#a helluva way to meet your future mother in law

[keitheaverage]

Vexus in an episode of MLaaTR: One day, XJ9, you will join the Cluster Family!

Me, a Jenny/Vega truther:

[dcdads]

Our "FAQACAOSP"

(Frequently Asked Questions And Comments About Our Surrogacy Process)

We love sharing our ongoing surrogacy story and will tell it to anyone who listens. We’ll keep this updated as we continue through our journey, in hopes of helping anyone who may be thinking of expanding their family or just curious about how babies can be made. First things first:

IVF Vocabulary Primer - essential words and acronyms:

IVF: In Vitro Fertilization

IP: Intended Parents (that’s us!)

GC: Gestational Carrier (aka surrogate)

CCS: Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening

CMV: Cytomegalovirus, which more than half of the population is infected with

Blastocyst: The blastocyst is a structure formed in the early development of mammals. It possesses an inner cell mass (ICM) which subsequently forms the embryo. (It’s a five day old embryo)

DSR: Donor-sibling registry

ORM: Oregon Reproductive Medicine, the fertility clinic we selected to assist with our IVF process

NWSC: Northwest Surrogacy Center, the Portland based organization that matched us with our wonderful GC and handles all legal and financial matters associated with the complex surrogacy process

But why didn’t you just adopt?

Discussions about growing our family began in earnest about two years ago. At first, adoption was the only option we considered. After learning of the potential risks, timelines, costs, and emotional toll surrounding the adoption process, we decided to explore surrogacy. While surrogacy has its own unique challenges, the prospect of having our own biological children tipped the scales for us.

Yes Virginia, two men can have a baby…with a lot of help:

But wait, how do they…? MIND-BLOWING SCIENCE AND AWESOME PEOPLE. We get to have 2 kids of our own thanks to cutting-edge technology and literally teams of dedicated professionals. There are many paths to creating a family - here's ours:

After we each put our 173 million sperm deposit on ice (yes, that number is accurate), we selected a vetted egg donor from a database maintained by ORM. Following the completion of a hormone medication cycle, 42 eggs were retrieved from our egg donor and then immediately fertilized (21 with Daniel’s, 21 with Darek’s). After a 5-day incubation in the lab, and CCS testing, our resulting 10 viable blastocysts were cryogenically frozen to await implantation. (In other words, we had 10 little healthy potential D&D’s in a freezer in Oregon!)

After a few more months, NWSC matched us with a surrogate, Kayla, who we immediately fell in love with (mostly because she laughed at Darek’s jokes). Following the completion of her own cycle of pre-implantation medications, the embryologist (yes, that is a very real job) implanted 2 embryos (1 Darek, 1 Daniel) in the hopes that at least one would stick. Thanks to our amazing doctors (and maybe the matching t-shirts Kayla got everyone for good luck on transfer day) they both stuck! Kayla had to stay on a variety of IVF-related medications throughout the 1st trimester.

Wait, so you don’t know the genetic mother of your children? Won’t that be hard for them?

We know more about our anonymous egg donor than we know about any of our friends or family. Thanks to ORM’s exhaustive profiling and vetting, we were able to access a lengthy profile of her medical background, psychological health, her entire family’s genetic tree, lots of pictures, her reasons for becoming an egg donor, and about 485 other facts about her likes, dislikes, and background. One reason we selected our egg donor was her willingness to become part of the DSR, which means we can contact her anonymously any time we want. Through the DSR, our children will also have the opportunity to contact her, and find out information on any potential genetic half-siblings that might be out there in the future too. While we know our kids will have a million questions about their genetic lineage that we might not be able to answer, it gave us solace to know we can find those answers if and when we want to.

So how come you went all the way to Oregon?!

A few reasons. We first chose ORM based on a recommendation from a friend and after realizing that their success rates were among the best in the world (94% chance of success!). ORM recommended NWSC, which we interviewed along with a few other surrogacy agencies. We chose them mostly because they only work with GC’s from states with surrogacy friendly laws. Surprisingly, surrogacy is not legal in all states (it’s illegal in DC!). Even in states were it is legal, some states require IP’s to adopt their own children, as the woman who gives birth to a child is automatically deemed the mother at birth, even if - as in our case - the woman who births the children has zero genetic relationship to the babies. Oregon is one of the states with the friendliest laws; we will be official and legal Dad 1 and Dad 2 the minute our little D&Ds arrive. 

A stranger is carrying your babies?

She's no stranger, quite the contrary actually. NWSC specializes in providing IPs with a perfectly matched surrogate, and they did not disappoint. It took nine months of physical, social, mental, and financial screening to find a compatible surrogate willing to carry our twins. The numerous and strict requirements for surrogacy eligibility result in the rejection of 95% of candidates. Our long anticipated initial match meeting (via Skype) was a resounding success - a testament to the exhaustively thorough vetting process.

