#Well. *Yeah.* Dipper sorta did. It makes sense though in a way

[thatonegayship]

What Bill wants for his big day:

So Bill doesn't have a birthday sure, but is there some sort of Bill Cipher Day? Demonic celebration?

..and if so, does dip know?

Oh man, there probably is! Bill's absolutely the kind of guy to have a whole Day Of Celebration devoted to himself. Likely it's not on any sort of earthly calendar basis, too, so it'll come up at some time when Dipper least expects it.

Because, c'mon. Bill's fantastically knowledgeable - but he's absolute shit at filling Dipper in on important information beforehand.

[count-woe-laf]

You can’t spell stargaze without gays

I write? Since when? Yes I’m aware the title makes no sense, I’m uncreative. This was supposed to be a late birthday present for @me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink but it’s super late now, I still enjoyed writing it and planning it with her, I hope you’re having a great day, Silver. I’m sorry I got science facts wrong and I don’t know how to end things or how normal people talk

Logan and Virgil are hopeless pining gay idiots with horrible communication skills, but they’re working on it. (Romantic analogical, very background royality and platonic dukeceit.) 1850 words

"Bring me a diet coke!" Virgil called to Roman as he ran out of the truck, through the gravel parking lot, and towards the bright 7/11.

Logan let out a small laugh from next to him. "You know he's going to spend an hour flirting with the cashier and forget."

"Yeah I know, it's fine. Surprising that he's moved up from panicking around Patton to flirting with him, that's what I call character development."

"Character development that's gone on for ten too many seasons."

"True. But while he's in there I have more time to spend with you," Virgil replied with a smirk, Logan's cheeks reddening.

"You all are disgusting," called Remus from the backseat.

"I agree," Janus sighed. "Though I can do many things, understanding allos is not one of them."

"Then get out of my truck," Virgil jokingly glared into the rearview mirror.

"It's Roman's truck-" Logan started, Virgil shifted his glare towards him. "Ok yeah, get out."

"Think we can find bigfoot, Jan?"

"We're only half an hour away from the city, try again," but Janus let himself be dragged out into the nearby forest.

Logan and Virgil were left alone, thoughts of what had gone on the past week between them running through their heads. The hand brushes, the late night phone calls, the hoodies, the excessive amount of feelings that for once, neither of them minded. There was always more to say though.

"You can see lots of stars from out here," Virgil commented rather nervously. "You should come outside with me and look at them."

It was an offering just for Logan. He was the only one allowed to stargaze with Virgil while others were flirting in a 7/11 and being chaotic in a forest. Logan and Virgil in the bed of a truck staring at the night sky. ...Well, one of them was looking at the stars.

"You know to stargaze you actually have to look at them, right? You can just look at me, V."

"Who's saying you're not a star? 'Cause you definitely are, love."

"Love?" Logan tilted his head towards Virgil's red face.

"Uh-" Virgil looked away quickly. "What is that constellation? It looks like a spoon."

"Do you seriously not know? That's the big dipper, it's part of the constellation ursa major."

"You're the science-y one here, how would I know?" Logan just sighed. "You should keep talking though, I love your voice."

"Oh… Well that's the northern star…"

"Why is it called that?"

"Um, it's the most northern star, I believe astronomers base things off of it."

Virgil snoted, "wow. Star dudes sure are creative."

Logan looked over, an indescribable emotion on his face. "Pardon me, but did you just call astronomers, 'star dudes'?"

Virgil stared back, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Star. Dudes."

"...I will defenestrate you."

"Oh?"

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Yeah," Virgil said. "It means you pick me up and I get to simp over your muscles."

"It also means I throw you out of a window."

"I'll take what I can get." Logan let out a fond sigh. "Ok 'cause your constellations are boring and factual- don't worry I still love them- but I'm telling stories now."

"You're going to kill me."

"In your dreams, babe."

"What's that supposed to-"

"Over there is Elenor, it kinda looks like a bunny, I know. Their boyfriend is Jesse over there-"

"Virgil I swear, I'm leaving you in the forest." Logan's words gave a much different meaning when he was struggling to keep in his laugh.

Virgil chucked. "Oh Logan, so naive, there's so much more. Those three stars? Yeah they're Bo Peep's sheep."

Logan choked, the statement taking him by surprise. "Excuse me? You can't just…"

"Y'know, from Toy Story? Doesn't she have three sheep or something? I swear that was a plot point in one of the movies."

"The threat of being thrown out of a window still stands, Virge." 

"Good, now that star over there…"

"Her name is Jennifer, she got a constellation for making the best bean salad."

Virgil tried to hold in a laugh. "And what did you say that one was?"

Logan was so enamoured with Virgil's laugh that he almost didn't notice him intertwining their fingers. Almost. He still had to take a breath to regain his nearly non-existent composure. Although fifteen minutes couldn't have passed, Logan could tell that it was a good decision to accept Roman's offer for a fake road trip.

"That guy with the belt?" Logan continued. "He was the first person to invent clothes. Quite the fashion icon for his time."

"Oh yeah?" Virgil giggled and Logan's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Yeah, he was also the only straight man in his village. It was very controversial." Virgil hummed in response, trying to calm his laughter.

"We're pretty controversial."

"What do you mean by that?"

"We're lying in the bed of Roman's truck, well past midnight and the city limits, looking at stars. Janus and Remus are probably lost in the forest and Roman and Patton have probably gotten over their gay panic and are planning their wedding together."

"I'm not sure how that's controversial, but it is interesting that we've achieved nothing compared to them." Logan's eyes drifted back to the stars.

"I think not getting lost is a plus." He made a noise of agreement. "And uh… I know we're not as vocal about stuff like the others but… Dating you wouldn't be bad." It came out more like a question, causing Logan to look back at him.

"Fuck- I mean-" Virgil ran a hand down his face. "It would actually be really really nice if I could be your boyfriend because- ugh stop staring at me like that! It's just that you're really great and nice to be around and to talk to and I can't imagine you not being in my life. A-and I know we've been kinda sorta dating but you know how dumb we both are about romance and all that stuff- oh god this is romance, I can't believe that…

"I just really like you, Logan and I need to make sure you know that."

Virgil's words swirled into the air, into the sky, into that great expanse of stars and light.

They laid there and stared at the stars, thinking, considering, and a fair amount of staring on Logan's side.

He couldn't help it, really. He couldn't stop his eyes tracing the curve of his jaw, his bitten lips, the words that previously escaped them were still spinning through Logan's head. And Virgil's hair, his adorably messy hair that was usually hanging in front of his eyes, was pushed to the side, Logan could see a galaxy reflected in his beautiful eyes.

Virgil was his galaxy, his sun, his stars. He had kept him sane through years of school. He constantly went out of his way just to brighten Logan's day a little bit more, and brighten he did.

Virgil meant everything to him and he'd be damned if he went home tonight without showing him that.

"Didn't… Didn't you say you always wanted to go stargazing with your partner?"

"Uhh, yeah." Virgil replied hoarsely.

"I suppose you get to cross that off your list, then." Logan wondered how he suddenly had some semblance of smoothness to his words.

"Oh."

The stars seemed awfully bright that night, especially in the way they reflected off Virgil's freckles.

"Is… Is that a shooting star?" Virgil lifted his free hand, tracing the bright line across the map of stars.

"There's no such thing as shooting stars." Virgil rolled his eyes. "But, I… do believe that's a satellite."

"Then make a wish."

"That's stupid and makes no sense, wishing on a satellite has no affect on my life."

"Just do it, my northern star."

Logan's red face was a reflection off the far away street lights, nothing else. "Am I supposed to tell you what I wished for?"

"Not really, but you can. I'd love to know what goes on in that brilliant head of yours."

"My head is empty, unfortunately." Virgil laughed, he did that quite a bit around him. "I wished that we'd have a good relationship. Apologizes, is that weird, or too soon? I… just mean that we're both terrible at communicating, I hope that we can improve together as a couple."

“Oh."

Although Virgil may not have realized it, Logan noticed as he lightly brushed his thumb over his hand. It was stupidly endearing and soft, just as Virgil was.

"That's probably the cutest thing anyone's ever said that slightly regards me."

"Glad I can be of service, darling."

"So darling is what you go with?"

"Would you prefer something else?"

"...No. If I can call you my boyfriend you can call me whatever you want." Virgil smiled. "…You're my boyfriend. That's nice to say."

"It is. I wonder how I stumbled upon a boyfriend as good as you."

"You- you need to stop doing that," Virgil blushed.

"I'm not doing anything!" Logan shifted closer to him, for heating purposes of course, it was a little chilly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know full well."

"Do I really, Virgil?"

"Shut up and look at the stars."

"Make me."

"Logan I swear-"

"Fine, fine, I will." Virgil mumbled thanks under his breath. "But they aren't as pretty as you."

Virgil let out a noise, a mix between a screech and a cough. There was no way he was showing Logan how fluttery his words made his heart feel. (Although he felt it was common knowledge among them.)

"There's around twenty minutes until the others get back, that's twenty minutes to mess with you."

"I'm already regretting this, Lo."

"As you should, my love."

Yes, their friends may have interrupted their stargazing a few minutes later. Yes, Roman may have forced Patton to leave his shift early resulting in one too little seats and an angry boss. Yes, they may have almost ran out of gas on the way home. Yes, they may have bought fries as Janus looked for a gas station. Yes, they may have fallen onto the floor seconds later. Yes, Remus may have jumped out of the car afterwards because he said it looked fun and almost sprained his ankle. And yes, Roman did have to explain the situation five times to his parents because they couldn't stop laughing about all the shenanigans they got into that night.

Still, Virgil's arm stayed around Logan's waist like it was the most casual thing in the world. Still, they shared a milkshake once everyone had given up on the fallen fries. Still, they were both filled with such a bright happiness that it was impossible to drag them down. And maybe they fell asleep on a video call that night. Or maybe Logan stayed over and they woke up with their limbs tangled in each other's, feeling content and appreciative of the other as they slowly woke up. Honestly, who's to say? It was just a good night.

[jkl-fff]

Dipper and Norman, #50

Thanks for the prompt!

Comedy Golem

It was a rest stop like any other in the Northeast. Just a gas station with some picnic tables, surrounded by deciduous woodlands. But the car pulled into it all the same. Two young men—partners in work, partners in life, and partners not infrequently in actions of questionable legality (although “crime” was such a strong word)—then set themselves up at one of the picnic tables, producing sodas and sandwiches from a cooler.

Laying out a map of the Northeast, Dipper gestured towards a sizeable splotch of green in upper Pennsylvania. It was labeled “Alleghany National Forest”, its shape vaguely reminded Norman of an elephant’s head (with an upraised trunk), and it was clearly the epicenter of a wide swath of red post-its marked with names and some rather recent dates. “As you can see, we’ve got its—his? her? their? whatever—probable location pretty well pinned down.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Norman replied around a bite of sandwich. His tone was deadpan, as it usually was (perhaps an occupational hazard of being a Medium … or of spending most of his time around the Pines family and their own special brand of insanity). “Practically pinpoint accuracy, in fact. Only … 1000 square miles of untamed woodlands for us to search.”

“Pff! Untamed,” Dipper scoffed with the kind of elitist scorn only heard from people who hail from west of the Rockies whenever the subject of Appalachia’s wilderness is broached. “Right. Which means we might get as low as three bars during our investigation. How perilous. Besides, it’s barely even 800 square miles—I checked.”

“Of course you did.”

“But, nah, I think I’ve actually narrowed down the location even further. To riiiiiight … here.”

Norman craned his neck to read the spot his friend tapped (after lifting aside the veritable blanket of red post-its covering it, as it was the center of the epicenter). “… Squirrely Stars Campground. Huh. That why they call this thing ‘the Squirrel Hill Golem’?”

“Nah, that’s because the first sighting was in a neighborhood of Pittsburgh called Squirrel Hill.”

“… You’re yanking my chain. You’ve gotta be.”

“Nope.” Dipper gestured to that segment of the map. “Read it and gape in bewilderment. But, considering Pittsburgh has a massive Jewish population and that’s one of its major sectors, sorta makes sense a Golem would first come outta there. My research suggests it was a Rabbi named Mahara Chelmman who made it back in 1997 (although she wasn’t a Rabbi at the time she made the Golem), but that’s not 100% verified; could’ve been two other people.”

Norman considered that, and it all sounded reasonable enough. For a given value of reasonable, at any rate, since he was dealing with a Pines here. A very negotiable given value of reasonable. “… So did the Golem run off from Pittsburgh a la f-Frankenstein’s Monster upon being rejected by its … Um. How ‘bout we just use a Third-Person, Singular ‘they’ for now?”

“Works for me.”

“Okay. Yada-yada, Frankenstein’s Monster rejected by their creator?”

That got a shrug in response. “Hard to say. Most accounts suggest everyone was cool with them. They might’ve just, like, decided they wanted to live their own life? It was the 90s …”

“So they ran off into the woods of Northern Pennsylvania for the next … twenty-ish years. Sure. Why not? Lots of mud out here—Golems do need m-mud, right?”

“It helps. Makes it easier for them to, like, heal or regenerate and such. Anyway, I’m thinking you will infiltrate the camp and blend in there—”

“Squirrely Stars,” Norman couldn’t help but smirk at the dumb name.

“—to find out what the people there know, maybe interview some Ghosts, too, if there are any. It’s where the highest concentration of sightings are clustered, so someone’s gotta be able to give us something workable.”

Norman nodded his assent. “Makes sense. I’m g-generally better at talking to people—”

“Right? Those were my thoughts exactly!” Dipper hastened to agree.

“—and not like you can communicate with Ghosts 97% of the time, anyway. What about you, though? If I’m doing the people-work at camp, what’re you gonna be doing?”

“Trek around the area out a ways from the camp. See what traces of the Golem I can forestry up. Footprints, magical energies, that sorta thing. Leg-work while you do the people-work. Also makes sense, right, since I’m better at that kinda stuff anyway?” Dipper asked. In a tone of voice that was … almost leading.

Which instantly made Norman a bit suspicious. But there wasn’t anything in that assessment either of them could disagree with, so he had to concede, “… I suppose you’re better at all the, um, stuff out in the woods—”

“Great!” Dipper was already halfway back to the car. “Let’s get moving! I’ll drop you off there.”

***TWO HOURS LATER*** PARKED OUTSIDE THE ENTRANCE TO A DIRT ROAD BENEATH A SIGN READING “SQUIRRELY STARS CAMPGROUND WARNING: NATURIST PROPERTY”

“Okay, but WHY do I have to be NAKED?!” Norman shrilled at the young man he had, until roughly five seconds ago, thought would always be his partner in life. Whereas now he was thinking that young man was about to be his former partner in life. Because he might kill him. Just straight-up murder him with a hefty tree branch or a sharp rock or maybe his bare hands.

Being a Medium meant their relationship wouldn’t have to end at death, true, but you couldn’t exactly call someone your “life partner” if they were dead. Especially if because you killed them by repeatedly smacking their face into the steering wheel or hurling them right into the sun or strangling them with their own seatbelt. That tended to sour most relationships.

“Look, I realize—”

“WHY does ANYONE have to be NAKED?!”

“Because it’s a nudist colony. Or … Well, maybe ‘nudist resort’ is more accurate?” Dipper mused aloud to himself. “Meh. Either way, ‘cause that’s the no-dress code here.”

“But WHY do I have to be NAKED?!”

“How else are you gonna infiltrate and then blend in at a nudist colony and/or resort? C’mon, man, you gotta think logically about this.”

“Yeah, but … WHY does ANYONE who is ME have to be NAKED?!”

“They prob’ly won’t talk to you if you’re not,” Dipper explained, his manner reasonable enough. For a given value of reasonable, at any rate. A very negotiable given value of reasonable. “Like, you’d make them uncomfortable .”

“Oh, well, I c-certainly wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable!” Norman retorted witheringly.

“It won’t be for long. Just long enough to, y’know, fit in a little and scrounge some info.”

“Never worried about fitting in before,” Norman grumbled. “Don’t see why I should start now. Anyway, if this’s so easy, why aren’t y-you doing it?”

“You said it yourself: You’re better at talking to people, I’m better at ‘all the stuff in the woods’.” And Dipper couldn’t keep a grin from spreading across his face as he quoted him.

“… I hate you soo much right now.”

Dipper shrugged. “That’s fair. But, seriously though, it’s safer this way, too, ‘cause I’m Jewish.”

Norman blinked. Then he blinked again. “… What?”

“I’m Jewish, so the Golem won’t try to hurt me if they’re acting, like, confrontational.”

Norman shook his head. “Okay, no, I’m calling bullshit on that.”

“Dude, you know I’m Jew—”

“No, yes, I know you’re Jewish,” Norman snapped impatiently. “I mean I’m calling b-bullshit on that being some sorta, like, pseudo-mystical-religious-ethnic protection from Golems.”

“Golems exist to protect Jewish people,” Dipper countered, a little condescendingly. “They, like, physically can’t hurt us. Everybody knows that—it’s the first thing you learn about Golems.”

“Even assuming that’s true—and I don’t assume it, in fact, I contest it—how in the 79 Hells’re you supposed, like, to prove your Jewishness (especially to a vaguely humanoid shape made outta mud)? You gotta yarmulke on under that stupid cap of yours I don’t know about?”

“First of all: screw you, my cap is iconic.” Dipper even took a moment to admire his reflection in the rearview mirror, straightened his cap ever so slightly, and made fingerguns at himself. “Second of all: I’ll just say a birkhot or something. Ooo! Maybe even one of the secret ones from the Kabballah! Though a regular one’d prob’ly work fine.”

“Oh, please, I c-could do that. Doesn’t prove anyth—”

“No, you could not. You don’t even know what a birkhot is.”

“It’s like … a prayer and magic incantation rolled into one,” Norman replied (albeit hesitantly).

“Pff! No, that’s not what a bir—”

“In fact, I’m 100% certain I’ve heard you describe birkhots exactly that way,” Norman asserted, not hesitant any longer. “Same way you d-describe the other (and I quote) ‘sorta pseudo-mystical-religious-ethnic spells and incantations and stuff’ you’ve got memorized in pre-Catholic Latin and Ancient Greek and Old Nordic for whenever we gotta deal with a … y’know, with a demon-adjacent, supernatural entity.”

Dipper considered that a moment. Then he admitted, “Okay, maybe yeah, that does sound like something I’d say. But the point—”

“HA! Vindication!” And Norman pounded the dashboard in triumph.

“But the point is, I can recite ‘בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הַעוֹלָם, דָיַן הַאֱמֶת׃’ at the drop of a hat—wait! the drop of a freakin’ kippah—with all the additional, apotropaic hand signs … Whereas you can’t even do a basic exorcism or protective spell in any language.”

Norman crossed his arms and sulkily looked out the passenger window. “Well, s-some of us just t-talk to the spirits and such. Like a n-normal, polite person … w-works just fine … ” Eventually, he huffed, “Why in the 79 Hells is a Golem even hanging around a n-nudist colony?!”

“A resort, I think.”

“I will murder you,” Norman stated, as if making a solemn vow. “With … an ice cream scoop.”

“Heh! Love you, too. Soo … does that mean you’ll do it?”

“You haven’t even answered my question.”

“Honestly? No clue. I just kinda assumed the Golem turned out to be, like, a pervert? But maybe they feel more at home among other people who aren’t wearing clothes? But, anyway, will you? … C’mon, Normy-warmy,” Dipper wheedled, his voice taking on a cutesy, coaxing, pleadingly singsong tone. “Pleeeease, Normy-warmy?”

“… That is ch-cheating, and you know it.”

“Pleeeease help me with this Monster Hunt? You just gotta talk to some people (and/or Ghosts). It won’t even take that long. Heck, if the people in there are anything like me, once they see you naked, their brains’ll stop working due to awestruck amazement—”

Norman grumbled, “S-soo much cheating.”

“—and they’ll be soo mesmerized by your sexy body (and beautiful smile)—”

“Why am I dating such an honorless cheater?” But, despite his protests, Norman was blushing.

“—that they’ll be compelled to do whatever you want for, like, the rest of their lives. It’ll be quick and easy. I promise.”

Feebly, Norman made one final attempt. “…But I sunburn so easy—”

Dipper reached over to open the glove compartment. Inside was a bottle of SPF100 sunscreen.

“… Fffffine. But you owe me big.”

“Deal!”

“I’m talking, like, a solid w-week of pampering.”

“Deal!”

“Romantic dates. Fancy cooking. Back rubs on demand—”

“Deal!” And Dipper punctuated that with a kiss to Norman’s cheek. “Now strip! Oh, but you can leave your shoes and socks on (the nudists aren’t idiots, even if they are sorta nuts). And, also, they usually use backpacks for holding onto all their stuff. What with not having pockets.”

Pulling off his shirt, Norman sighed. “Why do I keep letting you talk me into stuff like this?”

[jkl-fff]

Ford, solemnly: Now that we're free ... Please don't hold it against Dipper that he locked us in a room together to try to make us get along.

Norman: I wasn't going to. Like, I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm not mad, either. Just mildly annoyed. It's another one of his antics. But why does it matter so much to him?

Ford: *sigh* Dipper reminds me of my younger self in a lot of ways. Good ways and bad ways. We both have a tendency to be ... obsessive and get swept up in our own excitement, for example, even to the point of being irrational despite our minds being practically hard-wired for analytical thought. And neither of us deals well with perceived rejection or betrayal.

Norman: But I didn't reject or betray him. I only said that I didn't really like you.

Ford: Yes, but like I said earlier, we're both very important to him. He sees me as a mentor and maybe ever as a role model, he sees you as his best friend--

Norman, surprised and pleased: H-he said that? He called me his "best friend"?

Ford: He's hasn't used that exact phrase, but you don't need 12 Ph.D.s to figure it out. The point is, we're both very important parts of ... of his life, of his psyche, of who he identifies with and how he sees himself. I imagine he perceives someone not liking either of us as not liking a part of himself. Hence a perceived rejection.

Norman: ... Yeah, I guess I can see that. It makes no sense, not really, but also it does sorta make sense for Dipper. He once spent a whole afternoon trying to concince me that I should like Wes Anderson, even though I just don't.

Ford: *shrug* I did say we can be irrational despite being so analytical ... I'm glad you're not mad at him. Please reassure him of that. By all means, be firm with him about not locking you in rooms and such. I'm not saying to put up with shit--Oh, damn, can I say shit in front of a child?

Norman, wryly: I won't tell a fucking soul if you won't.

Ford: Ha! Well, as I was saying, don't put up with his shit. But please reassure him this whole ... episode hasn't changed anything between you. You're still friends, even when you don't agree. I think that would be ... would be very good for him. It'll help him grow up into someone who doesn't remind me of my younger self.

Norman: ... Do I have to give the gun back now?

Ford: No, you can borrow it for the day. Have fun, just don't shoot any people or any animals or any property that I personally care about.

Norman: Cool! But ... *sigh* Okay, why did you say that thing just now about it being good for him? Gonna bug me 'til I understand.

Ford, wistfully: ... Do you know how many friends I've had in my whole life? Truly close friends, who I felt I could be truly honest with about who and what I am?

Norman, taken aback: Uh ... This isn't about you being probably bisexual, is it?

Ford: What? No--Well, maybe, I guess--

Norman: Is it going to be about Dipper being probably bisexual?

Ford, exasperated: It's about isolation, you spikey-haired ... child. I 've had 3. One was my brother, who I turned my back on because of anger, resentment, and self-absorption. I got so swept up in obsession and feeling betrayed by him over an accident, that I let it cost me my only real friend at the time. One was McGucket, who I pushed away because of obsession and a need to be a genius and a pioneer of science. I got so swept up in feeling like he was rejecting me over ... Oh, it hardly matters now, given how unstable I was. The point is, it cost me the only real friend I had again.

Norman: And the third one?

Ford, haunted: ... That was Bill. Who did actually betray and reject me--who never actually was my friend, for all that I believed he was at the time. But that didn't exactly help my fear of betrayal and rejection, as you can imagine. And all of it happened ultimately because my own obsession and tendency to be swept up in my own excitement drove me towards isolation.

Norman: Which you don't want to happen to Dipper.

Ford: Yes. I understand he also has struggled to make friends over the years, only really having Mabel for so long. Isolation again. But you Mystery Kids, with you in particular as his best friend, Norman, have helped him so much by genuinely befriending him. That's helping him learn to be more ... more grounded and more stable and ... and good. More good--better, I mean--than I was. Which I want. I want him to be better than I was. So ... yes.

Norman: Yeah.

Ford: *nods* Good.

Norman: *nods* Great ... I'm, um, gonna go blast something now.

Who knew all it took to solve your personal grievances was giving a small child an unregistered high-tech firearm?

[minijenn]

Random Keys/UF Crossover Ideas

Because I’m torn between both of my projects right now and I hate myself, here’s something that’ll only really appeal to the very niche audience of people who read both Universe Falls and Keys to the Kingdom. Basically its a list of somewhat spoilery (for Keys more than UF) headcanons of what it might be like if the Gravity Falls world scheduled to be in Keys was a Universe Falls world instead (in the sense that it still takes place in Gravity Falls physically but like... its set in the universe of Universe Falls (oy I’m explaining too much lemme just start rambling off the random ideas that have been popping into my head over the last several days of this hypothetical crossover of my two stupid fanfics):

For reference’s sake, on the UF end of things, this would take place somewhere around the middle of arc10ish, pretty close to Weirdmageddon as the GF world in Keys is gonna take place pretty close to Weirdmageddon too. 

For Keys, the trip to this world would still take place in the same spot the GF world does, so semi close to the end of the story, as one of the last Disney worlds of the fic (guess it wouldn’t really be a “Disney” world here but ehhhhhh) 

Guess I better give some context about what’s going on in each fic around that time; UF’s is easier to do so we’ll start with that; basically without spoiling a certain upcoming arc ender too much, during arc 10, everyone’s sorta frazzled what between all of the interdimensional travel, worries about Bill coming back and causing chaos, worries about the Diamonds possibly getting involved in stuff, shaken by the recent revelation that Rose allegedly shattered Pink Diamond and so on (basically there’s a lot going on in the leadup to UF’s ending hahaha) 

Context for Keys (again without getting too spoilery (gotta tread even more careful here) is that by this point in the story Sora is basically in nonstop Panic Mode about the whole norting thing thanks to a certain encounter with one Bald Old Fuckhead during the Aladdin world immediately before this; so Sora’s on the run from basically his entire support system cause he’s all worried about unintentionally hurting his friends (and he also just doesn’t want Riku or Kairi in particular to see what’s happening to him cause Disaster Bi). 

Cont. Context for Keys cause that last bullet point was Long: Despite all this fuckin Angst, Sora’s still out searching for the Keys on his own in the hopes of securing the final few for the guardians of light before he can be fully norted and forced into handing them over to the Organization instead 

Not to mention those freak relatively dark/light powers of his are alll outta whack cause he A. Doesn’t know how to control them At All and B. Is Emotionally Distraught so that’s only making things worse

And the entire gang is more or less out searching the worlds tryin’ to find Sora (he yeeted his Gummi Phone off a fuckin cliff or something just so nobody could get in touch with him smh what a waste of a perfectly good cell phone); among the teams that are out doing so include the one we’re gonna focus on here, Ven and Roxas  

Back to the UF end of things, I wanna talk about where each of the Mystery Kids are at this point; Steven is sorta all over the place with, again, the revelation that his mom could have been a murderer; Dipper is hella nervous about the idea of Bill getting his hands on the Rift (even moreso after RMD cause PTSD is Somethin Else kids), Mabel is in that mindset of not wanting the summer to end so they can all stay together, and Connie is basically (as usual) the only one with any brain cells as she’s trying to hold the gang together

(lowkey spoilers for the Keys GF chapters start here) So Sora arrives in Gravity Falls, suffering from all the angsts and anxieties and whatnot and just Not Having a Very Good Time Emotionally/Mentally as he starts lookin around for the Key in the woods or whatever

But lo and behold everyone’s favorite Evil Corn Chip just so happens to be spyin’ on him, and before too long Bill makes his appearance and acts all friendly to Sora, claiming that he can basically undo the whole norting thing (which he knows all about because of course he would, this is Bill Fucking Cipher we’re talking about here)

Sora’s skeptical but at the same time he’s sort of willing to do whatever he can at this point to keep his heart from being taken over by Mr. Bald Old Fuckhead and all Bill is asking for in return is for him to nab some sparkly snow globe that he claims already belongs to him but was stolen by some local family who Bill makes out to be pretty bad so hey, why not at least give it a shot? (dumb, the kid is dumb this is something we’ve established many times over by this point)

So Sora sets out to look for both the rift and the Key (while also being harangued by Xemnas who’s the Org. baddie of the GF world but errrrr i don’t have a ton of ideas about what he’s gonna do yet so we’ll just skip over that for now and focus on somethin else)

Something else being the fact that Sora happens upon a bunch of kids being attacked by a group of Nobodies, so he swoops in to save them even though the kids already look like they’re holding their own pretty well against them (two of them are out here swinging swords around, one’s really handy with that grappling hook while another one has some sort of magical shield? Its weird??? But cool imo) 

So they all team up to take the Nobodies out and following that, Sora meets and mostly hits it off with the Mystery Kids

Mabel is super hype (she kinda instantly crushes on Sora as soon as she sees him even though he’s too fuckin old for her); Steven and Sora radiate the same sort of Sweet But Sad energy so of course they’re best friends immediately 

Connie’s a lil bewildered by Sora (who the hell goes around swinging a giant key like its a sword, that’s just not practical???) but Dipper’s distrustful radar is instantly raised for a a number of reasons, but the biggest red flag he notices about Sora by far is that his eyes are yellow (btw by this point his eyes will more or less be completely yellow and his hair almost entirely white; he usually wears his hood up to try and hide that, but it got blown off during the forementioned fight) 

So the kids were out and about in the woods for mystery hunting reasons, mostly cause they were trying to cool their heads from all of the stress they’re under mentioned earlier (and cause hey, the summer’s ending soon and they gotta spend all the time they can together at this point) 

However, they quickly change gears when they learn about Sora’s quest to find some magical Key and they all eagerly decide they wanna help with that cause it sounds hella rad; Dipper would likely be the only dissenter to this plan, but he’d be lowkey about it, kinda deciding to keep a suspicious eye on Sora all the while (he doesn’t really act like he’s being possessed by Bill, but ya can never be too sure nowadays...) 

