#a. complete and utter burnout

[knight-engale]

it is very very hard to not feel like a failure right now. maybe i am and i've been tricking everyone into thinking i'm not.

[fateseeker]

// I just wanna put a reminder that this Nabu and the Nabu I play on discord are two separate Dr Fates and nothing on discord is canon to this Nabu. They share a lot of headcanons and characterizations but theyre not the same verse, especially not with the plot and everything. For the most part I just reference discord for the funnies.

Threads that started on discord and continued on the blog are very pick and choose for canonity atm cus I'm so behind on answering stuff and I haven't been on the blog for a while for various reasons

[wakkass]

💜Teenage Sofia💜

On the right is some hairstyle searches

AU itself

Sofia sleeps through her first lessons and cannot concentrate on her homework, which is why she makes mistakes.

For some reason, Sofia’s energy is becoming less and less; she cannot easily join the busy rhythm of life as in childhood.

She considered it an uneven start to the school year, and therefore didn't tell anyone about anything.

Despite this, Sofia tries very hard to work, but the problem is that she never begins to accomplish anything.

The amulet began to behave strangely: it loses color and turns gray. And most importantly, it doesn't work as it should, sometimes completely switching off and depriving Sofia of her powers.

This causes problems with her missions: she cannot respond to calls for help in time and cannot talk to her friends. It also reminds her of the helplessness she felt when she was stuck inside the amulet.

Sofia is caught between her old responsibilities and her new academic demands, causing her to fail at both.

This begins to put pressure on her, and as a result, Sofia's emotions become uncontrollable, for example, she may suddenly cry or get angry.

It got to the point where Sofia yelled at Miranda and ran away in a fit of rage, not understanding why she was even angry.

At first, Sofia believes that the amulet is to blame for her strange condition. Something happened to it and it needs to be fixed. This is a reason to turn to Cedric for help.

However, when examining the amulet, it turns out that it doesn't affect Sofia, but vice versa. That is, the amulet reacts to her burnout due to permanent stress.

Sofia doesn't know the nature of her condition and how to fix it. If this is a curse, then it must be removed, and if it's a disease, then it must be cured, and who else but the royal sorcerer will help with this.

The more Sofia describes the symptoms, the more Cedric realizes that this is not an infection or a curse, but something that he himself once went through - depression.

To avoid this, Cedric does what Sofia once did for him: shows care and attention.

He tries to repeat the same actions that Sofia did for him many years ago, because this is the only way to deal with depression that he knows.

This doesn't always help, since she could suddenly cry, and he didn't know what to do about it. But Sofia felt better from the very fact of understanding and caring for her. What's important is that she was able to let her feelings out.

Sofia asked Cedric for medicine and he took her to the throne room where her parents were sitting. A friend nearby can help in difficult times, but there is nothing more healing than family support.

Sofia was scared to talk to her mother, because they parted on an unpleasant note. Sofia was afraid of making this worse, because she reacted extremely unpredictably to things.

I see their dialogue as somewhat awkward at first, which is why Sofia has a lump in her throat. But Miranda is not angry with her, although it's difficult for her to ask about what is happening. I think this will put pressure on Sofia and she will utter her words of apology quickly and incoherently.

It was amazing how much easier it became for Sofia when she didn't face her mother's anger, but her mother's support. What's happening to Sofia is complicated, but she's still loved and understood. No one will ever leave her alone, no matter how much she changes.

The amulet remains gray until Sofia deals with the amount of work she has to do, causing her to burn out.

In the future, Amber helps Sofia with her schedule and organization of things during the day.

Appearance info

Hairstyle:

I knew that Sofia's hair texture needed to be soft and light, so I was looking for a simple and full hairstyle. I chose between a ponytail and a half-ponytail, and in the end I settled on the hairstyle that I could feel best.

I like how in animation the movement of the tail reflects the personality and mood of the character, this is ideal for a pubescent AU, where emotions and feelings burst out.

Meg and Thumbelina are not only a great visual reference for hair movement, but also reflect facets of personality that Sofia might have at her age. And the hair in a high ponytail emphasizes this perfectly.

Cloth:

Amber and Sofia's costumes are similar because they wear school uniforms. They study together in a specialized educational institution, so I think there is a certain dress code there. It's different from the public school setting that was in the original series, and I wanted to highlight that visually.

At the same time, the palette is different for everyone and reflects the individuality of each student.

I took inspiration from Pinterest where I was looking for simple yet elegant clothes. Asian uniforms have the most variety in silhouettes, so I mainly focused on them.

A small example of the cut I relied on

< Previous post

[bumbled-bees]

Lily's Lack of Empathy

Lily has zero patience for struggles she personally doesn’t experience, and she refuses to acknowledge that things might be difficult for others—even when those struggles are fundamental to their identity, circumstances, or mental health. Her attitude is consistently: If I can do it, why can’t you? And if you can’t? Well, that’s your problem.

This rigid and unsympathetic mindset is blatantly evident in how she treats the idea of standing up for oneself. In her January 30th livestream, a viewer brought up how creators often can’t fully execute their vision due to studio pushback. This is a well-documented reality in media industries—executives interfere, budgets are cut, projects get compromised. But instead of engaging with that reality, Lily snapped: “Well, fight back against the studio then.” She genuinely believes that if a creator really cared about their work, they would just risk getting fired rather than compromise. She completely ignored the fact that most creators don’t have that kind of power. Someone like Lauren Faust can afford to walk away from projects if executives won’t let her execute her vision, but a new or lesser-known creator? If they push back too hard, they lose their job—and in the entertainment industry, getting blacklisted is a very real risk. But Lily doesn’t care about reality. She only cares about what fits her simplistic worldview, and to her, if you’re not standing up to authority, it’s because you’re a coward.

Her utter lack of empathy is also clear in how she talks about autistic masking. Lily has flip-flopped on whether she herself is autistic, depending on what will get her more sympathy in the moment. But what’s consistent is her contempt for autistic people who struggle with masking. She has outright said she has no sympathy for autistic people who don’t mask and that they should be doing it all the time. This is an incredibly ableist take—especially given that many of her viewers are autistic. Masking is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and for some people, it’s just not sustainable. Forcing autistic people to mask constantly can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and severe mental health struggles. But because Lily finds it easy—or at least, claims she does—she dismisses those struggles entirely.

Her complete lack of empathy extends to her approach to "boundaries"—or rather, her weaponization of them. Lily constantly accuses others of violating her boundaries, often in the most bizarre and trivial ways. She has framed innocent gestures like “Have you tried soup?” as boundary violations, just so she can justify snapping at people. But while she demands that her so-called boundaries be respected, she has no patience for anyone else’s emotional struggles. If someone says, “I have trouble advocating for myself” or “It’s difficult for me to confront people”, Lily has zero sympathy. She insists they should just "get over it"—because, in her mind, if she finds something easy, then everyone else should too.

And it’s not just real people she lacks empathy for—she even extends this attitude to fictional characters. In her critique of The Owl House, when Luz goes through a depression arc, Lily had no patience for it. She actively encouraged Amity to break up with Luz just because Luz was struggling. That’s a wild take for someone who claims to care about representation and character depth. Most people understand that mental health struggles are complex, and people in relationships support each other through difficult times. But Lily? She sees Luz being depressed and immediately thinks, Well, she’s being annoying—Amity should just leave her. That level of coldness and detachment speaks volumes.

And of course, we can’t forget her hypocrisy when it comes to criticism. Lily has made it very clear that she believes she is above critique. She actively punishes fans for disagreeing with her, cutting them off and banning them if they question anything she says. But when it comes to other people, she insists that they should “take the criticism and improve.” She constantly complains that creators don’t listen to feedback or refuse to change, yet she herself throws a fit the second anyone criticizes her. Once again, she thinks it’s easy to handle criticism, so anyone who doesn’t must just be weak.

