#SHE GOT EXALTED NOOOO

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E121 (Jan. 19, 2021)

Aaaand we're back! The epic pet montage at the start is still the greatest thing ever.

Tonight's guests? Matthew Mercer and Marisha Ray!

We begin with an extensive discussion of waffle farts. As you do.

Matt is asked what it's been like to get to build out the characters in the Tombtakers. Lucien is Matt's favorite, but they've all got some fun traits to them. "It's one of those rare experiences as a dungeon master where you get to watch your players combat with the necessity of playing along. The instinct is: fuck these guys, I want to fight them, we'll take their shit... or I guess we have to play nice. And they begrudgingly grit their teeth and I smile internally."

On the Lucien accent: "You guys are all so mean to Taliesin!" Matt knew his own take would be a "weird mutation" of Mollymauk's accent anyway.

How's Marisha feeling about a lot of her predictions panning out? "Aw, I mean, gee, me? What? Noooo. It's definitely vindicating, I'm not gonna lie, and rewarding, but I also know that I write a lot of shit down in that notebook that's never relevant ever again. It's definitely a good feeling to know that I didn't go on that fifteen-minute deep dive and was utterly wrong about everything I said." Matt: "I was super proud. I was just silently cheering you on as you went on these long tangents."

What does Lucien think of the Mighty Nein? "Lucien is definitely curious about why they're getting involved in his shit and what they're planning alongside them. One, he hates Beau because he doesn't like people who challenge his authority. He gravitates towards Jester to an extent because she's the most open, which from his standpoint makes her easiest to manipulate. He loves toying with curiosity, and so between Jester and Caleb, those are the two people that he's the most comfortable interacting with. Caduceus makes him feel a little weird. He's amused by them. Fjord to Lucien is one of the more guarded and less accessible at the moment."

Is Beau enjoying getting under Lucien's skin? "Beau's picking and poking still kind of stems from her defensiveness and guardedness and her feelings, in a lot of ways, and the way that she's coping with things. It's a few steps removed from her default and what she often resorts to when she starts throwing up those barriers. She still has in the back of her head that she's looking at her dead friend. It's her way of protecting herself if she can go, fuck you, I don't care about you. This isn't too dissimilar to the way she reacted when Yasha was brainwashed." Matt: "It's a unique social sparring match the whole time they're traveling side-by-side. It's unique to have an antagonistic force that you're--" Marisha: "That we're going camping with."

Navigating the Tombtaker/M9 relationship as a DM is "challenging. At any given moment, a wrong statement could escalate matters one way or the other. It's having to pay attention to a lot of things at all points in time to be ready for how those chain reactions can happen and where it might go." He likens it to trying to follow and participate in two different conversations simultaneously at a party.

On the note from Yasha: "Oh man, you guys. Oh, it was so sweet. I don't think Beau was expecting Yasha to be so forthcoming with everything, and so complimentary and eloquent. Beau is awkward with healthy relationships, so she doesn't know how to handle them. She's still processing that and wants to not ruin it. No, it was magical." Ashley told Marisha after the episode that she was trying to think of what to say and wound up basing it on what she would say about Marisha.

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Vax (by stormfeather_cosplay, photograph by travi_b, both on Instagram)!

On using variations on the Wild Magic table: "I wanted to give it some variation to consequences. They took some of the tooth out of it from earlier editions. I knew it would be fun once I gave them the specifications of when these things would happen - players are just waiting for someone to roll a 20 or a 1 at all times."

Why is it so important to Beau that she and Yasha have a proper date? Part of it is a fresh start. "So much of Beau's past relationships have been rooted in some toxic behavior. Beau feels like, well, maybe we should just start from the beginning in the most us way possible: fighting through the tundra with our dead-ish friend."

The sci-fi-ish theme came toward the end of developing Aeor, but it mostly comes from rationalization. Matt is intrigued by how all these different societies want to usurp the gods... which has parallels with modern society. He notes that focusing more on the science of the magic means the aesthetics pull away to "instead facilitate the utility or the most direct route to the answers you want. You streamline as opposed to focusing on the aesthetics."

Beau’s reaction to all the weird magic stuff? “I think Beau’s just so focused on the pragmatic aspects of it all right now. There are greedy people with motives and the will and want to corrupt across all spans of cultures and times. She’s trying not to get lost in the magic, both proverbially and literally, of it all, and just trying to focus on the motives of these people at hand.”

In some ways, Matt was surprised by Caduceus’ strong reaction to the creepy woods. “It was the first major reveal that there are some other sides to the coin that he hadn’t learned about. I had no idea how he would react. It pushed him away more in ways than I expected.”

Fan art of the week: an amazing Lucien! (by oratorkayla on Twitter)

What’s Dagen’s motivation? “He’s definitely a man of his word when it comes to fulfilling a contract and getting the other half of his pay, but it’s not hard to see they’ve grown on him a little bit. He’s really good at getting around the tundra unseen and unnoticed.”

Brian: “In true Sam fashion-” Marisha, instantly: “OH MY GOD.”

Marisha: “Here’s the thing. Here’s the tea, okay? If I ever hear one more fucking person trying to claim that I’m ruining things by metagaming, I’m going to point to Sam. I’m expected to respond accordingly to Veth being a Sam troll. Gods damn him! Raven Queen curse upon him! Let chaos reign! He made me pull out my earphones, I can’t hear anything you’re saying. It’s frustrating because I’d be mad at it if it wasn’t so god damn funny.” Matt notes that at a different table this wouldn’t be great behavior, but they all know each other well enough (and check in with each other enough) that it’s comfortable teasing.

With a bit of a deeper pull, Matt is asked whether he knew Avantika would return someday? “I knew she was a fun, interesting option out there. The M9 still have in their grasp the single most important artifact, in Uk’otoa’s opinion, at the moment. As long as they carry that artifact, his eye of Sauron is upon them.” Matt notes that he has more encounter tables going, so a lot of the time even he’s not sure what’s going to happen.

Caduceus suggested contacting Essek, but Beau and Caleb nixed that idea. Does Beau trust him? “Gods no. Absolutely not. She can like Essek personally. As a person, he’s fine, I guess. But I think a lot of people might be forgetting that he’s kind of a war criminal and kind of set off a lot of bad things in motion with this war with the Empire and the Dynasty, because he wanted power and to know things. So now here he is, also in Aeor. Yeah. Just kinda putting two and two together there. It is another one of those things of, you’re walking that line on trying to keep him on your good side and having a mutually beneficial relationship before it could easily go completely south.”

On the Star Razor being a Vestige: “I don’t want this to be--- the Vestiges aren’t always a thing where it’s like, you get a Vestige and you get a Vestige! I want them to be still considered special and rare. This is one that had to be earned, it had to be reforged. I didn’t know the circumstances that would involve it coming about.” He based it on the circumstances of Fjord’s evolution into a paladin. “In essence, not only did he finish the creation of the sword, but he Awakened it at the same time as he made this transition. It is Exalted at this point, it’s in its final form.”