So they all set out in search of the Key (Sora decides not to tell them about Bill or the rift just yet, but even so right off the bat he’s basically decided “yes I’m adopting all four of these kids as my new little brothers and sisters and no one can stop me”)

So cut to the other end of things and we have Ven and Roxas who have basically only just met each other face to face for the first time (they’re both basically constantly doin that spiderman look alike meme); they’ve been more or less teamed up to look for Sora together tho, and they both got a massive guilt complex about the whole thing cause they used to be able to directly protect him inside his heart but now they can’t since they’re out of it so they’re determined to find him and make sure he’s OK

They also show up in Gravity Falls, arriving much closer to the Mystery Shack and the Gem Temple than Sora did; since its the closest thing nearby, the boys decide to venture over to the Mystery Shack to look first 

After some brief, confused yet fun conversation with Soos and Wendy, they bump into Stan and that initial meeting goes something like: 

Stan: Who the hell are you two supposed to be? You twins or something?

Roxas: No??? What the fuck is a twin??

Ventus, realizing that Roxas has like 0 real world experience or regard for world order at that moment right fucking there: (oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck) Ummmm YES WE ARE WE’RE TOTALLY TWINS AHAHA AREN’T WE BROTHER?

Roxas, immensely confused: What the hell is a brother??

And then Ford shows up and Roxas looks between him and Stan is just like “ooooh ok now I get what a twin is” and Ven is just like “oh my god I think Roxas managed to catch some of Sora’s stupidity after all asdkjalsdkalsd” 

Anyway after all this awkward confusion is over, Roxas and Ven bring up that they’re there looking for someone, and while neither Stan nor Ford are that invested, they do offhandedly mention maybe the Crystal Gems can help

Ironically enough, the Gems happen to burst into the shack right then and there, taking refuge from the surge of strange creatures swarming outside (Nobodies & Heartless); the Gems are rather overwhelmed by them since their weapons don’t work that great on them so they’ve come to seek Ford’s help (since he’s got all those weapons and lasers and shit he keeps stockpiled) 

In this Ven and Roxas end up meeting the Gems and both of them are just like :O (Ven’s lowkey like, “Aqua would get along great with these ladies, they’re total badasses just like her!”) and the Gems just kinda pass the boyos off like “yeah whatever there’s a fuckton of monsters outside meanwhile where are our kids?”

Stan and Ford are like *shrug* cause neither of them are very good at being Responsible when it comes to keeping an eye on these danger-prone kids and the Gems are just like *facepalm* “Morons” so they set out to find the kids and Ven and Roxas are like “well they know their way around here so why not go with them to see if we can find Sora too!” and so they all head out on a lil adventure

Then a whole bunch of stuff happens on both sides of the plot that I haven’t bothered to figure out; bunch of cute character interactions and whatever; insert possible second encounter with Xemnas in here somewhere where he basically shows up just to intimidate Sora but Sora’s like “no way jose, you touch any of these precious kiddos and you’ll Die” 

Somewhere in here, under... some circumstances, Sora and the MK make it back to the shack but like... everyone’s gone? (cause they all went out to look for them, didn’t even leave a note, fuckin rude) 

They search the house for anybody and then, on complete fuckin accident, Sora finds his way down into the basement (the portal room to be exact) and what else does he find down there but that thing Bill asked him to get (the rift)! 

Though he’s a little confused about why its there (Bill did say some awful family “stole” the rift from him, but none of the MK are awful, they a bunch of Good Kids); Sora still pockets it like a desperate dummy dumb anyway and doesn’t say a word about it to the kids because he thinks they might be too innocent and young to know anything about it anyway (he’s wrong of course because much like him these kids are Traumatized with a capital T but we’ll just ignore that for now)

Still on the search for that Key, Sora and the kids head out only to run right into Stan, Ford, and the Gems on the way out; course, Ven and Roxas are still with them and they see Sora and they’re like :D while Sora’s just like “aw fuck” and runs away from his problems like always

So he rushes off into the woods and who else would show up but that Motherfuckin Evil Corn Chip again who’s like “yo kid ya got the stuff” and Sora’s just like “brb having a panic attack rn” but then he ends up obliviously handing the rift over anyway cause again he’s incredibly desperate for any way out of his current horrible situation

Of course because I’m a sap for Drama, he happens to do so just as all four of the MK show up, having followed him into the woods and ohohohoh boy oh boy let’s just say them seeing Sora just up and giving the rift over to Bill would be a Moment (well, at least for Steven and Dipper cause they actually know what the fuckin rift is unlike Mabel and Connie who still wouldn’t at that point) 

So basically Bill is a little shit and takes the rift, but he can’t actually fuckin do anything with it cause he’s a physical object and he’s still intangible (or somethin like that idk I just don’t want Weirdmageddon to happen cause it would make things too complicated) so he’s like “fuck gotta find some stupid sap to possess so I can smash this dumb thing” and he nearly targets Sora (cause the kid was already stupid enough to help him in the first place so why not?) until Steven ends up being the one to fend him off using his shield 

Bill shrugs it off and makes off with the rift anyway (its like... hovering or something? idk I’m running out of steam) and everyone panics of course, especially Sora cause he’s just like “well shit I certainly Fucked Up didn’t i?” and the MK are both a mix of “YOU THINK?” (from Dipper and Connie mostly) and “imo not your fault Bill’s tricked just about all of us he’s an asshole” (from Steven and Mabel)

Amidst this a bunch of lil things also happen; the Stans and the Gems show up (along with Ven and Roxas), basically everyone is immensely confused (aka those who have no idea what the fucking rift is) and alarmed (those who do know what the rift is) that Bill has what he needs to more or less fuck the entire world over 

So everyone just decides to put everything aside and team up all together to track Bill down and get the rift back before he can break it (there’s a lot of heartwarming trust moments in here, mostly cause trust is like... the cornerstone theme of the GF chapters in Keys for obvious reasons) 

They eventually do find him and *insert big epic battle scene here* where everyone teams up to basically beat Bill to death or whatever (don’t ask me how they be doin that if he’s intangible, again I.... I’m tired and this post is long enough as it is) 

Yadda yadda yadda they beat him, get the rift back and effectively prevent Weirdmageddon from happening to begin with (which just does SO much wonderful fuckery for UF’s timeline moving forward but whatever, this ain’t about that) 

Oh and during that Climactic Battle Scene somewhere there’s some bit about Sora learning to better trust others/himself that leads to him getting the world’s Key? I-I I dunno its a work in progress...

Anyway after this there’s a lot of good character interactions all around, reconciliations between the UF characters and the Keys characters, particularly between Sora and the MK (again he’s adopted these kiddos and don’t you forget it)

So with the Key in hand, Sora starts to leave and Roxas and Ven almost convince him to go back with them until *insert Big Keys Spoiler here that results in the Organization getting their hands on that Key Sora just got and also results in Sora running away again cause... reasons*

And that’s the end of the chapters or whatever idk 

There’s probably more ideas I had in mind for this but I literally can’t do anymore my brain is dying 

I might possibly write this for reals someday i dunno I’m stuck in two personal hells here so I might as well combine ‘em

Yes I’m aware this post leans more heavily on Keys than UF but its set in the world of UF so fuck off 

Feel free to add on with any thoughts you might have about the idea

I’m tired

Amen 

[thelastspeecher]

No title because I’m lazy, but in the discord the last couple days, we’ve been discussing the Olympian Falls AU, aka my crossover between the Percy Jackson universe and my nonsense.  And those discussions caused me to get inspired to write...this.  As a quick reminder, this is a modern AU, so instead of Dipper and Mabel being Shermie’s grandkids, they are Shermie’s kids.  Just moved the timeline up a bit.

I think the retcon of making Dipper and Mabel be children of Athena is one retcon I never posted about for this AU, but it is one.  And this retcon means that I can make this an Ace!Shermie AU.  Shermie is hardcore asexual.  Enjoy.

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              Shermie knocked on the door of the apartment his mom had rented after leaving Filbrick a few years ago.  He looked down at the two baby carriers resting by his feet.

              I really hope Mom doesn’t get upset with me for being an unmarried father.  The door opened.

              “Sherman, what a lovely- who are these cute little things?” Ma Pines asked, crouching down to peer into the carriers.  She looked up.  “Are they yours?”

              “…Yeah,” Shermie mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Mom, meet Mabel and Mason.”

              “Adorable,” Ma Pines cooed.  She smiled.  “It’s about time one of you boys gave me some grandkids.  Though I woulda thought it’d be Stan.  He’s the only one of you married so far.”

              “I don’t think Stan even likes kids.”

              “You just say that ‘cause you haven’t spoken to him lately.  I called the other day, and he had to end the call early to play with one of his nieces from his wife’s side.  And he sounded happy about playing with her.”  Ma Pines playfully poked at Mason’s nose.  “These cuties will get themselves some cousins any day now.”

              “Uh, sure.”

              “So, where’s the mother?” Ma Pines asked, standing up.  Shermie grimaced.  “I don’t like that look.  Did she leave you and the kids or somethin’ like that?”

              “Not really- I mean, I guess sort of like it.”

              “Give your mother a straight answer,” Ma Pines said. She crossed her arms.  “You know I don’t like it when people beat around the bush. Where’s the mother?”

              “Mt. Olympus,” Shermie blurted out.  Ma Pines furrowed her brow.

              “…The mountain in Greece?”

              “Yes.  But also, no.”

              “Sherman,” Ma Pines sighed.  “Did you not hear me tell you to be straightforward?”

              “You won’t believe me.”

              “Try me.”

              “Their mom is a goddess,” Shermie said.  Ma Pines raised an eyebrow at him.  “And I don’t mean that metaphorically.  Literally, they have a Greek goddess for a mother.” A moment passed.  Ma Pines stood to the side.

              “Come inside,” she instructed.  Shermie picked up the baby carriers and entered his mother’s apartment.  She closed the door behind him.  Shermie turned to face her.

              “Look, Mom, I-” he started.  Ma Pines held up a hand.  Shermie went silent.

              “Which one did you have an affair with?” she asked. Shermie blinked.  “Was it Aphrodite?  I think my boys could catch the eye of the goddess of love.”

              “I- wh- no, their mom is Athena,” Shermie stammered. He froze.  “Wait, you believe me?”

              “You sound upset about that,” Ma Pines commented. She took Mason’s baby carrier from Shermie and set it on the couch, then sat down next to it to peer at her grandson.

              “No, I’m not upset, I’m- you really believe me?”

              “Why wouldn’t I?”

              “Because most people wouldn’t!”

              “Most people,” Ma Pines said calmly, “haven’t had their own dalliance with an Olympian.”  Shermie joined his mother on the couch, resting Mabel’s carrier on the floor by his feet.

              “Mom…”

              “Stanley and Stanford aren’t your full brothers,” Ma Pines said quietly.  Shermie’s jaw dropped.

              “What?”

              “Filbrick isn’t their father.”  Ma Pines rolled her eyes.  “Thank the gods.”

              “Then who- who-”

              “Hermes.”

              “The Greek god of travelers, thieves, messengers, and a bunch of other things?”

              “Yep.”  Ma Pines looked up from Mason to grin at Shermie.  “That classics degree of yours is really gonna come in handy when it comes to taking care of these two.”

              “I-”  Shermie ran a hand through his hair.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

              “You didn’t need to know.”  Ma Pines stroked Mason’s cheek gently.  “But now you’ve got demigod children of your own, you do need to know.  By the way, if I remember correctly, children from Athena are basically gifts, right? You didn’t actually sleep with her, you just had a strong emotional connection through your shared intellects.”

              “Uh, yes.”

              “Huh.  She must really like you, then, to have given you twins.”  Ma Pines unbuckled Mason and took him out of the carrier.  “Aw, look at those pretty gray eyes,” she cooed.

              “Mom, how did you know that?”

              “I learned a few things from your brothers.”

              “My half-brothers, you mean.”

              “Still your brothers,” Ma Pines said firmly. Shermie watched her play with Mason for a moment, thinking.

              “That boarding school you sent Stan and Ford to when they were kids,” he started.  Ma Pines looked up.  “Was that a special school for demigods?”

              “Something like that.  It was a camp.  Designed to train demigods on how to use their godly-given abilities and how to protect themselves.  Technically, most demigods only stay at that camp for the summer, but your brothers were enough of a monster magnet together that they had to stay there year-round.”

              “Abilities?”

              “Sweetie, do you really think a child of a god or goddess won’t have some sort of power?”

              “I just didn’t think about- wait, monsters?”

              “Yep.”  Ma Pines played with Mason’s hands.  “Demigods are very good at attracting them.”

              “I-”  Shermie looked down at Mabel, who was still fast asleep.  “Mom, what am I gonna do?”

              “First thing, you’re gonna let me feed you some dinner and play with the babies.”

              “Fair enough.”

              “Second, you need to go talk to one of your brothers.”

              “I haven’t seen either of them since Stan’s wedding.”

              “This’ll be a good chance to catch up, then.”  Ma Pines looked at Shermie.  “Sherman, I can only tell you so much.  If you really want to know about this world you’ve found yourself dragged into, you need to talk to someone who belongs to that world.”

              “…Fine,” Shermie muttered.

              “Oh, don’t get all upset.  If you stop by Stan’s, I’m sure his wife would be more than happy to watch these cute little babies while you talk to him.  Free childcare.”

              “I just-” Shermie sighed.  “I didn’t want to be a dad.”

              “Sometimes these things happen.  Look on the bright side.  You can rub it in Stan’s face that you had kids first.”

              “Why would I rub that in his face?”

              “Because everything’s always a contest with you boys.”  Ma Pines handed Mason to Shermie and stood up.  “Now, how does chicken sound for dinner?”

----- 

              Stan opened the door before Shermie could knock again.  He stared dumbly at Shermie for a few moments before his gaze traveling down to the baby carriers Shermie was holding.

              “Sherm, did you steal those?” Stan asked.  He leaned closer to peer inside the carriers. His eyes widened.  “You forgot to check for babies before you nabbed ‘em.”

              “No I-”  Shermie huffed impatiently.  “I didn’t steal the carriers nor the children.  I purchased the carriers, and the children are mine.”

              “Really?”  Stan frowned at him.  “Didn’t know you were in a relationship.”

              “I’m not.”

              “Ah, one-night stand, I get it.”

              “No, it’s-”  Shermie chewed on his lip.  Mason began to fuss inside his carrier.  “Dang it.”

              “Bring ‘em in, you can check the diaper or whatever inside,” Stan said.  He moved aside, allowing Shermie to walk into the house Stan and his wife, Angie, owned. “By the way, Angie’s not here right now. She had a doctor’s appointment.” Stan closed the door.  “Not to be rude or anything-”

              “Like you’ve ever cared about being rude,” Shermie said, setting the carriers down.  He knelt and removed Mason from the carrier.  Immediately, his son stopped crying.

              I guess he just wanted to be held.

              “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”  Stan eyed Shermie suspiciously.  “What are you doing here, Sherm?”

              “Mom told me to visit.  She said you could offer some assistance with my children.”

              “Assistance?  Angie’s pretty good with kids, since she’s got that huge family, but I only just stopped thinking that they’re a hassle.”  Stan shrugged.  “Maybe I’ve been married long enough to get in the mood for kids or whatever, I dunno.”

              “Well, she said to visit either you or Ford, and you were closer.”

              “Ford?  He’s even worse with kids than I am.”  Stan paused. He raised an eyebrow at Shermie. “Unless there’s somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me.”

              “Mabel and Mason, their mother isn’t…mortal,” Shermie said quietly.

              “Ah.  Okay.” Stan leaned against the wall.  “Who is she?”

              “Athena.”

              “Athena.”  Stan nodded. “Pretty good goddess to have as a parent, as things go.”

              “…Right.”  Shermie swallowed.  “Look, I- I have some questions.”

              “Figures. Let’s go talk in the living room.”  Stan picked up Mabel’s carrier.  “I’ll give you the basic introduction to demigods.”

----- 

              “They’re going to have ADHD and dyslexia?” Shermie asked.  Stan tilted his head one way, then the other.

              “At least one.  I got both, Ford just got the dyslexia.”

              “And why, again?”

              “ADHD makes us better in battle, dyslexia is ‘cause our brains are hardwired for Ancient Greek, not English,” Stan rattled off.  He tickled Mabel’s stomach.  She giggled loudly.  Stan grinned.  “Heh. Cute kid.”

              “Thank you for holding her, by the way.”

              “No problem,” Stan said.  “Anyways, the ADHD and dyslexia.  It’s kinda a crapshoot, honestly.  There’s no way to tell going in which one a demigod will have or how strong it’ll be.  Sorta like how abilities and general godliness or whatever are crapshoots.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “Hmm.  Okay.” Stan leaned back, clearly trying to figure out how to phrase whatever he wanted to say.  “All half-bloods have some enhanced stamina and strength and stuff like that, since we have godly blood.  But abilities we have on top of the basics depends upon who our godly parent is.  Like, Hephaestus kids are good at building things, and Demeter kids are good at growing plants.  Make sense?”

              “Yes.”

              “But even if people have the same godly parent, they might have different abilities.  I can pick locks with my mind.”

              “Wait, you can?”

              “Yeah.  But Ford can’t.”  Stan frowned. “Another example…there was this one Apollo kid who could make light.  Technically, it’s possible for a kid of Apollo to do that, but it’s really, really rare.  He was the only one in the last century who could do it.”  Stan looked at Shermie.  “Still following me?”  Shermie nodded.

              “I do have a question.”

              “I might have an answer.”

              “Are abilities correlated with the dyslexia and ADHD?  Ford’s dyslexia isn’t that bad, and you implied he wasn’t as powerful as you.”

              “I…”  Stan blinked. “That’s a good question.  I’ve never thought of it that way.  But yeah, most of the powerful demigods I’ve known have both ADHD and dyslexia.  I mean, I can think of a couple exceptions off the top of my head, but in general, you might be right.  Huh. Something to talk to Ford about.” Stan waved a hand.  “He started this group with some other half-bloods where they try to do research into demigod abilities or whatever.  I dunno exactly what they do.  I just show up and let them run tests on me if they ask.”

              “Mom mentioned something about the camp usually being only for the summer.”  Stan nodded. “But you stayed there year-round.”

              “Ford and I were too powerful together.  On our own?  Maybe we coulda been fine out in the mortal world, not attracted monsters. Ford definitely would have.  He was always a more subtle half-blood.  But we didn’t want to be separated, and our combined demigod smells attracted monsters like we were an all-you-can-eat buffet.”  Stan watched Shermie look down at Mason, who was fast asleep in Shermie’s arms.  “You’re worried about your kids.”

              “Yeah.”

              “Athena kids are usually able to go home for the school year.  Most half-bloods can.”

              “But if they’re twins-”

              “You’ve got a while before you have to worry about monsters for them.”

              “But-” Shermie started again.  The front door opened.

              “Stan,” a voice sang cheerfully.  Stan beamed.  “I have some news fer- oh.”  Shermie looked up.  His sister-in-law had pranced into the living room, and seemed surprised to see Shermie on her couch.  “I see we have a guest,” Angie said.

              “Three guests,” Stan corrected, helpfully pointing at the baby he was holding.  Angie gasped.

              “Oh, goodness, what a precious lil bean!” she gushed, making a beeline for the couch.  “Wow. Adorable!”  Angie looked over at Mason.  “A real pair of lookers.  Are these yours, Sherman?”

              “Yes.”

              “They’re quite the cuties.”

              “Thank you,” Shermie said politely.  He liked his sister-in-law well enough.  She seemed to be a bit of a ditz at times, and had much higher energy than Shermie liked to be around, but Angie was always kind to him.

              And she’s excellent with children. Shermie watched Angie coo over Mabel. Is she really a ditz?  Or just easily distracted?  I’m not quite sure.

              “Ang, you have news?” Stan asked.  Angie blinked.

              “Oh!  Yes.” She glanced over at Shermie, then back at Stan.  “I’ll tell ya later.  Don’t let me forget.”

              “You got it.”

              “Gosh, what a cute sweet potata,” Angie whispered, stroking Mabel’s hair.  She cocked her head.  “Sherman, did yer mother send ya here?”

              “I- yes.  She did.”

              “She wanted you to get some advice from Stan, I take it?”

              “How did you know that?” Shermia asked.  Angie looked at him.

              “Because this baby girl of yours has the kind of gray eyes I’ve only ever seen in children of Athena,” she said bluntly. Shermie’s jaw dropped.

              Okay, she’s definitely not a ditz.

              “You know about all this Greek stuff?”

              “Sure do.”

              “I’m assuming Stan told you.”

              “Mm.  Not quite.” Angie grinned crookedly.  “Where do ya think I first met Stan?” she asked. Shermie rubbed his face.

              “You met each other at camp, didn’t you?”

              “Yep.”

              “…You wouldn’t happen to be a child of Athena, would you?”

              That was a remarkably clever move she just pulled.

              “Nope!” Angie chirped.  She flopped down onto the couch next to Stan and took Mabel from him.

              “Hey!” Stan protested.  Angie cooed at Mabel sweetly.  “Ask!”

              “Nah.  If I asked, you wouldn’t have handed her over.  My gods, she is so cute.”  Angie looked at Stan, a twinkle in her eye.  “I think that Shermie’s kidlets would love themselves a cousin.”

              “I don’t think these babies know what a cousin is,” Stan replied.  Angie rolled her eyes.

              “Oh, that reminds me, Stan,” Shermie said, abruptly remembering his mom’s comment about everything being a contest.

              “What?”

              “I had kids first,” Shermie said.  Stan’s eyes widened.  “Yeah. I win.”  Stan slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand before shouting in frustration.

              “Goddammit!”

[that-he-may-return-blog]

Episode 2: Slugbug

Unfortunately, none of Dipper's questions for the triangle were answered. This was probably due to the fact that Dipper didn't see said triangle for several days, which led his mind to uneasy conclusions- had Bill escaped? Was he back in Gravity Falls and terrorizing everyone? Was he dead? Was Dipper possessed and he just didn't know it-

It also didn't help that Dipper had been having the exact same “dream” every night since the All-Mart incident. He was hesitant to call it an actual dream, sans quotation marks, because nothing really happened- he just found himself in a coniferous forest, alone, for hours on end until he woke up. The entire experience led Dipper to wonder if he was slowly losing his mind. The only proof he had that the All-Mart attack had ever happened was a headline reporting the “Largest Shoplifting Heist of the Century”, listing a number of objects that mysteriously vanished into thin air on September fourteenth.

Of course, nobody knew what had actually happened except Dipper… until now.

“-and that's why everything up and vanished the same day we were there,” he explained. “They literally…” he extended his arm, “walked out.”

Mabel blinked. “So Bill is…”

“I don't know where,” Dipper admitted. “And not knowing is killing me because what if he's murdering people back in Gravity Falls-”

“Oh, he's not,” Mabel said confidently.

“How would you know?”

“I have my ways.” Mabel held up her phone. “Also Candy and Grenda and me made a pact to keep each other updated on the Gravity Falls-Piedmont life 24/7, down to the exact detail, no questions asked. I just typed out your whole Bill monologue and-”

“-don’t send that!” Dipper grabbed the phone, “Mabel, are you crazy?”

“Am I crazy?” Mabel pointed a finger at him. “You're the one that made a deal with a resurrected demon that tried to kill us all.”

“I didn't have a choice-” Dipper said quickly, deleting the message. “Grunkle Ford was counting on me to take care of this because any other option would’ve resulted in an essential perpetual death for at least one person or a literal death for the entire universe!”

“Okay, Mister Let’s-Save-the-Universe over here. Don’t forget that I helped too!”

“Technically neither of u-”

Mabel reached forward and put her finger over his mouth. “Shh...” Dipper scowled. “I understand that you've got that whole conspiracy craving and would probably explode if you couldn’t explain why bigfoot is cthulhu- because I am a caring and loving sister- but… really, Dipper, are you sure this is a good idea?”

Dipper glanced up. “...I don't think there's a better idea,” he said slowly. “But there's nothing I can do about it now- Stan and Ford are probably in the middle of the ocean, and if I went back to Gravity Falls, Bill could probably find his body and start using magic again-”

“Again? I thought you said that in the store he waved his arms wildly and turned a bunch of eggs against you? Using magic?”

Dipper glanced at the wall. “Okay, so, I don't know how it works. Entirely.”

“At all.” Mabel took her phone back.

Dipper rubbed his arm. “Just- I thought I should tell you. Everyone kept too many secrets in Gravity Falls, so the more that's out in the open, the better, at this point.”

Mabel blinked. “Does that mean we should tell Mom and Dad?”

“Uhhh- no. Not… not right now. They'd freak out.”

“This sounds like the premise for an American children’s cartoon!” Mabel grinned, “Mason Pines came home from summer break with a lot of strange souvenirs, but the strangest one is a triangle with a bizarre sense of humor and great fashion sense-”

“That sounds like a show that would try and make Bill likable,” Dipper pointed out. “Too out of character.”

“ATTENTION: THIS IS THE LAST HELICOPTER OUT OF VIETNAM! GET ON BOARD OR REMAIN STRANDED!”

“COMING, DAD!!” Mabel shouted back, grabbing her backpack. Dipper got up and slung his over his shoulder, brushing his hair over his forehead- he wasn't about to take Wendy's hat into a public school, one of the most hazardous places for any material object. Besides, hats were technically against the dress code - not that he had cared in previous years - but hey, at least this was a decent excuse.

The twins headed downstairs to find the house empty save for Waddles, who was napping on the couch, and a note from their mother on the table saying that she would be back in the afternoon; she was probably hanging upside down from a redwood, trying to photograph of a colony of bats. They grabbed their lunchboxes as they darted for the door, Mabel taking a second to slip in a previously-vetoed bottle of Mabeljuice. Outside was the second car, fondly nicknamed The Bug by Mabel, and in the driver's seat was their dad.

Forrest Pines was roughly the height of a flagpole and had nearly the same dimensions, which meant that compressing himself into The Bug involved a lot of doubling over. Dipper would have sworn on his life that his father didn't wear anything but sweater-vests and only combed the back of his hair. Mabel would have sworn on her life that Forrest was an alien from planet Cybernoodle who planned on taking over the earth by hacking RCVs everywhere.

“Who's ready for school?” Forrest called as Mabel hopped over the typical suburban lawn flamingo and into the car; Dipper chose to walk around the flamingo. The flamingo had been Forrest’s idea, and Cassidy had never acknowledged its existence.

“Ready for KNOWLEDGE!” Mabel shouted, slamming the door.

Dipper glanced at her. “Knowledge?”

“Yeah, genius- of the new kids- new kids, new friends, am I right or am I right-”

“You're left,” Forrest pointed out. The Bug pulled onto the road and set a course for Piedmont Public Schools.

Dipper glanced out the window. He couldn't shake the nagging feeling that Bill was too close for comfort- even though he was nowhere to be seen. What that meant, he didn't know, but he didn't like the weight it left on his mind.

After a few minutes of dissonance with Mabel, Forrest, and the radio, The Bug rolled to a stop in front of the school- the twins wasted no time gathering their stuff and getting out of the car.

Forrest leaned out the window. “What, no ���first day of high school” trauma? No existential dread or questions about moving up the social rank?”

“We kinda sorta already had that kerfluffle over the summer,” Mabel said. “Ha. Kerfluffle.”

“We’ll be fine, Dad,” Dipper told him.

Forrest frowned. “Hey, you're not wearing a hat today.”

Oh no- he was going to ask about the lucky hat Dipper had had at the beginning of the year- the one that had met its premature demise to a pack of angry gnomes. Dipper braced himself. “Well-”

“Good for you,” Forrest said. Dipper blinked. “We call that character development.” He patted Dipper on the head.

“Aha, right…”

“Well, don't murder anyone! Bye kids!”

“Bye-”

“Bye Dad!”

The Bug sped off into the distance, leaving two eighth graders on a yet-to-be trampled public school lawn.

Dipper didn't necessarily enjoy school. Not that he didn't enjoy learning; gaining knowledge was how he built up his collection of conspiracies. But Dipper could have written an eight-page essay on why the school system did a very poor job of actually teaching anything. He also could have written an essay on the lack of supervision in the classroom or work ethic from the staff, or how being expected to socialize with people he would never see outside of school was counterintuitive- but these weren't the biggest reasons Dipper disliked the school experience. No, that award went to the spiked levels of sheer acrimony that hung around the school like a forced metaphor.

Yeah, okay, maybe the bullied nerd trope was overdone. That didn't change the fact that Dipper was, in fact, a bullied nerd. This year he planned to change that- the honors/regular class split started this year. With any luck, he'd leave the aggressors of the past behind and start a brand new year of education and-

-someone tripped him.

Because that wasn't cliche.

Dipper stumbled to regain his balance and half the pile of books he was holding slid onto the floor. His face was red- he couldn't tell if anyone was laughing, but it definitely felt like it. He crouched and picked up the books; off to a great start.

“Didn't see you all summer, Dipstick!” someone shouted. Dipper closed his eyes. “Did you run away to cry somewhere else-”

Dipper kept walking. That was one time- well, maybe several. He'd been perfectly fine over summer- maybe because he had gotten the chance to make his own impression. But everyone here already knew him as the kid with the dumb name, no friends, and who was prone to crying. His legacy.

The honors/regular split had also led to an unexpected consequence; he no longer shared any classes with Mabel, who preferred talking with friends rather than studying with them. Since Forrest had dropped them off, in fact, he didn't really see her at all. This meant the majority of his day was spent either being ignored and alone or having to listen to “dipstick” get shouted across the room, which by now wasn't insulting so much as annoying. The reality was setting in that, without Mabel around, they wouldn’t be watching each other’s backs. This could end up being the worst school year of his life.

He really should've taken Ford's offer, Dipper thought as he scribbled in the margins of the first-day handouts. At least then he'd be spending his day doing something he actually cared about with someone he actually looked up to- it would've been better than coming back to this mess. And now all he had to show for his poor decision was a missing demon and a sister who caused the apocalypse.

“...what?”

“Pines, is there something you'd like to add?”

Dipper blinked. “No, I'm just-”

“Then I suggest you join the rest of the class in sitting in silence.”

Dipper sank down in his seat. Mabel didn't have anything to do with Weirdmageddon… unless you counted getting locked in a prison bubble. And you know, making a selfish deal trading something that wasn't even hers for her own personal gain.

