#Partly bc I'm frustrated

[leadon-illfollow]

Ive got the sudden urge to start screaming

[ruckooos]

What about each of the Black Dragon guys x reader during a movie marathon? What snacks do they bring, genres do they like.. do they talk during movies or get frustrated at the plot? I wanna know everything :3

RUCKOOOS' NOTES: this is the best ask I've ever gotten /lh. I'm gonna have so much fun w/ this 😭 I'm also proud of the title, plus compliment it and call me amazing.

CONTENT: Disturbed Kano, Kabal being a himbo (canon), Erron being awkward, gluttony, psychological torture, mental deterioration, maniacal actions, psychopathy, sadism. I'm kinda all over the place

WATCHLIST

All 3 black dragon men x gn!reader

__KANO

strikes me as a violence, splatterpunk enjoyer.

his favorite movie of all time is Terrifier 2 definitely. Now I say this because of a... certain scene (iykyk) which I can honestly see him taking as inspiration

But aside from Terrifier, Kano would be a Saw fanatic, with Saw VI being his favorite.

Some honorable mentions for movies he has violated your optic organs with + where you watched them:

-Hostel: he took you to Europe (or back to Australia if you alr live there) for vacation, treating you like a prince/princess/royalty the whole day. This was partly so he could drop the bomb of this movie on you at night, but obv bc Kano luvs u <3. Anyways, you two were settling down in your hotel room, when he brought up the idea of watching a movie to end the day. "Just to end it on an even betta' note" he'd say, "I promise I know a reeaally romantic one that you'll like" You trusted him, turning a blind eye to the fact that you're with a deceived conman, completely placing your eyes in the trust of a man with an affinity to violence. He puts on the movie Hostel, and for the first part you didn't really see the romantic bit, just some goons who were trying to lose their virginity. Safe to say, about an hour in, you were mentally deteriorating at the rate of a war veteran. Kano definitely had to spoil you even more the next day as an apology -Final Destination 5: This one, you knew what you were getting yourself into. Doesn't mean you fully agreed to it, though. Kano went on his knees to beg you to allow him to show you. "It's really really fantastic, I promise, doll! It ain't even that bad! Just please please let me play it." *sigh* you just had to say yes! How could you say no to his gorgeous puppy eye? (LMAOO) When the acupuncture scene started, Kano looked into your eyes excitedly, wondering how you'd react. Would you scream (lovingly)? Would you shrivel (lovingly)? Would you just die inside (lovingly)? He was dying to see your face. When the man fell on his back, stabbing his back with the acupuncture needles, Kano was in an uncontrollable fit of laughter to see you wince and hide your face in a pillow. "Come onnnnnn, sweets! It wasn't even that bad!" yes it was.

If ever he's watching a new violent film for the first time, which is quite rare tbh, I see him with his jaw dropped, lips curled in a bit of a smirk while he watches people die. He wouldn't even laugh, he'd be speechless from being impressed.

You don't see it, mainly because he hides it, but he has a notepad by his side, with contraptions and methods jotted down.

BUT BACK TO THE PROMPT: during a movie marathon, he'd watch terrifier 1 and 2, with Final Destination 5 as a "break"

yes. He honestly thinks Final Destination isn't that violent. :l

He wouldn't do very long movie marathons, 3 movies max. BUTTT he could go longer if there were more violent movies out there.

You better thank the lucky stars there aren't a lot of very gory movies that Kano hasn't watched to memorization, or else you'll be strapped down to your seat watching six hours worth of people dying.

yeah... Our fine shyt is fucked up

Regarding his manners while watching a movie, he's a clapper and a cheerer 100%. He'd laugh loudly at kill scenes, nudging your shoulder to see how you'd react.

You:

let's do something more lighthearted now! What if you were to pick a movie?

He's ok with it, wouldn't be too invested, but isn't that bummed out by it. A casual movie watcher when you pick the movies; 3 movies definitely being his maximum

but only when you're picking the movie 💀 he's kinda selfish

What snacks would he bring?

I don't think this man eats anything while watching a movie tbh, I just can't see him eating candy, popcorn or a finger food that much.

I mean, he wouldn't go out of his way to make something (unless you beg him to make you popcorn, which he'll do) to watch a movie with -but if you gave him a snack, or if there was anything lying around, Kano would snack on it.

At most, i feel like the most this man would eat are things like chips and fries. he doesn't eat them often, but when you get them for him, he's a sloppy eater; chomping on them with his mouth open while laughing at people getting stabbed

You have to vacuum, deep clean, change the sheets, UV ray the area you two watched a movie in whenever he brings a snack. My man is a SWINE, leaving crumbs everywhere.

JUST AS A BONUS: He'd be sitting on the couch, an arm around the cushions, while you lay your head on his chest.

dream man fr <3

__KABAL

he's into everything. any and all movies, he can vibe with.

Doesn't matter if it's romance, comedy, rom-com, action, thriller, as long as you're there. But he does feel more interested in action movies.

Not action as in superheroes, although ofc he loves those too, he really appreciates movies with constant motion. (I'll expound on this more in a bit)

but tbh, I don't see him as a person who would gravitate to super violent movies.

NOT TO SAY HE'S INNOCENT AND PURE, I just feel like he doesn't want to be reminded of his job while he's with you

But ofc that's not to say he'll be turned off by violence. if, for example, the movie you two were watching had a gory scene, he'd still laugh at it.

"Did he just rip his fucking head off? Babe look, the blood on this is so realistic..!" "I know, I know already!" "The muscles are pulsing..!" "STOP DESCRIBING ITTT." you proceed to throw a pillow at him.

For your movie marathon, I see him watching 1990s-2000s. a HUUUUGEEE sucker for that era of movies.

Corniest mf in town. YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME THIS MAN DOESN'T WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD

he doesn't care if it was ass, it's fun to see how trash it is, and thus it still counts as a good movie to him

he loves bad movies, he doesn't know why, but watching straight garbage for an hour and a half is just so entertaining. Maybe it's because he's a bad person (jk ^_^) but he always laughs at the actors, the characters, the people involved more than he laughs at the movie itself.

"That was horrible... Did people actually put their fucking money on this?" he scoffs, chuckling a bit.

trash is entertaining, what can i say. Thus I don't think he'd every complain about the plot. He'd only ever get frustrated with the details.

"Who the fuck says that in real life?" "What was the point of that?" "She could have just left the building, why did she stay???" "Babe, it's a movie."

