#Normal Submission | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

liberalk1tsch · 3 months ago

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Drabble where Peeta isn’t hijacked when Katniss is shot in Mockingjay, and we see his reaction to it and he takes care of her and everything?

well this is gonna hurt. and just cos i prefer it, here’s it on ao3 too bc i ��🏻 pain

The screen goes black, but the shot continues ringing in my ears long after the cameras shut off.

Shot.

She’s been shot.

I feel Haymitch’s hand on my shoulder, leading me away. I feel numb as he pulls me around a few corners, down a set of stairs, and pushes me into some sort of room full of warm, whirring machines. I quickly recognize the room as one where I’ve previously stumbled upon Katniss hiding out in when she gets overwhelmed with her duties as the Mockingjay.

“What’s happening?” I ask frantically. “Is she okay?”

“Shut up, boy,” scowls Haymitch. “I’m trying to hear what they’re saying.” He’s still got the radio headset on that he was using to communicate with her only moments ago. I’m not sure if he’s switched to a different channel and is trying to listen in on the medics’ coms now, or if he’s simply trying to make out what they’re saying through Katniss’ microphone, but either way, whatever he’s hearing has left him with a furrowed brow and ashen face.

A few minutes of baited breath later, we have an update: the bullet didn’t penetrate her suit, thanks to Cinna’s design. She’s being transported to District 2’s clinic under suspicion of a ruptured spleen and broken ribs.

“Why isn’t she in the hospital?” I ask.

“Just ‘cause 2 is better off than 12 doesn’t mean they’ve got everything. She’s lucky they have a clinic for the peacekeepers. She’ll probably need emergency surgery for that spleen.”

“I need to go, I need to be with her,” I say. It’s not a question.

“You can’t —”

“If this is about my safety —”

“It’s got nothing to do with you, kid, and everything to do with her. She’ll probably already be on a hovercraft being transferred back here by the time you get there,” says Haymitch.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I say helplessly, burying my face in my hands.

Haymitch sounds genuinely sorry for me when he says, “I don't know.”

I pause for a moment. “Haymitch, what if she doesn’t make it?”

“She will. She’s a fighter.” He stops, as if contemplating his next words. “She’ll come back to you in this world.”

There's something devastating about the way he’s phrased it. As if he knows what it is to lose the love of his life in this world, as if he’s holding out hope to find them again in the next. But it’s that very devastation that’s oddly comforting in a way that Haymitch so rarely is. He and I don't see eye-to-eye on most things, but — funnily enough — he’s the only one who seems to understand how I feel about Katniss.

I wonder if love’s a big enough word for my feelings for her.

When my dad was around, he understood the crush I had on her, but Haymitch knows what it’s become. Maybe even more than I do — or at least am willing to admit — sometimes. I never thought of him as a romantic guy, but he continues to surprise me, even now.

We don’t sleep, my mentor and I. And while it’s not the first sleepless night I've spent thinking about Katniss, it’s by far the worst. Nothing else can compare.

Not when I awoke to her lying in a pool of her own blood, and spent the next 36 hours making sure she didn’t die in my arms. Not when we were separated in the Quell, and I hacked my way through the forest, through mutts, through Brutus, following her screaming my name.

Not even the countless nights I’d spent in the Capitol with only Annie’s sobs and Johanna’s screams for company, holding on to a memory of her in an attempt to hold on to the remnants of myself.

I’d gotten used to abuse from an early age. Growing up in my mother’s household will do that to you. I knew how to retreat to the corners of my mind, to block out the pain. To react just right — not too strongly where it would invite her to prey upon my weakness, but not stoically enough to invite a harder blow either. I’d despised my mother my whole life for the way she treated us, Dad included. I never thought she’d be the only reason I’d survive Snow’s torture.

Well, not the only reason.

