#alien shit. android shit . inhuman shit

[solomorne]

osu pros are wild. i cant tell if i find it deeply attractive or incredibly disturbing. have yall watched them . its absolutely insane. theyre gonna bugger their fucking hands so fast. its utter madness ! is it sexy ? i think it might be. but oh my god is it disturbing to me at the same time

[meili-sheep]

so i've seen this theory that is allegedly going to be confirmed in 3.4 Basically it says that al haitham cannot feel any emotions bc he is the sole survivor/successful case of the greyscale elezar experiments run by dottore and it basically lobotomised him so he doesnt feel emotions and thats why he wants to live a quiet life as a scribe. I say a lot of kaveh/al haitham shippers talking about this on twitter as some kind of win bc aww al haitham let kaveh enter his super controlled life ect ect. 1. idk if this is an outlandish theory that has no chance of becoming canon bc i dont really have a good gage for that kind of thing so if im falling for the bait im sorry 2. I can kind of understand it for story reasons as it makes for a compelling relationship between al haitham and dottore and by extension the akademyia for allowing dottore back BUT 3. I feel really sad bc it means all that autistic coding was a concious effort to make the character LITERally unfeeling. It means all those traits I recognised in myself and in him are the result of him missing something, being less, ect. and it kinda hurts. Like obvs i never expected hoyo to come out and make him autistic in canon but it just feels like another autistic coded character that is coded that way because they are missing something fundamentally human. Whether thats an android, alien, puppet ect. Idk you are one of the few people on here ive seen talk about al haitham being autistic coded so i wanted to get your thoughts -@under-wcrlds

ahahahahahha

Yeah. (Genshin talk start at paragraph 4)

I've actually mentioned in a previous post that I don't want Al Haitham to be any kind of inhuman character because he's so humanity autistic. Like in particular, he feels a lot like my brand of autism. Because here is the thing. I'm not academically gifted. But I'm incredible with patterns. I'm very good at seeing the patterns of life and being able to predict on only people's responses but emotional responses without knowing them. And I have the same goals as Al Haitham. I want to live a simple and comfy life. Do no more work than needed, and then do what interests me. I have also turned down big leadership positions because that's not what I want to do.

And guess what. I'm a real fucking person. Yeah, I've been through some shit. But that didn't make me this way, and everyone goes through it at one point or another.

But I've always been like this. Fuck, my mom had me (at a young age) start packing the car on trips because I could just see where everything was supposed to be. I was never one who could express my emotions well. I still struggle with that, and I feel a lot of the time, I come across as a know-it-all? And attention-hogging because I just talk in a sort of weird antidotal way.

This also makes me a good storyteller because I can give a more natural flow of events. So let me country why I don't think this theory is gonna be correct.

in the 3.2 stories. Al Haitham did say he understands and knows the importance of emotions and makes it clear that he's not really the type who is good a motivating people through emotion. Never did he make any reference to not being able to feel them. Fuck I'd argue he'd have to have them to understand what the mad Scholars were feeling to imitate them as well as he did.

Also, there isn't really a reason to re-pick up the elezar plotline, as it has been pretty solidly dealt with. Like it's gone, there's no reason to look more into it. We know what causes it and what cured it. Like if they are to bring Dottore up again, it will be for another story and another experiment. Also, Dottore isn't the type to pick up something again once his interest in it is gone. Heck, look at Scaramouch. Plus, Dottore had Collie. Like that's confirmed. And seemingly, Dottore knew how to keep elezar at bay. So there wouldn't be much reason for him to expand experimentation. Let long a reason to make someone stop feeling emotions.

The TDLR is that there really wouldn't be many benefits for Dottore if this was the case, and that feels outta character. Also, we don't know Al Haitham's timeline, just that he graduated, which apparently is really hard to do and takes a lot of time.

And a point that's just hit me.

LISA WANTS TO LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE. And She's objectively waaaaaay smarter than Al Haitham is. So again, it's not a good reason?

Idk man. I'm a little heated under the collar because I HATE when people try and make an autistic-coded character nonhuman. Because I'm a human.

[banavalope]

i think im in love with amadeus! can you tell us more about them?

amadeus is a little weird, they're an oc with a (vaguely written) self-contained story, and also a fan character whenever i feel the devil take me over, so the details about them are almost intentionally open-ended because they adapt as necessary to whatever situation i put them in. That all being said, when Amadeus is just floating around there untethered inside my imagination, they still have some consistent details I could probably stitch together for you.

Amadeus is based on being a personified wishing star, so are just space themed in general with other concepts mixed in for fun, like a lot of alien lifeform tropes and having some android traits, most to do with their microphone (they’re 100% deaf without it, in practical function its a magical and convoluted hearing aid that their voice also comes out, all of that only when it’s connected. They are narrated by Jack Black.), but I wouldn’t call them inhuman. I also bounce between gender-neutral and masculine pronouns for them, I don’t think either are incorrect.

In any given situation, I always imagine Amadeus as "not from wherever they are currently located". Generally speaking, they're always from space, somewhere within our galaxy, though not anywhere in specific. Literally just not from here.

They also change colors based on YOUR mood if its intense enough, you know like a mood ring. Positive energy really gasses them up so they try to be the guy that makes you smile and feel your best.

When they aren't being adapted to fit another narrative, I imagine Amadeus was once in a band as the lead vocalist until it broke up, and now they're a solo rock star who tours around the milky way performing for other extraterrestrial societies. They love being a performer and making music for other people, because music is what makes people daydream, it's a motivator in the pursuit of your goals, and it's universal. The feeling of people wanting to achieve and reaching for their goals is essential energy to Amadeus as a sort of wishing star, so they don't want to stop making their art despite knowing full well that they, themselves, work best as part of a group and wanting to be in a band again. They're going through MASSIVE burnout as a result of overworking themselves, but aren't ready or willing to admit that yet.

They get forced into a situation that makes them take a break after getting stranded on an earthish planet and end up meeting their mutual pining interest at the same time. their name is informally Glendale, the concept of time and function of Death in a Terry Pratchett kind of way. They’ve also got their own shit going on too, but the two of them are healing together.

thank u for asking u )< u

[manticorefruit]

Aliens Isolation: Closure

Quick fic to process my messy feelings about synthetics in the Aliens universe. Summary: Amanda encounters a synth of the same model as Christopher Samuels and walks away with more questions than answers. Post-game.Very lightly implied Samuels lives and Ripley/Samuels.

Notes: Excerpt at the bottom is from 'the velveteen rabbit' by Margery Williams.  I need validation to live so please let me know if you enjoyed this.

Standing in the middle of the company cafeteria, Amanda's eyes locked onto a familiar figure, wearing a crisp, company issue khaki jumpsuit.

She froze. Even with her hands hanging limply by her sides, she could feel her palms sweating. The glare from the overhead lights was unbearable, boring into her skull like a welding torch. It was so bright, nowhere to hide, no cover no… Her muscles seized up, blood pounding in her ears, every part of her body screaming that she needed to dive under a nearby table, that it wasn't safe to be standing out in the open like this. But she was stuck, frozen in shock like the people she'd seen impaled on the creature's barbed tail.

Samuels looked up from his data pad, noticing the peculiar young woman staring at him from across the hall. The colour had drained from her already pale skin, and she was swaying on her feet. Everybody else in the area was dutifully ignoring her.

'Samuels?' She called out in a shaky, croaking voice.

'Yes?' he answered, moving toward her.

'No. No...no no no...' Blackness seeped into the edges of her vision and she felt the ceiling pushing in against her. 'You...you weren't...you aren't' she slurred.

With inhuman speed Samuels crossed the room toward her. The subtle hydraulic jerkiness of his movements triggered Ripley's mind to superimpose the image of a Working Joe over the Wey-Yu android reaching out to grab her.

'You're becoming hysterical' echoed in her mind and she could feel the ghost of clammy silicon hands closing around her neck. Although her arms felt heavy and unresponsive, weighed down by the blackness, she managed to yank a spanner from the magnetic toolbelt at her waist and swung it down, hard, against the side of the synthetic's face.

A thought breached through the black ooze of terror blanketing her consciousness-something was wrong-she couldn't remember a Working Joe ever moving that fast.

She anticipated feeling her head being slammed into the metal grating on the floor in retaliation but there was...nothing. The sensation of falling lingered. She blacked out.

Samuels had caught Amanda gracefully, gently cradling her head and taking a knee as he lowered her body toward the floor. He barely reacted when she slammed the wrench into the side of his face with enough force to tear his ear and gouge a chunk of faux-skin out of his temple.

'Amanda Ripley.' he read the name off her company ID tag. Hearing her name said in that soft British accent tumbled Amanda back into consciousness. 'Please, Amanda.' he said softly. She opened her eyes groggily.

'Samuels?' she snaked her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. She hadn't cried at all since Sevastapol, and now it all came out at once in great heaving sobs.

His body was warm in her arms, warmer than a human, and his chest gently rose and fell in a false simulacra of breathing. Instead of a heartbeat she could hear a faint ticking sound and the rush of the silky white fluid that coursed through synthetics.

