#Recovering from post traumatic sauron Disorder ❤️‍🩹

[adarssuggestionbox]

Healing

@rivendellwatch

-Since our... I'll call it an agreement for now, Elrond will be visiting far more often. For the moment, he will be staying a few more days as per usual when it is inspection time.-

Adar- *Right now, I am carrying out something I often only have dreamed of. Finally, it is coming true! At the time of twilight, we lay upon the flower-covered field. With a hearty helping of coaxing, I was convinced to snuggle into Elrond's side.*

Elrond- *With a delicate hand, he moves my head to his chest.* Will you expose your neck? * He asks politely. He gently adjusts his face to kiss and lick my forehead. He carefully tucks my hair behind my ear. With the same fragile touches, he pets my hair.*

Adar- * I feel a warbling growl escape my throat. My soft inner nature peaks through, urging me to hold his hand as we gaze at the sky together. I'm not sure why, but I instead turn my face into his neck with some shakiness. My chest suddenly feels as if it is being jabbed with a rod of metal, thus my breath is being impaired.*

-The stars are only just now creeping into sight-

Elrond- *He sits up immediately pulling me into his lap* Darling, What's that matter? Please, talk to me.

Adar- *I shake my head and can only shrug, snuggling closer to him.* I'm so sorry... I don't fully understand it myself. *My voice shakes.*

Elrond- *He rocks me in his arms, tugging me closer, kissing the top of my head.* Adar, *He starts with a voice as cozy as a feather bed,* you did say it has been a very long time since anyone close to a lover's status has touched you softly in any manner. *He takes up my hand and kisses my knuckles.* I think because of all the abrasive touches you have endured, your heart needs time to adjust. You're being reminded of what brings life to your soul, my dear. Give it time. You simply need to be allowed to heal. Part of that is feeling.

Adar- *I cling to him tightly, now weeping upon his chest. I can only nod in return, while his words shatter my shell.*

Elrond-* He presses my head over his heart so that I may listen to it beat.* That's it, darling. I'm so proud of you for being brave tonight. I understand it will be difficult to regain a more talkative voice after being silent for so long. Processing this is also not easy, Adar. But I want you to know you are handling this excellently, sweetheart.

Adar- *Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined anyone would speak those words to me in this life. His kindness has me wailing loudly into his chest. All of it is something like a fairytale from one of the books he has lent me. Perhaps he is right about these tears being ones that ought to have been shed long ago... But I am sure some of them are tears of joy as well.*

Elrond- There now, very good, keep going. Let the pain flow away with the stars. *He whispered before nuzzling the top of my head.*

Adar- *After who knows how long, I was able to finally lift my head to catch my breath. I sniffled heavily, wiping my eyes* Th-thank you....

Elrond- *He lovingly brushes the hair from my face.* Of course. This is something I want to talk to you about. But it can wait till tomorrow. Perhaps we can design a routine for you to release emotions daily? Can you agree to that, darling?

Adar- *I look at him with confusion and nervousness. I hadn't required such in my previous life... What would this mean for me? A small, unsure whimper escapes my throat while I cling to him. My body shakes slightly.*

Elrond- * He curls himself protectively around me with all his limbs.* No, sweetheart, there's no need to be afraid. I just want to help you. That's all.

Adar- *A deeply vulnerable yowling trîl escapes my throat. I curl deeper into the safety of his arms. An almost animal-like repeating whimper escapes me. I can't seem to control it. Over and over, I remember who I'm with. Had I been with that "Thing," I wouldn't be as safe in this headspace.*

Elrond- Adar, honey, listen to me, please. *He speaks the command both firmly and gently. Then, with the softest hands, he caresses my stomach.*

Adar-* I stop immediately, unable to find myself disobeying his word.*

Elrond- That's it, well done, sweetheart. I'm going to lay you in the flowers. When I do, you're going to expose your neck. I know pûrring is soothing for you. I'm going to pet your neck to help you pûr. Is that something you can agree to? *He had loads of experience caring for patients with similar issues. As a physician, first, he knew explaining the process was always the best way to ease a patient's worries*

Adar- *I let out a warbling cry as I nod. This vulnerable headspace always left me unable to speak. But Elrond's responsive and prepared nature did put me at ease enough to trust him*

*I allow him to do each thing he specified, but I can't restrain from the death grip that I have on his free wrist. However, his feathered fingers, the floral scent, the gorgeous night sky, and his singing voice have soothed me in no time.*

*A loud pûr erupts from my chest, and so does my cooing call of appreciation. I let go of his wrist and crawl to his side, head bumping and licking the area. His previous actions brought this headspace out with minimal effort.*

