#Tommyshelbyxreader

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 3

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst, mutual pining, betrayal, emotional manipulation, emotional whiplash.

It was 1919. Over a year since she left Thomas and the betting shop behind. [Name] was stuck in solitude for days, and each day her mother comforted her, easing her daughters cries until she slept. The first person to reach out to her since she had left, was Ada.

"Please talk to me [Name]," She had asked her friend, sitting across from her at the small dining table.

"There is nothing to say, Ada...I can't go back, not now," She picked at her nails anxiously, the deep burgundy lacquer slowly chipping away.

"Believe it or not, it hasn't gone completely to shit, but Aunt Pol is having a hard time finding reliable people to do your job-"

"That's not my job anymore," [Name] reminded her. "Listen I'm sorry...I really am,"

"Where will you go now?" Ada asked. The girl opposite to her thought for a moment, she could be a barmaid but the chances of running into the Peaky boys were high. Jobs for women were scarce now that the men are back. So she just opted to respond with a shrug.

"No idea, Ada..."

Over a year later and she managed to get a job at the local library. It was quiet, of course, but at the very least she was able to put some of her knowledge to good use. It paid well enough for her to live comfortably and it kept her hidden away from running into the Shelby Family. She was just glad she didn't have to resort to becoming a prostitute. Her mother would have a heart attack is that was the case. With the exception of Ada and Polly, who would often drop in to have tea with her and her mother or bring treats and gifts. Sometimes [Name] felt they only offered these gifts as peace offerings, of behalf of what Thomas had done. It was as if they still couldn't forgive him, and they would understand if she couldn't either.

Because in the last year, she had changed.

Physically and mentally. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, the stress of illegal betting and horseracing, the stress of Thomas Shelby had left her life, which in turn rewarded her to grow even more. In only a year, she begun to finally get noticed by the other young bachelors of Birmingham. Little did she know, she had them turning their heads all this time, she was busy with her eyes on someone else.

It was one afternoon when she met her current suitor. His name was Daniel and he was the sweetest man she had ever met. Considering she had only surrounded herself with the three Shelby men and the Peaky boys, that was a big change. While she was working at the front desk of the Library, he requested some aid in retrieving a couple of maps of the world. She didn't pay any mind to Daniel at first until the third and fourth week he had come in, still asking for her help.

"I remember you, I would assume you knew where the maps were by now," She quietly cut him off. This caught him off guard, making him flustered as he tried to search for his words. [Name] only smiled as she watched the dark auburn haired man blush more and more.

"I-I am sorry miss...I just," He cleared his throat. She arched her brow at him for a moment. He was at a loss for words as he admired her beauty. That day he had asked if she'd like to accompany him to some dinner in London, to get to know each other more.

It had been a very peaceful and cherishing month with Daniel, she found that he was a traveling business man and was looking to expand his company in America. But, like all good things it came to an end when Thomas Shelby came into the picture once again. While in London with Daniel, he took her to the shops to buy a new dress to meet his family one night. She had broken away from him as he spoke to the salesman about the dress he was about to purchase. Stepping outside to look at the lightly clouded sky, examining the different shops on the street.

"[Name]?" The voice sent shivers down her spine. She quickly turns at the mention of her name towards the deep voice.

"Thomas?" She asked, surprised to see him.

Seeing the man that broke her heart and betrayed her trust right in front of her eyes was like a whirlwind of emotions. She didn't know if she should stay, run, or beat him until he was blue and on his knees begging for her forgiveness.

But, she was better than that. She was with a man who actually loved her.

"It's nice to see you again," Thomas told her, stepping closer. She subtly takes a step back, clearing her throat as her eyes dart to the shop entrance, praying to God that Daniel will emerge soon so the two can leave the awkward interaction and never turn back.

"Yeah, sure, Thomas..." She nods slightly. Thomas Shelby didn't forget what happened between them over a year ago, but he was perplexed that she would still treat him like a stranger, even after all these years of being as close as they once were. Within that year of missing her by his side, he refrained from showing up at her home to see her, refraining from asking Ada and Polly to tell him what they had discussed when they visited her. Part of him hoped that her and her mother still took those evening walks in Uncle Charlies' yard after dinner. Thomas often found himself at Charlies' yard nearly every night, hoping he would run into her.

But that's exactly what she had avoided. [Name] did everything in her power to avoid every little place and thing Tommy knew about her. IT seemed to work, until this very moment.

"What brings you here?" She asked curiously. Hoping she didn't have to put her favorite dress shop in London on a list of places to avoid Thomas Shelby.

"Just...doing some business in London as it seems...until I saw you leaving the dress shop...thought I would come and say hello," He shrugged. [Name] looked down at her gloved hands, pondering her next words.

"I see...well, goodbye Thomas," She nods once, still avoided his eyes, afraid that once she sees his eyes again, it will start all over again. The warmth he gave her, the butterflies in her stomach, the cure to all of her hardships. She makes hasty steps past him, but his hand reaches out to grab her arm...it was gentle but firm as to not hurt her. He always knew how to be gentle with her.

"[Name], please..." He said quietly. She felt the tears brim her eyes as she slowly turned to him again. Slowly lifting her gaze to his eyes. Once he saw her tears, it was like everything around them had stopped. It was just them two together and no one else.

"What Thomas? What could you possibly want from me now?...After all this time, when I am finally happy you come into my life again, why?" She asked, sniffling as the small tears rolled down her high cheekbones and onto her chin. Her skin blushed, and her eyes were red with salty tears. He was at a loss for words at first.

He gently spoke her name again, reaching down to pick up her hand in his, testing the waters to see just how much she will accept from him. Her hand twitched and nearly jerked away as he slipped her glove off. Feeling the warmth of his skin made her comply. His hands were rough now, from the years of digging tunnels and fighting. She had no doubt that his hands and mind were both distressed.

"I...I'm sorry for how things ended between us...frankly I can't stop thinking about you," He told her regretfully. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the London sun, the tears glistening as they roll. Each one looking like diamonds.

"You're sorry...After a year you're finally sorry," She almost laughed. Thomas only sighed.

"Yes of course! and...and I regret everything I said, I can't live my life without you, [name],"

"You should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you!" Her voice raised just a bit, before realizing that she was still in public, as to not bring attention to herself. For once, Tommy didn't know what to say next. His eyes darted across her face. Her cheeks were red, her brows were furrowed in frustration, and her lips... Oh those lips he had always wanted to kiss deeper each night upon his return, they were downcast in a frown. He released a sigh when he realized her eyes had not left his this entire time. He knew she still loved him deep down. She just couldn't bear it. His thumb ran over the top of her hand gently.

"I hurt you, I know that now and...There is nothing else I can say other than I am immensely sorry, give me another chance [name], I can prove it to you that I am a new man, as friends or more I need you in my life,"

His words made her lips tremble as she closed her eyes to think and steady her breath. She opened her eyes first before she opened her mouth to speak.

"[Name]?" A voice called, and suddenly the bubble bursts. It was like the busy street surrounding them suddenly became clear again. It wasn't just the two of them in the world anymore. She turned her head from Thomas to Daniel. The man she adored more than anything, as he searched for her. Thomas also managed to sneak a glance at the stranger, and his cold heart sunk a little deeper into the pit, leaving a sour taste in his mouth and a clenched jaw. She looked back at Thomas.

"Think about it," He whispered before walking off.

[Name] stood in her place in stillness as she tried to process what just happened to her. Daniel approached her, smiling widely as he informed her that he purchased the dress and reassuring her that it will look lovely on her for the dinner party with his family. She gave him a small smile before it quickly faded when he looked away from her.

The days leading up to the dinner party, she had thought of Thomas. It was like he himself had infected her mind as she had no more room to think clearly of anything else besides him and the words he spoke to her. But could she really trust him again?

Should she trust him again?

Every day and every night she had spent with Daniel, she tried her best to reciprocate the love he had for her, but somehow something was wrong. She didn't love him the way she loved Thomas. The night of the dinner party, she waited for Daniel to pick her up. Wearing the dress he had bought her, the jewelry she borrowed from her mother, and the hair and makeup she spent hours perfecting just to impress his family.

"What's wring, dear? Your hands are shaking," Her mother pointed out as she helped her daughter prepare.

"I...I don't think I can do this," She swallowed thickly. But before her mother could even ask, there was a ring at the door. [Name's] stomach was in knots and her blood ran cold. Her mothers words of encouragement were drowned out by her own raging heartbeat. When she opened the door, her mouth was agape. Expecting to see Daniel, instead Thomas stood at the front door.

Out of breath and panting. No words were exchanged as they stared at each other. She nearly leaps into his arms as she engulfs him in a tight embrace. It felt right, being in his arms again. Like they were kids again.

The following days, she kept her distance from Daniel, much to her mothers dismay. She had written him a letter.

To my Darling Daniel, I am sorry things had to happen this way. You had shown me the love no man has ever shown me before. But I am afraid I do not deserve it. Our time together was more than I could ask for, but I simply cannot keep loving you the way you want me to. I will forever cherish our memories together in my heart, as you were the only man to treat me a way a woman should be treated. I hope you find love again, and the next woman you find love in will be a very lucky to have you. I will always have you in my heart. [Name].

With the letter, she returned the dress he had bought her, she thought it would be ill-mannered to keep it. She hadn't heard from him after that. Not even a letter back, but she knew why. She would never hold that against him.

The following week, [Name] had began showing her face around the betting shop again. Here and there popping in to talk to Ada and Polly, slipping away into Tommy's office to speak with him when he wasn't busy. It was a but of a shock to the Shelby women when they saw her. They thought she was crazy for showing up again, but she had reassured them that everything was fine.

For months on end, [Name] and Thomas would spend their time together. Hand in hand as they drunkenly walked along the streets after visiting a pub on the weekends. Dancing to records in her home, holding each other close as they slow danced in the fire-place lit room. One night they went to the old hill, the same hill they used to go to when they were kids. Laying beside each other, drinking a bottle of cheap wine as they star-gazed. It was the only place where the sky wasn't absolutely covered by the smoke and smog of the city.

"I forgot how beautiful the sky was at night," She spoke softly as she sat up, eyes scanning the sky.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He asked, leaning his shoulder against hers. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly with a nod, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Thomas?" She asked. He hums.

"I missed you,"

"I missed you too, [Name]," He spoke truthfully. That night, they shared a kiss.

A week later, she approached him in his office.

"Pol said you were going to the derby..."

"We are...It's an important matter of business, [Name],"

The girl sighs. "I know that...I also told you I would go with you if you needed me to,"

"No..."

"Uh- no?" She asked, perplexed.

"Absolutely not, Kimber is a dangerous man, you're not coming with us," He argued. She aggressively rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air before putting them on her hips.

"I was hoping to come talk to you without being interrupted-" She mumbled.

"And I was hoping you would know better than to ask to join on this mission-"

"Then who are you taking?" She interrupted him, crossing her arms. Thomas sighs, shaking his head in disbelief at her childish attitude.

"The barmaid,"

"The barmaid? Why the fuck would you take the barmaid?" She asked. He widened his eyes at her for a moment. She bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for his response.

"It's all a part of the plan, please trust me," He stood as he slowly walked to her, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her mind. She pursed her lips, a solemn look on her face.

"I don't care who goes with you to the derby, I just can't sit here and hope you'll come out alive one of these days...I-" She pauses. "I adore you too much, Thomas,"

He pulls her into a tight hug, his hand caressing her hair as he kissed her forehead. "Everything will be okay," He reminded her. Lifting her chin to slowly look at him. Her eyes, as alluring as they were. His lips attack hers in a rough kiss. Pushing [Name] against the wall as her fingers pull at the fabric of his white shirt, his body pressing against hers. She could practically feel his heart beating against her chest. His hands slipping down her body, her waist to her hips to the roundness of her ass. His strong hands gripping every curve of her as he started pulling at her dress with his hands. Pulling away to catch their breath, but before she would dive in for another kiss Finn had burst through the door, inquiring that their Aunt Polly needed to speak to Thomas at once.

Begrudgingly letting him handle his business, she was left alone in his office, blushing and fanning herself with her hands as the heat began to rise, biting her lip in bafflement.

She wanted to see him again and ask about the kisses they had started. What they meant, what would have happened if they weren't interrupted. But Thomas too involved with conspiring against Billy Kimber. Fucking Billy Kimber. Hearing his name made her clench her jaw. He had been the talk of every family meeting since he found his way into Birmingham just weeks ago. But Thomas was just too busy. Too busy to talk to her. Eventually, too busy to even see her as frequently.

She recognized the pattern. It was what happened to her before he left for France. If only she could just read his mind, find out exactly what was going on in that head of his. From seeing him and his eyes, his smile every day, to seeing him at least once a week. This time he would still act the same with her. Kind, gentle, caring, but somehow she knew it was different. He wouldn't touch her, or kiss her like he used to. [Name] thought that maybe, just maybe, if she told him how she felt everything will go back to normal. Perfect even.

She just had to wait for the right moment.

When Thomas had come to her home for an evening tea with her and her mother, she decided that she would tell him then. The tea was nice, the conversations went well. [Name] was eager to finish, to get it all over with, waiting for their moment alone. Later that night, after her mother excused herself to bed, the two sat on the couch, sharing a whiskey as they talked. She sat her glass down when he called her name to get her attention.

"I need to tell you something,"

Her ears and cheeks grew warm as she looked at him, eyes brighter than ever.

"I actually need to tell you something too...but please go first," She smiled. Thomas turned his body slightly towards her, seemingly less enthusiastic as her. Thomas clears his throat before he spoke.

"I want to start off by apologizing for not seeing you as much these past few months, but I promise everything is going to work out for the better in the end, not just for my family, but for yours as well..." He paused, holding one of her hands in his.

"Thomas," She glances at their interlocked hands before looking up at him again. His blue eyes didn't look as bright in the dim lighting of the room.

"You have been with my family since the beginning, and you helped us out when we needed you the most, when everything takes off, I want you by my side through it all, promise me that you will do that for me [Name]," He requested. The young woman stares into his eyes once more and nods silently.

"I can't imagine leaving your side...ever," She stated quietly. Thomas looked down again, smiling slightly. As far as she knew he rarely smiled now...the only time she saw him smile was when he was with her.

"There was another thing I wanted to talk about," He started. She nods, urging him to continue. "There's a woman,"

His voice dropped low, the way he said 'woman' rumbled as her cheeks flushed. At the drop of a pin, her lively face slowly dropped at his words.

"A woman?"

She sank into the sofa as he spoke, but his words fell upon deaf ears. Her mind went numb, buzzing as she blankly stared off into the shadows of the room. He loved her, convinced her to leave Daniel, kissed her, treated her like she was the only woman for him...almost married her. All those years together, meant nothing to him. Once again. She should have known better than to get attached to a man like him.

A man only out for his own good.

"[Name]...You're crying," He pointed out, stopping mid-explanation to wipe the tear. She wanted to tell him. Tell him she loved him, that she wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of their lives. She looks at him and smiles.

[Name] shook her head and sniffled, chuckling and looking away to wipe the tear.

"I'm just...really happy for you Thomas...She seems like a nice woman," She didn't hear a word he said about her. The mystery woman that had stolen his heart.

'If only you knew what I felt'

After Thomas had left that night, she went to her room, sobbing in her bed. The heaviness in her chest weighted her down as she was held into place by rocks. The agony she felt, not only for herself but for hurting the only man that loved her. All for nothing. It was too late to go back now.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96

[creativepawsworld]

Silence Master list

Inspired by the song Silence - by Marshmello feat Khalid. 

