#U.S. Agent

[mcufam]

(the blond is natural)

[doeeyedyelena]

JOHN WALKER protecting the members of his new team in THUNDERBOLTS*

[bionyxtrinity]

'𝚃𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚝𝚜*'

[stargazir]

"He asked for no pickles"

[radioactive-yuri]

im crying because john was so excited to see bucky he was like "IT'S BUCKY!!!! :D" and then bucky immediately blew up the car he was in, tied him up with rope, and told everybody about his divorce. winteragent crowned funniest possible one-sided ship just for this

[saturntojuno]

PSA: bisexuals can be assholes too

[wwprice1]

Amazing Thunderbolts piece by Dan Hipp!

[acecaelumizunia]

Newly discovered gay man John Walker misunderstanding queer terminology trying to compliment Bob's new fit: You're such a cunt.

[sexy-monster-fucker]

I Wish You Would

John Walker x New Avenger!Reader

Summary: While the rest of the team is gone, Reader is excited to have the screening room to herself for the usual group movie night. Until she walks in and finds her night of freedom interrupted.

CW: Thunderbolts* Spoilers, teasing, mutual pining, makeout, handjob, some choking, John’s obvious praise kink, p in v, creampie,

a/n: im about to start my period so my hormones are everywhere, and all I want is to ride John Walker until he forgets his name lol um happy birthday Wyatt Russell

