Tell me.” You whisper, biting your lip and staring into his eyes. He looks nervous now, and you’re beginning to believe your suspicion about the night may have been right. You definitely aren’t wearing the right outfit if it truly is the occasion you think it is.

He lets out a shaky breath and blinks a couple of times.

“Uh– yeah. So– uh. Hold on.” He says, patting his pockets.

“Fuck– wait babe. Uh, close your eyes.” He says when he discovers his pockets are empty. You giggle, blushing like crazy and take your hands to cover your eyes. The nerves are beginning to bubble in your belly as you hear him curse to himself and rifle through the basket on the ground.

“Okay, open.” He says and you uncover your eyes to see him standing in front of you, blushing just as much as you are, but a nervous look painting his face.

“Hi, baby.” You say through a giggle, smiling at him.

“Hi,” He says, looking down and avoiding eye contact with you.

“Relax, love.” You say, reaching out and smoothing your hands over his shoulders, pushing them down from their tense position.

He huffs a silent laugh, “I’m being obvious, aren’t I?” He says, still keeping a hand behind his back.

“A little,” you say, using one of your hands to rub his bicep. “but keep going.” You whisper calmingly at him. He breathes out another shaky breath and whispers an “okay”.

“So, uh, Y/N, you know how far we’ve come to get here. And I'm so damn proud of us. I’m proud of how hard we’ve had to work to get here, like to get to each other, and to get to the point that we’re at today so that I can do this. And it’s all because of you, like how amazing, and special, and wonderful, and perfect you are that we’ve been able to make it this far. I’m seriously so fucking lucky that I get to love you, that I got to love you for the 2 years we were together beforehand, the 2 years we were apart, and the 3 years we have going strong together now. Thank you for letting me love you. And you know, like you have to know that you’re the love of my life. Like, you’re my future. You’re my fucking everything. So,” and he steps back, and moves to get down on one knee. You knew it was coming, but you still gasp, hand moving to cover your open mouth, the other going into his hand as he looks up at you, finally revealing what he was hiding behind his back.

“Y/N, will you marry me?” He says, opening the box to reveal a stunningly huge ring, staring at you with the same shimmery eyes as the first time he asked you.

“Oh my God, yes!” You say, and he stands, smiling the biggest smile of his life, picking you up and twirling you in his arms as you kiss. You’ve genuinely never felt happier than you do right now, your heart finally feeling exactly where it belongs as he lets you down and shakily grabs your left hand, slipping the beautiful ring on your finger.

“She said yes!” He yells to the path behind you, where unbeknownst to you, a huge crowd of your friends and family have gathered to watch the event. He raises your intertwined hands, up to the crowd as they cheer. You’re crying, like you always seem to when you think about how much you love Mark, feeling elated and so very in love as you look at him, giving him one final smashing kiss when you lock eyes.

That night after the last guest leaves your shared apartment from the engagement party that was organized for you, you lay in bed, head on Mark’s bare chest, admiring the way your ring glimmers under the dim moonlight.

“Did I do good?” He says, and you lean up to look at his expectant, satisfied face. You kiss him, and he accepts that answer and wraps his arms around you and attempts to deepen the kiss.

That night, after you made love for the first time in your shared bed as an affianced couple, lying in the safest place ever, Mark’s arms in the afterglow, you realize that it was all worth it. The years spent apart, the pain of breaking up, the confusion of getting back together again, the fighting with your public personas.

All of that led you to here, right now, with the love of your life.

You did everything right.

A/N:

im here to break hearts and put them back together OK. and HOLY SHIT I wrote this in 2 days and edited it in 1. The idea for this fic originally was a lot sadder with a lot more dramatic shit, but mark isn’t that kind of man and i wanted to be as true to character as possible. So much love for soph for beta reading this fic and being so patient w all my empty promises to review her notes and then not doing it for like another week LOL. talk to me in my asks!! lemme know what u thought!

taglist (if u rb’d the teaser i added u to the taglist my b if u didnt want to!) : @enjennie @chitaphrrrr @byunfirstlady @unmethodicals @matryoooshka @prodhyck

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stratus-skye07 · 6 years ago

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You Think You Know Me | Chen

Requested: Can I request Chen x reader where Chen is a mafia leader but the reader doesn't know until the reader finds out and they have a big argument which causes the reader to leave but the reader comes back and they make up. Super fluff and angst thanks

Genre: Angst / Fluff Ending / Mafia AU

Word Count: 11k

It’s odd when you look back at how you were a few years ago and how much has changed. Of course, it happens but to such an extent where you feel like you were living someone else’s life.

Living a normal life is what a majority of the population come to expect as they get older. For some, it’s easier, and others it’s not as easy. I was given the short end of the stick in life. Both my parents died when I was young, leaving me to be raised by my grandpa who eventually passed away shortly after I graduated high school. I was alone.

Fending for myself, I didn’t have the financial means to go to college so working part-time jobs was my only way to eat and have a roof over my head. While working one of my jobs is when I met him.

Being a waitress pays well, at least for me, but can be the most tiring job of them all. It wasn’t easy getting this job at such a popular and elegant restaurant so I work my hardest to do the job well.

Tonight’s reservation is supposed to be the most important for the restaurant. It’s booked out to a group of very important businessman. They buy out the restaurant every now and again to hold meetings of important matters. This was the first time they would be here since I’ve been working here.

The owner of the restaurant hands me a four-page nondisclosure agreement, “I’m gonna need you to read over this and sign it for tonight’s guest. Should you choose not to sign then I’ll have to replace you.”

I raise my eyebrows, “So these guys are a huge deal?” I ask.

He nods, “Yes, they’re old friends of mine and have given a helping hand in making the restaurant the way it is. I let them come here to hold their meetings in confidentiality so whatever you hear doesn’t leave this place.”

“Can I ask what kind of business they do?”

He sighs, “A wide variety of marketing. So please read over this, sign it, and give it to me before tonight.”

It took me a few rereads to be sure that I understood everything that was expected of me before I officially signed the NDA and handed it in. Shortly before the guest was due to arrive, I mentally prepare myself to work the rest of the night. While tying my apron, I overhear some of the girls talking about tonight’s event.

One of them claps in excitement, “I’ve been waiting for tonight since the last time they were here.”

“I know, we rarely get any handsome guys to come in but for one night, we get nine of them all at once.”

“Last time they were here, Kai winked at me. How can someone look so cute but sexy with that grin of his?”

Seeing as these two have worked here long enough to know something about these guys. I’m not close to either of them but it wouldn’t hurt to ask about them.

“Who exactly are these guys?” I ask, entering their conversation.

They both start to gush again when one of them explains, “They’re all CEOs of different companies. They come together for meetings to collaborate on their businesses.”

“The best part is they’re bachelors.”

I nod, “Usually rich businessmen are. I’m sure they have a fiance waiting for them somewhere.”

Both girls began to giggle again, “They’re self-made CEOs so their parents do force them to get married.”

“Which means they get to marry whoever they want.” The other girl adds.

I hum in understanding of their excitement, “So you’re saying there’s a chance?” I say jokingly to get their emotions riled up again.

They both nod in glee until one of them stops, “Well maybe not with Kim Jongdae.”

The other looks sad as well, “Oh yeah, Mr. Kim.”

“Mr. Kim?” I ask.

“He’s the big boss of the other eight. He’s much tougher to get his attention. All the others at least glance at us when we walk around to serve but Mr. Kim doesn’t even flinch. He’s either really not interested or he’s gay, which is such a loss for women.”

Before I could get any more information about the group, we had to get to work as they arrived. I and the two other girls stood across from the table that was in the center of the room. The nine men enter the room. We all bow our heads to greet the men. The silence is deafening. The only sound that’s being made is the set of footsteps walking around the room.

As they take their seats, we go to work. The girls gave me a rundown of everyone’s names. On one side of the table sat, Park Chanyeol, Oh Sehun, Kim Minseok, and Kim Jongin. The second important CEO, Kim Junmyeon, sits on the other side followed by Do Kyungsoo, Zhang Yixing and Byun Baekhyun. I can already tell from his position at the end of the table that is was the boss of bosses, Mr. Kim.

I go around handing each of them their menus until I reach Mr. Kim. As I’m turning to face him, my apron slides across the table causing it to take his fork with it. The fork lands on the floor. I gasp as I quickly bend down to reach for it but Mr. Kim’s hand reaches for it just as fast causing our hands to touch.

I look up to meet his eyes. I bow my head, “I’m sorry, I’ll get you a new one.”

He gives me a gentle smile as he shakes his head, “It’s okay, I believe in the five-second rule.” I chuckle at his comment as I rise to my feet to continue serving.

A few minutes go by and the guys have ordered. Their food begins to arrive in the room. I’m pouring the wine when I notice, the two girls discussing something at the opposite side of the room. Once I finish, I walk over to them to see what the problem is.

“Everyone is waiting for their food, what’s going on?” I whisper to them.

“She forgot who ordered what.”

I look at the other to ask, “How did you forget, you took their orders.”

“I know but I forgot to write their names down along with the orders.” She explains in a slight frantic without causing a scene.

“Is the food ready yet? I’m hungry.” The one named Baekhyun asks.

“I’m screwed.”

I sigh, “Just grab a plate and watch for my signal.” Luckily for her, I overheard them making their decisions before ordering. My memory has never failed me in all my years of living.

I take half of the plates and give them to their owners. While I’m setting a plate down to Suho that’s sitting at the opposite side of the table, I glance as the girl walks slowly towards Chanyeol with Minseok’s plate. I slightly shake my head twice until she reaches Minseok to which I nod.

Once all the food has been given out I attempt to go back to my position with the other girls when a loud voice calls out to me.

“You!” I turn to find, of all people, Mr. Kim pointing at me. “Come here.”

I stand beside him, “Yes, sir?”

Slowly his gaze goes from the center of the table, up to me. “Did anyone ask an opinion from you?”

“Excuse me?” I ask, not understanding what he meant. His attitude is completely different than how it was just a few minutes ago.

He just raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. I quickly lower my head, “No, sir.”

“You seem to have some issues controlling the balance of your head.” He says.

He must be talking about the signals I was giving the girl about each dish. I don’t know what to say to him without throwing my coworker under the bus.

“I-I was just recalling something completely irrelevant. I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding.” I say bowing my head.

He scoffs then begins to spit out numbers, “Zero, nine, two, one, one, nine, nine, two.”

I look at him in confusion, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“If you have such a great memory then you must be smart as well. Add all the numbers I just said then multiply it by nine. If you get it wrong, you’re fired.”

I scoff at how ridiculous this has come down to. I stare at the center of the table as I begin to think.

Mr. Kim shakes his head, “If it’s too difficult then maybe this job is too hard for-”

I finish thinking to answer, “Two hundred and ninety-seven.” I return his gaze. It’s not difficult, I was just finishing multiplying thirty-three by nine.”

The room is silent as I begin to feel like I’m causing more trouble than just getting fired and leaving but I need this job and I won’t let some snobby CEO take it away from me when he has no idea the struggle it is to work in the lower class.

