#THERE'S 20 YEAR OLDS WAITING TO TAKE YOUR SPOT IN THAT GOAL POST

[somedaytakethetime]

You have got to be kidding me..

BORNHOLM!? HOW ABOUT WORKING NO!?

[thetaylorfiles]

Does your friend want to trade husbands? Mine is useless TS connection wise lmao You're winning the six degrees of separation game! Although you did have a friend who went on a date with Taylor years ago right? It's just a matter of time now before you run into her at a party or something. Girl, I'm here manifesting that for you!

This post is brought to you by my first dose of Concerta. I was recently-ish diagnosed (by a doctor) that I have HDHD. I tried another one that didn’t work and now I’m trying this. Today is my first day and, I must state that I had an espresso when I normally don’t, but I’m in the mood to organize, so things, and my mind feels clearer. It’s got to be placebo affect or the coffee but I’ll take it! Anyway this’ll be far too long I’m sure. (Oh hey, now you get why I’m so obsessed with t swift! Kaylor began as a special interest and thankfully, by the time I stopped believing, I was hooked on her music and personality. Oh my god what was my point? Okay, clearly adhd not cured! 😂 um it’s long? Don’t read if you don’t want?

——-

Answer:

Yes, but that doesn’t count as an actual TS encounter. And now that I’m Very Old, if I attempt to make that happen via any connections, it would be to get my daughter anything personal or signed from her or just anything as long as it focused on her.

I introduced her to Taylor slowly over the years. And now she’s obsessed. But in a 10 year old way. She doesn’t know much if folklore or evermore unless it’s exile because Mom was so fucking obsessed with it she had no choice to listen and assume I’m right that it’s best ever. She knows that hits and the deep cuts I make her listen to.

My love language is giving gifts. I hate getting them unless I’m so comfortable I’m married to you or you’re my child and you’ve written something. Ha. So I give her tons of makeup and what not. But I found my 4 lover books with the diary entries and the posters and left them out. She sheepishly inquired if she could look at them all…? I said, “they’re yours.”

There was a point. Oh, don’t forget the perimenopause. And the cannabis. That really contributes to being forgetful. Why am I writing so much?!?

Oh!!! Yeah, I was close friends with a guy that was a working actor and still is. He’s not recognizable by name unless you know actors really well. He’s a character actor that books all sorts of series and guest spots but always as a friend. He’s super hot. Well he was back in his 20s. He told us that he was daring her. We made fun of him (She wasn’t cool the ), but more just to annoy HIM. He wasn’t super super smart but he was so sweet but still had that bad boy swagger. You know? He was like a brother to me but I get whey women hit on him.

So back in early twenties he dates her for … I wanna say a few months. She didn’t live here on LA at the time as far as I knew but came out often. Maybe she had another house? Anyway, they were more friends who were attracted to one another who met up when both were in town. Only one of our group met her, his best friend. All we heard was that she was nice and far from a boring good southern girl. That she seemed like a city girl. Anyway, they hooked up off and on. They never went anywhere together as they weren’t together. They were each others last night call after date one and two failed to produce the necessary love spark. But they were both stupid hot.

That’s all I know. I never met her or saw pics. No wait. I did. I saw one of them together at her place wherever she stayed then. Why did I explain that? Please tell me you asked me to! I’m sorry. I’m so high and wanting to talk and like make and complete goals!! 🤣🤣🤣 k, night. Gotta watch some tv downstairs once kids have vanished. Shhh

I have a feeling I didn’t answer a single one of your questions, nor did I speak to whatever you wrote about. I apologize. If you were in person you’d love me. When I get high (vapes), it makes me so much damn more pleasant!

Oh my god. Go to sleep!! (Bethenny voice on Scary Island) I’m referring to myself by the way. K, night. Tv time.

[kkotda]

HI CAN I OVERSHARE ON THE INTERNET REAL QUICK (any constructive advice would be really helpful and appreciated as well!)

utc for y'all's sanity (it's not anything bad i think)

so i'm a rising senior in my undergraduate years (20 years old, 21 in a couple weeks) and there is a high school friend of mine who i got kind of close with in my senior year of high school, we'll call them m. we hung out a couple times and we have overlapping interests so we got along pretty well. but they obviously have other friends but i felt that they were like my best friend (i tend to latch onto my 'best friends' and want to do everything with them) and of course i have other friends, but to me they aren't necessarily inner circle, whereas they (and my bf) are.

but this past year, they've stopped returning my texts and (heartbreakingly enough) stopped sending me reels on ig. currently i've been sending them matcha recipe reels because i know they love matcha and they have left a like and i'm honestly grateful for that lol (but my other reels that i sent are left barren...)

i've also reached out a couple times trying to just catch up with them and propose hanging out again, to which they said "omg yeah maybe i just have to find a time i am free" and like i'm not totally clueless. i can take a hint and i am mature enough to realize that not everyone will stay in your life (and it doesn't necessarily mean they have ill intent towards you, life just happens) so i have been trying really hard to not let it bother me too much. (i also invited her to a reading app that we could use because i know she wants to try and read more frequently now, and she's left that on read 3 days after i sent it. not gonna read too much into it though because they might've just forgotten to respond or doesn't even want to respond, which is totally okay)

i have an inkling that they are trying to distance themselves from me, and it could be for a multitide of reasons. however, i am not sure if i should believe that thought because i am still in their cf (close friends) on ig (and i've liked almost all of their stories so they do know i'm still in there...? i think? unless ig updated story like notifs). but at the same time, that is like the only thing i have going for me. oh wait no, i lied, i also have their location because we shared locations with each other when we started university (i check from time to time to make sure they are where they usually are) -> the shift in behavior was that noticeable

another piece of information that i need to add is that i have a suspicion that they either are also in summer classes (but they would be more rigorous as i believe they are pursuing a concentration in their engineering degree?) or started a job or both, so then i would definitely understand the lack of communication from them

so my reason for this post is: i know the adult and mature thing to do is to "confront" them in a way and ask what our relationship is (first circle, second circle, etc) because i'm like 99% sure there is a disconnect in how we view each other. because i view them as first/inner circle, but for them i might be second or third circle. and the reason why i'm so hesitant to do that is because i don't want to put them in like a tight spot? like i don't want it to be so sudden that they're like what are you talking about (out of confusion, not gaslighting) i'm also hesitant because i don't know how i would go about doing that in a natural way. our texts have also been very one-sided lately so i would feel really bad if i added more to it.

this is where my peer counseling experience comes in lol:

so we can identify my goal: to determine the friendship status between me and m

the pros are:

better understanding of each other

i know where the boundaries are (if they mind or don't even care that i've basically been clinging onto them so much for so long) -> i come off as very clingy to some people and i know some people don't appreciate that

the cons are:

extreme discomfort (i don't have much experience with confrontation so this is very new for me and i'm very like anxious about it)

i might lose a close friend (for me) as a result and i'm scared of that

making a huge deal out of "nothing" -> being seen as too much

when weighing the pros and cons, i can't confidently say what would outweigh the other, but i think i would like to talk to them about it because we're adults now and language and communication exists for a reason. i just don't like that i would multi-texting them over a span of days and weeks...

[delusional-dinosaurr]

Nice Sleepover? (Alessia Russo x Reader)

After what felt like years you finally get off the plane in Manchester. You got loaned to City from Barcelona, being from Manchester it's a perfect loan for you, as you've been at Barca for just over a year and needed a little change of scenery.

Lauren was of course there to greet you at the airport with a sign which said "Queen of Nutmegs". You giggled and jogged over to her and gave her the biggest hug. "I'm so happy you're playing for us Y/N, I can't believe it still!" she says giddily whilst clinging onto you. "You'll be ready to play in the Manchester Derby as well!" "I can't wait to beat them with you, It'll take me back to the U19 days" you smile. Years ago you used to be an unbeatable force for the England younger squads, you with the assists and her with the goals. Being reunited was fantastic but also terrifying for those who faced you. After a long week of getting to know the team and staff at City alongside some training days, you crash on Lauren's spare bed at her shared house the night before the Derby. She slumps on it next to you whilst you both aimlessly scroll through your phones. You can't help but get stuck on an Instagram post by Alessia Russo, there is an audible gulp when you looked at the photos of her and Lauren spotted it instantly. "Now why is my best friend dribbling over Lessi?" Lauren said whilst looking at you with a big smirk on her face. "I'm not dribbling, it's just been a long time since we've seen eachother" You sighed and drop your phone on the bed. You used to have quite the crush on Alessia back in the day which hasn't really gone away, and haven't been interested in anyone since. You still talk every so often with national camps but nothing like you used to. "Now now young Y/N, don't go acting like this on the pitch, we need to win, yeah?" She slapped your hand gently "I'm off to bed, sleep well and don't dream about Miss Russo, you need to stay focused!" she giggled as she leaves the room, leaving you to sigh and get cuddled up in bed. ---- You're getting ready in the locker room after the warmups for the away game at Old Trafford. Feeling confident for your first game you pulled over your sky blue shirt whilst hearing a wolf whistle from Leila, you saluted her and gave her a wink in response. When you start to approach the tunnel the nerves hit, Lauren notices it and instantly puts her hands on your shoulders, gripping them tightly. "We will win, and I swear we will get a classic Y/LN-Hemp assist and goal for our first match together!" Lauren cheers whilst patting your shoulders firmly. You look over to your side to see the one and only Ella Toone grinning at you, you give her a nod and a smile. "Y/LN! Shame you aren't in red! Would look better on you" She cackles at you, you've missed her dumb laugh. "Never in your wildest dreams Tooney, red isn't my colour. Think you'd look pretty stunning in blue though" You wink. You and Ella used to play together for Astley & Tyldesley when you were younger. Your parents and her parents are close friends so you've always been fairly close. You still talk every now and then but since moving to Barca not so much. Not like it's in a bad way, more so that you're both very busy but will always be there for each other. She gave you a brief hug in the tunnel before you head out. "Good luck on your first game for City, shame you'll be losing" she chuckles whilst giving you a gentle smack on the ass which you instantly laugh at. You all start walking out onto the pitch and the game starts. As a midfielder you're already seeing loads of action in both attacking and defending. Around 20 minutes in you see a Alessia making a run to receive a ball in from Ella. Before Alessia can receive the ball, you cut in with a fantastic slide to clear the ball from her. This sends Alessia tumbling over you and she lands on top of you. You couldn't help but get a little flustered as she lifted herself off you whilst looking into your eyes. You shake it off and return to the game. You look to your side and see Lauren looking at you, very amused at what she had just witnessed. The game continues with a fair amount of back and forth between the two of you, she even fouls you when you're trying to connect a longer pass to Hemp, which you brush off as she gives you a hand up. As half-time comes around the score is 1-1, one goal from Toone and the City goal from Chloe. You get told that you'll be likely to stay on for the full 90 with Lauren, to try and secure another goal. You run back onto the pitch and into position feeling energised and ready to win. 74 minutes in you receive a pass and run it up the wing ready for Lauren when you feel a pair of boots collide with you. You instantly tumble to the ground and clutch your ankle in pain. One amused looking Alessia Russo stands over you whilst the ref is waving a yellow at her whilst she's protesting. She wipes the sweat off her face using the bottom of her shirt, you can't help but glance and melt at the sight "Oi, she's getting in your head, we've got this" Lauren gives you a quick hug from behind before jogging off ready for a free kick. The free kick is taken by Leila which you receive and effortlessly cross it to Lauren, who of course scored an excellent goal. She points at you and runs full sprint to jump in your arms. "I TOLD YOU WE WOULD DO IT! Y/LN-HEMP BACK IN ACTION!" Lauren screamed whilst the rest of your teammates are yelling and hugging you both. The game restarts and the goal has lit a fire in the United girls. They're playing more forcefully and riskier. You notice a Toone-Russo connection again which you pull off a bit of a dodgy tackle which earns some colourful language from Alessia in frustration. This earns your first yellow card for the team which you accepted as you knew it was a dodgy tackle. 2 minutes of added time and you're making a run up from the midfield, the United girls are playing ultra defensive to prevent a last minute goal from City. You receive a beautiful pass from Chloe and as you’re running closer to the box you see a flash of blonde hair. Knowing who is about to attempt to tackle you, you manage to nutmeg Alessia and run through the defenders, the city fans break out in loud cheers as your nutmeg was clearly well received by your club. You get to a 1v1 with Earps and chip the ball over her effortlessly. 3-1. Your teammates are going absolutely nuts over your goal.

The final whistle is blown after your goal. You couldn't be more pleased with your performance, especially after receiving the player of the match award. You walked around the stadium chatting with the United girls and swapping shirts with Ella for some photos, she takes a photo herself of you in a United shirt and makes a joke about it looking hot on you. You continue walking around the stadium and take photos with fans and chat with some of them for a bit before going and cleaning up. After getting clean and changed Leila pulls you aside "Hey Chica! We are all going clubbing tonight, coming? I heard your favourite player will be there" she gently shakes you with excitement. You knew you had to go as it would be your first outing with the girls, even though you'd rather go sleep at Lauren's. That and a chance to reconnect with Alessia is all you want to do right now. You sigh and nod at Leila resulting in her squealing. --- You enter the club which both teams and staff have hired out for the night and spot some of the team already here, who are waving frantically to get you to go over. You decided to just wear casual blue skinny jeans and a white shirt to keep it casual and comfy. Some of the girls dressed up but some went with the same theme as you. As the night goes on you spot Alessia and Ella at the bar, you quickly make your way over and pay for their drinks before they can tap the machine. They both turn to put a face to the mystery arm with a card and smile when they realise. "Thank you Y/N, you really didn't have to though!" Ella says whilst giving you a strong side hug. "Ah it's the least I can do after breaking your winning streak" You wink as you take a sip of your drink, to which Ella gives you a shove for. Alessia wraps her arms around you and gives you a squeeze. "I've missed you Y/N, we need a catch up later" She says and you agree to meet up with her later on in the evening. The night goes on, the drinks are flowing and everyone is fairly drunk, which has resulted in the majority of you dancing and chatting between the clubs. You and Lauren are throwing some wild moves which has both teams laughing. Leila has joined in but isn't dancing as enthusiastically as you and Lauren, but still enjoying herself. "God you're still awful at dancing" Alessia shouts in your ear with you laughing in response. "Speak for yourself, Leila thinks I'm a great dancer right?" You shove Leila who just throws her arms around you whilst still dancing, which results in you shaking your head laughing.

“Clearly I need to tell the Barca girls to teach you to dance like us Spanish do!” Leila sasses back whilst dancing away from you to go to the bar. She runs back to yank Lauren away from you and Alessia, very obviously trying to get the two of you alone at last.  

"It's been so long since we've seen each other right?" She yells to you. You can barely hear her over the music and you give her a puzzled look in return. She drags you over to a quieter corner before you can answer her. "Well, it's not every day I get dragged around by a pretty woman" You say whilst Alessia shakes her head at you. "Always been a flirt haven't you?" She smacks your arm in response. You both talk for what feels like hours, you discuss the fouls on each other during the match and apologise, you buy her a couple drinks and seem to be gravitating closer to each other. Your hand is resting on her thigh instinctively which she blushes at. "Just fuck already!" Tooney yells in your ear, you cough at how forward she was about your not so little crush on Alessia back in the day. Back when you were in the youth teams you had a massive crush on her, Ella used to tease you for it but eased when Alessia had a boyfriend for a while. "Who says we haven't already" Alessia smirks at Ella whilst she's staring at you with her jaw dropped. Alessia also takes the opportunity to move closer to you and hold your waist. "She's joking, we haven't. She would've told everyone how great I was if we did" You joke with Alessia now blushing again. "I have a strict rule of no footballers actually. Especially if I have to play with or against them, too distracting for me. Conflict of interest or something like that" Alessia says to Ella who scoffs, not believing a word of it. "Yeah yeah yeah, whatever Less. You'll change your mind soon enough" Ella winks as she grabs her drink and dances away. --- All you feel is your pounding headache as you groggily open your eyes in the morning, or at least it feels like the morning. What really wakes you up is the one and only Ella Toone swinging open the door. "Morning Alessia!" She draws out the A's in her name until she gasps, noticing another person in bed with her best friend. "Well clearly you had a good night, and on that note I'll leave you both to it!" she shuts the door quickly. You realise you are pretty much naked under the sheets cuddling Alessia, who is also in the same predicament as you. "So... " She drew out the O. "Well, it was gonna happen sooner or later wasn't it" You mumble to her. "We don't have to tell anyone and can forget about it if you want" she says quickly. "No, no. I honestly just wish it wasn't a one night thing Lessi. Not like that but like a more official thing where I can take you out and spoil you and...yeah" You sigh. She kisses you gently, breaking you out of your rambling state. "Tooney was right" Alessia sighs back with you giving her a questioning look "My dumb rule for no footballers was my way to try and throw you off. I've had a bit of a crush on you since we were younger. I only dated others because I thought you weren't interested" "Well same goes for me! Ella used to harass me for when I used to crush on you" You laugh as you both chuck some clothes on so you can face chatting with your friends downstairs. You borrow Alessia's United jumper and some joggers, you bundle up your clothes from last night which Alessia brings you a carrier bag to put them in.

“So um, where does this leave us?” You ask her quietly.

“Well I’m looking forward to you spoiling me on some dates Y/NN. If you want a label we can always just say ‘dating’?” She smiles and gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, you smile and nod in response. You both head downstairs to see Alessia’s teammates and face Tooney after her walking in on the two of you.

"Nice sleepover?" Millie laughs as she spots you both entering the room. "Mmm was nice, didn't get much sleep though" You say whilst looking at Alessia, which earns you a smack on the chest. "I knew you'd fuck!" Ella sings whilst dancing around the kitchen like a lunatic. "I better head off, we've got some defensive training today. I'm also due a telling off for my yellow for fouling Alessia" You chuckle as you put your shoes on in the doorway. Millie grabs her car keys as she didn't drink the night before and she offers you a lift to Lauren's house. "Wait!" Alessia scurries over to you and gives you a gentle peck on the cheek "Dinner tonight or something? Like a date? I've missed you" she nervously rubs the back of her neck saying the last part quietly. "I'd love nothing more, I'll text you when I'm free beautiful. For the record, I've missed you too" You kiss her gently on the lips, a feeling you never want to forget. --- You arrive home and thank Millie for the lift. You open the door to see Lauren sat on the sofa, ready to interrogate you. You plop down on the sofa with a satisfied sigh. '"Now where were you last night?" She scoots up closer to you and notices your shirt "TAKE IT OFF" she yells whilst tapping the United logo, she starts yanking your shirt off for you in rage with you protesting. Leila had stayed over for the night so she walks into the living room with Lauren and you playfighting with your jumper half off. "Guys! Stop! What's going on?" Leila breaks up your playfight "Y/N do not wear that filth around us!" she then also starts tugging your jumper off successfully. You chuckle as you quickly go get changed for training so that you don't have to worry about it later. You sneak back into the living room hoping they didn't hear you walk back in. "Right go on then, spill. You better have a good reason to have been wearing a united jumper" Lauren says patting the sofa which you slump next to her on. Leila is watching the conversation intently, clearly wanting to know all the gossip. "So I spent the night with Alessia, and we are hanging out later" You say nervously, not knowing how your best friend would react. Luckily for you she's over the moon, slapping her legs in excitement. "I knew you guys would eventually do something! I'm so happy for you!" she squeezes you into a tight hug. "We have to plan a romantic night for you two, I've got so many ideas". Do we want a part 2 or should I try something else? It's my first fic so I'm still get used to how this all works! I'll happily take requests too:)

[kohanayaki]

.:Time And Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 8

You come across an old photo book full of untouched memories and decide to go through it with Harry, though there are some things you decide he doesn't need to know and some things you'd rather forget. (Takes place mostly through Marauders era flashbacks)

LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2   CH 3   CH 4   CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8

Ch 8 .:Snapshots, Secrets, and Sentimentality:.

“Hey, Harry?” you called out into the living room where said boy was reclined on one of the large charcoal armchairs, “I found something you might want to see.”

His eyes widened behind the round frames of his glasses as you carried over a large, leather bound book that was thick with laminated pages. You sat across from him on the couch, setting it down on the coffee table in front of you.

“We still have a few more hours before the others arrive for the meeting,” you said, “and I don't know when the next time we'll be able to talk like this will be.”

“Wait,” he said before you could open the book, “you aren't staying?”

“I can't,” you smiled at him sadly. A statement that was true for a multitude of reasons you'd rather not get into with your godson. “I wanted to show this to you before I left, though.”

With a wave of your hand the book's pages gently flipped open, revealing a number of old magical photographs. The page you had turned to had a picture of James, and you could see Harry's eyes lock onto it. His father was beaming at the camera, holding up the Quidditch cup as two of his Gryffindor teammates held him up on their shoulders.

“Now you see why everyone always tells you how much you look like him,” you chuckled, “that's him in his fifth year, same as you now.”

