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butterfrogmantis · 4 years ago

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Oh boy uhhh,,, them

Flat colours because it's a reference line up ^^ So uh yeah, got busy with an adult/ng AU bcuz when DON'T I? That being said lets dive right in-

Ethan Broflovski

Stan and Kyle remained best friends throughout most of their childhood - they had break ups here and there but there’s nothing they couldn’t overcome eventually- moving into high school they kept that going and well, the crazy adventures never stopped for a moment. Though for a time it did seem that they may be growing up quite fast. Kyle, with his strong sense of morality, decided he would follow his dad and started training for law school in order to bring a little justice to the town and make a good name for himself. Stan … he decided to try and avoid being like his parents as much as possible but all his adventures had given him a great desire to continue those, so in the end he decided to become a detective, his view on the world was certainly better than um, the previous law men of SP. Stan is keen and on scene - he still had a pretty rocky relationship with women, and maybe Wendy in particular but he always felt it went badly and that no one truly understood him, ya know? Well, the boys were eventually going into uni and since both of them were working in law departments of sorts, lots of their classes ended up being similar times and so it felt just like old times, even without Kenny and Cartman and the others, it could be just the two of them and that gave them time to reflect, a few more bad break ups and parties with too much to drink and it sorta just … clicked into place. They had their differences sure, but throughout all of the escapades and “gay” jokes well … maybe they did truly like each other. It took a little while for them to be truly comfortable with announcing that but one day Stan just kind of took his hand in public similar to Craig, and that was it.

Due to his little brother Ike being an adoptee, Kyle decided he wanted to do the same when they eventually decided it was time :3 He knew he could give a kid a loving home, and so their son was eventually officially signed to them. Ethan grows up absolutely adored by both sides of his family, and has a bit of mixed-faith household, though since Stan’s side is fairly relaxed he grows up more with Jewish traditions, but still has Christmas with his other side too. He’s a pretty sporty kid, being best friends with Oscar Tucker, another sports nut … though Ethan does have a crush on his bff’s sister, a fact he keeps to himself. Ethan is a pretty sensitive kid and is also noted to be very intelligent, something he and his uncle Ike can bond over, since Ethan tends to take extracurricular for STEM (science, technology, Engineering & Maths) subjects. He’s pretty happy-go-lucky and insults don’t really get to him, he’ll just raise an eyebrow at those.

“Bubbles” McCormick

It can’t be denied that Butters and Kenny had feelings for each other, though due to Butters’ shyness and Kenny’s well, kenny-ness it was a bit all over place- but they remained super close regardless Butters did pretty well in school, not fantastic but enough to get by, and was soon invested in social work before he knew it, helping kids from bad homes and looking after them at the South Park foster home :3

Kenny, meanwhile, due to his family’s finances and his rather unfortunate habit of … dying, had decided to take up a trade job that was out of town, in the hopes of eventually saving up for something better for himself. He ended up leaving South Park at 18 after a tearful goodbye to everyone, hoping he could find something to improve his lifestyle. During his time working various odd jobs in his new town, he met a lot of people - one in particular was a woman named Tracy Robinson (just a random name-) that he began a relationship with. It wasn’t really the best :,D In fact it sort of mirrored his parents in a way, it was dysfunctional and they were on the verge of breaking up - when Tracy found out she was pregnant. That changed everything. Both were still underpaid and overworked and Kenny felt that even though he’d tried to better himself, he’d accidentally trapped himself in another cycle just like his family. He was a bit resentful tbh- that is, until his daughter was born. From the moment he saw her, Kenny had never felt more love for anything ever- she was his world, his lil’ “Lulu”, and despite the rough times and bad relationship, he knew it was gonna be worth it to see his little girl at the end of each day, so he stayed. That is, until he came home early one day.

That dysfunctional relationship had turned sour. There was another man in his house, and it was pretty obvious Tracy had been cheating for a while. Things got pretty ugly with the break up after that. Eventually, the courts awarded a 50/50 split of Lucy, but although Kenny tried his hardest to uphold it, Tracy’s new guy had threatened him and well, he was pretty much barred from seeing her :,D Unable to cope with that, and also well, unable to die, Kenny felt he had no real choice but to move back to SP and start from the ground up … again. So he did, and after a few months and a lot of help from his friends, he secured a nice job at a warehouse company, and became the head of the health and safety department, which paid well since he was very diligent at making sure he and other people weren’t in danger of dying it was perfect, and although he had that grief, he was pleased to be back c:

A couple of years down the line, Butters had become the head of the SP foster home, and was absolutely adored by the kiddos. He gets a little call one day that some cops from wanted to see him, and they end up bringing a shy little kid with them, explaining that she had been the victim of a traumatic event (in private they explained the kid’s abusive step father had shot her mother in front of her and was threatening to hurt the kid before the neighbours called). Butters is of course shocked but he absolutely agrees to take the lil’ girl in, and tries to bond with her. She’s very shy and obviously suffering PTSD but being Butters he’s just calm and friendly and slowly earns her trust c: The girl doesn’t talk much at all, and seems to spend a lot of her time blowing bubbles as it keeps her occupied, which is why the others tend to just call her Bubbles, and Butters makes sure she has enough on hand :3 Well, she warms up to him slowly, and Butters really feels for her. One night he’s sorting out some files for the foster home kids (the last two months had kept him busy and he hadn’t had time to get around to them) and he picks up Bubbles’ official file to take a little look. Needless to say he’s quite shocked and a little ashamed of himself for not checking sooner as soon as he realises the file does state the girl’s biological dad- which is the reason she was given to the SP foster home as the birthplace of her father. Butters has a very important call to make to a good friend of his the next day-

They meet at Tweek’s coffee shop and Butters explains he has some important news. He brings the file and explains everything he knows to Kenny, who of course is overcome with emotion but absolutely overjoyed that his lil’ girl is close again at last. Since legally be was supposed to have 50/50 anyway, it’s really no issue for him to get her back and besides, they know a good laywer or two in the Broflovski household, just in case. By now, Kenny is doing decently for himself with his high manager permission, and finally feels he’s made it. Due to the shenanigans, he’s able to officially change Lucy’s surname to his instead, and all that emotion had once again brought him and Butters together just like when they were kids. *cough* and funnily enough, Butters surname has become McCormick for ‘some’ reason too. It’s been a couple of years with her new family now, and Bubbles is doing so much better :3 She found her voice again, and whilst she is still shy and prefers her little bubble blowing game, she has a lot of super supportive friends in the other ng, and two wonderful, amazing, kind and caring dads and a family who love her very much. She seems to have Kenny’s uncanny ability of being immortal, but UNLIKE Kenny, it’s more a case of she always manages to avoid dangerous situations by a whisker. Regardless, she’s very close to Jezebeth who’s family tend to have seen Kenny … a lot over the years up there so even if someone wanted to mess with her (she can be a bit naïve-) they’d be going through some pretty rough challenges.

Ezra McCormick

Going back to Butters at the foster home - the home gets new kids come and go a bit, since a lot are temporary whilst legal issues get sorted with their parents etc, but the majority are good kids who Butters really gets along with c: Since adopting Bubbles, he’ll often bring her back to see her friends she made there too, especially for the longer-staying kiddos or ones that’ll probably be there permanently, so it’s a nice, warm place to be-

One day, a new arrival shows up, by the name of Ezra Mitchell. Almost immediately, Butters can tell this kid is going to be a challenge. Ezra is sullen, moody, and honestly pretty prone to violent outbursts (yelling, screaming, threats etc, even if bluffing) and it scares the other kids there. In short, he seems like a pretty mean kid, at least, on the surface. But Butters knows that can’t be the full story, and it’s his duty as the main social worker to get to the bottom of it. He knows that Ezra is being put in their care since his mom is … well as far as Butters can tell, not the best :,D Accounts of neglect and physical abuse are in his file, and it’s somewhat obvious from the bruises Ezra showed up with on the first day. And yet, all Ezra seems to do is want to go back. Despite the fact his mom obviously doesn’t care for him, she seems to be the only person he likes, constantly swearing at kids and staff that she is coming back for him!! One day!!! She just has some stuff to sort out with her new boyfriend and stuff, that’s all, any day now she’ll take him from this trash foster home and they’ll never see him again, yeah, she said she’d come next week.

Next week arrives, and the week after. Actually, many weeks. The only time Ezra ever really leaves his room is on the week she’s supposed to “really” be coming, when he packs a little suitcase and waits all day by the door. Apart from that he shuts himself in a room somewhere and yells if anyone comes in. Well, you can imagine Butters is pretty heartbroken by this whole scenario, Ezra is only a little boy and is clearly hurting so much, he wants to help somehow but also has the other foster kiddos to keep safe. So, being the sweet girl that she is, Bubbles decides to take it upon herself to befriend the moody kid. She brings him little snacks and stuff when the home serves them, and ignores the constant insults and yelling, preferring maybe to not tell her dads about this in case they think it’s a bad idea. But slowly, the little interactions break down at least a surface layer of his shell. At least, he doesn’t scream anymore when she brings him a biscuit or something, tho he isn’t necessarily friendly yet. One day as she’s leaving, he asks why she decided to be nice to him, despite him yelling at her all the time. Bubbles says she understands being in a rough situation. She’s not really prepared to talk about her past with her own mother, but she assures Ezra he isn’t alone in having those confusing feelings of “I love my parent even though I know deep down they were no good” kind of ones- and he thinks about that for a long time.

Ezra, like the rest of the foster home, attend SP elementary. He’s pretty outcast from his class too, and prefers to spend time skulking around the playground. This day in particular, he hears a familiar voice of that girl Bubbles and she sounds kinda agitated. Ezra finds she’s being picked on by some of the older kids still, asking for her lunch money, and whilst her friends are telling them to back off they’re not really listening and getting a bit pushy. Ezra, despite being a bit younger and decidedly smaller, goes absolutely off at them- he has his street smarts, and he sees them off pretty quickly. Bubbles is extremely grateful, but doesn’t go bragging about it, giving a small nod that it’s their way of sealing something of a friendship.

A little while later, things are calm in the home, and Ezra is extremely excited. He had a phone call with his mom for the first time in a while, and she’s promised she’ll be taking him out for a holiday soon! :3 he knows that this really is the time, and wanting to go, is on his best behaviour for a bit, helping Butters and being a little more social with the other kids, wanting his mom to see how well her son is doing and to be proud of him when they go on holiday together c:

She doesn’t turn up. He knew, deep down, she wouldn’t. Still, he’d rather not have had that hope :,D Bubbles finds him later, crying (tho he said he wasn’t). She asks if he’d like to join her and her dads to Casa Bonita that weekend, since it was her birthday, and they said she could bring a friend (well, maybe she didn’t tell him Jezebeth was ill that weekend but y’know, the gesture was still out of a good place.) Butters is a bit surprised by the invite, and even more so that Ezra agrees, but he had been noticing a little friendship there, and is more than happy to comply (filling in Kenny on the details before hand). Ezra goes with them, and meets up with some of Bubbles’ friends and families again and for the first time experiences true family love in front of him. He sees how much Bubbles is close to her dads, how they laugh and joke and actually want to spend time with her. He sees how other mom’s like Wendy and Nichole and Bebe don’t brush their kids aside and tell them they’ll be back later but actually smile and seem to have fun. He gets a bit tense when Ethan accidentally drops pizza toppings on his shirt, worried that Kyle or Stan might hit him, but instead they just laugh and call him messy, and pull funny faces. It’s … nice. Ezra thinks maybe he would enjoy that too, if ever possible. Tho he doesn’t see how. That is, until he gets a call his mom will come to spend the day with him again. He’s a bit “Yeah whatever” this time, but to his huge surprise, there she is, just how he remembered- um, only that’s not actually such a good thing. They DO spend the day together, but it’s more “they’re physically together but she spends the whole time on her phone talking to the new bf and waving him away” kinda thing. By the time he returns to the foster home and Butters asks how his day was, Ezra bursts into tears and clings to him, saying how he just wants parents who care about him, like Bubbles’ do. Butters is pretty pissed off at Ezra’s mom- though he wonders … if she cares that little maybe it could work out after all. He calls her and Ezra for an important meeting.

It’s a bit out of the ordinary, Butters often jokes that he would like to adopt all of the foster kids, tho not literally, but this one is an exception, especially considering his friendship with Bubbles. Ezra’s mom seems “whatever” about handing over her legal custody of her son, and yeah that stings, but Ezra is pleased too, knowing he will no longer have to rely on her for parental validation. Within a few months, everything is sorted in quiet, and Ezra gets to go home to the McCormick household, and try out his new surname c: Oh, and his new room next to his new sister’s is pretty cool too.

Oscar and Daphne Tucker

Well, I guess this is the simplest, sweetest backstory of all. You’ve heard of high school sweethearts, now get ready for elementary, middle, highschool AND university sweethearts (I think that’s how the American system goes-) anyways- being a small little town and being good little kids, Tweek and Craig pretty much were able to stay right by each other from the very start. Tweek kinda had his future set out for him, since he pretty much just took over the Tweak’s cafe from his parents as soon as he could (minus the … drugged coffee) whilst Craig helped out and did a little night school to become a vet, something he decided he wanted to do due to his love for his childhood guinea pigs. Sure they had their moments, especially with such a long running relationship, but well, such a long relationship had also taught them a lot about each other so they always managed to work through it when the time came and they wanted a family of their own, they decided to get simultaneous surrogates :3 That is, one child (Oscar) is biologically Tweek’s, whilst Daphne is biologically Craig’s - it seemed like a good idea to them at the time anyhow. Daphne ended up being born first, with her brother a couple weeks after, so it was almost like raising twins (surprisingly, taking care of two babies wasn’t as bad as they thought since Tweek can barely sleep sometimes due to his caffeine intake ) Tweek does nights, Craig did days, it kinda fell into place- anyway, regardless of who was who, the four of them are thick as thieves and don’t for a moment consider any of each other as anything less than pure and simple family (that is, no favouritism towards their bio kids, the other partner’s kiddo is absolutely theirs too-) Well, Daphne and Oscar both grow into quite different people but are still just as close siblings as ever. Oscar is maybe not the smartest - he’s a bit neurotic and freaks out at times, but absolutely loves playing sports with his friend Ethan, who can be pretty confident and helpful c: Daphne is a bit more stylish, and quite quick witted with savage insults to the haters. She can also sometimes be seen as a bit of a “bad” girl, in a rebellious sort of sense - but she’s a good kid, just has little respect for people trying to push unfair authority- and she’ll always stand up for her “little brother” (Oscar hates being called that due to only being a couple weeks apart.)

Oh, and naturally – the family’s love for guinea pigs lived on, and the Tucker siblings both have a one of their own. Their pigs are also siblings, two female guinea pigs called Mocha and Espresso.

Jezebeth Thorn

Following Pip’s death at the hands of Mecha Streisand, Pip eventually finds himself in the afterlife, originally as an angel. Meanwhile, Damien had grown into quite the young ruler, his temper is a bit more under control as he matures and although he doesn’t quite understand human behaviour, he’s eager to learn. Heaven and hell have a bit more leniency nowdays, mostly due to Satan temporarily spending time in the other plane when he’s killed by ManBearPig, s citizens are used to seeing each other. Pip, in heaven, eventually recognises Damien, and seeing as how he didn’t seem to upset by the whole ordeal before, actually seemed quite happy to see him which Damien was surprised about. He begins to visit Hell more often, and adapts a bit of a “can I stick with you-” thing for a while, which eventually grew on Damien and he started to quite like the little human back, to his shock. He comes to learn more about life on earth and as they grew older Damien became kinda protective of him. Eventually, much like his father himself had had relationships (arguably more questionable ones) with humans before, it wasn’t really an issue for anyone, and they were happy for them. Pip, whilst still an angel, actually resides in hell, which is arguably taboo still but as Damien is royalty they don’t question it. Speaking of, being the prince of hell comes with magic powers.

Jezebeth Thorn is biologically their kiddo, ‘bcuz magic’ and maybe a goat sacrifice, nobody dared ask. Well, being the princess of darkness, she has her own little powers, and being part human too finds it fairly easy to blend in with both worlds unlike Damien at first. Jeze is by far considered cooler by her peers, although this might be because she doesn’t set everyone on fire - at least not until they’ve wound her up- she’s perhaps the most complicated character in the sense that she can be quite neutral on her alignment. One minute she can be your best friend, the next your worst nightmare, the next just a bystander, it’s more or less part of her fun to mess with the mortals, she can be responsible for sneaky little tricks and chaotic magic that sends the others on wild goose chases for her amusement. She is a very good ally to have though, since this works on enemies and bullies just as much- it should be noted that the one kid protected from her devious games is Bubbles, since being the daughter of Kenny, a fairly regular visitor to the afterlife and the daughter of Butters, a personal friend of Pip’s, Bubbles is the one mortal Jeze will always be on the good side of and genuinely does protect her so that others won’t mess with her. Her more human side comes out in that sense, she can be fairly sympathetic when she wants despite often appearing (or perhaps pretending to be indifferent to the other’s feelings-) SP never really knows what to expect when she’s in town, but it can certainly be said it’ll never be boring.

And as a fun fact, since she’s half English, she has a small tea vs coffee rivalry with the Tucker siblings it’s mostly just silly, those “fights” are generally more to be amusing than deceptive, but it’s a running joke for them-

Penelope Cartman

Cartman. What a kid. Well, as one might expect, Cartman sure had a rough time hitting his teen years - he had that same cutthroat business attitude and slightly sadistic streak which earnt him a lot of time in and out of juvie doing community work to earn a day or two off his sentences, but he’s still had some humanity deep down. Well, since moving up to high school (which he dropped out of due to some issues) he kind of broke off from the other 3 for a while, eventually getting out of jail and, in classic Cartman fashion, became a businessman pretty quickly. The others would say it wasn’t fair perhaps, Cartman would tell them to go fuck themselves, because he’s making cash by the day.

