#OOC: sorry for not posting in a while👅👅

[lauvieknows]

Lauvie’s Past

(I’m not a writer btw so this is the best I could muster up💔 She’s like 14 during all of this and her brother is 7 btw.) TW: Descriptions of death, like her mom is almost decapitated 😭

Ugh, these slugs!

Its a cloudy windy fucking Tuesday and my brother keeps digging up these weird colorful slugs and tries to shove them in my face! When will he realise that I absolutely HATE them? The only reason I’m out here in the backyard with him is because mom isn’t home and he refuses to go back inside.

“Luka, how many times do I have to tell you, I DONT want to see these stupid purple.. slimy worms! They’re weird!” I frown, pushing his hand away from my face before crossing my arms, huffing.

“Shut up! You don’t understand awesomeness, that’s why.. Look, here’s a pink one!” His eyes lit up again as he picked up another one from the soil, this time without a shell. He watched in fascination as it curled up on itself, as if vulnerable.

I cringed, leaning my head back to avoid contact with the slimy thing. It’s funny, you’d think I’d be used to weird sticky stuff living in Zaun. But a human is still a human and humans are different. Luka loves bugs and slugs, I hate them.

After a while of sitting and playing with him, I eventually grew tired but also, concerned. Mom has never taken this long whenever she went somewhere. “Back in a wink!” She’d say playfully, before pressing a kiss on both of our foreheads. There was no reason for me to worry, except there was. Because no Zaunite gets to live worry free as long as those enforcers get to walk freely down here.

“Lauv, when is mom coming back?” Luka asked absentmindedly, gently petting the same pink slug he found hours ago.

“I don’t know…” I answered, gently brushing the dirt off his hair before ruffling it. It’s been hours since she left, and each minute made the pit in my stomach deepen. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I had already went inside once or twice to check if the stove was on, if the tap water was running, if any animal had gotten through our window to cause mischief. Nothing. Should I go out and look for her? Even though that’s the exact opposite of what she’d want, she couldn’t blame them. She’s been gone since lunchtime, it was almost dinner.

“Hey, wanna go look for her?” I suggested, smiling a little enthusiastically to bring my brother’s sinking spirit up. Maybe he could feel it too, that gnawing pit that ate away at your stomach, trying to warn you that something was going bad, horrible even. He nodded before grabbing my hand and standing up. It won’t be that hard, we’ll just have to check the bridge, The Last Drop, maybe further down the Lanes where her friends lived… yeah. We’ll find her.

____

We looked everywhere. The bridge. The Last Drop. We even went so far into the underground we almost got snatched by some chembarons! We looked everywhere, we saw everyone, but no Mom. She wasn’t anywhere.

“Do you think-“

“Don’t. They have no reason to. Not like they’d care, but just- Don’t say that.” I interrupted, holding his hand tighter as if that would calm the storm inside my head. We were on our way to the river, hoping, praying, that she might’ve just forgot about us and decided to enjoy the sunset, that she was finally taking time for herself. But I knew that was impossible, because no one can truly rest and breathe in this hellhole.

“We’ll find her.”

Let alone a mother.

———

The wind blew gently, kissing the men in blue uniforms as they patted eachother on the shoulder and gave eachother approving nods. They tucked their guns close to their chests before walking away with straight and proud shoulders. As if they just completed a successful mission of getting rid of a bother. Getting rid of nuisance, a criminal. A Zaunite.

Luka frowned at the sight, trying to pull me away from their direction so that we wouldn’t have to deal with interrogation because even he, a 7 year old child, knew how much of a nightmare those Enforcers could be when they wanted to.

But wouldn’t I budge.

I couldn’t move. It was as if time had stopped the moment my heartbeat did. No.. We were too late.

“No..” I whispered, slowly walking towards the grass near the river because right at the edge, close enough to be kissed by the gentle waters, was Mom.

My breath hitched, eyes widening. My grip on Lukas hand loosened as he stood behind, too scared to come forward. There was no way…

“Mom! Shit, don’t joke around like this- It’s not funny! Come on..” I tried to chuckle as I ran up to her, crouching down to try and wake her up. Tried to make the sound that I knew would’ve woke her up in an instant if she were to truly be faking it. But it wouldn’t make sense. She would’ve never done something as insensitive as pretend to die.

