#Remove formatting marks in word 2016

[aliyasthoughts]

Past: "Fuck Your Healthy. Fuck Your Wellness"

This section discusses the emergence of the word wellness, replacing healthy in combatting the capitalist, systemic, and individualist connotations of the latter industry. In pairing with other societal systems, the medical-industrial complex enforces a singular version and image of health that is simultaneously pushed as the goal and ideal for all humans. This however is “inherently ableist, not survivor led, nor does it try to understand how generational, individual/collective trauma impacts our collective bodies and lives” (Hassan, 116). In opposition to healing justice and harm reduction, healthism controls bodies and minds for profit and power. Healthism also stigmatizes certain forms of coping, further stigmatizing and isolating survivors.

Analyzing something under the label of health allows both individuals and institutions to acceptably shame others and enforce a norm without judgment or guilt. Because health is constructed to be something unequivocally necessary for a successful and productive life, there is little room semantically to counter its socially embedded meaning. It has ableist, sexist, and racist implications, but since health is so far removed today from its formation, people merely recognize it for its manufactured merit without recognizing it is human manufactured. The health and medical industries don’t exist in the US apart from capitalism, and they manipulate people into an obsession and a cycle with money at the center. Frequently, I hear that certain brands of products designed for self improvement under the “health” category are actually ineffective, one example being EOS lip balm. Chapstick and lip balm are supposed to hydrate your lips, where chapped lips are a sign of “bad health.” However, it makes sense for these companies to create products that make your lips dryer so that as you obsess with the need to be healthy, you buy more and more of the product that you think will fix your problem. There was a class action lawsuit against EOS in 2016 because its products caused harmful reactions to consumers. This example also shows how something that is perceived as healthy (ex. non chapped lips) may more so have to do with beauty and aesthetics, and how the two get intertwined for the sake of capitalist exploitation of human egos. 

Link to Glamour article about the EOS lawsuit 

[pgxn]

Recent PGXN Improvements

One of the perks of my new gig at Tembo is that I have more time to work on PGXN. In the last ten years I've had very little time to give, so things have stagnated. The API, for example, hasn't seen a meaningful update since 2016!

But that's all changed now, and every bit of the PGXN architecture has experienced a fair bit of TLC in the last few weeks. A quick review.

PGXN Manager

PGXN Manager provides user registration and extension release services. It maintains the root registry of the project, ensuring the consistency of download formatting and naming ($extension-$version.zip if you're wondering). Last year I added a LISTEN/NOTIFY queue for publishing new releases to Twitter and Mastodon, replacing the old Twitter posting on upload. It has worked quite well (although Twitter killed the API so we no longer post there), but has sometimes disappeared for days or weeks at a time. I've futzed with it over the past year, but last weekend I think I finally got to the bottom of the problem.

As a result, the PGXN Mastodon account should say much more up-to-date than it sometimes has. I've also added additional logging capability, because sometimes the posts fail and I need better clarity into what failed and how so it, too, can be fixed. So messaging should continue to become more reliable. Oh, and testing and unstable releases are now prominently marked as such in the posts (or will be, next time someone uploads a non-stable release).

I also did a little work on the formatting of the How To doc, upgrading to MultiMarkdown 6 and removing some post-processing that appended unwanted backslashes to the ends of code lines.

PGXN API

PGXN API (docs) has been the least loved part of the architecture, but all that changed in the last couple weeks. I finally got over my trepidation and got it working where I could hack on it again. Turns out, the pending issues and to-dos — some dating back to 2011! — weren't so difficult to take on as I had feared. In the last few weeks, API has finally come unstuck and evolved:

Switched the parsing of Markdown documents from the quite old Text::Markdown module to CommonMark, which is a thin wrapper around the well-maintained and modern cmark library. The main way in which this change will be visible is in the support for fenced code blocks. Compare the pg_later 0.0.14 README, formatted with the old parser, with pg_later 0.1.0 README, formatted with the new parser.

Updated the full text indexer to index the file identified in the META.json as the documentation for an extension even if the file name is different from the extension (issue 10), including the README.

Furthermore, if the indexer finds no documentation for the extension, either in its metadata or an appropriately-named file, it falls back on the README (issue 12).

These two fixes, the oldest and most significant of the whole system, greatly increase the accuracy of documentation search, because so many extensions have no docs other than the README. Prior to this fix, for example, a search for "later" failed to turn up pg_later, and now it's appropriately the first result.

The indexer now indexes releases marked "testing" or "unstable" in the metadata if there is no stable release (issue 2!). This makes new extensions under development easier to find on the site than previously, when only stable releases were indexed. However, once a stable release is made, no more testing or unstable releases will be indexed. I believe this is more intuitive behavior.

Also fixed some permissions issue, ensuring that source code unzipped for browsing is accessible to the app. In other words, a zip file without READ permission would trigger a not found response; the API now ensures that all files and directories are accessible to the application.

As a bonus, the API now also recognizes plain text files (.txt and .text) as documentation and indexes their contents and adds links for display on the site. Previously plain text files other than READMEs were ignored (issue 13).

I'm quite pleased with some of these fixes, and relieved to have finally cleared out the karmic overhang of the backlog. But the indexing and HTML rendering changes, in particular, are tactical: until the entire registry can be re-indexed, only new uploads will benefit from the indexing improvements. I hope to find time to work on the indexing project soon.

PGXN Site

The pgxn-site project powers the main site, pgxn.org, and has seen 7 new releases since the beginning of the year! Notable changes:

Changed the default search index from Documentation too Distributions, because most release include no docs other than a READMe, which was indexed as part of the distribution and not the extension contained in a distribution. As a result, searches return more relevant and comprehensive results. However, I say "was indexed" because, as described above, the PGXN API has since been updated to appropriately identify and index READMEs as extension documentation. So this change might get reverted at some point, but not before the entire registry can be re-indexed.

Changed the link to the How To in the footer from the somewhat opaque "Release It!" to "Release on PGXN". Should make it clearer what it is. Also, have you considered releasing your extension on PGXN? You should!

Fixed "not found" errors for links to files with uppercase letters, such as /dist/vectorize/vector-serve/README.html.

Tweaked the CSS a bit to improve list item alignment in the "Contents" of doc pages (like semver), as well as the spacing between definition lists, as in the FAQ.

Switched the parsing and formatting of the static pages (about, art, FAQ, feedback, and mirroring) from the quite ancient Text::MultiMarkdown module to MultiMarkdown 6.

Oh, and I fixed or removed a bunch of outdated links from those pages, and replaced all relevant HTTP URLs with HTTPS URLs. Then had to revert those changes from a bunch of SVG files, where xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" is relevant but xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" is not. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Grab Bag

I've made a number of more iterative improvements, as well, mostly to the maintainability of PGXN projects:

The GitHub repositories for all of these projects have been updated with comprehensive test and release workflows, as well as improved Perl release configuration.

The WWW::PGXN, PGXN::API::Searcher Perl modules have been updated with test and release workflows and improved Perl release configuration, as well.

The libexec configuration of the PGXN Client Homebrew formula has been fixed, allowing PGXN::Meta::Validator to install itself in the proper place to allow pgxn validate-meta to work properly on Homebrew managed-systems (like mine!)

The pgxn/pgxn-tools Docker image, which saw some fixes and improvements last month, has continued to evolve, as well. Recent improvements include support for PostgreSQL TAP tests (not to be confused with pgTAP, already supported), finer control over managing the Postgres cluster — or multiple clusters — by setting NO_CLUSTER= to prevent pg-start from creating the cluster. Both these improvements better enable multi-cluster testing.

The End

I think that about covers it. Although I'm thinking and writing quite a lot about what's next for the Postgres extension ecosystem, I expect to continue tending to the care and feeding and improvement of PGXN as well. To the future!

[lasclprocess]

Remove formatting marks in word 2016

REMOVE FORMATTING MARKS IN WORD 2016 HOW TO

First, you need to open your Normal template and clear the Track Formatting check box within it. In my experience, you need to undertake a three-pronged approach. Thus, if the change is persistent for documents on your system, once you send the document off to someone else and if they use a different version of Word, you may get back a document that has the setting turned back on and all formatting changes are marked. Still others say that the change will reset if you turn Track Changes off and then turn it on again.įrom what I've been able to determine, the persistence of this setting will vary based on the version of Word you are using. Some people say that the change will travel with the document others say that it doesn't. The problem is that making this setting isn't always sticky. The Advanced Track Changes Options dialog box in Word 2016. Word displays the Advanced Track Changes Options dialog box. Word displays the Tracking group options. Click OK to close the Track Changes Options dialog box.įinally, if you are using Word 2016 or a later version of the program (including the version provided with Office 365), follow these steps:.Click OK to close the Advanced Track Changes Options dialog box.The Advanced Track Changes Options dialog box in Word 2013. Word displays the Track Changes Options dialog box. Click the small icon at the lower-right corner of the Tracking group.If you are using Word 2013, follow these steps instead: Click the down-arrow under the Track Changes tool (in the Tracking group) and then click Change Tracking Options.Make sure the Review tab of the ribbon is displayed.To turn off the tracking of formatting, you would follow these steps if you are using Word 2007 or Word 2010: How you adjust the categories of changes that Word tracks varies based on the version of Word you are using. This is what Martha does-she turns off one specific category of changes (formatting) so that Word doesn't track those it only tracks other types of changes. Fortunately, you can control the types of changes that Word actually tracks. One category of changes it can track are changes to formatting. When you turn on Track Changes in Word, the program tracks lots of changes you make. Martha wonders if there is a way she can turn off the tracking of formatting changes forever.

REMOVE FORMATTING MARKS IN WORD 2016 HOW TO

(He doesn't want simple formatting changes to be tracked.) Plus, when he passes the document to a client (via email), if they don't know how to turn off the tracking of formatting changes, the returned document is always full of tracked formatting changes. He is annoyed by having to turn track formatting off all the time. Martha works for an attorney who uses Track Changes a lot when working with clients.

[acosmic]

reading/watching/listening, 2021 [pinned]:

books (favourites asterisked):

*Zeroville - Steve Erickson

*The Day of the Locust - Nathanael West

*The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson

The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

The Case Against Satan - Ray Russel

Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art - Scott McCloud

The Shining - Stephen King [ugh]

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns - Frank Miller

*Surfacing - Margaret Atwood

The Love of the Last Tycoon - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Murder Mysteries - Neil Gaiman, P. Craig Russell

The Book of Illusions - Paul Auster

Sandman: Season of Mists - Neil Gaiman

Devil in a Blue Dress - Walter Mosley

*House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielewski

Come Closer - Sara Gran

*The Drowning Girl - Caitlin R. Kiernan [killer, haven’t finished it]

*Whipping Girl - Julia Serano

Darryl - Jackie Ess

*Laziness Does Not Exist - Devon Price

An Unauthorized Fan Treatise - Lauren James (internet novel available here - for now)

honourable mention/large chunks of poetry but not full books: William Carlos Williams, H.D.

movies:

A Place in the Sun (1951) [hate it]

Barton Fink (1991)

Adaptation (2002)

Nosferatu (1922)

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Sunset Boulevard (1950)

something by neil breen (roommate is evil)

short films: Illusions (1983), Emak Bakia (1926)

unfinished: The Watermelon Woman (1996), Paterson (2016) [horrible]

secondary sources re: assigned literature:

Batman: “The Dark Knight Errant: Power and Authority in Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns” - Christopher Bundrick (Riddle Me This, Batman! : Essays on the Universe of the Dark Knight, McFarland, 2011); “Additionality and Cohesion in Transfictional Worlds” - Roberta Pearson, (The Velvet Light Trap, U of Texas, 2017)

House of Leaves: “What’s Beneath the Floorboards: Three Competing Metavoices in the Footnotes of Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves.” - Michael Hemmingson (Critique: Studies in Contemporary Fiction, 2011); “House of Leaves: Reading the Networked Novel” - Jessica Pressman, (Studies in American Fiction, 2006)

The Day of the Locust: “Artists in Hollywood: Thomas Hart Benton and Nathanael West Picture America’s Dream Dump” - Erika Doss (The Space Between, 2011); “Productive Desires: Materialist Psychoanalysis and the Hollywood Dream Factory in Nathanael West’s The Day of the Locust” - Todd Hoffman (Literature, Interpretation, Theory, 2018) [interesting but objectionable]; "The Paintings in the Day of the Locust" - Jeffrey Meyers (Anq, 2009)

Nietzsche [secondary source for Layton assignment, read originals later]: “Apollo and Dionysos in Dialectic” and bits of “The Tragic Moment” - Paul Raimond Daniels (Nietzsche and “The Birth of Tragedy,” Routledge, 2014).

secondary sources not explicitly related to specific assigned literature:

film [assigned]: “The Whiteness of Film Noir” - E. Lott (American Literary History, 1997); “Reading Hollywood” - Jonathan Veitch (Salmagundi, 2000); “The Oppositional Gaze: Black Female Spectatorship” - bell hooks (Black Looks: Race and Representation). did a lot of skimming of articles and didn’t finish or thoroughly read many of them! probably missing some. rip.

misc: “The Concept as Ghost: Conceptualization of the Uncanny in Late-Twentieth-Century Theory” - Anneleen Maschelein (Mosaic [Winnipeg], 2002)

refreshing concepts [not assigned]: chapters 3/“Narrative” and “16/Genre” in The Craft of Criticism: Critical Media Studies in Practice (Routledge, 2018)

short stories, poems:

Fritz Leiber - Smoke Ghost

Ray Bradbury - There Will Come Soft Rains

T. S. Eliot - The Waste Land

Irving Layton - The Birth of Tragedy; The Fertile Muck

Margaret Atwood - It is Dangerous To Read Newspapers

Leonard Cohen - The Only Tourist in Havana Turns His Thoughts Homewards; A Kite is a Victim

AJM Smith - The Lonely Land

Jillian Weise - Ashley Shew Just Invented The Word Cryborg

Isabel Fall - Helicopter Story

June Martin - I sexually identify as the “I sexually identify as an attack helicopter” controversy

rest TBA

essays/articles [very, very incomplete]:

A. H. Reaume - Brain fog

Michael Hobbes - Everything you know about obesity is wrong

Charlotte Hyde - We already have a name for that: why “zoom” fatigue is nothing new.

Gretchen Felker-Martin - “I wish there was a world for us”: on the choice to consume small art; What’s the harm in reading?; 

Katie J.M. Baker - The road to terfdom: Mumsnet and the fostering of anti-trans radicalization

Alex V. Green - The Pride flag has a representation problem

Jamie Mackay - The whitewashing of Rome: Colonialism is built on the rubble of a false idea of ancient Rome

Jules Gill-Peterson - A microdose of liberation

David Davis - XVII, Part 3: On genital preference

Marquisele Mercedes - The unbearable whiteness and fatphobia of “anti-diet” dieticians

Sophie Lewis - Collective turn-off

Daniel M. Lavery - Art criticism in a world where museums let you lick the art

re: helicopter story - How Twitter can ruin a life (Emily VanDerWerff); G F-M piece above; Clarkesworld removes Isabel Fall’s story (Mike Glyer); That Twitter thread [on criticism] (Lee Mandelo); The talented victim is not the point (Conor Friedersdorf);

miscellanea:

smaller stuff by more knowledgeable trans than i

a shitton of student presentations, small papers (pretty good), and slides with audio (terrible)

yewchube: corsetry-related videos by costumers, furniture repairs/restoration, recipes/cooking, friend catchup

note: silly formatting meant to aid reading. very, very incomplete. if you want to read any of the books/articles lmk there’s a 90% chance of me still having the file saved.

[meta-squash]

[Old Manics meta repost, originally written in 2015 or 2016. I was definitely in a....place....when I wrote this.]

Cue yet another long convoluted rambling strange post about Richey Edwards and Theodor Adorno. For some reason this has been rolling around in my head as half-formed thoughts for a while. They’re definitely still half-formed, but I wanted to get them out of my head and into something slightly more sentence-like.

[Uhh, TW for weird logic, ED-style thinking, and convoluted ill-formed ideas.]

In one of Richey’s manifestos to a zine in December 1992, he writes “THE GODS THOUGHT THERE IS NO MORE DREADFUL PUNISHMENT THAN FUTILE AND HOPELESS LABOUR. GROW UP, GET FUCKED, WITHER. NO ONE IN THIS COUNTRY KNOW HUNGER, TRUE HUNGER LIKE SOMALIA. EVERYONE HAS CLOTHES, FOOD, A DRINK. EVERYONE IS LAST, PATHETIC WRETCHED. THE ONLY FREEDOM LEFT IS THE FREEDOM TO STARVE. FILL YOUR HOME WITH ANYTHING YOU LIKE BUT YOU CAN’T INVENT ANOTHER COLOUR…” The “freedom to starve” quote keeps being attributed to him on the internet, or to Tom Morello, lead singer of Rage Against The Machine, who has a different but similar quote about capitalism and labor exploitation that includes the phrase. (It also appears in the comic V For Vendetta, apparently.) But the phrase didn’t originate with them. I keep seeing repeated uses of it when reading essays by Theodor Adorno from the 60s, and I’m sure the phrase is probably older than that. Morello’s quote containing the phrase is essentially summarizing one of Adorno’s ideas.

So far I’ve come across the phrase in two of Theodor Adorno’s essays. One is in “Freedom In Unfreedom”. In essence, it discusses the paradox of the idea of freedom in our current society. He essentially says that people no longer have a specific concept in mind when they invoke the word “freedom,” and that the nature of present society means that whatever concept of freedom we come up with is not possible because it contradicts current circumstances. He gives the example of early Nazi Germany, when an social-democratic organization took up “Freedom” as its slogan, but the concept and the term had lost its power entirely because employment was incredibly low, and people were struggling, so upholding freedom as a conceptual principle which implies self-determination looked foolish because in practice no one is free and everyone is unemployed and starving and unable to access food/wellbeing and therefore unable to practice self-determination. He says “In other words, freedom was exposed as the freedom to starve; people had direct experience of their dependence on society, a dependence that made a mockery of a freedom that was defined in purely formal terms.”

The other Adorno essay that uses the phrase is “The Culture Industry: Enlightenment as Mass Deception”. Basically, in the section that uses the phrase he discusses the way that the culture industry (or mass culture) exploits and uses artists by homogenizing them. He says “anyone who resists can only survive by fitting in.” Freedom is supposedly given to each individual (in society, in art, in expression, in culture, in the workplace) but if a person doesn’t inherit the ability or resources to succeed in life, then this freedom becomes the “freedom of the stupid to starve”. People who aren’t able to adapt to society’s expectations/who question or refuse to conform are neglected and made to starve, literally or metaphorically. The blame is placed on them for their inability/unwillingness to adapt or conform, because they were “given” the opportunity to succeed (despite that opportunity requiring conformity, or changing their nature, or giving up morals, etc). So a person who is unable or refuses to conform to society and culture and the working class, who goes hungry or cold (literally or metaphorically), is an labelled outsider. They retain their integrity, or their morals, or their original artistic vision, but they suffer through loss of wealth, or faith, or by being rejected and called an outsider and being mocked or no longer listened to. They are free, but at a price.

Applying this to Richey, I thought it was interesting that he seemed to be taking freedom to starve both literally and figuratively. “Freedom to starve” becomes a refusal to consume in certain ways, ascetism, essentially. It becomes a literal or physical manifestation of the neglect that occurs when a person refuses to conform to society’s expectations. It becomes Richey refusing to conform to society’s expectations of food consumption while also refusing to conform to musical and artistic standards by creating The Holy Bible and specifically pointing out the wrongs of society. The band having complete control over the album, hiding in their studio and working together without any outside influence pushes against the expectation of producers/managers/sound engineers/labels/etc having partial influence or control over the sound of a band’s music. Richey’s inability to adapt mentally to fame, to touring, to the stress of schedule, etc etc also is a sort of manifestation of that “freedom of the stupid to starve”, in that he was unable to properly adapt to what was expected of him in terms of fame and touring, and he was blamed for it and seen as strange for disliking aspects of fame.

This is where I get into some interesting, if problematic, ideas. Richey seemed to kind of take the idea to another level through his eating disorder. Freedom to starve/freedom of restriction essentially becomes true freedom because it takes back control of body mind and spirit. Richey sort of talked about this in an interview with Simon Price in 94 in France. He mentioned that people can’t hold you down and force you to eat/watch you all the time, and that your body is your own and you should have a right to do with it what you want. Essentially, self mutilation/self harm/restriction becomes a mode of self-control, a reclamation of the body from expectations of society. Society expects excess and encourages/wants consumption. In creating consumption, the culture industry takes control of the mind and the body by telling consumers what they want even if they didn’t originally desire it, saying it over and over and continually producing under consumers are convinced that they do want whatever they are being given. Self-mutilation, restriction and ascetism removes that and reclaims the body as owned by itself and its mind. It puts control back into the awareness of the self and the body and the mind, which forces the self to be aware of the influence of culture industry. This awareness allows the self to refuse that influence, the refusal of which includes those actions or decisions that go against the expectations or desires or encouragements of society. It also confronts the fact that society sees certain types of expressions of emotion/mental state as “wrong” or maladaptive and those who express themselves a certain way are marked as outsiders. Repression and restriction and stoicism becomes revenge for society marking you as outsider for expressing rage at unfreedom/expressing emotions that are seen as maladaptive. Self-harm or starvation becomes a reclamation of the mind and the emotions, and increasing of that maladaptive expression in order to basically reject society’s expectations altogether. Richey essentially says that when talking about his time in hospital; self-harm or self-restriction takes back control of body and mind from expectations of doctors and society – they can’t hold you down and force food down your throat, someone can’t be with you 24 hours a day, it’s my body I do what I want with it.

