#adammurraykin

[fictionkinfessions]

Uhmm I dont usually adress doubles that much but this is a funny thing idk

fellow Adams, anytime someone makes a your mom joke at you, you can always hit them with the "Thats so funny! My mom is dead, [name]." (I did that once or twice already, very worth it)

-🐈‍⬛🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

hi so since apparently i just cant stop fuckin yappin

My partner and I were talkin abt BPS in a discord server and a friend who doesnt know abt TMC was like "BPS?? Whats taht?? Borderline Pussy Syndrome??" And. Honestly? We just started usin that as a joke for anytime my BPD starts actin up

I put the Borderline in BPS. He puts the pussy, twice, once for the transness, twice for staying in the van. (Im also trans in this life but was amab back then.. my amab rights were removed)

-🐈‍⬛🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

so evelin was right. turns out poetry IS for me. there's a lot in my life to write about to be fair. as of writing this i'm debating posting them. evelin's saying if it's something i wanna put out there i should just go for it. she's always been supportive like that. they're all kinda personal. all of them are about stuff i still struggle with to this day. but also i know there's a lot of people who might relate to it. see my art and see themselves in it. the thought if that makes me kinda happy. so maybe i'll put my work out there. because maybe it'll make someone go "hey this guy gets it." maybe i can help other people like me feel seen

- adam murray

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[fictionkinfessions]

canon comforts

Hot cocoa - o!magicsings & o!tasia

Stargazing - o!magicsings & c!pearlescentmoon

Soup - shin tsukimi yttd + c!pearlescentmoon

Big comfy scarfs - shin tsukimi yttd

Apples, cats, pizza, black hoodies - adam murray tmc

Probably more but tahts what i remember off the top of my head

[fictionkinfessions]

new volume of source just dropped. weird as fuck seing my "actual" dad for the first time ever

-adam murray #📺🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

happy fathers day, thatcher. if youre out there. yeah you arent my actual dad, dont even technically have one, but hell youre enough. thanks for taking me in after the bleach incident

-adam murray #📺🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

I find it hilarious that I'm now an actual human who has species dysphoria over not being an alternate who has species dysphoria over not being a human

Like I guess I got my wish granted but???

- Adam Murray (The Mandela Catalogue)

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[fictionkinfessions]

i lied. maybe i do miss jonah a little

-adam murray #📺🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

oh wow. look whos back to rant about...my random fucking bullshit again

anyway

im not the most likeable guy. im aware of it, i cant fix it without it feeling weird and unnatural, and frankly i dont really want to fix anything. and yeah thats probably a shitty mindset but i cant change my entire personality at the snap of my fingers. i know im not a good person. hell, im not even a person. but i miss the feeling of being cared about and ill probably never get that again. i had evelin and i fucked that up, and ill probably fuck up anything else i try and get into. hell, i dont know anyone who actively wants to be around me and yeah ok maybe i push people away but i cant help that

whatever. i just want love again. unrealistic i know. everyone laugh at the stupid little alternate who wants what humans have, hah fucking hah

this is probably why people dont like me actually

-adam murray #📺🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

you know whats so fucking annoying? being expected to care and have empathy and shit

look.

i had to deal with that enough in source. the whole 'being an evil emotionless creature in a world full of humans and havinf to pretend to be one' was frustrating enough even before i knew the reason why my emotions and empathy were so low. and hey for the record? i do have feelings. just couldnt show them well

but do i really have to do it all again here? lets see, what do i have to deal with now? oh yeah. being a npd-bpd-low empathy autistic guy who guess what! still doesnt feel bad for most people and still only gives half a shit about near everything. wow. fucking splendid

do i really need to care about people i dont even know? it doesnt even matter to me. it doesnt affect me and yet if i give the slightest hint of not caring if you say your dad died or something i get looked at like i just ran over your dog

man im prime "i can fix him!" material arent i?

-adam murray #📺🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

i love accidentally getting people together through evesdropping and spilling information

anyway. so glad i have my bps hoodie. this thing is sick

-adam murray #🍎📺

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[fictionkinfessions]

gang no joke vol.2 haunts me, like specifically the the whole fight?? Ive been looping this one animatic of it the past few days like its INSANE. But also its so good, i lowkey started quoting it out of nowhere in vc and my fellas are just like "what the fuck man." or "you good?". Im not desensitized to it in no way, it gets me all emotional, more than id like, but like at the same time its kind of a verbal stim?? Idk if id call it that but i do it as i quote tiktok audios or random sounds and such. So idk.