Harry stared in wonder at the photo. He really did look like his dad. James was slightly taller, lankier, but he had the same disheveled waves of dark brown hair and boyish grin as Harry. Their faces were nearly identical; except for the eyes, of course.

The photo right next to that one was you wearing a Seeker's crest. You were posed, standing with the rest of your team with a wide smile on your face. Harry's brow furrowed as he spotted an unknown yet somehow familiar boy next to you with curly black hair and light eyes.

“Who is that?” he asked, “he almost looks like—”

“Sirius?” you finished. Harry nodded. “That would make sense,” you said, “that's Regulus, his younger brother.”

“I. . . didn't know he had one,” Harry said in wonder.

“Well, you know he doesn't talk about his family often.”

“Right. . .” Harry trailed off for a moment, “but you knew him? His brother?”

“Yeah,” you said, feeling a tug at your heart, “We were friends, for a while.” Your eyes subconsciously looked up towards his room which now stood empty. “He, um. . . he died, some time ago.”

“Oh,” Harry said, not knowing what to say, “I'm sorry. . .”

You gave him a small smile in thanks, trying to shrug off the grim feeling the memories brought up as you turned the page of the book to the next.

This photograph was one that was moving— you and James in your Quidditch captain's uniforms. He was reaching over, ruffling your hair while you were ducking to avoid him, pushing his face away and turning his glasses askew despite the grin on your face.

“We both became team captains in year six,” you said, smiling fondly at the picture, “we'd squared off as Seekers the year prior, so it was only natural. You were already playing Seeker your first year, weren't you?”

“Yeah,” Harry said bashfully, “although my first time catching the snitch was bit rough to say the least.” You laughed at that, recalling the time he told you the story of how he had caught the snitch with his mouth his first match.

“You take after your father, for sure,” you said, “he was always a creative flier; came up with all sorts of purposefully confusing strategies as captain. By the time the other team figured out what he was doing, he'd have already caught the snitch and the match would be set.”

Harry felt pride fill his chest at your words, glad he was taking on his father's good qualities.

“So you were a Seeker your fifth year and played until you graduated,” he recalled, “but I thought you said you played Chaser before?”

“Well, sort of?” you admitted, “Not officially. My introduction to the game was unconventional, to say the least. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1974   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James and Sirius huddled with the rest of the Gryffindor team on the Quidditch pitch, gearing up for the match. The energy around them was electric, the stands packed with students and faculty from every house.

“Remember, keep to the left,” Halls, their team captain, said sternly, “and take advantage of Parkinson's blind spot. If Rollins and the rest of the Chasers start scoring above 40 before halftime, we'll go in for the Pincer.”

Sirius nodded, determined to win this match. It was the first one of the season, so a lot was riding on this. However, his attention was diverted as the crowd's cheers suddenly grew louder. The Slytherin team had arrived on the field, marching towards them. Something Sirius didn't expect to see, however, was you, dressed in Chaser's robes next to his brother.

“What are they doing here?” Sirius scoffed as he spotted you, “they're not even on the team!”

“Rollins took a spill last practice,” Vanity said as she stepped forward. The Slytherin captain had a wicked grin on her face, “(L/n)'s a last minute replacement. Don't bother trying to argue, I've already cleared it with Madame Hooch.”

“Convenient of you to tell us ahead of time,” Halls' eyes narrowed.

“Is there a part of 'last minute' that escapes your understanding?” Vanity rolled her eyes.

“Well, no matter,” Halls said, “you've lost your best Chaser, we don't have anything to worry about.”

“That classic Gryffindor confidence,” Vanity smirked, “we'll see about that. I don't choose just anyone to fill in.”

Halls scoffed as Vanity turned on her heels, not bothering to look back.

“Seems you've found yourself another game to lose, (L/n),” James smirked at you.

“Have I?” you arched a brow, “what's our score now? 10-9?”

“10-10 since I got you with that scalene water in the Prefect's bathroom,” James reminded you, “how was being half fish for a day?”

“Marvelous, felt just like you,” you quipped.

“Settle down, everyone,” Madame Hooch said, stepping out onto the field, “Potter, (L/n), I know you two have taken to pranks on each other in class, but I don't want to see a lick of that up in the air, understood?”

“Perfectly,” you said, a smirk sneaking onto your face as you mounted your broom. 

“Wouldn't dream of it, professor,” James said with sarcastic flair.

Sirius eyed you cautiously. Gryffindor had flying class with Hufflepuff, so they'd never actually seen you fly before, but there was no doubt that if Vanity approved of you, you had to pose some kind of threat.

“Take your marks,” Hooch said, and you rose off the ground in unison, staring each other down. “Let the match begin!” With a strong, well placed kick, the Quidditch case was thrown open to release the bludgers and the snitch, and as she threw the quaffle up in the air you lunged forward into a dive. You were just about to grab the ball when a blur of red and gold nearly knocked you off your broom.

“Potter has the Quaffle!” Kingston commentated from the box, “he passes to Longbottom, who evades Catchlove and Regulus Black. Longbottom scores! The first ten points go to Gryffindor!”

The patrons in the red and gold stands went wild, the roar deafening in your ears. This was definitely different from flying class. You had to get it together.

The hair on the back of your neck suddenly stood straight up when something whizzed right past your head as you barely moved to dodge it. Sirius gave you a passive shrug from the other side of the field, a beater's bat resting on his shoulder.

“Tosser,” you grumbled under your breath. You had half a mind to throw him right through the left-field hoops without his broom, but dealing with the bludgers wasn't your job; you just had to evade and score. You wouldn't let your team down.

Your eyes searched the skies for the quaffle again, and found it as you spotted a Gryffindor snatch it out of Catchlove's hands. You built up momentum, lowering your body to your broom handle as you picked up speed, swiping the ball from the red Chaser's hands before his eyes could register. You flew under him before their team could rearrange formation and spun around quickly, swatting the quaffle towards the lower right goal with the tail end of your broom. Their Keeper dove to block it, but was one second too late. The ball flew through the hoop and straight into Regulus' hands, who looped back around and threw it through the top right, leaving the Gryffindor Keeper too disoriented and too low in the corner of the goal posts to do anything about it.

“(L/n) outmaneuvers Johnson and scores!” you heard the commentary box boom, “Regulus Black follows up with another goal, we are 20 Slytherin to 10 Gryffindor, what a quick turnaround to start off the match!”

You huffed, impressed that Regulus was able to make the most of your shot. You knew he was Sirius' brother, but that was about it. He was a year younger than you, so you didn't have any classes together and never really talked to him before.

“Nice shot,” you said, flying next to him.

“Same to you,” he said with the slightest upwards quirk of his lips.

“Oi, keep it up you two!” Vanity shouted, hovering over you before dodging the bludger that flew her way, “Black, keep point on Johnson, he's off his game today. (L/n) I want you on intercept and watch for Potter.”

“Gladly,” you smirked, flying off towards the other side of the field. You were starting to feel more comfortable in the air, like you were when you were just flying by yourself; the sounds of the crowd disappeared over the wind rushing in your ears, and you were able to concentrate on your main objective:

Kicking James Potter's arse.

And that you did. The all too confident smirk that seemed to be permanently plastered to his face disappeared when he suddenly felt the weight of the quaffle leave his hands. A victorious smile graced your lips at his dumbfound expression as you threw the ball long to Regulus, who caught it with ease, swatting Johnson away like a fly before scoring another goal.

“(L/n) passes to Black who scores another ten points for Slytherin!” Kingston announced, “it looks like the two rookie players are really hitting their stride now. Choosing (L/n) as a last second fill in is really paying off!”

Sirius' eyes narrowed, grunting in frustration as he hit another bludger your way. Regulus' head turned at the sound of the crack of the bat and signaled over to one of your Beaters, who tossed the bat his way just in time for the Slytherin to send the ball flying back towards his brother. Sirius cursed under his breath, rolling to the right and spinning out of control for a moment before reorienting himself.

“Hooch, what gives!” he shouted, “penalize them!”

“Fair play under protection,” Hooch denied him, “you've been taking headshots, Black. Be grateful I'm not docking you.”

Sirius grumbled a few choice words under his breath before flying back into the fray.

“Thanks for that!” you called over to Regulus.

“Don't mention it,” the boy said, his expression still fairly neutral save for the slight smirk on his face. How the hell was he so calm during this game anyways?

You continued to work with Regulus throughout the match; you'd found a system that worked, and your captain told you to roll with it. Pass after pass you intercepted and scored, mainly targeting Potter not just because Vanity had told you to, but because it brought you a considerable amount of personal enjoyment.

That's when you saw it— a tiny, nearly imperceptible flash of gold that whizzed by your peripheral vision. Neither of the Seekers had caught sight of it yet, but you watched as it zoomed low towards the ground, hovering just beneath one of the crowd stands.

“Oi, Talkalot!” you shouted over the crowd at your Seeker, “Dive low at Hippogriff, now!”

You'd only had  a few hours to look over the strategies that Vanity laid out for you, but you knew the Slytherin team had come up with code words for each quadrant of the Quiditch pitch so you could alert your Seeker if you saw the snitch without the other team knowing where it was. You hoped to Merlin you'd gotten the code right, and you exhaled in relief as Talkalot zoomed past you, taking a sharp dive straight down.

“Nice eye, (L/n)!” she shouted over her shoulder, her voice trailing off as she went after the snitch at top speed.

Sirius' eyes widened as he saw the sporadic move from your Seeker. That could only mean one thing.

“Halls, they've got eyes on the snitch!” he shouted to his team captain who cursed under his breath, taking off in Talkalot's direction, but her lead was too great.

“She's got it!” Kingston hollered into the mic, “Lucinda Talkalot has caught the golden snitch, scoring 150 points for Slytherin! Our score comes out 50 Gryffindor to 230 Slytherin, and this match is over!”

“Slytherin wins!” Madame Hooch proclaimed from her broom.

Everyone in the emerald stands cheered so loudly you thought their tents would topple. You couldn't believe the amount of adrenaline coursing through your body in that moment. It was a complete sensory overload as you were bombarded by the Slytherin team, mostly comprised of people you hardly even knew, and thrown on top of their shoulders and they cheered for you.

“What a game, (L/n)! I never knew you could play!”

“Where the hell have you been all this time, eh?”

“You better try out next year or you're dead!”

You laughed at the last comment from Vanity, people buzzing around you as soon as you were set down. You broke away from the congratulatory comments and pats on the back, however, as you spotted James across the field. You couldn't help but rub this in his face a little.  

“Why so blue, Potter?” you grinned as you bounded over to him, “what was that about me 'finding another game to lose'?”

For once, James had no clever comeback, and his face flushed as you laughed at his expression.

“I do believe that leaves us 11-10,” you said cheekily, doing an overly exaggerated bow before tossing your broom from your left hand to your right and stalking off.

“Not for long,” James said to himself once you were out of earshot, equal parts impressed and supremely annoyed. It was time for him to pay another visit to Zonko's. He'd show you blue all right. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“After that year I tried out for a permanent position as Seeker,” you said, “your father and I concluded our prank war, Sirius and I put aside our differences, Lupin vouched for my involvement with the map, and the rest is history.”

“I seriously can't believe you became such close friends only two years later,” Harry said, shaking his head in bewilderment.

“Neither could we,” you said, “it was just a series of chance encounters that we learned we were more similar than we thought. I really do believe that friendship can come from anywhere, Harry. Even more so when you least expect it. So if there's anyone around you that you think you might never get along with, I'd say it's worth it to give them a chance.”

Harry paused at your words. There were more than a few people who came to mind.

You turned to the next page, which was a spread of you and the rest of the Marauders in more casual settings. One could clearly tell you had taken them of each other, if the shaky camera movement and blurry rendering were anything to go off of.

You smiled to yourself as you saw a photo of you and Remus asleep in the Hogwarts library, lightly leaning against each other with your eyes peacefully closed. Suddenly the camera flash jolted through the photograph, and you two bolted upright. You glared at the person taking the photo and reached out to smack the camera away, the picture going blurry for a moment before resetting. Harry laughed at the brief repeating scene, as did you.

“Your father took this one,” you huffed, “because of course he did.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1977  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rested your head in your palm as you transcribed a few spells into your notebook. The lantern in front of you gave you just enough light to read the elaborate Latin, as the sun had long since set. Your eyelids felt annoyingly heavy, attempting to close on their own as you fought against them to stay awake.

“How are you holding up?” Remus asked with a slight grin, catching you jump awake at his remark.

You and Remus had gotten permission from Madame Pince to use the library after hours to study; after all, you two were outstanding students. If James and Sirius had made the request, they wouldn't have gotten so positive a reaction.

“I've been more awake in my life, but I really need to get this done tonight,” you sighed, “NEWTS start next week and I have to be ready.” You stared up at the boy who was looking at you with obvious concern. “I'm fine, Moony. And I don't want to keep you here, so whenever you want to head off to bed, feel free to.”

“It's no trouble,” he said, “I'll walk you back to your common room, at least. At this rate you'll fall asleep in the middle of the hall for Filch to find you.”

You gave him a light but well-meant glare, groaning as you turned your tired eyes back to the parchment in front of you.

“Why the sudden all-nighters anyways?” Lupin asked, “I thought you'd be plenty prepared.”

“My Charms marks haven't exactly been the best lately,” you admitted, “that's kind of important if I want to become an auror, Remus.”

“Really?” the lycanthrope said, surprised, “but you're always in the know on some spell or another I've never even heard of. You've even made some of your own, right?”

“Yes, but the Ministry wants people who can conjure a corporeal patronus, not someone who made up a spell that makes antlers grow on someone's head to make a very specific joke.”

“Well, I thought it was impressive,” Remus laughed, thinking back to James asking him 'why does my head feel so heavy?' “but I see what you're saying,” Remus continued, “Have you thought about Dumbledore's proposal? Joining the cause might call for some more specialized tasks that would fit you well.”

“Right,” you bit your lip, “I just. . . I don't know. It's a lot to take on. A big part of me is scared, Remus. I'm not like you guys. I can't just fearlessly leap into a battle without any second thoughts. James and Sirius gave their answers so quickly and. . . I couldn't say for sure right away like they could. Honestly, I was terrified, and I still feel guilty because of it.”

“Fear is wisdom in the face of danger, (Y/n),” Remus said, “It's nothing to be ashamed of. No one is forcing you to make this decision right away, nor are they requiring you do it alone. There's a war going on out there, (Y/n). No one would blame you for not diving into it headfirst.”

“Always the quoter of muggle proverbs,” you chuckled lightly, “thank you, Remus. Really.”

A quiet yawn snuck into the back of your throat, and you stretched out of your chair to try to get feeling back into your body.

“Maybe I should turn in soon,” you said, your voice already groggy, “just a few more transcriptions. . .”

Remus stayed by your side as you continued to work diligently, and he found himself smiling at your innate stubbornness. It was something he greatly admired about you; when you decided on something you stuck to it no matter what, sometimes to a fault. You fought to keep your eyes open, even as your head began to slope and your handwriting gradually became slower.

Lupin was beginning to tire himself, which surprised him. He was naturally nocturnal, after all, and usually had no issue staying up to the early hours of the morning. But the quiet scratch of your quill against the parchment, the occasional sound of a page turning, and the smell of your shampoo that wafted with the motion, all lulled him into a sense of ease that was much too easy to doze off to.

Just when he thought he might fall asleep, he almost jumped out of his skin as he felt a soft pressure on his shoulder. He looked to the side to see you sleeping peacefully, your head having slipped from your palm and onto the soft fabric of his sweater. His face flushed a deep red, and he thanked Merlin you were sound asleep. He was caught in between embarrassment and slight panic as he instinctualy wanted to wake you but also ensure you actually got to sleep tonight.

He meant to wake you, he really had, but his mind and body betrayed him, and without even knowing when, his eyes fluttered closed and he drifted off into quite possibly the best sleep he'd had in weeks.

The flash of the magical camera was blinding, even through your closed eyelids. White spots danced in your vision as you groaned, shielding your face from the camera.

“MORNING, LOVEBIRDS!”

Remus jolted awake, remembering last night's events in an instant and banging his head on the bookshelf beside him in an attempt to put some distance between you two.

James was stood there, camera in hand and doubled over in laughter.

“Prongs, you better start running before I skin you and turn you into a pair of shoes,” you growled.

“How is it that I always catch you two sleeping together?” James chortled, completely ignoring your statement, “Can't be long till you get it on to the other sense of the phrase.”

And that's when you lunged at him. Too bad he didn't take your advice for a head start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That twat,” you said fondly, a statement that about summed up your and James' friendship.

Harry found himself smiling as you recounted your memories with his father. It made him feel that much more grateful for what he shared with Ron and Hermione.

“Oh, Merlin,” you laughed as you saw the next picture. You, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, and James were standing side by side, Slughorn smiling in the middle of all of you. “This was the first and last Slug Club party that we ever attended all together,” you said, “Like I mentioned, Lily and I had always gone, and—”

You caught yourself.

And Severus would pretend to be reluctant tagging along, you finished in your mind. After what happened he stopped attending the parties.

You cleared your throat.

“Ahem, well, we'd always gone together as friends but none of the boys ever went with us,” you said, “It was our last year, and Lily finally convinced James to tag along, because by then they were together and he was contractually obligated to do so. I talked Sirius into coming because Slughorn had been trying to get him to come for years, and I made Remus my plus one. So for the first time ever, we were all at the party.”

“So it was the last party of the year?” Harry asked.

“Um, well, no,” you laughed, “it was the last party we were invited to. Let's just say your godfather thought it would be funny to enchant the ice sculptures to chase Lucius Malfoy around the dance floor. I'll admit, watching that stupid blonde ninny run screaming from a rapidly melting octopus to the tune of a classical string quartet was pretty entertaining, though Slughorn obviously felt otherwise.”

Harry chuckled, clearly seeing the spark of mischief in Sirius' eyes, even through a photo. As Harry's gaze drifted across the page, he noticed an empty space near the corner of the book. A discolored square remained where a photo should have been, the caption reading 'Christmas, 1976.' As he saw the way you ran your fingers lightly across the page, he decided against asking you what used to be there. He instead turned his attention to the next photograph, which was one taken in an all too familiar setting.

“Hold on,” Harry said, pointing to the picture, “that's the Gryffindor common room!”

“Sure is,” you grinned, “that secret passage from the dungeons to Gryffindor tower went from being used purely for pranking purposes to a way for us to actually hang out together at night.”

You stared down at the photograph fondly. You all looked so much older than the first pictures. You and James were lounging on the couch, not bothering to hide the overly full glasses of firewhiskey in your hands. Sirius and Remus were sitting on pillows on the floor, caught in the middle of a fit of laughter before all four of you turned to the camera which flashed. A pang of hurt and anger hit you square in the chest as it did. Peter had been the one taking the photo.

“I remember this day,” you said, an expression Harry couldn't quite figure out on your face, “it was the night before graduation. Our last night at Hogwarts. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1978   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A giggle rose in your throat as you took yet another drink of firewhiskey with James and Sirius, something that Remus insisted you were going to regret come morning.

“Oh, don't be suck a stickler, Moony,” Sirius guffawed, “tonight's the night! This time tomorrow we'll be packing up camp and heading out into the great unknown.” He made an expansive gesture with his hand that was cut off promptly by James smacking him upside the head.

“I'll brew a pepperup potion tomorrow if anyone really needs it,” you assured Remus.

“Not really the point, (Y/n),” he rolled his eyes.

As you leaned back to look at the four of them, all grinning like idiots and laughing, you felt a strange sense of sadness come over you. This was your last night at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the place you had spent most of your life and where you had met the people you could no longer imagine that life without. As the reality of that fact sunk in, you grew quiet.

“Everything's going to be different after tomorrow, isn't it?” you said.

The boys looked surprised at your sudden and intense declaration, and James was the first to break the tension you'd created.

“Aww, Fangs is getting all sentimental,” he grinned, slinging an arm over your shoulder.

“I will toss you out this window, Prongs.”

He laughed, poking you in the cheek, his smile only widening as you huffed in annoyance.

“It won't be different,” he promised, more serious but with that smile ever present on his face, “we'll still be friends. We'll still be a pack. And besides, after we graduate we could go. . . well, anywhere together! Just think, the five greatest heroes Hogwarts has ever seen, going on top secret missions from Dumbledore, saving the world!”

“It'll be dangerous, James,” you said, “there's a war going on, remember?”

“What war could ever break us up, huh?” he said reassuringly. You felt your heart swell at the remark. “And besides, you're gonna have to see me next year for the wedding anyways! Lily wanted it sometime in Spring.”

“. . .”

“WEDDING?!” you, Sirius, Remus, and Peter screeched, practically in unison as if it had been planned and rehearsed. Chaos erupted in the room, and you couldn't care less if you woke everyone in Gryffindor tower.

“You sly git, when were you gonna tell us?!” Sirius whacked his friend over the head with the map.