title track 🎶🎞️

~~~

Movie night.

Normally something you dreaded worse than any mission. Having to sit through Alexei’s loud chewing, Ava and John’s arguing, and Yelena having to explain every joke to Bob. Poor sweet Bob, sometimes not completely aware of references due to his amnesiac state.

But tonight was almost perfectly laid out by the Gods for you.

Most of your team was dispersed all over the country. Alexei, Yelena, and Ava off on some undercover mission. States and timezones away from the Tower. Getting some intel hidden down floors below a far too fancy government building. Infected with H.Y.D.R.A. scum. Ava was perfect for such a task. Assisted by the perfect distractions that were Yelena and Alexei. Bucky, Bob, and John were all out at a secluded training facility. If Bob was unable to use his powers without the fear of Sentry and the Void returning, they needed to teach him the physicality. How to keep a cool head even when people were charging you. You were always outnumbered by enemies, everyone needed to be able to fight.

Lucky for you, Valentina had sent you off on a mission that was an easy resolve. An interview with a well known journalist. Having to save face for your entire team after a rather eventful, and damaging, brawl. Some delinquents got their hands on weapons sold under the table by an old site cleaner. Advanced with alien technology. Extra hard to stop. Which resulted in a good lot of the city being trashed. Citizens were rightfully angry. John’s pompous attitude and Alexei’s casual behavior hammering the final nail into the coffin.

You were the member with the cleanest record. Presentable and approachable. A known former Avenger before the Battle with Thanos. Advocating very publicly for housing reform and a change in the way foreign threats were handled. A pivotal part of restoring the world’s faith in supers. Your public image was, for the most part, clean and beloved.

While everything was still so different and new, you loved your team. They were more of a family than you had found with anyone before. Bonding and developing routines. Traditions. Much like tonight.

You wore your oversized pajamas. Long sleeves and shorts. Perfect to tuck yourself under the blanket and keep warm. You walked into the living room with your favorite blanket in hand. The one you hid in your room just to make sure no one else claimed it. Excited for a night in the big screening room. All alone. Finally able to watch one of the new releases you had been waiting on.

Until you rounded the corner and saw a movie already in progress. Some shitty cop-duo comedy. Where they go undercover looking for a drug dealer around a college campus. More crude humor than not. It was older, you remembered the commercials for it that aired back when it came out.

Who the hell was here? None of your teammates were supposed to be here. It was going to be your one chance for some quality alone time.

You rounded the leather chairs, eyebrows already arched. Frustrated beyond belief before even knowing who the culprit of your interruption was.

And there he was. Slumped down in the chair with a bowl of popcorn resting on his stomach. Legs spread wide, arms positioned so he only had to twist his wrist to reach his mouth with a handful of popcorn. Tight fitted t-shirt and lounge pants.

John F. Walker.

Your lip twitched. Blinking over and over to try and relax the harsh expression that tugged at your muscles. You barely caught his attention. Completely lost in the illuminated screen. Before turning his gaze to you.

“What’sup, Y/N,” he casually said with a mouthful of popcorn. Crunching and wet mouth sounds mushing his words together.

“Thought you were with Bob..?”

John shrugged his shoulders, “Buck got mad at how I was trying to train him.”

You knew what that meant. John always had a tendency to take training too far. Shouting like the drill sergeants that had trained him. Bordering on the lines of degrading. Especially for someone like Bob. He needed a special, calm touch. Clear instructions and understanding, that was what made him learn best. Which was why he was rarely sent off on missions to begin with. The risk of a disaster returning was too high. Maybe one day he would learn to control his powers. Powers forced on him. Something many of you could sympathize with, unlike John. He chose the super soldier serum. Willingly burdening himself with power. So you guess it was hard for him to understand this struggle, or maybe he was just in denial about it. Assuming if he could handle it, so could everyone else.

“Barking again?”

John scoffed, rolling his eyes at you, “No.”

There was a silence. One of your eyebrows raised as you crossed your arms over your chest. Leg cocked to the side, trying to get him to admit the truth.

“Okay— maybe a little barking,” John sighed.

You dropped your arms back at your sides. Motioning towards him with a nod that said ‘I knew it’. Earning a disapproving grunt from him as he focused back on the screen.

That silence returned. It was common between the two of you. A certain level of awkwardness that neither of you could overcome. Something you could not explain. Always seeming to find yourselves tangled in the other’s business. Whether it be bumping into each other during a stealthy mission, leading to you both being pressed together against a wall as to hide from the enemy. Or reaching for the same thing in the cabinet or at a restaurant at the same time. Or even seeing each other out and about when you were on a date. Always ending with you having to explain to your suitor that he was your coworker. It usually turned them away from you. Never being able to escape work and all. Your lives were always overlapping in such strange and unexpected ways.

And you liked it. Never would you give him the satisfaction of knowing you enjoyed his company. It would go straight to his head if you ever told him. Tell him how you loved getting sent off on missions together. Alone time was sparse, so you liked getting to know him. Or tell him that you subconsciously saved him a spot next to you on the Quin Jet every time. The feeling of his leg resting so casually against yours would have your ears burning and heart pounding. Or even that you would vote for whatever movie he suggested just to see him smile when it won.

It was embarrassing. You were a hero. Having such a strong crush for your coworker made your stomach knot and palms sweat. How could you let him consume you this way? Which was why you had to overcompensate for your feelings. Picking on and teasing John came naturally to you. It was a customary practice between the two of you.

Yet all insults left you right now. Swallowing the lump in your throat as the voices of college age football players blurred together in your ears. Taking a final deep breath.

“I was going to watch a movie,” you said as if he should have known.