Oh and funny story, i was rewatching that over the weekend and suddenly after my loud "WELL THEN JUST FUCKING LEAVE THEN, LEAVE!" and it goes silent and MY FUCKING CAT OPENED THE DOOR??? and then the "Jonah?" And i was like holy shiiiit. And then she heard Jonny's meowing and replied 😭😭

That was so funny tho

Anyhow yeah uhh god I regret everythin abt vol.2 sm, ik i already made my first confession abt this but big shot out to all Jonahs for puttin up w that and uhm im so sorry.. thumbs up

-🐈‍⬛🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

The same Adam from like a few posts ago uhh idk i might claim the 🐈‍⬛🍎 tag for the funsies, if its not been used yet..

talked to my Jonah "canonmate" of sorts yesterday (my partner), we came to this mindblowing conclusion: we miss the fucking van dude. Yes it was just a white ban with the letters BPS on the side, and it had like an old ugly mattress on the back we'd sleep on sometimes. But holy shit was it home.. honest to god I wish I had it now.

Speaking of, I'm making my hoodie soon, gotta but a black pullover hoodie and add the letters, in that brightass yellow, god was it awful, my least favorite part about it, we fucked up the hue when trying to print, it needed just a bit more red to be a better shade. But it was kinda what made it ours. And this might seen off topic but god I saw the official merch shop sells them at 39 USD?? Which seems outrageous (specially from a country that doesnt use dollars), considering that The Gang:tm: and I made those with a bunch of black pullover & jacket hoodies we already had while still on high school. Not like I'd buy from the damn creator anyways, but like DAMN.

-🐈‍⬛🍎

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[fictionkinfessions]

Hey guys its me Adam TMC again /silly

I cant stop thinkin abt mems holy moly, i hope dumpin them on here is fine

So first of all i wasnt like THAT much of an asshole like the media depicts me... I actually cared and loved my partners and friends a lot. Evelin and I didnt break up cus of a huge fight, it was actually earlier on than in canon and it was because she was a lesbian. And later on I ended up with Jonah (sorta?? Glad to be more official in this current life..), and at the vol2 house I did try to help him calm down so he'd be a bit more okay stayin with me, but god do i wish i had listened to him when he said it gave him a bad feeling.

Funnily enough I also have what I call a second timeline? For all memories that arent canon complaint. Yeah, like when my momdadthingy (six) and I cooked dinner for the fam (jonny, who had a human form; i think preacher??) Oh and alt!Cesar was also there, which part of the fam too just- he just came into the kitchen and left so ig he wasnt eating 5 min the pasta.

Those memories are my favorite ones honestly cause they're so much more chill compared to the other hellhole

Oh yeah and a mem from my main canon. About my mom: i used to have nightmares pretty often, and i thought that, in my sleep, my mom came back and took my hand and comforted me. It wasn't a dream tho, it was Six taking my hand and talkin to me with her voice. Even after having to "abandon" me bc I was old enough to recognize he wasnt mr&mrs murray, he was always there, or tried to be there in the ways he could. Thats why he's a mom to me, not any mom, he's *my* mum. And i love him <3

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[fictionkinfessions]

Happy late mothers day to my mommmm

Sorry you died and stuff

And that I'm technically not your son

Hope you didn't go to hell or smth

- Adam Murray

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[fictionkinfessions]

not mothers day related, sorry. kinda venty aswell

idk why im doing this as anon lol-

but uh- while i could say this to his face cause- he's my partner, as in current partner. but.

Hey, its Adam. I'm- so sorry Jonah. Maybe you dont care as much as I think, maybe you do, maybe so much that you wont forgive me, and thats fine! But I- ... I'm so fucking sorry man. I'm sorry for that night and any other time I acted like a dickhead. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you, I'm sorry I forced you to stay (even if in my canon I was less of an ass. I shouldn't have done that still). I'm so sorry for everything.

I love you, starlight. I'm really sorry. If you read this you probably wont know its me (or you will, at this point I shouldnt be surprised you can recognize my typing). But im so sorry- I dont have the guts to bring it up cause you seem so chill and over it, and I dont wanna ruin everything just cause my stupid brain cant keep replaying your words on repeat. But I need to apologize. I need to say sorry cause the guilt is fucking me up, and I dont know what to do.

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