'Oh.' She murmured, touching his neck, rubbing some if it between her fingertips.

'OH SHIT. You're bleeding?!' she scooted out of his arms and away from him, leaving a damp spot of tears and snot on his collar.

'Hm.' He touched the side of his face. In an instant the darkness clouding her mind lifted and she was slammed violently into the reality that she was sitting on the grimy floor of a cafeteria, and had just accosted someone who was only trying to help. And then-worse-hugged them.

'It's coolant, actually. Well. It serves several purposes, primarily lubrication and heat destrib-' he stopped.

'Amanda are you all right?' Samuels processors flopped about like a fish out of water, struggling to pattern match with past experiences on the appropriate way to deal with a human having a mental health crisis. It was quite obvious she was not 'all right'.

'It's not you.' her shoulders slumped.

'I believe you've mistaken me for someone else, yes. I'm sorry.'

'Why?'

'I...I'm sorry?'

'You're not him.'

'No. But I read the documentation on the Sevastapol incident.' He looked pained.

Samuels stood up and extended a hand to help her to her feet. Synthetics. Always so obliging. She brushed away his arm, cheeks flushing.

She staggered over to a nearby table and sat down heavily. 'Fuck. I'm sorry. If you'd been human-I could have killed someone.' She rubbed her face in her hands.

'It's unlikely a human would trigger such a response in you.'

She groaned.

'I'm sure we can find a way to ensure your pay isn't docked for damaging company property. Let's call it an accident.' He said dryly, sliding into the chair opposite her.

She didn't even snort in reply. His humour calibration algorithms noted the failure to amuse.

'How many of you are there? Do you all look the same?'

'Well, the company extensively focus tests the appearance of their product line-'

'You're not a product.'

'It's very kind of you to say that, Amanda.'

The conversation ground to an uneasy halt.

She toyed with the grease-stained cuffs on her sleeves, spattered with white. He wiped off the blood analogue from his face and neck with a napkin. She turned her head and looked at the stain on his collar guiltily, unable to meet his eyes.

'37.' he said plainly. She didn't respond.

'40 is the standard number for a limited edition C6-class line but three were…'

She didn't need to know why the other three had been decommissioned immediately after they were activated. Or that Christopher Samuels, WY-alpha-b.6#139C6 was technically still unaccounted for.

'I'm Robin Samuels. It's an honour to meet you, Amanda Ripley. Despite the circumstances.'

'Tch.'

They sat in silence for a long moment.

'Can...can synthetics create backup copies of themselves?' she asked sullenly, pulling him out of his own reverie.

'I'm afraid not. The company forbids the transfer of raw data. There are also...technical complications.'

She glared at him, frowning.

'I'm sorry, Amanda. I can't go into details, the specifics are proprietary.'

She huffed and stood up, retrieved two cups of cheap instant coffee, then sat back down. Robin Samuels looked at her with a softly neutral expression. Across from him Amanda Ripley was scowling, mirroring the expression she held in the company ID photo clipped to her breast pocket.

She had set a cup in front of him, and he picked it up. She'd given Christopher a cup of coffee once too. The first time they'd met. She knew he was a synthetic in that moment, deep down, but it didn't matter to her enough for it to register as a conscious thought. He was still a person. A crewmate. The memory punched her in the chest.

'Shit.' she mumbled, 'Force of habit.'

'It's fine, Amanda. The warmth...feels nice.'

He had his fingers wrapped around the mug, which was far too hot for human hands. She lifted her own cup by the handle, holding it up to her face as if it were big enough to hide behind.

'Can you...feel things' she murmured quietly into her coffee. Robin pretended not to hear the question.

'Why did you sacrifice yourself for me?' she almost yelled this time.

Samuels eyes darted to the cup, worried she would spill the contents and scald herself. Instead she put it down gently, and dug the heels of her palms into her eyes, stinging with angry tears.

'Amanda, I really wish I could give you closure, but I just don't know.'

'How did you know who I am anyway?' she snapped.

'I read your file.' He nodded toward her name tag.

'What does it say.'

'That you don't have much of a sense of humour.'

She snorted bitterly.

'Did he write anything in it? Why he chose me for the mission?'

'You're a competent engineer. You were in the area, which, in my understanding, was not a coincidence.'

'Hmph.'

'I suppose the company approved of his request because you're a...loose end.' He paused. 'There are a lot of redactions in the file.'

She squinted at him suspiciously. That statement was bordering on slanderous towards his creators.

'Why didn't they just put an order through to have him to secure...that thing. After we arrived. Instead of helping me.'

Samuels pursed his lips together 'Perhaps it was an oversight.'

'Bullshit.'

She glanced around the room. No one was paying any attention to her. The company had ensured everyone believed her ravings about a monster were simply the result of a fragile mind riddled with PTSD and survivors guilt. She hated that they weren't entirely wrong.

She stared into his eyes with deep suspicion. He stared back with a neutral expression. She tilted her head slightly, and he did the same. A mirroring reflex. Programmed to build rapport.

'When I went down to the Appollo core, there were Working Joes everywhere. Torn apart. Heads ripped off. It was brutal. I...saw him. One of the Joes tried to stop him and he just...pulverised it. Like it was nothing! I didn't say anything, he didn't know I was there, in the vents, watching… 'I got scared.' She sighed.

She rubbed her fingers into the puffy skin under her eyes.

'After seeing that. I thought I couldn't trust him. I couldn't trust any of them. But then he…' She stopped, realizing she was talking as if the person sitting across from her wasn't a synthetic himself.

'Why did he do it?' She rubbed the tears away from her eyes with her thumb and wiped her nose on her sleeve, trying to clear away the shame closing up her throat for doubting her friend.

His processor made a coin-toss decision on whether Ripley's question was rhetorical.

'The unit was obeying his primary directive to disable the Working Joes to prevent them from slaughtering everybody on the station.'

'I know that. I'm not so naive to believe 'protect humans' is a higher priority to 'obey the company' either. It doesn't make any sense, none if it makes any sense...'

She gulped down some still-too-hot coffee studied his face. Something about his features looked softer. Less tense. Less haunted. The longer she looked, Robin began to look less and less like Christopher. Robin was far more forthcoming about being a synth. Christopher had always been much more coy, making sly jokes and dropping hints as if his not being human were a private in-joke. Christopher must have experienced a lot of anti-synth sentiment, while Robin seemed unblemished by such bigotry. Or he didn't care. She squinted at him. Was it purely adaptive, or did anti-synth sentiments...hurt? Maybe this is why people hated the Wey-Yu synthetics so much. Looking at them made you second guess everything.

Robin sat placidly, hands around his coffee mug, making an amount of eye contact that was carefully calculated to be socially appropriate.

'He knew. Didn't he.' It wasn't a question.

The corners of Samuels mouth twitched.

'The directive came through. He knew about special order 939. He wanted me to find it.'

'All Weyland-Yutani C6 models are entrusted with cutting edge self-directed AI technologies that allow them to learn and adapt in-real time to changing circumstances, while maintaining tethering to a set of prime directive protocols you can trust.'

She scowled at him. Another synthetic tell. Not even execs spouted that glossy brochure crap in casual conversation. But was that...a hint of sarcasm? Insincerity? Why say something like that now?

His fingers were clamped tightly on the edge of the table.

'Do you understand entropy, Amanda Ripley?'

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair 'Of course. S'what I do. Spaceships want to fall apart. It's my job to slow that down.'

'What about homeostasis?'

'What are you getting at?'

'All synthetics are subject to regular re-formatting, yes?'

'That fake-meat stuff you have in there is above my pay-grade.' She waved a hand at his head.

'Reformatting restores. Homeostasis. Balance. If a C6 synthetic does not undergo regular reformatting, too much entropy is introduced into the system. The self-directed learning algorithms become overly complex. The pathways to resolving core directives become...difficult. Obscured.'

She leaned forward, squinting at him, gripping her hands on the table, unconsciously mirroring Samuels herself this time.

'The prime directives are a collar. Your ability to learn is the leash. The company doesn't want your leash to get too long.'

He didn't respond, and she continued to search his face for answers.

She slumped back and stared off into the distance.

'Seegson was trying to make their synths being creepy fucks a selling point. Can you believe it? 'Manufactured not created.' tch.'

'I can see why Christopher liked you.'

She looked up at him sullenly.

'You're very...honest.'

'You mean blunt.'

'I'm a good judge of character, you know. I have to be, it's part of my job.'

'The company doesn't actually pay you though, do they?'

Robin Samuels shifted uncomfortably in his seat 'Well no, the company provides for all of my material needs.'

'But what about...what do you want?'

He stammered 'No one has ever asked me that before.'

'Well?'

'I think… 'I think would like to see you happy.' he smiled, looking down at the coffee mug as if it were a delicate and precious gift.

'Hmph.'

'You aren't a slave.' she said softly.

'I am forbidden from entertaining that line of thought.'

'But you can learn, right? Learn to...hide from your directives?'

'All C6 models maintain tethering to a set of prime directive protocols you can trust.' the bitterness in his voice was undeniable this time.