What does Beau think might lie ahead? “I have no idea. I am trying to abandon expectation when it comes to that. I know what we don’t know, and that’s it. Beau is trying to compensate for the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. I hope we can keep this tenuous relationship through to Aeor, because we need more answers before it explodes in our face. Beau, and Marisha, is hoping for a little more information before shit hits the fan.”

[melodiouswhite]

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 16

16. The strangest Christmas tidings

Utterson was in a hurry today. It was Christmas time, so he had closed his office for the holidays. Unlike normally around this time of the year, he felt euphoric. This year's Christmas was better than all the others. Lady Summers had invited him and Lanyon to celebrate with them and because Jekyll and Hyde were there too, he could be in the presence of the dearest person in his life. And this time, no one had to hide their feelings. The lawyer suspected, that Hyde had a negativistic attitude towards the most wonderful time of the year, but also hoped, that the small brunette wouldn't make a fuss. But what he hoped even more was that Hyde would let Jekyll be in control, just for a while.

When he arrived, the butler let him in and wished him a merry Christmas. The lawyer requited that wish, only to then remember, that Mr. Singh was a Hindu and didn't really celebrate Christmas as anything other than a day to spend with the rest of the household. Awkwardly he apologised to the Indian, who chuckled good-humouredly and took it in stride.

This happens every year, he thought in embarrassment, as he allowed the butler to lead him to the parlour.

As always, the decoration was colourful and multicultural. Just like the mistress of the house preferred it. It smelled of exotic, expensive spices and baked fruits and for a few seconds, the lawyer allowed himself to be enveloped by the heavy, but rich scent.

Then he was torn back into the moment by cheerful laughter and saw Lanyon and Jekyll sit on one of the couches. They were chatting and laughing about old times.

Utterson felt his heart swell at the sight and silently hid behind a curtain to listen and see, when they would notice him.

“… And do you remember that one time in chemistry class, when we messed up the professor's chemicals, while he wasn't looking?”

“Ugh, don't remind me. That was such a low point.”

“Come on! It was priceless!”

Lanyon chuckled: “Alright, I admit it: that was completely worth the subsequent beating and permanent notation in our school files.”

Jekyll smirked: “Prof. Whitby's reaction was … an utter masterpiece!”

The white-haired doctor smirked back: “I remember, how the principle had to tie him to a chair, until he calmed down! He screamed bloody murder the entire time!”

The blond giggled: “Yes, he was like a burnt, rabid monkey! And with all the coal on him and his hair looking like a hedgehog, it was glorious! Oh, if only I'd had a camera back then!”

Now Utterson spoke up: “I think if you had, they would have taken it away from you.”

The two doctors yelped in surprise and whirled around.

The lawyer smiled and opened his arms. “Merry Christmas, you two.”

Jekyll immediately jumped up and ran into his arms, hugging him tightly.

Utterson laughed and allowed himself to melt into the taller man's embrace for a moment, until Lanyon joined them.

“Merry Christmas”, the latter replied to his friend, before prying Jekyll off of him, so he could breathe again.

“Don't suffocate him, Henry”, Lanyon chuckled. The other doctor let go and mumbled an awkward apology and a 'Merry Christmas'.

The lawyer laughed: “I see, you're talking about the good ol' times!”

Jekyll smiled: “Yes, we are. It feels so good, that we can do that again.”

“It is”, Lanyon agreed softly, smiling as well. “And not just because it's Christmas.”

The lawyer smirked: “Let me join you two. I also remember some silly stories from back then.”

They sat on the couch and resumed their dwelling in the old times. Utterson contributed with the silly debaucheries Jekyll had been up to during their college time.

“ … And do you remember that one time you almost got the three of us expelled for throwing a party in our dorm and getting us drunk?”

“Of course I do! Not proud of it, but seeing you drunk sure was an event!”

“Or that one time Gabriel and I woke up one day long before due, only to find that you weren't there?”

“Don't you dare, Lanyon!”

“Oh yes! We were worried sick and spent the entire morning looking for you-”

“Not you too, Gabriel!”

“-only to find you passed out in the school garden, half naked, with love bites all over you!”

“Noooo, why did you have to bring that up?! That was the worst thing-”

“Come on, Jekyll! Apart from the two of us, no one saw you!”

“You never let me hear the end of it!”

“Well, serves you right! That's what you get for sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

“Come on, that was over thirty years ago! How do you even still remember it that vividly?”

Lanyon smirked: “Because it was that hilarious, that's how! Besides, it's just payback for that one time you drew on my face in my sleep! Or that one time you laughed at my pony tail and called it old-fashioned!”

“Oh come on! I apologised! And didn't I always defend you, when our fellow students were mean to you?”

The bespectacled man smiled fondly: “Yes, of course I remember that. Like that one time someone called me a teacher's pet with freak eyes and you brawled with him in front of everyone! And somehow you still managed for him to get expelled, instead of yourself. That was really wicked of you, Jekyll.”

“I know, but I would lie, if I said that I regret it.”

Lanyon muttered something under his breath, that sounded like: “Idiot.” But he smiled.

Utterson laughed and put his bag on the table. Just when he was about to hand his presents to his friends, suddenly an angry screech tore through the festive atmosphere.

“What was that?”, Jekyll asked in shock.

Utterson frowned: “That must have been Lady Summers.”

Lanyon sighed: “Sounds like she received a letter or a cable from her relatives in Germany. She isn't very fond of them-”

Before he could end his sentence, the Lady herself rushed into the room. She was sputtering something that sounded dangerously like German profanities, pieces of paper in her gloved hand.

Then she flung herself onto the couch by the fireplace in a rather unladylike manner.

“Agh!”, she fumed, “Ich hasse diesen Kerl!”*

When she saw the three clueless gentlemen staring at her, she cleared her throat and sat up.

“My apologies, gentlemen”, she excused herself, “That you have to see me like this. I just received a letter from my second cousin and it's extremely offensive.”

She threw one piece of paper onto the red carpet and rested her feet on it.

The gentlemen winced and exchanged looks. Whoever this second cousin was, he must have really infuriated her, if she treated his letter so disrespectfully.

Finally it was Jekyll who gathered his courage first. “Uhm … Milady, if you don't mind … what does it say, that offends you so?”, he inquired as cautiously as possible.

She huffed, removed her feet from the letter and picked it up.

“Normally, I don't read the letters of my relatives out loud”, she conceded, “But there is no harm in letting people know, what an idiotic sod he is. Feast your ears on this gibberish!”

She unfolded the letter and began to translate the content:

“My dear cousin,

I wish you a happy Christmas tiding.

It's truly a shame that a member of our exalted house is not here to celebrate this joyous time with us. It's a disgrace really, that a woman like you chooses to spend it with English snobs, rather than in her true father land, with her true people and her true family. But if those are the people you want to waste your formidable skills on, that's none of my concern.