This all ties back into Lily’s black-and-white thinking and fundamental lack of emotional depth. She refuses to acknowledge nuance, personal struggles, or differing experiences. If something is easy for her, then it must be easy for everyone else. If someone can’t do something, then they are the problem. She shows no understanding, no patience, and no willingness to consider perspectives outside of her own. And in the process, she alienates not only her audience but anyone who expects even a baseline level of empathy from her.

All of this ties back into one fundamental truth: Lily has no empathy because she fundamentally does not care about anyone’s struggles except her own. If something is easy for her—or if she thinks it should be easy—then it must be easy for everyone. And if you struggle, well, that’s your fault, and she has no sympathy for you.

[malarign]

crybaby

(when they find you crying)

contains: bf!maknaeline x gn!reader | genre: angsty fluff | tw! crying obv, kissing, low self esteem, appearance insecurities, burn out, stress, lmk if i missed anything! | wc:

reblogs are highly appreciated!

author’s note: sorry it took so long, but i’ll try to post more often now! 😼 also big thank you to @odxrilove for beta reading!

for hyung line version go here!

Kim Sunoo | 김선우

Looking from your computer screen to the window you felt dizzy. All those hours you spent trying to write something that made sense weren’t as productive as you thought they would be. You just stared at your short story helpless, no sensible thoughts came to your mind, causing a few tears to form in your eyes.

Closing your laptop harshly, you hid your face in the palms of your hands and sobbed loudly. Your cries brought attention to Sunoo who’s been busy preparing some warm meal for both of you. He kind of knew something was wrong - you seemed exceptionally stressed and nervous the whole day so he waited patiently for some reaction from you. He ran up to your room, leaving the stove turned off.

He saw you shaking slightly with every sob, sitting quite uncomfortably in front of your now closed computer.

“Sweetheart?” He watched how your head shot up at the nickname. He tried to send you a comforting smile, but at the sight of him you teared up even more. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, gently stroking your hair.

You brought your form closer to him, trying to find comfort in his hug, but even that didn’t seem to help.

“I feel so bad,” you stuttered out. “I don’t feel it anymore, I don’t know how to write,” you cried bitterly.

“What do you mean? You love writing,” he tried to understand, especially since nothing pointed to your sudden burnout.

“I feel like I’m getting lost in between all those words, and I’m so scared, Sunoo. I know nothing apart from writing, it’s my whole life. But now I’m not able to rig up at least one good sentence or even a phrase.”

He felt how a stain of your tears on his T-shirt became bigger and bigger with your every word. He wished he knew how to help you, but none of you truly imagined a moment like this. Writing and storytelling has been your passion for the longest time, he loved every single one of them and always wondered how you were able to give utter to your stories so beautifully.

“Maybe, try to rest for a while,” he said after thinking for a while. “Don’t you think you’ve been pushing yourself a bit too much lately? Burnout doesn’t mean your passion is completely gone, but that you should prioritize yourself now.”

He felt how you nodded slowly. You pulled away from him to wipe your face. Cupping them he planted a sweet peck on your nose and forehead earning a small smile from you.

Yang Jungwon | 양정원

Looking in the mirror you almost didn’t recognize the person who stood in its reflection. They looked at you but at the same time it wasn’t you. Then why did everything tell you this is how you looked?

Without noticing it tears started cascading your cheeks in hot pathways. Your body was far from perfect and you knew it damn well. How could you do that to yourself? How could you neglect your body like this?

Trying to calm down before your boyfriend Jungwon would come back home from work you fanned your face with your palms in hope it would stop your tears from overflowing, but it was self-defeating. It only made you cry harder, disgusted at the thought of him having to bear with you.

“Y/n?” His voice brought your attention. You turned around to face him with tears-stained cheeks and his face grew completely pale. “Y/nie…” he cooed and stepped closer to you.

When he almost had you in his arms you took a few steps back. He looked at you confused, tilting his head in question.

“Do you love me, Jungwon?” you asked once your sobs calmed down a bit.

He froze at his spot, not knowing what hurt him more - you questioning his feelings or the state you were in.

“Of course I love you. So much, Y/n.” You looked down at his words. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no of course you didn’t.” You were quick to respond.

“Then what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked and extended his arm to you. You took his hand hesitantly and he pulled you to him, engulfing you in a comforting hug. “You know you can tell me everything.”

“Why?” you asked, facing him and watched how confusion painted his face again. “Why do you even love me? I’m not pretty, I’m not as talented as you are, I’m not an interesting person at all, so why are you interested in me?” Tears started spilling down your cheeks, but Jungwon was quick to wipe them with a gentle smile.

“My lovely, the thing is I disagree with everything you just said. To me you’re the most beautiful, talented and interesting person I know. I love you for everything and you have no idea how I wish you could see yourself from my point of view. Then you would love yourself just like I love you,” he said, playing with your hair in the meantime.

Looking at his eyes apart from his love for you you saw sincerity, both brought smile to your face again, forgetting about those thoughts for a while.

Nishimura Riki | 西村力

Riki stared at the screen of his phone, waiting for any response from you. It’s been an hour or two since your exam ended, yet there was no message from you saying how it went. The lack of it already told him everything, but the silence from your end made him sick to his stomach.

He finally reached your apartment and quietly opened the front door. Usually he made sure you knew he came over, being loud and cracking jokes just from the moment he stepped inside. Today was different though. He knew what awaits him and prepared for the high possibility of dealing with your sadness. He peeked inside, looking for you and trying to hear any sound of sobs coming from inside. And he indeed heard some sniffles coming from your room along with your playlist for crying.

He took off his shoes and quietly opened the door, minding that at a certain point they creak pretty loudly. The sight made his heart drop. You were laying on your bed with eyes completely red from crying, trying to stop more tears from flowing down.

“Y/nie,” Riki called your name bringing your attention. You tried to smile but finally seeing him made you feel more emotional and embarrassed at your total failure. He sat at the edge of your bed, covering your body with a blanket. Cupping your cheek, he rubbed it with his thumb wiping the lonely tear along the way. “Let me make you your favorite tea, how does that sound?” he asked and was about to stand up when you firmly grabbed his wrist.

“Can you stay here instead?” you asked in a low voice that threatened to crack at any moment.

“Of course,” he responded almost immediately.

He laid down next to you and let you nestle up to his warm body. You tried to calm down for a long time now, but nothing worked as good as his sweet voice murmuring soft confessions to your ear and the comforting scent of his perfume.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked but you shook your head against his chest. “Do you want to watch something then? We could watch Tangled for example,” he suggested.

You slowly raised your head showing him the biggest puppy eyes and pout you were able to put. He chuckled at your obsession with the animation and reached for your laptop to search for it.

“I love you, baby, and I’m so proud of you,” he said against your forehead in between soft pecks he planted on it.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

taglist: (open) @nicholasluvbot, @en-chantedtomeetyou, @skzenhalove, @nfrgirl, @kpoprhia, @redm4ri, @jaelaxies, @yenqa, @heesitation

[vani-candy]

[previous][index][next]

Hey everyone, its been a while! admittedly i got hit with a bit of burnout (or maybe it was simply "other series brainrot disguised as burnout"???) so i took a break for a while. burnout is no joke! take breaks when you feel the burnout! now im slowly coming out of the burnout, so i was able to complete this next chapter! ive been wanting to tackle this mission in swans treasure form for a while because of the utter contrast between Cooper and Fang, it was fun HAHAHAHA Hope yall enjoy! OH YEAH! one more thing:

Today is Swan's Treasure's birthday!!! One year ago today i posted Cheery Picnic, and it exploded in ways i didnt expect! it really inspired me to keep going with this series and im glad i did. i feel like it's helped me improve as an artist and writer, if even a little bit! i didnt expect people to like Mitty much, but ive had a lot of people telling me they enjoy her character and feel for her, and it makes me so happy ; ; i want to thank everyone again for reading my little self-indulgent fancomic series! i truly appreciate it!!!!