When I’d withdraw from reality to hide in my head, it was Katniss’ arms that I’d flee to. I could never tell her, she’d probably freak out too much if I did, but she brings me a comfort like none I’ve ever known. Even when I was laying on the concrete floor of my cell, doubled over in pain with my nose bleeding, my body and bones bruised everywhere that wouldn’t show on camera. Broken toes. Burns lacing my arms. Welts on my back from caning (I’d almost smiled when they brought out a proper, old-fashioned cane — didn’t they know a wooden spoon could do just as much damage?). And through it all, I’d just go back to that place. To her. To our last good day, on the rooftop of the very place they held me prisoner. Where I’d spent the afternoon with her head in my lap, my fingers in her raven hair. She pretended not to stare up at me, and I pretended not to notice. I told her I wanted to freeze that moment and live in it forever.

So that’s what I did.

Maybe not forever, but I lived in it whenever I could. Whenever I needed. Which turned out to be a lot more than I ever thought it would be.

I hide there now, the sun warming my face, watching as her nimble fingers expertly fashion the flowers in her hands into a crown.

Desperately trying to ignore the pit in my stomach at the idea that I might never see her again.

She'll return to me in this world, I remind myself.

Haymitch jerks his head up suddenly, eyes bloodshot, but alert. “She’s here.”

I move to stand, but Haymitch grabs my arm to pull me back down.

“She’s not in good shape, kid,” he says gruffly.

“I don’t care,” I say, wrenching my arm from his grasp.

He sighs. “Didn’t think you did, I just had to make sure you knew.”

I make a beeline for the hospital, Haymitch on my heels. I quickly realize I have no idea which room she’s in, but it’s no matter because as soon as we near the entrance, the doors burst open, revealing Boggs and a few other unknown faces from 13 pushing along an empty gurney, flanked on either side by medics, one of which I immediately recognize as Prim.

“Where is she?” I ask her, eyeing the empty gurney anxiously.

Prim stops, letting the others continue on without her. “She’s stable, Peeta. She’s all right.”

“I have to see her,” I say.

Even though I’m four years her senior, I feel like a child as Prim takes my hand and leads me and Haymitch through a maze of hallways to Katniss’ room.

Katniss lays in her hospital bed, but in spite of a few scary-looking tubes sprouting from her arms and alarmingly large bandages banded across her torso, visible through her paper thin gown, she looks extraordinarily normal. Paler than I’ve ever seen her, but her nonetheless. Alive, and so so beautiful.

I take the first deep breath I’ve had in hours as I sidle up to her bedside. “Prim, what can I do?”

She’s in that haze she goes into whenever she’s healing someone. I know it well, it’s the same one I go into whenever I’m painting. I know her first instinct is to tell me to buzz off, but something about my presence has cracked the glazed look in her eyes, and I know she’s speaking to me as a sister — not a medic — when she places my hand in Katniss’ and says, “Stay with her. Please.”

“Always,” I mumble, my words barely audible as I take a seat in the chair beside her bed.

I’ve given this answer before. To Katniss, as she drifted off into the clutches of sleep syrup. I wonder if she remembers it. She probably doesn’t. There’s a lot she doesn’t remember. A lot she doesn’t know. Like how I had stayed until dawn, until Prim relieved me of my vigil.

Prim exchanges a look with Haymitch before giving my arm a friendly squeeze and leaving us alone with our girl.

I cup her face in my free hand, brushing my thumb over her cheek, causing her to stir lightly, her fingers twitching infinitesimally. “I’m right here, Katniss.”

Haymitch takes up the seat opposite mine, giving me a wary once-over. “You okay, kid?”

“I will be when she wakes up,” I say honestly. “I just . . .” I hate being vulnerable with Haymitch, and I’m sure he hates it just as much as I do, but it doesn’t do any good to lie to him about how I feel about Katniss; he has a way of cutting straight to the truth with me, and always has — ever since the first day we met. “I really do love her, Haymitch. I always will. In any way that she’ll have me. And this is terrifying.”