Meanwhile Wendy Testaburger continued her strong fight for what she believes in, having eventually dropped Stan altogether (though the two are … rocky friends, it’s a bit better now) and she would often lead activism groups against cooperation’s and unethical business practise - more often than not this sort of lead her right to Cartman, though she could never prove anything he was doing was bad, in fact it sorta became funny after a while, like a little routine. They’d often meet on opposite sides of an argument or in court but not really get anywhere, it was funny really, she started to look forwards to it - no wait, what was she saying? Looking forwards to seeing Cartman? Ohh no, she’d been there before. This rivalry had lasted the ages, there was no way she was coming to yet again have THOSE feelings for her business and otherwise rival … right? She asks him to meet her so they can talk - Cartman is … well she remembers how he’s always been. Maybe he’s always been a bit of a strange boy and she knows of some of his worse crimes but well, a lot WERE also out of childish innocence too. Cartman is no and never will be a saint but … she finds it quite amusing perhaps, all the same and that slowly, painfully, but inevitably blossoms into something more- much to Stan’s um, shock and Wendy has her own cutthroat tactics, Cartman admires that tbh.

Penelope is, a rather abrasive character. Well, she would be with those parents but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either - she’s more blunt that Daphne and less deceptive than Jezebeth but if there’s one thing she is it’s LOUD and commands a lot of respect - whether she deserves it is another question. But she’s not a bad kid, unlike her father, the others kids are genuinely her friend, although sometimes bemused at her boisterous antics. She tends to consider herself the absolute expert on everything from fashion to skydiving, even when she hasn’t done those things before. Still, you can’t help but love her confidence and sass, even when you hate her for it at the same time-

Seymour Donovan

So to begin with, Seymour *Donovan* is actually the son of Token and Nichole- more on that at the end.

Well, it seemed that their relationship was going pretty well, at least throughout the early years, everyone pretty much expected Token and Nichole to be the next Tweek and Craig, aka elementary sweethearts, and it seemed to be going that way, there was certainly nothing ‘wrong’ with their relationship it was … nice and stable and that was cool. But well, perhaps unlike the excitement of the adventures and stuff they’d witnessed as kids, as they grew older they just sort of grew into slightly different people. It wasn’t due to a fight or anything dramatic like the others had perhaps experienced they just simply realised that they had slightly different goals - Token was content in South Park, he intended to start investing in his quite large trust fund from his parents and begin using that in property values, expanding a little more and helping the town make a new something of themselves c: Nichole liked SP but she wanted to travel for a little while, perhaps start afresh or move to bigger communities. It would seem that it would end pretty much there - until she realised she was pregnant. That sort of escalated once their parents found out because well, everyone was super happy and excited and just assumed they would be too, I mean why wouldn’t they be? And so an engagement was encouraged to which they reluctantly agreed, not sure how to really get out of that one but not wanting to let their friends down :,D The engagement party was fun - for everyone else. They were in their little groups, the girls discussing the baby and the guys congratulating Token but it seemed a bit strange since they’d been on the verge of separating. Really, the only guy Token thought seemed more upset than him was his friend Clyde, who was um, crying by the buffet table. Token took that as a little opportunity to escape the party and the well-wishers and take him outside for a little fresh air. Clyde explained that he’d been having a little relationship trouble himself - or rather the inability to maintain one. His mosquito-ness had sort of come through and he found himself bouncing from girl to girl and maybe even questioning if he liked guys too, he’d spoken to the other friends about that and realised it was pretty common for them XD but he felt he wasn’t stable, and envied Token’s happy life. Well since all cards were on the table, Token decided to reveal the truth to him, about how whilst he did still feel very deeply for Nichole and was excited to be a father soon, they had been on the verge of splitting due to goal differences. Clyde of course was very surprised by this revelation and after a heart to heart about not trying to stay in something he knew wouldn’t work, Token agreed to talk to Nichole and see if they were on the same page. They knew it might surprise their parents and friends but well … it was better than trying to live a little lie. They called off their engagement, which definitely had the expected confusion and reactions but they valued their friend’s feelings.

9 months later Nichole had their son, a little boy they decided to name Seymour Black. During the rest of her pregnancy, Token had received a lot of support from his friends, and helped pay to get Clyde into some therapy and relationships counselling to see if he could work out what he was doing wrong. And it had helped a lot, so much so that Clyde had found himself a steady relationship for the first time in a while. Token had finally found someone that had similar life goals to himself, so it would work. Well, due to the subsequent marriage, Seymour Black would become Seymour Donovan instead, and since it was never Nichole’s surname, she didn’t mind at all, in fact she was just proud her son had two loving homes to go to X3 Seymour is a very sweet but rather sensitive kid, something he has in common with his step-dad Clyde :3 This sensitivity can make him a target for bullies and the like, but also makes him a kind and loyal friend to others of course he’s now the richest kid in SP, and that can come in handy when the others want to play cool games - not to mention Seymour also has his grandparents who spoil him absolutely rotten on top of that. His favourite hobby is gardening, mostly for flowers and sometimes vegetables, which he likes to sell at little stalls during the school events, making him very popular with the moms of town who think he’s just the cutest thing ever. He’s never been a fan of traditional sports much, but he can still hold his own, and does like to play ball games with his parents or friends c: He mostly lives at Token’s for the meantime, and sleepovers at his house are always super looked forwards to by the other friends.

Amelia Daniels

Following the birth of her son and break up, Nichole couldn’t quite travel as far as she originally wanted, at least she figured not till Seymour was a little older. That didn’t mean she regretted the split though, it was sort of inevitable and she still loved Token without being IN love with him anymore- so on the weeks he was staying with Seymour, Nichole had the opportunity for small little adventures such as a day out to a national park to hike, or to visit a neighbouring historic town, or to go horseriding - this last one she found quite quite companionable since she could be with her old friend Bebe. The two had quite a lot of common interests they found, generic stuff they already knew of course but they also found they could bond over the new world of adult life, whether it was giggling about Eric and Wendy’s “flirting” in court or their shared aspirations to get degrees and prove themselves smart to their peers. Bebe had always been quite tired of people assuming things about her looks, and was working towards a masters in teaching at the local college, as well as volunteering with the equine centre on weekends - overall, busy busy busy. But it was fun, the volunteering got her to visit new places with the group, and Nichole happily joined that too. Of course being the leader of those helped developed their own little relationship, and that became pretty solid after a while. Some years into that, they decided they’d adopt :3 They specifically chose a child close to Seymour’s age, so he could have a sister of sorts c:

Amelia had always had a fascination with planes, just One of those childhood fancy’s type things, it was possibly because she liked sharing her name with her idol Amelia Earheart, a coincidence perhaps but she accepted that. Amelia is a strong character - not strong as in abrasive such as her friend Penelope, but certainly strong as in “one of the few characters that can actually handle Penelope”. She’s smart and quick witted, and always looking for new ways to build a real plane one day - her toy models are too perfection but that won’t stop her from perhaps recklessly attempting a foolhardy life size model one day, she’s got ambition, the others will give her that XD Amelia and her “brother” Seymour have a close bond, she’s his protector of sorts from when older kids pick on his sensitivity, and whilst she doesn’t really like physical confrontation she’s not necessarily afraid to throw a punch, if the other kid was asking for it. Mostly though, she’s mild mannered and can just be found in the library checking out old Aero magazines or in the toy store with the build it kits c: She doesn’t consider Token and Clyde parents per say but she’s close to them as well, although living a little more moderately c:

Hecate Gelsor

Henrietta and Katie kinda reconciled the goth vs vampire thing later on in high school, in some ways although they hated being compared as they believed they were truly different, they realised they were going to do their own thing regardless and actually found themselves with a mutual respect, maybe out of a little hidden interest. They’re a bit unconventional, and that’s how they like it, completely non-conformist.

Hecate - well, now she’s fairly simple in her own right. A chaotic neutral if you will, she’s neither the main guys friends nor their enemy, she kind of stays out of stuff but will join in to suit her own personal gains. Always has a fascination with the morbid and depraved that can sometimes make the others uncomfortable - or at least, the sensitive ones since characters like Jezebeth and Penelope would find it pretty funny XD She tends to recite poetry and avoids new fads and technology, maybe even considers herself a bit of a vampire-witch as she likes to call it - her aesthetic is those little witchy shops you get in tourist towns - dream catchers, incense burners, lots of chains and skull rings, all of those. Out of all the characters she’s definitely the outright rebellious but in your face way, not clever or sneaky about that, but in a way her moms support it, they appreciate going against the grain, standing up to non-conforming to the rules and all that good stuff. Hecate is definitely the one to go for if you want a lock picked or some mysterious tomb discovered, just don’t rely on her for emotional support unless she gets something in return, she’s pretty black and white like that.

“Bandit”

Bandit, which is most likely a nickname he gave himself is the son of non-other than

“The New Kid”- specifically any new kid, since for the purposes of keeping it ambiguous, you never really “see” his parent, and whatever was known about them is now somewhat rumour, they’re known mostly as the Vigilante.

Bandit had pretty much been an outsider as long as he can remember, sure he hears adults in town talk about the cool games they played as kids and how it was fun to pretend - but Bandit knows something somewhere went too far. He doesn’t know the exact details, nor why he never really knew his grandparents but he knows there’s a lot of secrets being kept from him, and that’s caused a lot of resentment. Essentially, Bandit is the antagonist of the next gen. He doesn’t know what, he doesn’t care to know what to some extent - but he knows the others’ parents were involved in the mess that came before him. He’s clever, vindictive, and quite possibly powerful- despite not hiding his unsociable attitude, Bandit also seems to have an uncanny ability to … draw people to him, like some kind of … power. Which can make him quite formidable. Bandit rarely shows much true personality, he can seem pretty cold at times, and doesn’t seem to have any true friends despite the following fans he always seems to be able to amass when needed. This of course often puts him at odds, most especially - with Penelope. He’s still working on finding out the truth, of finding out just why he’s had to live such a shut in life, but he’s more sure than anything that her family has something to do with it, he just needs to gather the pieces. Now of course, this wouldn’t be a good character if that was his only motive - behind locked doors, Bandit has a good reason for all of this - and ultimately, it’s because he does want to make things right. He’s not necessarily going about it the right way, but every course of action is to one day, hopefully bring a little light back to his parent’s life. He takes good care of the vigilante, often takes care of the housework by himself and takes odd jobs on weekends to bring food and cash home. He’s never cared to find his other parent, doesn’t want to, doesn’t need to - what he wants more than anything is to be a normal kid, with a normal, if single parented household that’ll go to sports games and come to parents evening at school at throw birthday parties, but he knows he has a duty and a vitriolic personality. Essentially, he’s in a morally grey zone - the adults were kids themselves, how much they knew is entirely debatable and the next gens are even more innocent in all of that. But it sure weighs heavily on that poor kid, he’s bad but … maybe in some ways he reserves the right to be.

South Park (c) Trey Parker & Matt Stone

#south park #south park oc #my art #ocs #ref sheets #south park fan kids #south park next gen

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missgialeah · 4 years ago

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My dad passed away in the last few days. We decided to write an obituary that reflected his personality. Love you, Dad:

E. Nick Henery, a retired electrical engineer of Conroe, Texas, joined the immortally challenged on November 18, 2021, at the age of 79. Since he’s finally kicked his lifelong oxygen habit, he’ll catch a ride on the sin wagon in Fort Collins, Colorado at Grandview Cemetery, where he will go ahead to stake a claim on some prime real estate in the Elysian fields for the family he’s left behind. The loved ones who will someday join him at his eternal estate in the clouds are Neda Henery, his beautiful wife, and her children, Chase Whitehead and Lauren Rockett; Gabrielle N. Henery, his oldest daughter, and her wife Angela Bosco-Lauth; Giovanna L. Henery, his youngest daughter, and her husband, Dustin Tucker; and Paulette Wharton, his adopted daughter, who was pulled aboard the Henery train when she was 8. It doesn’t stop there; Nick also was a grandfather to eight grandkids: Adam and Kaelyn Ramirez, Grayson March, Masey, and Dallas Whitehead, and Tabitha, Summer, and Hailey Ray.

Nick was born Edward Nick Henery to Lawrence “Dutch” Henery and Bonnie Henery. His father worked on road crews and because of this, Nick lived the first eight years of his life in a travel trailer. (We’re pretty sure this is why he chose to leave early and make sure his family had a nice place to settle when we all get to heaven.) As a child, he enjoyed hunting, fishing, and shooting at small woodland creatures.

He graduated high school in Deep Water, Missouri where he alone brought the team to a state championship and would have gone pro if only he were a little taller. After being refused by the NBA to have the regulation height of the baskets lowered, he decided to find a new passion and went to college at the Missouri School of Mines, where he engineered a degree in 1976. (See what I did there… engineered… cause he’s an electrical engineer.)

He served his country and achieved the rank of Army Captain in Vietnam by getting eaten alive by mosquitos, never complaining about constantly soggy feet, and helping his unit stave off C-ration burnout with his stealthy-woodland-creature hunting skills. He returned home with a couple of bronze stars in his pocket.

Apparently, an engineering degree and dodging bullets in the jungle was not enough of a challenge; after Vietnam, he went back to school and picked himself up for a Master of Science in Quantitative Statistical Methods. Years later, when his oldest daughter was failing her statistics class in undergrad, he compassionately lied to her and said, “Sweetie, statistics were hard for me, too; if I can do it, you can do it.” He was exceptionally excited when his youngest followed in his nerdy footsteps by working toward a Ph.D. in Communication, Technology, and Data Analysis.

For years he worked successfully for FERC, the APPA, and SMUD (not all at the same time). However, he was a true public servant, assuring every day that superstars had the appropriate backlighting, Joe Public always had a cold Coors Lite, and his daughters were able to help Mario save Princess Peach. He downplayed the work he did and told people, “I just keep the lights on.”

In his free time, and then even more once he retired, he pumped iron at the gym, smacked a tiny, dimpled ball around a field, and aspired to become a master angler. During one of his fishing trips, he fell in the river, so for Father’s Day that year, he received a box of flies and a pair of little girls’ water wings. I’m pretty sure he wore them at his next fishing trip.

The reaper challenged Nick to a card game that he couldn’t refuse. His loving family was there to cheer him on, but despite the Ph.D. in Survival he earned during his tour in Vietnam, he was dealt a bad hand and had to cash in his chips. Someday we will meet this kind-hearted warrior in a Valhallan paradise, but until that day, Nick (Dad), you will be missed.

#dad #rest in peace #remember #love #family #best dad #cool dad #gonebutneverforgotten #obituary

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kinglazrus · 5 years ago

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The Haunting of Danny Fenton

Chapter Two: Unusual Clients

Word count: 2403 | [ffn] [ao3] | [previous] [next]

Tucker guides Valerie to a viewing gallery that overlooks the floor two storeys below. The door clunks and hisses as it closes behind them, sealed tight. Glass encases the gallery. The windows are angled outward so you can peer down without sticking your cheek to the glass. There's a slight distortion to it. Not much, but enough that Valerie knows the windows are thick and strong, built to take damage.

Tucker beckons her over to a door in the gallery's short wall, holding it open for her. It leads out onto an open balcony with a bulky safety rail along the edge, curving along the wall, only to dip into a set of stairs that winds all the way down to the bottom floor.

A loud bang startles Valerie. Instinctively, she lashes out, the dark bracer on her wrist expanding into an armoured glove. A compact gun pops out of the top, a bright red light building inside the barrel as it whines.

Tucker holds up his hands. "Whoa. A little jumpy, aren't you?"

Valerie huffs, masking her embarrassment with annoyance, and lowers her arm. The glove retracts, slithering over her arm, condensing back into a bracer. "I need to have good reaction times in my line of work."

"You and everyone else in Amity Park." Tucker leans over the balcony rail and calls out, "You all good down there?"

"Just dandy, kiddo! Thanks for asking!" Valerie immediately recognizes Jack Fenton's booming voice. He is, by far, the most vocal of all the Fentons.

"Let's go. I want to see what blew up."

As they walk down the stairs, Valerie scans the bottom floor. Two figures occupy the middle of the room: Jack Fenton, wearing a bright orange jumpsuit as neon as the sign outside, and Maddie Fenton, who boasts a much subtler, more pleasing blue. Along with their jumpsuits, they wear protective goggles, gloves, and boots. A smoking crater stretches between them.

Maddie pushes her goggles up and sighs in dismay. "Looks like another no good batch, honey."

"Damn. I'll pack it away with the others." Jack bends down to an open metal case at his feet. Nine glowing green vials rest inside, embedded in protective foam padding. The tenth slot is empty. Jack closes the case and tromps over to a rack against the wall, sliding it into an empty space next to dozens of identical cases.

When Tucker and Valerie reach the ground floor, the first thing she notices is a wide metal door tucked underneath the stairs, lurking in the corner of her eye. "Why did we take an elevator up and stairs down when there's a door right there?" Valerie glares at Tucker.

"Safety procedures. If the Boom Room is occupied, you have to enter through the top door," Tucker explains.

"Boom Room?" Valerie asks. The receptionist, Octavia, called the room the same thing.

"It's where we test our more volatile inventions." Maddie drags down her hood, shaking out her short auburn hair, and smiles at Valerie. "You must be the Red Huntress. I'm Maddie Fenton, but Maddie is fine." She holds out her hand.