I bow respectfully, “I can see that I’ve caused some discomfort in the room and for that, I apologize. I’ll excuse myself.”

“No.” He stops me, “Stay and do your job.”

Without saying anything else, he continued to talk to the other men as if nothing happened. I continued to serve the whole table but at the same time, I began to have a feeling that I was being watched. I wanted to think that it was Mr. Kim watching me but the girls said so themselves that he never bats an eye at any woman. I brush off the feeling until the end of the night.

After the men have finished eating, I and the other girls take the plates to the back so we can end our night when the boss approaches me.

“Y/N, can I have a word with you.” He asks.

My heart begins to race thinking about what it could be. Is he actually gonna fire me? My answer wasn’t wrong. Yet again, I doubt he would just let an incident like that pass.

We go into his office. After he closes the door, he stands in front of me. I lower my gaze awaiting what he was going to say.

He sighs, “What an interesting night for you. I can’t say I’ve seen worse.”

“I apologize for causing you trouble,” I say.

He nods before extending his hand to me, “Here.”

Reaching out my hand, he hands me an envelope. With confidence, I take it and open it to find money inside.

“Is this my last pay?” I ask, knowing the answer.

Suddenly, he starts chuckling. “No, I’m not firing you. This is from Mr. Kim. It’s your tip.”

My eyes widen as I look at the wad of money that’s in the envelope. Too much to give a waitress as a tip.

“I thought he didn’t like me,” I say in shock.

“The opposite, actually. He was impressed that you were able to get the answer correct and also put him in place so respectfully. He says you worked hard and to keep it up.”

Shaking my head, I leave his office in disbelief. Once the shock factor goes away, I begin to think that this amount of money isn’t right to keep. Call me dumb but there’s only so much money a person can accept for an odd reason.

I run out of the restaurant to find Mr. Kim but by the time I spot him, he’s getting into his car and begins to drive away. In a quick attempt to catch up and get his attention, I end up breaking the heel of my shoe. I fall on the sidewalk, nearly twisting my ankle.

Great, if things could’ve gotten any weirder for tonight.

On my next day off, I ask my boss where Mr. Kim works so that I could return his money. As much as I need the money, I don’t think it’s right to take this much for not doing much. In a way, I feel like I would owe that person something if I kept it.

I would’ve come sooner but my ankle ended up swelling which kept me from working for a few days. It’s still a bit tender to walk on but I didn’t wanna prolong giving the money back.

With a lot of pleading, he gives me the address to his company. The tall exterior of the building is a little intimidating but I push that thought out of my head or else I would never go in.

I enter the building where there’s a lot of businesspeople walking around. I notice the reception desk that had five different secretaries sitting.

I approach one of the employees, “Excuse me, is CEO Kim Jongdae available?”

“Do you have an appointment?” She asks.

Before I can say no and expect to get turned away, there’s a familiar voice that says from behind me, “She does now.”

Looking over my shoulder, there’s Kim Jongdae.

After the awkward staredown, he has me following him up to the top of the building which is most likely where his office is located. I tried to just tell him straightforwardly that I didn’t want the money so it wouldn’t take up any more of his time but he insisted I follow him to talk.

I felt uncomfortable the entire time we were waiting in the elevator to get to his floor. He didn’t even look at me the entire time. I also felt out of place since the building was filled with businessmen and women then there’s me. A random girl walking in, wearing jeans and a hoodie.

Once we enter his office, I’m amazed at how large it is. I almost mistook it for a meeting room but I’m not exactly familiar with the business lifestyle.

Mr. Kim walks over to his desk to sit in his chair when he starts to speak again, “So what do I owe this sudden visit? Did you come for another problem to solve?” He asks jokingly.

I shake my head, “It’s actually about this.” I take out the envelope from my jacket pocket, “This tip you left me.”

He raises his eyebrows, “What about it? Was it not enough?”

“No, it was actually too much. I can’t accept this much no matter how much I may need it. So I’m returning it.” I say sliding the thick envelope onto his table.

He shakes his head, “I don’t want it back. It’s no longer mine.”

I scoff, “Are you seriously choosing to be difficult about this?”

Shrugging, he adjusts himself in his seat, “The real question is, why did it take you so long to come here to return it? Did you have an inner moral discussion for the past few days?”

No, my ankle was killing me but I won’t bother telling him my problems. A man of his stature doesn’t understand the struggles of low-class people like me anyway.

I simply shake my head, “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Just take your money back. I’m sure it doesn’t really matter to you anyways.”

I turn to walk out of the office when my ankle begins to act up again. I yelp in pain as I quickly bounce off it but lose my balance in the process. I reach for something to hold so I can let the sting pass but I end up leaning into Mr. Kim.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I say nervously feeling the firmness of his body against mine. “It’s just my ankle.”

Looking up at him in surprise at how quick he was to come to my aid. I try to push away from him but he held me in place to not lean on my foot.

“Come here,” He leads me to the chair across from his desk, “Sit. Let me take a look at it.”

Kneeling in front of me, he reaches for my ankle but I quickly pull my leg back to hide it, “It’s not a big deal. It’s still in the healing process.”

“Don’t make me hold you down.” He says in an aggressive voice. “Let me see.” His tone isn’t a threatening one but more like a dad ordering their kid to show their scraped knee.

Not wanting to argue about it, I lift my ankle. It’s kind of embarrassing having a complete stranger check on your ankle for you, especially when that stranger is as handsome as Mr. Kim.

He takes off my sneaker and lowers my sock to where only my ankle was exposed. He gazes at the slight bruising around it. Once I got home that night, it swelled up. Now that the swelling went down, it left behind the bruises which make it difficult to walk around sometime.

“When did this happen?” He asks as he moves my ankle around.

“That night,” I say not giving much information about how it occurred.

“Was it because of the money, you ended up hurting yourself.” He asks in a low voice.

Ignoring eye contact, I don’t say anything but I know that he put two and two together to get somewhat an idea of how I hurt myself.

Without saying anything else, Mr. Kim walks out of the office then returns with a first aid kit. He takes out a pain patch and carefully places it over the bruised area.

Suddenly he speaks again but with a much softer tone, “I didn’t mean anything by it. I gave you that much money because I felt bad for embarrassing you. I misunderstood you, twice now, and I don’t usually do that so apologizing isn’t something I do often. Giving money is what I’m used to since no one questions it. They just take it.”

“It’s a shock when you find that not everyone’s like that,” I say.

He begins to massage the patch. At first, it was painful but he adjusted the pressure so it felt more soothing. My eyes began to linger around the movement of his hands. His slender fingers going up and down my leg made it harder to breathe.

“Mr. Kim...”

I immediately lose my train of thought when his gaze turns to me again. Neither of us moves an inch. My stomach is beginning to knot up at the sight of him. Unwelcoming thoughts begin to come to mind of his hands moving a high to grip my thighs.

That thought is knocked out of my head when the phone on his desk begins to ring. He sighs before pressing the speaker button.

“Mr. Kim, your meeting is about to start.” The woman on the phone says.

“I’ll be right there.” He confirms.

Putting my shoe back on, I take the envelope that I had left on his desk and take out a twenty-dollar bill.

“I’ll accept this as my tip. I’m sorry to disturb you.” I say as I bow my head.

Without saying another word or allowing him to say anything back, I leave his office. For most of my life, I’ve known when to draw the line. Kim Jongdae is in another world than me so he’s on the other side of a line that I can’t cross. It’s better to leave this way.

A couple weeks go by and work has been busier than ever. My ankle stopped hurting that helped a lot in keeping up the pace of work. The only thing that has become a pain in the ass for tonight is the douche bag businessmen that are sitting in my section. All of them obviously married but still try their best to flirt with me. Married men like them make me wonder how their wives even said yes.

I approach the table again to refill their drinks. The three men turn their attention to me as I lean in to pour the wine into their glasses.

“Y/N,” One of the older men with glasses calls me, “what time do you get off work?”

I scoff, “Around the time you should be putting your kids to bed.” I say.

I try to stay as calm as I can when it comes to customers like these because it’s my job to maintain a kind demeanor towards everyone but I don’t want them to think they can do whatever they want just because they’re the customers.

The man chuckles, “I like a kitty with claws. How about when you get off work I take you home in my car. It’s a really fancy one.” His tone is almost like he’s trying to talk brainless person.

“I’m afraid I have more important things to attend to, sir. Enjoy the rest of your meal.” I say with a forced smile to my face.

The work night is finally over. The rest of the night got a little easier after those businessmen left. With my purse over my shoulder, I head out of the restaurant to walk towards the bus stop. I just want to go home and pass out from the constant walking around.

As I’m walking down the sidewalk, a car pulls up beside me and parks. I don’t think anything of it until I hear the driver call me by name.

“Y/N!”

Turning my head, I see the man from earlier. He gets out of his car to approach me. He has this odd-looking smile on his face once he’s in front of me.

He points to his car, “I told you I had a nice car. Get in and let me take you for a spin.”

I take a step away, “No, that’s okay. I have to get home or else my boyfriend will get worried. Please get home safely.”

I begin to walk away but he continues to follow my every step, “Well, let me give you a ride home. I’m sure gorgeous hard-working young lady like yourself is exhausted from being on her feet all day.”

I finally snap, “Listen, I’m not interested in what you might have planned for me so please go away or I’ll report you for harassment!”

His face turns sour, “When the fuck is being nice harassment. You should be grateful an honest man like me is even offering to help you. There’s not many of those around.”

I scoff at him. Not wanting to have to listen to his so-called justified excuses, I continue to walk down the sidewalk.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He forces me to stop by grabbing a hold of my wrist and pulling me towards him. “I’m not done talking to you. For someone who works at a high-class place, you should really learn to respect people.”

“Let go of me!” I instinctively knee him in the groin. His grip on my arm only tightens as he bends over in pain.

“You rude little bitch!” He shouts before punching me in the face.

I fall to the ground, I cup my face from the sudden shock. Once a man puts his hands on a woman, there’s no telling how much more damage he’ll do.

The man towers over me and grabs my leg for me to not get away, “Seems like you need a man to teach you some manners.” He says raising his fist again.

I flinch and close my eyes as I wait for the impact again.

When the hit doesn’t come, I glance over my hand to see Mr. Kim holding the man’s wrist. His face looks stern along with his jaw clenching as he eyes down the guy.

“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you.”

“Who-”

Before the man can even finish his sentence, Mr. Kim delivers a hard strike to the man’s face. The man groans in pain as he bends at an angle from the hit. Mr. Kim grabs him by the collar of his shirt to lift him upright again.

He shoves the man hard against his car door before punching him in the stomach. The man tries to bend over from the hit but Mr. Kim pulls him back to stand upright to look straight at his face.

“Take a good look at my face, you piece of shit.” He practically growls while speaking again, “You come near this girl again and my face is gonna be the last one you see. So get back in your fancy car and don’t come back here.”

Mr. Kim opens the door for him before shoving the man into his car. The man takes a moment to snap out of what happened to finally drive away.