“I just did!” James said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, “And ow, Merlin, Pads. . .”

“You hit me first!”

“I can't believe you just dropped that on us,” you said, “Lily actually agreed to this?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” James huffed.

“Hey, I'm just saying you tend to drift off into fantasy land when it comes to her,” you said, putting your hands up in mock surrender, “I was just making sure this was rooted in reality.”

Remus laughed at that, lifting the needle on his record gently.

“They have a point,” he chuckled.

“Yes, I actually proposed, and yes she actually agreed,” James said, a lovesick smile on his face, “I wanted to get married pretty soon after we graduated, and she had no problem with that. She said she'd want to start a family—”

“Oh GOD,” Sirius said, drunken horror on his face.

“An actual nightmare,” you joined in playfully, “imagine another one of you running around. Even Lily's DNA couldn't balance that out.”

“Alright, that's it,” James said, “you're not gonna be godparents anymore.”

“I'd be terrible at that anyways,” Sirius chortled.

“I disagree,” James said earnestly, and the comment struck Sirius completely off guard. He chocked up the welling tears in his eyes to the alcohol, taking another sip to mask it.

“You're going soft, Prongsy,” he grumbled.

“Look who's talking, tough guy,” James laughed, clapping his best friend on the shoulder.

“We should take a picture,” Peter suggested quietly, turning red when everyone stopped what they were doing to face him, “I-I mean, since (Y/n) was worried about things changing, and we're all graduating, a-and who knows when—”

“Good thinking Wormtail,” James beamed, pulling you closer and leaning down towards Sirius and Remus so you could all be in the frame.

Peter was looking down at his shoes, fidgeting with his wand.

“Peter, you don't wanna get in the picture?” you asked.

The large framed boy jumped at your voice, looking nervously between the people he had come to know as his friends. There was an oddly fearful look in his eyes that left as soon as it came— a look you wouldn't understand until years later.

“N-no, that's alright,” he said.

And that was one of the last peaceful days of your life you could recall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I haven't even thought about these in the longest time,” you said, staring at the faded photos, “it's crazy to look back on them. It feels both like yesterday and a hundred years ago.”

The next page immediately summoned a lump in your throat.

“This was their wedding,” you said, fighting to keep your voice level, “the year after we graduated.”

Harry looked down at the dozens of photos of the ceremony and party that took place after; James at the altar in his burgundy and gold embroidered suit, and Lily walking down the isle with a bouquet full of the flowers that shared her name. Remus raising a champagne flute to the large crowd of guests as he made a heartfelt speech. You and Sirius dancing under the floating lanterns made to mimic the Hogwarts ceiling.

“Your father never was one for subtlety,” you laughed lightly, “he wanted the ceremony to be as extravagant as possible. He pulled out all the stops. . . and then, the very next year, they announced that they were going to have you.”

You looked up at Harry, and the resemblance he shared with two of your closest late friends conjured feelings of happiness, love, and deep, cutting sadness all at the same time.

Your fingers moved to turn the page, wanting to move on to something else, but you froze as you saw the edge of the next one. So much for that plan.

“I think that's enough for now,” you said quickly, smoothing the page back down, “the others will be arriving soon for the meeting, you best get washed up.”

Harry was curious, of course, but he nodded, not wanting to press for anything else as he reluctantly headed back upstairs.

When you were left alone with the photo book you sighed, bringing yourself to turn the page to see a picture of you and Severus. You were beaming at the camera, proudly holding out your perfectly brewed Draught of Living Death, the photo having been taken by Slughorn to put up on his famous wall. One of your arms held the cauldron haphazardly, the other slung around Severus' shoulders. He certainly wasn't displaying your level of enthusiasm, but a small smile graced his expression, allowing his lips to fully curve upwards, which was as close to 'beaming' as he ever got. He looked so much younger— less burdened.

Right next to that photo was an older one from 1973. It was one you had taken from the top of the oak tree, with Severus and Lily looking up at you. You knew he'd be here soon, and you knew you should talk to him, but you found yourself stuck back in the cycle of doubting every opening spiel you came up with.

You groaned in frustration, snapping the book shut and resting your forehead on the table as stress flooded your being. You refused to live in this perpetual state of dwelling on what happened. You were ready to talk, you just had to take the first step.

Chapter 9 coming soon!

Taglist:  @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy @calaryssia @aleksanderwh0r3 @juggysgirlfriend @beautifulsweetschaos @kattirin @mialupin1 @crazy-obsessed-fangirl, @youcantbesirius @pan-pride-12​

[uwuwriting]

Denki, Dabi and Bakugou in a secret relationship

Request: hii!! i loved your post about the secret relationship being exposed and i was wondering if you could do the same for dabi bakugo and denki - anonymous

Um this was supposed to go up yesterday, I had queued it but tumblr decided to just deleted. Oh well. I hope you like it you guys even though its a day late. This was fun to write. Love ya. 💖💖💖

rules

warnings: some sexy times mentions, fluff

Kaminari Denki

-Kaminari is an idiot.

-I don’t even know who you’ve managed to keep your relationship a secret.

-90% sure the whole school knows and just pretends to be oblivious. 

-Anyways.

-It kinda bothers him that he has to keep it a secret. 

-He wants to scoop you up and spin you around in the hallways, hug you after a really rough training session with Bakubro, kiss you when you are being extra extra cute. 

-Plus he wants to brag to the other idiots for getting a girlfriend first. 

-But alas he respects your wishes and tries to keep it all under wraps. 

-Your parents are pro heroes and have warned you about the dangers of dating since you are their kid. 

-Villains wouldn’t hesitate to threaten you with your significant other if it means they’ll get to your parents. 

-So now Kaminari is stuck sneaking in your dorm late at night only to spend a few hours with you and give you as much kisses as he can fit in the little time you have. 

-Surprisingly he has kept it a secret for almost a year now. 

-No slip ups, no marks on his skin after a spice night, none of your clothes could be found in his room whatsoever.

-Apart from his usual flirty nature towards you, there was nothing that could indicate that you two were an item. 

-Now being in your third year, things had gotten rather serious with your hero works.

-Most of you if not all had been working along side a pro hero for the last year or two but that didn’t mean they would take you in after high school. 

-Every student had to wait for the acceptance letter from the agency or an agency in general and they would be set for their hero work after school. 

-You had been working with a hero agency since your first year and you were pretty happy. 

-But the pro hero you had been with decided that after you were done with your hero studies, he would retire leaving you with no agency to boost your career after school. 

-Kaminari was as devastated as you were.

-He tried comforting you as much as he could, extra hugs and kisses, more snacks and movie nights, anything to help you cope with the fact that you would be back to the starting line once school was over. 

-He hated seeing you cry. 

-Then the unthinkable happened. 

-Mt.Lady was a well known hero and one with a desired sidekick position that no one seemed to really fill. 

-You had just helped her stop a major villain attack tricking the villain and capturing him before he could do any real damage in the area. 

-To say that Mt.Lady was impressed was an understatement. 

-She contacted your hero agency and asked if you had already signed a deal with them.

-You can see where this is going.

-When you got the notice from Mt. Lady’s agency you were over the moon and so was Kaminari. 

-He was so happy that the person he loved the most was finally getting what she deserved. 

-He had dragged you to the janitor’s closet to give you his personal congratulations, catching the attention of a certain red head.

-He kissed you like there was no tomorrow, his arms keeping you as close as possible, flush to his chest as he peppered your face and neck with feather light kisses. 

- “I’m so proud of you babe!”

-You tried to keep your giggles on the down low to no avail since Kaminari’s goal was to make you laugh. 

-For a long moment you didn’t care if someone found you, you were so happy and so comfortable in Denki’s arms that you didn’t want to leave the closet and go back to your hidden lives. 

-Then you saw the light coming from the door, getting ready to lightly scold Kaminari for leaving the door open when you made eye contact with Kirishima......and Mina ..... and Sero..... and somewhere in the far back with a pair of ruby red eyes.

- “Babygirl is everything alright?”

-He hadn’t seen them yet, then he followed your line of vision and the man has never yeeted you out of his arms faster in his life.

-Your friends just stared at you in complete shock for a full minute before Bakugou broke the silence. 

- “Oi you own me ramen Kirishima.”

Dabi

-With this guy I’m not surprised that you managed to keep it a secret. 

-Oh no no no.

-I’m surprised you managed to get him into a relationship.

-It wasn’t easy though you would give him that. 

-You were part of the LoV of course and well you didn’t really take any of their shit. 

-The only person you respected was Kurogiri and that was borderline pity. 

-He had to babysit a 20 year old killing machine with issues, many issues, many many issues. 

-When Dabi approached you with his signature flirty and I-only-do-one-night-stands-babygirl attitude, you being the idiot that you are took the bait.

-The LoV knows of yalls nights together but they only thought that that was it.

-Dabi slept around and you were a really attractive person. 

-Plus they knew you both were bored so sex was, to their eyes, the only solution. 

-What they didn’t know though was that Dabi was starting to catch feelings and soon enough he hated seeing you remotely talking with another human being. 

-Then that fateful mission happened and the deal was sealed. 

-You were spying on Overhaul and his lackeys, hidden in his underground lab watching as they went around doing stuff.

-Then you heard a childish scream and it was the first time Dabi saw fear flash in your eyes. 

-You turned around following the source of the screams absolutely ignoring Dabi’s protests and threats. 

-It was like you were in a daze and Dabi felt the terror sink his claws in his throat as you passed by so many of Overhaul’s members nearly getting caught. 

-When you reached the glass door that led into Eri’s experiment lab, he saw the color drain from your face and your knees buckling. 

-He caught you before you hit the floor dragging you away from the lab door despite the fact that you clawed at his coat to put you down. 

-He felt his shoulder getting wet and that’s when he saw the tears that were falling freely down your cheeks. 

-He had managed to calm you down long enough to convince you to leave before you got caught but luck wasn’t on your side when one of the lackeys spotted you. 

-Dabi was a few feet away from the exit, becoming reckless at the sight of freedom not noticing the masked individual pointing his gun at him. 

-You noticed though. 

-And you got in the way, pushing Dabi to the ground as the quirk cancelling bullet pierced your side leaving you to fall to the floor with a grunt and a strangled pained moan.

-The next few minutes were a blur.

-Dabi didn’t remember how he got you out of there or how he was now on a rooftop with you pressed flush against his chest as the affects of the bullet made you tremble. 

- “Shh doll, shhh. I’m here I got you.”

-He knew your trembling was not entirely because of the bullet, he saw how your eyes glassed over at the sight of Eri back in the lab and he knew that this had something to do with your past. 

-He used to get the same glassy eyed look on his face when he would see Endeavour on the news shortly after his “death”.

-Things changed after that. 

-He didn’t take you to the hideout that night, he brought you to his apartment where he helped you clean up your wound and calm down. 

- “I know it’s not my place to ask but what the hell to you happened back there?”

-When you explained what you’ve been through and how those screams brought back things you thought you had long ago buried, he was left gawking at you. 

-For some weird reason he believed that you were just a brat who ran away from home on some rebellious whim. 

- “Ugh what am I saying? You don’t give a damn! Why did I even-”

- “Touya.”

- “What?”

- “My real name is Touya, I-I wanted you to know.”

-Sharing a heart felt night analyzing your past trauma with someone you sleep with is one way to get yourself into a relationship.

-You both agreed to keep it secret and you did keep it like that for a long time, a very long time. 

-The LoV never truly found out. 

-Some had their suspicions sure, Mister Compress had even made a bet with Toga but you two never gave them any further hints apart from the constant paired up missions you went on. 

-The only one who knew was Kurogiri. 

-He had caught you two spending the night together on a rooftop, all cuddled up together your hands intertwined as you looked up at the stars. 

-He was getting back from an emergency snack run when he saw the familiar glow of Dabi’s blue flames and your characteristic giggles. 

-He never said anything and when Dabi came to him to ask for some pregnancy facts, he knew that he truly loved you. 

-No one ever knew and no one will ever know. 

-Unless the run into you two in five years while you’re out for a walk with your son. 

Bakugou Katsuki

-Sparky sparky boom boom man is a lil bitch.

-Don’t try to argue you know that too. 

-You just need to accept it.

-His way to approach you was by insulting the living shit out of you before making you reach the tip of an anger fit. 

-He knew how to press your buttons and it made you fume. 

-You had to give it to him he was hella attractive and his true personality shined through his faced at times. 

-And so did his worry for you.

-You got together after his kidnapping. 

-He suffered from nightmares after the incident and one night he came to your dorm, trembling and cold sweat running down his spine. 

-He had no idea why his feet led him to your room, he just knew that you were now wrapping him in a fluffy blanket and putting on a Disney movie as you hugged him so so tightly. 

-He slept over and the next morning he confessed. 

-Actually you both confessed but those are useless details. 

-In reality it wasn’t even a confession with words. 

-You both woke up facing each other, your noses touching and I don’t know who leaned in first but next thing you knew you were kissing his hand cupping you cheek while the other intertwined with yours. 

-Keeping your relationship a secret with this one is easy. 

-He is still being a lil bitch to you and you are still sassing him back.

-Behind closed doors he is kinda sweet and caring not a lot though because even with you he has to uphold his reputation. 

-After some time though he calms down and is a cuddle bug. 

-Like he will tackle you on the bed the moment you close the door to his dorm, restricting any movement until he is satisfied with the cuddles. 

-Baby even said ‘I love you’ first awwww!!

-He was so shy about it. 

-Anyways.

-That’s a story for another time. 

-He doesn’t really care about keeping it a secret anymore. 

-He’s low key tired of hiding. 

-Much like Kaminari he wants to kiss you whenever he wants, hold you and hug you till you can’t breathe after he gets back to the dorms after a rough patrol with his hero study. 

-But oh well the cat isn’t out of the bag yet and you being third years now you couldn’t really do something about it. 

-You spend so much time with him that you would think that some of your classmates would like sniff you out. 

-But no.

-They all dumb af.

-You would spend a lot of time with him and the Bakusquad since your first year so they just think you’re really good friends. 

-Todoroki kinda knows but he doesn’t at the same time. 

-Some mannerisms remind him while he was in a secret relationship before Momo found out but then he sees how Bakugou treats you just like any other person so he is really confused. 

-More confused than usual. 

-Now you got outed by the man himself. 

-Bakugou is not good with jealousy. 

-Jealousy and Bakugou should never go hand in hand.

-You were talking to Mina in class, leaning on the desk behind you. 

-Your skirt had ridden up show casing your thighs making Bakugou think back to some noises you made a few nights ago. 

-If he got hard he would blame you and he would be extra pissy. 

-He was enjoying the show though. 

-He watched you like a hawk.

-The way your body leaned back making your legs straighten and flex slightly or how he could see the hickey he had left right at the base of your neck the other night that you’ve tried to cover with make up. 

-He could see it because he knew it was there, to an outsider everything was normal. 

-He was jolted out of his daze by Mineta’s voice. 

-And the sound of your name on his lips. 

- “Look at Y/N’s thighs! She could suffocate me with those legs and I would thank her!”

-Kirishima smacked him upside the head trying to shut him up. 

-Kaminari was slowly escaping the scene because he saw the small sparks in his friend’s hand at the comment. 

-He chose life. 

-Mineta though didn’t stop. 

- “I could lose myself between those legs. Oh the noises she must make.”

-Now what happened next is a huge question mark. 

-The end result however was Mineta almost being blasted out the window and into space and Bakugou almost popping the vein on his forehead. 

-You had to get in between them and try to calm down your boyfriend. 

-Most of your classmates had long forgotten Mineta and his whining and had zoned in on your hands on Bakugou’s chest or on his arm that had wrapped around your waist in an attempt to push you behind him. 

- “You ever dare speak my girlfriend’s name I’m blasting you to the next dimension.”

- “Katsuki please calm down it’s fine.”

-Legit you both forgot that your relationship had been a secret for the past three years. 

-You floated back into reality when Present Mic himself asked. 

- “YOu TWo aRe aN iTeM?????”

-Chaos ensued and a crap ton of explanations. 

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan​ @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA AT JOE YOKOMIZO CHANNEL 4TH FEB TRANSLATION/NOTES 4/4

Joe Yokomizo Channel

Guest: Toshiya (Dir en grey)

Notes before reading: This is the translation/notes of the livestream on Joe’s Niconico channel with Toshiya as a guest last 4th February.  This is part 4. The livestream was one hour and fifty min approx. This part covers the last 20 minutes. The livestream is no longer available at Joe Yokomizo Channel but you can check the translation of the previous parts at my tumblr. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS are appreciated ------------------ (First part here) (Second part here) (Third part here) Joe: That’s it. I’m going to ask you…. They are asking.... how do the other members call you, Toshiya… Toshiya: Mostly….”Toshiya”…. Joe: Toshiya? Toshiya: Yes Joe: Just “Toshiya”. Toshiya: That’s it… maybe sometimes…..they say it in an easy way….it’s not like like they attach anything (suffix) like -kun or -chan to my name….they say it in a normal way…. Joe: “Toshiya”, “Toshiya”…. What ice cream are you recently addicted to? Toshiya: Recently… Joe: That’s the question… Toshiya: Recently….somehow….as I’m lazy… Joe: You are lazy….yes, yes, you said that at the beginning of the program…. Toshiya: As expected….I gained a bit of weight…. Joe: *surprised* It doesn’t look like that at all… Toshiya: Now…..I lost some weight… Joe: You did? Toshiya: I did….so I’m not eating sweet things now… Joe: Now you are not eating sweet things…. Toshiya: Yes Joe: I see…. that’s why he is not eating ice creams recently!..... Toshiya: I don’t… Joe: These kind of questions are a bit harsh but if you have to choose….tsubuan (coarse sweet bean paste) or koshian (fine-grained sweet bean paste)? Toshiya:*Enthusiastically* I like both! Joe: You like both…. Toshiya: But I would say koshian? Joe: If you had to choose, it would be koshian….now there is a question related to The Freedom of Expression, a youtube program I do with Kaoru. “Joe also does  The Freedom of Expression with Kaoru. I would like to hear any stories with Kaoru”. Toshiya: With Kaoru?....well…..mmmmm……*chuckles*…. Kaoru…..Surprisingly, there are many stories of just the two of us that would make you laugh…. Joe: I see…. stories that you can’t tell here…. Toshiya: *nods* That’s right… yes yes….*laughs*…mmmmmm….that’s right…..*laughs* Joe: That’s it….*laughs* Toshiya: Surprisingly…. Joe: Surprisingly…. Toshiya: Unexpectedly…. Joe: I get it… They both laugh. Toshiya: It’s like….I feel like maybe they might be not so open-minded….. Joe:  You can’t…..that’s it…. it would be many grow-up/adult conversations….. Toshiya: *laughs* Grow-up/adult conversations…. Joe: That’s ok… Toshiya: That’s it….but something really…..it applies to the other members as well…..they are all caring/considerate people….they are really like that….what I hate the most when I’m drinking….what I hate the most is people who are in bands that talks shit about other members…. Joe: I see Toshiya: I really hate that…. Joe: I can’t stand that… Toshiya: It’s like…..(they act) as it is ok to talk shit/say bad things when you drink…..much less about members…. Joe: Talking about another member…. Toshiya: I’m like….”I think you should stop doing that”…. Joe: Like “you should speak face-to-face”….it feels like something you should say directly to the members…. Toshiya: I hate that kind of thing….some people say stuff like that sometimes….it’s such a turn-off…. Joe: It really kills the mood….that’s totally it…..because no one chose the band members for you….you are playing in that band because you want to…. Toshiya: That’s it…. Joe: That’s it…..but that happens…..I see…. Toshiya: Before this, at a Liberal Democratic Party meeting…..they took a questionnaire, they weren’t complaining about the organization but they were many people who didn’t like it (the questionnaire). Because they are all adults, right? To some extend, I feel that  it’s important that you see things from a rational point of view…. *Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) is a conservative political party in Japan that has almost continuously been in power since its foundation in 1955.   Joe: Certainly….the good thing about rock….of course it has an aggressive/offensive side but, in the end rock is something positive, isn’t it? Toshiya: That’s right… Joe: Because it’s the power of the people what pushes your forward…. Toshiya: Thereby, you are pushed forward by others…. Joe: Right…. So even if there are things that you might hate about it, to me, the power of rock is finding the good things/side…. Toshiya: That’s right….Taking that direction is rather easier…. Joe: For sure….

Toshiya: The things that you don’t like…..it’s like they become invisible… Joe: Right… Toshiya: It’s better not to see them…. Joe:  True… Toshiya: Even though I can see them…. Joe: That’s right…. Toshiya: I’m being too honest/serious…. Joe: No,no….that’s important….. Then I have the following question…. What protein do you drink? Toshiya: Protein?.....Sabas….