Elrond- *Rather than be put off by my strange behavior, he smiled down at me with endearment in his eyes. Then he began petting my hair and scratching at my scalp.* That's much better, darling. I'm so happy to hear you pûrring. * He pulled me into his lap and then kissed the top of my head.*

Adar- * A long trîl rolled out of my mouth, followed by my coo in between pûring.*

Elrond- Aren't you a sweet kitten. *He continued to rub my stomach as I began to settle further into his arms*

[adarssuggestionbox]

*I gaze upon the cats. The resemblance is uncanny. My eye twitches and my breath hitched in my throat as memories of that "thing" flood to me.*

*I then take a breath to calmly collect myself. This time it is easier to control certain urges. My inner counting brings me back. Allowing for a wide smirked and something indescribable to fall into my eyes*

Yes that was a happy day wasn't it. *I chuckle to myself* And you know the look upon that black cat's face was similar to that "things". I can still see the flames in "its" eyes burning lower and lower before being completely snuffed out. I was shocked at first. As I made it out alive. But the thrill of it stayed with me even to this day.

Plot twist: The sneak attack turned into a full-on drama scene!

[adarssuggestionbox]

I just want to say Adar deserved better.

*I see you enter with Glûg close behind with lament in his posture. It is quite clear that massive guilt burdens him. I can see it in his eyes. I make a mental note to speak with him later about his woes.*

*For now I turn to you. Sadness shackles my heart. Tears almost slip from my lower lids as the pain of all that once was rushes to me.* My mun @wowstrawberrycow often speaks those same words. She carried sadness so deeply for me that I was brought back here for a second chance. This time only some of my mistakes can be altered. But, I will make my choices count for something greater.

*I sigh feeling far more determined.* I will not be wasting my precious time. For now, I have the opportunity to achieve better things with my own two hands. Unlike the moment things ended, I'm wiser now. I know exactly what I must do. My road will not lead to war this time. Not if I can help it.

You're correct though. I think I am truly beginning to see that maybe... Just maybe, I do deserve better. I say this because of those who are happy to see me each time I seek company. The ones I hold dear depend on me to show them that we can have a future of our own.

I used to think there was no hope left for me; that I was a lost cause. But if even the likes of me, can become a better person; anyone can achieve their truest higher self.

*I nod respectfully to you* I apologize for my rambling. Please feel free to visit Mordor for as long as you like.

I must speak with my son now. *My voice shakes with emotion as I stand only to gently guide Glûg away with me for a walk.*

[adarssuggestionbox]

@starstruck-mortal-mari I suppose that's what I'm attempting to do nowadays.

[adarssuggestionbox]

*My eyes look stund at the magnificent art that @nekroticism has graciously brought to this world. How honored is the feeling that wells in my chest. The beauty of it brings joy to my heart. To think the artist could see me in such a lovely way is more than flattering.*

In this place I lay close to the bees, freedom feels ever closer to my clutch.

Not loneliness, nor blight can touch me here in this peaceful thicket of the woods where I lay.

This solitude brings love to my ears I needn't my vision to see serenity.

The feeling of my origin feels like a blossom in my heart.

*I close my eyes breathing deeply then the sound of nature seem to drown the sorrow for now.*

@varda-star-queen Thank you for tagging me my dear.

@nekroticism shall I consider this official that I own such a thing hidden nearby the hives?

bedroom tour ♡

[adarssuggestionbox]

I would do well to remember your kind words *strong emotions well inside me as I feel the need to flee for privacy*As long as one continues to try, one can eventually reach for the stars in the sky.

To Adar, and to every soul who can relate❤️‍🩹

[adarssuggestionbox]

*I smile small and nod respectfully as I follow you. You're friendly eyes make the edge I feel less daunting. So do the equally welcoming undertones in your voice. My decision to make ties with you seem to be a decent one so far.*

Thank you for seeing me today despite the odds. *I nod in respect to you. I relax further when I see that you don't stare at my misshapen parts.*

*My shoulders grow loose and I'm finally able to soak in the majesty around me. It has been ages since I have seen such splendor outside of darling Celebrimbor's Eregion.*

*Awe is written across my face as peaceful times in Mordor have loosened me just enough to emote more in social situations. This however, doesn't hinder my ability to keep up with you.*

*Once in the designated meeting place I sit down, and thus follows the awkward unsure feeling I always have. But rather than let the silence get to me further I finally speak.*

During your visit in Mordor you shared your distaste for that "thing". *I visibly have to collect myself to take a breath as I mention "it". * Last I saw of "it" was in Eregion when I had injured "it". That "thing" had wound me as well or I would have slain "it" for a second time.*A look of scarred fear and storm like anger fall into my eyes briefly before it's quickly snuffed out.* That "thing" is alive I'm sure of it...