[asgardian--angels]

Talking on the phone with my mom I finally broke down and cried thoroughly about the cancellation. I think I'd been holding it in for the last two days, or two months. And honestly I've been wondering all along why this show means so much to me. I am not queer, I am not neurodivergent, I am not POC or disabled or any of the groups that this show has been so important for in terms of representation and being treated with respect and dignity. I understand and completely empathize with all of you, and fight for this show and your rights worldwide alongside you, but it still left me wondering why I myself have latched onto Our Flag Means Death. I suppose part of it is that despite being white and cishet and the privileges that have always come with that, I have been treated like an outsider and ostracized my entire childhood and teenage years, for being ugly and having "disgusting" interests (primarily liking insects, reptiles, other creepy-crawlies - aka the thing I literally do for my career now). I was bullied relentlessly from preschool through early college and became a very lonely introverted person - I still am. Undoubtedly Our Flag Means Death gave me renewed hope that I haven't missed some key window for finding love or relationships of any kind that matter, as I sit here typing this at age 28 having never dated anyone.

But it had to be more than that. And with everything that's happened the past couple of months, and the last few days, I think it finally clicked for me.

Followers of my blog may or may not know that I am a conservation biologist, or pollinator ecologist, whichever hat fits best on a given day, they're quite close. I don't make many original posts like this anymore on here because my job is so busy. Basically, I do a variety of things - academic research, habitat management & restoration, and public outreach - to try and preserve biodiversity and ecosystems on our planet. I'm just going to say it: it's a thankless job. Nothing we do ever feels like it's enough, and burnout is common in our field because we sit with the guilt of feeling like we are the only thing between survival and utter destruction of planet Earth, and work ourselves to exhaustion. It's one of those jobs where your work is your life, and your passion is your work, and it's inseparable from who you are on a molecular level. We are often faced, on a large scale, with hostility, from people that don't believe in science and are more than happy to pull a shotgun on us, or rich old men in power who are content to watch the world burn for another penny in their bank account. There are days when sometimes it sinks in just how bad things are, and it's terrifying, and I feel like we will never be able to do enough, to change enough, before it gets catastrophic. It's paralyzing.

My ability to do my job is dependent on hope. Unwavering, unrelenting hope. Hope beyond hope. We have to believe what we're doing matters, otherwise we'd fall down and never get back up again. I'm no big-shot, I give talks to a few hundred people at a time, and make urban pollinator habitat on a local scale. Is any of that going to make a difference compared to the ramifications of a single oil mogul deciding to cut corners and cause an oil spill that kills millions of seabirds and damages ocean food chains for decades to come? If people in my field let thoughts like that linger, we'd be paralyzed to inaction. I have to hope that the people I teach choose to do something good with that knowledge, and go on to inspire others, or that the patch of habitat I make allows a declining species to maintain a foothold instead of going locally extinct. You just have to keep going.

And Our Flag Means Death got wrapped up in that for me. The Stede Bonnet effect, if you will. He set out to do pirating differently, treating his crew with respect and helping them grow. In return, they internalized that mindset, and it spread to how they interacted with others. It changed the trajectory of individual lives, and also at least began to change how the society of pirates operated as a whole. It was a beacon of hope that choosing small acts of kindness did matter, even if you yourself could not see the ripples it made. It renewed my faith that love persevered and would win. That we could all make life a little better for each other and ourselves through kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and mutual support. I think a good chunk of that is from Taika - these are running themes in his projects, and his films move me deeply for that. This show became in some, perhaps subconscious way, a source of strength for me to keep putting myself out there in my line of work to do whatever I was capable of to help the cause.

The cancellation was devastating, but the second cancellation (turbohell cancelation?) was even more so. Because now it's so clear that this is largely the work of David Zaslav and the regime he's built. It's petty, it's greedy, and more than anything, it's cruel. Indifferently, indiscriminately cruel, when one person at the top can have such power to make or break the lives of thousands, millions, beneath them, and though it would have been barely a drop in the bucket, a hand wave, to renew our show or let it pass to another streamer, he actively chose to shackle it to this sinking Titanic of a company WBD has become. I have always operated on the belief that you can do anything if you work hard enough at it, and believed deep down that there was some order, some justice in the universe, atheist though I be. We as a fandom did everything we possibly could, we loved this show harder than anything. The numbers were there, the awards nominations were there, the critic praise was there, and we were loud and loyal every single day. I felt like we could do this - how could we not win when we've done so much, and the show deserves it so much? Surely cause and effect will prevail.

This fight seemed small, though really it wasn't; we fought for the right of artists and creators to make quality, original stories and have them told to their natural end, we fought for diversity representation to be more than a token character - OFMD raised the bar so much higher on all fronts, we fought to shed light on the chaos and impending collapse of this industry silencing art and exploiting writers, actors, and all manner of production workers. It was a small fight from the outside, one that I really felt we could win. And I put my heart and soul into it, because if we could win this, if we could save this simple, kind love story about two guys on a boat, then maybe there was hope for the bigger, badder stuff too. It shouldn't seem an insurmountable task for several thousand fans to convince a streaming service that they'd turn a tidy profit to give our show one more season.

Yet we lost - through no fault of our own. I am so proud of us. But that really struck deep for me. If one peabrained CEO of a media company wouldn't budge on greenlighting a show that was in his every best interest business-wise - perhaps enough to even save Max from going under in the not-too-distant future - my god, what hope was there for changing anything bigger? The 'real' problems of the world? When no amount of ethos, logos, or pathos can penetrate these men at the top, where's that hope to fight? Lately the world seems like it's just going belly up all over. If we gave everything we could, and it still wasn't enough - if it could never be enough - what hope is there? It's like chaining yourself to a tree and the bulldozer plowing right on ahead. And I think that broke something in me. It shook me to my foundations because it broke my rules of how things are supposed to work. We believed hard enough, we worked tirelessly, and we deserved it for how important this show was to so many people. And it didn't matter. Our best wasn't enough. And that caused an avalanche of all of the horrible, scary things piled on my shoulders - we're losing the Amazon rainforest too fast to save, climate change is going to turn the corn belt into a dustbowl by mid-century, a border wall is going to devastate imperiled wildlife in Texas, deforestation and hurricanes on songbird wintering grounds could lead to entire species extinctions, saltmarshes are our lifeline and they're shrinking and we're still building stupid concrete stormwalls, invasive diseases will completely alter the composition of our forests to be unrecognizable to our children, and if you don't make every slide of this powerpoint utterly perfect and you fail to convince every single person in attendance to get rid of their lawn then you've failed and the world is doomed.

I've struggled with being a perfectionist my whole life. This didn't help.

That's where I was a couple hours ago. But I took some deep breaths. I know the world isn't fair. But I really thought if we could win this one battle, then we could win the war.

But here's what I realized. Everything we did mattered. It mattered so much. Because there's the show, and then there's everything that was birthed out of that show. The community, so many of us around the world who have been uplifted by Our Flag Means Death in a real and lasting way that we will take with us and spread to affect those around us. The Stede Bonnet effect goes global. We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for charities around the world, real people whose lives have been improved, or maybe even saved, because of us and this silly pirate show. We brought a hell of a lot of attention to WBD and their shitty practices, keeping the momentum going in a way that I think is only going to build - and I sure hope it leads to Zaslav getting deposed. We have demanded more queer stories, more BIPOC stories, more disabled and autistic and middle-aged stories, stories with exquisite costumes and award-worthy wigs, dear lord, and we are being heard. We have expressed such love and support for the cast and crew, showing them that we appreciate their hard work and that we will be behind them in their future projects. So many of them have told us how the show and its fans have changed their lives. We convinced Rhys that his career isn't winding down but winding up, and to be unapologetic about his wonderful weirdness - we've proven to everyone through this show that your weirdness is what someone out there is going to love you for, not in spite of. We rallied to help writers and actors during the strikes in a way that was taken to heart and remembered. We have been out here talking it through as a crew, and turning poison into positivity, for over two years now, and that impact is permanent. They can cancel our show, they can try and slap copyright notices on our fan merch, and spew bullshit excuses about the numbers not being there. But Our Flag Means Death sparked a movement, the biggest pirate crew the world has ever seen, using our power for good.