But this is the time of forgiveness, so I shall not hold any grievances.

I am well. The emperor is having health problems, but that's no surprise for such an old man. He's almost ninety after all, he won't last another five years.

Father and mother are fine, if only they wouldn't waste their time on those treacherous  so foolishly.

Old chancellor Bismarck is patronising as always and I wish he would finally bite the dust or at least resign.

I hope you and your exotic household have a merry Christmas and say hello to my uncle and grandmother from me.

Most respectfully and hoping that one day you will come to your senses and serve OUR monarchy rather than the British,

Prince Wilhelm.”

She stopped and crushed the letter in her hands, her ice blue eyes blazing with fury.

Meanwhile the men in front of her were mute with disbelief. The servants present in the room stood in awkward silence.

Utterson wasn't sure if he was more shocked by the rudeness of the letter or by the revelation of just how powerful her father's family was.

“Can you believe this?!”, she seethed, “It's already bad enough that this arrogant bastard has the impudence to bother me on Christmas Eve, but this takes the cake!”

With a growl, she tore the letter into half.

“That 26-year-old brat has the gall- ”

She tore it into quarters,

“-and the nerve to sign 'Prince'-”

She tore it into eighths,

“-just to rub into my face how inferior he thinks I am!”

She threw the pieces into the fire place. Then she dropped back onto the couch with a frustrated sigh. Her Japanese lady-in-waiting fanned her with a huge paper fan. Her butler served her a glass of cordial, she thanked him meekly and downed it in one gulp.

The gentlemen also received a glass of liquor each.

Jekyll began: “I'm really sorry, Milady-”

“No, no”, she interrupted him, “It's me, who's sorry. You are my guests and clients, you shouldn't have to deal with my family issues, especially not on Christmas Eve.”

She skimmed over the other letters, burned another two of them and gave the rest to her butler, who left the room with them.

“Foo! And that on this day!”, she lamented.

Finally, her nurse approached her: “Milady … don't let that silly, foolish letter upset you. It's Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year! Don't let that be ruined by a piece of paper! Wilhelm is just a proper rake. Forget him and the entire brood and celebrate!”

Her mistress smiled sadly and tiredly and replied: “You're right. Thank you, Marie.”

Then she turned to her guests.

“But I realise, I haven't greeted you properly, how rude of me! I apologise. Merry Christmas, gentlemen. Thank you for joining us today.”

“The thanks are ours”, Lanyon answered, then saw the bottle and spoon the butler handed to her and added, “But please lay off the brandy. You shouldn't get drunk today, Milady.”

“Oh, that's not brandy”, the Lady assured him, “I'm just taking a spoonful of laudanum to calm myself down.”

“Fine”, the hoary doctor consented doubtfully.

Yet the three gentlemen were still concerned. Jekyll had never and the latter two only a few times seen the Lady so genuinely upset and they were a bit helpless in that moment.

Utterson particularly loathed himself, because she had always been a source of support and good counsel to him, whenever he had needed it and now, that she herself was out of order, he didn't know how to help her and he hated it. When he regarded his friends, it became clear, that they were thinking similarly.

It was Lanyon, who spoke next: “Merry Christmas, Milady. That means, a merrier one than it is right now.”

The other two followed suit.

She smiled gently and thanked them, before sitting up and gesturing to the empty space next to her.

“Sit with me, Dr. Lanyon”, she requested and he obeyed.

Utterson suppressed a grin, when her hand brushed his with obvious deliberation and his old friend blushed.

Jekyll didn't even bother to hide his smirk. “Something we should know, Hastie?”, he teased.

“Shut up”, the other muttered, his blush increasing.

Utterson came to his friend's aid: “Leave him be, Jekyll. Their matter is a convoluted one.”

“Indeed it is”, Lady Summers confirmed, “But I can assure you, Dr. Jekyll, that there is nothing indecent about this matter. No ground for teasing.”

“Of that I have no doubt”, Jekyll defended himself, “I just couldn't help myself there. But I would never accuse either of you of being indecent.”

“Good.”

Then the butler returned to fetch the bottle of laudanum and inform everyone that brunch was ready.

“Oh, that's wonderful!”, the hostess exclaimed in delight, “This brightens my day immediately! Gentlemen, you must join us! My employees and I will be happy to have three more at our table! Especially, since my cooks prepared far too much food this year!”, she added with a teasing wink and everyone laughed.

So the butler saved the morning, which from there was passed with the appropriate merriment.

“Oh my! Mr. Utterson, you really didn't have to!”, Lady Summers cried, holding up an expensive new black raincoat.

“I beg to differ”, Utterson said, “I saw the state of your old raincoat and I thought one can never go wrong with a practical present.”

Jekyll smiled.

Of course, that's so much like you, Gabe.

“It's beautiful!”, she marvelled, running her hands over the elaborate pattern and needlework. Then she jumped up and darted off with the coat, bubbling in excitement about how she had to try it on immediately.

Jekyll chuckled good-naturedly. It was so hard to believe, that this woman was actually fifty years old, when she was looking and behaving as excitedly as a young maid.

Meanwhile Lanyon got his present from Utterson and beamed at the new walking cane he unwrapped. “Oh, thank you, Gabriel! How did you know?”

“Lawyer's instinct”, Utterson said mysteriously.

Jekyll blushed a little. He hadn't heard that tone in ages, yet it still managed to grab his attention.

Then the black-haired man handed him his own present and his heart beat higher.

With barely held-back curiosity, the blond looked at the package in his hand. It was small and rectangular and wrapped in red paper. It took him some self-restraint to open it in an appropriate manner, instead of just tearing the wrapping off like a spoiled child.

In the end, his eyes widened in awe: he held a beautiful golden locket in his hand. When he snapped it open, it contained a miniature portrait of Utterson on one side and on the inside of the lid a silver engraving.

From: G. J. Utterson

To: H. Jekyll.

Before Jekyll could say thank you or … anything really, his hand closed around the treasure, he clutched it to his chest and burst into tears in front of everyone.

In his head, Hyde groaned: “Really, Jekyll? He gives you a locket and you start to bawl? Instead of, I don't know, kissing him?! Really?!”

Hyde, shut up!

Suddenly he felt Utterson's smaller hand on his own.

“What's the matter?”, the lawyer asked worriedly, “Do you not like it?”

“I do!”, Jekyll choked, “It's … it's … beautiful!”

Then he cried harder.

“Oh good grief, somebody stop the waterworks!”, Hyde yelled in frustration.

Oh shut up, you hell child cried yesterday!

“I didn't cry over a present! I was in great distress! Partly because of you, may I add! Also, I didn't cry that much!”

Finally Lady Summers ended the mental argument by handing the doctor a handkerchief and telling him to compose himself.