Joe: Sabas?...... Toshiya: Yes Joe:  Is that so?  Sabas? Toshiya: The blue one mostly….I’ve been drinking it recently to lose weight…. Joe: I see….what shampoo or hair product do you use? Toshiya: Shampoo?....mmmmm…what it would be…..about that….surprisingly I use the ones  I get from fans…. Joe: Is that so? You don’t use specific ones…..I’m already at that point….As I’m already 52 years old….*takes off his hat* they told me that my hair is at stage 4, hair restoration is hard….I’m using a hair growth formula that costs 6000 yen per bottle. *The stages of male pattern baldness are measured on a scale from 1 to 7. By stage 4, there is significant hair loss. Toshiya: If you are getting bald, it can’t be helped right? Joe: There is nothing you can do…. What would you do?....if you go bald… Toshiya: Well….mmmm…. I would shave my hair off…. Joe: You would shave it off? I think it would look good on you…. Toshiya: If you think about it, there is nothing that you can do…. Joe: Certainly….*laughs*…..Certainly….I’m going to ask you another question, because we have so many….What was your nickname when you were a kid?.... Toshiya: When I was a kid?.....what was it?....mmmmm….usually….I wonder….I don’t remember it…. Joe: You don’t remember? Ohhh Toshiya: Mmmmm…..*starts laughing suddenly*… this was interesting though…..*laughs* Joe: What is it? Why are you already laughing?….. Toshiya: I’m sorry…..*laughs*….I’m really sorry…. Joe: It’s ok…. Toshiya: This is again about Shinya…. Joe: It’s fine…. Toshiya: Shinya, don’t get mad….I think it’s ok because he told it himself but…. Joe: It’s ok…. Toshiya: When he was asked what was his nickname in the past…..he said it was “liar”….. Joe:* Burst into laugther* That’s so bad….as a person….it’s too amusing…. Toshiya: For real….I really think they are all interesting people….. Joe: It's hard for him to talk much, isn’t it? Does he talk a lot? When I asked him, he just answers……he was amazing…..”liar”….. Toshiya: *laughs* “Liar”…. Joe: Amazing….. Well we are getting closer to the end of the program….. What is your favorite song from Dir en grey? Toshiya: Mmm….I wonder…..I like all of them….I feel strongly about all of them… Joe: I see… Toshiya: I feel strongly about them…..I really feel strongly…. When I think about them…..the feelings and the state of mind of the time (when they were done)….. Joe: Every song……all of them were fun to make but it seems that it was also hard…. Toshiya: Yes, that’s it….that’s true… Joe: Right?....if you play them at a live…..various memories will come…. Toshiya: That’s right…. Most of them were hard….. Joe: Making songs…..that’s such a hard thing….but the fact that there are people who will listen to them, people who are waiting for those songs…. Toshiya: What makes me the happiest about making songs, it’s that for a person, it will become something memorable even if is left in the past….. Joe: Something that will be there…. Toshiya: The feeling that you had when you listened to that song will remain. Like….somehow….any occasion….like a dir en grey album was released at the time you were cleaning the closets and you were listening to it….things like that….that someone was listening to it at moments like those….I’m really grateful. If this can become a page in a person’s life, I’m really grateful. Joe: That's a really nice thing, isn’t it? Toshiya: Time ago…. I was drinking with Baba from Dragon Ash…. Joe: Oh Baba….. Baba who passed away….. *They are talking about Ikuzo Baba “Ikuzone”,  Dragon Ash’s bassist, who passed away in 2012. Toshiya and Ikuzone were interviewed and appeared together at the cover of Bass Magazine No. 228 June 2010* Toshiya: He said that……if you are not forgotten…..you will be able to live forever…. Joe: I see… Toshiya: Baba said this talking about Hide….. Joe: Is that so? Toshiya: If you are forgotten…..I don’t think you will be able to live…. Joe: Well, Baba is still living in us, isn’t he? Toshiya: Of course he is. Those words that he said to me….even now…..those words resonate with me…. Joe: Certainly…..those words  are really good…aren’t they? Toshiya: I think those words were very Baba-ish…. Joe: Certainly…..because the music will remain forever….even if you forget about it for a moment….it may now always be part of  your playlists….but it will come out eventually… Toshiya: That’s right…..somehow…..mmmmm…. I want you to listen to Dir en grey forever…..*laughs* Joe: Of course… Toshiya: I want that to happen but I don’t know (if it will happen)……but……if it bring you memories of that time….that….makes me really happy and grateful…. Joe: I see…..everybody is taking this chance to write the dir en grey songs they like at the comments…..there are many comments appearing on screen…..lastly….there is one more questionnaire for Toshiya….February 2021 has just started….. the emergency state has been extended and we are all in a difficult situation but…..I wonder what are his goals, dreams or plans for this year……ah! Amazing *points at the comments* Thank you for writing so many comments…. Toshiya: Thank you… Joe: All of them…..”Yokan”…. I see…..”Child Prey”….there are many songs there….”Ranunculus”….ahh, Ranunculus is such a great song…..I really like “Ranunculus”…. Toshiya: Ah….it’s really a good song…. Joe: It’s an amazing song…..”Ningen wo Kaburu”…..write more, write more…..we are looking at your comments while we are drinking….please, we are going to use a paper sheet again….*pointing at the notebook on the floor* Toshiya: Ah,yes….*picks it* Joe: About this year….. something like a close goal….you said you were lazy  a while ago but….I want you to think about a positive keyword for 2021….amazing….you all are writing a lot of comments….”Lotus” is there too….amazing….”Rinkaku”….they are writing many songs…..”Zakuro”…..that’s a great song……”Utafumi”….thats a more recent song…..it’s a good song too….. Toshiya:  Somehow…..the songs that we have made…..probably…. Honestly, I can’t say  that Dir en grey is going to be there forever…. I always think about it as walking on thin ice….honestly….somehow….when Dir en grey is gone…..the things that we did….like our legacy…..I think that would be the songs after all….. Joe: I see…. Toshiya: If we are remembered that way…..I would be really thankful….. Joe: That’s right….they are writing “please don’t be gone”…..of course that’s what we all want, that Dir en grey never ends... Toshiya: Of course…. Joe: Of course no one wants Dir en grey to disappear, I’m not saying it with that intention….. Toshiya: I don’t think about it but I can’t promise…..I can’t do that…. Joe: That’s right…..because a band it’s a miracle…. Toshiya: I think so… Joe: Many things you do are miracles…..because not many people can do that… Toshiya: I don’t know….All this….I really just cant do it (by myself)…. Joe: That’s why I think it’s so great that you can perform and produce things…. Toshiya: I agree…. Joe: Definitely, there will a tomorrow and a day after tomorrow…. Toshiya: I agree… Joe: Yes…. Toshiya: That’s it….So, at this time with Corona going on…. I have thought about a lot of things inside my head….but after all, I thought about what was the most negative thing about this situation for me….when I thought about that…..I think the most negative thing for me is that the activities of these 5 people  are reduced…. Joe: I see…. Toshiya: I don’t think it will last forever….I think that the other members feel the same than me…of course, I want to continue doing this as long as I’m alive…. Joe: Of course… Toshiya: I don’t know…. Joe: Yes… Toshiya: With that in mind, last year…..2020….somehow we could only do things as a band at the beginning of the year…that’s it….I feel like  the time of these five people doing things  together has been dramatically reduced……that’s really…..I think it’s very frustrating/annoying….. Joe: I see. That’s why I’m sure the next single is going to be amazing and strong….something that it’s going to make you think hard…. Toshiya: I want it to be something that remains…. Joe: Also the concert screening tour is going to start soon….I hope that everyone as well while believing in every moment, support it… So, what kind of goals or thoughts has Toshiya for 2021? What ideas has installed into his heart? I told him to express them in one kanji…please take a look…. Toshiya: It’s a bit so-so…. Toshiya shows the kanji he wrote. Joe: There it is…. Toshiya: Yes Toshiya wrote “動” (motion). Joe: “Motion” Toshiya: *Laughs* “Motion”…..yes….. Joe: Yes…movement…. Toshiya: Movement….that’s the main thing……I think it’s the main thing right now….unless something “moves”….I knew that nothing was going to happen last year but this year I want us “to move” as much as possible….as much as possible….Of course I want to meet the fans ( at a concert) again but over all, I want  the five of us to move forward…. Joe: That’s good… Toshiya: That’s the main thing I want….. Joe: The band moving forward..…. please everyone look forward to that….the concert screening tour will start soon and although the release date hasn’t been set yet, a new single will be released in the spring. The next action has already begun in pre-production, so when the situation allows it, we all can meet at the live venue again…. Toshiya: That’s it….really…..I want them to come but honestly I can’t tell them to come….that’s it…..if something happens, it’s going to be the hardest thing for us….somehow….that something happens to the people who say that like Dir en grey….that’s the thing I hate the most… Joe: That’s right… that something happens to the people who loves you…..that’s the worst…. Toshiya: It is….it’s the worst…. Joe: For real… Toshiya: For real, I really hate it… Joe: That's right. That's why we should take good measures against infection. We are still in a difficult situation at this time….at an emotional level too…..and after all, I think that some people are also feeling (emotionally) weak…. Toshiya: That’s why that I got this opportunity to be here….that you all are watching this….it make me happy… Joe: Well, finally, what was promised….he’ll take off his sunglasses and say goodbye…but before….next week a new program will be broadcasted….next week Shinya from LUNA SEA…. Toshiya: Oh! Joe: He’ll come to the program…. Toshiya:  A big senpai…. Joe: Isn’t he? He got infected with Corona virus…. Toshiya: Ah, that’s it….it surprised me… Joe: The concert they had at the end of the year had to be suspended…. Toshiya:  That’s right….that some people said you did something bad/wrong… Joe: That’s right…. Toshiya: So  that you ended up like that (infected with the virus)…. Joe: It’s not like he was doing it on his own….but on the contrary, it seems that Shinya also seems to have thought about that, about all the things he did around that time…. Toshiya: It’s really…..to blame someone for that…. Joe: That’s definitely wrong… Toshiya: I think it’s nonsense… Joe: I think that everyone here thinks the same about this….*pointing at the comments* they didn’t do anything wrong….anything wrong….its seems that everyone here knows that…. As for Toshiya, you said you would come after the single is released and you will sing “Jesus” with you sunglasses off… this was decided today…. Toshiya: But it must get the approval of LUNA SEA members….if they don’t approve it, I won’t do it…. Joe: I will get it!.... Toshiya: No,no… Joe: I’m going to get the label president confirmation…. Toshiya: *Laughs* Sakanoue? *Masatoshi Sakanoue is Luna Sea’s  executive producer* Joe:  Sakanoue….*nods* I’m going to ask for his approval… Toshiya: Nooo…..*raises his arms and squeals*….stop it…. Joe: I’m going to confirm it with him…. I’m going to get his approval Toshiya:*Laughs* For real?....I’ll play bass!… Joe: No, no….anything it’s ok but you have to sing…..the bass….it’s going to be like “he is playing bass as always”…. Toshiya: It's really embarrassing….if you could insert some blurring effect/pixelating…. Joe: I’ll! I will insert some blurring with a mosaic effect….but you have to sing….you can play the bass too if you want…. Toshiya: And some…for the voice…..how is it call?...that thing that changes it… Joe: To change it…..some voice distortion….like if you were interrogating…. Toshiya: That thing that makes your voice super high…. Joe: “It’s decided, he’ll sing while playing the bass”…..everyone is so spoiled…… Toshiya: Yes… Joe: Well, finally…at the end of the program he is going to take off his sunglasses and say goodbye to all of you….*Toshiya is about to get the sunglasses off but it’s stopped by Joe* First the message….then you take off the sunglasses at the end when you say bye bye to them…. Toshiya: Well….today was….arggg…..I really hate this *cleans the sweat of his fronthead* I’m sweating a lot…. Joe:*Laughs*I’m sorry…. Toshiya: It was really fun…. Joe: Thank you…. Toshiya: If you laughed watching this…..that would be the best….that would be the best now…we would be thankful for that and it would make us happy….Yes, that’s it. Next time I’ll come after the releasing of “Oboro” and we’ll have a good drink with you all again…. Joe: Yes… Toshiya: Thank you for today….. Joe: Thank you for watching…. Well, while he says goodbye after taking his sunglasses off, I want to thank you for today. *Toshiya laughs and takes his sunglasses off* Tonight’s guest was Toshiya from Dir en grey! Thank you for watching! Toshiya: Thank you for watching! *waves* Joe: Bye, bye! *clapping* Toshiya is on screen, shyly, waving goodbye and then covers his face with his hands. The image fades and the logo of the channel appears. *Thank you for reading :)*

[chrisjake-cp]

History 3 Trapped Filming Diary (full English translation) - Days 41-50

Masterpost here. 

I don’t own the book so I can’t post my scans of the pictures that came with it. So I included some other pictures of the scenes that were being filmed. These pics belong to LINE TV or Choco Media, or I’ve taken screenshots from the episodes or the behind-the-scenes.

Read days 41-50 under the cut. 

Day 41

On this day of shooting it happened to be Christmas, and the crew, waiting for the evening shooting process, enjoyed a Christmas gift exchange. Shaofei gave out a book; according to him it was a very inspirational book. A crew member who does hair and make-overs nearby opened it and laughed jokingly: “What kind of ‘inspiration’ do you mean?”, causing Shaofei’s thoughts to immediately go into another direction to the point of him not even being able to say it out loud (I can tell you: he was very bashful!). The whole crew also acknowledged that the most creative gift was a big bunch of green onions⁕ from Sanxing. When this present was opened the whole crew burst out in crazy laughter, but it need also be said that this was a most memorable gift. 

⁕ Sanxing is famous for its spring onions! They even have a little museum dedicated to green onions there. 

Also, what kind of book did Jake gift someone? 👀

Day 42

The day after Christmas, Boss Tang arrived at work, and the first thing he did was accept his gift from the Christmas gift exchange from the day before. So what did Boss Tang receive? 

*ding ding* The answer is 20 Christmas trees and a bottle of “Indian Spiritual Oil”⁕ At the appearance of this gift, everyone nearby immediately laughed loudly, and I also silently expressed my heartfelt wishes for Tang Yi’s and Meng Shaofei’s happiness. 

For today’s scenes, basically the whole ‘world’ had to be there: Unit 3, Tang Yi, A De, Hong Ye, Daoyi and Jingtang were all present, so the set was really lively. What was shot that day were the scenes after Hongye and Shaofei were injured in the parking lot. In order to increase the conflictual character of these scenes, the director assigned each actor their own, individual combination. What was interesting is that during rehearsals, the cameramen all quickly approached the actors like a large quantity of reporters. A De said smiling that the group of people was so large that it looked like an oncoming tank and he could only silently take the ‘card position’⁕ each time. 

⁕ This oil is basically like viagra...but topical instead of taking a pill....It’s a natural plant oil but it contains some anaesthetics which will irritate the skin a bit (making your you-know-what more erect as it grows hot) and the anaesthetics will also cause you to last longer. Ahem. Let’s all imagine Chris receiving this gift. 😂

⁕ The card position comes from a basketball or football game. It means that during the game, when the ball is in the air, the player accurately judges the effective landing point of the ball, takes the lead in the opponent's position, and blocks the opponent out of the best position to gain control. Here it means that Stanley just chose the best position to gain control/the upper hand in the scene. 

Day 43

Today we continued to shoot the hospital scenes. Shaofei said smiling that today was another aptly-named day of “earning money while lying down,” as he was lying down from the first scene in the morning to the last scene in the evening. After several consecutive days of intensive shooting, the hospital scenes were back in Taoyuan. Shaofei said he had been getting out of bed at 4am in the morning for several days in a row, and that day was no exception. So during the moments when he wasn’t in the shots, he could openly but stealthily catch up on some sleep in the bed, which made everyone present pretty envious. 

Zhaozi just gets better the more he acts. Just look at his slightly wrinkled brows.

Day 44

In the last episode, Zhaozi took Tang Yi to see Shaofei [in the hospital] for the last time. Tang Yi, who had carelessly pulled the trigger and accidentally shot Shaofei was already handcuffed. He told Shaofei he would hand He Hang as well as Zhou Guanzhi over to the police. Zhou Guanzhi was the enemy who killed his father. In these past four years, Tang Yi’s biggest goal was to single-handedly murder his father’s killer. For Tang Yi to now agree to let Zhou Guanzhi live and to hand him over to the police, meant Tang Yi had made the ultimate concession.

Because he had persisted in his revenge, he had caused his lover to be hospitalized with a gunshot. Since meeting Tang Yi, Shaofei had been assaulted in big and small ways,  and suffered injuries because of him. Tang Yi discovered that his stubbornly insisting on having his own way was a big factor in Shaofei getting hurt. If this continued, Shaofei would one day be ‘killed’ by Tang Yi. Kept apart by handcuffs, kissing your lover like that; what kind of plot could be more cruel than that?

Tang Yi, even while being handcuffed, was very witty/playful. He didn’t forget to stick his tongue out to the camera. 

Day 45

Long time no see! I believe that people who have watched <Right Or Wrong< should not be too unfamiliar with Dr. Jintang’s “uncle-in-law” Jiang Zhaopeng. He is Qiu Zhiyu whom we haven’t seen for a while. Before filming, these two cultivated their understanding of their lines by videochatting [i.e. they practiced their lines] (and also cultivated the signals between both of their phones). One of the most frightening things in filming is the screen of a cellphone. Apart from this scene, the drama shows many different mobile phone screens; every time a call had to be made, or when a LINE conversation happened, etc. Only, whether or not the signal would be good, is an element that no one can control. If the signal is not good, phone calls won’t go through, or the moment when the phone rings doesn’t match the plot. Sometimes it can take a good number of takes, not to mention that this scene needed a video call. If the signal would not be good, the video and the sound might have been chopped. But we had a close call and the signal in the hospital was very stable, allowing us to be able to smoothly complete the take.  

Zijian, who portrays Jiang Jintang, has a lively and witty personality. He would often say crazy things that amused the crew. In the evening, we filmed that Shaofei followed Tang Yi to the hospital to see Jintang [the massage scene]. Jintang wanted to angrily quarrel with Meng Shaofei, because he didn’t expect them to arrive together. His red face, his hard breathing and his stammering made all the staff on the scene instantly almost collapse from laughter. Even Shaofei, who was doing the scene with him, and Tang Yi, who was lying down behind them, couldn’t keep in their laughter. 

At another rehearsal, Jintang was planning to jump on Tang Yi’s back, but because he hadn’t well coordinated his position, Boss Tang’s knees hit Jintang straight in his ‘important parts’. The staff who were on the scene jokingly told him to jump on the spot, and he actually did it. This was also a ‘pain in the balls.’⁕

⁕ Same expression was used in day 37. It’s more literal here. You can see this happening in the behind-the-scenes. 

Day 46

Today we filmed father and son Chen Wenhao and Tang Yi meeting in front of Lizhen’s grave. The weather at the cemetery site was very unstable. Sometimes an uninterrupted drizzle floated by, and at other times wind and rain became quite strong. Occasionally, the sun would stealthily sneak out from the clouds to join in on the fun, adding many changes to the shooting. But the two actors were not in the slightest affected by these elements. As if their surroundings were all congealed together, the two looked at each other and cried really heart-wrenchingly. Afterwards, Chengyang [Chris] also frankly admitted that for this scene his mood was very complex, and it was very hard on him. Tang Yi stood in front of his biological mother’s tomb, and his biological father, whom he once thought to be her killer, walked up to him. At that moment, that kind of “crying” already wasn't just tears simply shed from sadness anymore. 

When he heard the gunshot as he exited the graveyard without even looking back, Chris said that his heart was really hurting so much that he almost couldn’t go on.

A big thank you to teacher Jiakui, who plays Wenhao, to give [Chris] ample ability, and to push him beyond the limits of what he could do. What is even more special, is that today was, coincidentally, also Chris’ birthday. To shoot such a meaningful scene on his birthday and falling apart crying like that, really must have left a deep impression on him.

Day 47

The day when the entire Unit 3 team got together, happened to be the very last day of 2018. Today’s MVP was Junwei [played by Ethan Liu]. Everyone most likely knows about the meeting between Unit 3 and the international criminal police division where Junwei was tasked with reporting duties. 

That day Junwei was constantly drilling and rehearsing, because all his lines needed to be correctly and fluently spoken for that role to be acted out well. One of the biggest causes for stress is that when you start failing takes, the whole crew and all the actors are just waiting. One can imagine that that is a very big pressure. 

Originally everyone joked and said that before noon they would surely be able to go home to celebrate the New Year, but in the end, it took until in the afternoon for the first scene to finish smoothly and everyone on Unit 3 could begin to plan how they would spend New Year’s Eve. But our poor Captain and Shaofei had to stay behind to continue the next scene. Shaofei felt wronged and said to Zhaozi: “Where is the morality in him [the captain] being so happy?” 