I stand and approach Mr. Kim. He’s still staring in the direction the car drove away in. His body is tense. His fist is still balled up and slightly shaking from anger.

“Mr. Kim?” I call out to him which manages to snap him out of his rage. “Are you okay?” I ask noticing his knuckles are pretty red.

His face finally loosens up enough for him to give me a smile, “I should be asking you that.”

I take a huge sigh of relief that things didn’t get any worse, “I’m okay, thanks to you.”

“You shouldn’t be walking around alone at night like this.” He says. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

I shake my head, “Oh no, you’ve gone through enough trouble for me. I can take the bus as I always do.”

“I won’t take no for an answer this time. I’d feel better knowing that you got home safely. So if you wouldn’t mind?” He says signaling towards the much nicer car that was parked across the street.

The car ride to my apartment was pretty quiet. Mr. Kim would considerately ask if I was okay or if I felt any pain anywhere. Those were the only times he spoke. The rest of the way was silence. Even though I had gone through a scary situation, I didn’t feel scared of being alone with Mr. Kim. It was more the opposite. I felt like I was the safest in the car with him.

Once we got to my apartment, Mr. Kim walked me all the way up to the door. He eyed the neighborhood with a look of uncomfortably.

“This is where you live?” He asks.

I shrug, “Yeah, I know it’s not great but it’s all I can afford.”

“Not someplace I’d see someone like you living in.” He says.

I chuckle as I ask, “Oh really? Where do you think I should live? Gangnam?”

Suddenly, instead of replying, he reaches out to pull my face closer to his with his hands around the back of my neck. Space is nearly gone between us as he examines my face from where I got hit. My eyes widen at how close I can see the features of his face.

He strokes my cheek with his thumb, “This is gonna bruise. I’d ice it down before you go to bed.” He advises.

Feeling the knots forming in my stomach again, I slowly pull his hands away from my neck. Looking up at him, I ask, “What were you doing near the restaurant?”

He’s wearing casual clothes so he couldn’t be coming to have a meeting or anything. I doubt him showing up here was a coincidence. Those rarely happen to me.

He sighs as he puts his hands in his pockets, “You want the truth or some sappy excuse?” I raise my eyebrows at him. “Truth then.” He runs his hands through his hair, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you since you left my office.”

“Huh?” I ask in confusion. “I didn’t take you for a joker.”

Looking at me with a serious face, he says, “I’m not.”

“Mr. Kim-”

“Please, call me Jongdae.”

His sudden confession took me off guard and I assumed he was only after a one night stand but it’s not until he asked me out on a date that I began to feel that it wasn’t just one thing he was after. There were sincere feelings from him.

After seeing a movie, we take a walk before calling it a night. We walk somewhat in awkward silence. I’ve never been on a date with someone like him before.

Finally, he breaks the silence by asking, “Did you like the movie?”

I nod, “Oh yeah, I was looking forward to seeing it so I appreciate you taking me.”

He smiles charmingly, “I usually don’t go out to see movies or things like that since work always gets in the way.”

“It’s okay, Mr. K-I mean Jongdae.” He laughs at my sudden correction. “Sorry, I met you as a CEO. I never imagined we’d be going on a date.”

“I understand. I know it was sudden. Believe me, I was surprised myself. It’s really hard for women to catch my attention but there was something about you that I couldn’t shake.” He explains.

“I’m just me. There’s nothing extra to me.” I say.

Shaking his head, he adds, “For some reason, I don’t buy that. I think there’s something different about you that even you don’t know.”

I look at him confusingly, “I’m not following.”

“Like, why did you give me the tip back?” He continues, “You could’ve just accepted it. Instead, you came all the way down to my work to return it. Not many people would go to that extent so why would you?”

I shrugged not sure what to say, “It’s hard to explain, really.”

“I mean, was it how you were brought up?”

I scoff, “Hardly. Both my parents died when I was really young so I barely remembered them. When I started living with my grandpa, he was extremely hard on me growing up. Always said that if I were to live with him then I needed to pay my dues. He found every excuse possible to get me to work. All because I lived with him. He didn’t care if we were blood.”

I sigh as I continue to explain, “I’ve always felt that if you are given something that you owe that person. You, giving me so much money, made me feel like I’d owe you eventually. I can’t owe anyone anything when I don’t even have anything for myself.”

“I understand that. Money is the only thing I can offer anyone so there would never be any favors that need to be returned.”

Nodding, I take the plunge to ask the burning question, “Since you brought it up. Why did you ask me out?”

He stops to look at me, “Why?” He repeats.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just that you’re a CEO and I’m just a waitress, along with other part-time jobs. I’m nothing special. I mean you’ve seen where I live. Why the interest in me?”

He shrugs, “I’m not sure yet. I guess that’s why I asked you out, so I could figure that out. Besides, I’m a self-made businessman, which means there’s no one above me to tell me who to date and I surely don’t care what other people say about me. Aside from being smart, you’re beautiful and as far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

Looking at him, I begin to feel this warm feeling in my chest. Working in a high-class restaurant, I’ve seen all the rich men look down on people with less money than them. In their eyes, they’re not on their level. I always thought that was every rich businessman. Never would I meet someone like Jongdae that looked passed all the materialism.

At this moment, I stop seeing Jongdae as CEO Kim but as a regular man.

“Jongdae-”

I don’t get a chance to speak when a thunderous roar begins to sound from the sky scares me. Within seconds, it starts raining. Jongdae quickly grabs my hand and leads back towards his car.

By the time we reach the car, we’re both soaking wet. I begin to get chills from the cold droplets of water.

“Are you cold?” Jongdae asks.

I rub my hands together, “No, I’m fine.”

“Let me see.” Without warning, he reaches out to grab both my hands in his.

The warm feeling of his hands' enveloping mine made my heart race. I stare at his skin glistening from the pouring rain as well as his damp hair that caused his the fringe to fall over his eyes. The feeling continued to travel into the pit of my stomach until the sight of him became more erotic than intended the longer I stared.

“I’ll turn on the heat.”

He loosens his grip on my hands, preparing to let go when I tighten my hold on him. His gaze raises up to meet mine. For an intense moment, I stare back at his eyes until my attention goes down to his lips.

Lust wins over reasoning as I lean in to meet his lips. There’s no hesitation from Jongdae either. He cups my cheek to pull me closer but the center console kept us too far apart. With a tug of my arm, Jongdae guides me over to straddle him in the driver’s seat. Before I knew it, I was searching for the waistband of his pants to undo his zipper. The outside became a blur from the fog that formed on the windows.

It didn’t take long for us to get close after that. The year went by so fast. After the first few months, he started taking care of me more than I’d expect anyone to. The gifts started off little then grew to the extreme. First, he got me a diamond bracelet. Then for our six-month mark, he bought me a car. At the beginning of our relationship, he would either pick me up or have one of his drivers get me from work and it felt burdening. He bought me a car for independence.

The recent gift was the most extravagant. It was for my birthday, he got me an apartment in Gangnam. He even put everything in my name so that if we ever broke up, he wouldn’t be able to take it away from me and leave me homeless.

Each gift I tried to decline them as much as I could because of the feeling of owing something to him but he quickly convinced me by saying that the only thing he wanted in return was my love and support. Saying that it was much greater to him to have from me than anything he’s given me. I started realizing that he wasn’t giving me everything so that I would be tied down to him. He was giving me these things to make life easier for me and it was sincere.

I enter the large building I once felt intimidated by but now seems like a place I work at. A place where I can walk in with casual clothes. Jongdae had given me a badge of my own so I would be able to come and go into the building to see him without being stopped and most of the employees already knew who I am.

The one thing that Jongdae had me promise him is to always check with his secretary before going into his office. He always has a lot of important people visit him so I make sure to respect his work environment.

Once I’m given the okay to enter his office, I enter quietly just to see him in his focus state. It gives me more time to admire his serious demeanors. It’s not until I close the door behind me that he turns his attention to me. The corner of his mouth turns up before he gets out of his chair to greet me with a hug.

“Hey,” He gives me a peck on the lips, “what brings you here?” He asks.

“I just came to see how things are going,” I say.

He hums, “It’s been pretty busy but why do I sense that there’s something more to this visit.”

I sigh, “Fine, you got me. I was wondering if you were going to be free sometime later maybe when you get off work?”

He chuckles, “I wish I could say yes, but I actually have some important business to do with the guys.”

“Again, I see and here I figured if I came in person you wouldn’t reject me this time but it seems that I’m losing my touch after a year.”

I attempt to slip out of his grasp but he holds me tighter. “To be honest, it makes it extremely difficult. On the phone, I don’t have to see your beautiful face in such disappointment.”

“I figured you would give me at least one night to have you to myself,” I say.

“I would but you know how busy work has gotten as of late. This is one of those busy months.” He says.

“It’s the third time this week. You’re beginning to neglect me, Jongdae.” I say with a pouty look on my face.

He kisses my temple, “I know, but we’re in the middle of a huge business deal. I need to make sure everything goes according to plan. No one but me can get this right. I promise though that I will make it up to you. You know I always keep my promises.”

The sad thing is it’s not the first time he’s been consecutively busy and I’ve been understanding of his work. The only reason I give him the guilt trip is to make sure he doesn’t get too used to my understanding. The rewarding thing is he always makes up for it with whatever I want which isn’t something he can buy.

I nod my head, “You promise?” Feeling the desk behind me, I hoist myself on to sit on the edge. “I don’t know if I believe you this time. You’ll have to start making it up to me.”

He chuckles taking a step closer, his waist filled in the space between my legs, “You’re right.” He says putting his hands on either side of the desk, “You’ve been so patient with me.” He begins to whisper as he speaks and dragging his lips across my neck and jaw.

Once his lips find mine, I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him closer. A groan leaves my mouth when his hands begin to travel up my shirt.

Having office sex isn’t something that we’re new to or shy to. For someone who’s the boss of the company, it was more surprising that Jongdae was the one the initiated it, to begin with. Another reason I don’t fully see him as the CEO of a huge company.

Our steamy session is interrupted by his phone ringing. We both sigh as the fire within us is put out by the fact that he has to go back to work.

Clearing his throat, Jongdae presses the speaker button to hear his secretary, “I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Kim….Y/N.”

“It’s okay. Go ahead.” I say.

“Mr. Kim, your one o’clock appointment has arrived.”

Jongdae’s expression changes into a serious one as he fixes himself up, “Give me a minute.”

He turns to me with a disappointed look as I straighten his tie for him, “I know.” I say.

There’s not much to say in times like these. This is his work and as much as it pains me to be away from him, I have to let him go do what he needs to.

Jongdae walks me to the door, he insisted on walking me out of the building but his meeting is more important so I end up leaving him in his office. Closing the door behind me, I head towards the elevator.

I reach around the corner when a woman catches my attention along with a lot of other male employees’ attention as well. She’s extremely beautiful especially with the skin-tight dress she’s wearing and black red bottom heels. As we pass each other, she gives me a small grin to greet me which I return with an awkward one. I’ve never seen her around. I wonder if she’s new.