We may not have any more new material for our show for a while, or ever. But I maintain hope that when the dust has settled and streaming has entered its 'new era' that they'll remember us and throw us a lifeline. Because hope is a part of my genetic makeup, and even in cancellation my hope has been renewed that the fight is worth fighting, that our individual choices of kindness are having an effect, and making the world a little easier to live in bit by bit. No one can take from us what we have built out of this show. And thanks to pirating, they can't take the actual show from us either. Despite this, no matter the outcome, I am so happy we got two seasons of this wonderful series. That was more than almost anyone expected. The story belongs to all of us, and it will always live on. We did not truly lose this battle, because in the process we gained more than we could have ever imagined. And I know there's still so much more to come. That gives me the strength to keep doing what I do, every day.

To me, Our Flag Means Hope.

[battle-kitties]

the forgotten warrior has to be one of the worst warriors books of all time, i feel dead inside after finishing it. the burnout of the authors is palpable, not to mention how horribly hollys return is handled. Oh and Sols awful, horrible return which is just so, so dumb. And dont forget Cinderheart regaining her cinderpelt memories, the entirety of thunderclan knowing abt it and acting like it is just COMPLETELY NORMAL!! Gah gah. I cant. I seriously cant. I feel like the more i re-read warriors the less interested i am in it!! Erin hunter i understand you because i am burnt out too at this point. This book was complete and utter slop.

Other things that were horrible:

Everyone pressuring Dovewing to be with Bumblestripe, even her own mother who says its A SHE CATS DUTY TO BEAR KITS FOR THE CLAN??? Excuse me?? As if there isnt plenty of other she-cats who dont mind populating thunderclan, i mean, for christs sakes, Sorreltail literally has a second litter of kits this book. 🤦‍♀️

Why did Tigerheart validate Dawnpelts accusation despite warning Ivypool and Dovewing about it MULTIPLE TIMES BEFOREHAND? To me, it seems like he doesnt believe Jay did it and is just trying to support his hysterical sister (for some reason). But thats not the case considering he is still holding a grudge against Jayfeather for “murdering” Flametail in Avos. Just. Agh. Her accusation is dumb and doesnt make alot of sense but, I still do like the idea. Considering Jay knows in his heart of hearts that he was stopped from saving Flametail and is likely blaming himself for his death already. It wouldve been cool if Jayfeather copped to it because of his own guilt. But no. Anyway.

Another missed opportunity; why did Breezepelt attack Dovewing in the tunnels instead of Hollyleaf? He has already attacked both her brothers and intends to kill them for the crime of being half-clan, but for some reason has no vitriol for the cat who actually exposed the secret and ruined his reputation or whatver? Its silly. I wouldve loved to see those two fight it out. I know he says some snarky shit to her corpse in the last hope but its not the same!!!

Leafpool. Why is leafpool banned from using medicine?? Its completely unnecessary. Its implied Starclan is the one who demoted her from her position, even though it was she herself who stepped down. It just makes the cinderheart plot even more contrived consideirng yellowfangs whole reason for “awakening” her is so Thunderclan can have another medicine cat. Beacuse leafpool cant. Because shes a slut. Yellowfang. Yellowfang you had illegal babies too, why do you have so much authority if illegal babies are so unforgivable?! And besides that, did the authors just forget her entire backstory? Theres no way she could feel so apathetic towards leafpool considering she knows exactly whats its like. Its mind boggling.

Um, there are things I did like though so lemme tell you those!

Hollyleaf thinking Redwillow and Ivypool are in a half-clan relationship was quite silly. The dark forest cats being weirdly gang with each other is funny, and its ironic Ivypool of all cats is being accused of this considering her stance on the matter. Now that I think about it, maybe thats another reason why Her and holly would make good friends.

Sorreltail still being loyal to Leafpool <3.

Whitewing, Ivypool, and Dovewing bonding at the beginning of the book. So cute and its so nice actually seeing their relationship touched on!!

Bluestar says that some starclan cats “forget parts of their lives they dont want to remember”. I like this bit of lore, too bad its forgotten! She also says it to placate Jayfeather who wanted to confront Ashfur, so you could interpret it as her saying he forgot all the drama that went down which is an interesting concept.

Thats all I could think of. Theres more stuff i could complain about but like i said i am BURNT OUT!! Thx for reading <3

[starlittragedies]

i, first and foremost, do love the protective!sirius headcanon when he finds out about jegulus and freaks the f out and has the instinct to physically strangle james for “defiling” his baby brother.

but may i introduce to you protective!sirius that feels only utter joy and relief when he finds out that jegulus are together.

sirius who is happy for both his brothers (by blood and by choice) as he knows that they balance each other out.

he finds relief in the fact that regulus has someone as warm and bright as the sun in the form of james who brightens up his brother’s day, who takes care of his brother in ways he couldn’t (or in ways that regulus doesn’t permit him to), who makes sure that he is always okay as he tends to be the one who just bottles up everything and resents everyone in the end.

he finds relief in the fact that james has regulus, a star who shines brightly to make sure the sun doesn’t burnout. he is glad that james had found someone who can take care of him as he takes care of everyone, someone who makes sure that he doesn’t rip at the seams trying to do everything for everybody, someone who completely balances him out.

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐬

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 3.2k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: I've written sooo much of this recently, I'm literally on chapter 10 already!! 😭 I have plans to probably make it 15 chapters long, which I feel like is a good length for the type of story and narrative im fitting into once piece. I wanna make sure all of the loose ends are tied off in a perfect kinda way before I move onto the next project. ☺️ this is the first chapter where we get some TRUE backstory on what really happened between minlix during the time when they were growing up... there's some insinuations in this chapter that will make a lot more sense later on in the story haha... but for right now, I hope you guys are enjoying slowly putting the puzzle pieces together~ 💗

🗡️ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴜsᴛᴇʀ ᴀ ғʟᴀʀᴇ  ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ sᴏᴍᴇʙᴏᴅʏ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ！،، 🌌  𖥻 𓂃 ʙᴜᴛ ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ ɪs ᴀɴ ɪɴᴅᴇx ғɪɴɢᴇʀ  ᴘʀᴇssᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴘs╰╮ 🌑

  After the night of the party at Felix’s place, Minho never uttered another word about it. As soon as he had stepped into the door of his shared dorm with Chris, and his best friend saw the defeated grayness of his face — the stormy crimson rage in his eyes — Chris quickly figured out what had happened. 

  But Chris never dangled it over his head that he had been right the whole time. Instead, he just gave Minho a long hug and said goodnight to him. 

  Minho’s other friends acted similarly, pretending that everything was fine and that they definitely hadn’t heard rumors about the party that night and what had gone down at Felix’s Dorm.

  So instead of focusing on the past and shit he couldn’t change, Minho threw himself into his studies. He and Hyunjin had a big project they were working on together for one of their fall semester exams, which took up most of his time. And when he wasn’t spending hours at the studio practicing on campus, he was at his apprenticeship gig, teaching young middle-schoolers classical and modern dance styles. 

  Lee Minho was a very busy man, that, everyone knew. And he also knew that the more cloudy his mind was with dark thoughts, the more he’d push himself. The more he’d work, work, work, until one day… he'd face an ugly burnout. 

  But for right then, he was completely fine. Surely, the burnout was very far down the road… 

  He couldn’t help but hear the rumors, though. About Felix and his crazy friends and the times he was caught having sex with all kinds of people around campus. Minho even saw it with his own two eyes once — when he stopped at the cafeteria to grab a quick bite for lunch before heading to his critical dance theory class. He noticed movement in the very back corner of the place, and there… Felix was. 