Day 48

Outside it was drizzling, but inside, the room was brimming with nervous energy as Tang Yi took Jack to negotiate with Old Ke, while Shaofei from his side and Unit 3 rushed inside as an important step and wiped out the place.⁕

While waiting for their scenes, each of the Unit 3 were doing their own activities. First Shaofei looked for a quiet place in the room and silently sat reading the script for the future scenes. With his usual style, he would use differently coloured pens to write down dialogue that belongs to Jake and Shaofei.⁕ Zhaozi, in turn, would be lying on the very big bed inside the room, and would both be talking to Junwei, having a pillow fight with Jack and taking selfies with his cellphone. 

And how did Tang Yi spend the time waiting for his next scene? The answer is that he had rolled himself up in a quilt and fell into a deep sleep. No matter if Shaofei would loudly yell, “Where is Tang Yi?” outside the room, Tang Yi slept through it all.

⁕ The very first scenes of the whole show, when Shaofei and his team barges through the door! Some of the very first words we ever hear coming out of Shaofei’s mouth are “Where is Tang Yi?” MY HEART. This show is so well-made. 

⁕ There’s an example of what Jake’s script looked like in the “HIStory 3: Trapped The Making of...” book. ankdlgdndkgn it’s the hospital balcony scene. The thing that he writes in black, between the two red exclamation marks... “This is the show’s first kiss!!! (Vixen Andy doesn’t count).” WHY IS HE SO CUTE? 

Day 49

For shooting the scenes at the exterior of the police station, we borrowed the Xizhi branch police building. That Xizhi branch building which only opened in 2017, is very new and very beautiful. The interior was also very spacious, so we had plenty of room to use.

On that day there happened to be a major traffic incident in that jurisdiction area, and both clerical and field police officers were busy bustling about. Even news reporting vehicles were driving in and out. We were able to witness the police officers' work that we usually don’t have opportunity to see. Thanks to all the protectors of the people for their hard work. 

Today’s Xizhi police station was bustling and lively. Thanks as well to the fans of Director Qingrong who, during the afternoon tea time, came to visit the set and brought snacks like donuts and coffee. In the afternoon the weather turned cold and it started to drizzle. But the fans braved the wind and the rain and came anyway, and even gave handwritten cards to the actors and the director, which was really sweet.

Day 50

Day 2 at the police station. Today’s weather was nothing like yesterday’s “sunny and cloudy with an occasional shower”. Today the sun was shining very brightly, and the temperatures soared straight to 30 degrees. It was the perfect weather to play a song called “I love summer.” 

We shot the scene where three members of Unit 3 talked with Jack at the door. They had to walk outside from inside the police station and each time they had to redo the take, everyone went back into the building with a look of total unwillingness. They opened their eyes widely and took a very deep breath, and with a blank look in their eyes they wiped their sweat and used a small fan to keep cool. Phew, foreheads were filled with beads of sweat, and everyone’s clothes were also soaked with sweat.

In the afternoon we filmed the scene from the last episode when Boss Tang goes to the police station to wait for Shaofei to get off work, when Jack also happened to ride his motorbike to pick up Zhaozi from work.  At that time, the weather was still very sunny. Boss Tang, who wanted to sit on his car’s hood to wait for Shaofei, suddenly yelled out. Apparently the vicious sun had rendered the hood burning hot, which made boss Tang jump up in sudden fright.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

This isn’t really an ask but I wanted to share something I was thinking about with you guys who show your sincere love/admiration for BTS in all you post —

Watching the past BTS Run episodes and the behind videos makes me feel a certain way not only because we get to see the boys relax and have fun (even if they get frustrated a bit haha *looking at HS and JM*), but also because I wonder how often they got to play around and do these kinds of things during the age most people do? I’d say teens and early-20s is the age when we do silly things like play mini games with friends, go to amusement parks for the first time, take a stab at cooking — and yet they were working their hardest and truly shedding blood, sweat, and tears during that time (thinking about JK makes me incredibly soft because he really started young). This show really just allows them to have fun. And it’s frustrating to see that others called the show terrible and said it was something the boys were forced to do and didn’t truly enjoy (the article saying otherwise was a blessing).

Watching “special guests” also be on the show I think highlights this feeling (of them enjoying doing these kinds of things) even more! You can see the excited ness and almost shy manners when they have others on (the voice acting, T1, and recent cooking ep come to mind). I’m looking forward to future episodes! Are there any things/games/themes you’d like to see the boys do on a BTS Run episode?

(Ah, sorry, I guess there is an ask — only if you two wish to answer it!)(Catch me listening to Young Forever now in my feels 😭)

I’ve been sitting on this ask forever and I’m really sorry for that! Especially since it’s such a good one, so thank you so much for sending it in. Maybe that’s why it took me so long, since I kind of wanted to think about it a little and offer something (hopefully) good as response.

RUN certainly offers them a bit of time in their schedules to just be silly together, play mini games and other things they normally wouldn’t really be able to do in their own time, like the zombie game episode or try a flower class. In one of the episodes of Break the Silence Yoongi spoke about how things that are mundane for us are special to them since they don’t get to do them without putting thought into how to pull it off; Seokjin spoke about how while his friends said that he’ll never have to worry about rent, he argued that while that may be true, they will never have to worry about something as trivial as walking down the street, or in one of the Bring the Soul (if I remember currently) episodes where Seokjin was apologetic about wanting to visit the zoo in Berlin since it meant that he had to take so many people with him since they were abroad, though it’s less of an issue while they’re in Korea it seems.

It’s curious how different that experience is for the members though, I mean, just look at their vacation in 2019 and how different it went for Namjoon and Jimin. While Jimin was quickly discovered and followed in Paris and Russia, Namjoon toured through Europe in a way that while ARMY from the respective countries knew about it, they kept it so low key everyone else had no idea until Namjoon posted about it himself. On the other hand, except for their finishing trip, we have no idea what Yoongi did during their vacation, or Hobi besides his CNS collab.

But, generally, it’s rather clear that none of the members would be able to just show up at Everland (an amusement park in Korea, the place where they filmed the America’s Got Talent performance of Dynamite) and have a good time without immediately being spotted, or having to heavily rely on disguises (and likely still worry about it not being enough and what would happen if they were discovered, therefore defeating the entire point of going to a place like that in the first place).

There are two sides to every medal. While yes they had and continue to have to give up on certain things, experiences and freedoms that seem so normal to the average person, something we don’t even have to think about much or can just do whenever we want (like going to the cinema at peak hours or go to McDonald’s (even one of the TXT members couldn’t do that without pictures being secretly taken of him and posted on sns and TXT isn’t nearly as famous as BTS)), they also gain a lot in terms of money but also experiences no one but them will have in such a way. They get to live their dream of being artists, of giving giant concerts all across the globe, of sharing their music with millions of people and bringing us happiness and comfort when we need it most.

More below the cut:

In one of the episodes of Bring the Soul Tae spoke about how they had the opportunities to go higher quicker, but they refused, wanted to do things their own way in their own time. It isn’t like they’ve lost control of their lives, like they wouldn’t be able to do things if they truly wanted—after all in the Bring the Soul episode where Seokjin went to the Zoo, Hobi could also walk around in the area close to the arena where they performed largely without being bothered (which might be due to his heavy disguise and security, but you get the point)—but there are limitations, and in a way, it really is a shame, but at the end of the day, many of these things are ones they’ll still be able to do whenever their fame will calm down, or fade away one day in the future. Cinemas and flower classes and amusement parks won’t just disappear, and they are certainly things you can still do once you’re thirty or forty years old, or even older than that.

But, going back to RUN, the show certainly offers them the opportunity to not have to wait until their fame passes, gives them a chance to experience and try things while also sharing that with us, work and pleasure at once. Though it’s clear that perhaps filming episodes isn’t always at the top of their priorities and I can imagine there are things they’d sometimes rather do—I mean episodes that we’ve seen being filmed in hotel rooms between concerts where I’m sure they’d rather spend the day relaxing, though they likely still prefer filming RUN over giving yet another boring and mindless interview in English, since let’s be honest, those aren’t…great, usually.

When it comes to guests on RUN, be it in form of people like the T1 members or instructors like the tennis players or the auntie teaching them how to make kimchi, it’s always so funny to me to see how humble they are about their own fame, how they get all shy as though they are meeting someone exceedingly famous instead of them being the most famous people in any room they enter. Looking at how they speak of their goals and achievements, it’s easy to see though that they’ve carefully worked on not allowing their fame to get to their heads, to remain grounded and as connected to reality as possible despite being them and how different their lives are from those of normal people. I mean, how many of us can say they were mobbed while trying to buy an iPad?

It's also so beautiful and remarkable to me how people who have met them spoke about them, like Isaac the florist who spoke about how interested they all were in the flowers and truly participated and listened, that they were extremely friendly, kind and polite, and if that doesn’t sound like Bangtan, I don’t know what does. I think this is also one of the reasons why they managed to get to where they are now, why they are so strong as a group, why they still enjoy spending time together, still manage to get even closer and deepen their friendships even after a decade has passed—they’ve remained human despite everything they’ve gone through, despite the heights they keep on reaching, despite all the awards and achievements, the number ones and sold out tours.

Tae said the following about V and his relation to Kim Taehyung in Break the Silence: Persona (the movie):

I think V can show parts of Kim Taehyung and parts of V, but Kim Taehyung can’t show V. Kim Taehyung is Kim Taehyung. Kim Taehyung is someone who’s still filled with a lot of curiosity and he’s inquisitive about a lot of things. There are so many things he wants to do. Also I think there’s so many things he is curious about.

This is the important stuff, and while I don’t have such quotes for the other members, I’m sure it’s true for them as well. Even after all this time Tae is still curious about the world, still has things he’d like to do, he’s still himself even while he stands on stage as V, hasn’t lost himself to the stage persona and the fame. We know Namjoon had a whole crisis about where RM ends and Kim Namjoon begins, and if they really are two separate things, if Namjoon even still exists or if RM has taken over his personality. I’m sure all of them had their respective moment of trying to determine who they are as people, who they are as artists, and who they want to be when they look in the mirror, how to not lose the person below the persona. We’ve also had Jungkook question his worth outside of being a BTS member, something I’m sure all of them also experienced in one way or another since it seems like such an inevitable question to ask yourself after you’ve been part of a group for so long, and yet despite it all, they all still want to stay together as BTS for as long as they can, despite mixtapes and thoughts of wanting to at least be able/confident enough to lead a concert on their own (Jungkook BE Weverse interview).

RUN gives them a chance to be them, to have fun, to be silly, to not have to constantly be on guard, to have fun in an environment where they can feel safe and are surrounded by people who have been with them for a long time and have their best interest in mind as well. There was a whole Weverse Magazine article about it, which I also wrote a post about. And yet there are people who want to take this away from them because they don’t like it while disregarding what BTS themselves want. I won’t call them ARMY since most of them are solos/akgae/mantis, and those are anything but ARMY, they’re not even fans of the one member they claim to stan, are merely caricatures of “fans” who want to “save” them, or rather take control of their lives so BTS would act exactly how they want them to. It’s obsessive and wrong, and it crosses every line and boundary of what it means to be anyone’s fan. As fans it isn’t our job to decide what is and isn’t good for their careers. We don’t know anything about the industry, while they’ve been in it since 2010, and we know nothing about their contracts or what happens behind the scenes.

As long as they are happy and have fun, who are we to question it? I don’t know about you but Bangtan have looked nothing but happy and like they were having a good time in the last couple of episodes, even when they were frustrated because they couldn’t pass a game. After all learning tennis properly and over a longer period of time was their own idea, not anyone else’s, but that’s something those people don’t want to hear anything about or will just twist somehow to fit their narrative. It truly is a shame, but also, it’s their loss if they’d rather make themselves miserable than spend forty minutes laughing along with Bangtan as they’re trying to play the harmonica or trying to cook something with less than stellar cooking skills.

As for something I’d want to see them do on RUN, that’s tricky since there’s so much they’ve already done, but something that comes to mind would be even something as silly as sitting them down and having them try to recreate all the members, or one they chose at random, in The Sims 4. It could be hilarious, and we could see how differently they’d tackle something like it. Or have them decorate a house in Sims, which would be especially interesting with our resident lighting fixtures enthusiast Yoongi. Or maybe something to do with painting, like them attending a class or just attempting to draw the same object or person. (A2: maybe given them a wall and spray cans and have them do graffiti or a mural, or have them do each other’s hair and makeup (taking it serious, of course) for a photoshoot or something like that) Or maybe a Bangtan book club where they’d discuss the same book since it would be so interesting to see what different things each of the members would find in a book and their opinions etc.

The possibilities are endless and just like you I can’t wait to see what the future episodes of RUN will have, and especially the tennis match we’ll see in next week’s episode.

[apathycarestostudy]

Things Every 20+ y/o Should Start Doing (if you haven't) - unedited and unfiltered.

Twenty is a magical age. I don't know why it's not said as often as it should be, but truly, I feel like it's as just a turning point as 30 or 40 is. This is when you struggle the most to come to terms with yourself, or deliberately say you have. This is when you're becoming "conscious" as I like to think to the world — whatever the world means to you.

So, in lieu of hitting 21 a couple of months ago, I've decided to compile a list of things I believe every twenty and more year old should try. If they haven't already, of course.

1. Journaling

I've always been apprehensive of keeping a record of all my thoughts and woes as I thought that would be (a) used against me if found and/or (b) be an admission that I feel some type of way about something. Both of these concerns are damn childish and I'm glad I kinda got over it now that I'm journaling regularly, but I still hold back a little unfortunately. Well. The point of this is that 20 is an awakening that's worth journaling about, even if you have nothing going on. Write letters to your future self, to your families and friends and that one asshole you hate and the shoes you're wearing and —

Also, I always thought I didn't feel any type of way about things until I started journaling and realized I do. Yikes. You might want to make like me and face them now.

2. Learn something new everyday

Did you know that the heart of a shrimp is located in its head?

Life is unfair. There’ll be times when you feel this in all its potency. But just know this - everything can be taken from you, sans your knowledge. Overrated, a little debatable (because, mental illnesses), but it’s a neat standard to have. Plus, if you’re not well adverse in maintaining conversation, or you’re in a tight spot, spouting a random fact would help lighten the mood.

3. Pause your indignation

We’re in the age of getting mad, triggered, attacked, whatever else and that’s sad and unhealthy as all hell. What happened to being cool? To giving people the benefit of the doubt? Are we so fragile now that anything could throw us into our feelings regardless of whether it’s valid or not? 

Okay, you were wronged. You are absolutely entitled to how you feel about it too. But you know what you can control? Your reaction. Your response. How you carry yourself and the way you go about it is what matters. It won’t feel as good in the beginning when you can’t bust someone up (or yourself), but you’ll be proud of yourself. You successfully refused to relinquish a piece of yourself. 

4. Decide what standards you won’t breach

This goes hand-in-hand with the last point, but isn’t entirely the same. If your standard is to always respect everyone, you can’t be late when you gotta meet them because that constitutes disrespect. You don’t tolerate something, don’t engage in it. Draw the fine lines and stay within them. Whatever your code of honor is, you have to stay true to them no matter the situation you’re put in. 

P.s. let it be something righteous, self and community loving, positive. This is not a plea for unreasonable stubbornness.

5. Watch something you wouldn’t normally watch

This is an interesting one. I remember as a teenager, I’d proudly declare what genres I’d never cross over to and what was beneath me, with absolutely no sound reasoning behind it. It was a baseless generalization of what’s cool and what wasn’t in my eyes. Let me tell you, some of the things I claimed wasn’t my cup of tea became my bottle of water (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Hah.

Well, I didn’t come upon this epiphany by myself. My siblings put on a show I’d never be caught dead watching and by the end of it, then I got the epiphany. Now, whatever random video I run into on YT, any show that someone suggests that isn’t what I’m into, a documentary about something outside of my faith I’ll watch. It not only polishes your tastes, it broadens your horizons.

6. Learn to let go

7. Pick your role models wisely

This is insanely important at this age. You don’t want to realize too late that your aspirations didn’t become anything meaningful because of the people around you. Who do you look up to? What traits of theirs do you want to integrate into your being? What do they do that you’d like to do some day? If the people you look up to do not fall into any of these things, I strongly suggest you don’t invest any more time into them. I don’t mean cut off your toxic parents or anything life altering like that, I mean ignore the things that don’t fuel your goals. I’m not saying you pick someone and mimic everything they do, I mean critically choose what lessons you’ll take from them.

Be weary of the people you follow. Don’t follow blindly. 

8. Rekindle an old hobby

I used to read a whole book in a day. At the most, I’d stretch it out to a week, but nothing more. It was a glorious time in my life where I just got into anime, steam rolling through seasons, then writing fanficition, wasting sleeping time to write more and post several times in one night, not to mention playing flash games but now I barely do any of that anymore. I keep buying more books and not much of it are getting read. I keep typing drafts that I never publish. I scroll through anime lists before closing the tab, fruitless. 

You must have had a fun hobby when you were younger. Why not slot in a time to try it again? You may be lucky enough to reignite that passion. It’s worth a shot in the race to feeling good the right way.

9. Follow the world news

At this point, there’s no avoiding it because of the current climate. But anyways, it’s important to know what’s going on over yonder because it not only feeds your intellect, it keeps you cultured and it humbles you in a way I can’t describe. It also opens a new conversation topic for you, and as someone who wasn’t into dipping into ANY type of news, it reduces the amount of side eyes you get from people who do. It didn’t bother me before, but again, when one of my siblings kept announcing the news to us everyday, I woke up early and skimmed through google news and just waited until he rolled in the room. His face fell when I started reciting the recent headlines and I’ve never looked back since. 

P.p.s I do not mean entertainment news. Indulge in that if you like it of course, but please, cast your lovely gaze on world news as well.

10. Try and make more friends

I know. I practically hiss at people who approach me. I wasn’t always like this, but circumstance and people’s audacity brutally murdered me every time I reached out. It’s not like I’m antisocial - I’m always kind and accommodating to anyone who comes my way, but I stopped putting myself out there completely. 

I can’t tell you to change and start talking to people, I’m saying to give the newcomers a chance. Don’t treat everyone the same way because that’s not fair and you might lose the opportunity to have another friend. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m stilling hissing at the assholes who forgot how to act right.

P.p.p.s Real life friends. Online friends are just as precious, but it’s healthy to have joy close by as well.

And that’s about as much as I can think of at the top of my head. There are many life lessons I’ve had the privilege to learn, and many more that have yet to come, and so have you. Here’s to our collective success and happiness, our failures and sadness, and all the pointless shit in between. 20s is a ride that doesn’t have to just be full of holes and mistakes and regrets. I really wish people would stop saying it will be and decide for me.

[rawdoggingmentalillness]

“If this is the worst thing that happens to us, we will live”

I put off doing this post for a while because I knew it would drain me so, so much emotionally. I did not want to rush it because I wanted to be able to truly articulate my feelings into something that would help me grieve this incomparable loss while also exposing the light that she shined in this world. 

At the end of January, I lost my favorite person my world has ever known. She was my very best friend and the first friend that I ever had. She had many names; Nana was how I came to know her. Others knew her as Mary Frances, or mom, or Fanny, or Mrs. Carr, the faithful schoolteacher and librarian that would never hesitate to discipline when she saw fit. 

The bond the two of us shared is so incredibly hard to put into words. The easiest way to explain it would be to simply say that I was her favorite just as much as she was mine. She was not ashamed nor afraid to admit that I was her favorite either, and that only added to our relationship. The amount of hours I spent with that woman is probably somewhere in the tens of thousands (I think that’s a lot; the two of us never were good with math). Countless hours spent by the pool or in front of the tv, or, much too often, secretly at a restaurant or in a drive-thru somewhere. I have so many incredible childhood memories with nana- much too many to accurately describe and list without unintentionally leaving one of the best ones out. However, the biggest impact she has left with me is all the things she taught me along the way. So many invaluable lessons that will stick with me until I leave this earth. That is my goal of writing this- to delve deep into the way that this woman’s knowledge is engrained in everything I do. Every single soul that she came into contact with in her 86 years of life would be forever changed from that point forward. 

Whenever we would be complaining about something she was doing, she would never fail to reply with “When I’m gone, you’re going to wish I was here to *do said activity warranting complaint*”, and, dammit, if that woman wasn’t right again. 

