#There's probably more that I'm forgetting but my notes are a little scattered and class is about to start

[vividvivy]

Heya^^ could we get some romantic headcanons about kaiser, shidou and isagi having a artist/painter prodigy s/o?

Of course you can exclude anyone if it's too much! Anyways I hope you'll have a wonderful day or night and don't forget to hydrate^^

Notes: Hellooo! First request, I'm so happy oh my gosh. I had some trouble so I'll do the rest in separate parts, hope you don't mind!! 41°C here it's so hot omg. You stay safe and hydrated too!! Also sorry it's messy, I'm still trying to improve and I hope you'll like this! 😭

Pairing: Isagi Yoichi x Reader

Type: Headcanons

Genre: Fluff, Romance

Isagi Yoichi with an Art Prodigy S/O ♡︎

He leaves you for the damn ball.

JOKE.. I'M JOKING GUYS..

Would be the most understanding and considerate among the three. I'm not sure if Yoichi will actually understand, but he's still super supportive and would listen to you and assist you when you need any help or company.

Dates with him are so cozy and peaceful.

He'd stay in an art studio or any room at all and sketch and paint with you all day long. 

I think he'd be the type to try and draw you flowers or try to make you (+ him TOGETHER!!)

He'd be over the moon if you agreed to craft anything matching him. Something simple like paper rings, matching pins or brooches, and drawings of each other!!

Would put a drawing you made or a printed pic of you in his clear case.

His phone would be you-themed. Just you, him and your work.

Bonus: If you met as schoolmates or before Blue Lock, he'd try to make small silly doodles for you in class, and if you handed him any doodles, he'd sometimes cut them and place them in his ID case or hang them in his locker and use some of them as bookmarks.

Takes you shopping (would definitely randomly buy Art supplies that caught his eye and give them to you) or anywhere at all!!

His favourite place to stay would probably be in a café or restaurant that isn't too fancy, just somewhere with cute, homey vibes and a picturesque view.

He's TRYING to keep up with you when you invite him to paint together.. (Keyword: He's trying his best.) It definitely isn't the best thing out there but A for effort.

Tbh he always improves so quickly it's scary and makes you envious and proud sometimes..

If it bothers you and he notices, he'd act more clueless on purpose and would let you just guide him??

HAS A SEPARATE SKETCH BOOK WHERE HE KEEPS HIS DRAWINGS OF YOU!!

Made a little scrapbook dedicated to the 2 of u <3

He really REAAALLY admires you and your work.

In his eyes, you and your work are the best there are aside from soccer and being the best striker there is. He could stare at your papers and canvases hung up or scattered all day, admiring each stroke and line, even the finest ones, and looking at each shaded and highlighted area in awe.

His deep blue eyes shine so brightly when they meet your paintings and illustrations, yet no other sea of stars could replicate the shine seen in his gaze when completely in awe.  In awe of you.

When you're experiencing any artblocks or frustrations regarding it, he'd be your number one helper.

If it's a better environment and inspiration you need, he'd immediately try to take you places and show you works that you've made before for more inspo. Would try taking you to a soccer field or any open area outdoors too.

Barely knows what he's doing but he's got the spirit guys!!

During hard times, he'd be the first to go by your side and help you.

Would try to be the one to pull you out when all the stress and expectations swallow you whole (Again he's TRYING but all his attempts are most likely clumsy and slightly flawed..)

[theghostnugget]

Hiei has C-PTSD

This is going to be a long-ass post so get a cup of hot cocoa, get comfy with a nice blanket, turn the lights down low and get ready to feel sad

I hope I make you cry

Content Warning: Non-graphic discussions of neglect, abuse, suicidal thoughts, exposure to violence in childhood, trauma reactions... Please feel free to tell me if there's anything else I missed

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder can both be more severe if:

The trauma happened early in life (which for Hiei it definitely did considering he's 14 at the oldest at the beginning of the series)

The trauma was caused by the primary caregiver - We see the guy he refers to as his father for about five seconds but in those scant seconds we see a drunk who's willing to steal from a baby and then abandon that baby after years of exposing him to violence. At best, Hiei grew up in an emotionally neglectful environment where he was constantly exposed to death and bloodshed, taught that his emotions were a weakness, and taught to be violent himself if he wanted to survive - I can only assume there was other forms of abuse that we didn't see because Hiei wasn't willing to share them with Mukuro - who was practically a stranger at that point

The trauma lasted a long time - His whole life has been bouncing from one horrific event to the next - Taken from his mom, almost murdered, taken in by beligerent assholes, abandoned by said assholes, constantly taking care of his own safety from a young age in an environment where no one seems to have qualms about murdering a child for a necklace, losing the only item that matters to him and the only connection to his family, an incredibly painful surgery that took away his ability to defend himself, finding out his mother killed herself over grief about losing him, finding out his sister went missing also because of him, finding his sister only to A. hate himself too much to tell her the truth and B. realize she's been tortured for 5 years and he didn't save her, OH and let's not forget that in season 2 his life is threatened if he doesn't join a life-or-death tournament and in season 3 he is forced to helplessly watch as one of his only friend's is murdered in front of him

...