In a world where the threat of gangsters is impossibly high. Anastasia Adler finds herself thrusted into their life of criminal activity, killings and racketeering. All for the love of one man who makes her feel at peace in the wake of violence.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20 Part 21  Part 22  Part 23  Part 24  Part 25  Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31  Part 32  Part 33  Part 34  Part 35  Part 36  Part 37  Part 38  Part 39  Part 40  Part 41  Part 42  Part 43  Part 44  Part 45  Part 46  Part 47  Part 48  Part 49  Part 50  Part 51 Part 52  Part 53  Part 54  Part 55  Part 56 Part 57

[pridesthings]

love makes us blind part 2

pairing: tommy shelby x reader

summary: tommy does everything to find you, but all his tries stay unsuccessful, until he meets you a few years later by coincidence

warnings: angst, curse words

part 1 part 3

authors note: thank you all so much for your support, i‘m so glad you liked part 1 so i hope you will enjoy part 2 as much <3 love you 💌 also you can text me or comment on my posts to be added to my taglist <3 and if you have anything in your mind, feel free to request!!!🤍 charlie, his son btw doens’t exist in this story

taglist: @itscheybaby @lenaskyler02 @dopeqff

tommy sat in his big leather chair, looking around the book stuffed walls of his office. he could not bring hisself to distract him with all the papers in front of him, wich were waiting to be filled out. in the last months tommy tried everything to find you. he contacted all your friends, your family even the old man who owned the little bookshop, you would sometimes spend hours in, if you maybe recently had stopped by to ask for any new books. but there was no trail to be find wich would lead to you. his hands were on his temple, while taking advantage of the calmness spreading through the arrow house to think once a again about your location.

tommy had left grace after he found out about the truth and told her, just like she did to you, that he would give her a taste of her own medicine if she ever showed up here again.

tommy rushed through the big doors of the arrow house. francis came into the hall to take his coat and put it in the wardrobe for him, but he told her off and hurried up the stairs quickly. he entered the bedroom to face his wife. grace looked up from her dressing table and a wide smile hushed across her face as soon as she saw tommy. „you are back so early i th-“ she started but stopped quickly as she saw the death stare in tommy‘s eyes. her smile fell and she looked confused. „what happened? you look at me like i killed somebody“ grace asked now raising to her feet.

tommy signed deeply, before approaching her slowly. „well grace, emotionally you did.“ he said now standing in front of her. she looked even more flustered. „tommy, what do you mean?“ grace asked. he looked at her for a few moments, before giving the answer for his behavior away. „you know curly was at the stables and he surprisingly told be, that you choked y/n nearly to death. on our wedding day.“ grace‘s face fell. tommy could see the shock in her eyes but he was even more shocked, as he heard what grace said next.

„tommy, she looked at you like she was the bride and you were the groom on my own wedding! i know you guys know each other for a while but we all knew at some point you had to make a decision. her or me, and since i‘m your wife i made that decision for you, as it concerns me as much.“ she said now turning around again to sit at her dressing table and fix her hair, thinking the conversation was over, as tommy grabbed her wrist.

„everybody warned me about you, but i was so blind i couldn‘t see how you hurt me and the ones i love.” he spat through gritted teeth and paused for a second. looking around their bedroom. “you pack all of your things and you leave my fucking house. if you are still here when i come back, i’m going to make sure that you leave and never come back myself.” tommy threatened now letting go of her wrist in a forceful movement.

grace face went flustered. she opened her mouth, but closed it again quickly, not knowing what to say. as tommy turned on his heel to leave the room, she stammered nervously: “what- tommy, i’m your wife! you choose this rat over me?” tommy froze and stopped his movements immediately. he slowly turned around and said in a low voice. “you are no longer my wife. you are fucking dead to me, now you heard what i said. pack your things and leave, i’m not going to repeat myself.” he now left the room and let the door fall shut in a loud bang.

a knock on his office door lead him back to reality. he mumbled out a “come” as the door opened. he saw francis face. “mr. shelby your aunt is here” she informed him. “let her in” he said, not looking up from his desk. he heard francis leaving the room and polly entering it a few seconds later. he already prepared himself about the comments he would have to hear about him being an idiot letting y/n go, as if he didn’t think that of himself. “for fucks sake tommy, you can’t just sit around here and do nothing. that won’t bring her back”

he signed loudly. “polly don’t you think it is in my interest to bring her back too? i searched fucking everywhere i asked fucking everyone and i couldn’t fucking find her okay?” he said not knowing what to do anymore. polly looked at him, like she was reading his mind. after a moment she broke the silence again. “what, are you going to give up now? thomas, she is the one who gave light to this broken family and i will not tolerate you letting go of this that easily. you will find her and bring her back to the shelby’s alright? i want to see my little girl again” polly said annoyed from tommy’s weak excuse.

y/n practically grew up with the shelby’s after her parents died and she stayed with her uncle, who lived next to the betting shop. y/n was like the daughter polly never had and it truly broke her heart, that she was gone, because her nephew was blindly in love with a spy. polly left his office as fast as she entered it, not giving him a chance to answer her demand.

tommy’s several tries to find you stayed without success for years and he really lost his hope finding you. you probably went to another continent started a new life there, leaving the dark birmingham behind you. at least that was was he hoped. you could also be dead, but he shook that thought away quickly banning it out of his head. he could never in a million years forgive himself, if you got killed because you left on account of him.

he was on his way to an auction of race horses. he wanted to start doing legal business, so he had something good to distract him from you. he sat in the cart with john, charlie, curly, arthur and michael, taking a long drag from his cigarette, closing his eyes and leaning back. arthur sat next to him and looked at his younger brother. a little bit of worry flashed over his face, but he decided to be optimistic. “common brotha, we are on our way to make legal buisness now. theres no reason to be mournful today.” arthur tried to cheer tommy up while giving his shoulder a pat.

tommy focused his gaze on arthur while bringing the cigarette to his lips. he blew the smoke out and said. “yes, you’re right.” he got interrupted by the cart, wich came to a stop. tommy looked around the men, who returned his glance. “alright boys” he started. “we’re here. remember: no fighting, no guns. we are just here to buy a horse okay?” tommy inhaled to smoke of the cigarette, before he continued “look for the grey mare okay? let’s go” they all got out of the car and tommy crushed the cigarette on the ground.

they entered the big riding area, the auction had already started. tommy looked around the place, there were a lot of good horses, but not the one he was looking for. he stayed patient and told the boys to wait until the grey mare was for sale. he lighted another cigarette as the auctioneer suddenly said a name wich made his blood freeze. “the next one is brutus. we’ll start the bidding at 800 guineas ” he said loudly, so the whole hall could hear him. tommy looked at the horse and there he was. the white stallion, you and tommy named brutus together. the stallion he gave you for your birthday ten years ago. tommy leaned over the railing and nodded to the auctioneer. “tommy what are you, doing that’s not her” charlie whispered to him in a low voice. tommy ignored his voice and kept nodding to the auctioneer.

“one thousand six hundred, do i hear seven?” the auctioneer asked, tommy kept nodding. “tommy you have to stop you that have that much money” charlie hissed. “yes i do, i’m having this horse” tommy said unimpressed. the bidding went to two thousand and fifty guineas, when the auctioneer knocked his hammer and officially sold brutus to tommy. “sold! to..” he said “thomas shelby” tommy finished, looking at the horse. the people chattered, while tommy walked out of the hall without a second thought. the boys hurried after him. “tommy what the fuck was this about, this wasn’t the horse we came for!” arthur shouted after him. tommy turned around. “listen this was the horse i gave y/n for her birthday, do you remember? if the auctioneer tells me who gave the horse to auction i could find her” tommy explained, his voice low but still loud enough for the boys to hear. he didn’t wait for any of the boys to answer and headed trough the building to get to the office, he would get the certificate.

he stormed into the office. “ah mr. shelby. you bought..” the man on the chair paused for a second. “brutus, right?” he adjusted his glasses and looked up to tommy. “yes i did.” answered impatiently before continuing asking the question he wanted to ask. “who exactly brought brutus here?” the man looked at him surprised. “uh we don‘t usually get ask for the sellers“ the man answered. tommy looked at him expectant, still waiting for an answer, but his opponent remained silent. „listen i really need to know, who brought him here, so either you tell me or i‘ll make you tell me, the first one is the safest option“ tommy said annoyed, lifting his coat up to show him his gun belt. the man started shaking as soon as he saw the gun and you could see the fear on his face. „mr shelby i-“ he started but stopped again, taking a moment to collect himself. „it was a woman, she came by just before the auction started and begged me to sell the horse for auction“ the man took a deep breath and continued „said it reminded her of someone and she couldn‘t handle it anymore as much as she loved it“ he swallowed hardly and looking nervously at tommy. „she left me a card with her adress for the payment“ she stuttered. the man was shaking, while looking through his drawers to find the card. he handed it to tommy, who took it and immediately left his office after.

the boys were waiting outside. tommy stopped in front of them, not wanting to waste more time so he shortly explained his next moves: “alright you are going to drive back home, i’ll go get my new horse and find y/n” he was about to go when charlie stopped him. “wait tommy what about the grey horse?” tommy turned around again. “we’ll find another race horse, but there are more important things right now. it’s not like we cared about legal buisness before.” he said, before going, leaving the men looking after him.

after tommy grabbed brutus he once again rode as fast as his horse could to the little town near the bidding hall, just like he did after curly told him the truth years ago. he searched through the town and stopped by a small, decent house on the edge of town. he tied brutus to the fence of your small front yard, collected all his breath and went to the door and knocked. after a few moments he heard steps nearing the door and almost lost it. the door opened and you stood in front of him. it was like the world stopped and everything was going in slow motion. you had a bright smile on your face, wich fell as soon as you saw tommy standing in front of you. a face you never thought you would see again. “tommy” you said not noticing you had held your breath until you said his name.

“y/n please i’m so sorry” he said still not believing you were actually standing in front of him after all those years. your mouth was dry, tears were about to fall from your eyes. “how did you find me?“ you asked stuttering, hoping this was a dream, you would wake up from soon. “i uh, saw brutus on a horse auction and i immediately bid for him as i noticed it was yours. the auctioneer gave me your adress” tommy answered truthfully. you just looked at him, not knowing what to say so he continued: “y/n please, i searched everywhere and tried everything to find you after you left” his voice broke a little. you looked at him, still shocked, but your face went skeptic. “well, i wasn’t the one who wanted me to leave” you said, stepping back a little bit, not really wanting to continue this conversation. “i know and i’m truly sorry, i should have never mistrusted you.” he said, once again getting the now familiar goosebumps all over his body, from the guilt, that rushed through him. “we all really do miss you, polly couldn’t sleep for months and ada searched in whole england for you. arthur and john threatened to kill me, if something happened to you and they sounded really seriously about” you let out a little chuckle. you missed them too, and you would kill to see them again, but that meant reconnecting with tommy and you still didn’t fully move on about the whole thing so you decided to bring this dialogue to an end. “it’s really nice you stopped by, but i’m busy so goodbye i guess” you said facepalming yourself in your thoughts, for you using such a weak excuse.

“wait, i know i really fucked up, but i really love and miss you y/n. i know i’m the last person on this world who deserves this but would you give me a second chance?” you eyed him up and down before you let out a scoff. “yes you’re right you are the last person who deserves a second chance. you know nothing about love. i’ve loved you for the past 20 years and now you pull up here telling me you love me too after you believed a fucking spy over me and calling me a whore for being choked by your wife? tell polly, ada and you’re brothers that i would love to see them again and that they can visit me anytime as long as i don’t ever have to face you again, thomas” you let out all the anger that had build up within the years. tears were daring to spill from your eyes and the only movement that came into your mind, was slamming the door close in front of him. you took a moment and were shocked that you even build a whole sentence after you saw tommy. you turned around and your back rested against the door and as soon as you heard him walking away, you slowly sank down, sitting on the floor allowing the tears falling from your eyes.

you slammed the door in front of him shut. he was surprised by your sudden mood change, but knew he deserved every single word. “fuck” he muttered under his breath. he stayed were he was, not being able to move. he wanted to knock again, he didn’t want to let any possibility to get you back untried, but he knew better and harassing you. it wouldn’t change your mind. he signed and walked back to brutus.

maybe one day you could forgive him, but today wasn’t that day.

__________________________________________________

authors note: i’m sorry i did them really dirty 😭 but i’m still mad at him for calling her a whore so i did not forgive him YET

let me know how you liked it and if you want a part 3 with a happy end or an alternative ending <3

also my requests are open so send me everything you’ve ever fantasied about and maybe i’m able to make it true

i love u all sm 💌

[peakyoak]

This Dark Disposition: Chapter 1 - Birmingham

Chapter 1 - Birmingham

1919 - London

Danielle stepped off the train, suitcase in hand. She felt a strong brush of wind pushing her long light brown hair back over her shoulders. The platform was busy, full of soldiers, nurses, women, and children. People were crying, some were screaming, and almost everyone was embracing loved ones who, against all odds, had returned home. 

Including Danielle, who, since the age of 21, had been working as a nurse for the British Army. Now 25, Danielle had spent the majority of her adult life in France. Though most wartime nurses worked on English soil, a select few worked across the channel behind the front lines trying to save as many lives as possible, and honoring fallen soldiers when not. Though not directly involved in conflict, Danielle had been exposed to a plethora of horrors: injuries, amputations, death, and even the occasional attack. Yet somehow, Danielle had survived.  

Her father, however, had not. And so, as Danielle made eye contact with her mother through the crowd, it was evident that there was a part of her family that was missing. Danielle quickly embraced her youngest sibling, Jasper. 

“Danny, I’m so happy you’re home!” Jasper exclaimed.  

“I’m happy to be home” Danielle stated, embarrassing her two other siblings. “I have missed you all dearly” she stated. 

“Mum, it is good to see you” said Danielle, a little more seriously.

“Oh my darling girl” her mother exclaimed, embarrassing her quickly, “I’m so happy you’re safe” she stated. 

Danielle looked at her siblings, and then at her mother. Though they had never lived frugal or indulgent lives, it was clear to Danielle that her father’s war pension was not enough to support her mother and her three siblings. Danielle noticed their worn and somewhat ratted clothing. Danielle knew that this made sense. With no one else around to take care of her three siblings, her mother’s only source of income was her father’s war pension. 

Danielle made a mental note that she would need to find a job as soon as possible.

Later that night - Manchester

Danielle woke up in the middle of the night panting, and covered in cold sweat. It was clear to her that she had a nightmare again. Danielle had hoped to leave those behind in France. Luckily, she had not woken her little sister, who she shared her childhood bedroom with. 

Getting out of bed, Danielle walked downstairs to find her mother, passed out of the sofa. Not from alcohol, or any other substance, but simply from exhaustion, and the despair of losing her father. 

Danielle started to make herself a cup of tea, when her mother awoke. Coming into the kitchen to see what the noise was, her mother found Danielle. 

“Would you like some tea, mum?” Danielle asked. 

“Yes, thank you Danny” she responded. 

“Why are you not sleeping in your own bed mum?” Danielle proded.

“I can’t, not since..” and Danielle knew not to change the subject further. 

“Mom, there is something I need to tell you. I am going to find a job as soon as I can. That way I should be able to help support you all, the kids need to stay in school” Danielle said. Education was important to Danielle. Before the war started and Danielle began training as a nurse, Danielle had trained as a teacher. “But, I’m not going to be doing it here. I need to have a life of my own. And we both know that there are no jobs in Manchester, and there is no room in this house for me to stay” Danielle continued, “I’m going to find work in Birmingham. That way I can send money back and still be close to you all”

For the last five years, it was as if Danielle’s life had stopped. The war controlled every aspect of her life, and the lives of so many people. And now, with the hope of moving to a new city, and finding a new job, Danielle felt as though she was in control, and like a record spins around and around on a gramophone, Danielle was ready to restart her life. 

Little did she know what, or more specifically, who, was waiting for her in Birmingham. 

[male-reader]

Hi, if you have the time could you write a Thomas Shelby x younger brother reader. Thomas being over protective and stuff and all up in his brothers business ending up with the reader getting annoyed as it would be expected if someone was always spying on you etc. Eventually Thomas gets fed up with reader being reckles and talks to him. Ends up with arguments then blah blah blah they make up. Also I am sorry for it being vague af,thanks :]

Hello, thank you for the request :)

Though unfortunately I don't write for Tommy anymore, for now at least (you can see in my request info if im taking requests for a character or not).