Aren't you scared that she'll abscond with them off into the night?

Not in the slightest, and here's why:

We know her. While the exhaustively comprehensive surrogacy vetting process painted an initial picture of the amazing woman that would be carrying our babies, that was just the birth (sorry) of our strong relationship with her. In the eight months since our match we've visited her twice, joined video calls and exchanged countless pictures, texts, and emails.

Her family is complete. Our surrogate has a toddler of her own and is not interested in having additional children. During the "worst case scenarios" portion of the contracting phase, we had to document alternate guardianship plans in the event that something happened to us prior to birth. She half-joked her biggest concern was somehow being left with two orphaned infants that didn't belong to her!

We have compatible goals and desires. We want biological children, but (obviously) can't create them ourselves. Kayla wants to help grow a family for someone else and is saving to buy a house.

It's been a helluva journey, and it's only just begun. Our twins are due July 4th!

[vetustus]

Here’s a record of all Anderson’s voice recordings about his life for future reference.

Childhood

“Ahem. Okay. So... tombstone data. Admiral David Edward Anderson. Not sure why anyone would be interested, but thanks for asking. I was born in London on June 8th, 2137, the last of three children born to Ursula and Paul Anderson--a nurse and a flight mechanic, respectively. That's a little dry. Someone's going to spice this up, right? Never been much for the spotlight. Anyway... where was I? It was a second marriage for my parents. They were almost fifty by the time they had me. My mother worked shifts, so my father would often take me to the base. While he worked, I watched transport ships and fighters take off. Worked his whole life around space travel, my father, but he never left Earth, not for a day. He was a good man. But that's just a side note. Don't put that in. Who is it, Kahlee? Yes, I need to take that. I hope this is what you're after. I'll get to the more interesting N7 stuff next time.”

Enlisting

“What was... What was I talking about? Early days, right. People ask why I joined the military. Everyone talks about honor, duty, sure. But that's never the whole truth. It's a hundred little things that add up to commitment. I joined because of a dog. Yeah, a dog. This patchy, mean, son of a bitch that used to bark at me every day on my way to school. It'd snarl, and I'd start running. Scared the hell out of me. I was just a kid. I remember being in a bad mood one morning. Angry. I can't recall why. When that dog started in on me, I snapped. Started barking right back. We both kept at it until we had nothing left. Dog never bothered me again. Why'd I join the military? Sometimes, you just gotta howl to make things right.”

Contact

“No, no. It's fine. I've got a few minutes. First Contact War? Yeah, I was there. My first real combat. First for a lot of us. I remember one night, early in the war, strapped to my seat as our transport approached the LZ. Everyone was dead silent. Just the sound of breathing. Good men. I'd trained with all of them. We were always joking and horsing around. But not this time. Just the rattle of the shuttle and that heavy breathing. Everyone was thinking the same thing: we're off to fight alien invaders. Aliens! Think about that. We all grew up wondering what was out there, if we were alone in the universe. Now we knew. We weren't alone. And we were in trouble. So there we were, about to face an enemy as different and unknown as we could imagine. I knew I had to say something, keep the men relaxed. So I turned to the soldier beside me, Hendricks I think, and asked him how his mother was doing. "Fine," he said. "Why?" "Cause I heard your momma's so ugly the marines thought she was a turian... almost shot her." That got a few smiles. Then Hendricks turned to me and said... "Hell Anderson, I heard it was a picture of your momma that started this goddamn war in the first place. Scared the turians shitless." Everyone had a good laugh at that. And the boys fought great that night. Sometimes that's all it takes. A joke. A pat on the back. Just a little reminder that everything's gonna be okay.”

N7

“Embarrassing moments? I got more of those than anyone will ever know. Only way to learn something. But if I had to pick one to share... I had just gotten promoted to N7. Full of myself. King of the castle. Found myself buying drinks for undesirables in some run-down bar in the Wards. They toasted my recent promotion. Hell, they would've toasted batarian slavers if it got them more drinks. About the time my money ran out, my new friends turned on me. I was outnumbered. Things didn't look good. My plan to get out of there involved lots of punching. That worked for a while. Then a table hit me... or I fell down. When I came to, I saw a salarianputting the rest of the troublemakers down. A salarian! Moved like a damn cat, I swear. When everybody was out cold or running, he walked over and helped me up. "N7?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. He looked over my collection of unconscious friends, nodding. "Not bad, human," he said. Then he walked away. I had met my first Spectre. Learned an important lesson that day. No matter how good you think you are, there's always somebody quicker, faster, and a helluva lot smarter than you just around the corner. That little lesson's kept me alive more than once since then.”