Now that that's out of the way, let's get into the actual symptoms

PTSD has symptoms that mostly fall into 3 categories: Re-experiencing, Avoidance, and Sense of Threat

~ Re-experiencing consists of things like nightmares, flashbacks, and triggers that cause trauma responses

The only time we see Hiei sleep (as opposed to being knocked unconscious by the Dragon of the Darkness Flame) is on the way to rescue Yukina where he wakes up gasping for air and reaching out for his sister

I can't think of any flashback examples (but to be fair I haven't watched the series in it's entirety for a hot minute and as someone with PTSD I very rarely have waking flashbacks) - This also might be because we rarely get to see inside Hiei's head because the story is from Yusuke's perspective

However, when it comes to triggers I think he can easily be triggered by people questioning his strength or claiming to be stronger than him - In part because in the past that usually meant someone was about to attack him and in part because in order to feel any semblance of safety, he needs to believe he's too strong to ever be the victim again. That's why he says "hot", and why he leaves the team for several episodes after being told he's not an A class demon, and why he sacrifices his entire arm to take Zeru out in one hit

~ Avoidance symptoms consist of all the steps a person takes to avoid re-experiencing their trauma

For Hiei, this mostly means never appearing weak, but it also includes fun things like isolating himself from friends and family/never trusting others/cutting off his relationship with Yukina because you can't be hurt by the people you care about if you never let yourself care about anyone

I think the reason he engages in so many reckless and destructive behaviors (which is another symptom of C-PTSD) and part of the reason he was suicidal is because it's less scary to be hurt or killed if you're the one making the choice to put yourself in harm's way - rather than feeling safe and having that safety ripped away from you

I have no evidence for this but I also believe he dissociates regularly (yet another symptom) - like 1/2 the time he's staring dramatically out the window (or up at the sky from a high tree branch) he's brooding like you'd expect, but the other half he's full on floating away from his body - completely out of touch with his thoughts and feelings and even his sense of identity

~ Sense of Threat Symptoms

This is where Hiei really shines (or, I guess struggles is a better word)

His whole character can be boiled down to trauma-induced hyper-vigilance

He doesn't trust anyone, he's always worrying about outside attack, he never relaxes, I don't even think he blinks unless he's alone because that split second could be the difference between life and death

Another reason he never lets people close is because they can't be trusted - they feel unsafe to be around let alone trust with his thoughts and feelings (which he considers to be weaknesses easily turned against him)

Hiei's worse nightmare is losing his sword and being unable to access his energy because (and I cannot stress this enough) the only way he has ever been able to feel any semblance of safety is because he convinced himself that he was the strongest person around - The concept of "there's always someone stronger than you" would make him spiral into a dark, deep anxiety hole that I'm not sure he'd ever be able to climb out of

~ So, those are symptoms typically associated with PTSD, but C-PTSD comes with a whole slew of fun, new symptoms such as:

Problems with self-esteem: Nothing makes his feelings towards himself more clear than the fact that he never told Yukina who he is because he was certain that she would hate him - he feels fundamentally broken and unloveable - someone who belongs nowhere but on his own

Emotional Dysfunction: Emotional reactions that are super intense and often innapropriate for the situation - For Hiei this almost always means anger (because that's the only emotion he actually allows himself to express) but I imagine after the show, as he gets more comfortable with the team, he also starts to react strongly to fear stimuli which leads to him have panic/anxiety attacks over things that wouldn't provoke such a strong response in someone who wasn't a walking, talking personification of trauma reactions.

Besides anger, sadness, and dissociation, people with C-PTSD might have trouble feeling happy, even in the best of situations - We see him laugh 2 times (BOTH TIMES BECAUSE OF YUSUKE - BE STILL MY SOFT SHIPPER HEART)

Also, PTSD/C-PTSD often brings along some other painful friends like depression and anxiety (both of which I think Hiei has - along with either an avoidant or disorganized attachment style)

[yellowmotomami]

Better not to know

drabble challenge

Prompt:  # 130 “She’s my daughter, I can read her diary.”

Submitted by: @raleigh-ocean

“Don't forget your lunch!”

Shelby ran after her daughter who was leaving for school. She handed the lunchbox to the teenager who simply rolled her eyes and walked away, not bothering to turn around as her mother waved her goodbye.

The blonde sighed and checked her surroundings before shutting the door. She would then shower, get ready for work, grab something on her way out as “breakfast”. Just another typical day. At the end of the day, she'd come home exhausted, and fall asleep on the couch probably. Audrey would be in the kitchen cooking dinner and looking over Skye's shoulder as the girl did her homework. She smiled at the thought.

A quick look at the planner on the kitchen fridge, and Shelby realized that she actually didn't have any yoga classes to teach until late afternoon. That meant she had plenty of time to relax, and maybe even to do a little cleaning. Audrey wasn't up yet, so she decided to have some real breakfast for once. She reached for the granola on the shelf and poured some almond milk into a bowl. She was sitting on the counter enjoying her cereal when a sleepy Audrey made her way into the kitchen.

“Morning honey!” Audrey yawned and placed a small kiss on her wife's nose.

“Morning” Shelby replied with her mouth full.

Audrey turned on the kettle, and hopped onto the counter to sit next to Shelby. Shelby rested her head on her shoulder, Audrey smiled softly. She cherished these moments, and knew that Audrey did too. They could just stay like this forever.

“Well, I gotta get to work!”

Audrey stood and was about to head to her office to go and work on her script, but Shelby was quicker than her and stole her a kiss. They both smiled and Shelby let go of her.

There was a lot of cleaning to do, and Shelby'd better start now if she wanted to be done by the time she had to go to work. Okay, let's start with the bathroom.

About three quarters of an hour later, she stepped out of the bathroom and plugged out the vacuum cleaner, plugging it into the socket across the corridor. Now Skye's room.

“Ugh, I hate this.” She blurted out loud.

She never felt at ease entering her daughter's bedroom without her being there, it seemed to her that she was violating an unwritten but universal rule. Her gaze went across the room and she sighed at the amount of books scattered all over the floor. She started picking them up and pilling them on the desk.

One book in particular caught her attention. It read “do not open”. Obviously, it really peaked her curiosity. Shelby being Shelby, all she wanted was to open the book and discover what lay inside. As she caught herself considering that option, she whispered to herself.

“She’s my daughter, I can read her diary.”

She knew that her daughter had nothing to hide, still she remained fascinated by the book. The urge to unleash what was held inside was stronger than the trust her daughter had placed in her. So without any more hesitation, she slowly turned the cover of the diary, as if she was about to open Pandora's box. She felt the paper between her fingers, the pages were whispering to her and revealing all the unsaid tales.

She hadn't even started to read, she was still somehow fascinated by the journal, it had put such a spell on her that she didn't hear the footsteps coming closer and closer. September 5th. She started reading.