Whoever she is, she’s entering Jongdae’s office. That’s his one o’clock appointment?! The curiosity kills me as I head over towards Jongdae’s secretary’s desk to see what I can find out about this woman.

“Hey, Y/N.” She greets me.

“Hey, how're the kids?” I ask.

She smiles, “Great, my oldest is graduating elementary school next month.”

“Really? It feels like yesterday you told me he was scared of going into kindergarten.” Jongdae’s secretary has always been nice to me and she’s like my ears in the office if something happens that Jongdae doesn’t want to tell me.

She frowns, “I know. I can’t stop them though.” Sighing, she adds, “I’m sorry again for interrupting, I know that it’s hard to spend time with Mr. Kim.”

I shrug, “It’s okay. I’m sure once this deal goes through he’ll have a whole lot of time to make it up to me.”

“That’s the way to do it. From the looks of things, the whole thing should be done and decided pretty soon. That woman that just came in is the head of the company that’s negotiating with Mr. Kim.”

I act surprised as if I didn’t pay that much attention to the woman, “Really? She looks pretty young, is she the boss’s daughter?” I ask.

“No, and it’s strange, no one knows a whole lot about her. The CEO of the opposing company used to speak to Mr. Kim on the phone about business but then she showed up suddenly to take over the negotiations in person.”

I hum in fascination, “Things must be getting serious then if they’re bringing someone to talk to him face-to-face.”

She nods, “They’re having another meeting later tonight to see if Mr. Kim can seal the deal quickly.”

He’s meeting her tonight? He told me that he was going to have a meeting with the guys and if he began honestly then she must be included in it as well. What if he told me that so I wouldn’t get jealous over the fact that he was going to have a meeting with a woman like that.

“I wouldn’t worry.” I get interrupted by a reassurance, “Mr. Kim is extremely loyal. Plus, in all the years I’ve known him, you’re the only woman I’ve seen him actually look at with loving eyes and not business eyes.”

“Thanks.”

Call it human nature, but I couldn’t rest easy knowing Jongdae was gonna be near a woman like that. I trust Jongdae but I don’t know her. It’s like taking your dog to the park, you know what your dog will do but you don’t know what dogs will do.

Waiting outside the office, I spot Jongdae and the woman leaving the building and entering his car. I follow, at a safe distance, behind them until they reach somewhat of a high-end club. It wasn’t too difficult to get past the bouncer since he was only allowing women of a certain stature to enter. Lucky for me, I fit his interest.

Being as inconspicuous as I could, I roam around the crowded areas around them. They stopped by the bar for a few minutes just talking. There were moments where Jongdae would laugh and smile which made me feel extremely uneasy since he’s not usually like that to anyone but me. My mind begins to battle between rationalizing and jealousy. I continue to think maybe he’s being like this because he’s trying to get this business deal settled. The other side of my brain is nagging me that this isn’t how he would go about it if it were a man he was doing business with.

As I begin to argue with myself, Jongdae and the woman are on the move again. They slip through the crowd and head towards upstairs. At the top of the steps, they enter a backroom where that reads VIP.

I sit around for what seems like hours but it was actually fifteen minutes. Most of it is basically me thinking if I should barge in there to confront the situation but then I begin to wonder if it really is something to do with work. I’d feel terrible if I ended up ruin an important business deal. At the same time, the waiting game isn’t working for me.

Going with the jealous thinking I approach the door and nearly start banging on the door but I stop myself. Leaning in, I listen in to hear muffled commotion happening on the other side of the door. Reasoning leaves me as I begin to think the worse is going on in there.

I swing open the door as I barge into the room. My heart goes from beating to a fast rate to a dead stop. Usually, you’d hoped to be wrong in these types of situations but, in my case, I really wished I was right about Jongdae cheating.

The room looks like a massacre had occurred. Blood splatter everywhere along with the bodies they came from. From what I could see there were six of them lying in a different part of the room. My eyes meet the eyes of the men that were standing over them. Their faces were all blur to me at that moment until my gaze meets a set of eyes that I’ve looked at for the past year.

“Jongdae?” I say his name in a barely audible voice.

He’s holding a gun to a woman’s temple. The same woman that he came in with. She’s on her knees in front of Jongdae. A moment later, I begin to realize that the men that are surrounding the room are the same men that work alongside Jongdae. The same ones that attended the restaurant for their meetings. The same men I’ve personally met shortly after dating him.

His eyes changed the instant they found mine. They were cold and unforgiving. A look I’ve never seen on his face before.

“Y/N?” He calls out to me with his sweet voice but he doesn’t look like the same Jongdae that I grew to love. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I…? What are you…?” Before I can even bring myself to speak, I begin to feel lightheaded then the room begins to spin. When I try to turn away to leave, I lose my footing and my brain just shuts down.

The images of what I saw continue to run through my head even in my sleep. The blood, the carnage, and Jongdae in the center of it all. It was a dream. I keep repeating the sentence to myself. It’s not until the image of him with blood on his hand wakes me up from the nightmare.

I sit up breathing heavily from shock. I’m back in my apartment. I don’t remember how I got here and begin to wonder if what I saw last night was actually real or a dream. I have to talk to Jongdae.

I prepare to get out of bed when I see a figure sitting in the chair. It’s Jongdae. When did he get here? Does that mean that what I saw last night was real?

“Are you feeling better?” He asks with his eyelids still closed.

He opens his eyes to look at me as I answer, “What happened last night, Jongdae? What did I walk into?”

Leaning forward, he rises from the chair to sit on the edge of my bed, “Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you.”

I shake my head, “Please tell me what I saw was a dream and it didn’t happen?”

He sighs, “I wish I could. Believe me, I didn’t want you to see that side of me.”

Tears begin to fill my eyes as I ask the gut-wrenching question, “Who are you?”

Jongdae looks around before finally looking me in the eyes to tell me the truth, “To the business world, I am CEO Kim Jongdae. To the guys and the underground world, I am EXO’s mafia leader, Chen.”

Mafia leader? How could someone like him be associated with the mafia? He’s the CEO of a damn company. How is it possible for someone to do both like this?

He continues, “I’m not the bad guy. The woman you saw last night, she was an undercover assassin. She was sent by a rival company to take me out but I found out who she was before that could happen. The club we went to, I own it. I brought her there to trap her, along with her accomplices but it ended up getting messy.”

“W-what happened to that woman? Is she…?” I barely have the strength to finish that sentence. Jongdae doesn’t look at me as he nods his head.

She was dead, along with all those people I saw in that room. Suddenly, the large knot that had been tightening in my stomach begins to rise up my throat. Feeling the sickens coming up, I push past Jongdae to get to the bathroom where I barely make it into the toilet.

Jongdae is instantly by my side as he held my hair and patting my back. Feeling how gentle his touch is, conflicts with my feelings about him after what I saw last night. He helps me stand before going to the sink to rinse my mouth out.

“Y/N,” he reaches for my hand but I instantly pull away.

“Don’t touch me!” I give him a shove to put some distance between us. I can barely think with him in front of me. If he were to touch me again, I would become so confused again.

“I swear, I was going to tell you but I didn’t want to expose you this lifestyle. Every time I wanted to say something about it, you would give me that innocent smile and the courage I’d built to would instantly go away.”

“Then why didn’t you just break up with me? It would’ve been less painful for both of us.” I say through sobs.

His face turns into a pained expression, “I was already in too deep. I fell in love with you.”

“Damn it, Jongdae!” I shout at him, “Why couldn’t you just cheat on me like a normal person? But instead, you’re a fucking mafia leader. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Don’t say that. I’m the same person you met in that restaurant a year ago. My occupation doesn’t change that.”

“How doesn’t it? You’ve killed people.”

Hyperventilation begins to set in as I lose strength in my legs. Jongdae catches me before I hit the ground. With little effort, he carries me to the bed. I begin to sob in his chest uncontrollably. He shushes me as he pulls the covers over me.

Eventually, I fell asleep in his arms. Letting all the tears out, made me tired. When I woke again, Jongdae was gone. I only remember what he whispered to me before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“I love you so much. Whenever you’re ready I’ll wait.” Then he left.

I went on about my life as normal. Jongdae came by my apartment to talk but I didn’t let him in. I wasn’t ready. He knocked on the door a few time before leaving. He has a key to my apartment but he said he wouldn’t use it unless I said otherwise and he never did.

I didn’t see or hear from him for a few days after that. I couldn’t keep my decisions straight in my mind. One day I’d want to break it off and the next I’d want to talk to him to know more but both choices I end up chickening out with my choice. When I didn’t think about the fact that he was a mafia leader, I would say yes to staying with him. The images of what happened in that club continued to give me nightmares.

Eventually, I came to a decision. I would leave him. Things would only get worse for us if we continued to see each other. Our lives were easier before we met. He wouldn’t have had to hide this and I wouldn’t have had to see what I saw.

Once I called and told him about my decision, he invited me to meet him at his office after hours. All the employees would be gone, we wouldn’t be interrupted.

Entering his office this time around had a different feeling to it. Especially knowing what I do now. Things seem to have a different vibe from what I was used to. Everything has changed since the truth came out.

Seeing him at his desk makes me wonder if all those time I came in to see him, was he working on mafia plans. The thoughts are nonstop.

“Have you been well?” He asks leaning against his desk.

I cross my arms, “I mean I’ve been better but I’ll live.” I look him up and down to notice the dark circles like he hasn’t been sleeping. “You look like shit.” Has this really affected him that much?

He shrugs, “I’ve been worried about you since we parted ways. I didn’t want this to harshly affect your life as it has and for that I’m sorry.”

I scoff, “I thought apologies weren’t your thing?”

He smirks, “When it comes to you, I’ll apologies nonstop.”

“How about you tell me the whole truth instead,” I say.

“Fair enough. A long time ago, I had nothing to my name. When I created EXO, it’s what helped start up my business. In a way, EXO’s money was what was invested in the company. I’m living a double life as a CEO and a mafia leader.”

I take a huge breath, “I just don’t know how to feel about all this. Everything just makes me wonder if all the things I thought you were doing was actually work-related. How many times did you tell me that you were out doing business and it was actually gang-related?”

“Would you feel better if I did tell you what was work and what was mafia work?” He says so straightforward.

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know if I could handle it.”

He slowly approaches me as if I would run away in fear. I hold my ground up until his chest is just inches away and I can smell his cologne. His hands reach for mine and out of instinct I raise them for him to take.

“I know you can. You’re as tough as they come. I knew that since day one when I met you. The way you assertively proved me wrong, I knew that there was something about you that was addicting.” He continues, “I fought with myself for days after you left my office on whether or not to pursue you but when I saw that prick attack you, I couldn’t control myself. I wanted to kill him but I couldn’t do that in front of you.”

“You could’ve stopped right after that. Why did you continue?” I ask.

He looks at me with those familiar loving eyes, “I wanted to be the one for you. The one to comfort you, to care for you, to love you.”