  Blond locks disheveled, immaculately dressed, and dripping in pearls and light violet hues. There was a girl with fire-engine red hair right beside him, seemingly resisting the urge to climb onto his lap at that moment. They were making out like there weren’t at least a hundred people around them and it wasn’t an open, public space.

  Felix had his hands wrapped in the girl’s firey hair, and the purple against the red of their aesthetics caused a shocking display of colors in Minho’s mind. But mostly, he tried to ignore it all. Just like everyone else around him was doing. So he quickly grabbed his food and escaped from the cafeteria as fast as he possibly could. 

  There was no use sticking around to watch another person stick their tongues down Lee Felix’s throat. There was never any use in crying over spilled milk. 

  “Minho— what the fuck has gotten into you? You keep misstepping on this part when just a few weeks ago you were doing fine.” Hyunjin said a week later, frustratingly running a hand through his dark locks. They had been in the practice room on campus for most of the day, tirelessly running through the choreo for their routine. The exam’s deadline was in a week and they couldn’t afford to laze around until then. 

  Taking a long swig of his cold water bottle, Minho pressed his back against the practice room’s mirror, offering his friend a deep frown. “I’m sorry Hyunjinnie, I just— I don’t know, haven’t been myself lately…” 

  He let his voice drawl on into the silence after that. Because they both knew the catalyst for why that was. The practice room grew quiet after that since it was just the two of them what with it being so late on a Friday night. Everyone was busy partying outside the campus grounds or in their dorms sleeping off the stress of exams. 

  “Is it… Felix?” Hyunjin asked, slowly sitting down beside Minho and taking out one of his fidget toys from his gym bag. The guy always had at least five on him at all times — claimed it helped calm him down when he was stressed. Spinning the pink and black fidget spinner between one hand, he reached over and squeezed Minho’s knee in a comforting gesture. “You know, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But it’s just that… we’re all kinda worried about you. We just wanna help as much as we can.” 

  Turning his head to look at Hyunjin, Minho noticed the way his friend's dark brows were wrinkled with concern. The way his eyes sparkled as they searched his face, pulling for any answers he could find there.

  “I know, and I’m really sorry. It’s just… I guess, I didn’t expect to see him again, after such a long time. Chris never talked about him or where he was planning on going after high school, so it kinda came as a shock.” Minho said slowly, trying to find the right words as he shrugged nonchalantly. But the feelings he had were anything but nonchalant.

  “Are you mad at Chris for not telling you? I mean, it is kinda weird that he never really mentioned his younger brother, but I suppose that’s because he felt there was no need to. It’s not like you and Felix were best friends growing up, right?” 

  Even though Minho knew Hyunjin was right, his words still hurt. Hurt like ice picks digging into his heart, ripping it to shreds with each bit of truth and reality. 

  Even still, Minho could feel the wallowing sadness bubble up inside of him. “Y-Yeah… we had an… interesting relationship growing up. He was always seen as the annoying, little innocent younger brother. We didn’t hang out that much, but the times that we did— it was nice, I guess.” Minho found himself playing with the battered hem of his oversized t-shirt, completely avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze. Because Hyunjin was perceptive like that and could read anyone like a book with just a single glance. 

  Hyunjin let out a long sigh, slumping against the mirror behind them. “I think I understand, though. To some extent. It must feel weird, seeing him again after so many years, and to have him be so changed,” Minho watched, as Hyunjin’s long fingers spun the fidget in his hands over and over again. It was relaxing for Minho too, even if he wasn’t the one playing with it. “He’s the opposite of how you always knew him, you know? That’s gotta hurt in some way. I’m sorry, Min, that’s a lot to deal with.”

  Minho’s eyes trailed over to the studio’s windows, noticing how dark it was. How late it was becoming. He could just barely catch a glimpse of the moon shining high up in the sky, already halfway across the sky. “It’s not just that, though… sometimes, we’d hang out without Chris. When he was out of town for a school field trip or some dumb shit like that.” Minho’s voice came out as quiet and soft as a dove’s feather. Almost like, if he said it too loudly, the whole campus would hear and berate him for details. 

  There was a long bout of silence after that. It felt like a confession that he had never made before. He could feel Hyunjin tense up a little bit next to him, just from knowing that this was extremely sensitive information and vital to the situation at hand. 

  “Does… Chris know about this?” 

  Of course, that’s the first thing Hyunjin would ask. Always putting others first. It was a sensible thing to wonder, too- since Chris was their best friend and Felix’s younger brother. 

  “Not really,” Minho whispered, swallowing against the dry lump that was starting to form in the base of his throat. He could feel his heart slowly constricting in his chest at the topic change. He was fine talking about their childhood and shit, but not… that part of it. “I mean, yeah— he knew we sometimes hung out when he wasn’t around, but I don’t think he realized how… impactful that shit was to us.” 

  He was still staring out the studio’s nearby window, still studying the half-crescent moon. And the more he looked at it, the more he was reminded of… his face. Milky, like the moon, shining always and— 

  “When you say impactful… what do you exactly mean by that?”

After Hyunjin's question, there was a long bout of silence. As Minho's thought paused in his head, and he weighed his options... tell the truth, or keep lying about the past once again? In the end, he chose the former. 

  “I mean like, we fucking fell in love with each other.” 

  After that admission, the air in the studio suddenly constricted. Like a bowstring, everything drew taught and frozen. And just like that, Minho was turning his attention back to Hyunjin. Studying the look on his face. For a moment, he was entirely surprised, and then that melted into gentle understanding. 

  “And I’m assuming Chris never knew about that part?” Hyunjin simply asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow as he spun the fidget in his hands a little faster. 

  Letting out a sardonic kind of cackle, Minho flashed his friend a fake, bright grin. “Yeah, because it’s definitely not weird that an eighteen-year-old was in love with a fucking thirteen-year-old.” He gave Hyunjin a thumbs up, trying to brush it off like it was simply a funny joke. But in actuality, it was a lot deeper than that. 

  Hyunjin stopped playing with his fidget then, reaching out with one hand and taking ahold of Minho’s. He squeezed it tenderly, forcing Minho’s attention back onto him. Hyunjin’s face melted into sympathy, eyes dancing with a myriad of emotions. “I’m sorry, that must’ve been a lot to deal with. But really, the age gap isn’t that absurd. I mean, I knew plenty of couples growing up that had even bigger ranges than you guys.” 

  Minho squeezed Hyunjin’s fingers back, noticing how the feel of human touch was keeping him grounded in reality at that moment. Helping to stop his heart from beating out of his ribcage and chest. “I know. But it just… it felt different between us. I don’t know, it’s really hard to explain. We just— we bonded over our shared depression and love for video games and art and—” 

  “Sounds like you guys had a lot of similarities.” 

  “Yeah. And now… it’s the opposite.” 

  Slowly, Hyunjin began drawing senseless shapes across Minho’s palm. And Minho knew why he was doing it — Hyunjin could always understand when Minho needed help, needed someone to guide him through returning his thoughts to normal. 

  “I can see that. I think, you probably liked Felix for who he was back when you were growing up. That innocence, and how it sounds like he looked at the world with rose-colored glasses on,” Hyunjin started in a quiet tone, tracing hearts on Minho’s skin and making the older man giggle a tiny bit. “But now, he’s changed a lot and it feels like a bucket of ice water was just thrown over your head. Even still, you have to remember that you’ve probably changed a lot too— you’re not the same young boy that Felix fell in love with. And five years is a big gap of time to have not seen each other, so you have no idea what Felix went through during your absence to have such a metamorphosis in his adult life now.” 

  And just at the mere thought of Felix going through such bad hardships in his past that he turned out to be so degenerate and crazed in university, Minho could feel his entire body tightening up. He squeezed Hyunjin’s hand, practically feeling his racing pulse in the pit of his throat. 

  “Oh fuck— I hope nothing like that happened to him. I don’t… I don’t know what I’d do if—”

  Hyunjin squeezed his shoulder tightly, bringing him out of his reverie of panicked thought. “Min, stop. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But what I meant is… He’s probably experienced things that have made him change into the person he is today. Try to understand things from his point of view." 