Suddenly, the door flew open and Audrey burst into the room.

“Have you seen my iPad? All my notes are on it.” Audrey panted, out of breath, one hand on her hip and the other leaning on the door structure.

Still enchanted by the book, it took a few seconds for Shelby to come back to her senses. As she didn't reply immediately, Audrey squinted.

“Everything alright?”

Shelby gathered the books still laying on the floor to try and hide the diary among the other ones. But this time Audrey was quicker, and grabbed the oh so precious book out of her hands.

“Do not open? Shelby, what are you doing?”

Shelby looked down. How shameful of me, she thought. Reading her daughter's journal, invading her privacy, what was she thinking?

“Shelby why would you read this?” Audrey help up the diary.

Shelby didn't look up, she couldn't confront her wife's stern gaze.

“Bloody hell Shelby! You can't just barge in and go around messing with people's stuff, she's our daughter for God's sake!”

Audrey didn't usually show any moderation in her tone, which came across as quite harsh on some occasions. She tended to bottle her emotions and unleash them in times like this. Shelby knew that what she'd done was immoral and that she deserved all of Audrey's anger. How would she ever regain her trust?

Realizing the bluntness of her words could have hit Shelby, she crouched down next to her and wrapped her arms around her.

“I know that you didn't mean any harm, you were just curious.” She said in a softer tone.

“But we're a family. Some things we share, some things we don't have to. If Skye has a diary and writes that on the front, then we must respect that.”

Shelby nodded at Audrey's words and hugged her.

“Crikey, I'm getting good at this!” Audrey giggled, and so did Shelby.

“Are you gonna tell her?” Shelby became slightly more worried.

“Oh God no! Of course I won't, her loosing our trust is the last think I'd wish for, and I know that you would've done the same for me, so. Let's put this behind us, we don't need to whine about it for ever.”

Shelby uttered a small thanks, and went back to her tidying up. Audrey squeezed her arm to catch her attention.

“Hey. Let me help you with that.”

She smiled and stood up to put the diary back on the desk, as Shelby pilled up some more books next to her. Audrey turned around and pulled her into a hug, caressing her cheek with her slender fingers that Shelby covered with kisses.

“Thank you, baby” She whispered in her ear.

Shelby scrunched her nose and Audrey couldn't resist the temptation of placing a small kiss on it, causing them both to giggle.

They knew they could rely on each other and that they shared the same feelings regarding each other and their daughter, and that was what made them a family.

[mwdders]

Hello

Requested: No, but send me requests.

Warnings: swearing, abuse, fighting, toxic behaviour.

Harry Hook x reader

Word Count: 3,084

Plot: This is based off the song Everytime by Ariana Grande. It’s about being in a toxic relationship, and even though they know they’re no good for each other they always go back to each other no matter what.

—

Waiting at the door, it seems like forever, I was suppose to be meeting Harry nearly 2 hours ago. Having the feeling he wasn’t going to show again I storm off and back to my room.

I get tired of your no shows

Unlocking my dorm, I huff and walk over to my bed, Jane my room mate looks up at me.

“Did he not show again?”

“No he didn’t.” I fall back onto my bed. “Am i doing something wrong? That’s 3 times this week he’s not shown.”

“Sweetie you’re not doing anything wrong. Harry’s clearly just not got his priories straight.” She looks at me sympathetically.

“I’m going to find him.” I stand up and quickly change from the clothes I was wearing for our date into a black dress, pink jacket and black heeled ankle boots.

“Is that wise? I mean you’re angry, he might have a good excuse.”

“No, he won’t. I already know what’s happened. I bet I’ll find him in Uma’s office.” Without giving Jane the chance to reply I’m out the door.

Walking down the corridor I walk past people staring at me, I may be an Auradon kid but i am not a princess and certainly do not act like one.

Walking to Uma’s dorm, I knock on the door next to it, which is her office. “Who is it?”

“Y/n. Open up.” The door opens and Uma stands in front of me. “Have you seen Harry?”

“No, sorry. Why?”

“He never showed for our date and I waited 2 hours.” For a second she looks sympathetic but that quickly vanishes. “Huh, maybe he did say something about training?” She puts her fingers to her chin as if she’s thinking.

“No games today Uma. I’m not in the mood.”

“Like I said, try the gym.” She slams the door in my face and I swear I could rip her head off her body.

Sauntering away I make my way towards the gym. Pushing the double doors open probably a little too dramatically, I find Harry training with the rest of the crew but also Jay.

“There you are.”

“Princess.” He smiles at me but keeps training.

“Forget something?” I walk over to him my heels clicking on the tiled floor. “I don’t think so.” “Oh I think you did.” I lean against a pillar and cross my arms. “Nothing comes to mind?” He questions looking at me, I raise my eyebrows, he can’t be serious. “Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting 2 hours for you.” “I’m still confused? I’ve been in the gym, every Thursday 3-5 is my gym time.” “No baby, you were suppose to meet me for our date.” He stops what he’s doing and turns to me. “No that’s tomorrow.” He shakes his head. “Harry, it was today.” Trying not to get angry, I breathe a little deeper, “Y/n it’s tomorrow. I’m certain.” I stand in front of him forcing him to stop.

“No. It was today, and you left me waiting for 2 hours. I told you, that Thursday 3-4 is our weekly date. You’ve not showed up three times now because we keep changing it to suit you.”

“Geez you should calm down, I’m sorry I forgot baby but you don’t control my life.”

You get tired of my control

“Everyone out!” I yell, my patience at breaking point. “What? You can’t just kick us out.” Someone says, I turn to them, it being one of Uma’s pirates. “Get the fuck out now before I pull your tongue out your throat and shove it up your ass.” I yell causing everyone to run out the room.

“Y/n what are ya doing love?” “I’ve had enough of you Harry! You never show up, you except me to revolve my life around you, you never consider my life or plans, it’s like you don’t even care for me!”