Dipper focused in on the desk. Okay, where was this coming from- he wasn't supposed to be an idiot, you’d think he could put this together. He pressed a hand to his head. Was he hallucinating? Was he so tired from those repetitive dreams that he was starting to imagine things? Maybe he needed a break- from the planet-

“Bill-”

It was nice to know he could do basic logic. Dipper gripped the edge of his desk. Where was he- why was his train of thought being constantly interrupted like this- as if he would tell him-

“Shut up-!”

“Pines.”

Dipper sank down. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Would you like to step outside for a little bit to calm down?”

No. “Yes.”

Dipper slipped into the hall and shut the door behind himself. He pressed his hands to his temples, trying to think. Bill had to be messing around in his head, somehow… Dipper shuddered, imagining Bill puppeting him from the inside. He wasn't actually… well Dipper wouldn't know that. Dipper glared at the wall.

“Get out.”

He wasn't going to. Well, at least that answered that question. Dipper rubbed his head… what would he even be doing in there? Not like Dipper would know. But carrying a demon’s thoughts in his head didn't seem like a fantastic option, especially when he had no idea how to get him out…

“Hey Dipstick. Where’ve you been, huh?”

In any other context, it might have been a friendly greeting. Not in this one.

Florence Goodman had to be the worst misnomer of the century. Dipper had only ever actually seen him in class twice in his life, leading him to assume that he spent his spare time throwing darts at pictures of other students’ faces. Florence also seemed to think his insults were hilarious; this was probably a direct result of beating up anyone who disagreed, although Dipper wasn't sure he'd get the whole cause/effect relationship. Another reason he had never explained it was that Florence just so happened to be twice his size and nowhere near as terrified of detention as Dipper was.

“I said, where’ve you been?”

Dipper looked away.

“What are you doing out in the halls?” This guy really needed to learn to respect personal space. “I would've thought the teacher's pet would be teaching the class by now-”

“Aren't you supposed to be in class,” Dipper muttered, “and not hanging around like a-”

“Like a what, Pines?!” Dipper's head knocked against the lockers- he could feel a bruise forming on the back of his skull. Pain was hilarious.

“Nothing, nothing-” he said quickly, but Florence had already moved on.

“Where's your dumb hat, Pines?”

Dipper didn't respond.

“What, did you lose it? Someone get to it before me? Huh-” His palm slammed into Dipper's forehead; Dipper winced. “You should've kept it on- now everyone can see your dumb hair-”

Dipper braced himself for what was sure to follow. It was an old well but a deep one, and every time it just got to him. He felt the fingers shove his hair up, off his forehead-

“-and your mutant face-”

“It's not a mutation, it's a statistical anomaly…” His face was burning- his entire head was burning.

“Little dipstick over here thinks his big words won't make him a freak-” Into the locker again. “Well guess what-” And again. “You'll never be anything but the weirdo with no friends-”

Dipper covered his face. That wasn't true-

“You gonna cry? Cry, Pines- cry about your stupid hair and your freakazoid face- your disproportionately gigantic head and tiny weak body- the stupid rectangle on your forehead-”

Dipper screwed his face up. Until summer, his birthmark had always been a sore spot for him- it had been the target of countless insults. Now that summer had ended, when he had finally started to accept it, it was just going to become another reason to hate him- his head cracked into the lockers again. Always with that stupid constellation birthmark- making him a target- making him “that weirdo-” well it wasn't like he could help it!

“Are those tears, treeboy-”

Dipper grabbed his fingers- they were rubbery and- slimy-? Florence screamed and dropped him onto the ground; Dipper winced and rubbed his head, slowly looking up. Florence was stumbling around like an idiot, waving his arm and screaming.

“Maybe- maybe that'll make you think twice about making fun of me, huh-” Dipper got up. Whatever was going on, it sure was making Florence panic- the problem was, Dipper had no idea what was going on.

Thankfully he found out, as he watched this high school student transform into a gigantic slug with six eyes, a pig nose, and terrifyingly long slimy arms.

The monster roared.

Dipper shouted and threw a pencil at it. The pencil bounced off his lumpy flesh and rolled down the hall.

The two looked at each other for a moment. The slug blinked and stared at its new slimy features. Dipper decided to use this moment to run for it and booked it through the halls. He heard a vaguely roar-like sound from behind him; he figured that turning Florence into a close relative of a snail didn't make him want to kill Dipper any less.

He ducked behind a wall and pressed his back to it, shaking- had he done that- Dipper stared at his hands. They were just as pale and clammy as ever. Maybe it was the fact that he had just run to the other side of the school, but he felt exhausted; there was a stitch in his side and his eyes were starting to close. Dipper shook himself awake. There wasn't time for that- there was a giant slug loose in the school somewhere. It wouldn’t be long before someone saw it.

“Heyyy, what are you doing in the Dumb People section?” Dipper blinked and looked up. Mabel had put a sticker on his nose. “Don't you have some kind of over-complicated class to get to?”

“-there’s something more important going on right now,” Dipper told her, glancing back around the corner. Florence the giant slug couldn’t be far.

“You found something more important than your GPA?” Mabel leaned around the corner to look at whatever he was looking at. “I'm proud of you- you've realized that the true meaning of being a student is learning and having fun by pursuing an interest that you genuinely like-”

“No, Mabel, I turned Florence Goodman into a nine-foot long invertebrate.”

Mabel frowned and raised a finger. She opened her mouth and the finger turned into a finger gun, “Are you making a spontaneous and nonsensical joke-”

Dipper looked at her. Mabel lowered her finger. “Right, okay, giant spineless bully somewhere in the school.” She frowned again. “How did-”

“I don't know,” Dipper admitted, ducking back behind the wall. “I think it had something to do with Bill-”

“THEY SAY THAT IF YOU SAY THE DEVIL’S NAME HE APPEARS!”

Dipper yelped and fell backwards.

Mabel glanced from him to the empty air directly in front of him. “Is he back?”

“Unfortunately…” Dipper muttered.

“Unfortunately?” Bill pressed his hand to what would have been his chest. “Now that stings- after all I've done for you- turning your school bullies into gastropods- I am hurt-”

“You did that-?!”

“Well I'll admit that it was a team effort- somebody here got really mad for no reason at all-”

Dipper glared. “So you just used me as your funnel-”

Mabel raised a hand, “So I'm sure this is a very important argument but all I can hear is Dipper's side- and also maybe we should focus on taking care of the monster before we argue any more?”

“I don't think Bill cares,” Dipper said.

“Oh contraire, spaceface.” Bill pulled his cane out of nowhere. “You're my only vessel, and your fancy contract says my psyche is linked to your body- if you die, I'd be stuck in a little radius around it, and that wouldn't be fun for anyone, would it?”

Dipper looked away. “Mabel, do you have the flashlight?”

Mabel shook her head. “I didn't really unpack everything yet.”

“Right, okay…” Dipper rubbed his forehead, trying to think. The hall was quiet and empty, and he couldn’t see or hear a thing in the corridors, but he knew what was out there. “Well, at least we have time to plan,” he resolved. “He might be big, but slugs are slow. It'll take a while for it to even find us, let alone catch up to us.”

Bill laughed.

Dipper stiffened. “Unless that's not the case…”

“Oh, it is definitely not the case, pine-tree! Remember how turning things on their head is kind of my deal? My schtick? My gimmick? My-”

“You made a super-fast giant slug.”

“Well I wouldn't call it giant, we’re only talking like eight, nine feet long here- giant would be, say, the size of the school- your tiny little mind doesn't have nearly enough energy for that.”

“Well apparently there’s enough to make you a giant pain in the-”

“DIPPER-”

Dipper looked over just in time to see a super-fast, average-sized slug come ricocheting around the corner.

Dipper thought he knew what fear felt like. He had been ripped out of his own body, more than once by now, been chased by gigantic deformed creatures of unimaginable horror, and witnessed the apocalypse firsthand. Yet, somehow, none of these came close to the sheer adrenaline that running from a nine-foot invertebrate at top speed through an empty school hall could bring.

“How do we stop him?!” Mabel asked as they slid around a corner.

“I don't know,” Dipper said- he was panicking. “I only knew things in Gravity Falls because of Great-Uncle Ford’s journal- I don't have that anymore! We threw it down the bottomless pit!”

“Well, actually-”

Dipper looked at Mabel. “Actually-?”

Mabel waved it off. “I'll tell you when we’re not being terrorized by a giant slug.”

Dipper darted up to a door leading out of the school; he tried to stop but his momentum carried him into the bar and out onto the grass. He tumbled forward and faceplanted. Bill laughed.

Dipper shoved himself up- “If you're so concerned about protecting your vessel why don't you help-”

“Oh, I might. If it gets completely hopeless. Right now I just want to watch you squirm.”

Dipper wanted to retaliate, but he didn't get the chance as the monster slammed its head through the door and bowled him over. He scrambled up, now covered in slime, and darted back inside the school; during the day, the doors were locked from the outside. This proved true as the slug rammed into the door over and over, but it didn't open. It also might not have opened because it was a pull door, but Dipper decided not to tell him that.

Dipper slid down against the wall to catch his breath.

“...what do we do when school ends?” Mabel asked, “because he’s still going to be there-”

“I’m trying to get there,” Dipper breathed. He rubbed his forehead and watched the door thud as the slug rammed into it. Bill was busy criticizing a mural of Egypt in the hall.

Mabel sat down next to him. “Maybe we should get to class?”

Dipper snorted. “I'd rather not. At least not right now.” A nine-foot slug. No journal. No hex circle, no flashlight… all he really had was a demon whose current life goal was to ruin Dipper's own life. Bill probably knew how to fix it with magic or something- but it wasn't like he'd help. Dipper might have to take a different approach…

Dipper sat there in quiet contemplation as Mabel doodled and the formerly-human slug pounded on the doors. After a while, the bell rang and students flooded out into the hallways, and to their… lockers? Dipper started and looked at the clock- what?! -this was the end of the school day- and he still had no idea what to do regarding the giant slug- and it was at this moment that the hinges on the door gave way- and in it came.

It was chaos. Everyone scattered, some to run and scream, others to touch it, more to record videos, and the slug to (presumably) murder Dipper. Dipper saw this and decided to join the portion of the student body that was running. Mabel followed suit.

“You know, for someone who made a life-changing self-discovery about courage and standing up for yourself over the summer, you sure are doing a lot of running away today,” Bill commented.

Dipper glared. “I can't just fight it,” he snapped, “and it's not like I have anything that'd help me-” he shoved the front door open and ran out onto the grass.

“Well that's not very fair- I'm right here!”

“You’re the main cause of the problem-!”

“What is it with you people and your blame-games- you turn a couple people into disfigured monsters and suddenly it's all oh he’s evil and you’re a 'problem’-”

There was a loud popping sound, followed by an unappealing squelch- Dipper turned to see that the slug had managed to figure out the push-door. It literally threw the door open and was continuing his chase, barrelling right for Dipper- panicking, he jumped to the side, hoping the monster couldn't turn as quickly as it could run, or crawl, or slink-

The proper term for the movement of a slug was put low on Dipper’s priorities as he watched it crash through the parking lot and disappear among the cars. There was a sound of alarms and honks.

“Well, this seems like a good time to let law enforcement handle the giant slimy thing,” Mabel suggested. While the idea of Florence Goodman being taken away from the school did seem appealing, it was Dipper’s fault that the guy was a slug in the first place.

“Eh, ehh…?” Mabel was ready to go. Dipper took in a breath, then sighed.

“We should do something.”

“But do we?” she groaned. It was very likely that she hated Florence more than he did. Dipper genuinely considered walking away. It’s not like he was obligated to be the bigger person here, but- it was a little overboard to turn him into a lightspeed slug. There was also the fact that the security cameras in the school probably saw him near Florence when it happened, and the last thing he wanted was another run-in with the government.

Being thirteen was hard.

Just as Dipper was about to make his decision he heard a shrill and childish squeal from the far side of the parking lot. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance.

“Dad.”

They both made a dash for the east side of the parking lot and found the slug with its head jammed inside the window of The Bug, and Forrest Pines firmly pressed into the back seat, throwing all available objects in its face. So much for leaving their parents out of weirdness- now Dipper definitely had to do something. Mabel was way ahead of him.

“Back off my dad you slimy buttface-” Mabel shouted as she bolted to the car and began beating the slug with her biology book. This took the slug’s attention off of (potentially) eating Forrest- it pulled from the window and went for Mabel next.

“Mabel, get away from that thing-!” Forrest shouted. Dipper pried the slime-coated car door open; Forrest scrambled out and scooped both twins up and out of the way of the monster, backing away. The slug started advancing- Dipper threw a rock at its head and tried his best to give an intimidating and stern glare, but judging from Bill’s snickering it wasn’t working out too well.

Forrest was just about to make a run for it when Mabel slipped out of his hold and ran for The Bug.

“REMEMBER ME!!” Mabel called as she dove past the slug and jumped in the car. The slug spat acid at her as she ran past; it ate away at the ground, burning holes in the asphalt. Forrest nearly had a heart attack as the monster went after his daughter.

“MABEL-”

“Acid?!” Dipper hissed at Bill, who had been casually drifting near his field of view.

“So, I have these ideas, and sometimes they’re just too good to turn down. So, the slug spits acid now. And also has a taste for human flesh.”

“Oh it just gets better every minute, doesn’t it-”

“It really does, isn’t it great?”

Forrest sat Dipper far away from The Bug and ran to grab Mabel.

“Do you think this is funny?!” Dipper glared at Bill.

“Yes, actually.”

“Well it isn’t-” Dipper pointed at the triangle. “You’ve always seen our lives as a game and a joke, but the joke's over, Bill-” Bill wasn’t looking at him. He was experimenting with flames in his right hand. “Are you listening?!”

“No, not really, your interests are relatively insignificant to me.” Dipper was fuming. He had to get his attention, and the only way you get a triangle’s attention is by making him angry or panicked- or maybe even a little bit of both.

Dipper started walking towards the monster slug. “What are you doing, kid?” Bill called. “D’ya think you’re going to take this thing on with those noodle arms?”

“No.”

“Well that’s good because that thing will totally kill you. So, you know, it wouldn’t be that smart to keep just walking towards it like that. So, uh, why are you still walking towards it-”

“You’re going to let my family get killed, then you don’t get a vessel.”

Bill laughed. “As if you’d actually get yourself killed just to get me to do something, that’s ridiculous-”

Dipper kept walking. “Are you really that stupid-” Bill said louder as he was pulled along at the edge of Dipper’s mental barrier. One foot in front of the other, Dipper walked up to the slug and kicked it.

The slug’s acid was just about to eat through the roof of The Bug- Mabel was aggressively searching the backseat and resisting Forrest’s attempts to remove her. The slug twisted its head to look at him. Dipper held his arms out at his sides. “You’re an idiot, kid- you’re going to get yourself killed- this is proving nothing-”

“It’s proving nothing except that you’re out of options.”

“I have plenty of options other than your cruddy vessel-”

The slug made a gurgling noise; acid foamed at its mouth, dripping down at Dipper’s feet, just missing his shoes.

“You’re gonna die, kid-”

It reared up. Dipper didn’t move.

“KID-”

Dipper squeezed his eyes shut- there was a spitting sound-

...but nothing happened. Hesitantly, Dipper opened an eye. He was outside of his own body, and for a moment he thought he might have actually died; then he saw that his own body had thrown up a magical wall in front of itself, like a triangular forcefield. Dipper couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

“I hate you so much,” Bill muttered through gritted teeth as he dropped the wall and the remaining acid fell to the ground. Operation Anger the Triangle was a success. The slug tilted its head in confusion. Bill leapt forwards and knocked the slug back with a punch that clearly had some extra magical energy, because it slid back several feet and embedded itself in the hood of a car.

“Just turn him back-” Dipper said as Bill climbed into The Bug a little unsteadily. Forrest was staring and petrified in the back at this point.

“It’s- give me a second, okay-” Bill wheezed as he struggled to catch his breath, “your stupid noodle of a body could barely take a bit of running last time- you think it can take all that- no! Because some vessels aren’t pure energy-”

Dipper let Bill continue his rant about how weak he was as he watched the slug pry itself from the car and shoot over to The Bug. Bill looked at the slug and glared.

“I have had it up to here with all the things I make trying to kill me-” He slid into the driver’s seat and tried to stay awake. He was about to use another shield to block more flying acid, but something shot through the windshield and straight into the slug’s face.

“GRAPPLING HOOK!” Mabel retracted the hook from the backseat, proudly standing on the seats, one hand on her hip. Forrest was unable to process anything happening around him. Mabel jumped into the passenger’s seat and shot the hook straight into one of the slug’s eyes; it backed up more, blinded.

Bill was slumped over the steering wheel, about to pass out. Mabel shook him. “Hey- hey you can’t fall asleep- mystery twins are back in action-!!” Bill slowly opened his eyes and looked Mabel dead in the face. The sunlight made the slit-pupils obvious.

“Could you, for once, Shooting Star, maybe not scream in my ear... magic is hard enough as it is...” He was too tired to make any witty comments; all he had to spare was pure dismay. Mabel shot the slug in the face again.

“You’ve been doing a bunch of magic, huh-”

“Yes.”

“And Dipper didn’t get enough sleep again I bet-”

“Clearly.”

“But you can fix this with magic??” “Magic fixes most things.”

“Well- then-” Mabel pulled her lunchbox up and offered Bill a mysterious red fruit drink.

“Is this poison?” Bill looked at Mabel. He threw up a shield to block flying acid and looked a little more exhausted.

“No, it’s Mabeljuice!”

“So, poison.”

“It’ll give you a boost- promise-” Bill glared at her. He put up another shield and swayed slightly; a fleck made its way around the shield and burned through his hair. He sighed, steadying himself- Dipper wished he had popcorn. “Eh? Ehh?” Mabel held the Mabeljuice closer. Bill slowly took the glittery drink.

“This doesn’t have anything on Time Punch-” he downed the drink. Mabel shot the hook into the slug’s face again. The slug seemed confused as to how he continued to fall for these attacks.

Bill felt a burst of energy as the caffeine set in. A grin spread across his face- he might be slowly dying of poison, but he was alive again. The slug moved around the other side of The Bug and crashed its head through the window; Bill held his hand out at the slug and it was pushed back by an invisible force. The Bug shook.

“Now what-” Forrest whimpered from the back.

“Now we knock that thing out and finish this-” Bill said, putting his hand on the dash. The Bug began morphing and mutating and Dipper stared as he turned the family car into a huge, metal, eco-friendly winged insect, with six legs instead of four wheels and an apparent taste for slugs.

“WOO!” Mabel cheered as it advanced on the monster. Bill laughed maniacally as The Bug attacked the slug, knocking it down into the pavement- it spat acid at the car, burning holes into pieces of metal legs- but The Bug kept ramming into the slug, shoving it back. It plucked the slug off the ground before it could run away and flew off towards the football field.

Forrest was screaming. “OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAYWHY- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING- KIDS-”

Mabel looked back at Forrest, giving him an encouraging thumbs-up. “Calm down, Dad- we’re professionals-! We’ve got this!”

Forrest just stared. Dipper wasn’t looking forward to explaining this later. The Bug hauled the slug over the football field and higher into the air; it released the slug and it plummeted into the ground, leaving a crater in the grass.

The Bug hovered for a bit and, when the slug didn’t get up, it lowered and landed next to the crater. Mabel hopped out of the car and ran to the crater to peer in the hole, grappling hook at the ready. The dust cleared and, instead of a bloodthirsty lightspeed acid slug, there was just a beat-up Florence Goodman, looking utterly traumatized. Mabel let out a breath and help up a hand to high-five Bill, grinning. “Nice work-”

Bill looked at her. “You really want me touching your hand.”

Mabel lowered her hand.

The caffeine was wearing off fast; Bill used the last bit of energy he had to strip The Bug of its insectoid features. Then he fell face-first into the grass.

When Dipper came back to consciousness in his own body, everything was numb and he didn’t want to move. Mabel was sitting with him in the high school nurse’s station; she seemed a little more excited once he actually looked at her.

“Wh… what happened…?”

“Well, uh… Bill… fixed it, and you passed out after that-” She seemed a bit surprised, “since when does he help us-”

“I blackmailed him,” Dipper murmured.

“...you blackmailed Bill?” Mabel said, staring. Dipper shrugged, eyes half-closed. “That’s… that’s great. Showed him who’s boss this time, am I right-” she grinned.

Dipper smiled slightly; it felt pretty good to be holding the cards for once. He thought for a moment and frowned. “What happened to Florence…?”

“Uh, about that…” Mabel began, “He looked super freaked out- I don’t think he’s coming back here. But he doesn’t entirely know what happened, I just told some cops that the slug ran off in the woods- so, we should be in the clear. For now.”

“Didn’t they see it on camera…?” Dipper asked. Mabel shifted in her seat slightly.

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

“What do you mean nope?” Dipper sat up a little.

“Well, I took a little time to say a few things to Dad, calm him down a little bit, and… he used his computer magic to get rid of the footage.”

“Since when was Dad a hacker?” He usually only saw his dad coding games of brick breaker.

“He said he picked up a hobby over the summer,” Mabel said, then grinned, “so we’re in the clear.”

‘The Clear’ was probably something they were far from, but knowing that they had covered up the incident to some extent was a relief. He glanced around and saw a disgruntled Bill glaring at a chart on the wall.

“...thanks for fixing that,” Dipper whispered.

“Shut up, Pinetree, I’m not dumb, you smug little-”

“Oh come on- you saved yourself anyways,” Dipper muttered. “That’s a bright side for you.”

“All my creations keep trying to kill me,” he said, arms folded. Dipper frowned.

“...The Bug didn’t try and kill you,” Dipper suggested, “it must have liked you.”

“It didn’t like me, I just gave it an extensive craving for slugs. It was in self-defense.” Bill vanished, presumably back into Dipper’s mind. Dipper didn’t really have the energy to care about Bill’s personal struggles at the moment. It served him right.

After Dipper took some time and mustered the energy, Mabel helped him walk out to meet Forrest, who was harshly rethinking his comprehension of life. The Bug was out of commission, probably because the engine had been eaten through with slug acid, so he took Dipper and Mabel the rest of the way home by foot. When they got back to the house, the twins explained to their dad about the existence of ‘weirdness’ and how they saw supernatural beings and creatures over summer break.

However, the details were severely watered down. As far as Forrest knew, they just met a mermaid, spotted a unicorn, and caught a fairy only to delicately release it. Mabel said that they learned their monster handling and magic skills from a unicorn fight, which wasn’t entirely a lie, only mostly. It only took Forrest a solid two hours to process the entire situation.

“So… monsters. Mythical… things. Exist,” he repeated numbly.

Dipper and Mabel nodded.

“And you’ve… fought them,” he asked again.

“Uh-huh,” Dipper responded. Forrest slumped back in the couch and rubbed his eyes. After another minute or two he sat up straighter and looked at the two of them. They were sitting quietly in front of him.

“Well… you know, I’d say you did a really awesome job. Really, really impressive stuff there- but, just don’t scare me like that okay-” The twins nodded and promised not to throw themselves into deadly situations again. That promise would probably last less than twenty-four hours. Forrest took a moment to breathe, and wrapped his long arms around the two of them in a tight hug. “I’m just glad you two are safe,” he said. They both hugged back.

He pulled back and pointed at the two of them. “We are not going to tell Mom about this until we can actually think of a way to explain it. Especially the car. Deal?”

Dipper shuddered. “Deal,” said Mabel.

“Great…” Forrest laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, “it’s been a long day, so I’m just going to… keep rethinking everything. You two finish your homework or read or… something.” The twins gave their dad a moment of peace. Dipper quietly helped Mabel with her homework as the sun began to set outside. For the first time all day, there was a bit of silence.

Cassidy Pines shoved the front door open, covered in dirt, twigs in her hair, camera in hand.

“You’re not going to believe what I saw today.”

Dipper somehow doubted that.

[alternativesaga]

1-170

Oh dang. Okay I’ll have them answered underneath the cut! 

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

-I’d at least like to be 5′5

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

-Real I would like a husky cause they’re adorable, but for a mythological one I’d love a dragon cause why not, right? 

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

-Gosh, well that’s a bit hard. I don’t really know the names for clothing styles, but I guess an example could be some jeans and a t-shirt, nothing too fancy with a beanie.That’s just the casual look. Or I could say an actual style like steampunk which I adore since it’s so different! 4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

-Sonic the hedgehog is something for sure. 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

-1. My family 2. How things are in other parts of the world and what could happen if something changed 3. Friends 

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

-”Warning: I could seem intimidating or just seem like a total weirdo, but do not mistake me just for another person. There’s a lot more about me than you’d expect” 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

-I don’t really know how to answer this so how about mainstream stuff?

One thing that bugs me is when people talk about others in a rude way for being “strange”,”weird”,”ugly” (nothing I’ve heard personally for myself, I’m just talking on a neutral standard level here), etc. and the people saying these things wear some sort of shirt saying “I’m just a type of crazy” sorta shirt. Like, you’re saying all these rude things, but you wear those shirts yet don’t even know what it’s reflecting on just being “weird is the new cool” in a sense. I don’t know, it’s just a thought.8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

-Just did a test and it says I’m Phlegmatic. Surprisingly, it fits really well. 9: Are you ticklish?

-Maybe.10: Are you allergic to anything?

-Nope.11: What’s your sexuality?

-Straight/Heterosexual12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

-I prefer tea, but I don’t mind cocoa. And for coffee, I prefer it iced.13: Are you a cat or dog person?

-Both. But I prefer dogs since I’m used to them more.14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

-Elf. Vampire sounds interesting, but I want to be out in the sun too. And merperson isn’t my type. Elf would be something interesting and a variety.15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

-Hm, I don’t watch a lot of youtubers to be a big fan, but I do like to watch Markiplier’s videos when I can!16: How tall are you?

-5′3 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

-Wouldn’t know. I don’t really think my name now doesn’t fit me well either. Lol I’m one of those oddballs in a group. At least I think so. I like unique names that you don’t hear often, so my name doesn’t help me with that at all. 18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

-We’re just gonna leave this blank.19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

-Yes I do.20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

-Space even though the ocean has yet to have more discoveries.21: Are you religious?

-In a sense that I have a  religion, yes.22: Pet peeves?

-Gosh I know I have some, but nothing that’s coming to mind.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

-Diurnal.24: Favorite constellation?

-Little dipper.25: Favorite star?

-Not really. Unless you count the northern star.26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

-I don’t like dolls in total.27: Any phobias or fears?

-Dolls, being betrayed, dying, losing everything and everyone I cared for, feeling nothing, etc.28: Do you think global warming is real?

-It is. It’s sad people are ignoring or denying it, but it’s there. Just because you(I’m saying those who oppose it’s not true) don’t feel the affects, it doesn’t mean others aren’t either.29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

-I do. 30: Favorite movie?

-District 9 or The Little Prince31: Do you get scared easily?

-Not really, but it’s possible.32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

-About 11? I used to have chihuahuas because of my grandma and her dogs and I used to have a bunch of birds, but they flew away somehow when the cage was open. 

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

-Can’t answer this since there’s no blog.34: What is a color that calms you?

-Blue. It’s a calming color indeed and just looking up at the sky and the clouds when in time of stress just relieves time itself and feels as if it just slowed down just for you to look at the clouds.35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

-I’d like to stay in California, but would like to go upstate. Knowing my personal business right now, I wouldn’t see that much happening anytime soon. Though I’d like to travel to Australia, Japan, and Chicago.36: Where were you born?

-Somewhere in SoCal.37: What is your eye color?

-A really dark brown. They used to be completely black but that changed overtime. 38: Introvert or extrovert?

-Ambivert. So meaning sorta both. Maybe more of an Introvert now.39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

-I like them for fun. Do I always believe them? To a certain point, no. Sometimes it’s for comfort or my own use.40: Hugs or kisses?

-Hugs. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

-Not at the moment, no.42: Who is someone you love deeply?

-I’ll rephrase it as someone I care for as my little sis.43: Any piercings you want?

-Nah, though if I had to, just like another on an ear.44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

-I was never allowed to usually even wear the fake ones as a kid lol Well sometimes I did, but still. However, although I like the designs at times, no, not for myself at least.45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

-Nope. The scent is horrible.46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

-Tall person, mostly a silent type at first.47: What is a sound you really hate?

-Garbage trucks in the morning.48: A sound you really love?

-The sound of rain.49: Can you do a backflip?

-Lol heck no.50: Can you do the splits?

-I don’t feel like breaking anything so no.51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

-Don’t have one.52: Favorite movie?

-There’s two questions just as the same..? I’ll just put it again. District 9 and Little Prince53: How are you feeling right now?

-Tired, but alright.54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

-I like my hair color but it would be cool to have it completely black and some blue highlights on the tips.55: When did you feel happiest?

-I’m not sure.56: Something that calms you down?

-Drawing, reading, listening to music, writing57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

-Never checked so I don’t think so.

58: What does your URL mean?

-I put it as my own definition so that it’s: different and that there’s always options and pathways to everything59: What three words describe you the most?

-Weird, creative,strange60: Do you believe in evolution?

-Yes.61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

-Less activity over a long period of time or sometimes now inappropriate things on there62: What makes you follow a blog?

-If it’s something that interests me like art, memes, and tutorials63: Favorite kind of person:

-Someone kind, interesting, different from how others I see usually are64: Favorite animal(s):

-Panda, raccoon, red panda, wolf65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

- @silvur-trash @krystalia-productions @mangofritter66: Favorite emoticon:

-Don’t have one.67: Favorite meme:

-I’ve been loving these videos lately: https://alternativesaga.tumblr.com/post/15751787827868: What is your MBTI personality type?

-Last time I checked I was INFP69: What is your star sign?

-Libra70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

-Sometimes when he’s not being a butt.71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

-Some black jeans and a random t-shirt with my black Route 66 sweater.72: Post a selfie or two?

-HAHAHA no not today 73: Do you have platform shoes?

-What are those??74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

-I’m a lefty75: Can you do a front flip?

-Heck no lol76: Do you like birds?

-Yep.77: Do you like to swim?

-Heck yeah, when it’s summer of course.78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

-Swimming is fun. Ice skating I’m REALLY a beginner, so I guess swimming.79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

-Segregation based on looks or class.80: Something you wish did exist:

-Don’t know.81: Piercings you have?