The height of this could be disappearance/death: refusal to participate “correctly” in society, refusal to “be” in society in the expected way. A rejection of literally all things. James Bradfield notes that a major theme in Journal For Plague Lovers is a rejection of experience, a rejection of expected lyrical formats, and a rejection of some sort of answer or truth. A realization that nothing seems to be working. A refusal to continue to consume or participate correctly or to express consumption or participation correctly, especially in that the meanings or messages of most of the songs are completely obscured through unconnected phrases or disparate references that take research to decipher. The idea is sort of expressed in individual songs from the album as well. All Is Vanity  asks questions of vanity extremes vs personal neglect – which one is refusal to participate correctly? Are they both refusal? Are they the same? Inability to adapt correctly compared to what is expected/right vs what you are doing and how your actions are called into question as incorrect. Discipline is respected, but certain types of discipline are seen as different/maladapted compared to the expectations of society or the culture industry, which allows for the question of which type of discipline is “wrong” or “right” and does it depend on perspective? Excesses are lauded in the culture industry, consumption is encouraged, as is vanity and obsession with the self, and ascetism or restriction and neglect of the self is seen as wrong. But extreme excess of consumption is also frowned upon or mocked. Society encourages a certain amount of excess and consumption in order to control and delude. In encourages and creates consumption so that the consumer doesn’t stop and thinking about how they are being made to overwork and overconsume in ways they probably didn’t originally want to be doing but have been convinced into by society. Refusal of consumption/vocal awareness of participation in consumption becomes maladaptive because it’s not what society wants, which is exactly the kinds of words and things the band was expressing.

And the idea of disappearance or death takes all of this to the highest level, in that disappearance rejects society’s expectations entirely, refusing to participate in society in a “correct” way. It is also expressing whatever sort of emotions or thoughts a person might have in a way that creates an absence (metaphorical and literally) rather than yet another thing to be consumed. Disappearance when a person is still living is a complete reclamation of the body and self because the person essentially is able to drop out of society as themselves, and even if they assume a different identity, they are still inherently refusing to participate in an expected way, still creating an absence of a person and an absence of an identity, and in using a false identity that refusal becomes even more complex. Death, too, and specifically suicide, is a refusal to participate in society, but in a much more final way. Suicide is yet another reclamation of the body, since it is by one’s own hand and willpower that one’s life is taken, not through illness or another person or old age. It creates a different kind of absence, since often a suicide, since there is a body and often a note, gives answers or at least there is a physical proof of refusal and a physical proof of that person’s death. A suicide creates a narrative with finality, with refusal as the finality and therefore certain aspects of absence are filled in with the assumptions that come with suicide and death in general. A disappearance has a narrative with an ellipses rather than a full stop, and because it is left open, the absence and refusal are left with unanswered questions, reasons, and unspoken ideas, specifically because it is a kind of refusal to participate that is completely unexpected and cannot be explained with a body or a note.

I don’t really have a conclusion to these thoughts or any sort of cumulative idea or whatever. I just was thinking about the phrase “the only freedom left is the freedom to starve” and what it meant in relation to Richey when Adorno is applied.

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #3

In the third part of this series it’s @ohaine ‘s turn (*waves*) to pick @ashockinglackofsatin​ ‘s (satin_doll’s) brain about inspiration for baroque and larger than life OCs, what poetry has to do with fanfiction, and how a chance encounter with a masked swordsman kicked her down the path to fandom and fanfic writing. 

(My apologies if the formatting looks a bit weird to you. This looks fine on my desktop, but a bit crazy in the mobile app. Not sure what’s going on or how to fix it, so...)

                                   “He drapes the black cloth carefully. He doesn't want to disturb more than necessary. As he works, he murmurs to them, softly, ever so softly. Periodically, he pauses and stares into the distance, as if he's watching for a visitor. No one will come now. Not out here. Not for him.”

-Telling the Bees

If you read enough, if you pay enough attention, every now and then you’re rewarded with a fanfic author who not only truly understands the character they’re writing, but who also truly understands writing itself. They’re a gift. Not only to their readers but to other writers who take inspiration from them, who learn from them, who aspire to be as good as them.

On a sunny Saturday morning in April 2016 for the very first time I opened satin_doll’s page on AO3 and read her first Sherlolly story, “Telling the Bees.” I cried fat, ugly tears for Sherlock, for Molly, (inconvenient, not to mention embarrassing as I was in a public place) but I smiled because I’d found one. A gift. It was the beginning of a love affair with her work, the beginning of a masterclass in writing and understanding, but maybe even more importantly it was the beginning of a wonderful friendship. And it began with the same first words I’ve used to introduce her here.

It’s a joyous thing to be given the opportunity to talk to her about her writing. Whether it’s a revelatory character study, like “Down and Shaking When I Think I Lose,” the heart-wrenching romance of “Doubt,” even the so-perfect-it-could-be-canon world of the “Dark Company” series, satin_doll pulls you down a rabbit hole, into Sherlock’s world in a way that makes you understand him better, and teaches you something about yourself in the process.

 Funny, clever, insightful, she’s my number one writing crush, I love her to bits. 

Over Christmas 2018 satin_doll (@ashockinglackofsatin here on tumblr) was kind enough to answer my fangirling questions about her writing and characters. I hope you all enjoy reading what she had to say as much as I did.

  OhAine: So, starting at your beginning, how did the spark ignite?

satin_doll: I started with fiction before I could actually read or write. When I was four years old, there was a television show on about Robin Hood. My mom would park me in front of the television every day when this show was on (probably to get some relief/keep me out of her face for a little while so she could get something done) and I was absolutely in love with Robin Hood. I made up stories and made my mother write them down for me. This is how I learned to read and write: she started teaching me my letters when I asked her what the little black marks were on the paper. Once I learned, I read everything I could get my hands on. I read literally everything. I was absolutely fascinated with words.  I belonged to a children's book club, went to the library, read my parents books (both my mom and stepdad were voracious readers, so there were books everywhere.) I especially loved books about fantastic things - magic, sorcery, dragons, etc. I loved mythology, superheroes, science fiction and fantasy. I collected comic books for years. Not much changed as I got older. Speculative fiction is still what I'm drawn to.   

Despite my obsession with books and stories, I never considered myself a "writer" until after college. In school, I had the usual literature and writing classes until I met Mr. P, my creative writing professor. He was a well-known poet (think Pulitzer Prize) and our creative writing was almost exclusively poetry. I fell in love with both him and poetry and continued to take classes with him for years. One of my proudest achievements was breaking into a particularly choosy literary magazine and being published in it before he was. He never let me forget that. He also was fond of saying "Novelists are failed poets", which I took to heart for a long while once I understood what he was saying. He wasn't criticizing novelists, just making a point about how to write poetry. That's about the extent of my training as a writer; the rest is just me and my periodic forays into hubris. 

OhAine: Is voracious reading how you discovered fanfiction? 

satin_doll: No, it was on the old Compuserve bulletin boards. And loved it. But it didn't really occur to me to write it back then.

In 1998, I belonged to an online discussion group about Zorro. I had a video tape of all the old Disney episodes and I adored Guy Williams. One of the ladies in the group - I still don't remember why she chose me - asked me to write her a story about Zorro, so I did. I think Zorro ended up in a bathtub with a lady, taking his mask off and introducing himself by his real name. I don't know what happened to that file, I wish I still had it. As I recall, it was a nice story and I was very pleased with it. At any rate, that was my first fanfic as an adult that I shared with someone else, and after that I couldn't quit doing it.

OhAine: It’s that sharing that makes fanfiction unique, isn’t it? Because the reader isn’t some abstract concept, far removed from you, we’re all part of the same fandom so you get an instant connection, almost real-time feedback.   

satin_doll: Exactly. And that feedback is critical for a writer, no matter how much some of us protest that we "write for ourselves." We don't live in a vacuum and psychologically speaking, for writers, sharing our work is an important form of setting boundaries, which is expressing who and what we are. This is especially true for fanfic writers, I think. When we post work, we're not doing it so that we can go back and look at it ourselves. We're communicating and we're communicating something important. We join a fandom because we like it, and to communicate that enjoyment with other like-minded individuals. We want to share what we love and what we know. When we write stories about the characters or using a particular setting or universe, we're expressing, communicating - hopefully - something important about ourselves, both individually and as a group. 

When I write fanfic, I write it to communicate. I don't expect lots of kudos or comments; in fact, I'm usually surprised that anyone reads it at all, let alone takes the time to leave a remark or anything of that sort. But it's out there, and hopefully someone will read it and it will touch something inside them, have a little meaning for them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing to change anyone's life. It's enough to trigger some feeling, some emotional response, make them think or even just go "hmmm." I recently received a comment from someone who said they "had never thought of it that way." That was extremely satisfying to me, it meant that I had reached someone, made them think or consider something a different way and that's exactly why I write.

OhAine:  Is that how you measure the success of a piece? Or do you have something else you measure it by?

satin_doll: Success to me is simply getting it done! Feedback is lovely, it's wonderful, and I adore it, but if I had to go by that I'd never write another word. In terms of feedback, the stories I would have thought would be well received generally aren't and the ones I think no one will like do fairly well, all things considered. Writing is hard, and I'm a very slow writer. I'm also probably more serious about it than most in the fan fiction realms. Not that I think my stories warrant "serious" consideration, but that the writing of them is a serious act for me. If I'm able to sit down and finish a piece, that's a success as far as I'm concerned. That they get any notice at all is icing on the cake.

OhAine: So I wanted to drill down a bit into some of your stories. Choosing which ones to ask you about was difficult because I have so many questions about your process, but I’ve settled in the end on two that I think are representative of the things you do best; OCs and character examination. Words (part of the Dark Company series) stands out for me as one of your most memorable stories not only because it has an outstanding OC (as all of the Dark series stories do) in the form of Mr P., but because of the very Sherlock way that Sherlock approaches the problem of his feelings for Molly Hooper. Can you tell me a bit about the inspiration for that story?

satin_doll: Sherlock and "feelings" is a notorious problem for writers, I think. Moftiss didn't do us any favors with their approach to the subject. Most tend to depict Sherlock as being clueless about feelings in general, which I understand. But in my universes, he isn't clueless so much as he is averse. Feelings can cause problems, both professionally and personally, so he buries them. But (in my version) he does this consciously. It isn't because he's unaware, it's a choice. Along with that choice come consequences. When he decides that he WANTS to deal with the feelings, he doesn't quite know how because he's never practiced expressing them or communicating on that level. It's like having a muscle that you've barely used; it's weak and it doesn't function properly yet. So, when he decides that he wants to start dealing with the emotional side of his relationship with Molly, what would he do?

My idea was that he would go to an expert in emotional expression for help, at least in the initial approach. Who better to come up with the right words than a poet? In the Dark Universe, Sherlock knows experts in everything. They are his friends, people he has interacted with, who know him and whom he knows and trusts completely. That was the beginning idea. Sherlock goes to one of his friends for help in finding the exact right words to open up the way to moving forward with Molly. Mr. P gives him a little poem that sort of wraps up the problem with the relationship as it is, and gives them both a push in the right direction. Sherlock does this because he is AWARE that he has a weak emotional muscle, not because he doesn't have one. It was like his first excursion to the emotional gym. He had to have help to get started. 

OhAine: And the poem at the end – “How is it that we say so much in our first glance of greeting, Yet our words sit on our tongues like tiny, frozen birds?” – it absolutely kills me.

satin_doll: You can blame my own Mr. P for that. I spent years writing mostly poetry, and though I don't get that "poetic" in most of my fics, I was taught to cut and condense (also a result of writing movie reviews and doing interviews for work), to focus on the exact word or image that would get the point across or get the right response (thank you Semantics 101.) I also love haiku, which I consider the ultimate form of poetry, and distilling the essence of what you want to say into a single image is really good practice for writing of any kind. There is a place for long, flowery descriptives in writing fiction, I suppose, but in the end you have to remember that you're telling a story and you don't want the words to get in the way of that. Simple is always best, in poetry as well as fiction. 

OhAine:  I thought it was interesting that in this story he reached out to her in such a romantic way, yet you managed to still have it happen in a way that’s very much true to their characters. How do you walk that line between showing something that we only ever get the barest of hints of on screen, expanding the characters into places and emotions that we’re not familiar with, yet still keep them true to themselves?

satin_doll: Ah, this is a touchy one. We all have our own versions of Sherlock, of what we think is "in character" for him. Mine is such a mishmash of nearly every incarnation of Sherlock Holmes, going all the way back to the ACD beginnings. There are inconsistencies in those first stories as far as Sherlock's character is concerned, but there are strong consistencies also. What I object to is the reliance on physical habits or traits in place of actual character. Using certain physical attributes portrayed in the series for example (the popping of P in certain words, certain phrases borrowed from the show used over and over, etc.) does nothing to show character. I don't actually rely on the BBC series for my version of Sherlock; mine is a combination of all the Sherlock's I've known over many years. I always start from that. Likewise, you can't confuse the actor with the character, and I see that so very often in fics. 

Molly, on the other hand, is much more difficult because we only have what we see in the BBC series and there's very little of that. So I sort of have to ask some questions that involve my version of Sherlock: What would he be drawn to? What character traits would he find appealing, be able to trust, and why? What would it be about Molly Hooper that Sherlock would want/love? We get little hints in the BBC show, and oddly enough, she does change and grow throughout. I never saw Molly as mousey. I mean, look at what she's doing in the very first minutes we meet her! Look at what her job is! I adored her from those first few brief minutes and I knew that of all the women in Sherlock's life, she would be the one that would appeal to him. So that's the way I write her (mostly; there are a few times I've been a little untrue to Molly, but not many.)

OhAine: It’s obvious that although they’re superficially very different you see them as very much the same beneath the surface. 

satin_doll: Sherlock has always known that he is not like other people; he's not "normal". Molly, on the other hand, was taught that "normal" was something she should aspire to, to be like other people. So she fights her nature - which, to me, would have to be a little dark, otherwise she wouldn't be drawn to Sherlock, she wouldn't have pursued the career she did. In the Dark series, Sherlock is trying to teach her that she doesn't have to deny those inner aspects of herself that are decidedly NOT normal, in order to be happy. No matter how much she tries, "normal" doesn't work out for her. Little by little, they are both learning to accept things they've denied in themselves and they're finding it in their "dark" natures, in the dark around them, which can contain so much knowledge and wisdom if we're willing to explore it - and relief from trying to be something other than who you really are. 

OhAine: And you’ve chosen to do that with OCs that are worthy of canon; Doyle couldn’t have done better in creating a world for modern day Sherlock. They have a vibrancy that’s worthy of a main character, yet you manage to do that without distracting from Sherlock and Molly’s story. How do you find these characters’ and their voices?

satin_doll: I know a lot of weird people. :D 

Seriously, I don't think we have to make up original characters whole cloth. We all know people in our real lives who would make great fictional characters. I take a person I've known (for example: Sean, Sherlock's twin in Mango. I did know a person whose father shot her mother in front of her. I borrowed the incident, added a few traits from other people I know and voila, instant character) and insert them into the story. It's part of what's called "writing about what you know." The more from real life you can insert into your stories, the more realistic and satisfying they are. This goes for plot and description as well as characters. As for making them not take over the story completely, you do that by giving them an emotional tie to the main character but not letting that original character take over the main plot. The inner/outer struggle and emotional growth have to be about your protagonist, your main characters.  

OhAine: That neatly brings me to Down and Shaking When I Think I Lose which is a masterpiece, and something that’s rare these days: an old school character study. You’ve written Season One Sherlock in a way that I haven’t seen done very often and not in a number of years. It’s outstanding because your Sherlock is atypical in a way that Mofftiss sadly abandoned after S2. There’s a line in your story that says, ‘Sometimes he wanted to be worn to nothing,’ that hones in on the cost of being Sherlock. Can you talk a bit about how this story came to be, and what about the canon character formed this version of him in your mind?

satin_doll: You have to understand, I love Sherlock Holmes deeply and have for a very, very long time. To me, he's not just a quirky, interesting character. He's my hero. And I have a thing about heroes.

I see a lot written about Sherlock that portrays him as broken in some way, or as deficient. There's always this underlying assumption that there's something "wrong" with him. Maybe there is, according to the scale by which normal people are judged. But there's another aspect to him that I've never really seen written about: what does he have to give up in order to do what he does? See I don't think he's unaware of how he is. I think he chooses to be that way. Part of that choice is to give up - to literally sacrifice - all those things that other people have as a matter of course: homes, families, relationships, emotional connections. This is part of the Heroic Saga. All heroes must sacrifice in order to be what/who they are. All of them, no exceptions. If they have the capacity to be the Hero, if they choose to go that way, they must sacrifice what the rest of us take for granted. There's a line from a book that I have constantly playing in the back of my head: "Who will do the hard things? Those who can." Sherlock is one of "those who can"; he CAN do the hard things. But always, implied in that, is sacrifice. If you choose to do the hard things, because you can, you must give up everything else. 

There is an episode of Zorro where Diego de la Vega makes the decision to give up being Zorro. He decides he is tired of not having what everyone else has. He wants a home and a family and a relationship with a woman he's fallen in love with. He tells his father what his plans are, and his father, bless him, even though he's an old man, decides that he must take up the mask and become Zorro - because someone has to. Someone HAS to do the hard things. When Diego realizes what his father is doing, and what his father is giving up, and that his father will most likely die as Zorro, they have a long discussion about what being a hero and doing the hard things actually means, how important it is that someone fill that role. Diego makes the decision to continue wearing the mask, to sacrifice everything he thinks he wants, in order to do something he realizes is more important - because he CAN. He will do the hard things, because he can. In my mind (and heart), this is Sherlock. He does what no one else does, what no one else CAN do, because he can. The sad part of all this is that usually, no one else realizes how hard those things are or what sacrifices have to be made in order to do them. The hero gets criticized for not being like other people, they get ostracized, shunned, ridiculed, misunderstood. But they still keep doing it. No matter how frustrating, lonely, terrifying the role is, they keep doing it because they know they can. No matter what they have to give up, they do it. 

I wanted to show that Sherlock has suffered all his life simply because of how he is and what he can do. And he chooses to embrace it, to stay true to himself in spite of everything, because he knows what he can do. It wears on him. It's lonely. It's exhausting. Frustrating. But he knows what he can do, and he does it, despite it all. Because someone has to.

OhAine: It’s funny, but I often think Sherlock’s sacrifice is less of a willing one than he’d have us believe. He says, ‘not my area,’ ‘while fulfilling for others,’… less ‘my mind is a temple’ than ‘I don’t think I can have both, despite the fact that I want both.’ 

satin_doll: Sherlock as hero is my own interpretation, based more on a combination of all the Sherlock's I've been exposed to over many years than on the BBC Sherlock alone. I don't really see all that many stories depicting him as a hero, which I totally understand given that so many discovered him from that series. I don't think Sherlock ever sees himself as a hero or tries to present himself as one to anyone else, but I think he's aware of the sacrifices he's had to make in order to do what he does, even in the BBC version. Otherwise I don't think he'd let anyone into his life at all, let alone work closely with people or consider anyone a "friend" - and yet that's exactly what he does, because he needs some sort of human connection even when he keeps them at a distance. There are a lot of interpretations out there of Sherlock and many many legitimate reasons people see for the way he behaves and what he does. Far be it from me to say that any of them are wrong. But for me, I don't think any hero's sacrifice is all that willing, no matter how aware he/she might be of it. In all of them, when that awareness is depicted, it takes the form of wistfulness when they realize what they've had to give up, to downright misery and attempts not to give up what they see other people having - which always fail. Sherlock is no exception in my universe.

This is where my frustration with Mofftiss comes in. Despite showing Sherlock as the supposed hero, they belittle everything else about him. They never address the facts that Sherlock literally gave up his life to save his friends, that what he does is absolutely extraordinary, in favor of depicting him as simply a social misfit with slightly nefarious motives, who needs to be changed into something resembling their idea of what "human" is. As a result, they have a schizophrenic John Watson, who never quite appreciates Sherlock or what he does despite more than ample evidence, and other characters that rather quickly become caricatures rather than actual characters. 

OhAine: I agree with you that Mofftiss belittle him, mostly through the disrespect of other characters, which really doesn’t happen in the ACD stories, certainly not by those closest to him…Watson, Mycroft... They sort of excused that away by saying ‘this turned out to be an origin story’ when we know that they were trying to convey isolation, but because they were unsuccessful it kinda sorta turned into bullying.

satin_doll: I think it's Benedict's performance more than the writing that makes BBC's version so appealing. He does capture, as much as possible given what he has to work with, Sherlock's dilemma - how to keep those connections with people in his life without letting them get too close. By episode two in series one, I was already starting to really resent the way John careened back and forth between admiration and caring and literally sneering at Sherlock for the way he was. Within minutes in episode two, series one, we have John treating Sherlock like a naughty child, then asking him for money, substituting the word "colleague" for the word friend and then jumping in to join Sherlock on an adventure. It just got worse from there. The BBC version became less about Sherlock and more and more about John's mental struggles, all the while trying to make Sherlock seem to be the one who was unstable and twisted. I know this is an unpopular viewpoint nowadays, so I don't generally say much about it. But it's been a major sticking point with me throughout all four series.

Having said all that about Mofftiss, I still watch all the episodes regularly because a) it's Sherlock Holmes, and b) I adore Cumberbatch's performance. :D

OhAine: Controversial take: I never really believed that Sherlock sacrificed himself for his friends. I think that was a consideration, one that could have been dealt with by Mycroft if he was motivated to, but I think the main reason he left London for two years was for the sheer adventure of it all… (Not true, I don’t think, of his sacrifice for Mary though…)

satin_doll: I can easily see this viewpoint. It could even be said that he left just because the people around him were simply getting too close and he needed a way to sever or lessen those ties before they got out of hand. Personally I don't think it was that simple. In the ACD version, Sherlock is gone for three years, and he's not dismantling anything - he just stays away for that long and travels around the world until he hears that the last remaining Moriarty Minion who wants to kill him is back in London. There's a bit of remorse for leaving John to grieve, but it's quickly resolved. In the Mofftiss version, it feels like a contrived set up; they use the excuse that he's doing it all to protect his friends, but really, I've never bought that between Mycroft and Sherlock they couldn't have come up with a better, easier way to deal with the situation. If they could calculate seventeen outcomes of the meeting on the roof? I mean really? 

