#WEST FT . beom .

[decimcl]

gotcha   @hallvcination   !   →   beom + west   .

✩            ↷             ヽ            there was nothing west was better at then hiding from beom and acting like he was not mad while also being insanely furious. what had beom done this time to upset him ?  well, uh — nothing, actually, it was just west being mad at the world and taking it out on the only person who actually gave enough of a damn to try to console him through his bullshit. perhaps it was his defense mechanism; push beom away before beom could get too close to him. beom would not stick around forever, right ?  or was the fact that beom was sitting by him on the bed while west was under at least three layers of blankets a shining indicator that ... maybe beom was actually worth a damn ? 

          no, that could not be it. west pulls the covers harder over his face when he feels beom shift. he does not know if beom is coming closer or moving further away, but he wants to be left alone. sadly, being left alone was not something beom was good at doing in regards to west, but it was also something west did not want him to do in actuality. west could tell beom left and right to fuck off, but if beom actually did, west would really be hurting. this was why west was secretly thankful for beom’s persisting behavior.

          this time, though, he was swearing he actually meant it when he said he wanted to be alone, but in reality, he would have loved nothing more than to lie under all three of these blankets with beom holding him to sleep.

          he hated that he treated beom this way. on days beom fucked up, which was pretty much never if you really took a look at it, west only felt a little guilty for being absolutely gross to him. but on days like today, where beom was not the source of his sadness, he felt like he was committing the worst sin possible when he was telling beom to go. in reality, he wanted beom so bad, but accepting people into his life to show him kindness and love was hard when you grew up without people like that. beom, especially, was someone who he so desperately wanted to be with, despite the way he treated him, but he could never let himself fully commit. even so, it seemed beom had sensed something was off (  or perhaps insu had run his mouth about west hibernating )  .

          why did beom have to care so much ?  west would have just preferred to be alone.

          well, no, that is once again not the truth, but even thinking that he wants beom under the covers with him makes his chest boil yet also pulse. he just barely shakes underneath his covers, as if he is cold, but in reality, he is just wildly conflicted. suddenly, he kicks out one of his legs and accidentally makes contant with what he can assume is beom’s thigh. he sighs to himself and finds himself feeling even more awful now that he’s hurt beom without a reason to. due to this, he whispers out a small, ❝ sorry, ❞ before closing his eyes to wallow in his own fucking pity.