  Minho leaned his head against the mirror at his back, squeezing his eyes shut. And as soon as he did, he saw visions of Felix. Of being in high school alone back in their hometown, suffering all kinds of shit at the hands of the cruel kids there. He didn’t want to imagine it, but he also couldn’t be naive. He knew the kinds of people that lived in their small coastal hometown in Busan. He knew how mean the kids at school could be, how merciless. And Felix probably had walked in there as a beautiful beacon of light. Minho didn’t even want to imagine the kind of shit he was probably put through at high school alone. 

  “He threatened me when I was leaving his place during the party. He told me to never come back to his dorm.” Minho blurted out, clearing his head of the depressing visions of Felix growing up. Instead, he focused on the way the younger man had looked at him that night, near the elevator. So full of rage and anguish. “He was so fucking angry with me— and goddamn it but I was so mean to him.” 

  “Having a shitty college house party be the first time you guys hang out in almost five years probably wasn’t the best idea,” Hyunjin said slowly, finally pulling his hands away from Minho and focusing back on his fidget. “It’s understandable why you two would be on edge with each other. There’s a lot of water and shit under the bridge.” 

  Carding a few fingers between his hair, Minho pulled at the roots as he held his head in his palms. “Hyunjin he was teasing me at the party with his friends— he was trying to fucking make me jealous, I swear to God.”

  “Well… did it work?” 

  “I— I guess… I don’t know!” He burst out, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. “Sorry, I just… I hate feeling this way and not knowing what to do about it.” 

  Hyunjin let them sit in the quietness of the practice room for a little bit after that, allowing Minho to collect his words and thoughts. Minho could slowly feel his breathing regulating again and his heart beating at a normal pace once more. 

  “So then does that mean… that you still love him, Min?”

  Staring down at his clasped hands, Minho studied the way his hands were so calloused from dance practice. He did as much as he could to help the problem — exfoliated and moisturized — but nothing seemed to work except taking a break from dance. Which was never going to happen. 

  “No,” He finally said, shaking his head slowly. But even as the words left his mouth, they didn’t feel quite right. “I mean, it would be stupid for me to. We’re both so different from who we were during our childhood. And we're too far apart in age and maturity."

  Hyunjin shrugged slowly before he shoved his fidget toy away in his duffle bag and took a long swig from his Pocari Sweat bottle. “I mean, it really isn’t that far-fetched. At your core, you guys are still the same people. You just hang out with different friends and lead different lives these days. But you’re still interested in the same things as before— art and video games and whatever other shit.”

  “Hyunjin, no. It’d be fucking weird. I’m a senior and he’s a freshman. I'm going to be graduating in under six months and he just started. There’s no way in hell I’m dealing with that bullshit.” 

  Just then, Minho’s friend finally stood up from his spot on the hard, wooden floor. He gathered up his things and then offered a hand out to Minho. Taking ahold of it, Hyunjin hoisted him up and offered a slow grin as Minho grabbed his bag. 

  “You guys are both adults now. That kinda taboo shit you felt back in the day is irrelevant now,” Pulling out his car keys, Hyunjin started leading them to the front doors of the studio. Hyunjin shared a dorm with Changbin that was about a twenty-minute drive from campus. “So my advice on everything? Just go with whatever your heart and mind wants. If that’s to never speak again, great. But if that means something more… I’d say, do it.” 

  Minho offered him the best smile he could muster at that moment, completely depleted of all energy and emotion. “Thanks, Hyunjinnie. You’re the best and I’m glad you’re such a good friend and listener to my crazy problems.” He said, squeezing Hyunjin's arm just as they made their way outside into the chilly autumn air.

  “Now we should both go home and get some rest. We need to replenish our energy for that stupid exam next week.” Hyunjin said, stepping over to the nearby parking lot and unlocking his electric Toyota Camry. “Oh, also— I’m gonna be gone all weekend. My family’s celebrating my grandma’s ninetieth birthday back in our hometown in Jeju.” 

  “Have fun and take it easy Jinnie. I’ll see you on Monday for another ball-crushing week of practice.” Minho shouted across the parking lot, giving Hyunjin a wave as his friend rolled his eyes sarcastically. 

  And then Minho was watching Hyunjin pull out of the lot and drive off. Suddenly faced with the silence of only his presence, he realized how heavy his shoulders had felt before talking about everything. Just like that, Hyunjin had helped him tremendously. Without Minho even realizing it, he had been holding onto a lot of shit for the past few weeks. Seeing Felix, and going to the party that night, definitely stirred up a lot of murky feelings inside of him. 

  Sure, nothing was solved and he still had a lot to process and work through. But the fact that he was even strong enough to get it out of his system accounted for something. 

  As Minho walked back to the dorm that he shared with Chris, he decided to fling himself into the work of perfecting the choreo for their exam. That way, once Hyunjin came back from his weekend trip, they’d be all ready to go for the final few practices. 

  Besides, distracting himself from everything with a long weekend in the studio would do Minho a lot of good. 

  Help him take his mind off of it all. 

  Take his mind off of thinking about Felix and what they used to be and what they could’ve been and— 

  Yes, dancing would suffice as a therapy.

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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[hypnotic-broadcast]

I promise I exist. I'm just taking a lil break. I'm doing my absolute best to avoid complete and utter hyper fixation burnout with Hellaverse

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Not really a question but I just need to say this to someone who will understand. Also, people have asked you questions what a meltdown looks like. So this is mine, one of the worst I've ever had in my adult life.

I'm 40 years old and am so good at masking that I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until my mid-30s. Normally, I can blend into most social situations. However, I have been in constant pain for 2 months due to a medical issue, and the exhaustion of pain that will never stop has eroded away all the mask. I am now 100% Naked Autistic, because I am burned out beyond anything I've ever felt in my life.

Yesterday I had a complete and utter meltdown in the doctor's office, and it was terrifying. First, he entered the room angry, yelling at me to "stop being rude to my staff". I'm extremely sensitive to being called "rude" because that's what I've been called all my life, just for existing. I've internalized it and now I know, my existence is rude. So whenever someone calls me "rude", it hurts very deeply, even when I'm NOT in a burnout state.

This doctor was SO angry and yelled at me SO much and I couldn't hold it together, I started to cry. He told me to calm down "or else", but I was already in the middle of a meltdown, I literally couldn't.

Then he gave me bad medical news. My test results were inconclusive and didn't show what was wrong with me. Which meant there was no hope of my pain ending any time soon.

Thankfully my mother was there and she helped me communicate, and we at least got him to order more tests, and to prescribe me a new medication to try. But at no point did he become kind or merciful; it was clear from his face that he just wanted me out of his sight as quickly as possible, because I am "rude".

At that point I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I turned into an animal. I had to escape; my flight response kicked in HUGE. I ran out of there. The minute I was in the hall I started to scream at the top of my lungs, and I could not stop. I punched the concrete wall over and over (my hand is all bruised today, I think I'm lucky that it's not broken). People in the hall were terrified of me. Rightly so. I was violent and out of control. I tried to rip the pictures of the walls, but they were screwed down.

My mother was brilliant. She knew I couldn't stop, or speak, or listen. She said to me "Our goal is to get to the car. Let's get to the car. We can do it." Simple, clear direction that was easy to follow. I couldn't stop screaming or crying, but I could walk. She put her hand on my shoulder and guided me, down the hall, out the door, into the car. Because if I'd stayed in the building with that behavior, police could have been called. Very bad things could have happened. She saved me from that.

I screamed in the car for a long time. I could only sob and cry and scream. I think about a half hour went by. It was a long time. Finally, because I was in a safe place (our familiar car), with a person I trusted (my mother), the worst of the meltdown passed and I was able to stop screaming.

