#actually we think making the gender inherited while a lot of them are human/humanoid/live in human society

[centipedve]

we want to make our sona(s) queer (as characters) but we just dont like the idea of putting most of them in any of those boxes even ones we happily id with because like wdk convoluted dysphoria. easy solution is to just be ambiguous about things but actually we think the funnier option would be to have them all operate on a completely different gender sex and sexuality system from Wherever She Came From that is extremely thoroughly defined and it is made explicitly clear all the exact ways in which he queers from that system but the original system is so divorced from human ones that there's not really any effective way to translate it, like maybe you can draw umbrella parallels like "i guess this is that system's version of being transgender" but it's too detached for that to really mean much. and also the system needs to be as stupidly convoluted as possible in true congress fashion. we need to make interpreting what our sona's gender is as painful as possible as a further expression of gender

[daturanerium]

2/3/2019, game one: never getting on a fucking boat again

some cast of characters to pique your interest before I insert the readmore!

Imzel, a female half elf druid (played by @alyssumasylum)

Arofyr (Ace), a male half elf ranger

Melvions (Mel), a nonbinary halfling monk

Kell, a male human fighter, future brute (played by @shaggy-kills-god)

Eva, a female human fighter, future gunslinger (played by me)

take a few minutes and read through our first game if you want. this is primarily so i can remember stuff, but i’m sharing it here just in case my followers are interested in eva and co’s crazy adventures. if you read the summary, send me an ask and let me know! 

we open on mel, Val’s character. they’re a gender neutral monk living in the monastery up on the hill. mel is regarded as pretty much a god among the other monks, and they all see them as the Chosen One. mel is an absolutely fucking jacked halfling that doesn’t y’all and has more of a punch-first mentality. a week before our story begins, one of the other monks, john, informs mel that the heads have been discussing things and they might be conspiring to kick them out. mel eloquently uses their ✨magic asl✨ to tell john they don’t give a fuck, and then goes to meet with the heads. they inform mel that things seem.....off......in the world, and since mel is the All Powerful Absolutely Brilliant Incredible Show-Stopping Jacked Chosen One they’re sending them out to figure out what the fuck’s going on. the monastery has a horse and a guide waiting for mel, but, true to their brand of Not Giving A Fuck, mel sets off immediately on their own, leaving the guide to somehow catch up.

next up is kell and eva, will and i. they’ve stayed the night in a simple home with a farming family after helping them out with an unspecified problem the night before. the family makes the pair a simple but lovely breakfast, which both eva and kell gratefully accept. during breakfast, one of the members of the family explains that their son went missing after visiting a traveling circus earlier that week. he knows that the pair have already done a lot, but could they held him find his boy please? kell chows down on biscuits while eva asks the questions, as is the usual. kell wears a mask around his mouth and is mute, and eva has known him for long enough that she knows what he means (aka usually will just whispers in my ear if I can’t figure it out). the man gives a description of the boy and tells them that he came back after visiting the circus but was gone the next day. eva and kell advise that the family continue searching here while they follow up on the circus, which is traveling to Westrun (or close to that, forgive me dm) next. eva and kell will have to head to the docks to catch them. they finish breakfast and head out, receiving some payment from the family member.

next is ken’s character, imzel. she’s a half elf druid currently sleeping in a nearby forest. she wakes up to a sunny, peaceful morning. to anyone else it would seem like a great day, but for someone like imzel that’s in tune with nature and her balance, something seems......off. she can’t quite put her finger on it, and tbh she really doesn’t get a chance to think about it much since she almost gets hit by a cart halfway through her morning meditation. the cart is driven by a man who looks VERY tired. he apologizes for almost hitting her and asks if she’s seen an absolutely ripped halfling running about because it’s VERY IMPORTANT he find them. imzel hasn’t seen this halfling, but she offers to help. he helps her into the cart and they continue on towards the city.

finally, we have ace, andrew’s half-elf ranger. he wakes in the same forest farther down towards the city. his dog, who is currently unnamed (👀), is with him. ace awakes to a strange sight: the trees behind him seem to have.....holes in them? they’re absolutely wrecked, and as a tracker and hunter it’s something he’s never seen before. he carefully follows the trail of wrecked trees, keeping his hand on his sword and his dog behind him. what he finds is a.......short humanoid /thing/ that has way to many muscles to be healthy. it’s mel, val’s character, who has been punching trees along their way down to the city (much to the surprise and amusement of val, who gave the dm free reign over most of their backstory). mel flexes their muscles in the direction of ace and their robes “fucking disintegrate”. ace, concerned for obvious reasons, asks who they are and what they’re doing. mel spends the next two minutes using their ✨magic asl✨ to paint ace a vivid picture of them punching the shit out of his dog. he’s obviously Not Having That. and then, a very tired and upset voice rings out: it’s Mel’s guide, who informs mel that he has been searching for them for AN ENTIRE WEEK. imzel hops out of the cart, sensing the tension. the guide all but orders mel to get in the cart, which mel eventually and very reluctantly does. the guide apologizes to both ace and imzel and gives them both ten silver for their trouble. then they leave for the city. ace and imzel decide individually to follow them down, realizing that mel should probably be kept in check and their tired guide is going to need some help.