Turian Experience

“The turians? Hmm. I might not always see eye to eye with the politics and the individuals, but I have great respect for the turian military. Any Alliance soldier lucky enough to take part in their training programs will certainly be better for it. Their precision, skill, and discipline come together in a way that's second to none. Not that I'm faulting our own people or training.. It's just that, after fighting turians in the First Contact War, years later I had the opportunity to observe and train on Palaven. It's a unique experience to put yourself in the squad of a turian commander. My commander was an uncompromising bastard named Bartus Aurix. If you can find him, just ask how the platoon I commanded was trounced in his strategy games. Humbling, but I've used what I learned that day, many times. The xenophobes will have their say, but I think it's vital that we do more of this kind of cross-species training. There you go. Heh. And if you do find General Aurix, let me know--I owe him money.”

Relationships

“You never asked me about this, but... My wife just called. My ex-wife... Nobody likes to talk about the toll that long months apart can have on military relationships. She wasn't military. She couldn't handle it. But it's not even about military and non-military, damn it. It's space flight. Space flight--finding the mass relays--miracles of engineering. Human imagination rising to meet our desires. We pay a price for that curiosity, that drive. Our relationships suffer. People we love suffer. But that's reality and it's worth the cost. I must have thought it was... I guess I still do. In the end, you just hope you made the right choices.”

Normandy SR-1

“You asked me to talk about the SSV Normandy--the Normandy SR1. As commander of the Tokyo, I was consulted on the Normandy's design and on board for her initial training exercises. The average person probably doesn't know that the Normandy was a joint project with the turians. Acting CO Elli Zander was no diplomat. She ran out of patience with turian posturing and politicking during construction. The chief architect of the drive core, Octavio Tatum, and his team of turian engineers were in the CIC for final training exercises. Tempers flared when Zander pushed the limits of the stealth system, waiting to vent the IES well past what Tatum was comfortable with. I tried to calm the situation, but it still ended with the turian scientists in shackles and a human/turian fistfight in Chora's Den later. Funny now... When I first laid eyes on the Normandy, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Day after that training run, Admiral Wright found me on the bridge. "She's yours," he said, "Can't trust her to Zander. Send me a list of crew from the Tokyo you'd like and prep for your first mission." Short command, thanks to Saren. Still. One of the highlights of a long career.”

Normandy

“The Normandy? A brand new ship. My ship. You don't forget that moment. The first time you're standing there, the whole crew looking to you for direction? Unforgettable. I'd led men and women before that. Seen a lot of combat already. Always managed to find my way home in one piece. Do that a few times, you begin to think you know better than the next guy. Maybe you do. I don't know. But if you're lucky, really lucky, you find yourself on a good ship, in front of a good crew. A crew you can trust with your life. Gifted, disciplined, brave. All of them eager to set sail into the endless black ocean. I still remember my XO asking what my orders were. "Shepard," I said, "Let's see what we can find."”

Shepard

“Sure, I can talk about Commander Shepard. Big topic. There's been a lot written about the Commander, but most of it isn't true. People are quick to judge. They don't know the whole story. I don't even know the whole story. But I know the man/woman. Worked with him/her, fought with him/her. Trust him/her with my life. Shepard's had some rough patches. Who of us hasn't. He's/She's been forced to fight a lot of battles alone. God only knows how he/she got out of some of that. Makes your head spin. Thing is, you never heard a complaint. Never once got "No, sir. I can't do that." He/She never hesitated. Few people know what Shepard's been through. I'd like to think I come pretty close. And I worry sometimes he/she forgets: there's a whole bunch of people who lose sleep over him/her getting back home. Maybe it doesn't need to be said. Maybe we're too dumb to say it. Soldiers like the Commander are rare. Men/Women like Shepard... even more rare.”

New Questions

“Okay. I have your new questions here... "As a leader, do I ever feel that the ends justify the means? Spirit of law over word of law?" I'm not going to touch that with a ten-foot pole, but I think I know what you're after. You're referring to the way I, uh, arranged to have the Normandy released to Commander Shepard before the Battle of the Citadel. I'm not sure how valuable hindsight is to the military. Obviously, it worked out for the best. Without the Normandy and Commander Shepard free to do what they needed to do--what we needed them to do--Saren might have taken the Citadel. I think it's clear what a different galaxy this would be if that had happened. I did what I had to. If I had been wrong, I would've gladly accepted the repercussions. The real trick is never being wrong. Ha. If you're looking for more action and less philosophy in these notes, let me know.”