I was exhausted. I was terrified. My hand was killing me. I was like a puppy or a little child, helpless to my overwhelming emotions. Eventually, Mom asked if I'd like to get a donut from the donut shop across the street. She moved my mind onto something else. The donut tasted delicious (I mean its a donut), and that pleasant sensory input helped me focus my mind. I finally calmed down enough that we could talk.

I am 40 years old, live independently, have a professional career, a long-term relationship with my partner, and otherwise appear to be a "successful allistic". But yesterday, I was absolutely nonfunctional. If I didn't have my needs supported by my mother, who knows what could have happened.

I am much better today. Exhausted from everything, but not overwhelmed anymore. I'm telling this story so that others who go through a meltdown can know what it is- and why they're suddenly acting like that. It's because of my autistic brain, and the fact that it was overwhelmed with more emotion than a body can handle or express.

But it passes. It ends. The next day comes, and you can try to heal.

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m not sure if you’re seeing that doctor or not, but I would try and distance myself if you work together, or see each other.

That doctor, or whoever it was, is the rude one, yelling at people and being disrespectful and not understanding. Who walks in and randomly starts yelling at people?

I sometimes have my boyfriend or mom speak for me because sometimes I don’t know what to say or do in certain situations.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks again for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

Also please try and get away from that doctor. Reading this made me sad and angry. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. Sending a hug.

[twosheepandagoat]

This is primarily for any friends/family in Colorado. However, it applies to any pet owner in the U.S., because what's happening in Colorado will happen in your state sooner or later, guaranteed. It is very long, but if you have a pet, this should matter to you.

Coloradans are being asked in this year's election to vote on Proposition 129, which would establish a mid-level veterinary position (Veterinary Professional Associate, or VPA). Think of this like a Nurse Practitioner or Physician Assistant, positioned between the veterinarian and the veterinary technician.

I know it sounds good, but I would very strongly encourage you to vote against this if you live in Colorado.

It is being proposed as a way to relieve a hypothetical veterinarian shortage by creating a position that could perform all the functions of a veterinarian (except, currently, prescribing medication due to FDA restrictions) - but with far less training. And yes, they explicitly would be allowed to perform complex surgical procedures. The argument in favor generally posits that by reducing the training requirement, the cost of education will be lower. This will make it a more financially bearable choice, enticing people into the field, and thus relieving the (hypothetical) shortage of veterinarians by providing an alternative care-giver to the veterinarian. They also argue that it 'frees up' the veterinarian to focus on more complex cases by offloading more commonplace responsibilities, which they claim will reduce veterinarian burnout by lightening our load. The cost of care will go down, they say, because VPAs don't need to be compensated like a veterinarian.

All sounds great, right? Who wouldn't vote for something whose promoters are promising quicker and cheaper access to veterinary care?

But it's a sham. A complete, utter, disingenuous sham driven by greed.

IT WILL NOT REDUCE THE COST OF CARE:

1) Don't kid yourself - the corporations that have largely taken over veterinary medicine are not going to reduce the cost of an appointment and cut into their profit just to make it more affordable to you. They're going to hire VPAs that they pay less to replace veterinarians, and pocket the difference in salaries.

2) The cost of the consultation is a relatively small percentage of the overall bill. The remainder of the bill would be unchanged, regardless of whether you see a veterinarian or a VPA.

3) There is good data in human medicine to suggest that NPs and PAs increase the cost of care (though it is somewhat dependent on the area of practice, to be fair) through excessive use of diagnostic testing, over-referral to specialists, and potentially by increasing follow-up visits when they fail to address a problem correctly on the first interaction. There is no reason to think it would be any different with VPAs.

4) Did your cost of health care go down as NPs and PAs have expanded their role? Mine sure didn't. Corporations - especially insurance providers - have simply increased their profit.

THIS WILL NOT REDUCE VETERINARIAN BURNOUT:

1) Dealing with only complex cases is not what most general practice vets want. They enjoy some of the 'easier' cases - it's a chance to take a breath during their day and potentially bond with an owner when they see a healthy kitten for vaccines. It gives them a break between tough cases. Dealing with only complex, sicker patients is what we do in emergency medicine - and it is taxing and definitely not for everyone and the burnout rate is high. Specialists also only deal with more complex patients - but they deal with far fewer patients per day than a typical general practitioner.

2) A veterinarian would be required (by law) to oversee a VPA. So the workload reduction by transferring cases to a VPA is a wash, because now the veterinarian who would have had to see those has to review the cases from the VPA anyway. Instead of staying late to write your own charts, you get to stay late reviewing the VPA's charts!

THIS WILL BE DANGEROUS FOR PETS:

1) The master's degree required for this (created by Colorado State University, which deserves censure within the veterinary community for this - shame on you, CSU) is almost entirely online, and is highly abbreviated. There is one 2-credit course (online) on surgery, and one 2-credit lab. That's it. Four credits for surgery, and then turned loose to cut! Other areas of practice have similarly limited training.

2) VPAs would be allowed to perform surgery, including open abdominal procedures, amputations, etc. I realize that to most owners a 'spay' sounds like a very easy procedure, but it's actually not. You are removing an entire organ system from within the abdomen. Do not confuse 'routine' with 'easy'. There are many GPs who do not like to perform the procedure, and there are many patients (especially older overweight dogs) for whom it is a very difficult procedure. I have seen a third year surgery resident - i.e. someone at the end of very extensive surgical training - sweat and swear and struggle to perform a spay. Do you want someone with almost entirely online training cutting your dog? Do you think they'll know how to handle it if something goes wrong? Because things go wrong - more often than you might suspect. But trained veterinarians just adjust, deal with the problem, and move on. A VPA? Good luck!

3) Other procedures are not as easy as the supporters of VPAs are making it seem. They have specifically mentioned splenectomies, for instance. In dogs, the most common indication for a splenectomy is due to a ruptured mass where the abdomen is full of blood. These are often unstable patients who are literally bleeding out, and it is a race against time to stabilize them, open them up, stop the bleeding, and extract the spleen. It's not just about cutting the spleen out - it's about managing a patient who is bleeding to death with an elevated heart rate, decreased blood pressure, and poor oxygen perfusion: these are patients who are trying to die. Do you really want someone whose training is abbreviated and online doing that with YOUR dog? There are many, many veterinarians who don't even want to perform that procedure - it's absolutely absurd to think someone with half the training could be considered competent to do it.

4) The timeline for dealing with pet problems is often much quicker than humans. It is very easy to miss critical problems in pets because they can't talk to us and because they hide signs of illness - often by the time you realize something is wrong they are in distress. Do you trust someone trained largely online to correctly assess your pet? I don't.

5) The proposed training for a VPA consists of 65 credits, most of which is online. (I had to have 60 credits just as pre-requisites to get INTO vet school.) Vet school itself was around 200 credits plus electives (I forget how many I took, but it probably added 10-20 credits.) I have seen comments that VPAs would receive "half" the education of a veterinarian. In truth, it is actually less. So why should they be doing a veterinarian's job? Common sense says that it's silly.

THIS IS NO VETERINARIAN SHORTAGE:

1) A recent study commissioned by the AVMA concluded that there is no veterinary shortage. The perception of shortage arose during COVID when a surplus of money (and, perhaps, time) due to federal government stimulus caused a dramatic increase in veterinary visits. Those visit numbers are on the way back down. There are some veterinarians who still report excessive load, but there are many discussing how their caseload has dropped significantly. The study concluded that because of the addition of around 15 veterinary schools in the U.S. (at varying stages currently) there is likely to be an OVERSUPPLY of veterinarians within 10 years. So the the VPA proposal is solving a problem that doesn't likely exist.

2) It's true that there is a deficit of veterinary services in many rural areas. But this will not fix it because the shortage isn't from not having veterinarians interested in those locations - it's because the economics don't support a veterinarian. Since a VPA requires oversight by a veterinarian, it's a moot point - you can't have a VPA in rural Montana taking care of cattle unless there's a veterinarian already there doing it. You can't just graduate VPAs and send them to rural areas - it won't happen any more than NPs and PAs "flocked" to rural areas to solve the same problem in human medicine (free pro tip: they didn't).