But he is also an appreciator of good movies, let's not perpetuate the idea that our speedy fine shyt doesn't have standards !!! (he's with you ofc he has standards)

The Matrix and Constantine will always be his favorite movies, these are the kinda movies that are his favorites to watch, I believe.

This is what I mean by action movies, there's a constant problem that has to be solved instantly. Kabal feels gravitated here, mainly because he resonates with the feeling of fighting against something or battling an adversary.

A bit dark, yah ik, but it's more subconscious than he realizes. for all he knows, he just likes them.

BUT HE ALSO LOVES COMEDY, ROMANCE, SLAPSTICK AND ALL THE LIKE.

Take movies like Not Another Teen Movie, Legally Blonde, Notebook, Norbit, Madea, for example. The tearjerker movies and movies with raunchy, stupid humor are fun watches for him

lock me up, gag me with a chain, tie me to a post, sink my jailcell IDC. YOU CAN'T TELL ME THIS MAN DOESN'T LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

I honestly think four is his average; if he's super tired then he'll watch 2 with you and pass out, if he's sat down with a whole free day, then he can do six.

The movie you two will watch will be: Die Hard, Devil's Advocate, Legally Blonde (just as a breather), then Notebook to end the night.

IF YOU KNOW THE WAY I SEE KABAL, YOU'D SEE WHY THESE MOVIES MAKE SENSE. In my canon world, Kabal has the most secure masculinity more than anybody.

He's a whisperer when it comes to manners while watching the movie. Kabal would lean in close and just whisper things... A LOT

This man. Talks. So. damn. Much.

EVEN WHEN HE'S NOT WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR, HE MUTTERS

You might as well turn down the volume of the movie the way this man is basically the subtitles. SHUT UP KABAL (jk don't ahaha you're so sexy)

"Ahhh that's why it's called Legally Blonde. She's blonde, and she's in law." "Why the fuck is he barefoot..." "He could have just told her the truth, why the fuck did he make it harder for himself? Tsk." "Kabal shut uppppppppp"

in terms of snacks, this man is canonly the one dude who can't open a bag of chips, and it also the dude who finishes the food before the intro ends.

Imagine you're trying to get immersed when Noah and Allie make out in the rain, and you hear this man grunt and scoff, struggling to open a Ruffles bag 💀

"Kabal, just let me do it." "Shut up I can do it myself..." he says in between grunts, trying to figure out where the strip is, making crinkling noises that drown out the movie. "no you can't just give it to me." he grumbles, handing it to you.

my little himbo airhead <3 (he's a murderous merc)

don't let this man hold your popcorn box. You put it in his hand, then 1... 2... 3... it's in the trash, emptied out and completely cleaned out

I feel like you two would be lying down, with you laying your back to his chest with his arm slung under your arm.

LOVE THIS MANNNNN

__AARON BLACK

This man is the most chill of the three

istg this man is so normal

too normal...

our unbothered fine shit is not too avid on cinema, let alone movie marathons.

But it's been a while since you two had time to settle down and relax with one another, so after a couple minutes of begging, he rolls his eyes and hands you the remote.

You'd lie down on his lap, while he rested his head on his hand, his elbow on the couch's armrest, while you were flicking through the movies.

This man is classic. Talented Mr. Ripley, Truman Show, The Shining, Lost Boys, and Back to the Future are paradigms of his taste.

Like Kabal, he's ok with whatever you want to watch, but UNLIKE Kabal, he won't like it.

Not big on girly movies, gory movies, romance, comedy and all the like.

He has very robust standards, and he'll put up with whatever you want, but the afformentioned are the ones that he'll actually enjoy.

I'd think that he'd only watch two or three movies, most of the time it's just two.

IDK I don't think he's that big on movies, but he can barely say no to you.

it's mostly a time issue, but even when you two have a lot of time, he'd rather spend it on more personal and romantic things than movies. but wtv, he's here with you now :3

the movies he'd watch with you are Lost Boys, Talented Mr. Ripley, and one that you wanna watch. Since he's a sweet boy (not rlly) he'll let you watch your movie first.

I feel like he's so boring when it comes to movies 😭 like he would rewatch these movies again and again, and never gets bored.

The last time he found a movie he liked was in the 90s, PICTURE THAT.

I think this is also why he barely complains about things: He's either watched it so many times that he's desensitize to it, or he just simply does not gaf.

In terms of how he'd act while watching a movie, I see that he'd be dead silent and motionless. Occasionally he'll rub your chest or head, which you really need so that you're reminded he's there.

He is dead silent too, and I feel like this also bleeds into his real life, but he makes no sound. You can't hear his breathing or heartbeat, sometimes you have to look up at him to see if he's alive and he just looks back down at you like 🤨

awkward dead-inside fine shyt, ilysm <333

This man doesn't bring snacks btw! He brings MEALS

definitely the type to bring whole steaks, string beans, rice, carrots, sauce and BEER to a movie marathon.

I'm not kidding, he's just eating whole ass courses while watching Lost Boys, and tbh that's kinda iconic.

doesn't let you get a bite tho >:( mean

he's also so expressionless other than his rbf, so if you were playing your movie, you'd have to wait almost two hours before you can tell wether or not he hated it. MOST OF THE TIME HE DOESN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING.

He'd just go "It was fine."

[mamawasatesttube]

on the note of yj in owaw im also thinking about this bit of tim narration from yj98 #36...

tim is feeling betrayed and frustrated (understandably), but what stands out to me is how he thinks of "that whole guardian fiasco". in the earlier yj owaw tie-in, he and the others express disapproval of kon for "stealing government property":

they let it go at the end to move on, but...

but like, the baby in question is a cadmus clone (just like superboy himself), cloned from a man who expressly wished that he not be cloned and forced back into the fight after his death.

as an aside, clone baby guardian arc is possibly the BEST in sb94 - it's about bodily autonomy and the humanity and personhood of clones, and the dignity that should be afforded to all people vs the way waller & spence etc want to treat them as property and disposable, reusable weapons.

so i think overall tim and the rest of yj talking about that situation like this... well, those plot threads overall got dropped in the general aftermath of owaw, but it feels like a real missing scene to me. because realistically, given everything kon stands for and everything he went through for baby guardian's sake, to give him the right to choose, i think tim and the others all talking about it like "it's the government so they must be right" would not sit well with kon. (and frankly, would be a pretty solid in-universe reason for kon to further mistrust their orders re: rescuing the suicide squad members, leading up to him disobeying and trying to save steel.)