But I digress... You said those who have an enemy of yours are potential friends. I feel the same. I was chained down to "it" long ago. I know of "its" dark arts first hand. *I gather some courage and place my pitch black hand on the table. Then I lift my sleeve to reveal grotesquely scarred skin and large unruly veins that run over it in all directions.* I have survived "its" wrath for centuries... If you have qualms with "it". I will tell you now that I have no qualms of my own when it comes to slaying that "thing". I've done it once. I will again with pride and pleasure. *Unnerving fierce determination fills my eyes as I speak.*

*However, when a black crate of each sample is brought to the table I sit up attempting to soothe myself. When it comes to the bees I feel as if I can hold a conversation very well. Talk of bees too is like medicine for my mind.*

With that said, I want to make amends and take responsibility for my actions by setting a better example for my children. That is why I have opened our gates. I'd like to get them socialized with others to dous misconceptions between us and the outside world. For violence to stop one will need to bend. It is we who rightfully should bend with the flow of wind.

*I quickly pull my sleeve down and take out jars and burlap wrapped beeswax. The delightful smell of the bee's work practically explodes in the room.*

This is the medical grade honey, comb, wax and pollen I promised to share. Would this be of use to Gondor? I feel a trade agreement might be a decent first step if this interests you. If not I'm sure we can work something out together on this day.

-For Glûg's safety and my instinct to avoid panic I urged him to stay home. Someone needed to tend to our family anyway. But despite my precautions when entering the mighty manish city, it still was not something that I felt I could ever properly prepare for.-

-My reputation is soaked in blood and those around me keep their hands on sword hits in case of foul play. The residents all eye me in disgust and whisper vile things about my visitation. I can hardly blame them. I have caused an immense amount of trouble. It is my time to mend it and handle the consequences of my actions. -

-Though self conscious of my hand's blackened scar torn skin I remove my gauntlet. Responsibility is my priority over pride. So I also give no argument while I offer my sword silently as a sign of trust when I enter the castle fortress. I have to expect as much given my violent history. But I'm fully prepared to do what it takes to gain alliances. To avoid breaking one must bend in the wind.-

-As promised I have an entire shipment of bee pollen, honey with its comb, and fresh beeswax. This is toed behind me as I enter. Being a humble type I silently assist the guards at the gate with the load. They seem speechless and on edge by me. But I feel equally so. Behind my cold vacant expression lies a mountain of anxiety.-

-I distract myself from the men's distrust of my shipment by focusing on the good that could come of this meeting. Meanwhile, each crate is unloaded and immediately searched. I have to smirk slightly at their shock in regards to my honesty. As I did exactly as I promised.-

I am here to speak with Boromir. I have business of trade to discuss with him. I also have a few questions of my own to ask. *I finally speak in a clear confident voice as I gather myself.* -Let's hope I don't make a mockery of myself during this meeting too.....- *I silently lament.*

Word quickly reached Boromir of the emissary's arrival. It was an event that had not happened in history, an enemy freely walking through the mighty gates of Minas Tirith. If all went well, the man who was an enemy would turn into an ally. If. There was much riding on this discussion, a chance to save lives, to end the centuries of bloodshed, and to benefit both lands. The survival of Gondor had rested on Boromir's shoulders since he could walk. It was time to try a different strategy.

The first tier was filled with activity when Boromir arrived. Clad in armor, the Galathilion blazing on his breastplate, he was every inch the Captain-General upon his war-steed. He dismounted, a few strides taking him to stand in front of Adar.

"Welcome to Minas Tirith. I have reserved The Splintered Shield nearby for our discussion." He eyed the guards inspecting the crates. "Once your inspection is done, move it to the gatehouse until further orders." His attention returned to his guest. "If you care to follow me."

[adarssuggestionbox]

@helenvader Regina George, Commander of the slut army (nazgoul are that thing's army of sluts), Princess Morebucks, Captain of Morgoth's Cheer squad. That thing is an evil cheer squad whore though. I'm sure I could come up with more degrading names for him if I tried.

-BONUS-

Mental Disorders named after 'it': PTSD (Post Traumatic Sauron Disorder), and DD (Doorknob Disease)

*I quickly run out of the room for some air as I feel my eyes twitch.*

I hit "post" too soon, so I deleted that post; this is the full text.

I'm collecting names again, since we have new ones for Mairon.

psycho cherub (mine)

glorious dumbass (@perplecta)

prissy little rat prince (@thenookienostradamus)

dimples the dark lord (@thenookienostradamus)

For Annatar:

bottle blond bitch

princess goldilocks

And I never actually used discount aragorn for Halbrand.