-None.82: Something you really enjoy doing:

-Drawing.83: Favorite person to talk to:

-I don’t just have one haha84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

-A complicated, but sophisticated website. Whoops.85: How many followers do you have?

-220.86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

-Last time I checked, it was 11 minutes.87: Do your socks always match?

-Yeah when I find all the pairs.88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

-Yep.89: What are your birthstones?

-Opal and Tourmaline.90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

-Panda or raccoon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

-Wouldn’t know.92: A store you hate?

-Don’t know.93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

-Never tried to figure it out so I don’t know.94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

-Read minds.95: Do you like to wear camo?

-Eh, not really my type, but I wouldn’t mind it.96: Winter or summer?

-WINTER97: How long can you hold your breath for?

-45 sec-1 minute.98: Least favorite person?

-Don’t have one.99: Someone you look up to:

-My parents.100: A store you love?

-Hot Topic 101: Favorite type of shoes

- I just wear what I have.102: Where do you live?

-California103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

-I’m none of those. 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

-Is it bad if I say I forgot the name? haha105: Do you drink milk?

-Yep.106: Do you like bugs?

-I don’t really mind them, but what I really despise is maggots107: Do you like spiders?

-Mostly, no I don’t.108: Something you get paranoid about?

-Sudden sounds that appear out of silence.109: Can you draw:

-Doesn’t have an option as to what, but I do draw.110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

-Oh gosh, well I’m not going to mention that here.111: A question you hate being asked?

-I don’t really mind questions, so I don’t really have an input. It really depends to me on who’s asking.112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

-BOI I SHOULDN’T HAVE LAUGHED AT THIS BUT YES I HAVE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. USED TO GET SICK CAUSE OF IT AND NOW HAVE A GREAT IMMUNE SYSTEM. THOUGH SERIOUSLY DON’T LET SPIDERS BITE YOU JUST CAUSE OF THE IMMUNE SYSTEM. IT DEPENDS ON EVERYONE I WAS JUST LUCKY ENOUGH TO GAIN THE BETTER IMMUNE SYSTEM.113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

-Yes114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

-Cloudy115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

-lol no one116: Favorite cloud type:

-I just like them regular clouds117: What color do you wish the sky was?

-Nothing than blue. It’s just so calming. Though I also love its sunset colors.118: Do you have freckles?

-Nope119: Favorite thing about a person:

-All goes down to their personality.120: Fruits or vegetables?

-Fruits121: Something you want to do right now:

-Get some Chinese food. Like, I don’t know that just what I want right now.122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

-Sky123: Sweet or sour foods?

-Hmm that’s hard. I’m neutral on both actually.124: Bright or dim lights?

-Dim lights. 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

-Nothing that’s coming to mind right now.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

-Nothing much that’s so drastic to say I hate it. 

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

-It’s randomness.

128: What do you think about the least?

- Don’t know exactly.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

-”Remember me for who I was, not as to how I am now. And don’t cry or else I’ll come out of my grave to slap you.”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

-No one for the moment being.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

-My behavior that can change drastically at times. It’s not me exactly, I can be really positive at times, but throughout the day I just slink back to some bad mood for no reason at times which can cause me anxiety. I only find this good because when I’m positive, I have a good set view on life. And when I’m down, I can think more to myself and situations much more efficiently despite it all. What’s bad about this can be implications or situations when I’m in a down mood.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

-Not much. Rarely I do. I get nervous or just forget how to?? If that makes any sense haha

133: Computer or TV?

-Computer. I don’t watch much TV

134: Do you like roller coasters?

-Yeah

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

-Never been out in the sea like that and motion sickness no. I’m not really sensitive to movement

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

-What??

137: Do you believe in karma?

-Yes

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

-4? I guess? I don’t know. I’m not very good at rating things especially when it comes to looks. 

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

-Saga(username/online), Jess, Jessie, Jess-Jess, Jeff, Idaho, etc

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

-Nah. Though sometimes I picture my characters in situations or when I have anxiety and wonder what they’d do or say.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

-Nope.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

-Good. I’ve seen and had....bad influences, but have never given in to them. Overall I seem to be a good influence, but have my ever so rare moments of doing something really stupid.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

-Giving, but I’m really bad at it haha

144: What makes you angry

-Bullying, constant lying, others messing with others stuff, denial(I’m a hypocrite. I know. But I mean when it’s something so severe and affecting so many things irl like the economy, but still don’t do anything to fix it), etc.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

-English, really. I speak Spanish too, but little of it. For some reason I can understand, somehow write and read it, but I can’t talk back very much? I have a hard time forming complex sentences or even simple ones sometimes 

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

-As someone I would like romantically? Boys. However as friends I don’t mind any.

147: Are you androgynous?

-Nope.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

-Don’t really have much favorites on anything physical for anything usually, but I guess my eyes? I just like dark colors when defined. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

-Can create the randomest of things in an instant even if I stutter or mess up my words when I say them lol 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

-The Silvur child, Jazz child, and I guess my little sis. 

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

-I’ve thought about this for the skeletons cause history class sometimes gets to me. Though for myself, I’d say the early 19th century even if it were 1890. The last part of the Industrial Revolution is still going on so that means I could see what inspired the style of steampunk and hey, women have gained rights before this time already and just in time!

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

-Eh, my sis does. I don’t mind it, but the videos can sometimes be unnecessary to a certain degree and their rules that whoever work there that if they make an individual, it immediately belongs to BuzzFeed which I don’t really see as fair.  

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

-My skeleson wanted to reenact Shakespeare. 

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

-I’m not really one for much affection in a sense. I sometimes feel awkward or uncomfortable when coming to affections. However, I’m getting used to that so personally, no, although I have some friends hold hands platonically sometimes, but I prefer hugs.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

-Sometimes when I’m bored lol

156: What embarrasses you?

-Very personal intimate talks in public places with another, stuttering in the easiest of words, etc

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

-Past memories, sudden noises or lights, the future, if I’m doing anything wrong in the present, etc

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

-Haha wouldn’t you like to know? 

159: How many people are you following?

-305.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

-Not sure on how to check that. 

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

-Just this one I’m currently working on.

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

-Not sure.

163: Last time you cried and why:

-Don’t remember. 

164: Do you have long or short hair?

-Short hair/medium hair

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

-When I was like 7. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

-I believe in a number of things from the Bible, but some things I don’t which I feel don’t make sense in accordance to events and false claims. This isn’t I don’t really want to get into online. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

-I do, but I don’t want it to make me subject my life to just that one topic.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

-No, not really. Whenever I do, it’s the simpler things like lipstick/lipgloss, and maybe mascara.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

-Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? 

-For the most part, I think so.

[ppandfm]

Parties, Formal Meetings and Pinetrees   Chapter: 4

Description:  Two gay men, a protective grunkle, and a bottle of whiskey all appear in this chapter.

After Dipper called out to whoever was at his room door it opened revealing a certain great-uncle of theirs. Ford standing there nerdy and proud with a grin on his face as he put his suitcases down by the room doorway. Dipper about forgot that their great-uncle was going to be staying for a few days to visit. Mabel about tackled him though with one of her bear hugs.

   “Great-Uncle Ford!!” Mabel practically cried out when she tackle hugged him. “Oh my gosh it’s so good to see you!”

   Ford laughed as he hugged his niece, “It’s great to see you as well, Mabel! How did that sweater you were telling me about turn out?”

   “It looked amazing, Great Uncle Ford. I wish I could’ve shown it to you in person, but I gave it to my friend Pacifica.”

   “You mean your crush, Mabes. Hey, Great Uncle Ford, how have you been?” Dipper said as he stood up to shake his relative’s hand. Ford took the hand and pulled him into a hug. His great uncle pulled away to look at his nephew and niece.

   “I’ve been doing fine. Stan just got over a cold, though, so he wasn’t able to come. Now, what’s this about a crush, Mabel? I thought you were dating that Mermando guy.”

   Mabel rolled her eyes, “First off, we went on one date. Second, it turned out he’s supposed to marry some duchess in Europe, so we decided to just be friends. Finally, Pacifica is a good friend of mine and she’s really pretty and I feel really warm inside when I think about her and I’m kinda sorta not really totally in love with her.”

   Dipper and Ford chuckled together at the girl’s lovesick look. Mabel shook her head and grabbed her great uncle’s bags, “Anyway, I’m gonna put these in your room so you can talk to Dipper. He needs some advice about coming out. You’ll thank me for this later, bye!”

   Dipper cursed his sister under his breath and sat down on the bed. He felt a dip next to him and a six-fingered hand on his back. The room was silent for a few minutes before Ford spoke, “So you are queer. I guess I owe Stan ten dollars. But, what’s this about coming out? I thought your parents weren’t really okay with all this queer business.”

   “It’s just a joke Mabel made. Also, I can’t believe you and Stan bet on my own gayness behind my back. I’m not really gay. I still like girls. I mean, all that business with Wendy wouldn’t really make sense if I were gay, would it? So, no, not gay. But, maybe I’m a little bisexual. I don’t know.”

    Ford rubbed for a moment, then asked a question, “Why is she bringing all this up now? It doesn’t really make sense unless you’ve just now met someone.”

   “Well…” Dipper trailed off. Ford cocked an eyebrow at his nephew, “Have you met someone, Dipper?”

   Dipper blushed slightly and cleared his throat, “Well, yeah, kinda. But, not in that way.”

   Ford chuckled and looked at his hands, “I said the same thing once. Then he asked me on a date. I still remember how heartbroken he looked when I rejected him. By the time I’d figured it out, he was already married and had a son. Point is, you ought to kiss your new man now.”

   Dipper’s blush worsened just as his phone buzzed. Ford snatched it up before his nephew could get to it and looked at the screen, “Based on this text, this fellow you’ve met is a decent man. Tell me when you’re thinking about asking him on a date so Mabel and I can properly prepare ourselves to give him the talk.”

   “Great Uncle Ford, I’m not like that,” Dipper said before taking his phone back and reading the text.

   Ash: Hey, hope you’re having a good night.

   “Wendy is Ash in my phone. It’s a movie reference.”

   “Whatever you say sir dippington.” Mabel quipped as she wriggled her eyebrows earning a glare from Dipper. “Okay okay but what about Bill? Wait, is that his name?”

    Dipper shifted in his spot.

   “Mabel- he’s just a friend-” Mabel chimed in. “A boyfriend.”

   “Mabel oh my god” Dipper about facepalmed when Ford quirked an eyebrow.

   “Okay- okay jesus. So I only met him a few nights ago and he gave me his number. We’ve been texting. I was only trying to figure out- figure out-” Dipper trailed off. Specifically he didn’t want them to know the other just snuck into his room because of a party he called the cops on. Not a good idea.

   “Figure out what?” Dipper was taken out of his trailing thoughts. “Trying to just y’know get to know him.”

   “That’s not what I was seeing before Dipper” Mabel grinned.

   “Mabel, I’m not going to date him because I’m not a queer. You might be and Ford might be ace, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay too.”

   “But I am not just asexual,” Ford chimed in. Dipper rolled his eyes as Mabel stood up and said dramatically, “You’re not?

   “No, my dearest niece. I am biromantic!!” Their overdramatic uncle shouted. Mabel fake fainted. Dipper face palmed at the horrible things happening in his room. When his uncle and sister began laughing their asses off, he got up and pushed them towards the door. The two continued laughing as they left the bedroom. Dipper huffed and sat down to do homework because that’s a thing he’s been trying to do for like an hour now.

   Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a certain triangle turned human was chugging diet coke and popping mentos into his mouth at the same time to impress a random guy he thought was cute. Weirdly enough, this guy looked almost exactly like a certain plant man he knew.

   “Bill, you’re fucking stupid. This is going to end in disaster,” Pyronica said. Bill flipped her off as foam began rushing out of his mouth in a disgusting way. The guy he was trying to impress gave him a look and moved away. Pyronica laughed at her friend as he almost choked on all the foam, “He’s gone, man. I guess you’ll just have to make a stupid mistake and call that kid you met the other day.”

   As soon as Bill caught his breath, he shot a glare at her, “Are you kidding me? I’m not nearly drunk enough for that. Hand me a vodka, then I might call him.”

   Without a word, Pacifire handed him the requested drink. The triangle guy pulled out his phone and began pouring the drink down his throat.  

   Bill: Dippppppppahhhhhhhh

   Dipper: Wtf

              What do you want?

    Bill: To tallllkkkbdhhch

    Dipper: Tf is wrong with you?

                Why are you typing all weird?

     Bill: Vvodka

    Dipper: I can’t believe you. Go get sober, then talk to me.

    Bill: N o

         Oooooo

        Oooooooo

   He looked around himself and realized all his friends were gone. He was surrounded by strangers, with a few of them looking like they wanted to kick someone’s ass. Bill quickly decided he didn’t want to be that someone. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and got the fuck out of there. Once in the cool evening air, he started texting Pinetree again.

     Bill: Hahhhhhhhhh

          Cant socialize

         I donvt wanna get sobbah

     Dipper: Please? For me?

     Bill: Ppppinnnneeevvtrreeee

     Dipper: Wtf is even up with that nickname?

    Bill looked up, noticing a lack of natural light. The sun had gone down and the streets were dark, save for the few working streetlights. He quickly decided that since it was too far to walk to his own home, he’d go crash at Dipper’s again. He turned on the street leading to the Richie part of town and picked up his pace.

    Bill: Because your fvannel smells like pinetrees

    Dipper: That’s where my fucking flannel went.

               You jackass

     Bill: You didn’t objeext

     Dipper: Fuck u

               I was busy trying to get you out of my room for half the night.

     The man laughed out loud. He took a gulp of whiskey, loving the burn in his throat.

     Bill: Hhshshshhshshhs

          Youuuuuuuu

        Didn’t ttttt

      Noticeeessssssssss

     Dipper: I’m blocking you

    Bill finally reached his destination and jumped the fence as quietly as his drunk ass could. He started climbing a tree he thought led to Dipper’s window, but too late realised the room belonged to someone else. Instead, an older man was sitting on the bed, talking to someone on the phone. He seemed oddly familiar to the triangle man, but Bill couldn’t put his finger on it. A twig snapped underneath his foot and the man stopped talking. Bill scampered up the tree and climbed onto the roof. He pulled his phone out again to reply to his Pinetree’s texts.

      Bill: nnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

     Dipper: I won’t if you don’t climb in my window again. My uncle is here now and he’ll

                actually beat the shit out of you.

     Bill: Okkkkkkaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy

          Wwwaaiittt who ddau

     Dipper: My Great Uncle Ford.

               He lives up in Oregon and is pretty much the reason for my lifestyle.

    Bill froze in his spot when he heard the window below him open. He could do nothing but stare at his phone screen. As the window closed again, Bill suddenly realised something.

      Bill: Wwait

           Wait wait wait

         Hold the phonbah

      Dipper: What?

      Bill: He got six fingwts oon esch hanndd?

     Dipper: Yeah?

     Bill clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from getting too loud. Sixer had almost caught him. And this freaking kid was that man’s nephew.

      Bill: you mean

           SIXER

         You’re relatedddd

        To

       SIXER

     Dipper: How the fuck do you know my uncle?

     Bill: I know

          LOTS

        Of people

      And lost of things.

     Dipper: Okay

               That’s not creepy as fuck

     Bill: I know them usually through deals, business, parties or just running into them in

          the past and all that xhit

        Sixerrr

      That’s a longfgg

     Story

    Dipper: Maybe you can tell it to me sometime

    Bill: Maybe now

        Im already on your vroff

     Sooooo

    Dipper: How the fuck…

              I don’t care

           Just get in here

     Bill: Life

         That’s how

       nO YOU SHOULD

     I fought a bIGGASSBIRD

   tO SIT UP HERE

    He couldn’t tell the truth about almost getting caught. A little lie wouldn’t hurt him.

    Dipper: How am I supposed to get on my roof?

              How dod you get on my roof?

           *did

    Bill: IiiiIIII

        Lend you a hannddd

      I used your biggass tree

    Dipper: The oak tree?

              Just give me a hand.

     Bill: Ye

         Okayyyyy

    Bill shoved his phone in his pocket and carefully moved so he could see the back side of the house. A window to his right opened and a head of brown hair poked out. A chuckle escaped the drunk man as he moved so he was over the window. The kid began climbing out. Then, he slipped. Bill reached down easily and caught the kid before he fell. He dragged him onto his lap.

    “Pinetree, I missed you.”

    The kid scoffed, but gave Bill a hug anyway, “It’s been less than a week, Bill. Let me go.”

    “Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that. I know you missed me too, kid,” Bill whispered into Dipper’s ear. Dipper’s breath hitched slightly. He pushed on Bill’s chest and let out a sigh when he was released. The duo sat together and looked up at the sky for a few awkward moments. Then, Bill realised he still had the bottle of whiskey in his grip.

    “Hey, kid, want a drink?”

    Dipper eyed the bottle suspiciously, but nodded anyway. Bill handed him the bottle and the kid took a swig. He coughed after swallowing it, “God- fuck- that shit is strong-”

    Dipper cringed a little after handing the drink back. Bill snorted when he cringed, taking another swig of his drink waving his hand around for a moment after trying not to fall on his back.  “Don’t laugh- how the hell do you even drink this stuff?”

    Bill chuckled, “That’s my secret kid.”

    “Bullshit” Dipper snorted. “The best bullshit I’ve ever heard was the time a guy I know named Jason talked about sleeping with his best friends girlfriend. And that was a harsh punch to his friendship before he realized it was a shitty joke.”

     “Oh yeah?” Bill looked at the brunette and quirked an eyebrow. “The best bullshit I heard was when Johnny DiMaggio and his boys down the road from my house got high and crashed a car in the police station and managed to get away from it with his boys. The trio doesn’t even smoke weed and you can tell.”

    Dipper waved it off with a snort but covered his mouth. “Oh my god why am I even laughing-”  

    Dipper motioned for the whiskey and Bill gave him the bottle.

    Bill elbowed the other wriggling his eyebrows with a chuckle. “What? You feeling them Misery vibes Richie’? I find it kind of funny that a good boy like you would even want a drink.”

    Dipper about choked on the whiskey before handing it back quickly to the drunk blonde. “Christ- don’t ever call me a good boy again jesus-”  

    Bill laughed, “Does that mean you’ve done something naughty, Pinetree? I wonder what you’ve done to piss off authority figures.”

    “I stole my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s car and crashed it into a tree. It put me in the hospital with two broken ribs and a concussion for a week. It was so worth it, though. That guy’s a major asshole.”

    Bill about choked on his drink. He looked over at Dipper in surprise. “Holy fuck really?”

    The blonde covered his mouth snorting at the other. “Oh my god.”

    Dipper smiled, then looked up at the cloudy night sky. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, passing the bottle and looking at the stars. Bill eventually whispered, “What do you think when you look at the stars, Pinetree?’

    Dipper thought for a moment before answering, “I think about home. The night sky makes me feel at home.”

    Bill chuckled at his friend’s response, “That’s so cheesy.”

    The teen scoffed, “Really? And what does the great Bill Cipher think when he looks at the stars?”

    “How small we really are. Compared to the universe, we’re just two tiny little specks.”

    “Isn’t that good? I mean, look around you. We’re all a part of something. Whatever universal force is out there, it specifically made this entire universe so we could be alive and be on this roof right now. Isn’t that amazing, Bill?”

    Bill stared at Dipper for a few moments, then took a sip of whiskey, “Do you always think this deeply, kid?”

    “No, not usually. I think the whiskey is starting to get to me. I’m gonna have to be careful getting back down.”

    Bill chuckled, “You’re so adorable, kid. I’ll help you out and probably stay the night again. I promise to leave before morning.”

    Dipper stared at Bill, then began laughing, “You think I want you to leave? No way, Cipher. You can stay all morning for all I care. I don’t give a damn.”

    “Really? You sure about that, Dipper?” Bill asked, one eyebrow cocked. Dipper simply nodded. “Yeah I mean it’s not like you haven’t before.”

    The brunette stated as he looked at the stars above them. “So why the hell not?”

    Bill gave Dipper a long look before grinning drunk pinetree was full of surprises. Bill leaned over and ruffled the brunettes hair. “Alrighty then Pinetree~!”

    The blonde snorted when Dipper moved the blonde’s hand from his hair with a glare.

    “Bill don’t do that again-”

    The blonde pouted, “Awh but Pinetree!” Bill whined in which Dipper snorted.

    “Nope. Not again.” Bill laid back with a small whine and stared up at the stars.

    “Okay Princess” The blonde huffed. After a few hours of laughter, tired gazes upon the stars above and talking about trippy things. The two lazily and carefully made their way back into Dippers room settling for the night.

[minijenn]

In More Ways Than One (Commission Oneshot)

AN-Heyyoooo! Finally finished my first writing commission! And boy I really loved working on this one. It was SO much fun and honestly its a huge fluff fest. Just so you know going in, this is a Poly MK oneshot, so if that’s not you’re thing then you may not be into this. Either way, I’d like to give an anonymous thanks to the person who commissioned this! Like I said it was a delight to write. So... enjoy!

***

“Alright, everyone. I’ve gathered you all here this afternoon for a very important matter,” Ford paused, taking stock of the aptly concerned expressions his brother and the Gems were sending his way. “I have reason to believe that something… might be wrong with the children.”

A beat of silence followed at this, the gathered group exchanging brief, bewildered glances before Pearl finally cut in with a loud sigh of relief. “Oh thank goodness, I’m not the only one to think the same thing! The four of them have been acting strange for weeks now! Please tell me you three have noticed it too, haven’t you?”

“Eh, normally I’d think you and Sixer are being paranoid, as usual,” Stan remarked, crossing his arms. “But those kids have been more out there than usual lately. Heck, just the other day I saw Mabel knitting a sweater-”

“That’s hardly out of the ordinary, Stanley,” Ford noted. “Mabel knits sweaters almost constantly.”

“Yeah, but when does she ever knit a sweater like this before?” Stan held up said sweater, clearly larger than the articles Mabel usually knitted for herself, though what was by far the most peculiar thing about it was the large heart stitched onto its center, a bold ‘S + M” carefully embroidered right over it. “If this doesn’t prove who Mabel’s latest crush of the week is, then I don’t know what does.”

“Oohhhhh man…” Amethyst looked genuinely anxious as she stared at the sweater. “That’s… gonna be pretty awkward for Mabel, especially when she finds out about Steven and Connie…”

“Why?” Pearl asked, confused. “What’s going on between them?”

“Uh, isn’t it obvious, P? They’re totally nuts for each other! I didn’t wanna say anything, mostly cause I don’t really like getting into Steven’s personal biz like that, but yesterday I saw Connie give him a kiss on the cheek! The cheek, you guys! That’s like, something I thought was gonna happen forever ago, but hey, at least its happening, even if they are pretty late to the party…”

“Oh, Amethyst, don’t be absurd!” Pearl huffed, doubtful. “As… admittedly adorable of a couple as Steven and Connie would make, a-and Steven and Mabel for that matter, I’m afraid its just plain to see that he’s not interested in either of them that way,”

“Oh yeah?” Amethyst challenged. “Then who is Steven crushing on?”

“Dipper, of course,” Pearl concluded, firm in her answer.

“What?!” Amethyst, Stan, and Ford exclaimed in surprised unison.

“Oh come now, don’t tell me none of you have noticed the obvious attraction between those boys,” Pearl frowned. “The sheer devotion and dedication Steven and Dipper consistently show for each other should be proof enough alone that their feelings towards each other are more than merely platonic. But there’s even more to it than that; last week, I happened to walk in on them forming Stepper sheerly for the sake of their own enjoyment. They tried to play it off as more than that, but I could tell by the look in Stepper’s eyes that he was loving every second the two of them were together.”

“Well, if your… theory is correct, Pearl,” Ford said, clearly uncomfortable with so much discussion of a topic like romance. “Then what of Mabel and Connie?”

“Well… who’s to say they don’t feel the same way towards each other?” Pearl shrugged. “They have been spending much more time than usual as of late anyway. And there’s no denying they have, what humans typically call ‘biology’ with each other.”

“You mean ‘chemistry’?” Stan corrected, dryly.

“What? No. That doesn’t make any sense, people can’t share chemistry, most chemicals are typically dangerous to humans anyway, right?”

“Anyway,” Ford interjected. “Speaking of chemistry—or ‘biology’ or whatever you’d prefer to call it, if any of the kids shares that sort of compatible dynamic, then clearly its Dipper and Connie. As respectably intellectually minded as they both are, they’d easily make a perfect pair.”

“So what, you’re saying they belong together cause they’re both huge nerds?” Stan asked, sending his brother a critical look.

“N-no!” Ford quickly backpedaled, flustered. “I have proof; a few days ago, I saw the two of them… w-well, they were—ugh, I suppose the only way to say it as that they were ‘holding hands’ as they walked down to the house from the temple. Just the two of them. Alone.”

“Pfft, so? That doesn’t prove anything!” Amethyst scoffed.

“I-I’d say it proves quite a bit!” the author exclaimed defensively. “Its further than I ever got with a girl, after all.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ve got no charm, Ford,” Stan remarked, sending his brother a playfully teasing jab. “Then again, Dipper doesn’t really make much charm either, which it’d be an easy bet that both you and Pearl are wrong about Connie or Steven bein’ into him.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then your idea of Steven and Mabel being an item is every bit as preposterous,” Pearl remarked. “They’re close, yes, but Steven and Dipper are much closer.”

“Uh, no, Steven and Connie are, duh,” Amethyst cut in.

“But that doesn’t work because Connie’s already with Mabel!” Pearl countered, hands on her hips.

“Who, might I remind you, is actually with Steven,” Stan pointed out, exasperated.

“Which is fine because Connie and Dipper are both speaking for each other anyway,” Ford noted, resolute.

“You mean they’re spoken for, poindexter,” Stan corrected once more. “Geez, you nerds don’t know anything about this whole romance thing.”

“Well, then why don’t we ask someone who does?” Pearl retorted, turning to the sole member of the group who had yet to weigh in on the matter. “Garnet, what do think about all this?”

So far, Garnet’s expression had remained largely neutral as ever as she sat apace from the others, apparently not interested in engaging in on the conversation whatsoever. But as she finally turned to Pearl to give her thoughts, she was unable to keep her reaction to their ongoing speculation in any longer. A reaction that was, at least as far as the others were concerned, the very last thing any of them could have expected.

She laughed.

In fact, she laughed so hard that she was practically hysterical, a fact that genuinely unnerved the others as they were so used to the Gem leader’s steady sense of calm. Which was why, as baffled as they all were, they quickly pressed for an explanation behind it.

“Hey! What’s so funny, shades?” Stan asked, somewhat cross.

Garnet didn’t answer right away, instead slamming her first down on the table as she laughed even harder. When she finally did regain her composure enough to respond, she was still chuckling to herself all the while. “You’re all wrong.”

“What do you mean, we’re wrong?” Ford scoffed, aptly confused.

“Yeah, what are you saying, G, that none of the kids are into each other?” Amethyst asked, not following.

“Because I find that incredibly hard to believe, all things considered,” Pearl added, shaking her head.

“No,” Garnet said, still laughing. “Its exactly the opposite, really.”

“…Ok, now I really don’t get it,” Amethyst said, exchanging a lost glance with Pearl, Stan, and Ford. “G, what are you talking about here?”

“It’s actually really simple,” Garnet smiled brightly, clearly elated over something, even if none of the others knew what that something was. “Which is why I should let them explain it for themselves.”

The Gem leader nodded over to the shack’s front door as it opened at that exact moment, all four of the kids entering in. None of them apparently knew of the company gathered in the den as they conversed casually, a conversation that, when paired with their clear body language, provided more than enough of an explanation as to exactly what was going on.

“You know, we really should think of how we’re gonna break this to everyone…” Dipper noted with something of a worried frown.

“What, you mean the whole thing about the four of us all dating each other?” Steven asked rather bluntly and blatantly. “Because I think we should—oh….”

The young Gem immediately stopped short as all four of the kids noticed they had a captive audience in the den listening in. As if plainly stating it wasn’t enough, their relatively new interconnected relationships were all but proven by just how closely they all lingered to each other. Mabel was holding hands with Steven’s, his free arm resting on Connie’s shoulder while his fingers were interlaced with Dipper’s, who also had an arm wrapped around Connie as she did the same for him. Their expressions were awash in the same sort of mutual surprise that the adults in the room all shared, save for Mabel, who simply shrugged in blithe acceptance over being discovered like this.

“Welp, I guess this is one way to tell ‘em, huh?” she said, grinning over to her brother and her partners.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Pearl cut in before any of the others could, getting up from her seat to approach the kids. “You four are actually…?”

“Um… yeah, we sort of are…” Connie admitted, shifting nervously a bit. Even so, both Steven and Dipper quietly steadied her, their respective grips on her tightening protectively ever so slightly.

“And this has been going on for…?” Ford trailed off, aptly curious.

“A few weeks, at least,” Steven replied, unable to hold back a fond smile as he glanced over at Mabel, Connie, and Dipper. “Though I guess we always kinda felt this way deep down…”

“Ok, am I the only one who has about a billion questions about… all of this?” Stan said, generally gesturing to all four of the kids.

“Yeah, we… kinda figured you guys would,” Dipper remarked with a plaintiff shrug. “Which is sorta why we decided to not tell any of you about it until we figured out the best way to.”

“But now it looks like we don’t have a choice!” Mabel quipped, clearly more excited that they had been found out than the others. “So… fire away! Who’s up first with question number one!?”

“Uh, I guess I am?” Amethyst raised her hand. “What I wanna know is just how the hey all this happened? What made you guys decide you wanted to, ya know, make it official?”

“Actually, its kind of a crazy story,” Connie said with a somewhat forced laugh. “We all kind of realized our, uh, feelings for each other at different times and in different ways…”

***

Connie sighed contently, basking in the warm sun reflecting off the lake as Steven finished off the last few notes of a peaceful ukulele tune beside her. Rare was the moment shared between just the two of them, but she was grateful for this moment all the same. Especially one as blissfully sweet and calm as this.

Even so, she did sit up a bit when the young Gem’s simple song came to an end. “That’s a new one,” she noted with a smile. “Did you write it yourself?”

“Heh, yeah…” Steven glanced away, somewhat bashful. “It’s just… something special I’ve been working on for awhile now for, uh… for someone.”

“Oh?” Connie asked, intrigued. “For who?”

“Oh, uh, y-you know,” the young Gem shrugged. He hardly ever got this flustered but it was clear that was the case now, much to Connie’s growing confusion.