eva and kell have been making their way to the docks to get to westrun. they watch as a monastery cart rides by at a moderately fast pace, followed by a half-elven man and a pretty......earthy......woman. that looks interesting. they continue down to the docks, realizing that this strange group is heading in the same direction.

after disembarking, mel takes out their flute and begins to play. val rolls a four, so it ends up being more of a godawful screeching. kell, not having ANY of that shit, lifts mel’s comparatively tiny body and takes the flute. eva gently says to put the halfling down. he does. the guide walks up and apologizes. he looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, poor thing. he starts to explain that apparently it’s his “destiny” to help mel and that he doesn’t get paid when a new interest enters the scene. an Incredibly Fucking Rich yacht pulls into the docks, and an Incredibly Fucking Rich nobleman steps off. he starts loudly complaining that this can’t be right and there’s no way he was supposed to meet in this dump of a city. kell starts to play the flute and rolls a nat20. the Incredibly Rich Man looks up and is actually.....kind of charmed. he approaches kell and eva and says that kell’s playing is quite skillful for a Gross Peasant. kell doesn’t respond, obviously. eva says thank you for him.

eva: he says thank you.

IRM: [white-guy-blinking.gif]

the Rich Guy quickly realizes that nobody knows who he is. he walks into the center of the docks area, rhetorically asking if anyone is aware of his status. nobody is. eva does recognize the crest on his jacket, but she can’t quite place the name. the Rich Guy finally announces that he was supposed to meet with the mayor. he reads mel’s poor guide as the most approachable for a man of his status and demands the guide send him to meet with the mayor. the guide has no idea where the mayor lives and tells Rich Guy as such. Rich Guy is.....not pleased. he takes his best guess and walks off toward where he assumes the mayor would live. as he walks past, everyone around him gets physically pushed away by an invisible something. eva and kell know where the mayor is but decide not to say anything. they continue to the docks.

at the docks there are two boats heading to westrun, which is where everyone is heading. one is a small dingy boat run by a middle aged guy who is surprised and excited to have any customers at all. the other seems a bit more middle class: it’s bigger and looks cleaner, and the man stepping out looks at first glance to be dressed well. upon closer inspection, his enthusiasm seems a bit....scammer-like. ace, imzel, and mel get on the nicer boat. eva and kell get on the smaller one.

[note: i wasn’t on the nicer boat. this next part is Val’s narration with some edits]

The creepy nicely dressed man was really enthusiastic about his love for the boat he named after his dead daughter (plot point). After showing us some nice rooms he shows us a table full of nice food. Ace, Izmel, and Mel all chose a plate that morphed into different food. Idk what food we got except I remember that Mel got mac and cheese. While we were were eating our food the old man shows us with Ace's plate of food that when he throws a dirty plate in this hole in the floor it comes out completely clean. So obviously we get weirded out and roll to cast perception but get nothing expect for andrew, who starts to converse with the old man about the type of magic, revealing the boat is pretty much entirely magical. After that the old man leads us down a long corridor with a door with a cylinder hole in it. The old man with a deathly serious tone tells us to touch nothing and with the help of 2 of his crew members opens the door to the "engine room". Which turns out to be this unworldly room with this orb in the middle. The orb morphs into these little childish playful orbs that sound almost like they're trying to talk to us, but as soon as they appear their morph back into their original ball orb thingy. And at this point Mel immedently starts walking out of the room, back onto the dock, and jumps onto the other boat, arms folded, unwilling to describe what happened on the nicer boat.