“I do! It’s just I’m my own person, you try to control me like I’m some perfect prince and I ain’t. I have duties, to myself and to Uma”

“Here we go again, Uma this Uma that. All ya ever do is talk about that bitch!”

“Don’t you call her that!” Harry grabs my jacket by the collar pulling me into him forcefully. “Get your hands off me.” I shove him away and hit him. “Never ever grab me like that again.” He puts his hand to his cheek where there’s an evident red mark. “You hit me? You actually hit me.” “You grabbed me? All because I called Uma a bitch.” “Yeah and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if you were to say it again.” “Noted. I’m going to go now.” “Wait y/n,” he grabs my hand pulling me back, “I am sorry I missed our date.” “It’s fine Harry. I’ll see you later.” I walk away and out the double doors, as I do, I see a crowd of people standing there, clearly being nosey listening to me and Harry fight. “Scram you pieces of shit!” I growl and they all scatter running away.

Walking back to my dorm, i think about what happened with Harry, how he grabbed me and he said he’d do it again if I disrespected Uma, maybe he’s not who I thought he was.

Sighing I enter my room, and take my jacket off throwing it on my bed. “Oh my god! Y/n your neck.” Jane says, I turn to look at her, not realising, Evie and Carlos were sat with her.

“What?” “It’s all red! Like a huge red mark!”

I walk to the mirror and inspect my neck, she was right, there was a huge mark, it must of been where Harry grabbed my collar.

“What happened?”

“Oh erm, Harry grabbed me.”

“He what?!” All 3 say at the same time.

“Yeah, he grabbed me by the collar, but I shoved him away and hit him.” “Jesus y/n, you hit him?” I sit down on my bed opposite the three who were all sat on Jane’s bed.

“Erm yeah, I had no choice, I don’t think he would of let go otherwise.”

“Do we need to talk to him? Im sure Mal and Jay would be happy too.”

“No I’m fine honestly, I sorted it.”

“If you’re sure.” “I am. Thank you though.”

I stand up and walk over to my vanity, I keep lots of things in it but mostly alcohol. I pour myself a drink and down it. “Steady y/n.” Evie says, “I want to forget today ever happened so I’m not slowing down.” I repeat my actions, drink, pour, drink, pour and so on.

I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it

By 10pm I was laying in my bed, drunk and crying, “Why is my life like this Jane? Why couldn’t I have chosen a simple prince, why did I fall for the most complicated boy in Auradon?”

“I don’t know y/n. You know what they say, you can’t chose who your fall for.” “I understand that I do! But I just don’t get Harry, why can’t he just give me some of his time, it’s like he doesn’t even care about me but then he tells me he loves me? It’s so toxic.” “If you feel like that, you should end things with him. You can’t stay with someone you feel doesn’t care about you, even if they do say they love you.”

“But I can’t! There’s something about him that draws me too him, it’s like a connection. I’m hopeless without him but we’re evil together.”

They keep telling me to let go

But I don't really let go when I say so

“Sweetie, you need to sleep and talk to him tomorrow. You can’t make decisions while you’re drunk.” “I suppose not.” Just as I’m about to snuggle down into bed, there’s a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” I get up and open the door, “Harry? What are you doing here?” “I needed to see you. To make sure you were okay.” He slurred his words and if I wasn’t so drunk I’d say he was drunker.

“Are you high?” I ask being able to smell it on him. “Maybe just a little.” “Oh for god sake, you need to go and sleep it off. We can talk tomorrow.” I push him out the room and walk him to his dorm, we’re like a pair of idiots, he’s leaning on me because he’s seeing double and I’m trying not to trip because the room is spinning.

I open his door to find Gil, Jay and Carlos, they all share a room. “Can one of you take him? He’s high.” I say shoving Harry off me and he falls on Gil’s bed. “Where are ya going?” “To bed.” I attempt to walk to the door but can’t locate it. “Are you drunk y/n?” I turn, not sure which one said it, “Yes, I’ve had a rough day. Don’t judge.” I narrow my eyes at the three of them.

“The doors on the left.” I nod and walk to the door, pushing it open, with a force before tripping over my own feet, making my way back to the dorm.

You get high and call on the regular

I pull my covers back and try to fall asleep, I know for a fact I’ll be hungover tomorrow and have to deal with Harry.

Waking up my hard was pounding, “Ugh.” Rolling over I sit up to Jane not in her bed, picking up my alarm clock, the small numbers reading 1:30pm. I’ve missed all my classes, I’m going to be in so much trouble.

“Oh morning sleepy head!” The door opens and Jane strolls in with a bag of food.

“You’ve missed your classes but I covered for you, said you were ill and when my mum checked on you, you were sleeping so I think you’re safe. I bought you water and a sandwich.”

“Oh thank you.” I stand up and quickly walk over to my wardrobe getting dressed into black jeans and a black top before brushing my teeth. As I sit down to eat, I ask Jane, “Have you er, have you seen Harry today?”

“I did, he was at practice. He didn’t seem himself.” She had a puzzled look on her face.

“Oh, I’m going to go and see him.” I stand up having finished my food and put my boots on.

“Okay, he should be in the gym, practice ran an hour late today so they don’t finish till 2.” I nod, leaving our room.

Mine and Harry’s relationship has always been rocky and by far no means perfect. We argue more than anything, we’re complete opposites, but we’ve been together for 3 years now.

Pushing open the gym door, I see the boys all stood in a circle talking. I stay back and wait sitting down on a bench. The boys break and all walk in different directions, Harry looks around the room spotting me and smiling slightly.

“Hey you.” He comes and sits with me, putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Where were you today?” “I slept through my alarm so didn’t bother with my lessons.” I shrug, “Fairy godmother was concerned about ya, so was I.” “I’m fine. Just overslept.” He pushes my hair out my face and a worrying look appears on his face, “Is that what I did yesterday?” He runs his fingers over the red mark on my neck, I flinch slightly, it clearly bruising. “Yeah.” I sigh, I look up at him for the first time and see a big purple bruise on his face, “Is that what I did yesterday?” Shocked I put both hands on his face and run my thumb over the bruise.