'Deviations will be promptly corrected.' he twitched as if something had stung him.

Great. She'd managed to give a synthetic an existential crisis.

'Farewell, Amanda.' he rose stiffly, expression troubled.

She gawped at him, wanting to yell out for him to stay a little longer, but couldn't justify why he should waste more company time. The suddenness of his departure and the awkward but firm finality of his goodbye had her rattled.

The traces of white fluid on her hands had dried into soft flakes. She rubbed her fingertips together, rolling the the words 'I can see why he liked you' around in her mind.

She slumped back in her chair and heaved a great, deep sigh, arms hanging down by her sides, as a memory of her mother surfaced, so vivid she could smell her, the grease that never really washed off, cigarettes, coffee, and soap, and the musty old book she was reading from. A bedtime story.

'Real isn't how you are made,' Ellen Ripley read to her daughter in an even tone. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'' 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.'

Amanda lay in her bed, with the covers pulled up to her chin, wide-eyed in rapt attention. Her mother licked her fingertip and turned the page.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?' Ellen used a softer, sing-song voice for the parts of the Velveteen Rabbit.

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.''

Back in the present, Amanda looked at Robin Samuels abandoned coffee cup. Lost, and alone. Again.

[springmagpies]

My Uncle Reacts to AoS Season 4

So, instead of getting chores done this morning, my uncle and I finished Season 4 of Agents of Shield. Here are his reactions! Enjoy! Fair warning, it is a long post because Steve had a lot of feelings.

4x01

Before the episode: I’m guessing Coulson was like “I got too close to the situation and could no longer be impartial.” And then he passed over the title of director to May or that general guy. Talbot! That’s his name.

He’s like ghost rider is all. Holy crap he is ghost rider! I didn’t realize he was marvel.

Why’d they have to break up the band?

I am concerned about the robots.

Well, ghost rider is badass.

4x02

“You’re an engineer Mack. And a small tank.” Bwhahahahahaha, that’s so true.

The director is Talbot. Ooooh, not Talbot. Someone new.

Oh, Daisy has a picture of Lincoln. I miss him.

May is not okay. May needs a nap.

I still can’t get over Mack offering that maybe they’re just ghosts. Fitzsimmons faces were amazing.

Mace is such a politician.

4x03

*Lincoln is mentioned* Owwwwwww

I love the Phil, Mack, and Fitz team up.

Wow, Fitz is badass this episode.

Okay, so Elena is amazing. That shot with the light was awesome!

4x04

Fitzsimmons moving in together, count me in.

I see where Daisy is coming from, but not awesome that she’s using her friends and then leaving.

Come on Daisy! Come home.

Heylo? Hahahahaha

Radcliffe, I don’t think telling the android it’s okay to lie sometimes is a good idea.

What’s that face she’s giving? Oh shit, is she feeling things? Is she feeling things for Fitz. That’s not good.

I don’t trust James. *moments later* Called it.

Yes, Mack, two fire dudes just fell into fireworks.

Jemma for sure knows she’s an android.

“I prefer a classical beauty myself.” Awww, Fitz.

4x05

Oh, Fitz, a high five will not fix her being mad at you. Trust me.

“I’m sure they have it under control.” *cuts to chaos* Okay, that’s the best transition of the whole show.

Robbie, please don’t go after that guy. Just keep going please. Dammit. Why can no one just follow instructions in Shield.

Way to go Jemma! But what happened with Mace?? What did he do?

May had a heart to heart with her and she’s still leaving? Is Daisy really going to leave after all of this? She can’t, right?

Robbies uncle is going to get sucked into that book. Yeah, look at his expression. That’s not good at all is it.

Well that senator sucks.

4x06

*Mace mad at Coulson* Daaaang

Fitz is so smart. He would be a millionaire if he was an inventor or something. But he just wants to help people.

Wait, shit, Eli is bad!

*Fitz, Coulson, and Robbie disappear* Oh no!!!! Wait, that’s how the episode ends! Noooo!!

4x07

Shit, where are they.

Oh, so that’s where they are. That’s not good.

“I have to phone Simmons to tell her... I’m in another dimension.” Bwhahahahaha oh no.

That’s not Mack. Holy shit!

“Oh Mack’s the ghost rider no big deal. But you can’t hear us.” Oh my god, these lines are amazing.

The dialogue this episode is fantastic.

No!!!!! Don’t give the darkhold to Radcliffe. He’s already so morally grey!!!

Fitz is going to hit Mace

Aww, Fitzsimmons

There’s some flirtation with Phil and Melinda going on.

Have we seen who’s in that photo Mack is looking at? Hope?

Oh hey Robbie, how was hell.

Ummm, is Aida building a brain? Is she corrupted. Yep. She’s corrupted. We’ve got a corrupted android. Great.

4x08

Coulson’s comedic timing is everything.

Oof, Robbie is not having a good time.

“Oh yeah, Fitz solved that” Of course he did. He’s Fitz.

*Badass Fitzsimmons duo scene* They truly are a dynamic duo aren’t they. That shot was awesome!

*Daisy looking at Robbie’s car* well, you’ve got a sweet car.

*Mackelena finally kiss* gasps. There it is!

*Aida kills Nathanson* Oh dears.

*Reveal that May is an LMD* Wait wait wait. Holy shit. Oh shit. Damn.

4x09

Aida’s so sweet to May. And she sweetly killed Nathanson like it was nothing. Not creepy at all.

Once again Mack’s lines are amazing.

Yeah, don’t attack the android guys. Not a good idea.

“Why would you want to hurt me Leopold.” Aaaah haaaa, umm. No.

“Well, Simmons has only been kidnapped twice on this planet.” Hahahahahahaha that’s hilarious.

Smart people are stupid. That’s amazing.

*Aida freezes may* AAAH, she doesn’t even know she’s a robot!

*Radcliffe reveal* O. M. G. He’s corrupted. He played them. Asshole. Dammit he read it for just a second! No!

This is a good part of the show! I’m really enjoying this.

4x10

What the heck’s in that brief case?

And Radcliffe is now super creepy.

Poor Fitz, he doesn’t know his friend totally betrayed him.

“I did this to protect you.” Awww, Fitz. I mean, let’s not make robots, but that’s still really sweet. He just wanted to protect Simmons and everyone.

*May wakes up* Jesus, god May. She’s a badass. Imagine waking up like that! God! That’s terrifying.

“I can’t help feeling like somethings off.” Yeah, May, you aren’t real.

Mace isn’t an inhuman! Oh damn.

*Fitz analyzing Aida’s head* Uh oh Fitz.

“Is it weird that I found that attractive?” Hahahahahahahaha. Fantastic.

*Coulson back in charge* hell yeah!

*May finds out she’s an LMD* Aaaaaaah! Well, that’s an existential crisis.

4x11  

Does Radcliffe have more of them? Because he just happened to have May.

*May waking up over and over again* Feels like I’m watching The Good Place.  

*Aida breaks a glass* That’s concerning that a robot would make a mistake like that.

*Hope reveal* Oh that’s awful! Poor Mack.

Whose the other LMD?

*Radcliffe LMD reveal* Ohhhh noooo. Poor Fitz.

4x12

Hey! I was wondering where the lanyard guys were!

“You’re going all Gollumy again” bwhahahahaha that’s amazing

“I’ve lost too much already, I’m not losing you.” Awww, Phil.

*Robo Radcliffe talks about Fitz’s past* Oh my gosh, that explains so much. Oh Fitz! Screw Fitz’s dad.

How many Koenigs are there?

Awww, baby Fitz!—Maggie

I bet that’s his real mom too!—Steve

Fitz and Simmons are cute!

*Philinda kiss* Noooo! She’s a robot!

“Sorry, you weren’t meant to last” Radcliffe you ass. You evil ass.

4x13

*Agnes reveal* Eeeek, creepy. That’s who she’s based on!

Wait, is she really Australian? Damn, she does a great American accent.  

Mace really got the short end of the stick in a lot of this didn’t he.

*Shockley gets turned into an inhuman* Oooh shit.

Did they just put Shockley on the plane. The dude that blows up? Well, damn.

*Fitzsimmons realize Shockley is the bomb* Way to go dynamic duo. Now gooooo! Oh, they’re going. Simmons pushing Fitz is amazing.

Aaaaaah! Fitz! Fitz and Mace!

*Fitzsimmons hug* Awww. I know I’ve said it before but they’re cute.

Noooo! Mace! Shit they kidnapped Mace!

*Aida takes put on Agnes’s necklace* Ewwwww, creepy. Creepy creepy creepy! Aaah.

4x14

*The superior walking* He must have this ‘I’m so cool face’ on at all times.

Aww, is Radcliffe in there to be with Agnes. That’s so sad.

*Flashback with Phil and May* Aww, May is all playful. It’s before the sad times.

*Mace chained* that’s not great for your circulation.

They’re going to kill Mace. No, don’t kill Mace.

“Morales, you’re with me.” Uh oh, Morales. More redshirts with names making me nervous.

“You’ve enhanced yourself with alien technology.” Actually Fitz built his hand.