I fight the tears that threaten to come out as I start to speak, “When we first started dating, I had trouble accepting the fact that we were from different social classes. I always felt that I wasn’t good enough to be with you. I was prepared to be with you as a CEO. Knowing that you’re a mafia leader, scares me because that’s a whole different side of you that I have to introduce myself to and the first time was hard enough.”

“I understand that you’ve gone through a lot and I’ve loved you more and more because of how well you’ve endured it. I promise to inform you about everything so you’re never left out of the loop again. I will make you a part of my life.”

I can’t help but smile at how open and willing he is to keep me in his life, “As welcoming as that is… that’s a piece of your life that I can’t be a part of. I can’t live with the fear of something happening to you when we aren’t together. There’s only so much I can endure.” I say slowly sliding my hands out of his grasp.

“Y/N...” He calls my name through a harsh exhale.

“Goodbye Jongdae.”

Leaving him after seeing the pain on his face made it twice as hard. This was the hardest decision I’ve had to make.

I wait for the elevator when tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I didn’t want to say goodbye. To be honest, I’m more than willing to be with Jongdae even with the mafia world being a part of him. My only concerns are being in the way of his lifestyle. I would only make it difficult for him to work. It’s easier for him to not have someone like me holding him down.

Once the elevator doors open, I quickly wipe away the streams on my cheeks. When I look up, a man is exiting the elevator. He walks past me so fast I barely get a look at his face. Watching his back, he ends up entering Jongdae’s office.

I shrug it off. He might have another meeting to deal with as Chen. I enter the elevator and press the lobby floor button. Just as the doors are about to close, I hear a loud crash coming from Jongdae’s office. Instinct takes over when I stop the doors from closing and race towards where the noise had come from.

Entering the office, I find the mysterious man pressing Jongdae over his deck. His hands around his neck trying to strangle him. Hearing the pain he was in, I pounce on the man. I jump on the man’s back and try to pull him off Jongdae. To no avail, the man shoves me off him causing me to fall on the floor.

I get back to my feet to grab the desk lamp. I start swinging it at the man like a baseball bat. It didn’t do a lot but anger the man. He did end up releasing Jongdae to focus his attention on me. He snatches the lamp out of my hand and tosses it across the room. He ends up punching me so hard that it knocks me off my feet and has me in a daze.

I attempt to get to my feet but the man grabs a handful of my hair to pull me to my knees. I scream in pain as he starts dragging me across the room. He suddenly releases me. I look up to find that Jongdae tackled the man to the ground.

“Y/N!” He shouts for me over his shoulder, “Get out of here!”

He pulls out his gun from the back of his waistband but the man knocks it out of his hand while struggling for it causing it to slide under Jongdae’s desk.

Suddenly, the man manages to get on top of Jongdae. While fighting him off, the man reaches for something at his ankle. It’s not until he raises it up that I see that it’s a knife. He thrusts it straight down towards Jongdae’s chest but manages to grab ahold of the man’s wrists.

Seeing the struggle, I get to my feet to immediately jump on the man’s back to pull him off Jongdae. The man rises to his feet which is when he grabs my hair along with the nape of my neck to control where my body moves. He pulls me to face him then pushes me against Jongdae’s desk. The knife in his hand begins to point towards me.

Instinctively, I turn my back to brace myself for the knife impaling me. All of a sudden, I feel warmth envelop me. Looking over my shoulder is Jongdae. So close to me that I can hear the groan he was keeping in his throat. The man pulls the knife out of Jongdae’s side.

“Jongdae?”

He begins to collapse. Still holding me, the weight of his body takes me down to the floor with him. Again, he takes more of the hit of the ground as he continues to protect me. In my view of the ground, I stop the gun from under the desk. Stretching for my life, I barely manage to get my hands on it. The man pulls Jongdae away from me to finish the job. I’ve never fired a gun before but there’s no better time to learn. I turn onto my back to aim the gun at the man’s head and, with no hesitation, pull the trigger.

The man’s body collapses on the ground as I stay frozen from the fact that I just killed someone. My hand shakes, still holding the gun.

“Y/N!” Jongdae shakes my shoulders but I barely understand what he’s saying after that. “Y/N, look at me.” He takes the gun out my hand and pulls my face to look at his. “Are you hurt?”

When I hear the word hurt, I automatically look down at the stab wound that was drenched in blood. His face has gone pale along with sweat beading around his forehead.

“How can you be asking me that when you're bleeding out?” I say placing my hands over the wound to stop the bleeding.

He groans in pain as I press hard, “I’m fine, this isn’t new to me. As long as you’re okay...” He chuckles but his face loosens up as he collapses at my side.

“Jongdae!”

Within seconds, the familiar faces of Jongdae’s group came. They heard about the assassination attempt from a source and came as fast as they could. They took care of the body and took Jongdae to their private doctor. I had numerous opportunities to walk away since Jongdae was getting treatment and he was stable, but for some reason, I couldn’t leave. I love him too much to walk away from him in his time of need.

Once I was finally able to see him after getting patched up, I sat at his bedside. I honestly never thought I’d come back to his penthouse after everything. I hold his hand making sure to feel his warmth.

“You know,” I hear Junmyeon’s voice come from the doorway, “he’d understand if you weren’t here when he woke up. He’d respect your decision, no matter what it was.”

Not taking my eyes off Jongdae, I respond, “I know.”

As the day passes, I’m left alone with Jongdae as the rest of EXO are working hard to keep the business intact while Jongdae is recovering. I never leave his side, especially to go to bed. Instead, I lie in bed with him to keep him company. I want him to know that he’s not alone.

I lie on my side, looking at Jongdae’s profile. My head begins to get heavy as I lean on my hand, trying to keep myself awake.

I rest my eyes for a second when I begin to hear Jongdae’s voice, “I don’t recall ever having you pass out on me like this.”

Snapping my eyes open, Jongdae’s eyes are gazing down at me. I attempt to sit up but Jongdae places his palm on my shoulder to keep me lying down.

“Jongdae-”

He shushes me, “You looks exhausted. Just sleep.” He begins stroking my hair which lulls me to a long-needed slumber.

When I woke up he was asleep again. I started to believe that maybe I was dreaming about the whole thing until he wakes up again.

I finish switching out his sheets since the last ones had blood on them. As I’m raising the blanket up to his chest, he grabs a hold of my wrist.

I find his gaze on me again, “You shouldn’t be here. You should go home.” He whispers.

I smirk, “You should know you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Apparently I don’t. If I remember correctly, you were leaving me for good.” Even though he wasn’t exactly asking me, he wanted to know why I came back.

“That would’ve been the smart thing to do, in my case, and you know how intelligent of a woman I am, but the truth is I’m more of a fool than you think.” I take his hand away from my wrist and squeeze it tight.

Staring at me, he sighs, “You shouldn’t have seen any of that. You could’ve gotten hurt. You should’ve just kept walking.”

“How could I? Knowing that you were in trouble? You could’ve been killed. I couldn’t just walk away when you were in danger like that.”

He smirks, “It’s not my first close call. I can assure you it won’t be the last. I’d rather it not be a similar situation for you. You at least look unharmed from the attack.”

“Is that what you think?” Suddenly, the tears that I’d been holding back are coming to the surface. “However it may look, I am hurt. My heart hurt seeing you bleeding out in front of me. It also hurt to force myself to break up with you.”

His eyebrows go up, “What was that last part?”

I wipe the moisture from my chin, “You heard me. I wasn’t scared because you were a mafia leader. I was scared of holding you back even more. You’re in charge of everything. I’m just a regular girl living from paycheck to paycheck. Our lifestyles are completely different, even more than I thought before.”

Gripping my hand, he pulls me into the bed. His arms hold me against his body, “You’ve never held me back.” Kissing my temple, he adds, “Not once. To be honest, I’ve felt better with you by my side. Before you, I was beginning to lose interest in doing everything. When you came into the picture, everything had more meaning knowing that I would see you at the end of the day. The things I do makes a difference for the city.”

“This might sound crazy but I don’t care what you do anymore. Everything that I wanted to do to stay away from you just hurt my heart too much. When I realized someone was trying to kill you, I couldn’t idly stand by and let it happen.”

“If you truly can’t stay away from me, then don’t go anywhere. I’ll take care of you. You’ll never have to worry about anything else as long as you’re with me. Move-in and stay with me.” Each time he finished a sentence, his hold on me grew tighter and I knew that he means every word.

I return his gesture by hugging him just as tight, “I should’ve known something was up with you. You were too perfect.”

Thinking back that day, I knew that things would change. I never thought about if it were gonna be for the better or not but I wanted it to come. It was like eating junk food, you know it’s not necessarily good for you but you couldn’t help to have some of it.

“Mrs. Kim?” I turn to face the familiar voice of Jongdae’s right-hand man.

I smirk at him, “Suho, how many times have I told you to just call me Y/N?”

He nods, “About a million times since you got married but if I were to get used to it then Chen would get jealous about it.”

I shrug, not wanting to push it again. “Fine, what is it?”

“Your 4:00 meeting is here.” He informs me.

“Ah please tell me there’s good news this time so I can at least go in with a smile on my face.” I raise my eyebrows to verify it but to my disappointment, he sighs, averting my gaze.

I clear my throat to hide the irritability I was beginning to feel, “Is Jongdae joining us?” I ask.

He points over his shoulder to respond, “He’s waiting for you.”

I rub my hands together before walking past him to exit the room, “Let’s get our hands dirty today then.”

After marrying Jongdae, it didn’t take long for me to start my own empire of business. It didn’t take long for me to understand how the underground worked. Jongdae taught me everything and I was quick to pick up a few things on my own.

Every now and again, I think about how I’ve come to this position. Is situations like this, you would ask yourself if given a do-over would I have made the same choice. The answer is easy. I was going nowhere in my life before Jongdae. If we hadn’t fallen for each other, I’d still be struggling to get by on my own. The truth is, in this world, to survive, you either adapt or perish.

I chose to adapt.

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easetolearnetl · 1 month ago

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How to Crack SSC CGL Without Coaching: The Ultimate Self-Study Guide

The Staff Selection Commission – Combined Graduate Level (SSC CGL) examination is one of the most sought-after government exams in India. Every year, lakhs of aspirants compete for a limited number of prestigious posts in central government departments. While many opt for coaching institutes to prepare, cracking SSC CGL without coaching is not only possible—it’s entirely achievable with the right strategy, discipline, and resources.

In this detailed guide, we will help you understand how to prepare for SSC CGL on your own and crack it on your first attempt.

Also visit: JEE Main Mock test

📌 Exam Overview: SSC CGL Structure

Before jumping into the strategy, it’s essential to understand the exam pattern.