I might come back to this request or maybe some others because I still haven't gotten to watching the last season and I want to rewatch the whole show before I do because I don't remember a lot of stuff, so it might bring back my motivation for Tommy content.

Reminder for people to please always check to make sure if requests are open for the character you want, I really feel bad when I have to say no.

But again thank you for even considering a request from me it means a lot :)

[captivatedbycillianmurphy]

Out of the Blue

WARNING: A little anxiety and That this is the first thing I’ve ever written! I hope you like it! I was actually sweating when I wrote this! LOL! 

word count: 1036 

part 1

#Tommy x Reader/ Polly x reader # Peaky Blinders fanfic Thomas Shelbyx reader

@fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby​ @bablette

Always on the back burner of your mind and buried in the deepest chambers of your heart.

A secret you kept to yourself but known by your closest and only friend, Polly! 

He's still there, the reason you’re heartbeats, Tommy. He is clueless about your wanting of him.  

He was married, you moved as far away from Small Heath as your money could take you - Unfortunately for you, it wasn't far enough, London!

You still got letters from Polly from time to time, to keep you informed of what was happening with her family, including Tommy. 

Every line of his life broke you into tiny pieces, knowing he's happy without you. But you were glad for him. 

        Years pass~

Then, out of the blue, you got a call from Polly! 

She informed you that Grace had died. You were shocked and heartbroken for the man you left behind. She also told you about Lizzy and Ruby! 

Again, heartbroken by you’re lost chances! 

Polly, your best friend, was sad for you, knowing the abyss your heart has fallen into!

You decided you needed your friend, more than ever, a shoulder to cry on! So, You planned a trip to visit Polly. You gave her your travel plans she made arrangements for your ride there. She said she would send someone to get you from the train station! 

         The Shelby house was all a buzz about your visit. Polly is in the kitchen planning a dinner party for your arrival!  The brothers were happy for Polly that her friend was coming to visit her. It's been ages! She was very excited, so were you! 

You had no expectations of any kind whatsoever where Tommy was concerned. He's a married man with children. You’re no home wrecker!

           You arrived approximately 4 hours later. You were surprised to see Tommy was the one to pick you up! (Polly, what were you thinking?) 

The abyss of your love for him getting deeper and deeper as he greets you with a handshake as he opens the car door for you. It was a long drive back to Small Heath, Probably made longer from the silence. You started some small talk. He's never been one for long conversations. He did mention that he needed a new maid. No other reason other than fitting it into the conversation you both were having, as small as it was. You took a mental note and moved on.              

               You arrived, Tommy opened the car door for you, ever the gentleman. (He would never admit that!) He walked me to the front door and opened it. Everyone greeted you with smiles, hugs, and saying how much they all missed you. Tommy said nothing. As per usual, it doesn't mean he didn't miss you. It doesn't suggest he did.  His silence didn't mean anything. You learned that a long time ago.               

               "I don't remember this family being so big!" you said. Polly responded, "you have been away a while. John's had three kids since you've been away!"  You were so happy to see everyone. You haven't been this happy in ages! 

           We all sat around the table and had a traditional English dinner. We talked about what was going on in our lives and laughed about the memories you shared!  You noticed Tommy being so stoic, just sitting there. You stopped to look at him. Just a glimpse is all you wanted, but what you got took your breath away! A long stare into your eyes! You tried to look elsewhere, but you couldn't move or breathe!  Until Arthur came up behind you, touched your shoulders! He woke you up from the trance you were in! You looked back at Tommy. He had the smallest hint of a smile on one side of his mouth as he took a puff from his cigarette. You guess either being startled by Arthur or knowing, now you were under his spell!                   

               "Where are you staying?" Ada asked. "I don't know. I guess I forgot to plan that!" I said with a look of embarrassment on my face! "I guess I was so excited. I forgot !”                    

                Polly said, "You're staying here, dear! As long as you want!"I was a little hesitant because I didn't know how Tommy would feel about me staying at his Aunt Pol's house! "I better find a hotel,  don't want to intrude on anyone!" "NONSENSE!" "You're staying here, that's the end of it!" Polly said with a cheeky smile! You smiled back and agreed with a nod.

The evening came quickly. You were exhausted from all the traveling and the excitement. Not to mention Your heart has been pounding like you ran to Small Heath from London! Every time you noticed Tommy looking in your direction, it was like you were frozen! You have been holding your feelings for him in a lockbox for ages! It might be more difficult than you thought. ‘This visit just might kill me!’  Your head is in a tug of war with you’re heart! As the night went on, it was time to say good night to everyone. With hugs, smiles, and good night kisses, you wondered, 'how would Tommy say good night?'  He came in with a hug like everyone else. He got so close to your ear you could feel his breath. With the slightest whisper that sent chills down your spine! "I missed ya!"

@bablette @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby

a/n There will be a part 2

[tommyshelbysgirl]

STOP BEING IN MY DREAMS!!!!!

So today I took the time away from writing the imagines you have all requested because since doing them TOMMY has been in my dreams so that means 5 WHOLE NIGHTS!!!!

Writing shall resume tomorrow ❤️💕❤️

[goingsllightlymad]

Blinded By Your Light - Part 1. On Meeting

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader 

Summary: Y/N is the definition of ordinary. Studying at a medical school as far as she can get from her rainy hometown of Birmingham, she never expected to be shipped off the Flanders when the war was at it's peak. Much less to meet a handsome young patient with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she had seen in her life who as fate would have it would fall into her lap.

Word Count: 5035 (I had to split this one up into two chapters because it was getting hella long).

Warnings: I have absolutely no writing skills.

________________________________________________________________

The sunlight on the windowsill was more depressing than it was bright. Wan and pale, you knew that you would find no warmth there in the light of that cool, indifferent sun, shining on a fate much more dire than even its own fiery glory. August had not been kind to either of you.

The last traces of summer were fading away, and everyone in the hospital knew it. Gone were the summery days when you could wake and catch the glimmer of hope that the sunshine had brought with it, the apple trees in the orchard laden with fruit and the last of the spring's bright blossom on their rich branches, the birds wheeling in the sky as though they could not hear, not far away, the rattle of machine gun fire and the sickening crash of bombs. In those clearer nights, sat upon your windowsill and gazing out at the unending sky, you could almost see the flames leaping from the wreckage of today's attack, the occasional flare shooting up into the sky in a sudden burst of bright green light, casting a lurid glow on the trees and fields below.

And now the cold was seeping in, with its grim promise of longer nights and the worst that was yet to come, and the war was far from over. Sometimes you had to wonder how many men were left, as through the doors to the hospital there came every day the steady flow of men half-dead and some already long since gone, draped in their funeral gowns of stiff brown uniform and the bloom of rich red blood like roses on their unnamed grave. This war would leave no man untouched, and you could see the poison as it crept into the eyes of those who made it out of here, chilling and colder than that false bliss that washed over the still faces of those who weren't so lucky.

It was the same routine as always - waking in the cool morning light to dress in the harsh white uniform and make your way to the dining-rooms for breakfast, eaten in silence in a crowd of sullen, sleepless faces, then working until late in the evening, all night if they needed you, as they did more and more these days. It was getting worse out there, though no one dared to mention it.

It would be an understatement to say that no day at Flanders General Hospital was without a new surprise, still today had to be an exception. Walking into the main ward at 6:00 in the morning, the last thing you expected was for the ward to be filled with bustling crowds of nurses in sharply-starched aprons and men carrying stretchers.

"Qu'est-ce qu'il y a? (What's going on?)" You turned to another nurse as she made her way past you, busying yourself with folding a blanket over the edge of a bed and scanning the room for clues of whatever had happened.

"Il y a eu une explosion dans les tunnels la nuit dernière.. Un gros, clairement. Des hommes de partout. La directrice dit qu'il semble que nous allons courir pendant plusieurs jours. (An explosion in the tunnels last night. Big one, clearly. Men from everywhere. Matron says that it looks like we'll be running around for several days)." she whispered quickly, raising her eyebrows and gesturing wildly at the rows and rows of narrow white beds, already filling with bloodied men. You took in the pained expressions of the wounded men and the frantic ones of the nurses, and all at once you had to fight the urge to run away. You had never seen so many patients at once, and the noise was something that you knew you could never forget. The screams and wails and sobbing drowned all of your senses, and you wondered if Hell could ever sound so bad.

"C'est affreux... Que puis-je faire? Dis-moi que je peux faire quelque chose. (It's awful... What can I do? Tell me I can do something)." You followed her as she set off briskly down the ward, collecting soiled towels from beside the beds.

"Faites tout ce que vous pouvez voir qui doit être fait. Habiller les plaies, nettoyer les lits, transporter l'équipement. Tous sur le pont, vous savez. Ne les laissez pas vous voir rester les bras croisés. (Do whatever you can see that needs doing. Dress wounds, clear beds, carry equipment. All hands on deck, you know. Don't let them see you standing around idly)."

You sent her a quick nod as she ran off with her armful of towels, then turned to the bed beside you, where a man painted with soot and thick red blood was splayed across a bare mattress. Grabbing a basin of warm water from the bedside stand, you set to work scrubbing his tired limbs gently, eyes wandering across the thin and broken form. Reaching up to his face with the now-blackened washcloth, you brushed the heavy mass of matted blonde hair away from his face, swiping at the cracked skin underneath in slow movement. He flinched, tensing up involuntarily, and the eyes that flew open to stare at you were deep and hazel and terrified.

"Tu vas bien, tu vas bien. Je ne vais pas te faire mal. Sûr ... tout est en sécurité maintenant... (You're okay, you're okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Safe... all safe now...)" you murmured to him in your stumbling French, rubbing soft circles on his stained cheek with a shaking fingertip and wetting the washcloth once more. His whole body trembled and his eyes rolled around madly in his head like the eyes of a God forgotten. You wished you would never know what it was like last night.

For the rest of that day, you were rushed off your feet with helping the patients. More and more seemed to flood in from all directions, filling the wards and drawing the nurses in like a swirling cesspit of blood and gore and pain. Grime was washed away, leaving behind faces that were somehow worse, haunting in their shell-shocked horror.

By the time dusk rolled in through the windows high in the stark white walls, the ward was only beginning to quieten, the last of the soldiers carried in almost an hour ago. In a gradual tide of hushed movement, the nurses retreated once more into the dorms and the backrooms of the hospital, the last few remaining to sit by the bedsides and wrap and rewrap the same wounds in the soft glow of candlelight.

Sitting alone on the windowsill of your dorm, you tried again and again to read, your brain dizzying in some other realm of thought that was nowhere near those bleak black letters and the story you'd read before. You'd moved here in a hurry, leaving behind everything you'd known before, and the books were no different. In your carpet-bag when you'd left had been only the three small novels you knew you could never live without, and only enough clothes to last you your journey there and back. You were meant to be home by Christmas, with all the books you could ever hope to read, but as time passed it was becoming increasingly clear that Christmas was going to be a long, long time in coming.

A knock at the door startled you out of your thoughts, making you jump slightly and slam your book shut. You opened the door cautiously, and were met with the sympathetic face of another nurse.

"De quoi avez-vous besoin (What do you need)?"

"La matrone a envoyé pour vous. Il y a un homme dans la salle, anglais. Il est agité, il parle dans son sommeil. Vous êtes anglais, n'est-ce pas? (Matron has sent for you. There's a man in the ward, English. He is restless, he talks in his sleep. You are English, are you not?)".

"Je suis. De quoi a-t-elle besoin pour moi? (I am. What does she need me to do?)"

"Parle lui. Voyez ce qu'il a à dire. Il vaut mieux qu'il parle à voix haute plutôt que de déranger les autres avec son sommeil (Talk to him. See what he has to say. It is better for him to talk aloud than to disturb others with his sleep)."

You sighed, pulling on your apron, wrinkled and creased from the day's hard work, and stepped past the nurse into the corridor. She placed her hand lightly on your arm and gave you a small smile, directing you down to the west ward, where all the British soldiers were lying.

It was not difficult to see which one she was talking about. In the stillness of the ward, one bed was rocking slightly, the patient thrashing wildly in his sleep. His cries echoed throughout the room, piercing through the whimpering and sniffing that hung heavy in the air from all the other beds. A particularly loud wail stopped you in your tracks, and you wanted to throw your hands up to your ears and block out the dreadful noise, but you forced yourself to keep moving towards his bed, biting down on your lip hard enough to taste the hot, metallic blood gathering on the tip of your tongue.

You sat in the chair beside the bed, pulling the curtains tight around the two of you until there was only the bed and you beside it, and in it the man flailing blindly in his horror-stricken fever dream. His hands dropping to his sides to clutch and tear at the bed sheets, you used the opportunity to reach out and stroke his cheek gently, hushing him and pushing the hair back from his sweaty forehead. Over his eyes there was a strip of warm, wet cloth, and you didn't even want to know what would be there should you move it back.

"Who are you." his voice almost made you jump. Low and husky, with a thick Brummie accent, it filled the enclosed space around the two of you like cigarette smoke hanging in the night air. You had not sensed him waking up, but now his breathing was steadying and his body smoothing down against the bed.

"A nurse." you soothed him, still tracing the soft white skin of his face. He made as though to sit up, trying to push up off the bed with unsteady hands, and you pushed him back down lightly, "Shh shhh... Lie down, Mr Shelby. You're weak."

"'M not weak." But his voice was broken and uneven and you could almost hear the smoke in his lungs in the slight wheeze when he breathed.

"Soon, no. But for now let's just let me do the work." He relaxed into your hands, his hands falling back to the bedsheets and you rubbed the back of one of them with your own.

"Where am I?" he croaked.

"General Hospital, Flanders. We found you out by the river, near dead." you spat out the rumour that by now everyone had heard. Five of the men half-drowned, half-suffocated, lying on the riverbank in a pool of soot and blood that seemed to spill from within them, like the war was in their very veins. Five men with no homes to go to and no way to get to them, and four without names. Only Mr Shelby, a name you could swear you had known in some distant lifetime, had been identified, and only he out of the five had survived, although no one was quite sure how.

"Should have left me there." He stiffened, removing his hand from yours and trying to turn away from you, but his ribs ached and it was all he could do not to cry out aloud at the sudden movement. He made do with turning his head to the other side, and you caught the trail of dried black blood that ran down his neck and disappeared under the stiff collar of the white hospital robe. "Y' don't know what I did." His voice was hard and bitter, sad as you had never heard sadness before, but sad at himself, as though even the war was better than what he saw in the mirror every night.

"And I don't particularly want to know. But I can't just let you die, considering my job." you joked lightly, smiling a little at him to cheer him up and then realising that he couldn't see you anyway, and your smile faded away into the evening gloom of the hospital ward.

"Why don't you go save someone who actually deserves it."

"I am, right now." you persisted, and he didn't know whether to laugh or to scream at you or to break down and cry. There was something about you, know you as little even as he did, that drove him a little insane, listening to you challenge him and contradict him as no one had ever done before, and he thought perhaps he liked it. Liked you, but that was cruel and that was weak, and that was something that Tommy Shelby would never do to another soul.

"If you only knew the things I've done-" he chuckled lowly, bitterly, and you got the feeling he was laughing more at himself than at you.

"If I only had a pound note for every man who's come in saying that, I wouldn't be washing and fixing your filth, now would I." and it was true - war was the cruellest thing you know, and it broke men like nothing else. First their bodies, then their minds, then their very souls themselves. In a job like this, it was very difficult not to think about souls, but you were sure that, somewhere within the prison of his broken body, Thomas Shelby had the most beautiful soul that you had never seen.

"Would that you wouldn't, eh." He almost smirked - almost. His lips settled back into a grimace as he tried to laugh.

"I'd have bought meself a set of uniform and be standing in the trenches as we speak."

"So desperate to get to the front line?" He tilted his head as though studying you, and you had to remind yourself that he couldn't see you from beneath his blindfold, or else you were sure you would have squirmed under his scrutiny.

"So desperate to get away from it?"

"Need a way home. 'S work for me back there, and work must be done."