Once there are enough of them, I will make Tell Me Your Name 3. :)

Just in case:

Tell Me Your Name

Tell Me Your Name 2

[adarssuggestionbox]

Thank you very much for taking an interest in my personal story @greenleaf4stuff and @varda-star-queen . My mun @wowstrawberrycow is working hard to help me tell it. My whole archive has been pinned after I opened our gates.

5 things about my story blog you will find is ....

Trauma Healing : I am a survivor of horrific things. It has haunted me for many life times but I am only just now being able to process it. Elrond is helping me find healthy ways to deal with my pain, emotional outbursts, and episodes. I find solace in simple pleasures like poetry, tending to bees, making bread, and sitting by the duck pond. There are many emotions that I am feeling for the first time in centuries. So one can imagine that they are far too powerful for me to handle on my own. But I am told this is a part of the process. This also is important for bettering myself as a person on my road to redemption. You can read about this in the trauma coping and cozy cuddle sections of my personal archive. You might see it in the moving forward chapters too.

Uruk culture in every day life: I post logs about Moriondor life, how we socialize non-verbally, seasonal community engagement, food culture, bee keeping culture here, and overall how I am building a peaceful uruk community from the ground up. I want to preserve the old ways and adopt new ways of living that will promote healthy growth for my children. You can read about this in the uruk culture section of my personal archive.

Soft polyamorous romance: *My cheeks flush* I often find myself yearning for the softness of gentle love. This is something I have long been denied by my previous relationship. That "Thing" broke my heart, body and mind. One might say I am regaining them back. I may yearn for both of my deceased husbands that I loved dearly during my life as an elf, but I also crave the affections of dear Elrond and sweet Celebrimbor. Elrond has taken considerable interest in me recently. He especially seems to hold my softer submissive kitten like mindset close to his heart. It has been centuries since I have been able to explore the tender part of myself. It is both liberating and terrifying, but Elrond has so far kept his promise to keep me gently. I hope one day I might share love with sweet Celebrimbor... Until then I shall write day dreams of him and seek comfort from darling Elrond's arms. See cozy cuddles, moving forward and romantic fantasies sections of my archive.

Redemption: Since experiencing my initial death at the hands of my own children and being reborn, I have had an epiphany. I realized that my previous path of obsession, anger, regret, and spite is not what I want. It destroyed not only my life but the lives of my children, innocent people who had nothing to do with my pain, and did nothing to ease the void that ate away at my soul. In fact all of those things added to my pain. I had become no better that the one "thing" I hated most in the world... I was far from the self I wanted to be. I am still lost. I still am not truly positive there is redemption for a creature of vile deeds, like myself. But I must try. I started by avoiding the tragedy of Eregion after my rebirth. That's where I met Celebrimbor and began forming a bond with Elrond. I am still trying to cope with it all so that is taking me a while to write... You can read about this in the second chance section of my personal archive.

Parental / Child Bonding: I will never not be a father. I do the best I can to show this loving care that my children need each day. One might say I am a communal parent who must be both mother and father. I also recently I have adopted a human son. Though he is considered older by human standards he is merely a child in comparison to me. I even fall into parental habits with Glûg that causes him to roll his eyes. See more about my son in the New Child chapters.

Would you like to join in? @gauntletgirlie , @starstruck-mortal-mari , @plotdesigner , @itwillbeourswansong, @elvendreamsfics , @askereiniongilgalad , @the-elvenking-of-mirkwood , @warhornofgondor , @koyaildoesstuff

Five Things Tag

Tagged by @mrbexwrites here - thanks for all the tags!

5 Things You'll Find in The Wildfire King:

Toxic evil couple (sort of)

Restoring memories

Discovering one's own power

Protector/protectee relationship

Generational trauma

Passing the tag onto @queen-tashie @wildswrites @thephoenixandthecrocodile @thatndginger

[adarssuggestionbox]

Well that is how my break up went. It involved both. Then he had the nerve to come crawling back 🤬

*I take a deep breath and calm myself as I feel my body twitching. The urge to cut through something to release my pain and anger grows.*

*But rather than give in to violence I count to ten in my head. I think back to my current progress. How good things are going for me*

Yes, I don't need him. Nor do I need the pain he has caused. *I am calm* 😌🖤🐾🐈‍⬛

gay people can never just say ‘i love you’ it always has to involve stabbing and/or death

[wowstrawberrycow]

Gays stabbing gays. 🔪🔪🔪

gay people can never just say ‘i love you’ it always has to involve stabbing and/or death