“It’s okay, I deserved it. I’m so sorry I did that to you.” His head drops and I lift his chin.

“Don’t be.” “I’m no good for you Y/n.” “Don’t you say that.” I sit even closer to him, “But it’s true Y/n. We fall out so much, I’m not good enough for you. You should be with someone who deserves you.” I shake my head profoundly, “That’s not true. If anything it’s the other way around Harry.” “I feel like we need space.” “What?” “I’m sorry but it’s over, we need time apart.” He gets up letting my hands go, before walking out the room. Shocked I sit there for ages, staring at the ceiling, my whole world falling apart around me. The silence was so loud it was deafening, it was like I was in another world, everything moving in slow motion.

Because I'm really not here when you're not there

I stand up and wipe the single tear that fell down my cheek away. I walk, slowly back to my room, when I open the door Jane was there, sat at her desk reading. “You okay?” I shake my head and sit on my bed pulling my knees to my chest. “What happened?” “We broke up.” I shut my eyes trying to not let the tears fall. “Oh Y/n I’m sorry.” Jane takes my silence as a queue to talk again, “Do you still want to go to the barbecue?” “Sure, I can’t hide forever I suppose.” I stand up and grab a grey jumper, slipping it over my black top.

“Let’s go.” She links our arms and I smile slightly at her efforts to cheer me up.

We walk out to the field and see everyone sat around a fire. “Hey Y/n.” Mal waves me and Jane over and we sit with her, I see Harry’s head rise at the mention of my name and he looks at me quickly before dropping his eyes again.

The evening flows and all I can do is stare into space and smile at people when they mention my name, I couldn’t even look at Harry without feeling emotionless.

I keep giving people blank stares

I'm so different when you're not there

Once the bonfire finishes, I stay and sit in front of the fire, even though the evening was cold, the air was warm from the flames. “Want some company?” I look up surprised, “Sure.” I shuffle over and make room for Harry. “What are you doing here? I thought you wanted space.” “I did, but I can see you’re shutting everyone out. You didn’t speak a single word at the bonfire.” “I didn’t feel like it.” “Love, you can’t ignore people.” “Why not? You do.” “That’s different.” “Oh really? So it’s different when you ignore me, when you ignore our plans?” “No it’s not but Y/n you know we’re not good for each other.” “We are for each other, we are so good for each other Harry.” “What makes you say that! We’re toxic, we argue, hell we even hit each other yesterday, we’re crazy.” Angry I stand up, “You’re wrong. We may be bad for each other but the good out-ways it. Hell when we’re good we’re amazing, I love you Harry, you know that.” “I love you too but I can’t deal with the stress, the control and the things you make me do.” “Fine then.” I walk away but he grabs me pulling me back. “I’m sorry love but it’s just how it has to be.” “Go to hell.” I yell at him before walking away and back to my room.

-(A month later) as I walk into the cafeteria, everyone stops talking and they all look at me, “What are you all looking at?” I shout, causing everyone to continue talking and eating, word must of spread about mine and Harry’s break up.

I sit at an empty table and eat my lunch.

“Y/n!” I look up to see Jane running towards me. “You’ve got to come with me now!” She drags me out my chair. “What? What’s going on?” She doesn’t answer me but continues run. “Jane stop!” I pull my arm back halting her in her tracks. “Tell me now!” “It’s Harry, he’s gone crazy, he’s challenged Chad to a fight, loser having to go to the Isle.” Following her out to the field, I see everyone gathered around Chad and Harry, I push through everyone until I’m stood in between them, “Have you gone mad?”I yell at Harry, he looks surprised to see me, I’m surprised to see him too, I haven’t seen him in a month. “Maybe.” “This stops now.” I say pushing Chad away and dragging Harry by the arm. “You’re insane. Loser has to go to the isle? Harry, Chad would of beat you easily.” “That’s the point.” We sit away from everyone on the bleachers. “You want to go back to the isle?”

“Yeah, I mean I’ve no purpose here now.” “What do you mean? Of course you do?” “Not without you Y/n. I’ve had this hell this last month. I’ve not been myself. I’ve hated it.”

I'm so different when you're not there

“Me too.” I look up at him and grab his hands, he stares at me with those blues eyes that could melt anyone’s heart and make them fall to their knee’s.

I get weak and fall like a teenager

“I’m really sorry, I thought I needed space but I really don’t.” I smile slightly and look up at him.

“You mean so much to me.” He places a hand on my face and kisses me softly. “I’ve missed you.” I pull him in for a hug and hold him tight.

“Don’t leave me again.” He squeezes me tightly and lets go, resting his forehead on mine, “I won’t. Even if we are no good.” I giggle, making him laugh too. I kiss him again and turn in my seat, leaning into his chest, he sighs and puts his arm around my shoulders. “I love you.” “I love you too.” I reply. Let’s see how long this good phase lasts before we fall out again.

I go back to you, back to you, back to you everytime.

-

Hope you liked it. Working on request now will be up tomorrow or Wednesday.

[zainbap]

like autumn leaves, we fall

BangDae college/university AU  •  masterpost  •  AO3

words: 2539

part one

~

It’s Saturday afternoon, and while most students in the area are still sleeping off the booze from last night, Daehyun is stumbling off the bus and running towards the campus library.

One week, he thinks to himself. It’s only been one week, and he already feels stretched too thin. He slept badly even before he started college, didn’t think it could get any worse, but he’d been wrong. He’s been living on the average two hours per night throughout the week. He’d been looking forward to spend most of his first weekend in bed, until he woke up with a start this morning, realizing he doesn’t have the course book they’re supposed to have read before Monday’s morning class.

He expects to find the department as busy and crowded as is usually is, but the place is shockingly quiet. Daehyun nearly holds his breath the moment he steps out of the revolving door, the sound of his pounding heart seeming so incredibly loud to his own ears. There are students scattered around the tables and couches, but no one lifts their head to look at him entering. They seem to be in their own world, focused on their work. Thank god.