"Then," you spoke decisively, smoothing out his blankets and straightening his chest onto the mattress, and he wheezed painfully at the action, making you flinch instinctively, "I suppose you ought to lie back and let me help you, else you'll never be out of here." you tapped him on the cheek softly, a motherly thing that you hadn't even thought about but now seemed too close, too patronising and at the same time too affectionate. You stood quickly, anxious to run away before he could react and tell you that you were being unprofessional, but as you turned your back to the bed you heard from behind you a quiet chuckle, breathy and honest, and the shifting of bones beneath weary skin.

"Suppose I ought."

You smiled at that, and walked away.

________________________________________________________________________________

Early the next morning, they called on you again to make up his bed linen, ladling into your arms the thick reams of bleached fabric and shoving you in the direction of the west ward. As you saw him, lying on his back and grinning at you as you approached, staring into you with those unseeing eyes as though he had known all night that you would be coming back, you couldn't help but smile. You weren't one to pick favourites but this man was really testing your morals.

"You're back." his voice was still monotonous and weak, and his words hung heavy with exhaustion and a bleak, dark emotion that you hoped you would never feel, yet still you caught a hint of amusement. His statement seemed so decisive, like he had wished you back and here you were, just as he had wanted you to be. Even broken in his bed, Thomas Shelby had a curious power over you, and you hesitated to say you didn't like it.

"Are you so disappointed?"

"On the contrary, love. I quite look forward to our little chats."

"And what's on the mind of the great Thomas Shelby today?" you laughed, snaking an arm around his back and lifting his torso off the bed a little, then pausing as he coughed forcefully to cover up the whine of pain that had slipped out.

"Well wouldn't you like to know." he shot you a trembling smile as his body settled back into your arms. A thrill of pity shot through your heart and you pulled him a little closer into you, gazing down thoughtfully into his weary face and covered eyes. Somewhere between today and yesterday, those eyes had become the most important thing in the world to you, the only thing you wished to God you knew. Something deep within you was stirring when you looked at them, trying to make out the shape through the tough white blindfold, and you knew it wasn't good at all. Men like him weren't made for girls like you, and men with pretty eyes were only ever trouble.

"Well now, let's suppose I do." you pulled back the covers and folded them over the foot of the bed. Looking back at his uncovered form, you couldn't stop your eyes from roaming. From the scars on his legs to the blood that hadn't washed away, to the tired bones that jutted out unnaturally from under withered skin, Thomas Shelby was exhausted, physically as well as mentally. Beautiful, so beautiful, and irreparably fucked up.  

You wrapped your free arm under his knees and pulled him into your arms in an awkward bridal position where you could smell the sweet, metallic blood in his skin and on his clothes and he could almost taste the harsh carbolic soap from that awful night before, you kneeling in the water in the darkness, scrubbing the taste of war from your skin again and again until your very soul could bleed white blood and the darkness within you seeped out through every breath into the darkness without.

You almost threw him onto the spare bed that had been cleared beside him.

"If you must. I'm thinking about you." he murmured thoughtfully, as though those words were much deeper than you could ever see, and you longed to see the meaning in his eyes as he stared, unseeing, up at you.

"Nothing too saucy, I hope." you joked, but part of you wondered if you really meant it. You thought perhaps you wouldn't much mind it if he did.

"Never! Get that a lot here?" He tried to gasp in mock indignation, but the breath ended up catching in his throat and he hacked and coughed violently, his eyes stinging with tears at the pain in his chest. Your hand flew out to grab his, and you rubbed small circles on the back of his hand reassuringly, holding him against your chest and rubbing his back with the other hand as he collapsed into you once again.

Once the coughing fit passed you pulled yourself away, trying to ignore as best you could the empty feeling that rushed into your arms in the space he left behind, and the way he tensed up again as soon as you had parted. A trick of the early morning light, and you were beginning to get the feeling that that was a common feature of this man, with all his tricks and secrets.

"Wouldn't be too surprised. Lot of lads missing their gals, and I'm just walking sex appeal. Or so I've been told."

"Bothers you, does it?" there was a cold edge to his voice, protective, possessive even. If you didn't know better, you might say that Thomas Shelby was laying a claim on you.

"Not too much. Flatters my ego, 's all. Got a girl at home, Mr Shelby?" and now it was you that was keeping secrets, trying to control your voice in what you told yourself was a perfectly professional question. Had to know if he had any emergency contacts, that's all there was to it. Still, as he let out a weak laugh and grinned up at you, you could not help but let out a long, shaky breath that you had not known that you were holding. Well, that was one thing cleared up at least, and you thought perhaps you might be happier because of it."

"Tommy." you tested the word, let it roll off your tongue and fill your lungs with its false air, stain your lips and taint the sanctity of that unholy mind. A name you wanted to shout, to scream and to whisper and to plead and to say into the darkness in places you knew were much less professional than this white corner of the hospital ward. It was a name you wanted to keep all to yourself, and it was so much more than just a name. It was a confession, and it was holy.  Nah, nothing at home for me but cold and dark and office work."

"No family?"

"None at all." he said far too quickly and you knew not to push it any further. There was trust and there was Thomas, Tommy, Shelby, and something told you that the two didn't coincide much.  

"Must be awful lonely." you almost felt bad for him, living all alone in his cold town with his dull work and his tiny little life, and you knew that you and him were not so different after all. For a moment it felt almost like you were lying in the bed beside his, and that these two worlds were somehow one. You felt united, and you understood, because this was a secret the two of you could share, and god, wasn't it domestic?

"I shouldn't say so. Look on the bright side - I'm lying in bed with a pretty girl next to me right now. Not sure I should be so excited to go home just yet." your heart sped up a little with the last statement, aching and leaping at once with the fear of him leaving and the knowledge that while he was here there was nothing you could do but stay by his side. You almost didn't want him to go home at all.

"Aren't you just incorrigible! What must the others all think of me?" you teased, pretending to scold him as you giggled and how long had it been since someone had made you laugh like this?

"Hopefully not what I'm thinking of you, love, else we might have a bit of a fall out." his smooth, easy words and comfortable tone made your smile falter a little despite yourself, and you wondered how many girls he had told the same thing to before.

"Been here too long. Bet you're just itching for a fight."

"Told you I was no good." he said, half-joking and half-sincere, and there was an unnerving depth in his words that really should have made you turn and walk away, back to the others in their little back rooms and the laundry that really did need doing now. But you were right - it had been so long since you had seen the light of a proper day that didn't dawn on the cold grey wards and chambers in a country you had never loved before and now could never stand, and in your bones you longed for a story to take you far away, so against your better judgement you stayed, and all the more thought none the less of yourself for it.

"And I told you that was bullshit." you chastened him softly, lifting him back into your arms and returning him to his now-made bed. You laid down his limbs carefully, straightening out his arms and legs and smoothing down his hair against the pillow as he sighed into the crook of your neck, thick, hot air that burned like kisses down your jaw.

"You should really watch you're mouth while you're working."

"Why don't you watch it for me?"

"Take this bloody thing off my eyes and maybe I will." he grinned, but this time there was an earnest, almost pleading note in it that had your hands already reaching up to his face, and to the cruel blindfold that had so robbed you of the truest beauty that you had ever wished to know.

With soft, tentative movements you peeled off the strips of adhesive that held the cloth in place, pushing aside the blindfold and, cupping his jaw with the other hand, tilting his head to look at you. Those closed, scarred eyelids, and suddenly they were twitching and fluttering, lifting heavily as he forced his eyes to open. And there they were - such bright blue stars that burned your blood and sent your heart to frenzy. And time had stopped around you, arrested in their brilliance, blinded by their light, and a bolder girl than you might say that this was all that there would ever be, for he was here and so were you and didn't it seem a lot like fate?

"Beautiful. Nurse (Y/LN), you've been holding out on me." he almost gasped, holding your hand to his lips and pressing a small kiss against the back, his eyes on you like you were all that he'd been waiting for and you wished, you wished, you were.

"Mr Shelby..." you blushed against your better judgement, and he hated himself for doing this to you. He wasn't entirely sure how it had happened, but somehow and so suddenly he was holding the hand of the most beautiful girl he had seen in a very long time, and she wasn't trying to run away. This was the most afraid that Tommy Shelby had been in his life.

"Tommy." he chided gently, and your smile widened.

"(Y/N)."

"So beautiful."

Your faces were closer than you knew you should be, the hospital far away and all around and you wondered if the others were watching you two now, pressed together and so close and still too far away. It was all you could do not to bridge the gap and kiss him, and in another world perhaps you would because then perhaps there was a chance that this could be something more than just a week in a crowded hospital in the grim hell of war. But as it was, you pulled away, closing your eyes so as not to see the light in his flicker and dim as you parted, a thousand times the worse to want his light.

"I should-" you choked out, and his eyes were large and pleading and Tommy had no idea what was going on but he knew that this was the worst that he had ever felt and he could feel his very heart splitting in two a little as you stood to leave.

"Or you could stay."

"I really shouldn't."

"Please." he whispered, and you wished and wished, and you began to walk away again, bed linen under your arm.

"Sleep. I'll be back tomorrow."

________________________________________________________________________________

It was not for him to know that, later that night when the other nurses had retired to their chambers and the dimly-lit backrooms of the darkened hospital, you crept once more out of the nurses quarters and down to the west-wing, where he lay, for once, asleep. Sitting by his bedside in the gloom, you longed to reach out and touch him, and knew that you wouldn't wake him for the world. He looked so peaceful while he slept, and you ached for him as you had for no other, wished that life would bring him rest like this again as you could not seem to bring him health no matter how hard he tried. Even now, in the purplish shadows of evening, he looked so small and thin, a ghost among his fellow men. He looked a world away from when he'd boarded his train to the front line, know that man as you did not. Something in him whispered that, just as it whispered that you should leave, and just the same you pushed it back and sighed into the palms of your hands, drunk with your bittersweet melancholy and the fear with which you loved him endlessly.

And of course it would not mean anything that, when he stirred in his sleep, early in the morning and you still beside him, and began to shake and sob, you rested your hand on his shoulder gently and, for the first time since this bloody war began, you let yourself sing quietly to him. Snapshots of memories from a lifetime that had come before, softening in the blurred blue darkness and painting the world around the two of you, and for a moment you could almost believe that there were only the two of you in all the world, playing at games of war and house that were too old and too dull to tie you down. You could almost spread your wings and fly away to greener gardens where days were meant for living and nights for dreaming dreams that did not wake you colder than you began.

To the sisters who would ask the next morning, when they caught you half-asleep in the chair beside his bed, you were afraid that he would have another nightmare and disturb the other patients, but even you knew that that was not the case. You were there because you wanted to be, and you wanted to be there because he was there, and there was no where else on Earth that you could breathe as freely as you did when by his side.

But you didn't need to tell him that, because he was Tommy Shelby, and it seemed he had problems enough on his own.

________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: so here it is! This was originally going to be a really long oneshot, but then I got really into writing the plot and making it more and more angsty so it kind of became the first part of a REALLY long series plan (I have no self-control, this is a problem). Just a warning, this is the fluffy chapter. Like, one of literally three or four or whatever chapters with no heartbreaking angst (I say optimistically, knowing this is all gonna be so underwhelming I swear to God). ALSO (this is the last thing I swear), this is gonna take me so long to update I don't even know any more, I have a shit ton of exams between now and July, so any of y'all that actually like my shitty writing skills ARE gonna end up hating me for this.

Taglist

@actorinfluence @captivatedbycillianmurphy @stressedandbandobessed7771

[gloves94]

American Psycho [2/10]

Warnings: Language Pairings: Thomas Shelby x Gangster! American! Reader Summary:  In hopes of expanding the family business [Reader] arrives in England. Unfortunately, a cutthroat rival gang, The Peaky Blinders, become threatened. Thomas Shelby, their ruthless leader, finds his newest mortal enemy to be more than fascinating- Will this lustful affair end well for either? Who will be responsible for the coming bloodshed?

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T [prev] * [2] * [3] * [4] * [5] * [6] * [7] * [8] * [9] * [10]

"I am an American; free born and free bred, where I acknowledge no man as my superior, except for his own worth, or as my inferior, except for his own demerit.” - Theodore Roosevelt XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The crackle of flames was deafening. Neon light was hard on the eyes of the bystanders. The flames of hell reached for the skies. The booze inside of the building only provoked the fire. The bar line was consumed by fire and the building was left ashen and destroyed beyond repair. Even the firefighters couldn't manage the created chaos.

Thomas stood at a safe distance from the building. He lifted a cigarette with a stiff hand and allowed the burning sensation to fill his lungs. Allow his senses to momentarily cloud. "I will kill the bastards who did this!" Arthur tossed an angry kicked as he roared in anger. "Bastards!" He shouted to the heavens. "Burned down the Garrison!" He cursed the sick individual that destroyed his bar. Tommy simply flashed his brother a judgmental gaze. The veins on Arthur's neck were thick, his eyes wide with anger. "It's not personal. It's business." Tommy said cooly as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. "They burned me damn pub Tommy it is both goddam personal and business!" the oldest Shelby raged. "We'll rebuild it," Tommy said finally before turning away and entering his car. "Where the hell you goin'?" Arthur continued throwing his tantrum. Tommy sped through the streets of Birmingham. His jaw was shut tightly. His knuckles were blistering white from the tight grip on the steering wheel. "To find the bitch who did this," he mumbled under his breath to himself. He slammed the car door behind him as he stormed into the building. He walked past the Black Star lines workers and down the stairs past the hidden doors of the brewing bars and curtains until he kicked an office door open. Stumbling in he shot the first person he saw between the eyes. It took him a moment to catch his breath. He looked at the damage he had done. The man lay facedown on a desk over a pool of blood which reflected his sudden death. "Tommy," a voice pipped behind him. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot you. You crazy bitch." He stretched out his arm and pointed it at the individual standing beside him. "Hm.. I wish I could," an American accent said. The woman carelessly tapped the loaded gun against her chin in a pensive tone. She then pointed her gun back at him. "Want to make it a contest?" She said with a wink and a smile. "You wanted my attention. You got it. What do you want?" He said through gritted teeth. There was something unnerving about this American woman. "You already know what I want Thomas" the smile on stretched wider across her lips. "Why don't you give it to me?" Of course, he had seen her. Skulking around the other night, provoking him. She was impossible to not see and it wasn't in particularly due to her appearance. It was her persona. She was the kind of woman that just demanded your attention when she walked into a room.

"You must be absolutely insane if you think we will surrender the docks on Gloucester."

Black Star line was the most ridiculous money laundering business Thomas had ever heard of. A money laundering business based on sea travel located inland in the heart of Birmingham, it made no sense. "America needs us, Thomas," she shrugged and lowered her weapon. "It's been five years without liquor. People are beginning to lose their minds. Son of a bitch Coolidge is beginning to poison 'em." Tommy lowered his gun now. He looked at her with dark eyes. "What's in it for me?" She was quiet for a moment. "Let's have cocktails tomorrow night," she suddenly said in a playful tone. "Molotov?" Tommy scoffed at the ridiculous proposal. His eyes followed her shape as she stepped around him. She simply smiled at him through a half-lidded gaze. "For your troubles," she said before reaching behind her and pulling out a black suitcase. She handed it to him. It was heavier than he expected. "Thank you for taking care of him, I needed a bookkeeper anyways." She said acknowledging the dead man in the room. "Landry's at- say 8? Don't be late or you'll make me  blow up another building!" She laughed.

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: After knowing each other since childhood, you and Tommy made a juvenile promise to get married one day. But that promise only turned into a renege when Tommy returned from France. Only he returned a completely different man.