✳️ Tier-wise Structure:

➤ Tier I (Objective – Qualifying)

General Intelligence & Reasoning – 25 Questions (50 Marks)

General Awareness – 25 Questions (50 Marks)

Quantitative Aptitude – 25 Questions (50 Marks)

English Comprehension – 25 Questions (50 Marks) ⏱️ Duration: 60 minutes

➤ Tier II (Objective – Merit Deciding)

Paper 1: Quantitative Abilities (for all posts) – 100 Questions (200 Marks)

Paper 2: English Language & Comprehension (for all posts) – 200 Questions (200 Marks)

Paper 3: Statistics (for JSO)

Paper 4: General Studies – Finance & Economics (for AAO) ⏱️ Duration: 2 hours per paper

➤ Tier III: Descriptive (Offline)

Essay/Letter/Application/Precis – 100 Marks

Duration: 60 minutes

➤ Tier IV: Data Entry Skill Test (DEST)/Computer Proficiency Test (CPT) for selected posts.

Also visit: AFCAT mock tests

🎯 Why You Don’t Need Coaching

Coaching may provide structure, but self-study empowers you with flexibility, affordability, and better time management. With abundant free and paid resources online, thousands of toppers have cracked SSC CGL without stepping into a coaching center.

📘 Step-by-Step Strategy to Crack SSC CGL Without Coaching

1️⃣ Understand the Syllabus & Make a Plan

Download and go through the official SSC CGL syllabus.

Break the syllabus into small, daily targets.

Allot at least 5-6 hours daily for preparation (working aspirants can aim for 2–3 focused hours).

Allocate weekly time for:

Concept learning

Practice

Revision

SSC CGL Mock Test

🗂️ Tip: Use a planner or Google Calendar to track your progress.

Also visit: NEET UG Mock Test

2️⃣ Choose the Right Books and Resources

🧮 Quantitative Aptitude

R.S. Aggarwal – Quantitative Aptitude

Advance Maths by Rakesh Yadav

NCERT Maths (Class 6 to 10) for concept clarity

🧠 Reasoning

Verbal & Non-Verbal Reasoning by R.S. Aggarwal

Mirror of Common Errors (for logical concepts)

📖 English Language

Plinth to Paramount by Neetu Singh

Word Power Made Easy by Norman Lewis

Regular reading of newspapers (The Hindu, Indian Express) for comprehension

🌍 General Awareness

Lucent's GK

Monthly current affairs PDFs (Vision IAS, AffairsCloud, etc.)

YouTube channels for daily/weekly current affairs

Also visit: CUET UG Mock Test

3️⃣ Master Time Management and Prioritization

SSC CGL is as much about speed and accuracy as it is about knowledge.

Practice solving questions under timed conditions.

Learn shortcuts and tricks for Quant and Reasoning.

Don’t waste time on overly difficult questions during mock tests.

Also visit: NDA Mock Test

4️⃣ Start Taking Mock Tests Early

Mock tests are your best teachers.

Enroll in a good mock test series (EaseToLearn, Testbook, Gradeup, Oliveboard).

Attempt 1–2 mocks per week initially, then increase to 4–5 per week during the final 2 months.

After each test:

Analyze your performance.

Note your mistakes.

Work on weak areas.

🧠 SSC CGL Mock Test simulate exam pressure and improve your time handling.

Also visit: CDS Mock Test

5️⃣ Solve Previous Year Question Papers (PYQs)

Solving PYQs will:

Help you understand the exam pattern and trends.

Familiarize you with repeated questions.

Build confidence as many questions are repeated with minor variations.

🗂️ Download SSC CGL PYQs of last 5–7 years and revise them thoroughly.

6️⃣ Focus on Tier II from Day One

Don’t wait for Tier I results. Begin Tier II prep early because:

Tier II is merit-deciding.

The level of questions is tougher.

It requires a higher level of practice and mastery, especially in English and Maths.

7️⃣ Keep Revising Regularly

Maintain a revision notebook for formulas, vocab, grammar rules, and GK facts.

Set weekly or bi-weekly targets for revision.

Don’t let your old preparation fade while focusing on new topics.

8️⃣ Prepare for Tier III (Descriptive) Side by Side

Practice essay and letter writing for 30 mins every week.

Read editorials to improve articulation and sentence structure.

Evaluate your writing against sample answers available online.

Also visit: SSC Stenographer Mock Test

🔑 Bonus Tips for Success

✅ Avoid Resource Overload: Stick to limited but reliable books and sources.

✅ Join Online Forums: Telegram/Reddit/YouTube groups can provide doubts support.

✅ Stay Consistent: Even 3 hours/day with full focus is better than 6 distracted hours.

✅ Take Care of Yourself: Exercise, meditate, and sleep well to stay mentally sharp.

📈 Sample 3-Month Study Plan

Week Focus Areas Weekly Goals

1–2 Basics of Maths & English + Reasoning Learn concepts + Practice 100 Qs/day

3–4 GK + Speed Building + Mock 1 Start mock tests + Error log

5–6 Revise + Tier II-level Quant & English Sectional tests + Vocabulary drills

7–8 PYQs + Daily Practice + Mock 2–3/week Focus on weak areas

9–12 Full-Length Mocks + Revision Polish Descriptive writing + Final push

🏁 Final Words

Cracking SSC CGL without coaching is not a myth. With access to the right materials, a smart study plan, and the hunger to succeed, you can easily beat the competition. Self-study doesn’t mean doing it alone — use the internet wisely, connect with fellow aspirants, and most importantly, believe in your ability.

Your dream government job is just one smart strategy away.

📣 Ready to Start?

If you’d like a personalized study timetable, SSC CGL Mock Test platform recommendations, or doubt-solving support, feel free to drop a comment or reach out.

Happy learning and all the best for your SSC CGL journey! 🚀

#ssc cgl mock test #ssc stenographer mock test

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shielddefenceacademy24 · 1 month ago

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Right way to attend NDA exam paper

Right way to attend NDA exam paper guide by Shield Defence Academy

Understanding the NDA Exam Structure

Overview of the Written Exam

The NDA written exam consists of two major papers:

Mathematics (300 marks)

General Ability Test or GAT (600 marks)

The total duration is 5 hours, with 2.5 hours for each paper. Seems like a lot? It isn’t—if you know how to manage your time smartly.

Paper 1 – Mathematics

This paper tests your numerical and analytical skills. Topics include Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, Probability, and more. The questions are objective and each correct answer earns you marks, but beware—wrong ones deduct 1/3 of the score.

Paper 2 – General Ability Test (GAT)

Split into two parts:

English (200 marks)

General Knowledge (400 marks)

From grammar and vocabulary to history, geography, physics, and current events—this section demands diverse preparation.

Scoring and Negative Marking

Every wrong answer costs you. Hence, blind guessing is a big no-no. You need a plan, not just hope.

Pre-Exam Preparation Strategies

Study Schedule Planning

Make a weekly study chart. Focus more on weak areas while revising strong topics regularly. Don’t leave things for the last minute.

Recommended Books and Materials

NCERT textbooks (Classes 9 to 12)

Pathfinder for NDA

Arihant’s NDA Exam Guide

Shield Defence Academy curates a material package that aligns perfectly with the syllabus.

Daily Revision Habits

Revisiting topics daily helps improve retention. Even 30-minute reviews each night can do wonders.

Mock Tests and Their Role

Mock tests are like practice matches before the real tournament. They condition your brain to handle pressure and help you develop timing strategies.

Shield Defence Academy’s Exclusive Tips

Classroom Insights

With retired defense officers and expert faculty on board, students get real-world insights that textbooks can’t offer.

Practice Modules and Test Simulations

Simulated test environments prepare students mentally and physically for the D-day.

Time Management Techniques

They teach you how to divide time among questions and sections, which is the skill to master for the NDA exam.

Right Way to Attend NDA Exam Paper – Step-by-Step Guide

Here’s the goldmine you’ve been waiting for—the right way to attend NDA exam paper:

Reading the Question Paper Strategically

Don’t rush. Spend the first 5 minutes scanning through the paper. Spot the easy and familiar questions first.

Attempting Easy Questions First

Get quick wins. Build momentum by tackling the low-hanging fruit before diving into trickier problems.

Time Division Per Section

Have a mental timer. For example:

60 minutes for easy questions

40 minutes for medium ones

30 minutes to attempt difficult or skipped questions

20 minutes for review

Skipping vs Guessing – Smart Decision-Making

If you’re unsure and can’t eliminate at least 2 options, skip it. Random guessing is not smart here—it’s gambling with marks.

Handling Negative Marking Smartly

Calculate your chances. If you’re 75% sure, go for it. If not, mark it for review and move on. Time is better spent on questions you know.

Psychological Preparation

Building Exam Confidence

Visualize your success. Shield Defence Academy even conducts mock interviews and stress drills to boost morale.

Coping with Stress and Anxiety

Practice breathing techniques and get good sleep. Being calm on exam day can be your secret weapon.

On the Day of the Exam

Essentials to Carry

NDA admit card

Valid ID proof

Stationery (pens, pencils, erasers, etc.)

Time Arrival and Seating

Reach at least 45 minutes early. Get settled, use the restroom, and get mentally in the zone.

Exam Hall Behavior and Decorum

Stay composed. Don’t look around. Trust your preparation.

Post-Exam Approach

Evaluating Your Performance

Don’t obsess over what went wrong. Make notes on what to improve for next time or for the SSB round.

Preparing for SSB Interview

The NDA journey doesn’t end with the written exam. The SSB is where real personalities shine. Shield Defence Academy helps polish yours.

Why Choose Shield Defence Academy?

Faculty and Mentorship

The trainers aren’t just teachers; they’re mentors who’ve walked the talk.

Proven Results and Testimonials

Hundreds of selections speak louder than any ad. Check out their walls full of successful cadets.

Conclusion about right way to attend NDA exam paper

Cracking the NDA exam isn’t just about hard work; it’s about smart work. By learning the right way to attend NDA exam paper, students drastically increase their chances of success. With the guidance of institutes like Shield Defence Academy, this journey becomes less daunting and more achievable. Remember, preparation gives confidence, and confidence gives success.

#ndatraining #cdstraining #ssbtraining #ssb interview #bestndacoachinginlucknow #nda #nda training #navy #afcatcoaching #airforcetraining

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angelinacas · 6 years ago

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So back in the beginning of December I was invited to go see a LIVE taping of The Voice. It was pretty exciting!! I have been to a live taping of a television show before. I have been on set of a movie before. But this was definitely a different experience, because it was the live taping of the performances. It was very different. So here goes…

The email we received with the instructions said that we will NOT be allowed to bring in our cell phones. So we had to leave all of our phones in the car. So the only selfies we took that day were these ones in the car.

And then we took this one when we got to the parking structure.

The call time for check in was 330pm, but we had read online about other people’s experiences and they all said that it would be a good idea to get there around 130pm to start lining up.

We parked in the parking structure and followed the signs to The Voice line. Make sure you don’t pass the elevators otherwise you’ll wandering through CityWalk looking for more signs haha. So we go down the elevator and down into the lower level of the parking structure and get in line. There looked to be about maybe 50-60 people in line already. We thought we were going to be standing for hours and hours, but nope. We were in line for about 20 minutes. A guy came out and gave instructions that phones were not allowed in there so people had a few more minutes to take their phones back to their cars and come back in line. Surprised me how many people DID NOT read the rules on the tickets or in the email.