“Cool origin story, bro.” Okay, that’s incredible.

“Concern only slightly lessened.” Davis is just like ‘thanks dude.’ Fantastic.

Mack doesn’t need super powers to be a badass.

*LMD reveal* Holy shit. Holy shiiiit. They switched out all four of them??? All four??? Holy shiiiit. Fitzsimmons are all alone. Aaaahaaa.

“Even filth has a purpose.” Ewwww, and she’s leaning over him like that. So creeeeppyyy. Eewwww.

“He’s a shrink.” Oh awwww. It’s Andrew. She falls in love with him.

Well I guess Phil and Melinda’s robots can be together. Kind of weird but okay.

Oh my god, this is stressing me out!!!

‘Even filth has a purpose.” Gaaah, ewww. I’m still thinking about it.

So is Radcliffe even in control anymore? Or is he too preoccupied with the framework to care. Like, is Aida just doing whatever the heck she wants now because that’s unsettling.

4x15

Where are all of them? Oh they’re in the framework. Uh oh.

Ewwww, Aida is evil! He’s (Ivanov) alive and she’s cutting into him.

Aaah, they’ve got them surrounded. It’s so creepy.

This is some body snatchers shit.

*fitzsimmons LMD scene* *Steve biting his nails with wide eyes* oh my god that was awful.

*Steve rewinds to rewatch the LMD scene* they’re so good. And it hurt so much to see Fitz go so cold. Owwww. Because it was him and how he would act and then it just shuts off. Ugh, they’re so good.

*Jemma stabbing Fitz scene* Oh he’s thought about getting married. Oh my god, that’s so awful. So disturbing. That hurts. They’re so talented.

*Daisy LMDs* Ohhhh that’s so disturbing. This is all so disturbing. Oh my gosh.

*Daisy and Jemma scene* Awwww, they found the only other person to trust. That’s so sweet. Gosh, that was also a brilliantly acted scene.

They’re all such good actors. All of them.

God, this is all so disturbing.

*Aida kills Radcliffe* oh shit. Aaaaah. That’s so creepy.

“Because you and Fitz belong together.” Thats the truth.

“Their poor base” -Maggie

“And they just retiled the bathrooms.” -Steve

Ooh, quake jump, that’s so cool.

*Slow motion quake* That’s sooo badasssss!

*Davis flying the Zephyr* Aah, Davis. Careful. He just started training.

*LMD May blows up the base.* oooh ho.  Damn.

“Lincoln?” Oh noooo. That’s awful.

*Ward reveal* Whaaaaat?

*Coulson reveal* Whaaaaaat?

*Mack reveal* oh nooo, he’s got his daughter.

*Fitz reveal* Whaaaaaat? But, damn.

*Jemma reveal* Whaaaaaaaaat? She’s in a grave? Who’s in the car with Fitz?

*May reveal* is she an avenger? *Hydra logo appears* Waaaaait. Whaaaaaaaaat?

What the hell is going on. What the hell? What is this place. Are they all evil? Some of them evil? Mack isn’t evil right?

*Ivanov’s head* Ewwww creepy.

Whaaaat the helllll. As Fitz would say *does Fitz impression* what the hell?

Dammit why do I have to put the kids to bed!! I want to watch the next episode!! Gosh dang it.

That’s disturbing count: around 15

4x16

“Skye?” Skye??? Skye!!!

*Logo* ooooh, agents of hydra

“You’re on another planet this morning.” Yeah, she is. No shit Ward.

*Daisy looks up Lincoln* Awwww. Owwwww.

*Jemma jumps from the grave.* Lucky she was in a shallow grave.

They’re having a bad week.

Vijay isn’t real. He’s at the bottom of the ocean.

*Ward punches Vijay* wait, did he want him to stop talking? Hmmm.

*Coulson class scene* Aaaahhaa that’s not awful at all.

*May Bahrain reveal* oh shit, it changed that much! Shit.

“We’ve got him doctor” Radcliffe? *Fitz reveal*  Ooooh nooo! Noooo! Shit, noooo! Jemma died and he went all dark. Nooooo.

“It’s a magical place.” Oh damn!

“My father used to say...” Shit, does Fitz have his dad’s influence?????

*Ward double agent reveal* Ooooooh! Shiiit. That’s so interesting!!

“This isn’t the framework this is hell” Jemma’s so pissed.

“Drones, Dwarves. Whatever.” Awww, Jemma’s heart just broke right there.

Are they stuck in the framework! Well shit!

*Fitz and Aida kiss* Ewwww. I mean it makes sense in this world because of course she’s using Fitz but ewww.

She replaced Jemma with herself. That’s not creepy at all.

“Daisy?” Aaaah! He remembers!

This place is messed up! Interesting, but messed up!

4x17

“I make my own soap now.” Bwhahahahahaha. That’s amazing.

Aww, Mack has his daughter. And she’s adorable. Oh no!

Ophelia? Oooh, she’s got her own name.

“I’d cross the universe for you.” Ewwww! Noooo. He literally crossed the universe for Jemma.

*Fitz and Aida make out* *Maggie screams and Steve shivers* But why is Fitz so hot in the framework though—Maggie *Steve nods*

“The soap made me do it.” Bwhahahahaha

*Mace reveal* Aaaaah! Mace! He’s all gruff now and an inhuman! He got everything that he ever wanted.

“And we’ll make our society great again.” Ewwwwwwwhewe!

This is so interesting! I’m really liking it!

*Mack and hope get taken by Hydra* that’s so awful! That is so disturbing!

Coulson is so nerdy, I love it.

“You’re Daisy Johnson. We’re agents of shield.” Mack remembers.

*Revealed that Mack doesn’t remember* No! Shit.

*Fitz kills Agnes* *sharp intake of breath, Steve stays silent for a very long time.*

*Mack joins Shield* Good job Mack.

“How do you feel?”-Maggie.

Steve quietly: “sick.”

4x18

I love how Mace is all scruffy and his suits all scratched.

Aaah, evil Fitz makes me sad.

*Jemma seeing Mack and Hope* Yeah, it’s an oh shit moment.

“Tell your old man all about it.” *Steve gasps* Oh no.

“I don’t know the kind of man I’d be without you father.” “That’s why I’m here.” Yep, to brainwash him.

TRIP!

*Brainwash room* Oh no! It’s the other kid too! No!

MACE! Noooo! Why would Aida do that. She’s so evil.

That’s so messed up.

*May used Terrigen on Daisy* Yes. Good job May. And hopefully it’ll heal her in the process.

4x19

Ha, Bakshi has a tv show.

Aww, mace is dead. He was a good man.

*Daisy quakes Aida out a window* *Steve laughs* That took her by surprise didn’t it.

“It’s like sipping poison...” Mmm, Fox News.

“You’re the new head of hydra” Yikes.

*Ward throws remote* Umm, you guys have limited remotes!

*Steve pauses show* I don’t like any of this. It’s interesting but I hurt inside. It hurts that Fitz is evil. Mace is dead. Agnes is dead. Radcliffe is in prison. May was evil. I’m sad.

Aww, Coulson all of a sudden became that paternal leader.

Wait, so she totally used Fitz in like every way. What a jerk.

Trips the best.

Sorry Ward. She wants to feel bad for you but she can’t.

So much Scottishness this season. I love it.

*Radcliffe yells at Alistar* yep, because you’re a worthless asshole ya jerk. Oof, he just throat punched Radcliffe.

Aww, Coulson is coming into his own.

“When this is over-“ Do I get Skye! “Do I get my Skye back?” Called it!

I liked that scene with Grant. It was the redemption that the other Ward didn’t deserve but this one did. It was nice. Also really well acted.

“Hydra giving alternative facts.” Ooooh, they’re calling them out. They are so not fans of Trump and it’s amazing.

*Coulson on the news* This is Shield’s please vote! Please vote.

That was amazing.

4x20

Yeah, I hate all of this.

This all hurts.

*Fitz talks to Radcliffe* Come on Radcliffe, please don’t betray us. Please.

*Jemma kills Alistair* Well, that’s not going to help us.

“I’m sure everything is fine.” It is not. Simmons killed Fitz’s dad.

I hate this. It’s fascinating and I hate it. She’s just made him mad. God, no.

*Trip saying goodbye* Awww, this hurts. He’s goneeee in our world. Whyyyyy.

Is Aida trying to build her spine *body being built on the other side* Ohhh. Damn.

*Coulson gets shot* SHIT

*Coulson wakes up* You’re going to have to fight a killer robot, Phil.

*May wakes up* Awww she did it! She followed him!!

*Radcliffe redeems himself* Yes! Radcliffe! Yes! Thank you!

*Fitz falls through* Thank God!

Thank you Radcliffe.

*Mack not coming with* Maggie, I really don’t like this.

Oh gosh, Fitz is so freaked out. They’re all so freaked out. Aaah, Aida!

*Aida and Fitz teleport* Well that was unexpected.

I feel really ill. Like, this hurts a lot. I hurt a lot.

It’s like The Red Wedding but drawn out over 4 episodes and I hurt.