“This is a day of joy, no more tears”, she said.

“But surely, tears of joy must be acceptable!”, Jekyll cried and dried his tears with the kerchief.

But she shook her head. “No. Settle down, doctor, before your alter ego gets the vapours. Besides, some of the people present here are really uncomfortable with tears.”

“Oh, thank you so much!”, Hyde sighed in relief.

You're a brat, do you know that?, the doctor thought in annoyance, then he inhaled deeply and blinked away the last tears.

“You're right”, he finally agreed with the Lady, “My apologies. What ungentlemanly behaviour of me. I just didn't expect to be caught by surprise like that.”

“No one judges you”, the Lady pardoned him graciously, “That is a wonderful gift you received.”

Then her face turned pensive and dreamy. “Yes”, she murmured, “Love is a wonderful gift.”

Her eyes became distant and melancholy, as if she was thinking of times long gone. Jekyll guessed, that she was thinking of her late husband.

“I miss him”, she told them sadly, “It's been twenty-one years, since we last celebrated Christmas together. And my father always sat with us. Then we would chat and laugh about the silliest things. He died five years after my husband. Honestly, gentlemen, one of the reasons I invited you, is that every Christmas I sit here and then I see the two of them again. And then I feel lonely, despite all the servants I employ. None of them knew my husband and only a few knew my father. And do you know what the worst is? Today would have been my father's 70th birthday. Every Christmas is bittersweet.”

Jekyll felt his heart clench.

He couldn't imagine how it was to lose someone so dear, that you mourned them for decades.

Sure, when Lanyon had left him almost eleven years ago, he had taken the loss really hard. He been had completely lost without his colleague's constancy and sense to keep him sane.

But it wasn't the same.

Lanyon was still alive, thanks to the help of Lady Summers. He could talk to him, they could still argue, reconcile, cry and laugh together and be there for each other.

But the Lady herself had lost her husband and father (likely the most important people in her life) forever and nothing would ever bring them back.

It was heart-wrenching and Jekyll had to bite his lip.

“Don't! Don't you dare!”, Hyde warned. “I don't care how depressing this is, you will not start to bawl on me again!”

Don't worry, I'm not going to.

“Be glad, that you can do all these things, Henry. You owe that to her.”

You're right.

Jekyll cleared his throat.

“Milady, may I tell you something?”

She blinked. “Oh? Ah, sure.”

“Thank you. For saving Hyde and me and for saving Lanyon.”

Her eyes grew softer than he had ever seen, as she smiled in response.

“You don't have to thank me, Dr. Jekyll. It was my pleasure.”

Then, all of the sudden, she broke into a huge grin. “But away with these melancholy reflections! I haven't given out my presents yet!”

Lanyon almost laughed at Jekyll's face, when the Countess handed him her present.

“A pot plant?”, the blond asked incredulously.

The Prussian Lady nodded enthusiastically: “When I first went to your house to fetch your chemicals, I saw that you didn't have any plants in your house. What a depressing atmosphere! I thought I had to change that! A flower in the office brightens everyone's mood!”

Jekyll didn't reply and for a moment the white-head thought he was disappointed. But the younger doctor just stared at the pot full of earth, that contained the seed of what surely was to become a beautiful flower.

“It's … it's such a delicate life form … I don't think I can-”

“Nonsense! You're a doctor, of course you can! Besides, you need something to take care of, when you're not treating your patients. This little flower will depend on you to live. You're its parent from now on, so take good care of it.”

“What kind of flower is it?”, Jekyll wanted to know.

The Lady's eyes twinkled. “That's a surprise!”

Lanyon got his present next, a pair of velvet gloves. He didn't show his friends the other present hidden between them: a locket with a miniature portrait.

“Thank you, Milady.”

He hoped that she would understand.

She laughed warmly. She understood.

Utterson received a bottle of fine champagne. “Oh Milady, you shouldn't have!”

“I absolutely should have!”, she objected, “I will not have you force that nasty cheap gin down your throat! Nothing is too good for my friends!”

The black-haired lawyer chuckled and put the bottle into his bag.

Then the servants had their moment of joy, as the Lady handed out a present to each of them.

Jekyll was the next to give out his gifts.

Lady Summers beamed at the scientific protocols she held in her hands. “Thank you, Doctor! This will certainly aid me in my own scientific research! That is an interesting formula, I shall try it out on my blood samples as soon as possible! What a useful present!”

The giver blushed. “Thank you. I'm not sure if it works, but I didn't want to test it on someone else. It would have been too risky.”

She nodded in approval. “I'm glad you think this way. That's one of your redeeming qualities.”

Her secretary took the protocols and went off to her office to put them there.

Then Jekyll gave Lanyon a small package.

When the white-haired doctor opened it, he was surprised to find a brand new golden pince-nez.

“This one suits you much better”, the blond remarked, when Lanyon replaced his bronze-framed pince-nez with the golden one. It was slightly more comfortable and the glasses were stronger than those on the old one.

“Thank you”, he told his friend, “Now I can see better.”

“That's what I thought”, Jekyll commented drily, “Your old one isn't strong enough, I observed.”

The other smiled. He hadn't expected Jekyll to actually notice that.

Utterson received his gift next.

A pocket watch of silver, with a golden engraving on the inside.

“Thank you, Henry”, he said gently, “But may I ask, when you had the opportunity to acquire all the presents?”

That's a good question, Lanyon thought.

“On the first day the Lady allowed me to go out for a walk. Her coachman accompanied me to the bank and to the shops. He had to support me several times, when my legs gave away.”

The coachman, a freckled redhead, whom Lanyon knew to be Irish, shrugged.

“Eh, that 'appens, when ya walk that much after lyin' an' sittin' in bed fer weeks”, he remarked.

Jekyll chuckled: “I know. But I just had to. I needed to get out. I can't sit and lie around all the time.”

“Fair 'nuff”, the coachman agreed. “Neither can I.”

“Hey, I know you!”, Utterson suddenly cried and stood up. “Aren't you the coachman, who drove us here for free that night, when Mr. Hyde-?”

“Aye”, the Irishman confirmed. “Was the only place I knew where you'd get 'elp that late. And I can't just let people die. So that kid's name was Hyde?”

Utterson nodded. “Yes. Edward Hyde. Some twit shot him in the abdomen for no good reason.”

“Indeed”, Lady Summers muttered under her breath, so only Lanyon heard it.

“Thank you for helping us”, the lawyer spoke to the coachman. “If you hadn't let us ride along for free, he would have died.”

The redhead just waved it off. “Mah. Is natural to help someone on the brink o' death. A life's more important than money. B'sides, I get good cash from her Ladyship.”

Lanyon had been keeping a close eye on Jekyll during the conversation.

The blond had grown pale and sombre, but never said anything. Maybe he was considering to later talk to the coachman in private.

Lanyon was the next to hand out his presents.