OhAine: I’d say moving swiftly along, but neither of us do things swiftly LOL. Anyway. *Moving* along, Bring me my Queen is a stunning piece of storytelling that focuses on Molly this time, and for me it brings together your storytelling strengths in one piece. You’ve obviously drawn on real life experiences with this one, and I wonder how important that is for you? Is it a device, catharsis, processing of the emotions…?

satin_doll: It's probably all of those things. I use the stories and the characters to act out stories from my life, because it's what I know. It helps me to vent and process emotional aspects, but it also gives the characters something real to deal with; it makes them more like real people. At least in my head. It helps express beliefs, process both pain and joy, let people know what I've learned, hopefully touch them in some real way. Stories are to help us deal with real life situations, to communicate and to learn from, as well as give enjoyment and entertain us. Years ago, during a spiritual study, I read something that really struck a chord with me (I even ended up writing an article about it, which I'm sure still exists online somewhere but hell if I can find it now!): Messages from the Universe most often come to us via our favorite form of entertainment. What better way to get through to us or catch our attention than in the form of something we really enjoy? So I look at fanfic, both writing and reading, as a way to be in touch with the Universal Intelligence, a way to learn what life is trying to show me, and a way for the Universe to use me to reach others. 

And after all that, writing stories is the best way to vent that I've ever found. :D

OhAine: I think you’re right. I think the message finds us in a way that we’ll be willing to receive.

satin_doll: Back in the 1990s, I saw a movie in the theater and near the beginning was a line from one of the characters that hit me so hard, on so many levels, that I didn't even remember anything about the rest of the film. I had to see it again in order to see how it all turned out. That one line quite literally changed my life. Since then there have been many other occasions where the things I enjoy the most have contained deep words, phrases, concepts that have had incredible impact and resulted in life changes. I know most people believe that change in our lives  more often comes from pain and tragedy, but  honestly, I don't think that's true. If we pay attention, we more often learn life lessons from joy and pleasure and entertainment - and creativity. It's only when we don't pay attention that the universe has to hit us upside the head with a bat and we have to learn from pain.

OhAine: Change, and messages from the universe, is something that’s a theme in  Mango  which is also a bit of a feminist story because (and correct me if I’m off base) it’s about empowerment and independence: Molly discovering things about herself, by herself, which I thought when reading was almost a parallel for women in writing (particularly fanfiction). How important has writing been for you in developing your understanding of yourself and your own identity as a woman?

satin_doll: I'm not sure I have an answer for this one. Writing has always simply been a part of my life. I write because I can't not write. I think more of my understanding of myself and being a woman came from music, which is a notoriously misogynistic art. I actually had a male musician tell me to my face that I couldn't know that much about music because I'm female. Those were his exact words. I've played in bands with both women and men and the women have always been easiest to work with. I think part of this has to do with men viewing sex as "their area". Sex, to men, is always about them. Women in music, especially rock music, are a lot like women in fanfic, where our own sexuality is seemingly always under attack. It's as if we don't exist unless we're defined by males. I  find this absolutely absurd and hateful. Mango, the song itself, was written expressly to celebrate female sexuality. Molly dancing around the room to that song when she sees Sherlock again after  a year away, is a sort of celebration of her own self-discovery. The dance is her way of honoring herself and her sex. That Sherlock discovers her that way was very fitting, because she leads him into a discovery of his own sexuality as well. I wish more men would wake up to the fact that we can do this.

OhAine: It’s an incredible story, but then so many of yours are, so I wonder is there one of your stories that you're very proud of, or one that you're particularly happy with how the finished piece turned out?

satin_doll: Oddly enough, I don't have a lot of pride connected with my stories once they're finished. I write them and put them out there and then I'm pretty much done with them. There are some I like a little more than others, I guess - Dark I like because it broke something loose in me that apparently I'd been ignoring. I think, if I have any pride about them, it's just that I write them at all. I'm proud of myself for actually sitting down and doing them. If there is one that I would have to say I'm "proud" of, it would be An Avenue Once Bent in Shadow - one that isn't even finished and that is totally unlike any others I've written. I like it because of its intent, which is to highlight and illustrate differences and how those differences are both perceived and dealt with in the world. It sort of takes both Molly and Sherlock to the extreme, and I like that also. It's a challenge. 

OhAine: I think you should be overflowing with pride in your work. You’re gifted. Your stories are beautiful.

satin_doll: Thank you. I suppose a lot of this comes from my childhood and maybe a little bit of misunderstanding on my part about the word "pride". I think I'm more attached and proud of just having the guts to dive into the creative process at all rather than the results of it. But that's just me.

OhAine: Well then getting back to your creative process, tell me about finding a particular character’s voice. Are there things that you do to get you into their heads?

satin_doll: When I was about ten, I wanted to be an actor. This lasted for about three years. I went around trying on characters from movies and television, practicing their expressions and movements and voices. These days I tend to act out the characters in my own stories. If I can feel them physically, feel them in my body and face, I feel like I can write them. Feeling Sherlock turn his head a certain way or have an expression on his face, feeling the way Molly would look up at him or move around the lab - I tend to rely on that to get them in character, or at least how I feel they're in character. I also have to hear their voices in my head. I read all the dialogue out loud and if it doesn't fit - it don't sit. 

OhAine: I read it out loud too, something I learned in Uni. It truly helps, doesn’t it?

satin_doll: I guess there are writers who don't do this, but I don't know how they can get dialogue to work any other way. It's been said about Stephen King's work, by people who have adapted his books into film, that one of the reasons it's so hard to translate his books successfully to scripts is that he doesn't write dialogue the way people normally speak. Supposedly when you read successful dialogue, our brain translates it differently from the way we would hear it if it was spoken aloud. I've never tested this and part of me doesn't believe it. But then, I'm not an expert about any of it. I just know that being able to hear the words out loud makes a difference for me as far as character is concerned. 

OhAine:  What’s the beginning point of a story for you? Are you a methodical planner, or is it purely instinct?

satin_doll: It's purely instinct. I have tried and tried to do it the "professional", by-the-book way, and it's always a disaster. The beginning is usually a mood and it can be inspired by just about anything. Most of the time a story just comes out full blown, beginning to end; it's just there and I write it. I had one story pop into my head while I was doing dishes. I stopped, wiped off my hands, and sat down and wrote the story all at once. Then I went back to doing dishes. I don't have any idea where it came from or what inspired it, it just happened. Most of them are like that. Maybe if I was a planner and methodical about it I'd write better stories! :D But this seems to be the only way I can do it and actually get anything written. 

OhAine:  We can’t talk about fanfiction right now without talking about what’s happening on tumblr / the purge. You’ve been writing online for a good number of years and I’m sure you have a take on it…

satin_doll: Sadly, I've seen this happen over and over since 1993. A space becomes a haven for expression and then suddenly comes under attack for one reason or another by one group or another. Luckily, there will always be somewhere new to go. It's painful and sometimes a long and trying process, but in the words of Mr. Universe: "You can't stop the signal." Someplace new will open up and, for a while at least, free expression will be allowed again. William Gibson, among others, wrote about this very thing, long before the internet was established in our lives. There are always going to be those who try to squash creativity. Unfortunately, being creative doesn't fit into neat little non-offensive boxes the way some want it to. But it will survive. It always has. It's the nature of the beast.

OhAine:  It can’t help but survive given the volume of fan created content that’s out there now, there’s obviously a huge appetite to create it as well as consume. And having that said, do you think fanfiction has become mainstream?

satin_doll: Depends on your definition of mainstream. Everything eventually trickles down into the mainstream. Unfortunately this isn't always a good thing. What passes for fanfiction these days is far different from what it used to be. I won't go into "Back in the Good Ol' Days". But by definition, the mainstream waters everything down, dilutes it. It loses some of its substance. Fan fiction has gotten a lot of attention lately, partly because so much of it has dealt with issues that are in the forefront of our lives, namely sex and identity. The fact that the majority of fanfic writers are women only adds to that. The danger is that the issues could also become watered down, so to speak - diluted - because of becoming "mainstream". Hopefully fanfic will survive the process.

OhAine:  Which is why it’s so important for spaces like AO3 to exist.

satin_doll: I think it's vital to life on this planet. Censorship is one of the great evils of life. AO3 and the OTW are champions of freedom, of every human being's right to expression. I don't care how offensive that expression is, we have to protect the right to it. "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." There's a reason those words were written and it's not just about fair play. 

OhAine: "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Should be AO3’s banner, tbh…

satin_doll: The older I get, the more important this has become. Censorship is subtle and insidious and infects societies on so many levels. It's not just some huge noisy machine created by the government; it can be found in very small social groups and cliques as well and results in making people invisible, which is one of the worst punishments humans have ever invented. We see the consequences of this every day in every walk of life. There's a lot to be said about all the different types of censorship that impact our lives. And I agree, that line would make a great banner for AO3. :)

OhAine: I think that’s as good a place as any to wrap thing up! Kat, it’s been an absolute joy, thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions!

Next Friday, 8th of March, @writingwife-83 talks to @thisisartbylexie

[lifeinahole27]

CS ff: “See That Smile” (au)

Summary: Killian is the charismatic lead singer of a band known for making weddings unforgettable. That is, until his own wedding is cancelled and he vows to never sing at another one. Years later, he meets Emma, a bartender at the event hall and woman planning her own nuptials. But in the process of helping her plan her own wedding, he discovers that he does still have the capability to feel again, and it all starts with the way that Emma smiles at him. Of course this would be his luck.

Rating: E (sexual situations, mentions of character death)

Word Count: 10,941

A/N: Okay so a million fucking years ago (AU Week 2016), I took a prompt that @timeless-love-story had given me and started a fic with the same premise of the wedding singer. I said it would be posted in three parts. I lied... I was originally going to break it up, but instead, I’m posting the whole thing as one go. It went from a modest T rating to very much...not. So again, with gusto, thank you @timeless-love-story for the string removal, and the awesome that you always bring to my dash. And thank you to @captainstudmuffin for her beta duties, and friend duties. I hope you all enjoy this! I’m so relieved to finally have something FINISHED! Note: I’m sorry if the format is doing dumb things. Thanks, Tumblr.

FFN | Ao3

In a small town, being in a band willing to play for any events that are booked at the local reception hall is kind of a big deal, if you ask Killian. Especially when word of mouth marks you as the best reception band in a fifty-mile radius. This fact keeps Killian and his band, The Buccaneers, pretty busy through the year.

That’s not to say it’s his only gig, though. Most of his weeks are spent giving music lessons to various residents of Storybrooke. From the very young to the very old; from voice lessons to guitar, Killian spends his afternoons in half hour appointments hoping that someone has practiced their given instrument throughout the week.

The bad part of being the reigning house band is that when it comes to planning his own wedding, he can’t bring himself to hire anyone else to play the reception.

“You can’t sing at your own wedding.” Robin tells him one night as they’re tearing down.

“Who says?” is Killian’s first response. “Listen, I’m not going to book another band and let them get even a corner of the market we have here. If they want shows, they need to work their way up like we have. Besides, maybe it’ll be charming, me popping up here to sing every couple songs.” He can feel his expression going dreamy. “Serenade my new wife.”

“Whatever you say, mate,” Robin says, shaking his head as they pack away the last of the instruments.

There’s a reason they’re so good. Killian is the ultimate champion of love. He’s there to give the exact right vibe to the entire hall, to get them dancing, to make them happy, to make them seem like anything beyond the walls is unimportant. With good music, dancing, the right lighting, and the right amount of drinks being poured, wedding receptions are always his favorite.

It also helps that he’s been doing this since he got out of high school. A strange twist of fate brought him to Storybrooke shortly after that, and for the last ten years he’s happily settled into his niche. Somewhere along the road, he met Milah, and knew immediately that while she was a little older, a little restless after a touchy divorce and a son left behind, he wanted her to be his wife.

As the time passes, and his happy day gets closer, Killian can only push forward and anticipate that day that he firmly believes will be the best of his life.

Just a month before, however, Milah’s car loses control on a sharp turn. He’s at work when he gets the call, pulled just halfway from yet another reception and given the news that he’ll won’t be seeing his own.

A few days later, when they’re supposed to be practicing for another wedding that weekend, Killian is instead standing and watching his beloved be lowered into the ground. When the next wedding comes up, he flakes out. The band is forced to perform without their charismatic singer, and it’s obvious that while he’s not the sole fount of talent among the group, without him it just doesn’t hold the same charm.

He vows not to sing at weddings from that point on, and instead starts spending his weekends at the bottom of bottles, sorting through the pictures of Milah and slowly packing her stuff away. His friends try to help the best they can, but there’s only so much of Robin’s pitying looks that he can stand. He can only handle Dave’s fiancee hovering around him with worried glances and baked goods for so long. Try as he might, he cannot accept the comfort of others when they’re all so happy with their own loved ones, and so he retreats to his lonesome apartment to drink his sadness into numbness, only to wake up and repeat the same the next day.

At the very least, he’s excellent at hiding his pain away when he’s performing. Luckily, there are plenty of other events booked at the hall that they still keep steady work coming in. They’re there for anniversaries, and birthday parties. They play for bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs, along with the formal dances from the local high school. But no weddings, never again. In fact, the only wedding he does attend is that of David and Mary Margaret’s, and he makes sure to sit in the back and avoid as many people that would ask too many questions for the short time he decides to attend.

The months pass, and then years. Two and a half years after he swore off wedding singing, life is much the same with different faces. Killian is used to the rotation of workers coming and going from the reception hall. It’s a small town, but catering and bartending isn’t a job that many hold for long. It’s usually a placeholder for their real dreams.

As he’s sitting waiting for his customary water to take on stage, a new bartender appears with a tray of clean glasses to stock away. His heart suddenly springs back to life when he sees her smile flash at him while he stares, the stunned expression etched onto his face. There’s something about her that strikes where a memory should be, but he’s at a complete loss. Surely, he’d remember the long, blonde hair that she’s tying back into a ponytail. Maybe…

“She’s engaged,” David says, cutting off Killian’s train of thought, sneaking up on the former wedding singer without sneaking at all. “I know you said you’re not looking, but if you were, that’s not the right one to start with.”

“I didn’t ask, and I’m not looking,” Killian responds flippantly. His poker face must be utter crap, though, because David just snorts and mutters some response like “Yeah, sure” and walks back to the other end to take care of an early arrival to the high school reunion they’re working. Killian gets up on stage and does his best to sing “Give Me One Reason” instead of belting out “Ironic” like he wants to. The class of 1996 probably appreciates it.

It’s about halfway through the party when Killian signals that it’s time for them to take a break. The reunited classmates all mingle to refresh their drinks and eat more cake, chatter like their lives have gone great places in the last twenty years since the prime of their lives. Killian has just hit the bottom step when he notices the Prom Queen, voted “Most Likely to Succeed” has succeeded in getting herself enormously tanked, and he leads her to the side entrance so she can get sick in privacy.

They make it just outside the doors, right along the platform above the rubbish bin, when the woman pitches forward. She braces herself on a metal railing and aims right for the dumpster beneath her.

“Good shot.” The accuracy of the hit is impressive for one so intoxicated. “There you go, lass. Let it all out,” he says soothingly, standing close to hold her steady but turning his head away. It’s when he averts his eyes that he sees the new bartender perched on the top step of the fire escape, a mixture of humor and horror on her face, especially after a particularly violent wretch that makes Killian wonder if the whole stomach came out that time.

All he can do is mouth “I’m sorry” to the blonde nearby, whose eyebrows have just about climbed into her hairline, but she’s clearly holding back laughter when she waves him off.

“Okay!” Miss 1996 announces, her arms raised above her head in triumph. “I’m good to go!” She turns and stumbles back the way she came, leaving Killian baffled at her recovery time.

“That is the fastest puke and rally I have ever seen in my life, and that’s including college kids,” the woman finally speaks up. She stands, shifting her water glass into her other hand and holding one out towards Killian. “Emma Swan,” she introduces.

“Killian Jones. Leader of the fine house band you’ve hopefully been enjoying this evening.” He takes her hand, shakes it as long as is polite, and then drops it. The spark he feels has to be his imagination, and especially forbidden because she is definitely wearing a ring on a business finger.

“It brings back a few memories.” She smiles, and he almost sighs at the way it lights up her whole face. “You guys are really good. There’s no chance I can convince you to play a wedding, is there? David already told me you guys don’t do weddings, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to at least ask.”

“Ah, no. I retired from the wedding circuit,” he tells her, reaching up and scratching the back of his neck. He doesn’t realize his sleeves are pushed up until she tilts her head, a sly smile on her face as she reads it.

“Oh? Who’s Milah?” Clearly, Dave may have mentioned that he didn’t sing at weddings anymore, but he didn’t share the reasons behind it.

He drops his arm quickly, resisting the urge to slap his hand over the inked skin and find a way out of this awkward situation.

“She’s, ah – “ He trails off, finding it difficult to explain to this newcomer what his sad little story is.

“Oh god,” she mumbles, clearly reading Killian’s expression. Her own face says that it was probably a footnote somewhere in a conversation, but she’d forgotten it until this very moment. “Never mind. I’m just gonna go… pry my foot out of my mouth and get back to work. Um, forget I asked. It was nice to meet you, Killian.”

“Likewise,” he manages, thus ending their first official meeting.

But it wouldn’t be their last, thankfully. They strike up conversations over the next couple weeks of events. Killian discovers Emma’s superpower of being able to detect lies when they both work an anniversary party for an elderly couple with a host of almost-adult grandkids. It seems that some of the youngsters think they can (still) get away with passing for twenty-one, and while that may have happened once or twice (ten times, actually) while August was working the bar, they now have Emma to contend with.

It’s a couple weeks after when Emma approaches him during set-up, a sheepish expression on her face and his favorite brand of rum in her hand. “Ah, I wanted to give this to you. Sort of an apology gift. David gave me the run-down on it all. I shouldn’t have asked, not how I did, anyways. So I also found out your poison of choice. Peace offering?”

“There was never peace to restore, Swan. But I’ll appreciate the tasty treat over the next couple weeks.” (Days, but he doesn’t say it – no one needs to know he’s still a bit of a wreck behind closed doors.)

“Good. In that case, hopefully you can consider it a bit of a bribe, then.”

“Oh? Whatever for?”

“Well, you don’t play weddings anymore, but you’ve certainly been around the business long enough. I’m new here, and everyone is trying to hike up their prices, I can tell. But every time I try to wheedle them lower, they just claim the price is set in stone.” She gives him a pleading look. “Help me out, Jones. I work this and another job, I have a kid, and Walsh is being spectacularly bad at contributing both with the cash and the decisions right now. Please?”

It’s a disastrous idea, but the expression she gives him, the hopeful look – he can’t turn it down. He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, dropping his chin to his chest in defeat. “Fine, I’m free in the mornings, and again after five. As long as you can make that work, I’ll help. But something tells me I’m going to regret this.”

-x-

The wedding plans start less than a week after he agrees. The first decision they decide to tackle is which band will play at the reception, because Killian figures it’ll be like ripping off a band-aid to get it out of the way first.  

They use the reception hall for their auditions, bringing in several bands to test out to see how they sound. The first is the band that usually plays the weddings around town, now. Killian likes them best. The front man, Graham, has a similar charm while he’s on stage, even if he’s not as outgoing as Killian. He’s sweet, though, which usually works well with the lovey-dovey themes abound at wedding receptions.

Graham and his band look appropriately dapper, singing an edition of “Wonderful Tonight” that gives Emma an expression Killian imagines she’d have if she were looking at a pile of puppies napping, and he knows he’s done good testing them first. When they finish, she stands up and claps.

“Thank you. We’re not the Buccaneers, but no one ever could measure up to Killian singing a wedding,” Graham says into the microphone, a companionable nod and smile at his fellow singer accompanying the words.

“Sounded pretty damn good to me,�� Emma tells him, saving Killian from having to respond. “We haven’t set a date yet, but we’re looking at spring. Maybe April or May?”

Graham’s face falls and Killian already knows what he’s going to say. “I’m so sorry, we’ve just booked our last one for those months. I’m down to one weekend in August and a couple in September.

“Shit. I was worried about that. Okay! No problem! If anyone cancels, send them my condolences but call me.”

With the next band, Killian looks down at his contact card in shock. The Naughty-hams are relatively new, and he’s mostly surprised that the front runner, a man named Keith that likes to call himself the Sheriff (of Nottingham, no less), is dressed in tight leather pants and a tight leather vest. He sneaks a look at Emma’s face and has to press his lips together to avoid the outright laugh that is trying to bubble out of him. After a surprisingly dirty rendition of “Try a Little Tenderness,” Keith peacocks to the front of the stage, preening as he goes while he waits for Emma’s verdict.

“Well!” she says brightly. “That was certainly something! I’ll let you know!”

“Of course, m’lady. And thanks for getting out of the business, Jones. I’ve gotten more snatch at weddings thanks to all the gigs you’ve handed us over the years.” He looks directly at Emma as he licks his lips and gives her a sleazy wink. Emma almost falls off her chair laughing, which visually deflates the man on stage.

“Wow, okay. You’ve just inspired me to hire a DJ! You can leave now.” By the end of the sentence, Emma is glaring at him, leaving no room for argument.