Valerie takes it, giving it a firm squeeze and a shake. "You can just call me Valerie. Why do you test in here?"

"Well, it's not called the Boom Room for nothing!" Jack bounds over. Without even shaking Valerie's hand, or introducing himself first, he grabs her shoulder and turns her bodily toward the heavy doors. "All doors into the room are blast resistant. We only have these babies down here for hauling in the big buns, or when we're testing out ecto-powered engines. Can't exactly fit those through that tiny thing up there." Jack jerks his thumb over his shoulder, pointing back up the stairs. "But that's not the only thing! You see, when we built this place, we–"

"Jack, dear. Could you start the unlocking procedure? I think we've done enough testing for today," Maddie interrupts, gently touching Jack's shoulder.

"You got it, Mads!" He scampers toward the doors without a second thought. Valerie watched him go, her eyebrows knitting together as she puzzled over the sudden dismissal.

"Good call, Mrs. F," Tucker, hovering at Valerie's shoulder, says. "I don't want to miss dinner again. It's pot roast tonight." That only makes Valerie more confused.

"Sorry about that, dear. If you let Jack get going, he won't stop lecturing for anything." Maddie smiles softly. "As much as I love hearing my husband talk, I know not all people do."

"Oh, uh. No, it's fine. I actually am curious about the room." Valerie gives the metal panels stretching twenty feet up the wall a pointed look.

Valerie's statement ignites and eager glean in Maddie's gaze. "Oh! Isn't that just fantastic? In that case," she points over Valerie's shoulder, "do you see those vents on the wall behind you?"

Valerie turns and looks up. The first three vents rest inches above the metal panels. From there to the ceiling, a new row of vents digs into the wall at five-foot intervals, all the way to the top.

"Everything below those first vents is blast-proof, even the stairs. It keeps the rest of the building safe. To prevent the other walls from blowing out, those vents lead directly outside, into a courtyard in the middle of the facility. Up there," Maddie points to the ceiling, which is a wide skylight, "the windows can be opened using a control pad by the door. If a big enough explosion goes off, it gets directed up and out rather than through the rest of the building."

Valerie is impressed. Very impressed. She also thinks the Fentons are insane. "What are you making that could cause that big of an explosion?"

"Nothing, usually." Maddie's charming smile feels very out of place in this situation. "But right now we're working on an ectoplasm based strength enhancer."

Valerie wrinkles her nose. "You want to make ghosts stronger?"

Maddie laughs. "Don't be silly! This is for humans. We're just having trouble making a batch that won't explode when agitated." She gestures to the rack of briefcases. "There's no way to safely dispose of them, yet, so we keep it all here for now."

Thinking about it all, Valerie feels lightheaded. They're in the middle of the city. If all those cases explode at once, it will blow up half the block. Suddenly, she isn't so eager to explore Fenton Works anymore. In fact, she would like very much to leave the building now, thank you. But Jack's not finished with the doors. With few other options, Valerie pushes on

"You want to make... some kind of super-soldier serum?" she asks.

"Oh, dear, no. It's not for anything like that." Valerie waits for Maddie to elaborate, but all she gets is that same pleasant smile. It's sweet. Too sweet for how much pain she sees in Maddie's eyes. Valerie wants to ask more about the project, but that severe smile beats her curiosity back.

A loud siren rips through the room, one long shriek, accompanied by a flash of red light. Startled, Valerie whirls around, although she manages to keep her weapons at bay this time. At the doors, Jack has his hand on a biometric scanner. Something within the door clunks, the sound followed by a low hiss.

Valerie shuffles her feet as the door swings wide, edging away from Maddie and closer to Tucker. Nudging him, she grabs his attention and subtly tilts her head toward Maddie.

"It's a sore spot," Tucker whispers under his breath.

Valerie nods.

"I think it's about time we head home. Danny should be waiting for us, and I'm sure you want to know the details of the job," Maddie says.

Valerie nods again, too nervous to say anything. The Fentons aren't like any client she's had before. She's used to her richer clients being stuffy snobs, spoiled kids who heard something go bump in the night and got spooked. Sometimes there are genuine concerns. Malevolent ghosts that won't leave them alone. Lost souls lingering in places they shouldn’t be. It's always a humbling experience for her clients. Ghosts don't care how much money you have; they do whatever they want. And if Valerie wasn't there to save their asses, well... they're lucky she's there.

But the most glaring difference between the Fentons and any past jobs is skill. The Fentons are ghost hunters by trade. They dedicate themselves to outfitting people with personal ghost protection, be it basic defences or actual weaponry. They make guns and vehicles. They teach classes about ghosts. They're at the forefront of Ghost Zone exploration. Anything Valerie can do, the Fentons already do better.

Which is why she doesn't understand what they need her for. Surely whatever is going on with their son, they can protect him far better than she can.

—

Sitting in the living room of the original Fenton Works building, Valerie marvels at how homey it is. For fifteen years, this place housed what is now a world-famous company. Not even the whole building, but the basement. The rest of it looks like any other house—which makes sense because it is their house. But knowing that scientific history was made in the room below her feet makes Valerie giddy.

She bounces her knee and resists the urge to get up and pace. Right now, more than anything, she wants to go downstairs and see the original lab. Science had never been her forte in high school, and she barely understands that side of ghost hunting, but it fascinates her to no end.

A loud creak down the hall has her head snapping up. She starts to rise, then sits back down, driving her fist into her knee to keep her leg still. She wants to look professional and courteous, although by this point that image is already ruined. Tucker shattered all formal pretenses when he picked her up. Still, Valerie wants to try. So she sits up straight, setting her shoulders and raising her chin, and watches the corner expectantly.

Maddie and Jack step into view, but only them.

"Danny will be along in a moment. Things have been rough for him, recently," Maddie explains. She and Jack move to the opposite side of the room, stopping on either side of a comfortable looking armchair.

"While we're waiting for him, can I ask what exactly the job is? Your request was vague." Not just vague, it had been devoid of all useful information. Two days ago, Valerie got a call inquiring about her services, how much she charges, and how long she would be available. The voice on the other end hadn't been Maddie's or Jack's. Now that she thinks about it, it was probably Octavia calling on their behalf.

"For a few months now, Danny has been experiencing a minor haunting," Maddie states bluntly.

Valerie's blood runs cold. "A haunting?"

Jack nods, his expression grave.

"For months?" Valerie continues. "But that's..." Completely unprecedented. The longest haunting on record is thirty-four days. In Valerie's two years of official work, and her four years of unofficial experience before that, she only witnessed two hauntings. The first victim lasted a week before they were possessed. The second barely lasted a day.

"We've got good defences here, but they're designed for more tangible ghosts," Maddie says, an ironic twist in her grim smile. "Haunting Shades are much harder to keep out."

"And you can't drive it off?" Valerie asks. "You of all people should be able to. If you can just find the Shade the next time it visits–"

Jack silences her with a cold look. "You think we haven't tried that?"

Right. World famous-ghost hunters. Anything she can do, they have already done better. She's confident in her skills, worked hard to get where she is today, and, from time to time, deserves a little of the arrogance she feels. Sometimes, however, that means she forgets some people have worked much harder and gone much farther than her.

Maddie and Jack Fenton are two of those people

"Sorry," Valerie says quietly. Who is she, who has never been able to fight off a Shade before, to shame the Fentons for the same fault?

"No need to apologize. We've all got our moments." Jack beams. Valerie almost has whiplash from the complete three-sixty in personality. "This Shade's a slippery one. Even when it's here, we can't find it."

Maddie takes over for her husband. "We've got people working on that. Before Danny's haunting started, we were already working on a new ghost deterrent aimed at Shades. A business partner of ours has been heading the project. That's why we need you."

"For what, exactly?" Valerie asks.

"There's a week-long conference Jack and I need to attend. If all goes well, we could make a breakthrough in the anti-Shade project. But we can't bring Danny with us. Long trips aggravate his condition."

Valerie barely resists the urge to ask about said condition. She will see his condition for herself in a few minutes, but she can't help it. Danny doesn't photograph well, and the few pictures of him post-accident reveal very little about his person. The same morbid curiosity that grabs hold of you when you see the aftermath of disaster takes her now. She's not proud of it, but she feels it, nonetheless.

"We want you here as insurance. We don't think anything will happen, but we'd rather not leave Danny alone with everything that's going on," Maddie finishes.

Distantly, the stairs creak.

Valerie nods slowly. "Okay. I understand. I'll take the job."

"It'll be like a vacation for you! Our Danny's a lot stronger than some ghost. He's putting up a hell of a fight." Jack punches the air. There's a familiar glint in his eye, the same look Valerie gets from her father whenever he talks about how far she's come. Seeing it makes her smile.

"What does Danny–" Someone clears their throat, interrupting Valerie. Her head snaps toward the noise, her eyes finding the newcomer immediately. Pallid skin, sunken eyes, slouched against Tucker, Danny Fenton stares back at her.

"Hey. Valerie, right?" His voice is faint and hoarse.

Doubt pools in Valerie's gut. The smile vanishes from her face. Whatever confidence Jack has in his son, she doesn't share it. Forget surviving the week, she doesn't think he'll live through the night.

#thdf #danny phantom #phicc #danny phantom fanfiction #phanfic #valerie gray #bodyguard au #should I still tag it phic phight?#ehhhhh the first chapter is tagged #I guess that's good enough

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thedcdunce · 7 years ago

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The Penguin

“Where's the thrill in committing the perfect crime if nobody knows it was you?” - The Penguin

Real Name: Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot

Gender: Male

Height: 5′ 2″

Weight: 175 lbs (79 kg)

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Abilities:

Genius Level Intellect

Cold Tolerance

Equipment:

Trick Umbrellas

Base of Operations: Iceberg Lounge, Gotham City

Universe: New Earth

Parents:

Tucker Cobblepot; father

Miranda Cobblepot; mother

Marital Status: Single

Citizenship: American

Occupation:

Businessman

Crimelord

First Appearance: Detective Comics #568 (November, 1986)

Last Appearance: Convergence: Batman and Robin #1 (June, 2015)

Abilities

Genius Level Intellect: From an early age Penguin was never very physically strong or appealing and this forced him to learn to live life with a keen intellect. It should be noted that his intellect is almost always sinister in nature even in the most mundane of decisions.

Business Management: Oswald's criminal operations would succeed without a hitch if not for the actions of Batman. Oswald has existed both above and below the law with his businesses; running a legitimate night club as well as selling drugs from within it.

Leadership: Penguin always travels with henchmen on any criminal mission or even to the zoo. He controls bodyguards, chefs, servants, gang members, villains and so on with masterful talent. Oswald has led both legal and illegal operations within Gotham City; under any conditions.

Avian Trainer: Penguin has used his knowledge of birds for criminal purposes as well as personal purposes. He shares a special kinship with birds, especially the African penguin.

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Advanced): Oswald dedicated part of his life to the martial arts, to beat those who mocked his appearance. Being a master in judo and boxing

Cold Tolerance: The Penguin can tolerate sub-freezing temperatures longer than most people. He can spend extended times outdoors in the winter before frostbite, hypothermia or even discomfort begin. This ability is not superhuman; he is just at the far end of normal human cold tolerance.

Equipment

Trick Umbrellas: The Penguin employs an assortment of "trick" umbrellas, many of which can be used as weapons as well. A few of his umbrellas are equipped with motorized flight capabilities, and he often uses such devices in order to affect an expedient escape.

History

The Penguin is a fancy criminal and self-styled entrepreneur, who uses his business as a front to cover his criminal activities. Penguin started as many criminals in Gotham City, by performing crimes with a specific theme surrounding birds. Eventually, Penguin outgrew his hands-on crimes and became the mastermind of organized crime in Gotham, making him a valuable asset for both criminals and heroes alike.

Origins and Early Crimes

Born Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, the Penguin was bullied as a child for his short stature, obesity, and beak-like nose. These traits made him an outcast in his rich, high society family; their rejection drove him to become a criminal. When Penguin was a young child, his father died of pneumonia after being drenched in a downpour. Because of this, his mother became over-protective and forced him to carry an umbrella whenever he went outside — even on sunny days. In keeping with his family's tradition of wealth, the Penguin lives a life of crime, yet executes it with his own self-proclaimed class and style.

Unlike most of the villains in Gotham, the Penguin is a gentleman villain, in control of his own actions and perfectly sane, features that serve to maintain a unique relationship with his archenemy, Batman. During the early days after Batman's appearance, Cobblepot joined Harvey Dent AKA Two-Face, and several other Gotham criminals to bring down the crime family led by Sofia Falcone. Cobblepot was only with the group very briefly and was arrested after a firefight at the docks with Tony Zucco and Eddie Skeevers.

Later, Penguin managed to get a hold of a lethal drug developed by Ra's al Ghul, but his plans of spreading it in Gotham and use it to blackmail the city were stopped by Batman and Talia, Ra's' daughter.

Suicide Squad

The Penguin attempted to steal rare falcons from the Gotham University, but his plan was thwarted by Batman and he was arrested. When he was released on parole, he claimed to have fallen in love and gone straight. His new girlfriend wouldn't tolerate criminal behavior. Cobblepot ran a legitimate umbrella factory staffed by ex-cons, but he was sent back to prison because this counts as "consorting with known felons."

Much later, Amanda Waller recruited him to the Suicide Squad for one mission, in exchange for prison release. Penguin helped them plan a top secret mission where they rescued imprisoned author Zoya Trigorin from the Soviet Union. He was forced to accompany them behind enemy lines, because Rick Flag wanted him to have a stake in his own plans. They were forced to fight the Russian army, and Penguin was nearly killed. In the confrontation, Penguin realized Russia is not an appropriate country for him or his criminal activities and after a deadly mission, they escape the country.

Crimes and Affairs

Upon returning to Gotham, Penguin returned to prison, where he met Mortimer Kadaver. While in prison, they came up with a breakout plan and it all started with Penguin's sudden death. The Penguin was buried after his fake death, thanks to Kadaver who used hypnosis to send Penguin into a death-like trance. His henchmen released Penguin from his tomb and once he was revived, he was forced to accept Kadaver into his gang and they started a crime spree. Eventually, Penguin double-crossed Kadaver and shortly afterwards, he was stopped by Batman.

Penguin soon arranged his own escape from prison and located Harold Allnut, a mechanics and engineering genius who Penguin manipulated to create a bird controlling device. Harold's machine allowed Penguin to control large flocks of birds with microwaves, forcing the animals to create chaos and destruction in Gotham. Penguin's intention was to sell the machine to international criminals and kill Harold afterwards, but part of his plan was also the kidnapping of a notorious actress, with whom Penguin had become infatuated. Using the bird device, Penguin kidnapped the actress and attacked Batman in the Batcave. However, as he was selling the invention to other criminals, Penguin's plan was thwarted by Batman, who had deduced the device's mechanism, and Harold himself, who turned against Penguin, allowing Batman's ultimate victory over Cobblepot.

Legitimate Businessman

Penguin eventually established himself as a legitimate businessman in charge of his nightclub, the Iceberg Lounge. However, it was just a facade in order to control criminal activities from a privileged position.

After a while, Penguin organized a large criminal ring that consisted on kidnapping pregnant girls and sell their kids to adoption. However, Penguin was attacked by a strange villain and the penthouse of the Iceberg Lounge was bombed when his crime was revealed.

Penguin survived the explosion and learned that the people behind the attack were a new group called The Body. Penguin then gathered three helicopters and attacked a large group of members of The Body, saving Batman in the process. Before leaving, Penguin warned Batman about the new enemy.

When the great gang war broke out in Gotham, Penguin auctioned weapons he stole from the US Navy, as well as meta-humans and assassins among the many gang parties in Gotham. During this time, Penguin was confronted by Hush, who was looking for Riddler. Shorly after, Gotham was drowned in chaos and the police ordered a civil curfew for the entire city. Penguin took control of the Gotham Power Company and caused a massive blackout in the city.

Infinite Crisis

The Penguin becomes swept up in the events of Infinite Crisis. He is part of the Battle of Metropolis, a multi-character brawl started by the Secret Society of Super Villains. The Penguin, along with several other villains, are bowled over by the surprise appearance of Bart Allen.

One Year Later

While the Penguin was away from Gotham City, the Great White Shark and the Tally Man killed many of the villains who worked for the Penguin, and framed Harvey Dent. The Shark had planned to take over Gotham's criminal syndicate and weaken all his competition - Penguin included. Upon his return to Gotham, the Penguin continues to claim that he has gone "straight" and reopened the Iceberg Lounge nightclub, selling overpriced penguin merchandise. He urges the Riddler to avoid crime, as it's more lucrative in their current, non-criminal lifestyle.

Batman R.I.P.

Penguin was briefly approached by Slam Bradley who wanted information over Hush's current whereabouts.

When Batman disappeared from Gotham, Penguin was the first target of the vigilantes of the city.

Robin talked to Penguin and offered a large amount of money in exchange of information about Batman's whereabouts. Shorly after, Penguin showed Robin a picture proving that Batman was alive but somehow insane. Some days later, Batgirl attacked Penguin in order to learn Batman's location, but Penguin knew nothing about it. Furthermore and due to her aggressive attack on him, Penguin ended his partnership with Batman.

A few days later, Penguin was pleased to let the meta-human criminals of Gotham get rid of Intergang for him. Penguin even applauded Man-Bat after he massacred some men of Intergang, who had been using the Iceberg Lounge as a meeting point.

Battle for the Cowl

After the death of Batman, Penguin became one of the main crime lords in Gotham. Around this time, Penguin was informed that someone had damaged Two-Face's crime ring and he was taking the blame for the hit. When Penguin learned that the responsible was a new Black Mask, he hired Riddler's service as a detective to find the criminal. However, Black Mask struck first by sending Firefly to kill Penguin, but the pyromaniac was stopped by Catwoman. Penguin's forces were weakened but the crime lord emerged unscathed.