owaw is arguably the most serious conflict anyone in yj has been involved in up to this point (kon and bart were both present for genesis, but genesis wasn't... Like This, imo. kon was also involved at the destruction of coast city, but this is kind of a tangent.) my point is, up until this point, they are all kinda operating under the assumption that the government is generally on the side of the good guys. this is partly bc of how comics are written, of course, but also makes sense as an in-universe stance for most young heroes to take; tim in particular is definitely a lawful good, and at this point he doesn't understand that his personal rules don't always 100% line up with what the greater authority of The Government dictates.

kon is a contrast to this, because kon does not have the whole "grew up with a family as a part of normal society" backstory like tim and cassie do. kon's involvement with cadmus, a government-funded organization, generally is written such that cadmus are good, except that the closer we get to owaw, the more questionable their intent seems. we see the agenda and their push for eugenics. we see guardian being treated as a tool and not a person. we see waller taking over.

anyways, all of this is kind of to say - i think it's a real shame we don't actually see a big conversation between tim and kon in the aftermath of this. i want to SEE tim get that first real big crack in his worldview that makes him start to think that huh. maybe if lying to small time authority figures for the sake of doing good, like me lying to my dad about being robin, is justified... then maybe directly disobeying the law in the name of doing good is also justified. like, i want kon to look him in the eye and ask "do you think i'm government property, too, then, jackass?" and i want tim to have to really sit back and think on it. i wanna see that character development.

because like - it is a flawed viewpoint, that tim and the rest of yj were written to treat kon trying to free a baby like this. but it's also not an unrealistic one when they're all teenagers who haven't really necessarily had to face moral quandaries of "what's right vs what's lawful" with such high stakes before. i wish this plot had actually gone more places with everyone.

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

im sorry im just in rookie obsession mode, pls forgive me!!

kimi, ollie & jack (separately) with vampire!reader who cant retract his fangs so theyre always visible and kimi/jack/ollie r OBSESSED

(why yes, i do have an obsession with teeth, how could u tell?)

-bear

no need for forgiveness bc rookie obsession is nothing wrong!!!!! (lil sidenote that i'm assuming vampire bites work similarly to snakes and therefore dry bites are a thing bc i say so) (also lil tw for like vampire blood frenzy kinda stuff? not massively but yk. still)

jack doohan:

he's so fascinated by your fangs. not even necessarily in a sexual way. the way they catch on your bottom lip, watching you brush them, seeing them emphasised whenever you yawn ... he's just oh so enamoured with you.

when it is sexual he struggles to hide it. as curious as he is, he's a little scared of your bite. he's pretty happy being human. that doesn't mean for a second that he's not having you bare your fangs for him. he gets off a little on the risk–you break for even a second and bite him, that's it–but especially because he knows that even if you did bite him, you wouldn't turn him against his will. and, if you happen to get frustrated and start whining, well ... that won't exactly be a negative.

kimi antonelli:

he's such a slut about it. he wants you to dry bite him in very visible places so he has reminders of you everywhere. he loves when he kisses you and your fangs cut his lip and he can watch your pupils dilate at the sight of the little drops of blood.

he will also get SO offended if you ever try to apologise for them. that's not allowed. the way he responds makes it sound like you're threatening to take his favourite thing in world. probably because, to him, you are. he's worried you'll get too insecure or paranoid about your fangs and stop biting him, and then stop kissing him. he can't have that. which is partly why he leans so hard into loving all your lil vamp-y quirks.

ollie bearman:

he buys those halloween fangs just so he can match with you. he's the most goofy with it–like having you bite him in patterns (especially if he can get you to bite him in a heart) or smushing your cheeks together so he can kiss your fangs. he also quotes the "bleh bleh-bleh" thing from hotel transylvania on the regular.

he gets so excited if anyone gives him like fanart/plushies/etc of anything with fangs! you could literally show him a wolf and he'd just melt because all he's thinking about you and your fangs. it probably gets to the point that he puts and actively emphasises fangs on his official merch–including at least one thing with a terrible pun of some kind. he's a dork, but he loves you more than anything else in the universe.

[bulletbilltime]

Finished my first Lost Records Tape 2 playthrough. Thoughts inbound.

SPOILERS FOR TAPE 2 (DUH). CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK AND PERIL

First, overall thoughts:

This definitely felt a bit more on the faster-paced side, maybe a bit too much for my liking? Especially closer to the end, it kind of moved a bit too fast for me.

I feel like this didn't quite pan out on the supernatural aspects quite as much as I thought it would? There's moments like in Tape 1, and Corey does get yeeted into it at the end, but it doesn't play into it quite like I expected it to.

That being said, it continues to build on the bonds with the main 4, and I feel like that's what I came here for tbh

Now, some individual thoughts:

The moments you get to have with Autumn, Nora and Kat one on one near the start were amazing and will absolutely fuel the shippers. Even though my Swannsong heart is biased, I cannot deny that the moment with Autumn was great.

Did not expect short hair Kat. She looks really cool like that ngl

On the topic of haircuts, Swann keeping a bit of a streak in her hair is interesting. I like it!

The box opening moment was pretty emotional. I think we all assumed it'd be a more dramatic moment, but it was actually just pain!

THE KISS SCENE WAS SO GOOD?? LITERALLY LEVITATING THROUGH THE POWER OF COVEN BONDS (tho I'm guessing it's more a visual metaphor but still it was really cool)

Also apparently Nora & Kat can KISS in that scene too?? I didn't see it, probably bc I chose to have Swann kiss Kat but hey! Pickpoets stay winning

Holy shit Corey becomes a genuine monster in this. Not supernaturally, he's just... THE ABSOLUTE WORST. Like goddamn. I was kind of expecting him to burn the cabin the moment they started barricading it, but holy shit. The way he goes about it is Actually Horrifying.

Didn't expect Kat to be the one who asks for the promise to never speak again. I'll admit the justification felt a bit odd to me, like the abyss just 'tells her' to do it? And I'm not sure how them not meeting again is the only solution, when she says nobody would believe them.

OK CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ENDING STINGER?? SO KAT IS JUST IN THE ABYSS, CALLS OUT TO SWANN & SHE GOES TO IT IN THE PRESENT AND THAT'S IT?? ARE WE SEQUEL BAITING? DLC? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE SEPARATE VIGNETTES LIKE LIS WHAT'S GOING ON??? I'M CONFUSED AND PERHAPS A LITTLE FRUSTRATED... WE NEED RESOLUTION MICHEL 😡

I really did think Gus & Pam would have a bigger role in this than I expected ngl.