As soon as the band has cleared out, Killian stands up from his chair and applauds for Emma. The chuckle she gives him is much more genuine than her laughter from earlier, and she dips her head in recognition to his clapping.

“DJ it is, then.” Killian extends his hand out to her, transferring her hand to the crook of his elbow as he escorts her out. With the music selection out of the way, the list has gotten shorter, and they have four more appointments to tackle.

-x-

With his suggestion, they set the wedding date before moving forward any further. The big day is set for the second weekend in May and by the time summer starts transitioning into fall, Killian has helped Emma secure a DJ, but he’s also gotten her a fabulous price on flowers, booked a photographer that gave her a deal since she’s Killian’s friend, and even helped arrange the tuxedo fittings for the following week if Walsh can pull himself away from work in the city in order to make an appearance.

The one thing that isn’t as smooth (and probably contributes to the hefty discount Emma’s given) is a misunderstanding with the photographer. Apparently, Killian Jones sitting in the waiting area of the little office of Tink’s studio is cause for excitement, and she bustles out as soon as she hears.

“Well I’ll be damned I never thought you’d move on and find someone to settle down with!” Tink exclaims as soon as she rounds the corner.

Emma’s eyes go wide, and Killian can see her looking between him and the photographer, shifting uncomfortably when the silence stretches onward and upward of a full minute. He recognizes that he has choices in how he responds, and so he takes his time deciding which will be the best one. Ultimately, he wants to make it as painless for all of them, and for the embarrassment to pass quickly, so he stands from where he was sitting and forces a smile.

“Tink, I’d like you to meet my friend Emma, who is getting married in the spring and is looking for a photographer.” He gestures back at Emma who is rising from her own chair, moving forward to shake the hand of the stunned woman in front of her.

“Well I - but you - of course. Hello, Emma. You’ve come to the right place for a photographer, I promise. Why don’t we go back to my office and talk about what you’re looking to capture on the big day, huh?”

Emma glances at him again, and he gives her a more genuine smile (if not a little smaller) and nods.

“I’m going to step out for a minute and run an errand. I’ll be back ‘round in just a bit,” he says, hooking his thumb at the door and hoping Emma understands.

“Of course. I’ll meet you out front?” Her hand rests gently on his forearm, and his heart taps just a smidge harder at the contact. He’s left without words, so he nods again and turns for the door, trying not to look back because he’s afraid he’d find her looking, too.

-x-

“I think you deserve a lot more bottles of rum for all that you’ve done for me,” Emma tells him as he drops her off at her apartment later that evening.

They spent the whole of the day together, and yet it feels like no time at all. It’s the kind of feeling, Killian realizes as he walks her to the door of the apartment complex, that he used to get after the first time hanging out, that first instance of attraction that goes beyond looks to include personality - it’s the moment where he would usually start to think about what it would be like to date the person beside him and wonder if there’s a chance of a goodnight kiss…

“Do you want to come up for a drink? Walsh is still out of town, and my son is with his dad this weekend.” She hesitates for a moment, shoving her hands in her pockets as she scrunches her face in an expression he can only name as adorable. “I could really use the company.”

On the tail end of the thoughts he just had, he should refuse. But friendship with Emma is easy, and it’s been a long time since something came as naturally as the conversations and interactions they have. “How can I refuse when you put it that way?” He follows her up to the small but cozy apartment.

While she fixes them drinks (hot chocolate - it’s her favorite) he meanders around the open living area looking at the pictures scattered through the apartment. Henry, who he’s had the pleasure of meeting once, is the center fixture of most of them. But there are others with her and David and Mary Margaret. Another frame has a picture of Emma and Ruby and Mary Margaret, none of whom he recognizes the first time he looks at the picture. But then he knows it all too well - the three decked out in bright wigs and sashes for Mary Margaret’s bachelorette party a few years ago, months after he stopped playing weddings.

Seeing that picture brings back a vivid memory and Killian makes a noise of surprise. He got rather smashed that night after their set, but so did –

“Oh, no.” Emma returns at that moment, seeing which one he’s looking at. “That picture is awful! I was so drunk I could barely stand by the time we left...wherever we were. I think I missed the couch and slept on Ruby’s floor that night.”

“Love, I remember that evening. You three came into the hall so Mary Margaret could see David.” Of course, at the time, he didn’t know who the third member of their little group was.

Her jaw drops as her eyebrows furrow. “We did, but I don’t…remember…” she trails off, her head tilting to one side. “Oh, no,” she murmurs. “You’re the guy from the coat closet?”

“Aye, I was,” he reluctantly answers. No wonder he’s always been drawn to her.

“Did we…?”

“No, no no. Nothing like that. You sort of,” he pauses a moment, gesturing to try to find the delicate way to put it, “fell asleep whilst your lips were locked with mine.”

“I fell asleep?” She throws her head back and laughs with incredulity.

He nods sagely, a smile of his own tilting up his lips. He remembers her rather vividly – the beautiful girl with the short pink wig, the moment she found him in the back of the coat check with a bottle of rum and demanded he share, the way she told him that she was sure she’d never get married, and when he expressed the same thought, they came together in an imperfect, drunken kiss – two lonely souls just needing a moment.

Thanks to said wig and inebriation, he never put the pieces together. He could never recall the face of the girl, but he has never forgotten how she kissed. She was a powerhouse that punched him out when he was still healing. After she passed out in his lap, he gathered her up in his arms and took her back to her waiting friends, telling them he found her fast asleep. He helped Dave bundle the three women into a taxi, averting his eyes as the bride and groom-to-be gave a very public display of their affection before the cab drove away. He did his best to forget, but there’s always been some remainder of her in the back of his mind, as if he should remember her as being an important turning point.

“For that, I probably owe you another bottle of rum,” she tells him, finally passing him the promised mug of hot chocolate. “I was a bit of a mess back then. Neal had just walked back into my life and demanded to meet his son and I was sick of living in Boston. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I fell asleep on you while kissing you.”

There’s a tiny upturn of her lips, and Killian is startled to realize he wants to kiss those lips and see what that smirk tastes like, how it compares to the last one. Instead, he clears his throat and scratches behind his ear. “So, you met Walsh right after the bachelorette party then?”

“Oh, no. I met him about a year ago.” Her lips press into a thoughtful line as she moves to settle onto her couch. “He’s supposed to be looking for a good spot to open another furniture store, but he keeps getting wrapped up with his main store and hasn’t really committed to the relocation like I have.”

He moves to sit on the opposite end of the couch, taking the time to study her face as she speaks. Killian would never claim to be an expert in Emma Swan, for she is an enigma that he’s learned to read in the spaces between her spoken words, but he’s pressed to think that her expression is not one solely of contemplation. “Quite the quick development, aye?”

“Yeah, well, he loves me, and he loves my son, and he popped the question after just six months of dating.” Her eyes go somewhere far away, and Killian wants to reach for her, wants to ask how she really feels about all this, but he knows the question won’t be appreciated. So he quietly sips his hot chocolate and waits for her to continue. “And I said yes.” She smiles when she finishes, but he can still see that it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, doesn’t match the luster of emotion she achieves when she talks of her son or her friends.

“Sounds perfect,” he tells her, ignoring the lie and ignoring the way she looks like she knows he’s lying.

To distract them both, he regales her with stories of being a front-runner in a house band, giving her all the gossip he can think of and enjoying the way she laughs. His stories range from the absurd to the sappy, and they talk for hours beyond what he meant to stay. It’s only once he glances at the clock that he realizes how much he’s overstayed her invitation for a quick drink.

“Apologies, love. I had no intentions of keeping you up so late.”

Emma’s eyes widen when she takes her own look at the time. “Oh! No, not your fault. I didn’t realize how late it was. If you weren’t here I’d probably just be watching Netflix. I usually have pretty bad insomnia. Drives Walsh nuts when he’s here.”

“I’m a bit of a night owl. Can’t say I’d be doing much different if I were at home.”

“Well, thanks for everything. Maybe if you’re not busy tomorrow after Granny’s retirement party, we can hang out again?”

“I like the sound of that, Swan. It’s a plan.”

-x-

A few weeks after their tentative friendship really starts to solidify, Killian gets a phone call from Emma. It’s a week night, and late at that, with no parties or events that require the band’s services, so he only has plans to work his way through some of the movie recommendations that Emma had given him. Immediately, he can tell from her voice that things are not okay.

“Swan?”

“You can say no if you’re busy but I could really use a friend right now.”

“What’s the matter?”

“It’ll probably be easier to explain in person.”

“You’re worrying me, love.”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” she huffs out, her voice hitching on a hiccupped sigh. “If you’re free, though, it’s not something I can really talk to Henry about yet and you seem like you’d understand.”

That first half of that last statement makes his stomach drop. Emma doesn’t keep anything from Henry, and his mind auto-populates a list of things she wouldn’t deem appropriate to discuss with her son at this time. Even as he tells her he’ll be over soon and throws on a pair of jeans, he’s worrying through the list. Is it an illness? A sexual matter? A sexually transmitted matter? A pregnancy?

By the time he makes it to her doorstep, he’s worked himself into a mental frenzy, and he’s momentarily heartbroken at the possibility that Emma is going through something she can’t share with the one person who has shared everything since he was born. It’s even worse when she pulls open the door, her eyes reddened and puffy, her nose in a similar state, but she cracks a smile when she sees him there, thanking him for coming over as she ushers him inside out of the nearly-winter chill that’s settled over Storybrooke.

“I’m sorry for calling you over so late,” she says, her voice hushed, and Killian realizes that Henry is likely in bed down the hall.

“Anytime, Swan. You know that. Now what’s the matter? I’ve thought up at least ten different awful scenarios and I don’t like any of them.”

“It’s probably not something you came up with. It’s something I can barely believe actually happened,” she mutters, nodding her head in the direction of the living room. She follows him in shortly, carrying two mugs. They’ve grown accustomed to their routines, and that includes Emma’s hot chocolate and Killian’s tea, steeped just the way he prefers.

She lifts the mug to her lips to sip, and that’s the first time Killian notices that she’s not wearing her ring. She sees him scrutinizing the empty finger but she still takes her time with her drink.

“Swan.”

“Walsh won’t be moving in with me,” she finally says as she settles the mug onto its designated coaster. “And I’m going to need your advice on how to cancel all the wedding plans.”

Killian can see how hard she’s trying to hold it together. Through her statements, her voice only wavered once, and even showing that much perceived weakness is probably too much for her. It’s because of how she handles her emotions that he takes an extra moment to think about how he’s going to respond.

“We can start handling anything you’re ready to in the morning,” he tells her, making sure to look her straight in the eye and keeping any of his personal views about the end of her engagement to himself.

It was the right thing to say, apparently, as she deflates a little in her spot, sinking back into her couch and wrapping her arms around her knees. He wants to reach out, to offer the physical comfort that he’s so used to giving to friends, but he stops himself. He may be able to read her expressions and her body language, but he has no idea the boundaries that exist involving Emma and touch that she doesn’t initiate. So he tries to give her a comforting smile and waits for her to tell him anything else she’s willing to disclose.

The tale comes out slowly, as she describes the weird behavior and the reluctance to move to Storybrooke. That day, when Henry was with his father and Emma had a rare night off, she drove to see Walsh, hoping to finally talk him into limiting his commute to once a month, and instead she found a paper trail of illegal activity, and Walsh’s inability to look her in the eye before he knew she knew.

“You know me and my superpower,” she says, twisting her empty mug between her hands. “I could tell he was lying before he even started making up the excuses. I told him he could clean up his act or I would turn him in.”

“And what did he say?”

“Well, everything he said after a point can and will be used against him in a court of law. So, I grabbed the whole three things I ever kept at his place and left the ring, since it was probably bought with dirty money anyways.”

He thinks he apologizes, or says something of a comforting nature, but all he really knows is that Walsh is the biggest wanker in the history of the universe. He has no other responses, so he neutrally holds his arm aloft in an easy invitation for a hug, and tries not to find personal enjoyment out of the fact that she takes him up on this offer.

“I don’t know what to tell Henry,” she mumbles against his shoulder. “Or how to tell everyone, really. But I managed to hold myself together when I picked him up from Neal’s after leaving the city.”

“I don’t know what to tell you about them, but I’ll take care of all the wedding details if you wish.”

“Yeah, I don’t really see going back on that decision. Since he’s unlikely to make bail any time soon, I think it’s a dead relationship.”

He fights another smile at her wry tone, and shrugs when she does.

-x-

The process of helping Emma set up her wedding had been a fun adventure, namely because he’d gotten to spend all that time with her. He doesn’t want to admit it, but cancelling her wedding is fun, because now she’s not going to be married to a bloody fool.

Because he’s Killian, and because everyone knows who he is, it’s no trouble at all for him to call or visit the various vendors for Emma’s wedding and talk them out of keeping the deposits.

That Friday at the hall, a myriad of bouquets show up for Emma, delivered in random batches throughout the evening. Killian can’t help but smile as he sees her astonishment as they keep rolling in. With each new colorful bundle of blooms, she lights up, her face contorting into a pouting smile as each vendor that would’ve been putting her wedding together in a couple weeks sends their condolences.

At the end of the night, she shoves a random assortment of the flowers at him; it looks like one from each bouquet, but they’re beautiful all mixed together.

“Consider this payment for getting all my deposits back,” she says, handing them over and giving him a bright smile.

“All part of my job, I suppose,” he says, accepting the flowers and setting them on top of one of the amps until he’s done cleaning up. As he winds another cord around his arm, he expects Emma to go back to her cleaning, but she lingers for a moment until he looks back up at her.

“And maybe an invitation to come over after we’re both done working?”

“That can be arranged, I believe.” He smiles genially at her, noticing not for the first time the way she bites her lip and smiles back. If his heart beats a little extra at the way she looks at him, he does his best to ignore it in the face of remaining a good friend. And no good friend deserves to have a man following her around with hearts in his eyes just after a broken engagement.

As the months go by and they get closer to a year of knowing each other, Killian does his best to keep that respectable distance with Emma. They still hang out, they watch movies, they go to dinner, he has a blast with Henry whenever he spends time with the lad, and he does his best to ignore how absolutely enamored he is with Emma Swan.

“What the bloody hell do I do?” he asks the heavens one night, hoping for some kind of answer – from a higher power, from Milah, from the damn weather if it’ll give him one – but nothing comes of it. Nothing answers him, except for the silence of the night and the beating of his heart, so he goes about just trying to do his best.

The next gig at the hall is a wedding anniversary, which for some reason never bothered him the same way receptions did. He’s thankful for a new repertoire of songs he’s been working on, so that when the happy couple celebrating their ten years together asks for “Longing to Belong,” he’s happy to pull out his rarely used ukulele and oblige.

As the couple dances and he plays and sings, however, Killian finds his eyes drawn to the bar where Emma stands frozen as she listens to him. There’s a bottle in her hand, hovering just above the trash can she’s meant to throw it in. In some cliche way, the world around them stops. No longer are there other people in the hall; to him it is empty except for the two of them, and the way she’s staring at him, and the way he’s singing directly to her. His heart clenches painfully as he realizes how close to the truth the lyrics are, and it’s that which finally forces him to close his eyes, finishing the song lost in the darkness he’s been locked away in for so long now.

By the time he opens them again, Emma is back to work, and except for what he thinks might be a little color on her cheeks, she looks as if nothing happened just then. With a whoosh of relief, he calls for them to take a brief break and steps into the restroom to pull himself together.

The limits of Emma’s pretending that they didn’t have a moment stretch blissfully far. They go on with their daily lives as if there was nothing of consequence that came from a look, which Killian is grateful for. He never believed he would ever feel for a woman again the way he felt for Milah, but now that he’s faced with the actuality of that happening, he wishes for nothing but normality while he comes to grips with his own emotions.

There are moments, however, that Killian wonders if she’s really pushed the moment from her mind or if there’s something more riding beneath her exterior. It’s how he knows she interacts with him both in public and private, compared to how she interacts with David or August. There’s a cautionary affection in her gestures: her hand on his arm, her proximity when they watch movies or chat afterhours.

There’s also a longing in himself to explore what this could become, but with his own deep wounds and her still recovering from a broken engagement, he hesitates. And waits.

He’s at the hall early one day, tuning his instruments for the next show when Henry wanders in and straight to him.

“Mom says you have the best voice she’s ever heard,” he says bluntly, in that way that only children can. There’s no ulterior motives - the lad merely wants to make a statement.

“Is that right?”

Henry hums his agreement, tilting his head to the side in a way so reminiscent of Emma that Killian grins at the similarities. Killian holds the acoustic guitar towards Henry.

“You wanna give it a go?”

The wide eyes and slightly frightened expression only stick around for a moment before Henry nods enthusiastically and sits down on the edge of the small stage. Killian kneels and helps him carefully loop the strap over his shoulder and settles the instruments in his hands and lap.

“You put this hand over here. And this one is what you use to strum the instrument. Would you like to try a chord?” With yet another brain-jarring nod, Killian smiles wider and positions Henry’s fingers on the different frets and strings. “Okay, now take your thumb and glide it along each string starting from the top.”

His little thumb pops along each note and he just about lights up the room when he’s done.

“Good, now do it faster.”

Henry listens avidly as Killian instructs him until he’s strumming the chord easily.

“I do believe you’re a natural, lad.”

At the praise, Henry’s whole demeanor changes to another thing he holds similar with his mother: he turns bashful, his face puckering into a shy smile as he ducks his head over the instrument to play the chord again. He fiddles around for another second before looking up at Killian with all his eleven-year-old wisdom.

“I think my mom likes you,” he says, again with the straight-forwardness of a child.

Killian does his best to keep his expression neutral, but it’s a close call. “And why do you think that?”

“She talks about you a lot. Like, more than she ever talked about Walsh. And every time I come home from visiting my dad, she tells me how she hung out with you the whole time, and she doesn’t like spending time with anyone that isn’t me, or Uncle David and Aunt Mary Margaret.”

Killian sincerely doubts that all of this leads up to some grand crush on Emma’s behalf, but he’s willing to humor Henry and at least let the boy dream.

“And whenever she comes home from working, she sings. And mom never sings because some older girl was really mean to her when she sang when she was little.”

This piece of information, however, makes him pause. “Oh really? And what’s her favorite song to sing?”

“I don’t know the name of it, but it sounds like…” Here, Henry hums a few bars, and Killian huffs out a laugh as the familiar tune of “Longing to Belong” comes out. “So yeah, I think she likes you. And I think you like her.”

“And what do you think about that?”

Henry shrugs, concentrating again on putting his fingers back where Killian had placed them earlier and strumming the guitar, but Killian can see the smile stretching across Henry’s lips.

“Aye, well, why don’t I show you another chord, hm?”

He loses track of time, only becoming aware that it’s closer to the start of the event when a box of liquor hitting the bar startles him. He turns to find Emma staring at the pair of them huddled over the guitar, and he smiles as he ducks his head, especially with the way Emma focuses in on her son switching carefully back and forth between the two chords he’s already picked up.

“Henry, Mary Margaret will be here to pick you up in a few minutes,” she says as she approaches, which makes the boy groan in disappointment.

“Can Killian teach me how to play guitar?”

“That depends on if Killian wants to teach you how to play guitar,” she replies, lifting an eyebrow in question directed at Killian.

“Aye, lad. We’ll sort out the details later. I’d be honored to take you on as my apprentice.”

He barely manages to save the guitar from bobbling right to the ground with the enthusiasm Henry exudes when he stands to hug him, and still he ends up seated on the floor with the instrument in his lap as Henry’s arms wrap around his shoulders.

There’s a brand new sensation as he tries to absorb the joy of one so young, a new stab of pain that reminds him that he once wanted children of his own. Then Henry is slipping free from Killian’s grasp and hugging his mother around the waist. Before he can say another word, Henry is off to be collected by his aunt and Killian is still just a little stunned and sitting on the floor.

“You okay there?” Emma asks quietly, reaching her hand out to him to help him up. The concern on her face is noticeable, but he knows there aren’t words to fully express his feelings about what just occurred. So he smiles, instead, and lets her help him up.

As a bit of a test, he doesn’t move away as soon as he’s standing, nor does he release her hand. Instead, he keeps a loose hold so she can break it if she wants as he sways into her orbit. “Perfectly fine, Swan. More than fine. Your boy is a marvel, just like his mother.” His voice is a little softer than usual, and he notices the flirtatious edge in his voice - hopes that Emma notices it, too.

By the way she swallows, her eyes trained on the way his lips turn up, he’s inclined to think she’s observed this change in demeanor. Further testing, he thinks, may be in order.

In the weeks that follow, Killian takes to singing directly at Emma during lyrics that make him think of her, and he stops being surprised when she’s looking at him each time.

A month after his chat with Henry, he’s outside taking in the air during his break when the door eases open behind him. By the care in the gesture to avoid the squeaky hinge, he knows it’s Emma, but he waits for her to approach him.

The last few weeks have been tense - a delicate dance of the two of them testing the boundaries of flirting and teasing - just barely hints to let him know he’s not alone. In every gesture, he can sense Emma’s hesitation, and he’s just as happy taking his time as she is.

“You sound really good tonight,” she comments, moving along the wall to sit on the fire escape as usual. He turns his head and smiles, nodding at her in thanks.

“It’s a group effort,” he insists, rubbing the back of his neck as he feels a bashful flush bloom up to his ears.

“Henry is at his dad’s for the weekend. Wanna come over and see what’s on Netflix? David brought me a bottle of wine that they got at some vineyard tour last week, and I rarely drink alone.”

“Red or white?��

“There’s a picture of a kitten riding a unicorn on the label. Does it matter?”

He has absolutely no real response, so he shrugs in acquiescence. “Surely not, with that kind of description.”