Ratings: Mature, minors DNI

Warnings: Will be stated at the beginning of each chapter

1. Sign Of The Times

2. Would That I

3. The Other Woman

4. Let You Break My Heart Again

BONUS CHAPTER: 5. From The Start

---

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[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 1

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, tommy before the war (Lowkey OOC) 

She's known Tommy almost all her life. They met one day at the cut when he was ten, trading cigarettes with the other kids, and she was eight, tagging along with her older cousin. It was merely a passing glance, maybe an introduction of names, but she hadn't seen him until years later. At the ripe age of twelve and fourteen, when he defended her when the older boys pulled at her hair and pushed her around. She was forever grateful to him after witnessing him take in three in a fight, punching the daylights out of one, shoving another's head into the mud, and threatening the third. 'If you ever come near her again, I'll fuckin' take your eyes!'. That was enough to scare them off. The two were almost inseparable ever since. Years of growing up together the two would often get into mischief together and cause trouble in the smoky streets of Small Heath. As [name] got a little older, the more she started to fall for the future gangster, and the more time passed, the more she started to change.

And of course, Thomas began to notice.

By the time they were seventeen and fifteen, the two delinquent teenagers seemed to be more than friends. The way Thomas would hold her hand as they run up the grassy hills, the way [name] would stare into his eyes as they lay on the grass under the shaded tree.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Tommy Shelby..." She spoke softly, her voice was like heaven to him. "I can't picture myself beside anyone else," She admitted. Thomas just stared into her eyes, his soft hands rising to brush his knuckles against her cheek, tucking away the pieces of hair that came undone from her clip.

"You don't have to...because I'm going to make a promise to you [name]," He suddenly sat up, causing her to sit up as well and gaze at him in confusion.

"What kind of promise?" She asked, curiously. He opens his mouth to speak then quickly closes it before thinking for a moment. Collecting his words carefully. Clearing his throat so his voice wouldn't crack, because he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it from her if that happened.

"That one day, when I have me own money and me own house, we will get married," He finished confidently. She sat there, her lips slightly agape.

"Stop joking around!" She laughed, swatting at his arm, causing him to laugh as well and to catch her hand before she should hit him again. This time both of his hands enveloped hers as he stared at her with a content smile.

"I'm being serious, trust me when I say I want to marry you one day [Name] [Lastname]!" He said, laughter hidden within his words. She thought for a moment then nodded once, reaching for his hand. She kissed the back of his hand, her soft lips were warm upon his skin.

"Okay, promise," She smiled lovingly as he returned the kiss on her hand before bringing her close to kiss her forehead.

"Promise,"

In the years that followed that day, she was by his side, even when he was starting to work at the betting shop with his family. At first, she was just there for moral support, but right when she finished high school Polly saw her potential and how educated she was, and on the spot, she was hired. Checking the maths and records in each book, making sure everything was in its place.

It was a dream being with Tommy at nearly every waking hour. Of course nothing would go beyond holding hands, gently touches, and friendly affection . But even when those were at a minimum, she was falling in love with him.

Her love for him only grew since they first met. It was unconditional love and ever since he made that promise to her, she only fell harder. It almost felt like she was already married to him. With the way he kissed her forehead or cheek, the way he was so kind to her and checked in on her work whenever he needed an escape, and how he would tell her he loved her. Every night after work when he walked her home. He would kiss her knuckles, her cheek, and her lips before saying.

"Goodnight [name], I'll pick you up in the morning, I love you,"

It wasn’t until she began to notice his slow distance from her. At first, she thought nothing of it as he wouldn’t give her as much affection as he normally did. Her hands grew cold as they were empty from his. His touch was slowly detaching from her own. The emotional distance was noticed quickly, but the physical distance made her heart cold. He went from seeing her every day to nearly every other day, now...she was lucky to even catch him at the betting shop.  As much as she wanted to convince herself that it was nothing, she couldn’t help the emptiness she suddenly felt. She had wondered what he was so busy with and deep down she had hoped he hadn’t gotten in any more trouble than he already was getting himself into.

The weeks and months went by, her resentment for Tommy only grew. On the days he went to the shop, she tried to make her presence known, nothing but a simple "Hi [name],"would be his response. Sometimes not even making eye contact with her.

One day, in 1914, he approached her in her office. She was too busy organizing files and writing down and calculating the records to make sure they were accurate. She didn't even notice his presence at first. He stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets as he stared at her, waiting for her to pay him any mind. 

“I’m busy,” She simply mumbled, seeing him in the peripheral vision of her eyes. He scoffs before stepping in further and closing the door behind him. 

“So that’s how you treat me now, eh?” He asked, sitting across from her in a chair. He was met with silence as she kept her eyes glued to the page. “[Name]” He called. 

Again, silence. 

Tommy suddenly slammed the book shut and grabbed the pen that was in her hand.

“Hey! I'm trying to work, you just made me lose my spot!” She shouts, quickly standing up as the chair behind her scrapped against the wood floor loudly.

Tommy just smirks. She stomp towards him to retrieve the pen back, but the older boy just held it above her head as he extended his arm up, barely just out of her reach. 

“Thomas, this isn’t funny!” She pleads. He just laughs. 

“There you are, finally acknowledging me,”  

She sighed in defeat and set herself back on her feet, holding his gaze with a glare.

“What do you want now? Go on with it, Polly needs these by the end of the day and she’ll have my neck if I don’t have em ready,” She crossed her arms over her chest. Tommy let his arm down, setting the pen on the desk. 

“What makes you think I want something?” He asked. Her eyes widened slightly. 

“I don’t see you for months and you barely even talk to me let alone look at me whenever you’re here, so this sudden change in behavior is quite a shocking one,” She explained, her tone still stern. She was met with his eyes, a guilty look on his face. 

“I know...I know and I do apologize-” 

“You were supposed to be my closest friend, Thomas...” She interrupted him. Her voice was calm, almost meek. 

“I am your closest friend, never forget that [name],” He held her slumping shoulders. She takes an exhale through her nose. 

“Listen to me...I’m sorry, I had some prior engagements that needed my attention,” He said quietly as he tried to get her to look into his eyes. 

“I know but I just wished you had just talked to me...I felt so alone,” 

Thomas held his breath and clenched his jaw. He couldn’t tell her now...Not yet at least. 

“When you’re with me, you’ll never really be alone,” He told her, holding her close. She knew there was some truth to his words but pushed herself away from him. 

“I have to get back to work,” She said. He rolls his eyes at her sudden coldness.

“I’m not leaving until I get a smile out of you...and maybe an ‘I love you’,” He smirked, still holding her, his hands on her shoulder blades. She scoffs, giving him a small, ingenuine smile. 

“Happy?” She asked. He shook his head. His hands slowly crept to her sides, going unnoticed by her. 

“Tommy...” He gave her that look. That look of mischief. “Don’t you dare-” But her warning came too late. His fingers began digging into her sides, it didn’t take long before she began giggling profusely. 

“Tommy stop! I can’t- I can’t breath!” She squealed in between fits of laughter as she tried to push his hands away. He was too strong. 

“Tell me you love me [name]!” He laughed. 

“N-No! Never!” She laughed, the tears in her eyes started to seep down her cheeks. 

“Say it [name] and I’ll stop!,” 

“Fine! I love you Thomas Shelby!” She gave in. The tickling had stopped, yet she barely caught her breath when Tommy pulled her close and picked her up from the ground and kissed her cheeks. 

“I love you too, [name] [lastname],” He said quietly. Looking into his eyes made her even forget why she was upset with him. He looked at her with perfect love in his eyes and a small smile on his lips as he quickly kissed her hand before leaving her to continue your work. 

 A week later, Tommy had told her the secret he had been keeping from her. Finally letting it out. 

“No...Tell me it’s a lie...” She was in denial. Shaking her head as the tears welled up her eyes. 

“[Name]-”

“No...”

“[Name] please...listen to me,” He approached. 

“Please don’t do this you don’t have to do this!” She cried. 

“We have to go, [name]...it’s the only choice,” He calmly stated. 

“To put your lives on the line? To leave your family behind to leave me behind?” 

The silence was daunting. She sniffled and turned away from him. 

“I understand the sacrifice you’re making, but I can’t bare the thought of my life without you...Arthur, John, you...You three have been in me life every day since I was a child, if you were to never come back I don’t know what I would do without you,” She shook her head as she choked up once again. 

“Don’t think of it that way, love...We will come back once it’s over...and when it’s over I will come back to you,” 

“Tommy...” She felt his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her.

“You will be the one I am living for...who I am looking forward to come home to...” He steps in front of her, grabbing her cheeks in the palm of his hands as they locks eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you,” She whispered. He pressed his forehead to hers. Closing her eyes tightly to stop the tears.

“You won’t...I promise,” 

She has always known for Tommy to keep his promises. But deep own she wasn't sure if this was within his control. And it scared her. Shattered her heart and soul to know he was leaving in just a few weeks. Every day after that he spent every moment with her as if it were his last, even though it felt like it to her. 

The day the three Shelby brothers left, Polly, Ada, and Martha were in shambles. [Name] tried to stay strong but the second she approached the train station she began to tear up. 

She had said your goodbyes to John and Arthur first as she held off her departure from Tommy. She stood in front of him, he seemed to put on a brave face for his family and for her but she could read right through him. He was just as scared as she was. She embraced him tightly. 

“I will write to you every day...and pray for you three while you’re gone,” [name] told him. He nods quietly, he reaches into his pocket to pull out a small, simple, ring to held it to her.  

“Remember that promise we made when we were kids?” He asked. 

“That we’d get married one day?” She nods.  

“I am giving this to you, so that when I do return we will get married...That way I will come home with a purpose...to marry you,” He said. She gasped a bit as he slipped the golden band on her ring finger. 

“Just promise me you’ll never take it off, for as long as I live and love you,” 

“I promise,” She smiled at him. He gave [name] a quick kiss. The train whistle blows. 

“Come home to us soon...please,” She begs. He nods again before Arthur and John pulled him away to board the train. 

Watching the men wave off their families as the train took off was heartbreaking. The four women of Small Heath held onto each other, comforting each other when they watched the three men in their lives leave on a train. [Name] rested her head on Polly’s shoulder as she rubbed the young girls back, quietly sobbing beside her.

[Name] went home that day, sitting alone as she twirled the ring on her finger, counting the days until his first letter came. 

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again- Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 2

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returns from France, he comes back a completely different man.

Warnings: ANGST, Tommy being a jerk, talk of trauma/death/etc. Platonic(?) betrayal.

It had been what seemed like weeks after the men were shipped off to France to fight in the war. When in reality, it had been only a week. [Name] had went back to work rather quickly, her mother preferring not to have her daughter mope around the house like a widow. So, she wrote her first letter to him.

Thomas,

You've just left us and it's already quiet here. Too quiet. The betting shop, the street, and the pub are all silent compared to the liveliness we were used to when you were home. When we came back from the platform, Polly, Ada, Martha, and I had walked in silence. Even Finn wasn't being his usual disorderly self. It's almost as if no one knew how to fill the silence. No one can fill the void that you three left.

In all honesty, I am scared. Terrified something will happen, and you won't return home to us. I want you to know how much I think about you, how much I need you to come home to me. I want you to be my first everything, I want you to keep that promise you made me before you left. Even now, as I write this letter, I stare at the ring on my finger, imagining how our future would be. We will pray for you every morning for a safe return.

Stay safe and please watch over each other. We are sending our love and prayers.

Sincerely, Your love [Name].

The whole of Small Heath seemed to be silent the first few days, but the women quickly took over while most of the men were gone. She had worked and worked everyday with the other women in the shop. Polly and Ada were strong women, and they were cracking down on the books like no other. They had involved themselves with their work that [Name] didn't expect her letter to come a few weeks later. Ada came running in with the post, handing her Aunt Polly the letters, and dropping Thomas' letter on the desk in front of her new close friend.

[Name] had never pulled out her letter opener so quickly. She nearly missed the blade as her hands shook to open it. The pages of parchment fell on the desk, unfolding it to read the letter he sent. Her colorful eyes went wide as she read the first page, heart fluttering and beating fast as she imagined his voice saying these words.

[Name],

When the train had left the station, I had already found myself missing home. We Small Heath boys sat together and no one knew what to say. We try to stay optimistic but news is that the odds are not in our favor. It hits harder the further we are from home. I am currently at a training camp, and even when my face is in the mud I still think of you. Your eyes, your smile, your voice. You visit me in my dreams, even when I'm in this hell you still feel like home.

No matter how long this will last, it will be difficult for you as it is for us. But Polly with take good care of you, you are no doubt a part of this family already. You will soon be a Shelby. I had never forgotten my promise to you. You are my dearest friend, and the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I knew from the day we met, you were special.

I will be safe [Name] I promise you that. We are going to make this out alive and you and I will get married and have our future together, building our legacy. Keep your thoughts clear and your mind positive until our return.

Until I write again my Love, Tommy.

The single tear ran down her cheek. Smiling a bit as she folded the paper again, placing it back in the envelope and into the drawer. Hearing Polly and Ada read the letters out loud from Arthur and John as they laughed through the sniffles. It made her lean back into her chair, looking up from the ring to the ceiling.

"[Name]! What did Tommy say?" Ada ran into her office, leaning on the door frame. [Name] turns to the younger Shelby sibling.

"Wouldn't you like to know," She teased with a light-hearted smirk.

"Come off it, lemme see!" Ada skipped to the desk, sitting down on top as [Name] gave in and took out the letter again, handing it to Ada. She smiles brightly as she read over the letter.

"Oh, [Name], that's so nice...I've never heard him be so...well, that before," She laughed. The girl tsked and grabbed the letters back from the Shelby.

"You'd be surprised, he's quite the romantic," She arched a brow at Ada.

"Yeah sure..." She shook her head.

"How are John and Arthur doing?" She had asked, putting the letters back.

"As good as they can be, [Name]...as good as they can be..." She paused. "Have you talked to Martha?" Ada asked. [Name] shook her head.

"Is she still sick?" She asked, her voice laced with worry.

"We think so, Polly's gonna visit her after work today, give her some medicine make sure she's okay, but just don't say anything to Tommy about it...She doesn't want John to worry," Ada explained.

"Of course, your secret is safe with me," Her lips formed into a tight lipped smile.

"I'll leave ya to write your letters," Ada hopped off of the desk and left her office. [Name] lets out a heavy sigh, moving the record books out of the way to pull the typewriter forward, placing the paper in before thinking of what exactly to write. How she could pour her feelings into one letter. Taking her fingers away from the keys to take a quick prayer, the same prayer that Polly taught all of the girls at the shop.

---

It had been years since the men from Small Heath had left. During those years, the two of them wrote letters back and forth as often as they could. At some point the letters began to slow. Anyone could imagine the reason why. In the last letter Tommy sent, he gave [Name] an idea of what he had to endure. The carnage and violence was only the beginning. The deaths he encountered, the injury and damage that had happened to him physically and mentally was enough to hurt her. Just from reading it. It was the middle of July of 1918. She was writing another letter to Thomas.

Thomas,

I received your letter last night. I miss you more than words can describe. Everything is starting to feel like normal again, as normal as is can be. I suppose the women taking over the jobs while most of the male population being away was the norm for the time being. It was still strange though. However, business has been slow recently. Ever since Martha had passed Polly and I had been taking turns to take care of the kids. Cooking for them and cleaning up after them nearly every day was just as hard as I imagined, Martha made it look so easy. Please give John my condolences once again and that we are thinking of him. And let me know how he is holding up.

The horses are looking healthy, Curly has been taking good care of them. My mother and I take walks in your uncles yard after dinner nearly every night just to see how the horses are doing, and so far he has been doing a wonderful job.

As much as I want to keep this letter forward-looking and cheerful, I do hope you are doing alright Tommy. The last letter you sent me had me worried for you. You told me you were going to be in charge of digging tunnels to bury explosives, I just hope you make it out alive. You had been there for me when my father had passed, and I hope you will let me be there for you after this is all over. Of course I have no real insight of what you are going through, but I hope you are safe. You were always so determined and strong. Make us proud, you always do.

Please give my love and support to your brothers.

Your Love, [Name].

It took months to receive a letter back. Longer than usual, but you didn't question it as you knew his job was hard, but you'd be lying if part of you didn't think the worst. But those clouds that plagued your mind were clear upon seeing his letter. It was a short one this time, but you imagined that he barely had any time to write these days.