Overall, I will freely admit it wasn't as hooked this time around, but this is far from bad. I think if Tape 1 was a 9/10 for me, this one is 7.5/10. Maybe it'll grow on me more with repeat playthroughs, but it def felt less of a heavy hitter. I do think expectations are partly to blame though. I guess it just leaves me feeling like there should've been more to it? This tape took me maybe 5 hours to go through vs the 6-ish that tape 1 did. Still had a lot of amazing moments that made the wait worth it though. Now we just need this goddamn ending stinger to be addressed--

(For reference, I wasn't able to keep Nora from leaving, and I got the 'Nora pushes Corey in' abyss ending)

[neallo]

hi!!! i just finishesd reading bury us both and i have have to say that my favorite parts have to be the glimpses into their childhood 💗 i think it’s my favorite part of any meronia fic actually! but then it got me thinking if it would change with m/f mellonear. do you think mello would be more gentle with swap!near or would he be the same? if he’d be the same, do you think others (maybe roger or the staff) would’ve told him stuff like, “it’s not good to pick on/bully girls!”. i’m not sure if it was like that in their time but when i was in preschool, that saying was thrown A LOT

hi omg. this is so sweet, thank you so much for reading -- i'm really glad you enjoyed the childhood bits, because they were among my favorite to write!! i actually have a oneshot prequel to bury us both with them at Wammy's that i really need to polish and publish sometime soon.

i love this question and i have strong feelings on m/f meronia in this particular aspect. i do think nonswap Mello would be more inclined towards gentleness with fem!Near than with nonswap Near, and similarly more inclined toward gentleness than fem!Mello would be. when they're children, i can imagine that Mello's frustration with Near might still arise to a level where he would want to become violent (in like. the way that is normal for children to be violent with each other. i don't really think of him as uniquely terrible or cruel towards Near at wammy's in any universe) but i think he would struggle to ever act on it.

in canon, Mello clearly does not have an issue being aggressive towards whoever (has Sayu kidnapped [though i don't see that being something he's personally directly involved with so much], points his gun at Lidner [though i feel it's worth noting she mostly seems annoyed about it, not super-scared, and she's apparently given time to DRY HER HAIR and put on LIPSTICK, so i think that dynamic is a little complicated], and personally kidnaps Kiyomi) but we see in the scene where he kidnaps Takada that he does have this hesitation to engage in behavior that would create a more frightening, threatening situation for her, even if it would have been safer for him to do so.

i'm not super interested in sanitizing Mello (he sucks super bad, and i love making him suck worse as a woman, apparently) but i think it is quite notable that, in the same series where L imprisons Misa in an unnecessarily freakysexual and frankly scary manner, partly to protect himself (he did not need to be doing ALL that, LIKE that) Mello gives Kiyomi the dignity / security to cover herself when he has her undress to remove any trackers that could alert her security guards to her location. and he dies about it. for all his flaws and crimes and atrocities, he demonstrates a hesitation to create unnecessarily threatening gendered dynamics that is pretty atypical for the series, so i think he is both aware of and sensitive to that in a way that would probably make it harder for him to be physically aggressive with fem!Near as children.

for the record i think Near would maybe find this annoying / upsetting because she wants to be treated truly as an equal and can, on some level, sense that Mello holds back because she's a girl (<- kind of taking this point AND others in this answer from conversations with @deelavis bc she's very sharp on these things)

i'll also say this is part of why i don't think bury us both would work well for me with m/f meronia -- i imagine their dynamic would change with that specific genderswap configuration, and i would also personally just find it less appealing because i'm very particular about which dynamics i write for m/f!!

(actually. for postcanon m/f meronia that features a backstory of them hooking up during the Kira case you can turn to i'm your man, which i have another chapter almost finished for <3 if you take only bury us both and i'm your man as examples, i guess my post-kira meronia thesis is: f/f meronia = Mello becomes an assassin and the worst girlfriend-who-won't-say-they're-girlfriends in the whole world, and m/f meronia = Mello hangs around Near like a stray dog desperate to be kept and maybe even someday loved, inexplicably unaware that he is literally already being kept and is literally already loved. things really get messy if you include together (always) or you got your eyes from the stars in the mix, but i have to mention them bc i still have love in my heart for both. ok selfpromo moment over.)

thanks again for reading, and for this question!! it was a really fun one to answer :3c

[yuukei-yikes]

I'm a long time Shinaya typa fellow partly bc my toxic trait is red thread of fate fan and those two are so extremely red thread coded it's not even funny but I'm looooving what you're doing to them. Red thread of fate but what if it got fucked up and tangled and messy and neither of them could tell if the thread had gotten cut yet and if it had who cut it, and moreso was it possible to tie back together, and even MORESO should they tie it back together

EXACTLYYYY. they're the love of each other's lives. isn't that so frustrating? who decided that? the intricacies of soulmates... that's so complicated. sometimes you don't want complicated. sometimes u just wanna be with a person because you want them, not because something bigger than both of you is inexplicably drawing you together

i think when you date someone, you're choosing that person. when i say choose in this context, it inevitably brings u to choosing between kano and ayano, but above that. being CHOSEN because of Who you are. not being chosen Over someone else. youre chosen because of Who you are, because someone wakes up everyday and decides to love You of all people. ugh. sorry i guess im a bit of a sap. but when i think of soulmates and being fated together... how much of it is in your control of your love for that person, and how much of it is... just the red thread?

i think that would make anyone insecure. and someone like ayano, with such a low self steem and already really insecure, when there's someone else in the picture, things get so tricky!

[whalesforhands]

Nvy, you are SO real for wanting more slice of life writers I completely agree. Now, I have nothing against smut, I too read a good amount of it, but I'm also old enough to remember how fandom was ~5-10 years ago and comparatively a lot of fic nowadays feels kind of idk, impersonal I guess?

There's didn't use to be so much explicit writing back in the day (and I do think partly that was bc the people involved in it tended to be younger and have now just grown up but that's a different matter lol) but even then people really focused on the characters they were writing rather than like, just the sex acts themselves if that makes sense?

And I myself definitely miss having more options when it comes to non-smut writing, especially on Tumblr!! It's crazy the shift that happened a few years back. I really love your work and I've been a fan for quite a while because I always felt you really dove into each character you write and took their personalities and inner worlds into account.

Obviously everyone can write whatever they want but it does get frustrating to have every popular character be assigned one of the same 5 OOC Vague Personalities™ in so much bc it's popular instead of the writing exploring their actual character and how they would be in relationships outside of sex. Or even outside of typical relationships at all! (They don't all always need to be married PLS 😭 But I realize this is more of a personal gripe.)