Some time later, word about Vicki Vale's discovery of Batman's secret identity was spread in the underground of Gotham and Penguin started looking for the reporter to capture her. When a couple of amateur criminals wanted to join Penguin's crew, he sent them to kidnap Vale and bring her back to him, but they failed miserably.

During a meeting with members of the Penitente drug cartel, the Penguin was attacked by Red Hood who nearly killed Cobblepot and Gabriel Santo.

Convergence

Penguin and Gotham were taken by Brainiac and Telos and were trapped for a year. Cobblepot attempts to force Ivy to work for him, but he is foiled by, Batman, Robin, Red Hood and Scarlet.

Fun Facts

The Penguin's corpulence and short height causes him to waddle when he walks, giving credence to the distasteful "Penguin" sobriquet that has plagued him all of his life. Adding to the unflattering pseudonym, Cobblepot also has a distended, pointy nose which closely resembles a bird's beak.

#the penguin #penguin #oswald chesterfield cobblepot #oswald cobblepot #gotham organized crime #injustice league #suicide squad #the outsiders #outsiders #penitente cartel #secret society of super-villians #secret society of super villians #dc #dc comics #thedcdunce

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secretlystephaniebrown · 8 years ago

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take me out to the black

One year ago today the dear @sroloc--elbisivni sent me a message reminding me that we’d brainstormed a vague outline for a Firefly AU. I said “oh yeah that’s right!” and we talked about it for a bit. Then we came up with a different twist on it which inspired me to write about 7k of it in one week. I’ve been sitting on this for a long time, but I finally have part 1 ready for you guys.

Who’s up for some space cowboys?

Summary: Captain Carolina Church is a turncoat, a browncoat, and the captain of a Firefly Class ship called Valhalla. But every captain needs a crew.

Pairings: Tuckington, background docnut, implied Yorkalina pining.

When Carolina had been a child, living in the Core she’d looked up at the blank, orange-tinted night sky, and dreamed of stars.

Now she stares out the big bay windows of the cockpit, staring out at the vast and endless stretch of space before her, and it’s the first time she’s felt at peace since the early days of the war, when she’d been so sure she was fighting for the right reasons.”

“This isn’t enough,” Wash says, beside her. “We’ll need a crew.”

Carolina runs her hands along the pilot’s dash. Neither of them are really good enough at flying to handle it long--just enough to get them away from this planet, get them to place where they can start hiring. “I know,” she says. She’s oddly buoyed by the idea, of filling this ship to bursting, of people who look at her and don’t know what her last name means, don’t know her service record or her history, don’t know why Wash has those scars on his wrists.

She sinks into the pilot’s seat, and carefully continues to steer them.

“What’s her name?” Wash asks her.

“Vallhala,” she says.

Wash gives her a long, knowing look. The coat he wears is as brown as hers.

“Right then,” he says, and there’s nothing more they need to say.

Captain Carolina Church is a turncoat, a browncoat, and the captain of a Firefly Class ship called Valhalla.

Her second in command is a traitor, a browncoat, and a kid from the Rim.

Carolina once had been a Sergeant. She had led a squad, until one night when Connie died and Wash had gone missing and she had ripped through layers of security to get him back. She had taken him and ran, ran so hard and so fast that she had practically collapsed at the doorstep of the Independents’ and bargained for sanctuary.

She had not begged.

The first hire is Lavernius Tucker. He’s a pilot, a good one. Too good to be interested in a ship like hers, which is how she knows he’s hiding something.

He wears colorful shirts and has a mustache that make Wash make a face behind the man’s back, letting Carolina know exactly what he thinks of a man who willingly lets one of those grow on his face. He tells crude jokes. None of those are disqualifying qualities, nothing to stop a man who can fly a Firefly class with the delicacy of a shuttle from flying for any of the major companies.

She expects drugs, or smuggling, neither of which she can afford on her crew, not with the Alliance still breathing down her back. Her pardon for betraying the Alliance, for freeing Wash, is tentative and dubious. But she also can’t afford to pass up a pilot like Tucker.

He’s the one to bring it up, shockingly. They’re almost done with the interview, Carolina having brought him up to the cockpit. “I have a kid,” he tells her abruptly. “He has to come along. It’s a dealbreaker.” His chin goes up, strong and firm.

Carolina flinches. Children. She can’t afford to smuggle, not yet, maybe not ever if the way the Alliance keeps coming after them, keeping an eye out for the runaway and the turncoat, but she knows that even if she can stay clean, stay legal, there will be violence. There’s no way there won’t be.

She tells him this.

“He needs to stay with me,” Tucker says, something desperate in his eyes. He needs this job as much as she needs a pilot, she realizes. “This is what I’m good at.”

Carolina looks around the ship. “How old is he?” Maybe they’ll be lucky and he’s a teenager, barely need looking after.

She should know better than to reach for luck. She hasn’t had luck on her side for a long, long time. Things never go smooth.

“Four.”

Carolina swears, under her breath.

In her mind, she begins to calculate additional child-rations, child-proofing the rooms, making sure that weapons aren’t just laid out in the open.

She doesn’t give Tucker an answer yet, but she already knows what it will be.

Wash grows up on the Rim.

It’s a tiny little planet called Iowa. He grows up with three sisters and a brother, the oldest of them all, and when he gets the scholarship to military school, he takes their photograph in his pocket, his father’s blessing, every coin his family can spare, and his mother’s lucky pistol.

They take the pistol when he gets to basic training, and he never sees it again. The coin goes quickly; Core living is expensive.

He loses the photograph in the war, when they come for him in the night.

The Alliance and the Core is inherently different from Iowa. They change his name because they can’t pronounce it, and Wash learns to adapt, even though he hates it, hates the way that the smooth syllables of home are butchered in the mouths of these Core-worlders, who don’t know what it feels like to stand in the dirt and look at the sky and smile. Wa-Jonathan, son of Jonathan, smoothed and disturbed over time and time again, until the name is Washington, harsh and biting in the voice of his drill master. And he feels further still from his siblings every time they said it, until one day Wash was bleeding from the mouth on the ground, and he looks up into a set of eyes as green as fresh leaves.

“Fighting again, Wash?” Carolina asks, and she holds out her hand.

Wash doesn’t know it then, when he reaches up and takes it, but he now has another sister. A sister in battle and blood, as real and important as any of the ones he left back home.

She graduates before him, but when she gets her own squad, she calls on him, and Wash goes, eager to follow his sister into combat.

Their squad is good at what they do, but then one day Connie leans close and whispers in his ear.

“We can’t trust them, Wash,” she whispers. “We can’t.”

The next day, Connie dies, and Wash doesn’t know what side the bullet comes from.

Wash starts to look for answers on his own.

He never does find them.

All he finds is the inside of a strange white room and the sounds of his own screaming when the stick needles into his eyes.

Wash is the one to bring back Grif and Simmons. Grif can fly a shuttle even better than Tucker, Simmons dabbles in mechanics, and is a decent field-medic, and both are steady shots and decent at listening to orders in a fight.

Neither of them fought in the war, she learns. Their skills are those of people who lived on the Rim for so long, not the product of any schooling or training.

Grif is the one who tells Carolina the stories of the Reavers for the first time, and his eyes are haunted enough that Carolina knows better than to ask if he’s ever seen one.

Epsilon curls up in her lap and purrs until she stops thinking about what it is that someone could see, out in the blackness of space, that could turn a human being into something like that.

Simmons wants to be the mechanic, but he’s never worked on anything bigger than a Mule, and it shows. Carolina almost hates to do it, but she pulls him off and hires the first mechanic she can find who has a recommendation.

In retrospect, she should have realized that Doc’s ship was a bit too eager to be rid of him.

Carolina desperately searches for another mechanic, loathe to risk flying a ship as old as Valhalla without one, but she keeps turning up dry until she walks into the engine room to find Doc having sex with a man named Donut, who turns out to be a thousand times more competent than Doc.

She keeps Doc on as a medic, because Simmons can do stitches and that’s about it. Doc’s still not good as a medic, but he’s better a medic than he was a mechanic, and Carolina’s learning to live with that.

Wash is a bit preoccupied when Donut comes onto the scene, because Tucker just shaved off that awful mustache, and Wash has been staring at him moony eyed, too distracted to barely even acknowledge that Carolina’s hired a new person.

Then of course, he comes into the dining area one day, and yells, “Frank?” Far too loud.

“David?” Donut yells back.

It turns out Carolina managed to hire Wash’s brother, from their old backwater homeworld. He’d decided to go see the ‘verse after the war.

Carolina listens to them listing names of people she doesn’t know and places she’ll never be, because Wash is avoiding his home world the same way she’s avoiding the Core, and goes to her bunk, staring at the photo sheet she has, of the last time she saw her brother.

She opens up the program, starts writing.

Church,

I realize it’s been a while

I’m sorry I had to save him

I didn’t mean to

I was right

Are you okay?

Frustrated, she throws it across the room and closes her eyes. He’s the one who broke contact, she reminds herself. He doesn’t want to talk to her. He hasn’t forgiven her for betraying the Alliance.

Maybe he would, if she could tell him. Tell him about Connie, about Maine, about what they did to Wash, in that awful room.

But she doesn’t dare. Her pardon is tentative enough as it is. They’re above the board, barely, and she needs to keep it that way, because the Alliance will grab Wash and lock him away again if they so much as step over the line.

Her ship is clean, as much as that strains the funds. No smuggling, no robbery, no crime. And because of that, Wash is safe.

She has to keep it that way.

“So, what’s the story with you and the cap?”

Wash looked up from the potato he was peeling as Tucker plopped himself down on the counter. Their pilot of three months' mustache twitched as he waggled his eyebrows. “I mean, I know you fought Independent together and all, but you seem, I dunno, really close."

Wash went back to the potatoes. “We survived one of the bloodier battles of the war together. That sort of thing tends to make some pretty strong bonds. Where’s Junior?”

“Napping. C’mon, spilllll. You two have some kind of history together.”

Wash sighed and grabbed a new potato. “If I explain, will you cook dinner tonight?” For once, they had fresh produce, and if he tried to make anything with it, it would come out a charred mess.

“Sure, dude.” He settled into the table and looked at Wash expectantly, so much like his son when he wanted a story that Wash had to chuckle.

“We were in military academy together.”

“Shit, the Browncoats had a military school? I didn’t know that.”

“They didn’t.”

Wash kept his eyes on the curl of the peel away from his knife, but he still knew when Tucker figured it out.

”Shit.” And it was in a tone of voice Wash hadn’t expected—a little bit awed and a little bit impressed and a lot sympathetic. “Are—were you from the Core, too?”

Wash didn't think Carolina had told Tucker about her past, but he was never able to bring himself to tell her that for all her hard work, her background was still there for anyone with good perception to notice. It was surprising that Tucker, of all people, had noticed.

“No.” And because surprises seemed to be the theme of this conversation, Wash let himself tell a story he hadn’t in years. “I was born on the Rim. Earned a scholarship to go to a fancy Core military school when I was sixteen. That’s where Carolina and I met. When we graduated, we were split up for a couple of years. After the war started, she earned herself a commission as leader of a special squad, and requested I join it.”

And because Tucker still hadn't cut in with a dumb joke or comment, just sat there with a listening face on, Wash let himself remember.

“One of the other members was a friend of mine. She was smart, smarter than the rest of us, and she didn’t like the war. Didn’t trust it. She told me one night that she’d been doing some research, learned some bad things. The next day, she was killed in action. I never figured out which way the bullet came from.” He kept up a steady motion of his knife, scraping every bit of skin away before picking up another potato.

“I started doing some research of my own. Wanted to figure out what she was so worried about. And then, one night…”

The knife stilled as Wash stared into the middle distance, barely seeing Tucker.

“I was outside. I know that much. Then I…wasn’t. And I really don’t remember much of anything else for a bit, except pain, until I opened my eyes and saw Carolina’s face.” With the fingers of the hand holding the knife, he rubbed absently against his other wrist.

“She tells me I went missing, and she went looking, and she found me tied up and screaming. They told her I’d been arrested for treason. She didn’t believe them. Lucky for me.

“The rest of our squad was either dead or reassigned, we were getting orders that made less and less sense, and I was drugged out of my mind and in transport to some unknown location. That was the last straw. Carolina grabbed all the information she could take with her and took us both over to the Independents.”

Wash blinked off the memories and went back to peeling the potato.

“We were both pardoned, after the War, but. We try and avoid the Core now. Mostly brings trouble.”

“Hey, you picked me up in the Core!”

Wash gave Tucker a flat look. “And you’re trouble.” Something occurred to him. “Why are you asking, anyways?”

“Speaking of trouble—I think Carolina’s got the hots for our new renter.”

“The Companion?” Well, that was a surprise.

Tucker dropped himself into the chair next to Wash. “Well, I dunno if she gets the hots, but she doesn’t act with him like she does with anyone else. And I wasn’t sure if you two were, you know…” He waved a hand in the air. “And I wanted to make sure no one got hurt.”

“Really.”

“Really! I don’t want to lose a job because the captain and only sane person on the ship started to fight all the time. Shit’s annoying. ‘Sides…”

Wash looked up from his potato to find that Tucker’s face was very close to his.

“I may have had a, uh…personal interest, too.”

He grinned at Wash, big and bright and kind and wonderful and—

oh. shit.

Wash stood up so fast Tucker almost toppled over.

“I don’t kiss anyone with a mustache,” he blurted out before dumping the potato on the table and walking—at an entirely reasonable pace, thank you very much—to his quarters.

They pick up the old man on a distant moon on a distanter-still planet. He’s a grizzled old man, with big eyebrows and a white beard, but there’s a gleam in his eye that puts Carolina on edge. He’s a shepherd, he tells them, but if that’s his first job Carolina would eat her coat. The only names he gives them are “Shepherd” and “Sarge”. But he pays his rent and doesn’t preach too loudly and makes good tea.

He brings with him Caboose, and Caboose is definitely worth taking on a passenger, even a wandering shepherd. Caboose is strong and tall and broad, with a big goofy smile and hair that falls into his eyes more often than not. He can carry more than the rest of the crew put together and he’s shockingly good in a fight. There’s no rhyme or reason to him; he’s loud and cheerful and ocassionally dumber than rocks, but he has moments of brilliance that Carolina doesn’t know to do with. And he talks to the ship.

But Carolina figures it’s not the strangest thing to happen on Valhalla, so she takes it. She can hardly begrudge the man a few eccentricities, not with Epsilon in her cabin.

She found Epsilon when she went back to Valhalla. The valley, not the ship.

She gets off the shuttle, tokens for the dead in her pockets. She’s not much for religion, but she’s got sticks of incense and a few flowers to leave at the memorial.

She turns her face to the sky and waits, listening for the voices of the dead that she knows she won’t hear.

Instead, she hears meowing.

The cat is small and scrawny, with matted blue-grey fur and bright blue eyes. He’s hissing, his back arched, and Carolina doesn’t know anything about cats but she knows he doesn’t want her to come near.

Carolina knows the feeling.

She reaches into her pockets and takes out the small fishcake she brought to offer up to Maine’s ghost. He’d loved these things. But he’ll understand her giving it to a cat.

When she goes back to Valhalla (the ship, not the valley), the cat comes with her.

Wash opens his eyes and groans, clutching the side of his head as another headache spikes.

Tucker, sprawled across his chest, pushes himself up onto his elbows and glances at him. “Headache again?” He mutters.

“Yeah,” Wash says in reply, screwing his eyes shut. “They’re happening more lately.”

Tucker takes Wash’s wrist in his hand, carefully running his thumb along the scar along the inside, from where the IV had been attached, before Carolina had ripped it out, not caring about proper procedure in her rush to get him away. “Think it means something?” Tucker asks, and his other hand pushes Wash’s hair off his sweat-streaked forehead.

Wash winces as it spikes again, and the only reply he is capable of giving is a groan.

“Nevermind,” Tucker said, dropping his hand. “You stay here, I’ll get you some of that soothing tea that Sarge has.”

Wash shivers, suddenly freezing. He burrows into the covers, almost distracted from his migraine by the sudden, desperate need for warmth.

His eyes sink shut.

“What do you see? What do you feel?” The chair is hard and uncomfortable, and the straps are digging in against his skin.

“What do you know?” There’s blood, so much blood, the taste of it clear in his mouth.

“If you just cooperate, Corporal, this will end,” the man’s accent is grating but his eyes are familiar, and Wash opens his mouth to scream again.

“Wash!” Junior is on his chest. “Wash!”

Wash let out a gasp, and sat up. “Junior?” He says, groggy with sleep and disoriented by the memories.

“You were screaming again,” Junior says. His small face is very close to Wash’s own, his big brown eyes concerned.

“Sorry,” Wash rasps. “Did I wake you?”

“No, I did,” Carolina says, and Wash groans.

“What is it, Boss?”

“We’re taking on passengers, Wash,” she says, looking annoyed. “I came to check on you, see if I need to have Donut play host instead.”

“I’m fine,” Wash says. Indeed, his headache has dissipated. “Where’s Tucker?”

“He had to run to the pit,” Carolina says, handing Wash the mug of tea. “York’s flying in.”

“So soon?” Wash cradles the tea, savoring the scent. None of them know how Sarge makes this tea, but it’s one of the few luxuries they have, out here in the dark.

Carolina shrugs. “I didn’t ask.”

“I’ll be there,” Wash promises. “Who do we have?”