Haymitch gains a distant look in his eyes, as if he’s looking through me instead of at me. “You love her like all-fire, huh?”

All-fire? “Something like that,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck bashfully. All-fire. I hadn’t heard anyone use that word in years. The last time I’d heard it had probably been from Katniss’ dad. I’d never really understood what it meant either, but now that Haymitch has said it, it feels fitting.

Haymitch continues to stare through me for a moment before finally breaking away his stare. He pushes his chair into the corner and snags a hospital blanket from the foot of Katniss’ bed. I shoot him a look, but he just shrugs. “What? It’s not like she’s gonna notice.”

He turns out the harsh fluorescent lights before curling up in his chair, tucking the blanket up to his chin and closing his eyes, leaving only a single candle burning on her nightstand.

I’m getting pretty tired myself, but I can’t bring myself to sleep.

All-fire.

I hold Katniss’ hand in both of mine. Her hand’s still warm.

Still her.

Still here.

All-fire.

I think maybe it’s the kind that blooms brighter in the dark, when there’s no one left to watch us, to scrutinize our every move.

So I sit in the quiet glow, and I wait for her to come back to me.

#thanks for the submission!#i love them a totally normal amount #the hunger games #everlark #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark

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sunsetsover · 5 months ago

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looking back at kantbison's relationship and specifically kant's relationship with submission throughout the show after episode 8 has really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

bc like. it's complicated. i'm not gonna pretend that it's not. there's too much there in kant's character to ever really be able to isolate one thing he says or does before like. episode 6 or so. and be able to say 'this was exactly what he meant, this was his sole feeling and/or his sole motivation here' bc everything's far too intertwined to ever pick apart properly.

that said though. i always felt there was a sense of reluctance in kant when it came to giving bison power over him and specifically the bdsm thing. and i could never quite figure out bc i didn't particularly get the impression that he disliked it either but there was just something that was off about it that i could never quite put my finger on, but i think i've finally figured it out. and it's really not that surprising, bc as this show's gone on it's become increasingly clear that with kant all roads lead to the same place, and that's the issue of choice - or lack of choice, in kant's case.

submission was never really the issue i don't think. kant knows how to submit, is good at submitting - at the end of the day, isn't that what he does with christ? submit to his will, follow his orders? isn't he collared and chained to him? isn't he such a well behaved dog for him? kant knows very well how to submit. but the thing is is that it's not a willing act of submission where christ is concerned. kant submits because, like with pretty much every other facet of his life, he has no other choice. he behaves because he has to.

and then the next thing kant knows there's bison, outright telling him that he'd like him to submit. to let bison take charge and have kant bend to his will, to follow his every whim. and bison wasn't pushy about it - if anything it was the opposite. he was reluctant, assuring kant that it was fine, that he didn't have to, that actually maybe it was better that they didn't. he gives kant the choice. but it's not a real choice. kant's answer is already laid out for him.

and i think that's where the dissonance entered. you see hints of annoyance and frustration before then, but the much more subtle 'off' feeling that i felt started around then. and i think it's bc for all intents and purposes kant was already completely submitting to bison's will. he was already going along w whatever bison wanted bc he had to, bc he needed bison to trust him, bc saying no to anything thrown his way wasn't (and had never been) an option.

but ofc bison didn't know that. he just wanted to dom his boy. but i think he could also feel the reluctance and the confusion around it all. bc despite what he said and did to reassure bison that he was into it and wanted it too, kant was always subconsciously resisting. and as i said i think there's a lot in that too, it's not simply one thing - bison is a murderer at the end of the day, and dom/sub dynamics are supposed to be built primarily on trust, and kant didn't trust bison not to hurt him too much or go too far. it was also clearly a new thing to him considering he didn't even know what a safeword was. and it was maybe even some weird sense of loyalty to christ. you know what they say: you can't serve two masters. and kant already had one. he was already collared and chained, already submitting. and kant's current master had an awful lot of power over him. he knew what kind of punishment awaited him if he disobeyed.