[Name],

I am writing this by candlelight, Danny and Freddie doing the same. Writing wills and writing home. I have left everything I had to the family, you included. I'm sorry it's not much or what we had planned, but this is inevitable.

Knowing what's waiting at home encourages me and I will do my best to come out alive.

I will make sure to relay your kind words to John next time I see him.

Until I write again, SMG, Tommy.

Her hands shook as she read over the short letter. Again and Again she couldn't believe what he was saying. She set the letter in the desk drawer, along with the other piles of letters, before shutting it. She didn't want to believe it, not one bit. She was still hopeful that he would live. He even said 'Until I write again,'...but she didn't expect the letters to completely stop coming after that. No matter how many letters she had sent his way, she still didn't receive one back.

Weeks had passed, as Ada and Polly were receiving letters back to back every week, while [Name] came to an empty desk, but she never told them, afraid to hear if they received his letters as well or not. It made her heart hurt to think of the possibilities.

On November eleventh, a boy ran through the streets blaring the news. The war had ended. There was a shift in the air after the news broke of the war ending and the men finally returning home. The entirety of Small Heath seemed to be rushing to prepare for the return of the soldiers. Even Polly seemed increasingly distracted as she prepared for the return of her nephews, leaning on [Name] to review additional books and records. But tensions arise further as the official date was announced of the soldiers arrival.

Ada and the other girls grew giddier with each passing day, making [Name] just want to smack them. She was happy for them of course but, how could she witness their excitement for their men if she hadn't heard from hers in months. When the day finally arrived, it felt like the entire town was rushing to the station. Polly and Ada were waiting in anticipation for the train to arrive, while [Name] kept her brows stern in worry as she kept her gaze to the cement floor. She honestly had no idea what to expect. If he wasn't to return she would be heartbroken, if he was she would be confused by the cold shoulder he gave her. The sound of people cheering and screaming caught her attention as the train approached. Polly and Ada pushed their way forward as the train came to a stop. [Name] made sure to hold onto Finn as tight as she could so he wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

"Where are they?" Polly asked, excitement seeping in her voice.

"I dunno, [Name], do you see 'em?" Ada asked as she pulled her quiet friend along. Her eyes barely scanned the area as families reunited in tears, the boys finding their family members and just melting into their embrace.

"Um..." [Name] tried to get a better look, but the hordes of people blocked her vision.

"[Name]!" Ada called next to her...and she felt your heart drop. "I see them! Aunt Pol, look! There they are!"

[Name] couldn't catch her breath as Ada pointed somewhere in the distance. She squealed as she pulled [Name] with her. The closer they got, the more her heart began to beat. It felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She almost didn't want to lay her eyes upon them. In fear she would end up like the women receiving bad news that their own soldier had died in the battlefield.

But, she finally looked up. Ada, Finn, and Polly running to hug Arthur and John. [Name] stood in her place as she met this eyes. Those icy blue eyes and suddenly the air flew back into her lungs.

He was alive.

"Thomas?" She called, he stared at her. "Thomas!" She took off from her planted state and ran towards him. Throwing herself in his arms as she held him tightly, his arms wrapped around her tightly as he burred his face into her neck, inhaling deeply. She smelled like florals, an exotic blend of jasmine and violet. She smelled like home.

"You're okay...you're alive," She whispered to remind herself that he was in the flesh. She lifted her head to look at him, tears flooding her eyes as she rekindled with him. His hair was cut, short on the sides and back, nearly to the root with longer hair on the top that draped just across his forehead. The square of his jaw was clenched and sunk at the cheeks, sharp cheek bones...sharp enough to cut glass. Dark circles under his eyes and pale skin, but the same freckles littered his nose and cheeks. He looked so different. But nothing could beat the look in his eyes. He looked like a man that had gone through hell.

She supposed he actually did.

"My love? Are you really here with me?" She asked him, bringing her hands up to his face.

"I am...[Name], I'm here," He slightly smiled at her as he kissed her forehead. She knew he was physically here, but part of her knew mentally...he was distancing himself.

As the days passed, his once beautiful, vibrant blue eyes turned dull and emotionless. Just like before, he was sweet with her at first, but he started to grow cold. On some nights, she would sleep in his small bed, just waiting for him to come home in the late hours. When he did come home late, he would be drunk and simply stumble into bed, the faint smell of roses on his neck. He was a shell of the man she used to love.

One morning, she walked into his office.

"We need to talk," She told him, standing in the doorway sheepishly. He barely looked up at her before lighting a cigarette.

"What is it [Name], I am extremely busy," He huffed. The woman rolled her eyes, clenching her jaw as she closed the door behind her and walked to his desk until she were standing in front of him.

"You have been acting strange with me all these weeks, Tommy...What's happened?" She finally asked.

"Nothing happened, [Name]…Is that all this is about?" He asked, standing to grab some books from his shelf to look over, still avoiding her eyes. She almost felt delirious as she just wanted him to look at her. Her eyes followed him.

"You barely talk to me-"

"We're talking now," He quipped. She refrained from tearing her own hair out at how dismissive he was being.

"Hardly..."

"What is the point of this conversation [Name]?" He asked, arching a brow as he went back to his desk, again her body followed him, facing him again.

"The point is you don't treat me like I matter to you anymore, you hardly treat me as your bride-to-be let alone a friend! Does our friendship even matter to you anymore?"

He stayed silent as he just kept his head down.

"For Christ sake Thomas, look at me!" She shouted in frustration. His head snapped up to look at her. Surprised she had raised her voice as she had been so quiet since his return.

"You want to know what really happened, [Name]? Eh?" He quickly stood up and stalked towards her, her breath shuttered a bit as she was backed away into the wall, he stood tall over her.

"I saw people die, for four fucken' years! I nearly died in those tunnels, drowning in the mud and still, you assume I'll forget that ever happened?!" He shouted, getting closer.

"I don't blame you for what happened while you were gone...I understand-"

"No you don't [Name], stop fucken' saying you understand me when you don't! You weren't there, you will never understand what happened to me out there!"

"So what changed Thomas?" She asked, her lip trembling a bit. "What did I do to make you treat me this way?"

He scoffed, shaking his head as he pushed himself off of the wall and distanced himself from her.

"I thought you died out there Thomas, you didn't respond to my letters for weeks, I...I was so scared, and to find out you were alive and now? You treat me like a stranger... What did I do wrong?" Her voice was stern, but even Thomas heard the unstable wavering of some of the words. Thomas eyed her, looking at her like she was some common woman, not his closest friend and love of his life.

"You drain me...just being with you is exhausting, I mean for fucks sake [Name], you cling to me more that a fuckin' leach from the cut,"

"A leach?...That's what you think of me now?" She shook her head.

He hesitated.

"So that promise you made me was all fake?"

'What can I say? France gave me clarity..." He shrugged. [Name] was fuming. This wasn't the man she loved. Not anymore.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I loved you Thomas...But you're not the man I fell in love with,"

Thomas bit his lip before reaching into his pocket to grab another cigarette. There was still light in his eyes but he was too deep in his memories of France that he couldn't get out. He hardly slept as he heard the digging in the walls every night. She would have made those noises from his head and those terrors in his dreams if he had just given her the chance. He'd rather spend his nights elsewhere getting drunk and sleeping with the prostitute he met shortly after returning home.

"The old me died in the tunnels..." He spoke softly. She wanted nothing but to just kiss him and tell him everything would be okay. But the memories haunted him. And therefor turned her love away.

"I suppose the new you doesn't have love for anyone?"

"No," He replied quickly.

She nodded slowly. Reaching into her left hand and debating if she wanted to return the ring he gave her before he left. Tears brimmed her eyes as she slipped the gold band off of her finger. Thomas' eyes widened ever so slightly as he watched her walk over to him, grabbing his hand and placing the ring in his palm before folding his fingers over it, moving past him as she left his office without any last words.

she had stormed to her own office, slamming the door and quickly gathering her thoughts before gathering her things. She had left the shop in silence, Polly had called her name as she watched [Name] leave without a trace.

"Where has she gone, why is she leaving?" She asked her nephews and niece before going to investigate the now empty office. Thomas watched in shameful silence as Polly confirmed that her things were gone. Though the reason was unknown, Polly accused of Thomas being the reason for the young woman's departure. After she had voiced her (harsh) words, she left him in silence again.

"Trouble in paradise?" His brother asked, smirking a bit after watched their aunt butchering him with her words.

"Shut up John," He rolled his eyes before returning to work.

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette

[cosmic-crybaby]

Break My Heart Again - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Part 5

Summary: After being childhood friends, you and Thomas made a promise one day to get married, but when he returned from France, he came back a completely different man.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending.

1934, soon after Tommy's' battle had ended. Three more Shelby's' dead, and one less evil he had to worry about right now. His second wife, Lizzy Stark, was nowhere to be seen and was never found. Neither was his son, Charles. After the alleged affair with Diana Mosley, she left Tommy behind. As he did with the rest of his family.

So, where was he now?

Ireland. Finding himself knocking at the door of the home he knew she resided in. The sun was barely breaking through the forever gloom of the grey clouds, he shoved his hands in his pockets as he turns around, looking at the green grassy hill, cattle grazing the lawns minding their own.

"Who are you?" The voice came from behind him. Tommy moved his body, eyes snapping down in front of him to see a young girl. Around the age of four or five, standing in the threshold of the doorway. Her head was slightly tilted, as she peered up at him with her big eyes. Tommy tried to find the words, as he was speechless. She looked almost identical to Charles.

"I...I am um..." He began to speak, but footsteps cut him off and made him look up again. The front door was pulled open.

And then she appeared. His last breath got caught in his throat when his eyes fell on her. She looked even more beautiful than the day he saw her. The day she left and the day he found her, all those months later. Seeing her up close again, made him feel like he was frozen. His mind was buzzing with a myriad of questions, apologies, excuses. She wore a house dress, her hair was pulled into a bun, pieces of hair framing her slim face.

"[Name]," Tommy said. His voice made her eyes quickly snap up from the young girl to him. She froze for a moment as she saw who was waiting for her. She never thought she would see THE Thomas Shelby...ever again. Everything else seemed to disappear when she locked eyes with him.

"Mummy...who is this?" The girl pulled on her mothers dress, breaking the silence.

[Name] managed to break her eyes away first to see her daughter, Maeve, looking between the two adults in confusion.

"Darling...this is an old friend...Tommy Shelby,"

Old Friend was an odd way to put it. Knowing they were nowhere near that title, it made Tommy chuckle a bit. But the label would do for now. The young girl nods once and smiled up at the tall man.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Shelby," Maeve spoke before turning to her mother.

"You as well, darling," Tommy managed a small smile. [Name] cleared her throat and kneeled down a bit to talk to Maeve.

"Maeve, can you be a big girl and go check on Cian for me? make sure he's still asleep," She suggested, knowing that she didn't want the children to be around while she talked with Tommy. The girl nods with determination, exiting the area and down the hall. [Name] takes a deep breath and moves away from the door.

"Come in,"

The inside of the Byrne estate was large, clean, and full of light. Nothing compared to what Tommy had at Arrow house, but it somehow had the same comfort. The two sat across from each other at the dining table. Tommy would tell it was well crafted and made from the hands of the Tall brunette man he saw before. Neither Tommy nor [name] knew what to say to each other. It felt like hours had passed as they were locked in each others gaze.

"You found me..." She stated.

"I did...I came looking for you, everywhere...Turing to every connection I had...I had to find you [name], " He answered her, not bothered how desperate he sounded.

Because deep down he knew he was.

"Why now?" She questioned. "After all these years,"

"I wanted to apologize, for everything I had done and put you through...I'm sorry for lying, for the things that I left out, for leaving you...everything. You deserved to know, more than anyone," Thomas answered, his words rang in your ears, holding as much sincerity as they can.

The woman across from him nods, her face didn't change as she stared at him. Her glaze bouncing from his eyes to his lips to the worn hands he placed on the table.

"I had wished you well and vouched to never lay my eyes on you again, yet here you are apologizing to me again...You sure made a name for yourself Tommy," She commented, a small smile forming on her face. She couldn't lie, she was proud of him. "It wasn't uncommon around here, my late husband would speak of it every now and then, I would have to pretend like I didn't know who you were,"

"Late husband?...my condolences,"

[Name] nods once and held her hand up for a moment to stop him from going on further.

"He passed just last year, consumption...Maeve was only four and Cian was barely a year," She informed him, a lump caught in her throat and a gloss in her eyes. A knowing look formed on Tommy's features, he would know all about loss.

Greta, Grace, John, Polly, and Ruby.

"Do you have anyone for yourself now?" She asked, changing her subject.

"I did...remember Lizzie Stark?"

[Name] nods, and refrained from rolling her eyes. After she had exposed Tommy for who he really was, she found out about his secret relationship with his assistant. Leaving her spiraling under the realization that again, he chose another woman that wasn't her.

"We got married and had a daughter, Ruby...she's gone now, also consumption, after everything had happened, Lizzie took Charles and left,"

Silence had fallen between them, but it wasn't daunting...it was comfortable. She didn't know what else to say...what else could she really say? She looked at the dining table, her nail slightly digging into its' surface while Thomas held his gaze on her for a moment, admiring her beauty and how, even now, she still looked as youthful as ever. He ultimately made the decision to break the silence between them.

"I don't want to waste any more of your time...Just know what I am still sorry," He said to her, shifting as he felt the heartbreak hit him and standing from the dining table. She said nothing as she heard his chair scrape against the floor, and his footsteps leading him to the foyer. An inch away from grabbing the door handle before he caught her voice calling for him.

"Tommy wait!"

He quickly turned around. Their hearts pounding as she stood in front of him. She looked like she wanted to spill something to him. Tell him everything that she had held away. Her eyes searched his until he asked a simple: 'what is it?' in a breathy tone. Her lips quivered as she tried to find the words. For once, she was speechless in front of him.

"Maeve...she's not..." [name] started. She took a deep breath and Thomas found himself holding her shaking hands in his. She swallows and nods once as he looks into her eyes. 'Breathe'.

"My husband, Andrew, he didn't know...For Christ sake I tried to keep it from him all these years and after he passed, I feel guilty even now...but, Maeve she's not his...she's yours Tommy," Tears pricked her eyes. Tommy stared with wide eyes. He couldn't question her, the time added up, he saw what her late husband looked like and he saw what her daughter looked like. He could recognize those ice-like eyes anywhere. Licking his dry lips, he sighs heavily.

"I know..." He mumbled. "I could see the Shelby resemblance in her when I saw her...I didn't want to believe it at first...but after looking at her again, I saw it,"

She wanted to call an objection to his words but decided to keep her mouth shut, knowing that the Shelby's liked to keep their pride.

Even if it was an exaggeration.

Silence fell between them once again. Tommy steps closer, grabbing one of [names] hands. His hands were ice hold and hers were warm like the flames that roared in the fireplace.

"I'd like to see you again, [Name]" He told her, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips.

"There is a lot of catching up that we need to do...," She looked down at their intertwined hands. Thomas reaches for the woman's other hand. His gaze softened as he drew in closer, her lids closed slowly as his cold, cracked lips connected with her soft and plump lips. Her heart ignited, that small flame that slowly gave out when her husband passed suddenly blew up. Except this time, it was a different type of love. This version of Thomas Shelby was...new.

The woman tried to keep calm as the gangster pulled away from the kiss, afraid he wouldn't be able to stop once he got started.

"Very well then," Giddy on the inside as she kept her smile small.

"I'll see you tomorrow," He told her calmly, one hand rubbing up and down her arm before he took his leave.

The days and weeks to come, Tommy got along well with Maeve. The more the two got along, the more [Name] saw the resemblance. Cian was more attached to his mother by the hip, usually shadowing her until he was familiar enough with Thomas's presence. With the two in bed together one night, [Name] lifts her head as she felt Thomas digging through his nightstand.

"What are you doing?" She asked curiously as she tried to look in the drawer as well. Thomas held the object in his hand, closing his hand into a fist as he laid back down and looked at his beautiful girl.