“Um, no, I don’t know,” she chuckled. “You haven’t told me that part yet, Steven.”

“Oh, right…” Steven laughed as well, albeit a bit forced. “Uh, a-actually, Connie, I…  I wrote that song for… I-I mean, I wrote it as… k-kind of… a love song, I… I guess.”

“A love song?” Connie raised an eyebrow at this, not sure of what to make of it. Though for some reason, unknown worry and excitement rushed through her all at the same time. “W-well, who’s the lucky, uh, girl?”

Steven hesitated, deeply blushing as he glanced away from her with an anxious, yet elated smile. Connie jolted in surprise as she felt his hand lightly skim over hers. Time seemed to stop as he leaned in closer to her until, both very suddenly and incredibly slowly, their lips met at the exact same time. The kiss only lasted for the briefest of moments before they both parted out of nerves alone. Even so, neither of them could back out of it without wearing the largest of smiles over the line they had finally, finally crossed.

“T-think you can take a guess?” Steven asked quietly, leaning his head against Connie’s slightly.

“Yeah…” Connie’s smile deepened as she stole another kiss from him, this time on the cheek, though it was no less sweet and satisfying then their first. “I think I can.”

***

It wasn’t a rare occurrence for Dipper and Connie to practice their sword fighting together outside of their weekly lessons with Pearl. The two would often head out to an open, yet private clearing in the woods, to go head to head against each other in friendly spars to sharpen their skills. Though lately, their training sessions had shifted focus somewhat. They would spend about an hour or so clashing their blades, though they’d pass even more of their time together simply sitting within the peace of the forest engaged in deep, but pleasant conversation. Today however, they had agreed to focus their efforts on their training, their swords clanging in a constant rhythm as they did their best to outmaneuver each other.

“Remember what Pearl keeps telling you, Dipper!” Connie called with a playful smirk as she came in for another broad swing. “You gotta keep yourself covered!”

“Oh, I’ll keep myself covered,” Dipper taunted back just as wryly. “As long as you keep your footing steady.”

Connie noted his attempt to knock her down by sidestepping out of the path of his sword before going in for another attack. “Uh, speaking of steady….” She began a bit leadingly as their swords clanged. They kept on each other, pressing against their respective swords as their faces drew in close amidst the tension. “I was wondering…”

Dipper easily caught her drift, his cheeks suddenly lighting red in as his pressure wavered somewhat. “O-oh yeah? Wondering what?”

Connie took the opportunity as she saw it, elbowing him hard enough to send him plummeting hard to the grassy ground. Dipper flinched as her sword slammed into the ground right next to his head as she leaned down over him, smirking with both confidence and apprehension at the same exact time. “I-I was just wondering if you’d like to, uh… go there. W-with… with me?”

For a moment, the most Dipper could do was stare up at her in shock as she continued to hover over him. But then, acting on a burst of boldness that was far more than the kind he usually carried, he leaned upwards, giving her a small, short, but soft kiss on the cheek. “Of course,” he said with a joyous laugh he was powerless to contain. “Of course, I would love to.”

“And I’d love it if you did that again,” Connie grinned just as warmly.

“Well, since you won this round, how can I say no?” he complied, meeting her halfway as they came together in another kiss, equally matched in both their skill with a blade and their affection for one another.

***

“Ok, Steven, are you ready for… the lightning round?!” Mabel asked with daring grin.

“Lightning round?” the young Gem asked, intrigued. The two of them had spent the past several hours engaged in a rousing game that they had come up with all on their own. It didn’t have any official name, but the basic rules involved going back and forth on cards of personality-based questions they had come up with earlier. They were randomly selected, which of course, added another layer of fun and excitement to an already unpredictable game as it was.

“Yeah! No thinking about your answers, you just gotta blurt ‘em out as soon as you hear the question,” Mabel explained. “Are you game, Universe?”

“You bet I am!” Steven grinned enthusiastically as he drew the first question card. “Ok, you’re up first. If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

“Easy, Belgium, I heard their chocolate is the best, ever!” Mabel took another card to pose a question to the young Gem. “Who would win in a fight, Lonely Blade or Tiger First?”

“Tiger Fist! He’s got punches to spare! Next question, who do you have a crush on?”

“You!” Mabel gasped, realizing that she truly had answered the very question she had written without a single thought whatsoever. Which, of course, was why she immediately attempted to backpedal out of embarrassment alone. “I-I… I mean-”

“Wait… really?” Steven asked, putting his card down as he looked to her with wide eyes. “Mabel, y-you… have a crush on me?”

Though her hands were still tightly pressed against her mouth, Mabel nodded, feeling as though her heart was crashing and burning at an alarming rate. For so, so long now she had done everything she could to keep her feelings a secret from the young Gem. But now that she had voiced them aloud, however accidental, there was no taking them back.

“S-since… when?” Steven asked, still trying to wrap his head around the idea.

“Since the first time we formed Maven,” Mabel admitted with a long, relenting sigh.

“That long? W-well… why haven’t you told me until now?”

“B-because!” Mabel huffed, throwing an arm over her eyes as she flopped back onto the couch. “I didn’t want it to ruin everything! I mean, you’re probably the first guy I’ve ever really really liked! All of those other boys were just dumb flings that I tried to distract myself with but you’ve always been different! Y-you’re… your special. But now that you know…”

“Now that I know,” Steven caught Mabel by surprise taking her hand and offering her a bright, reassuring smile. “I think its time you knew that… I-I think I feel the same way.”

Mabel froze, as if her entire world had been turned upside down at this news. In all the best of ways. “W-what?”

“Yeah, of course, I do!” Steven said, still beaming. “We have so much in common, and you’re always so much fun to hang out with. Not to mention you’re already one of my best friends, so who says we can’t we be more than that if we want to?”

“Y-yeah,” Mabel happily agreed, still in a state of delighted disbelief as she found herself falling into Steven’s open arms. “Who says we can’t?”

***

Due to Connie’s somewhat sheltered upbringing, she hadn’t had the chance to see too many “classic” movies, which was why Mabel had decided to make it her responsibility to introduce her to all of her favorites. They had dubbed the new tradition “Movie Mondays”, and on a rainy, dour Monday like this, staying in with warm blankets and a sweeping romantic comedy, it was a perfect way to pass the time. But what neither of the girls had been expecting was for this particular film to strike such an emotional cord with both of them.

Connie found herself tearing up as the couple on screen confronted each other in the rain, the dramatic orchestral score saying far more than mere words ever could. However, as the pair raced towards each other in a deep, loving embrace, she found herself glancing over at Mabel instead. She was, simply put, weeping, her sobs soft and deeply impacted as she burrowed her face into the collar of her sweater. For a moment, Connie watched her, dumbfounded, until, acting on impulse alone, she found her own hand slowly gripping Mabel’s beside her.

And from there, the girls’ attention turned away from the movie… and towards each other instead.

As soon as their eyes met, that was where they stayed: solely on each other and nothing else. Maybe it was the gentle pattering of rain on the shack’s roof, maybe it was the movie’s romantic music soaring to a triumphant peak, or maybe it was something else entirely. But, as if pulled by magic or magnetism or something else entirely, they came together in a kiss, soft, slow, and so, so sweet.

And when they finally parted, they were equally matched in satisfaction and confusion.

“M-Mabel…” Connie whispered, skimming her own lips with her fingertips. “Y-you… I didn’t know you were… o-or even that I was-”

“M-me either…” Mabel blushed deeply. “W-what a way to find out, huh?”

“Y-yeah, but… I don’t know if I really understand. No offense, but you’ve had so many crushes before, s-so… why am I the one who… y-you know.”

“Gosh, there’s so many reasons, where do I even start?!” Mabel smiled brightly, warming Connie’s heart even more than it already was. “You’re so smart and brave and pretty and like, a million other great things! Yeah, I’ve had a lot of crushes before, but none of them have been anywhere near as amazing as you are, Connie!”

“N-no one’s… ever… I-I’ve never…” Connie stopped herself, far too overwhelmed by joy and affection to really say anything else. So instead, she decided to let her actions do the talking. She took both of Mabel’s hands this time, offering her the happiest smile she could muster before pulling her in close. Mabel reciprocated by tossing a nearby blanket over them both, shrouding them in warmth and comfort as they drew to kiss once more.

They all but missed the end of the movie, but neither of them minded. After all, they had just found a much better pastime to enjoy together instead.

***

“I’m so glad we decided to do this more often,” Stepper smiled as he settled into his fused form, reclining out on the grassy ground to watch the lofty clouds above him. “So am I, being together like this feels… so nice. Yeah… it really does…”

The fusion sighed quietly, closing his eyes to enjoy the warm peace of the afternoon. However, that peace was soon broken as both his birthmark and gemstone flashed with a single, simple thought that both of his halves happened to share with each other at the exact same time.

“I wish we could always be together…”

Stepper darted upright with a gasp, his face warm and his heart and mind both racing. And yet, somehow, despite his shock, he remained, Steven and Dipper still united by their mutual apparent affection for one another. “I-I… you really feel the same way? You really feel the same way!” As torn between dumbfounded and elated as the fusion was, he couldn’t hold back a small, tight laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I-I mean…. I’ve I think I’ve been feeling it every time we fuse…” he said to himself, his lower arms holding him in a lose hug of sorts. “So have I. Its… warm, and bright, and… amazing.”

Stepper lay back in the grass once more, his upper arms returning the very same hug his lower arms were providing him. “If we really want to stay together, then why don’t we? Even when we’re apart? Wait… do you mean…? Yeah, I do…. I-is that ok?  No, its even better than ok,” He paused, practically brimming over with far too many wonderful emotions to even count, all of which sustained him, steadied him, solidified the strong bond that composed his very being.

“For the longest time I-I didn’t want to tell you about this because I had no idea what it even really was….” Stepper closed his eyes, savoring this moment for all it was worth and wishing that it would never have to end. “But now I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, exactly what this feeling is. So do i…”

His gem and birthmark shimmered once more as the fusion spoke, both halves of his whole confirming exactly what they were to each other, and all that entailed. “It’s love.”

***

“And from there, we just figured we all might as well just be together,” Connie finished off the lengthy round of romantic anecdotes. “That’s not… weird to you guys, is it?”

“B-because this really is how we feel about each other!” Dipper interjected almost defensively. “Yeah, its… sort of unconventional, but… it just… works for us.”

“And we’re loving ever second of it!” Mabel grinned, raising her and Steven’s held hands up high.

“And… we’re hoping you guys will respect that,” Steven said as he looked to the adults hopefully. “So…? What do you think?”

At first, none of them said a single word, all of them looking to the kids with rather unreadable expressions. Though at last, Pearl spoke, breaking the heavy silence. “Well… you’re not wrong about it being ‘unconventional’…”

“But who cares?” Amethyst asked, reclining back in her seat. “If it makes you dorks happy, then hey, why not go for it?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Stan agreed with a bit of a grin. “You runts are always together anyway, might as well be together together, you know?”

“Yes, I suppose there’s no harm in it,” Ford smiled with a supportive nod. “After all, the bonds between the four of you are quite admirable. Though, um… Dipper, Mabel, isn’t it a bit… odd for you two to be sharing the same significant others like this?”

“Eh, we’re getting used to it,” Dipper shrugged.

“It’s not like there’s plenty of both Steven and Connie to go around!” Mabel quipped, sending a fond smile towards the pair, which they readily returned.

“Well, as long as you kids know what you’re doing,” Pearl concluded. “We wouldn’t any want you to get hurt if… if things go wrong.”

“I don’t think that’s something they’ll have to worry about,” Garnet said, offering the kids a profoundly proud smile. “After all, when love is as strong as the kind they have for each other, it always finds a way to survive. I know that from experience.”

The Gem leader lowered her shades, winking her third eye at the kids, filling them with all of the mutual hope they could have needed that their newfound interconnected relationships with each other were destined to last. Now that everything was out in the open, a bit more casual conversation over said relationships continued, though the support towards them on all sides was quite clear. With their worries of rejection and disapproval cleared away, the kids were able to slip away from the impromptu meeting feeling a shared sense of happiness and relief, one that wasn’t bound to fade away too quickly.

“Well, that went way better than I ever thought it would,” Dipper noted as the four of them lay down together on the attic floor later on.

“Yeah, it did….” Steven smiled. “See, I told you guys that it would all be ok when we told them!”

“Heh, you did have a point,” Connie smirked as she stole a small kiss on the cheek from him.

“So…” Mabel chimed in with daring grin. “When do you think we should tell them that we’re all dating Pacifica too?”

“Uh… maybe let’s save that bombshell for after the dust from this one settles,” Dipper said, somewhat apprehensive.

“Still, for now, everyone finally knowing about us is… really nice,” Steven sighed contentedly, feeling Dipper and Connie’s respective grips on his hands tighten as Mabel sent him a flirtatious wink. It was as though the sheer amount of love and devotion shared between all four of them (technically five of them) couldn’t be contained. And for Steven, Mabel, Dipper, and Connie alike, that was just fine. “In more ways than one…”

[thelastspeecher]

Superhero/villain AU - Cousins

Originally, I was just going to post the part of this that had Emmett in it.  But then I decided to title it “Cousins”, and I figured I had to include the part I wrote with Emily, since she is also a cousin.  As a reminder, this is a modern AU, so Shermie is Dipper and Mabel’s dad, making Stan their uncle, rather than great-uncle.  Anyways, enjoy the far too much stuff I wrote, featuring emo Emmett and ray of sunshine Emily.

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              “Emily, what powers do you have?” Dipper asked.  Emily looked up from what she was working on, some sort of homemade illicit firework.  She and Dipper were relaxing in the backyard while Mabel ran errands with Angie.  

              “Aerokinesis.  Why?”

              “I’m just curious, that’s all.”  Dipper frowned.  “I don’t think that runs in the Pines family.”

              “You’d be right ‘bout that,” Emily said, turning her attention back to the gunpowder in front of her.  “It’s from my ma’s side.  Actually, she’s an aero too.  And so is her mom.  It’s kinda cool.  Like a family tradition.”  Emily looked up, thinking.  “Daisy got Dad’s powers, Danny’s are from Ma’s side – apparently our great-grandma had the same power as her – and Emmett’s are new.”

              “New?”  Dipper cocked his head curiously.  “What do you mean?”  He closed his book and put it to the side, then took out a notepad and pen from his vest. Emily chortled.

              “You makin’ a family tree or somethin’, cuz?”

              “How powers get inherited is just…really cool.”

              “Yeah.  It is. That’s why Uncle Ford researches it.” Emily sighed.  “Anyways, Emmett’s power is sorta a combination of Grandma Pines’ and…”  Emily trailed off.  She frowned. “One of Grandma Gucket’s sister’s, I think.  Grandma Gucket is estranged from her family, so I’ve never met whoever it is Emmett got part of his power from.”

              “What is his power?” Dipper asked.  Emily shook her head.

              “Sorry, kid.  My sisters, I’m fine tellin’ you, but Emmett’s power is, ah, sensitive.  He doesn’t like people knowing about it.  If you wanna know, ask him.”

              “Maybe…”  Dipper chewed on his pen thoughtfully.  He hadn’t seen much of Stan and Angie’s only son, even over a month into the summer. Emmett was very antisocial, or to use the word Mabel had immediately identified him as, emo.

              “Hey bro-bro, hey Emily!”  Mabel’s shout shocked Dipper from his reverie.  He looked over.  Mabel bounded through the back door and over to them.  “Auntie Angie got me some new yarn!”

              “It weren’t no problem,” Angie replied, strolling outside.  She smiled fondly at Mabel.  “Got to encourage creativity in young folk.”

              “Aunt Angie, Emily was telling me you had powers?” Dipper asked her.  Angie froze.  She frowned at Emily.

              “Wait, what?” Mabel gasped.  “I thought you didn’t!  I thought that was why Dad told us not to ask you what power you have!”

              “I-”  Angie’s expression was conflicted.  She took a breath.  “The reason yer dad said not to ask was prob’ly because it’s a bit rude to ask.  The two of ya could use some work on yer manners, after all.”

              “What power do you have?” Mabel asked.

              “Emily said aerokinesis,” Dipper said.  Mabel’s eyes widened.

              “Whoa, isn’t that like, what Uncle Stan’s archnemesis has?” she asked. Angie glared at Emily.

              “…Yes.”

              “Oh my gosh, that’s so romantic,” Mabel gushed.  “I mean, you two fell in love even though you have the same power as the person he hates most!”

              “I think the person Dad hates most is the IRS,” Emily said.  Her cheerful tone sounded a bit forced.  “Then again, that’s an organization, not a person.”

              “Mm-hmm.”  Angie cleared her throat.  “Emily?”

              “Comin’,” Emily said, getting to her feet.  She followed Angie inside.

              “I didn’t know that would get Emily in trouble,” Dipper said quietly to Mabel.  “I feel kinda bad.”

              “Pfft, you’re probably reading into things,” Mabel said.  “Auntie Angie probably isn’t mad at her.  I mean, she didn’t do anything wrong.”

              “Yeah, but…”  Dipper sighed.  “Never mind. Did you have any luck with Aunt Angie?”

              “Nope.”  Mabel flopped onto the grass next to him.  “She said she doesn’t know anything about Uncle Stan’s job.”

              “Great.  So we’re no closer to figuring out who Sirocco is.”  Dipper resuming chewing on his pen.  “Maybe we could ask Emily if she knows any aeros other than her and Aunt Angie. It’s not a very common power.”

              “Maybe.”  Mabel picked at the grass.  “Dipper, are you sure you wanna keep at this?  It’s kinda boring.  I mean, if Uncle Stan couldn’t figure out Sirocco’s true identity, do we stand a chance at it? Wouldn’t you rather go do touristy things and look at all the stuff in the city?  Auntie Angie said Emily is planning on taking us to some superhero-themed place tomorrow.”

              “We can do both, Mabel.  And yes, I wanna figure it out.  I don’t have the kind of power that’s gonna make me a natural superhero, so I need to make sure I’ve got the detective part down.  This is good practice.”

              “I guess,” Mabel sighed.

              “By the way, I think Emmett has some sort of telepathic power.”

              “Really?  Why?”

              “Emily said his power is actually combined from Grandma Pines’ and someone in Aunt Angie’s family.  Grandma Pines is telepathic.  And it’d make sense for someone to avoid people if they’re telepathic.  Being able to hear thoughts all the time has to be difficult,” Dipper said.  Mabel nodded. “But Emily wouldn’t tell me outright what his power is.  She said it’s ‘sensitive’.  Whatever that means.”

              “We should ask him.”

              “Maybe.”  Dipper rubbed the back of his neck.  “But I get the feeling if it’s sensitive enough Emily won’t tell us, Emmett won’t, either.”

              “That’s quitter talk.  You’re never gonna be a detective if you won’t ask our own cousin a question,” Mabel said, shoving him playfully.  Dipper shoved her back, laughing.

              “Kids!”  Dipper and Mabel looked over at the back door.  It was Angie. “Emily’s grounded fer a couple days, so Emmett’s goin’ to take ya to the café tomorrow.  Sound good?”

              “Sounds great, Auntie Angie!” Mabel shouted.  Angie smiled.  She closed the back door.  Mabel turned to Dipper.  “Huh. I guess you were right.  Emily’s in trouble.”

              “Yeah.  But why? Why would telling someone about Aunt Angie’s power get her grounded?” Dipper wondered out loud.  Mabel grinned at him.

              “Maybe you should work on that, detective.”

----- 

              “So, uh, here’s the coffeeshop or whatever,” Emmett mumbled, nodding at the store they were standing in front of.  He stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket.  “They’ve got good hot chocolate.”

              “What about espresso?” Mabel asked.  Emmett glanced at her with the eye not covered by his dyed black hair.

              “…If I let you have coffee, Dad’ll be so mad, he might sign me up fer boxing again.”  Emmett looked back at the storefront.  “But that bein’ said, they have a decent espresso.”  Emmett let out a long sigh.  “Let’s just get this over with.”  He pushed open the door, making the bell above jingle.

              “By the way, Emmett,” Mabel said, following him into the coffeeshop, “I’ve been meaning to ask.  What brand eyeliner do you use?”  Emmett eyed her again.  “It just looks so nice!”

              “Uh, thanks,” Emmett said.  He looked away.  “It’s part of the Angst Outside line from g.n.o.m.e.”

              “I’ll have to look into that,” Mabel chirped.  She sniffed the air.  “Mm.  I love the coffee smell!  Don’t you, Dipper?”

              “Yeah, I like it,” Dipper agreed.  He looked around.  The coffeeshop was quaint and cute, like most local cafés.  There was a back wall apparently reserved for fliers promoting various events, tchotchkes on every surface, and some sort of folksy music playing. What set apart the coffeeshop from other ones he’d been to was the theme of the décor.  Superheroes.  The tchotchkes were superhero figurines and the artsy posters on the walls renditions of local heroes.  Dipper picked up a ceramic sculpture of someone he thought was called Manly Man. Ignoring his cousins’ fascination with the décor, Emmett trudged over to the counter.

              “Well, like I said, I’m not getting either of you guys coffee.  Or anything with caffeine, really.”  He let out a long sigh.  “I guess I can get you a cookie to share or somethin’.”

              “Ooh, yes!”  Mabel bounded over to the display case by the counter, pressing her face against the glass. “Dipper, look!  They’ve got a cookie named after Un- Flamethrower!”

              “Wait, really?”  Dipper joined his twin at the display case.  Mabel pointed at a gingersnap cookie that had a honey-chili frosting on top in the shape of the logo on Stan’s superhero suit.  “Cool.”

              “This place is themed after superheroes,” Emmett grunted.  He shrugged.  “I like the supervillain one more, but Dad wanted you to come here, so…”

              “I like the supervillain one more, too,” a teenaged boy said, coming out from a door behind the counter.  He grinned at Emmett.  “Most Sycamore Grove kids do.”  Emmett beamed.  Dipper elbowed Mabel.

              “Mabel, look!”  Mabel tore herself away from the sweets.  She gaped.

              “I don’t think I’ve seen Emmett smile once this summer,” she whispered. Emmett leaned on the counter.

              “I didn’t know ya worked here, Carter,” he said, his voice just as cheerful as Emily’s usually was.  Carter chuckled.

              “Well, don’t tell Ruby or Derek.  They might kick me outta the group.”

              “Please,” Emmett said, waving a hand clad in a fingerless glove.  “You were there when my dad got home from work that day.  You didn’t kick me out, and neither did Ruby or Derek when they found out.  Workin’ here ain’t nearly as big a deal as my dad’s job.”

              “Yeah, but you didn’t choose your dad’s job.  I chose to work here,” Carter said playfully.  Emmett laughed.  “So, lemme guess, these kids are your cousins?”  Emmett paled.

              “You didn’t-”

              “No!  I know better than to outside of school.  They look a lot like your dad, that’s all.”

              “Oh.  Right.” Emmett looked at Dipper and Mabel. “Yeah.  They do.”  He cleared his throat.  “So, uh, go ahead and order, okay?”  

              “I think we’re going to need a minute to decide,” Dipper said, scanning the extensive menu behind Carter.  Mabel had returned to ogling the desserts.  Emmett smiled weakly.

              “Take yer time,” he said.  He turned back to Carter.  “Have ya heard from Leif lately?”

----- 

              Emmett and Carter chatted the entire time Carter was working on their drinks, animatedly discussing mutual friends and teachers.  By the time they finally left the coffeeshop, Dipper and Mabel had heard at least twice as many words from Emmett as they’d heard since they arrived.

              “I know a shortcut,” Emmett said, jerking his head in the direction of a nearby alleyway.

              “Are you sure?” Dipper asked.  He wrapped his fingers tightly around his to-go iced hot chocolate.  “It looks a bit shady.”

              “It’s fine.”  Emmett walked away at a fast pace, making Dipper and Mabel jog briefly to catch up. The further they got from the coffeehouse, the more withdrawn he became, his posture slumped and eyes downcast.

              “Who was that?” Mabel asked.

              “Carter?  He’s m’ best friend.”

              “What’s Sycamore Grove?” Dipper asked.  Emmett hunched his shoulders.

              “The high school I go to.”

              “I thought Emily said she went to…what was it called?  Franklin?”

              “Yeah,” Emmett mumbled.  “We go to dif’rent high schools.”

              “But you guys are twins!” Mabel said.  Emmett’s pace slowed.

              “Yeah,” he repeated.  “But I had to go to Sycamore Grove fer…reasons.”  Emmett kicked at a rock.  It hit a nearby dumpster with a ringing sound.  “Emily doesn’t need to go there, though, so she goes to Franklin.”

              “Is Sycamore Grove the high school for troubled teens?” Dipper asked. His eyes widened.

              Oh no, I shouldn’t have said that!  Emmett might think I’m insulting him!  To his surprise, Emmett let out a soft chuckle.

              “I mean, yer not completely wrong.”

              “What do you mean?” Mabel asked.  Emmett sighed.

              “It’s complicated.  I don’t wanna-”  Emmett came to a sudden stop.  He held his arm out, blocking Dipper and Mabel from going past him.  “I see you,” Emmett said in a clear, carrying voice.  “Stop hidin’ and come out here in the open.” Dipper winced.  Something about Emmett’s voice was almost painful to hear. A shadowy figure dropped from above, landing in front of them.

              “Who’s-” Mabel started.  Emmett put a hand on her head.

              “Shh, cuz.  Lemme handle this.”  Emmett straightened his back.  He looked directly at the stranger in front of them.  “Go home.”  Dipper winced again.

              Why does it hurt when he talks like that?  It’s like he’s shouting, but he’s not.   Or like he’s saying more than one thing at once.  The stranger turned around and began to walk away.

              “Drop everything dangerous yer carrying,” Emmett said quickly.  Despite the pain it caused, Dipper listened intently to his cousin’s voice, trying to figure out what was going on.  The stranger slowly removed items from their pockets, dropping them onto the ground.  “When you get home, forget you saw us.”  Dipper clasped his hands over his ears.  His drink fell to the ground.

              Okay, trying to listen harder was a bad decision.  Emmett crouched down in front of him.

              “Dipper?” Emmett asked quietly.  “You all right?”  Emmett’s eyes, for once neither of them hidden by his bangs, were full of concern. Up close, Dipper could see they were a rich brown, like his and Mabel’s.

              “Yeah, I just- your voice hurt a bit, that’s all.”

              “It hurt?” Emmett said.  He seemed taken aback.  “That’s- how would that-”  He furrowed his brow.  “What power do you have?”

              “Um, Dad says it’s called omnilingualism.”

              “Omni-  Oh. You understand languages and codes?”

              “Y-yeah.”

              “How powerful are you?”

              “Um, I dunno.”

              “Can you figure out people’s intentions by readin’ body language, if you focus hard enough?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Oh dear.”  Emmett grimaced.  “I bet you got a bit of Grandma Pines’ telepathy.  I’m sorry, Dipper.  If I’d known, I wouldn’t have gone so strong.”

              “Whattaya mean?” Mabel asked.  “How did your voice hurt Dipper?  I’m fine!”

              “People with communication-based abilities like omnilingualism get affected more by my power,” Emmett said.  He looked over Dipper with a careful gaze similar to Angie’s.  “And folks with telepathy can tell when I use it, but they’re usually able to block it out.  I’m guessin’ those two things made ya get hurt even though I wasn’t directing anything at you, Dipper.  Again, I’m sorry.  If I ever have to do it again ‘round you, I’ll be more careful.”

              “I’m fine, I just- wait, what about that bad guy?” Dipper asked. Emmett didn’t even bother to look over his shoulder.

              “He’s headin’ home and won’t remember what we look like, don’t worry.”

              “How do you know he-” Dipper started.  He paused.  “Unless your power is…”

              “…Yeah.”  Emmett stood to his full height again and looked away.  “I can control people.”  He stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket.  “Grandma Gucket’s sister could do it by singin’ at folks.  Called it a siren call.  Grandma Pines can by usin’ her telepathy if she tries hard enough.  I got a bit of both.  Verbal commands work best, but if I so much as think ‘bout somethin’ I want someone to do, it usually happens.”

              “How did you figure it out?” Mabel asked.  Emmett scuffed the toe of his shoe against the ground.

              “When my sister actually left my room when I told her to, I knew somethin’ was afoot.”  He sighed. “I’ve gotten good enough that controlling people is on purpose most of the time.  But I still slip up sometimes.  So Ma and Dad shipped me off to Sycamore Grove.”  Emmett shook his head.  “Enough ‘bout my power.  Dipper, if ya want, we can get you a new drink.”

              “It’s fine, I think I wanna go back to your house,” Dipper said quietly.

              “Fair enough.”  Emmett set off.  He kept glancing at Dipper as they walked, visibly worried.

              “I’m fine, Emmett, don’t worry.”

              “Yeah, I just…”  Emmett looked away.  “…Never mind.”

              “Seriously though, what sort of school is Sycamore Grove?” Dipper asked. “I mean, Carter said people from there don’t like the superhero café or Uncle Stan’s job, you said it was sort of for troubled teens, Aunt Angie and Uncle Stan sent you there because of your power-”  Dipper cut himself off.  He exchanged a look with Mabel.  Mabel’s eyes were wide, indicating she had figured it out, too.

              “Yep,” Emmett said glumly.  “It’s the school villains send their kids to.”

              “Whoa,” Dipper and Mabel said together.  Emmett nodded.

              “Sure, anyone can attend, but no one would send their kid there if they didn’t have to.  Unfortunately, they’re the only people who can handle my powers, which means I’m one of the kids who has to go there.”

              “I’m guessing Uncle Stan didn’t like that,” Dipper said.  Emmett grinned, surprising Dipper.

              “You’d be right.  Ma won’t even let him pick me up from school, she’s so worried ‘bout someone recognizing him as the hero, Flamethrower.  I actually kinda like how uncomfortable it makes Dad.”  He glanced at Dipper and Mabel.  “Now that I’ve gotten used to goin’ to school with a bunch of kids whose parents regularly beat up mine.”

              “Doesn’t it make Aunt Angie uncomfortable, too, sending you there?” Dipper asked.  “You only mentioned Uncle Stan.”  Emmett’s eyes widened.  He looked away hurriedly.

              “Uh, yeah, it- it does, it’s just that since Dad’s actually a hero, his discomfort is more entertaining.”  Emmett took a left turn and they exited the alleyway.  Stan and Angie’s house stood before them.