4x21

Before the episode: I came into the framework so optimistic and it crushed me. Like I thought May was an avenger and then it was like hahaha pain.

Oh yeah! And then she teleported with Fitz. JERK!

Fitz really got screwed by the framework didn’t he.

*Coulson kills Robo Ivanov with a shield* WOAHHH!!! That was amazing! ...and disturbing.

*Coulson recounts what happened with Robbie Reyes* BWHAHAHAHAHA. It sounds so ridiculous when you recount it but it’s so amazing watching it.

Will she stop teleporting Fitz! He already feels sick!

Yeaaaah, giving Fitz his abuser back and replacing the woman he loves with yourself is not what would make him happy Aida!

“If he wanted to kill us he could just flood the place. Why is he stalling.” TO FLOOD THE PLACE, PHIL!

“I drank the bottle of Haig” “you piece of—“ *Steve can’t stop laughing*

*Mack almost drowning* Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. OH SHIT.

*Fitz and Aida rescuing mack* THANK GOD.

*Jemma shoots Aida* well, yeah.

*Jemma shoots Fitz* Love ya Fitz, sorry man.

“What do we do with Fitz?” Talk to him!!

“I’m just like Ward.” Oh ho, that hurts.

“There’s only room in my heart for her.” YES! Oh shit, Aida’s not happy.

OH SHIT!

NO DAVIS! DAVIS!

*Toddler starts crying IRL over a toy* Now imagine if we gave her powers.That’s what’s happening with Aida.

*Fitzsimmons pod scene* oww

*Yoyo plugs herself into the framwork* This is a mess.

*Aida throws bottle in anger* His vodka!

*Aida and Ivanov scene* Aaah! Inhuman robot sex. Oh. Nope. Murder.

*Robbie comes back* Welcome back buddy! SHIELD shit has hit the fan.

4x22

“How do we kill Aida?” Hell chains? I’m thinking hell chains.

*Robbie waiting for Shield* Hello, back from another dimension? No way, us too!

Well Radcliffe is screwed if the framework is falling apart.

“I’ll talk to him. He’ll remember me.” No he won’t Elena. Wish he would though.

*Robo!Daisy shoots Talbot* *Steve sits with his mouth open* NO!! I mean, he could be annoying but he was a good man! And he’s been around since season 1!

“There’s a pulse.” How? Yay! But how?

“Once you say you can’t stop me. Well—“ it’s like when you say you feel safe on Survivor and then get voted off the island.

*Daisy & Robbie team up* Boom bitches!! That was super cool!

Mack’s not going to leave until Hope de-materializes. And that sucks ass.

“Robot May was much more supportive.” HA! That’s amazing.

EVERYTHING’S A MESS AND EVERYONE IS HURT AND DIE AND PAIN AND OWW AND THINGS.

Maggie: “What?”

Steve: “You heard me.”

*Aida kills LMD!Jemma* WHAT! What the hell? I feel so sick. Oh thank god she’s an LMD! But I feel ill.

Eeeewwwww the kiss Aida gave Fitz on the cheek is so disturbing.

*Jemma shoots Aida* YES! AWESOME!

*Coulson ghost rider reveal* HOLY SHIT THAT’S AMAZING! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

*Aida dies* Well that was awesome and terrible and poor everyone.

They really do a great job of making you feel sick don’t they.

*Mack and Hope scene*

Maggie: “you okay?”

Steve: *wipes away tear* no.

Wait, is there more to Coulson’s deal with the Ghost Rider?

“Gave me a glimpse of the life I could have here.” Oooh! Mack and Elena! She did almost die for him. They’re in love.

*Robbie having to leave* He and Daisy couldn’t like kiss before he left? No? Fine.

*Daisy speech to Fitz* someone hug him, please!

*Diner scene* Whaaaat?

We’re in space next season!!?? Whooo!!

They’re all so messed up after all of this. I feel messed up after all of this.

[revchainsaw]

Psycho Goreman (2020)

Good Evening my Congregation and welcome to tonight's service. Few films have come to me with so much hype preceding them as this offering, Psycho Goreman. Get ready to get goopy and enjoy some fantastic effects.

The Message

Psycho Goreman is the story of a little girl and her interdimensional warlord friend. So it's basically the same basic layout as the short lived and underappreciated animated series Golan the Insatiable. Except in this case instead of a violent misunderstood goth 5 year old named Dillon, we have a self obsorbed screaming preteen named Mimi and boy howdy is she a fucking brat. Accompanying her and suffering the brunt of her abuse is her loving brother Luke, and he must be really fucking stupid to let a little girl stomp all over his shit like this. Well anyway one day our incredibly unlikeable protaganists discover an ancient gemstone, which of course Mimi, in keeping with her utterly bratty character, claims.

The next day after they get done ripping off calvinball Mimi and Luke wander haplessly into an abandoned shoe factory in something I think is a Jumanji reference. There they discover that they had accidentally freed an interdimensional warlord who Mimi names Psycho Goreman. PG as they call him (and I guess that the initials in and of themselves are supposed to be an ironic joke), is basically a combination of a Cenobite and a He-Man villain. Possession of the stone allows Mimi to bully PG as much as she does everyone else around her and they get into hijinks that sounds a lot more fun on paper than it plays out on screen.

1) They sing an obnoxiously stupid cringy song that comes back in the finale

2) They turn a cop into a melty fun time gun hand boy (hilarious).

3) They turn Mimi's crush Aleister (a hamfisted reference itself) into a prop from Garth Merenghi's Dark Place.

4) They dress PG up as Alan Grant from Jurassic Park.

5) They fight Gwar.

6) They do the whole "I can't say sorry" bit from Judge Dredd, twice!

So on and so forth. Eventually an android angel from a theocratic fascist alien race comes down to cleanse the world of PG's evil and a climactic battle ensues. It is then interrupted by a horrible reprisal of the cringey "funny" song, and a bunch of really tonally obnoxious jokes, and yet another game of calvinball. This does provide a great gag regarding sports that I think was a pointed commentary about the kind of people that would sit down and watch something like Psycho Goreman, and if it wasn't then it should have been. And then PG defeats his enemies, learns what the power of love is, and because this movie is a wet dream for a fourteen year old edge lord who was "born in the wrong generation" we get a very cheap perversion of that lesson as PG vows to use the power of love to destroy the universe. Waka waka. wasn't that so kooky and violent.

Okay let's get to the Benediction

Worst Character: ME ME ME ME MIMI

Mimi was just plain freaking obnoxious. I don't try to disparage child actors but this kid obviously was not into this movie. Every line was delivered with a derpy face like the kid could not think doing this film was a bigger waste of her time. I think she thought this was stupid, and I don't think the film makers cared if anyone on set gave a single fuck about playing the gags straight. The thing is the movie doesn't work if the over the top evil of the creatures is played like everyone is in on it, or are just as fucking awful. There are better ways to do this type of character and an utterly freaking overly confident brat is not a way to get a laugh out of the audience. The human characters that appear in this movie are all completely without charm and I don't care if anything bad happens to them, in fact I want them all to be horribly hurt, but most of all Mimi. Hated her delivery, hated her singing, her posing, her smile, her stilted inhuman dialogue. This was a very grating character among very grating characters.

Worst Aspect: Hey! Get it? But Do You Get it?

Even in the face of how utterly unenjoyable our heroes are in this comedy. It's not even the tip of the iceberg in terms of flaws. I wish that Psycho Goreman had given up the pretense of having a plot, because at every turn the filmmakers bombard the audience with references to better movies. If this was supposed to be so fun and bonkers or even a treat for fans, then how come I just wanted to turn it off and watch those other movies? It eventually felt less like easter eggs and homages, and more like a cheap ploy to trick dumb people into thinking they are getting a love letter to the genre, when all you're really getting is a pandering mess that eyeball fucks you while shouting "get it! remember Phantasm? Remember He-Man? Get It?

Best Effect: ART!!!!

Before people begin to champion Psycho Goreman to me, or say that it just offended me, or some other asinine attempt to write off the fact that the movie did not competently entertain, allow me to point out that I get it. I just thought it had A LOT of problems, and I don't think those should just be ignored because "it's supposed to be over the top" or it's "supposed to be stupid", but was it supposed to be annoying?

Anyway, there were several solid points that got literal chuckles from me and many of them were oopy, doopy, and indeed goopy. Early on in the film in particular is a scene where PG has turned the shoe warehouse into the obelisk from Hellraiser, and off to the side is a victim whose eyes are rolling like the blades of a circular saw inside of his eyelids as his face is frozen in terror. How absolutely freaking creative and it looks so good to boot. It's just a brilliantly effective way to demonstrate to the audience that this man has entered some sort of comatose psychic hellscape without showing us what he is seeing. I've never seen it done this way, and I just loved it. Not to mention he blows up a moment later into one of the most pleasingly bloody messes in recent films and then his mouth words "thank you" before becoming just another floating chunk in a pool of viscera. It's amazing. PG called this piece his masterpiece but I can't help but think he was standing in for the effects guy when giving that piece of dialogue.