3) There IS a veterinary technician shortage, which is interesting for two reasons. First, technicians are likely to be a sizable percentage of VPAs. So VPAs are likely to exacerbate the veterinarian technician shortage. And we can't function without our techs - they are the lifeblood of the hospital. Second, VPAs will need techs, too. So if there are already too few technicians - just who is going to do the tech work for VPAs? It doesn't matter how many veterinarians (or VPAs) you have - if you haven't fixed the tech shortage, you haven't increased access to care.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS

1) It's very telling that the proponents of this are almost entirely veterinary corporate groups. Think about that. Think really hard about that. Why would it be that a very large majority of private practitioners oppose it, but corporate interests promote it? Money. They want more. That is literally the only reason they are pushing for this - so they can reduce the number of veterinarians they employ, replace some with mid-levels, and pocket the difference in human resources costs. Do not believe them when they say that you - the pet owner - will see some of that money. When was the last time a corporation, out of the goodness of its 'heart', cut back its profit margin?

2) It's also very telling that the supporters initially tried to gain support within the industry - and failed. Then they tried a legislative approach - and failed. So now they utilized Colorado's constitution, which allows for it to be put to popular vote. In other words - experts understood it to be bad for pet and pet owners and rejected it. The legislature understood it. So they went to the public, where they can create deceitful propaganda to convince you it's in your best interests. After all, it's easy to ask leading questions like "wouldn't you like the cost of care to be cheaper?"

3) Note that the American Veterinary Medical Association opposes this. As does the American College of Veterinary Surgeons. As does the Colorado Veterinary Medical Association. As do 75% of veterinarians in Colorado. As does almost every other expert organization that has stated their position.

4) There are some excellent NPs and PAs in human medicine. And there likely would be some excellent VPAs in veterinary medicine. But it is really, really crucial to separate out anecdotal ("but I've had a great experience with my PA!") information from large-scale data. And the data doesn't lie with regard to the negative impact of NPs and PAs in human medicine. There are pockets where these 'physician extenders' have benefited health care, but overall the impact has been negative.

5) It's also important to remember that the scope of care for a typical small animal veterinarian is much larger than a typical MD, where hyper-specialization is routine. A typical small animal veterinarian functions as internal medicine doctor, anesthesiologist, surgeon, geriatrician, pediatrician, dentist, etc. Replacing that with a VPA is simply impossible without the same training.

6) As a "this would be funny if it weren't so terrifying" footnote: one of the supporters of VPAs recently suggested that the VPA position would be great for people who were unsuccessful getting into vet school. Stop and think about that for a moment - he is literally saying that someone who didn't meet the criteria to be a doctor ... should be allowed to doctor things. It's utterly insane.

This proposal will not help your pet. It will not lower your costs. It will not increase your access to care. It WILL increase the risk to your pet. It WILL increase profit for large corporations.

Vote against it.

*copied from a colleague, but I agree wholeheartedly*

[butchjackabbot]

do u have any hobbies :)? - also repressionmd heh

one thing to know about me is that i’m a chronic workaholic who has been riding on the wings of burnout the past year, so i’ve been trying to rediscover a lot of my hobbies! i like drawing but i also enjoy making collages, i have a collection of scraps that i usually use to make stuff in my sketchbook. here’s one i made at the beginning of the year as a sort of vision board!

this year is also the most i’ve written in years. i have a few ocs - one story about three lesbians who are complete and utter disaster with each other (maybe i finally oc-ified three of my fav naruto characters…), and another is a psychological horror about a jinn attachment.

aaaand gardening but i’m not able to propagate any plants right now cause my apartment’s horrible for that, so i’m waiting to start propagating stuff for when i move out and into my new apartment. i was hoping i could keep a bunch of “free” plants from a plant propagation course i was in this spring, but no space :’). bothering my friends for cuttings, however, is extremely possible

[vulpeskorsak]

Day 29 of Whumptober 2024: Nap

No. 29: FATIGUE Labyrinth | Burnout | “Who said you could rest?”

AO3 got banned in my country and VPNs have not been working well on my PC lately, so I am not going to post these there for now. But hopefully I can do that at some point.

Alva is a young biology teacher sent to work in a small town who ends up stranded on a strange island with his older fatherly colleague Sean after a fishing trip gone wrong.

This is a story about how they found that island. It takes place right after Day 17.

--------------

Nap

As soon as the bottom of the boat grinds into the pebbled shore Alva stumbles out of it and after a few of wobbly steps to get away from the water falls face first with a weak relieved groan, then rolls on his back.

"Who said you could rest?" Sean teases and chuckles, getting out soon after him slowly and carefully. "We've just arrived and you're already tired?"

His legs are also barely functional after sitting in the small boat for 8 days straight, so he decides to take his time walking.

"We still have that whole hill to climb. Let's get to that building on top and see if there is anyone there. I'm sure there is a bed or a couch there that is much more comfortable than this."

"I can't move a muscle." Alva answers quietly word by word.

He is both the happiest and most relieved he has been in his life and completely and utterly exhausted. 8 days of utter torture. Eating raw fish, sleeping in cramped conditions, praying he would die quickly and painlessly and the salt. The fucking salt. He really wants to wash himself and brush his teeth. Eat something sweet. Or at least not salty. But he truly cannot make his body move. It does not want to leave this heavenly piece of dry stable ground.

He closes his eyes for a second and immediately drifts off to sleep.

"Let's go, my young friend! There is no need to torture ourselves anymore…"

Sean crouches down next to Alva to give him a good shake and only then notices that the young man is actually asleep.

"Oh."

He tilts his head in surprise but does not say anything else, instead just sitting down fully. He should give the kid a few minutes to rest if he is this fatigued. The island is not going to disappear from underneath them.

[problematicbots]

The Sentijazz twins getting lost on earth during own of those visit to earth to improve relations since Sentinel couldn't find a babysitter that met his standards

Punkrock: struggling to adapt to the new environment and is very could cautious around anything even if it the smallest crack. Through on occasion he pulled his own personal data pad to write his journal in yet this end up being his downfall since he wasn't playing attention to his surroundings and he end up lose somehow in detroit.

He is immediately uncomfortable in this setting and just wanted to run back to the ship to hide under a table for the rest of the day.

But considering he have no idea where the all spark he is, he have no choice other than wonder in this unfamiliar territory that is slowly worsen his anxiety in order to find brother and parents

If things couldn't get worse he found that he named is actually a music genre on earth and progress to have a bit of identity crisis to the point he obsessed trying to be exectly like these "Punkrockers" to the point of burnout

Bebop: He is very eager and excited to explore this new world so much so that while being in awe of the sights he end up lost in the city like Punkrock .

At first he was obviously terrified to see that his family is no longer in front of him But on the bright side he least met some nice locals on this planet around the same age as him..he at least he thought they were nice and even maybe potentially his first ever friends outside his family and the Jettwins

but he it's is completely heartbroken to find out these kids don't really care that much his interest. .Only really caring about him as this cool robot tm and not as a person.

Now Bebop just hiding and siting in the corner of some alleyway crying after all his sire (Jazz ) can make alot of friends. So how come does he struggles so much with it even on another planet. He feels like he complete and utter failure along with a loser. Worse of it's getting dark quick and would do anything to be with his family right now .

Getting Found:

Eventually the Punkrock end up the same alleyway as Bebop and they end up talking about their terrible day on earth to each other while making each other felt better by cracking jokes and telling memories of past family shenanigans.

After a few minutes eventually the twins are found by their parents and they couldn't be more happier. They are so happy they can't help but leap and hug them at first sight .

Bonus:

When Sentinel nocited that the twins were missing he immediately wanted to called the whole ass Cyberton army in order to find them but luckily Jazz stopped him since it could causes a war and they are here to improve relations not the other way around.