"I found this, a few months ago...before I came to see you," He started. "Everything else was destroyed, but I kept this because I knew I would find you again one day, and give it to you..."

"Come on, Tommy what is it?" She asked, sitting up on her knees, trying to reach for his hand. He pulled his hand away and gave her a look. 'Wait' It said.

"No matter what happened between us, I knew I would come back to you, even after all these years...all of this pain...it has always been you...I'm so sorry it took me all this time to realize it," He told her. He grabbed her hand with his free hand and slipped the gold ring on her finger. It still fight like a glove, maybe even more-so now. In awe, she watched as he slipped the ring on her finger. It was cold on her warm skin, causing goosebumps to form on her arms.

"Thomas...?" She gasped. Looking at him, then at the ring, then at him again as her eyes were wide, tears forming in her eyes.

"[Name]…will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked. It made her think back to their childhood and that promise they made for each other.

"Oh Thomas...yes," She nods happily. Not hesitating to jump into his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

"I've loved you from the start,"

---

[Tag List]

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @milljane @cyphah @diosa-ahre-blog @badlandsbrunette @adaydreamaway08 @namelessghoul0 @deltamoon666 @cherryslyce @calmingmelody96 @bruher @galactict3a @soulmates8 @angelofdarkness2468

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 15: 'Alone Tonight'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, excessive alcohol consumption, arguing, Thomas really messing things up for himself etc. etc. etc.

Masterlist:

---

The distance between you had only grown with the passing weeks.

The more time had passed, the more Thomas had to work. The more he was gone, the more you realized you had been sleeping alone most nights. You understood how busy he was and how his job and family relied on him to make the right choices, but you were a part of his family too, You wanted to keep reminding him, but you knew it was useless when he couldn't put off business any longer.

It was the the night before Elizabeth's performance, and you had finally caught a moment with him. You didn't want to be a bother as you caught sight of him sorting through endless piles of papers on his desk.

"Thomas..." You meekly called as you stepped through the threshold and into the office. He looked up at you for just a moment. And in the split second, you saw just how overworked he was, slowly being consumed by his work. He acknowledged your presence with a small raise of his brow. His blue eyes lit up behind his glasses. "I didn't want to bother you, but I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is Elizabeth's first performance, and she really wants you to be there," You told him, walking further into the room. By the time he nods at your words, you were already at the front of his desk.

"You could have told Francis to deliver the message to me instead of getting out of bed to tell me yourself...you know you need to rest more now that you're further along," He simply stated.

"I wanted to deliver it to you myself so you know just how important this is,” You stood up straight, making sure it was known to him that you were not to be taken lightly at that moment. 

“I’ll surely be there,” He sighed.

“If you can’t make it, tell me now so-” You rambled. Thomas takes a heavy, slightly frustrated sigh. 

“(Y/n),” 

You shut your mouth as he stated your name. ‘Hm?’ You hummed, raising your brows in acknowledgment.

“I would want nothing more than to be there, I promise I will go,” He calmly stated. You nod once. 

“It’s late, please try to come to bed tonight,” You reminded him of the time. By this time he was fully invested with his work again as he just hummed at your request. Without another word you were gone. You read his actions loud and clear before going back to the bedroom, holding on to the railing to help you along the way. You slept alone that night once again. 

The next day was a busy one. Your kids were taken to school in the company Bentley  as you were off to work. Sitting in the office, doing some last minute paperwork and orders for inventory. Ever since you started seeing Thomas, you and your family were put on the protection list, on behalf of the Peaky Blinders. Thomas even managed to have your bills paid and taken care of. It made you feel uneasy to have your independence taken away, but you wouldn’t emasculate him when you knew he was doing it to not only ensure you were taken care of but to ensure you put all of that money into your own wallet for once. The Peaky boys would often linger around the front and back of the bakery to make sure you weren't in harms way. It's not like you ever were in the first place.

Winter was slowly rolling in and you were preparing hot drinks and baked goods for the customers who just wanted to keep warm during the cold seasons. You even offered to serve hot whiskey cider to the workers who came in at the end of their shifts when the snow really kicked in. 

And that was why you were everyone’s favorite baker. 

After you had closed up the shop, you were picked up and taken on the trip back to Arrow House. You got yourself and Henry ready for Elizabeth's first big performance at the ballet. Frances was there to help get Henry dressed. You struggled to clasp your earrings on you asked her: 

“And where the fuck is Thomas, we’re late!” 

Much to your knowledge, he was in his office. The pub was lively that night, but he was sitting like a dead corpse at his desk. Smoking a dull cigarette while staring into the flames of the fireplace. The music and laughter muffled by the thick, wooden doors. The heat filled the room but Thomas was still as cold-hearted as ever. Thomas was a smart man after all, but his weakness had just strutted through the door. Holding an even bigger vice than herself, right in her thin hands. Two crystal glasses and brand new bottle of whiskey. 

If his recent days hadn’t been so hectic he would have declined her advances and her offer to share a drink. And maybe he would have remembered the promises he made.

At the theater, the show was just starting. You sat in the second row, your son beside you to your left and an empty seat to your right. You watched in amazement and excitement as you spotted her on stage amongst the other swans. Her small height compared to the taller women giving herself away. She looked so beautiful and grown up it nearly made you cry. She didn’t show any sort of hesitation or insecurity as she hit every step, spin, and leap in tune with the orchestra. But in the back of your mind, you still wondered where Thomas was. 

“Why aren’t you out there? Arthurs’ just started singing,” She chuckled as she closed the door behind her, drowning out the loud noise and music. 

“Lizzie,” He blinked at her as she sat in the chair across from his desk. The red dress she wore exposed her shoulders and her long arms, the necklace that hung around her neck was shining under the lights. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked, sitting up and putting the cigarette out in the ashtray. Assuming she was inquiring about her job. She shrugs a bit, setting the whiskey and cups on the desk in front of him. 

“I just wanted to speak with you,” She reached for one of his cigarettes, and being the gentleman he was, he lit it for her. She continued to speak, but he began to drown her out. 

He eyes the alcohol for a moment before clearing his throat and reaching to check his pocket watch. He could have sworn he had somewhere to be, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

“I didn’t ask you to put anything on my schedule for tonight, did I?” He interrupted. It was unlike him to forget things so easily. 

“Um…” She paused to think, but it came up empty and she shook her head. “No, you didn’t tell me anything about tonight. Why, am I keeping you from attending something important?” She asked. His gaze was distant as he slightly shook his head. 

“I suppose not, now…what did you want to speak to me about?” He asked. He watches as she stands up to open the bottle and pour him a glass as well as herself. Watching him as he took a small sip, longing for his touch again…missing him deeply. Loathing him for what he did behind her back. But then again, she still wondered…

“Are you happy, Tommy?” 

“No…No not always,” He gruffly answered, but his answer was honest nonetheless. But, she already knew that. Everyone already knew that he wasn’t a happy person. After France, after Grace and Charles, after constantly worrying about losing his family. But then, there was you. You helped him little by little to gain that happiness again. To maintain that feeling of being alive. 

But that was only temporary when Luca Changretta had his family's names engraved on bullets. 

“But there are things in me life that help…still working on those things,” He said. Lizzie nods along. 

“What things?” 

“Being a good man…a good father,” 

She hums. 

“Yeah…kind of wished you worked on that when we were together,” She takes a deep inhale of her cigarette. And if Tommy Shelby wasn’t so cold already, her words would have cut him like a knife. 

“Why did you do it?” She finally asked after they sat in their silent tension. He set his glass down, looking away from her. 

“I wasn’t in love with you,” He told her honestly. She held her stare on him for a moment. Nodding bitterly. 

“You’re a fuckin’ liar,” She accused. Tommy chuckled as he leaned back in his office chair with a creak. 

“If you really didn’t love me, you would have let me marry John, or fired me after I spoke to your mistress, or wouldn't have given me this fucking job in the first place…so explain that to me, you at least owe me this,” Her eyes were glossy with hot tears. The blinder hesitated before he took one last finishing gulp of the whiskey in his cup. 

After the performance, you waited for her in the hall of the theater. She skips to you and Henry, already carrying a  bouquet of roses, wearing her boots and a coat over her leotard. Her hair and makeup are still on. She smiled brightly as you opened your arms to engulf her into a hug. 

“You did amazing!” You praised her proudly, letting her go as Henry stood beside you. 

“I saw you almost tripped,” He teased. 

“Shut up,” She nudged him 

“Henry that’s-” You started to scold the younger son before you noticed Elizabeth glance around the room. 

“Where is Thomas?” She asked, her smile was still on her face but you saw the faintest dismay. 

“He really wanted to come, Love but he got stuck at work,” You lied. You had hoped that was the case, but even you weren’t sure. You rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She stutters. 

“That’s okay, can we just go home? I’m starving,” You nodded, your arms over her shoulders as Henry held your other hand, slowly leading them out of the theater and to the car. 

At home, you tried your best to hide your disappointment in your fiancé, who still hadn’t shown up. But regardless, the three of you sat at the dining table as the maids served Elizabeth’s favorite dish. Roasted chicken, potatoes, salad, and bread. It was simple compared to the other dishes the kitchen staff make, but it was more than enough for your family. In her opinion, your home-cooked meals were better. 

“Did you know dad came tonight?” Elizabeth stated as she picked up her silverware. 

“Was he the one who brought the roses?” You asked, desperately wishing you could guzzle some wine to distract you from the growing stress in your chest. The feeling of dread coming and going with every ticking second on the clock.

“Yeah...he sat in the back, he saw me just before you did,” 

“That’s nice, darling I’m glad he came,” 

‘At least he made an effort, can’t say the same for Thomas,’ You bitterly thought. Your eyes were dark as you stared at your plate. Aggravation causes your appetite to greatly decrease.

“Should we wait for Thomas?” Henry asked. You shook your head. 

“Go ahead and eat,” You gave permission as you moved the food around your plate, attempting to at least eat. You, rather aggressively, cut into your chicken as your silverware clanked on the ceramic plates. Your children watched you, giving each other a knowing glance to not ask as they followed and hesitantly began eating. You heard the heavy footsteps of your fiancé walking into the room. “Sorry I’m late,” He apologized as he went around the table, rubbing Elizabeth's shoulder and tussling Henry's hair before he approached you. Henry fixed his hair as he smiled up at him while Elizabeth gave him the silent treatment. He placed a hand on your shoulder before kissing your temple. “Hello, sweetheart,” He whispered. Your lips form into a tight line before you acknowledge him. Your jaw clenched a bit as you refrained from pulling away from his touch. He sat down in his own seat across from you. 

“I’ve been trying to reach you for hours,” You stated, a hint of displeasure in your voice as you take a sip of water. 

“I was at work,” 

“All day?” You quickly shot back. 

“Yes, darling I was stuck at work and then I attended a very important family meeting,” His tone slightly changed, exhausted from his long day and the interrogation he had to go through with you. As he got situated, the only noise was your children eating and quietly whispering back and forth. 

“Well, Elizabeth did amazing tonight,” You reminded him after clearing your throat, keeping your eyes down on your plate. Thomas formed his lips in a thin line, internally scolding himself. He knew deep down he had forgotten something important. He glances at you but your eyes were elsewhere, the dead and tired look in his eyes showed only a bit of guilt as he looked from you to your daughter. 

“Elizabeth,” He called. She only continued to eat, not looking at him when he spoke. “I had a terrible and busy day at work today, but I apologize for not showing up tonight, I was really looking forward to seeing you,” 

Elizabeth just glanced at him. 

“It’s fine…” She simply said before going back to pushing her food around her plate. 

“You know, next time you’re going to be this late, I would at least appreciate a call,” You told him, quietly enough so only he could hear. 

“And next time when I have a shit day at work, I would appreciate it if you didn’t badger me the second I walk through the door,” He said in the same volume, but in a more apathetic tone. 

Your eyes scanned him, examined him as he just stared at his plate. Your eyes quickly scan your children before turning back to pick up your glass of water. 

“Eat some bread for Christ sake,” You hissed your Small Heath accent thicker than he had ever heard. Thomas widened his eyes a bit in disbelief as he started dismissively yet obediently eating the food on his plate.

“Henry, how was your day?” You asked him. He looked up at you and smiled. Thomas' gut sank at the change of pitch in your voice. The sweetness as you spoke to your children was like honey.

“It was good,” 

“And your lessons?” You pondered again. 

“I’m getting better, Miss Matisse says I might even have a part in the orchestra this year,” You smiled warmly at him. 

“I’m glad darling…what about you, Elizabeth?” You turned to her. 

“It was fine…just uneventful before the show,” You nod at her words. 

“What about you, Thomas?” You asked, sarcasm and accusations seeping from your words. 

“It was fine, (Y/n)...How was your day?” He feigned interest. 

“Oh, I think you should go first,” You mumbled.

“You can go first,” He scoffed, arguing. 

“No,” You set your silverware down with a loud clank and looked at him. Sharply lifting your head to make direct eye contact with him. Your eyes darkened as your tone and demeanor completely changed, it was something he had never seen before. “Tell us, how was your day?” You faked a smile at him as he just stared at you. His eyes are low and dark. 

“I said my day was fine…” He said back to you, spitting as much venom as you did. You heavily sigh through your nose. Bringing your water to your lips. As dinner went on, Henry had brought one of his toy cars to the table. Rolling the wheels over his napkins and silverware. The irritating squeaking of the wheels caused everyone at the table to feel vexed, but Elizabeth was the first to snap. 

“Will you stop?” Her brows furrowed as she looked at him. He grinned as he stopped momentarily before continuing. 

“Stop!” She shouted. 

“No,” He argued, sticking his tongue out at her. The two continued to bicker. 

“We all want to hear what happened to you today,” You said again. Thomas sat back in his chair, pressing his thumb and index fingers to the bridge of his nose. He pulled his fingers away as he stared at the nearly full plate before him. His mind was practically numb at this point, and the anger began to bubble up with every passing second. The frustration radiated in his head, jaw, and shoulders as he shifted to try to calm himself. The more you questioned him and the louder your children fought made his head ache and his jaw clench. Just then, Elizabeth grabs the toy car and begins to run around the table as Henry chases after her. 

“Elizabeth, sit down please,” You sternly, yet tiredly ordered. “Mom, she won’t give it back, make her stop!” Henry complained as she held the toy over his head, just barely out of reach. 

“Both of you come sit back down, I won’t ask you again,” 

They continued to chase each other and argue as Thomas sat in silence, the pending anger just waiting to be set off. The two children began to yell and whine. 

“Mom!” 

“Knock it off, let go of me!” 

“Stop it, both of you!”

“Stop!” They repeated loudly. Just as you were about to stand, Thomas abruptly stood from his chair, it loudly scraped against the floor as he slammed his hands on the table. 

“Shut the fuck up!” With each word he yelled, his hands came down to slam on the table. You covered your ears, startled by the sudden loud noise as Henry and Elizabeth stopped in their tracks, in sudden shock as they stared with wide eyes. The room was suddenly silent. You kept your eyes down at the table and your hands were on your lap. Upset and angry but not sure how to react. Thomas takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Hanging his head low before standing up straight. 

“I…I am so sorry, but you really need to listen to your mother, eh?” He asked. Breathing heavily, he takes a cigarette out of his pocket. He didn’t even notice the blood on his hand until he saw the red stain his sleeve, the table, plates, and silverware below. He simply uses one of the napkins to wrap it. 

“She asked multiple times to stop, you have to listen to her, she is your mother,” he excuses himself and leaves the room, a trail of smoke follows. You shakily stand up, giving your kids a tight hug, holding them into you tightly as you reassured them that things were going to be okay. You sent them to have a bath as you sat in silence at the table. Holding a hand over your mouth, feeling nauseated and shaken. You stand and slowly walk to Thomas’s side of the table. 

“Fuck,”

---

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[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 16: 'You're No Good For Me'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, mentions of blood, manipulation etc etc. ANGST

Masterlist:

---

It took you almost twenty minutes to calm your children down.