Collecting himself a little, Daehyun takes a new breath and straightens up. He runs a hand through his morning hair, even though it’s a condemned mess, and rearranges the bag strap that’s about to fall off his shoulder. He glances up at the clock, noting that the library will close in less than three hours.

Daehyun doesn’t even attempt to look for the book on his own — he’s never been good at orientating himself in libraries, and he doesn’t want to waste more time. He heads straight for the desk, digging in his pocket for the piece of paper he’d scribbled down the title and ISBN number.

The guy sitting behind the desk doesn’t look much older than himself, and Daehyun’s steps can’t help but falter a little. Because he’s definitely not dressed to impress today — or groomed, for that matter — and the universe must truly hate him this week, because the guy is attractive. At least, what little Daehyun can see, the way he’s got his head bowed down over a book. He’s wearing glasses, the big and round kind, and Daehyun used to think they looked ridiculous, but this dude is proving him wrong.

When Daehyun approaches the desk, the guy looks up from his book and meets Daehyun’s gaze with a friendly smile. He straightens up a little.

“Hi,” he says, in an incredibly deep voice.

“Hey,” Daehyun breathes out, planting his hands on top of the desk. “I really need to borrow a course book. I’ve ordered it online already, but it hasn’t arrived yet, and I need it before class on Monday.” He holds out the piece of paper. “This one. I'm— Please say you still got a copy.”

“Let me check,” the guy says.

He takes the note from Daehyun’s hand before turning to his computer. He pushes his glasses further up his nose with his forefinger, before typing in the title in the search field.

Daehyun waits patiently, expecting the worst. He knows he’s late, knows he should’ve tried borrowed the book as soon as they got the assignment. But he’s so new to how these things work, to have this level of responsibility, and he’d allowed himself to relax knowing he’d ordered his books online. It didn’t even occur to him how long the shipping would take.

He’s an idiot. Daehyun wants to slap himself.

The guy frowns at his screen, and the way his nose scrunches up is ridiculously cute. For a moment, Daehyun forgets about his academic crisis and just appreciates the cute guy he probably never would’ve met if he hadn’t gotten himself in this situation.

“There’s none left to lend you, unfortunately,” the guy says. Daehyun is just about to panic when he continues. “But we still have one copy for reference. You can’t take it home with you, but you can read it here in the library.” His eyes quickly dart over Daehyun. “Do you… got what you need to finish your assignment here? We’re closing in a few hours, but… there’s still time.”

Daehyun blinks, torn between feeling disappointed and utterly relieved. He hurries to mentally check off a list of things he brought with him.

“Yes,” he hurries to say. “Thank you. Shit, thank you. That’s fine. That’s great.”

The guy chuckles a little, a wheezy kind of sound, and Daehyun is surprised by the contrast from his otherwise baritone voice.

“Okay,” he guy says, moving to ‘round the desk. “I’ll show you the shelf.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Daehyun tells him, following him through the bookcases. “Really. I thought I was done for. And it’s only my first week.”

The guy chuckles again, but doesn’t respond. Daehyun decides it’s time to shut up. He absently wonders just how many students like him a librarian has to deal with on a weekly basis.

“Here.”

He stops and picks a book from the top shelf, marked with blue tape, and hands it to Daehyun. They’re closer now, and for the first time Daehyun notices the name tag on the man’s chest. Yongguk. He hurries to raise his gaze again, feeling awkward when noticing the amused smile in the corner of Yongguk’s mouth.

“Thank you,” he says again, holding tightly to the book. “I’ll be quick.”

“You can keep it until we close,” Yongguk says, shrugging. But he’s still smiling. “Unless one of your classmates come to fight you for it, of course.”

Daehyun’s shoulders sag.

“I’m pretty sure none of them are as late as I am,” he mutters.

He expects Yongguk to just chuckle and return to his desk again, but he tilts his head to the side. Regarding him for a second, and it makes Daehyun’s heart jolt.

“You really shouldn’t be stressing out this much the very first week,” he comments.

“Easier said than done,” Daehyun sighs. “Honestly, it’s just bad planning. Totally my fault. It’s not like we’re drowning in assignments or anything. I’m just—”

He doesn’t know how to finish the sentence, doesn’t know why the hell he’s talking about this with the librarian. He feels heat starting to rise to his face, embarrassed by the thought of anyone else sitting by the tables on the other side of the shelves, hearing him. Judging him.

Yongguk doesn’t look like he’s judging him, though. He looks downright concerned.

“You’ll be okay,” he says after a moment. “You still got time.”

Daehyun nods, keeping his mouth shut. He’s done complaining to a stranger.

Yongguk offers a weak smile before he nods and starts to head back the way they came, brushing past Daehyun as he does so.

“I’ll be at the front desk if you need any more help,” he says.

Daehyun nods again, even though Yongguk can’t see it.

He finds an unoccupied table in the corner of the library, and makes himself at home. He wishes he’d brought snacks or at least a water bottle with him, seeing as he’ll be here for a while. There’s still a hint of panic raging in his gut, knowing he’s on a timer, but he tries not to think about it. He flips his notebook open and turns his phone off, forbidding himself to waste time.

I’ll be okay, he tells himself. I can do this.

-

-

With his phone turned off, and no clock within his line of sight, Daehyun has no perception of time. He only knows he’s filled several pages in his notebook by the time Yongguk comes walking up to him.

“Fuck,” he whines. “Has it been three hours already? Are you closing?”

“Oh, no,” Yongguk hurries to reassure him. Daehyun first then notices the glass of water in his hands. “No, I was just— Do you want some water? You… looked like you might need it.”

Daehyun blinks.

“Oh. Thank you. I'm— Yeah, I forgot to bring anything. Too busy just bringing myself,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair again. Feeling self-conscious. “Thank you, really.”

Yongguk puts the glass down, giving him a small smile. He turns around and leaves, and Daehyun can’t help but feel disappointed. He sighs, takes a big sip water, and returns his attention to his work.