It’s later than usual when they get to Emma’s apartment. The long night dragged even longer when there was an incident involving an entire tray of prawns ending up in the dishwasher. It was a team event to make sure the mess was cleaned and everyone else’s stations were tidied for the end of the day, hence it’s nearly midnight when they get back to her place. It’s no surprise then, that they’re more than a little slap-happy. While he follows her to her door, he manages to catch the aforementioned bottle of wine as it slips from under her arm as she wrestles with her pocket to release her keys.

Killian holds it aloft victoriously, grinning with triumph as Emma’s jaw drops before she laughs at it all.

“Good catch, Jones. Thank you!” She turns as she finally frees her keychain, giving him an unreadable look as she unlocks it and leads the way. She closes the door after he enters, hanging her keys up on the hook and kicking off her shoes. He follows suit, feeling the flirtation kick up a notch - maybe due to the length of time he’s had a silly crush on this woman or due to the length of the day - but either way, it prompts him to be more forward than he would under other circumstances.

“Well,” he says, “perhaps a little gratitude is in order.” He takes the hand that’s not holding the wine, rubbing behind his ear in a last fit of nerves before he taps his lips with that same finger.

Emma stops, her expression one of intrigue and amusement as her hand stays lifted halfway between them from where she was reaching for the bottle of wine. “Yeah, that’s what the ‘thank you’ was for.”

Some unused part of his youth comes back as he swaggers just a little closer. “Is that all your wine is worth to you?”

She’s fixated on his movements, her eyes drawn to his lips and the obvious invitation. This could be the start of something, or at least worth a good laugh later on. “Please, you couldn’t handle it,” she says after a moment, but she’s forgotten about the wine and has moved just infinitesimally closer.

He believes she’s right, but he’s unable to stop himself from that one last retort. “Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,” he says, the ‘t’ popping more than he intended, the entire scenario something he would’ve used in his early twenties to pick up a woman from the bar after a gig. But here he is, holding his breath, staring at Emma as her eyes flit between his eyes and his lips.

There’s a moment where he thinks she’ll knock them both to the floor with the force of her momentum, but her lips are on his before he can even fully comprehend that this is a thing that is happening to him - that the wine bottle has safely fallen to the carpeted floor below, that Emma’s hands are gripping his jacket collar so tight that he’s worried for her fingers and the fabric in equal turns, that her lips taste sweet like the energy drink she finished before they exited her car. His hand ends up tangled in her hair, the other wrapped around her waist to hold her tight to him.

He wants to crawl into this moment forever, especially with the intensity of it all. First kisses are usually reserved and shy, tender in their newness. Emma must not have gotten that memo, breaking away to gulp in a breath of air before she’s right back there with her mouth on his. Of course, this isn’t their first kiss, not if the coat closet is to be counted. That was a little different: two drunk adults in a reception hall needing the comfort of another human’s touch in a moment of weakness pales in comparison to two sober adults with feelings for each other in the privacy of one of their homes…

The moment has to end, though. Surely, this can’t go on forever. And when it does? Killian worries that when she pulls back she’ll kick him out or tell him that it was a one time thing. He’s very secure in the way he feels about Emma, but his own insecurity makes him worry this is closer to their real first kiss than a progressive change in their relationship.

“That was…” he gets out, his chest tight and his voice quiet.

Whatever response he was expecting, it wasn’t that Emma would cut off his statement with her lips pressed to his again, and it isn’t long before her hands are wandering under his jacket to push it off his shoulders. She steers him into the apartment, bypassing the couch where they would’ve watched Netflix until the wee hours of morning, instead moving down the hall towards her bedroom.

They pause just outside the door as Emma pulls him against her, and it’s only then that he fully recognizes how turned on he is, and so does she by the way she gasps, gripping him by the hips to pull him even closer. He needs no further encouragement to line them up a little better, building a steady thrust pattern against her, adjusting according to the noises she makes and the way her eyes flutter shut when he gets it just right.

“Fuck,” she whispers out, as if afraid that if she speaks too loud that the spell will break.

He knows how she feels. That’s not to say he doesn’t seize the moment for all it’s worth, in case it does turn out to be a dream, and he finds himself kissing a path down her neck even as he quietly inquires if she’s sure. Her hand is steady as it buries in his hair, gripping and pulling him back so they’re eye to eye.

“Positive,” is all she bothers to say before she kisses him again, propelling them into the room and towards the bed as she proceeds to kiss the bloody hell out of him.

They land on her mattress, a heap of pent up desire and shedding clothes, and it’s only once her hand grazes his bare thigh that he realizes just how fast they’ve sped forward.

“Wait, wait,” he manages to squeeze out, just as her body moves again and she’s straddling him. She’s down to underwear - sensible looking things that she wears under her work clothes that strongly suggest she wasn’t expecting this to happen, either, but that still take his breath away - and so it takes his brain a minute to remember that he’s meant to be speaking, that he should be saying something about jumping into this too fast. “Swan, I don’t want - I mean I do...want, very much,” and he groans as she shifts in her spot, rubbing deliciously against his erection through their remaining garments.

“I like you,” he finally manages to say, reaching up to run his fingers through the strands of hair that have fallen out of the ponytail she pulled up halfway through the event tonight and caress her cheek. “Very much. And I don’t want to just sleep with you and go back to where we were, or worse - never speak to you again afterwards.”

She leans into Killian’s touch, and she nods and bends to kiss him again, much softer this time, much like the kind of first kiss he’s always known. She doesn’t speak, there are no words of reassurance and he thinks he should worry about that, but her hands come up to frame his face and he somehow understands that this is all she can give him for the moment. As his hand trails up and down her spine, he accepts this offer, hoping that eventually she’ll be able to vocalize all that she can’t say right now.

Their momentum gains again, moving full force even as Killian’s heart stutters to a stop when she reaches beneath his boxers to stroke his cock with a light grip. It’s been ages - too long by most people’s standards but just a long dry spell in his own books at this point  - but still long enough with just his own hand as his companion that the touch feels pleasurably out of this world. He begins his own journey of touch, slipping his hand beneath yellow cotton and mapping the landscape of her sex with his fingers. She sighs and melts into him when he finds her clit, his pressure still light and exploratory to start.

They both gain courage as the minutes pass, as their own arousal and passion ramps up the longer they touch. He swiftly turns and lays her out on the bed, moving down her body with a sudden need to taste her. While she gasps when she hits the mattress, she encourages him along as soon as her initial shock dissipates, pushing down her underwear and leaning up briefly to remove her bra before getting comfortable. If Emma Swan is nothing else, she’s a woman who knows what she wants.

Killian takes it as a matter of pride that he’s between her thighs for less than five minutes before she’s calling his name, one hand buried in his hair and the other gripping the bedspread beneath her, her thighs tight around his face while she climaxes before going lax and falling limply to the bed. He places one more kiss to her navel before working his way up her body, taking some time to meet her breasts before she pulls him back up for a lazy, post-orgasm kiss.

Emma hums in satisfaction, working her hands beneath his boxers and pushing them down his hips. He hovers over her, letting her remove the garment for him, eliciting a gasp from him when her hands smooth over the back of his thighs. That’s far enough, in his opinion, because he settles further between her legs, letting the head of his cock glide against her skin. Even as warm as she is, the sensation still feels cool to his overheated, over-sensitive flesh.

“Killian?”

“Hmm?”

“I’d really like you to fuck me right now,” she tells him, her voice husky and quiet. He can feel his cock jump against her skin, and he dips low to let his mouth linger with hers, to let his tongue slide against hers before he catches her bottom lip between his teeth.

“As you wish,” he says after he releases it, and she takes that as her cue to contort and stretch, reaching for the drawers beside her bed to pull out a pack of condoms. She rips one from the line, throwing the rest and the box back on the nightstand. He takes it as a good sign that she also feels one round might not be enough.

For a moment, he forgets what the goal is - forgets what the endgame is all about - because Emma is radiant. Her hair is a messy halo all around her head, her skin still flushed with arousal and her minimal makeup just barely smudged. She bites her lip as she concentrates, and suddenly he remembers exactly what they’re doing when he feels her roll the condom down the length of him. He leans down to bury his face in her neck and hair, nipping at the skin as she gives a good, long stroke down to the base and back up. Her name comes out a hoarse murmur against her skin as she moves to do it again, but he moves away from her grasp.

He teases her, rubbing his cock between her lips to work up some lubrication. By the leisurely way she stretches and arches off the bed, she’s enjoying the functional provocation. A noise of disappointment escapes her when he moves away, but he only settles onto his haunches, leaning back before coaxing her towards him.

“Come here,” he urges, slipping her legs on either side of his hips and planting her feet flat on the bed. “Bridge up for me, love.” She obliges, lifting her hips up toward him, and he smirks. “Perfect.” His hands anchor on her hips, pulling her forward as he slowly thrusts into her. Her back arches all the way off the bed with each inch, until just her head is holding her up as her hands move to grasp her breasts. She maintains the position even as he starts to thrust in earnest, and her volume rises the more she begins to clench around him.

She’s exquisite - wanton and aroused, taking control of her own pleasure as she commands his speed and depth. He just holds on for the ride, quite literally by the way his fingers are digging into her skin, but releases the hold on one hip to move his fingers to her clit.

The sharp cry she gives at that encourages him on, and he lifts his fingers briefly to his mouth to wet them before sliding them back across the same spot. When his name becomes a chant, he knows it’s only a matter of moments before she unravels, so he does his best to keep up with her. It’s around the time she crests her own climax that he speeds up, his body moving with instinct towards his own pleasure even as she’s settling down from hers.

He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her to keep her in the same spot so she can ride out her orgasm as his takes over. With one last groan that turns into her name, he finally pitches forward to let her fall to the bed, just managing to land to the side of her so as not to smother her.

“Shit,” she says, breathless with her chest heaving. “Shit,” she repeats, before turning towards him and giving him a flurry of kisses. She chuckles at the stunned look on his face, pushing his hair off his forehead as she looks down at him. “That was incredible.”

“Aye,” he manages to say as he struggles to even out his breathing. It feels as if his heart could beat right out of his chest and he’s not sure it will ever be steady again. “Beyond any words I can think to describe it right now.”

They settle in against each other in the afterglow, all soft kisses and gentle caresses as their bodies come down from the ultimate high. Killian manages to kick his boxers off the rest of the way, having forgotten they were even there until he goes to shift his legs and finds himself trapped.

“How long’s it been?” she asks, the quiet of early morning settling around them like the blankets they manage to pull up to haphazardly cover themselves. She fits in his arms like a dream, one of her legs thrown over his to press her closer.

“Long time, Swan. Long time.” He smiles after he says it, meeting her steady gaze and leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead after a pause. She leans up to capture his lips once more, humming into it as she does. He is curious, though. “How long have you been thinking about doing all that to me?”

“Long time, Jones. Long time,” she echoes, caressing his cheek one more time before she shifts her head to the pillow and drifts off with a serene smile. Even after she falls asleep, Killian strokes his hand along her back, reveling in the smooth skin along her spine. He keeps up the motion until he falls asleep, marveling at the fact that it’s been so long since he shared a bed, and yet, it’s surprisingly easy to slip into dreams with Emma beside him.

Killian wakes in the morning to the other side of the bed empty, and he takes a moment to stretch and rub at his eyes before trying to decide what course of action to take. There’s that ultimate fear in the pit of his stomach that maybe it wasn’t so smart of them to rush right into bed the night before, and maybe Emma thought so, too, and that’s why she isn’t beside him.

But he’s just made the decision to get out of the bed and search for his boxers when Emma eases back into the room wearing naught but the shirt she slipped from his shoulders the night before.

“Hi,” she manages. A breathless little exclamation in surprise of seeing him out of bed, perhaps? Or was it the fact that he hadn’t quite gotten his boxers up yet, and she’s getting a bit of an eyeful? She crowds into his space, rubbing her hands up his chest to his shoulders, then back down to push the undergarment back away from where he was sliding it to his hips. “Good morning,” she says, this time in a sultry tone that speaks volumes of her current state of mind.

“Morning, love. I was just coming to find you.” He eases his hands under the shirt to find her bare beneath it, and the sigh stutters in his throat as her lips trail across his collarbones.

“You found me,” she murmurs, her hands feathering back up his body to wrap over his shoulders. “Wanna find me again before we maybe go out and find some breakfast?”

Instead of a response, Killian just chuckles, letting his actions speak for him as he lifts her and places her back on the bed.

It’s at least an hour later when he’s struggling to remember what year it is, or if he has any lessons scheduled for the day. Emma is stretched out beside him, looking like she’s going through a similar struggle, but with a blissful smile on her face.

“You know, I wanted to feel bad about rushing into the whole sex thing before even asking you on a date, but after that performance, I just don’t think I can.”

“Likewise, Swan. But speaking of which,” he remarks, turning on his side to face her, letting his fingertips glide across the smooth skin of her stomach and delighting in the line of goosebumps that follow. “Will you go out with me?” He dumps every ounce of sincerity and hope into his expression, laid bare before her not just in skin but in emotions, and Emma stares at him for a full minute before gently pulling him down to seal their agreement with her lips pressed to his.

“Let’s start with breakfast,” she says, but checks the clock she has hanging on the wall by the door. “Okay, brunch. Let’s start with brunch, and then we can decide on a real date.”

“Aye, sounds like a solid plan.”

If her smile could light up the room, he’s sure his own is just as blinding. All said, though, it’s not the worst expression he’s ever worn before, and he could certainly get used to it.

-x-

While everyone finds out pretty fast that they’re seeing each other, it still takes time to get used to the fact that he’s dating Emma, that he gets to kiss her at his leisure, that he gets to fall asleep with her in his arms more often than not. It takes time for them to admit the true depth of their feelings.

Emma blurts it out one night before handing him his water, and Robin drags him away to the stage before he has a chance to respond. Each time he glances at the bar during the night, she’s not looking at him, and he can see how tense she is even from this far away. Clearly, by body language alone, she was not quite ready to vocalize her emotions.

He waits. There’s no time or privacy for him to return any kind of sentiments while they’re working, so he waits until the night is over and the rest of the hall has gone silent and empty. He sends everyone else on their way, making a quick deal with Anton, the security guard tasked with locking up at the end of the night.

Then, with the lights dimmed and his ukulele in hand, Killian takes the stage for a short, private performance. Emma walks in with her eyebrows drawn, having just been told by Anton to come find him, but she stops as soon as she sees him under the low lighting. Her expression softens, a smile creeping across her lips as she slowly moves forward while his hands start playing the familiar chords, and really anything that comes after is icing on the cake as far as he’s concerned.

Because seeing that smile, the one she keeps reserved just for him, is even better than hearing the words.

[nahasnine]

Uninstall endnote word plugin mac

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Double-click to open the module, then paste the following code to remove all footnotes:įor Each objFootnote In ActiveDocument.It doesn’t allow multiple use like macros, but it’s a lightning fast way of removing footnotes and endnotes from a document. This is a method for which you don’t need any coding knowledge, as it’s very simple. Assign the macro to a button or a key, and you’ll be able to delete all footnotes found in a document in no time. You can delete endnotes the same way, just replace ^f with ^e. The default includes author (s) and year, but there. From the Insert menu, select your desired citation display. Select Insert Citation, and use the search bar to search by author, title, keyword, etc. Leave the Replace with box blank, then go to Replace All. If you are using EndNote Basic (Web), you will be prompted to log into your account.You can also do this by selecting More > Special > Footnote Mark or Endnote Mark. In the Find what box, enter ^f for footnotes and ^e for endnotes.Once you’ve opened the dialog box, click on the Replace.

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In the document you’re editing, open the Find and Replace dialog box: On a Mac, go to Edit > Find, and select Advanced Find and Replace. If you’re using Word 2013 or 2016, you can do this by pressing Ctrl + H. For those of you who want to use Mendeley as a citation software, but don't know how to install it, this article will help you to install it easily.

In just a couple of clicks, you can get rid of all footnotes. This is the most widely used method, also one of the easiest. Removing Footnotes and Endnotes by Using the Find and Replace Option We’ll cover everything you need to know in this article. If there are too many of them for manual removal, there are 3 ways to delete all of them at once. In EndNote Desktop, go to Tools - Format Paper and select the downloaded file. If you don't have Word, download the Google Doc as an.

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If you want to delete them, Word offers multiple ways of doing it. If you have Word, download the Google Doc as a Word document, then click Bibliography - Update Citations and Bibliography to format. You may receive a documents filled with footnotes which you don’t find useful. In the Insert Menu, select Add-Ins and then the submenu My Add-Ins Click the 3 dots in the upper right hand corner of the Add-In you wish to remove You can remove an add-in that you've previously sideloaded on Windows, Mac, or iOS by clearing the Office cache on your computer.

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However, sometimes you’ll get them by default, which you might not need. How to remove add ins from word mac Remove Add-in from Office 2016 for Mac - Ask Differen.

[classyfoxdestiny]

How Facebook undermines privacy protections for its 2 billion WhatsApp users

How Facebook undermines privacy protections for its 2 billion WhatsApp users

When Mark Zuckerberg unveiled a new “privacy-focused vision” for Facebook in March 2019, he cited the company’s global messaging service, WhatsApp, as a model.

Acknowledging that “we don’t currently have a strong reputation for building privacy protective services,” the Facebook CEO wrote that “I believe the future of communication will increasingly shift to private, encrypted services where people can be confident what they say to each other stays secure and their messages and content won’t stick around forever. This is the future I hope we will help bring about. We plan to build this the way we’ve developed WhatsApp.”

Zuckerberg’s vision centred on WhatsApp’s signature feature, which he said the company was planning to apply to Instagram and Facebook Messenger: end-to-end encryption, which converts all messages into an unreadable format that is only unlocked when they reach their intended destinations. WhatsApp messages are so secure, he said, that nobody else — not even the company — can read a word. As Zuckerberg had put it earlier, in testimony to the US Senate in 2018, “We don’t see any of the content in WhatsApp”.

WhatsApp emphasises this point so consistently that a flag with a similar assurance automatically appears on-screen before users send messages: “No one outside of this chat, not even WhatsApp, can read or listen to them.”

Given those sweeping assurances, you might be surprised to learn that WhatsApp has more than 1,000 contract workers filling floors of office buildings in Austin, Dublin and Singapore. Seated at computers in pods organised by work assignments, these hourly workers use special Facebook software to sift through millions of private messages, images and videos. They pass judgment on whatever flashes on their screen — claims of everything from fraud or spam to child porn and potential terrorist plotting — typically in less than a minute. The workers have access to only a subset of WhatsApp messages — those flagged by users and automatically forwarded to the company as possibly abusive.

The review is one element in a broader monitoring operation in which the company also reviews material that is not encrypted, including data about the sender and their account. Policing users while assuring them that their privacy is sacrosanct makes for an awkward mission at WhatsApp.

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A 49-slide internal company marketing presentation from December, obtained by ProPublica, emphasises the “fierce” promotion of WhatsApp’s “privacy narrative”. It compares its “brand character” to “the Immigrant Mother” and displays a photo of Malala Yousafzai, who survived a shooting by the Taliban and became a Nobel Peace Prize winner, in a slide titled “Brand tone parameters”. The presentation does not mention the company’s content moderation efforts.

WhatsApp’s director of communications, Carl Woog, acknowledged that teams of contractors in Austin and elsewhere review WhatsApp messages to identify and remove “the worst” abusers. But Woog told ProPublica that the company does not consider this work to be content moderation, saying: “We actually don’t typically use the term for WhatsApp.”

The company declined to make executives available for interviews for this article, but responded to questions with written comments.

“WhatsApp is a lifeline for millions of people around the world,” the company said. “The decisions we make around how we build our app are focused around the privacy of our users, maintaining a high degree of reliability and preventing abuse.”

WhatsApp’s denial that it moderates content is noticeably different from what Facebook says about WhatsApp’s corporate siblings, Instagram and Facebook. The company has said that some 15,000 moderators examine content on Facebook and Instagram, neither of which is encrypted. It releases quarterly transparency reports that detail how many accounts Facebook and Instagram have “actioned” for various categories of abusive content.

There is no such report for WhatsApp.

Deploying an army of content reviewers is just one of the ways that Facebook has compromised the privacy of WhatsApp users. Together, the company’s actions have left WhatsApp — the largest messaging app in the world, with two billion users — far less private than its users likely understand or expect. A ProPublica investigation, drawing on data, documents and dozens of interviews with current and former employees and contractors, reveals how, since purchasing WhatsApp in 2014, Facebook has quietly undermined its sweeping security assurances in multiple ways.

Many of the assertions by content moderators working for WhatsApp are echoed by a confidential whistleblower complaint filed last year with the US Securities and Exchange Commission. The complaint — which ProPublica obtained — details WhatsApp’s extensive use of outside contractors, artificial intelligence systems and account information to examine user messages, images and videos. It alleges that the company’s claims of protecting users’ privacy are false.

“We haven’t seen this complaint,” the company spokesperson said. The SEC has taken no public action on it; an agency spokesperson declined to comment.

Facebook has also downplayed how much data it collects from WhatsApp users, what it does with it and how much it shares with law enforcement authorities.

For example, WhatsApp shares metadata, unencrypted records that can reveal a lot about a user’s activity, with law enforcement agencies such as the Department of Justice. Some rivals, such as Signal, intentionally gather much less metadata to avoid incursions on its users’ privacy, and thus share far less with law enforcement. (“WhatsApp responds to valid legal requests,” the company spokesperson said, “including orders that require us to provide on a real-time going forward basis who a specific person is messaging.”)

WhatsApp user data, ProPublica has learned, helped prosecutors build a high-profile case against a Treasury Department employee who leaked confidential documents to BuzzFeed News that exposed how dirty money flows through US banks.