“A businessman on his way to visit his family on a colony, and a woman who says she’s a new colonist. Pretty sure she’s a merc,” Carolina adds, her expression dark. “Too many scars otherwise.”

Wash pauses, halfway out of bed. “Trouble, boss?”

“I don’t know.”

“What side, do you think?”

“Can’t say,” Carolina reaches down to pick up Junior. “I’ll let you get dressed.”

“Thanks,” Wash says.

“See you on deck, Wash.” Carolina climbs up the ladder, leaving Wash alone with his thoughts and his tea.

Wash puts on his clothes and finds his gun, holstering it at his side as usual.

The headache is still there, pounding in his temples, but it’s manageable. It’s odd, they usually don’t last this long. They usually just spike, painfully but briefly, then fade away. This is constant, and he doesn’t like it. It’s putting him on edge.

He puts on his wedding ring, and briefly runs a damp comb through his hair to tame it enough to make himself presentable.

He goes down to the cargo bay, and he examines the two people there. One’s a man with an impressive mustache, already laughing at something Donut’s said. The other... something about her makes Wash’s skin crawl. Blonde hair, muscles, all in black, and she’s wearing dark glasses, standing in front of a tall, metal crate with a blank expression.

“Welcome to the Valhalla,” Wash says as he makes his way down towards her. Carolina was right, she’s covered in scars. She’s either very bad at being a merc, or very good. Either way, Wash wants her off the ship as soon as possible. “I’m Wash, the second in command. What’s your name?”

Her eyes dart across him, not even pausing on the brown coat he wears, and shrugs. “Call me Tex,” she says, placing a hand against the side of the crate.

“That’s it?”

“It’s not like I’ll be staying around.” Her eyes are challenging. She isn’t wearing a gun openly, but Wash didn’t doubt she was armed.

Wash nods, then turned to talk to the other man.

He hates taking on passengers.

#The Firefly AU #Steph Writes #Agent Carolina #Agent Washington #Donut Siblings #Red vs Blue

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ttuckercreationsofficial · 8 years ago

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Acceptance Letter From A College Senior

By Tori Tucker Congratulations! You have been accepted into college; more than one if you’re smart enough or if you cheated on your SAT’s. If you have been accepted into two or more colleges you have your work cut out for you because you need to decide where you will potentially be living for the next four (or more) years. Firstly you should consider the proximity of your chosen school to your hometown. Unless you want Mom and Dad popping in on you unannounced every few days you should consider going somewhere that’s at least 100 miles away; unless you’re one of those weirdos that wants to go home every weekend, then by all means plan to stay close and live in your parent’s basement after you graduate. After considering proximity, you may also want to evaluate what programs you future school has to offer. If you think you know what you want to be when you finally grow up (and hopefully move out of your parent’s house) you have probably declared a major. Try to figure out what each school you’ve been accepted to has for programs that fit your needs, but also consider what cool programs they have to offer: for instance if a university has a space cowboy program, I would choose that one because let’s face it, you’re going to change your major at least twice before you graduate, so you might as well have some fun. Don’t fret about dropping a major though, because you’ll probably be able to work in your previous majors as minors. Once you have chosen a school, let’s say this one, you next have to pick a dorm and a roommate. Know anyone from high school going to the same school as you? Nice! Do NOT live with this person, because they will end up clinging onto you, following you everywhere, sniffing your hair while you sleep, and make you question if college is really worth it anyway. You will end up hating this person and yourself, and have to change dorms, transfer schools, possibly change names, and spiral into a horrible, life-altering depression. It’s not like I know this from personal experience… Just DON’T DO IT. Instead take the stupid personality survey and get assigned a roommate that you may share similar interests with, but not because the school took your survey into account, oh no, rather because you stalked their Facebook when you got your rooming assignment and browsed their interests to find at least one TV show or band that was tolerable enough to watch or listen to in the last months leading up to move in. Now that you’ve got your living arrangements squared away it’s time to pick classes. Most colleges will require you to take at least one language (unless you are literally fluent in two languages already in which case go look at your gen. ed. options and also screw you, why don’t you go to Harvard or something?). Now, some colleges have a range of languages to offer, like Russian, Mandarin, Italian, Japanese, and so on. But not here! Here we have less to offer than the average high school so get ready to choose between Spanish, French or Latin, a language that is literally useless in the modern world. The only option that’s any good is German because the professor is literally the coolest and you’ll actually learn something from her, but you can’t have a German major because apparently administration thinks that our program has such a small following that they want to remove the German language option entirely from the school even though we have the largest minor program out of all of the languages. However, keep in mind that no matter what you’re going to struggle through any foreign language class because your public school education did not prepare you with any grammar skills, so maybe consider taking an English grammar course first. Now that you are signed up for your classes you need to think about buying textbooks. You’ve heard about how the texbook sites rob people blind. But don’t worry, as a graduating senior I’ve learned some tricks and now I’m going to share them with you. The trick to keeping yourself out of textbook debt is to wait until the first day of class where your professor will give you the actual required text list which is usually considerably less than what the school bookstore will tell you, then wait two more weeks and mooch off of someone else in class that has all the books. This will bring your textbook bill down to a nice ol’ goose egg. Speaking of eggs, if you have a professor that assigns their own book and wants you to pay full textbook price, be sure to look up their address and egg their house. Finally there’s the worst part of college, the part your parents tried to prepare for before you were even born: paying tuition. There’s nothing worse than watching your bank account that’s in the five digit zone zoom down to a resounding zero, and it’ll happen. Now, unless you’re lucky enough to have parents to pay your way for you, you’re going to have to take out loans. Loans, after loans, after loans. You’ll be so far in debt by the time you graduate that even the bachelor’s degree you’ve earned in being the gangster of love won’t be able to save you now. My advice? Drop out while you’re ahead. A two year program in engineering is the best option here. As for the college experience, you were there for a semester. Stay in touch with your friends and go back for visits. They’ll love your quirky ways because they won’t have had the time to grow to hate you. So congratulations on your acceptance to college. Buckle your seatbelts kiddos, because whether you stay or go, you’ll have some wild stories to tell.

#autobiographical #comedic fiction #Keene state college #author #short fiction #tori tucker

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networkingdefinition · 6 years ago

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Girl Quotes

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• A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you’ve been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man – promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it’s going to be okay. – Michael Rapaport • A gifted small girl has explained that pins are a great means of saving life, “by not swallowing them. – Charles Edward Montague • A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones. – Cher • A girl conceived in China has to run an eerie kind of gauntlet if she is to survive. many parents will use the ultrasound technique. and, if it reveals. a girl, they’ll abort her. If it reveals the baby is a boy, they’ll celebrate. – Steven W. Mosher • A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous. – Coco Chanel • A girl with brains ought to do something with them besides think. – Anita Loos • A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever. – Dave Matthews • A liberal is a person who sees a fourteen-year-old girl performing sex acts onstage and wonders if she’s being paid minimum wage. – Irving Kristol • A toddling little girl is a centre of common feeling which makes the most dissimilar people understand each other. – George Eliot • A wise girl knows her limits, a smart girl knows that she has none. – Marilyn Monroe • Alas for those girls who’ve refused the truth: The sweetest tongue has the sharpest tooth. – Jack Zipes • All girls should have a poem written for them even if we have to turn this goddamn world upside down to do it. – Richard Brautigan • All little girls should be told they are pretty. – Marilyn Monroe • Always been a goal-oriented girl. it was both her strength and her weakness. She had a drive to completion that always gets things done, but it also made her inflexible, and stubborn. – Neal Shusterman • Always know that if you’re not happy with yourself, no one else can change that, no girl or guy, no amount of money; only yourself. – Shannon Leto • Always take a compliment, Caroline. Always take it for the way it was intended. You girls are always so quick to twist what others say. Simply say thank you and move on. – Alice Clayton • Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr • Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. – Albert Einstein • As Deborah Rhode describes, “When 1,100 Michigan elementary students were asked to describe what life would be like if they were the opposite sex, over 40 percent of the girls saw advantages to being male; they would have better jobs, higher incomes, and more respect. Ninety-five percent of the boys saw no advantage to being female, and a substantial number thought suicide would be preferable.” – Deborah Rhode • At a recent show, I looked out and I saw this girl crying in the audience and it really affected me. I wanted to stop the song and go and give her a hug. I should have, actually – I regret not doing that. – Elena Tonra • At the fourth grade level, girls at the same percentages of boys say they’re interested in careers in engineering or math or astrophysics, but by eighth grade that has dropped precipitously. – Chelsea Clinton

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Girl+', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_girl').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_girl img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Basically, anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl, I was trying. – Lena Dunham • Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst, be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything, be that independent girl who didn’t need a man; be that girl who never backed down. – Taylor Swift • Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. – Marilyn Monroe • Between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four, foreplay changes from being something that boys want to do and girls don’t, to something that women want and men can’t be bothered with. … The perfect match, if you ask me, is between the Cosmo woman and the fourteen-year old boy. – Nick Hornby • Big girls need big diamonds. – Elizabeth Taylor • Boys think girls are like books, If the cover doesn’t catch their eye they won’t bother to read what’s inside”. – Marilyn Monroe • Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn’t matter if only we could prevent girls from being girls. – Anne Frank • But I am a girl with a keen interest in having it all, and what follows are hopeful dispatches from the frontlines of that struggle. – Lena Dunham • But I’ve always been fascinated with that prettiest-girl-in-the-class person that I never was, getting inside her head and showing that she’s just as tormented and messed up as everybody else. – Cecily von Ziegesar • Byrd, the former Klu [sic] Klux Klan Kleagle, is taking a stand over states’ rights, or his rights over State, or some such. Whatever the reason, the sight of an old Klansman blocking a little colored girl from Birmingham from getting into her office contributed to the general retro vibe that hangs around the Democratic Party these days. – Mark Steyn