              “We’re back already?” Mabel asked, surprised.  Emmett nodded.

              “Yep.”

              “That was some shortcut.  I need tips from you,” Mabel said cheerfully.

              “…Maybe some other time.  I’m gonna…go…” Emmett said.  By the end of his sentence, he had resumed the soft mumbling they usually heard from him. He headed for the house.  Dipper grabbed Mabel before she could follow.

              “What is it, bro-bro?” Mabel asked him.

              “Emmett lied,” Dipper whispered to her.  “Once he said he went to a villain school, I decided to pay extra attention to see if he was lying at all.”

              “And he was?  When?”

              “When he said that Aunt Angie was uncomfortable with sending him to the villain high school.”

              “So Auntie Angie thinks that’s fine?  She married a superhero!”

              “I know.”  Dipper looked over at the house.  Angie was weeding in the front garden.  She caught sight of them and waved.  “I think we need to go back to the drawing board, Mabel.  We’ve got some clues to connect.”  Mabel groaned.

              “You’re not gonna use my red yarn again, are you?”

              “What else would I use on my evidence board?”

              “Fine,” Mabel mumbled.  She poked him.  “I had a really cute sweater planned, so this better be worth it.”

              “Don’t worry.  It will be.”

[thelastspeecher]

Angiewolf AU - Scents

I’ve mentioned before that Tate is Fiddleford and Ford’s son in the Angiewolf AU (as per usual for my nonsense), and that Ford is unaware that Tate is his son, since Tate was born after Ford went through the portal.  The werewolves catch on, because they can smell Tate’s parentage in his scent, which leads to Ford eventually finding this out when he gets turned during Weirdmageddon.  But there’s a certain brand-new werewolf that would have no clue how to interpret Ford’s scent being in Tate’s scent.  That werewolf is young Dipper Pines, and it’s about damn time I wrote the scene where he finds out Tate is his cousin, so here it is.

              Dipper and Mabel lounged lazily on the couch in Stan and Angie’s living room, watching TV.  Dipper’s ears picked up on the sound of footsteps approaching the house.  His head whipped around to stare at the front door.

              “Who is it?” Mabel asked, not even bothering to look up from her knitting. Dipper sniffed the air.  He could make out a scent like lake water, but it wasn’t familiar.

              “Dunno,” he said with a shrug.  He turned his attention back to the newest episode of Ducktective.  The front door opened.

              “Auntie Angie, I brought the things you asked for,” a voice said.

              “You can just drop ‘em off on the livin’ room table,” Angie’s voice called from the backyard, where she was weeding the vegetable garden.

              “Okay,” came the reply.  Dipper and Mabel looked up at the person who walked into the living room.  Mabel cocked her head.

              “You’re Grunkle Fidds’ son, right?” she asked.

              “Yep.  Tate McGucket.”  Tate grinned sheepishly.  “You must be Dipper and Mabel.  I kept meanin’ to stop by ‘n meet you, what with us being cousins and all, but I was a bit busy.”

              “We’re not really your cousins though, are we?  I mean, Grunkle Fidds isn’t really our grunkle,” Dipper said. Tate shrugged.  He set the pile of books he was holding down on the coffee table.

              “Sure, not by blood.  But McGuckets don’t really care ‘bout blood relation.”

              “I like that,” Mabel said after a moment.  Tate smiled at her.

              “I like it, too.”  Tate shoved his hands into his pockets.  “So, I heard there was a commotion of sorts about a month ago.  Apparently you two are in on the big ole secret?”

              “Yeah.  Dipper got bit by Molly, so…” Mabel said.  Tate’s eyes were hidden behind thick bangs and a cap, but he managed to give off the impression of surprise.

              “Wait, really?  Auntie Angie didn’t tell me that.  Is- how did that happen?”

              “It was an accident,” Dipper mumbled.  “I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

              “My cousins eat a lotta meat.  Do you have to do that too?”

              “Yeah.  But like I said, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

              “Sure.  That’s fine. I should get goin’, anyways.  But before I do, Dipper, would ya like to get a good whiff of me?” Tate asked.  Dipper frowned at him.  Tate shrugged again.  “Auntie Angie says it’s common courtesy for werewolves.”

              “Uh…sure,” Dipper said after a moment.  Tate held out his hand.  Dipper sniffed it cautiously.

              Yep.  Smells like a lake, like I thought.  But also sort of like pine trees.  Haven’t I met someone with that scent?  It’s familiar.  Dipper leaned back against the couch again.

              “Thanks.”

              “No problem.”  Tate returned his hand to his pocket.  “I better get back to work.  Maybe I’ll see you two later.”

              “We’re havin’ a fam’ly dinner tomorrow night, and ya best come!” Angie shouted from outside.

              “Okay, Auntie, okay!” Tate called back.  “Later, kiddos.”  Tate left the living room.  The front door opened and closed.

              “That was kinda weird,” Mabel said.

              “Yeah, his smell was almost…familiar,” Dipper said.

              “That’s not what I was talking about.”  Dipper looked over at Mabel.  “You didn’t notice?” she asked.

              “Notice what?”

              “Dipper, he had twelve fingers.  Just like Grunkle Ford and Molly.”  Mabel frowned.  “You really didn’t see that?”

              “I was a bit distracted by his smell.”

              “What did he smell like?”

              “A lake.”

              “Doesn’t he run that ranger station by the lake?  Makes sense to me.”

              “Yeah.”  Dipper thought back to the second scent he’d detected.  Cedar.  “I guess.” He looked over at the door leading to the backyard.  He could hear Angie humming to herself as she tended the garden.  “I’m gonna go ask Grauntie Angie a question real quick.”

              “Okay.  I’ll let you know what happens while you’re gone,” Mabel said, picking up her knitting again.  She resumed splitting her interest between her latest sweater and the TV.  Dipper hopped off the couch and went into the backyard, closing the sliding glass door behind him.  Angie looked up.  She beamed.

              “Want to help me out?”

              “Uh, no, thanks,” Dipper said.  Angie frowned.  She wiped her hands on her jeans, leaving streaks of soil.

              “What’s wrong?”

              “I think my nose might be a bit messed up.”

              “Hon, yer nose is lovely.  Both in appearance and function.”

              “No, that’s not what I-”  Dipper huffed impatiently.  He walked over to where Angie was still standing in the vegetable garden.  “Tate came over and he smelled like a lake.”

              “Yep, that’s his scent.  Always has been.  I s’ppose with his job, he finally smells like a lake to humans, too.”

              “Yeah, but that wasn’t the only thing I smelled,” Dipper said.  A strange expression crossed Angie’s face.

              “Oh?”

              “He smelled- he sorta smelled like Great-Uncle Ford.”  Angie nodded slowly.

              “He’s got cedar in his scent, yes.”

              “But it wasn’t just, like, cedar in general.  It was the exact same smell of cedar that Great-Uncle Ford has,” Dipper insisted.  Angie chewed on her lip.  “Am I just imagining it?”

              “…No.  Yer not.” Angie jerked her head towards the bench set up on the porch a few feet away.  “Take a seat, hon.  I’ll explain.”  Dipper followed her to the bench.  Once they had sat down, Angie put her hands on her knees, clearly working up the courage to speak.  “Scents of folks include their parentage.  You may have noticed that Molly sometimes smells a bit like motor oil, or Emily smells a bit smoky.  That’s Stan’s scent in ‘em.”

              “Sometimes they smell a bit like you, too,” Dipper said.  Angie blinked.

              “You can tell when they smell like me?”

              “Sometimes.”

              “Huh.  Usually, my scent gets overridden by Stan’s, since his is more noticeable.  I wouldn’t expect an inexperienced pup to pick up on that. Then again, yer quite precocious.” Angie took a breath.  “When ya smell that, it’s lettin’ ya know who their parents are.  Scents fer werewolves also include what pack they belong to, who they got turned by…it takes a lot of practice to be able to interpret scents properly, but once ya do, ya can learn an awful lot about a person just by smellin’ ‘em.”

              “Can you teach me all of that?”

              “Sure!  I’d love to.” Angie rubbed the back of her neck. “But back to the subject at hand. I want you to promise me something.” Her voice was the most serious he had ever heard it.  

              “What?”

              “Promise me that what I’m about to tell ya won’t leave the two of us,” Angie said somberly.  Dipper swallowed.

              “I- I promise.”

              “The scent ya smelled in addition to Tate’s base scent was his parentage scent.”

              “Parentage?  But-” Dipper paused to think.  “Tate has twelve fingers.”  Angie nodded.  “Like Great-Uncle Ford.  And he got some of his scent from Great-Uncle Ford.”  Angie nodded again.  “Is- is Tate Great-Uncle Ford’s son?”

              “Yes,” Angie said softly.  Dipper stared at her.

              “Wh- but how?”

              “That’s information I can’t give out.  Technically speakin’, I shouldn’t have even given ya the information I just did.” Angie smiled weakly at him.  “But yer just a lil pup, learnin’ how to use yer senses properly.  It wouldn’t be right to let ya think yer nose is actin’ wonky, when it’s really doin’ exactly what it should be.”

              “Tate is Great-Uncle Ford’s son,” Dipper repeated quietly.  Angie nodded.  “Who all knows?”

              “All us wolves know since we can smell it, and so does yer Grunkle Fidds, of course.  But Soos, Wendy, Mabel, and Ford don’t know.  And it’ll stay that way until Fidds makes the information public.” Angie grimaced.  “Or until Ford realizes and decides to just blurt it out. He’s got a talent fer sayin’ things without thinkin’ of the consequences.”

              “He’s done that before?”

              “He’s done that a million times before, sugar-cube.”  Angie stood. “But right now, I need to get back to the garden.  Once I’m done, we can set up some sniffin’ lessons.  Teach ya how to read scents better.”  Dipper nodded eagerly.  Angie ruffled his hair.  “Yer doin’ an excellent job, lil pup.  One day, ya might even lead yer own pack.”

              “…I don’t know if I want to do that.”

              “Ah, well…”  Angie smiled crookedly.  “Life don’t really care what ya want or don’t want.  Especially in Gravity Falls.  Head on back inside ‘fore ya miss any more of that duck show you kids and my husband are so gaga over.”  Dipper got off the bench and dutifully went back inside.  As he closed the door behind him, Mabel looked up.

              “What’d you guys talk about?” she asked.  Dipper shrugged.  He took a seat on the couch.

              “Just werewolf stuff.  What happened while I was gone?”

[minijenn]

Universe Falls, Chapter 43, Part 1

God I still can’t believe I decided to split this one up but here we are. And I am HYPE BECAUSE AUGHGHGHGHG FUCK ITS THE BIG ONE KIDS! SOCK OPERA HAS FINALLY COME TO FUCK WITH OUR HEARTS AND MINDS AND SO WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO, HERE WE GO! 

Previous: http://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/166151506804/universe-falls-chapter-42

Chapter 43: Sock Opera

Part 1

ZS EVSWOC LC UOW ONV OWVR ZWU KFQKOFH GIW VG NWONC AB HVSHVOJM, FOUSRDACP, KFR NSWG FYF'H VKCS JSK RGKDG QB HZCI ZWU QSAGC GF CVD MQE CBQG UCWVV UQ EH WP PDOOOK

With all of the recent chaos and upheaval brought on by the invasion and everything that sprung out of it afterwards, it had been quite some time since the Mystery Kids had come together to solve a genuine mystery, Gem, paranormal, or otherwise. But that was about to change as the four of them gathered at the Gravity Falls library, all of them acutely mindful of the momentous task that lay before them. Or rather, mostly mindful.

“Alright, you guys,” Dipper began with firm resolve as they claimed a table near the back of the library to themselves. “Today’s the big day.”

“Big day!” Mabel chimed in with blithe excitement.

“Super big!” Steven added enthusiastically, though his expression fell into confusion a beat later. “Uh… what’s so big about it again?”

“Come on, Steven,” Connie said with a small, good natured chuckle. “We’ve been over this several times today alone!”

“Yeah, well… one more refresher couldn’t hurt, could it?” the young Gem blushed in slight embarrassment over his own apparent obliviousness.

“No, it couldn’t,” Dipper interjected as he carefully lifted the old laptop they had found in the bunker a few weeks ago up for everyone to see. “Soos finally finished fixing up the laptop. If this thing works, we could learn the identity of the author and unravel the greatest mysteries of Gravity Falls, and then some!”

“Oh, that’s right!” Steven face palmed with a small laugh. “The laptop! You know, it’s been so long since that whole bunker thing that I nearly forgot all about it!”

“Same here,” Mabel agreed just as brightly. “But I guess there won’t be any forgetting about this nut if we manage to finally crack it! And I mean that figuratively, since the laptop’s not a nut, it’s a laptop! But you know what I mean.”

“I can’t believe it!” Connie exclaimed zealously. “After all this time, the answers to all of the questions we’ve been asking this entire summer could be sitting right in front of us! This could be our biggest break yet!”

“That’s what I’m counting on,” Dipper nodded fervently as he opened the dented, patched-up laptop up. “Especially since the author seemed to know so much about Gem stuff. Now, there isn’t a whole lot in journal 3 about fusions, but I’m willing to bet he might have kept some research about them here on the laptop, maybe even something about how to split them up. And if he did…”

Steven filled in for where Dipper had left off with a sudden gasp, his eyes lighting up with newfound hope as he gathered what he was implying. “Dipper… you don’t think…?”

“I do,” Dipper nodded with just the hint of an assured smile. After all, from the moment he remembered the laptop the other day, he couldn’t shake the thought that, perhaps, this could finally be the chance to help the blue Gem he had been looking for. And that alone was more than enough to get him to pursue that chance as soon as possible. “I think this laptop could be the key to helping us separate Malachite and save Lapis.”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?!” Mabel grinned eagerly at such good news. “Let’s get this baby going!” To punctuate her point, she held up a popup book she had found about where babies come from, her smile widening as she opened it up to a colorful picture of a baby.

“Then here goes nothing,” Dipper said as he flipped the laptop’s switch on. All four of the kids held their breaths in anticipation for a moment, before simultaneously letting them out in relief as the primitive machine slowly rattled to life. Given its age, the only color its display was capable of showing was green against black as its surprisingly elaborate startup and welcome screens appeared after likely decades of being dormant. “Yes! It works!”

“Oh my gosh, this is so exciting, you guys!” Steven cheered as he pulled Connie and the twins into a sudden, warm embrace. “Here we all are, solving another mystery together! It’s just like the good old days!”

“Uh, by good old days, do mean last week before this whole Gem invasion thing happened?” Connie asked with a tentative smirk of amusement.

“Heh, yeah…” Steven glanced down, his smile fading just a bit. “Still, I have to admit, this is a really nice change of pace from how intense things have been these past few days.”

“It’ll be even better once we find something useful on this-” Dipper was cut off by the laptop itself as it suddenly emitted a sharp warning beep. Confused, the kids glanced over at it again, only to find it flashing with the message “//UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS FORBIDDEN//” before switching over to a password input screen. “Ugh, of course! A password!” Dipper groaned in frustration over this newfound roadblock.

“I guess we should have seen this coming,” Connie mused. “After all, if the author really did kept all of his deepest secrets on the laptop, then it only make sense that he’d take every measure he could to protect them.”

“I wonder what that password could be…” Steven said curiously as he looked over the password screen. “Hm… eight letters, huh? What words have eight letters…? Oh, I know! ‘Password’! Bam, eight letters! Mystery solved!”

A beat of stilted silence passed as Dipper and Connie both looked to Steven incredulously at this suggestion, while Mabel nodded her silent but cheerful agreement over it. “Uh… Steven? That’s… not a very secure password…” Connie noted with a frown.

“…Well, at least it’s easy to remember!” the young Gem pointed out blithely.

“But I seriously doubt it’s the kind of password someone like the author would use,” Dipper remarked dryly as he began flipping through the journal in search of some kind of clue. “I mean, for all we know, the password might not even be a word at all. It could be some kind of code or a series of numbers or literally anything else! Where do we even start?!”

“Don’t worry, bro-bro,” Mabel reassured with a broad grin as she put a supporting hand on her brother’s shoulder. “With you and Connie’s brains, Steven’s enthusiasm, and my laser focus, there is nothing that can distract us from… Do you hear that?”

Ironically enough, everyone’s attention was diverted away from the laptop as the sound of light piano music wafting through the library from nearby. The source of the gentle melody came from a blonde pony-tailed young man who was entertaining a group of spectating small children with a cheery puppet show musical, one that he smoothly yet passionately sang all of the lyrics to. “All my life I’ve been dreamin’ of a love that’s right for me, and now I finally know her name and its… sing it with me kids:”

“Literacy!” the crowd of children chimed in enthusiastically as the boy continued his show, this time speaking through his book and bee puppets.

“I finally understand what all the buzz is about!” the bee puppet quipped. “Reading!”

“Give me some of that honey!” the book puppet exclaimed before the two puppets smashed into each other into something of a “kiss” as the boy laughed warmly at this odd display he was creating.

“Uh… is it really ok for him to be making those puppets, um… kiss like that in front of all those little kids?” Connie asked, somewhat disturbed as her and the others observed the show from afar.

“Yeah, now that you mention it… that is kinda weird…” Steven frowned rather uncomfortably. “I mean, puppets are neat and everything, but maybe he should sorta, I dunno, tone it down? Just a bit?”

“Ugh, who cares?” Dipper rolled his eyes, already tired of this diversion as he turned his attention back to the laptop. “We have way more important things to do right now than watch some weirdo’s dumb puppet show, right, Mabel?” Upon receiving no response from his sister, Dipper did briefly glance away from the laptop and over at her, only to find that she was already completely enamored by the young puppeteer, stars in her eyes as she stared at him, completely lovestruck. To hammer in her newfound crush, she opened up the baby book again, only this time to a popup of a large romantic heart, a huge, infatuated smile spreading across her face. “Oh boy…” Dipper sighed, already knowing exactly where this was going.

“Uh, Mabel?” Steven asked, concerned as he noticed how visibly besotted she was. “Are you ok?”

“Oh, I’m better than ok, Steven,” Mabel sighed contentedly as she continued looking to nothing else but the newest object of her affections as he continued his puppet show afar. “I’m amazing! Just when I was getting over Mermando, of course, that dreamboat shows up at my doorstep!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about Mermando,” Dipper remarked, completely unenthused as he retrieved a book on codes from the nearby shelf. “Did not care for Mermando.”

“That wouldn’t be because of that little CPR incident, would it, Dipper?” Connie asked with a wry, knowing smirk.

“Pfft, no,” Dipper countered defensively, even if it was clear that he was rather embarrassed by the recollection of it as he sat down again. “Besides, none of that matters right now. We have to get back on track with this laptop! According to this cryptology book, there are approximately 7.2 million eight letter words, so we’re going to have to work together to get through them all. Now, let’s see here…”

Mabel rolled her eyes impatiently as Dipper began to detail his complex password decryption strategy, one that she hardly listened to as she glanced over to the handsome puppeteer on the other side of the library once more. Overwhelmed with excitement over her newfound infatuation, she decided that she might as well act on it as soon as she could, lest he slip away from her like all of her other summer romances had so far. “Steven,” she whispered, discreetly pulling on the young Gem’s arm as her brother continued detailing his plan. “I need you to come with me and be my wingman while I flirt with that cute puppet guy.”

“Ok, but what’s a wingma—whoa!” Before Steven could even finish his question, Mabel whisked him away just as Dipper wrapped up his lengthy explanation.

“Ok, so I’ll type, Connie, you keep track of the words we’ve already tried, and Steven and Mabel, you guys can take turns listing off words from the-” Dipper cut himself off as he looked over to where the pair was sitting, or rather, where they had been sitting. They had both taken off, rushing to the other side of the library with Mabel brazenly leading the way towards her newest crush, leaving only Dipper and Connie behind to continue with their original mission. “Ok, seriously?!” Dipper groaned in frustration at this, knowing that Mabel was wasting their valuable time on mere frivolities. Time that, as far as he was concerned, would be put to much better use in trying to unlock the laptop and the secrets that it contained, especially if such secrets could potentially lead the way to freeing a certain self-imprisoned blue Gem.

Still, for as resolved as Dipper was to reach his goal, Mabel was just as resolved with accomplishing hers. Before they had even made it over to the puppeteer, she had already made sure to fill her “wingman” in on exactly what he was supposed to do and say to help her impress her new crush from afar. Steven agreed, even if he was still rather confused and oblivious as to what this was supposed to accomplish, though Mabel assured him that it would all turn out according to plan as they finished discreetly making their way over to the puppet show, which was just about reaching its conclusion.

“And that’s why we don’t stick our hands in…” the puppeteer trailed his song off as the chorus of kids gathered in front of him joined him.

“Other people’s mouths!”

“Hey, I’m Gabe Benson, ya’ll, good night!” the puppeteer coolly bid his young audience farewell as their parents came to collect them. “Hey, good job today, you guys,” he remarked to the pair of puppets on his hands with a proud smile. “You were late on your cue!” the book puppet accused its partner harshly. “What?!” the bee scoffed before Gabe quieted them both down. “Hey, hey, be good to each other. We’re all stars.”

“Whoa! Oh my gosh, Mabel!” Steven suddenly spoke up rather overtly as him and Mabel still stood apace away from Gabe, just close enough so he could easily overhear them. “You sure do know a whole lot about puppets!”

“Oh you know I do, Steven!”  Mabel placed her hands on her hips as she shot him a triumphant wink upon seeing that she had garnished her crush’s attention. “In fact, you might even say I have a passion for them!”

“Oh really?” Gabe interjected at this, looking to Mabel with an intrigued smile. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear your zeal for the fine art of puppetry. Is it true?”

“You could say that,” Mabel shrugged with a nonchalant, flirtatious smirk. “I’m Mabel. Care to know more? I bet you do. You like to learn.”

“I’m Gabe,” the puppeteer introduced himself casually. “Master of puppets. Nice to meet you.”

“Your puppets are really cool,” Steven remarked with a smile. “Mind if I see one for a-”

“No!” Gabe cried, pulling his puppets close to him in a protective embrace. “These puppets are made with the best fabrics and googly eyes available! Only professionals like me can handle them without sullying their perfect forms!”

“Uh…. Ok then…” the young Gem frowned, backing off as he was rather weirded out by such an unexpectedly panicked response.

“You’re amazing with them…” Mabel mused, her tone dreamy as she looked more to Gabe than his puppets.

“Really?” Gabe asked, still clinging onto his puppets carefully. “A lot of people think puppets are dumb, o-or just for kids, or something.”

“Well, I don’t!” Mabel quipped boldly. “I’m puppet crazy! People call me Puppet-Crazy-Mabel!”

“Wait, they do?” Steven asked.

“Yes!” Mabel quickly snapped, her smile ridiculously wide by now in an attempt to keep her ruse up.

“Oh, no way, people used to call me Puppet-Crazy-Gabe!” the puppeteer exclaimed. “So, when’s your next puppet show?”

“My… huh?”

“Well, you can’t truly love puppets if you’re not throwing puppet shows, right?” Gabe asked as though it were obvious.

“O-oh, yeah! I-I mean, I’m totally working on a puppet show!” Mabel professed, hardly even thinking at all about what she was saying. Something that would more than likely come back to bite her before it was all said and done.

“Wait, you are?” Steven questioned, more confused than ever now.

“Yes, I am, Steven!” Mabel replied sharply, her smile so huge now to the point that it almost hurt. “I’ve just been keeping it a secret until now!”

“Ooo, keeping things under wraps, I like it,” Gabe nodded, impressed as he sent her a rather coy look. “Still, you wouldn’t mind sharing a few details with me… would you?”

Mabel couldn’t repress an absolutely lovestruck blush at this, one that she forced away with a small, thoughtless wave of her hand. After all, if a puppet show was what it took to land her that long-awaited summer romance, then she was more than willing to put forth the effort. “There are so many details…” she replied, albeit quite nervously. Still, she was prepared to fabricate whatever she had to for now, in the hopes that it could become a reality that was sure to win her new crush’s heart some way or another. And as far as she was concerned, there was nothing in the world that could stop her from doing just that.

While Mabel and Steven continued chatting the puppeteer up, Dipper and Connie unanimously decided to get started on the laptop without them, though making any real progress took a good deal longer since it was just the two of them working on it. So far, none of the words that Dipper inputted as Connie read them aloud showed any signs of even come close to being correct, but even so they kept going, knowing that they had literally millions of unused possibilities to sift through and so little time in which to do it.

“Ok, so the next word, ironically enough, is ‘password’,” Connie reported, going through the seemingly endless list.

“Seriously?” Dipper asked incredulously before shrugging in defeat. “Eh, it’s worth a try, I guess, considering nothing else has worked yet.” Of course, the moment he typed the literal password in, the laptop beeped in rejection over it once more, just as it had with every other word they had tried thus far. “Called it.”

“Well, Steven might be a little disappointed then…” Connie remarked with a small, bemused grin.

“Disappointed with what?” the young Gem asked as him and Mabel returned to the table as if on cue.

“The password, ironically enough, wasn’t ‘password’.”

“Aw, man!” Steven frowned. “And I thought that was a really good guess too!”

“So, how’d it go with puppet guy?” Dipper asked the pair dully, not really paying too much attention to anything other than the laptop as he continued trying other passwords.

“Dipper…” Mabel began, biting her lip anxiously as she prepared to lay all her cards out on the table at once. “How hard do you think it would be to write and compose a sock puppet rock opera with lights, original music, and live pyrotechnics by Friday?”

Dipper aptly froze upon hearing all this, the laptop buzzing with yet another failed password guess as he looked to his sister in startled disbelief. “What? Mabel, are you serious?!”

“Yeah, she kinda is…” Steven admitted, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s a long story…”

“I don’t know what happened!” Mabel groaned, pressing back into her seat as she covered her eyes with her sweater sleeve. “I got lost in his eyes and his ponytail and I’m gonna be so embarrassed on Friday if I don’t have anything to show for it, which is why I need both of you guys’ help!” she implored Dipper and Connie. “Steven’s already on board, right, Steven?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess so,” Steven shrugged, though this was really the first he had heard on the matter of him volunteering for this endeavor. “I mean, puppet shows are already a lot of fun to watch, so I’m sure putting one together will be even more fun, especially if we all work on it together!”

“Well… I suppose making a few sock puppets shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Connie asked effectually signing herself onto the project as well.

“A few?” Mabel asked, shaking her head. “Oh, no, no, no! This can’t be just some plain old sideshow puppet show. This is gonna be epic, with huge, elaborate sets and a whole menagerie of puppets acting every single, heartfelt, suspenseful scene out! If I really wanna impress Gabe with this, then we can’t spare any expense, and that includes time.”

“But what about cracking this password?” Dipper interjected, knowing that it was by far a much higher priority than trying to appease his sister’s latest crush. “We have to figure this thing out, especially if it could end up helping us save Lapis!”

“I know, that’s really important to you, Dipper,” Mabel agreed earnestly. “A-and it’s important to me too! But if you help me with this for just a couple of days, then I promise we’ll all pitch in with the password! Please! Pretty please! It’s for love, Dipper!”

Dipper took pause for a moment at this, initially ready to adamantly say no seeing as how this entire puppet show fiasco was likely going to all be for naught anyway. Still, as he looked to the pleading, almost desperate expression on his sister’s face, echoed, albeit less so in Steven and Connie’s expressions, he found that there was really no way he could say no. Even if he largely wanted to. “All right, fine-”

“YES!” Mabel cheered before he even had a chance to finish, pulling him into a tight hug that she soon extended to Steven and Connie as well. “Thank you guys so much! Everyone hear that!” she shouted to the rest of the library. “These three! They’re all the best!”

“The best?” Steven gasped with a delighted smile. “Aw, thanks so much Mabel! You’re the best too!”

“No, you’re the best!” Mabel countered just as cheerfully.

“No, you are!”

“No, you!”

“Ok, guys, shh!” Connie cut in, quite embarrassed over how everyone nearby was staring at their loud, happy display. “We’re still in a library, remember?”

“Not for long!” Mabel hopped out of her seat as she prepared to take her leave. “We gotta go get some socks, and a ton of them!”

“Oh! I think Amethyst has a bunch of old socks in her room that she’d let us borrow!” Steven suggested. “She always keeps stuff like that around, though I’m not really sure why… Still, we should go ask her for some.”

“Then let’s get going,” Dipper said, letting out a small sigh of disappointment as he closed the laptop and headed out after the others. “After all, the sooner we get this whole puppet show over with, the sooner we can all focus our attention on the laptop full time. We’re close to discovering something big here, I can feel it…”

And so the group left the library with two missions in mind now as opposed to just one. And yet, as caught up in both thoughts of password decoding and sock puppeteering as they all were, none of them caught sight of the ominous, triangular shadow that slowly and silently drifted along the wall right behind them, a shadow that had intentions all its own…

Needless to say that, amidst relaxing in the living room, none of the Gems were expecting to see the kids suddenly burst into the temple, Steven and Mabel quite frantically as they rushed in with Dipper and Connie trailing after them much more calmly.

“Hi, guys! Can’t talk! Gotta get craft supplies!” Steven called to his startled guardians as he hurried up to the loft to do just that.

“Amethyst!” Mabel rushed over the purple Gem without hesitation. “Do you have a whole bunch of socks I can borrow? And by borrow, I mean have since I’m gonna glue hair and googly eyes onto them?”

Amethyst only paused for a moment, briefly taken aback by the strangeness of this question before she simply shrugged nonchalantly. “Sure. How many you need?”

“As many as you got!”

“On it,” Amethyst simply complied, hopping off the couch and making her way towards the temple gate.

“You’re not even going to ask what she needs so many socks for?” Pearl asked, raising an eyebrow at this.

“Meh, whatever,” the purple Gem shrugged once more. “I just like to roll with stuff like this, P. Besides, it’s not like I’m ever gonna wear any of them anyway.”

“Well,” Pearl remarked as Amethyst entered the temple. “If she’s not going to ask, then I will. Mabel, what in the world could you possibly need so many socks for? In case you don’t know, Amethyst has hundreds of them in that disaster of a room of hers. And the last time I checked, you only have two feet.”

“Oh, the socks aren’t for my feet, Pearl!” Mabel replied with a small chuckle. “They’re for this huge sock puppet show I plan on producing so I can impress this guy I just met like an hour ago! His name is Gabe and he’s a total hunk who’s totally into puppets, so I figured I might as well give him what he likes, you know?”