[end Val’s narration. thx for adding in!]

the smaller boat is run by a man who seems a bit nervous and apologetic, but excited to be having customers. he explains that his family used to run a cookie business and he was supposed to inherit it, but that he wanted to be a boat captain instead. he gives them each a business card. the cards are completely blank white except for a little logo at the bottom saying [something about cookies lol I don’t remember exactly what it was]. the captain stresses that they shouldn’t let the cards get wet but won’t explain why. eva puts them in her bag. they make small talk before setting out. the man seems a bit nervous and a little shifty, but that was something they were both expecting. mel hops on at the last second. (at this point val had to leave). after the boat is mostly out of sight of the coast, the passengers start to hear weird whale-like noises coming from deep in the boat. the captain says it’s fine! 🙂 and then asks if he told them the name of the boat. he hasn’t. he says the boat will tell them eventually 🙂. the boat Knows You 🙂 .the boat knows What You’ve Done 🙂. the boat helped him, the captain, get away from his murderous tendencies by making him confront his demons 🙂. the boat’s noises start getting louder. kell and eva are not at all okay with this. the captain says that they have to be because the boat doesn’t listen to him and is temperamental 🙂. kell and eva are Okay With This 🙂. the captain says that the boat is more active at night and will definitely speak to them in their dreams about what they’ve done, which is not good news for either of them. the captain eventually goes to bed. the walls morph around him to let him in 🙂.

eva and kell are alone but Not Really 🙂

kell eventually goes to sleep. he dreams of his past. it’s not fun.

eva doesn’t sleep. she stays up all night. as she watches, the boat starts to grow and stretch very slowly, creating appendages of sorts. and then kell, asleep on the boat, falls through an open hole on the deck and disappears. the hole closes on top of him. eva, despite her best efforts, starts to panic. she carefully walks over to where he was and knocks on the wood. there’s no response. and then the deck starts to take her, too. eva, knowing she deserves this, lets it take her.

eva has a vision involving her biggest mistake (👀) and she’s not having a fun time whoop yikes

the boat shows her what it believes she needed to see and then drops her back on the deck a few hours later. she is silent for the first five minutes, cries for the next ten, and then waits for the others to wake up/return. the boat is still making noises, but they seem almost like they’re trying to calm her down now.

everyone eventually wakes up on the boat, the newcomers visibly shaken. eva tells kell she’s okay (but yeah she’s def lying). the guide had some Seriously Fucked Up Dreams and he doesn’t want to be here anymore. the captain, after a bit of thinking, tells kell and eva to get their business carts wet. since both are pretty on edge after last night’s visions, they’re a bit hesitant. Eva finally takes her card and dips it over the side of the boat, and then Kell does the same. The cards turn jet black. now there’s symbols all over the card; kell recognizes it as thievescant. the card basically translates to “pass”. the captain says that he used to be involved in some shady business, and these cards might help “people like you”. he tells them to flip the cards over. there’s a set of numbers on the back forming a shape of some sort. the captain explains that this is his “number” and if they need anything they can use that to contact him. kell and eva are.....very confused. the captain, realizing this, explains that since they’re entering a new country there’s going to be lots of new, unfamiliar technology. he informs them half-jokingly to not buy anything people tell them to buy. eva puts both cards back in her bag. they’re a few hours away from the Westrun docks.

meanwhile, back on the other boat.....

[narration taken up by ken, thx hun!]

After Mel left, both Ace and Imzel were shown down a suspiciously long hallway by Reginald(?), the scammy old captain, and into an open deck area for fresh air (HE CLOSED AND LOCKED THE DOOR BEHIND HIM, V IMPORTANT). Once we had gotten enough fresh air, he reopened the door to lead us to our rooms and it was a completely new hallway. There were 7 rooms. I picked #7, but was turned down. Ace picked #4 and was given a key (different to Reginald's cylinder key thing) for #4 and was specifically told to lock the door behind him and to not use the key on any other door. He saw a nice lavender room, but with illegible scribbles on the wall. Imzel also chose #4 and unlocked it and went in, saw the same room, but no Ace. We then proceeded to dick around trying to see what would happen if you'd mess up the bed then left and returned (it stayed the same) and Ace decided to see what would happen if he went in but didn't lock it. The walls started oozing goop and there was noise slowly growing in volume. He left immediately, not investigating any further. Imzel decided to try her key in door #7 and it worked, but she saw her same room. As soon as she stepped in, not even closing the door behind her, loud train noises began to shake the room and she grew very ill feeling, so much so that she couldn't make a high enough dex throw to make it out of the room 🙃 Ace freaked out and wanted to open every door... but was persuaded otherwise... while Imzel tried to yell for help. Reginald found her first, got vvvvvvv mad and threw her out of the room then proceeded to scold both of them, then he ran (surprisingly fast for a "65 year old") to go fix whatever problem we had caused on his precious ship that had taken him 30 years to build...

[end ken’s narration]

and that’s where we left off! this campaign is really fun so far. If you’re a follower of mine thx for reading! Let me know what you think and feel free to ask me questions about Eva or any other characters :)