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling] • Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend. Freedom is. – Camille Grammer • Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me. – Tucker Max • Eating has always come up whenever and wherever. Maybe it’s because we’re girls, we have a lot of interest in eating. – Kim Hyo-yeon • Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth. – Calvin Trillin • Every girl is a goddess. – Francesca Lia Block • Every girl likes feeling hot and sexy and beautiful and likes hearing it. – Hayden Panettiere • Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. – Laurence J. Peter • Every girl wants to be the one girl that can change that guy – Lauren Conrad • Everyone fixes up their face if it’s not ideal, you know? That’s because of the race-mixing. For example, a Russian marries an Armenian. They have a kid, a cute girl, but she has her dad’s nose. She goes and files it down a little, and it’s all good. Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this. – Valeria Lukyanova • Everything here is so weak, little girl. Everything breaks so easily. They want such simple things. – Neil Gaiman • Fun is fun but no girl wants to laugh all of the time. – Anita Loos • Girl with the burning golden eyes, And red-bird song, and snowy throat: I bring you gold and silver moons, And diamond stars, and mists that float. I bring you moons and snowy clouds, I bring you prarie skies to-night To feebly praise your golden eyes And red-bird song, and throat so white. ~Vachel Lindsay “To Gloriana” God wrote His loveliest poem on the day He made the first silver poplar tree, And set it high upon a pale-gold hill For all the new enchanted earth to see. – Grace Noll Crowell • Girl, when he gives you kisses twain, use one, and let the other stay; And hoard it, for moons die, red fades, and you may need a kiss—some day. – Ridgely Torrence • Girls are like exotic birds. They are pretty to look at but hard to catch. – Howie Dorough • Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it. – Louisa May Alcott • Girls are trained to say, ‘I wrote this, but it’s probably really stupid.’ Well, no, you wouldn’t write a novel if you thought it was really stupid. Men are much more comfortable going, ‘I wrote this book because I have a unique perspective that the world needs to hear.’ Girls are taught from the age of seven that if you get a compliment, you don’t go, ‘Thank you’, you go, ‘No, you’re insane. – Lena Dunham • Girls aren’t beautiful, they’re pretty. Beautiful is too heavy a word to assign to a girl. Women are beautiful because their faces show that they know they have lost something and picked up something else. – Henry Rollins • Girls blush, sometimes, because they are alive, half wishing they were dead to save the shame. The sudden blush devours them, neck and brow; They have drawn too near the fire of life, like gnats, and flare up bodily, wings and all. What then? Who’s sorry for a gnat or girl? – Elizabeth Barrett Browning • Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also. – John Steinbeck • Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. – Yul Brynner • Girls like to be played with and rumpled a little too sometimes. – Oliver Goldsmith • Girls like to see girls dressed up like princesses occasionally. – Nelly • Girls see these defined roles they’re supposed to follow in life, but when I was a young child, my parents told me I could be anything. – Joan Jett • Girls should go on thinking that there is a world out there and that it is theirs for the taking. – Anne Bancroft • Girls are like buses, miss one, next fifteen, one comin. – Gucci Mane • Girls. You never know what they’re going to think. – J. D. Salinger • Give me a girl at an impressionable age and she is mine for life. – Muriel Spark • God forbid you be an ugly girl, ‘course too pretty is also your doom, ’cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room. – Ani DiFranco • Growing up, I wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl. – Claire Danes • Hannah expected this to make her sob even more, but instead she found her tears drying up and her tummy growing warm. How dare they? How dare they do this to little girls? She understood now why her parents go so angry when they saw the result of bombers in the white hot streets of the Middle East, why men and women wailed in anger as well as grief as they lifted the limp bodies of children from the rubble. How dare they? No, she wasn’t going to die like this, wrapped up like some helpless baby. – Stephen M. Irwin • Harder is Better! Post work out! Foot in the Ice Bath. A girl has to make a living! #hardcandytoronto. #addictedtosweat – Madonna Ciccone • Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys. – Daniel Tosh • Honestly if a girl’s wearing, like, a Gucci shirt with a Gucci belt and a purse and a visor, that’s not cute at all. You can’t get away with that – with me – but you can always sprinkle it in there with your own stuff and it’s all good. – Kreayshawn • How long do small girls play with their dolls? As long as they are not married and do not live with their husbands. After marriage they put the dolls away in a box. What further need is there of worshipping the image after the vision of God? – Ramakrishna • How long is a girl a child? She is a child, and then one morning you wake up she’s a woman, and a dozen different people of whom you recognize none. – Louis L’Amour • I abstain from any kind of release for six weeks before a fight, no self-pleasure, nothing. Even in my dreams, I’ll be about to have sex with a beautiful girl and I’ll say, ‘Sorry darling, I’m fighting in a few weeks.’ That’s control, bro, when you’re turning down a hot chick in your subconscious. – David Haye • I always see guys get all, like, flexed on other people, trying to show off that they are tough, and it is just, like, no girl really likes that. – Kreayshawn • I always tell my mom I don’t have regular problems. I have problems, like, what type of girl is going to say they’re pregnant by me today? Those are the types of issues I have. – Fetty Wap • I am an artsy girl. It’s no secret that I am artsy, you know. – Kreayshawn • I avoid the young adult section altogether if possible, although it’s sometimes fun to catch a girl lying on the floor, reading “Gossip Girl.” – Cecily von Ziegesar • I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom. That was my way of being a bad girl. – Sandra Bullock • I could not lose unless I was caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. – Edwin Edwards • I did find a wonderful girl last year, but the photographs that we did were more about motorcars. – Helmut Newton • I don’t get it when girls say ‘I’m fine’ but don’t mean it. – Conor Maynard • I don’t like that sort of school… where the bright childish imagination is utterly discouraged… where I have never seen among the pupils, whether boys or girls, anything but little parrots and small calculating machines. – Charles Dickens • I don’t want to be one of those people who falls out of cabs drunk. But I don’t want to be known as some boring girl who just sits at home and doesn’t do anything. – Pixie Lott • I don’t want to be remembered as the girl who was shot. I want to be remembered as the girl who stood up. – Malala Yousafzai • I don’t want to be stinky poo poo girl, I want to be happy flower child. – Drew Barrymore • I doubt whether any girl would be satisfied with her lover’s mind if she knew the whole of it. – Anthony Trollope • I get some letters from girls that if their mothers knew what they were writing me in these letters, they’d get their butts whipped. – Rick James • I got started dancing because I knew it was one way to meet girls. – Gene Kelly • I hate dainty minds,’ answered Marjorie. ‘But a girl has to be dainty in person. If she looks like a million dollars she can talk about Russia, ping-pong, or the League of Nations and get away with it. – F. Scott Fitzgerald • I have never been a material girl. My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back. – Imelda Marcos • I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing. I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments. – Anne Frank • I have the same goal I’ve had ever since I was a girl: I want to rule the world. – Madonna Ciccone • I just don’t want to cozy up to the guy whose girl I have every intention of stealing. – Aprilynne Pike • I knew the men were probably terrible people who whistled at pretty girls, treated their wives like servants, and voted for Nixon every chance they got, but as far as I was concerned, they beat the hell out of a Volvo-load of liberals for hard work and good times. – James Crumley • I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it . – Ali Shariati • I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them. – Louise Rennison • I like women, especially beautiful ones. If they have a good face and figure, I would much prefer to watch them being murdered than an ugly girl or man. – Dario Argento • I love a girl with a sense of humor. Someone who can make me laugh and that I can get along with and talk with and who is just sweet overall, inside and out. – Logan Henderson • I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. – Maya Angelou • I love you girl…to the moon and back. – Abbi Glines • I loved when my boyfriends would call me their Amazon girl. – Patti Hansen • I may be a man, but I fight like a girl. – Andy Cohen • I met eight great members. I really don’t think that anyone else could get along like how our nine girls get along so well. Because we’re girls, there can be a lot of jealousy going on. Thinking back on it now, I think I’m a kid who received a lot of good fortune. – Kim Hyo-yeon • I might get some more animals or something, but I’m done with the kids. I got a boy, I got a girl, and I got an older boy. I’m straight. – Jada Pinkett Smith • I never cheat unless you count the girls I cheat on – Drake • I pray to God I get inside a girl’s head one day and see what in the WORLD they are thinking. – A. J. McLean • I really can’t deny it, I am who I am. I’m pretty normal. I’m not that smooth type of girl. I run into things, I trip, I spill food. I say stupid things… I really don’t have it all together. – Katie Holmes • I think girls are the most beautiful when they become a mother. – Minzy • I think it’s important to make all women feel like they’re princesses, because every girl is a princess. I’m serious. – Justin Bieber • I try to not be too hard on myself regarding my diet. I’ve always been a workout-to-eat kind of a girl. I like to eat, to say the least. – Jennie Finch • I want girls to feel the confidence you get from being smart. – Danica McKellar • I want to make sure I’m with a girl that’s a good kisser, and that when I wake up, I have coffee and a cigarette. That’s all I really want out of life. That, and world domination. – Ryan Adams • I wanted to give young girls something positive to look up to…I wanted to give them their Blizzard of Aahhhs, Ski Movie or High Life, but done in a way that also shows the elegance, grace, community and style that is unique to women in the mountains. – Lynsey Dyer • I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. – J. D. Salinger • I was coming off of The O.C. and had very little interest in doing another teen drama. And then I got sent theGossip Girl book series, and I was like, ‘I might not be ready to leave high school after all.’ – Josh Schwartz • I was not a Southern California girl. I hated having my photograph taken. I felt shy and embarrassed around famous people. – Allegra Huston • I was so thrilled that I was having a girl, because I just am so girly myself, but I think the teenage years are going to be very interesting. – Sarah Dessen • I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. – Carol Burnett • I wrote the story myself. It’s all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it. – Mae West • I’m convinced that a world in which girls are educated is a safer, more stable, more prosperous place. – Barack Obama • I’m not a vomit in the club kinda girl. – Lady Gaga • I’d never really babysat. I feel like I’m Blair, or ‘Gossip Girl.’ A teenager, basically – and now suddenly I’m a mom? – Cecily von Ziegesar • If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late? Nobody. – J. D. Salinger • If a girl thinks she isn’t beautiful, I’m here to prove her wrong. – Kendall Schmidt • If I get married one day, or meet the girl I like, I’ll prepare 100m to 150m of candles, or maybe red carpet – Lee Donghae • If I had to give a definition of capitalism I would say: the process whereby American girls turn into American women. – Christopher Hampton • If I were a girl, I’d despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them. – Robert Graves • If the media is sending girls the message that their value lies in their bodies, this can only leave them feeling disempowered and distract them from making a difference and becoming leaders. – Jennifer Siebel Newsom • If we are to maximize the potential of young girls everywhere, we have to think, in this instance, literally outside the box. And the first step of doing that is to see the box for what it really is: A perfect, pretty PROBLEM. – David Trumble • If we’re going to reach a broader audience, we have to stop thinking about that audience strictly in terms of teenage boys or even teenage girls. We need to think about things that are relevant to normal humans and not just the geeks we used to be. – Warren Spector • If you can educate girls, you can change the world. – Cathie Black • If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. – Marilyn Monroe • If you invest in a girl or a woman, you are investing in everybody else. – Melinda Gates • I’m a cereal girl. I have always loved my cereal ever since I was a kid. – Rachel Stevens • I’m a Mommy’s Girl – the strongest influence in my young life was my mom. – Susie Bright • I’m a role model for lots of young girls. – Jennie Finch • I’m down to bleach my eyebrows again. I tell you what, though – that didn’t go down well with my boyfriend. Girls love it. Guys, not so into it. – Florence Welch • I’m into the girls fancying me and stuff, mad for it. – Liam Gallagher • I’m no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I’m pretty sure that’s flirting – Ransom Riggs • I’m not God but if I were God, ¾ of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer. – Axl Rose • I’m still chasing girls. I don’t remember what for, but I’m still chasing them. – Joe E. Lewis • I’m the girl who still believes prince charming exists somewhere out there. – Taylor Swift • I’m tired of playing little girls. I’m a woman now. I can’t run around forever being the Little Miss Fix It who bursts into song. I want to get out of Hollywood and get a fresh approach. – Deanna Durbin • I’m usually the sparkle in a closet full of conservative clothes. Either that or my customer has a closet full of my clothes and a few conservative suits from Calvin Klein. I think you’ve got to give a girl what’s missing from her closet. If something jazzy, tacky or sexy is what’s missing, I provide it. – Betsey Johnson • I’m weirdly flexible, so when I dance, I dance like a 17-year-old girl. – Michael Angarano • In America every woman has her set of girl-friends; some are cousins, the rest are gained at school. These form a permanent committee who sit on each other’s affairs, who come out together, marry and divorce together, and who end as those groups of bustling, heartless well-informed club-women who govern society. Against them the Couple of Ehepaar is helpless and Man in their eyes but a biological interlude. – Cyril Connolly • In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop. – Victoria Wood • In school, I was the quietest girl ever! I had a lot of trouble in school. Kids were mean to me. – Cher Lloyd • Independent minded girls that are naked sounds like a great start to something. – Joshua Homme • It had never once occurred to me that the paper I wanted to work for would not want me. Certainly I never expected to be rejected solely because I was a girl! – Kathryn Tucker Windham • It’s all up to you, girls. You have to be strong. These are the days of post-women’s liberation. You have grown up by now and you have to take care of yourself. No one’s going to help you. – Kathy Acker • It’s like — I don’t know, sometimes it’s like chasing a pretty girl on the beach. And things I never thought I could do… I can do. – Ryan Adams • It’s not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband. – Euripides • It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. – Tallulah Bankhead • It’s tough now to meet a girl who wants to hang out with you because she likes your personality – who hasn’t seen you on TV and is like, ‘Hey!’ – Shaun White • Ive always loved when girls carry their wallets as a clutch instead of a bag. – Alexander Wang • I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you. – Groucho Marx • Just watching a girl can give me the best reason to smile. Girls are something very special and you got to treat them that way. That’s why I always say don’t stare right at a chick. She’ll begin to fidget, wondering if her hair’s messed up or if her make-up is smeared. It’s kind of like going to an art gallery to see beautiful paintings. If you look at a painting just the right way, you get the most out of it! – Michael Jackson • Kissing babies and hugging fat girls. – Dave Bautista • Like every other girl in the world, my most embarrassing moment had to do with a guy completely turning me down. His loss! – Kelly Clarkson • Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse. – Robert A. Heinlein • Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. – Stephen Leacock • Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea. – John Ciardi • Modesty is invisibility… Never forget it. To be seen – to be seen – is to be… penetrated. What you must be girls, is impenetrable. – Margaret Atwood • More men than women like ‘Strangers With Candy’. Pretty girls don’t like the show. They don’t like to see an ugly lady. – Amy Sedaris • More than anything, acting helped me discover who I’m not. I’ve learned that I’m a girly girl, but not a prissy girl. – Debby Ryan • My mother was my Girl Scout leader, and George’s mother was his Cub Scout leader. In fact, that’s when some say her hair turned white. – Laura Bush • My real dream is to have a whole, like, buy a whole piece of land. Imagine, like, a long driveway. Like, a cul de sac-type street, with maybe, like, seven houses. Me be right here. Have my mom be able to be right here. My brother over here. My girl’s grandmother and family right here. Friends over there. That’s my real dream. – J. Cole • Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense. – M. William Phelps • Never call a girl fat, even if you’re joking. – Demi Lovato • Never love someone whom you think you need to mend – or who makes you feel like you should be mended. There are boys out there who look for shining girls; they will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart. The books about vampires are true, baby. Drive a stake through their hearts and run away. – Caitlin Moran • No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend. – Joe Rogan • No legal ceremony–no election of the woman–no penalty for the perfidy of the man–no law to compel him to do his duty, no compensation for the poor woman who is turned adrift like the girl of the street, penniless, to sell herself on the best possible terms. This is Divine marriage, or Moses and the Bible lie; and this is Bible divorce–putting away! – Victoria Woodhull • No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t. – Marilyn Monroe • No one knows how it is that with one glance a boy can break through into a girl’s heart. – Nancy Thayer • Nobody loves a fat girl, but oh how a fat girl can love. – Jim Croce • Only one girl has ever really wrapped my stomach into pretzels. She didn’t give me butterflies. She gave me pterodactyls I’m talking terrible internal bruising and the first time I kissed her was like the first time I saw fireworks, which was like the sky first kissing me in the eyeballs – George Watsky • Over 270 girls were kidnapped for going to school in Nigeria! They are still missing! I’M outraged and you should be too!! I’m supporting www.globalfundforwomen.org Join me and take a stand!!!!!!! #Bringbackourgirls #revolutionoflove – Madonna Ciccone • Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. – Albert Einstein • Put yourself in Hamlet’s shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters? – Art Buchwald • Sex is something I really don’t understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it – the same night, as a matter of fact. – J. D. Salinger • She was a natural blonde, with delicate hands and feet, and in her youthful photographs one saw a girl with mocking eyes and a tragic smile, the course of whose life would conspire in time to transpose that pair of adjectives. – Michael Chabon • She’s the wild, feline, untamed part of you, your sexual alter ego and the opposite of the “good girl” or “little lady.” Some of us know her better than others do, but I would venture to guess that your erotic creature hasn’t seen nearly enough light of day. – Sheila Kelley • She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. – Mae West • Some guys like to undermine a girl’s self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn’t hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse. – Oliver Gaspirtz • Sometimes I see really skinny girls. They may look great, but…they’re not happy. Have a cupcake. – Kathy Wakile • Straight to the top, rooftop glows. With a hand full of girls and they all so foreign. Brain so poisoned, rainbows flowing. – The Weeknd • Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he’s a high school junior. – Stephen Colbert • The American girl makes a servant of her husband and then finds him contemptible for being a servant – John Steinbeck • The best accessories a girl can have are her closest friends. – Paris Hilton • The best thing a girl can be is a good wife and mother. It is a girl’s highest calling. I hope I am ready. – Nancy E. Turner • The cuter girls kinda went off from the older women because we’re younger, and we’re cuter, we’ve got better bodies, and for some reason that’s like a huge issue with older people. – Heidi • The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, ‘It’s a girl.’ – Shirley Chisholm • The girl has a funny way of romanticizing things. – Karen Russell • The girls show more skin these days, but I think, generally, they behave the same way as when I was growing up. – Cecily von Ziegesar • The jamaat was an almost silly mish-mash of people: Rude Dawud’s pork-pie hat poking up here, a jalab-and-turban there, Jehangir’s big Mohawk rising from a sea of kufis, Amazing Ayyub still with no shirt, girls scattered throughout – some in hejab, some not and Rabeya in punk-patched burqa doing her thing. But in its randomness it was gorgeous, reflecting an Islam I felt could not happen anywhere else … If Islam was to be saved, it would be saved by the crazy ones: Jehangir and Rabeya and Fasiq and Dawud and Ayyub and even Umar. – Michael Muhammad Knight • There are many facts within fiction. This captivating story provides invaluable insights into the childhood of a girl who has Asperger’s syndrome. Fiction allows the author to explore different perspectives and add poignancy to the experiences of sensory sensitivity and being bullied and teased of someone who has Asperger’s syndrome. The title Delightfully Different describes Asperger’s syndrome but also the qualities of this novel. – Tony Attwood • There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out. – Mae West • There are so many girls, and so few princes. – Liza Minnelli • There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you. – Winston Churchill • There is a small window of opportunity for freckled girls to tan. – Jeffrey Eugenides • There is no shortage of evidence that when we support the fundamental freedoms of women and girls, they are able to realize their full potential to engage in, contribute to and benefit from sustainable development. In doing so, we will all reap the benefits; in our homes, throughout our communities, and across our nations. – Sam Kutesa • There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. – Joan Rivers • There was a little girl, When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad, she was horrid. – Jun Mochizuki • There was the time I bought three cars in the span of three or four weeks. It was crazy; it wasn’t greedy. It was mine, my girl’s, my mom’s. I got Benzes for my ladies. But I felt crazy. You have to understand I come from a world where we’re very modest. But that’s not greedy. That’s nice, right? – J. Cole • There were about ten years of trying, failing, trying again, suffering rejection, etc. My first published book, ‘Story of a Girl’, was the fourth book I wrote. – Sara Zarr • There’s no point for me to party. I have a girl that I love. I don’t need that. – Ryan Cabrera • There’s only a very small representation of girls among you. Too little. Women have much to tell us in today’s society. Sometimes we are too machistas and we don’t allow enough space to women. But women can see things from a different angle to us, with a different eye. Women are able to pose questions we men are unable to understand. Look out for this fact: she is the only one who has put a question for which there is no answer. She couldn’t put it into words but expressed it with tears. – Pope Francis • These Jews who run things, who are producing this mental illness ¬-teenage suicide…all these Jewish sicknesses…that’s nothing new. The Talmud’s full of things like sex with boys and girls. – David Duke • This attitude means you haven’t met a girl worthy of your attention. You’ll want to get caught if the right girl comes along. – Simone Elkeles • This is why I can’t be with Levi. Because I’m the kind of girl who fantasizes about being trapped in a library overnight-and Levi can’t even read. – Rainbow Rowell • This was how the modern working girl behaved. She didn’t hide her femininity or apologize for it, as they did in the old days. She flaunted it and, having been given more than any woman before her, demanded even more than that. – J. Courtney Sullivan • This-this was what made life: a moment of quiet, the water falling in the fountain, the girl’s voice. . . a moment of captured beauty. Those who are truly wise will never permit such moments to escape. – Louis L’Amour • To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends. – Benjamin Franklin • Today’s girls are tomorrow’s women – and leaders. – Isabel Allende • Too many girls follow the line of least resistance, but a good line is hard to resist. – Mae West • Wait until France gets a hard shot in the nose. Wait until France reacts with some nasty work. They’ll get a golf-clap from the chattering class over here and a you-go-girl from Red America. France could nuke an Algerian terrorist camp and the rest of the world would tut-tut for a day, then ask if the missiles France used were for sale. And of course the answer would be oui. – James Lileks • We are living in a material world and I’m a material girl. – Madonna Ciccone • We do not suffer by accident. It does not often happen that the interference of friends will persuade a young man of independent fortune to think no more of a girl whom he was violently in love with only a few days before. – Elizabeth Bennett • We had no irony when it came to girls, though. There was just no time to develop it. One moment they weren’t there, not in any form that interested us, anyway, and the next you couldn’t miss them; they were everywhere, all over the place. One moment you wanted to clonk them on the head for being your sister, or someone else’s sister, and the next you wanted to….actually, we didn’t know what we wanted next, but it was something. Almost overnight, all these sisters (there was no other kind of girl, not yet)had become interesting, disturbing, even. – Nick Hornby • We have lingered in the chambers of the sea By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown Till human voices wake us… and we drown. – T. S. Eliot • We must not close our eyes to the fact that there are conspiring men who would pollute young boys, and girls of corresponding age, for sake of increasing profits. – David O. McKay • We’re every age at once and tucked inside ourselves like Russian nesting dolls. My mother is an 8 year old girl. My grandson is a 74 year old retiree whose kidneys just failed. And that’s the glue between me and you. That’s the screws and nails. We live in a house made of each other and if that sounds strange that’s because it is. – George Watsky • Well Stephanie, I’d like to thank you for giving me such a kind Christmas gift, but unfortunately I didn’t get you any gifts. But then again, what can you get for the girl whose had everyone? – Chris Jericho • Well, we’re living in a material world, and I’m a material girl… or boy. – Adam Sandler • What are you two doing flirting with this nerd? I told you, you are supposed to be in charge of the 50 dancing girls I had set up for Miz’s celebration. – Alex Riley • What better job is there for a 17-year-old girl than being in a pop group? – Susan Ann Sulley • What do I like in a girl? I like a girl that likes me, a girl that knows how to smile and see the bright side of things. A girl that makes me a better person. – James Lafferty • What does being a girl have to do with it? There’s no time to think when you’re on the spot. – Bisco Hatori • What I know in my heart is that women and girls on the ground are powerful and that they are leaders. – Charlize Theron • When a girl cries over a guy,she really loves him.when a guy cries over a girl ,he will never love another girl like her. – Lil Wayne • When a girl is beautiful, she gets to pick – she never has to wait for someone to choose her. – Adriana Trigiani • When it’s all over I won’t miss the bruises he gave me to impress girls, or the occasional scar which will give me a story to tell my grandchildren, but I’ll definitely miss the pranks and the laughing and all the making fun of each other. I’ll miss the funky advice he gives me about everything – football, girls, video games, clothes. Most of all, I’ll miss having an older brother. – Skandar Keynes • When you were a little girl, Madam…..was this the woman you dreamed of becoming? – Andrew Sean Greer • Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes. – Anthony Jeselnik • Whores are the most honest girls. They present the bill right away. – Alberto Giacometti • Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her – when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her? – Helen Rowland • Why is it that every time a girl says a guy is bothering her, it’s fluffed off with oh, he just likes you, as if that makes it okay? – Kelley Armstrong • Yet little by little, I was also becoming the girl who was learning to live with this, all of it, letting it weave together with everything else, the good and the bad, as life moved forward, because thats what life did, regardless of whether we were ready for it or not. – Donna Freitas • You and I both know there’s got to be some greater storyline for you than ‘girl gets heart broken, was sad forever’. I think a nice one would be ‘girl gets heart broken, was sad for a while but in her heartbreak she found freedom, friends, and the ability to look back and laugh at all she’d learned. She now lives her life on her own terms and still has fantastic hair.’ – Taylor Swift • You are the one girl that made me risk eveything for a future worth having. – Simone Elkeles • You don’t have to wait for anyone’s approval to do things. You don’t have to try to get a job and go through set steps before you start a career or start your life. That’s what I want young girls to know – you can do anything you want. Just start. – Petra Collins • You eventually get used to looking at girls picking their leotards out of their bums and that sort of stuff. – Adam Garcia • You know you love me. Xoxo, GossipGirl. – Cecily von Ziegesar • You know, honestly, if a girl can make me laugh, I’m pretty much sold. – Ryan Lochte • You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles. – Mae West

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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equitiesstocks · 6 years ago

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Girl Quotes

Official Website: Girl Quotes

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jesusvasser · 7 years ago

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2018 Monterey Car Week: The Automobile Guide

Time to get those seersucker suits dry-cleaned and dust off your sun hats—Monterey Car Week is almost upon us once again. What began nearly 70 years ago as a small concours and road race has evolved into a massive, annual weeklong extravaganza in late August, with events scattered across the Monterey Peninsula. It can be overwhelming for first-timers especially, so we’ve compiled a guide to all of the week’s significant happenings for you to reference. Pick your favorites, but don’t expect to hit all of them—traffic, ticket availability, and time are not on your side. It’s better to shake any FOMO now and focus on quality over quantity, even if your budget is more cheeseburger than caviar. We’ll see you Sunday on the 18th green for the 2018 Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance.