I kneeled down next to her body, my hands hovering over her body as if deciding where to hold first. I took a closer look at her, one that I would regret forever.

I gasped, my hands immediately retracting to cover my mouth in pure shock and terror. Her neck. The neck that was usually adorned with shiny jewels passed down from generations, soon to be passed down to me, was now scarred so deeply. Those red cuts, deep enough to expose her red flesh, so obviously made with force and struggle. She could’ve been beheaded. Her throat was slit so deeply, so inhumanly. The blood had soaked into the soil underneath, bleeding into the water beside her and dyeing her newly blonde hair a dark crimson. I placed her nearly severed head on my lap, soaking my dress instead. Her dress.

She had bullet wounds. Her long purple dress had holes with blood pooling through. She used to be so full of warmth, and they drained everything from her. As if they wanted to make sure she had no warmth left to embrace us with if she was given the chance.

“Mom… I-“ I gasped. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream and run away from her corpse in disgust and fear, but I couldn’t. Her head tipped back and more blood poured down my lap, making me let out a scream that startled my brother. It was holding on by a thread at this point.

“Why would they do this to you?..” My voice was shaky as I tried to figure out a way to hold her without breaking her. My vision was blurring with a sea of tears, but I couldn’t look away, I just slowly held her close, trying to warm my draining heart with her drained body. Console myself with her presence.

“.. Lauv?”

I froze.

Luka.

I couldn’t let him see this. I couldn’t let the monstrosity the enforcers had left my mother in taint my brother’s image of her. Atleast I was old enough to understand the true depth of this. He was just a kid.

“Luka, look away. Now.” I tried my best to sound firm, despite how shaky and weak my voice was. He must’ve gotten the hint, his small feet immediately turning to face away from her corpse.

“.. Is she okay? She’s not.. dead, is she?” He said in a small voice, fidgeting with his fingers anxiously. Oh mom, why did you have to leave now? Why not when we’re older and wiser? At least then I’d know how to handle this.

I wanted to tell him that yes, mom was gone, dead. She was never gonna come back again. We were never gonna see that fond look on her face everytime he did something to impress her. Never gonna hear her voice reassure us as the armed men raided our neighbours, telling us that that would never be us. That she would never let them take us.

But she never reassured us that they would never take her from us.

And I, just stayed quiet. Slowly running my finger over her lids to put her to rest, letting the grieving air spell it out for him instead. Maybe Janna could explain it better than I could.

———

Slowly, gently, we let her float away.

In the river that she always took us to watch, how the waves crashed against the shore, how the calming hum of the river always managed to lull Luka to sleep. But also, to play. To teach Luka how to swim, to teach me how to swim, to find the prettiest rock and to then throw it back into the water the farthest we could.

In the river that she found the most peace with.

Now, she could finally rest in peace with the waters she’d dreamed of flowing with. Free, and without worry. I had wrapped her neck up with some white cloth to make sure she’d stay intact and Luka helped me change her into a pink and yellow dress. Pink was my favourite colour and yellow was his. Now, wherever she decided to float away to, she’d still have us with her.

I held Lukas hand once again, watching with silent mourning eyes as the water pulled my mother away and felt my soul go with her. I didn’t have any tears left to cry and the boy was just.. there, his mind seemingly still in denial. He held a neon purple slug with green splotches all over it close to himself. Holding it close as if it was mom reincarnated.

Maybe that’s what the enforcers saw when they murdered my mom. The same way I’d step on those gross slugs Luka would bring home, crush them until they’re nothing but matter, they crushed her. They shot her down and sliced her throat open, playing with her corpse because we weren’t human enough to them. We were just bugs to stare at in pity. To be fascinated with, study, just to then be thrown away. But she wasn’t no bug, and they probably realised that. That’s why they went so hard on her. The state they left her in, eyes wide open and mouth gasping. Not from pain, not from shock, but from fear and grief.

Because now, her children were orphans, and she couldn’t do anything about it.