but above all else kant knew he couldn't really say no. and he hated that.

and so we're back to choice again. the one thing kant has never had. here he is getting forced into submission again - not by bison, but by circumstance. and so no matter what he says or does or how into it he really does seem, there's always this subtle reluctance that rolls off of him. there's always just something off about it all. (which, thinking about, may have been one of the reasons why so many people were turned off by kantbison, bc there was just something not quite right in the vibes, but i digress)

but obviously things change. kant accidentally falls in love with bison, despite his best intentions. and, maybe even more importantly, bison falls in love with kant. and that love changes bison - bison, who needed power so desperately when they first met that he turned nearly every interaction they had into a game of tug of war. bison who, despite not necessarily needing kant's submission, would also never ever give in to kant's will, not even a little. but that same bison falls for kant, and he begins to yield. starts to let himself just be, and by extension let kant just be too. bison begins to settle, become a little docile. he lays on kant's chest and kisses his feet. he rolls onto his back and lets kant loom big and dominating over him, despite how desperate he once was for power. and kant is clever, he knows that's what bison wanted. that's why he gave into him all the time. but by letting kant maintain some of the power in their relationship without a fight, he's basically telling kant i would like you to submit to me, but i don't need it. i just want you. and kant hears that. and that changes things. because without knowing it or even really meaning to, he's given kant a choice.

and we all know what kant chooses.

and to be clear, for the most part i think this is all happening on a subconscious level without either really realising it or thinking about what's happening. but the choice is conscious. it's his. and kant chooses the master that gives him the option to choose. that choice changes everything for kant. everything. it recalibrates his whole world view, his whole life. and the minute he chooses (chooses!) bison, he submits himself to him wholeheartedly. he puts the collar on himself.

but we don't get the reality of what that means until ep 8 bc of yknow. all the stabbing and kidnapping and manipulation and retraumatisation and scheming such. but then we do see it. and we see just how deep it goes for kant, that ease of submission, and his desire for it. how he doesn't run despite having many, many opportunities to do so. how he doesn't eat even when bison's nowhere to be found and he has freshly cooked food in his hands bc bison hasn't said he can. how he doesn't untie himself despite being able to bc bison tied him up for a reason. and sure, all of that is love too, and it's also playing nice bc he desperately wants bison's forgiveness. but this is all also an active form of submission, the same way a dog submits to their owner when they say sit, down, stay, wait. a good dog doesn't eat until it's given permission. and ultimately doesn't the fact that kant safewords tell us exactly what kind of state of mind he's in? what he thinks about their situation and their relationship? (and i won't go over it bc i've already talked about in length here but the act of safewording truly said so, so much)

and yknow, thinking about it really it shouldn't even be surprising bc we were literally shown who kant was back when they first met. and what did he do? went when bison said to go, came when bison said to come back. bison said you're not doing this alone and kant sat still and let bison ride him to his heart's content. it was very subtle, but he really was submitting to bison in little ways all the way back then! the signs were there!

and the beautiful thing about it to me is that in episode 8 there is not a single moment of dissonance between kant and bison. there's no more weird vibes. there's just kant and the first choice he's ever got to make. kant and his chosen master. kant and the hand at the end of his leash. kant and bison.

#the heart killers #kantbison #thk meta #i literally could keep going about the bison of it all btw. how fucking special it is that after kant has submitted to bison all day #and proved himself and his honesty and his loyalty that we're shown BISON laying in KANT'S arms.#how bison clearly needs comfort and reassurance and how he trusts kant to give him that. how despite everything he's giving kant #his own kind of reassurance by continuing to yield and give up power to kant. telling him that that's not all they have to be #kant doesn't always have to submit to him. bc bison likes submission but it's not necessary #he just likes kant. loves kant. wants kant. whatever that means. whatever that looks like. however it ends.#lauren be normal about kantbison for one singular day challenge FAILED

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