“Yeah? Well, I’m like almost done with this one,” John gestured with his hand, “You can finish it with me.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek. Fighting off the voices in your head telling you to blurt out your problem. It was childish to a certain extent. But not to you.

“You… you’re in my seat,” you admitted.

“Your seat?”

“I always sit there when we have movie nights,” you sighed, getting a little annoyed with the devious smirk on his lips. When an amused chuckle bubbled out of his chest, it only made you angrier.

“First come first serve,” he shrugged, shifting his body up in the seat a little more, “But you can always come join me.”

John patted his lap. Hand suggestively pointing. Clearly mocking you.

But it made something switch inside you.

Your entire face flushed immediately. You were sure if someone had cracked an egg on your face, it would have fried.

He caught on to your awkwardness immediately. Based solely off your silence. Normally, you were quick with a comeback. It was something he admired about you. Your ability to joke along with him. Usually you had the best roasts of the group. To see you crumble so easy made a mischievous light click behind his eyes.

You stammered. Noises that could not even begin to resemble words. And it only made you flush more. Flirting was never new. Usually so natural that no one even pointed it out anymore.

He was smug. Rolling his hips to make sure that your eyes were drawn there. Softly grunting as he faked readjustment, “Suite yourself. Movie should be over in thirty.”

You growled. Fists clinching tightly together as your teeth ground down. He was such an ass. Full of himself. Far too confident. Always able to keep his composure and cool. It drove you insane.

And you loved it.

You began to stomp away when John called out to you once more, “Oh, and Y/N. I’m a big boy, I promise you won’t break me.”

Well if this was the game he was playing… you could play along.

You stepped directly in front of him. Blocking his view of the large screen behind you. Shadowed blue eyes looked up at you. Rolling his eyes as he stiffened his spine along the chair. Hands gripping the arm rests preparing to push himself out of the chair. Until you stepped forward. Wedging your knee between his and the arm rest. One hand resting on his shoulder to stabilize yourself.

John was flabbergasted. Eyes unable to leave your waist and how you straddled him now. The feeling of both your hands on his shoulders. Wide eyes looked up at you. His large hands awkwardly hovered at either side of your waist. Like he was too scared to touch you. Your head was tilted to the side. Hooded, sultry eyes scanned his face. One of your arms began to arch behind his neck, nuzzling your face into the crook between his shoulder and pulse. Relaxing so that your ass laid against his thighs. Cores barely inches from one another.

As if he had been holding it without knowing, John finally took a deep breath. Lungs refilling so desperately. The feeling of his chest rising and falling was comforting. The tip of your nose rested against his jugular. Strong musky scent filled your senses. It had your insides sloshing and tying themselves together.

While he could still see the screen, the stupid buddy comedy was the farthest thing from his mind. Lump choking him in his throat. Face flushed and hot to the touch. Knowing he probably felt like a heater with how molten his veins ran. He closed his eyes trying to stabilize himself. No one had touched him in so long. Let alone so casually.

Finally willing to take the plunge, he rested his hands on your sides. Low, directly about the curve of your hips. One of them softly running up and down the curve of your body. His heart was racing. As if he had been training for a marathon.

You were beautiful. He would be a fool to not admit that. And he would be a liar to say he had never caught himself staring at you. Or that sometimes he did snoop around when you were going around town with some stranger you met on the internet. He was overprotective of you. Even though he knew you could protect yourself. Adoring how you held yourself. Well spoken and independent.

John would never admit how much he thought about you. In situations similar to this. Pressed together and intimate.

“Is it good?”

“W-What?” he choked, blinking rapidly.

“The movie?”

John blew his breath out, “Yeah. It’s… real funny. Real, real good.”

You smiled against his throat. Able to hear how loudly he was swallowing. Anxiety was not something you often saw on him. Even when you had went through the void, he had appeared more depressed and disappointed in himself. Normally, he had nerves of steel. Years of rejection and public mockery toughening him up. Military had trained him to be quick on his feet. Able to change plans on a dime.

But this was something he could have never prepared for.

John was a flirt. Popular in High School. Star of the Football Team. Multi-decorated soldier. He was used to women throwing themselves at him. Hell, he liked getting attention. Or atleast he used to. Before his public image got burnt so badly that even the mention of his name made people cringe or scoff or laugh. His failure as Captain America had been internationally broadcasted. There was not anyone who particularly wanted to be seen with him. No one usually wanted to be around him either.

Yet here you were curled up in his lap. Breath fanning down his neck and bodies pressed together. Fitting him like you were molded together. Meant to be like this.

He was alluring. Making you want to run your hands all over his body. Wanting to touch and feel any bit of him you could. But you knew you had to play the game.

You tested it at first. A quick peck. Something that could have been written off as you readjusting and your lips just so happened to touch his neck. John’s hand gripped on your side firmer than before. Barely giving him anything, and he already felt like he could fall apart. So you continued. Kisses turning more sensual when you planted an opened mouth kiss to his pulse. Continuing to slowly grow more and more hungry with each passing kiss. Tongue involving itself. Teeth grazing against his blooming skin. Finally pulling his flesh between your teeth to leave a mark.

John groaned. Head falling back against the chair. Simply enjoying the feeling of your lips all over him. Focusing entirely on not allowing his cock to pitch itself underneath you. If you were just teasing, you would never let him live it down if he popped a boner from some basic neck kissing. It’s not like either of you were teenagers. Still, he had not had anyone like this in years. His ex-wife and himself had long since given up in the bedroom. Only having his fist and some porno magazine one of the boys in boot camp had given him. He kept it because he refused to buy any of it. And those videos on Twitter were too creepy for him. A little unethical.