Streaming LIVE! Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance

Can’t make it to the main event? Then be sure to catch our live, three-hour broadcast coverage of the Pebble Beach Concourse d’Elegance beginning at 2 p.m pacific time on August 26. Only on MotorTrend.com.

Saturday-Sunday, August 18-19

Monterey Pre-Reunion Spectator cost: $30 weathertechraceway.com

On a budget? Hate crowds and traffic? Can’t find a hotel during Car Week? Make it easy on yourself this year, and come a week before the main event for the Monterey Pre-Reunion. You’ll see some 300 vintage race cars going head to head at WeatherTech Raceway Laguna Seca and save yourself much of the expense and congestion that comes with the following weekend. Then spend a quiet couple of days being a tourist before the onslaught.

Tuesday, August 21

Carmel-by-the-Sea Concours on the Avenue Spectator cost: FREE carmelconcours.com

The streets of quaint Carmel-by-the-Sea are turned into a casual show-and-stroll for the Concours on the Avenue, with plenty to see besides cars.

Casual is the theme of the Concours on the Avenue. With a healthy mix of classic cars displayed around the streets of Carmel-by-the-Sea—a quaint downtown area with plenty of boutique shopping—this event is even entertaining for the non-car lover in your life. Spend the money you saved on this totally free show on lunch at one of the area’s gourmet eateries. Porsche and Ferrari through 1989 and other makes from 1940 to 1973 will be represented this year.

Wednesday, August 22

The Little Car Show Spectator cost: FREE marinamotorsports.org/events

Don’t think too hard—it’s right there in the name. The Little Car Show features a wide assortment of diminutive automotive minutiae, limited to an age of 25 years or older, with engine size capped at an oddly specific 1,601cc (1.6 liters). Expect itty-bitty Peel P50s, the relatively gargantuan Citroën 2CV, and everything in between.

Thursday, August 23

Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion Spectator cost: From $30 weathertechraceway.com

Sick of seeing parked cars? Then tootle on down to the newly christened WeatherTech Raceway Laguna Seca for some of the best vintage racing action in the world at the Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion. Held annually since its founding in 1974, the RMMR is a homecoming for old race cars, pitting enthusiastic collectors against grizzled race veterans. Cars compete in more than 15 distinct race groups, ranging from prewar roadsters to the 800-hp monsters of IMSA GTP. It’s one of the few times you can watch a Ferrari 250 GTO face off against a Jaguar E-type then watch a pack of vintage stock cars thunder down the main straight. When you’ve gotten your fill from the stands, you can walk the pits and get some face time with the four-wheeled legends in various states of deconstruction. The event runs through Sunday, August 26, though most of the big-time race action will happen on Friday and Saturday.

Streaming LIVE! Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion

Can’t make it to the races? Watch our live coverage from the Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion (Saturday, Aug 25, 1:30-6 p.m. pacific) and (Sunday, Aug 26, 12:30-4:30 p.m. pacific). Only on MotorTrend.com.

Friday, August 24

Werks Reunion Spectator cost: FREE werksreunion.com

Head over to the Werks Reunion, which is tucked away at the Corral de Tierra Country Club, for an overdose of Stuttgart sexy that will satiate even the most devoted Porschephile. Unlike the air-cooled exclusive Luftgekühlt held earlier in the year, Porsche Club of America’s Werks is open to all cars wearing the family crest, including brand-new sedans and SUVs. Your bone-stock Panamera might not make it to the judged portion of the event, but it’s welcome to play with the Cayennes in the Porsche corral.

Legends of the Autobahn Spectator cost: FREE legendsoftheautobahn.org

Throughout the year, in both showrooms and boardrooms around the world, “Germany’s Big Three” luxury automakers—Audi, BMW, and Mercedes-Benz—are locked in a steel-cage death match to secure a dominant stake in the market and rake in more consumer dollars than the other guy. Friendly? Anything but. That’s what makes Legends of the Autobahn so refreshing. Hosted by the Nicklaus Club–Monterey and American Audi, BMW, and Mercedes-Benz clubs, enthusiasts and representatives of all three brands join together for this very German car show. From classic to thoroughly modern, Legends of the Autobahn showcases not just enthusiast-owned vehicles but also special cars retained in the collections of the respective automakers. Last year we saw everything from an Audi A4 race car to a row of first-generation BMW M3s to an amazing Porsche-engineered Mercedes-Benz 500E. Best of all, the event is totally free, save for the $20-per-car parking fee.

Saturday, August 25

Concorso Italiano Spectator cost: From $180 concorso.com

If Italian cars are your thing, then the Concorso Italiano will have you shouting “mamma mia!” as you wander your way through more Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Alfa Romeos, Maseratis, and etceterini than you’ve probably ever seen anywhere on earth. You’ll even see American oddities like the Cadillac Allante among the Italian masses due to its Pininfarina-built body. Spring for the $495 CI Club tickets, and you’ll be treated to breakfast, VIP parking, and a catered Italian-style lunch buffet, among other benefits.

Concours d’Lemons Spectator cost: FREE 24hoursoflemons.com

If you’re more likely to grab a cold one from the cooler than sip bubbly out on the fairway, the eccentrics over at the Concours d’Lemons are your people. Enjoying a field populated with lame, unloved, and downright ugly cars is about as counterculture as it gets among all the million-dollar machines running around Monterey. If you enter a vehicle (which is free to do), make sure you bring enough beer and any other contraband you deem appropriate to bribe the judges with.

Exotics on Cannery Row Spectator cost: FREE exoticsoncanneryrow.com

Walking among neatly arranged rows of prewar behemoths is fun and all, but we like to break up the antiquing by ogling the highlighter-colored hypercars down on Cannery Row. Located dockside in historic Monterey, the strip of high-rent hotels and eateries belies the area’s working-class name. It’s especially ironic come Car Week, as waves of young enthusiasts make social media stars out of the Koenigseggs, Paganis, Bugattis, and other four-wheeled unobtanium on display. This is one of the most nouveau-riche events on the docket, so don’t expect a reserved, low-key show. Life needs balance, so it’s a perfect palate cleanser for the sometimes stuffy atmosphere of Carmel. Grab some grub from the food trucks, put on some sunscreen, and fill your Instagram stories with some of the coolest cars on the planet.

Sunday, August 26

Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance Spectator cost: From $325 pebblebeachconcours.net

Running alongside the picturesque Carmel Bay coastline, the 18th fairway of the Pebble Beach Golf Links is one of the most famous locales in the golfing world. It’s also huge in automotive circles as the site of the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance. Since its inception in 1950, the Pebble Beach Concours has become the standard by which the world’s premier automotive concours are judged. It has evolved thanks to its rich variation, the addition of a brand-new concepts area, and special classes that change each year to keep things fresh, with Tucker, OSCA, and postwar custom Citroëns featured for 2018. The coveted Best of Show award goes to just one of the hundreds of cars on display and will be announced in the afternoon. But if you want to see something truly special, arrive at dawn as the cars drive onto the fairway, backlit by a Pebble Beach sunrise.

Streaming LIVE! Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance

Can’t make it to the main event? Then be sure to catch our live, three-hour broadcast coverage of the Pebble Beach Concourse d’Elegance at 2 p.m. pacific on August 26. Only on MotorTrend.com.

Auctions

Whether you’re looking for an addition to your collection or just want to watch 1 Percenters duke it out for multi-million-dollar machines, collector car auctions are part of Monterey’s magic.

Bonhams August 24 bonhams.com

Gooding & Company August 24-25 goodingco.com

Mecum August 23-25 mecum.com

Rick Cole Auctions August 23-26 rickcole.com

RM Sotheby’s August 24-25 rmsothebys.com

Russo & Steele August 23-25 russoandsteele.com

Worldwide Auctioneers August 23 worldwide-auctioneers.com

More to Explore

Automobilia August 21-22 automobiliamonterey.com

Fill your bookshelf, find that rare badge or other period collectible, or decorate your office with wares from the sea of vendors at Automobilia.

Carmel Mission Classic August 22 carmelmissionclassic.org

A charity event hosted at the famous Carmel Mission, this intimate concours is capped by a blessing of the attending cars by the Bishop of Monterey.

McCall’s Motorworks Revival August 22 mccall-events-inc.myshopify.com

Half marketing event and half car show, the Motorworks Revival is held at an airport hangar amid both cars and planes. Expect to pay big bucks for a ticket.

Pacific Grove Rotary Concours Auto Rally August 24 pgrotary.org

This non-competitive, low-speed event is perfect for seeing some rare cars cruising down the scenic 17-Mile Drive.

The Quail, A Motorsports Gathering August 24 signatureevents.peninsula.com

Stroll among some of the rarest and most dazzling classics in Monterey while savoring complimentary gourmet food and drink. This one is expensive and sold out well in advance.

Ferraris at The Barnyard August 25 thebarnyard.com

Held at the titular Barnyard Shopping Village in Carmel, the Cavallino Rampante is well represented in this semi-open event.

Tips for the Budget Conscious

No way around it, Monterey Car Week is an expensive undertaking. Here are five tips to maximize your experience on a 99 Percenter’s budget.

Bargain Hunt: The local Monterey Bay Craigslist is a great place to pick up last-minute and sold-out event tickets for pennies on the dollar. Be diligent, and score a deal.

Happy Camper: Camping is a great way to reduce your cash outlay for the week. In addition to local campgrounds, there are sites available at WeatherTech Raceway.

Sittin’ on a Corner: The sheer volume of classic, exotic, and otherwise interesting cars traveling the streets of Monterey is a parade in itself. Park your butt at any intersection.

Freebies: There are plenty of events with free admission in this guide, so take advantage. Friday, August 24 has the largest variety of no- or low-cost shows.

Volunteer: Many events, including the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, are always looking for help with crowd control or other activities, often with time included to see the show yourself.

The post 2018 Monterey Car Week: The Automobile Guide appeared first on Automobile Magazine.

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eddiejpoplar · 7 years ago

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2018 Monterey Car Week: The Automobile Guide

Streaming LIVE! Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance

Saturday-Sunday, August 18-19

Monterey Pre-Reunion Spectator cost: $30 weathertechraceway.com

Tuesday, August 21

Carmel-by-the-Sea Concours on the Avenue Spectator cost: FREE carmelconcours.com

The streets of quaint Carmel-by-the-Sea are turned into a casual show-and-stroll for the Concours on the Avenue, with plenty to see besides cars.

Wednesday, August 22

The Little Car Show Spectator cost: FREE marinamotorsports.org/events

Thursday, August 23

Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion Spectator cost: From $30 weathertechraceway.com

Streaming LIVE! Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion

Friday, August 24

Werks Reunion Spectator cost: FREE werksreunion.com

Legends of the Autobahn Spectator cost: FREE legendsoftheautobahn.org

Saturday, August 25

Concorso Italiano Spectator cost: From $180 concorso.com

Concours d’Lemons Spectator cost: FREE 24hoursoflemons.com

Exotics on Cannery Row Spectator cost: FREE exoticsoncanneryrow.com

Sunday, August 26

Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance Spectator cost: From $325 pebblebeachconcours.net

Streaming LIVE! Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance

Can’t make it to the main event? Then be sure to catch our live, three-hour broadcast coverage of the Pebble Beach Concourse d’Elegance at 2 p.m. pacific on August 26. Only on MotorTrend.com.

Auctions

Whether you’re looking for an addition to your collection or just want to watch 1 Percenters duke it out for multi-million-dollar machines, collector car auctions are part of Monterey’s magic.

Bonhams August 24 bonhams.com

Gooding & Company August 24-25 goodingco.com

Mecum August 23-25 mecum.com

Rick Cole Auctions August 23-26 rickcole.com

RM Sotheby’s August 24-25 rmsothebys.com

Russo & Steele August 23-25 russoandsteele.com

Worldwide Auctioneers August 23 worldwide-auctioneers.com

More to Explore

Automobilia August 21-22 automobiliamonterey.com

Fill your bookshelf, find that rare badge or other period collectible, or decorate your office with wares from the sea of vendors at Automobilia.

Carmel Mission Classic August 22 carmelmissionclassic.org

A charity event hosted at the famous Carmel Mission, this intimate concours is capped by a blessing of the attending cars by the Bishop of Monterey.

McCall’s Motorworks Revival August 22 mccall-events-inc.myshopify.com

Half marketing event and half car show, the Motorworks Revival is held at an airport hangar amid both cars and planes. Expect to pay big bucks for a ticket.

Pacific Grove Rotary Concours Auto Rally August 24 pgrotary.org

This non-competitive, low-speed event is perfect for seeing some rare cars cruising down the scenic 17-Mile Drive.

The Quail, A Motorsports Gathering August 24 signatureevents.peninsula.com

Stroll among some of the rarest and most dazzling classics in Monterey while savoring complimentary gourmet food and drink. This one is expensive and sold out well in advance.

Ferraris at The Barnyard August 25 thebarnyard.com

Held at the titular Barnyard Shopping Village in Carmel, the Cavallino Rampante is well represented in this semi-open event.

Tips for the Budget Conscious

No way around it, Monterey Car Week is an expensive undertaking. Here are five tips to maximize your experience on a 99 Percenter’s budget.

Bargain Hunt: The local Monterey Bay Craigslist is a great place to pick up last-minute and sold-out event tickets for pennies on the dollar. Be diligent, and score a deal.

Happy Camper: Camping is a great way to reduce your cash outlay for the week. In addition to local campgrounds, there are sites available at WeatherTech Raceway.

Sittin’ on a Corner: The sheer volume of classic, exotic, and otherwise interesting cars traveling the streets of Monterey is a parade in itself. Park your butt at any intersection.

Freebies: There are plenty of events with free admission in this guide, so take advantage. Friday, August 24 has the largest variety of no- or low-cost shows.

Volunteer: Many events, including the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, are always looking for help with crowd control or other activities, often with time included to see the show yourself.

The post 2018 Monterey Car Week: The Automobile Guide appeared first on Automobile Magazine.

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jonathanbelloblog · 7 years ago

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Saving Preston’s Tucker

What would Preston Tucker think of the silver-gray-green Tucker 48 sitting in the showroom of Nostalgic Motoring Ltd.? The car, chassis No. 1,029 (the 29th of 51 built and just 47 survivors), was an integral part of his life between 1948, when he first drove it off the assembly line, and 1955, shortly before his death from lung cancer. This exact car was Tucker’s personal vehicle, spending most of its time in Ypsilanti, Michigan, where Tucker’s home, family, and machine shop were all located, some 250 miles east of the Tucker Corporation’s Chicago factory.

Roughly 2,000 employees, including a staggering 250 engineers, toiled in the factory day and night, never quite keeping up with Tucker’s expectations for his fledgling and ultimately ill-fated venture to produce an advanced vehicle the industry giants in Detroit would never understand. He was on a quest to prove good enough was wholly inadequate, and he never thought to ask why such a car couldn’t be built. That’s a philosophy that jibes with chassis 29’s present owner, Mark Lieberman, who paid $1,792,500 for not just the privilege of calling Tucker’s car his own for a time but also the honor of returning the machine to its former glory.

Tucker sold the car to Winthrop Rockefeller, an heir to the Rockefeller fortune, who drove it daily while serving as governor of Arkansas.

Lieberman founded Nostalgic Motoring, a collector car sales and restoration shop, 23 years ago. In 2009, it moved into a former church, the so-called “Car Sanctuary” tucked off a side road down the street from SRT’s headquarters in Auburn Hills, Michigan. When he was 12, Lieberman started fixing mopeds for spending money, and at 13 he started his first business. By his mid-20s he was a plastics recycling mogul, having jumped in headfirst on a chance opportunity to recycle engineered thermoplastics—industrial plastic waste produced by the automotive industry. At the time, no one was able to recycle the material, but Lieberman’s naivety would ultimately power his success. It’s easy to draw a parallel between him and Tucker. “I didn’t know that couldn’t be done,” Lieberman says of his plastics business, founded in 1985 and sold in 2007. “That’s why I did it.”