Like other social media and communications platforms, WhatsApp is caught between users who expect privacy and law enforcement entities that effectively demand the opposite: that WhatsApp turn over information that will help combat crime and online abuse. WhatsApp has responded to this dilemma by asserting that it’s no dilemma at all. “I think we absolutely can have security and safety for people through end-to-end encryption and work with law enforcement to solve crimes,” said Will Cathcart, whose title is head of WhatsApp, in a YouTube interview with an Australian think tank in July.

The tension between privacy and disseminating information to law enforcement is exacerbated by a second pressure: Facebook’s need to make money from WhatsApp. Since paying $22 billion to buy WhatsApp in 2014, Facebook has been trying to figure out how to generate profits from a service that doesn’t charge its users a penny. That conundrum has periodically led to moves that anger users, regulators or both.

The goal of monetising the app was part of the company’s 2016 decision to start sharing WhatsApp user data with Facebook, something the company had told European Union regulators was technologically impossible. The same impulse spurred a controversial plan, abandoned in late 2019, to sell advertising on WhatsApp. And the profit-seeking mandate was behind another botched initiative in January: the introduction of a new privacy policy for user interactions with businesses on WhatsApp, allowing businesses to use customer data in new ways. That announcement triggered a user exodus to competing apps.

WhatsApp’s increasingly aggressive business plan is focused on charging companies for an array of services — letting users make payments via WhatsApp and managing customer service chats — that offer convenience but fewer privacy protections.

The result is a confusing two-tiered privacy system within the same app where protections of end-to-end encryption are further eroded when WhatsApp users employ the service to communicate with businesses.

The company’s December marketing presentation captures WhatsApp’s diverging imperatives. It states that “privacy will remain important”. But it also conveys what seems to be a more urgent mission: the need to “open the aperture of the brand to encompass our future business objectives.”

Content Moderation Associates In many ways, the experience of being a content moderator for WhatsApp in Austin is identical to being a moderator for Facebook or Instagram, according to interviews with 29 current and former moderators. Mostly in their 20s and 30s, many with past experience as store clerks, grocery checkers and baristas, the moderators are hired and employed by Accenture, a huge corporate contractor that works for Facebook and other Fortune 500 behemoths.

The job listings advertise “Content Review” positions and make no mention of Facebook or WhatsApp. Employment documents list the workers’ initial title as “content moderation associate.” Pay starts around $16.50 an hour. Moderators are instructed to tell anyone who asks that they work for Accenture, and are required to sign sweeping non-disclosure agreements.

Citing the NDAs, almost all the current and former moderators interviewed by ProPublica insisted on anonymity. (An Accenture spokesperson declined comment, referring all questions about content moderation to WhatsApp.)

When the WhatsApp team was assembled in Austin in 2019, Facebook moderators already occupied the fourth floor of an office tower on Sixth Street, adjacent to the city’s famous bar-and-music scene. The WhatsApp team was installed on the floor above, with new glass-enclosed work pods and nicer bathrooms that sparked a tinge of envy in a few members of the Facebook team. Most of the WhatsApp team scattered to work from home during the pandemic.

Whether in the office or at home, they spend their days in front of screens, using a Facebook software tool to examine a stream of “tickets”, organised by subject into “reactive” and “proactive” queues.

Collectively, the workers scrutinise millions of pieces of WhatsApp content each week. Each reviewer handles upwards of 600 tickets a day, which gives them less than a minute per ticket. WhatsApp declined to reveal how many contract workers are employed for content review, but a partial staffing list reviewed by ProPublica suggests that, at Accenture alone, it’s more than 1,000. WhatsApp moderators, like their Facebook and Instagram counterparts, are expected to meet performance metrics for speed and accuracy, which are audited by Accenture.

Their jobs differ in other ways. Because WhatsApp’s content is encrypted, artificial intelligence systems can’t automatically scan all chats, images and videos, as they do on Facebook and Instagram. Instead, WhatsApp reviewers gain access to private content when users hit the “report” button on the app, identifying a message as allegedly violating the platform’s terms of service. This forwards five messages — the allegedly offending one along with the four previous ones in the exchange, including any images or videos — to WhatsApp in unscrambled form, according to former WhatsApp engineers and moderators. Automated systems then feed these tickets into “reactive” queues for contract workers to assess. Artificial intelligence initiates a second set of queues — so-called proactive ones — by scanning unencrypted data that WhatsApp collects about its users and comparing it against suspicious account information and messaging patterns (a new account rapidly sending out a high volume of chats is evidence of spam), as well as terms and images that have previously been deemed abusive.

The unencrypted data available for scrutiny is extensive. It includes the names and profile images of a user’s WhatsApp groups as well as their phone number, profile photo, status message, phone battery level, language and time zone, unique mobile phone ID and IP address, wireless signal strength and phone operating system, as a list of their electronic devices, any related Facebook and Instagram accounts, the last time they used the app and any previous history of violations. The WhatsApp reviewers have three choices when presented with a ticket for either type of queue: Do nothing, place the user on “watch” for further scrutiny, or ban the account. (Facebook and Instagram content moderators have more options, including removing individual postings. It’s that distinction — the fact that WhatsApp reviewers can’t delete individual items — that the company cites as its basis for asserting that WhatsApp reviewers are not “content moderators”.)

WhatsApp moderators must make subjective, sensitive and subtle judgements, interviews and documents examined by ProPublica show. They examine a wide range of categories, including “Spam Report”, “Civic Bad Actor” (political hate speech and disinformation), “Terrorism Global Credible Threat”, “CEI” (child exploitative imagery) and “CP” (child pornography). Another set of categories addresses the messaging and conduct of millions of small and large businesses that use WhatsApp to chat with customers and sell their wares. These queues have such titles as “business impersonation prevalence,” “commerce policy probable violators” and “business verification”.

Moderators say the guidance they get from WhatsApp and Accenture relies on standards that can be simultaneously arcane and disturbingly graphic. Decisions about abusive sexual imagery, for example, can rest on an assessment of whether a naked child in an image appears adolescent or prepubescent, based on comparison of hip bones and pubic hair to a medical index chart. One reviewer recalled a grainy video in a political-speech queue that depicted a machete-wielding man holding up what appeared to be a severed head: “We had to watch and say, ‘Is this a real dead body or a fake dead body?’”

In late 2020, moderators were informed of a new queue for alleged “sextortion.” It was defined in an explanatory memo as “a form of sexual exploitation where people are blackmailed with a nude image of themselves which have been shared by them or someone else on the Internet.” The memo said workers would review messages reported by users that “include predefined keywords typically used in sextortion/blackmail messages.”

WhatsApp’s review system is hampered by impediments, including buggy language translation. The service has users in 180 countries, with the vast majority located outside the US. Even though Accenture hires workers who speak a variety of languages, for messages in some languages there’s often no native speaker on site to assess abuse complaints. That means using Facebook’s language-translation tool, which reviewers said could be so inaccurate that it sometimes labelled messages in Arabic as being in Spanish. The tool also offered little guidance on local slang, political context or sexual innuendo.

“In the three years I’ve been there,” one moderator said, “it’s always been horrible.”

The process can be rife with errors and misunderstandings. Companies have been flagged for offering weapons for sale when they are selling straight shaving razors. Bras can be sold, but if the marketing language registers as “adult”, the seller can be labelled a forbidden “sexually oriented business”. And a flawed translation tool set off an alarm when it detected kids for sale and slaughter, which, upon closer scrutiny, turned out to involve young goats intended to be cooked and eaten in halal meals.

The system is also undercut by the human failings of the people who instigate reports. Complaints are frequently filed to punish, harass or prank someone, according to moderators. In messages from Brazil and Mexico, one moderator explained, “we had a couple of months where AI was banning groups left and right because people were messing with their friends by changing their group names” and then reporting them. “At the worst of it, we were probably getting tens of thousands of those. They figured out some words the algorithm did not like.”

Other reports fail to meet WhatsApp standards for an account ban. “Most of it is not violating,” one of the moderators said. “It’s content that is already on the internet, and it’s just people trying to mess with users.”

Still, each case can reveal up to five unencrypted messages, which are then examined by moderators. The judgment of WhatsApp’s AI is less than perfect, moderators say. “There were a lot of innocent photos on there that were not allowed to be on there,” said Carlos Sauceda, who left Accenture last year after nine months. “It might have been a photo of a child taking a bath, and there was nothing wrong with it.” As another WhatsApp moderator put it, “A lot of the time, the artificial intelligence is not that intelligent.”

Facebook’s written guidance to WhatsApp moderators acknowledges many problems, noting “we have made mistakes and our policies have been weaponised by bad actors to get good actors banned. When users write inquiries pertaining to abusive matters like these, it is up to WhatsApp to respond and act (if necessary) accordingly in a timely and pleasant manner.”

Of course, if a user appeals a ban that was prompted by a user report, according to one moderator, it entails having a second moderator examine the user’s content.

Industry Leaders In public statements and on the company’s websites, Facebook is noticeably vague about WhatsApp’s monitoring process. The company does not provide a regular accounting of how WhatsApp polices the platform. WhatsApp’s FAQ page and online complaint form note that it will receive “the most recent messages” from a user who has been flagged. They do not, however, disclose how many unencrypted messages are revealed when a report is filed, or that those messages are examined by outside contractors. (WhatsApp told ProPublica it limits that disclosure to keep violators from “gaming” the system.)

By contrast, both Facebook and Instagram post lengthy “Community Standards” documents detailing the criteria its moderators use to police content, along with articles and videos about “the unrecognised heroes who keep Facebook safe” and announcements on new content review sites. Facebook’s transparency reports detail how many pieces of content are “actioned” for each type of violation. WhatsApp is not included in this report.

When dealing with legislators, Facebook officials also offer few details — but are eager to assure them that they don’t let encryption stand in the way of protecting users from images of child sexual abuse and exploitation.

For example, when members of the Senate Judiciary Committee grilled Facebook about the impact of encrypting its platforms, the company, in written follow-up questions in January 2020, cited WhatsApp in boasting that it would remain responsive to law enforcement. “Even within an encrypted system,” one response noted, “we will still be able to respond to lawful requests for metadata, including potentially critical location or account information… We already have an encrypted messaging service, WhatsApp, that — in contrast to some other encrypted services — provides a simple way for people to report abuse or safety concerns.”

Sure enough, WhatsApp reported 400,000 instances of possible child-exploitation imagery to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in 2020, according to its head, Cathcart. That was ten times as many as in 2019. “We are by far the industry leaders in finding and detecting that behaviour in an end-to-end encrypted service,” he said.

During his YouTube interview with the Australian think tank, Cathcart also described WhatsApp’s reliance on user reporting and its AI systems’ ability to examine account information that isn’t subject to encryption.

Asked how many staffers WhatsApp employed to investigate abuse complaints from an app with more than two billion users, Cathcart didn’t mention content moderators or their access to encrypted content. “There’s a lot of people across Facebook who help with WhatsApp,” he explained. “If you look at people who work full time on WhatsApp, it’s above a thousand. I won’t get into the full breakdown of customer service, user reports, engineering, etc. But it’s a lot of that.”

In written responses for this article, the company spokesperson said: “We build WhatsApp in a manner that limits the data we collect while providing us tools to prevent spam, investigate threats, and ban those engaged in abuse, including based on user reports we receive. This work takes extraordinary effort from security experts and a valued trust and safety team that works tirelessly to help provide the world with private communication.”

The spokesperson noted that WhatsApp has released new privacy features, including “more controls about how people’s messages can disappear” or be viewed only once. He added, “Based on the feedback we’ve received from users, we’re confident people understand when they make reports to WhatsApp we receive the content they send us.”

Additional reporting by Alex Mierjeski and Doris Burke.

This story was originally published by ProPublica.

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[ahopefuldoubt]

The Alchemical Process in an Adoptee’s Identity and Reunion: Color Symbolism in The Prince of Egypt

This post, from 2016 [x], is around 2,000 words long and contains embedded images.  Image descriptions are included.  (“Read more” cut now removed.)

Like many adoptees, Moses is compelled to create an identity that integrates — or doesn’t integrate — different parts of himself: aspects of his adoptive and biological families and their cultures.  Central to The Prince of Egypt is the character’s reunion with his biological siblings, Miriam and Aaron.  In the movie, there are three scenes in particular that not only depict this reunion process, but reflect different stages of Moses’ identity formation as an adoptee.

While watching the movie, I couldn’t help but notice the dominant colors (the primary colors, no less) in these scenes: The Well Scene is blue, the Mud Pit Scene is yellow, and the Post-Exodus Scenes are red.  I thought I already understood the significance of blue and red, but yellow made me pause.  As I continued to think about color symbolism, I remembered hearing about how the Harry Potter series utilizes colors associated with the stages of the alchemical process (the “magnum opus,” which describes the creation of the philosopher’s stone).  In Rowling’s books, Sirius Black represents black; Albus Dumbledore, white; and Rubeus Hagrid, red [see the Footnotes attached to this post].  The Potter books use “literary alchemy” to symbolize different story developments, transformations, and archetypes.  This started me down the path of wondering if something similar might be happening in The Prince of Egypt with regard to color symbolism and identity development.

Indeed, yellow is another color that is associated with the magnum opus, and while blue* and red still seem to symbolize the Egyptians and the Hebrews, respectively, these colors are also tied to the alchemical process.

In this essay, I analyze each scene and how its dominant color connects to the transformative processes of reunion, alchemy, and identity formation.

The Well Scene: blue (alchemical black*) - shadow

The Mud Pit Scene: yellow - awakening

Post-Exodus Scenes: red - wholeness

The Well Scene: Blue (Alchemical Black)

The movie uses blue, rather than black, to represent the first phase of the alchemical process: decomposition.  In alchemy, materials must first be broken down before they can be renewed or remade.  According to Jungian psychology, this stage involves confronting the unconscious (“inner shadows”).  At this time, the individual Self is unformed or unknown.

The well scene is significant to Moses and his early stages of identity formation, but it is also important in the way it forces all three siblings to confront the unknown.

[Image 1 description: Aaron is standing by the well, still holding on to the rope.  His expression is that of wide-eyed fear.  Miriam is grasping his shoulder and clothing, a look of wide-eyed excitement on her face.  There is a distinct blue cast to the scene.]

[Image 2 description: Moses is standing with his hands on his hips, his expression one of airy indifference.  Miriam is standing with her back to the viewer, facing her brother.  There is a distinct blue cast to the scene.]

^^^ Look at all that blue! ^^^

Miriam’s excitement is so palpable and honest.  She has been waiting for years for their brother to return.

Aaron is panicking because he views this prince (prince-not-prince/maybe-brother) as a potential threat.

Moses is so sure of who he is and his place in the world/his family.  He has “all [he] ever wanted.”

In this scene, they are all working off of what they know, or think they know, and the scene quickly deconstructs all of that.  By the end, the things they took for granted are no longer true.  Their worlds have been knocked off-course, into shadow.  For Miriam, this means realizing that Moses was never told who he is and facing the disappointment that comes with that realization.  For Aaron, this means unearthing an unreliable memory/past and dealing with an equally uncertain present/future.

Meanwhile, the adoptee, Moses, learns that he has been cut off from crucial information about who he is.  Until this moment, his mother’s lullaby has been unconscious and unknown, little more than a preverbal memory, perhaps.  Now he is forced to confront this secret aspect of his identity, including the negative/unsavory (shadow) aspects of his personality (his arrogance, and his ignorance to the oppression around him) and life (the role his adoptive father played in Moses’ initial relinquishment).

This scene brings up many existential questions for Moses, as he also starts to feel the weight of having been raised within the culture of his people’s oppressors.  Now that everything he knows has been dissolved, he must begin the process of creating a new authentic Self.  This blue scene, in which Moses meets his biological siblings, is pivotal to the development of his identity.

Note: According to Jung, “shadows” can manifest in dreams.  Moses’ hieroglyphics dream confirms the information that was withheld from him but nonetheless rested somewhere in his subconscious.

The Mud Pit Scene: Yellow

One of the middle phases of the alchemical process is yellow.  This step is characterized by solar light or awakening.  In Jung’s stages of identity development, yellow marks a period in which the Self is taking form.

Significantly, the scene at the mud pit is yellow.

At this point in the movie, Moses has returned to Egypt after having been in self-exile for many years.  Now he must continue to wrestle with his identity and negotiate the space between/within his two families.  This is the scene in which Moses, who reaches a very low point (physically and figuratively) in his personal journey, encounters Miriam and Aaron again, and also makes the decision to directly confront Rameses, his adoptive brother, for a second time.

[Image 3 description: Miriam, having knelt down beside him, is speaking to Moses.  There is an earnest expression on her face.  The viewer can only see the back of Moses’ head, but it is clear that he is looking at the ground.  Aaron is standing in the background and is quietly listening to his sister’s words.  The sky is overcast and yellow.  *It might not actually be that overcast, but the sky is still very yellow.]

[Image 4 description: Aaron is glaring at Moses, his expression hard and distrustful.  Unnamed Hebrew characters are gathered behind him, wearing similar expressions.  This moment takes place shortly after the one in image 3.  The sky is overcast and yellow.  *It might not actually be that overcast, but the sky is still very yellow.]

^^^ The reactions of Moses’ biological siblings are very important. ^^^

It’s crucial to note Miriam’s and Aaron’s roles in this scene, and how they both help Moses along his process of identity development.

Miriam, ever-steady in her faith and hope, uses firm but gentle words to rally Moses.

Aaron challenges Moses by reminding Moses of his past actions (shadows).  Aaron’s blunt honesty is in fact a very important echo of his sister’s compassionate words, also functioning to rally and push Moses forward.  I interpret his expression in the image above as saying, “I’ve been burned countless times before, and I don’t trust you.  Don’t let Miriam down again (don’t strike her down again).  Don’t let me down.  Don’t disappear again.”

Notably, Moses accepts his biological siblings’ encouragement and challenge, and uses them to assert (awaken/form) his sense of Self.  This phase is also associated with the “wise old man/woman” archetype in Jungian psychology.  In this scene, Moses’ actions show that he himself is becoming a wise old man: By taking matters into his own hands and reaching out for an identity that is authentic to him, he is also transforming into a leader of his people and establishing himself as a member of his biological family.

Great difficulty comes with this development, though, as Moses also takes steps to distance himself from his adoptive brother, Rameses.  Adoptees must often navigate this in-between space.  They grapple with a need to prove themselves, to be good enough for their families, to be loyal.  Moses’ core sense of Self was dealt a blow because he was not told he was adopted.  During the mud pit scene, he is still very unsure of himself and his place in his families.  However, I think that this scene, with its strong yellow overtones, represents a moment in which Moses is truly beginning to express ownership over who he is, wants to be, and who he is to become.  It is nevertheless a long and painful road.

Note: This post focuses on Moses, but I plan on analyzing the mud pit scene in a separate post, particularly with regard to the physical positions of the characters/layout of the scene, and likely dealing more directly with Miriam and Aaron.  I love this scene so much, and I get so geeked about Miriam and Aaron both being conductors of light.

Post-Exodus: Red

Red represents the final phase of the alchemical process.  It signifies the end, the ultimate stage.  Jung notes that it is in this stage that the true Self is fully realized and the individual achieves “wholeness.”

[Image 5 description: In the foreground, Miriam and Tzipporah are embracing.  Slightly behind them, Aaron has his hands on Moses’ shoulders.  All are smiling.  There is a reddish glow to the scene.]

^^^ The adoptee has formed his own identity. ^^^

The color red pervades the post-Exodus scenes, which comprise the last chapter of the reunion story.  Here, Moses has reconciled the different parts of his identity and created his own place within his biological family.  This involves a tremendous amount of grief, however, because Moses has chosen to sever his ties with his adoptive brother, with whom he shared a close relationship.  The movie allows Moses’ relationships with his adoptive and biological siblings to unfold — to rise and fall — in a truthful and complex manner.  For the most part, it avoids telling a totally idealized version of an adoptee’s reunion story.

The final phase of identity development involves the resolution of “psychic conflicts,” especially those that were present in the earlier stages.  Not only does this happen for Moses, but Miriam and Aaron also achieve a sense of closure with the unknowns that arose during the well scene.

With the return of her other brother, Miriam’s original hopes and prayers, which had suffered a blow in the well scene, are fulfilled and answered.

Aaron gains a sense of stability and hope through his connection with his brother, whom he initially viewed as a threatening, unreal figure.

Miriam’s and Aaron’s influences on the way Moses develops his identity — and the fact that they go on a parallel journey — speaks to the intimacy of the story and strength of the film.

Adoptees’ lives begin with loss: a critical separation from their first mothers and personal histories.  As a result, adoptees may feel a lack of agency in their lives and identities, and struggle to attain that control.  In The Prince of Egypt, Moses is an adoptee who wrestles with these issues.  His sense of Self sustains further damage because his origins were withheld from him.  His reunion with his biological siblings is likewise a tumultuous process.  There is pain as well as joy.  More than ever, I am alert to the mainstream portrayal of adoption and adoptees (but this is a topic for another essay).  While viewing the film, I noticed an overt use of color in the three key reunion scenes, and I wanted to delve deeper into their possible meaning.  Writing about the link between these colors and the development of Moses’ identity has allowed me to work through my understanding of the extent to which Moses is able to direct the narrative of his life.

Reunion is not always possible for every adoptee; however, many will undergo their own alchemical process over the course of their life, breaking down and transforming their identities in their search for an authentic sense of Self.

Footnotes:

Some resources used for this post: x  x  x

…but also Carl Jung’s Psychology and Alchemy, which I haven’t read yet.

For literary alchemy, as it relates to Harry Potter, search for John Granger’s work (some links have been provided above).  Rowling has also written about the color symbolism in her books.

Last edited: 6/22/16, 6/14/17

[genderassignment]

Borderland Creatures: Lise Haller Baggesen & Iris Bernblum at Goldfinch

Installation view of I am the horse, Goldfinch, Chicago. Photo credit: Daniel Hojnacki. Left: Iris Bernblum. Pretty baby 3, 2018, spray paint on photo. Right: Iris Bernblum. Pour, 2018, paint on wall, dimensions variable.