So the brush of lips on skin, the weight of you in his lap, the soft breaths that came from your nose; it all had him so wound up. Eyes forcing themself shut.

You began to run one of your hands down his chest. Fingertips barely catching the fabric of his t-shirt. Outlining his muscular physique as you continued your trek further and further down. Palm flattening at his navel so that your fingertips teased the edge of his waistband. Running them underneath the elastic. Fingers playing with the thin hairs of his happy trail. Earning a shaky breath from the super soldier between your legs. Your lips traveled up his throat to the soft space where his ear and jaw met. Your hand dared to dip deeper into his pants, under the elastic of his underwear, so that fingertips grazed the soft hair along his pubic bone. Painfully close to the base of his cock.

Training took over. Instinct to protect himself. Anxiety and fear bubbling at the back of his throat, “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because we… we’re on a team together. Not supposed to fraternize,” John’s voice betrayed him. The words were wrong as soon as they left his tongue. Throat clearly tight as he tried to squeeze the words out.

You did not move. Frozen by his words. He had a point. How would Valentina react? How would your teammates react? It was all common knowledge that you were not supposed to fool around with your coworkers.

And if there was one thing about you and John: you liked to follow the rules.

You began to remove your hand from beneath his clothing. Respecting his decision, but still teasing your way out.

John’s hand suddenly wrapped around your wrist like a vice. Shocking you with pure force. His hand was shaking as it held yours where it had gone.

“But, you said…”

“I know… Doesn’t mean I don’t want it,” John grumbled against your scalp.

You smiled. Hiding your face in his neck. Not wanting to reveal how truly excited you were for this. For him. Knowing his tendency to tease could possibly ruin whatever this was blossoming between you. John’s other hand cupped the back of your head. Leaning you so that he could see your face. Reading for any sign of hesitation. Only finding your pupils matching his own. Blown with pure want. Fluttering lashes adding a beautiful accent.

You stared at one another in silence. John’s mouth was parted in a semi-pant, as if he could not breathe properly. His body moved on its own, pushing himself forward and beginning to close the gap between your mouths. Being cut off by you.

“Tell me you want this,” you whispered, “I’ll leave if you want me to. We can go back to flirting, nothing more. I don’t want you to regret this.”

A beat. Like he was taken aback by your blunt wording.

“I could never regret you,” John breathlessly said, finally planting his lips to yours. Gentle. Still experimental. Turning hungry rather quickly. Both his palms cupped the side of your face. Tongue darting between your lips. Lapping over and over to get your taste on his pallet. Teeth clanked together. Sloppy, but heated.

Lips trailed down your throat. Kissing against your rapid heartbeat. Canines nipping skin, causing you to gasp. One of his hands splayed along your lower back. Fingertips bunching up the back of your shirt. Pinky and ring finger touching your skin. His other hand ventured down to your breast. Massaging the mound between desperate fingers. Thumb swiping across your nipple. The bulb perked at his touch. Showing off the fact you had no bra on.

“You always walk around with no bra on when you’re home alone?” John smirked, continuing to kiss you between words.

You giggled. A sound that was for the most part foreign to you. Giggling with the intent of flirting. John had successfully gotten under your skin in the best way. Bringing out a side of you that you thought was long gone. No one had sparked such a feeling inside you in years.

Slowly, your hand hooked under the band of his shirt. Beginning to tug it over his head so you could get a full look at his bare chest. Muscles and scars decorating it beautifully. Dirty blonde hair cascading a trail around his pecs and belly button. You flattened your hands along his torso. Able to feel his heartbeat below the surface.

John’s eyes doed up at you. Innocence and nerves behind his wide oceanic stare. Lips were on yours once again. Finally able to slip your hand back down the band of his soft, cotton pants. Nails catching against his elastic underwear. A not-so-hidden bulge pressed against the fabric. It was big. You could tell by how it strained the material under your fingertips.

“Please,” John choked with a loud gulp, “Touch me.”

Your stomach did a flip. Temperature inside you spiking, causing your throat to run dry. You did as he asked, guiding him to lift his hips so you could pull his pants down to his mid thighs. Easier to access like this. You sat a little further back on his legs. Gawking down at his groin. Thick and swollen. Tip blushing a red similar to his kiss swollen lips. It craved you. He craved you.

Hesitantly, you wrapped a hand around him. John shuttered, nails digging into the armrest. You tried to be gentle. Stroking him slow with a borderline limp grip. His hips rutted upward chasing after your hand.

You grinned. Looking back up at John. Head thrown back and sweat beaming along his brow. It turned you on to see such a strong man weak from your touch. One of his hands gripped your hip as you began to twist your wrist. Pinching tighter around the tip causing some pre-cum to bead up. Swiping over it with your thumb.

John groaned. Eyes falling shut as he tried to stabilize himself. Cock twitching from your touch. Slickness formed between your legs. He was gorgeous, it made you sick. How could someone as cocky as him be this pretty?

You leaned forward, kissing up his jaw to his ear. Pulling his earlobe between your teeth. Quickening the speed of your hand around his cock, “Talk to me, soldier boy.”

His mouth twitched. Nostrils flaring as he locked his jaw. Your voice melted like honey across his skin. Unable to form words, he was lost in pleasure. Trying to focus so he did not blow his load right away.

John’s hand grabbed your throat, guiding you back. Soft squeeze of fingers causing your mouth to fall open. His lips were sewn shut as his body jerked with each breath. Soft shake to his hand around your throat. Your face was flushing. Eyes hooded as you stared into his oceanic gaze.

“Feel s-so good you forgot- forgot how to run your mou-mouth?” you chastised with a smile, struggling around his grip.

John’s brows contorted. Baring his teeth for a moment. Roughly, he pulled you flush against him. Kissing you harder than you had ever been kissed. Releasing his hold on your jugular, hand venturing down to tug at your shorts. Getting them half way down your thighs when he decided to run a finger up your slit. His eyes widened immediately. Capturing you in a kiss once more.

“You’re so warm,” he muttered like he was trying to catch his breath.