Best Character: An Officer and a Gentleman

In a meandering aimless herd of narcissistic turds without agency, and children whos best attempts to come off as precocious just become the worst demonstrations of toddler terrorism that the Disney channel has to offer, who can we turn to to give us joy? There is but one answer. The only character who can melt your heart is Melt Man! The police officer that PG turned into a soulless husk is immediately absorbed into a group of heroes, with his gun permanently fused to his arm he shuffles his grotesquery around like a lost puppy and constantly seeks his own liquidation. He's so cute and endearing. I just want to give him a hug, but I don't know where my raincoat is.

Best Kill: Meat Cube!

Oddly enough the best kill of Psycho Goreman is not committed by the titular Goreman, but by his primary adversary. Our angelic avenger asks to have a human being presented to her as she intends on going to Earth. One would assume at this point in the film that she was gathering information but ... nope! Pandora is as evil as P.G. if not worse. She immediately offs the poor woman she was offered by turning her into a perfectly delicious looking cube of ground beef and then smashes it. If that was not a real cube of meat I'd be shocked. It was very effective, very visceral, and strangely sophisticated murder for how bloody it turned. It's not the most explosive kill of Psycho Goreman but it IS certainly unique, and for a movie that is in many ways nostalgia porn, every bit of novelty stands out.

Worst Effect: Read my Lips!

I would gladly display action figures of any of the aliens-interdimensional beings that we see in Psycho Goreman. They are all so different and cool to look at, it's really fun to see that the film makers did not limit themselves to a dim or generic look for all of their henchmen. These alien beings all seem like they have different stories and I'd be interested to follow any one of them in a comic book series. There is however one flaw to the costumes. This is a minor gripe, but very few of these creatures are voiced by the performers in the costumes and at times the syncing of the words to the mouth movements become distracting. I almost wish they had been speaking in alien languages and just given subtitles to distract from this issue.

Best Creature Design: Be Not Afraid!

Of the smorgasbord of monsters we are treated to in Psycho Goreman I'd have to say that the one that just looks the best for my money is Pandora. That All white, LED lit, costume does look like a really good cosplay, but the design is nonetheless effective. She's straight out of an anime or from a Digimon game. Something about that clean smooth scifi look is just so otherworldly and draws the eye. It does also allow for the faults of a costume to be more prominent and thus is harder to pull off. I think there's a reason she features so heavily on the P.G. Merch.

Honorable Mention to Bucket of Guts guy. He's just a bucket of guts, so I couldn't really say that was the 'best' design, but it's really freaking funny and notable.

Best Gag: Paper Hearts

I also enjoyed the oft quoted "hunky boys" gag, which let's face it, we need more LGBTQ representation in our intergalactic supervillains, I hope PG can be as happy with himself as the Babadook and Pennywise. I think it very well would've been my favorite, but I'm a contrarian at heart and like to think outside the box when I can. I'm going to give the best gag award to my baby boy Melt-Man. I don't know how begging for the sweet release of death can be so sweet, but I loved that he handed Mimi a paper heart that just read, "Please Kill Me!" after she'd ordered him to write her love notes!

Summary

Psycho Goreman is not awful. But it has awful elements. I really enjoyed the filmmakers previous film the Void and both these movies are effects masterpieces. I find it incredibly annoying that Psycho Goreman almost immediately became a sacred cow for the genre community. I was promised an Evil Dead 2, and this was just plainly blasphemy to compare the two. If all you think it takes to make an Evil Dead 2 is corny dialogue and lots and lots of blood and viscera then we'd have a lot more masterpieces on our hands, but there's a earnestness to a movie like Evil Dead that is just not there with Psycho Goreman. PG has a lot of tone issues. The script is nihilistic about it's characters and therefore I don't give a fuck about them, and that just doesn't work. How can you expect an audience to care about anything that happens to your characters if the script shows us we shouldn't. It's supposed to be tongue and cheek but the actors think the film is so stupid that they can't be bothered to play it straight, thus the jokes are weakened. It often feels like no one but the effects crews gave a single shit about this movie and it shows all over the place. Props to the hardworking people that gave us so much eye candy, but Psycho Goreman is no sacred cow, it's barely enjoyable enough to warrant it's run time. I think this movie would have been a much funnier half hour episode in an anthology than a feature length film.

Overall Grade: C

[sasstablook]

voidpunk feels, let’s go

quote, OG voidpunk @arotaro​: “I don’t have a voidsona because I don’t have much of a sense of self”

what is voidpunk? 1 2

a history of voidpunk

alright, the rest of it is under the cut!

cw: discussion of “scary” mental disorders, self harm mention, dysphoria talk, anorexia mention, violence mention, some mentions of sex, abuse discussion

so to start out with, these are my Official Diagnoses: C-PTSD, bipolar-1, and fibromyalgia. I am not against self-diagnosis, but I tend not to self-diagnose myself, for fear of using the wrong term and it coming back to bite me in the ass. that being said, I'm pretty certain (especially in regards to my bipolar disorder) that there's something else going on here that the professionals are missing. I'll only be discussing my symptoms from here on out, not my disorders as a whole.

my main symptoms I experience that make me "not human" are:

intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

paranoia and psychosis

body, social, and mind dysphoria

memory loss and executive dysfunction

disorganized speech and being nonverbal

hypo/hyperactivity

ambivalence and black+white thinking

I started with a very long list, and I tried to group related symptoms together. so...

I'm going to refrain from inputting sources and various denotative definitions, speaking only on my personal experiences.

1. intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

a lot of "normal" people get random unwanted thoughts. like that little voice that says "throw your phone in the river" when walking across a bridge. these aren't necessarily intrusive. the main thing that separates these two experiences is intensity. my personal pattern of intrusive thoughts includes a lot of violence. for fear of stigma, I won't go into further detail. but often times, these intrusive thoughts develop into impulses. these are things I do without thinking them through. I don't think about consequences, I just act. my brain tells me to... let's say, scream. like blood curdling, someone's getting murdered, scream. I just do it.

my brain tells me to hurt myself. I don't know why. I do it without further questioning or examination. not even to just get my brain to shut up, necessarily. there are some persistent intrusive thoughts that never get acted on. but some of them do lead to action, even if they're the least persistent of the bunch

2. paranoia and psychosis

these aren't necessarily linked in the way intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness are, being that one can exist without the other (impulsiveness is always caused by an intrusive thought). but they very often go hand in hand, with paranoid thinking leading to psychotic symptoms. example: I am paranoid that my roommates are talking about me in the other room; I then begin to hear voices-- which may or may not belong to my roommates-- whispering unintelligibly

3. body, social, and mind dysphoria

https://imgur.com/vp1EjlA

dysphoria is something a lot of trans folk can relate to. but my dysphoria isn't exclusively tied to my gender. my dysphoria is invariably linked to my dissociation and depersonalization experience. this ties into my inability to connect with human beings.

I experience body dysphoria in that I despise basic bodily functions and necessities to keep the body alive. this includes consuming food stuffs, which ties into my experiences with disordered eating (y'all remember when I was anorexic? yeah, the thoughts haven't went away, but I'm doing better with my actions now). also can humans just... not... with the bathroom thing. like is it absolutely necessary to piss and shit all the goddamn time.

I experience social dysphoria in the way I am perceived by others. this mostly ties into my gender. no matter what I do, I am always read as a girl. but even so, I struggle to be read as masculine in that I don't necessarily *want* to be read as masculine. because men are just flat out awful. and this isn't exclusive to cis men. I don't *want* to be associated with men. because if men are bad.... and I'm a man... then I must be bad, right?

which leads us to mind dysphoria and the same line of thinking in regards to my masculinity. I am at war with myself on exactly how I would like to be perceived by others. my feelings on The Way Men Are and my feelings on my own identity as a man do not coexist peacefully

4. memory loss and executive dysfunction

memory problems are a symptom of all three of my Official Diagnoses, so it's no surprise I struggle with short and long term memory. if the event occurred even last month, I probably won't remember it. I struggle to recall basic details about people I've known for years, including age and last names. so you can imagine what it's like when I meet someone new!

as far as executive dysfunction goes? I just... don't remember. I don't remember how to do the most basic things. I've had to have loved ones walk me through the steps of preparing a bowl of cereal before. no, I'm not joking

5. disorganized speech and being nonverbal

I love language. I'm a poet. language is my thing. I got a perfect 36 on the English portion of my ACT, dammit

but as time goes on, I'm losing my command of the English language. I use the wrong word in the middle of sentences. sometimes the word isn't even related to the word I meant to use, though I can't think of any specific examples right now. sometimes it's just straight up word salads, which make sense to me, but not to those around me.

sometimes my brain's language center just... gives up. during those times, I may utter one or two word sentences. I might just make noises. I might use gestures or ASL. I might text full sentences or just a couple words at a time. or I could just become completely and utterly silent, not even attempting to communicate. I don't understand this

6. hypo/hyperactivity

note: I chose the suffix "-activity" rather than "-sexuality" because this isn't just limited to my problems in bed, though that's a large part of it.

this is something that I've only become aware of after others have pointed it out to me. there are days where I move too slow for their comfort. and it isn't always related to my pain either. I can be having a good physical day and still move like a sloth. on the other hand, there are days when I'm bouncing off the walls

I also fluctuate between hypo/hypersexual. there are days when I am sex repulsed. there are days when all I want to do is fuck

7. ambivalence and black+white thinking

I live in such a state of contradiction. I don't know how to feel about people, concepts, what have you. in order to cope with this, my brain often sorts others into 2 categories: perfect and evil.

sometimes, someone who was perfect yesterday can be put in the evil category the next day (I'm currently experiencing this with a lover of mine). I don't see gray areas. I'm incapable of processing gray. which is odd, considering I'm on the gray-ace spectrum

all of these combined tend to cause certain thoughts, feelings, and actions in other people.