Anyways, sorry this is so long, I just wanted to add my two cents to the conversation. Honestly I'm starting to think I might take it upon myself to actually start writing so I'll have more of what I'd like to see haha. In any case, I'm a big fan and I def understand your frustrations. Let's hope these trends settle a little bit at least and I hope you have a lovely lovely day! 💫💖

first of all, thank you! i’m happy you enjoy my works.

i think fandom 5 years ago was the most ‘active’ i’ve been. i remember going on sprees commenting on works in hopes of letting the author know how much i loved their work.

back then, smut was a bit harder to find compared to the tons and tons of fluff and angst i read every single day, and honestly those fics hit so hard back then, it was the way people focused on characters and the way they would react. fics were focused on one character or one pairing specifically, and not the like the many scenarios stuffed into one. (unless you read creepypasta boyfriend scenarios. but even then, those had paragraphs and paragraphs focusing on ONE character before writing a different plot for another.)

everyone can write whatever they want, yes. but i will miss the old fandom days a lot more.

also, do be the change you want to see in the fandom, haha. that was how i started out after ao3 went down and i realized tumblr’s preferred works of more explicit natures.

and of course, if you ever do write your own works, do drop by and tell me about it :)

[edwad]

you've mentioned how marx used bourgeois categories of class in the manifesto, and I've seen some stuff -- particularly this one richard gunn piece called 'notes on class' that you can find on libcom -- touch on what a better notion of class would look like (he describes this as an 'authentically marxist' view but ofc ymmv). is there anything you'd rec that really develops a better notion of class? you've mentioned before that trying to do this with the mature marx by picking at things throughout capital 'sorta becomes a choose uour own adventure'. I'm a little resigned to having to do this, but I'm wondering if I can spare myself (at least some) work bc there are already things out there that have tried this or covered this in-depth

i don't know if i'd recommend anything in particular, but a few years ago the reel abstractions thinktank was considering doing some sort of written critique of marx's account of class. nothing ever came of it, but it partly stemmed from a frustration with the existing literature lol. some of the things i would've said there can be gleaned from my comments on here, but i have a tendency to pull punches online, putting off the Real Critique for some fantasy publication i'll never actually end up writing but keep pretending will happen

[sometimesraven]

how Empire of Death failed to mimic the scale of Infinity War, and what I would do differently

I'm just ranting here bc I had the thoughts and realised they were gonna go on too long for the tags of a reblog.

So I've already mentioned that the sand of death should have been the cliffhanger. The Sutekh reveal was cool and metal af, but imagine if it had gone on juuust a little longer and the credit theme rolls in just as Kate turns to dust. Imagine how much harder that would hit!

We would sit with that final image for a whole week, letting the shock and excitement build, even if we know they'd never kill both Kate and Rose and this would all be reset, the shock of the scene would still be impactful because we have time for it to truly sink in and hit us fully.

But I think the real reason Infinity War's ending hit harder than this is because we had real stakes. Thanos had been an imposing presence through the whole movie, killing or overpowering beloved and powerful characters we'd grown to see as untouchable.

Those stakes started at the literal beginning of the episode. Loki, a beloved character, is killed. The Hulk, who had literally JUST gone toe to toe with a god, is thrown aside like a toy.

The stakes remained through the story, when Gamorrah is killed, then continue all the way to the end when Vision is sacrificed only for that sacrifice to mean nothing.

Then the snap happens, some of the most beloved characters die in a slow, carefully crafted series of scenes with phenomenal acting.

And then the movie ends. We're left to sit with that for however long it takes for the finale, and even if we know most of the characters will be back it hurts because that emotion and tension and buildup comes to that horrible conclusion and leaves us to sit with it.

I'm not saying Sutekh should have killed anyone to raise the stakes. I'm saying that there was absolutely zero build-up to him within TLoRS itself, and therefore we as viewers don't truly know the stakes. The "He Who Waits" stuff was good to show us "hey, all these other gods are peanuts compared to this one", but that's about all we got.

And it's frustrating because not only has Doctor Who done this kind of high-stakes villain reveal and cliffhanger before in a much more effective way, but also IT WAS RUSSEL WHO DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

I firmly believe the finale should have been in three parts, not two.

I don't know if this is strictly Russel's fault or if Disney's restrictions were partly to blame, but let's look at how the Series 3 (2007) finale did what the Season 1 (2024) finale tried and failed to do.

Part One

Utopia plays out much like The Legend of Ruby Sunday does: they're exploring something self-contained but eventually related to the plot (end of the universe vs ruby's mother), they meet an enigmatic stranger who will later turn out to be the villain/part of the villain (Yana vs Triad), and the episode ends with the cliffhanger of them realising there's actually a Big Bad from the past that nobody was expecting (The Master vs Sutekh).

I think in the case of a 3 part episode I would have TLoRS end with Sutekh being revealed in a way that doesn't have him at his full power yet. I'm not sure exactly how I'd execute that but it would have the same impact w. Harbinger and Susan, only without Sutekh's full manifestation at the end; maybe he appears on the screens or in that smoky form around the TARDIS. Hell, maybe he would fully manifest but just be unable to dust the universe yet. I'd maybe even have him kill Kate and Unit there but not the world, to establish how powerful this guy is. I'd maybe have Ruby be with Mel instead of the Doctor, so that she's away from this initial death wave.

Part Two

The Sound of Drums then spends time establishing who the Master is for new viewers, and the kind of relationship he has with the Doctor. The stakes slowly build, any potential help is removed, and the Doctor's final plan is foiled, leaving him captured and powerless as the Master initiates the apocalypse.

Perhaps if instead of being with Susan, the Doctor tries to take back control of the TARDIS and ends up trapped with Sutekh controlling her?

Maybe they figure out how since Wild Blue Yonder, the TARDIS has specifically been taking them to places that would empower Sutekh with more death and chaos, rather than just where the Doctor needs to be -- the Maestro, Finetime, even Boom... all that death and chaos empowering Sutekh to finally take his god-form due to the invocation of superstition making his myth reality.

Maybe at this point it would show that the deaths in Unit were just the beginning -- that through those deaths Sutekh was able to reach back to the entire family line of each member he killed: Donna + family, even Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart had been killed before his time. This would establish in the Doctor some guilt that actually makes sense -- he didn't have to turn to Unit for help with Susan and Ruby's mother, but he did, and he didn't notice something was wrong with the TARDIS even though he'd been aware of her odd behaviour of late. He unwittingly brought Sutekh to UNIT and caused their deaths, sending that final ripple of chaos and death that allows Sutekh to take his final form. And now that he's gained enough power, he can coerce the TARDIS in giving her memory to him; of everywhere she's ever landed, past present and future.