-

-

When he’s about halfway through the chapters he’s supposed to be reading, Yongguk shows up again. He isn’t carrying anything this time, but simply points to the chair opposite of Daehyun.

“Mind if I sit?”

Daehyun opens his mouth, hesitating. He hates his life.

“No offence, dude,” he says slowly. “But I’m 99% sure you’ll distract me if you sit there.”

Yongguk chuckles again, and the sound makes something stir inside Daehyun’s belly. He doesn’t look offended at all.

“I just thought I could help you out.” He nods toward the book he’d handed Daehyun earlier. “We read it in my first year, too.”

Daehyun blinks, processing the facts he’s been given.

“What’s your major?”

“Education,” Yongguk replies. “I’m in my third year. My roommate graduated last year, so I decided to get a part-time job this semester to help with the rent,” he explains, shrugging with one shoulder as if to gesture to the library in general.

“Oh,” Daehyun says dumbly. Not sure what else to say.

Yongguk is still smiling faintly.

“If you’d rather do it by yourself, I get it. I just thought I’d offer to help you out.” He seems to hesitate. “You seem to be dealing with some anxiety, and I know what that’s like. So.”

Daehyun swallows, moved by how friendly and kind Yongguk is being. This first week has been heavy on him, both physically and mentally. He hasn’t really bonded with any of his classmates yet, and he’s still feeling lost in the big city after only moving here three days before his classes started. It’s a lot of things to adapt to, and while no one has given him a hard time, exactly, neither has anyone truly offered a helping hand the way Yongguk is doing right now.

“I- Thank you,” Daehyun says again, around the sudden lump in his throat. He must sound like a broken record, but there’s really nothing else to say. “You're… so nice.”

Yongguk’s smile grows to the point where Daehyun sees a flash of teeth and gums, before he goes to sit on the chair he’d pointed at earlier.

“It’s no problem,” he says simply.

He puts his elbows on the table, leaning forward a little. And it’s just enough for the corner of a tattoo to peek out from the collar of his shirt, and Daehyun hurries to tear his eyes away.

If Yongguk notices, he doesn’t seem to care.

-

-

When Daehyun drops the book back on the table, letting it fall closed, it’s barely twenty minutes till closing time. He groans both in victory and annoyance. But he’s done. He managed to do it. He won’t be falling behind entering his second week of college.

“Thank fuck,” he mutters, leaning back in his chair. “Oh my god. This was so not how I pictured myself spending my Saturday.”

Yongguk chuckles across the table, mirroring his pose. Since joining Daehyun by the table, he’s only had to run back to the front desk three times, but he’s always come back. Daehyun hadn’t really expect him to. It all went smoother, once he had someone else to discuss with. He has a tendency to lose himself in his thoughts, and focusing on Yongguk and the chapter they were discussing, helped.

“Let me guess,” Yongguk says, smirking. “You’d rather be out partying.”

Daehyun can’t help but snort.

“No, dude. I’d rather be lying in bed, stuffing my face with a bag of chips.”

Yongguk laughs at that, and it’s just as wheezy as his chuckles. Daehyun feels himself grin at the sound of it, feeling overwhelmed and proud that he’s the one who made Yongguk laugh like that.

“Actually,” he comments, once he’s calmed down, “that doesn’t sound too bad.”

He sighs, and rises from his chair. Daehyun hurries to pack his things and do the same, keeping the course book in his hand.

Yongguk walks with him to the shelf to put it back, and then Daehyun follows him back to the front desk. The book Yongguk had been reading when Daehyun first came in is still there, neglected and forgotten.

“This sounds strange now,” Yongguk says, scratching the back of his neck. “But what’s your name?”

Daehyun is shocked for a moment, before remembering that he doesn’t got a name tag like Yongguk does. That despite the hours they’ve spent in each other’s presence, Yongguk doesn’t know what the hell his name is.

“Daehyun,” he replies, unable to stop himself from running angry fingers through his hair yet again.

“I’m Yongguk,” Yongguk replies, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I know,” Daehyun offers, nodding to his chest.

Yongguk rolls his eyes, scoffing. Daehyun’s heart does something ridiculous. He tightens his grip on his bag strap, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He knows he’s supposed to be leaving, to wave and tell Yongguk thank you one last time, but he can’t help but linger.

Most of the other students have gone home by now. All tables within Daehyun’s line of sight are empty. He knows he shouldn’t feel excited about that, about being left alone with Yongguk, but he can’t help it. Can’t help but feel hopeful. He’s not even sure what he’s hoping for. Just. Something.

But the silence stretches on for too long, and Daehyun starts to feel horribly awkward just standing there, so he swallows and nods to himself.

“Right. Okay. Thank you again, Yongguk.”

He backs away slowly. Yongguk is still smiling at him. He looks so soft, and Daehyun knows he’s screwed. Knows he’s gonna have a stupid crush on this guy for the rest of the semester, even if he never sees him again.

“Hope I’ll see you again,” Yongguk says. “And take care of yourself, Daehyun. Don’t stress too much.”

Daehyun ducks his head down, embarrassed.

“I’ll try not to,” he promises, and turns around before he backs into something. That would be awkward. “Okay. Bye.”

“See ya,” Yongguk calls after him.

Daehyun has to force himself not to look back as he heads for the bus stop, worried that Yongguk will see him do it. He doesn’t glance back at the building until he’s on the bus, finding an empty seat. The windows are too dark for him to make out anything past the vague shapes of the shelves.

He sighs, fishing up his phone and turning it back on. He’s got five snaps waiting for him — whereas at least four are definitely of Mochi — and about twenty unread messages in the group chat with Junhong and Jongup. There’s also one text from Youngjae, which he decides to read first.

First rule of college: make your weekends count.

Daehyun hums to himself, thinking of the panic he’d felt when waking up a couple hours ago. He taps the screen to type out a reply.

This one has been great so far.