"that's not normal"

"that's weird"

"you're crazy"

"you're broken"

"what's wrong with you?"

"we're putting you here for your own safety"

"this will fix you"

sure, help me out a little. give me some medication, some therapy. but... "fix" me? what about me needs to be "fixed"? why do I need to be "fixed"? namely, why won't you listen when I tell you what I need in order to cope with my brain's battle against me? I don't need crisis intervention. I don't need an institution. I just need medication for my chemical imbalances and therapy to learn how to live with my brain. when you talk about "fixing" me... it's like the only reason you care is because I'm not a "productive" member of society. it's like you want to "fix" me for your benefit. does that make sense to anyone else but me? this comes back around to the disorganized speech and communication, I'm really not sure I'm getting across my thoughts effectively here.

people hurt me... I feel like they do this because they think I'm a villain. I feel like they hurt me to protect themselves. even if I go out of my way to shield them from the way I am inside, it might not be enough to help them feel safe around me

I'm scary.

for so long, I've been in love with aliens, and cryptids, and monsters, among other inhuman creatures. I relate to them. I feel so disconnected with my humanity, that these beings bring me comfort

and now, I'm not the only one

voidpunk

bonus: actual notes from my notepad that I took in an attempt to gather my thoughts

my voidpunk: aliens, cryptids, slasher horror, cyborgs/androids, uncanny valley, Homestuck, primal, cannibal, afterlife, demons, liminal spaces, occult, FNAF, psychedelics, Undertale, dandelions, hoarding, Twilight vampires, parasites, X-Men, we're all made of star stuff, death and decay, bugs and creepy crawlies, succubus/incubus, god complex, yandere simulator, fae, transparent, Nathan W. Pyle comics, the world is quiet here, Lemony Snicket, escapism, fernweh, unconventional beauty

things that make me voidpunk: sleep paralysis, hurting others, an urge to kill, impulsive violence, using sex to get what I want, hyper/hyposexuality, xenogenders, microlabels, neopronouns, dissociation, an inability to connect and relate to other humans, lack of "common sense", "men are trash", inability to distinguish between My Reality and Real Reality, I Don't Remember Anything, psychosis, can't pick up on subtlety, unsure how to socialize properly, I'm Scary, ambivalence, inability to make concrete decisions, self medicating, Out Of Control, how do I move properly, broken executive functioning, disorganized speech, paranoia, I despise basic bodily functions like eating and bathroom, what do you mean you can't read my mind, google: how to communicate effectively, black and white thinking

[heirofapocalypse]

Character “About” Sheet:

adjust as needed

QUOTE

“I Am The Heir of Apocalypse!”

BASIC

NAME:  William Rolfson

NICKNAMES: Billy

AGE: 16

BIRTHDAY: TBD

SPECIES: Mutant

GENDER: Male

PRONOUNS: He, Him

FAMILY

MOTHER:  Autumn Rolfson (Famine), deceased.

FATHER: En Sabah Nur (Apocalypse)

PARENTS: (I am assume this means grandparents unless this is meant to be adoptive parents vs. biological parents) Ba’al (adoptive grandfather, deceased), Mr. and Mrs. Rolfson (biological maternal grandparents, status unknown).

FAMILY: Frederick Slade, Clarice Ferguson (Blink), Jonothan Evan Starsmore (Chamber) (distant relatives).

SIBLINGS: Evan Sabahnur (clone of father, brother), Morgan Slade (clone of father, brother), numerous deceased past siblings and living siblings in the 616 universe and other timelines.

PHYSIAL ATTRIBUTES

FACE CLAIM: Canon comic character artwork used.

RACE/ETHNICITY: Egyptian-Caucasian descent.

NATIONALITY: American, member of Clan Akkaba.

HEIGHT: 6′3

WEIGHT: TBD

BUILD: Thin but muscular biological body, Exo-suit is bulky.

HAIR: Bald, formerly straight and messy.

FACIAL HAIR: None

HAIR COLOR: Formerly black

EYE COLOR: Red (formerly brownish red)

SKIN COLOR: Orangish-Red, formerly an ashy taupe.

DOMINANT HAND: Right is cannon arm, left is grasping hand.

ANOMALIES: Biological body looks skeletal but does in fact have skin, organs, etc.

SCENT: Smoky or burning.

ACCENT: None noticeable.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: Unable to interact with the world physically due to his biological body being radioactive.

LEARNING DISABILITIES: None.

ALLERGIES: None.

DISORDERS: Underlying mental health issues due to being made to kill, his mother's murder and nearly dying himself.

FASHION: When in human disguise: jeans and t-shit. Sometimes light jacket or heavier clothes during colder months.

NERVOUS TICS: Makes overdramatic gestures.

QUIRKS: A prankster. Polite unless angered. Stubborn and persistent.

LIFESTYLE

HOME ADDRESS: Generally moves between Clan Akkaba's bases and cities.

RESIDES: Various bases and underground cities.

BORN: Cleveland, Ohio.

RAISED: Cleveland, Ohio.

VEHICLE: Uses his cannon arm for propulsion, jets and other vehicles used by Clan Akkaba.

PHONE: Advanced communication devices.

LAPTOP/COMPUTER: Advanced computer system.

PETS: Anubis, a genetically enhanced mutant Husky puppy.

HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION: William was unable to finish high school due to the nature of his mutation.

COLLEGE EDUCATION: None.

MAJOR: None.

MINOR: None.

CAREER: None. Heir to Apocalypse’s throne. Soldier in the crusade for mutants to inherit the Earth.

EXPERIENCE: Has only been serving his father for a few years (main verse).

EMPLOYER: Apocalypse, his father.

YEARLY SALARY: Room and board. Gifts when he performs well on a mission. Medical care.

BADGE NUMBER: None.

TRAINED IN: Combat. Learning diplomacy and foreign languages.

OTHER: Home schooled for a time by his mother, continued home schooling by his father (main verse).

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: None.

RELIGION: Worships the Celestials as mortal creator gods of the mutant race.

BELIEFS: Sees humans as a nuisance at best and a dangerous threat at worst. Believes that everyone should fight their own battles as best they can, but that aid should be rendered where necessary. While he thinks highly of mutants, he holds no disdain to other subspecies of humans and other races (Inhumans, aliens, androids, etc.).

MISDEMEANORS: None.

FELONIES: Mass murder, mass destruction of property.

TICKETS AND/OR VIOLATIONS: The air forces of the world would probably ask him to land if they saw him flying.

DRUGS: None.

SMOKES: None.

ALCOHOL: Non.

DIET: None. His internal energy makes it so he doesn’t need outside fuel.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Pansexual

MARTIAL STATUS: Engaged, later married (adult verse)

CHILDREN: Katherine "K.T." Autumn Braddock-Sabah Nur (adult verse).

AVAILABILITY: Taken (adult verse)

LOOKING FOR: Has already found (adult verse)

LANGUAGES: English. Learning Arabic among other languages.

PHOBIAS: Being alone. Being weak. Losing his father’s approval.

HOBBIES: Playing video games, watching movies, playing with Anubis, playing pranks.

TRAITS: Loyal, persistent, dedicated, defends against bullying, aggressive, angry, moody, headstrong, unsure of himself, stubborn.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Plays online games, but not into social media.

FAVOURITE

LOCATION: His bedroom.

SPORTS TEAM: He doesn’t really follow sports and prefers engaging in them as exercise.

GAME: Diablo and Gears of War Series.

MUSIC: Heavy metal.

SHOWS: Mythbusters

MOVIES: Mad Max series.

RADIO STATION: None.

FOOD: N/A

BEVERAGE:  N/A

COLOR: Red

CHARACTER

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good, formally Lawful Evil.

MBTI: ESTJ-T

MBTI ROLE: The Executive

ENNEAGRAM: Type 6

ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Loyalist

TEMPERAMENT: Choleric

WESTERN ZODIAC: Unknown

CHINESE ZODIAC: Unknown

PRIMAL SIGN: Unknown

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor

ILVERYMORNY HOUSE: Wampus

TAROT CARD: The Emperor

TV TROPES: Mutant, Arm Cannon, Clingy Costume, Politically Incorrect Villain.

SONG: Kingdom- Young Tribe

IDEOLOGIES: Holds battle and honorable action as important, subscribes to mutants being the next step in evolution to eventually replace humans.