The Doctor is forced to watch from the posessed TARDIS as first the Earth, then the Universe, is slowly destroyed, believing everything to be dead, including Ruby and Mel.

Part Three

In Last of the Time Lords, we focus on the Doctor's companions gathering hope and saving the world while the Doctor is helpless.

Unbeknownst to the Doctor, Ruby and Mel have made it back to UNIT. Maybe one of them remember how vivid the TARDIS seemed in the memory room and, in a last-ditch attempt to escape, try to enter it -- discovering the Memory TARDIS within.

This is why I have Ruby and Mel still reach the Memory TARDIS. Much like the companions do on their own in the Tales of the TARDIS clips I've seen, they realise this is a TARDIS made of memories and wonder if they can use that somehow. Ruby realises, as it begins to snow and the screens inside the ship turn on, that her strange memory power is keeping the TARDIS functional, and it shows them through the screens how to fly it.

Mel suggests this all seems to connect back to Ruby somehow, and the memory TARDIS responds positively. They start to go back through Ruby's memories in summary, trying to figure out what they're missing, and realise as her memories flick through on the screen -- one of them is unfamiliar. The Roger Ap Gwilliam realisation happens as normal, they go to find the medical record of Ruby's mum, Mel is fighting posession and decides to take HERSELF out of the room to "keep watch", knowing she won't be able to fight off Sutekh for long. Just as Ruby is about to find the name, she glances back at a noise behind her -- only to see Mel approaching her.

She just barely manages to grab the still-processing screen and escape, but now she's all alone and the screen has nothing to connect to. She never got her mother's name, but the records are still on there waiting to be processed. She realises Sutekh needs the records that are here, and that if Mel reaches her and gets the memory screen from her, she might get her mother's name and give it to him. She realises her only choice is to destroy the only records of her mother she has and accept she may never find her birth mother.

We have a tender moment of her with her face buried in her knees, crying amid the dust, she's all alone and she doesn't understand anything and she was so close but everything is ruined, it's like she's cursed -- she remembers her friends questioning her bad luck, wonders if maybe it was her all along and never the goblins. She wonders if the Doctor is alive, mourns that she can't turn to him, curses him for never finding out who her mum was sooner so they could avoid all of this, begs him to come back so he can tell her what to do because she has no idea who she is without someone to guide her.

Then remembers Carla. Maybe a flashback to something Carla said to her when she was younger; some motivational line about how she's not alone, she never has been; she's got a family even if it's not the one she expected. It doesn't matter where she comes from. It doesn't matter who her birth parents are. She has a real family to save, and that includes The Doctor. She pushes to her feet, still holding the screen, and returns to the memory TARDIS alone.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is being taunted by Sutekh. His only home; his safe place has been turned into a trap of torment and even as he tries desperately to gain some kind of control over her, Sutekh recites the losses and deaths the Doctor has caused. While he shows on the TARDIS screens all the places the sands of death have touched so far, he brings up Gallifrey, and the Flux, how Sutekh prides himself on being a god of Death but honestly he could never dream up something as destructive as the Doctor.

Just as the Doctor is about to give up, he sees Ruby, defiantly approaching Sutekh in the remains of UNIT's headquarters. His eyes gleam as he looks up to the bright red glow of his posessed ship's console, relief painted all over his face.

"I'm nothing like you," he says, even as he watches Ruby intensely; as worried as he is excited, "You exist to bring death and destruction and decay to this universe, but that's not me. Death and loss have followed me a long, long way but if there's one thing I have that you don't, it's hope."

Outside, Ruby is shouting and brandishing the memory screen. "Oi! You great big god of nothing! Is this what you want?"

She smashes it. Tough, she says. Sutekh roars and tears stream down her face. She's visibly terrified, but she stands tall.

"I was so confused," she tells him, "I kept thinking: why me? What's this got to do with me? But I think-.. I-I think I know why you're so interested in my mum. I think I know why I'm still alive."

She delivers a speech about what she's seen and learned from the Doctor: what survives of us is love. She realises that Sutekh is so interested in her mum because the one thing she feels deep in her gut is that her birth mother loves her, and the one thing he can't understand is love surviving despite grief. Ruby loves her mother despite never knowing her, Ruby loves her adopted family, Ruby loves the Doctor, and love is survival and love is life.

It starts to snow as she remembers everything she possibly can; every little gesture from people she loved and lost, every story she made up about her mum, every time Carla has been there for her, every time her friends have ditched parties to come stay with her overnight because she's staying in a hotel somewhere and she's scared to be alone. Sutekh roars and is clearly weakening but it's not quite enough, and the Doctor finally manages to break free of the TARDIS as Sutekh's hold on her weakens. He reaches for Ruby, cradles her in his arms as she runs to him, kisses her on the head and tells her how brave she is and how proud he is, then pulls her to the TARDIS console.

The ship immediately takes off, trying to shake off Sutekh while Sutekh tries to shake Ruby and the Doctor out of her. They're careening through the vortex, TARDIS doors stuck wide open, and the Doctor quickly slips a Mavity glove onto Ruby's hand, yanks off a panel of the TARDIS, and presses her hand to the psychic membrane underneath. He tells her to hold on for dear life and remember everything. The TARDIS amplifies her memories, feeds that love and life straight into Sutekh, and the Doctor gives one last speech about how humanity survives over and over despite their mortality, how human love is life, how Ruby is life. As Sutekh begins to break apart, we see people start to return from the dust.

As the story comes to a close, the Doctor apologises to Ruby. He suggests that maybe they could go forward and find that DNA result again, but Ruby declines. She says it's not fair to use something that was taken from her mum against her will as a tool to find her. She accepts that she might never find out who her birth mum is, but that's okay -- because she's realised her real family have been with her all along. The abandonment will never leave her, but after losing the whole world the only thing she wants right now is to see Carla again.

They part ways with Ruby cautioning the Doctor that maybe he should go find Susan some day. She must be feeling pretty abandoned too. And the episode ends basically the same way, only with Ruby making peace not knowing who her mum is -- meaning the mystery is left open for now in a more satisfying way.

I dunno. This got away from me a lil. I just think there's so many places this story could have been taken and it missed the mark in so many ways.