“You might want to consider another option,” Garnet spoke up rationally.

“Oh… uh, why? Do you see a future where this turns out… I dunno, badly?” Mabel asked rather hesitantly.

“No, actually,” the Gem leader said, her frown deepening as she realized she actually couldn’t see too many possibilities for this scenario at all. And the few that she could see were all muddled and blurry, a phenomenon that she certainly wasn’t used to and found very odd. Still, she decided to keep this bizarre anomaly to herself, at least for now. “But I do know that trying to win someone’s affections by trying to impress them isn’t always the wisest idea, especially if you want to form a genuine connection with them.”

“Oh, but I already did form a connection with him back at the library when we talked about puppets and I stared at his beautiful ponytail!” Mabel nodded vigorously. “I’m just trying to make that connection with him a little… deeper… if ya know what I mean…”

“And you intend to do that with… socks?” Pearl asked, still quite confused. “I’m not sure if I understand how that’s going to work…”

“Don’t worry, Pearl, you’re not the only one,” Dipper interjected rather dryly, rolling his eyes as Mabel playfully stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation.

“You guys should definitely come see the show on Friday!” Steven exclaimed as he hurried back downstairs with a large box of various art supplies, from glue to glitter and everything in between. “It’s gonna be great! Especially since all four of us are gonna be working on making it happen!”

“Then we’ll be there,” Garnet confirmed with a small smile that was quick to fade. “But just remember, Mabel: going all in for someone you barely know isn’t as important as going all in for someone you do.”

“Uh… ok, thanks?” Mabel frowned, somewhat bewildered by this cryptic advice. Still, she didn’t have much time to ponder over it before Amethyst emerged from the temple, toting a pile of socks that was larger than she was, with several of them falling out of her grip the moment she attempted to pull the load through the temple door. “Oh my gosh, yes! Those are perfect! Steven, help me pick out the best, most puppetey ones!”

“Ok!” the young Gem chuckled, already having fun with this project as him, Mabel, and Amethyst essentially leapt into the massive sock pile, spreading them out even more.

“Oh, for crying out loud, you three!” Pearl huffed in disapproval. “You’re making a mess!”

“I really hope we don’t have to make puppets out of all of those socks…” Connie remarked, her eyes wide with amazement over just how many of them there were. At the same time, however, Dipper turned his attention away from the socks and back towards his overall goal, which was of course, the laptop tucked under his arm.

“Uh, so…” he addressed Garnet and Pearl somewhat hesitantly, knowing how talking to them about things like this usually went. Still, the Gem leader had been there when they had first found the laptop, so he hoped that would make this a little less difficult than something like the journal had been. “Garnet, you remember the laptop we found in the author’s bunker, right?” Garnet simply nodded in response to this, not offering much more of an answer as she silently prompted Dipper to continue. “Well, I’ve been trying to see what’s on it, but all of its information is blocked off with a password. And while you guys apparently didn’t know the author per se… he did know a lot about Gem stuff, so… I was wondering if maybe you guys might have an idea about what it could be?”

“A password?” Pearl asked, curiously looking over the laptop as Dipper opened it up for her to see. “Well, given the author’s apparent comradery with Rose,” the white Gem let out a rather harsh scoff at this before continuing. “I would suggest it possibly being ‘Rose Quartz’, but that has ten letters, not eight.”

“Yo, what if he made the password my name?” Amethyst called, poking her head out of the sock pile. “Ya know, cause I’m so awesome and everything.” Seeing this as a viable possibility given it appropriate number of letters, Dipper input the purple Gem’s name, only for the laptop to reject it, just like everything else. “Aw, boo!” Amethyst jeered upon hearing the machine’s denying beep. “Author guy totally missed out on a great opportunity there.”

“Do you have any guesses, Garnet?” Dipper asked, hoping that the Gem leader’s clairvoyance might provide some much-needed assistance in the matter.

“Hm…” Garnet mused thoughtfully for a moment before shaking her head, her future vision still rather foggy as she tried to find the password with it. “Sorry, but no. Still, that doesn’t mean you should stop looking for it, Dipper. Especially if whatever’s on that laptop can finally provide all of us with some answers.”

“Yes, like who that mysterious author is,” Pearl nodded in firm agreement.

“Or how he was so tight with Rose and not with us,” Amethyst added.

“Huh, you guys are being… surprisingly supportive of this whole laptop thing,” Dipper noted, somewhat taken aback considering how harshly they usually received anything having to do with the author or the journal.

“Well, of course, why wouldn’t we be?” Pearl asked intrinsically. “This whole journal mystery has been baffling us for weeks now! And with the threat from Homeworld is, er… neutralized for the moment, I’d say there’s no better time to solve that mystery than now!”

“Pearl’s right,” Garnet affirmed, rising to stand. “And Dipper,” she continued as she placed a steady hand on his shoulder. “You’re the closest to solving that mystery out of all of us, so keep at it. But like I told you about the journal, be careful; as you saw in the bunker, looking for these kinds of answers can lead to some dangerous places. And those are the kinds of places that you should never let yourself go into alone.”

“Don’t worry, you guys,” Dipper assured all three of the Gems confidently. “Once we unlock this laptop, the truth behind all that stuff will be as good as revealed. Besides, all we really have to do is figure out this password, which should be easy-”

“Yeah! Just as easy as turning all these groady old socks into puppet superstars!” Mabel interrupted as her and Steven hurried for the door, both of them carrying huge armfuls of socks each. “Now come on!” she called to Dipper and Connie, who could both only shrug in acceptance as they followed after them. “We’re burning good puppet-show-preparation daylight!”

As it turned out, the next several days were spent making very good use of puppet-show-preparation daylight as Mabel began building up her puppet show up from a mere concept into a full-fledged script. The moment she finished laying the treatment for her show out, she had gotten to work on the bulk of the project which, by far, was puppet and set production. Mabel had already recruited Dipper, Steven, and Connie to help her in this regard, true, and while they were sufficient enough at stitching tiny clothes onto the socks and drenching them in copious amounts of glitter, she also managed to rope Soos and Wendy into helping out as well. Their base of operations varied between the shack and the temple, and today it was the former as everyone gathered together in the den, socks and art supplies strewn about everywhere as work steadily continued on the quickly approaching puppet show.

“Alright, everyone!” Mabel chimed, gathering the group’s attention as she played a few loud, random notes on the keyboard Soos was letting her borrow for the show. “This is gonna be called Glove Story: A Sock Opera! Steven came up with the Glove Story part, while yours truly thought up the Sock Opera half.”

“Get it?” Steven whispered to Connie with a wide grin. “Glove story? Cause sock puppets are kinda like gloves? It’s a pun!”

“Heh, yeah, I got it, Steven,” Connie chuckled in amusement as she finished off another puppet.

“Just to warn you all, people’s eyes will get wet,” Mabel warned dramatically. “Cause they’ll be crying. From laughter! At how tragic it is!”

“Ugh,” Dipper groaned in annoyance as he struggled to pull a glue-covered puppet off his face. “Yeah, uh, that… that sounds great…” he remarked, quite unenthused, especially as he inadvertently coughed up a few pom poms. Really, if there was one word that could sum up how he felt about Mabel’s puppet show agenda, it was aggravation, aggravation that he had no qualms about showing every chance he got. Though really, his ongoing surliness could easily be attributed to his ever-growing exhaustion. With so much of the past few days devoted to helping prepare for the show, Dipper found that the only time he really had to dedicate to unlocking the laptop was at night, namely when everyone else had long since gone to sleep. Pulling all-nighters really wasn’t anything new for him; after all, over the course of the summer alone he had already had several sleepless nights with the journal serving as his only companion. But never before had he gone without sleep so consistently, as he was going on four nights now without getting any real form of rest as he tried and continually failed to decrypt the laptop’s password. Still, despite the fact that he was wearing himself out with this endeavor, he knew he couldn’t stop now, not when he was so close to finally obtaining not only the answers he had been seeking for so long now, but when he was on the verge of possibly finding a way to helping Lapis. And really, that alone was reason enough to motivate him to keep pushing forward. Even if it was tiring beyond all reason.

“Come on, Dipper,” Wendy encouraged with a broad smirk. “You gotta roll with Mabel’s craziness. It’s what makes life worth living.”

As if to prove that very point, Mabel had already cheerfully launched into a rendition of one of the many songs she had written for her show, a puppet on one hand as she followed along on the keyboard with the other. “Puppet boy, puppet boy, you’re the boy I-”

“Loooove!” everyone else chimed in, seeing as how they all knew the lyrics to every song in the play front and back thanks to Mabel. Of course, in the midst of this brief rehearsal, Stan happened to pass by the den, though he stopped short upon seeing the noisy, haphazard mess of both puppets and people before him.

“Not even gonna ask,” he remarked dry before tersely moving on, leaving the kids to their puppet pandemonium.

After what seemed like countless hours of hard, colorful work, the big day was almost there. The script was written, the sets built, the theatre booked, and the puppets made. Now all that was left was the long-awaited, much-anticipated “sock opera” itself. And seeing as how her possible future romance hinged on the show’s success, Mabel simply couldn’t wait to see all of her arduous efforts finally come together in an epic display that would certainly impress Gabe, if not then some.

“Good night, my babies,” Mabel grinned blithely as she organized her rather extensive puppet collection around her bed as she settled in for the night. She took a moment to grab the puppets she had made of herself and Gabe, her grin widening as she pulled the two of them together in a kiss as she sighed contentedly. “Soon, Gabe Benson… Anyway, you still there, Steven?” she asked, reclaiming her phone as she continued her last-minute collaboration with the young Gem.

“Yeah, and uh, I’ve been looking over the script again…” Steven replied on the other line, his tone quite bewildered. “I’m just a little confused about this part with the killer whale and the fireworks... Are they supposed to be coming out of the whale’s blowhole instead of water, or did I just misread that part?”

“Come on, Steven, I need to stay with me here,” Mabel urged. “The fireworks are the water. Only sparkly and fiery instead of wet and watery! That way everybody can be totally amazed by-”

Mabel was abruptly cut off by a familiar blaring beep, followed by a loud, frustrated groan from Dipper as he glared down at the laptop in front of him. His bed as a mess of notes and papers covered with all of the passwords he had tried thus far, all of which had wielded no results whatsoever. “Ugh! That one was wrong too, Connie!” he exclaimed disparagingly as he conversed with her on the phone. “Just like all the rest of them, what else is new?”

“But we’ve already tried hundreds of words and letter combinations,” Connie mused much more calmly. “Maybe there’s something we’re still not seeing here…”

“Yeah, and I know what that something is: the password,” Dipper remarked dryly.

“Well… we can always work on it some more tomorrow after the puppet show,” Connie said reassuringly. “By then, we’ll have Mabel and Steven back to help us, so maybe that’ll make things easier.”

“Sure, it will…” Dipper deadpanned, glancing over to Mabel as she used one of her puppets to bid Steven farewell. “But in the meantime, I think I better keep working on figuring this password out myself.”

“Don’t stay up all night, Dipper!” Mabel cautioned brightly as him and Connie exchanged goodbyes and ended their call. “Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.”

Upon realizing that he was absent-mindedly doing just that, Dipper promptly spat his shirt out, letting out another disgruntled sigh as he looked to the laptop and its empty password screen once more. “Ugh, just a few more tries…”

“Come on, bro-bro,” Mabel rolled her eyes as she sunk down into her covers. “You and I both know that ‘a few more tries’ is gonna turn into a lot more tries.”

“Yeah, well maybe one of those tries will actually be the one,” Dipper muttered dourly as he collected the laptop and a few other supplies together. As already aggravated as he was, he didn’t really spare his still quite cheerful sister another word as he took his leave to head up onto the roof, knowing that he had likely another long sleepless night ahead of him.

It was only as Dipper stepped out into the crisp night air on the roof that he realized the last time he had been up there had just a little over a week ago. Despite everything that had happened since then, that really wasn’t a remarkable amount of time, but what was notable was the fact that the last time he had taken up a perch here on the roof he had done so alongside Lapis. In fact, as he quietly took a seat, he couldn’t help but remember that somber, but hopeful conversation they had on the eve of the disaster that had torn them apart. “You know, if there’s one good thing to come out of any of this…” she had begun, her voice soft and bittersweet as she looked to him, uncertain. “It’s that I got to spend more time with you. I think that’s what I’m going to miss most if… if, well, something happens…”

“Don’t worry,” he had naively assured her, completely blind to what could of and what had indeed happened. “Once all of this blows over—and I know it will—then we’ll have even more time to hang out together. But since we won’t have to about Homeworld invasions or anything like that, then it’ll be even better.”

She offered him a weak smile at this, one that hadn’t reached her eyes, almost as if she had somehow known about what was soon to befall her. “Yeah… even better…”

Except no, things hadn’t gotten even better. They had gotten worse, a fact that Dipper knew all too well. Still, they wouldn’t stay that way for long if he had anything to do about it. Certainly, the laptop would be able to provide him with some inkling about what to do to help the blue Gem. Even if that inkling was just a very small, minute one, it would definitely be better than the nothing he currently had to go on. After all, Lapis had been willing to take a chance for him, a chance that had cost her so very much in the end; which was why Dipper was more than ready to take whatever chance he had to to pay her back in full for such a heavy sacrifice. The only thing he had to do was figure out that elusive password, which, as much as he hated to admit it, was starting to become quite a frustratingly difficult task. With no way of gaging how close he was to finding the right password, he only had his own guesswork to rely on, which was getting him nowhere fast. His steadily growing fatigue certainly wasn’t helping things; if anything, it was only adding onto his increasing aggravation over his own inability to solve this mystery, something that rose once again as he tried another failed password attempt.

“Oh, come on!” Dipper shouted at the laptop, glaring fiercely at it as it emitted its jarring rejecting buzz or what seemed like the thousandth time now. And given all of his previous password guesses, it could have very well been. “Give me a break already! I can’t take that sound anymore! I—hate—you—sound!” he growled, punctuating his anger by carelessly beating against the keyboard, not even caring as said sound blared out as if in defiance each time he did.

Given his palpable frustration, Dipper decided to give himself just a brief mental break, knowing that there was absolutely no time at all for a physical one. In something of an attempt to restore his taxed resolve, he found himself pulling out one of the several photos him and Lapis had taken during their painfully brief time together out of his jacket. A small, sad sigh escaped him as he took in their shared, bright, cheerful expressions, captured in a moment of peace and levity that they had both taken for granted as it had happened. As much as Dipper hoped that the laptop could finally provide some much-needed answers about the journal, the author, and Gravity Falls itself, he would be perfectly content to wait on those answers if it got him just a little closer to freeing the blue Gem instead. Which was exactly why he was being so adamant and persistent with this self-imposed mission, to the point that he was denying himself necessities as important as even sleep. He wouldn’t rest, he couldn’t rest until he saved her, just as she had saved him. “Don’t worry, Lapis…” Dipper muttered to the photo, sighing solemnly once more as he put it away. “I’ll figure something out…” He paused, letting out a long, tired yawn as he looked to the laptop and its almost goading password screen again rather bitterly. “Maybe Connie was right…” he noted to himself thoughtfully. “What if I am just missing something? There has to be some kind of shortcut or clue… Who would know about secret codes…?”

Almost as soon as he had voiced this question, Dipper instantly noticed an abrupt breeze start to pick up, one that quickly turned into a full on, admittedly ominous gale as it whipped through the trees. Somewhat unsettled by this, he pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders as he securely grabbed the laptop and braced himself against the sudden chill, only to realize that the light of the full moon in the skies ahead of him was starting to change as well. Slowly, a long, slitted line began to draw itself over the moon, splitting it cleanly in half as a series of initially transparent, glowing blocks began to gravitate towards it out of seemingly nowhere. Dipper gasped, alarmed by this bewildering phenomenon as he leapt to his feet, taking a nervous step back as he stared towards the moon with wide eyes, only for it to stare right back at him. The bright blocks continued stacking against the moon, forming a distinct triangular shape as the winds picked up to near hurricane levels. And then, as they finally all joined together in a bright, practically blinding flash of light, the world bled of color instantly, turning into a full, frozen greyscale scape as cause of all this strangeness finally made his appearance:

Bill Cipher.

“I THINK I KNOW A GUY!” he proclaimed boldly, his distinctively pitchy voice echoing harshly throughout the colorless woods. In light of this completely unexpected, unprecedented encounter, Dipper was effectively stunned into frozen silence as he stood in the dream demon’s massive triangular shadow. Still, Bill hardly seemed to notice or care as he drew in closer, his manner just as casual as ever as he circled the dumbfounded human before him. “Well, well, well. I gotta admit, you’re awfully persistent, Pine Tree. Hats off to you!” At this, Bill took his top hat off and tipped it, the entire world seeming to abruptly tilt along with it.

Dipper let out a startled gasp as he struggled to maintain his footing on the roof as it slipped sideways, though fortunately it leveled itself once more moments later. As it did, he was quick to regain his composure for the sake of putting on an air of brazen defiance to the crafty dream demon, remembering well how much trouble he had caused during his last appearance. “You again!” he exclaimed crossly, holding the laptop a bit tighter as Bill calmly glided past him. “What do you think you’re doing here?!”

“Oh, just checking in,” Bill shrugged coyly. “Did ya miss me? Admit it, you missed me.”

“Hardly,” Dipper scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You worked with Gideon! You tried to destroy my uncle’s mind! Oh, and not to mention that you constantly terrorized all of us while we were trying to save him, what with you stealing Steven’s gem and shooting a whole straight through my chest. Need I go on?”

“Geez, it was just a job, kid!” the dream demon countered defensively. “No hard feelings! Besides, since then, I’ve been keeping an EYE on you!” At this, Bill instantly shot up to a massive size, his voice ominously deepening and his eye turning pitch black as he peered at Dipper piercingly. “And even if you are a bit rough around the edges, I must say I’m impressed!”

“Y-you are?” Dipper asked, unsure of what to make of that. After all, he really didn’t see anything particularly good about garnishing the interest of a being like Bill Cipher, especially given the countless warnings the journal gave against him.

“Sure am!” Bill agreed brightly. “In fact, you deserve a prize! Here, have a head that’s always screaming!” With a mere snap of the dream demon’s fingers, a disembodied head appeared, one that, sure enough, was crying out in shrill, endless agony as it fell onto the roof. Dipper gasped in fearful disgust as he flinched away from it, only for the head to begin to peel itself away layer by layer, from skin, to muscle, to bone, before it disappeared entirely as Bill simply laughed in sadistic amusement all the while.

“Augh! What’s wrong with you?!” Dipper exclaimed at this, appalled by such a twisted, demented display.

“Ain’t that the question of the millennia!” Bill chuckled carelessly as he floated down to take a seat on the edge of the roof. “But the point is, I like you, kid! And I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been having a hard time with that crusty old laptop there, so how’s about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small FAVOR in return.” As the dream demon said this, both his hand and his eye lit up with an unnatural strain of blue fire, his manner still incredibly casual, even despite the immediately harsh rejection his offer received.

“Are you kidding me? I’d never do a favor for you!” Dipper exclaimed adamantly, unable to believe that the dream demon would even have the gall to propose something so outlandish. “Don’t forget who defeated you last time!”

“Right, you ‘defeated’ me,” Bill rolled his eye as he disappeared into the roof, only to come rising up out of it behind Dipper just a second later. “Still, seems to me like you’re passing up a great deal like this pretty quickly, Pine Tree. Kinda ironic when you think about how Water Wings didn’t hesitate to take up Stripes’ deal to save you…”

Dipper was completely caught off guard by this, especially as his picture of him and Lapis came flying out of his pocket to hover over the dream demon’s hand. “Hey! Give that back!” he protested, reaching for the photo only for Bill to teasingly pull it out of his reach.

“Whoa, hold your awkward, pre-pubescent horses for a sec, kid, and think about this,” the demon contested coolly. “Do you really think you’re getting anywhere by making all those shots in the dark about that password? You think you’re not just wasting your time out here while Water Wings has a non-stop, all-out brawl with Stripes at the bottom of that lake just so she can keep you ‘safe’?”

“S-stop,” Dipper muttered, his hands clenched tightly at his sides as he tried to block out what Bill was saying, even if he knew it was all true. But of course, the dream demon simply ignored him and kept going with his sly, almost cruel form of manipulation.

“Wouldn’t it just be so much easier to get just a little help, to get just a tiny bit closer?” Bill kept the photo positioned right above Dipper as he talked, deceptively close but still so far out of his reach, much like the blue Gem herself was at the moment. “Wouldn’t that make whatever small thing I want from you worth it just to bail her out?”

“Stop,” Dipper said a bit firmer this time, sending the dream demon a fierce warning glare as he tried to remind himself that he wasn’t going to take this deal, he wasn’t going to give Bill what he wanted, whatever that was. Still, that didn’t mean his appeal wasn’t starting to become the least bit tantalizing.

“After all,” Bill continued callously, clearly taking pleasure in how uncomfortable his truthful words were making Dipper. “Water Wings sure thought it was worth it to bail you out, didn’t she?”

“Stop!” Dipper finally shouted, unable to take any more of this, lest he actually give in under the pressure. A beat of heavy silence passed as he stared the dream demon down, his heated anger cooling just a bit, even if it was still very much on the surface as he offered a firm, but surprisingly tranquil response. “I don’t need your help.”

“Oh, suuuuure you don’t!” Bill deadpanned, rolling his eye once more. “After all, you already have Shooting Star and Rosebud to help you out with this, so why would you need me? Oh, but wait! They’re busy with that little puppet show of theirs, aren’t they? Oh, well, you can always ask those Crystal Chumps for help, right? I’m sure Fuse Box, Half-Baked, and Bird Brain know all there is to know about that laptop, almost is if they didn’t mysteriously lose all their memories on that journal of yours!”

Dipper stilled at this, hating the fact that, once again, the dream demon was right on the mark with such claims. With Steven, Mabel, and even Connie still distracted by the play and the Gems as clueless about who the author could be as they were, he was really the only one who could put the time and effort into this mystery that it truly deserved. And, so far, trying to tackle it completely on his own had gotten him absolutely nowhere at all. Still, to accept help from Bill, of all sources, would definitely be asking for trouble, trouble that, after all of the disasters of the recent invasion and its brutal aftermath, Dipper certainly didn’t need right now. “I said,” he began again, squaring his shoulders as he glared at the demon unrelentingly. “I don’t need your help!”

“Eh, well, then have it your way,” Bill shrugged, seemingly unconcerned by this refusal. “But if you ever change your mind, I’ll be here for you, ready to make a deal!” To punctuate his point, a slot machine appeared on his flat surface, all three wheels stopping right on the pine tree symbol. “You know, now that I’ve brought it up, maybe I’ll go pay your pal Water Wings a visit down at the bottom of the lake and let her know all about how her precious little Pine Tree doesn’t care enough about her to lend her a hand! I bet that would a lot of fun!”

“W-wha—no!” Dipper exclaimed, his calm manner all but gone at the idea of the dream demon tormenting the blue Gem. As if she wasn’t being tormented enough by being fused with Jasper alone. “Leave Lapis alone!”

“Boy, you sure are easy to rile up, Pine Tree.” Bill laughed twistedly, finally letting the picture fall back into Dipper’s hands. “It’s hilarious, almost as funny as you thinking you can guess that password on your own! Oh, speaking of hilarious, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds?” At this, the demon let out a loud, fearful scream, one that Dipper ended up inadvertently echoing only seconds later as he found himself abruptly pulled back into reality. Bill was fortunately, finally gone and color had returned to the world as the skies filled in with the breaking of dawn, a calming sight after the still, lifeless void he had just been in.

Still, Dipper was hardly relieved by any of this as he let out a tight, somewhat shaken breath, unable to deny that he was deeply unsettled by his bizarre, unnerving encounter with the dream demon. While he was still completely resolved to accomplish his goal without accepting any sort of help from him, Dipper still couldn’t help but wonder what Bill could possibly have to gain by offering to assist him with the laptop? What was the demon really after? Why had he decided to make a sudden reappearance now, of all times? And while Dipper didn’t really even want to entertain the thought, what would Bill have even asked of him if he had for some inane reason agreed to collaborate with him?

All the same, he was quick to shake such inconceivable thoughts from his mind as he steadily regained his composure. As he had told Bill himself, he didn’t need his help. Theoretically, he didn’t need anyone’s help, though he still hoped that Mabel, Steven, and Connie would be provide him with a much less dangerous, more reliable kind than whatever kind of assistance the demon had planned on offering. Still, Dipper was certain that he could do this; he could crack the laptop’s password, he could learn all of its likely many secrets, he could discover who and where the author was, and most of all he could save Lapis. And he could do it all without having to make some kind of unknown, ill-conceived deal with Bill Cipher.

Or at least he hoped he could.

“Hey! I’m puppet Stan!” Mabel quipped as she blithely waved the paper bag puppet she had made of her uncle in his face at the breakfast table. Needless to say that her excitement was running as high as her energy was in anticipation of her sock opera that afternoon, which she was confident would be more than enough to make Gabe fall head over heels for her, just as she had already fallen for him.

“Still ignoring this,” Stan remarked, deadpanned as ever as he took a sip of his coffee, not even paying the puppet any mind as Mabel continued playfully parading it about. No more than a second later, however, a succinct knock on the door sounded out, followed by Steven and Connie’s entrance right after.

“Today’s the big day!” Steven exclaimed cheerfully as he bounded into the kitchen to greet Mabel. “Who’s ready to put on the best puppet show ever?!”

“I am!” Mabel proclaimed, hopping to her feet and bringing several puppets along with her. “But of course, I can’t do it without you guys, which is why I’m super glad you got here early! Thanks so much!”

Unable to contain her elation, she pulled them both into a sudden tight hug, one that Steven readily reciprocated, even if Connie was surprised but amused by it. “Heh, you’re welcome, Mabel,” she chuckled as the hug disbanded, though a look of concern filled her features a moment later. “So is Dipper up yet? Last night he sounded like he was starting to get really frustrated with this whole laptop thing.”

“Frustrated is kind of an understatement…” Dipper remarked dryly as he walked in, letting out a long, exhausted yawn as he did so.

“Yeesh, bag check for Dipper’s eyes!” Stan joked upon noticing how visibly tired his nephew was, letting out a sardonic laugh that no one else joined in on. “Oh come on, nobody?”

“Whoa, Dipper, you look so tired!” Steven exclaimed, both surprised and worried. “And by that I mean even more tired than you usually look, because you usually do look at least a little tired all the time, no offense.”

Of course, Dipper was largely too exhausted to really make much sense of what the young Gem had just said, which was why the most he could do was stare at him blankly for a beat. “…What?”

“Dipper, I told you to get some sleep last night!” Mabel scolded with a fretful frown. “Here, wake up with some Mabel juice!” she held up a pitcher of bright pink liquid with glitter and various small toys floating around in it. “It has plastic dinosaurs in it!”

“Is that stuff even… drinkable?” Connie asked, concerned by this presentation.

“Hardly,” Stan remarked, cringing. “It’s like if coffee and nightmares had a baby.”

“I… think I’ll pass,” Dipper shook his head, his manner suddenly turning serious as he briefly glanced between Stan and the others. “Uh, can I talk to you guys in the living room for a second?”

Steven, Mabel, and Connie all nodded in agreement to this, Stan hardly paying them any mind as they slipped away into the other room. As soon as he was sure they were out of the conman’s earshot, Dipper turned to face them, keeping his voice low as he really didn’t want too many others finding out about what had happened the previous night. “Guys, listen,” he began tersely and anxiously. “Last night I had a dream with Bill in it.”

“Bill?” Connie asked as Steven and Mabel let out a shared surprised gasp, both of them remembering well their first and last encounter with the dream demon. “Wait, isn’t he that triangle guy you guys told me about? The one you fought inside Mr. Pines’ mind?”

“Y-yeah…” Steven nodded somewhat fearfully. “He was really scary. When we were in there, he took my gem and then he made these really mean versions of the Gems appear and say that I wasn’t one of them! B-but still, I thought we beat him last time; what did he want in your dream, Dipper?”

“He said he’d give me the code to the laptop if I gave him something,” Dipper explained, scoffing as he crossed his arms. “Like I’d actually trust Bill, right?”

“Well, don’t worry, bro-bro!” Mabel assured, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “Today’s the day the Mystery Kids are back in action! We’ll all be free to help you crack that code just as soon as I hand off my puppet stuff to my production crew.”

“Production crew?” Dipper asked, almost too afraid to find out what his sister had in mind for this one. Though he was quick to find out just a few minutes later as Candy and Grenda eagerly showed up outside, both of them bright-eyed and covered in socks as Mabel and Steven both happily greeted them.

“We read the script,” Candy reported, adjusting her glasses. “Very emotional.”

“I cried like eight times!” Grenda exclaimed boisterously.

“Well, hopefully the audience will too once they see the emotional passion I’ve poured into this show!” Mabel grinned proudly.

“Oh! Maybe we should hand tissues out to people at the door!” Steven suggested. “That way they’ll all have something to try into!”

“Oh, good idea, Steven!” Mabel nodded in agreement. “See, this is why I named you my co-producer! Because you’re always think of everything!”

“Aw, well I don’t know about everything,” the young Gem blushed in slight embarrassment. “But I try.”

The conversation was soon cut off, however, as none other than Gabe himself pulled up to the group on his roller skates, both of his hands still covered with his puppets from the previous day as he offered a cool greeting. “Hey, ladies.”

“Gabe!” Mabel exclaimed with a delighted gasp as she ran over to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just blading by,” Gabe shrugged casually as he removed his helmet and shook his hair out. “Helps me dry out my ponytail after a shower.”

“Hubbity-hubbity,” Grenda remarked, eyes wide with amazement at the sight of the puppeteer. “What a hottie!”

“Maeibeur'i hante Gaeibeu'eul humchyeohagetda…” Candy muttered in envious Korean, making her affections towards Gabe quite clear as well.

“Ok, am I the only one who doesn’t get what the big deal about that guy is?” Connie whispered to Steven and Dipper, far from impressed.

“Believe me, you’re not,” Dipper remarked, crossing his arms as he rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“It’s so great to see you!” Mabel quipped to Gabe with a wide, charming grin. “I was just working on the world’s greatest puppet show! It has puppets!”

“Your passion is so refreshing, Mabel,” Gabe complimented. “Unlike the girl from last night’s puppet show. Single-stitch on one puppet, cross-stitch on the other? I was like ‘uh-uh’!”