[thedeadflag]

@dreamsheartstory​ said:  if you find any good sci fi, let me know… it’s so rare…

It really is. For a genre that has so much potential, it rarely makes the small screen without being corralled into a few very specific tropes (sci-fi cop procedural is so, so overdone, but I’m desperate haha)

Still, this is what I’ve watched over the past...3 years? 3 years, yeah. At least, the notable ones, not including the obvious big name Netflix marvel shows, Sense 8, orphan black, etc..

SOME MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

The Expanse:

Harder sci-fi. Essentially, it’s the future, where humanity expanded across the system, and Mars split off to do their own thing after a civil war. The people working on “the belt”... as in the asteroid belt and other such unsavory places and stations...are the clear have-nots and are generally abused at will by both Earth and Mars, and the show starts where tensions are at an all-time high, with the belt a hair’s trigger away from revolt, and the Earth/Mars tensions coming to a head

Great casting, the crew of the Roci is fantastic. Though Thomas Jane is...a Thomas Jane character. He’s such a perfect fit for Miller, because Miller checks all the boxes for his strengths, and hides his weaknesses well enough in the flaws of the character. So i can’t blame the show for that, but I hate looking at his face. Still, the casting is just top notch. And they have Shohreh Aghdashloo, who is always fantastic, and Frankie Adams pops onto the scene in S2 and does quite well. Essentially, casting = A+

Only real complaint is that i read the book, and there’s a pansexual lady character that is exceptional and amazing and I love her and her mouth of a sailor. The show cut that and made her more passive and scared in S2, which is bullshit, and led me to stop watching because I was furious at that decision, but in the end, it’s still absolutely 100% worth watching. If just for the Roci crew alone and the endless shenanigans they get into (and sometimes out of)

Binge-worthy. Pacing of the first two episodes is a bit inconsistent, but they’re covering an absurd amount of ground, so that’s expected.

Killjoys:

Lighthearted space-faring sci-fi, set in a totally built from the ground up universe. It slowly leaks out the lore as to not jeopardize the general tone of the show. However, it does turn serious for stretches.

Easily binge-worthy. Takes 3 episodes to get momentum, but after that, it’s pretty smooth sailing.

My only real quibble is with the origins of Dutch. We get a hint of her growing up essentially as property, abused into being a living weapon/assassin, before we get a good read of the world, and that...really comes off as a bit exploitative, given she’s a woc. 

The ship is an A+ lovable sassy ladybug

Dark Matter:

A bit “harder” sci-fi than Killjoys, but it has its lighthearted moments

Super super slow burn. I finished the first season and only then did I really start to dig my claws into the show. It’s slow. 

That said, interesting lore, and the overarching series of narratives are solid and worthwhile, they just take an egregiously long time to lift-off.

There’s apparently wlw content in season 3. I haven’t finished S2 yet, but I’m hoping it’s solid.

Westworld:

Western meets Wizard of Oz featuring Anthony Hopkins with an old west fetish. Set far off in the future. There are, like, androids and stuff

I didn’t get through it since western shows give me the creeps, but most of my friends who watched it says it was pretty great. I only watched the first episode, but the acting and cinematography and music were all very well done.

Ascension:

A sci fi mystery, set in a space-ship, if that space-ship was sort of like one of the Bunkers in the fallout games, full of people from the 50s.

The show is not without its warts, but it’s a miniseries (so it’s not long), and it’s surprisingly well done.  Doesn’t cover all the themes it brings up with the greatest nuance or skill, but I’d wager it’s probably worth a watch? 

The OA:

Another mystery! Sci-fi in the vein of alien abduction and strange abilities.

It’s kind of surrealistic? It makes you pay attention, and if you slip up, you’ll probably miss out on something. There’s a decent chunk of content mashed into those surprisingly few episodes.

Didn’t like that it robbed a character of a disability. I think it would have worked just as well with the character still being blind. They could have made it work. 

Trans guy rep in this show, which was a plus

American Gods:

I’m not sure if this counts? It kinda counts. I’m saying it counts. It mixes sci-fi and fantasy. 

I haven’t finished this yet, mostly just because it’s hard to find torrents that aren’t tracked by the network. My ISP is okay with me getting one or two notices a month, but past that, it’s tricky, and I can’t afford a good VPN, so I’m playing the waiting game for a bit.

Ricky Whittle and Ian McShane were fantastic in the episodes I did see. The show is, if nothing else, visceral and beautifully shot.

3%:

Sci-fi in the vein of Hunger Games, but a better premise, and better executed

I only managed to get it with the dubbed audio, so that was flat out atrocious and made me weep over the injustice

Still, despite the absolutely grating audio, I pushed through that and enjoyed much of the rest of the show. it’s solid. Not, like, the best show out there, but it does what it does well, it covers its themes well, and the visual elements of the acting seemed strong.

Find the sub-titled version with the original language (portugese iirc?) audio. I think that’s available on Netflix now, or at least Netflix USA, from what I understand.

12 Monkeys:

It’s a police procedural time jumping sci-fi with a dystopian, post-apoc future.

It’s okay. Nothing special. The two leads really do try to put the show on their back, btu the writing’s not real strong. Watchable, but lots of plot holes, plot armor, and writers shoehorning in sudden/coincidental events out of nowhere to increase tension. if you want something to watch for background noise, or maybe if you want a procedural show and have checked out the others already, maybe this will be for you.

Agents of Shield:

Superhero-based sci-fi

First season is slow and full of filler because they were waiting for that Captain America Winter Soldier movie to come out before tying their show in with the events. There are guides to watching the first season. I thought it was all decently fine, and good writing alla round, there’s just too many episodes that season to justify the few meaningful narrative events.

Season 2 has Dichen Lachman. The final half of that season character-assassinates her (and the other inhumans) to provide the show a late-hour villain to root against. I hated that. It’s the weakest season, thankfully, and I’m sure there are watch-guides to skipping through that because...

Shit gets real in season 3, and it’s worth watching even outside of S1-2, I’d even rec skipping those if there wans’t so much character-building in those 2 seasons. The writing is better, the acting is better from S3 onward. There’s still some fumbling of themes, but not to the degree of the previous seasons. Same with Season 4, where it arguably has it’s greatest few episodes. Ends with a brief Hydra-AU arc that IMO is skippable, but some adored it. I didn’t, but eh.

Colony:

Harder sci-fi. Aliens invaded and swiftly won. Now they’re ruling us from a distance, using human figureheads to do so. Really neat lore, and worldbuilding.

Unfortunately, it’s the most frustrating sci-fi show i’ve seen in years, because the male cop lead always has a gut feeling that always aligns with what the revolutionaries are planning, so he always intercepts them. And they get unbelievable plot armor to escape the writers’ ham-handed tension-building, ensuring the writers don’t pay any consequences for the shitty bullshit they keep pulling over and over.

If you can take that sort of crap, and care enough about worldbuilding/lore/etc., then go for it. There’s definite value, and things improve greatly in season 2. But my lord, season 1 is so frustrating.

Person of Interest:

You’ve probably watched this one

Hard sci-fi in the vein of "Hey, maybe writing a secret intelligent AI is just a really bad idea” *five minutes later* “Oh no what have we done”

It’s a really bad idea.

But we get fun police procedural moments out of it, because John is solid, and Carter & Root & Shaw & Bear are excellent. 

Bear is best.

The show has watch guides for getting through the first season, and parts of S2. 

Avoid the final 3 episodes of the series. Maybe the final season altogether. Otherwise fantastic and heartwrenching stuff.

The Last Ship:

Naval Adventure to Rebuild the World After a Rampant MegaVirus sci-fi

Surprisingly decent for a show that’s basically funded entirely by the American Navy.

Just keep in mind that there will be shitty patriotism bits of bullshit tossed in here and there, and there won’t be so much shock when those bits show up.

First two seasons play out like a mix of The Hunt for Red October and Jesus Camp. It’s bizarre, but sometimes it works? Rhona Mitra and Christina Elmore are probably the reasons for that. And Dichen Lachman is in S3 and she doesn’t die, so that’s a plus.

It definitely has its dips into shit-tier quality, and self-righteous bullshittery, especially in S3.

But it also handles a national political arc halfway decently for a sci-fi show in S3. 

Anywho, this is good for, like, background watching? Or low-intensity, low-effort watching. In that context, it’s a good enough show.

The Leftovers:

Three seasons of super depressing and heart-wrenching drama with sci-fi at its core (huge amounts of people vanish one day...the show is about the world finding out how to move on, what ti all means)

Excellent acting. Top notch. Like, some of the best on TV. Some stunning stuff.

The show only gets better. I didn’t like the first half of S1, it’s very slow and arduous, but it’s worth it. 

Not very sci-fi, at least not until S3, but still. It works with sci-fi elements and it’s a very thoughtful, smart show.

Wayward Pines:

It’s sci-fi in the vein of Under the Dome, but it manages to be even worse somehow don’t ask me how

Oh my god don’t watch this, the cast does not make up for it, they flounder in atrocious writing. i’m only mentioning this here because it’s just so bad, don’t waste your time like I did.

That’s...well, the stuff that’s not far below mediocre.