Whereas Tucker was not successful with his venture, Lieberman, a lifelong car fanatic, was. The proceeds from selling the plastics business enabled Lieberman “the financial ability to just play with cars,” as he puts it. He has become one of the world’s foremost Tucker authorities, and through his knowledge of developing plastic and rubber compounds, he has reproduced many items original to the Tucker 48, including the car’s failure-prone tubular, rubber-filled Torsilastic suspension components. That’s a fault Tucker’s former car has; although it looks perfectly drivable with its lustrous paint and shiny chrome, the collapsed front suspension has a temporary fix to give it the proper stance for photographs, Lieberman says.

“I spent a lot of money and a lot of time making a system that worked,” he recalls. “Before then, you’d have people putting coil-overs and welding all manner of contraptions in these cars to suspend them because they were all collapsed. I’m still the only guy on the planet that makes this stuff. We can make cars ride like they were supposed to in ’48.”

This is the fifth Tucker Lieberman has owned. He bought his first one out of a barn in dire condition in 1991, restored it, and held on to it for 15 years. The tall, lanky native Michigan resident reels off chassis numbers and details of specific cars like a baseball historian reciting statistics. His enthusiasm is infectious, and even he seems to be amazed by the knowledge he shares with others, as if he is hearing the stories himself for the first time.

When it comes to No. 29, Lieberman can talk nearly nonstop for as long as you like. He tells us that in its early days, it was used for speed testing at Indianapolis Motor Speedway and also demonstrated the capability of Tucker vehicles in a promotional film.

There’s patina everywhere on No. 29, Preston Tucker’s personal car. The cracked instrument surround will be replaced with one of Mark Lieberman’s reproductions.

Before he died, Tucker sold the car to Winthrop Rockefeller, an heir to the Rockefeller fortune, who drove it daily while serving as governor of Arkansas. From there it passed through several hands, including those of singer James Brown’s manager, and was featured prominently in “Tucker: The Man and His Dream,” a 1988 movie directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Then it entered a static private collection and was generally unloved and unused for the better part of a decade. When the car popped up at RM Sotheby’s Scottsdale auction in January, Lieberman pounced.

“As I worked my way through early cars and late cars, what’s the next thing to do? I want Preston’s car,” Lieberman says. “From a technical standpoint, it’s kind of unique, but from a significance and historical standpoint, it’s kind of huge.”

Indeed, No. 29 has several features Tucker himself had added to not just this car but also Tuckers Nos. 30 and 31—both cars owned originally by his family. Among these is the hollow ringlike shift-lever center, which was a solid disc on standard Tuckers. Tucker evidently found shifting with a finger slipped through the center was more comfortable to him. He also added additional support to the rear suspension for greater stability and a Babcock water heater to combat frigid Michigan winters.

“When cars came in for service, they’d take the engine out, slap a good one in, and you’d drive away, then return to have the other engine put back when it was serviced.”

Inside, No. 29 presents like the 20,000-mile car it is. There’s a crack on the plastic speedometer surround, but Lieberman reproduces those, too. The interior upholstery was redone, but the original stuff miraculously resides just underneath. Ultimately, Lieberman will fully restore No. 29, and there are plenty of clues to help him do it the right way.

“My focus is going to be on getting this car to be as correct and as original as it was when Preston took it for the first time out of the factory,” Lieberman says. “Underneath the original upholstery and glove box is original paint, and it’s preserved—it hasn’t been degraded by heat or sun. That should be a spot-on point to match color from. We remanufacture all the rubber, so the sill plates and all that will be fresh and manufactured to the original blueprints.”

With Lieberman’s resources and knowledge, a Tucker restoration seems like it should be easy, but there’s a lot of hard manual labor and a ton of research put into the process.

“For the last several years I’ve been the director of the Tucker club archives, and I have access to all the files and data,” Lieberman says. “Being able to use the blueprints is key to making this all correct and original. We’re going to preserve areas of spot welds and construction that was practiced at the time. These cars have an enormous amount of lead [filler] in them; I got 300 pounds of lead off of car No. 6. The cars are sculpted. You can’t take the door off one and put it on another. It’s not going to fit.”

Tucker’s Torsilastic suspension design was intriguing but prone to failure. Nostalgic Motoring developed these new, more durable pieces.

Lieberman is reluctant to drive the vehicle in its present state. Besides the suspension, the ancient, “crispy” wiring is a fire hazard threatening to erase the car from history. Instead, we turn to No. 46, a fully restored example in Lieberman’s custody. The car is on consignment for sale, but it will also be featured at the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance in August as part of a special Tucker class.

As with all Tuckers, No. 46 has its own unique and interesting story. Once it was part of the Fabulous Tuckers Exhibit, a traveling Tucker fair and carnival show run by a man named Nick Jenin. Later, 46’s body was dropped onto an Oldsmobile chassis and converted to front-mounted Rocket V-8 power with an automatic transmission for Jenin’s daughter. A Mercury dealership owner then repeated the process with a Mercury chassis and engine. Ultimately, 46 was treated to a full restoration, with a correct Tucker-modified Franklin 334-cubic-inch aviation engine back in place in the rear of the car. It’s not the same engine it left the factory with, which isn’t uncommon, according to Lieberman.

“More than half of the Tuckers don’t have their original engine since they were designed to be a quick-change engine,” he says. “When cars came in for service, they’d take the engine out, slap a good one in, and you’d drive away, then return to have the other engine put back when it was serviced.” Apparently more than a few original motors were never reinstalled before Tucker Corporation disbanded.

Either way, the Tucker has massive road presence on the small, winding lanes of Auburn Hills. “It’s like a massively giant 356 Porsche,” Lieberman says. “A little ass-heavy, but it has a light front end and handles well with the right suspension. It doesn’t have a lot of body roll, stays relatively flat, and you can pretty much turn the wheel with two fingers.”

No. 46 lived a long and storied life, but it’s back to its original configuration in time for the 2018 Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance in August.

Later, back inside the church-turned-shop, I climb behind No. 29’s wheel and look over the broad hood. The thin plastic steering wheel is huge, which is also exactly how the car feels when you’re planted inside. Lieberman grins. But will he keep No. 29 when its restoration is finished?

“I kind of adopted the philosophy that my station with Tucker is to get them, bring them back to the way they’re supposed to be, pass them on to the next conservator, and go grab another one,” he says in a somewhat somber tone. “Will I have this one forever? Forever’s a long time.”

Tuckers on the Green

This year’s Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance will feature a special class to celebrate the Tucker 48, 70 years after the vehicle went into production. Mark Lieberman will be a class judge, and pre-eminent automotive journalist and historian Ken Gross will be the chief class judge.

“We’re going to have the Tin Goose, a bare Tucker chassis, and eight or nine other Tuckers,” Gross says. “Most people have perhaps only seen one Tucker, not a big gathering of these unusual-looking cars. It’ll be memorable. Lots of people applied and wanted to bring their cars. I regret we just couldn’t accommodate them all.”

This year also marks the 30th anniversary of “Tucker: The Man and His Dream,” which did its part to instill a certain perception of the Tucker story upon the world.

“Francis Coppola’s movie dramatized the Tucker story, some 40 years after Tucker failed—and that’s what people remember,” Gross says. “The scene where the workers assemble a bunch of Tuckers and drive them to the courthouse to show the judge that Tucker was the real deal brings tears to people’s eyes—and we hope to line up ‘our’ Tuckers across the ramp to replicate that moment.”

from Performance Junk Blogger Feed 4 http://www.automobilemag.com/news/saving-prestons-tucker/ via IFTTT

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yuppiefail · 9 years ago

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Is This Eugenics?

The “is this eugenics?” argument reminds me of the “is this racism?” argument.

One argument people use to justify not calling things racist goes like this. We should reserve the term “racist” for only the most egregious examples. It should not be hurled in the face of mere prejudice or a casual off-color joke. It should be saved for the ideology itself, which includes an aspiration for government (or some other forceful tool) to bend the world in some predetermined direction.

If we don’t, the term loses its potency. If the term “racism” starts to refer to something not actually threatening or deeply dangerous, we start to become complacent about racism. If everything and everyone is racist ten racism can’t be that bad.

That’s essentially what “kpagination” is doing in We need to name some modern practices as eugenics – and don’t.

In it, they offer a list of modern practices they believe are eugenics.

The problem for me is that I can’t accept that prenatal testing for Down Syndrome constitutes eugenics historically understood and practiced. Prenatal testing for Down Syndrome is not a moral atrocity. It’s problematic, sure. But it’s not the same thing as forcibly sterilizing young girls by the thousands and lying about it to lower your food stamp bill.

Good and bad genes

These modern practices, like human genomics and gene-editing programs, “are rooted in eugenics, with the belief that disability is unacceptable and bad,” kpagination wrote.

This seems like black-and-white thinking to me. I would argue that most people don’t find disability unacceptable. Most people prefer ability to disability, all else equal. There are a lot of good reasons for people to have that preference.

Last year I wrote Should sick, poor, unhappy people have kids?

I see both sides of this question. Is it moral to knowingly bring a child into the world with a condition which will cause them to suffer physical and emotional pain than a healthy child? Is it moral to genetically engineer the human race to weed out traits we find undesirable? Imma say yes to both.

If genomics is eugenics then eugenics ain’t bad

For an ideology that so vehemently opposes promiscuous sex, it’s hilarious how many strange bedfellows Evangelical Christianity has.

Many Evangelical Christians oppose technology like stem cell research and embryo sorting on moral grounds. Advocates for the disabled describe technology like CRISPR and gene editing and genomics as immoral.

Kpagination:

Eugenics today – from what I’ve seen – is generally cloaked in scientific legitimacy, using real science like CRISPR and gene editing and genomics. Like the eugenics of the past, a lot of people still have fear and other negative, oppressive beliefs regarding poverty, race, immigration, disability, and more. Like the eugenics of the past, is is presented as exciting new scientific discoveries. And that makes it just as terrifying, if not more.

There are also lots of good reasons for kpagination to wish most people didn’t prefer ability to disability, all else equal.

Is eugenics bigotry?

“Eugenics is ultimately rooted in intertwining sets of bigotry: racism, sexism, classism, ableism, and more forms of oppression, using disability, ‘abnormality,’ and ‘defects’ to explain practices such as involuntary sterilization of any marginalized person.”

What bothers me about kpagination’s treatment of eugenics is that it conflates people’s thoughts on the disabled with their thoughts on disability. Racism, sexism, classism, and ableism are defined as thinking of people as lesser and treating them worse based on their race, sex, class, and ability.

The problem with lumping all these oppressions together is first that racism and sexism operate very differently from classism and ableism. Racism and sexism are wrong in a different way. They’re wrong because we recognize that in reality, white people and black people are equally valuable, as are men and women. They’re both equally good, however you define good.

You can’t say that about high-class and low class or abled versus disabled. I’m sorry, but you can’t. And the reason is suffering. If we eradicated racism and sexism today, there would be no suffering associated with race or gender. Maybe some with gender due to biology. But most gender-based suffering results from our ideas about gender. If we eradicated classism and ableism today, there would still be suffering associated with class and ability. Because suffering helps DEFINE class and ability. It’s baked in. Saying having enough money is better than not having enough money and being able to do stuff is better than not being able to do stuff isn’t bigotry. It’s fucking obvious. It’s as obvious as saying that not suffering is better than suffering.

Again and again the word “bad” comes up to describe how people feel about disability.

Okay, so if we can’t say disability is “bad,” can we say that suffering is bad?

Because disability generally causes suffering.

Kpagination doesn’t mention it, but logically speaking there’s no reason not to include embryo sorting in their list of examples of modern-day eugenics.

Personally, I don’t blame a parent for picking an embryo that seems like it will become a person who will suffer a lot less than the other embryo. I think selecting a healthy embryo for implantation and killing the unhealthy one is a reasonable, kind thing to do. There’s only so much womb in the end. If you choose to blindly risk bringing a child who will suffer greatly into the world when you could have taken steps to ensure you bring a child into the world who will likely suffer less, you are choosing to risk unnecessarily increasing the amount of suffering your child must endure. Is this the moral choice? It doesn’t seem to clear to me that it is. At all.

Well-meaning people have looked at the vast differences between the happiness, health, education, and opportunities for poor and rich kids and decided the thing to do was to encourage the poor to stop having kids and the rich to start. This makes sense. It’s moral. This, to the extent it’s possible to implement, would seem to reduce net suffering.

The only way to say that it’s immoral to prefer ability and access to wealth is to say that it’s immoral to prefer suffering less to suffering more.

Do I wish disabled people and poor people suffered less? Of course. That’s why I oppose classism and ableism. But do I think being poor and disabled is something I want for more people? No. And that’s not something I’m prepared to apologize for.

I do not believe it’s moral to prefer ability and disability equally. Especially for your children. Because that requires that you prefer suffering and not suffering equally.

The bigger problem is coercion

The last problem I have with lumping genetic testing in with forcibly removing children from their homes because their parents are disabled or sterilization laws is that it makes a moral equivalence I think is wrong.

Allowing parents to find out whether a fetus has abnormalities and strapping someone to a gurney and ripping their reproductive organs out may have the same motivation, but they are not morally equivalent.

Eugenics might make us uncomfortable, but violating someone’s basic human right to bodily integrity and parenthood is truly intolerable.

It’s okay to prefer not suffering

Sheila Black passed XLH on to her children, having gotten incorrect medical advice about the likelihood they’d inherit it. It’s a painful disease, causing muscle aches, bone aches, and fatigue.

She asked her children how they felt about the disease.

Both of them spoke of the disability as almost, though not quite, a gift. “It has made me not fit in,” Eliza said, “but it has taught me empathy.”

“I am sometimes bitter about being so short,” Walker said, “and about the pain, but I am very glad to be alive.”

As it turns out, there was a 50/50 chance each of Sheila Black’s kids of inheriting the condition. As a sufferer herself, Black wishes none of them had gotten it. Does that make her a bad person? Of course not. It makes her a parent. No one wants unnecessary suffering for their children.

I do not believe it’s necessary to prefer ability and disability equally to have an equal preference for the abled and disabled. That is, you can dislike disability, think it’s “bad” even, and still love the disabled. You can still care for the disabled, believe they have equal rights, and advocate for them without advocating for disability itself.

One of Black’s children doesn’t have XLH. Black doesn’t love her healthier child more than her sicker ones. But she does prefer better health to worse health.

You can love the poor while hating poverty. You can care for the poor while fighting poverty. You can love the disabled while hating disability. You can care for the disabled while fighting to prevent disability. To call that eugenics, well, it means eugenics can’t be that bad.

“Denunciations of these things should be reserved for the ideology in question,” Jeffrey Tucker told me recently. He’s written and spoken extensively on the topic of eugenics. “An ideology has: a view of history, a view of what’s wrong, and a view of utopia. Petty attitudes and biases don’t really qualify. They can indicate a problem but they are not THE problem.”

The problem with eugenics isn’t that it’s ableist. It’s that it’s an ideology that encompasses racism, sexism, ableism. It advocates limiting women’s right to reproduce in order to create an all-white patriarchy.

Here’s why I care about whether we call things like CRISPR “eugenics.” I do not want to see the word eugenics used to thwart progress on tech that will reduce human suffering. That doesn’t seem moral to me.

Is This Eugenics? was originally published on

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orrla-fanfiction · 5 months ago

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#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#de aged ellie#De aged dan#dad danny#mom danny#Fuck it make this a Hazmat Au too with a hint of eldritch Phantom form#Hence why no one realizes Danny Fenton & Phantom Dark are different people#No Danny is not ghost king he's just a little shit#Jazz is in Metropolis & Danny is around depending on where the “field trips” are#Sometimes he's in Gotham because Scarecrow or Ivy offers a lecture#Most of the time they're in Central though because it's safest for the baby villains in the making lol#Danny is taking classes for both medical stuff (thx Frostbite) and engineering#A couple of time travelling villains ADORE him and his kids lol#“So u a monsterfucker?” “What” “I mean I saw that ghost hero & I'm just sayin that's not human y'know-”#Tucker stop laughing at him#Tucker and Sam and Val are also in the same villain school but taking different classes#Save for Tucker also being in an engineering class#Sam is fighting for that Ivy internship#Val is in the specialized Anti-Hero course that focuses on teen heroes who are done with that bs#She got in by telling them (not lying) that she's going to take down a branch of government even if she has to blow the whole thing up#Evil College Au#Danny made a mistake & now everyone thinks that he Val Sam AND Tuck were in a relationship with Phantom at some point#Eveery other student now refers to them as the Petty Exes#memes#meme

Prompt in Memes 5

Once more, have a prompt entirely in memes because I'm too lazy to properly write one right now lol.

#delightful #so funny!

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eddiejpoplar · 7 years ago

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Saving Preston’s Tucker

Tucker sold the car to Winthrop Rockefeller, an heir to the Rockefeller fortune, who drove it daily while serving as governor of Arkansas.

There’s patina everywhere on No. 29, Preston Tucker’s personal car. The cracked instrument surround will be replaced with one of Mark Lieberman’s reproductions.

“When cars came in for service, they’d take the engine out, slap a good one in, and you’d drive away, then return to have the other engine put back when it was serviced.”

With Lieberman’s resources and knowledge, a Tucker restoration seems like it should be easy, but there’s a lot of hard manual labor and a ton of research put into the process.

Tucker’s Torsilastic suspension design was intriguing but prone to failure. Nostalgic Motoring developed these new, more durable pieces.

No. 46 lived a long and storied life, but it’s back to its original configuration in time for the 2018 Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance in August.

Tuckers on the Green

This year also marks the 30th anniversary of “Tucker: The Man and His Dream,” which did its part to instill a certain perception of the Tucker story upon the world.

from Performance Junk Blogger 6 http://www.automobilemag.com/news/saving-prestons-tucker/ via IFTTT

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