[pokemonshelterstories]

do you need an certifications to work at these shelters because i would volunteer but in this economy aint nobody can afford free labor😔

also mainly bc the director at bb cyrano said i need to find something to do instead of "typical juvenile delinquent activities" because QUOTE AND I KID YOU NOT "you have 5 fs and your highest grade is a d and i have no future" AND I ALSO KID YOU NOT "should stop doing drugs in the bathroom."

anyways

you don't necessarily need experience to volunteer at a shelter, but you do generally need measurable experience to get a job. at the artazon humane society, there are several requirements you can choose from; we generally only hire pokemon care staff who have earned four badges, have certification as either a vet tech or pokemon trainer, or have worked at another pokemon care facility. otherwise, you can start as a volunteer or intern and work your way up to a hired position.

the reason we do this is partly for safety- after all, some of the pokemon surrendered to us are dangerous, and staff need to be able to handle things like fire types who flame without warning or pokemon that can use poison type moves. the other reason is that there's just not enough funding to have a big staff. we're funded almost exclusively by donations, and a lot of that money goes to shelter upkeep. i do not make a lot of money.

unfortunately, i'm not sure this job is a current good fit for you...it sounds like you're young, and shelters tend to only hire people 18 and up. but a lot of working at a shelter is also about working with the people who are coming in to adopt, and you're going to have to deal with a lot of frustrating situations and people who really don't know how to take care of their pokemon. i hate to say it, but this message doesn't give me the impression that you are used to handling that.

i won't tell you how to live your life or anything like that- and hey, i started out at my shelter as community service!- but i think you would probably only get taken on as a volunteer.

[pfaerie]

actually i'm spinning medieval au in my mind sorry i'm kind of obsessed actually

imagine johnny used to be the prince and y'know, like, his father probably died like when johnny was still a toddler or whatever and the kingdom (and i imagine that laura married below her station and it's her family's land and has been for generations) just runs out of money by the time he's 12 and laura remarries because she wants to ensure johnny won't be destitute and will still have a home

and it's fine for a while except it isn't and johnny never warms up to sid at all and hates him. through some blackmail fuckery i feel like johnny is threatened by sid and has to make a deal to not claim his throne or wouldn't it be a shame if something were to happen to laura (and i'm sure johnny takes it because all he cares about is his mom and he doesn't want her to live through anymore hardship)

he throws himself into his knight training and little else - doesn't care much about his education or status as a diplomat. the cobras dote on him as a posse of knights who took an oath would - act almost exactly the same as they did in the movie the just jingle when they walk. i feel like kreese is knight captain and wants johnny to take back his place on the throne - he has his own motives (something something terry silver warring kingdom

i think daniel would be part of a troupe and just tours around the kingdom and does performances wherever before laura takes a liking to him? and she hires him as a court jester? maybe even ali lives in the castle and is, y'know, betrothed to johnny and susan is her lady in waiting and ALI hires daniel for her amusement (partly because he annoys johnny and she likes to tease him - in this au, i think johnny and ali are Courting, but it's mostly a display - johnny doesn't want her that way, but he's expected to and it's better to just go along with it bc that's his duty - maybe he even takes some comfort in the fact they never will marry because of Sid)

and anyways, daniel is frustrating and cute and johnny can't help but watch his fingers as he plays the lute or juggles and he wants to shove him around bc that's the only way he can touch him and eventually johnny stops threatening him and listens to daniel practice in the courtyard (perhaps he gifts daniel with a genuine compliment or daniel plays one of his favorite tunes and johnny says as much to him or DANIEL catches johnny humming one of the tunes he's only ever played privately and his heart almost thumps out of his chest when he realizes the prince has a soft side)

i also simply have a soft spot for medieval/middle ages aus where one of them likes a bit of poetry about gays - like it's all dressed up in metaphor and maybe it's tragic and stuff, but gay resonates with gay. johnny telling daniel one of his favorites is that and daniel maybe hasn't heard of it and johnny lends him the book ("you know how to read right?" "YES I KNOW HOW TO READ ASSHOLE") and daniel Gets It immediately

and yknow they start fucking each other and maybe even daniel's writer's block finally goes away and he can finish writing that song he only ever plays in private...

[marzonomy]

Embarrassment x Reader headcanons (inside out 2) because I don't see any x readers of him anywhere 😋

NSFW AT THE BOTTOM

CRUSH

Secretly believes in love at first sight.

ESPECIALLY after he meets you.

I headcanon that they can sense when another emotion is feeling their emotion, even when they're hiding it.

For example, say Joy is sad but hiding it really well. Sadness would be able to feel that she's sad. Or if someone's frustrated and hiding it bc they're trying not to, Anger would know. It's like their gaydar but for emotions.

I promise I'm going somewhere here.

Someone on Twitter made an OC that's Love. They're like Embarrassments "annoying" sibling (tho i don't see how someone who's head is literally a heart could be annoying but go off). Love is canon to me now I love them

I think Love smell the chemistry between you to immediately. The moment you show up they look over at Embarrassment with the most shit-eating grin and a knowing stare in their eyes.

Love doesn't press at first, letting Embarrassment work up the courage on his own. But they realize Embarrassment is in denial of his feelings.

Because of course he would be?

Poor guy thinks you're waay out of his league.

Eventually, Love sits him down and has a talk with him. Kinda hard to deny you're in love with love themself says you are.

Love is an expert matchmaker and wingman (wingperson?).

Once they intervene it's not long before you and Embarrassment finally talk about your feelings.

You talk in the HQ at night when one of you has dream duty, as that's the only place you can really be alone.

It takes a moment, but eventually Embarrassment spills everything.

Rambles on about everything he likes about you (which is a lot). Tripping over his words like crazy.

Absolutely flabbergasted when you feel the same (Love ain't no snitch🤞).

Thinks he doesn't deserve your affection. Please reassure him.

Once it sets in that you love him, he's over the moon. That doesn't mean he isn't incredibly flustered though. He's literally the embodiment of embarrassment, it's in his name.

Nervously asks if this means you're together now. Obviously you say yes, that's why you're reading this.

RELATIONSHIP

An AMAZING boyfriend.

You're the only person other than Love he feels comfortable actually talking with.

He feels a little more confident with you around.

Views himself as astronomically lucky to have you. He appreciates you so much.

You have to be patient with him, he lacks the confidence to do a lot of the things you do.

He's eternally grateful for this.

Obviously not big on PDA, but he will hold your hand sometimes. Prefers to lock pinkies.

Very affectionate behind closed doors though.

Will simply hold you close to him, burying his bigass face in the crook of your neck (to the best of his ability considering he's an absolute behemoth).

Big spoon. Would switch it up if he wasn't built like the empire state building.