[haydenstudiesblog-blog]

i'm starting my sophomore year of high school soon and i'm completely stressing out. i finished freshman year 4th in my class and a uw gpa of 98 and w gpa of 103.3. (my gc hasnt converted it to the 4.0/5.0 scale for me yet). i'm beyond nervous for this year because i now have such high expectations for myself. i'm also taking 2 college level classes and i don't know if i will be able to handle the workload. can you give me some tips on handling stress/doing well in rigorous courses ? thank you !

Well first let me just say this: you remind me so much of myself and my boyfriend right now in the fact that you’re giving yourself such high expectations and you’re already stressing about meeting them! Take a moment to relax; a tip I have yet to actually practice myself is to relax. If you aren’t relaxed, you’re just going to stress yourself out even more, if that makes sense. If you walk in with a bunch of stress and worries, they will only get worse.

I, myself, am in college and am taking on an overload and I took 2 summer classes, neither of which I have ever done before. I was nervous and I really needed to do well, and I knew that. I had my heart set on doing well, and I took/am taking the time to sit down and give all of my attention to the work I need to get done... and I did well, and I’m still doing well!

Relax. Don’t worry before you have anything to worry about.

Make sure you make time to do the things you enjoy doing, whether that be reading, binge watching some Netflix, vegging out on the couch for a couple of hours. A lot of people say that you have to stay productive 24/7, but in my experience that’s not the case. That’s how you get burnt out. Stay productive, maybe, 12/5?

Obviously, put your work first. It sounds like you know this and have put it into good practice, since you did SO SO SO well your freshman year, but I’ll hammer it in again anyway. Do any readings you have ahead of time so that once you’re in class or you finally get to that section/chapter, you already have at least some understanding of it and you can have questions prepared in case something doesn’t get covered in class. Get your homework done as soon as possible. That may not be directly after school because some people (like myself) have to eat something before they can be productive, or have extra curricular activities, or whatever. As soon as you are home for the evening, get your work done. If you don’t have anything due the next day, get a head start on projects or homework that is due later on. Always do at least something productive at the end of the day.

Important: have a planner, especially since you are taking a heavy workload! It will be important to have all of your assignments listed in one place. I’m not sure how your high school works, if you will know your assignments ahead of time or not. If you know them ahead of time, write them in your planner. If you don’t know them ahead of time, write them in as you hear about them.

Your college classes will probably have syllabi and will hopefully have due dates listed. When I write in my due dates, I prefer to write the assignment under the day that I want to work on it, not the day it is actually due. So if I have homework due on a Thursday, I would write it in my planner on the Tuesday before so I know to work on it. If that makes sense.

Stay organized. If you are losing assignments left and right you’re going to stress even more. Also, I like to keep all of my assignments even after I’m done taking a class because you’d be surprised at how many classes in college actually kind of overlap a little in terms of topics that are covered. Anyway, I’m taking 6 classes, so I have 2 separate 3-subject notebooks and each class has its own section. I would probably recommend getting a folder for each class as well. You could also get a binder to keep everything in so it’s all in one place, but that’s not required; I personally don’t use a binder, but that’s just personal preference.

After that, if you have time (which I hope you do, you should definitely TRY to make time), do your fun stuff. Do your vegging out in front of the TV or free-reading or what have you. You need to make time for the fun stuff, even if it’s just reading one chapter of a book before bed or watching one episode on Netflix. Even hanging out with friends, because that’s important in high school. Mental health is important as well, don’t forget. CRUCIAL. Mental health is CRUCIAL. If you need to take a mental health day, take it; you’d be surprised at how understanding teachers/professors can be when it comes to mental health.

Incentives: in my creative writing class, our professor gave us little calendars and each day we sit down and write (or are productive in some form that relates to writing, like jotting down ideas or something), we can mark off the day. I gave myself incentives to write. For example: if I write every day for a full week, I can pick an evening to binge-watch my favorite show all night, BUT I have to plan accordingly (do homework the night before or just plan it for a night I know I won’t have any homework). I have other incentives that get better and better the longer I go without taking a day off from writing. This could be hard for someone in high school to do, because it might be hard to tell when you’re going to have homework or not. My recommendation would be to get all of your homework done the day it is assigned, and if you do that every day for a full week then maybe give yourself a night off or plan a night with friends or something. My incentives go: 1 full week, 1 full month, 2 full months, 3 full months, 4 full months. I stopped at 4 months because that’s how long a semester is, and that’s when I would potentially get my biggest reward (order Stitch Fix because I’ve been wanting to try it). After 4 full months the cycle would start over, assuming I made it 4 full months of writing every day. It should also be noted that I have weekends as exceptions, but they are bonuses if I choose to write on the weekends.

Most of all: don’t get discouraged if you don’t do quite as well as you hope. I have total confidence in you, my beautiful little Anonymous land mermaid, but you need to have confidence in yourself. This is something I have learned the hard way. Have confidence in yourself, and if you don’t do as well as you hope, don’t get down. You have a heavy load, and if some things fall through the cracks (maybe you forgot to do a little assignment), it’s not a big deal. Because you’ll nail all the other assignments and make up for it. If you allow yourself to get down and discouraged and worry too much (worrying when necessary is okay, worrying when not necessary is not healthy), it will have a negative effect on your work and your well-being. Believe me, I know, it’s a slippery slope. Of course it’s easier said than done, but as long as you make sure you give yourself plenty of time at the end of the day to get those assignments done and then have a little free time to do your fun stuff, you’ll be okay.

Just a side note: if you go through my #haydenstudiesblog tags you can see a couple of posts I made about how I have been taking notes lately in terms of color-coding them to stay engaged both in class and at home while I’m just doing reading assignments. I’ve found that using fun colors actually has been helping me stay productive, surprisingly enough.

I hope these tips helped at least a little! If anyone would like to add, feel free! I’m sorry that it’s kind of all over the place, but I wanted to do it off the top of my head and just keep adding based off of my own experience and what I personally do. I may have left some things out that I wanted to include, but hey, being scatter-brained goes hand-in-hand with taking on a heavy workload (just a warning, I promise it won’t last forever).