I miss the way a room lit up when she would enter; whether we knew she was coming or not, her appearance instantly made things more lively. I miss the way she was not very skilled in the kitchen, but she knew this and would never hesitate to admit the fact while offering to go with you to buy food from someone or somewhere who did know what they were doing. I will give credit where credit is due, though, she could make a mean ham sandwich. I miss the days where she would get up in the mornings just to take me to school before I could drive. She would do this in the summer as well- getting up at the crack of dawn to take me to football workouts and then waiting for me so that we could eat before I had to go to basketball workouts immediately after. I miss that she would come to my junior varsity basketball games, even when no one could come with her, just so she knew I felt supported. I miss the days at her pool that she so dearly loved, filled with all of her family and favorite humans that loved her just as much. I miss the way she would be running around the house whenever company was there, making sure that everyone had anything and everything they needed or wanted and that anyone present felt included. I miss the way she would decorate for every single holiday- I’m talking Valentine’s Day placemats to Santa Clause toilet seat covers that made it virtually impossible to urinate standing up. I miss shopping trips to Dillard’s and and having to match her pace on the walk to the food court, which would be much quicker than her normal gait. I miss rides in the countless, consecutive white Honda Odysseys- or, when I was old enough to drive, driving her around because that was easier than hearing her say “so you’re just going to sit there and let your eighty-some-odd year old grandmother drive you around”. I miss that she would never give up a free meal, even if that meant she had to suffer through hamburger steak at the local American Legion. I miss her phone calls and pictures on Sundays to let me know she wore her Auburn scarf to church after they had won. I miss the outfits she wore that matched so perfectly- she had quite the extensive collection of shoes in her 80 years, much of which were the same style but different colors. I miss her two favorite outfits: the white turtleneck and windsuit combo or the denim shirt and denim pants with the denim purse to match. I miss the conversations in her sacred living room, filled with stories of the past that made her the woman she came to be. I miss how she would blatantly tell you if she did not think you looked your best; from asking if I needed to go see her hairdresser, Mayumi, to letting me know that the pants I was wearing “surely aren’t the nicest pair I own”. I miss the habitual ordering of her unsweet teas, and god help anyone that accidentally brought her a sweet tea. I also miss her ordering Long Island iced teas when she was feeling particularly dangerous, which she would complain was too sweet and/or strong and proceed to water down after every sip she consumed. I miss how she knew the daily specials for each day of the week from every restaurant within a 10 mile radius from her home. I miss having to come down to her house and help her put in her contacts because she could not make her keep her own eye open; us helping would only, in turn, make it more difficult because she would end up fighting the process more with us than when she was doing it herself. I miss getting into her car and hearing god-awful conservative talk radio, and then trying my very best not to get her feathers all ruffled up about our conflicting political opinions. I miss bringing her almond Hershey’s bars that she would eat despite whichever diet she was trying to keep. I miss watching her, essentially, slap her phone with her fingers when trying to type or scroll, and getting upset when it did not work exactly how she intended. I miss how she was always trying or offering to help with a task, even when it was something she would never be able to physically or mentally do- she just wanted you to know that she was there and would do anything ever asked of her because that was the type of person she was. I miss her voice. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her hugs, her touch, her infectious personality. I miss her with every ounce of my being, and I never thought I would have to go through this life without her by my side, coordinating where and when we were going to have our next meal. 

She would always tell me “you will wish you were half as smart as I am when you are 80″, and, you guessed it, right again. What she lacked in knowledge or wit, she made up with tenfold in wisdom and understanding of how the world works. I like to believe that she lived to see everything in this world that she wanted to see. I definitely believe, if she were here, she would say she has lived the happiest and fullest life any old woman could dream of. She loved her kids. She loved her friends. She loved her grandkids, especially, and there was not a single thing she would not do for anyone she cared about. 

She understood what truly mattered in this life, and I think that is why she was so deeply etched into everyone’s lives. She was so perfectly content with her little house and pool that everyone would come to for hot summer days or any holiday on the calendar, and we were all overjoyed with the chance to go there because we were always met with good spirits and the overall essence of being extremely cared about. 

I could go on for days about you, Nana. The things that you taught me, or did for me, or that I miss, or that I remember, but all of it contributes to the fact that you will always be a part of my life- all of our lives. I only wish you could have been at your funeral to see everyone’s lives you impacted. I wish you could have seen all the beautiful flowers and heartfelt messages attached. I wish you could have seen how good your hair looked because I know that would have been the first thing on your mind. 

You always talked about your burial plot in Tennessee, and everyone remembers the extremely morbid picture you have with it that you thought was so funny, much to the disappointment of others. You talked about having a bunch of strong men in the family to be pallbearers when that day came, but that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. 

I carried my very favorite person to her forever resting spot, and watched as they lowered you into the ground. We all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways to try and return to our lives, but I don’t know if I, myself, will ever be able to. An integral part of my life left me that day. I look up at the sky sometimes, and try to think of you looking down on me, proud- or possibly upset with current hairstyle choice. But that’s not where I truly see or feel you. 

I feel your presence in the decisions I make. I feel you in the way that I view life’s situations. I see you in the color yellow, which you so much enjoyed. I feel your positivity reaching out from my memory of you. 

“If this is the worst thing that happens to us, we will live” you always said. I do my best to live by that every single day. I pray we get the chance to meet again one day, Nana, because I want nothing more than to hug my favorite person just one more time- and you don’t have to slip me a $20 bill this time. 

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

25 more things I learned during a global pandemic from your Local Teenage Train wreck :) (Pt. 2)

1. Gaining weight is okay. Losing weight is okay. Bodies fluctuate and are inconsistent. Just make sure that you’re trying your best to be healthy, whatever that means for you. 

2. School is hard, especially during a global. freaking. pandemic. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s harder to get up in the morning or your grades aren’t as high as they usually are. It’s hard right now. 

3. You’re mental health comes above all. School, responsibilities, and personal projects are not worth your time if it’s affecting your mental health. If your gut is telling you to take a break, take a break!

4. If you feel lonely, get a plant to keep in your room. Do some research as to that plants do best with the type of lighting in your room, and figure out some basic care instructions. Have someone to take care of besides yourself. Name your plants, and take care of them. 

5. Even if you’re not good at writing, I suggest you keep a journal during this time. It kept me sane over the summer, and even though I eventually stopped because of limited time with school starting back up, it helped to keep me sane in the worst of the pandemic. 

6. If you’re spiritual (or even if you’re not) learn how to do shadow work. This isn’t anything that has to be spiritual or done in just one religion. It’s basically giving yourself a chance and a space to be open and honest with yourself and to learn what you might need to work on through writing. If you google it, you can find a more in depth explanation, and prompts to start doing it. You basically give yourself a prompt. They can be questions like “What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone else or yourself?” or they can be a little less heavy like “What are five non physical things that you genuinely like about yourself?”. This can be pretty heavy, and can dig up some unwanted emotions, but that’s the whole point; to deal with the emotions you may have been repressing and letting fester inside of you. 

7. On days when you’re not feeling well mentally, take a break. It’s okay to drop everything and get an extra hour of sleep, read, or do something else to make yourself feel better.

8. After hard days, I know the last thing you want to do is get up and continue on, but here are some ways to do it:

- lay out an outfit that’s put together, but not as over the top. No sweat pants or crappy clothes, but it doesn’t have to be your usual put together outfits with a full face of makeup. A nice crewneck and a nice pair of black athletic leggings can go a long way. 

-wear your comfort jewelry. I wear my beaded necklace that I bought for myself,  the silver ring my grandma gave me and the gold cross ring that my mom gave to me when I got confirmed. 

-eat breakfast. A handful of cereal will do. Anything. But eat something. I like to make oatmeal. It sounds boring but if you make it right, it tastes just perfect for mornings when you don’t feel hungry but know inside that you are. Recipe is next on the list :)

-go to school. I know you want to lay in bed. I know the last place you want to be is a crowded building full of pubescent teens that aren’t nice, but go. Go to learn. Go to absorb knowledge like a sponge, and don’t worry if you fail and lose some of the water, because you can always soak it up later. 

-if you have practice, rehearsal, a game, whatever, be gentle on yourself. Today might not be your best day physically, because the brain controls everything. Forgive yourself if you can’t land that double pirouette, get to the high note, or make that assist. You’re abilities are stagnant, and they’re going to change depending on how you feel

-When you get home, turn off your phone. Friends, social media, etc. can wait. Set a timer for one hour. Do work for just that hour. When the timer rings, finish what you were doing and then stop. Now have a 20 minute break and do something that’s not screen related. Read a book, draw something; heck, stare at the wall for 20 minutes and space out. When the timer rings, do another hour and repeat the same process until it’s all done. 

-have a playlist you listen to to heal you. Sad boi hours are ok, just make sure to have a playlist of songs that get you moving again. 

-Sleep. Even if that means putting off work for tomorrow. It’s ok. You really need it. 

9. Oatmeal seems gross until you know how to prepare it. When you do, it’s revolutionary. It’s a high volume, low calorie food, so you’ll stay full for a while without overeating, all while consuming less calories than you would with a traditional breakfast cereal. 

The right way to make it: 

-measure out half a cup of old fashioned oats. Not steel cut. Those aren’t as good. 

-MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add half a cup of water and half a cup of milk of your choice. I personally like almond milk because it’s kind of sweet already even when it’s unsweetened. 

-SECOND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add a pinch of salt, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and allspice, and a teaspoon or two of maple syrup. This is what makes it taste palatable. It’s less sugar than store-bought, and tastes amazing. 

-Microwave that shit for one minute and stir. It should look kind of lumpy, but not a ton. Then, put another minute on. Stir at every half increment. (After 30 seconds, every 15 seconds, and then every 7) This is so it doesn’t boil over. Then, take it out, stir it one last time, and let it sit for a second. 

-Wash up some berries to put in it. I love blueberries and or blackberries. 

perfect oatmeal every. single. time. Feel free to add more toppings like nuts or if you wanna treat yourself chocolate or substitute the spices, but this is honestly one of my favorite breakfasts that keeps me full throughout the day. 

10. Learn a new language. Yes, Duolingo is annoying, but do it. Find one that you’ll like to learn and that’s easy for you. Try them on like old clothes and find one that fits just right. For me, it’s French. Expose yourself to that language. Listen to music, read books (or try to) and watch movies with subtitles. Soon enough, you’ll be eager to learn more. 

11. Learn how to use notion.com. It’s super amazing. You can literally keep track of your entire life there. It’s pretty fun to use as well. I made schedules for each day after school, a reading log, a want to read list, a personal habit tracker, etc, and they’re all extremely helpful. 

12. Make a list of things you weren’t allowed to do as a kid and do one every day. Heal your inner child by finally itching the spot that may not have been scratched for years. 

13. Learn how to make origami stars. They’re really easy, and I can’t recommend Maqaroon’s (Joanna’s) video on how to make them enough. Once you’ve got it down, get yourself a nice big jar and write down things you’re grateful for on the slips of paper you’re going to fold. Fill up your gratitude jar and make a wish once it’s full. It will come true. 

14. Have 30 minutes a day to put your phone down and read. Yes. You will have to sacrifice something to do this, but it’s so important and good for not only information retention and learning, but for mental health as well. Even if you have to get up half an hour earlier to do it, it’s worth it. 

15. It’s okay to be alone, but learn to recognize the difference between alone and lonely. If you’re lonely, here are some things to do:

-write a letter to a friend. It’s something nice you can do for yourself and others, and it’s not feeding into the toxic instant reply culture that we live in

-read a book or watch a show that gets you to connect with the characters, even if that means (I've said it before and I’ll say it again) rereading a favorite ya series or binging atla for the fiftieth time. It’s good for the soul.

-take a walk and smile at the people you see coming past. Again, it’s good for the soul. 

-go to the coffee shop and ask the barista to make you a drink that tastes like “_____” (insert whatever you want there. It could be a color, song, feeling, etc.) It’s weird and uncomfortable, but it gives you a conversation starter and 9.9 times out of 10 a really good drink. (Also helpful for when you think the barrista’s cute)

-Reading in general. It opens up so many new worlds with the turn of a page. 

16. Monitor your food intake. No, don’t restrict your food intake, monitor it. This means first seeing exactly what your putting in your body and altering it to gradually improve to a clean diet. Humans weren’t built to process all the preservatives, additives and sugars found in most processed food (cereals, chips, anything in a foil bag that’s either really sweet or really salty) and it’s important to cut down and if possible eliminate as much as you can of it out of your diet. Food is fuel, and you truly are what you eat. You’ll notice that by increasing your vegetable intake, reducing white processed sugars and carbs*, and cutting out sodas/extra sugars, that you’ll feel better. This isn’t a weight loss thing, but you may start to trim down a little bit once you go more intense with it. You don’t have to eliminate anything fully, and please enjoy your favorite “bad” foods! Everything in moderation is perfect! Just make sure that you’re getting the good stuff in there too! *Side note, do NOT cut out carbs! See my post on how I’m losing weight to get more into depth on this. 

17. Buy fresh flowers for yourself. Who says that you have to wait for someone else? That’s completely false, and you should totally treat yourself to a nice bouquet on occasion, especially in the dead of winter. 

18. The whole idea of self love is flawed. Loving yourself has nothing to do with the way you look. Loving yourself comes with genuinely loving your life. If you don't love the way you’re living, change it. Make and set goals. Fail at achieving those goals. Get back up and try again until you finally get it, but make sure that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing to love the life you live. Life doesn’t live you. You live life.

19. Have candles and incense. (Or a diffuser if you’re not allowed to burn stuff) Making your environment smell good makes a huge difference

20. Once you turn 18, get a tattoo. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Pick something small and get it behind your ear, on your ankle, wrist, fingers, whatever. You’ll love having the memory when your old. 

21. Realize your worth. We often put ourselves down because we think that valuing ourselves is equivalent to selfishness. It’s not. At all. You are just as important as everyone else. Your voice matters too. 

22. Go to art museums

23. Go to free concerts in the park

24. Expose yourself to new art, ideas, and literature

25. Life is gonna suck sometimes. It’s just how it is. That doesn’t mean a bad day’s gonna last forever. As cheesy as it is, keep your head up :)

[soyforramen]

Winter prompts varchie 25

25. i love snow days because it means that you trek across town to hang out with me and watch movies on the couch except this time you demand to know who i’m crushing on and i don’t know how to say i love you (I love this one so much Anon, thank you!) 

 -- 

Archie Andrews could not keep a secret.  This was a well known fact, one that many used to their advantage on more occasions than he could count.  Some, like Betty, refused to tell him anything that needed discretion, while others like Reggie told him things that paraded as truth but, in reality, were meant mostly to create a more plausible alibi.  This fact about himself hadn’t been a real problem until now.

“Well?”  Veronica nudged him with her toe.  

His lips moved, trying to find a way to tell her the truth without telling her the truth.  Because, after all, they had agreed to stay friends despite the complicated Rube Goldberg dating quadrangle they’d found themselves in this fall.

“Jughead refuses to watch Christmas movies, and Betty picks everything apart.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying him squirming.  “And Reggie?”

Archie snorted.  “You really want me to admit to Reggie Mantle I only watch the Hallmark Channel in December?”

“Fair enough,” she said with a sigh.  Veronica slid into the spot next to him and Archie put his arm around her without much thought.  “Though I thought you two shared everything.”

He flushed and stared at the TV, trying not to take the bait.  Just as Veronica’s relationship with Reggie had careened tragically into a romantic iceberg that would have sold millions at the box-office, so had Archie’s relationship with him.  One more experiment in romance that had exploded in his face.  

Despite Betty’s pointed questions, it hadn’t been that difficult to reconcile with Veronica when she’d returned to Riverdale.  They’d grown into different people, had different experiences, and yet when she’d returned, Veronica was still Archie’s best friend.  It was a fact that cut deeper than any shared exes they might have.

Thankfully, Veronica didn’t ask any other questions until later that night when Archie was walking home.  Around them the town was a winter wonderland, a picture perfect scene full of lights, snow, and children building snowmen.  It felt like the movies and he half-wondered whether a wise-old woman would come out and offer them cocoa and life-changing advice.  

“Thanks for tonight, Archie-kins,” Veronica said playfully.  She reached up on her tip-toes and pecked him on the cheek.  “I’ll see you the next snow day.”

He grinned and watched as she went up the steps.  At the top, she paused and turned to him, a look on her face that could only mean she was about to execute a plan.

“But you never did answer my question.”

“Which one?”

She smirked  “Why you always ask me over to watch romantic movies with you.”

Archie flushed.  Try as he might, he couldn’t come up with any reason other than the one he didn’t want to say out loud.

“Well?”  

Veronica raised an eyebrow, content to wait.  

“I still lo-“

Howling like mad banshees, Reggie tackled him to the sidewalk.

“I told you he’d be here,” he cackled.

Munroe held out a hand and pulled Reggie.  Sweet Pea held his hand out to Archie and, as he stood, Reggie brushed the snow off Archie’s jacket.  

Veronica rolled her eyes.  With a small wave, she disappeared into the Dakota.  

Archie’s heart fell.  Reggie threw his arm around him to lead him towards town.

“Don’t worry about her, Red, she’ll come around.”

“But you know who won’t?” Sweet Pea said.

“Melanie Valentine,” the pair chorused.  

Munroe shot them a half-hearted glare.  “You’re both off the guest list.”

“That’s what you said last week,” Sweet Pea shot back.  “Now, let’s go and get this groom-to-be good-and-drunk.”

The squeak of tennis shoes on the court was usually a heart-pounding, thrilling sound, but this close to the month long winter break it was just a reminder of how slow the last few days of the semester went.

“Watch where you’re throwing Thompson,” Archie called out.  He picked up one of the spare basketballs from the cart next to him and threw it towards the teenager.

“Sorry coach,” the teen yelled.  

“Hey, coach,” Nguyen called from across the court.  “Can we spend the last 20 minutes on the track?”

Archie frowned at the strange request.  It was 34 degrees outside when class ended; now that it was after six it had to have been much colder.

“Yeah coach, didn’t you say we needed to work on conditioning?” another teen called out.

Soon there was a chorus of agreement from the whole team.  Shaking his head, Archie relented.  

“Fine, you have 5 minutes to get your sweats from the locker room,” he said, picking up the stopwatch that hung around his neck.  

To his surprise, the boys started grinning and elbowing each other as they scrambled towards the bleachers.  Reaching into the well between the seats, each grabbed their sweats and began to pull them on.  Now he knew something was up.  It hadn’t been that long ago when he’d been a teenager; worse, when he’d been a teenager with the likes of Moose and Reggie.

“All right, all right.  Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?”

With his most innocent expression, Nguyen shook his head.  “Nothing coach.”

Before Archie could question him further, the Riverdale basketball team had run outside to the track.  With a chuckle, Archie followed them into the cold night.  As he rounded the building to the track, his jaw dropped.  

Gone was the old, torn up football field with its recycled tire track around it.  In its place was nothing short of a winter wonderland.  Kids were building snowmen among the lighted trees, and Pop’s had even set up a hot chocolate stand.  Lights were strung through the stands, illuminating older couples in the town.  And on the far end, towards the home teams goal post, was the high school choir singing carols.  

“Well, what do you think?”

Archie turned and found Veronica walking up to him, cozy in her black fur jacket.  “You did all of this?”

She nodded.  Slipping her arm through his she tugged him and his heart along.  “Everyone needs a bit of Christmas cheer this year, don’t you think?”

He couldn’t help the grin and spark of joy that overcame him.   Suddenly, Veronica stopped beneath a wreath that had been hung on a light post.  Confused, Archie turned to her.

“Mistletoe,” she said pointing up.  With a coy smile she lifted up on her tip-toes and pecked him on the mouth.  “Just like one of your Hallmark movies, don’t you think?”

“Ronnie, I thought we -“

“You think too much, Archiekins” she muttered, her eyes focused on his lips.  

Veronica grabbed the strings of his hoodie and kissed him long enough it certainly had to be a Christmas miracle.

Prompt from this list

[ceeyuin666]

Disney Villains Recruiting: An Introduction

Better late than never, I hope? There’s a few out there already, and I’m way too late considering the shows are over, but here’s my take on a introduction to the world of Tokyo Disney’s Villains Recruiting program.

 This introduction includes a run down of the show and its amazing characters that took social media by storm. 

 If you’ve the courage to seek true beauty of elegance than proceed… into the Villains World.

All photos in this post were taken by myself, please do not repost on other blogs, websites or social media networks such as Twitter or Instagram!

The Concept 

During the years 2015-2018, Tokyo Disneysea’s Halloween celebrated the wonderful world of Disney’s famous Villains. While the main Villains like Maleficent and Ursula dominated parades such as The Villains World and the night fireworks of Fantasmic!, their team of underlings were sent to work in the smaller parts of the park.

So every Halloween, the area of American Waterfront rolled out a red carpet and welcomed ten unique characters, each based off a famous Disney Villain, who’s sole purpose was to recruit humans into the Villains World. The program was known as Disney Villains Recruiting.

The Show

The original show, with a game known as the Six Poses Dance itself was a 15-20 minute skit that took place every hour or so at American Waterfront. Six of the ten ‘Recruiters’ would come out, along with two hosts, meaning in order to catch all ten characters, you would have to make multiple visits to the park.

Each Recruiter quickly introduced themselves and showed off a unique pose that represented them. Then the show becomes a game of Simon Says where the hosts will call out a Recruiters name and guests must respond with the correct pose. The game usually became chaotic when the hosts starting yelling out random things and guests could watch the Recruiters scramble to match whatever was being asked for them. 