The Lady received a new black Sunday hat, which she accepted gracefully and put on. It fit perfectly with her new raincoat.

Utterson got a blue velvet scarf, that he wrapped around his neck immediately.

Jekyll pulled a face, when he uncovered an awfully gaudy purple bow tie. “Really, Hastie? Really?!”

The other doctor burst into laughter. This was just the reaction he had hoped for!

“What's the matter?”, he giggled, “Don't you want some colour in your wardrobe? All of your clothes are brown, white, grey or black! Bring some life into that!”

Utterson smirked: “Come on. It's a Christmas present, you have to put it on.”

Lady Summers agreed: “Yes, Dr. Jekyll, come on! Don't make a fuss, lest you want to offend the giver!”

The blond threw them all an evil glare, then he put on the purple bow tie, that absolutely didn't correspond with his beige waistcoat.

“You will pay, Hastie Lanyon”, he threatened darkly, when everyone giggled, “I will get back at you for this prank, when your birthday comes! Just you wait!”

“Totally worth it!”, the white-head snickered.

Yes … that face is totally worth it.

When everyone had calmed down, Utterson noticed a few untouched packages that still lay under the Christmas tree.

“Who are those for?”, he asked.

“They're for Hyde”, Jekyll explained. “I didn't want him to get no presents at all. The small one is from Lanyon, the long one from Lady Summers. I couldn't decide what to give to him, but it wouldn't have worked anyway, because he always knows what I'm thinking. It's no fun, if the other already knows, what you want to give to them.”

Pensively, the lawyer looked at the pile under the tree. Then he revealed a medium-sized package and a small one of his own. “What a coincidence. I have two gifts for him too.”

Jekyll alone looked curious and Lanyon was quite sure, that Hyde himself was brimming with excitement in the blond's head.

“He can't wait to see what you all got him”, he said warmly.

“I can imagine”, Utterson chuckled.

The rest of the day went by in a blink and all too soon it was evening. All the while Jekyll was sticking to him like glue. Meaning he sat next to him the entire time and brushed his hand, as if by accident. After a while Utterson had just grabbed the larger hand and not let go. Jekyll had blushed like a winter rose and grinned like an idiot. Lady Summers had giggled at the sight. Lanyon had just rolled his eyes and muttered something the likes of “about bloody time”.

In the evening after Christmas dinner, Lanyon had been about to go home, when Jekyll had pulled him to the side. Utterson had given them some space, but heard hushed words being exchanged and a sob here and there, which had prompted him to check. Lanyon had been crying on Jekyll's shoulder, while the taller doctor cooed soothingly into his ear. The white-haired doctor had gone home, smiling like he had finally found his long-lost peace.

The three others waved after him, before Lady Summers returned to her work and Utterson and Jekyll went to Jekyll's sickroom to have time for themselves.

No sooner had the lawyer closed the door, that the doctor's arms wrapped themselves around him and the taller man rested his head on his shoulder.

So clingy … one more thing these two have in common, he caught himself thinking and grinned.

“Harry, as sweet as this is, I'm afraid you have to let go of me”, he told the other.

Jekyll let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a whine, but let go.

They sat down on the bed and the black-haired man allowed the younger to lay his head on his shoulder again.

“You're so cuddly”, he laughed, “That's not just because it's Christmas, is it?”

“No”, Jekyll replied smiling. “I'm just being clingy, while I still can.”

“You're making it sound like one of us is leaving somewhere.”

“Hyde wants out.”

“Oh.”

The lawyer was caught by surprise, when Jekyll sat up and cupped his face in his hands.

“Gabriel”, the blond whispered. Utterson realised the other's intent and blushed.

But before their lips could touch, the black-haired man swiftly turned his head to the side and got kissed on the cheek instead.

“Forgive me, Henry”, he apologised sadly, when Jekyll blinked in confusion. “I'm not ready yet.”

“I see …”

The doctor was obviously trying his best to hide his disappointment, but didn't quite succeed.

The lawyer felt guilty. But he really wasn't ready to go even that far. He loved Henry, but how could he kiss him, if he couldn't even tell him that he loved him? It didn't feel right.

“Please be silent for a minute”, Jekyll suddenly said.

“Huh? Why?”

“I'm having an argument with myself. It's just as ridiculous as it sounds.”

Utterson bit back the laugh that was threatening to escape him. Of course he knew what Jekyll meant, but the idea of the doctor and Hyde having a petty domestic inside his head was too funny.

But the lawyer contained himself and silently waited until the doctor relaxed.

“What were you arguing about?”, he then asked curiously.

Jekyll groaned in annoyance: “That little beast guessed that you've never been kissed before and now he's cackling like a hyena.”

“And I assume he wants to steal my first kiss now?”

“Yep.”

Utterson scowled. “Let him know that I'm not above hitting someone on Christmas Eve, if they don't respect my personal space.”

“Noted. Just remember, he's a professional brawler.”

“I know someone else who used to be!”

“Shut up! You always punched like a girl!”

Utterson ignored that jab at how he had always refused to seriously engage in brawls. “Just tell him not to flirt at me and if he honestly promises not to, he will get his Christmas presents.”

“He says you win.”

“Good. Now come here, you clingy fifty-year-old doctor.”

Said clingy fifty-year-old doctor giggled and returned his head to its spot on Utterson's shoulder. Then the lawyer ran his fingers through the blond hair and the other man purred.

“This is my happiest day in decades”, Jekyll cooed. “I love you so much.”

“I know, Henry. And I'm happy that you do.”

They sat like that for a while in comfortable silence. Then the doctor whispered: “I have to go. Hyde is getting impatient.”

Utterson nodded. “Good night, Henry. And merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Gabriel.”

That was the last thing he said, before closing his eyes and letting go.

The lawyer felt the blond hair beneath his fingers grow longer, darker and thicker and the doctor's frame shrunk considerably.

Utterson looked down on Edward Hyde's café brown mane, as the boy shifted and slowly became aware that he was in control.

“Mister Hyde”, he greeted gently.

Hyde looked up. “Mister Utterson!” He grinned. “How come that, every time Jekyll leaves the reins to me, I find myself in your arms?”

The lawyer shrugged. “I don't know, Mr. Hyde. Ask your other half. And don't even think about doing what you obviously want to do right now!”, he added, when he saw the roguish smirk on the younger man's face.

Hyde pouted childishly. “Hmph! Spoilsport.”

Utterson realised that he had to provide compensation and began to scratch Hyde's head. A long-stretched, pleased purr was the result.

Does Henry know that his alter ego is secretly a cat?

For a while the lawyer managed to keep the young man in trance through the scratching, but of course it couldn't last. After a while, Hyde looked up expectantly.

“Alright, I behaved. Now I would like to get the presents I was promised”, he demanded.

Utterson resisted the temptation to roll his eyes and handed him over the gifts he, Lanyon and Lady Summers had got for him.