So a heads up, when you are printing your ticket and parking pass at home, make sure you print the 2 other pages as well and sign them. That way you wont be bombarded at the table with papers and pens and try to crawl over the crowd to get a form or a pen. Be prepared. We already had ours, so we bypassed the chaos bunch and went straight to the next line.

A security person then started down the line checking names, ID’s and taking signed forms. Once checked in they let walk to the metal detectors and a colored bracelet was put on you. We were given silver on this trip. (another trip given purple) They will tell you that the colors dont mean anything… they just mean you will be on a certain trolley. That is a lie. lol.. You will be placed in different groups for seating. The first time we had silver and we learned that was for the people in the pit. The purple wristbands on another trip were for the stadium seats behind the judges… so…

Anywho… we got wristbands and walked through a hallway and then came out to a patio area. There were chairs lined up under a canopy. There were also two food trucks there. You can buy food or something to drink. At the front of the chairs, there were water stations for free water. And on the other side of the chairs there were port-o-pottys. Fun.

I would suggest EAT BEFORE YOU GET THERE. And don’t drink too much if you have a light bladder. lol.

An usher sat us in the chairs… filling up the whole area. That took about an hour to get everyone checked in and sat down. We met and chatted with seat neighbors. The wait wasnt bad because we were sitting down. Which was nice considering we were going to be standing for the next 4 hours…IN HEELS!!

Here’s another tip: wear COMFORTABLE shoes!! It says in the ticket information to dress to impress. But it really DOES NOT matter. It’s so dark in there and the cameras will NOT see your shoes. So if you wanna dress fancy and hip, go for it. But i would totally wear some comfy vans or uggs. Something cushiony.

So… after about an hour, each wristband color was called and we got on the trolleys. we were taken on a trolley down to the studio. It was a fun ride. Then we got in line outside The Voice studio. The famous wall with the hand holding the microphone. We were there.

We waited more in a group than a line outside. Each color was placed in a little group there. We watched as the performers families arrived and got in line. We saw a couple celebrities arrive and even they stood in line. We waited maybe another 15-20 minutes as everyone was arriving. Families and celebrities were escorted in first. Then our silver bracelets were led in. We were the lucky ones to be put in “The Pit”. The Pit is the standing crowd you see on each side of the stage. If you want to be on camera, (its dark… but on camera) go further into the pit and along the stage. Near the speakers. You will be slightly on camera lol. It is really so dark in there when the cameras come on.

BUT… on one shot, my hand was on camera. YAY. hahaha right there, front and center. My hand is the one that looks like I’m touching this girl. lol.. That was pretty much the brightest it was in there. When the camera was at that angle.

We received A LOT of rules and direction from security and the crowd hype guy!! We can NOT boo under any circumstance. We don’t do the sway thing… eventhough, i think 2 songs they told us to sway lol.. We were told to clap and cheer and be loud and enthusiastic. The hype guy said “The crowd the week prior was real quiet and weak. So we need to be loud and energetic tonight.” But I quickly learned he says that every taping. haha

A couple of the security guys were kind rude. Not a smile or anything out of them. Seemed like they are just tired of their job so they could care less what job they are at. lol.. They’re just there. But there were a couple of guys who did actually smile and were personable. That was nice. Considering we were all just super excited to BE THERE. It was cool to feel welcomed by the few that made us feel it.

Carson wasn’t so talkative. He kind of just went in and out. Kelly definitely is EXACTLY as she is on camera. Very talkative and funny. Genuine. I absolutely love her!! Gwen seemed sweet. She said hi a couple times. John didn’t look away from his phone at all that night. But on another night he waved at us. And Blake was watching Monday Night football during one show and was joking and flirting with Gwen another night. Kinda funny.

The show was a live taping. The live semi-final performances. So we got to see all the performances of the last 8 finalists. Then we saw a secret performance that were being recorded for the finale! YES. You heard that right… recorded performances for the finale. Really cool that we were there for that!! We got to see Lady Antebellum perform live!! So awesome. They literally went on stage, Carson introduced them, they sang, we clapped, they were done and they walked off stage. And that was it. lol. That is pretty much how the entire show of performances went on throughout the night.

Introduction, sing, clap, walk off. lol. Nothing else in between. No time to talk to anyone. Just that. It was a rush because it was live. During each commercial break all the judges personal stylists, makeup artists, personal assistants and photographers came to judges chairs. Gwen took so many selfies. Total selfie queen. lol.

Overall, it was a fun day. The taping ended at about 7pm and we were on the freeway home by 730pm. It was an awesome experience. So much fun!!

To recap, my tips:

Eat before you get there.

Get there about 2 hours before call time to get in line.

Make sure you print and sign ALL the forms. (Tickets, parking pass, NDA and Photo Release)

Leave your phone in the car.

Wear COMFORTABLE shoes!!!!

Don’t be shy!!

Have fun!!

If you have any questions, leave them in the comments or email me. If you ever get a chance to go, share your story! I would love to hear your experience!

Blessings in 2020

This is The Voice So back in the beginning of December I was invited to go see a LIVE taping of The Voice.

#nbc #the voice

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manasastuff-blog · 7 months ago

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NDA Exam Form Filling Procedure 2025: A Step-by-Step Guide for Aspirants Introduction

Aspirants dream of joining this elite institution to serve the nation with pride and honor.

Filling out the NDA exam form accurately is a crucial step in realizing this dream.

A single mistake could jeopardize your chances, so it's vital to be meticulous.

The Manasa Defence Academy is a trusted name among NDA aspirants.

Along with top-notch training, the academy offers comprehensive support, including guidance for the application process.

This guide will walk you through the NDA exam form-filling procedure for 2025, ensuring you avoid common pitfalls. Eligibility Criteria: Age: 16.5 to 19.5 years

Educational Qualification: 12th pass or appearing with relevant subjectsCitizenship: Indian nationals or subjects of Bhutan/Nepal

The 2025 NDA exam promises to continue its tradition of selecting the best minds and bodies for India's defense forces. Important Dates for NDA Exam 2025 Mark these important dates on your calendar: Event NDA 1 Dates NDA 2 Dates Notification Release January 2025 June 2025 Application Start Date January 2025 June 2025 Application End Date February 2025 July 2025 Exam Date April 2025 September 2025

Ensure you adhere to these deadlines to avoid last-minute hassles. Documents Required for NDA Application

Before beginning the application process, keep the following documents ready: Personal Identification: Aadhar card, PAN card, or Passport Educational Certificates: 10th and 12th-grade mark sheets Photographs: Recent passport-sized photograph (as per UPSC specifications) Signature: Scanned signature on a white background

Other Certificates: For reserved categories, proof of category is essential

Pro Tip: Ensure scanned copies of your documents are clear and adhere to the specified file size and format requirements.

Step-by-Step Guide to Fill the NDA Exam Form 2025 Follow these steps for a smooth application process: Visit the Official Website: Go to the UPSC’s official website (www.upsc.gov.in). Look for the NDA 2025 application link. Registration Process: Click on "New Registration."

You will be provided with a distinct registration identification number and password. Fill Personal and Academic Details: Log in with your registration credentials.

Fill in your personal details (address, parents' names, etc.) and educational qualifications. Upload Documents:

Please submit a scanned version of your photograph and signature. Upload any other required documents (e.g., category certificate). Fee Payment Process: Pay the application fee online or offline. Save the payment receipt for future reference. Submit the Application Form: Review all the details carefully. Why Choose Manasa Defence Academy for NDA Training?

NDA preparation has become a priority at Manasa Defence Academy.

It offers a comprehensive training program, blending academic rigor with physical conditioning.

Experienced Faculty: Trainers with deep expertise in NDA syllabus and preparation.

Holistic Approach: Focus on both written exam and SSB interview preparation.

Numerous students from the academy have successfully passed the NDA examination. Preparation Tips for NDA 2025

Success in the NDA exam requires dedication and the right strategy:

Understand the Syllabus: Cover all sections, including Mathematics, General Ability, and English.

Engage in Consistent Practice: Work through past examination papers and participate in simulated tests.

Stay Physically Fit: Maintain a daily exercise routine to ace the physical tests.

Seek Professional Guidance: Join a reputed academy like Manasa Defence Academy for structured preparation. Conclusion

Filling out the NDA exam form is the first step toward a glorious career in the Indian armed forces.

By following the correct procedure and preparing effectively, you can make your dream a reality.

Manasa Defence Academy stands ready to guide you every step of the way, ensuring you're fully equipped to take on this challenge.

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thiswasinevitableid · 6 years ago

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hi hi do you think we can see the other bit of the sternclay stripper au???

I should have it today in tomorrow! And there will even be a part three after that :)

Update: Here it is! It is, once again, Not Suitable For your Workplace.

Staff will also agree to an NDA, and will be assigned triple-encrypted communication devices for work business in order to ensure-

“Lucky, you’re up again in two minutes!”

Stern flips the training binder closed and heads towards the stage. It’s his second to last week at the club, and because it’s summer there’s been no end to flocks of traveling bros waiting to give him money when he does his routine.

As he starts going through the first part of it, he spots a familiar face in the crowd: Barclay.

They’ve been dating for a little over a month. At first Stern wasn’t sure he should refer to it as such, was more than willing to accept that he and Barclay were only a casual arrangement. But it rapidly became apparent that Barclay doesn’t just want Stern in his bed. They go out on dates, text everyday, have nights where all they do is curl up on the couch and watch old episodes of Monsterquest. It’s clear Barclay likes having someone to dote on and care for, and while Stern had thought it may have solely been some kind of kink, it seems like that’s just how he is. He’s a big guy with a lot of love to give, and right now he wants to give a large amount of it to Stern.

Barclay’s come to see him perform a few times. Some days it’s because he couldn’t figure out how to fill time between whatever he was doing and picking Stern up. Those nights, he comes across as shy. Other nights, he’s using his presence as a way to wind them both up for whatever he has planned.

Only one way to find out.

Stern begins working the crowd, collecting cash as he goes. Barclay catches his eye, holds up a bill. So it’s the second reason, then.

He makes his way over, is careful not to give Barclay anymore attention or contact than he would anyone else. As the bill slips into one of his few remaining pieces of clothing, Barclay whispers, “good boy.”

His shift can’t end soon enough.

By the time it does and he gets changed, Barclay is waiting for him in the parking lot as usual.

“Hello.” He smiles as he slides into the car.

“Hey there.” Barclay leans over and kisses him before starting the car and heading out towards his apartment.

“Did you enjoy the show?” He brings a hand to rest on Barclays knee

“Always do. Busy today?”

“Yeah, still carved out some time to read up and prepare for my internship.”

“So diligent. Guess it was good I timed it so that your favorite customer was late in the evening so you didn’t get distracted.” He teases.

“I don’t know what you mean, Barclay. Earlier there was guy who tipped me a fifty.”

“That so?” Barclay shoots him a smirk, brings a hand to rub at the knot in the back of Sterns neck.

“There was also a gentleman who was extremely flattering during my first dance.” He returns the smirk, voice playing at innocence.