Finally, a guest would be picked out of the audience to participate in the game alongside the Recruiters. At the end of the game, the guest would be asked if they have now been convinced to come join the Villains World. If they say no, there would be a loud cry of disappointment and the disgruntled Recruiters would drag the guest back to their seat. If yes, after the yelps of joy, the guest would be asked to return to the Tower of Terror in 666 years where the Recruiters would be eagerly waiting for them.

In 2016-2017, a second show, called Villains One Point Course was introduced to rotate with the now Special Pose Dance show. Each show only consisted of two Recruiters, six would appear throughout the day. Similar to before, the two present Recruiters would introduce themselves and their pose before going into a game similar to Rock Paper Scissors, except you had to match the pose the Recruiter was doing- which was almost always their own pose so it wasn’t hard to get it right. Two guests would then be selected and have their outfits judged by two new hosts who would then offer one point that would make them Villain Worthy. 

In 2018, the show returned to its original format of the Six Pose Dance and the One Point Course, along with its hosts, did not return.

The Hosts 

Mr. V

Known as the grandmaster of the program, Mr. V is the lead host of the original Six Pose Dance show. He appears to be in charge of the Recruiters and they all speak to him with respect, sometimes calling him Mister or V-san for short.

He is a rather relaxed character much like a father watching all his chaotic children make a mess he doesn’t have to clean up. More often than not he keeps to himself in the background while the others perform, only ever speaking up to scold them or laugh at them when they make a mistake. 

Mr. V is however rather possessive of his assistant, Ms Scatter, who, despite her years of hard work, he refuses to acknowledge her as a real Villain. 

Despite the similarities in their designs, this character has no relation with Dr. Facilier from the Princess and the Frog. 

Ms. Scatter 

Scatter is the human representative of the show and represents in the audience in that she is constantly fawning over how beautiful and enticing the Villains World looks from the outside and her own goal is to one day join them. In the early years she runs around interrupting the Recruiters, calling out to guests to not be deceived by their wickedness despite how gorgeous and tempting it may be. 

She is the one character that goes through considerable character growth over the course of the four years and her costume also changes slightly each year. In the beginning, she is reckless and clumsy, the Recruiters picked on her, bullied her and Mr. V very much controlled her. By the end she laughed with them as though they were equal and spoke back to Mr. V whenever she disagreed with him.

In the 2018 show, the Villains offered recruited guests a flag with the mark of a true Villain which they would be granted when they return in 666 years. At the end of the show, as the Recruiters left, Scatter would stay behind and reveal to the audience the mark of a true Villain which was on the inside of her jacket. When Mr. V comes to chase her about what’s taking her so long, she hides the mark and turns to the audience, signalling them to keep her secret. This suggests that even without Mr. V and the others knowing, she has graduated into a real Villain. 

Ms. Villa

Host of the One Point Course, Ms Villa is the self proclaimed fashion diva of the Villains World. She is stylish and mature, strutting around offering advice to guests on how to better their outfits.

She is very much in her own world as she parades around the show, completely ignoring the panicked cries of her assistant whenever she rambles off about an idea that is clearly unrealistic. To the Recruiters however she is rather motherly, giving them pet names and teasing them like children. 

While she holds a very welcoming aura, she always catches the audience by surprise at the end of the show where she demands payment for her services. 

Mr. Polite

Known as MP or Polite for short, he is Ms Villa’s assistant during the One Point Course show. He is more put together than Scatter but also spends a lot of the show yelling after Ms Villa. 

When left to his own accord, MP is sneaky and playful, even over confident in himself but his job is mostly to keep Ms Villa from going over the top with the guests so that is his main focus. He seems more well informed of the human world, unlike the other Villains and has to reign them in when they’re being unreasonable such as asking him to buy them snacks from the park.

He gets along well with the rest of the Recruiters who all treat him as their own personal assistant, something he does not seem to mind. He gets along particularly well with Daru who he usually promises to take on a walk after the show. 

The Recruiters 

Apple Poison

Themed off the poison apple used to put Snow White into an eternal sleep, Apple works for the Evil Queen from the film Snow White.

Tall, dark and handsome, Apple has the most mature look of the men’s Recruiters, and coming from the oldest Disney animated him, he is teased by his workmates and guests alike for being the family ‘uncle’ or ‘old man’. There are many times where he also has trouble keeping up with the right poses or falls from pranks by the others, showing he’s also quite naive. 

Apple is the most charming of the men’s Recruiters, his quotes usually laced with cheesy offers of escorting guests or sweeping them away. He normally keeps to himself while the others are running around, though his ongoing rivalry with Jack brings out a more immature side to him. 

He is also the best English speaker of the cast as his main quotes are also half in English and he often lectures guests in English as well. He is constantly blowing kisses to guests or his prop posing apple, drawing out squeals of excitement from guests. 

Quotes 🍎Ladies and Gentlemen, one bite of this sweet apple with make you the most beautiful in the world.  🍎Like how the poison intoxicates this apple, allow me to intoxicate you all.

Jack Heart 

Hailing from Wonderland, Jack works for the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. He makes jokes of turning back into a playing card so it can be assumed he is the personification of the jack of hearts card. 

Jack is known as the entertainer of the Villains World and he is indeed very entertaining to watch. While the others strut along the red carpet, Jack is always seen skipping around, cutting corners and getting right into the faces of guests. Even when standing in one spot he is usually stretching strangely or contorting for the enjoyment of the guests.

As a super playful character, Jack gets along best with Dalmetia who he calls his best friend. The two get along very well and walk around linking arms and high-fiving each other all the time. On the flip side, Jack seems to down right hate Apple who he will taunt and make faces at. While it’s not clearly stated why their relationship is so bad, it seems to purely because Jack hates Apple for being so much taller than him. 

He is also one of the only Recruiters that does not react happily at the mention of their Master; instead, when the Queen of Hearts is brought up, Jack usually hides in fear, clutches his neck in case he’ll be beheaded or runs away.

Quotes ❤️My world it the world of entertainment! And that’ll make your heart go- Aow!  ❤️Like how Alice found Wonderland, so long as you all hold darkness in your hearts, I’ll appear before you again just like the Cheshire Cat. 

Mr. Dalmetia 

A puppy given a human body by his Master Cruella De Vil from the film 101 Dalmatians. 

Mr. Dalmetia, Daru for short, is an excitable and selfish character who is usually chasing after his best friend Jack or running away from Scar. He teases everyone, friends and guests alike in a crude manner, sticking his tongue out at people or pushing over their toys. Some of the others tease him with games of fetch and he will go sprinting across the performance area, then return extremely grumpy when he realises he’s been duped.

While Daru and Jack are best friends, Daru generally gets along well enough with the rest of the men’s Recruiters. Scar, from the ladies team, is obviously madly in love with him- a feeling he does not reciprocate. For four years, he runs from her, turns her down her advances and down right rejects her any chance he gets. However, at the end of 2018, while hesitant, he agrees to wait alongside her until the guests come see them again in 666 years. 

He is the very embodiment of a puppy and even Mr. V comments during his introduction that he’s yet to shake all his canine habits; he is sometimes caught sitting like a dog, scratching his neck as though there’s a collar there and bugging the others after the show to take him for a walk. 

Quotes 🐶This is my WAN-derful pose! 🐶Everyone, you have to look after your cute little pets. After all... it is common enough to wear fur here, right?

Malfie 

Holding his Master in the highest regard is Malfie who works for Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. His name has also been romanised by fans as Malfi, Malfy or Malefy- while Malfi is likely most directly accurate, I personally am too use to writing it as Malfie, though none of the above would be considered incorrect.

The most narcissistic of the Recruiters, even dubbed Nar-fie, Malfie carries a hand mirror around with him at all times so that he can always admire his own beauty. On the off chance one of the other members manages to sneak away with the mirror, he becomes uncharacteristically frantic until he can find it again. 

While Malfie does not love anyone like he loves himself, he gets along with a majority of the other characters fairly well, particularly Joe and Farja. He is also the most popular victim when the ladies decide to start bullying the men’s team- Farja, despite the fact that she and Malfie get along, is most likely to lead the charge in picking on him. 

Malfie is in canon the personification of a crow, whether or not he is Maleficent’s crow that appears in the movie is unclear. He does however, consider Diaval from the live action movie Maleficent his rival in beauty. 

Quotes 😈It is I!  😈Beauty like mine could grant you whatever you wished for; money, love... even the wish to become a Villain! 

Eight-foot Joe

A dedicated worker for the sea-witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid is Eight-foot Joe. His introduction suggests that he is in fact hiding his extra legs which leads fans to conclude he is an actual octopus. 

Joe is the tired office worker of the group, the only one that treats the program as the job that it is. Based off Ursula’s business as the sea-witch, Joe’s introduction includes him launching into what likes a rehearsed speech advertising Ursula’s services. When not at the microphone, Joe is usually hiding behind guests or sitting down somewhere away from the red carpet. 

Of all the Recruiters, Joe is the most crass. He speaks rudely to guests, usually telling them off about one thing or another. He teases the other Recruiters but can rarely be caught sharing a laugh with them. Like Jack, his reactions to mentions of his Master are usually of fear, likely because he is overworked and insulting Ursula will only result in more work for himself.

In the early years he was very vocal about how tired he was and how he did not need friends, but the end of 2018’s season saw him the most emotional and commenting on how he wishes he had more time with them. 

Quotes 🐙What is it that burdens you? Some human trouble? Or perhaps... a burden of love? 🐙I hope you all have an oct-ful... I mean, wonderful day.

Lady Pirate Hock 

Working for the infamous Captain Hook from the world of Peter Pan is Lady Pirate Hock. She is, without a doubt, most popular amongst her fellow ladies Recruiters. 

Hock is the most suave and flirtatious of the ladies Recruiters, though her wiles are only ever directed at either the ladies or female guests. Scatter, Veil, Farja and Hades can all be caught swooning over her and fighting for her attention when she offers to escort any of them after the show. Even amongst the men’s team she is known to be handsome and popular. 

While her overall character is extremely charming and almost prince like, she has an endearing childish side that usually shows when she’s picking on the men’s team or running off with their props. Having said that, she is extremely protective of the ladies team, particularly Veil, when the men retaliate. 

For the longest time I mistook her name for Hook, but after some fact checking, it can be confirmed that her English romanisation would be Hock.

Quotes ⚓️The sun shines brightly again today... oh sun, your light is not what I need today. What I need is the beautiful light of the moon. ⚓️The sun’s light is dazzling, but what dazzles me most right now ... are all your beautiful smiles. 

Veil

The Hunchback of Notre Dame’s Villain, Frollo, has Veil has his underling. Though not specially stated, there have been instances where she alludes to the fact that she may be the bell a top the Notre Dame. 

If Veil were present on any particular day, you would hear her coming long before they reach the performance area. She also carries a small hand bell with her that she rings loudly as she walks around, much to the dismay of some of her fellow cast members. Though if the men complain she tends to ring it more loudly in their ear. 

She is the most refined of and of the cast, speaking formally to everyone else and walking with a grace not seen in the others. She is closest with Hock whom she appears to have a crush on, blushing whenever they hold hands. However every time Jack approaches her, she quickly and harshly brushes him off. When asked why, she claims it is because Jack makes fun of her pose. 

Veil has the voice of an angel, she often breaks into the song halfway through her introduction, needing Scatter to stop her and remind her to please teach the audience her pose.

Quotes 🔔This bell that was bestowed upon me by Master Frollo will surely shake your heart 🔔God help the outcasts, children of God.

Pretty Scar 

Taking on the same name as her Master is Pretty Scar, working for the Lion King’s Scar. She is what one could call the black sheep of the family because despite being a Villain, she values all things that are considered cute and pretty. She runs around pouting dramatically looking for compliments which all the other Recruiters find unfitting of a Villain.

When introduced by the hosts, it’s said Scar is disliked by all the other Recruiters and during her own speech she the others are always looking for places to hide or pushing each other closer so that they do not have to listen to her. When interacting with the others she is mostly the one pushing herself onto them, Jack being one of the few that won’t completely turn her away.

She is also madly in love Mr. Dalmetia, despite him always turning her down she does not let up. She is always chasing after him and attempting to cling to him, calling him her ‘Darling’. While the other ladies Recruiters don’t seem to pay much attention to her love for Daru, when Daru finally agrees to stay with her, Farja and Hock who were present congratulated her.

Based on the fact that Jack calls her ‘Hyena-Girl’ it can be assumed she is the personification of a hyena, similar to the group of hyenas that work for her Master. 

Quotes 🐱Hmph, hmph! I’m grumpy today because no one’s called me cute! Ah! That feels good! 🐱Darling!

Farja

Flying in from Agrabah is Farja who works for Jafar from the film Aladdin. Her most prominent features are her flowing black and red hair and flowing dress that she shows off on the red carpet. 

Farja is easily the most bratty of the ladies Recruiters, if the audience does not give her an impressed enough reaction to her magic tricks she will complain really loudly and gesture for more applause. When watching the others, if they mess up or do anything silly she is first to laugh really loudly. On the other hand, if something does not please her she tends to scream in a person’s face until whatever is upsetting her stops.

She gets along quite well with the other ladies Recruiters, excluding Scar, and is one of the members that swoons of Hock all the time. She often fights for Hock’s attention and laughs excitedly when Hock escorts her to and from the show. 

While she screams out angrily whenever Iago is mentioned, it does seem she is based off the parrot which explains why she gets along with Malfie who is a crow. 

Quotes 🌹Isn’t my magic simply amazing? In happy times and sad times, remember it and your heart will bloom too! 🌹Villains Sassoon! 

Ms. Hades

Once again taking the name of her Master Hades from Hercules, is Ms Hades. Unlike her hotheaded Master, she is the most indifferent of the ladies Recruiters.

She believes in just letting people do as they please because she too wants to just let people do as they please and not carry any of the responsibility. She acts like a tired mother watching her chaotic children as the other Recruiters run around messing with each other. 

While she is possibly the quietest member of the entire team and the most professional. While she may not be as vocal as the others though, she is often with them admiring each other’s props or fighting for Hock’s attention. At any mention of her Master though she becomes extremely excited and waves enthusiastically to decorations in his image. 

Even though she does not seem to notice it, whenever she high fives or gets too close to the other members, they tend to back away as though they have been burned, after which she follows them curiously causing them to run away faster.

Quotes 🔥Entering this world without permission… do as you please. I turn a blind eye… as I please.  🔥In human terms you could call it liberation, call it freedom!

[galadrieljones]

As You Were (Chapter 2)

Fandom: The Last of Us | Pairing: Joel x OC | Content: Fix-it | Rating: Mature

Masterpost

When Joel and Ellie take a wrong turn on their journey from Pittsburgh to Wyoming, they find themselves lost in a beautiful place with a dark and dangerous secret. While there, they meet a mother and son who, after a recent, tragic event on their family farm, are fighting tirelessly for survival. In an effort to find hope for the future, the two groups set out west together, growing closer over time, making choices and altering paths that will change the course of their lives forever.

This is an AU, starting after the events of the Summer chapter in the first game, and extending into the timeline of the second. Joel lives.

"If, somehow, the lord gave me a second chance at that moment, I would do it all over again." -Joel

Chapter 2: The Farmhouse

"If, somehow, the lord gave me a second chance at that moment, I would do it all over again."

“Shit, Joel. I think we need to go back," said Ellie. She was in the front seat. She was holding a road map, staring out the rear window. She had sunburn on her cheeks, and it made her freckles real prominent. “The I-90 is back south.”

“Ain’t no way we are north of the I-90.”

“I'm only reporting what the map says.”

“It was hours ago we crossed into Wisconsin. Do you know how goddam far north we’d have to be if we are north of the I-90?”

“Doesn’t it just go in a straight line?”

“Give me that.” Joel swiped the map, which made her huff. They were going about 45 on a state highway. It was feral farm fields flying by on all sides, crawling with weeds and wildflowers, lifting up and down an uneven terrain, seeming to grow on a kind of staircase. Joel knew this method. It was called terrace farming. He had thought Wisconsin was flatter. He’d never been, but this was all hills and limestone outcroppings that rose high into the air. He was concerned about falling rocks. It almost felt like they were driving through some sort of canyons. Whenever they crested a hill, they would see what looked to be old Lutheran churches, just a ton of them, white and rundown, with big, square barn quilts painted on the siding, or on the steeples. In some places, the corn still grew, and in others, the valleys dipped low enough that water completely flooded the area. There were so many rivers, little tributaries that ran right through the broken down towns. A lot of the side roads, too, had been consumed with water, or an overgrowth of trees, or piled up with automobiles, conspicuously, as if guiding them to, or away from something. He looked at the map, and then he looked at Ellie. “You were holding it upside down.”

“Oops.”

He sighed dramatically, stopped the car, and let it idle. He held the map open between them, dropped his finger to a spot he thought she might recognize. “See this here?” he said.

“Sure. That’s Madison.”

“Madison is the capital of Wisconsin. You know the state capitals? They teach you that in the QZ?”

“Yes, I know the state capitals,” said Ellie.

“Good. Well. I think we turned onto State Highway 18 just south of Madison, right here.”

“Well, we’re not on Highway 18 anymore, right?”

“We’re on Highway 61,” said Joel. He had a mosquito bite on the back of his neck, kept itching him. Truth be told as well, it had been some time since he had meaningfully studied a full blown road map. They had picked it up just north of the border in a dusty clicker town called Beloit. He scratched the mosquito bite. “We have gotten way too far the hell west. Or, maybe it’s east. Goddammit.”

“Didn’t we cross a big river like 20 minutes ago?” said Ellie. “Could be this. The Wisconsin River.” She said it in a venerable and British manner, as if she were narrating a nature documentary.

“Possibly,” said Joel, but then he knew it was. She was right. “I do remember a sign for a place called Boscobel.”

“Sweet,” said Ellie. “So, all we have to do is just keep going north.” She traced her finger along Highway 61, “and then we’ll get to I-90. We should be able to find something there, right? For gas?”

“There’ll be gas,” said Joel, “but that’s another 30 miles. We ain’t gonna make it.”

“Well, fuck,” said Ellie. She looked out the window. Joel put the car back in drive and kept going. “Maybe there’s like a scrapyard or something? We’ve seen a lot of old, shitty cars. Maybe there’s people around here.”

“Even if there are,” said Joel, “I ain’t certain whether they’re the kinds of people with whom we ought to…consort.”

“You mean like cannibals?”

“I didn’t say that,” said Joel, giving her a look. “Jesus. Where the hell’d you learn about cannibals?”

“The Donner Party,” said Ellie. “History class.”

Joel looked at her, and she was looking out the window. She had found a pen back in Beloit and doodled a large milk cow on her left forearm. He said, “I don’t know, Ellie. I don’t wanna take no chances. Not after last time.”

“Same here,” said Ellie. “But we have to do something.”

“I know,” said Joel. “I know, just—give me a minute.”

Don't go back. A little wind came through the window. She had fallen asleep to the wind chimes, like music on the Mississippi. Nobody was coming though. Nobody coming, they said. She heard him loud and clear: Don’t go back.

“Mom. Mom?” It was the same voice. “Are you awake? Cici. Wake up the hell up. Over.”

She roused. She sat up quickly, as if the lord had appeared. Hair was in her face. Her head felt thick, like it was made of metal or something and she rubbed her temples immediately, looked up at the ceiling. It boasted an old, familiar crack, had been there since childhood. She picked up the walkie off the nightstand. She shook her head out, squeezed her eyes shut. She said, “I’m sorry. I’m up. Noah? Over.”

“I said, we got visitors. Over.”

“What kind of visitors? Over.”

“Don’t know,” said Noah. “A man, and his daughter. In a Tacoma. Over.”

“A daughter?” she said, looking around. Her shotgun was leaning against the bed post. “Noah,” she said. “Do they look friendly? Over.” There was some sort of pause, the walkie crackled. She heard the sounds of car doors amidst the static and froze up. “Noah.”

“They look friendly,” he said then. “I’ll check it out. Over.”

“Be careful.”

“Wait ten minutes, then come down to the battlement.”

Over.

Noah had been in the crow’s nest reading a book called The Road. He had found the book at one of the college libraries over in Richland Center, he liked it and had now read it a couple times, always in the crow’s nest. The Road was about a man and his son walking around in a dark and hopeless post-apocalyptic setting, trying to escape roving gangs of cannibals. The man had an awful cough, and he knew he was going to die. It was his only goal to teach his son the ways of survival so that he may continue to “carry the torch” after his father’s death.

Noah was tall and big across the shoulders. His eighteenth birthday was soon. From the crow’s nest, you could observe a lot of the immediate property, which he and his mother had booby-trapped with proximity mines and IEDs. His grandpa had been a Naval engineer, and his uncle had been in Iraq in 2004. All of them grain farmers. His mother was good with improvised demolition and she had taught him all he knew. Their land as they had established it that year was about six acres of riverfront with crops, an aging well, and a watering hole.