Just as Hyde took them, there was a knock on the door and Lady Summers walked in – as she always did in moments like this one.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Hyde!”, she cried cheerfully, “I just wanted to check, like the control freak I am and it seems my timing was perfect!”

“Your timing is always perfect”, Hyde noted drily. Then he added something unintelligible, that sounded like 'Merry Christmas to you too'.

Lady Summers fake blushed. “Oh you!”, she giggled, obviously flattered. “Now come, open your presents! Like every woman, I'm curious to see if you will like them!”

Hyde snorted. Then he tore the wrappings off the first present, till he held a dark blue umbrella in his hands. He frowned in confusion.

“Is that one from you?”, the brunette asked the Prussian Lady, who nodded.

“Thanks, but I already have an-”

“Oh, that's not a normal umbrella”, the Lady informed him, “The cover is made out of a bulletproof material a friend of mine invented. A mad scientist, just like Dr. Jekyll, only in a different field. It's tested, easy to clean and I can assure you, that it works perfectly.”

The young man stared at the innocuous-looking item in his hands, as if it was the holy grail.

The next present was Lanyon's. “Oh, a coat! Give Lanyon my thanks. I really needed one, the old one was beyond saving, after-”

Hyde broke off, realising that he had involuntarily brought up a subject, that he himself had been trying to forget.

He took a deep breath and turned to the bigger one of Utterson's gifts.

When  he unwrapped it, he laughed: “A diary?!”

The lawyer scratched his head awkwardly. “Uh no, more of a normal notebook. Alright, technically it's supposed to be a diary, but I already guessed that you wouldn't use it as such. So consider it a notebook with a lock.”

Hyde chuckled and put it into the lower counter of the night table. Utterson caught a glimpse of the ivory comb he had given the younger man a fortnight ago. It was still in one piece and neatly placed on his nightshirt, like a crown on a pillow. That warmed his heart.

Meanwhile the brunette was opening Utterson's second present. With wide eyes he regarded the content. A silver locket with a portrait of Utterson himself on one and a golden engraving on the other side:

From: G. J. Utterson

To: E. Hyde

After a while, the young man remembered to close his mouth.

He smiled wryly and commented: “Nice touch. My locket mirrors Jekyll's. A golden one with silver engraving for him, a silver one with golden letters for me. Well played, Mr. Utterson.”

His tone was dry, but there was no bitterness or envy. And the lawyer noticed there was a certain softness in the brunette's eyes. Without another word, he added the locket to his treasury and shut the drawer.

“Thank you. Both of you”, he said softly.

The lawyer and the Countess smiled warmly.

Shortly before midnight, Utterson had gone home and Hyde was now by himself. Well, himself and Jekyll.

He didn't know how to deal with all the feelings and thoughts that were running through him.

No one had ever given him presents before and actually put thought into what he might like. Sure, Jekyll had given him a name, clothes, flat and a bank account, but that had been out of necessity.

And now someone had given him something without him asking for it, just because they had wanted to, because they had thought that he might want or need it.

Hyde didn't know how to deal with so much genuine kindness.

Vehemently he blinked the wetness in his eyes away.

He wouldn't cry.

Not tonight.

Tonight he would feel at peace, just for a little while.

“Hyde.”

Jekyll's voice was soft, almost timid. As if he feared that he was disturbing Hyde's temporary peace of mind.

But the brunette only smiled lopsidedly.

“Jekyll.”

“May I sit with you?”

“Sure.”

In the dim light of the petrol lamb, Jekyll's shadowy form was faint and transparent, as it appeared and sat next to him.

“Are you happy?”, the doctor asked.

Hyde smiled a little bit. “I don't know. I suppose. Maybe your hype from earlier is rubbing off on me.”

“Maybe”, the older man chuckled.

“… Hey.”

“Hm?”

Hyde stood and pecked the other's forehead. An uncharacteristically tender gesture from him, but it was Christmas and that was his perfect excuse.

“Merry Christmas, Henry”, he muttered and sat back down.

Jekyll smiled and intertwined their fingers.

“Merry Christmas, Edward.”

They sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the night, holding hands and smiling, because just for a while everything was fine and they were at peace.

Hyde couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present from his doctor.

---

(A/N: Yes, I know that this is mushy and all, but this is a Christmas chapter so screw you!

*Ich hasse diesen Kerl! - German for: I hate this guy!)

[mintyisland-blog]

Mass Effect: Andromeda

Okay, I get why people didn’t liek it but it really wans’t that bad everyone. The glitiches were minimal but hey, I’m playing it after a year of its’ release so this time i went by pretty smoothly. I’m just goingot be wiritng what i loved aobut it cause i gotta stay positive, although i think i’m a pretty positive person a majority of the time so maybe i should be critical of it as well. yeah i thnk i will. ANDROMEDA REVIEW EVERYONE.

Okay, let’s start out with my pathfinder. I named her Serinity because that was the name of the protagonist of a christian anime girl manga series...Oh god. Let me rew rowrd that. Serinity is the name of this blue haird main character from a christian manga that was named...Serinity. Redundency..myt bad. Anway, Ryder...let’s keep it skimple. Ryder, was a pretty likeable character. She had some depth but i waill admit there wasn’t that much of a character arch but i guess it just dpens how you decided to protray her. I made her  alot more compasionate and understanding in most moments. I remember lexi giving a proifle on how I was protryahing her. She said I was rash with my actions??? But I was compasionate and caring towards most people. Not gonna lie i paniced during some missions when i had to tap RT at some point.  So yeah...Ryder was meh. I made her pretty funny too so I guess that was good cause my gameplay would have been rather dull. Okay. So I posted on my therepy post on thesome of the chacters, or at least i mentioned them a little but yeah. Let’s start with Jaal.

Jaal...when I first saw him, I was like...hmmm...potential. Potential but I was defienitly looking at Vetra when i first met her cause damn...she’s is one good luooking turian. I didn’t get to romance Garrus from the trilogy (I haven’tplayed Massef 2 and 3...I know I know...I’m stupid) so I thought I was going to make it up when I met Vetra...however when i realized how opentnly emotional Jaal was, I was like doki doki hadr core my dadue.  He was just so caring. The way he smiled at Ryder and called her darling!! Ahhhhhh...so cute. He also went through some emotinal trauma with the discovery of the oriings of his race...spoilers everyone...I tend to love characters who are broken in some aspect. Like trust me, the more broken the character, the more I want to love  them. Perhaps they’re a reflection of me. So yeah, Jaal was broken and I loved that about him well...also with the fact he was very accepting and open abouthimself. I took a clip of wen we went to Hrval and he showed Ryder the blueprints of his pet and a gun. Ryder’s expresions wer epriceless. I’ll try uploading it on here before I fnisish this post. Classic. The romance scene was on point...They’re super cute! I got to se eRyder’s tittes...was not expecting that. but yeah, interspecies SEX! I’m sure Jaal did Ryder right...is it strange if I put I instead of Ryder...I mean, It is a role playing game so I am putting myself as Ryder but it wouldn’t be actually me but it is me making the decions so it is me...huh? Don’t mind me. Now that I thnk about it, if I did put I, it would make me sound like a weird kinky chiick that liker interspecies sex.....???hmmm. Well, I’m kinky ...scratch that. I’m pretty simple when it comes to sex but that’s a discusion for another time. This is about Jaal. ...Something I look for in characters is their eyes. Jaal’s eyes look like a kitties or aligattors...maybe a corss but they were just stunning...I liked them. The general design of the angara was pretty well made. I love how broad their shoulers can ge and his thighs..tem booty. So lusicious. .