“That how you want to do this, babe?” The hand stops massaging his neck, grips it instead.

“Yes.” Stern breathes out. Were Barclay actually jealous or possessive, actually thought that what Stern did for clients during his job was anything other than work, Stern would have already tucked and rolled out of that car. But as Barclay suddenly pulls off into a deserted county road, his heart is pounding for all the right reasons; he’s adores being good for Barclay, but there are times when being his diligent, rule following, hard working self loses it’s appeal and all he wants is to be difficult.

And he’s learned that those moments are just as enjoyable for the two of them as the times when he’s being good.

Barclay kills the engine as Stern undoes his seatbelt. Then the larger man grabs him and hauls him onto his stomach, his head resting in his lap, nose brushing the tent in his jeans. He nuzzles it, tries to mouth at it but Barclay tangles fingers in his hair and pulls his head out of range before pinning it down.

“Nope, that’s for when you’re behaving yourself.”

There’s a sharp slap against his ass and he yelps, causing two more to follow.

“That’s what you get when you’re being a pain in the ass.”

Stern moans, wiggles his ass to ask for more, gets what he wants in a flurry of impacts and soon he’s panting, pressing his lips against Barclays leg. Barclay stops, switches to soft rubs and caresses.

“A fifty got your attention, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ll give you fifty. That was about twenty, so you got thirty more to go. Count.” He slaps down again and Stern moans.

“I said count.” He growls.

“One.” Stern pants.

“Much better.” Another slap.

“Two.”

By the time he reaches twenty the need to touch Barclay is overwhelming. And since the other man has one hand in his hair and the other punishing him…

He fumbles with Barclays fly, manages to get a hold of his cock and begins stroking him.

“That’s, fuck, real nice babe, but you’re not getting out of the rest of this.” Number twenty three comes harder to emphasize the point.

“I’m not trying to, I swear, I justAHtwentyfour, need to touch you.”

Barclay chuckles, nods so that Stern knows he can. It’s not graceful, the position awkward and the impacts causing him to jolt, but soon Barclay is groaning in pleasure.

“Thirty.” Stern whimpers, a noise that intensifies when Barclay pulls his head back, moves Sterns hands to his thigh and uses his own to stroke himself.

“Want me to come on you? Think you deserve it?”

“Yes, please, Barclay.”

“Well, ah fuck there we go, since you’re getting your manners back…” He yanks Stern further back just as he cums, drops hitting Sterns neck and upper chest. The grip on his head disappears and he collapses, head coming to rest on Barclays thigh. Strong fingers pet his hair even as Barclay comes down from his orgasm.

“I uh, I have some wet wipes in the glove box. Get ‘em for you in a sec.”

“Thank you.” Stern murmurs. He feels Barclay shift, hears a zipper, and then strong hands carefully guide his head fully into Barclays lap so that Stern is looking up at him.

“How you doing?”

“I believe I may need an ice pack for certain areas when we get to your place.”

“Think I can provide that.” He leans down, kisses Stern softly. There’s a few minutes of content silence as Barclay strokes his hair while they catch their breath.

“A fifty, huh? Don’t know how anyone carries that big a bill on them. I’d be constantly worried I’d lose it.”

They chat quietly for awhile, Barclay talking about his research and Stern about work, until Barclay is sure Stern doesn’t need more care or cuddles for the moment. Stern is still wildly turned on as they head for the apartment, but he has a feeling that won’t be a problem for long.

----------------------------------------------------

“Easy, tiger, easy.” Barclay laughs against Sterns mouth as he tugs him towards the bedroom, “thought you needed an ice pack.”

“Later, Barclay. Right now I need you.”

“Damn, that was pretty smooth mister future special agent.”

Just as they enter the bedroom, Barclay giggles.

“You got glitter on you.”

“What? Oh, damn it, I must have picked it up from Marshall when I hugged him.” Stern steps to the small mirror over the dresser. As he brushes the silver sparkles from his cheek, Barclay comes behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, presses him against the dresser while rolling his hips. Stern suddenly knows exactly what he wants from the night.

“I want you to fuck me.” He pushes back against his cock, feels it start responding as it rubs against his ass.

“Like this?” Barclay kisses the back of his neck, puts more weight against him.

“On the bed, but yes otherwise correct.”

Barclay growls, hugs him close, “Go get comfortable, I’ll get what we need.”

Stern undresses, folds his clothes and sets them on a chair, lays on his back and stretches his limbs, enjoying how safe and wanted he feels in this moment.

Barclay sets the condoms and lube on the bedside table, pulls his clothes off in a hurry and then climbs on top of Stern, peppering his cheeks and lips with kisses. It’s only when Stern is laughing and sighing with delight that Barclay relents, slips a condom onto his finger and coats it with lube.

Stern tenses when it first pushes inside him. Barclay runs his hands gently across his legs, waits until he relaxes before pushing further. He coos praise in Sterns ear, plants kisses along his shoulder until he’s able to add a second finger.

“Oh god.” Stern moans, tensing again.

“Been awhile?” Barclay kisses his nose.

“Uhhhhh.”

Barclay stops, looks at him with curiosity.

“Have you done this before?”

“Uhhh, well, by myself a few times but never, uh, never” he swallows, suddenly self-conscious, “never with someone else.”

“No fucking way.”

“Is that bad? I had assumed it wouldn’t be an issue but-” Barclay stops him with a kiss.

“Lucky, there’s nothing wrong with it at all. It’s just, wish I’d known before that it was your first time, woulda done like, rose petals and candles and shit. Made it special.” He’s mumbling, blushing a bit.

“First of all, virginity of any kind is a social construct-”

“I forget you took Dr.Wall’s sexuality course”

“-secondly, this is far from our ‘first time.’ It’s not even our first time this evening.”

Barclay smiles at him as he huffs out a laugh.

“....will you at least let me give you champagne when we’re done?”

Now it’s Stern’s turn to laugh, and he reaches up to brush Barclays cheek.

“I believe I can indulge you in that.” He pushes down on Barclays fingers, lets out a soft “oh.”

“Seems like we oughta indulge in something else first.” Two fingers continue working him open as Barclay bites at his ear and neck.

“More, please, moreOhohhh.” A third thick finger presses in.

“This’ll probably get you there. But one of these nights I wanna see you take the whole hand.”

“I’d like, oh shit, I’d like that immensely.”

“That’s my good boy, so curious and eager to try new things.”

Stern moans, works his hips in response to his words, smiles when Barclays cock brushes his thigh as his voice dips lower.

“Oh I am going to fucking rail you.” He pulls his hand out, tosses the condom into the trash before grabbing another and rolling it onto his cock. When he returns to his previous position Stern grabs his head and pulls him down for a kiss, desperate and grateful all at once.

“You gonna be good for me, babe? Gonna tell me what you need or if it’s too much?”

“Yes, yesyesyes, oh lord.” The head of Barclays cock presses in and Stern grabs the blanket beneath him. The man above him raises up slightly, grabs one of Sterns legs and hooks it over his shoulder.

“Been meaning to make use of how flexible you are.” He grins, thrusts shallowly.

“Make, make as much use of me as you please. Oh! Ohshit.” Barclay bottoms out and for a moment all Stern can focus on is the stretch, the feeling of having Barclay inside him. There’s a delicious tug and drag as Barclay slowing fucks him, occasionally turning his head to kiss the leg thrown over his shoulder. It’s magnificent, the view of him as he does that but it’s also a bit-

“Lonely.” That sounded more cogent in his head. He makes a “come down here” gesture to add to it. Barclay raises an eyebrow, doesn’t stop fucking him.

“As lovely as, ah!, as this is, I need you down here.”

Barclay tilts his head, expectantly, and he remembers his manners.

“Please.” He lets his leg drop back down to the mattress and Barclay shifts, lowers down so they’re face to face. They kiss lazily, Barclays tongue slipping between Sterns lips to find his own.

“Touch yourself for me baby, yeah, there we go.”

Stern purrs at the praising tone, works his hand over his cock. He tries to match Barclays rhythm, thrusts into his hand as Barclay thrusts into him. The angle of his hips shifts and Stern throws his head back as his movements press against his prostate. Barclay laughs against his neck, hits the same spot over and over until Stern is letting out garbled versions of curse words.

“You like having me inside you?” There’s that growl in his voice again and Stern knows just what to say to turn the large man into putty.

“Yes, it feels so good, you’re so big it feels fucking incredible, I, oh fuck, I want you to do this every night, want you to fuck me open, Barclay, pleaseplease.” His voice catches as he comes, spilling across his hand and Barclays stomach.

“Don’t don’t you dare stop, I want you to come in me.”

Barclay makes a sound Stern’s never heard before; he whimpers, moves Sterns legs and arms so that they’re wrapped around him.

“Hold tight, babe.”

“I already am-OHhhhhjesus” Barclay rams into him and Stern digs his fingers into his back, finds he has no other words left but “yes” and “please.” Barclay growls and whimpers against the pillow by Sterns head, hips snapping more erratically.

“That’s it Lucky, take me, take every fucking inch, fuck, you’re so good, so good baby, c’monnnoohshit.” There’s a final low moan as his hips stutter and then stop. Gingerly he pulls out, rolls onto his back. Stern nestles beside him, rests his head against his chest, traces his fingers through the dark hair covering it.

A finger comes under his chin, tilts it up and then Barclay is softly kissing him.

“Well, how was your first time?” He asks with a playful smile, laughs when Stern rolls his eyes at the term.

“It was excellent. Although I still need an ice pack and I fear I may not be able to sit down for the next few hours. Did I, was that, was it alright on your end given my...inexperience?”

“Better than alright. You’re incredible, Lucky, in and out of bed.” He pulls him close, one large hand running up and down his side.

“How about you go and get cleaned up? I’m gonna go grab you that ice pack.”

Stern nods, heads towards the shower as Barclay disappears into the kitchen. By the time he’s down rinsing off Barclay is waiting with a robe, bundles him up and leads him back to bed.

There’s a bottle and two glasses waiting on the bedside table, and a green candle flickers on the dresser.

“I thought you were joking about the champagne.”

“Nope. I keep a bottle around in case of unexpected celebrations.” He pours out a glass and hands it to him, pours another for himself that he drinks as he putters about the room, cleaning himself off and getting into his pajamas.

“I feel spoiled, I’ve never had champagne. Not generally in a college students budget.” He takes a sip, “ooh, it’s quite pleasant.”

Barclay settles on the bed beside him, kisses his cheek.

“I’ll spoil you as much as I please, babe. Or, uh, I guess as much as a professor's salary and your own comfort allows.” He looks down with a blush that makes Sterns heart flutter in his chest.

“I enjoy it, but know it is never an obligation. I’m yours, Barclay, and that’s all I need to be happy.”

As they lay in bed later, Barclay already asleep and Stern following close behind, he realizes those words may not just have been afterglow speaking.

In fact, he’s pretty sure he meant them.

#sternclay #prompt fill #agent stern/barclay #cw:stripping

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