When the Tacoma pulled up the gravel drive it crested slowly to the top of the hill where Noah watched. It idled before the gate so Noah could see inside—a man and a young girl. He radioed his mom and then climbed down to the battlement, ten feet above ground, built to oversee the barbed-wire gate, which would open to their pasture and their lawn, their house. He popped the bolt in his rifle and pointed the barrel straight at the man, watching him through a scope. The man and the girl had got out of the car. They looked a little worn out but their clothes were normal, and they were not aggressive nor holding heat. They held their hands up in surrender. He supposed it could have been a con. But it just didn’t look like one. Not with a girl.

Noah didn’t say anything. He had caught the man’s attention, gazing at him through the scope, the crosshairs planted straight between his eyes. He was going to let the man speak first.        

“We ain’t armed,” said the man, keeping eye contact. “We don’t mean you no harm.”

“What’s your name,” said Noah.

“Joel,” said the man. “My name is Joel. This here is Ellie.”

Noah kept the rifle aimed, but he glanced at the girl over the top of the scope. “This your father.”

“No,” said the girl. “I mean, no. We’re just friends.”

“Friends?”

“We got stuck together,” said Ellie. “We’re both trying to get out west.”

“Where are your parents?”

“I have no idea,” said Ellie. “Probably dead. Where are yours?”

Noah lowered the rifle. He trusted her. He didn’t know why. “My mom is back at the house,” he said. “My dad is dead.”

“I’m sorry,” said Ellie. “That blows.”

For a moment they all just stood there, listening to the cicadas. Then Noah threw the gun over his shoulder and took a deep breath. He climbed down from the battlement. He unlatched the gate and threw it open from the inside. It was tall and heavy, made of scrap metal, treated wood, and wire. He approached them with caution. They kept their hands visible. He looked at Ellie. “Is this guy chill?”

“Not really,” said Ellie. “But he’s not gonna try and kill you, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Jesus,” said Joel.

“Just trying to be cooperative,” said Ellie.

Noah had the rifle resting on his shoulder. He was smiling at her. It was a hot day, mid-September. “Where you coming from,” he said to Joel.

“Back east.”

“Where.”

“Boston,” said Joel.

“Why do you got that cowboy accent if you’re from Boston.”

Joel gave him a wary look. “What the hell do you know about cowboys, son?”

“We got a TV and a VCR and a generator,” said Noah. “I like John Wayne.”

“Nice,” said Ellie.

“I’m from Texas originally,” said Joel. “Moved up to Boston a long time ago.”

Noah nodded. “Makes sense.”

“So it’s just you and your mom here?” said Ellie. “You guys got crops?”

“Yes,” said Noah.

“Any horses?”

“A few. Do you know how to ride?”

“Hell yeah,” said Ellie.

She seemed nice, thought Noah. He said to Joel, “So what brings you this far north?”

“We got lost,” said Ellie.

“No, we didn’t,” said Joel.

“We didn’t?”

“We got held up outside Chicago,” said Joel. “And I was trying to avoid the Quad Cities. Heard bad things about those parts.”

“Yeah,” said Noah. “We heard, too.”

“Couldn’t go nowhere but north,” said Joel. “It’s a lot of open country once you get off the highway. Trees and hills and a lot of the roads are flooded.”

“We got lost,” said Ellie.

Joel sighed. “How north are we? I mean, I know we ain’t as far as the I-90, but I don’t know where exactly we are.”

“You’re right outside Viroqua,” said Noah. “Vernon County.”

“Which means what?”

“Western Wisconsin,” said Noah. “Between Madison and Minneapolis.”

Joel sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Closer to Madison, if it makes a difference.”

“Not really,” said Joel.

“What’s your name?” said Ellie.

Somewhere nearby there was the sound of a woodpecker. “Noah,” he said. “My mom’s name is Cynthia, but she goes by Cici. She’ll be here soon.”

“I am very sorry for our intrusion,” said Joel. “We didn’t mean to scare you. We saw a path, looked like it might lead to a scrapyard or something. We had no idea anybody would be living out here.”

“You looking for scrap?”

“No,” said Joel. “Just fuel.”

“Well, we got fuel,” said Noah, scratching at some of the raw scruff on his neck. “Not much we can spare though.”

“I’ll take whatever you can give.”

“There’s an Amish scrapyard, maybe ten miles out,” said Noah. “It’s got forty or fifty old school busses, a couple big-rigs, too. They don’t run, but nearly all of them got fuel.”

“The Amish are selling school busses?”

“I guess they used to just collect whatever they could find,” said Noah.

“Jesus,” said Joel. “Any of them still around?”

“Some,” said Noah.

“Noah,” said a woman. It was Cici, his mother. She was small, her light hair tied off her face, wearing a blue tee-shirt that was obviously too big. She was jogging toward them from up the way with a shotgun in her hands. “Noah. What’s going on.”

“It’s okay,” said Noah.

She stopped, regarded Joel and Ellie, said nothing.

“You Cici?” said Joel.

“Yes. Who’s asking?” she said.

“This is Joel,” said Noah. “And Ellie. They got lost leaving Chicago. They’re needing fuel.”

“Chicago is a long way from here,” she said. “You must have gotten really lost.”

“We did not get lost,” said Joel.

Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Whatever,” said Cici. She seemed kind of tough and direct, a little like Tess. She had a long, straight scar on her neck, looked bad. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and looked at Ellie. “You gonna rob me?”

“Hell no,” said Ellie. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know,” said Cici. “I don’t know why anybody would do that, but I have to ask.”

“We don’t mean you no harm,” said Joel. “I swear. Your boy here just told us about an Amish scrapyard ten miles away. We just need a little fuel to get us there, and for you to point us in the right direction, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Them Amish won’t trade with you,” she said. “They only trade with people they know.”

“Well, maybe you can help us,” said Ellie. “We can help each other.”

“Ellie,” said Joel.

“What?”

“Where you coming from?” said Cici.

“Boston," said Joel.

“You must be tired.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“We got beds,” she said. “Extra. Plenty of room. And food.”

“What’s your meaning.”

“You stay for a few days, let me put you to work—you look strong. Are you strong?”

“I reckon I ain’t weak,” said Joel.

“Good. You can help Noah out with some of the heavy-lifting. And Ellie, is it? You can help me out, too.”

“Okay, sure.”

“I’ll get you your fuel,” said Cici to Joel, like she’d been making deals this way her whole life. “It’s like she said. You help us, we help you.”

Joel hesitated, glanced to Ellie who shrugged. “What the hell else are we gonna do?” she said.

He sighed. He glanced to Cici who was holding out her hand. “You ain’t gonna…carve us up and eat us, are you?”

This made her smile. When she did, he could tell that she was younger than she had originally seemed. Pretty, kind of mild, exactly like he’d been lead on to believe about Midwestern girls in his youth. Plain-like, and simple. “You’re funny,” she said.

He cleared his throat and straightened up, an old habit.

“We got a deal?” she said.

He said, “Yeah, okay.”

“Lead the way,” said Ellie.

They went up the driveway, over a hill, and to the house. It was a plain white farmhouse, very old, but nicely kept. Noah took the keys and went and pulled around the truck through the gate and parked it on the lawn. Inside, there were the remnants of a real life. Joel knew they had always lived there, even before the outbreak. There were paintings on the walls, a lot of them, unframed, looked like somebody had made them—landscapes, and still lives, some scenes with sheep, a woman wearing a dress and holding a baby beneath an apple tree. They were all signed with a W. The kitchen was simple, and they had fruit and vegetables and meat and a gas stove that still worked. In the sitting room, there was a blue sofa and a red rocking chair, a lot of patchwork quilts, and a loom. There was a radio and a record player, the old TV, and the VCR, like Noah had said. They had electricity, but Joel could tell it was rationed. There were oil lamps in every corner of the room, and some Christmas lights strung up around the windows, colorful bunting, which brought the room to life with color. It was a pleasant place, and familiar, and warm, and when they entered, both him and Ellie felt safe.

“Holy shit,” said Ellie. “This is your house?”

“Yes,” said Cici. She hung the shotgun on a nail by the door. “It’s not much.”

“It’s awesome,” said Ellie. She took off her backpack, but then she seemed unsure of where to put it. Noah took it. She thanked him.

“The bedrooms are all upstairs,” he said.

“You all been living here a while?” said Joel, looking around. He cracked his knuckles.

“My mom grew up here,” said Noah.

Cici made no addition. She was already boiling water on the stove.

“Well, it’s real nice,” said Joel. “Thank you, ma’am. For your hospitality.”

She glanced at him, as if suspicious, but then she softened. She said, “You’re welcome.”

When they got upstairs, Noah showed them to the room all the way at the end of the hallway. It was big enough, with two windows, two twin beds, each with a little nightstand, and a lamp, and a wash bowl. There was a single bureau, and a standing mirror. There was no working bathroom indoors, said Noah, as the plumbing was shot. They used the outhouse. He also told them not to drink from the river, or to bathe in it, under any circumstances. Joel found this unusual, but he didn't press him on it, just went along with the rules.

Noah had been carrying Ellie’s backpack, set it down on one of the little beds. Joel set his backpack on the other.

“This okay?” said Noah.

“This’ll do just fine,” said Joel. He became a little awkward, but then he squared up with Noah and lowered his voice in seriousness. “Are you absolutely sure this is okay?” he said.

Noah just stared at him. He was forthright. He said, “Why are you asking?”

“You get a lot of travelers come through here?”

“No,” said Noah. “Not anymore. When my dad was alive, sometimes. But not anymore.”

“It’s just very unexpected,” said Joel. “How can you trust us?”

Noah looked at Ellie, who had switched open her knife and was studying the tip. It was just a habit. She flipped it shut and tucked it back into her pocket the moment she realized he was watching. “Sorry,” she said. “What?”

“Nothing,” said Joel.

“He wants to know how we know we can trust you.”

“Well,” said Ellie. “How do you know?”

Noah shrugged. He didn’t seem to have a clean answer. “We’ve gotten reavers, coming through here, on more than one occasion,” he said. “They bring numbers. They bring guns. They don’t make it past the minefield on the perimeter, and if they do, they get shot. Not a one of them has ever simply driven up to the front gate, exited their car, and apologized for being a burden. Not one of them has ever been a girl either.”

“What the hell are reavers?” said Ellie.

“Hunters,” said Joel, looking at her. “That’s what he means. We call them hunters, back east.”

“Whatever you want to call them,” said Noah. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry about us, okay? I appreciate the concern. But this ain’t our first rodeo.”

“Sounds good,” said Joel. “I just—I was thinking about you and your mom, out here, all alone.”

“We’re not alone,” said Noah, point blank. “There are others, in the area. You just don’t see them. Like I said, you don’t have to worry.”

Joel turned subdued, looked down at his knuckles, which were still bruised from Pittsburgh. “I see. Well, I had to make sure.”

“My mom’s gonna cook dinner,” he said. “It’ll be ready in like an hour. I got some more shit to do out front.”

“We’ll see you then,” said Ellie.

“Cool,” said Noah. He nodded at Joel. “We good?”

“We’re good,” said Joel.

“Good.” He sort of half-smiled, then he was gone.

Ellie flopped onto the bed immediately. She closed her eyes and said, “Holy shit, Joel. We really lucked out, huh?”

Joel was still palming his knuckles, staring at the closed door, thinking about the boy. He didn’t feel in danger. He just thought, something bad had happened here. He could feel it. Could sense it. The situation was complex. He took a deep breath. He said to her, “I think you might be right.”

“You think they’re cannibals?”

“Probably not,” said Joel. He sat down on the other bed. It creaked beneath his weight. He thought to take off his shoes, but perhaps that was too forward. “Guess we’ll find out soon.”

“I like this place,” said Ellie, staring up at the ceiling. She was wide-eyed. She was filled with wonder. “It’s pure, you know? I’ve never been in a place like this before.”

“You mean like a farm?”

“Yeah,” she said. “A farmhouse. It’s just so…nice.” She switched her blade open again, then closed it. Flipped it open again, closed it. “Is this what it was like back in Texas?” she said. “Before the Outbreak?”

He looked at her, realizing he hadn’t ever really told her about Texas. Nothing specific, at least. “It was a little like this, yes,” he said.

“Man,” said Ellie. “I could live here.” She closed her eyes, smiled. In about a minute, she was asleep.

Cici was salting a pan of lamb shanks in the kitchen. That man, she could hear the weight of his boots upstairs. As she pressed the salt into the meat with her fingers, she looked at the red and knew she should not have been so trusting. It was almost 7:30, and the sun was only just now starting to set. Whenever it did, it shone bright through the westerly window, over the living room, blinding her for several minutes before hiding behind the trees. Noah came downstairs. He hung up his rifle on a hook next to the front door. He came into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, across from her. He was dirty from the events of the day. He’d had to redig the trench on the eastern part of the perimeter. A couple runners had wandered in and tripped the mines there, upping the soil and taking down a tree.

“They good?” she said. She started a second burner, for the lamb. She stirred the rice.

“Yeah,” said Noah.

She looked at him and felt guilty. It was a common, stupid thing for her. He used to just go about his day, but now she was pretty sure that he could sense it. She looked back at the lamb. “Maybe we should’ve been more discerning with him.”

“He’s okay,” he said.

“He don’t seem off at all to you?”

“Not really,” said Noah. “He seems kind of hokey, if anything. Though I do think he’s seen and done some shit.”

“Why do you think that?”

“He’s scarred up.”

“You must be starving,” she said, wanting to change the subject. “I’m sorry about today. Them fucking runners showed up, and I don’t know where they’re coming from anymore.”

“Seems like there’s definitely more,” he said. He turned around to look out the window, the sun making its exit. “I don’t know what to say.”

“They must be coming from LaCrosse,” she said.

“At least,” he said. “If they’re runners, that means more are turning.”

She got very quiet from the inside out.

“I’m gonna ask him to come with me,” said Noah, "to LaCrosse.”

“You don’t know him, Noah.”

“We’ll give it a couple days,” he said. “Then we’ll see.”

It had just been a while since she’d really seen a man, that’s all. She had lost her bearings on the normal kind. “Go on and do the cameras for the night,” she said.

He slapped his palm lightly to the counter, to break the moment. “Okay.”

When he left, she watched him pick up the rifle and disappear out the door, looking like his father. Then she poured herself a glass of whiskey from a jug by the stove to drink as she cooked and waited. Upstairs, it was hushed quiet.

[aubreyxeliza]

taciturn return || harper & aubrey

Rolling over promptly at 7:00am, Aubrey felt the brain floating in her head follow her body in a delay as she winced at the sun peaking through the blinds. As she unfolded herself from her covers, she saw her legs tangled up in her fleece pajamas – Got my PJs on last night… score. She belabored for a moment, noticing the residue mascara dried on her hands and sheets. It wasn’t rare that she shed some tears before bed. Sometimes, she watches videos of exploited communities totally sober on a Wednesday night before bed and just cries it out, and other nights, she lets the tears fall as she silently wishes someone else was in the other room waiting for her, or on the other line. When she was a kid, she could just crawl into the endless hallway of rooms with her siblings – or hope that her angsty musings alone in her bed were enough to trigger a cautious tap-tap-tap on the door. Instead, here she was: halfway to 28, alone in a studio apartment in Brooklyn, and still as emotional as ever.

Her phone buzzed and she jumped like she was tased. Every morning, there’s a blissful ignorance that exists for about 20 minutes. A few years earlier, she learned to turn off any social media notifications and wake up before anyone could text her so that she could have a half hour of peace in the morning – beholden to no one, not yet at least. Her heart was racing to find her phone in her sheets which were starting to resemble quicksand. Dalton – 1 missed call, 1 voicemail; (14) unread messages; NEWS: Florida man ambushes in wedding dress. Pretty typical morning. Except for the fact that of those unread texts were Harper Slade’s name hidden somewhere in the middle.

I fucking texted him? She unlocked her phone. I CALLED him? Her grumblings made her sick – but she was relieved to find out it was just a voicemail. It was so unlike her to get drunk and leave a voicemail like that. Those days were left in the disgusting dorm rooms of NYU, but then again, she thought Harper Slade was also left on Meeting House Road back home. Things keep changing. Her final grievance: I asked him… to meet me at Huckleberry? Aubrey tossed her phone to the other side of her bed, laid back flat, and let out a quick scream into her pillow. 

As she brushed her teeth, she ran to respond: Hey! Sorry about that voicemail. You remember Dalton, right? Well, he never lets me pay when we get drinks and sometimes I take advantage of that. I promise there won’t be an encore tonight. See you at 7:30. Send. After putting her phone down, she felt regretful. In typical Aubrey-fashion, she ignored everything he had said – well wishes, self-awareness. It wasn’t a good start for her, and she laughed to herself remembering that first email she sent him after he reached out. The anger was still there, but she didn’t have the energy to feel it. Thanks for the kind words, by the way. Huckleberry’s a cool spot. (It’s not). See you! Send.

Her mind wandered all day. At work, she had no assignments, so she left early and told them that she just had to go check in on her nieces and nephews. “Post-partum’s a bitch,” she asseverated to her supervisor before the elevator doors closed. One day, karma would catch up to her – and perhaps that day was today after all.  

Aubrey has been a script writer for two and a half years, but while she sat down to gather her thoughts about the night she was about to experience, she completely fell short. Perhaps things didn’t feel real yet. This whole time, except for 30 seconds in a crowded green room, he hadn’t felt real. Like he was just out of reach or a figment of her imagination like he used to be the first two years after he left. So now, when the clock was winding down and she was about to be with him again, she couldn’t process how she was feeling. 

The last decade, she’d gone through different emotions for this moment – the first was a total relinquishment of any resentment and a fall-back-into-love dream. She used to tell her therapist, “If he came back right now, I wouldn’t even think to talk about what happened. I’d forgive him in a heartbeat,” which, for obvious reasons, was met with extremely concerned glances and registering for a couple extra sessions. Then, the peace phase: “I don’t really think about it that much. I think I’m all good!” she said, during the busiest period of her life. That treaty came to a crumble when she met a Harper at the coffee shop – a 94 year old  man who would ask her for company. One day, she broke down into tears in front of him and they never met for coffee again. Then, perhaps her siblings’ favorite yet most feared, her anger phase. Sometimes, she’d walk into the house for Thanksgiving as a grown woman – 23, 24 years old – sit down at the dinner table, and exclaim, “Aren’t men just the most disgusting creatures to ever walk the earth?” Usually, she was met with commiserations and apologies from the phallic members of her family. One time, she did have to apologize – “Chandler, have you ever considered just how fucking inconsiderate it is that you kept your blonde hair all this time?” The next morning, she apologized thoroughly, and of course, blamed it on her alter ego: Brandy.

But, eventually she stopped going through the motions. Instead, the misery and memory would come and go, like a painful deep breath in. She would excuse herself to take a breath, or become catatonic for a moment, but one day, she turned 26, looked back at her life, and decided to feel contentment. What had happened… happened, and from that day one, she became a new kind of Aubrey. A more consistent Aubrey. So here she was, getting ready to meet up with the one and only Slade again, sitting with a ripped notebook paper and pen, hoping to find what she was feeling, and walking into an abyss of harrowing solitude. All she knew was that she had one goal: stay reticent. 

The trek to Huckleberry was unusual for her. Usually, she enjoyed the bus ride, but tonight, she decided to walk. Leaving 45 minutes early, Aubrey walked about 35 blocks in the hope that she would find how she was feeling, but instead, empty tears welled in her eyes and went. She listened to the way her heels clicked down the streets as she tried to convince herself everything was normal. Her phone started ringing – it was Sophia. But she hadn’t filled in Sophia in almost a week, what does she say? She let it go to voicemail, and as was pretty typical for Aubrey at this point, she’d explain herself in the morning. Instead, “I’ve read that he’s, like, a decent human being now,” played over in her head. A decent human being? In Dalton’s eyes? Did he save a burning orphanage? Part of her had hoped that he had become a sort of demagogue, that she could curse him out, he’d feel nothing, and then that would be closure. But she wasn’t surprised by Dalton. He’d always been a good guy to her. Always. Didn’t make anything easier, though – certainly didn’t help when he left. 

Getting to the door, she laughed to herself at the edifice. Her friends used to joke that this place was a secret brothel – the wooden panels, a bouncer you could pay off with a wink, and the watered down vodka crans. The good thing, though, was that they got busted for having underaged kids – it’s picked up since then, got new lights, repaired the leather on the seats, and was a restaurant until 11:00pm on the weekends. So, it was a pretty safe spot. 

She made her way through the tight entryway, sardine-packs of people to the bar area – finding a quick table, she sat down. What kind of a drink do you order when you’re about to meet up with your high school boyfriend? She let that color her mind for a bit before settling on nothing for now. It wasn’t a date – it was.. What it was. And it would happen how it will happen. Sitting in the booth, she tucked herself into the corner of the wall. 7:24, just on time. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Aubrey said a quick prayer to herself and braced for the cruel unknown.