You shifted all your weight to one side and pulled your shorts and panties down so that they dangled from your calf. Bare against his thighs. Slowly, you began to grind down on his length. Pinning it between your bodies as you coated it with your slick.

John’s jaw hung open as he stared at where you sat. Transfixed my the soft squelch of your body. His eyes were glossy and drool dared to drip out of the corner of his mouth.

You leaned down so your lips were against his ear, “Want me to ride you?”

John gasped, “Fuck.”

Eager hands curled around your thighs, helping you rise above him. Making sure to line himself up with your entrance before allowing you to sink down. It took a moment of adjusting, but you were sat flush against his lap. Cock stretching you with a slight burning sensation. Curve causing it to graze against one of your more sensitive spots. Your throat tightened. Swallowing loudly as you hesitated to move.

You fell forward. Wrapping your arms around his neck. Giving you both some time to refill your lungs. Already panting from the pure adrenaline rush. Fear of someone catching you prominent at the front of his mind. Thrilling him. He would love to see the looks on the faces of your teammates.

“What if I just stay like this? Let you finish your movie,” your tone was sultry.

John quickly thrusted upward. Super soldier strength lifting you like it was nothing. Arms wrapping around your back to make sure you could not abruptly leave him. Fucking into you like someone was going to rip you away from him. Panting into your ear as the sound of skin smacking together filled the room.

You whined and moaned with each brutal piston. His name was a mantra on your lips. But you wanted control. Needed to be the one in charge right now. Used to getting bossed around by him, it was finally your turn. Gathering up all your strength, you pushed John away from you. Still connected at your cores, but his back was now against the seat. His eyebrows arched in confusions and frustration. Hands flattened along his shoulders, tilting your head to the side with a smile.

You hooked a finger under his jaw, “Let me do it. Okay? Just watch your movie and I’ll make you feel real good.”

John growled in disapproval. Trying to force himself forward to kiss you again, but you kept him back. “Johnny,” you chastised with a coo.

That had him melting. A nickname he normally refused to let people use. It made him feel weak. Powerless, like he was some softie. But when you said it, it made his insides get all gooey. Warm with want for you.

He ceded. Huffing when you clenched around him.

You smirked devilishly, “That’s it, John. Now, watch the movie.”

You guided him so that he could watch the screen behind you. His cerulean eyes wanted to watch you. Give his full attention to you, but anytime he looked back at you your hips would stop. He was growing enraged. Becoming more needy and whiny than normal.

“Please, baby. Just let me watch you,” John begged.

“Soon as the movie is over. Can you last that long?”

John cussed under his breath. Blinking rapidly hoping maybe it would make his peripheral widen so that he could watch you and the movie at the same time. The roll of your hips had his vision blurring. Grunting each time you took him completely inside. Hands piercing tiny moons into your hips. Unable to focus on the hijinx that was the over the top ending of the, now to him, idiotic movie. Throb of his cock making his heartbeat hammer against his eardrums.

And he felt so good. The way his hips barely rolled to meet your every move. How black his pupils had become. You got your chance to admire him now. Looking at his chiseled jaw and blonde hair. Stubble perfectly accenting his chin. His lips were swollen as he breathed loudly. Watching one of his hands mindlessly wander up to hold your breast. Under your shirt so that he could feel it in his palm.

“Think you deserve to play with my tits?”

John nodded, eyes locked firmly into the screen. A breathy ‘uh-huh’ rolling from his tongue.

You giggled, “Yeah. Guess you’ve been well behaved.”

John’s breath hitched in his throat. Eyebrows furrowing at the compliment. It made his dick flex inside your walls. Hand on your breast firming its hold.

It went on like this for a few minutes. Riding him while the coil inside you wound tighter and tighter. John never looked away from the screen, promise of an end so close that he could practically taste it. His balls tightened when you circled your hips. Getting him far too close to the end.

Credits began rolling.

John sighed, smiling his bright white teeth at you. Lust filled eyes finally darting to meet your flushed face. Your lips were parted as you arched a brow at him. His other hand found your clit immediately. Swirling his digit around it caused your hips to lock up.

“Can’t wait anymore,” John rushed his sentence, pressing forward to encapsulate your lips in his. Once again, starting his relentless pace inside you. Your body bounced up and down. Chasing both your highs that were practically a breath away.

You grasped him for stability. Your walls were tightening. Every inch of you was electric, orgasm knocking on the door. “John, it’s so fucking good,” you moaned, throwing your head back.

“More,” John demanded, “Tell me more.”

“Perfect cock,” you whimpered, “I want you to fill me up. Please, John. I wanna cum on your dick.”

John’s eyes shot up to yours. Inquisitive brow asking if you really meant it. Your eyes gave him the answer. And he smiled. Wide. Like a kid opening a present on Christmas.

“Yeah. I can fill up your tight cunt,” John huffed, hips slowly becoming erratic as his finger applied more pressure to your nub, “Make you walk around for the next couple of days with me leaking out this perfect pussy. That way you remember who made you feel this good. Huh? What’doya think of that?”

You nodded, feeling your floodgates burst. Walls spasmed around him. Massaging his aching cock guiding him to his own finish. He held onto you tightly as his entire body twitched. Ropes of thick cum coated your insides. Both of you moaned in harmony. Resting your foreheads against one another as you tried to catch your breath. Breathing the same hot air from the other.

Silence filled the room as some soft melodic song played over the final credits. Neither of you moved. Too afraid to let the moment pass. It was all so surreal. You could feel him slowly going soft inside you, small amounts of your mixed releases pooling around the base of his cock. Still having waves of aftershock which would cause him to perk back up.

Without a word, John pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. You collapsed into him. Mouth against his neck. Arms limp at your sides. His large hand rubbed up and down your spine. Occasionally pressing rather intimate kisses to the side of your head. His smile was palpable even in the silence.

“Wanna watch your movie now?”