Reassuring them that things were going to be okay. But even you yourself were unsure. Giving them a tight hug and a kiss goodnight, making sure to tell Frances to stay with them until they fell asleep, before you entered the bedroom.

You didn't want them to hear the absolute terror you were about to unleash.

Thomas sat on the bed, his jacket discarded and his white shirt somewhat unbuttoned. His hand was still wrapped in the blood-stained cloth from the dining table. You harshly slammed the door behind you, making the room rattle, approaching him and stopping to stand in front of him with your arms crossed.

“You lost your temper with my kids, Thomas…That can never happen again, do you understand?” 

He only nods once before he purses his lips and looks up at you.

“Your kids are out of control,” He stated with raised brows and condescension behind his words. Your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“They’re fuckin’ kids! That is how kids behave when they’re tired, hungry, and disappointed,” You listed. He arched a brow at you. 'Disappointed' he repeated with a bitter laugh.

“I told you I wasn’t ready for this, didn’t I? I warned ya…I fuckin’ warned ya,” He pointed a finger at you with his non-injured hand before he stood up and struggled to unknot his tie with one hand, taking strides to his wardrobe. You stood in your place as you stared at him, bewildered.

“It’s not that hard to ask for help, you could have asked your Aunt or your sister for help, but it’s a little too late to turn back now,” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Yeah, I am sure Aunt Pol would have some great advice on how to discipline your kids for you,” He simply said with a small glance. Perplexed, you screwed your brows together. 

“Don’t you dare,” You seethed.

“What?” He taunted, walking to his wardrobe to put his clothes away. 

“Don’t you dare blame my kids, the only person acting like a child tonight was you!” 

He exhales heavily as he slammed the door to the wardrobe shut before turning to you, the obvious frustration on his face. His normal glacier eyes were dark like the darkest depths of the ocean as he wore a stern look on his face. He approached you, at least a few inches away from your face. Under any other circumstances, he would just be a kiss away. And everything would have been forgotten.

“I’m acting like a child?” Shock laced his question.

“Yes, you are,” You argued. You looked down and reached for his wrist, bringing it up to show him. “You slammed your hands so hard, that you broke a fucking glass and you cut yourself…you threw a tantrum just like a fuckin’ baby,” He jerked his hand away from you. He wasn’t in any pain, his anger numbed it.

“I have made big sacrifices for you…huge fuckin’ sacrifices, I am behind on my work because I spent all my time with you-” 

“And you think I haven’t? I have to commute at least forty minutes back and forth everyday,” You interrupted. 

“And that wouldn't have been a problem if you just took everyone’s advice and hired someone to help you,” He said quietly. 

You took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“You walked into my family…my beautiful family that took years to grow and create, one that you would have started by now if you had any strength, courage, or restraint,” You stepped back from him, glaring at him with disgust. “Esme was right, you’re unstable…I get it…work is hard but that does not give you the right to act the way you do,” 

“And how is that, (Y/n)?” His condescending tone was pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your blood boils with every second. 

“Oh, would you like me to list it off for you, Thomas?” You asked. “Your terrible temper, your unstable mood, your drinking problem, and the fact that I found snow in your office and opium in your nightstand!” You yelled. 

He chuckled.

“Ah, after all this time…I still stand by what I assumed,” 

“Which assumption would that be? Because you’ve made so many,” You laughed. You stood far away from each other. You were by your vanity while he leaned against the bedpost. 

“You pretended to be drunk to get me to fuck you, get you pregent,” 

You both fell silent. The only noises in the room were your heavy breaths and the crackling of the wood in the fireplace as the flames cast an intimidating shadow upon your face. Your chest heaved up and down rapidly as you gulped down the lump in your throat as your hands moved to rub your stomach, protectively as the baby began to move about and kick. 

“Oh God…How could you say that?” You asked yourself as you turned away from him. You held your hand over your mouth to side the sobs as you bent over, one hand leaning on the vanity. Thomas slowly approaches you and attempts to hold you. 

“This is just an obstacle…eh? Listen to me…Listen to me (Y/n), I am sorry I shouldn’t have said that, this was only a setback,” 

You pulled your arms away from his touch. Overwhelmed by everything around you. His smell, his touch, his voice, the hot temperature of the room, the weight of the baby, everything had you wanting to just tear your hair out and scream. 

“No…No this isn’t a setback, Thomas…this is a fuckin’ disaster!” 

“I warned you that the stress of what I do and the stress of this is going to ruin our relationship-” 

“The stress of what?” You asked, turning to him with tears in your eyes. 

“Having a baby together,” He answered. You shook your head. 

“No…Three…” You held up your shaky hand, showing three fingers. “Thomas…Three children!” 

“I didn’t even ask for one!” His voice boomed.

“You act like you’re the only one who fucked up their life,” 

He shook his head before he sat down at your vanity chair, picking up a cigarette to rub it across his lips before lighting it.  

“I guess that’s what happens…” He took a deep breath. “When strangers get drunk and fuck,” he exhales the smoke. 

You paused and swallow thickly. Your eyes scanned him. Until you spotted the red smudge on the collar of his shirt, the red and purple spots on his clavicle. Everything seems so clear now. Your eyes began to tear up as you gasp in doubt.

"I knew it," You muttered as you looked away. Thomas lifted his head to look at you.

"I fucking knew it!" You shouted, picking up a glass perfume bottle and raising it to throw it at him, Thomas quickly leaves the vanity chair and rushes to the washroom, dropping the cigarette as the glass bottle shattered against the hardwood as it merely missed him.

"What the fuck?!" He shouted from behind the door. He could only hear you shouting, crying and the loud crashing of only what he assumed was you breaking the valuables on the vanity. He scrambles to look in the mirror, cursing to himself as he looked at the love-bites and the lipstick that were evidently clear now that he was sober.

"You're a fucking coward Thomas Shelby!" You cried as you leaned against the door.

"It was nothing (y/n), you're overreacting!"

You chuckled sourly. leaving the door to sit on the bed. Thomas cautiously opened the door, looking out into the room, the broken glass of the beauty products were haphazardly spread across the floor. There you sat, tears glistening on your cheekbones as you looked down at the floor.

"(y/n)…please," He held his uninjured hand out as if you were a wild animal. You tsked and roll your eyes at him.

"Oh please, Thomas..." You mumbled.

He threw his hands up, breathing heavily.

"Humor me, Thomas..." You started, slowly standing up. "Who was it?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Stop lying for one second and tell me!" You snapped. He blinks, his body seemed less tense as he conjured up the courage to tell you.

"You know who," He simply stated.

"At least have some courage and say her fuckin' name...you owe me that at least,"

Thomas licks his lips and looks down. Suddenly feeling brave he says her name. It felt like a curse leaving his lips.

"Lizzie Stark,"

You nod bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I’m packing my shit and I’m leaving…tonight,” You told him, turning back around to pack whatever little you had left into a trunk. He watched as you then went into your children's room to wake them up and help them pack a small bag, fetching some maids to help you take them to the car as you threw whatever gifts, dresses, jewelry, other materialistic things he got for you onto the floor. Throwing your coat on as you made your way down the stairs with Frances’s help. Your children, although confused and still tired, sat in the backseat of the company car, knowing this was the last time you would have that kind of luxury. You sat in the middle as they rested their heads on your shoulders and cuddled into your sides. A single tear escaped your eye as the car began to take off down the long entry path. If only Thomas knew of the agony you felt in your heart.

Thomas stood outside, watching in somberness as you left. Without a goodbye and second glance. You and Thomas had argued before, of course but it never got this bad. It was always resolved by the morning, but he feared that this was the last time. 

He wanted to cry, scream, and yell over the fact that he really fucked up his last chance with you. He loved you more than words could say. As the car disappears into the dark distance he retreats back inside. 

"Should I assume she is coming back, sir?" Frances asked. 

"That...I am unsure, Frances..." He shook his head. 

"Please get some rest, Mr. Shelby...have some peace of mind," 

And so he did. He tried at least. He cleaned up most of your mess but as he laid in bed he held the engagement ring between his fingers. You had left it on your vanity before you took off. 

Oh how beautiful it would have looked on your finger when you got married. 

---

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[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 14: ‘Fade Into You’

Warnings In This Chapter: fluff,fluff,fluff. Some angst at the end (I can’t help myself, sorry)

Masterlist:

---

Thomas Shelby rarely got a night off. 

Being a gangster came with the stress of the life they lived. Which also meant…

No time off. 

But when your kids were away you missed their feet padding around the house. Without the sound of them running about, taking the horses out on the field, and whole mess of the Shelby Company Limited the two of you finally had the chance to enjoy each other's company over some dinner. After a busy week at the bakery, you were happy that you got to be alone with the man you adored. Much to your dismay, running the bakery by yourself just got harder and harder as the weeks went by. Polly was right. 

Of course she was, she always was. 

Ever since the night of the dinner party, the family was more open to you stopping by to visit Thomas in the office or joining him to the pub. This, of course, meant you would often run into Lizzie Stark. You didn't say much than a small head nod of acknowledgment before you would enter Thomas' office. If only she knew. 

Thomas had a talk with you shortly after you had moved in, whether or not she should keep her position at the company. And being the forgiving and kind soul you were, you told him not to bother. 

'Let her stay, Thomas…Do not punish her for your mistakes…but if I find out she fucks up again, she is gone…no further questions,' You told him sternly. 

Plus Thomas knew better. 

He also knew better than to invite you to any and all family meetings. With the exception of one. You and Thomas had attended a dinner with the rest of the business, and when Arthur started talking to John, who talked to Ada, who then brought Polly into it. At one point you found yourself slipping deeper in the knowledge of the family business. Shortly after it started, only did you wish you had stepped out. The longer you stayed, the more you realized how often you were getting involved with helping Thomas make decisions, double checking the accounting books, and being around to hear the gruesome carnage they planned, the more you tried to push the lifestyle away. 

But you knew that was all inevitable. 

So instead, you focused on your time with Thomas. You had sat across from each other at the dining table, eating chicken and vegetables quietly as it was all you could manage without feeling sick to your stomach. 

“How was work?” You asked him, pushing the pieces of peas in a corner of your plate to eat the other, more desirable greens on your plate. Thomas takes a small sip of whiskey. 

“Work was…” He takes a heavy sigh. “Well, work was fuckin’ work,” He muttered, making an obvious stop to the conversation. His work-life was overwhelming, of course anyone would find stress in a business like that. He glanced up at you for a moment. He wasn’t partial in talking about work while eating, most of the time, so these answers were always anticipated. But you still managed to make sure to ask him anyways, show him you’re still interested in him and that you still care. 

He clears his throat before asking; “And you?” 

“Busy as always,” You nod once. You refrained from giving away the fact that you were working yourself to the bone. Thomas would have you homebound in an instant if that were the case. 

“You should look into hiring help, eh? We can get someone more than qualified…especially since you’re further along,” He arched a brow and motioned to your stomach. You chuckled dryly, putting a protective hand over the bump as your eyes shifted from your plate up to him. 

“Thank you, Sweetheart but I don’t need any help right now. I am more than capable of handling the work,” You smiled. 

“If I had anyone else behind that counter it would be like…” You paused. “Like an unwanted guest…It’s just tradition, love you know that all too well,” You shrug. He went quiet for a moment. You watched as he picked at the food on his plate. Sighing, you set your silverware down on the plate and stand up, pulling out the chair right beside him. 

“Look,” He set his silverware on the plate as you reached for his hand. 

“I know you are worried but I can handle this myself, I am not sayin’ I don’t appreciate your help, but all I want you to do is focus on the issue at hand…Stopping Luca Changretta, okay?” Your hands caressed his face as your thumbs brush over his cheek bones. His skin was warm as you glance at the freckles on his skin and the color regaining in his face. His eyes scan your face for a moment, a ghost of a smile causing the corner of his lips to turn up in the slightest. He reached his rough hands up to grab yours and bring them to intertwine with his. 

“(Y/n)…” He paused, swallowing quickly. He was at a loss for words. 

“Yes?” You peer through your long lashes. 

He stared at you. The way your eyes looked so big and bright, your skin was glowing. Your voice was like heaven to him. 

“Will you marry me?” The way his words casually flowed, as if he was having a perfectly normal conversation with you. Your eyes widened as your lips parted. Quickly leaning forwards to pull him into a hug. Your arms tightly wrapped around him as he gently kissed your temple and his hand rubbed your back. You held him close to you for a few silent moments, just trying to take in his proposal. You only let go and looked at him again when he whispered your name. Again you were at a loss for words as you looked up at him. 

“I…I’m not sure,” You whispered, slightly shaking your head. You took his silence as a que to continue. 

“I mean…If I say ‘yes’, God how can I say yes when we hardly know each other,” 

Thomas caressed your cheek with his hand, using his thumb to wipe the small tear from the corner of your eye before it could roll down your face. As if he told you that everything was going to be okay. 

“And how can I say ‘No’? I already love you so much,” Your voice cracked as you looked away, pressing your head to his chest as you listened to his heartbeat as it rapidly thumped against his chest. 

“I am apprehensive…that if I do agree to marry you I will never know if we actually got married out of necessity or out of love…If I decline then I’ll never know if I passed up the love of my life,” You spoke quietly, holding him tighter. After another moment of silence, just soaking everything in before he said: 

“I will never pressure you into giving me an answer…but know that I do love you, very very much and it would be an honor to marry you,” He said. 

“If you’ll have me?” He added at the end with a small smirk. You let go of him, your hands clasp around his own as they rested by your sides. 

“Yes…” You told him with a nod. 

“Was that a yes?” He asked with a smile. After you confirmed he pulled you into a kiss. 

“You thought I was gonna say no, eh?” You giggled. He exhaled in relief as he chuckled dryly. If he was being honest, he thought you were in fact going to say no. He pulls you into another deep kiss before reaching into his pocket to take out a small, velvet box. Opening it to reveal a ring. It had an oval ruby in the middle that laid on a golden floral bouquet design with small diamonds embedded, decorating the band. 

You gasped at its beauty. Sniffling as he slipped the ring on your finger.

It was a perfect fit. 

A few days later, you had stopped at the doctor's office for another check-up. With a clear head after learning your baby was perfectly healthy, you went home. You had gotten home a little later than usual but even at this time Thomas would usually be home by now, yet he was nowhere to be seen. You had waited up for hours, only to end the night eating dinner and going to bed disappointed. You were not aware what time it was when you stirred awake when you felt the mattress dip from his weight. He was exhausted and beyond aggravated as he let out a relaxed sigh after finally getting some kind of rest. He felt guilty for having drinks in his office rather than coming home sooner, unfortunately that’s expected when you live like a Shelby. 

Thomas had to have been in deep sleep by the time you fully woke up in the middle of the night. Groaning as you rest a hand on your stomach to sooth the frequent late-night kicking. With his back turned to you, his slow breathing was a clear indication that he was fast asleep. You attempt to press your body against his, cuddling close to him. Craving that much-needed comfort from him. The second he felt your hand on his bare shoulder he pushed himself away. 

Flinching your hand back, offended and confused, you sat yourself up. Hair a mess and eyes still dry and heavy with sleep. He grumbles groggily as you rubbed his arm with your hand. Testing to see if it was a genuine or involuntary reaction. 

“Thomas…” You whispered. “What’s wrong?”  

“I’m fuckin’ tired,” He mumbled, still facing away from you. You laid back down, making yourself comfortable again by propping all of the pillows around your stomach and between the two of you, giving him space as you laid awake staring into the back of his head. 

“Do you…do you not find me attractive anymore?” You asked him. 

You heard him let out a forced, heavy sigh before he shifted. 

“I am very attracted to you but I need to sleep,” He mumbled again. “Please do not trouble yourself with this, not again,” 

Rolling your eyes you laid on your back. 

“I’m not it’s just…just painful for me that you refuse to touch me,” You whispered, the hurt evident in your tone. If he was looking at you, if he had taken a moment to just look at your face…your eyes, he would know just how hurt you actually were. 

But instead all he said was: 

“I’m sorry that’s painful for you,” 

You fully turned to your side, your back facing him as well as you bit your lip as it trembled.

---

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