Gender Assignment Guest Blogger, Matt Morris

This is a story of biopower and biosociality…those bitches insisted on the history of companion species, a very mundane and ongoing sort of tale, one full of misunderstandings, achievements, crimes, and renewable hopes. (1)

To begin, rest assured that in my epigraph above, Donna Haraway writes ‘bitches’ in reference to dogs designed to service breeding and the interests of humans. However, it occurs to me how language demonstrates its potential to transmigrate across species (a system that is itself, language), and marks out a contentious zone in which femininity is denigrated, and the fact of our animal-ness is charged with a capacity for social abuse and enforced disparities across gender and race. Language is appropriated, and then reappropriated in common parlance, how one might clap back, confirming, ‘Yes, I’m that bitch.’ One wonders, and the wondering is overwhelming, at the intricacies of how language and organism and the institution of gender have been made to conspire in obfuscating life’s interdependencies. Haraway goes on to remind readers that to consider companion species is not only to account for pets, but also the plant- and animal-based foods we consume, cellular genetic modifications, products with less obvious origins among the living (horses, glue, etc.), and techno-hybrid aspects of contemporary life. The challenge to grasp either the particulars or scope of this paradigm is certainly an (intentional) effect of power. That artists Lise Haller Baggesen and Iris Bernblum succeed at finding starting points to contemplate these entanglements by revisiting the much-maligned genre of ‘horse art’ mostly relegated to the sphere of female adolescence is both novel and moving. In the years I’ve known both artists’ practices, I’ve come to trust that neither are squeamish around topics that are often avoided as much because of how easily they are dismissed as for how problematic they prove to be in their deconstruction. Motherhood, passé disco, unicorns, bucolic landscapes: both artists brave themes that even many other feminists avoid. Their exhibition I Am the Horse now on view at Goldfinch in Garfield Park proves to be écriture feminine (2) équestre par excellence.

If we reside in an oft-unacknowledged natureculture system, Baggesen and Bernblum’s art manifests naturecultureculture, at turns instinctively poetic, strategically conceptual, activist, collaborative, whimsical, and stark. Through paintings (on canvas, on photographs), photographic documentation of playful activations of sculptures (objects that are themselves also on view elsewhere in the space), projected video, drawing, and two audio soundtracks, both artists weave Borromean knots through Lacan’s imaginary and real.

(Why would I invoke such an old model of describing experience and consciousness as Lacan, when Baudrillard’s postulations decades ago of a madness of simulations detached from the real seem to be reaching new climaxes of surreal if not unbearable proportions in our present day? I’ll admit, I’m desperate to find means of surviving even thriving, and it’s in my personal bias that I find Lacan useful. It’s certainly a mere mirage of organization, but as with the ‘horse art’ I’m pondering here, it offers me some manageability with which to encounter immense entanglements with which I am otherwise inundated. I am struggling with being in the world, sometimes struggling to even face exhibition openings like this one about which I write. I’m searching for how to be—ethically, aesthetically, politically.)  

Lise Haller Baggesen. Refusenik on the beach, 2018, Photographic transparency, lightbox. Image courtesy of the artist

It’s in this present state that I feel such affinity for Baggesen’s Refuseniks, a series of costumes that propose hybridity for their wearers (across individuals, across species), by combining structural aspects of jockey shirts and horse blankets, often with multiplied arm holes and equine-shaped hoods. Refusenik (double wearable), 2017, is a melancholic confection draped in the gallery space, possessing all the pluralism of Rei Kawakubo and the lightly floral palette of Dirk Van Saene. In the accompanying photographs, we see these garments not only worn by people and horses alike, but also behaving architectonically, pitched into tents redolent of the Snoezelen-room-inspired immersive installations of Baggesen’s earlier work.

Make. Believe. Dress. Up. Pause to consider these words and phrases while observing Baggesen’s photographs of Refuseniks in the wild. The lightbox Refusenik on the Beach, 2018, shows a figure swimming offshore like an island-bound pony or a mermaid. These scenarios are acted out as conscious performative disengagements from dominant narratives that taxonomize and restrict across gender, age, and species. These works are efforts in conscious play, what psychoanalyst Ernst Kris termed ‘regression in the service of the ego,’ following on the pronouncement of becoming that names the exhibition. I am the horse.

Installation view of I am the horse, Goldfinch, Chicago. Photo credit: Daniel Hojnacki

What’s regrettable and even misguided within the literature that expounds on the bonds between women and horses—and by this, I’m speaking of a body of discourse inclusive not only of psychoanalysis and other modern modes of theory production, but also more expansive treatments of mythology and lore—is that these relationships are nearly always supposed as a substitution for women oriented toward men. The method of using a virgin to attract a unicorn so it may be caught and its horn severed and used for its healing properties is all misdirection: it seems clear to me that this narrative mostly prepares young women to be penetrated by virile conquests. The unfounded rumors of Catherine the Great’s lust for equine copulation follows on her wresting control of the Russian empire from her mentally ill husband. In her case, her strength of will that surpassed the men with whom she was attached and surrounded had to be distorted into bestial proportions in order to maintain a culture organized around male domination. A nebula of dildonic hobby horses, penis envy, the introduction of women riding side-saddle as early as the 14th century as a means of protecting their virginity if not also their decency—horses gallop through all sorts of conceptualizations that would portray women’s sexuality as vulnerable and in need of protection, and also a site of lack, a cavity designed to be filled. It would seem that across the literature that characterizes women’s relationships to horses, men can’t help but recast these attachments as metaphoric pussy grabbing of a most intimate order, territorializing the horse’s body as a prosthetic extension of their own desire and dread and anger (read: misogyny) to control women and their object choices, erotic or otherwise. This is a consuming violence further materialized by the litany of ways that the unchecked, unexamined, privileged marker of ‘men’ is scripted with an entitlement to possess whatever the holder of that sign wishes to possess, to possess and then destroy, and the absolute conviction held within that position that any alternative narratives produced within the culture is metaphoric to them.

It is against this violence and the symbolic order that reifies it that Bernblum and Baggesen act. Upon entering the exhibition, Baggesen’s audio piece, Stallion, 2018, is played on white headphones beneath one of several lightbox photographs in the exhibition that show her piecework Refusenik garments used in tropical landscapes. The sound piece is a sort of audio guide, as if a didactic for a museum collection—a format for working that recurs across Baggesen’s oeuvre and shows how her research operates across writing and studio production. The audio speaks to The Lady and the Unicorn tapestries in Paris’ Musée de Cluny, noting possible symbols for virginity, chastity, and maternity within the textiles’ imagery, with frequent departures into lullaby-like singing and theoretical proposals such as: “’Our selves’ are not located within ‘ourselves’…but are a function of it and vice versa, and personhood is acquired, along with ‘soul,’ gradually and suddenly….” From the start, the logic of this exhibition proceeds counter to any linear theory of development in which a monolithic subject is constituted.

Iris Bernblum. Pretty baby 2, 2018, spray paint on photo. Image courtesy of the artist and Aspect/Ratio Gallery, Chicago

Also from the start, the titular horse in both artists’ projects is haunted by a spectral unicorn. In Bernblum’s Pretty baby 3, 2018, a mottled horse is photographed in black and white. Where a unicorn’s horn might emerge from its head, the artist has sprayed the print with a hazy, glowing pink paint. Is this the body from which her ten-foot-tall unicorn horn-cum-lightning rod Struck, 2016, was removed? While the image conjures fantasies both telepathic and amputating, the action of it as an object—the spray of paint that Bernblum repeats across numerous works—belongs to a nouveau réaliste mode of painting that recalls Niki de Saint Phalle’s Shooting Pictures of the 1960s. The pigment dispersions and drips in Bernblum’s paintings—on photographs, paper, and for Pour, 2018, down the gallery wall itself—are jouissance gestures held at an ambiguous point of rupture, appearing to spill forth, but understood as applied onto the bodies (of horses, of gallery-institution) depicted. This, I have come to feel, is the zone in which Bernblum and her audiences are held—threshold spaces, subtle but provocatively suspenseful, with all the erotic, energetic potential of bodies together pressing into the moment of her artwork. She commands an art herstory that swells from Benglis’ ejaculated spills and Judy Chicago’s spray-painted ‘flesh gates,’ ‘cunts,’ and ‘Great Ladies’ works. Here is one of the linkages between artistic praxis and the horse bodies that roam through the exhibition: these painterly forerunners pushed past pictorial illusionism into the expressive potential of material itself, understood simultaneously through being looked upon (imaginary) and acted with (real). So too, it would seem, do horses. History of science scholar Laurel Braitman notes in her research of how animals are thought about within human culture, "Horses and…unicorns—these are all borderland creatures; gateway animals to other worlds," she says. "They help us imagine wonderful other ways of being in the world,” of harnessing one’s own power and potential for transformation. (3)

Lise Haller Baggesen. Grown up Refusenik, Copenhagen, October 2017, 2017. Photographic transparency, lightbox. Image courtesy of the artist

The efforts of these two artists sensitize their audiences to the means by which such transformative tools are restricted from use by their situation into early periods of development that are made difficult to access, through stigmas of some sort of arrested adolescence and the assigned roles and responsibilities of adulthood. The assembled artworks, the excursions they document, and the desires they manifest act against capitalist time, the work shift of the laborer, the demands on the time of mothers and working mothers, the imposition of a before and after of sexual awakening. Baggesen’s Grown-up Refusenik, Copenhagen, October 2017, 2017, shows an upright figure standing beside a clear-eyed horse named Nellie. One sees a graying beard along the jawline of the figure, whose head is otherwise masked by a pink horse hood. If not for this fanciful headpiece, this image might recall the other tradition in horse art, the status-symbol equestrian portrait that came to prominence in the 16th–18th centuries of European painting. As it is, one is left to quietly rethink the conceptual divisions upon which our political, economic, and ideological systems depend. What if the hierarchies of speciesism are toppled, and with them, the metaphors that would organize all women’s attachments as preludes or parallels to their being dominated by men? What it the right-wing accelerationism’s tenuous reliance on regulated, linear time might be disrupted in order to gain access to modes of play and being that have been restricted to childhood? What if we breathe, as Bernblum’s two-channel video work breathes, or we make space to catch our breath amidst what feels like a world on fire? What if we explore unbridled, libidinal release that transgresses borderlands? Because, interestingly, Baggesen and Bernblum work into and from facets of écriture féminine that are not essentialist in defining a category of womanhood, but even, as Wittig proposes would “destroy the sexes as a sociological reality if we want to start to exist.” Optimistically, she invites forms of becoming beyond a binary: “To refuse to be a woman, however, does not mean that one has to become a man.” What if, in refusal, we become unicorns?

End Note: I’ve decided that for my series of contributions to Gender Assignment, I want to attach to each essay a selected perfume that I’ve worn through most or all of the drafting of these texts. This can be traced back to my use of perfume in my own art practice, as well as conversations around sensitivity and wellness related to scent that I’ve shared with my host and editor here, Mel Potter, as well as the artists and subjects of this and other forthcoming texts. For this first essay, I have written within a cloud of Mon Musc a Moi, released in 2015 by A Lab on Fire, designed by Dominique Ropion. This scent opens with quick bursts of bergamot and peach blossom before wrapping a sugary heliotrope-vanilla in wet-fur musks. The perfume house recently renamed the scent Messy SexyTM Just Rolled Out of Bed, and it strikes me that the former name possesses an introspection and reticence that is perhaps in keeping with this exhibition, while its updated moniker casts the scent into a narrative tinged with male-gazey sexual-objecthood that may be more salable, but belies some of the poetry of the scent.

Matt Morris is an artist, writer, and sometimes curator based in Chicago. He analyzes forms of attachment and intimacy through painting, perfume, photography, and institutional critique. He has presented artwork at Adds Donna, The Bike Room, Gallery 400, The Franklin, peregrineprogram, Queer Thoughts, Sector 2337, and Shane Campbell Gallery in Chicago, IL; The Mary + Leigh Block Museum of Art in Evanston, IL; The Elmhurst Art Museum in Elmhurst, IL; Fjord and Vox Populi in Philadelphia, PA; The Contemporary Arts Center, U·turn Art Space, Aisle, and semantics in Cincinnati, OH; Clough-Hanson Gallery and Beige in Memphis, TN; Permanent.Collection in Austin, TX; Cherry + Lucic in Portland, OR; The Poor Farm in Manawa, WI; with additional projects in Reims, France; Greencastle, IN; Lincoln, NE; and Baton Rouge, LA. Morris is a transplant from southern Louisiana who holds a BFA from the Art Academy of Cincinnati, and earned an MFA in Art Theory + Practice from Northwestern University, as well as a Certificate in Gender + Sexuality Studies. In Summer 2017 he earned a Certification in Fairyology from Doreen Virtue, PhD. He is a lecturer at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and a contributor to Artforum.com, ARTnews, Art Papers, Flash Art, Pelican Bomb, and Sculpture; and his writing appears in numerous exhibition catalogues and artist monographs.

1. Haraway, Donna. The Companion Species Manifesto: Dogs, People, and Significant Otherness. Chicago: Prickly Paradigm Press, 2007. Print, p. 5.

2. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Écriture_féminine>

3.  Quoted in Davia Nelson and Niiki Silva’s “Why Do Girls Love Horses, Unicorns and Dolphins?” All Things Considered. National Public Radio, February 9, 2011. <https://www.npr.org/2011/02/09/133600424/why-do-girls-love-horses-unicorns-and-dolphins> 

[yellowlasvegas941]

Word For Mac 2016 Font Issues Jan 2018

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Word For Mac 2016 Font Issues Jan 2018 Calendar

Quark 2016 Font Issues

Word For Mac 2016 Font Issues Jan 2018 Printable Calendar

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After the drawing opens, the command line feedback shows a substituted font(s), such as 'Substituting [simplex.shx] for [archquik.shx]' and when looking at the Text Style dialog box, the font is indicated as missing. Note: In some drawings, the text will disappear because of missing fonts.

I know talking about styles in Word makes eyes glaze over but they are a really useful part of Word (plus Excel, PowerPoint and Outlook).

Today I watched an ‘experienced’ Word user reformatting a document. He laboriously worked through the document, selecting paragraphs, phrases and even individual words then clicking on the ribbon to change the look. It took 10 minutes or more. With styles it would have taken a few seconds.

Authors using Word for Mac 2016 will need to read the Word for Mac2016 User Guide. We have created video documentation to help you through tagging document header, body, and references. We've also provided a video which walks you through the template validation process.

If the font for Heading 1 is changed then the font for Heading 2 will also change due to style inheritance. In a standard Word document, styles can usually be traced back to some base Word styles like Normal and Default Paragraph Font (paragraph and character styles respectively).

Microsoft Word vs Apple Pages review Which is the best word processing option for iPad and iPhone: Microsoft Word or Apple Pages? Our Pages vs Word review tests both iPad and iPhone text editors.

There are typically 2 factors that might create this result. The first is that you do not have WORD set to use the Adobe PDF printer when you are printing (though I do not think this is the issue).

Re: Font spacing goes haywire when Word document is saved to PDF Bill@VT Sep 4, 2011 2:19 AM ( in response to ghumdinger ) Try changing to the press or print job settings before creating the PDF.

Styles have been around for all of Word’s history. They have changed and expanded over the years but the fundamentals are the same.

In this article we’ll explain the different types of styles including at least one that sneaked in without many people noticing. From just one type in the early days of Word, there’s five different style types in Word 2007, Word 2010 and Word 2013.

What is a Style?

A style is a collection of formatting instructions put under a single name.

For example ‘Heading 1’ has these default values in Word 2013 (choose Heading 1 style, right-click and choose ‘Modify Style’.

So ‘Heading 1’ means Cambria font, 14pt, Bold with a color setting, Left justified, 1.15 line spacing and 24pt line space before the text, plus other settings.

Instead of having to apply all those separate formatting options for each main heading, just apply the ‘Heading 1’ style.

Even better, if you decide to change the look of the headings, change the ‘Heading 1’ settings and all the headings with that style will be changed automatically.

Paragraph and Character styles

There are different types of style that can be applied to different parts of a document. Originally there were only Paragraph styles – styles you could apply to an entire paragraph.

That was OK but no help if you wanted consistent formatting for words in a paragraph like a product name Office-Watch.com or just emphasis.

So Microsoft added character styles. These are styles that can be applied to a word or even a single letter. A character style could be called ‘Product Name’ to ensure all references to a product or service look consistent.

Character styles have all the attributes of paragraph styles that are applicable to individual characters. Things like font, size, color, bold, italic etc are in both character and paragraph styles. Line spacing, Left/Right/Center/Justify etc. can only apply to entire paragraphs.

Adding character styles created a new problem. Microsoft discovered that users sometimes had two styles with the same name – one as a paragraph style, the other as a character style. Or people would have two styles such as ‘QuoteP’ and QuoteC’ with the same settings, one for paragraphs and another for word/characters.

Linked styles

So Word 2007 introduced ‘Linked Styles’ which act as both a paragraph style and character style, depending on the situation.

A linked style acts like a paragraph style when a paragraph/s is selected and the style applied.

It acts like a character style when less than a paragraph (a character/word/phrase) is selected and the style applied.

Gone is the need for ‘twin’ styles – now you can have a single style that can applied to any text in a document.

The best example of a linked style is already in Word 2007 or later. All the Heading styles were changed to linked styles. Here’s an example of ‘Heading 1’ style used as both a paragraph and character style at the same time.

Both the paragraph and words were changed to the same style by selecting them and pressing the ‘Heading 1’ shortcut Ctrl + Alt + 1 . The Style Gallery or styles list could have been used to do the same thing.

In the Modify Style dialog you’ll see the style type just under the name.

‘Linked’ isn’t the best choice of terms for this type of style. Most styles are already ‘linked’ to others through style inheritance. ‘Merged’ or ‘Combined’ might have been clearer to most people – but we’re stuck with ‘Linked’.

Which is which?

On the styles list, the three types of style have their own markers.

The lower case ‘a’ next to a character style.

The ‘backwards P’ or Pilcrow is used as an end of paragraph mark in Word and also serves to denote a Paragraph style.

The combined pilcrow and a is, unsurprisingly, for a linked style.

A detailed and independent look at Windows 10, especially for Microsoft Office.

Fully up-to-date with coverage of the May 2019 major update of Windows 10.

This918 page book shows you important features and details for all serious Windows 10 users.

Alas, the Style Gallery on the ribbon isn’t as clear. Among various (ignored) complaints about the Style Gallery is the inconsistent marking.

Paragraph styles (e.g. Normal, Pictures etc.) have the pilcrow next to the style name.

Linked paragraphs (Heading styles etc.) have no marking next to the name.

But neither do the character styles! In the above image there’s no way to know that ‘Subtle Emphasis’ is a character style.

Inheritance

A brief mention of style inheritance.

Styles are normally based on an existing style so only changes from the inherited style need to be made. This lets you apply broader changes to a document a lot faster.

For example, here’s settings for Heading 2

Heading 2 is based on the Heading 1 style, so all the settings for Heading 1 are linked into Heading 2 as a starting point.

The settings like ’13pt, Not Bold …’ etc. are only the differences between Heading 1 and what’s been changed to the look for Heading 2.

If the font for Heading 1 is changed then the font for Heading 2 will also change due to style inheritance.

In a standard Word document, styles can usually be traced back to some base Word styles like Normal and Default Paragraph Font (paragraph and character styles respectively). However you can create a style ‘from scratch’ with no inheritance. Here’s the same Heading 2 style with the ‘Style based on’ removed.

Now you can see all the formatting attributes in detail.

Unlinking styles might seem like a good idea that makes things simpler, but experienced Word users almost never do it. Style inheritance can be a nuisance at times, but its more helpful than a hindrance.

What’s going on?

Sometimes the formatting can get confusing. What’s a paragraph setting, what’s a character style and what is directly applied with no style? WordPerfect had a ‘Reveal Codes’ feature which Microsoft resisted copying but finally added to Word.

There’s two options for exposing what Word is up to. The Style Inspector (Word 2007 and later) and Reveal Formatting. Here’s both in action side-by-side.

As you can see the Style Inspector is a small box that can be dragged around the screen. Open the Style Inspector from the button at the bottom of the Styles pane:

Reveal Formatting has a lot more detail and sits in the right-hand pane. There’s a button for Reveal Formatting on the Style Inspector box.

The Shift + F1 shortcut will open the Reveal Formatting pane. This shortcut has worked since Word 2002 (XP).

Table and List styles

Also added in Word 2007 were two more styles.

Table styles, let you group together all the many formatting options for tables.

Similarly, all the options for list formatting were a nightmare until Word 2007 when List Styles were introduced. Now all the, sometimes complex, choices for lists (numbering, indenting at each level) can be more easily and consistently applied.

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Symptoms

Word For Mac 2016 Font Issues Jan 2018 Calendar

When you use Microsoft Office programs, you notice that visual features differ from one computer to another. For example, you see animations in Excel when you scroll through a worksheet on one computer, but you do not see the same animations on another computer.

Additionally, you may experience one or more of the following symptoms that reduce the functionality of an Office program:

Quark 2016 Font Issues

An Office program is blurry.

Your screen flickers or flashes.

An Office program is either mostly all white or all black.

Text in your document is not displayed well.

Your Office program crashes.

The performance of an Office program (other than startup and shutdown) is reduced.

In Microsoft Lync, there may be video delays or slowness when you are on a video call.

Cause

You may experience these symptoms if you have a video configuration on your computer that is incompatible with the Office feature set that is responsible for displaying the application and for animations in the application.