“Cross… huh?” Mabel frowned, not having the faintest idea about what he was talking about.

“Naturally, I couldn’t afford to associate with such an obvious puppet novice, so I deleted her off my cell phone contacts list.”

“Oh! Uh, naturally!” Mabel laughed, trying to play her confusion off, even though her worry was starting to grow in light of this.

“But I know you won’t let me down, Mabel,” Gabe smiled smoothly. “Based on what you said the other day, you must be a puppet expert.”

Mabel froze at this, partially regretting the complete and utter lies she had fed him at the library, lies that had led to the formation of a puppet show that she now feared wouldn’t actually be enough to impress him. Which, considering how gorgeous and charming she found him to be, was quite an unbearable thought.

“You know, Gabe, you look pretty sweaty,” Grenda spoke up with an eager grin. “You should really take your shirt off. Right? Aren’t we all thinking that?”

A beat of awkward silence passed at this, though it wasn’t long before Gabe put his helmet back on and prepared to take his leave. “Later, ladies!” he called as he began to skate off. “See you tonight, Mabel.”

“Y-yeah!” Mabel shouted after him with a forced laugh. “S-see you… t-tonight!” The instant the puppeteer was out of earshot, she spun around to face her motley crew, her eyes wide in absolute panic as she realized just how severe the situation had gotten. “Augh! We gotta up our game, girls! Did you hear that thing he said about the stitches?!”

“Don’t worry, Mabel! Your crew can handle it!” Grenda assured, though she was quick to contradict herself by accidentally ripping the arms off of the puppet she was holding. “…Oops.”

“How many eyes does a face have again?” Candy asked as she held up a puppet she had glued countless googly eyes to.

“Ok,” Steven spoke up, having pulled his ukulele out as he strummed along with several of the complex melodies him and Mabel had written for the show. “So I think I just about have this song memori-” He cut himself off as one of his ukulele strings suddenly snapped at the exact wrong moment, leaving the instrument completely unusable for the time being. “Oh… Well, uh, I guess the ukulele accompaniment is out then, huh?”

Mabel’s jaw dropped in horrified shock over just how much suddenly seemed to be going wrong all at once. Yet still, things got even worse as the mountain of sets and supplies Soos and Wendy were trying to securely tie on top of Stan’s car suddenly fell loose, the bulk of it coming crashing down on top of the handyman, essentially burying him in a scattered mess of props and puppets.

“Ah!” Mabel gasped in apt alarm, realizing that her time to pull all of this together was running dangerously short. “Ok, I’m back on fabrication! Someone get me my lint roller, STAT!”

“Whoa, hold on!” Dipper interjected, grabbing her as she ran past him. “I thought you said you were going to help me!”

“Dipper! This sock crisis just bumped up to code argyle!” Mabel protested hotly. “The laptop can wait!”

“It can wait?” Dipper scoffed in disbelief at how she was simply putting him off yet again. “Mabel, do you seriously think that your random crush of the week is more important than uncovering the mysteries of this town? You’re obsessed!”

“I’m obsessed?” Mabel countered just as adamantly. “Look at you! You haven’t slept all week! You look like a vampire, and not the hot kind!”

“Guys, come on!” Steven finally cut in as he noticed the quickly building tension between the twins. “Don’t fight! Both the laptop and the puppet show are really important, so we should-”

“Uh, no, Steven,” Dipper cut him off, sending a cross glare Mabel’s way all the while. “The laptop is important, yeah, but this dumb puppet show thing isn’t. I don’t get why you’re going so crazy on this anyway, Mabel. I know how you are; you’ll be into this guy for a week, maybe two, and then you’ll get bored with him and move onto someone else. You’re putting all this time and energy into something that won’t even matter in the long run!”

“It does too matter!” Mabel protested, clearly offended by such a spiteful accusation. “It matters to me! Why can’t you understand that?! Oh yeah, I know why, it’s because you’ve been burying your head into that stupid old laptop all week! Don’t you think it’s time to give it a rest already? Just wait and see, your body’s gonna end up quitting on you if you don’t give it some sleep!”

“I don’t need sleep!” Dipper argued fiercely. “What I need is to figure out this password! And this laptop isn’t stupid! For all we know, it could end up helping us figure out a way to finally save Lapis! Which, in case you’ve forgotten, is way more important than any pointless puppet show is!”

“I-I haven’t forgotten that!” Mabel shook her head. “But that’s just it, Dipper, you don’t know if that laptop will even be able to help Lapis at all. You could be doing all this work for nothing and you wouldn’t even know until you’ve wasted so much time and energy on it that you have nothing left at all!”

“I’m not wasting time! You are, Mabel! Why can’t this puppet show thing just wait?!”

“W-well, why can’t your laptop thing just wait?!”

“Because I’m doing it to help Lapis! Which, like I said, is the most important thing right now!”

“No, it’s not!”

A sharp gasp escaped both of the twins the moment Mabel said this, though she was clearly more horrified by allowing it to slip by as she covered her mouth in immediate regret, knowing that she had crossed the line. For a moment, all Dipper could do was stare at his sister in appalled disbelief over what she had just implied, and even Steven and Connie looked to her in apt surprise for her immense tactlessness. Still, despite her already heavy remorse for what she had just inadvertently said, Mabel still made a meager, hesitant attempt to make things right. “D-Dipper… I… I didn’t mean-”

“No,” Dipper cut her off, both his expression and his tone ice cold. “You know what? Fine. I’ll do it on my own. It’s not like it’ll be any different from how it’s been anyway.”

“Oh, Dipper, wait!” Steven urged earnestly, still wanting for there to be peace between the twins, even if such a thing seemed largely impossible now. “You don’t have to do this by yourself!”

“Yeah,” Connie agreed with a small, reassuring smile. “We’ll all help you just as soon as-”

Dipper put up a hand to interrupt her, his shoulders rigid as he turned to leave. “Like I said, its fine. I can handle this by myself. You guys just keep working on the puppet show. I’m sure it’ll be just as over the top and gaudy as everything else you do is, Mabel.”

Mabel couldn’t even find it in her to be angry over such a callous remark as she instead watched Dipper head inside the shack in guilty silence. She understood well and good exactly why he was so insistent on unlocking the laptop, as well as what end he hoped it could possibly lead to, which was an end that she truly wanted to see herself. And yet in the moment, despite how bad she felt for what she had said, she knew that she couldn’t completely admit that he was right; after all, she had put far too much time and work into this show now to simply curtail everything right before its opening. Still, that didn’t mean that she didn’t want to at the very least try and make peace with her brother in light of the uncalled for slight she had made against both him and the blue Gem.

“Steven?” she hesitantly spoke up, gathering the concerned young Gem’s attention. “I, uh… c-could you maybe go talk to Dipper for me? You know, tell him I’m sorry for, um… well, for what just happened?”

“Sure, but… why can’t you go talk to him yourself?” Steven asked, rather confused.

“’Cause he’s probably in no mood to listen to me right now…” Mabel frowned, glancing down apprehensively. “But maybe he’ll hear you out instead! In fact, Steven, you have my full permission to utilize Stepper if that’s what you need to do to get him out of this salty mood of his.”

“Mabel, for some reason I feel like Steven forcing Dipper to fuse with him isn’t really going to solve this problem…” Connie remarked rather dubiously.

“Oh, sure, it will,” Mabel assured with a wave of her hand as she prepared herself to continue working on fixing the kinks in her show. “After all, it worked last time he got all obsessy like this, so why wouldn’t it work again?”

“Uh, well… I-I’ll see what I can do,” Steven assured, largely agreeing to go in Mabel’s stead for the sake of making peace between her and Dipper more than anything else. “I’ll be back in a bit!”

“Ok, good luck,” Mabel waved him off absently, distracted by fixing a tattered puppet as Connie, Candy, and Grenda lent a hand in helping her reorganize her supplies. At the same time, Steven turned to follow after Dipper inside the shack, more than eager to help foster reconciliation, though completely unaware of the much more serious, daunting task that he’d actually spend the afternoon doing.

A rather bitter scowl rested on Dipper’s face as he continued typing away at the laptop up in the attic, unable to let go of what Mabel had said just a few minutes ago. The fact that she had even so much as dared to imply that her silly puppet show was more important than rescuing Lapis practically infuriated him, to the point that he hadn’t even been able to properly show his anger with her at the moment for such a remark. And even if she hadn’t fully meant it like that, her refusal to help him with the laptop alone was more than enough to show Dipper where he currently stood with Mabel on this, and it was certainly not on the same side.

“Passwords… passwords…” Dipper muttered to himself, still seething with annoyance with each new failed entry. “Mabel—is—useless…” He paused for a moment, only to let out a very long, very exhausted yawn as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. With each passing hour, he was finding that trying to stay awake and active was becoming more and more of a challenge, a challenge that he knew he couldn’t very well overcome forever. But all the same he had to stay awake, he had to keep at it with the laptop until its password was finally found and its secrets were finally uncovered. To remind himself of this resolve, he had decided to all of the photos he had of him and Lapis on hand, largely out of his lingering frustration over how Bill had used one of them to taunt him last night. The small stack of pictures currently rested right beside the laptop, and while Dipper had hoped that they would fill him with a renewed sense of motivation, the only thing they really did give him at the moment was doubt. He had been working for so long and so hard now at trying to crack that password, and all he had to show for it were heavy bags under his eyes and a severe irritation with his sister.

And really, there was still a pretty good chance that Mabel could be right, as much as he hated to entertain the thought; even if he did manage to unlock the laptop, there was always a chance that its information would be completely useless in helping Lapis out of her current dire plight. He could very well set himself on a fool’s errand, one that might end up meaning nothing at all when everything was said and done. And if that really did happen, what then? He’d be right back to square one, with no leads, no hints, no clues at all about how to rescue the blue Gem.

Perhaps trying to save her was a longshot in general. After all, she had locked herself inside of an intense, monstrous fusion born of nothing but the sheerest hatred and spite, with said fusion itself being literally chained to the lakebed beep below. And really, as much as Dipper wanted to save her, he was just one person, a kid at that, who painfully lacked the strength, resources, or even the information needed to even come close to dealing with something like this. The truth was that, when it came right down to it, he had no idea about what to do to fix this. And to Dipper, that fact as almost as bad as the reality of Lapis being trapped in the first place.

As caught up in his steadily increasing worry as he was, he hardly even noticed as his hands gradually slipped away from the laptop, his head leaning against the side of the window alcove as his eyes began to gradually drift shut. With his lack of sleep finally catching up to him, it took a mere matter of seconds for him to nod off, though his brief bout of sleep was anything but restful when he opened his eyes and found himself standing on the lake shore, of all places.

Needless to say that, upon seeing the shore surrounding him alight with green fire once again, Dipper was completely taken aback, though nothing could have prepared him for the sight of the familiar figure that stood only a few feet in front of him. “L-Lapis!” he exclaimed, awash in both relief and disbelief as he instantly rushed forward to her. He stopped dead in his tracks, however, as the blue Gem abruptly snapped a partial glance back at him, her expression cold and her gaze piercing as she spoke in a low, almost hollow tone.

“Dipper…” she began, her expression unchanging, even if her voice carried just the smallest hint of hurt betrayal in it. “Why…? Why haven’t you saved me yet?”

“I-I… I’m trying!” Dipper protested, flinching at her icy stare. “I really am, Lapis, you have to believe me! It’s just… taking longer than I thought it would…”

“The only reason I stayed here on this miserable planet was because of you,” Lapis’ shoulders seemed to tense as she said this, a certain harshness entering her tone. “And look at where that’s gotten me. I’m trapped here with… with her, and you won’t even do anything to help me!”

“N-no!” Dipper shook his head, not even noticing the tears starting to well up in his eyes at such a brutal accusation. “L-Lapis, you don’t understand! I’ve been doing everything I can and working really hard to help-”

“You’ve been working for nothing,” Lapis sighed sorrowfully as she finally looked away from him. “You can’t help me. No one can.” Without so much as sparing another glance back at him, the blue Gem began to step forward into the lake, only offering him one final, bitter, hopeless farewell as she steadily walked deeper into her watery prison. “Goodbye, Dipper...”

“Lapis, w-wait!” Dipper shouted in a sudden panic, desperate not to lose her again as he ran into the water after her. “Please! Don’t go!” By now, the blue Gem was already quite deep in the water, but Dipper didn’t care. He was going to get to her, he was going to help her, no matter what he had to do. “I can figure out some way to save you, I know I can, I just need more-”

He was sharply cut off as a huge, momentous slash rippled throughout the lake the moment Lapis fully submerged herself. Dipper was knocked back quite a bit by this, giving him no time to react to the imposing Gem who had risen up from the depths to take Lapis’ place.

“Well, well…” Jasper smirked haughtily, her eyes wild with a lust for vengeance as she towered over the small, frightened human before her. “If it isn’t Lazuli’s precious little pet human…” Needless to say that upon being face to face with the fearsome orange Gem once more, Dipper’s flight instinct instantly kicked in as he tried to scramble to his feet and flee. However, Jasper easily stopped him before he could get anyway, grabbing him by his vest and hoisting him up by the front of his shirt, her twisted grin deepening as she watched his futile attempts to struggle against her firm hold. “Trying to run away, hm? Just like she did…”

“L-let me go!” Dipper contested desperately, still thrashing about in the orange Gem’s grip as he was well aware of how incredibly violent she was, especially towards humans.

“Why should I?” Jasper scowled, glaring at him with nothing less than absolute ire. “After all, you’re the reason why she has us both trapped down here! Why every second of our existence together is nothing but a fight neither of us can ever win! And for what? Just so she could keep you safe? What a waste!”

The orange Gem scoffed as she finally let Dipper fall out of her grasp, though she was quick to restrain him before he could slip away by pinning him to the ground with a heavy foot pressed against his chest. “Do you really think you’ll ever be able to ‘save’ her? Because if you do, then that makes you the stupidest human I’ve ever met, and believe me, I’ve met plenty of your kind. You’ll never be able to split us up and free her, and do you know why?” In an act of mere cruelty alone, Jasper pressed her foot down harder, to the point that Dipper essentially had to struggle to even breathe, much less escape as the orange Gem continued, her tone dripping with clear hatred. “Because you’re just a weak, pathetic, little human. That’s all you’ve ever been and that’s all you’ll ever be. You’re not strong enough or smart enough to even come close. You-” Jasper cut herself off as she finally stepped away from him, walking backwards towards the water as a sinister grin spread across her features, the gemstone that was her nose illuminating her face ominously. “Are-” Her voice rose as she prepared to submerge herself, just like Lapis had, though not before finishing off her vicious string of insults. “Nothing!”

As Jasper plunged herself into the darkened depths, Dipper only had time to let out a terrified gasp as a much more massive, monstrous figure pulled herself out of the lake after her: Malachite. The fusion leered high over him, all four of her eyes glaring down at him relentlessly as she raised one of her huge fists up with the intent of crushing him right where he stood. And seeing as how Dipper was far too stunned, distraught, and most of all, guilty to even so much as think about moving, he simply braced himself for what would be an incredibly painful impact. An impact that amazingly never came as he was ripped out of one nightmare—

And dropped right into the middle of another.

“Wakey, wakey, Pine Tree! Time’s ticking away! Not that I care, seeing as how time’s just one big, elaborate hoax anyway!” the shrill, grating voice of none other than Bill Cipher himself was what ended up snapping Dipper awake from the rather horrific dream he had just had. It took him a moment to calm himself down from the rush of intense emotions he had received from it and regather his bearings, and once he did, the first two things he noticed was that the attic was now completely devoid of color altogether, and that the dream demon was casually hovering just a few feet away. “Yeesh, took you long enough to wake up from that little catnap of yours! Still, I gotta say, that little nightmare you just had cracked me up! Stripes may be just as boring as all those other space rocks out there, but the way she scared the daylights out of you split all three of my sides! Ha! What a riot!”

Upon hearing this continued callousness, all of Dipper’s frightened surprise at Bill’s second unexpected appearance was replaced with all of his former bitter aggregation, largely since the dream demon and his incessant prodding and goading was the last thing he needed at the moment. “Ugh, give it a rest already!” he exclaimed crossly, hating just how constantly calm and composed Bill always seemed to be, even in the face of outright rejection. “I already told you I don’t want your help! Why can’t you just take a hint and leave me alone?!”

“Because you won’t take a hint, kid,” Bill countered easily. “Though you might want to, seeing as how you’re on a bit of a tight schedule now.”

“What do you…” Dipper trailed off as he looked over to the laptop again, only to see something that made him gasp in apt alarm. The password screen had been replaced with a warning red message, one that read: “Too many failed entries. Initiate data erase in five minutes”, accompanied by a steadily ticking countdown, one that was getting smaller and smaller with each passing second. “W-what?! No!” Dipper exclaimed in newfound panic as he gripped the laptop tightly, reeling with what this potential erasure could mean. “I’m about to lose everything?! I only have one more try?!”

“Well, well, well…” Bill spoke up in smug satisfaction, floating to the other side of the room. “Someone’s suddenly looking a lot more desperate…”

“Stay out of this!” Dipper snapped, refocusing on the laptop as he tried to force his exhausted mind to come up with something, anything that could work in this moment of truth. And yet, despite the fact that this guess would be all or nothing, he only drew a complete and absolute blank as the countdown continued winding down, reminding him of just how quickly this one lone chance he had was slipping away from him.

“You know…” Bill interjected coyly upon noticing Dipper’s nervous hesitance to make that final guess. “I can help you, kid. You just need to hear out my demands!”

Dipper flinched at this, quickly looking between the laptop and the dream demon and disdainfully realizing that Bill had him exactly where he wanted him: distressed, clueless, and without any other options left to speak of. Of course, his first instinct was to harshly tell the demon off once more, to adamantly refuse to make any sort of deal or contract with him for the sake of solving this mystery on his own. And yet… that didn’t really seem like a luxury he could afford anymore, especially as the laptop steadily continued ticking down. Dipper was all too painfully aware that this laptop was the sole possible lead he had, not just to discovering the author’s identity, but to saving Lapis from her watery prison. Could he bear to let that only lead, that one small but still bright chance, be wiped away forever, all because he refused to swallow his pride and take a chance, no matter how risky and detrimental that chance might be?

“Ugh, what crazy thing do you want anyway?” Dipper finally asked, making sure to keep his guard up. After all, Bill was an absolute wild card, one that couldn’t possibly be genuinely trusted under any means. Still, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t at least offer some form of assistance, for the right price. “To eat my soul? To rip out my teeth? Are you gonna replace my eyes with baby heads or something?”

“Yeesh, kid, relax,” Bill remarked with a hint of amusement in his tone. “All I want is a puppet!”

“A puppet?” Dipper repeated with a confused frown at this surprisingly simple request. “What are you playing at?”

“Everyone loves puppets!” Bill exclaimed brightly before pointing over to the mass pile of sock puppets Mabel had accumulated over the past several days. “And it looks to me like you’ve got a surplus on your hands here! Just one of them isn’t too much to ask for, is it?”

Dipper raised an incredulous eyebrow, still not following the demon’s bizarre logic, or lack thereof. “But what are you going to do with a-”

“Dipper!” the conversation was abruptly interrupted by a sudden knock on the attic door, followed by Steven calling out along with it. “Are you in there?”

“S-Steven!” Dipper gasped in surprise at this unexpected near-intrusion. “Uh… Y-yeah, I’m in here! Give me just a second!”

“Oh, uh, ok,” Steven consented with a frown as he stood on the other side of the door. “It’s just that Mabel wanted me to come up here and check on you. She seemed kinda upset about what happened earlier…”

“Uh hu, y-yeah, sure,” Dipper replied absently, frantically looking to the laptop again as its timer only showed that he had about three minutes left before the dreaded data erase. “Like I said, I’ll be out in just a second!”

Still, as distracted as he was with both Steven and the laptop, Dipper failed to notice Bill himself seize up just the slightest bit over Steven’s unforeseen arrival, his eye widening first before twitching red with a years’ old fury. “Ugh! Darn Rosebud, always sticking his gem in places where it doesn’t belong! Just like his rockheaded mom used to do! Well, not this time, ‘Quartzy’…” The demon petulantly grumbled to himself for a moment, though he was quick to collect himself, calmly readjusting his bowtie as he rushed to regather Dipper’s split attention. “So, Pine Tree, before we were so rudely interrupted, where were we? Oh, that’s right! You were gonna hand over a puppet while I give you a clue about that laptop! So chop, chop, time’s a-wasting!”

“I-I don’t know, man…” Dipper hesitated, taking a brief anxious glance towards the door in the hopes that Steven couldn’t overhear any of this. “Mabel worked really hard on those puppets… I don’t know how she’d feel about me just giving any of them away…”

“How ‘she’d’ feel?” Bill reiterated with a callous scoff. “That’s what you care about right now, when you’re about to everything you’ve worked so hard for? Wow, kid, you really need to get your priorities straight. Seems to me like one little puppet is a small price to pay to learn all the secrets of the universe!”

“Dipper?” Steven knocked on the door once again, growing somewhat concerned by the wait. “I-is everything ok in there?’

“Yeah, Steven, everything’s fine!” Dipper called back, growing somewhat annoyed by the young Gem’s persistence. Still, he didn’t dare open the door, not with the laptop nearly out of time and the only one who could possibly salvage it giving him an ultimatum like this.

“Besides,” Bill continued, refusing to let the young Gem steal his thunder. “What’s your sister done for you lately? How many times have you sacrificed for her, huh?” The demon glided down to Dipper’s level, several retrospective images of such sacrifices flashed across his flat surface. “And when has she ever returned the favor…?”

As much as Dipper hated to come anywhere close to admitting it, Bill certainly did have a point with that line of reasoning. So many times, not just in this summer alone but throughout their entire lives, it always seemed like he was the one giving what he wanted up for Mabel’s sake, and never the other way around. For the longest time now, he had always just accepted that as how things were: Mabel always got what she wanted while Dipper rarely ever did. That was just how it worked. But now, with stakes higher than they had ever been before, he was starting to finally realize just how incredibly unfair that was. Why should her puppet show go off without a hitch while his laptop plan fell through completely? Why should she get to impress her frivolous crush while his hopes and aspirations were erased altogether? Why should she always get to win while he always had to lose?

Bill could tell that his crafty manipulation was working perfectly as Dipper stole a glance out the nearby window, his expression darkening as he spotted Mabel out in the yard, still blithely planning her puppet show without a care in the world. But even so, the dream demon decided to take his appeal just a step further, knowing that he had the windup, he just had to go for the pitch. “But you know who has sacrificed pretty much everything for you?” he began, hands held behind his back as his tone remained smooth and level but conniving all the same.

“Don’t-” Dipper muttered morosely, not wanting to hear this agonizing argument again, but even so Bill callously continued.

“Ding! That’s right! Water Wings!” he remarked effervescently, almost teasingly. “After only a week or so of hanging out with you, she was willing to trap herself at the bottom of a lake with a big ol’ brute like Stripes for the rest of eternity! It’s so sweet that I would gag if I actually had a stomach or a mouth! But the point is, she’s locked down there, having just a grand old time duking it out with Stripes and her spending every waking moment in an endless sea of misery and torment, and its all—your—fault!”

“I… I know…” Dipper sighed in defeat, unable to even think of any arguments to this because there were none. Lapis had pulled herself and Jasper into that lake for one reason and one reason alone: to protect him. He had been carrying the guilt from that on his shoulders from the moment she first disappeared into the depths, and ever since it had only grown heavier and heavier, to the point that it had finally become more than he could bear. In fact, as he glanced over to the stack of pictures of them once more, he was so weighed down by that guilt that he didn’t even hear Steven pound on the door for him once more.

“Dipper! I-is someone else in there with you?!” the young Gem exclaimed, his worry rapidly growing. “I thought I heard another voice talking in there!” And it was true, though Steven really couldn’t make out whose voice it was or what they were saying. It couldn’t have been Mabel or Connie, seeing as how they were still outside, and it didn’t sound like Stan, Soos, or Wendy. Rather, there was an ethereal but still rather familiar quality to it, one that set Steven on edge for reasons he really couldn’t explain but ones that brought fear to nearly every fiber of his being all the same.

“A single puppet in exchange for saving one of the only beings in the universe who really listens to you and understands you,” Bill remarked, ignoring the young Gem outside completely now, just as Dipper was. “Sounds like the fairest price you’re gonna get, Pine Tree. Unless you don’t want to ever see Water Wings again and wouldn’t mind if she slept with the fishes until the Earth inevitably burns up someday way after you’re dead and gone! Either way, kid” The dream demon paused, offering his hand out as it lit up with a burst of blue flame. “It’s all up to you.”

That was by far the most correct thing the demon had said thus far and Dipper knew it. It was all up to him. The laptop and its secrets, Lapis’ long-awaited freedom, both of those things rested entirely in his hands now. They both rested on a fine line of finally being in his reach to being lost entirely. The deciding factor was his choice and his choice alone. And, with only thirty short seconds left on the countdown, it was a choice he had to make far too fast.

A puppet for a password. On the surface, it seemed deceptively simple, and in many ways it was. Giving Bill what he wanted would be so easy, so easy in fact that Dipper was admittedly surprised that he was even thinking twice about it. After all, Lapis had given up everything, her form, her freedom, every part of herself, just to ensure his safety. How could he possibly hold back something as wildly pointless in the grand scheme of things has a mere puppet while she struggled and suffered and sacrificed all for his sake? How could he even begin to claim that he cared about her, that she was one of his dearest friends, if he didn’t go through with this, if he didn’t cross this line and make this deal, no matter how it might turn out in the end? When it really came right down to it, he had no choice, not really. Because much like Lapis had known what to do to when Jasper had presented her with a hopeless ultimatum, as Bill offered him a relatively much more hopeful one, Dipper knew what he had to do as well.

Still, before he could even reach his hand up, he was distracted once more by Steven’s almost desperate pounding on the door. “Dipper, come on!” the young Gem cried, his unknown fear starting to overwhelm him as he pushed against the door hard, not noticing as its hinges started to bend against the pressure he was putting on it. “S-something’s wrong! Open the door, please!”

Dipper turned briefly, ready to give the young Gem another brief reassurance, though Bill cut him off before he could. “Tick, tock, kid!” the dream demon reminded, his eye now a steadily rotating clock as his hand continued burning blue. “Rosebud can wait; but you and I both know that Water Wings can’t…”

With the laptop at only ten seconds now, Dipper squared his shoulders, taking just the smallest glance towards the photos once more as he affirmed his resolve. Maybe it was desperation, maybe it was guilt, or maybe it was his own complete and utter exhaustion, but he was going to do this, as absolutely insane and nonsensical as it was. But he had to; for Lapis. “Just one puppet?” he asked, taking in a deep breath as he finally reached his hand up to shake the demon’s, the slightest sense that there was no turning back now coming along with it. “Fine! It’s a deal.”

The very instant their joined hands went down in a solidifying shake of this deal, the attic door came crashing down, Steven falling along with it. The young Gem didn’t have a chance to be surprised at his own strength as his shock was completely reserved for the unbelievable sight in front of him. After all, the last thing he had ever expected to see was Dipper shaking hands with Bill Cipher, with their aforementioned hands both alight with the heatless blue fire that told of a newly-formed agreement. “D-Dipper…” Steven barely breathed in horrified bewilderment, his eyes wide as he absently pulled himself to his feet. “W-what’s-”

“Steven! I-I can explain!” Dipper tried to rationalize, though Bill gleefully cut him off before he had that chance.

“Glad you could join us, Rosebud!” he greeted mirthfully, an edge of twisted triumph in tone over the fact that the young Gem could do nothing to impede his plans now. “You’re just in time to see me pick out my puppet Pine Tree here promised me! Now let’s see here… Eenie, meenie, minie…” He trailed off, his eye turning a dark shade of warning red as he looked back to Dipper. “YOU!”

“Wha-” Dipper cut himself off with a sharp gasp, a painful tug suddenly rippling throughout his entire body. It only seemed to intensify as the abrupt pull soon turned into an agonizing tear, almost as if something was reaching deep inside of his very being for something, its vicious, greedy search seeming to ensnare violate him completely. And once it found that something it had been looking for, it violently ripped it right out of him, until he could no longer feel anything at all.

“Dipper!” Steven’s absolutely terrified cry was what first tipped Dipper off to the fact that something was gravely wrong. Though as he opened his eyes only to look down and see what was, without a doubt, his own body lying prone and seemingly unconscious against the alcove several feet below him, then there was simply no denying that things had taken a horrific turn for the worst.

“W-what’s going on?!” Dipper exclaimed with an aptly shocked gasp as he looked down at himself as opposed to his now seemingly unoccupied body. His alarm only grew as reached to touch his now apparently transparent form, only for it to pass right through it, confirming that he was indeed somehow both intangible and incorporeal. “What is this?! What did you do to my body?!”

Only now did Dipper realize that Bill, whom he correctly assumed was responsible for all this, was nowhere to be found. Though he soon received an answer as the dream demon’s demented, chilling laughter began to ring out across the attic, and, strangely and frighteningly enough, it was coming out of his mouth, of all places.

Not having the faintest idea about what was going on but immensely concerned and afraid all the same, Steven hurried over to Dipper’s manically laughing body, only to be roughly shoved to the ground as Bill started to pull his newly-stolen body up to stand. When is eyes opened, both Steven and Dipper gasped in shared appalment to see that they were now only long yellow slits against a bright, almost glowing yellow, a further sign that the demon had claimed this vessel as his own.

Bill said nothing at first, but instead only laughed twistedly as he grabbed the nearby laptop, its countdown finally hitting zero as he did. At the same time, he also made sure to grab the photos of Dipper and Lapis sitting right next to it, though he brought the laptop down first, tossing it to the ground hard and cackling wildly as he stomped on it, breaking it into nothing more than scattered bits and burnt out circuits. To add insult to injury, the demon then proceeded to cheerfully rip all of the photos into small, unrecognizable scraps that he let fall onto the laptop’s ruined remains. It was clear from his sickening snickers alone that Bill was taking sadistic delight in seeing the absolutely distraught look on Dipper’s immaterial face as he realized all at once that he had just lost everything: the laptop, its secrets, the pictures, the chance to help Lapis, and now, even his own body. “Sorry, kid!” the demon grinned remorselessly, relishing in his triumph as both reeled in terror over the nightmarish twist that had just unfolded, one that had just changed everything in one horrific instant. “But you’re my puppet now!”

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