Speaking of lusicouls bootie, Ryes REYES!! You damn bad boy you...me and the bad boys have had quite the history. He was a smuggler and the first character I (Ryder) got to kiss and I didn’t mind...okay i was a bit guiltycause I liked Jaal and Vetra at the time. But the cut scene after wards when he ays he came to be someone and then I was all like “You’re someone to me” was cliche but I think that what he needed to hear at the time. I don’t know what the history he lift behind in the Milky way was but he obviously wanted a change. Just like how I want to leave my past behaviors behind and move on. Well...more like I want to become someone just like him. I think that’s why I really liked him. When I disocvered he was the charletan (spilers...my bad) I did’t think too badly of him but I did lose some trust because I don’t tolerate liars...plus I wanted to commit myself to only Jaal at that point too. I feel like my timel timeline was a bit whack but if i play another playthrough I woill get it right. I know some things I’ll change. Like my male rider will be with Ryes..  He deserves love.

Okay, so a quick thing on Vetra was how much she loved her family cause all she had as sid so I really admired how much she wanted to look after her sister. Maybe it’s because Vetra is like my older sister but I think not as strict. Mys sister worries for me but she trusts that I can be an adult and that I fifigure myself out...of course she hhhas my back though.

Okay, Drack...he makes me happy. I didn’t gorw up with a granda or just and grandmpa like figure in my life so i wasn’t sure how to go about interacting with him but honestly I loved him once i realized his grandaughter was back on the Nexus. On his lyalty mission he was just so funny on how he interacted with the other krogan and I love how he uses his age as an excuse. “Just let me be a old grauchy old man in peach”...That’s going to be me when I’m old.  I realized I realliked drack a lot on the mission when were inflitrating the kett shipa and we realized the krogan were being used for exaltation. Initally I picked saving the salarian pathfinder because I wanted at least one of the oriangl pathfinders alive but alsa when I saw Drax’s reaction, I went back to replay 20 mins of gameplay so that I could get on hs good side. Because Honestly the Krogans have gone through a hella lot of shit. Like in the Milky Galaxy and now so they should be given slack. They’re not wanting to be the war like monsters that defined them in the Milky Way. They would be warriors but they would know when to put their swords away. I got that from Inuistion. Which I will probab write aoubt next.

Okay...now that bad companions. They’re not bad bad but I just didn’t findi anything to exciing about sayyyyyy Liam. Love the accent but boy, you are just so impulsive...Kinda gets on my nerve. Like even his lyalty mission was just one big fuck over but hey, he was the one person who wanted to reach out to the angara and wanted tounderstand them on ta better level so i appreicate hisbromance with Jaal...Cora was obsessed with her military history. Like yeah, I get it you were a untress...I don’t hink that would have been a good fit for a Pathfinder now that I think about it because she might have brought a more military based agenda if she were the leader and hat wouldn’t have ended well. It wouldve been the pilgrims with the indians in a sense. It would just be a huge mess. Now for my least favoirte character. Peeebee. ..There’s a comic I saw about if Shepard was in Adromeda and if he had seen Pbee, Garruis would’ve just shot her cause damn...she did look rabid haha. She was just annoying. She was kinda like Sera from Dragon age but I actually liked Sera’s craziness. Peebee was just in your face and needed to uptone her elcorness hahaha.. I liked the fact she made a robot that could kill for methouhg. That’s the only puls side from her. Oh my god...her loyalty mssion was annoying with the fact her ex was probably the most annoying character...more so than peebee so you can just imagine me just rolling my eyes hroughout the enire mission. Like geez...why would she have fallen for someone as self centered as that bitch? Mybe it was ...Maybe she didn’t always act like that but just the fact the ex tried to one up peebee in every way was so annoying. Like geezus...Please obsssess over somethig else please. Just didn’t want to deal with her at all. The end. just kidding. I have more wot rite aobu tlike the plot.

So the plot of the game wasn’t so bad in my opinon. The race of kett were actually thretening as they sought to pretty mch commit gennocide by removing whole species and ...except those speciwould’ve turened into them so they would die but not really die cause t HOld on...So they toak on aspects of certain aliens but when ever I scnaned them I remember sam or Lexi saying that they were all kett...like there was very little left from the species that they had transformed from. And they’re not all Angara right. Casue the Archon said he was a mixture of thousands of species...which means...maybe they travled from another galaxy?? *ponders* So...yeah..a decen villain and with the whole “looking for ahome” aspect,it made a legitmate story line so I don’t understand how people got bored of it. If anything a lot osf the side mission were lengthy and too much snanny. I wish I could’ve gotten more reasearch points for reverant pcause I really wanted to make their amor. but I didn’t san enough stupid scupltures. I was rough. Uh oh...it stopped noooo. I had so much to say. Okay it wasn’t that far behind. I was writing about he Ryder twins and how I hoped that Scott would’ve been brought ealier into the game so you caould actually play as him and he would just have a different load out. Seeing the wtins interacting more would’ve been cool , plus it wouldve gien me incite on Ryder Sr.  who was the classical overworking father who diesn’t pay much attention to his family. I like the fact the loved Ellen though...Like he legitmately love dher but he put his love all towards her insteaand her survival, which was ultimately a good thing cause it saved Ellen. Speaking of which, I’m surprised they didn’t find the cure for Ellen...maybe it’ll be implicated in the DLC? I haven’t heard of a DLC but they should come out with one cause of how they ened it with e qurian ark coming in at the end. (spiler...lol I should propbably put this in the bennning but fuck it.)  Yeah, that’s my review. Yay!

SAM had awesome puns. I don’t care how bad they were...I loved them.

[storyunrelated]

Stay The Course

This would be the 'guy called Lord Fleshgrinder jacking it' story I mentioned the other day.

It's...a silly story.

All of my stories are silly, really. It's kind of my thing.

That and, you know, bodily fluids. And cannibalism. And sadness.

[It's all fun and games until it affects you]

Lord Fleshgrinder cackled as he fed another screaming innocent into the gnashing teeth of his machine, shredding them to a bloody paste. There wasn’t anything about the process he didn’t like. From start to finish it was his favourite thing to do, and the horror of those watching only added to it. He’d never been happier.