Just really likes to hold you.

Really good at comforting you specifically when somethings wrong, no matter how upset you are.

Doesn't say anything of course, just listens. Definitely gives really good hugs (I mean, he literally detained 5 emotions with a big ass hug) so he usually calms you down with physical affection.

Idk man I think a hug from Embarrassment would cure me.

Would be very confused if you just crawled into his hoodie, but wouldn't really complain. I wanna crawl in there. He would be super flustered though considering you are making direct contact with his torso skin(?).

Lowkey wanna squish him and see how he reacts. No idea how he would though.

NSFW

Definitely the type to take things slow.

When you first fuck, he's such a mess.

If you're not a bottom you'd have to top him the first few times.

First time he's submissive as hell (partly cos he has NO idea what to do).

Hiding his face behind his hands, but he can't help but peak through his fingers.

Definitely cums fast, at least at first. Is embarrassed as shit about it (duh).

But he can go a few rounds to make up for it!

After one or two times, you're still on top, but he might slowly become more dominant (though he'll always love when you ride him)

Starts with grabbing your hips and helping you bounce on him until finally (if you let him), he takes most of the control while you're on top.

Eventually he musters up the courage to top you. He's soo scared he's gonna hurt you.

So so gentle most of the time, but he can sometimes get carried away (especially if you egg him on or it's his first time on top. or you've been edging him-)

When this happens he practically loses himself. Your hips are higher than you head as he lifts them up and pounds into you, holding you close and burying his face wherever he can. You will NOT be able to walk for a while. Will stop immediately (and probably cry) if he realizes he's hurting you.

Does absolutely everything he can for you during aftercare. If there's baths anywhere in the mind, he will take you there. Even if it's far, he'll carry you and draw you up the warmest, most sensational bath you've ever had in your life. If you just wanna cuddle though, he's more than happy to oblige.

[swadloom]

Sorry I sent that too early. Why do you think you like Pyrrhon so much? Like what specifically about him draws you to him? I’m curious :3

OK I'M GUESSING YOU'RE WHO SENT THIS AND THATS FUNNY BC I ASSUMED IT WAS INTENTIONAL AND WAS JUST GONNA ANSWER IT ANYWAYS 😭

ANYWAYS UM so I first played Kid Icarus Uprising when I was 11, and what initially drawed me in was that I liked loud, goofy, funny, flamboyant characters. And still do!! I just really liked anything absurd and memeable (I probably made some mlg edits of him in my mind. Shudders.) Some of it might also be I always liked acting goofy but had some growing shyness from growing into preteen-ness, and so very confident characters appealed to me (that's still a big reason I like him I think, with the tempered "goofy" parts now also being shown through neurodivergent headcanoning & such.) That was also around when my biggest obsession was space instead of fish like it is now so the whole arc appealed to me there. But the other thing is that I was also really into stuff like the scarier episodes of Steven Universe and Gravity Falls and Regular Show and the crazy lore and bossfights in Kirby and such. So I was already hooked by that, then take the stuff that happens in chapter 17 with him turning on you then getting possessed and it just opened the adhd flood gates in my brain. I already was obsessed with Magolor from Kirby before that and this was kinda like an ultra enhanced version of that hyperfixation. I would be 12 and just fall asleep imagining what it was like for him being possessed that way, what happened behind the scenes, what kinds of scenarios could happen post-story? Like when you're a kid and find something horror-adjacent compelling you think about it all the time. Also like. Motions vaguely. Body horror. Hypermasculine character. 🏳️‍⚧️ and such.

The massiveness and unendingness of the hyperfixation is partly because I didn't know I had adhd and autism, so when the pandemic hit when I was 13 I was stuck sitting in bed and thinking about him all the time (including weird stuff I didn't particularly mean to and want to think about) and I thought that meant I was stupid and obsessed and couldn't stop, and it frustrated me a lot. Unironically I truly thought God and Jesus hated me because I thought about him too much and would sometimes unwillingly think "HEY YOU TWO LISTEN TO THIS LOOK AT MY THOUGHTS". I was normal and cool. I learned I wasn't evil only after. Places my head in my hands. the invasive thoughts episode of sanders sides. Yeagh. Because trying to push out thoughts on purpose often just works in opposite I came out of that and I legitimately believe there been very few days in my life that have gone by since where I haven't thought about him at least once. All of my neurons were mylenated with his jpegs. So my obsession with him now is at least partly he's just a cog in my brain now, but also when you think about a character so much you pick out a million potential things to like about him yk. Also a million things that make you rip bark off of trees and grow fangs and destroy things with psychic pulses but that's neither here nor there

[zemnarihah]

i've been trying to go to a goth night for months and i've been so busy and haven't been able to and everytime i have a saturday that i could go they end up doing some different event even though it used to be EVERY SATURDAY WAS GOTH NIGHT and ik they probably are just doing it to attract more ppl so like whatever like i want that club to stay open. it sucks bc i'm not interested in those events but if that's the price for them to stay in business whatever. and i finish finals this week and i was free this saturday and my bf said he was down to go and i was so excited to go as a little end of semester celebration. but he's moving that weekend and now is starting to be like ohhhh idk i feel like i'll be so tired idk if i can actually do it. and my friend who is the one other person in this world who is willing to go there with me already said they can't so basically i have nobody to go with and maybe i could go alone but i still feel too scared to like idk if i'd even have fun i'd feel so awkward. i knooow it's probably partly bc i'm on my period but i just feel so upset i've been so busy this semester and never have time to have a fun night out and ALL I WANT is to go to goth night and ive tried to go like 5 times this semester and it never works out. even new years we were supposed to go i was literally dressed doing my makeup and then my bf called and told me he was sick and we ended up having to stay in bc he was coughing his brains out the whole night. ik i shouldn't be mad at him bc neither of these are his fault nor are they that unreasonable but i'm so so frustrated even though this is so so stupid. literally girl throwing a fit over not getting to go to the club. whatever

[kintatsujo]

my sleep schedule has been getting worse and worse again and is all backwards right now and that's why I haven't slept

I think partly it's the usual adhd issues but I've had a couple nights lately where if I felt myself start to drift off I suddenly snap awake like I'm not "allowed" to sleep or it's not "safe" to fall asleep

this is extremely frustrating when it starts happening bc then I have to figure out what I'm putting on YouTube to get my brain to fuckin stop that dumbass shit

and usually I go for a horror let's play but sometimes I end up latching onto it as too interesting

(my main horror YouTuber has a very soothing voice this is not related to the poor sleep)