Office 2013 and later versions use a more efficient and accelerated method to draw the Office UI and the content. This includes relying on hardware acceleration, which is managed through the operating system. The hardware acceleration function of the operating system relies on up-to-date and compatible display drivers.

Note Hardware acceleration that uses the video card is always disabled when Office is running in a Remote Desktop session, and also when the application is started in safe mode.

Resolution

The resolution varies depending on your version of Windows and the symptom you are experiencing.

For the symptom: Poorly Displayed Text in Office Documents

If your symptom is 'Poorly Displayed Text in Office Documents,' try the following solutions first. Otherwise, skip to the next section titled All Other Symptoms.

Step 1: Use the 'ClearType Text Tuner' Setting

Search for ClearType.

Windows 10, Windows 8.1, and Windows 8: On the Start Screen, search for ClearType.

Windows 7: Click Start, and then enter ClearType in the Search Programs and Files box.

Select Adjust ClearType Text.

In the ClearType Text Tuner, enable the Turn on ClearType option, and then click Next.

Tune your monitor by following the steps in the ClearType Text Tuner, and then click Finish.

If you are still experiencing a problem after you adjust the ClearType settings, go to Step 2.

Step 2: Disable the Sub-Pixel Positioning Feature

Word 2016 and Word 2013 use sub-pixel text rendering by default. While this provides optimal spacing, you may prefer the appearance of pixel-snapped text for a minor improvement in contrast. To disable the sub-pixel positioning feature in Word 2016 or Word 2013, follow these steps.

On the File tab, click Options.

Click Advanced.

Under the Display group, clear the Use the subpixel positioning to smooth fonts on screen option.

Click OK.

If you are still experiencing a problem after you turn off the sub-pixel text rendering setting, re-enable the Use the subpixel positioning to smooth fonts on screen setting, and then go to Step 3.

Step 3: On Windows 7 clients, install the Windows 8 Inter-operatibility Pack

If you are using Windows10, Windows 8.1 or Windows 8, skip this section and go to the steps under the For All Other Symptoms section.

If you are using Windows 7, install the update for improving video-related components that is available in the following Knowledge Base article:

2670838 Platform update for Windows 7 SP1 and Windows Server 2008 R2 SP1

If the previous steps did not resolve the 'Poorly Displayed Text in Office Documents' symptom, continue to troubleshoot your issue by using the steps in the next section.

For all other symptoms

Update your video driver

The best way to update your video driver is to run Windows Update to see whether a newer driver is available for your computer.

To run Windows Update based on your version of Windows, follow these steps:

Windows 10, Windows 8.1 and Windows 8

On the Start Screen, click Settings on the Charms Bar.

Click Change PC Settings.

In the PC settings app, click Windows Update.

Click Check for updates now.

If updates are available, click the driver that you want to install, and then click Install.

Windows 7

Click Start.

Type Windows Update in the Search programs and files box.

In the search results, click Check for updates.

If updates are available, click the driver that you want to install, and then click Install.

If your video-related problems in Office were fixed by when you updated your video driver, you do not have to take any further steps. Go to step 2 if updating the video driver does not fix the problems.

Note

Word For Mac 2016 Font Issues Jan 2018 Printable Calendar

Video card manufacturers frequently release updates to their drivers to improve performance or to fix compatibility issues with new programs.If you do not find an updated video driver for your computer through Windows Update and must have the latest driver for your video card, go to the support or download section of your video card manufacturer's website for information about how to download and install the newest driver.

More Information

Automatic disabling of hardware acceleration for some video cards

By default, hardware acceleration is automatically disabled in Office programs if certain video card and video card driver combinations are detected when you start an Office program. If hardware acceleration is automatically disabled by the program, nothing indicates that this change occurred. However, if you update your video card driver and it is more compatible with Office, hardware acceleration is automatically reenabled.

The list of video card/video driver combinations that trigger this automatic disabling of hardware graphics acceleration is not documented because the list is hard-coded in the Office programs and will be constantly changing as we discover additional video combinations that cause problems in Office programs. Therefore, if you do not see the same animation functionality on one computer that you see on another computer, we recommend that you update your video driver by using the instructions provided in the 'Update your video driver' section. If you still do not see the expected animation on your computer, update your video driver again soon. Microsoft is working with the major video card manufacturers on this issue, and these video card manufacturers will be releasing new video drivers as such drivers are developed.

Note

If two computers have the same video card/video driver combinations, you may still see a difference in the Office animation features between the two computers if one computer is running Windows 7 and the other computer is running Windows 8. On a computer that is running Windows 7, animations in Office are disabled if the video card/video driver combination appears on the incompatibility list. However, the same video combination on Windows 8 does not have animations disabled because of the improved video capabilities in Windows 8.

[l-ann-blog1]

#Cockygate - a breakdown

I've been following #Cockygate since the story broke back in early May. I wasn't going to write a blog post about it, but due to quite a few people asking me for updates inside a number of Facebook groups, I decided a blog post would be the easiest way for me to keep track of what's going on, instead of me posting the same information in a variety of places. I'm going to post up a timeline of events, as best as I can make out (there's a lot of information out there and it's very jumbled in places). The Timeline 2016-present day  - Faleena Hopkins releases a series of books seemingly called The Cocker Brothers of Atlanta. These books all relate to a family with the surname Cocker and are classified as romance and all have the word "Cocky" in the title. April 17, 2018 - The United States Patent and Trademark Office issues a registration certificate to Trademark Reg. No. 5447836, for “COCKY,” for the following goods: In IC 009: A series of downloadable e-books in the field of romance. IC 016: A series of books in the field of romance. Unlike the previous registration, this is a standard character mark registration. May 1, 2018 - The United States Patent and Trademark Office issues a registration certificate to Trademark Reg. No. 5458137, for “COCKY,” for the following goods: In IC 009: A series of downloadable e-books in the field of romance. IC 016: A series of books in the field of romance. This second trademark is for the word 'COCKY' in a stylised format, using a font by the font designer Set Sail.  It looks like this:-

May 5, 2018 (approx) - People start seeing tweets querying whether the word cocky has been trademarked and is no longer allowed to be used. May 5, 2018 - Jamila Jasper tweets that she has received a Cease & Desist letter from Faleena Hopkins:- https://twitter.com/JamilaJasper/status/992795087800332288 5/6 May 2018 - After Jamila tweets about the C&D, the story explodes on Twitter, earning the hashtag #Cockygate. News comes out that there may have been more than one C&D sent out. 5 May, 2018 - It is discovered that the stylised font included with the Trademark states in its TOS that you cannot trademark any item using it. People reach out to the designer for further information/to inform him. 6 May, 2018 - The RWA requests that anyone who has received a C&D should contact them. 6 May, 2018 -  Kevin Kneupper, a retired attorney, files a Petition to have the Trademark Cancelled. https://twitter.com/kneupperwriter/status/993359859071381505 7 May, 2018(approx) - Authors start to report that books are being removed from Amazon which have the word 'Cocky' in the title. 5-8 May, 2018 (approx) - Faleena updates her twitter, apparently mocking the people worrying about her Trademark and her actions:-

8 May, 2018 (approx) - Faleena posts a video (1 hour and 40 minutes) onto her Facebook page to justify her actions. She subsequently deletes it a short while later, along with her Facebook Page. Too late- copies have been taken and are available elsewhere:- https://vimeo.com/268819260   This is where tracking things start to get confusing, so I'll just list things - I can't promise they're in the exact order. Faleena makes a post on her blog about her latest book, and states she deleted her video because she should know better than to video while drinking whiskey. .

Faleena makes a post in her private FB group requesting people send her anonymous reports of times they've been confused and bought someone else's book instead of hers:-

She decides to sue three people - Kevin Kneupper who has filed to have her Trademark cancelled; Tara Crescent, an author who uses 'cocky' in her book titles; and Jennifer Watson, a publicist helping to promote a book called Cocktales (more on that later). Kevin Kneupper shared a link to the documentation on his twitter. https://twitter.com/kneupperwriter/status/1000463708168966144   She posts in her group giving her version of why she's done this:-

She follows this up with a blog post to say because "moles" are sharing her private posts, she'll be writing a public post explaining why she trademarked 'cocky'

The internet waits with baited breath for the follow-up post, while also waiting for the Court Hearing, which is set for 1st June. Somewhere within all this, Set Sail sends Faleena Hopkins a Cease & Desist letter for his font usage - as far as I can tell, nothing has come from this as yet. Faleena writes her blog post the day before the Court Hearing. I'll need to link to that as it's long (don't say I didn't warn you) http://faleenahopkins.blogspot.com/2018/05/romance-author-faleena-hopkins-on.html June 1st - the court convenes. I'm going to post a link to the transcript here, which was purchased by Courtney Milan on behalf of everyone - all thanks should go to her.  http://www.courtneymilan.com/cockydocs/I61RHOPM.pdf The Judge removes Kevin from the case, effectively allowing his petition to cancel to continue moving forward. He sets a date in September for a Fact Finding Hearing. So now we wait.   Okay, so that's a brief (I know it was a lot) barebones breakdown of events (if I've missed out anything, or have got something wrong, please let me know in the comments). This is quite a long post, so at this point I'm going to link to existing posts/twitter accounts that go deeper into the whys, what the hells and what-have-you's much better than I can. Marc Whipple is an attorney who has been giving his opinion on #Cockygate - and must be thanked for breaking the court documents, in particular, into terminology everyone can understand.  He has written two posts (so far) http://legalinspiration.com/?p=503 and http://legalinspiration.com/?p=538 These following links are to Twitter Threads to start you on your own exploratory journey into #Cockygate. It is, by no means, exhaustive. There have been many many people reporting on the issue and thanks should be sent out to them all. https://twitter.com/RomancingNope/status/1002759427450171392 https://twitter.com/courtneymilan/status/1002683272344682498 https://twitter.com/TymberDalton/status/1000531585270153217 https://twitter.com/LivMorrisAuthor/status/1002613422289276928   https://twitter.com/BSommerland/status/1000135558260281344 Bianca also has a Youtube channel and I think she was the original one to flag up the whole Cocky issue. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4zI5rMRGHM&t=7s   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR39dezDI6s There are more updates on her Youtube channel     I'm going to leave this post here and will update should anything new come up. Read the full article

[expatimes]

Who’s who in Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial

Who’s who in Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial

Former US President Donald Trump will face his second impeachment trial in the United States Senate this week.

The trial is set to begin just under a month after the US House of Representatives impeached Trump for “incitement of insurrection” in relation to the deadly January 6 storming of the US Capitol and to repeated false claims the US election was stolen from him.

The proceedings will mark the first time a former president has faced an impeachment trial.

Two-thirds of the 100-member Senate would need to vote to convict Trump, and with Democrats only holding 50 seats in the chamber, that is considered unlikely.

Nine House Democrats, appointed as so-called “impeachment managers”, will argue that Trump pointed the rioters “like a loaded cannon” towards the Capitol and that his actions and words in the weeks leading up to the insurrection contributed to the violence.

Trump’s defence team will argue that a speech he gave before the riot is protected under the First Amendment of the US Constitution, that he was denied due process, and that the proceedings are unconstitutional as Trump is no longer in office.

While a conviction would not remove Trump, who will not testify during the trial, from office, it could lead to him being barred from holding future federal office through a subsequent Senate vote.

Here is who’s who in Trump’s impeachment trial:

Senator Patrick Leahy, president pro tempore of the Senate

Senator Patrick Leahy

Democrat Leahy is the longest-serving senator in the chamber, and is third in the line of presidential succession. He will preside over the trial, a role typically reserved for the chief justice of the Supreme Court.

Chief Justice John Roberts presided over Trump’s first impeachment trial, as is required by the US Constitution. Roberts declined to participate in this trial, however, and there is no law regarding who should preside over the impeachment trial of a former president.

Leahy will perform key duties, including reading questions submitted by legislators. He can also theoretically rule on the admissibility of evidence, but can be overruled by a Senate vote.

Leahy has shrugged off criticism from Republicans that he would not be objective in the role.

“I have presided over hundreds of hours in my time in the Senate. I don’t think anybody has ever suggested I was anything but impartial in those hundreds of hours,” he told reporters in January.

Former President Donald Trump

Former President Donald Trump

Trump served a single term in office before losing to Democrat Joe Biden.

He maintained the election was marred by widespread fraud, without producing any evidence to support the claim. An array of legal challenges and recounts spurred by Trump and his allies uniformly failed to change the vote results in any state.

The former president refused to acknowledge Biden’s victory before leaving office on January 20, and only acknowledged a new administration would be taking over after the storming of the US Capitol.

Trump remains banned from major social media platforms and has been living in Florida since leaving the White House.

Senator Chuck Schumer, Senate majority leader

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer

Schumer became the Senate majority leader last month after Democrats won dual run-offs in Georgia.

The party currently controls 50 seats in the chamber and Vice President Kamala Harris will cast deciding votes.

As Senate Majority leader, Schumer was responsible for setting the format and schedule of the impeachment trial.

Mitch McConnell, Senate minority leader

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell

McConnell is the most powerful Republican in the Senate and has led negotiations with Schumer about the shape of the trial.

He condemned Trump’s actions early on, saying the president fed his supporters lies that directly resulted in the Capitol riot. But he also rebuffed efforts to hold Trump’s trial before he left office.

McConnell voted in favour of a motion that deemed proceeding with the trial unconstitutional because Trump was no longer in office.

House impeachment managers:

Jamie Raskin, representative from Maryland

Representative Jamie Raskin

Raskin, a former constitutional law professor at American University, will serve as the lead impeachment manager, the de facto lead prosecutor in the case.

Raskin began drafting the article of impeachment against Trump shortly after the Capitol storming. He had also worked on Trump’s first impeachment in December 2019, but was not an impeachment manager then.

He has represented his Maryland district in Congress since 2017.

Diana Degette, representative from Colorado

Representative Diana DeGette

Degette, who was elected to the House in 1996, presided over the chamber’s debate about impeaching Trump in 2019.

Before becoming a legislator, Degette was a civil rights lawyer.

Degette is currently serving her 13th term in office.

David Cicilline, representative from Rhode Island

Representative David Cicilline

Cicilline helped draft the most recent article of impeachment against Trump. He had investigated Trump as a member of the House Judiciary Committee during his first impeachment.

Cicilline previously worked as a public defender and was mayor of Providence, Rhode Island.

“The president must be held accountable,” Cicilline wrote in a recent New York Times opinion piece. “That can happen only by impeaching him for a second time and convicting him in the Senate.”

Joaquin Castro, representative from Texas

Representative Joaquin Castro

Castro, 46, is a member of the House Intelligence Committee, which held investigative hearings in Trump’s first impeachment in 2019.

He is a former leader of the Hispanic caucus and a critic of Trump’s immigration policies.

A Mexican-American legislator born in the state of Texas, Castro is serving his fifth term in Congress. His twin brother Julio ran for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2020.

Eric Swalwell, representative from California

Representative Eric Swalwell

Swalwell is on the House intelligence and judiciary committees and was involved in investigating Trump’s first impeachment.

He is a former prosecutor who in 2019 briefly sought the Democratic nomination for president.

The 40-year-old is serving his fifth term in Congress.

Ted Lieu, representative from California

Representative Ted Lieu

Lieu is a former Air Force officer who was a prosecutor in the force’s legal branch, the Judge Advocate General’s Corps. He is now a colonel in the Air Force Reserve.

Lieu is a co-sponsor of the most recent article of impeachment against Trump, along with Raskin and Cicilline.

Stacey Plaskett, representative from US Virgin Islands

Representative Stacey Plaskett

Plaskett, a 54-year-old former prosecutor, represents the Virgin Islands, a US territory.

Before being elected to Congress in 2014, she was an assistant district attorney in the Bronx borough of New York City and senior counsel at the Department of Justice.

As Plaskett represents a US territory, she is not a voting member of the House.

Joe Neguse, representative from Colorado

Representative Joe Neguse

Neguse is serving his second term in Congress.

The son of refugees from Eritrea, he is Colorado’s first African American congressman.

He is a member of the Judiciary Committee and earlier in his career was a litigator in private practice.

Madeleine Dean, representative from Pennsylvania

Representative Madeleine Dean

Dean is a former member of the Pennsylvania state legislature, where she served four terms before being elected to Congress in 2018.

Earlier, she worked as a lawyer in private practice and taught writing and ethics at LaSalle University.

She is a member of the Judiciary Committee.

Trump’s defence lawyers:

David Schoen

Schoen, a civil rights and criminal defence lawyer, previously represented Trump’s former adviser Roger Stone, who was convicted in November 2019 of lying under oath to lawmakers investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election.

Trump pardoned Stone in December 2020, weeks before leaving office.

Schoen also reportedly considered becoming accused child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s lead lawyer, meeting with Epstein days before he killed himself in the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan.

Bruce Castor

Bruce Castor

Castor is a former Pennsylvania district attorney known for his decision not to prosecute Bill Cosby in 2005 after a woman accused the entertainer of sexual assault.

In 2017, Castor sued Cosby’s accuser in the case for defamation, claiming she destroyed his political career.

Read full article: https://expatimes.com/?p=17846&feed_id=32681

[anyasmith]

week 1

todays lecture was our first lesson with jeremy and we looked at what the module involves and got introduced to adobe premiere pro. 

we started by looking a previous students work:

started with a speech 

clips relating to the song

very scenic and showed pics of fields etc

summer pics that are peaceful that relate the song

only one person in it

a lot of symbolism

https://moodle.glos.ac.uk/moodle/mod/resource/view.php?id=846272 

assessment:

4th may

2,500 ‘word’ portfolio

music video content- not solely a music video, add narration, epk content etc

don’t have to use original song but have to original sounds- narration etc

to grow appreciation for your team and gives experience 

what are skills are needed:

editing

management

camera skills

video analysis

sound

filming

lighting

colour correction

brief history of music videos:

only live music once- performing on bandstand/ played at him on instruments etc

then gramophones, vinyl and radios were invented

when an artist wasn’t able to perform, an act would perform with the music behind

the beatles created the first music video to ‘we can work it out’

mtv in 1981 started showing music videos and the first was ‘radio star’ by the bangles

now youtube stores the majority of music vid

“ip video traffic will be 82% of consumer internet traffic but 2021” - cisco, 2018 https://truefilmproduction.com/study-predicts-84-internet-traffic-will-video-2020/ 

did video kill the radio (star)?:

radio 1’s audience fell by 3.2% in the last three months of 2016 compared with the previous quarter, while radio 1Xtra fell 11.4% over the same period 

capital saw its listenership drop by 3.%, while the kiss network saw its share fall by 3.5%

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/entertainment-arts-38920143 

but radio listening in the uk is at record levels, as the expansion of digital platforms drives an unprecedented boom

according to rajar (the audience data for the uk radio industry) 48m adults listened to just over 1bn hours of radio weaken the last 3 months 2016- a new high

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.ft.com/content/3080fde6-2016-11e7-a454-ab04428977f9 

How to use adobe- basics:

the file will be displayed in the project window in the bottom right of the adobe premiere pro interface. to open the clip double-click it and it will open in the source window in the top left of the interface. using the blue play head cursor under the clip in the source window find the first frame of the scene you want first. when found press ‘i’ on the keyboard. then find the last frame and press ‘o’. you have now marked the part of the clip that can be edited across to the timeline (sequence). press the ‘.’ or the overwrite key on the keyboard and the clip will be moved to the timeline. (alternatively you can click, drag and drop the clip from the source window into the timeline window.) 

if you left a clip out, you need to park the timeline's blue playhead on the transition between the scenes you want to add it to. then press the ‘.’ on the keyboard. you will see that the clip has gone over the top of another clip; this is not correct as you have performed an overwrite edit. undo this edit, and then press the ‘,’ or the insert on the keyboard; this time you will have performed an insert edit which places the new clip on the timeline and moves all the other shots down to make room for the new clip.

to move clips around in the timeline, use the command or control key to drag it to the correct location. 

to change the length of the clip, if you hover at the end of the clip (on timeline) there is a red bracket and you pull (like on logic). When you hold command/ control the bracket becomes yellow so other clips will move with it. 

to expert the video you right click the file in project and click export. in format it should say h.264 and in preset it should youtube 1080hp then select where you want to save it and the click export. 

for audio clips drag the file straight into the timeline. use the razor tool to cut up the clips then reorder

if you want to add pictures, import them then drag them into the video 2 channel

https://moodle.glos.ac.uk/moodle/mod/assign/view.php?id=697880&action=view 

https://moodle.glos.ac.uk/moodle/mod/assign/view.php?id=697878 

keyboard shortcuts:

save   ctrl+S 

undo   ctrl+Z 

redo   shift+ctrl+Z

mark In   I 

mark Out  O 

delete In-point  shift+ctrl+I 

delete out-point shift+ctrl+O

insert   , (comma) 

overwrite  . (full-stop) 

lift   ; (semi-colon) 

extract   ' (apostrophe) 

to select A or V only alt+click (the clip)

shuttle Left  J 

shuttle Right  L 

shuttle Stop  K 

play-stop toggle space-bar 

cut   ctrl+X 

copy   ctrl+C 

paste   ctrl+V 

paste Insert  shift+cmd+V

delete selection (removes clips) back-space 

snap     S 

match frame    F 

trim edit    shift+T

nudge clip left (one frame)  alt+left 

nudge clip right (one frame)  alt+right 

render effects in work area  enter 

selection tool  V 

track select tool A 

ripple edit tool  B 

rolling edit tool N 

rate stretch tool X 

razor tool  C 

slip tool  Y 

slide tool  U 

pen tool  P 

hand tool  H 

zoom tool  Z

https://moodle.glos.ac.uk/moodle/pluginfile.php/1280489/mod_resource/content/0/Adobe%20Premiere%20Pro%20-%20Guide.pdf 

-26/01/21