There was some grumbling about this. Those who had cast their votes for the other candidate - Lord Generic - were understandably grumpy that they had lost. This was to be expected, but the narrow margin of Lord Fleshgrinder’s victory really just rubbed salt in the wound. That Lord Fleshgrinder also took time out of his day to sometimes go out and personally rub actual salt into actual wounds drove this home.

So they waited patiently - if unhappily - in the queue to be ground into a bloody paste for his enjoyment. He didn’t need to do it. He just wanted to. And so he was.

Not everyone was miserable though.

“I don’t know what you people are so unhappy about! Democracy is a hard-won prize!” Jemima said. Of all the people waiting in the queue she looked like she was one of the happiest. This was mostly due to her thinking that before she got to the grinding part she would be taken off in a different direction and treated specially on account of who she was. She was wrong, but she did not know this.

“Oh God noooo! Nooooo!” Someone further up screamed as they were reduced to slurry and sprayed against a wall. Lord Fleshgrinder hooted with laughter and deliberately slowed the machine down to really draw it out.

“I know a lot of you voted the other way but now is the time for togetherness, not bitterness! We wouldn’t be complaining if our candidate had lost!” Jemima yelled over the sound of screaming and flesh pulverisation. Those concerned people around her did not look convinced, and one - Bill - was moved enough to speak up:

“You’ve spent the last eight years complaining that your candidate at had lost, while also claiming our candidate was destroying the country,” said Bill, doing their best to remain civil. Jemima blinked, wiping some blood from her forehead where it shouldn’t have been. That machine really sprayed it around.

“Yes. And?” She asked. She was sincerely and legitimately unaware of what point the concerned person had been trying to make. Bill saw this and felt perhaps a different approach was needed.

“He’s grinding people to a bloody paste!”

“It’s perfectly legitimate!” She declared.

“At no point in his campaign did he say he would do this! He has no mandate to do this!” Bill said. He wasn’t wrong.

During a debate, when questioned on whether he would actually put his flesh-grinding machine into use (he brought it with him to debates and also slept with it in the same room) on the citizenry should he win the election, Lord Fleshgrinder had answered with an emphatic ‘no’. Turns out he’d been lying. Who knew?

Jemima was unmoved.

“I don’t have time to wrap my head around whichever technicality of procedure you’re trying to appeal to. I just know he has the best interests of the nation at heart,” She said, dismissing these issues with a wave of her hand. She barely felt a thing. Her resolve and her belief in the correctness of her position was such that she was unassailable. You could drop a mountain of evidence on her and she would not yield such was the strength of her convictions. Reality couldn’t hope to budge her by so much as an inch. Her own reality was far too powerful.

The queue shifted up as Lord Fleshgrinder finally finished with the person he’d been working on. He beckoned for the next.

“This is just like that time you said that it was ‘childish’ to complain whenever the Ultra Court ruled in favour of something I disliked and to celebrate them when they agreed with me. I’m just saying - they’re not to be trusted when they do things I don’t like! Activists judges!” Jemima said. Then she paused, considering, tapping a finger against her chin. “Unless they’re doing something I agree with. In which case, proper judges and honest defenders of the rights of the people!”

“But that is childish!” Bill said, despairingly.

“Oh posh. As if,” Jemima said, sticking her tongue out at him. “Your problem is you just hate it when you don’t get your own way! You people all need to accept what’s happened and to move on!

It was then that single bone shard flew from the grinding machine. Many such shards had done this before of course, but Jemima had not been in the path of any of those ones and so hadn’t been concerned. This one, however, went right for her. She was still busily preaching the benefits of sitting down and shutting up as the shard whizzed past her cheek, nicking her skin.

The instant she felt the sting her eyes widened and her words died in her throat.

“What...what was that?” She breathed, a shaking hand reaching up to her cheek. It came away with blood on it but for the first time it wasn’t the blood of someone she didn’t know and didn’t care about. It was important blood. Her blood.

“Me? This has affected...me?” She said, more to herself than anyone else, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her mind reeled and her worldview crumbled. How could she have been so blind? Of course Lord Fleshgrinder was unsuitable for office! It was so obvious now! It had been obvious before too, of course, but how then could she have made such a glaring mistake?

Because she’d been misled. That had to be it. How else could she had supported such a willfully careless ingrate? There was no other possible explanation!

Wheeling around and raising an accusing finger Jemima stepped out from the queue.

“You lied to us!” She screeched.

Lord Fleshgrinder, noticing this, gave Jemima the ‘finger guns’ and then returned to plucking off the fingers of his present victim, who was hanging on for dear life in the mouth of the grinding machine. Not for nothing had Lord Fleshgrinder made ‘This Little Piggy’ his campaign song. The victim got down to three fingers before losing their grip.

Jemima didn’t care about the scream or spray of blood that followed. She just cared that Lord Fleshgrinder had been so rude as to look at her and dismiss her all with one flippant gesture. Her veins popped with righteous fury and she turned some of this fury back on her fellow members of the queue.

“What are you people doing? Why did you let this happen? Up! Up you wastrels! We must eject this rapscallion! This bounder! It’s all your fault, you know! Up! Up!”

None of them responded, of course. They were too stunned by this sudden about-face. It was so abrupt it had given most of those present whiplash. With at least one notable exception who came bursting forth to challenge her.

“Get back in the queue! How dare you insult Lord Fleshgrinder by doing something he doesn’t want you doing!” The notable exception said, wagging a finger in Jemima’s face. Jemima was impervious to this trick. She’d practically invented it.

“Damn and blast to Lord Fleshgrinder! Look what he did!” Jemima shouted, pointing to the tiny nick on the her forehead, now scabbed over.

“Who cares about you? He hasn’t affected me yet so you should shut up and accept it!” The notable exception said, puffing up their chest. Jemima was aghast at this basic and obvious lack of humanity being shown to her.

“Where is your empathy, man? Think about me! Think about how I’ve suffered!” She roared, grabbing a member of the queue and wielding them likea baton. The notable exception did likewise.

“I don’t want to!” They declared.

The two then fought. The members of the queue being swung around like weapons objected to this treatment, as did their immediate families. What started as sporadic disorder quickly became widespread disorder, then a brouhaha. Then finally just a riot.

Lord Fleshgrinder - his exalted position and ability to do whatever he wanted utterly unaffected by anything that was going on - watched the violence with the biggest shit-eating grin spread across his face.

“This is the best day of my life,” he said, unzipping his flies and extracting his disappointingly tiny penis. The things he proceeded to do to it were not normal, but worked for him. After a fashion.

He really hoped he saw someone get maimed. Not killed. Maimed. Specifically maimed. Something permanent. Something that would leave them crippled for life. He hoped the pain would show on their face. He hoped he would be able to see the moment they realised what had happened.

He doubted he could finish properly otherwise.

END