~~~

[END]

// Thank you so much for reading! I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately when it comes to writing and being creative. Probably from the stress of moving for the first time ever. I appreciate everyone’s patience with me, and the continuous love I’ve been receiving on my other fics. As always, my tag list and inbox is open. I’d love to hear from you! Love ya! //

{tags}

@megangovier ~ @person-005 ~ @somemadart ~ @witchygagirl ~ @illyrianbrat ~ @fire-joestar

[marvelsgirl616]

Seb was still in character lmao

[slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction]

Thunderbolts* text post memes

Part 2 – Some of those other guys edition

Part 1

[mcufam]

JOHN WALKER / U.S. AGENT + his 🌮 shield

[doeeyedyelena]

[405mon]

John Walker's Thunderbolt beret needs to stay.

[biilodyfangs]

finally watched thunderbolts and i love them so much they're my new little family

[radioactive-yuri]

that scene where john's talking to lemar's family, and lemar's mom holds him like he's her son too. that breaks me so much.

she says that lemar talked about him often. that lemar was proud of him when he became captain america. that she was too. how far back did the two of them go? they served in the military together, did they go to school together? were they on the football team together, in detention together, even further back, did they grow up together? if john's home was devoid of love, did he use doing his homework with lemar as an excuse to go to his house instead of going home? did his mom make sure john was fed, shake her head with fond disapproval as she watched john and lemar take turns on lemar's new ps1, did she let him sleep over if he claimed it was too dark for him to go back home, even if it was a bright summer afternoon? was lemar the best man at john and olivia's wedding? was his mom invited too? when she looks at him, does she see captain america, does she see a murderer, or does she just see her son's best friend, the playful blond he brought home from school and bragged about for the rest of his life, the boy she personally watched grow up?

in that scene, when john says "i'm sorry", you can tell he doesn't mean "i'm sorry for your loss", but rather "i'm sorry i failed you both"